Of course, I arrive in Phoenix and the first thing they have me do at my new job is… fly back to Wisconsin. Just in time for a massive snowstorm. It made me feel nostalgic. And cold. But I’m back in the desert now, ready for my next 39.9 years of wandering. And although a journey usually begins with a single step, in this case the journey will begin with a Links post.

I’ve been remiss about birthdays, but today is a good one to make up for that: self-deprecating ventriloquist Edgar Bergen; America’s Dad who didn’t drug and rape anyone, Hugh Beaumont (insert Beaver jokes here); ski expert Sonny Bono; and the guy who made it OK to wear an air filter on your face, LeVar Burton.

Next up, the news.


 

The speech that launched a thousand lawsuits. Of course, none of them were about the real issue of a waste of money (except the ones who also wanted to waste the money, just on different stupid ideas).

 

Expect laser sights to be declared assault weapons. Bonus points for noting that the gunman “went ballistic.”

 

The libertarian moment is upon us! Which will come as zero surprise to any of us who already had zero expectations that Team Red was any different than Team Blue.

 

If you lament our continuing losses of liberty under the aegis of counter-terrorism, close your eyes and think of England.

 

I’m not a Catholic, so please forgive this question: Why don’t you guys just burn the fucking thing to the ground and start over?

 

In the ongoing psychodrama of Jussie Smollett, two guys put in cages have been freed. No word on how they’ll be able to extract compensation from a guy who is about to become asset-free.

 

Not the brightest fellows in the world.

 

“Vapin’ in the boys’ room…” Schools really are prisons, as if we needed reminders. My cynical mind wonders if the supplier is the brother-in-law of a school official…? Nawww, I’m still thinking in Chicago mode.

 

And yet more of the same. Because our kids can’t ever be too safe, right? /starts looking at whose brother-in-law supplies THIS technology…

 

I love the idea that lawsuits based on scientific claims are presided over by guys in black robes who couldn’t tell you how a molecule holds together and decided by twelve people who couldn’t tell you what a molecule is. But hey, lots of lawyers make lots of money, so it’s all OK.

 


Old Guy Music, and literally. What happens when two old guys who happen to be legendary guitarists sit on a couch and just lay out? I think it would go something like this: