As Chief Cryptid Editor and Wrangler of this here site, I have noticed that many people have suggested versions of STEVE SMITH such as we saw with SEA (Mad Scientist made first contact with SEA SMITH and steered him to our site)
SEA SMITH
or SPACE SMITH (not sure about him yet…is he real, or just the product of the insane ramblings of a deranged government employee?).
IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOUR RAPE WHISTLE
Oh, and STEVE SMITH did use a pseudonym in Hollywood – STEPHEN SMYTHE. Also, SEA SMITH’s greatgrandfather was OCEANUS SMITHE.
We have seen STEVE SMITH’S MOM:
MOM SMITH
..and GRANDFATHER SMITH:
GRANDFATHER SMITH
I don’t have any pics of SEA SMITH’s distant progenitor LEV IATHAN.
But you, the Glibertariat, have suggested some too. So far, off the top of my head, I can recall;
- SNOW SMITH – STEVE SMITH has denied such a one exists, but does acknowledge Cousin Yeti is around.
- CAVE SMITH – seen in the recent past in the comments (help me out, who was it that came up with this one?)
- BOT SMITH – same here as with CAVE SMITH…
- SKY SMITH – I think I have seen this one recently too.
What other SMITHs have/can you come up with?
Have at it in the comments – by have it at it, mean…
Evil Clown Smith
SUE SMITH – Anti-human trafficking and anti-rape advocate. She looks like a normal person, like Marilyn from the Munsters.
Hawt and horrifying!
Back in her day, Yvonne De Carlo was a solid wood.
http://lascarasdelcine.blogspot.com/2011/02/yvonne-de-carlo.html
That tears it! I’ll have to write up the edition of Crackpot’s Corner about the Jungian collective unconsciousness that spawned Glibertarians.com
Glibs: Rapesquatch
Subgenii: Yetisyn
Come on! How much more obvious does it have to be?
So that’s where baby’s come from!
WTF?
WTF indeed.
Just kidding around?
I think I’ve found my new fetish.
What tripe.
You win the internet.
C. AUBREY SMITH: Looks like a kindly old British gent, but underneath that distinguished exterior lies a rape machine.
They are all like that, Ted.
Here’s a young C. AUBREY SMITH when he was a world-class cricketer.
One of the “British” colonists who discovered SMITHSTOWN back in 1607, JOHN SMITH?
And his partner in crime, Pocahontas Smith.
Wouldn’t that be TONTO SMITH?
Whoops. Wron historical figure.
also side-note: I was looking in my work computer’s files and turns out I had a document that archived the origin stories of STEVE SMITH along with source links to TOS and THE CRUISE INCIDENT. Good job past me.
Well, don’t be a piker, let’s see it.
Here you go, took me a while to figure out an easy place to upload it.
https://pastebin.com/ZJQzKzbz
Zachary Smith.
STEVE SMITHZILLA
Tokyo now has to fear buildings being knocked down AND knocked up!
Or could that be NIPPON SMITH?
I could imagine some Anime or tentacled angle on that version. And the “bathing ape” meme is a thing here as well.
Raping an abandoned building. Impressive!
BUILDING NOT ABANDONDED WHEN I GOT HERE
Alexandria Ocasio-Smith.
The visuals of that made me throw up on the keyboard.
You think the visual is bad, wait till she opens her mouth!
*eye twitches and proceeds to curl into fetal position under the desk*
Tulpa Smith.
There’s a little bit of Tulpa Smith inside every one of us.
Truth!
We’re all TULPA SMITH.
*nods solemnly*
*NODS SOLEMNLY*
AND BY *NODS SOLEMNLY*, TULPA SMITH MEANS BRAIN RAPE.
ME THINKS THAT WHAT TULPA SAY
TULPA SMITH GRAB MikeS BY THE CEREBELLUM.
Nobody’s done SAND SMITH yet?
Apparently you win this one….
Now I know why Anakin Skywalker did not like sand.
Easter Smith hides eggs and waits to pounce.
“or SPACE SMITH (not sure about him yet…is he real”
WTF!!? Everyone knows that SPACE SMITH is the most real of the SMITHS!
