Let’s talk about growing your own fruit. I have been doing it on a small to medium scale for about 20 years. First off, like everything else I have ever had an actual interest in learning about, it is more complicated than it appears at first glance. I started reviving a small neglected orchard (about 250 apple trees) which came with the home we had just bought. I killed many a tree with my “pruning” methods before I got my first apple. In that time I devoured everything I could find at the library on apples, then the agricultural extension agent helped me, but the real breakthrough was the internet. This was the late 1990s and university research programs were just starting to get their info online. I found out that “organic” doesn’t mean just letting the damn things grow on their own. At least in Tennessee, we have more pests and diseases than other areas, and you will not harvest an apple without some type of spray program. Over the years I became competent if not an expert, and I definitely know that I don’t have an answer for every problem. I will start with apples. A lot of the lessons from apples applies to other tree fruit. There is a lot of information, and I thought to break it down into four segments: Planning, Planting and Training, Pest Control, and Pruning and Harvest.
Planning
What? I don’t plan, I just plant and reap bushels of natures bounty! Err, No. This is the time to make decisions. Things are complex. The very basic thing you need to know is how much land you have and how much fruit you want. Is it on a hill or in a valley, clay or loam soil, wet or dry? A gentle hill is best, with clear air drainage path to allow cold air a path away from the trees. Any soil that has trees can support tree fruit, but you may need to have supplemental support for certain rootstock/soil types (more on this later). Wet soil is pretty much a no go, the roots of fruit trees are prone to root rots which thrive in wet soils.
So how much fruit do you want and when? The smallest trees at maturity will produce a bushel (about 45lbs) of apples each. A medium size tree may produce between 4 to 10 bushels. In most cases, all the apples on the tree will be ripe at the same time. What are you going to do with it all? Apples are the most versatile fruit. You can eat it fresh, dry it, make cider (sweet and hard), can it, and store it; but you need a plan. If you just have three medium size trees of different apples, but they all ripen at the same time, you could have 500lbs of fruit to do something with! If you want more than one type of apple, which you should, try to select cultivars that ripen at differing times of the year. This allows you to utilize each apple to the best of its ability. In general, summer apples don’t store well and turn mushy very quickly. They should be eaten quickly, dried, or used for cooking. Fall apples are your mainstay. They will vary, but will usually keep fairly well and are good for most purposes. Winter apples store the best, and storage may actually improve their flavor and sweetness. Cider of varying quality can be made from any apple. Cider making can be very simple, but good cider making is again, complex.
Now you know where you are going to plant and how much fruit you want, here comes the technical part. What size trees do you want? Since apples reproduce sexually, the seeds of the fruit are not copies of their parents, and their fruits are usually nasty tasting, small, and bitter. Apples are propagated by grafting, meaning that the living limb (scion) of a selected cultivar is attached to the root (rootstock) of another tree, allowing the tree to produce the selected cultivar. In this way, the genetic material from the first cursed red delicious tree is still alive in the orchards of Washington. Most stores and some online retailers list trees as being “dwarf”, “semi-dwarf”, or “standard”. These definitions are based on the type of rootstock the trees are on. A “standard” rootstock is usually just a tree grown from seed with the scion grafted to it. The size is unknown but could be anywhere from 20 to 40′ tall. That’s a big tree. “Semi-dwarf” refers to a range of rootstocks that produce a tree anywhere from 10 to 25′ tall. There is a large number of rootstocks in this category. It would do you well to know what the rootstock is exactly. An ELMA 26 rootstock will grow a tree of about 12′, an ELMA 111 rootstock will grow a tree of about 25′, both are considered semi-dwarf. “Dwarf” rootstocks can usually keep the tree under 10′ and are the mainstay of new commercial plantings. They absolutely require support and are not free-standing, but can produce quickly and in great quantities per acre.
The mature size of the tree must be taken into consideration prior to planting. If you are planting a “standard” size orchard, the trees need to be at least 30′ apart. That’s a lot of unused space for the first 10 years of the trees life. In my opinion, smaller trees are the way to go. They are easier to prune, spray, and pick fruit. ELMA 26 or ELMA 7 on 10 or 12′ spacing makes for a tree that can be mostly managed without a ladder and doesn’t need support.
