I got a bit more than I bargained for with this new job. And part of that is that I’m flying out today for a week in one of my least favorite places, Orlando. Ironically, I’ll be wined and dined at the finest steakhouses in the city, a different one every night. Well, I can always get a pizza afterwards.

The single most wonderful thing: our biggest supplier of isocyanates is hosting a reception in a room called, I shit you not, “Courtyard Bhopal.” This will keep me smiling all week.

Birthdays also keep me smiling, and today’s are no exception. First up, an accidental president; then a guy I never heard of, but what a great name; the original Rocket Man; the center of the greatest comedy act EVER; the hack cartoonist who inspired “Christ, what an asshole”; the best Czech of all; a badly under-rated comic actor; and a pretentious mediocrity who deserves all the mockery we can bestow upon him.

News is next.

 

SugarFree may have to revise his Team Blue status image with another big ol’ X. Maybe one that will get him out of public “service” altogether, Yahweh willing.

 

“Undisclosed,” of course. “He said something intelligent. We have no room for that in this campaign.” “He was squeezing the interns’ tits.” Which would y’all guess is more likely?

 

COMPLY, CITIZEN!

 

Dispatch from the fever swamp. Remember when this was all the rage during Bush 2?

 

I… can’t… even…

 

Every once in a while, “Hottest (insert month here) on record!” turns out to be true.

 

I swear this was a Sherlock Holmes story

 

In the same vein, a way out of alimony payments.

 

Old Guy Music is one of my favorite songs played by one of my favorite guitarists, and that always makes me think of my favorite human (despite her rusty tin can lids).