SPACE SMITH had a lot of ape on Venus
always had a ball on Mars
Rapin all the groovy people
Raped the Milky Way so far
SPACE SMITH raped around with Borealis
Space rapin ’round the the stars
Come on, come on, come on
SPACE SMITH go space rapin
Come on, come on, come on
Space rapin…
/SPACE SMITH
Nice! Needs moar cowbell
STAN SMITH, STEVE’S loser incel younger brother who can’t catch a break while trying to make rape happen.
STAN SMITH
That trophy is as close as STAN has gotten to kissing a human.
Hey, trash – while I have your full attention….
Is there somewhere to report Eyepiece issues other than here?
You could file a bug report in gitlab, but that’s a ton of work. Just let me know here, and I’ll put it in the wishlist.
The issues button on Gitlab leads to a 404. OK, I have
threefour issues, here goes 🙂1. The options don’t seem to persist. I have to keep selecting my choices with each new post.
2. I liked how the Link button in Monocle adds a target=_blank attribute. Can you add that?
3. I liked Monocle’s hide old comments button at the top of the menus, not as an option. I flip it on and off all the time during my session and it’s a pain to go into the options for it.
4. Your top-level buttons don’t have a hover effect like SP’s buttons.
Sorry for the wall of need.
Thanks!
All good points. I should have them fixed tonight.
I’m also working on adding more fun.
Sweet! You’re the best.
Test Link
Amazon Smith
https://www.foxnews.com/science/huge-spider-drags-opossum-across-amazon-rainforest-floor-in-haunting-footage
Nope nope nope. Not gonna watch that.
Nope.
Yeah, I’m hoping not to dream about this guy.
*nods in agreement*
Oddly satisfying.
STEVE SMITH’s younger sister,
BECKY
TEBO HERRERA?
RUSSELL SMITH, famous for his hit primetime TV series The RUSSELL SMITH SHOW – “Rapin’ Around the World”.
Florida Smith. Does meth, flaka, and bath salts and stalks the patrons of Waffle House.
That’s just Brett, dude.
*nods vigorously*
Is Brett’s last name Smith? It is, isn’t it?
The L in Lsmith is silent.
It’s actually spelled L’smith
Cajuns pronounce it “boo-Drouw”
OT: Trigger warning because it’s from TOS and written by Fruit Sushi. Still, how often is this happening? Good lord.
http://reason.com/blog/2019/02/25/nikki-joly-fire-jackson-hoax-hate-crime
Matt Christiansen had a pretty dope video about that loon recently. Would recommend. Imagine burning your own house and killing your own dogs and cats to OWN THE CONS.
Well, xe sure showed that Orange bastard anyway.
Link?
I’m sure what followed in the comments was a dispassionate discussion of the event.
I didn’t have the time or fortitude to check.
It’s happening because it’s obvious that we are dealing with mentally disturbed people and they’ve been given an audience on the internet and a delusion that they could become a celebrity, by being more mentally disturbed than anyone else.
And I’m sorry to have to say, there really is no such thing as peak derp.
Well it’s not like I trust the cops. He bought gas for his mower and then put gas in his mower, but it’s suspicious that there was gas on his clothes? I’m pretty sure he wasn’t the victim of some hate crime but that doesn’t mean he set the fire. I’d need to hear more evidence.
Here’s the thing. I’d guess it was him and it was not about money
“He may have suggested to friends that he was upset about the diminished attention being paid to his advocacy ”
It’s always about attention, a mentally ill obsession level desire for attention.
Yeah, and I surely suspect you’re correct. I just know cops will find any excuse to charge somebody. That statement could be a possible motive but is not proof of anything. I watch too much ID and I see how lazy, stupid, and mendacious many cops are which definitely makes me bias.
My first thought was the same as yours, but if I’m on a jury, I’d need a lot more than what read.
I read about that the other day and had meant to mention it here. Thanks for linking this.
OZZY SMITH. Tremble!
Bad Gateway
SUGAR FREE SMITH?
I got a 502 error.
The fuck? “It works for me.”
http://www.wildeyeview.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG_5910.jpg
He tricks you with cuteness and then he…well you know.
DROP BEAR!!!!!!!!!
