It’s that time again! I hope you all have a drink ready. I am not drinking today, but that’s okay because I’m currently high on cold meds and not sure what’s happening around me anyway. This may explain why I have absolutely no clue what happens in this episode. Maybe it would make more sense to me if my brain wasn’t marinating in a bath of mucus. Or maybe if I was functioning this would be even worse. The choice is yours!
We begin with a flashback to Before. Before their mom died, Before their powers awakened, Before Angela Wu fell into a Mysterious Coma and emerged possessed by a demon that feeds on the blood of virgins. Angela has come to Woke Feminist Mom with a report that Professor Rapey McRaperton has done something naughty to her, and she would like to consequently destroy him. Woke Feminist Mom offers her some “medicinal” herbs in a mug and tells Angela that she has her full support. She warns Angela that Professor McRaperton will undoubtedly frame this as a witch hunt, because, quote, “That’s what scared men do.”
Angela is concerned about reporting anything because apparently Professor McRaperton is a world-famous geneticist whose discoveries have saved lives, which makes her feel as though she’s accusing Santa Claus of sexual harassment. (An odd comparison to make, since as I said before, McRaperton definitely resembled Jack Frost as portrayed by Martin Short, not Santa Claus. He was bony and angular, not jolly and round.) This left me with a lot of questions: McRaperton was shown to be a demon, not be possessed by one the way Maggie’s ex-boyfriend had been. So why would he be interested in doing Science that saves human lives rather than secretly unleashing plagues on the human population?
The flashback ends with Mel and Woke Feminist Mom assuring Angela that if she decides to take on McRaperton, they will be there for her and she won’t ever be alone. Now, in the present day, Angela has evolved into Samara Form and is screeching like a banshee while chained in the sisters’ attic. Mel ruminates that having her under guard 24/7 isn’t what she had in mind when she promised Angela she wouldn’t be alone. But, hey, at least you technically didn’t lie!
The sisters convene in the kitchen (excuse me, you’re not supposed to leave Demon Girl unsupervised? So unless Harry is up there, one of you should not be in this room) about how this babysitting assignment is seriously cramping their style. Mel says, completely straight-faced, “I blame the President.” [Side note: I am so used to this nonsense by now that I didn’t even register her saying this until the second time I watched it.] Maggie reveals that she’s failing her classes, to which Macy responds, “You’re taking classes?” Correct response, Macy. Maggie is offended by this flippancy, however — after all, if she fails she gets placed on academic probation, and if she’s on academic probation, she won’t be allowed to be in Kappa!
Macy decides she’s had enough, so she calls Harry. Oh, okay. So no one’s watching the demon, then. All right. Macy wants to know where the actual hell the Elders (Silence!) are. Harry tells her that they’re busy analyzing a 5000-year-old prophecy, as if this is something they can’t do; 1. After they’ve collected the demon and brought it to Witch Jail, or 2. In the attic while babysitting her themselves.
I don’t believe in the Elders at this point. I don’t believe they’re real. I think Harry made them up and hired Orson Welles to portray them as a red herring.
The doorbell rings, but it’s not the Elders — it’s Niko and her detective partner. They’re here as part of their ongoing investigation into the disappearance of Angela Wu following her emergence from her Mysterious Coma. The sisters scramble to get rid of them before they decide to investigate the attic and find Samangela waiting for them. Unfortunately, they are the worst liars in the goddamn universe, so all they manage to do is make the cops more suspicious. Luckily for the sisters, they are rescued in the nick of time by the absolute most insufferable blonde woman, who is pretending to be an interior designer there to help the sisters renovate their attic. The obvious lie here would be to say that they wanted to convert it to an apartment to take in renters for extra income since, you know, who’s paying their mortgage now that Mom and her tenured faculty position are gone? But of course they pretend that they just want to redecorate it in Minimalist Scandinavian Farmhouse style to use as a chic winter den, and Niko apparently buys this.
Once the cops are gone, the woman reveals that she’s one of the Elders, because of fucking course she is. Of course the Elders are a group of quirky middle-aged women in white sequined pantsuits who watch HGTV on the treadmill and don’t appreciate being called Elders because that implies they’re old. Also, in her spare time, when she’s not being queen of the witches, this woman (Charity — seriously, her name is Charity) isn’t actually an interior designer, but rather the CEO of an investment company that uses micro-loans to help women in developing nations start their own businesses, thus tackling poverty and inequality through ethical, female-focused capitalism.
Real dialogue alert: That was the real dialogue.
Mel wants to get right down to business and asks how they go about saving Angela. Charity replies that Angela can’t be saved — she needs to be killed, tonight, during the full moon, using a set of ritual killing sticks sacred daggers that she pulls from her Prada handbag.
Mel and Maggie try to protest this in hushed whispers while Charity inspects the demon in this weird perky way that kind of looks like she’s frolicking around it. I really can’t emphasize enough how much this show is filmed like a cartoon. Harry isn’t interested in their arguments, however, because he’s too busy trying to impress Charity. I don’t know if he’s angling for a slot in the Elders or if he’s just a brownnoser, but this is also just too over the top. He explains to the girls that the Elders are like royalty and must be deferred to. Mel tells him to take his monarchist bullshit and shove it, and for once I actually agree with her.
Charity informs the sisters that there’s no time to waste — another Elder has been killed, the third since the girls’ mother. The sisters protest that Harry didn’t tell them she was an Elder, and Harry says he did during his speech in the first episode. I’m with Harry on this one: I remember him saying that. They say he wasn’t clear enough, but he definitely said that was the second part of the prophecy, remember? Step one: Trump, step two: senior witches killed, step three: apocalypse. However, when Harry tries to remind them of that, Charity mutes him. Now his mouth can move forever, but no voice will come. LOL, isn’t she the best? She knows when those menfolk need to just shut their traps. Don’t all wish we had that power, ladies? Turn that mansplaining right off.
With Harry now duly silenced, Mel argues that if Charity was friends with their mom, she’d know that she would never give up on saving Angela. Why can’t they do an exorcism? Charity explains that in order for an exorcism to work, there has to be a soul still in the body, but the Harbinger is so powerful that surely Angela’s soul must already be dead or evicted from the body or whatever. Macy finds this reasonable and agrees they need to kill Angela. Mel wants to do everything they can to try to save her. And thus the series formula continues. Is it Mel’s turn to be right this week?
Meanwhile, Niko and her detective partner are discussing the girls’ shitty lying during their interview. The partner indicates he thinks they were up to something because they were so jumpy. Niko brushes him off as absurd: “Mel gets nervous around cops — as plenty of people of color do. Plus, she hates guns.”
Real dialogue alert: That was the real dialogue.
Once Niko has finished educating her partner on his white privilege, we find Maggie in class, where the professor is lecturing the students on the very first line of Dante’s Inferno seconds before dismissing them, as you do. Regina George is also in the class, but she doesn’t sit with Maggie. She sits with her boyfriend, Conner or Parker or whatever his name was. Somehow Maggie managed to make it as far as midterms without ever noticing this guy or that he’s dating Regina George, the sorority president she’s been stalking for three months. She gazes longingly at him while the professor reminds them all that their midterm is on Friday and is worth 50% of their class grade. (Holy shit? Does that make the midterm worth more than the final, or is the grade in their class literally only the midterm and the final, in which case how is she flunking?)
After the class, Regina George skips over to Maggie and starts acting uncharacteristically nice. If she was like this all the time, I would see why Maggie is so invested in joining her sorority. She makes chit-chat with her about class and homecoming like a normal human being, and then when Maggie says she can’t help with the Kappa homecoming float due to her need to study for the midterm or risk academic probation, she calls her boyfriend over and asks if he could tutor her, since he’s one of Those Guys who like to sit around reading classic literature and sipping coffee while dressed in all black. Connerparkerdude is all too happy to oblige, IYKWIMAITYD.
Over at the Generic Science Lab, Macy is looking through a microscope at… something… that moves and changes while she looks at it. I have no clue what it is or where she got it or what its relevance to the episode is. When she exclaims, however, Friendzone (who appears to be back in the Friendzone after last week’s potential deflowering) asks her what’s wrong, and she attempts to distract him with a thought experiment: If you had to kill one person in order to prevent an entire town from potentially dying, which would you choose? Ah, the old Life is Strange dilemma. To Macy, the choice is obvious: kill the cunt! However, Friendzone disagrees — she said POTENTIALLY dying, which means there’s a chance they won’t die, in which case she should do everything possible to save both the one person and the town, and Kobayashi Maru this shit! Macy is flabbergasted by his lack of scientific objectivity, but also attracted to his James T. Kirk-as-portrayed-by-Idris Elba (the way it was always meant to be) style of “never say die.”
Back at the house, Mel finds a spell in the Book of Shadows that lets her reveal the soul inside the Harbinger’s host. For a moment, the demon form peels away with a really bad CG effect. The inner Angela Banana inside the nasty old roten peel begs Mel to help her, before the Harbinger takes over again. Mel now knows that Angela’s soul is still trapped inside her body, and though the demon vows that she will never get her back, Mel is the brightest witch of her age, so…
Mel runs downstairs to where Charity is on the phone with one of her investors, admonishing them that her corporation isn’t just about the bottom line, it’s all about fostering a community of wamen supporting wamen. When she gets off the phone, Mel tells her about the spell she just performed which showed that Angela is still alive. Charity acquiesces that while she may have been wrong about the status of Angela’s soul, that doesn’t change the calculus: the ritual killing must proceed as planned.
Calculus…?
Mel tells her calculus (no, really, they said calculus) be damned, what happened to wamen supporting wamen? Charity tells her to fuck off and takes away her voice so that Mel can’t attempt an exorcism. She gives it back when Mel agrees to not perform the exorcism, though, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Mel scrambles to rally her sisters to attempt the exorcism before the Elders can impose the ritual killing. She somehow manages to get Angela into the trunk of her car and goes to pick up Maggie, but before they can collect Macy, they notice Niko’s detective partner is tailing them. Mel decides to freeze time so they can escape, even though this will make it appear as though the car disappeared into thin air to the detective, because neither of them can think of a more suitable solution. Now detective partner is suspicious that Something Fishy is Going On.
