Greetings, Glibertarians!
I’m Michael T. Hunte, junior investigative agent with the National Security Administration.
On behalf of the NSA, allow me to address you in the spirit of friendship and cooperation which our republic holds so dear. As your site’s designated Security Representative and Advisor, it is my duty, but also my pleasure, to greet you in the proper manner outlined in our organization’s recent Community Outreach Program, also known internally as Operation Good Neighbor.
Please don’t let the officious nomenclature fool you! This is simply our way of saying ‘Hello!’ to various chat groups, website memberships, and blog communities that catch our interest over the normal course of fulfilling our duties.
Now, don’t get yourself all worked up over NSA taking an interest in your charming little website. Why, the past few months I’ve spent reading through many of your daily posts have been quite pleasurable. I’ve learned an awful lot about so many subjects of interest to your regular members, from firearm maintenance to craft beers, Mormonism to spatchcocking. I especially love the humor that your members generally employ – the many Monty Python references, the good-natured ribbing over grammatical errors. And that Steve Smith character – I wouldn’t want to meet him in a dark alley!
That’s why I feel privileged to be your website’s personal Representative. I feel like I already know so many of you already, even though you’ve been nothing more than i.p. addresses and blips on a drone pilot’s screen to me previously. Let’s face it, in the course of my duties, I get to see the good and the bad – all of you who pick your noses surreptitiously while watching pornographic videos, for example. Do not like, as the kids say! But, it’s not all bad. Gary M., I’m glad you finally had that wart removed… that sucker was getting huge!
In that spirit, I want us to have a closer working relationship. The NSA isn’t just a bunch of soulless, faceless badguys listening to you make mousey sounds while you have sexual relations in the ‘privacy’ of your bedroom. It’s that, sure, but so much more also!
We respect your membership’s adherence to the Constitution, an allegiance that, I promise you, our organization shares. And we work hard to protect our Constitutional Republic against enemies, both foreign and domestic. But, we need your cooperation!
I want you Glibertarians to feel free to come to me with any concerns you might have concerning our nation’s freedom, and the selfless protecting of same. You’ve heard the phrase, ‘See something, say something’? Well, I want you to know, I’m here to listen to any of your concerns. Any time, day or night, you can come to me with any troublesome information you might have regarding the safety of our beloved Republic.
You know, some in my organization aren’t quite ‘down’ with Constitutional protections the way you Glibs are. We need to bring those Glibbers to heel, some of them say. Well, I just look them right in the eye and I dare them to lay a finger on this fine website and its membership! As your NSA Representative, I take my role very seriously, and I want you to know that I’m on your side.
Mike Hunte is here for you. Mike Hunte is open and ready for whatever you’ve got, my friends. Got some pent-up aggression and need a handy but private outlet? Well, you just lay it all on Mike Hunte, Mister! Mike Hunte isn’t afraid to take a pounding, believe you me.
Mike Hunte is fair and open to all. Why, just the other day, my pet Yorkie, who my family calls York Hunte, got up on the bed (she knows she’s not supposed to!) and, well, left a piddle behind. I looked at my wife and said, “Look what York Hunte did! York Hunte deserves a good beating!” But don’t worry. My wife Madchek Hunte (she’s from a former Soviet country, but don’t worry, she’s been thoroughly vetted!) told me that the little darling was sorry and deserved to be loved on rather than punished. Well, how could I say no to that? I ended up giving the little critter a kiss on the nose.
The other night my daughter Emily, whom we all call Tinkerbelle, or Tink Hunte, came home late after a ball game. She was having a dustup with her beau, and boy, was she sore! She read him the riot act – how can he treat Tink Hunte that way? Doesn’t he know what a precious treasure Tink Hunte is? She really had that boy against the wall until I thought I ought to step in to cool things down a bit. Now, I dearly love Tink Hunte, but she was so hot that I was afraid she was gonna hurt that fella. Well, pretty soon the two youngsters made up, thank goodness, because who can say no to sweet Tink Hunte?
So you see, Glibs, I’m in your corner. I’m also in your bathroom, your kitchen, your automobile, your electronic devices. Should you feel the need to reach out, just speak your peace: the NSA is always within earshot.
Take care, fellow citizens, and I shall certainly see you later.
Excelsior!