For fuck’s sake what is wrong with all y’all.
It’s OZZIE Smith.
Linked vid is worth your time if you care at all about human feats of athletic excellence.
And by infield play mean……
STEVE SITH.
HE surrounds us and penetrates us. HE binds the galaxy together.
*force chokes straff*
Don’t try to frighten us with your alpine ways , Swiss Servator. Your sad devotion to that ancient country has not helped you conjure away the off topic posts and unread links or given you clairvoyance enough to find the hidden Tulp…
*suddenly can’t breathe*
*standing ovation*
THE SMITH FAMILY – novelty musical act who tour the country in a gaudily painted schoolbus. And you know what goes on backstage.
DANNY SMITH! THE HORROR!
THE COUNTRY SMITH JAMBOREE
And their slogan is “You can’t have rape without ape!”
Grape Rape!
“The Aristocrats!”
Black Smith? Copper Smith? Arrow Smith?
Discuss
Wielding his hammer of rape! You’ve never really been pounded ’til…
SHE SMITH
SHE SMITHAlternate Take
CIS-HETERO SHITLORD!
CIS-HETERO SMITHLORD
SENATOR SMITH
He’s going to debate you, and by debate mean….
MISTER SMITH – he goes to Washington!!1!
RAPE THE SWAMP!
Well if any town deserves a Smith.
And may whatever divine being you believe in help you if he decides to FILLIBUSTER you.
Anncoulter Smith?
I went full on Nazi with dinner tonight. Sauerbraten, braised red cabbage and Spätzle. Belgian Ale to wash it down. I’m pretty sure I used every utensil in the kitchen.
I think to be truly nazi, you need kielbasa, baguette, sacher torte and stroopwafel
Sauerbraten from scratch? Dayum, I’ve got to try that.
I used this recipe.
https://www.daringgourmet.com/authentic-german-sauerbraten/
I marinated for a full week.
Holy crap. I need to block out some time on my calendar for that. Thanks
That sounds awesome!
Mmmm….Spätzle.
You make your own? Recipe, bitte. Schnell!
Same website as the Sauerbraten above. Scroll down and there’s a link.
These long-ass recipe photo blitzes often grind my gears but in this case I’ll make an exception when I get around to reading it.
#metoo
I know what I’m doing this weekend. Will report back…unless I get drunk(er than usual).
MOUNTAIN TIME ZONE SMITH. The manliest of SMITHS.
Daylight Savings Time Smith. I hate his annual morning sleep rape.
Being raped when it’s still dark ruins the whole day.
I don’t see any reason to overlook SWISS SMITH.
Do you know how swiss cheese got all those holes?
Do you know the real reason why Switzerland has never been successfully invaded?
Do you know the real reason why the Swiss are famous for their clocks and timeliness? If you knew what happened in the outdoors after the sun goes down you would want an accurate timepiece too!
They’re also guardians of the Catholic Pope and the Vatican. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.
(insert that giant flowchart someone linked a while back that EXPLAINS EVERYTHING)
This
BEST. CHART. EVER.
This one?
https://glibertarians.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/amaz.jpg
Ja und ja. Danke!
*head explodes*
The holes in Swiss cheese aren’t that big. Just sayin…
That’s because they are made by his pubes.
*golf clap*
Swiss cheese was developed as a decoy to throw in SWISS SMITH’S path in hopes of distracting him with so many gaping holes he could bore into.
*Look at all the alt-text*
I’m sorry…I can’t hear you over the sound of my giant, throbbing erection.
AERO SMITH – dude looks like a squatchy. He loves to dream on, and by dream, mean….
Oh…that’s good. That’s very good.
Just wait until he pulls out his BIG 10 INCH…record of your favorite RAPE!
He does want you to Come Together.
RAPE THIS WAY
“You don’t want to close your eyes, You don’t want to fall asleep ’cause I won’t miss you baby and you know I don’t miss a thing” AND BY NOT MISS I MEAN…
BLACK SMITH.
RAAAAAAACIST!
Nigel Smith Smyth Smith, upperass twit of the year Smith.