All of this comes before you decide what apple variety to buy. There are a lot of really good varieties that work well in some climates and not at all in others. I can’t grow Macintosh, it is simply too hot here and they fall off the tree before ripening. The best bet would be to investigate a local orchard and see what they are growing or ask for recommendations from other fruit growing people in the area. The big box stores here sell Honeycrisp apple trees, which are notoriously difficult to grow even in their preferred northern climate, and wouldn’t have a chance in the southeast. Speaking of where to buy your trees, I would recommend mail ordering bare root trees. The box store trees sold in pots may have been in those pots for 2-3 years, are likely rootbound, and you usually cannot tell what rootstock they are on. Also, a bare root branchless tree (a whip), will usually outperform a larger tree from a pot planted in the same ground. The larger trees do not adapt as well to the shock of transplanting.
Now that you have a planting plan, it is time to think about equipment. If you have less than 20 trees, a backpack sprayer is probably all you need. Any more trees than this and I would suggest that you have some type of power equipment, such as a pull behind sprayer on a garden tractor or, for bigger orchards, a tractor with an airblast sprayer. You will also need good quality bypass loppers for pruning, tree support stakes for the early years, and string to train the tree branches. But most importantly, you need to keep the deer away from the young trees. The bastards will eat every leaf and then rub their antlers on the tree, snapping every branch. I hates deer.
What county in TN ?
I just plant and reap bushels of natures bounty!
poodle’s a jammy bastard.
At least in Tennessee, we have more pests and diseases than other areas
Al and Tipper are pretty big pests, aren’t they?
woah woah woah: Tipper is a bunch o’ thangs, but a Tennessean does not number amongst them
He didn’t specify native pests; there are certainly invasive species as well.
great point
Nicole Kidman can stay, for example
I’m moving my garden this spring to a flat sandy spot and hope to put in a couple fruit trees, your advice on the bare root answered a question, ’cause I was looking to buy some nursery stock. I’ll have to amend the planting holes with some better dirt though. I have a couple crab apples near by in the sand, they do OK but the sap sucker wood peckers have devastated them. I’ll looking to put up a 6 foot chain link fence, lots of deer here. Zone 3. How does one know the root stock?
Thanks for the article, I’m waiting to see if there are any other fruit trees that’ll with stand the cold. My previous attempts had the mice eating the bark off the trees below the snow line.
Why are you moving it to a sandy spot?
I live in pine country, my whole yard is like beach sand, I planted pine trees (seedlings) around my yard/garden. 25 years later the trees are yuuuge and my garden is shaded about 1/2 the day. Over the years my gardens have been good but the last 3-4 years have slowly been less productive because of lack of sunshine.
I have a nice open spot close by, same soil, but with fertilizer and water the miracles of life prevail. I have a well in the yard close by. I’ll need a fence. No trees nearby so I’m good. I dumped lots of leaves on my old garden over the years so the soil was more loamy but I can d the same agiain. Time is my enemy at this point though.
I could use some sand. All I have is clay.
I dig holes with a pickaxe. I hate it.
I dug a well with a post hole digger, then an auger, 13 feet to the water, drove a sand point and put a pump on it and was in business. Every 2-3′ the soil would change color and texture, at about 10-11 feet a few small rocks and gravel. Almost like a glacier had traveled through and left deposits of different types in layers.
Lucky bastard.
funny: my part of MN is easy shoveling
When I was young, mom and dad planted several trees, apples and peaches, that proceeded to kill themselves producing more fruit than the branches could carry. Were my folks negligent, or did they need more supports?
Needed moar Mexicans. Duh.
Ginormo tittays since my power just came back on.
https://thechive.com/2019/03/13/bracketology-def-study-of-large-brackets-64-photos/
Archive still fucked up.
Also, fucking hell, a tree blew over in my backyard during this blizzard. F.
Spawn got the day off. Y’all are pussies!
1 and 2 were all I needed.
Is this your storm?
https://pjmedia.com/instapundit/324308/
Not my storm, but goddamn that looks an awful lot like my old house on Monument Hill. Seriously…might be…
Since apples reproduce sexually
Anybody up for some hot tree-on-tree action?
