I am going to try and find a new fetish for all you fine people. Let’s dive right in.
Food Spurting
This is a great entry level new fetish. It is closely related to the money shot facial in vanilla porn and the money shit facial in the more outré corners of the internet.
It even comes in two sub-groups:
The Spurter
Damn girl. Get in there.
The Spurtee
About two inches to the left…
Squirrel Jobs
Just loaded up those fingertips and get it on…
Nibble the head, work the shaft, and gut the nuts.
Demi-baguetteing
The ultimate taboo for the gluten-sensitive…
Waifu bread body pillow: Don’t eat your IBS, sleep on it!
TreeDom
Tired of people and their annoying safe words? Why not exorcize your demons on a tree?
“Bite down for Mommy. Bite down hard.”
Giant Sea Penises
Yes, this new fetish would require scuba certification and quite a bit of equipment, but it would be just you and a majestic sea penis that you could have all to yourself. And you can turn down your oxygen for a safe, belt-free bout of autoerotic asphyxiation.
“I… I have a wife. This just means I’m bi, right?”
Monsterdolling
Need something to do with all those used up baby dolls plotting against you in the attic? Get aroused by night terrors?
Or if swarms are more your style:
?
Some dark pleasures are so new, they don’t even have a name yet…
https://www.instagram.com/sophiahadjipanteli/
Just remember, whatever it is you are into:
Shit. I think I may quit the internet.
Seen recently: Remember the days when we used the internet to escape reality? Now we use reality to escape the internet.
Mind. Blown.
Thats deep.
I wish I were stoned, so I could really delve into this concept.
It’s sad because it’s true.
This is why I got on the internet.
You know what? I’m gonna go watch rebooted Charmed. It’s gotta be better than this.
I’ll make popcorn
Sean, what are you, Spock in the reactor chamber? Get outta there before you have real damage done!
Are we witnessing a dominance contest between two of TPTB?
Stand tall, Treebert. Stand tall.
*one amber tear rolls down cheek…very slowly*
so hawt
Oh mercy. I have tears streaming down my face from laughing.
Amazing job SF.
Those aren’t tears. Those are your eyeballs attempting suicide for forcing them to read this article.
I knew it. The toned down H&H was meant to lull us into a false sense of security.
Remember when a good spanking of your wife was considered kinky? Pepperidge Farm remembers!
>>Giant Sea Penises
something SEA something SMITH
I like the alt-text.
It’s the best I’ve seen in quite a while.
Ummm….uhhh……I got nuthin’.
Dear SF, I curse you with dreams of HRC & the my pillow guy – naked and acting out your fetishes.
*Burns incense and throws chicken bones*
>>The Spurter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Kx6W8Af87k
To her right appears to be a…10-ish(?) year old girl. Classy.
I knew you’d get into it.
Didn’t the Japanese also create a pillow that was a giant ass?
Related – https://www.engadget.com/2019/04/29/ehav1-airlander-blimp-ev/
This doesn’t even move the needle.
I thought being able to eat lunch while reading H&H was bad.
*shakes head and walks away*
“Shoot your goo, my dude!”
Fuck off slaver!
OK; THIS is what got me.
Bravo, Lack.
So…uh…yeah. Umm…how’s everybody doin’ tonight?
How ’bout them Knicks?
Mercifully, they are home after another season of futility. They’ve had exactly four out of the last twenty seasons where they won fifty percent or more of their games. Their ownership has been consistent inept and shows no sign of changing that. I’m sure they think they’re going to sign a big name free agent, but I can’t imagine anybody would want to go there as they’ve shown no ability to put together even a decent roster. Supposedly Kevin Durant might be going there. If he does it’ll pretty much kill his career, because as good as he is, he can’t drag that sad sack collection of retreads to the playoffs.
Or were you just making conversation?
Got me 🙂
It was a catchphrase in a Seinfeld episode. I couldn’t care less about the Knicks, or basketball.
I had a friend once who when asked about the weather would actually go into an in depth discussion of the dew point, occluded fronts, and the like. He actually knew tons about meteorology and was generally spot on with his predictions. I think he got the idea from Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. It never failed to generate awkward looks from the target as they clearly were trying to work out an escape.
Dinner’s done, bourbon is poured, my feet are off the ground.
*cheers!*
*clinks glasses with e*
I think SP ran us out of Bourbon last night. I may have to resort to beer.
My new outdoor kitchen and covered patio are going to be epic.
That gal taking the facial from the double magnum of champagne is exactly how the money shot was born.
Apologies to SF, but I’m gonna be the first o go OT:
Arrogant asshole works to cement his legacy of being an arrogant asshole
Always Be Cunting
So clever and witty. Barf.
Flownover and proud! I have a cup with my picture and several of my fishing buddies with a label “The Deplorables” on it. Nice
I was expecting Obama.
Go back to rehab Al.
So, his disfavored candidate fooled a bunch of people, he claims, without a hint of irony.
I’m sure somebody today has already linked to the Indian army finding Yeti footprints. Steve Smith has a proud?
Sad.
On a sunny late winter day, walk through the snow. Come back a few hours later – BAM! Yeti prints.
There is only one yeti, motherfuckers.
https://twitter.com/InsiderFood/status/1046633306530312192
-1 second degree burns to your mouth.
Yeah, that looks like napalm to me. I prolly love the smell of it in the morning too.
If there is no ground beef, it is not a burger. That’s just a grilled cheese sandwich with delusions of grandeur.
The burger is filled with cum?
I guess it’s on topic.
Steaming, hot, copious amounts of molten hot cheese jizz.
The chef got the idea from Dr. Pimple Popper.
Those eyebrows are a force all of their own.
It’s like she stole two legs off the doll head crustacean.
I’m torn. The teeth are spectacular.
My eyes are shut. Is it safe?
God damned morally depraved baguettes. Spreading their buns and getting all buttered up.
Go on…
Why? What are you some kind of Baguette?!
Crusty on the outside, soft on the inside.
That takes too much effort. JB just loafs around al day.
You’re just jelly.
I think he has a yeast infection.
This is the greatest thread since sliced…..
Ciabatta stop all this punning…
I just had Japanese class tonight. Welcome to Year 1!
Ask your teacher to say “croissant” in Japanese. It’s almost as much fun as hearing them say “vaccine”.
The Japanese word is derived from the German pronounciation.
That seems common for most medical terms from the first half of the 20th century.
Mr. Rentogen agrees.
The rest of the world changed it to “X” for a reason.
頑張れ!
Why is that arousing?
I need help.
I think we all need help.
Now I see what all those weird images in the media library when I went to upload the Woke Charmed screencaps were about. And whoever said it was SugarFree was right!
Please keep writing those. The reviews are amazing. Keep watching. Stay strong. For us.
Seconded. They have hit “must read immediately” status.
Any Glibs in Indy? I’m visiting in July and I’m looking for recommendations.
“Furry Community Distances Self From Sonic the Hedgehog
RUMIA, Poland — At the ninth annual Gdakon Con, furries came from all over the world to fuck each other while dressed as animals and to distance themselves from Sonic The Hedgehog.
“Let me be clear, I am an animal in the sack. A zebra, specifically. I’ve drawn and appreciated countless images of animal humanoids to the extent that I have built my entire personality around it. That being said, the Sonic movie, despite being the first to put my people on the big screen, looks like utter trash,” explained Matt Speilman, a.k.a. Zebrur, who has attended the con for years. “My fellow furries and I are really concerned what this eerie anthropomorphic hedgehog will do to our community’s reputation.”
“People are going to think we are sexual deviants, and after seeing this Sonic, I don’t blame them,” Speilman continued, working the mouth of his zebra costume. “Anyone who gets aroused by this is a real freak.”
Others at the convention, such as Lisa Wapnitsky, took a more hopeful view that this version of Sonic might introduce outsiders to their lifestyle.
“The good news is that anyone who gets curious about becoming a furry will find that literally all of us are more attractive than this Sonic, who is at best a 2,” Wapnitsky said between moos. “When I saw the first poster I thought, ‘OK, a little weird but I can get on board with those sexy fur-covered leg muscles.’ But now he just looks like a little weakling. I told my husband, a penguin, he has nothing to be jealous about anymore!”
All members of the con agreed that they expected a large increase in next year’s attendance after the release of Detective Pikachu.”
https://thehardtimes.net/harddrive/furry-community-distances-self-from-sonic-the-hedgehog/
Lol. That’s great.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D4cCd-IUEAA1_mV.jpg:large
FYI: NSFW
And they just had to draw lips, didn’t they?
That’s why they’ll go to heaven.
