Charlie woke with a start. He fumbled around in the wispy, pale moonlight fluttering through the curtains of the open window. With a crash, he found his cup of water, spilling it on the floor of the Airstream trailer.
The dreams were getting worse now that Lizzie had run away. Thoughts began to peek through his rational facade that scared him. He didn’t even have a frame of reference to process his fear that she was somehow telepathically connected with him. He thought of the way that she absorbed the personality traits of those she ate. Maybe it worked both ways. Maybe the Demon was in him, too. He rubbed an old scar from a particularly nasty session with Lizzie. He flashed back to the struggle, wincing while he remembered how she bit straight through his skin when he tried to restrain her.
He knew that the undead had traits that seemed fantastic to the uninitiated, but he and the Scientist could always find a biological reason for those traits. Telepathy? That seemed more Star Trek than Frankenstein.
A clink of glass carried across the trailer from the Scientist’s quarters. Charlie didn’t know what time it was, but he knew he could really use a stiff drink and somebody to talk to. He grabbed a pair of tumblers and a bottle of scotch as he shimmied his way through the public space to the obviously aftermarket door and wall that denoted the start of the Scientist’s lab and personal quarters.
The murmur of a pair of low voices piqued Charie’s curiosity. It wasn’t uncommon to have unannounced visitors come in the night, but usually he knew about it. Following a terse knock, Charlie let himself in. He found himself standing in front of a familiar face that he hadn’t seen for a long time. Abner had to be over 100 years old, but he hardly looked a day over 65. The cause of his youthful look was dribbling down his chin. He finished the iridescent yellow elixir with a swig. The Scientist’s anti-aging serum wasn’t the best tasting drink Charlie had ever quaffed, but one couldn’t argue with the results.
“Abner! What are you doing so far from home?” Charlie’s tone betrayed that he was more surprised at the identity of the messenger than the fact that a messenger was in his trailer in Nowhere, Oklahoma at God-knows-what-hour of night.
“Well,” Abner’s voice cracked as he cringed at the aftertaste of the serum, “I have some good news, some useful information, and an earnest plea.”
Charlie set down the tumblers and opened the scotch bottle. He poured enough in each glass to require care as he handed the Scientist one.
“I take it you don’t want your drink in that,” Charlie nodded at the test tube still clutched in Abner’s fist. Abner looked down at his hand and set the test tube into the laboratory sink alongside a small pile of dirty glassware. Charlie ducked his head out into the kitchen and retrieved a third tumbler.
“I was just telling the Scientist that they sent me here to release you from this dusty perdition. Out of an abundance of caution we wanted to let things cool off after the Clark Panel report, but you can return to Massachusetts,” Abner probed for a reaction from Charlie, knowing full well that the Scientist was too stoic to provide satisfaction. Charlie obliged, sighing relief. The Oklahoma exile was hard for all of them, but Charlie felt like he was starting to go a little bit mad.
“So that’s the good news, what is the useful information?” the Scientist showed uncharacteristically earnest curiosity. Charlie noticed that the Scientist’s scotch glass was already nearly empty.
“Well, you need to return to Massachusetts this week because we have solid information leading us to the conclusion that Elizabeth is on her way to visit Edward.” Abner downed his scotch in a gulp, bracing himself for an onslaught. Charlie flinched at the mention of Lizzie’s name, and again at the mention of Teddy’s. To say that this business of the undead had gotten out of control was an understatement.
“I just want to finish by asking you to think carefully about what you’re about to do. You know as well as I do that Lizzie is a confused girl dealing with more than any,” Abner paused with a look of unease as he searched for the correct word, “person should have to. Don’t write her off like you did Jack. She can still be saved!”
Without waiting for a response, Abner dropped his gaze away from his compatriots and grabbed a duffel bag resting on a lab stool. He retrieved a lined sheet of paper previously torn from a spiral bound notebook and folded in half. He placed it on the middle of the table with a tangible resignation in his demeanor.