The average ejaculation quantity ranges from 2 to 5 ml and the average male height 5 feet 9 inches, or 69 inches. So assuming Garfield is the same height as the average male, we can divide his height in inches (600) with 69 inches, (giving us 8.695652173913043 inches) and use this number to as the ratio of ejaculation. So assuming you give great massages, we can safely multiply 5 by 8.695652173913043, which is 43.47826086956522 ml. This means that a 50-foot Garfield would produce around 43.4782 milliliters (~0.0114 U.S. gallons) of cum when tickled in the prostate.
LOL
Wait, wait wait… If Garfield is 5’9″, how fucking tall does that make Jon?
About 25’ 2”.
And a 50’ tall Peter North?
Is this that New Math I hear about?
SKY SMITH was proposed by me, although I may not have been the first. I believe SKY’s unfortunate interest in a certain civilian astronaut may have had very bad results, which drove SKY SMITH into hiding.
Too easy, MOM SMITH, Mother of all SMITH Clan
The Great Momo Panic of 2019
We are all gonna die!!
Momo’s eyes are reminiscent of AOC’s eyes.
This makes me realize something; Have you seen both of them in the same room at once?
I’ve heard if you say AOC 10x while looking in a mirror she sneaks into your house and redistributes all of your stuff while you’re busy chanting her name.
*immediately flees to his Scrooge McDuck vault of gold coins*
SAVANNAH SMITH, bane of Range Rovers, wildfire tourists and slow lions.
Stepan Kovalev
On one hand, I understand that people running websites are trying to make money. On the other hand I’d rather they sell me a worthwhile product rather than try to sell me as a product. Especially by way of particularly obnoxious ads and anti-adblocking methodologies.
AMBIGUOUS SEXUALITY SMITH
a/ finishing 2018 taxes
b/ seasonal bock
c/ NewWife watching reality crossdresser reality contest series I don’t really know what they’re doing NTTAWWI
which one causes acute spontaneous restless leg syndrome ?
A and c. B keeps it from being a full blown seizure.
New RuPaul? Saw that on the schedule. I watched the first few seasons but don’t really feel the need for a Season 11. That, and the pushing pre-teen “drag queens” thing kind of pisses me off.
I dunno: it’s just on in the background sometimes. We have the most schizoid TiVo on the planet:
> RuPaul
> C-SPAN BookTV
> Pardon the Interruption
> baking shows
> golf instruction
@^&%#@^&$! firewall is nuking my VoIP PBX. I’ve been at this all day.
At least half of that made no sense to me at all.
Have you tried power cycling it?
/not helpful
Did you check the thermostat?
Better turn it on and off.
Did you really have anyone you need to communicate with? Phones are just a distraction.
If
means “masturbating”, then boy howdy, I know what you mean!
I slightly care about Kushner, but that zero margin thing
https://www.npr.org/2019/02/25/697839273/ceos-urge-congress-to-expand-gun-background-checks
Blake Mycoskie, founder of TOMS shoes, supports causes like access to clean water and eye care in poor countries. But embracing something as controversial as gun control is different. He says his board of directors debated whether he should engage on a political issue unrelated to their business. . . .Mycoskie says about 12 percent of his customers say they won’t buy his company’s shoes anymore as a result of his stance on guns. But he says today’s CEOs need to accept that some customers will leave, but those who remain will be more loyal.
So, let the battle lines form?
I don’t like the idea that I have to screen the political platform of every company I do business with before they spend my money on causes that have nothing to do with providing me their product.
^This. This act got old really FAST.
Once you exchange your money for their product it is no longer your money, don’t worry about it you’ll be much happier.
I suppose reducing your prices by the amount you spend on irrelevant shit is too much to ask for.
Whats irrelevant? you either want their product for the price they are asking or not. I’d imagine very few business owners spend all their profits on relevant shit, that is not what profits are for. The purpose of a business is to make money to spend on irrelevant shit.
What if the business spent all the profits to destroy all your favorite NeverTrumpers?
Oh Noes!!! not ALL my favorite NeverTrumpers, who’s going to feed Jonah’s dogs.
Keep pushing you commie gun grabbers. It’ll turn out well for you in the end.
Goddamn, just keep your mouth shut when it comes to things that aren’t related to your core business. Is it really that hard?
Reporter: Mr. Mycoskie, what is your stance on guns?
Mycoskie: (checks corporate website on phone) “Um, we don’t sell them. Next unrelated question…”
No kidding. It’s not difficult.
Although TBF….any press is good press went out the window about a decade ago.
Hey, Blake? Go fuck yourself, you authoritarian sack of shit.
On the plus side, I’ve never heard of his shoes.
30 Rock spoofed it best “for every pair of shoes you buy, they give a pair to the kid who…made yours.”
ESTABAN SMEETH — RAPECABRA. HIM STEVE’S COUSIN FROM DOWN SOUTH.
That should be CHUY SMEETH. Because Chuy is the nickname for Jesus. That way you can always ponder “What would Jesus do?”
Divorced guys: My buddy’s wife is ending their marriage. He didn’t give me the details other than it’s over, and honestly, I didn’t press for any details. I don’t think he cheated but I think she *might* have, but he isn’t saying and I’m not asking. Other than letting him talk/vent/whatever, any advice? He wasn’t down for getting way too drunk and sleeping on my couch, which I did offer. I’m not going to shit all over her in case they get back together, I know enough to not do that. They have a little kid, so it’s not like there can be a 100% clean break.
Stay the hell out of it. It sounds like you know that already.
I reckon he’ll tell me the details at some point, but I’ll not pry. Not my business.
Be supportive, but be very, very careful with your words.
Yeah. I’ve seen seen guys talk shit about the ex and they get back together. Not going down that road.
Is she hot?
Generally speaking, not my type. And no, I wouldn’t do that to a friend.
Spud has more restraint than Hyperbole.
*tucks that away for future use*
The kid is what makes the whole thing a tragedy.
It really is. He’s a great dad and super involved in his life. I’m a bit worried that he’ll lose custody and go off the deep end.
The area where no one should listen to me is how to keep a marriage good. As for what to do when a marriage ends, be supportive and keep him focused on the long game. It does get better and he will have an influence on his son’s development as he gets older. That is the only thing that matters.
“The area where no one should listen to me is how to keep a marriage good.”
Sex dolls.
As soon as it can make me a sammich…
This is the conversation you need to have.
Pretty much what I told him. With fewer ‘dudes’ and ‘bros’
See, this is where you fucked up.
Bro, like, dude, I fucked up bad, dog.
You seem to have good instincts about what to do and not do. You can’t force a conversation. He will talk when he is ready.
Don’t ask me for advice on this. My two friends who were going through divorce that I let live with me eventually got back with their exes, and even though I handled both differently, each seemed to have done enough to piss off them off. I don’t get people.
Be supportive, don’t dis the presumed ex, but also be ready to give him the important advice in a timely manner: divorce is deadly serious risk to your long-term financial and relationship with your kid, this is not the time to be passive.
a) the custody hearings are done without lawyers in a lawless building full of bitter single women that have complete power over you and can lie and disregard the law with impunity. Be polite, be on time, ask every question, insist on full joint custody, don’t let any untruth or shading go unchallenged, dig up any evidence beforehand. The functionaries will do everything in their power to disregard the law and award the woman full custody, his goal is to show that he is a fit father and she is less fit (but never unfit). That might get to joint custody but he needs to be ready for 2 days every 2 weeks. Get a lawyer or coach to prep him ahead of time, do NOT go in unprepared, it’s a trap. The arrangement is nearly impossible to change after the fact, so get it right the first time.
b) for property division/alimony, do not offer anything and do not be generous out of a sense of chivalry, guilt, or wanting his hid to have something. Only he can provide it, not through her. Don’t be fooled by offers of binding mediation, make the lawyers hammer out every detail where he has time to analyze and reflect. c) only agree to fixed-amount/fixed term alimony (varies by state). Normal alimony can be adjusted based on changing circumstances but it is a one-way ratchet in practice.
CUMSHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-yALPEpV4w&feature=youtu.be
That’s surprising. I didn’t see any T or A.
Aight, who wants to be my guinea pigs?
Here’s an updated Eyepiece with some bugs removed, dynamic comment preview, and user mute functionality. I need some testers to find bugs/things to change.