Weird
https://hotair.com/archives/2019/05/01/european-court-rules-high-testosterone-women-track-events/
Joe Rogan went into this case in a LOT more detail – he has a lot of the background, etc and makes a lot of good points. http://podcasts.joerogan.net/podcasts/adam-conover
OT: This story confuses me. How is it trolling for your own shareholders to object to the CEO’s salary?
The shareholders say Dolan is too focused on touring and recording as the frontman and guitarist for his band JD & the Straight Shot.
Jiant Douche?
I think they’re calling the law firm that filed the suit a class action troll which may be true.
Yeah I’m no expert in this stuff. My first thought is that if the shareholders want to cut his salary, they need to do that during the annual shareholder meeting. Or something? But who goes to those except all the other major shareholders?
At my last company, I worked closely with the CEO’s cousin, who was a major shareholder and made bank, like way above what his duties would indicate. I owned like 100 shares. What the hell was I gonna say about that?
There’s a lot of mutual ball fondling going on between Senior Management and Board of Directors members and their friends and family as far as compensation goes. They count on the fact that most shareholders own small amounts of stock through mutual funds, and that even very large compensations typically are a small percentage of overall income. They can pay themselves as much as they want as long as there is a reasonable ROI and no one is going to complain.
Salary is set by the board itself(*) in a contract with the CEO. It’s not subject to approval or revision by the shareholders, either in the shareholder meeting or other wise, other than a meaningless toothless vote.
(*) based on cherry picked comparisons, offered by consultants and aided by the company’s HR department or prepared entire by the company’s HR department
Interesting. No perverse incentives there.
https://www.sec.gov/rules/final/2011/33-9178-secg.htm
Toothless.
Around here, the musicians just get a stripper girlfriend to support them. Not nearly as lucrative.
That reminds of a joke told to me by one of
stripperdancer customers. “What does a stripper do when she finishes shaving her asshole?” “She drives him to band practice.”In hindsight (and after 6 mores beers), Ill put my “grandma pussy” story up against SF’s work any day
Tell us more about your Grandma’s pussy.
Shut up, Grandpa. You drunk.
He told us last week. You must have been sleeping in the dirt until the sun set.
I can’t read all the comments, Spuddy.
I’m not God.
You have no idea how comforting that is.
More like a perverted Tom Bombadil.
Ah, you’ve read “Bored of the Rings”.
His Goldberry is Goldshrub. It’s a potted ficus.
That’s “The Whore of the Rings”
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0412063/
BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF
Oh yes…very good!….very sloppy and wet my dear….hmmmmm…is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?…hmmmm…..let me…..let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling…….hmmmmm….hmm..yes….that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear….ah yes….let me guess…curry for dinner?….oh quite right I am….aren’t I?….ok….time for sniff…..sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff…..hmmm…hhhmmmmm I see…yes….yes indeed as well curry……hmmm….that fragrance is quite noticeable….yes…..onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?…..hmmmmm….yes quite…..
This is the worst chatroom ever.
Meh–‘Wednesday Night’.
God damn, this is good hockey!
Nice job ‘Canes!
I’m close to checking out of the playoffs. Nobody left I care to root for.
Don’t do that. It’s so much more enjoyable when you don’t give a fuck.
These games are just so good.
We’ll see. You’re clearly a bigger fan of the game than me. I need to be rooting either for or against someone. At least for now I can keep hate-watching the Bruins.
Nice!
I Against I
Never followed them but I like it.
For Against are from Nebraska. One of my jangle-favorites. When they’re on, they’re as good as anything The Church put out.
I believe you turned me in to them before, as I have them in my Spotify rotation.
You are subscribed to EDG’s
Fuck. EDG’s Jangle Noise, I assume?
I would if I did Spotify. Is that a paid thing? I only get 30-second snippets.
Ooo he’s got a Motorik list too.
I think you can just sign up with ads. I pay $15 a month for the family plan. Worth every dime.
Started the motorik! playlist on Rhywun’s suggestion. Didn’t know it was public, though. I’m building it up. But it’s about to go private for another month or so.
Thanks Tundra for pimping my jangly playlist.
I hope that’s OK. It’s my favorite.
These playoffs have me rooting for the Sharks. Hockey has always been down on the list of sports that I watch but I’ve been digging watching the last two series. Game 6 and 7 against the Golden Knights were awesome, I’m gonna keep tuned.
Playoffs are the time to watch. The stupid season is too damn long. The teams don’t really turn it on until after Christmas.