“Martha’s Vineyard by the 19th. You’ll need to hurry, but we don’t foresee Lizzie getting there any sooner. Even if she does, Teddy’s gonna be busy screwing all of Bobby’s fangirls the night before, so he won’t have time for his sister. However, a two day regatta is one day too long for a Kennedy.” With a curt nod, Abner let himself out.
Charlie picked up the note, an address in Massachusetts, and stuck it into his front pocket with an absent minded gaze at nothing in particular. After nearly a year of confusion, concern, and anger it was time to go get Lizzie back.
“Mmmmmmmm…… aaaaahhhhhhhhh,” the distinctive nasal voice of Teddy Kennedy would’ve been recognizable by Lizzie even if she was blindfolded. Maybe it was the years they spent together in Oklahoma before he was ready to replace the stand-in. Maybe it was the cloying mix of pretentious New England fart huffer with idiot Boston fishmonger. Whatever it was, it seemed to grate on Lizzie more than in the past. As she lay prone on the floorboard of the Oldsmobile 88, she could hear the unmistakable rhythm of skin smacking skin.
“Ohhhhhhh…. yeaaaaaaahhhhh,” Teddy moaned in pleasure, shaking the car with his awkward thrusts. “mmmmnnmmmm” groaned a feminine voice, resembling more an incoherent gag than a sexual oratory.
“Where’s Crimmins?” Lizzie matter of factly queried, popping her head up between the seats. Teddy jolted upright, his flinch launching his human codpiece into the dashboard, hard. Teddy’s hands began to shake as he responded.
“Jjjjj- Joan, it’s not what it looks like.” He stammered, covering his throbbing manhood with his fly. He began to zip his pants up.
“Oh, that’s not Joan draped over the console?” Lizzie smirked as she leaned her head into a ribbon of light cutting through the cabin. “Tsk, tsk, tsk, what would Joanie think about this? Little brother Teddy’s out here getting his knob polished by some whore and Joanie’s probably back at home getting freight trained by Teddy’s friends.”
“Shit, Sis! What the hell?!?” Teddy immediately relaxed, turning his head with a faint smile contrasting the beads of sweat forming where his brow previously furrowed. “I don’t even know what you just said, but I’m glad it’s you and not somebody else! Now… get out.” He slammed on the brakes, kicking up a cloud of dust and flinging the unconscious girl in the front seat back into the dashboard.
“Little brother, I can’t get out. I have nowhere to go. I need your help.” Lizzie transformed her personality into the insecure tormented girl that Teddy remembered. “I…. I” she expertly quivered her lip, feigning fear and insecurity “I ran away. I couldn’t take it any more!”
“What can I do about it?” Teddy dismissively retorted. “As you can see, I have enough secret squirrel shit going on in my life right now. I don’t need to go flitting off with my fugitive sister.”
“Teddy, Teddy, Teddy. You always were in need of firm guidance. I’m sorry that Joan can’t keep you better heeled.” Lizzie’s condescension dripped like the blood flecked drool pooling under the passenger girl’s mouth. “You’re never gonna become President if you keep slipping the leash and disappointing all the women in your life.”
“Fuck you, Lizzie! I’m gonna be President like my brother. Like my other brother should have been. I’m gonna do it, and I’m gonna do it the right way! Charlie and the Scientist are fools, but they can get me where I need to be. They can get me into the Oval Office!” He raged while shaking the steering wheel, white knuckles apparent in the gleam of a far off light. “And one more thing, you stupid, conniving bitch! I don’t need any fucking woman to get into the White House. No woman is gonna get me there and no woman is gonna prevent me from getting there! I don’t need Joan, and I don’t need an older sister who nags me like a disappointed mom! You don’t know better! You don’t know jack shit, and I don’t know where you get off coming all the way up here to try to fuck with my head! It ain’t my fault you bailed out on Charlie and the Scientist!”
“I DO KNOW BETTER THAN YOU!” Lizzie roared. “AND I AM YOUR MOTHER! HEED ME OR FEEL MY WRATH!”
