Congratulations to whoever did this.

Hoo-boy. What a good way to start the college football season. Unless you’re a Tennessee fan. Or Missouri fan. Or South Carolina fan. Or Ole Miss fan. Just kidding. They’ll just have to cheer for the whole conference a little stronger this year. Which won’t be hard for them, since they’re used to doing that every year.  I do wonder, though: would Greg Schiano have been losing games to a Sun Belt team that went 2-10 last year? Congrats Vols, you get what you deserve.

This is how pathetic England has become.

The Buckeyes looked great for the first 8 minutes. Which is all that was needed. Oregon shit the bed against Auburn. Oklahoma isn’t missing a beat at QB. And Notre Dame will be playing tonight, the attention whores.

Congrats are in order to Justin Verlander, who threw his third career no-hitter yesterday. Dude was lights-out with 14 Ks and some untouchable action. And he got his usual run support of “hardly anything at all” with the Firstros finally putting a 2-spot on the board in the top of the ninth. The Yankees won to stay a game ahead in overall record. And everything else is about positioning now.

Joker’s shoulder injury caught up with him as he withdrew in the third set of his Round of 16 match. Serena is cruising now, so I’ll probably end up being half-right. Which sucks.  Liverpool go into the international break with maximum points. Man City aren’t far behind them. The NLD was pretty entertaining and also resulted in the best way possible for everybody else in the league. And that’s pretty much it.

No birthdays update today except for one: Keanu Reeves. Plenty of other people, but I’m getting behind schedule. Way behind schedule, and I need to catch up so I can post these on time.

Sorry about that.  But we all know you really came here for…the links!

Stay safer than this guy.

While Dorian destroys the Bahamas, Floridians and those up the coast in Georgia and South Carolina cross their fingers. That thing is small, but my goodness I’ve never seen a storm like that.

Actress Debra Messing thinks blacklists are cool. Seriously, are these Hollywood “stars” so empty that they can’t even remember McCarthyism? Christ, what an asshole.

Debra Messing, you are a fascist.

Shit in Hong Kong is about to go down. And I mean in a very, very bad way.

Well done San Francisco area cops. You stopped those dreaded kids and their crazy antics in parking lots.  Just kidding, your streets are covered in human waste and heroin needles. Get your fucking priorities straight, assholes.

And the dickhead who went all Grand Theft Auto rampage mode in west Texas has been identified. Meanwhile, Beto is dropping f-bombs trying to shame people into giving up their rights and everybody else on the left is trying to politically capitalize on the series of senseless killings. Meanwhile, more people were shot and killed in Chicago over the weekend and nobody gives a fuck because they want the faces of those killers on tv to be as white as possible.

Here’s some Labor Day-themed music for you. But not really. It is, however, a great song.

Now go enjoy your holiday. Or your workday. I’m gonna do a little bit of both.