But man, when they get going it is truly a spectacle.
I liked the Pavelski tooth goal and Brent Burns is a force. The lack of teeth ? on the Sharks team is pretty endearing.
Great team. Burns used to play here and I think most fans would have loved to have kept him.
The teeth and beard thing on that team is fantastic.
Seriously, what is that nugget looking thing with the juice cumming out of it?
KFC CummieNuggets.
Hillary’s labial cysts.
I think it is a deep-fried Oreo and that is the heat-liquidfied cream filling spurting out.
Stop it! I’m out of poppers and don’t want to schlep to the video store.
?
Or, maybe it’s a poppler.
Seriously?!? Is no one going to acknowledge that OMWC and Spud both out-SF’d SF, mere inches above us???
When SugarFree is the ‘normal’ response…. I can’t even.
Pshaw – Spud was just making a SugarFree callback
That was then. I’m talking context, here.
From the creators of Hot Pockets, try their sensational new Jizzapeño Poppers!
New fetish:
Nude women stuck in quicksand.
https://archive.li/CQSwz/b0e734c70149b9cecbb0a956a0adce5db775efa8.jpg
NSFW.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B-ZkCPvIYAADrwk.jpg
NSFW.
http://studio588qs.com/picsfortales18/blowgun_natalie3.jpg
NSFW.
http://juicygif.com/albums/userpics/2015y/11/03/2/1/2810-snow-white-sinking-in-quicksand.gif
class DickSuck { private static string name;
static void Main(string[] args)
{
name = Console.ReadLine();
Console.WriteLine(name);
SuckMyDick(5.5, name, me);
}
private static SuckMyDick(float dickLength, string sucker, string suckee)
{
FuckShit.Fellatio().Suckee = suckee;
FuckShit.Fellatio().Sucker = sucker;
FuckShit.Fellatio().Suck(dickLength)
Console.WriteLine(“Suck my ” + dickLength + ” inch dick”)
}
}
Ron Jeremy = SuckMyDick(9,me,me)
I got a sensible chuckle out of that.
“Object” orientation SMDH
I find objectification sexy.
Who’s down with OOP?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idx3GSL2KWs
Someone has been paying attention to Learn to Code.
Testing out MAMA I found the open mouthed anime one doesn’t work well with the animation software, but I’ll use that model in congruecne with another one, should be seemless for you folk,but a bit more work on my part, but my hats have to be perfect.
http://s14.directupload.net/images/140404/w9w8jofq.jpg
NSFW.
Easier to read as the original.
Oglaf is awesome.
BRING BACK IVAN
Is Young Pope super sacrilegious? I’m not a Catholic, I don’t Catholic things. But it’s more entertaining than GoT atm.
Young? Not sure if that’s quite right. But WOKE Pope does say a lot of things that go against Catholic teachings.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4EJzlhy9zA
This is real good, my Sister turned me on to this guy, Chris Stapleton,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zAThXFOy2c
For all the Don Mc lean haters..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxHnRfhDmrk
Who hates Don McLean??
Most….
To whom I say: Everybody loves m(clean), baby, what’s the matter with you?
I love the man…musically….
+1
My kid’s name is Vincent. He gets all shy when he hears that song. I told him we could cut off his ear.
+1 J Paul Getty……
Don MacLean, the all-time scoring leader in UCLA and Pac12 men’s basketball? The pride of Simi Valley? Number 1 snake killer? https://twitter.com/WearItSnake
no, just another Hippie…..
Well, yeah, that happens too. ?
Elephant Revival, awesome modern Folk,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygYbk7y9LSs
I dig this
this is REAL good IMO,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iqkg9uHNgRs
Unusual – I like it. Thanks
That guy stole my irl name.
Fuck it, I’m already on all the lists anyway.
Honest Abe?
I cannot tell a lie, NO!
My name is Brent Berry.
you wrote the song? cool!
https://youtu.be/a7DdyChR8JU
I play this on the Ukulele,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=up-q544g4sE
Megadeth Black Swan…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWJcB3eD1BU
In case anyone is interested they now have all of the original Twilight Zone’s and Outer Limits on Amazon Prime.
Love me some original Twilight Zone. They are also on Netflix. Back when I was a kid they would have marathons of TZ on the local UFH channel for the whole weekend.
SyFy does marathons every year – possibly multiple marathons.