As the momentary fear and surprise cleared from Teddy’s face, he began to chuckle. “I guess Lizzie finally found a set of balls. Now, I still don’t know why you’re here and I don’t know why you think I need your advice. I already told you I’m not in a position to help you.”
Lizzie smirked, holding her dramatic pause for perfect effect. “Well, what about the dead hooker in your passenger seat?”
Teddy glanced over unconcernedly. ” She’s not dead, and she’s not a hooker. Look, she’s fine. Here, here you go.” He pulled the girl’s head over to inspect her face. Lizzie noticed that her makeup was smeared like a Picasso painting and her eyelids were halfway open. “Maggie, Maggie! No wait, Martha! No, that’s not right… Mary! Mary Jo! Yeah that’s it! Mary Jo! Wake up, it’s time to go!”
“Unghhhhhhh…. mmmmmmmmmmnnnnmmmmmm” Mary Jo mumbled. Blood seeped from her nose and blended with her hooker red lipstick.
“This girl is going to ruin you Teddy. She has to go.” Lizzie cajoled. “She can’t be allowed to talk Teddy, she’d destroy you and take my plans down with you. She has to go.”
“Wwww-what should we do?” Teddy stammered. “Maybe if I take her home she won’t remember anything.”
“Please, Teddy. She probably has a skull fracture, and your car is covered in her blood.” Lizzie dispassionately explained. “She has to go.”
“No, I’m not one for dirty work like that. I’m not like you.” His fear cut through any fortitude he tried to muster.
“You’re right.” Lizzie whispered, simultaneously grasping Mary Jo’s head and twisting until a gruesome crack echoed through the cabin. “I can handle the dirty work.” She dropped the lifeless body of Mary Jo Kopechne back into the passenger seat without a hint of emotion. “Now drive down to the dike. We need to dispose of the trash.”
After ditching the car in the water, Teddy and Lizzie began the long walk back to civilization, bantering like siblings, reflecting back on their time together 1500 miles away in Oklahoma.
“You’ve really changed Lizzie. That little girl I knew in Oklahoma doesn’t exist anymore. You’re confident, driven. There’s no conflict anymore.” Teddy observed, breaking the silence that had settled in as they walked around the emptiness of Martha’s Vineyard.
“I know what needs to happen. I have a plan now. I know best. Not Charlie, not the Scientist. I am right, and all I need is the power to make things right.” Lizzie explained. “You can have your Presidency, but I’ll be the first woman President, I’ll make sure the American people act like they should. No more chaos. No more disorganization. I can harmonize it all. I can control the uncontrollable. I can make America do the right thing in glorious lockstep. It will be…” she paused in what appeared to be genuine emotion “beautiful.”
“Lizzie, you’ve made strides in adapting to being around them,” Teddy gestured broadly toward the distant lights of the town, “but you’re not ready yet. Charlie and the Scientist are right to take it slowly with you. You’re a bit much to handle in a social setting. Your emotions are all over the place. You make people uncomfortable. And besides, even if you were ready for the rise to power, America isn’t ready for a woman President. You need to bide your time and make yourself boring. Lizzie Warren should remind people of that caring schoolteacher or the gentle motherly neighbor, not of a thunderstorm personified.”
“You are wise beyond your years, Teddy.” Lizzie patted him on the shoulder. “You’re right. I’ll go reconcile with Charlie and the Scientist. Just like you, I need them for a while longer. Now I’ll go make myself boring. Maybe in a few years I’ll even remind you of that headteacher that I ate.”
Teddy chuckled as they parted ways.
Meanwhile, Charlie started awake after yet another nightmare. Pharoah Lizzie spent all night whipping slaves until they were in a perfect geometric procession. Charlie still smarted from the licks of the lash he had earned as he struggled to keep stride.
My slaves march in Möbius band formation.
I like this version of Lizzie better than the real thing.
That little girl I knew in Oklahoma doesn’t exist anymore.
46th !
Hmmm…. Well, after some thought–yes. I do, too.
Without a program I can’t keep up. Its like reading a few excerpts from a book in English lit and expecting to pass the test.
Who wants to be the Trump to my Steve Bannon?
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?
$20 bucks. Same as downtown.
“hooker red lipstick.”
Sex worker lipstick, thank you very much.
*snort!*
Damn.
I starting to think that Trashy isn’t an author of fiction, but a Whisleblower. This is how it really happened. It’s all making sense now.
Truth is stranger than fiction.
And more depressing because it’s truth.
There are some sick, twisted fucks on this forum, and Spud approves.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who’s the most twisted fuck of all?
Open for suggestions
Oh, absolutely SugarFree. Everyone else is second tier.
Don’t send your daughter to a state school.
Aw shucks wrong placement.
What you did there…I kinda see it.
Her mask comes off at the end…I think she looks like more like a MILF than a co-ed.
Home is where you hang your hat.
https://youtu.be/qM9FBHmFaeI
I was half expecting Enter Sandman.
Whenever I see Oldsmobile and Teddy at the same time I think of the most disgusting editorial I’ve ever read.
It was in the Boston Globe on the anniversary of Kopechne’s killing after it became clear that he wasn’t ever going to run for president. There were a kind word or two about Mary Jo, but the autho literally said the real tradgedy of that night was not the death of a young woman, but the death of Kennedy’s politcal career. The letters to the editor which followed were in agreement. It was nausiating.
Obligatory.
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/fa/95/0f/fa950fbfb960dec2b512160d7f712b17.jpg
Oh no you di’int!
Snap!
I knew that was the Lampoon ad before I even clicked.
You’re awesome.
I always enjoyed it when James Taranto referred to The Mary Jo Lopechne Memorial Brain Tumor that eventually carried him off this plane.
I remember back in the day (1986) when one of Teddy’s private security entourage was caught with two unregistered, full-auto machineguns at the capitol building. When that problem was dismissed and the bodyguard avoided prosecution was when I first came to understand that there is a different set of unwritten laws for our ruling class.
Farts are funny
“Is it bad?”
Oh, literal Jim.
How did I miss the first three?
You need to start at the beginning.
Hey, I tried to order some mini kegs from Northern Brewer that you recommended and now I can’t find them. Ideas?
Williams Brewing. Not Northern Brewing.
https://www.williamsbrewing.com/KegLand-Mini-Kegs-C367.aspx
Buy CO2 cartridges in bulk on Amazon.
Note the CO2 is 16 gr threaded cartridges.
Most party CO2 dispensers use the unthreaded ones.
Well that would explain it, eh?
I usually decant carbonated beverages from full-sized kegs into the mini-kegs for portability. But I have put fresh product into a mini-keg and force carbonated in my fridge. It works just fine. Set the CO2 pressure to 15 lbs and leave in a fridge temperatures for 3 or 4 days.
Cool. I have a fridge upstairs in the bar, and one on the new patio, so I have plenty of room.
I said it before and I’ll say it again; Trashy is a good writer. He should try fiction next.
The United States Territories
My God.
I don’t get it. Who’s Teddy? Who’s Jack? Who’s Mary Jo? Are these characters from one of those old shows like Leave It to Bieber or Seinfeld?
Not sure if kidding…
I suggest looking at the previous 3 links. Jack is JFK, Bobby is RFK, Teddy is Edward Kennedy, Lizzie is Warren, and Mary Jo was the side piec Teddy left to drown in chappaquiddick
Sure but who’s Charlie and who’s the scientist, I will say these are more accessible than Tonio’s, but I think you need a working knowledge if insider TOS and libertarian party dirt to completely grok them.
Charlie is Charlie. The Scientist’s identity will be revealed at the end of the 2020 presidential election or on Lizzie’s withdrawal from the race, whichever comes first.
I’m putting money on Dr Woodrow Wilson.
Yes, kidding. Though I wonder if I missed something in the Warren-Kennedy connection that is obvious to everyone else, because it seems out of left field.
But it’s playing out like a good X-Files arc. ?
People have missed all sorts of references throughout the series. Sometimes I wonder if they’re a bit too subtle. The biggest one I thought people would figure out was the teenage boy in episode 2.
Don’t explain your references!
Whys that?
It’s not his fault you can’t keep up.
I admit I had to look that one up
You should have named him “Rosebud”.
Twilight, I think. IIRC, Teddy’s the vampire, Jack’s the werewolf, and Mary Joe’s the bland chick who’s totally not a stand-in for the author.
I’ll allow it.
From ‘Anonymous,’ key excerpts from inside Trump White House on Putin, Pence, Hillary
It’s called self-defense.
wut
When there ain’t no jobs or prospect where one currently resides it is often suggested that one move elsewhere, preferably to where there are jobs and prospects, some peolpe may call this ‘fleeing poverty’.
:golf clap:
People who emote rather than describe facts.
They’re called
economic migrantsrefugees.So the people risking life and limb to cross the border are giving up a solid upper lower class existence to do so?
But don’t you dare suggested Appalachian pill-poppers or tornado bait trailer trash take you up on that advice.
I tell those rednecks and hillbillies that all the time. It’s practically my purpose in life.
I thought it was hiding from the Orca who’s mate you fucked.
That’s a fools errand – Across seas, across time…all obstacles etc etc…Best just to not fuck ’em. As hard as that may be, those sexy thicc nubian cetaceans.
Speaking of John.
So, are you open borders, or are we supposed to ignore that some of the “refugees” travel through many countries on their way here and cut the line by seeking asylum instead of going through the immigration process?
Not open, I’m more a tall wall/wide gate kinda guy, although I believe with a properly sized gate the wall won’t need to be all that tall. Just taking a bit of a piss at the idea that people living in shit hole countries aren’t fleeing poverty when they try and sneak in here.
“I’m more a tall wall/wide gate kinda guy”
lol ew
Hyp’ outed as Larry Craig.
So are the ones from the same country that follow our immigration laws.
*countries*
Right, I never said otherwise.
I went looking for it to quote you, but ran out of give-a-shits.
A few days ago, you said that people who do that have the kind of attitude we used to look for in immigrants. You ignored me when I brought up the same point I did here.
I ‘member, but that wasn’t about whether people, legally or illegally, coming here are ‘fleeing poverty’ to do so, which is what I am snarking on this time. That time I was snarkng on the discrepancy between the ‘we don’t want to import them but if they can get here on their own that shows drive’ crowd and the ‘they marched through nineteen other countries to get here so fuck ’em’ crowd.
Yes, shooting them, real human beings, with bullets from guns held by members of our armed forces.
Why would anyone read a book where the author treats them like they are fucking retarded. I mean This is all i’ve read of the book and i feel insulted.
“shooting them, real human beings, with bullets from guns held by members of our armed forces.”
I dunno, maybe because flinging those bullets by hand isn’t as effective?
More like Disney minus, am I right?
Trashmeister should be writing novels – he’d never have to work a nine-to-five again. This cloistered gaggle of the Glib Brother/Sister-hood may enjoy this series of the twisted (I surely do) but I’m not sure how broad that audience might be. I’d be happy to read it if he could make this line profitable.
But Trashy sure can wordsmith with the best of them so maybe a genre closer to a commercial line might sell better.
Much appreciated! I do happen to write for a living, but it’s the dull rote that makes one die inside. A bit of escape to
fantasyhistorical fact is a welcome respite.Ah, seems clearer now. I used to write as part of my professional skill-set but that was processes and SOP’s. I developed an ability to be concise and to explain logical steps and dependencies but I don’t think I could use that to write human interactions even similar to how you do it.
Nightmares
“has had his infamous…” what???
Anyhoo – terrible boob job. And everything else job.