You are my hero. I planted some apples, peaches, plums, and cherries at my old house in TX. Unfortunately theres no sun on my current property to do fruit trees, so I’m stuck with raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, and I’m trying grapes for the hell of it this year.
Oh, and I’m planting 75 strawberry plants in the sunny area. Hopefully that keeps the weeds down as well as gives us something to eat. We were getting a pint a week of each fruit last year, and I’m hoping to double that production this year.
I’ve got a plum tree that is so old the production of fruit has almost stopped. I’m not necessarily sad about that. The fruit will be ready in the first part of July, it all comes at once, and you have 24 hours to process is. Other than that, I stick to raspberries, blueberries and strawberries.
I grew up with an apple tree in the back yard. My dad sprayed and pruned it, but I never understood why he bothered, since it was easier to jump the fence and raid the neighbors dozen trees.
FUNNY GLIBS HEAR OF GRANNY SMITH APPLES? WAIT UNTIL TRY STEVE SMITH APPLES!
The big box stores here sell Honeycrisp apple trees, which are notoriously difficult to grow even in their preferred northern climate, and wouldn’t have a chance in the southeast.
Then I guess Sweet Tango are right out too, huh?
Great article. My great grandfather had orange trees on his ranch in CA. It was so cool to just take one of the tree and enjoy!
Still a lot of fucking work.
We have a good thing going. But being how this is San Francisco, we better fuck it up. TW: HuffPo.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/anchor-brewing-union_n_5c881635e4b0fbd7661ea266
Dear Sapporo. We love breweries in Ohio! Come on over. Leave the liberals there though.
Huh. I would have thought that Anchor Steam went Union a long time ago. I used to drink a lot of their Liberty Ale.
Can you imagine how the workers must be suffering there?! Probably in chains ‘n’ shit.
If the Japs just replaced them with orphans, they wouldn’t have to worry about this crap.
There’s bound to be something to the fact that the author of that article has “infant” in his name.
How many of you have been drinking beer simply because of the lower emphasis on profit held be the brewers?
My house in San Diego had the best fruit trees – growing on the neighbors property and reaching over the fence. I never bought lemons, I’d just go out and pick one off the tree when I wanted one. Also avocados and tangerines, but those were seasonal; the lemons were year round.
Wait.
All this time, the lemon stealing whore was you?!?
[smiles knowingly at HM]
It’s like he was having some sort of party, with lemons. A lemon party, if you will.
Fun fact: Slumbrew’s icon is actually a pic of his reaction to seeing said “party”.
Meh, I’ve seen worse. Not like it was goatse.cx
I’ve managed to avoid worse than that – the reaction videos to 2 Girls 1 Cup convinced me to never watch that.
Yeah, I was/am simply out of material. And, the thought tickled a bit.
Of the icon-NOT the party.
I had pear trees like that in TX. My next door neighbor got those on his side of the property line.
where in TX ?
Central TX, Temple
Bell County, home of Sammy Baugh !
A lemon tree would be ok, my parents had a grapefruit tree in California back when they were snowbirds. That was nice.
We have oranges, lemons and figs. The figs come in all at once and there’s insane amounts of them. We make fig bars and give away bags of them. the various critter go bonkers for them. Fig beatles and dozens of birds descend on our tree and engorge themselves. One of our cats would wait at the bottom of the tree for hours for the first errant bird to get too low and kill it dead. The lemons and oranges seem to pop a couple of times a year and there’s not nearly as many. They can look great, but need a lot more time to get fully ripe. like two more months. It’s a manageable amount of fruit. I’ve lived with large amounts and it sucks not being ready for huge amounts of it.
My sister has pear trees. That’s convinced me that I don’t want fruit trees, because, as you say, they are all ripe at once. She calls it Pear fest and my mom visits to help. They make pear sauce, pear butter, pear crisps, pear cakes. They can and freeze. Nope, not doing that. She has two trees and ends up with more than 200 pounds of pears.
Yah, we had a pear tree in our (urban) backyard when I was a kid. Lots of rotting pears every other summer.