For fans of those two shows, also look for the anthology show Thriller. (Thanks for the recommendation, Gustave!)
and of course the ultimate, Shine on, you crazy Diamond,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UXircX3VdM
Way better song about a crazy dude. By a crazy dude as he was going crazy, no less. Green Manalishi
I prefer this version
Nope. Peter Green all the way.
both are good, IMO
Yup
with a two pronged crown….
Making me see things I don’t wanna see…
In the past I have been in restaurants where a dish fits that song perfectly, if you substitute the dish name for “Green Manalishi”. I will thusly regale my dining companions with the new version.
Example: “Cause you’re the Veal Manicotti with the two prong crown..”
Yes, I am always asked to stop rather quickly.
Smartass, I love it!
And I will continue posting until moral improves!!!!!
This seem appropriate
This one too
They never got the credit they deserved. I think the neon got them attention but distracted from their music.
I cried when Freddie died,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM
I hear my mama cry
With MAMA being my focus today, this was running through my brain, ruining me day.
https://youtu.be/rKaQzQAlNn4
Mama told me not to cum, whole new meaning in our Pornhub age.
Mama told me to link to this song
Gun Jesus turns to the scriptures, only dropped once.
Bah!
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/headstamp/chassepot-to-famas-french-military-rifles-1866-201
The Daves I know,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nvzEqsZIGo
speaking of Daves,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyMm4rJemtI
Time and again I tell myself, Ill stay clean tonight,
Typos truly produce the weirdest fetishes of all.
My Mama said, to get things done,
You better not mess with Major Tom,
Carlos Alamar, guitars….
Bowie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DanDvAfCcs
Classic, by a Master,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVIxDpvjJr0
Excellent band. Highly underrated. I kinda like poker
No one is mentioning the whole Barr testimony today? It’s sure all over the radio and TV. Right now I’m at the gym, which always has CNN on, and now Don Lemon is on, and he’s decrying “the gaslighting of America”. Switching radio stations on the way here, the lefty host said today was one of the darkest days in American history. The big issue? Apparently Mueller asked Barr to release the original introduction to the Report in advance of the whole report, and Barr didn’t– but of course released the entire thing two weeks later. So now they’re calling for Barr to resign or face a special prosecutor himself for obstruction. And this, of course, means that “Mueller proved Trump obstructed justice ten times” is back on the table, and let’s start impeaching the traitor immediately.
What was truly amazing is the lefty radio host, broadcasting in uber-lefty San Francisco, was getting nonstop calls from listeners, including several who sounded African American, all telling him “get a grip, man. It’s over. “
I saw that Colbert wanted to wring Barr’s neck. So I assume it went pretty well.
In today’s inclusive society, black people can be white supremacists too, racist!
Yeah, they’re just insane. I mean, whatever your biases, it’s become clear that the Democrats are simply disillusional at this point. I don’t get it; do they just think that yelling nonsense will change reality, so long as their mouthpieces in the media repeat it as truth? It’s nucking futs.
No.
Mueller carefully wrote the intro to lead to conclusions that weren’t supported by the body of the report, but would be out there unrebutted until the whole report was memory holed later as “old news”?
It’s all too inside baseball for me at this point.
I’m with you. Per Eli Lake on last week’s Fifth Column, the Dems spent the last two years telling us how Mueller was going to get Trump. Over and over we were told there would be explosive information in the report. It was a bust. Now they want to use pieces of it to advance their agenda. They blew their credibility by overpromising when they knew better.
The people who spent the last nearly three years foaming at the mouth and screaming ‘Collusion! Collusion! Collusion!’ are now complaining about the gaslighting of America?
Why, it’s almost as if it is all projection all of the time with them. Huh.
Even some on Fox news think Trump obstructed justice.
Fox News likes to suck off the deep state to an alarming degree so I’m not at all surprised.
So, maybe we should just call this whole thread, “Not My Best Fap”.
I mean, it’s not my worst, either.
If you perform regular maintenance, some will be better than others.
“Every meal a banquet. Every paycheck a fortune. Every stroke-fest a masterpiece”
/That may be on HM’s family crest–I don’t read Thai
Cunnilingual Marines?
Dis and Dat and Passout.
Bernie may get the scrutiny on this run that he didn’t get last time.
https://www.dailycaller.com/2019/05/01/bernie-sanders-false-flag-domestic-bombings/
I haven’t heard any more about his laundering money through his book publisher. What happened about that?
What about STEVE SMITHing?