My kid saw one of the plastic instagram ladies when we went to Magic Mountain a couple of months back. She had such huge butt implants she couldn’t make it through the turnstile. She had to sidle her way through at 90 degrees. My kid was cracking up and it was so genuine, it made me laugh out loud too. The statue chick didn’t think it was funny, but hey, if you’re gonna do that to yourself…
Rod Stewart’s secret hit track! After 26 years, the veteran rocker finally lets the world see his breathtaking completed model railway – a 124ft spread depicting an entire US city and inspired by the view from his childhood home
lol nerd
Wow, spectacular. That is not something I would have expected from Rod Stewart.
some of them are just normal folks like us, except with giant model train sets that look pretty awesome.
Easy, guys. I put my pants on just like the rest of you, one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make giant model train sets.
Fucking awesome. My favorability rating of “Sir Rod” just increased exponentially.
Meh, he’s no Phil Collins.
You’re right. He’s better than Phil Collins by virtue of the fact that he’s not Phil Collins.
He’s no Elton John?
Hmmm…toss-up.
Yeah, I said it. Fight me.
Collins would have been so much cooler had he left the “air tonight” urban myth in play. Turns out he was just whining about his divorce in general terms.
I had no idea. Love it!
/fellow nerd
I did, and I’ve been jelly of his choochoo toys.
Another railfan and modeler is Michael Gross. He narrated some videos and written articles.
I always wondered what Yusef would accomplish if he were a rockstar. I guess tonight’s the night.
Young turks always surprise us with something unexpected.
Most people couldn’t afford to have that much space to lay out a diorama of that size. I guess some guys have all the luck.
You don’t need no ticket. You just get on board.
Maybe too obscure?
I was going to make a k=joke and link to Rod’s version of ‘Downtown Train’ But turns out I’m physically incapable of that so here’s the proper version.
I was hoping that’s the one you were linking to.
Hah, I just linked a Waits song covered by the Eagles downthread.
Ugh, I was worried you did that, I hate that cover, it’s worse than Van Halen fucking up Kinks songs.
And hardly a secret. Portions of his layout have been published for years.
https://mrr.trains.com/magazine/press-releases/2007/10/rod-stewart-and-model-railroads
You know who else liked trains?
Someone associated with Faces?
Wow that’s a beautiful layout. I hope he has plans for it when he passes, it would be a shame to break it up or destroy it.
I liked the bit that he would get an extra room at the hotel for his modeling, while on tour. Sounds a lot better than doing heroin, that’s for sure. Other rock stars, take note.
It is a beautiful layout, but PRR? That is so standard.
Paging Switzy…
Glad you got the joke.
More model train nuts
(Yes, that Neil Young)
Frank Sinatra was another one.
I don’t understand the fascination.
how to be a man
I’m a man.
gunslinger
I’m a man.
Mannish boy.
I knew you’d show up with that.
Well, It might surprise you to know that I like some Eagles songs too.
Better Eagles song, but no connection to the man theme. Sorry, I’m a sucker for lap steel and ’55 Chevies.
Hatebirds, the birds that
hate, hell, everybody loves puppies.It later disemboweled the dog, just because it could.
Just watched last weeks South Park season finale; that scene with Mr. Garrison in the oval office played out like a Hat and the Hair story, except I didn’t want to stab my eyeballs.
Wait…. Which one do you want to stab your eyeballs out for…
‘Balls out for SP,er …SouthPark?
I was watching this video, and I realized I’ve lived and been lots of places where you can see the stars at night, but I don’t remember ever actually seeing an arm of The Milky Way.
A fellow Trump audio manipulator. If I cared enough to try I could probably make it flow better. But the ending IS WORTH IT.
Thx, Trashy. Fun little story you got going.
Look into my ?.
https://mobile.twitter.com/brianstelter/status/1194419523366965254
The one in the middle looks like he’s eye fucking his cohost.
Stelter’s such a joke, my god. Why anyone listens to the potato, I have no idea. The worst part about him is knowing he’s useful to someone or he’d have been fired years ago.
Well even “Baghdad Bob” was useful to his boss- until he wasn’t.
Looks like the end for Trump:
WH Aide: Trump Will Get Himself Impeached For Craven Plot To Make Ukraine Biden’s ‘Emails’ Of 2020
You’ll never guess who the aide was.
Henry I. Vaughn?
I am a bit surprised that the MSNBC host didn’t make the Aide show evidence that John Solomons writings on Ukranian corruptions was false.
Sorry, but I’m not watching an MSNBC clip after watching Stelter. That’s how you get rickets.
But then you don’t get to see them Trot Sid Blumenthal out as the White House aide. (sure he’s not currently, and sure he’s implicated in a lot of Ukranian shenanigans, but that is immaterial)
TBH, I’ve already tapped out on impeachment news. Do I really need to hear BS piled on BS to know the entire thing is based on BS?
Fine.
:sulks:
So….. listen to any good podcasts lately?
My rotation is Woods, Smith, Robert Murphy, Haidt (YT), and I’ll throw in some Dore once in a while. You?
Oh, and I listen to Scott Adams once in a while. Don’t agree at all with his overall philosophy, but he has some great insights at times.
Generally min is Woods, Smith, Contra Krugman, and the Short Circut Podcst. Occasionally i’ll listen to Malice if his guest intrigues me. I’ve fallen behind lately as i’ve been listening to a new Audio book.
I like Bob Murphy’s podcast, i’m just really behind on it. Any recent one that you recommend?
This was a good one. The ones on religion I have no interest in.
https://www.bobmurphyshow.com/ep-66-tough-questions-for-conservatives/
Bet most of America agrees.
I read a story where Trump says he’s going to release the phone call prior to the one that started this Ukraine thing, where he had talked to the president of Ukraine. If I were writing this story, that first call would have been a plan to set up the second call to get to where we are now, ahem:
TRUMP: Listen here, I’m going to call you again, but it’ll be a joke thing. I want to play this really classy prank.
Ukraine president: *Speaks Ukranian*
TRUMP: I don’t understand a fucking thing you said. Just play along when I call you back.
Ukraine president: I don’t….
GETS CUT OFF BY THE CLICK AS TRUMP HANGS UP
10/10–would watch several times (if you had made it)
A plot to made the Biden corruption the “Emails of 2020”
Oh, you mean the Biden story is like when Trump’s last opponent crimminally mishandled classified information leaving it exposed to every foreign intelligence agency on the planey and sold the Secretary of State foreign dictators for cash for her fake foundation? Yeah someone could make that work.
I think their freakout is more about Trump looking for the DNC server than Biden. Something that sparked 4 years of Russian fever dreams and has never actually been investigated by law enforcement? Every allegation of Russia hacking the DNC server stems from a company that the DNC paid. And it was recycled in the Mueller report.
Trump Was on the Russians’ Radar as ‘Early as 1977’
I’d be skeptical of anyone who had their honeymoon in the soviet union
You can’t fool me. The Soviet Union has nothing to do with Russia.
/MSNBC
Glib News You Can Use.
9/10-may watch again, but lacks proper animation.
Great Glib Debate Series is set.
Give it up for our fearless contestants: Jarflax, leon, Larry Joe, Ozymandias and Biff. Emails will go out to them tomorrow with matchups and topics.
Wish them all good luck and get your snark ready!
5 folks there. Does this mean one of us ends up arguing with ourselves?
Cause i would wreck myself in a debate.
If you wreck yourself, I will take the win 🙂
BEHOLD!
https://imgur.com/a/jmdi0MF
The “Time to Jump” video on the right of your image is a fun sequence of a C-17 jump from inside the plane to just short of landing.
Scene: In the Salvation Army’s head offices
“Who the fuck is Ellie Goulding?? Is she related to Elliot Gould?”
“Ooh–I love that guy! He was pretty funny as Ross and Monica’s dad.”
Argh!
https://www.theblaze.com/news/ellie-goulding-threatens-to-cancel-nfl-show-over-gay-marriage
Yeah they’re going to give up their religious beliefs for that bint.
I’m sorry, but who’s being the asshole here?
Rhymes with Nellie Moulding.
