2019 decided to send one final “fuck you” to my family, the stomach bug laying into my wife and mother-in-law about 10:30 last night. There was so much vomiting. Soo much. I finally managed to nod off around 2am. I will say **knocks on wood** my kids have been great thus far. But its still shitty. I had to cancel all the family get-togethers for Christmas, because I’m not about to invite my parents and brother into our plague house tomorrow. I’m taking the boys this afternoon to Christmas Eve dinner with my aforementioned family. We’ll eat prime rib and cheesecake, and everyone can exchange gifts. But damnit, the only thing I make that my mother (who did all the cooking for us growing up) really likes is the Christmas brunch seafood chowder, and I’m not sure how to get that to her this year. I think I’ll make it and run it by their house in the afternoon if everyone is feeling better enough to take some kid duty from me. /rant

Pentagon tells service members they really don’t want to know who really fathered that kid.

Florida Man gets in the Christmas spirit, then arrested.

Who could possibly have seen the expensive wine thing boomeranging on Liz Warren?

You can’t spell Giuliani without “Jew”

Time for my favorite Christmas song