Michael Hunte
Junior Agent
National Security Agency
Comments
204 responses to “The NSA Reaches Out to Glibertarians”
Tin foil not aluminum foil,
Have you ever seen any actual tinfoil? I haven’t, and I’m old. Apparently the first foil food wrap (pre-WW2) was indeed made out of tin. After WW2 the industry went to aluminum, but the phrase “tingfoil” remained in use even though not technically accurate.
I did grow up chewing on that LeadFoil ™ from china.
Of course not. They (The Hierarchy enslaves you) got rid of the tinfoil after WW2 with the advances in the mind control technology. Fortunately I live in a Faraday cage.
aluminum accentuates the waves instead of blocking them.
Speaking of food coverings, I want real Saran Wrap back.
I’m fresh out of Saran Wrap, but I have some Sarin Wrap you can use.
Nah, I can pick that up at any Tokyo subway station. Looking for PVDC stuff.
Copper fucking netting, sewn into your clothing.
With a grounding strap.
Faraday suit.
blips on a drone pilot’s screen to me previously.
:DIGS BUNKER FASTER:
Hey guys leon is about to meet the NSA Moleman team!
Please, we use mole mortars now.
See something, say nothing, drink to forget.
Wise..
Hey Mike! I would like to report his man. His extremist screed is thoroughly un-American.
You’ll pay for that, citizen.
Damn, that avatar is freaky.
Yes.
Ahhhahahaha, nothing quite like getting Rick-rolled. I still laugh when it happens.
Damn it, that’s 3 times this week. Why do I always fall for that?
*sprays vinegar into the air*
Erm, wut??
I apologize for the implied vulgarity within this article. To be honest, I’m surprised it was accepted for publication to this esteemed site.
How did he know I like to spatchcock?! I only said that on Twitter!
*skeert*
Ha. My Twitter account was locked! I was Rusty Shackelford.
They kicked me for telling George Soros to “just die already, you evil old queen.”
You don’t even tweet that much!
Meh. Easy target, I reckon.
I may return one day as Rusty the White.
Russel the Love Muscle? Mike Hunt? Oh wait. You already use that..
Drew Peacock
Colonel Ingus
Dixon Cider
Dixie Normous
Hugh Gewnit
Lou Sanis
Hugh Janus
Tess Tickles
Jack Goff
All right, this way, Mister Freely.
Where are we going Yuri Tadid?
Peter Dragon?
Jenna Talia
I had a good twitter week.
My shitposts were retweeted by Dave Burge and Stephen Miller.
LINK PLZ.
Red Steeze
and
IowaHawk
As long as nothing happens to the certified family friendly we good.
Hey Mike, can you tell me if that seepage needs to be looked at? I can point the Webcam at it if you’d like.
I always knew we were on a watch list.
A watch list? I’m thinking several.
^This guy gets it.
The stand-by murder drone list.
*AHEM*
Disposition Matrix, Appendix 1
Filed Under Comprehensive Kill Evaluation Decision
It was automatic when you were signed on to the social contract.
OT: just got back from voting. There was a water board where we were electing 3 members. I voted for the withdrawn candidate plus the plucky upstart write ins “Fuck You” and “Cut Spending”
You water board your candidates?
Couldn’t hurt.
I would’ve voted for real candidates were that the case.
We have an alderman runoff today. The choices are equally odious, so skip.
Drove up to the north edge of the county and got the new driver’s license. Commute, sitting, paperwork, and commute totaled under two hours.
“…an alderman runoff…”
Ick! What if that gets into the water table?
Do you know what today is?
Ooh! I did NOT know that! Thanks! Now to convince the boss that it’s a paid holiday for me…
Um… Good luck with that.
https://www.engadget.com/2019/11/05/climate-change-emergency-global-scientists/
Go fuck yourselves.
Hrm…that was supposed to be a new post.
Gee, anything else on the utopian wish-list they left out?
And with seven words, they lose ALL credibility.
Not clear to me how “removing barriers to full gender equity” would “control population growth”.
Oh, they lost all credibility before then, probably around “eat mostly plant-based foods”.
Not clear to me how “removing barriers to full gender equity” would “control population growth”.
Because only men want babies, and without the patriarchy, women would abort all of their babies.
Way to assume that only women can have babies. Get woke, you troglodyte!
If a shenis loves a mangina, then sometimes a clump of cells grows in the manterus. That clump of cells doesn’t have a gender and is evil until xe comes out of the mangina, then xe should be allowed to vote.
At least, with the rest of the list, you could make an argument that you are reducing CO2. The last seven words are nothing but politics and have no bearing on carbon reduction.
So, for those who argue that a certain political party latched onto a scientific theory because it happened to support their existing agenda and are perpetuating said theory despite the absolute fact that their models do not match reality…there’s a bit of supporting evidence.
Call me crazy, but it’s almost like the whole climate change hysteria is there to serve as justification for everything that they already wanted to do. I’m surprised I haven’t heard it used as an excuse to take guns away (although I’m sure it’s out there somewhere).
Just because you’re crazy, doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
an actual water board vote and you didn’t write in Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve?
*ddg’s the name*
Yes, that would’ve been apt
Hm. I only voted for state house/senate. Hadn’t looked into any other people in lower offices. Perhaps I should have written in some things.
We had some local bond issues that I voted no to. No, they don’t need a $330M bond for the roads and another for the parks. The county has a $3B annual budget and can’t fucking fill the potholes.
Oh, I shouldn’t have looked up the county budget. My blood pressure is going up by the second. They’re spending almost 4x as much on “social services” than they spend on public works projects…
Fuckkkkk they’re paying $13M more to service the debt than to do public works.
I’m sure they are spending what they have in the most efficient and effective way possible. They just need a little more money.
I want to report Pat as an undercover commie
Leave to the denizen of a former communist country be the first to snitch. Those habits sure die hard.
26 comments at lunchtime? Tough crowd. [Adjusts tie nervously]
Look, I’m trying to write. I’m only at 1361 words and it’s NOON already!
I admire your speed.
I’m at a quarter of the rate from last year. I feel slow.
Crikey. But you do work in long-form fiction, so there’s that.
Target length is a default of 100k words per book.
it’s not the number of words it is how you use them….
Have a character hum for a few pages as filler
Do a Robert Jordan, you can add 50,000 words by having characters tug their braid
*skims through book*
None of them have a braid.
I can’t help you if you won’t plan ahead. Ok, one more try, have your secret protagonist ramble on for 35 pages of repeating fuck off slaver in various phrasings.
You could get a lot of writing done with 3 days off.
it was cute
I just don’t have anything on topic. I just filed my weekly certification for unemployment insurance (free golf!), put new bulbs in over the range top, and am listening to a WeTheFifth podcast from a year ago.
* peanut M&M burp *
Thank you for your contribution.
Fapping, will comment later.
The correct phraseology is “Go way! Batin’”
Mike Hunte puts the chill on commenting
We’re not all on Central Time.
I want you Glibertarians to feel free to come to me with any concerns you might have concerning our nation’s freedom, and the selfless protecting of same. You’ve heard the phrase, ‘See something, say something’? Well, I want you to know, I’m here to listen to any of your concerns.
Since you asked- you might want to keep an eye on that “Bernie” character. He might not be on the up-and-up, if you know what I mean.
My father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate said that President Trump committed some type of crime.
What does that make you?
A reliable source.
For Firefox users here is how the NSA is currently helping you:
Actively exploited bug in fully updated Firefox is sending users into a tizzy
TW: Ars Technica – home of prototypical Top Men.
It’s a good thing Mozilla ran out their leadership for being opposed to gay marriage. It’s definitely improved their product.
I personally liked the Looking Glass Add-on / Mr Robot fiasco.
Update: Looking Glass Add-on
Because modifying the web pages you view without telling you is totes cool!
And they wonder why I don’t do Automatic updates.
Y’all all can be bug testers.
Turn off SHIELD as well.
Of course I use Chrome – I’ve stopped trying to fight it. However, once the Borg, I mean Google, decides to neuter ad blocking I may reconsider and go back to Firefox.
I did. I turned off anything that lets someone else make changes to my computer, or sends information to someone else as best as I can. I even made sure my local DNS server tanks requests for known telemetry addresses in case I missed something.
It’s not perfect, but I don’t want to disconnect entirely from the internet.
That’s a deal-breaker for me.
I’m not technically savvy enough to determine how much is FUD and how much is Google trying not to kill its advertising cash flow.
Google Struggles to Justify Why It’s Restricting Ad Blockers in Chrome
Safari has already made the same technical move. There are still ad-blockers, but the best one (uBlock origin) no longer works due to the restriction.
I can’t speak to the actual security issue other than it’s not just Chrome moving in that direction.
The browser said Brandy, you’re a fine girl?
“What a good wife you would be”
“Yeah, your eyes could steal a sailor from the sea”
Although I think it was a direct reference to Lewis Carroll.
Dear Micheal Hunte, Junior Birdman
FUCK OFF, SLAVER!
WHY DON’T YOU GET A REAL JOB?
Sincerely,
Harry Balzac
Chipperdove,
Hunte with the trailing -e was a nice touch.
Sincerely,
Hugh G. Rection
I tried to take full advantage of the inherent comedic possibilities.
All I want to say I am a peaceable person and there is no reason to deny me a visa should I apply for one
So this means you will finally come and visit all of us?!
nope… I was thinking of getting a visa because it is for 10 years. But it cost like 720 lei so I dunno if I wanna get it before I need to.
Pie, you just have to establish that the marriage isn’t a sham. That takes 10 lays, 20 max.
Lets see…. *asks internet*
That’s about $167-$168. I don’t know what your disposable income looks like, but that’s one hotel night give or take.
Tarom is planning to fly non-stop from Bucharest to New York. Makes total sense to visit the US.
https://m.stirileprotv.ro/lbin/mobile/index.php?article_id=3833994
If Visa denies your application, you can always try the Discover Card.
Oooh, look at Diamond Jim Brady here.
YES!
Thank you, Mr. Hunte, for your patriotic support of our Constitution. On behalf of at least some of the other Glibs, we were just wondering if you could…. ahhhh, this is kinda awkward… well, could you point to the Constitution… uhhh…. shucks, this is weird… could you show us in the Constitution where there is any possible power for your org to exist… or to, um, ya know, read email traffic of US citizens?
Patriotically Yours,
Some Glibs (but like, totally not me)
Yeah. Um. I heard some glibs, not sure which, asking that. And i wanted to show them, you know, to show them where it was in the constitution, but i was…erm.. having trouble.
Congress has the power
to lay and collect Taxes and provide for the common defense and general Welfare of the United States. The NSA is part of the common defense and you wouldn’t want to deny your fellow citizens the right to be defended. Also the double secret amendment. FYTW
Serious question, though: is the Patriot Act the most blatant violation of the Fourth Amendment, OR are the FISA Star Chambers the most egregious of the Fifth and Sixth Amendments. I can’t decide if looking in my emails or listening to my phone conversations without my permission is the MORE egregious ass-wiping with the Constitution than the “secret courts without even a fucking pretense of due process or a public trial” is. It’s close. I mean… wait a minute… /slaps forehead/ DUH.
“Why can’t it be both?”
Why limit it to just the two?
*Asking for the Deep State*
D’Oh!
All I want to say I am a peaceable person and there is no reason to deny me a visa should I apply for one
That’s just what a bomb-throwing Romanian anarchist would say.
OT: There is at least one national mead competition now. The Cleveland area managed to keep up our streak of having good alcohol options, and three different locations are now award winning meaderies.
For those who just want to see the full list of winners, you can click here.
But I don’t like mead
My Dad made wonderful dry meads. Very wine-like, really.
my grandma made what she called hidromel but it was before my time…
Probably what we refer to as mead. Did it have anything but water, honey, and yeast?
Hydromel
Mmmm…slutty heroin chic Sarah Sutton in undress..
Was recently in Crna Gora (Montenegro), where we stopped at a mountain café that served what they called “hydromel” (same word the Québécois use). It was a bit like mead, but much lower alcohol (only around 2-3%, according to our guide), and was considered a “ladies’ drink” as such. It was much less sweet than “standard” meads, and reminded me more of French mousseaux (cidre brut). Naturally, you can’t buy the stuff — everybody makes their own. I really liked it, and could easily get used to drinking several pitcherfuls a day.
I am somewhat pissed at the National Honey Board. They used to have tons of information available on their website, but now it’s all locked up somewhere.
But, they generally have cute chicks working their both at the NHC. So, I can stay totally pissed at them.
Shouldn’t that be sweet looking chicks?
Why, yes it should.
There’s a sticky joke in there somewhere, but its not coming to me.
Just another example of the hive-mind at work.
Hot sticky buns
My MIL thinks I am paranoid and way too security- and privacy-conscious. I’ll be sure to show her this letter which validates my beliefs.
It’s just nice to see a lurker come out and participate in the community.
But nobody welcomed me with a “Fuck off, Tulpa.” I feel othered.
Fu
[ACCOUNT DELETED]
She will believe it’s real won’t she?
Oh and @Mr Hunte
Fuck off tulpa!
Target length is a default of 100k words per book.
Nobody needs 100k words. Books should be banned, anyway. Slogans are what the citizens need.
“faceless badguys listening to you make mousey sounds while you have sexual relations in the ‘privacy’ of your bedroom”
@#$%!
*begins frantic bug hunt*
Jokes on him I don’t get laid that often
26 comments at lunchtime? Tough crowd. [Adjusts tie nervously]
*wipes hard drive with cloth*
The whole point of the post was to get to the Hunte family jokes in the last 1/4 of the thing.
I grew up a couple towns away from a Mike Hunt. He refused to go by Michael.
Funny article. I liked it.
I knew a hooker once named Minnie Mazolla.
The owner of my previous apartment was named Mike Hawk.
Well I voted.
The candidates sucked.
Especially the candidates that were on every party line. Those did not get my vote.
Please tell me you took a shower afterwards?
I voted last year. That’s enough for me.
#metoo.
I voted to recognize the children in my neighborhood have futures of $1000/mo as a tax lichen, being a YouTube personality, to end while texting and driving. THEY HAVE NO FUTURE, but at least I might save a few hundred dollars in property tax!
Bernie Sanders Promises Crowd He Will Lock Trump Up And Also Millions Of Others Once The Gulags Are Up And Running
“Yes, there will be plenty of locking up to go around,” he said. “Trump first, absolutely. Then that Mike Pence fellow. Then Jeff Amazon and Elon SpaceX. Finally, we’ll start throwing everyone who voices dissent or grumbles about lack of rations into the labor camps.”
Sanders then led the crowd in a chant of “Lock them up! Lock them up!” referring to the hundreds of thousands who will die in the labor camps. Sanders then instructed the crowd to look to their left and right. “Of you and the two people next to you, only one won’t be in a labor camp by this time next year.”
Snopes rates this as “Mostly True”
Real socialism. At last.
*drops gloves*
Suck it
What did those poor gloves do to you?
They were stifling my freedom.
Bacon just wants to
be freeget into a 375F oven.They didn’t prevent the bacon from burning.
Reposting since it seems appropriate
https://twitter.com/nsagov/status/1189971059157716992?s=21
The two lady bugs are in their work clothes
“Hey guys, let’s step away from arming ISIS and monitoring American citizens to have some fun! Let’s all take a fun picture in our Halloween costumes so we can pretend to be decent people and not the vile monsters that we truly are!”
Eh, they all seem harmless. The real terrible people at NSA probably aren’t showing up in costumes.
Something banality something something evil.
A tax parasite is, by definition, vile until proven otherwise. A tax parasite with a gun and the authority to throw you in a cage is a vile monster.
I’m only vile! YES!
Pwned on the first reply. Ouch.
The one on the left is dressed up as our civil liberties and limited form of government.
I voted straight ticket “none of the above”, which, to the casual observer, might look a lot like not voting at all.
I don’t want to be fractionally owned by slaves – not gonna take time out of my day and get put on a jury selection list to pick out which slaver I allegedly prefer.
Fractionally owned by “slavers” – fn autocorrect.
Tom Bevan
@TomBevanRCP
Recap:
NBC killed story on Harvey Weinstein, saying it didn’t meet their editorial standards.
ABC spiked story on Jeffrey Epstein, saying same.
Both orgs (& rest of media) went wild running uncorroborated stories about Brett Kavanaugh being a gang rapist.
The corporate press is the enemy of the people.
NBC killed story on Harvey Weinstein, saying it didn’t meet their editorial standards.
ABC spiked story on Jeffrey Epstein, saying same.
Hmm. Notice (((anything))) in common there?
Hey SP, urgent warning!
The NSA rerouted our IP address to ZeroHedge!
I’m not saying its (((them))), but . . .
I feel like I already know so many of you already, even though you’ve been nothing more than i.p. addresses and blips on a drone pilot’s screen to me previously.
Great line! Thanks for making me laugh this afternoon, wchipperdove!
Nice to meet you, Mike… AM I BEING DETAINED?
“No, you’re being renditioned, extraordinarily.”
Now, I’m more tolerant of ink on women than a lot of you old fogeys, but this is a bridge too far for me.
That is hilarious.
(barf)
Bless her heart.
more like “blind eyes, white dragon”
(blanc=white, so it’s okay)
I understand there are more pleasant ways to go blind.
(Reminds me – I may want to get my eyes checked before driver’s license renewal time this month…)
As for the mods – I didn’t even get my ears pierced ’til I was over 30. No desire to get inked.
Would.
Would run away.
RUN AWAYYYYY!!!!
ABC News anchor Amy Robach believes convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein was killed in his New York City prison cell
“So do I think he was killed? A hundred percent, yes I do,” Robach says of Epstein. “He made his whole living blackmailing people.”
“There were a lot of men in those planes, a lot of men who visited that island, a lot of powerful men who came into that apartment,” the anchor continues.
“And they made it seem as though he made that ‘suicide attempt’ two weeks earlier. But his lawyers claim that he was roughed up by his cellmate around the neck, that was all like to plant the seed,” she says. “That’s why I really believe it. Like really believe it.”
Federal authorities arrested Epstein on child sex crime charges in July and was jailed at the Metropolitan Correctional Center (MCC) until his August 10 death. The disgraced financier was found hanging in his prison cell days after he was removed from the prison’s suicide watch.
However, former New York City medical examiner Dr. Michael Baden made headlines last week for contending Epstein’s autopsy shows more evidence of strangulation than suicide.
“There are multiple — three fractures in the hyoid bone, in the thyroid cartilage that are very unusual for suicide and more indicative of strangulation, homicidal strangulation,” he argued. “There’s evidence here of homicide that should be investigated, to see if it is or isn’t homicide.”
Project Veritas’s Tuesday video also shows Robach alleging that ABC News killed a bombshell report regarding Epstein, which also implicated former President Bill Clinton and Britain’s Prince Andrew.
Robach says of the purported report: “I’ve had the story for three years. I’ve had this interview with Virginia Roberts—we would not put it on the air. First of all, I was told, ‘Whose Jeffrey Epstein? No one knows who that is, this is a stupid story.’ Then, the palace found out that we had her whole allegations about Prince Andrew and threatened us a million different ways. We were so afraid we wouldn’t be able to interview Kate and Will, that we, that also quashed the story.”
“It was unbelievable what we had. Clinton, we had everything,” she adds.
Interesting “suicide” technique Ms. Robach has there.
We were so afraid we wouldn’t be able to interview Kate and Will, that we, that also quashed the story.”-
Speaking truth to power…unless it affects the bottom line.
Media bias? Psshhtt. Just another delusional right-wing conspiracy theory. Totally disinterested, objective news.
And when he says “no quid pro quo,” it totally means the opposite of that.
Which is to investigate very credible evidence that Biden used his position as VP to set up a sweetheart deal for his son (Kerry’s son, too). It also looks like the way they were making money was through a govt ratchet on their natural gas sector. Oh, yeah, and the Crowdstrike servers was mentioned as being in Ukraine.
But it was totally a quid pro quo to go after his “political opponent” in the next election, who hasn’t even won the nomination yet, and continues to look less and less likely to do so. Which is also totally different than when Hillary fixed the DNC race last time by having debate questions given to her in advance on two occasions. And Donna Brazile did not go to jail for that, and instead got a promotion from Hillary Clinton right after. And now she’s back on Fox. But OrangeManBad is Bad.
I guess we’ll find out who snitches around here soon enough.
/looks at everyone with a narrow, stern gaze slowly stirring pancake batter.
Pancakes? What a crepey way to treat us.
To find the snitch, ask each Glib point blank if it’s him and see who waffles.
But if you butter them up first, it might be easier to flip them.
Is that some sort of Canadian euphemism?
Obviously the NSA prevented the posting of afternoon links.
They have to review it first.