Hey man…well, you know the rest.

That hook I wrote to suck you in here was a lie. My hotel WiFi had been out for three days and they can’t seem to get it fixed for me., so these links will suffer for it  Oh, but don’t worry…they’re trying and have escalated it.  Bastards. They’re just bastards.  I don’t want it escalated. I want you to order a new router and make it work.  Or give me a bunch of money back for y’all having failed so catastrophically. Anyway, I’m having to do these links the hard way, so bear with me. Ottawa and the NYR were the winners on the ice yesterday. Thankfully they only had two games on the schedule. And as for birthdays, the heavyweights were: French philosophizer Voltaire, baseball player Stan Musial, politician and handgun expert Budd Dwyer, actor and director Harold Ramis, Icelandic person Bjork, baseball great Ken Griffey, Jr, and moronic football pundit Danny Kanell.

OK, on to…the links!

There won’t be any impeachment circus links today. I am sure that got beat to death yesterday afternoon anyway and to be honest, it’s really come down to a circus of he said/she said nonsense. But I’ve got plenty of good stuff for you.

Rep Nuclear Farts

Eric Swalwell (you remember him as the assclown who said he would nuke people who didn’t voluntarily give up their guns) denies ripping a fart on live tv. I’d have done the same if I were him. Although some others disagree with his claim.

Sue everybody! I mean, did this lady think he was under an obligation to just parrot her words?

“Anyway, Boris, that’s when I put a finger in her butthole.”

If you’re never in public, they can never see you sweat. Or hug somebody. Or have sex with a child. I assume that was his reasoning.

This is getting interesting. That’s what usually happens when people are facing jail time.

San Francisco police continue to earn their reputation for ineptitude. I’m not talking about the initial stabbing. I’m talking about not guarding a violent murder suspect who is in the hospital.  Fucking idiots.

Here’s what somebody said happened at the debate last night. I could post a million different analyses from a million different outlets.  I chose this one out of apathy and because it’s always my source for the last link. I assume I’ll get better analysis in the comments anyway.

This has a lot of STEVE SMITH action in it. Feel free to skip to 1:28 if you want to miss the intro.

That’s all I got. Sorry if they suck. I’m really working with a handicap here. But I’ll be home tomorrow where the interwebs flow like wine.