Ol’ Nellie was a real cunte, that one.
Why would she schedule her gay wedding for the same day as her previously booked gig??
/doesn’t get it
Publicity.
Everyone shall be made to care. Everyone shall be made to give.
And apparently she tried feeding
slop to the pigs for publicityfeeding the poor with the Salvation Army, but now thinks they’re evil and those people should not be fed.Wtf is wrong with people?
Global Warming, of course.
That was before she found out they were haters that hate.
I wonder when we learn if we’re in the best time line.
https://twitchy.com/sarahd-313035/2019/11/12/hillary-clinton-says-shes-under-enormous-pressure-from-many-many-many-people-to-run-for-president-in-2020/
Hey–I’m sure there are a few hundred Killary drones that so desperately want to dock with the mother-ship.
And, that could count as “many many many”.
https://youtu.be/W5IXM8nTgy8
If she gets in, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stand it. There’s only so much entertainment one can take.
Please don throw me in data briar patch.
https://youtu.be/v9oWq9zIXTY
That cartoon has been found to be RACIST. You have seen and linked to that cartoon; therefore you are RACIST! SCIENCE! I FUCKING LOVE SCIENCE!
Hillary Clinton Says She Is Being Urged To Run By Many, Many, Many Voices In Her Head
Man, I’d work for the Bee, but I hear they aren’t unionized, so they won’t last long.
https://archive.li/DXlGf/75f4744e6aeb8eaad9ed6d1a3f33a8e6948a153c.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.li/n0Hru/dd8cf2daa25f524f8abf16366bf112750a68c8a7.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.li/61ob2/177b5834c21c424a5dfaf0149539274459de191a.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.li/DECBT/a5648ed1b314d0167c43075afa9a5e8f5ff6ce1b.jpg
NSFW.
Fuck federal law.
https://apnews.com/8755008e727a4a1b804cdf5cf03ab620
Time to start suing auto-makers for MVAs!
I support the Second Amendment and the right to own firearms and guns, but
Liar.
Firearms and guns? Is there a distinction?
Johnny Storm knows the difference.
Since he mentions it separately, I assume he means artillery guns.
There most definitely is a difference –
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k3fhU7vogk
Finally! Thanks Te, for being a good teacher/reminder…er.
You can practically smell the shit oozing through their keyboard.
blah blah blah ORANGEMANBAD blah blah blah Racist Deploranazis blah blah blah Bad Wypipo
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/12/how-america-ends/600757/
And this gem: “If Republican voters can’t be convinced that democratic elections will continue to offer them a viable path to victory, that they can thrive within a diversifying nation, and that even in defeat their basic rights will be protected, then Trumpism will extend long after Trump leaves office—and our democracy will suffer for it.”
Real rich coming from a mouthpiece for a party trying to stage a coup and install a permanent ruling class that will destroy 1A, 2A, 4A and 5A, jail people for global warming skepticism, punish wrongthinking churches, confiscate your property through absurd taxes and regulation and determine your standard of medical care based on your political beliefs. Boy do I ever trust you commie shitstains to protect my basic rights.
TW: Typical Atlantic wall o’ text.
He’s a real cunte
People here have been railing against progjection for years, but man they seem hell bent on proving your crazy bastards right.
Umm...excuse me! What about the crazy bitches???
They’re Russian trolls.
Ah!
Yeah, that checks out.
Is this where once again we have to assign political beliefs to skin hues? And the people who do that are not the racists?
Yeah, TL;DR – the headline is as far as I’m going.
‘Other people don’t agree with me. Maybe if I call them racist again they will!’
Yes. It’s well known all People of Color® think exactly alike.
PoC-mind?
Like the people of Living Colour?
Considering the line-up has had changes, can it be completely accurate that they think “exactly alike”?
Two snaps in a circle! Wait… what?
Blame Sir Digby for this music link.
And then, Gotta post this follow up for Q.
Damn straight!
/would have also allowed Lit Up, even if it doesn’t match
I’m all about narrative, brah.
Indeed!