Peaches in Mississippi: Mom would fry them up. I propose the Great American Folk Dish Trifecta thus:
a/ fried peach pie
b/ fried walleye
c/ chicken-fried steak
If out walleye, first, but that’s a minor quibble.
*Checks Tundra’s pupils for signs of a stroke*
I figured it was an old Hmong-Somali-Finn expression I just didn’t know.
Wow.
Fucking phone.
I think walleye should go first.
A bountiful harvest is always followed by a resting year with fruit trees. Resting year will blossom nicely but only a few scattered fruit.
Gilmore?
Doom?
Hope y’all are having a good Pi Day. You can tell me that it’s not a “real” holiday, but I would ask for a secant opinion.
Ugh.
It ain’t got here yet
By the same standard that I’m 5’14” is e Day June 10?
the first cursed red delicious tree
What’s wrong with Red Delicious? firm, crisp, juicy, what’s not to love? A little salt and pepper a slice of cheddar cheese… They’re delicious it’s right there in their name.
The AMC Pacer of apples.
Unlike a Pacer though when a Red Delicious is good its very good
And what exactly is wrong with this?
reminds me of last year’s Buick commercials: she ain’t stepping out of that
You didn’t see the Pacer?
There’s a Pacer?
My mother is an expert apple pie maker and she despises Red Delicious. The Awful Reign of the Red Delicious.
Aaaaand, I’m out.
/Mo, what were you thinking, linking to the Atlantic?? C’MON!!!
Also, I just saw that you sent the book. (I don’t check that account often unless I’m expecting something).
I’ll let you know when I’ve finished.
Rare bloodborne illness cropping up in UK. Can you guess the source?
their crime: they haven’t taken Manchester yet ?
HTLV-1 spreads through breastfeeding, sex, blood transfusion and sharing of needles
Dammit. Now I gotta change my Saturday night plans.
Stupid human tricks.
Still fucking metal though.
Trump? Brexit?
Anyone grow and eat gooseberries? My grandmother had a view gooseberry bushes. I would eat them plain or she’d make a pie. I’ve never been able to find gooseberries at the store, considering growing some of my own.
Damn autocorrect *few bushes, not view*
I have thought about paw paws.
RACIST!
Blows raspberry at CPRM
Way to tie in today’s H&H installment.
As an editor, I see something I could do with that statement out of context…
I hope we’re running six reactors to power a dozen data centers so that we never need to worry about that video being backed up
There’s a stand of several paw paw trees a few miles from me
Way to tie in today’s H&H installment.
Sigh…
Holland and Holland ?
Dayum.
They grow wild here in MN, I see the bushes are sold in the seed catalogs. Wild ones have thorns, probably are smaller
No, but that reminds me of loganberry drink which was popular where I grew up.
Grow wild in SW Missouri. Plenty of gooseberry pies. Not sure if anyone actively cultivates them.
It’s time for the first installment of *Drum roll* Hawt or Nawt?
I would not like to subscribe to your newsletter.
That’s one “Nawt”. *Scribbles furiously*
Netti pot fetish?
Not!
That’s two. Hmmm. She is kind of cute when she smiles at the end.
i will agree with the smile.
I got the yellow fever, but, I’m in meat space, sure, in internet faire? Meh.
Nice article. I admire your work ethic. Fruit trees are a lot work. A season or two of the pruning and the the frantic canning of a couple hundred pounds of plums (+10 slivowitz) was rewarding for a year or two.
Rented a house in Lubbock for one summer with an apricot tree in the back yard. We were just passing through and weren’t interested in the tree. One day there was a heavily laden tree. Two days later there was an eight-inch deep layer of apricots on the ground three more days (t was 100 + every day) it was a six-inch deep layer of putrid, maggot-infected apricot mash.
I haven’t been able to look at an apricot since.
I dropped a six pack of Pyramid Apricot Ale off a closet shelf in my apartment a long time ago. I sort of understand your feeling.
Very interesting article.