Macy gets back to the house where she confers with Charity and Harry about the thing she saw at the lab, which I guess was the Harbinger’s murder spit or something. It apparently is similar in structure to smallpox, only much more dangerous because it kills instantly. Okay. She, Charity and Harry enter the attic with the ritual killing sticks, only to find Angela, Mel and Maggie gone. Maggie has brought them to a secret location, the place where the Kappa homecoming float is being constructed, and the two of them attempt to find an exorcism spell in the Book of Shadows. How they plan on making this work without Macy there to give them the Power of Three, I have no clue. Harry zips in, I guess having used his handy-dandy Witch Seeking powers, and Mel tells him about the revealing spell she performed which showed that Angela is still alive, trapped inside her own body. She also tells him that she blames herself for Angela’s situation because she talked Angela into reporting Professor McRaperton, the stress of which led to her OD’ing which is how she wound up in the Mysterious Coma.
Seriously? It wasn’t a mysterious coma, it was just a regular, drug-induced coma? That she fell into the night before testifying against Professor McRaperton? I thought we were going to get more plot intrigue than this, guys, come on.
Back at the house, Charity is telling Macy that her sisters are overly emotional, but that Macy, being a pure logical Vulcan, is a natural born leader — like her mother. Macy asks if her mother ever told Charity about her. Charity says no, but that many years ago her mother had asked Charity if she could perform a spell on her that would remove all of her pain and grief regarding a particular loss, and Charity believes that was the loss of Macy.
Up to this point, the discussion around Macy has been centered on, “Why would Mom give you up?” But literally no one has as of yet factored into the conversation the part where Macy had a dad — by all accounts her birth dad — who raised her and told her that her mother was dead. This screams “unamicable divorce” to me, but everyone keeps treating it as if Macy was put up for adoption. I don’t know why I’m still expecting this show to make any sense, but okay.
Speaking of not making sense, Macy excuses herself after this and somehow winds up over at the mystery location where Maggie and Mel are with Harry, Angela, and the Kappa homecoming float. She tells them she’s decided she wants to help, and she’s sorry she accused them of being overly emotional. She admits that she’s built up this logical Vulcan façade as a protection measure against… life or something, but I guess since it turns out that their mom had emotions, she can have emotions too. Or whatever.
As the sister join hands, the Book of Shadows opens to a previously hidden spell written specifically for the three of them in their mother’s handwriting. “It’s in Spanish,” Mel says.
“She wrote this spell for us,” Mel says. “But why?”
“So you three would find it,” says Harry.
Wat?
They get the items needed for the spell together, including an empty paint can to contain the Harbinger’s primordial form (it was either that or a crushed beer can). The only thing they need is antibacterial gloves from Macy’s lab in order to keep them from catching the supernatural smallpox. As Macy leaves to go get the gloves, Connerparkerdude shows up with a box of fireworks for the float. Maggie thought it would be a good idea to take Angela there to do the spell why? He tells her she’s smarter than she knows or some other such contrived bullshit designed to get into her pants. They start making out. What a great Kappa sister Maggie is going to make! What a great boyfriend Connerparkerdude is!
When she goes back inside, Angela has just finished breaking out of her chains and is preparing to eat Harry’s face. Maggie quickly summons Charity, who uses some kind of purple lightning whip to re-trap Angela. She attempts to hand the sisters their ritual killing sticks, admonishing them that as soon as the moon is completely risen, the Harbinger will be unstoppable. But the sisters, having plenty of time to waste on theatrics, solemnly shake their heads and refuse to take the daggers. Mel gives her a ham-fisted speech about “You knew our mom, trust her,” and Charity tearfully nods, dropping the daggers to the ground.
Thus ensues the most cornily filmed scene of this entire show (so far). Hipster music begins playing, the girls say the spell, Angela begins thrashing, all complete with weird close-ups and jerky camera and slooooowwwww motiooooooon to try to distract from the fact that the effects on this show are effing TERRIBLE. Maggie lays her hands on Angela and begins psychically telling her to come out and it’s just so freaking corny, guys. “I’m not strong enough!” “No, Angela, that’s not your story!” *gag*
In the midst of this, detective partner shows up, looks through the window, sees lightning and a tornado and a demon coming out of Angela Wu’s mouth and thinks that the correct solution is to burst in with his gun drawn. Charity uses her magic to make his gun disintegrate, and he watches the exorcism, jaw dropped. So I’m thinking, “Okay, the detective guy knows about magic now, this is an interesting twist! Will they wipe his memory? Will he continue to be a thorn in their side all season, gradually uncovering the existence of magic? Will he somehow have something to do with Niko eventually learning about Mel’s powers?”
LMAO no. Because the camera pans to Angela puking out the demon, and when that’s done, they pan back and SUDDENLY THE DETECTIVE IS DEAD. WHAT? There’s a lead pipe across his chest. When did this happen? How did this happen? What killed him? Did the pipe hit him in the head or something? Like in the wind? But when the shitty special effects were going, the wind literally looked like it was just blowing confetti around. There did not appear to be anything dangerous flying around!
Charity says she’ll handle it, and the girls flee. Later Charity meets Mel in the attic and informs her that she disposed of his body in a way that will remove suspicion from the girls. Mel blames herself, but not enough to be sad about it for more than 15 seconds. Charity sends her downstairs, where she bonds with Angela, who has no memory of anything that happened over the last week, but is confident that whatever happened to her (she thinks she just had random blackouts from the time she woke up from her coma until now), she got through it because of these awesome sisters. Also, she seems to have no trouble adjusting to the existence of Macy, who was not there the last time she was conscious.
Episode wrap-up: More hipster music wails, Harry complains about tea because BRITISH, Maggie waggles her eyebrows and insinuates that Harry and Charity have a Thang going on, Charity takes the paint can to the mysterious other Elders (Silence!) and warns that there will be consequences for violating their orders even though she told them it was okay, Connerparkerdude comes over for Maggie’s tutoring session and she sends him away because Their Love Is A Mistake That Must Not Be Repeated Even If It Means She Fails World Lit, the girls all congratulate themselves on being the Best Witches Ever and that Mom Would Be So Proud, Niko comes over weeping that her partner hanged himself after evidence linking him to the Halloween murders emerged and she’s so upset because she thought he was her friend and Mel just stands there like a statue not reacting at all while her poor girlfriend is sobbing her eyeballs out, fuck this stupid show.
The episode ends with Charity in some?? Building?? With fluorescent pink and blue lighting?? I have no clue what this building is supposed to be or why she’s there??? She’s on a cell phone prattling to some other witch about how amazing the Charmed Ones are, they’re basically the best witches ever, while cradling the paint can with the Harbinger in it. Why? WHY NOT?!?!?!?! Some dude gets on the elevator with her and is like, “Would you mind” — glowing eyeballs — “switching paint cans with me?” And her eyeballs glow too and she just hands him the paint can with the Harbinger in it and off he goes.
Fin.
WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING ON THIS SHOW? WHO WROTE THIS? THIS READS LIKE THE SORT OF SHIT I WROTE IN MY COMPOSITION BOOK IN SEVENTH GRADE! NOTHING MAKES SENSE! THE WAY PEOPLE REACT IS NOT REALISTIC AT ALL!
If I was more lucid, I would have a better wrap-up for you that more thoroughly dissects the fact that, just as with all SJW media, the characters on this show don’t seem to really make mistakes or face consequences for their actions, and this whole program seems to be a vehicle for feminist wish fulfillment where everyone thinks you’re awesome and even if some things go a little wrong, at the end of the day, you’re basically the best. But I don’t feel well enough for that. So, see you next week, guys!
EVILLLL!!!!
“Checker of Thermostats”
????
HEY YUFUS!
You Caught me!
Tall Cans my Friend!
BTW nice article MLW, not my style but I always read your stuff, its a cultural thing, I’m uncultured,
To MLW, I will revisit your write up in the am, when sober. The premise is too much when drunk. ?
I can never please you people, half of you want it sober and half of you want it drunk! ?
Did we stop doing phrasing?
Orgy is the correct answer.
I want it buzzed, TBH. I don’t much like being drunk.
The 8 o’clock hour is perfect timing. Ate dinner to this one; much mirth.
How can you keep watching this dreck without being totally drunk? You are like the Rangers assaulting Point du Hoc or jumping into Grenada, Panama or early Afghanistan. I am glad you are doing this so I don’t have to.
This, Save yourself MLW! Derpetologist is gone, see what happens?
GAAAHHHHAHHH!!!!!
They named me the Queen of Derp on the Discord server, I’m hoping to gain the title on the website as well so I can be the Empress of Derp or something.
Adjust the nickname in your profile,
Yusef
By the powers vested in me by, well, CPRM, I hereby appoint you Queen Regent of Derp b
(the b was supposed to be an exclamation point… Long day)
Yaaaayyy
I would start her out with a Duchy first, and see how that goes…
Hell no. Any (fake) woman who would put herself through watching that dreck just to give us deviants and reprobates a good laugh once a week deserves the best title we can give bestow upon her.
I don’t think she should settle for anything less than Empress of Derp. Maybe Goddess of Derp.
God-Empress?
Somebody get the worm suit ready!
I don’t really drink as it is so I’m already used to dealing with the stupidity of life sober. When you run in the circles I run in, this is only mildly stupider than the everyday, unfortunately.
Yikes!
…until the second time I watched it.
OK. That settles it. Time for an intervention.
Hey! I have to watch it once to recap it and then sort of again on fastforward while looking for screenshots
Just made one on your recommendation.
*Giddily heads back to the top to start reading*
Another great read. I hope you can make it a whole season without losing your mind. Sounds like your sister will be on the lookout for any signs of wokeness.
For you to be able to remember all this and be able to put it back on paper is astounding. Why you would do it is another question. These low brow oafs (MikeS excluded) are not appreciative of your efforts (Well, we are Glibs). We are not worthy of your efforts. One day, one day, we will get our comeuppance and no mercy will be bestowed upon them (us). Good job, MLW !
“I blame the President.”