Trashie, which browser does it work in? Also, is eyepiece specifically for phones?
Works in chrome and firefox on computer. You just need TamperMonkey addon and then click the link.
Also works on firefox mobile. Same procedure as the computer.
Me!
BRB
Hide (“H”) doesn’t do anything.
Hmmm, mine’s working fine. Are you on mobile or computer?
Computer (Safari, if it matters). FWIW, when I reload, it reads “S” again and the old comments are hidden. I click the “S”, it changes to “H” and the old comments show up again. At that point, clicking “H” does nothing.
I was able to reproduce it in the opposite direction on my phone. That’s really weird.
An idea: put an option to enable/disable the Mute functionality under Options.
Here ya go.
I’ll switch over to safari and see if I can reproduce the issue there.
+1 toggle – works
But it doesn’t persist after reloading 🙁
I’m not using it and not having that problem, but I will threaten trashy with revocation of his Supreme Lordship if he doesn’t fix it.
Yeah, that was a “past trashy’s bedtime” bug. I fixed it, and the above link should include the fix.
Also, the sticky H button appears to be a cookie issue. I opened glibs in a private tab on my phone and the problem went away.
Sure, Oscar blames the Cookie Monster, likely story..
OK I’ll give it some time and report back in a day or two. Also, I have a buzz and don’t feel like testing any more. Thanks!
When you’ve lost Jonathan Chait…
https://www.foxnews.com/politics/conservative-critics-accuse-ilhan-omar-of-new-anti-semitic-attack-this-time-focusing-on-dual-loyalties
Heavy.
Well, I’ll be damned – they DID have other songs besides Shine and Gel
a lot. Didn’t you ever see Varsity Blues?
Or Scream 2?
Or Twilight? They’ve been on a lot of soundtracks…
They’re all old guys now, but new album (soon) If Mikes sees this, he’ll be down.
Why?? (The opening 10 seconds has been my ringtone for…jeepers…15+ years now)
Thanks for the heads-up CPRM. I’ll be checking that out.
So, apparently the city of Aurora, CO, inspects every single rental unit every year. Not sure how that squares with the 4th amendment, but I didn’t have the time to argue. So, a couple days after the city inspected, I get a bill, for $485. I go to the office and speak with the assistant manager, Larry.
Me: Larry, why are you billing me almost $500?
Larry: the city of Aurora says you have a broken window.
Me: I don’t have a broken window
Larry: the city of aurora says you have a broken window. It’s not me, it’s the city.
Me: I don’t have a broken window, what can I do?
Larry: well, the best thing is to cooperate so we can get the problem fixed as soon as possible.
Me: there’s nothing to fix
Larry: the city of Aurora says you have a broken window.
Me: there’s no broken window
Larry: the city of aurora says you have a broken window.
This goes on until I’m convinced that Larry is running on the Liza program from the 80s. Finally, I get someone else to come look. There’s NO FUCKING BROKEN WINDOW!!!!
As always, Fight Club.
GTFO
Gotta be safe. They had a theater shooting. Gotta make sure everyone is on the up and up. You have a problem with that, terrorist?!
I suspect it was originally a program to “defend the ignorant, powerless poor against evil capitalist slumlords” and has morphed into a jobs program. I am surprised it hasn’t been challenged. It’s a pretty blatant violation of the 4th amendment. I wasn’t home, but my GF said they were in uniform, basically cops. Maybe I should sue.
“That amendment hasn’t been incorporated. Now, if you don’t let chicks with dicks use your bathroom or won’t bake a gay Nazi cake, then the constitution applies”
Bingo.
Christ I hope NYC isn’t taking notes because that’s the last thing I want, some damn apparatchik poking around my apartment against my will.
Call your city council rep and/or their staff and bang on them to go take care of it. You pay their salary, might as get some use out of them.
Oh no. If I contact them, it will be to inquire as to where my lawyer can send the paperwork for the lawsuit. This will be the last time the city is in my home without a warrant.
You got off easy. Wait until the dems pass the Green New Deal right after they get rid of Trump. Which is really soon, they’re circling the wagons, he’s a goner. Then you’ll be getting a bill for $500,000 to retrofit your entire energy inefficient planet killing abode. You best hope you don’t have any of those internal combustion engines around.
Wait… you have a broken window and they billed you $500. For what? Did they fix the window?
He doesn’t have a broken window, but the bureaucrat marked that he did, so he was fined $500 because that gives him the money to fix the window. You don’t know how to bureaucrat at all.
He probably had a broken window after the goons got done “inspecting” it.
Upstanding citizens wouldn’t have broken windows. Making meth, that’s how you get broken windows.
Yeah, I’m not clear if Denver is the tenant or the landlord.
No, I’m the tenant. The apartment complex wanted to charge me to replace a window that the city claimed was broken. I left out part of the story:
Larry: it’s not us, it’s the city
Me: there’s no broken window, what can I do?
Larry: well, with a broken window, we kind of automatically assume the tenant is responsible. If you called us right away and told us somebody threw a ball through your window, and we came and saw the round hole, that’s different. Otherwise it’s on you.
Me: that’s pretty expensive for a piece of glass
Larry: that’s what the glazier charges
Me: you guys are getting ripped- off, but it doesn’t matter because there’s no broken window
Larry: the city of aurora says that you have a broken window…
So… the city is getting some sort of kickback from the glazier? Otherwise none of this makes any sense.
Nah. It’s a typo, but the complex simply cannot fathom that the city made a mistake. The idea is foreign. Man, I went back with photos, and they still couldn’t get it. More and more people were roped in, there was intense discussion on how many windows this model apartment has… I finally told everybody that they were involved to my place, I’d make coffee, and were could all look at the windows. One lady, out of about 5 people by now, says “I’ll come look”.
It was surreal.
*invited
My city lets their public housing prisoners go weeks without heat while the pols and their cronies get rich. I can’t imagine them giving a shit about a broken window unless they were somehow profiting off it.
Maybe I’m naive, but I think it’s just code endorcement run amok
The point is YOU don’t have a broken window, the LANDLORD has a broken window.
So last night I pass out into an alcohol induced slumber, but before I do won last live tweet from The Hat:
Wake up today and it had come true. So I take that as a sign that it the plot of the next episode.
ALF had to poop. His butt was all stinky because he had to poop so badly. There was a gross woman named Kate who was sunbathing all naked, and she was fat. ALF walked up to her and said, “I need to poop.”
“Okay,” Kate replied, “I like poop.”
ALF squatted down over the fat sunbathing lady and went poop. The poop sat there on Kate’s boobs looking like a wiener.
“Why are we here?” ALF cried as poop came out his wiener in a long, thin strip. It was wiener poop, which is the grossest poop of all. The pee-pee got on the woman’s leg and she screamed, pooping out her boobs. And so when the pee got mixed with the poop it smelled like a butt. And the poop and the pee lived happily ever after.
THE END
No cultural appropriation… you’re a shoo-in for a YA award.
Or maybe a AVM award.
Fuck you Butters!
Why HM? Why?
Are we talking about ALF?
Mona Smith
The beer drinking Corona Smith
…and when Miss Smith married Wes’ and had a boy everyone called Smith and Wes’-son
Urban campers need rape too = STEVE SMIF
How do you say that in Travelerese?
Last!
I don’t have the authority to give out awards, so I’l just applaud the achievement.
Forgot about STREET SMITH – baseball fan rapist.
Looks like a cross between Bud Selig and Joe West.
Wow. This is quite the reference. I still have some old ones with Pete Rose, et al, on the cover. Should see if they appreciate at all in value.
CAVE SMITH COINED BY FESTUS LAST FRIDAY! AND BY COINED, MEAN…
Am I the only one who thinks a proliferation of smiths cheapens the joke?
You mean you don’t like dumping so much sugar on your breakfast cereal that cloying no longer seems an apt descriptor?
(in seriousness, I thought it was limited to cryptids, which is why I assumed that SPACE SMITH was what happened when Steve tried to rape a space-X rocket)
We’re throwing shit against the wall to see what sticks. A writer should understand.
I don’t expect, at most, more than a couple of these might ever be mentioned again. I saw this as little more than a playful exploration of possibilities.
You expect the people who frequent this site to forget anything?
We already have THE SMITHS