I’ve had fruit trees at all of my child hood and adult homes. Apples (crab),then peaches (very good), followed now by dwarf apples, pears and more crab apples . My current home was build on an old (really old) apple orchard, so I find and destroy apple saplings each spring. The peach trees my dad maintained were either amazing or complete crap depending on his attention level that year. The peach trees died and were cut down a few years ago, but for a few years the harvest was amazing.
My fruit trees in my yard are beautiful when flowering and a PITA in the fall once the small mutant fruit falls.
Yep. Was an interesting article. Peaches are gross, however.
https://assets.rebelcircus.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/bestvaj4.jpg
Uploading a new cartoon, making my already slow internet even slower.
Two of my four apple trees died in the last couple years (not counting that useless crab apple) and the remaining adult one has had dwindling fruit since. The younger one is about 10 years old and only ever grows one apple per season. No clue what the fuck I’m doing.
“Sensei on March 13, 2019 at 7:51 pm
Is this your storm?
https://pjmedia.com/instapundit/324308/”
Posted on PJ Media by Stephen Green, wife Melissa. A bit of Goolag-fu and I believe that home is 1560 Capadaro Ct Monument, Co 80132.
Yes that is my storm. It is eerily close to where I live (and, apparently where Francisco lived as well (who, given his Montana/CC connection, I’m not completely convinced isn’t an alias for Brooks (removes tin foil hat))).
Don’t come look for me.
And Tundra, yes, pussies all. It’s the Kali transplants. This storm wasn’t even bad, ‘cept for the wind. I went to work. Everyone should go to work.
Drink more.
http://ego01.manworldmediacdn.com/data/galleries/egotastic-all-stars/000/007/191/mtmwnzy3ntixnze1ndi2ntc4-19b5208e.jpg
TITS.
You’re a #Survivor now, that’s the important thing. Use that to your advantage. I’m not one to indulge in your links, but as they say in the theatre, ‘The tits must go on’, or something like that.
If I were Brooks, I’d have never replied in nested posts.
I guess us El Paso County Glibs are eskimo brothers or something. We should probably all play ookie cookie.
Again, drink more.
Guess not then. This was my old house.
5.3 miles away
I’m assuming you moved in 2002? At least that’s when Zillow showed it sold last. Palmer Lake is nice; I live on the other side of I-25. I wouldn’t mind moving north also.
https://archive.li/CgTCf/4ff894ddc00551022342b84c80a7e2313c4b8cc1.jpg
I think it sold in 99
NY Rangers: “We don’t give a shit any more and it shows.”
At least they’re finally losing in regulation. Those damned loser points are killing their draft position.
I’m not convinced that’s the way to do it anyway. Edmonton has some of the best guys on the planet and they still suck.
The refs seemed to be phoning it in tonight, too.
This dude is straight out of L&O central casting for “rich kid”.
He is such a stereotype it’s hard to believe he’s real.
More on the story that won’t fucking die already.
Demi Rose’s gardener’s second cousin could not be reached for comment.
thicc?
This story is super hilarious, I am loving it. The really great part of this story is that ten million is the supposed price that you need to pay to get your progeny into an Ivy League school. That gets you into the donor class admission. The kids of Wall St executives get in that way and there is not much fuss paid about it. These pikers were only paying hundreds of thousands to get their kids in, and that’s not right. You gotta love how the kids (at least some of them) don’t give a fuck about the education and are just in it for the parties and social life. They could get into hundreds of lower tier schools, but their parents wanted the bragging rights of having their kids at top name schools. Just like they would pay thousands for a Fendi handbag and not think twice.
It is shining a light on the frivolity of much of higher education0, isn’t it.
Yep, gimme some more of that. It’s a huge racket and while some people have figured it out, it is still far too accepted that you need the sacred piece of paper from the accepted university to succeed in life. I went to UC Berkeley and the amount of idiocy that I encountered there was not small. Please pass the popcorn.
I went to school in Buffalo – a refreshing lack of wokeness, at least in the 90s.
I went to a community college for a few years after high school and worked. I was surprised that I got into UCB, even with good grades. Some may have been that neither of my parents went to college, my dad didn’t go to high school. I thought I was a lefty when I started there. That cured me of that notion. I wasn’t anywhere close to a libertarian then by what I’d consider now, but got called it a couple times. Hmm, maybe there is something to this wacky idea of full liberty, maybe I should read more.
I was going to say pretty much the same thing.
Then again, it’s not like most people will learn that lesson.
That USC is caught in this is funny. The only top tier thing about them ever was their film school, and that was only due to the talent that collected in their student body 50 years ago, nothing to do with the school it’s self.
The Full House angle is hilarious!
Cut-It-Out!
I don’t think I watched a single episode of that. I bet there was something else better on.
I know I’ve never seen a single episode.
I believe we’re of an age – we were a bit too old for that show (late high-school, through college).
Not like it was one of the high-quality shows we grew up with, like B. J. and the Bear.
Meh, TGIF was my heyday. I know I wanted to bang Urkel’s love interest.
That is one weird Die Hard prequel.
True that.
Of course, I am quite fond of Reggie VJ.
I remember my younger siblings watching it a bit, but was too old to have interest. At that time the best thing on tv was a UHF station that had a few yearly origknal Twlight Zone marathons on. My favs growing up were Dukes of Hazzard, ChiPs, Different Strokes, Sledge Hammer, Magnum PI, McGyver, Greatest American Hero. The reruns of I Dream of Jenie, and Bewitched were awesome for the 50’s cheesecake.
No F-Troop when talking retro TV?
Same here. My sister, 8 years younger than me, watched all those TGIF shows, although she was much more of a fan of Step By Step than Full House. My list pretty much mirrors yours. Magnum PI was awesome and to this day I have the theme song as the ringer on my phone.
I was on the cusp and int a town caught in a time warp. Magnum PI, Dukes of Hazzard, I dream of Jeannie, Twilight Zone, F Troop, Laugh In, Get Smart (Nick at night became a thing when I was a kid), Full House, Step By Step…
Oh, and the Fall Guy! Awesome truck and the Heathers were hot.
You forgot Knight Rider, Love Boat, and Fantasy Island.
And A-Team.
All of those should be on the list, for sure. Fantasy Island was the show I would love to watch as a kid and would always fall asleep to. Good memories, da plane.
Yes. And yet it pre-dated Seinfeld by only a couple years. Ponder that.
BJ ended in ’81, Seinfeld was ’89 – feels like a lot happened in those 8 years.
For the record, I was kidding – I’m B. J. and the Bear was, I’m sure, not good. Though Stacks made an impression on my prepubescent mind.
I dunno….I’m the same age as yous two, and I watched that shit.
Not that I disagree with your assertion about BJ&tB.
Or, what KS said below.
Or, above
I remember writing journal entry, yeah, about feeling I was too old to like Power Rangers, but it was too stupid not to get into.
I was in my early 20’s and enjoyed the hell out of it. I even have a “2 degrees of separation” thing with one of the 2nd season originals.
/I regret nothing
https://imgur.com/a/cKzOgUz
Love it!
Good article. I have lots of fruit trees on my property and you haven’t seen panic until a mature mango has a decent year come ripe. I get literately up to 400 fruits of a pound or more each. The good news is mangoes have dozens of uses fresh and frozen and are very popular with friends and neighbors. The downside is you have to be careful when peeling that much fruit in a couple of weeks is the sap. It is related to the sap from poison oak and poison ivy. If you get a persistent exposure you can grow suddenly severely allergic to the fruit. A friend ended up in the hospital after a long peeling session and then having some fruit. BAM! After I lifetime of eating mango now he can’t touch one and has an epi-pen just in case.
Bananas and Lychee can also test your friendship networks since their fruit all ripens at once, and there is many pounds of it. But boy they are good.
I don’t even like mangoes – that sounds like hell.
I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a mango, I’m calling fake news on that shit.
When we were on the Big Island in July our host made daily drop-offs of fruit (AirBnb – they lived down the street). They were desperate to get rid of it.
On the mango front, it took until embarrassingly recently to realize I have a (minor) allergy to it. I just couldn’t understand why people enjoyed something that made your tongue feel ripped up.
+1 Cap’N’Crunch addiction
Cap’N’Crunch was verboten. I don’t know why Apple Jacks were OK, but Cap’N’Crunch was right out.