That line is so stupid in the context you presented, I’d have assumed it was satire.
That’s my take on about 90% of the show as presented.
https://www.tumblr.com/
I hope you all have a drink ready. I am not drinking today, but that’s okay because I’m currently high on cold meds
I finished some Calvados earlier. I will not have more but I will jump in anyway. I hope you get well soon.
You’re breaking my brain
Even The Order, a godawful Netflix ripoff of The Magicians, is better than this.
So why would he be interested in doing Science that saves human lives rather than secretly unleashing plagues on the human population?
24625615 dimension chess.
I really can’t emphasize enough how much this show is filmed like a cartoon
I think I’d rather watch a cartoon.
Mel tells her calculus (no, really, they said calculus) be damned, what happened to wamen supporting wamen? Charity tells her to fuck off and takes away her voice so that Mel can’t attempt an exorcism. She gives it back when Mel agrees to not perform the exorcism, though, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Let me guess, Charity has “internalized misogyny”?
Wow. I don’t think I could have sat through a whole episode of this show. My hat is off to you.
Fasntastic MLW . . . I love the names, I think I’ll name my firstborn Connerparkerdude or Friendzone.
the woman reveals that she’s one of the Elders, because of fucking course she is. Of course the Elders are a group of quirky middle-aged women in white sequined pantsuits who watch HGTV on the treadmill and don’t appreciate being called Elders because that implies they’re old.
I may actually be in love with this show.
Also, in her spare time, when she’s not being queen of the witches, this woman (Charity — seriously, her name is Charity) isn’t actually an interior designer, but rather the CEO of an investment company that uses micro-loans to help women in developing nations start their own businesses, thus tackling poverty and inequality through ethical, female-focused capitalism.
Real dialogue alert: That was the real dialogue.
It’s only $25 for iTunes Season Pass. I think I have to.
Just get the CW app. Don’t pay coin for it.
No worky in Canada, and I’m too lazy to go around VPNs and torrents and shit.
As far as I could find, CW only has the 5 most recent episodes, anyway.
Huh. Apparently witchcraft is real.
“I am not drinking today, but that’s okay because I’m currently high on cold meds”
Knock that ish out with what I call the “Cosby Colada”- 50/50 NyQuil-Vodka. Best to clear your schedule for a couple days, tho.
You know this how?
He woke up next to a pile pudding pop sticks with a sore rectum?
Related:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2YVvMfXXG7E
That’s how you get shot by a “white hispanic”.
So, has this sister ever visited our hive of scum and villainy? Or are you trying to hide her from
meus?You’re a saint/masochist. Just reading your review of the show made me knead my temples on several occasions.
‘…detective partner shows up, looks through the window, sees lightning and a tornado and a demon coming out of Angela Wu’s mouth and thinks that the correct solution is to burst in with his gun drawn.’
Possibly the most unrealistic part of the show. It would be easy to get in a cheap jab at most law enforcement for being pants-shitting pussies the moment any legitimate danger arises but any and all of us would either freeze in stupefied fright then shit our pants after seeing that or first shit our pants, then run away wailing in bewildered terror.
If that avatar wasn’t so neat I’d slap you down with a copyright claim!
I already give you fetti every month, dude. I took some liberties. 😉
Consider it a licensing fee.
What the hell!? Is that Trudeau taking a selfie with a sexy-posing, THE Hat wearing STEVE SMITH? If not, don’t tell me ’cause that’s what I see and it’s fucking hilarious.
It is.
^
It was time for an update.
I was considering adding a spider monkey riding a leaping dog that was midway through jumping over STEVE SMITH but I thought it would make the image too busy.
Speaking of pants-shitting pussies of law enforcement…
I wonder how difficult the job will be now that practically anyone he arrests could have this to hold over him.
My avatar pic?
Oh, True Jr. attempting to arrest someone would be delicious. Him shitting himself (instead of everyone else) is even better.
Good grief, perky little commie chick just on tv yammering about how US sanctions are to blame for the mess in Venezuela. War boner crowd chomping at the bit to send troops…
what a fucking shit-show.
Cant they all lose? Couldn’t we just pass out AK-47’s to all of them and get out of the way? I include the commie apologists and war boner crowd in ‘all of them’. Ship their asses down there too.
or ignore it and let it fall apart……
Make John Bolton a lieutenant. Tell him if he makes it 6 months without getting fragged, he’ll win the Bronze Star.
Then, if he goes 6 months, re-up him without his consent.
If he makes it 6 months, the CIA will have to send in Charlie Sheen to take him out.
Ugh. Chavez loving commies and war mongering Cons? If any situation cried out for a circular firing squad, that’s it.
But you have to use semi-auto rifles with wooden stocks. AK’s are assault rifles dontcha know.
On Tucker? Yeah, she’s a Maduro shill. A quick Google check showed that she used to host a progressive news show.
It’s too late. We’re in this up to our eyeballs. We can only hope that Trump uses Columbian troops as our proxy, instead of our own.
I really don’t know what our involvement is there – you’d think the MSM would show some sort of curiosity in that? The fact that they don’t speaks volumes.
They don’t because it’s a socialist shit show and they’re not interested in telling people what an abject failure it is. What I have seen is trashing Maduro for doing it wrong, and ignoring the fact that when Chavez left, Venezuala ranked #1 on the misery index.
I can guarantee you that the CIA and the State Department are in this up to their eyeballs. Russia and Cuba better step lightly, because if Trump decides he needs to get the military involved, he’s going to be royally pissed about it and will want to teach them a lesson. And you’ll notice that the Chinese troops there are being largely ignored. And that’s because China plays the long game and really doesn’t give a flying crap about Maduro, or Venezuela for that matter.
Ship their asses down there too.
Fuck that, PPV Thunderdome. Everyone wins.
Not that I’d watch. I’ll catch the highlights on Twitter later. Just like GoT and goddamn Avengers, and football. Give me the highlight reel. I don’t want to sit down for the big show. Not that I’m, like, super busy, or anything. I just don’t want to commit to your schedule. Not even to watch AOC box Sanders with some lead gloves. Well, maybe for that. Frankly I’d rather watch Sessions beat the shit out of Biden.
Hmmm…phrasing? I mean, I’ve heard of tongue-punching a fart-box, so…
I told my Boss when I was Hired that I will want a Lot more money once I proved myself and my crew (son), about 90 days. In the meantime, We lost our place to stay and live in a Motel, the Company graciously loaned me our Lodging card, which saved tons, question.
Is it time to ask for those raises? I think it is, how about you guys? BTW we saved a 120k per year contract, and never even sweat, people are dumb.
What does this mean:
Are they paying for your motel?
yes they are, at least this week
Then I would say it’s hard to ask for raises while they are keeping a roof over your head. Well, a little more difficult, anyway. Obviously I don’t know all the details…if you feel you have a raise coming, just be very tactful due to this new development.
Above all, good luck and best wishes, Bob. I hope your financial situation improves very quickly.
That’s a tough ask, but I think I’d open with letting them know how grateful I was for their picking up the tab on the motel. Then maybe I’d segue into something like, “This has been a real life-saver, but I’m really eager to get us back into something more stable. Have you considered that raise we’d discussed when I first started? I think I’ve demonstrated that I’m worth the money, and I’d really like to be in a position to get a permanent place.”
MLW, these recaps are bloody fantastic. Thank you. Wifey watches the show and now, thanks to your wonderful recaps, I’ve started paying attention to it as well.
OT – Kentucky’s own soda pop, Ale-8-One is yummy, yummy with Bourbon (particularly the new cherry flavor). Cock ‘n Bull cherry ginger beer is the best ginger beer I’ve had yet. Funky Buddha Brewery has partnered with High West Distillery to produce Manhattan Double Rye – a double rye ale aged in High West rye barrels blended with a Belgian Tripel ale aged in wine barrels and infused herbs and botanicals. It’s quite nice. And, on our drive down South, I picked up a bottle of peach honey mead from Still Pond Vineyards in GA which I’ll be opening in a bit.
Cock ‘n Bull cherry ginger beer? sounds like Heaven….
What now? High West is very high on my favorite distiller’s list. This intrigues me…a lot.
It was odd taste at first but it really grows on ya. Good stuff indeed.
https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/31805/401347/
How old is your wife?
I didn’t want to ask.
LOL… 42 and she has some rather sketchy taste in television. But what the Hell do I know? I would spend all day watching C&Rsenal or Forgotten Weapons and those drive her batty.
Apologies – that was meant for Ed below (double post). I am “older” but also have some sketchy taste in TV – when I need to clear my head, I look for mindless…
Ha I thought you might have mis-posted below.
Only because this show seems totally aimed at teenagers.
OT:
So my wife is four months pregnant and she just did her second round of her sequential screening and the doctor called to tell her that the screening came back a bit high. I guess in layman’s terms but if the screening comes back high, there’s a chance that your newborn could have developmental issues such as down syndrome. It could be a fluke but my wife is really sad and I am a ball of anxiety and fear.
It’s probably nothing. Keep your head up.
I’m trying.
What Q said. Also, a belated and hearty congratulations to you and your wife.
I’ll just say this, if it ends p being Down Syndrome it might be a tough load to to take care of, but in my experience children with downs are the most innocent and happy of creatures. If that turns out to be the case it may get tough on you, but just know that child will always be a light in our dark night.
Ed I once dated a girl who’s sisters were twin DS girls.
Let me tell you , while high maintenance they
Were a gift from God.
They are the most happy girls and suffer from none of the angst and concerns that “normal” people do.
Fingers crossed…
Ed,
Hope all turns out well. Our daughters were born in the era where there was no pre-natal testing and we didn’t even know that we were in for 3 girls.
Hang in there, Ed. And Mrs. Wuncler, as well. The test could mean lots of things, or nothing. Try not to worry (I know, easier said than done)
I am sorry to hear that Ed. I will say this: Predictions by medical docs tend to be barely better than those of gypsies staring into crystal balls. Take it with a grain of salt. Apparently I am typing this from beyond the grave and have been for nearly ten years now.
*wink*
It will be fine any way it turns out, children are gifts from God,
My son is an ass, but a great co worker, YMMV, good luck and God bless you.
…dad?
Ugh. Sorry man, that’s a tough doc visit.
As others have written, a lot of these things mean something between jack and shit. Take good care of them and keep your head positive.
How old is your wife?
My wife is 33.
Thanks guys. What’s driving me crazy is the unknown.
Sorry to hear that. Have they performed and ultrasound yet?
I truly hope your child is perfectly healthy. But if the kid does end up having Down Syndrome it won’t mean they can’t have a quality life. My best friend’s daughter/my niece has DS and although she was born prematurely and struggled with a slew of health problems(she’s still in need of ‘minor’ heart surgery once she gets old enough to handle the procedure) but now is in good shape and is always happy and a joy to be around. And I say this a somebody who doesn’t really like children.
Point being, initially her parents were heartbroken but now they both happily agree that they couldn’t imagine life without her.
Easier said than done, but try to take it at face value. Be prepared but don’t worry, if that makes sense. It depends on the doctor of course, but the ones we’ve seen for baby stuff have all erred on the side of caution with us, particularly because my wife is technically of “advanced maternal age”, so rather than say “X is a touch high but you’re probably fine” they’d say “X is a touch high so we’re going to keep an eye on it, and we recommend following up with this additional test”. Hang in there, man.
Sorry about that Ed. As much as they say those tests are reliable they are not. I have one friend who were told that they would likely have a Downs baby. They worried their asses off for a few weeks until the next test came back negative. Another friend was told that their baby would not survive more than a few weeks due to major chromosonal issues. The second test came back the same, and they highly encouraged them to abort. Their daughter turned five a few weeks ago and is happy and healthy. I know that is small reassurance, but hang in there and realize those tests are wrong more often than they admit.
Sorry 🙁
To counteract the wokeness.
https://thechive.com/2019/04/30/join-the-light-side-with-these-sexy-blondes-51-photos-2/
Njoi my shitlords.
Can’t help but notice that someone appears to have lost the password to the official Glibs twitter password. No updates there for a while. (maybe a script that lets you auto post when a new article goes up?)
Great job MLW!
Maybe it was Sloopy, and he’s been busy?
There had been one because when I go to post these it has an option selected to auto-post to Twitter. (I’m pretty sure it was selected when I wrote this, but maybe not?) The plug-in may need an update, though, or it may need its API key reactivated or something.
“It’s that time again! I hope you all have a drink ready. I am not drinking today, but that’s okay because I’m currently high on cold meds and not sure what’s happening around me anyway.”
I’m working on my fourth bacardi, but those sound like some some good cold meds.
“My sister, whose trademarked catch phrase is, “This is Trump’s America now, bitches,” screeched, “WHAT DID SHE SAY ABOUT MY PRESIDENT?!” ”
Pics or it didn’t happen.
Pics wouldn’t be interesting in the way you think, her face basically looked like this.
“But of course they pretend that they just want to redecorate it in Minimalist Scandinavian Farmhouse”
That’s so white, I can’t even.
How Cali is supposed to be….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP3rAjPOCHw
That’s not Baywatch.
“Mel gets nervous around cops — as plenty of people of color do. Plus, she hates guns.”
A Hispanic who hates guns? GTFO.
Nice win Blue Jackets!
hell yeah
I really like that team. Too bad it will look completely different next year.
No idea. Just rooting against Boston.
You wound me, sir.
They all hate us.
“If Cuban Troops and Militia do not immediately CEASE military and other operations for the purpose of causing death and destruction to the Constitution of Venezuela, a full and complete….
….embargo, together with highest-level sanctions, will be placed on the island of Cuba. Hopefully, all Cuban soldiers will promptly and peacefully return to their island!”
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1123333508078997505
…To boldly go where we’ve pretty much already been for the last fifty-seven years…that’ll learn ’em.
https://mobile.twitter.com/stevewillard41/status/1123410836775624704>Merika! Phuck Yeah!
“Be Not Afraid”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdaUDeAGIck
Exhibit #2,347 why higher ed is circling the drain and I didn’t pursue a career in academia.
https://quillette.com/2018/12/07/academics-mobbing-of-a-young-scholar-must-be-denounced/
“Professor of Critical Race Studies” one of the signers denouncing shoddy academics. The lack of self awareness is astounding and unsurprising.
This is why I live in the woods as a pseudo hermit.
Sweet
I’ve got one life experience I’ve been thinking about writing about, but it would kind of out me, but only to those involved and I don’t think they’ll ever see it. Perhaps it’s time I tell the story to our family of strangers to get it off my chest, because no one around me understood it when it was going down, but it lead to the end of my trusting anyone.
https://archive.li/POVtk/dc71390932618da7fa88ae5ccad01f9581c8f25a.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.li/jkaQ6/e467eb27532c5dbeeb2aae2f65b52dfdb8b380df.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.li/yX51v/323ea4d1b03458201ce361c214586309c89fa350.jpg
NSFW.
I….accident…mistake….tit
I don’t know if he’s angling for a slot in the Elders…
Maybe he’s just angling for a slot in one Elder in particular…
Hi-o!
Well, looks like MLW has discovered the Twitter of television.
Run before you develop some type of disease/illness.
Between Pie’s Bucharest piece and MLW’s one here, this place has upped its game even higher. We get guns, carpentry, animation, history, titties, vulgarity, beer, links and so on. Well done everybody!
So, you’re saying you don’t like my cartoons!? *runs away crying* (I’m very sensitive)
Animated shorts or whatever. Guilt trips don’t work on me. I like vacations.
Meh, I’m only projecting my weaknesses as a tactic to elicit a response. works on 99%of normies. I don’t think the series as a whole has been done well, I don’t ever like things I do.
Infinitely better than I could do. They’re fun. Just don’t fear jumping the shark because that’s when it gets memorable.
Or, the Reaper. That’s what BOC taught me.
Footage of straff
I thought that was you? Now I’m confused…
I am
TulpaSpartacus–don’t you remember?Yeah, yeah, I sent you that Lucy Lawless bit, but before that you used that same Master shake clip against me. Against Me!
Well, classics are classics.
Wait, you sent me something Lucy-related? I musta missed it!
/also, disappoint that you no linky
Cuomo doing the old, “But Antifa was created to fight Nazis!” thing again. If those tiki torch losers had called themselves “Anti Commie” but walked around with swastikas they’d still be psychos. “Who has Antifa killed?” asks Cuomo? Both groups are founded in ideologies that have murdered millions, you disingenuous hack.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A3Hrrp43gE0
I think the best thing would be if we had solid picture of left vs right, since that seems to be the only way people understand things, the Nolan chart don’t capture the imagination the same.
Some people believe in collective guilt and others don’t. Left/Right is only arguing over who gets the boot stomping.
I believe in Collective Soul. And Don Williams.
Gustave is the only one who gets me, but I’d prefer the link was to an SClub song tonight, what can you do for me there?
placeholder
And Ess Club version
How do you listen to that? I get that some of the women are pretty but that “music” is terrible.
I’ve never met someone who didn’t believe in babies or foreign cars.
Nikki? ‘Cause, that’s how you get Nikki–start praising reproduction/children
If Trump goes to Congress and seeks a military action in Venezuela…Ill be okay with tht…not happy, but he rests it on their shoulders. If he just uses War Powers bullshit…I will not.
Just spitballing here, but I just see it as tough talk. Who knows, maybe it’ll lead to another war front, maybe the threat will get a response in our favor.
shit has been so crazy the last few years that I’ll wait and see before I condemn.
And it could be his big stick…but Bolton and our illustrious defense contractors are itching for unleashing new assests (B21 is close to some trials and new drones).
Ah, but the other part of the big stick is soft voice,
trump turns that on it’s head. I don’t fucking know anymore. But the fact the guy that ran Rand Paul’s campaign now being chief of staff gives me a glimmer of hope.
I want nothing to do with Venezuela. There are enough people there who want a less oppressive government or there aren’t. They haven’t cracked the Afghanistan nut and it’s been 18 years. The motto should be “Above all, do no harm.” If the US had a decent track record concerning regime change and stability over the past 40 years, maybe you could make a case for more robust military involvement.
I agree I want nothing of Venezuela but if Trump goes Constitutional…I wouldnt like it but I would be surprised and follow it, since we haven’t had that since dudya dubya 2
It would put the Pelosi wing in a bind as the AOC wing would throw a fit.
Indeed…a cause that I would say most Americans would be behind being shot down in Congress…then Trump sit on his hands like he should.
I think that would resonate with the People that this admin wants to promote Western ideology and Congress wants the other path.
A very good point. I will say that they’ve kinda been invasion central over the centuries, so I don’t think they particularly wanted “help”. Or, modernization.
Seems that there are a good # of Venezuelans that would like to put the ‘America’ in ‘South America’.
Of course, I don’t want anything going on with our military, other than maybe lots of weapons FedEx’d to various addresses in their country so they can duke it out.
How do I add my address to this distribution list?
Tell Eric Holder you’re a Cartel head.
You can just write to Jerry Fletcher, NYC.
He’ll get back to you pretty soon.
I remember watching that movie in the theater when it came out. And when a twenty year old movie was an old movie.
‘An old movie’–Yeah, I think that’s very spot-on.
Something something velcro shoes because I’m dumb. I sleep now.
I’m late to the party. How are there not 1000 posts congratulating MLW for this brilliance.
MLW, I got this far… “and Kobayashi Maru this shit! Macy is flabbergasted by his lack of scientific objectivity, but also attracted to his James T. Kirk-as-portrayed-by-Idris Elba (the way it was always meant to be)” before I started laughing out loud. Bravo. I crown thee Empress Derpetologist.
Better late than never.
Also, 2nd the Empress Derpetologist
That motion is passed. Henceforth, MLW shall be known as Empress Derpetologist. So it is written. So it shall be done.
It is known.
I shall rule with an iron fist… of DERP!
Also, super glad that people are enjoying this because when I did the first one I was pretty convinced that the only person who would be entertained by this schlock was myself. ?
I couldn’t sit through 10 minutes of the show but I find the recaps enjoyable to read. ?