Peanut Butter Cap’N’Cruch or get shut the fuck up! No other reason to eat cereal!
Speaking of which: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tewIT0t198
What is this talk about Cap’n hurting your mouth? I don’t think I’ve ever experienced this so-called mouth scrape/poke, in 47 years of eating that cereal.
Apple Jacks…nom nom nom
I may have been an odd child – I really liked raisin bran
I would be happy to take a bunch of lychees off your hands if I was anywhere close to your neighborhood.
That graphic makes the baby Tufte cry.
What are the units on the Y-axis, inches? Feet?
Is the X-axis even significant?
Karma’s a bitch.
https://dailycaller.com/2019/03/12/angelo-carusone-rules-dont-apply/
So, the point is it’s stupid to get pissed off about jokes? Please let that be the point, or at some point I’ll get eliminated by the Norks.
The point is that Cthulhu always wins.
https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/cLIAAOSwo4pYarnq/s-l300.jpg
The “jokes” are milquetoast at worst. The only value in this angle is schadenfreude.
I’m not talking about his ‘jokes’, but mine. I don’t want to have to grovel before Chairman Supweme Commandow Kim after the next episode comes out.
A Little Head.
Tits & Whiskey
Sex and Beer, St Paddy’s coming up.
Eh, not my bag.
There’s a legit seisiún 4 days a week about 30 yards from my house, so I’m a bit spoiled for choice.
If we will discuss this topic then C&W has a song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eh2PjkzW20w
Your link was good, btw – very 2000 but good.
The only fruit tree I’ve ever had was a loquat tree in our front yard in Florida. Came with the house. Required no care and the fruit was pretty tasty, if a pain in the ass to eat because of the huge seeds.
Alright, I’m clocking out. New cartoon submitted, I guess it’s up to ZARDOZ and our new cryptid Overlords as to when it runs.
pffft…light-weight.
-get some rest.
Me: I’d like to have this drug made by this one manufacturer.
CVS Employee: Which manufacturer?
Me: ZARDOZ!
CVS Employee: Sandoz?
Me: Um … yeah. Not Zardoz.
That’s fantastic!
OK, THAT? Classic.
See if you can get their security cam footage of that.
Be very careful before clicking a Mojeaux link.
Yes. Well below an HM link, but, still….
Yeah, you can leave the eye bleach behind but you’re still filled with regret.
There was A Girl Named Sandoz that taught many, many things. Zardoz would not approve.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CpaRKpefkQ
For you Rhywun. It’s got it all. A scandal that bores you and a “celebrity” that bores you.
https://twitchy.com/dougp-3137/2019/03/13/samantha-bees-take-on-college-admissions-scandal-nominated-for-induction-to-you-should-sit-this-one-out-hall-of-fame/
I hate everyone and everything in that story. Thanks for nothing.
You’ll read it and like it.
A man after mine own heart.
/Yeah, I just presumed your gender. Deal.
Geez, Chafed! A little warning before posting anything with SamBee…
You see, I have an automatic gag reflex with anything visual regarding SamBee….I thought most men would, but, she managed to land a man…somehow.
/maybe he’s blind?
Her name is right in the link my late night friend. But I hear you.
Touche`…..dammit
Eighteen years from now they are going to blame their parents for their crimes… and they’ll be right.
https://dailycaller.com/2019/03/13/facebook-tumblr-groups-children-gender-transition-prosthetics/
*uncontrollable laughter*
I know! If there weren’t kids involved it would be a riot.
I’m starting the legal defense fund for the first of these kids who kills their screwed up parents.
Growing your fruit is goddamn stressful. It was a warm early march which means the goddamn apricot trees started blooming and now any late frost is going to fuck them up. I usually cannot eat store bought apricots so no frost in Bucharest!
Someone’s still talking about the article?
Well excuse me for sleeping at night
Reverse Vampire confirmed.
BTW, that’s real footage of me and Pie rasslin’.
Pie is Milhouse.
Chill out, dude. Goddamn!
Well I did not get any good apricots last year so I don’t want to have 2 years in a row without. It is hard to be chill about it.
Fuckin’ A, dude. I mean….shit!