I didn’t actually do the math.
I didn’t have the numbers for one side of the colon. But based on the proliferation of newsgroups, online critique groups, publishing forums in 2008, and the number of such denizens all trying to get published, I could guess. And it was huge.
Then there was me. 1 : x6214
Mormons aren’t a cult. I know because I’m a Mormon and I was in a cult. The cult had me far more brainwashed than Mormonism ever did or ever will.
Maybe it’s just me, but I see a lot of green in that cover.
I was 15 when I first found out how to go about querying and creating proposals. I even did that a couple of times for Reader’s Digest. I was rejected. It hurt, not because I was rejected, but because I was running out of time. A favorite author’s bio said she was 18 when she first published a book, which she wrote “on a whim”. If I hadn’t done it by 18, well … (Narrator: That was a lie. She was 25.)
I was eating Harlequin Presents romances for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I knew the formula. I knew the most popular tropes. I had plenty of ideas. I didn’t have such words in my vocabulary as “formula” and “trope.” It was a gut feeling, the natural rhythm of the way a good story is paced.
You can blame her for my May-December fetish.
I never did get a Harlequin Presents romance written. By the time I could actually write a book, I liked Harlequin Superromances better and I trained myself to write within that word count (90,000 to 120,000). It felt more complete than the 55,000 words of Presents. Well, of course it would. It was double.
So here’s what happened:
In 1989, I wrote my under-the-bed novel. The apprentice novel. The horrible one. The one you never want to see the light of day. It’s still out there floating around, I think.
In 1990, I wrote my next novel. It was marginally better.
In 1991, I wrote my third. It was good. I sent it to a publisher that had launched the careers of a bunch of NYT bestsellers. I got The Call. You know, the one where the editor calls you and congratulates you. Then … nothing. The publisher went out of business. Why? The parent company had bought it for a tax write-off and it made money. So bye bye Kismet. Yes, that was the publisher’s name. Kismet.
If you are a good writer, you WILL get published. Don’t give up.
In 1993, I wrote my fourth. It was really good. I sent it to Harlequin and got The Call. Sorta. The editor said, “I love this book. However, I bought one fairly similar last month that is not as good as yours, but I can’t break that contract and I can’t sell this to my editorial board. Send me something else. NAO.” I gave a brief rundown of book #3 and she passed.
That really is Win 3.x green rivets background.
So I got an agent with book 4. That relationship ended in disaster after she read book 2 and told me to get a therapist. (Narrator: That book was revamped a few times, published, and remains the fan favorite.)
In 1993, I started writing my pirate novel. I knew what I wanted to do. I also knew I didn’t have the chops to do it, so I fiddled with it for years.
If you are a good writer, you WILL get published. Don’t give up.
In 1993, I wrote book 5. It also got me The Call. An editor at Harlequin called me up on a Saturday morning and said, “I want to read the rest of this book. Overnight it.” She called me Tuesday evening and said, “I love this book—except the ending.” Me, having been trained to be a good, dutiful, well-behaved author, said, “I’ll rewrite it!” She sighed and said, “No, that would ruin the book. It has the ending it needs. I just can’t sell it.”
If you are a good writer, you WILL get published. Don’t give up.
In 1995, I was a senior in college in the creative writing program. My professor was the faculty supervisor of the uni’s lit rag. After my first assignment, he told me I had an A in the class and I could just skip the rest of the semester because he couldn’t teach me anything. But he would count it a personal favor if I stayed and did the assignments because he loved my work. That class was 8:00 a.m. after I’d spent the night working a graveyard shift at a gas station. You better believe I went to class.
I wrote a story. He was disappointed in me for giving it a “romance novel ending,” but otherwise he loved it. My senior advisor for my capstone project happened to be a Latin teacher (no idea why) who was absolutely fascinated by my creative process. She said, “I don’t care what you do, just tell me why and how you do it.” Okay, so I expanded on my story that had caught my attention.
It so happened that I was in Shakespeare 480 class or whatever really high number and we were studying Hamlet. I decided that somehow my religious allegory for the atonement (with a romance-novel ending) and Hamlet should go together like bread and butter. It didn’t. I couldn’t make that plot work.
Oh, bullshit. Good generals know when to retreat.
If you are a good writer, you WILL get published. Don’t give up.
So I was bored at my graveyard job and in class and wrote book 6. That one got me a literary agent who loved it, but could not sell it, either.
If you are a good writer, you WILL get published. Don’t give up.
Let us stop a moment and draw the obvious conclusion.
It was about now I started messing with making my own galleys of book 6. I was never going to self-publish, oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Only bad writers self-published. It was the kiss of death. Even if you really were good, a publisher would never publish someone who had published himself. Still … that galley looked awfully pretty. I hesitantly called up a printer as if I were calling up a gigolo to take my virginity for me, knowing I was going to go to hell for it when I died, and said,
“Yeah, um … how … much … would this cost?”
“Twenty grand.”
“Bye.”
So even my attempt at committing the ultimate sin was unavailable to me.
I gave up. I had enough near-misses to let me know I wasn’t a bad writer, but clearly not good enough and I obviously didn’t know how to hit the Harlequin bullseye after all.
No, I didn’t give up trying to get published. I gave up writing altogether.
Fast forward to 2004. I’ve gotten married. I’ve had a baby. I’ve gotten a work-at-home profession as a medical transcriptionist and was doing okay. I’ve got no creative outlet. I refuse to write and only occasionally fiddled with my pirate novel, and once in a while, I tried to make that Hamlet-atonement plot that wouldn’t work, work.
I wasn’t entirely stupid. I still had them on floppies.
My husband had read one of my books and liked it. He had urged me to query it again. I had. I had gotten swiftly and roundly rejected. Apparently, it hadn’t stood the test of time. In anger, I had burned all my manuscripts in the barbecue grill.
I’ve still got no creative outlet except … counted cross stitch. I love it. (Narrator: Loved. She killed that by making it into a business.) There were lots of things I wanted to stitch, so I learned how to convert them into patterns. I then went online and found out people who were “superstars” in the cross stitch pattern world had started out doing their own and just pitched them to shops and then got picked up by distributors. Self-publishing your patterns was the mark of a professional. So I did that. Turns out, what I like and what a lot of other people like aren’t the same, and the few who did like my patterns weren’t enough to pay the bills.
All those bubbles in my head…
That fizzled after a few years of tinkering with it. I was okay with that. I’d had another baby. I was working my ass off at medical transcription because I had moved into a house that we should never have bought and had started having expensive problems. (Narrator: Two weeks after moving in, the back patio sliding door fell out. Just … fell out. That was a very cold winter.)
Fast forward to 2007.
One night, after having invoiced my contractor for my medical transcription work (it was a lot of money), I was very depressed. Not even my newly-doubled-dose of antidepressants was helping. (Narrator: Sometimes you don’t have depression. Sometimes your life just sucks.) As one gets older, one should be making more money for less effort. Otherwise, you’re not life-ing right. I sent my bill and sat there in the dark and looked at my computer. I opened up book 6 and I read my own work for the first time in years.
It was like somebody else had written it, and it was good. Like, really good. I went to bed even more depressed and discouraged and asking, “Why did I give up on myself?”
I woke up the next morning with the solution to my now-decade-old plot problem and I got to writing.
The rollercoaster car had left the station.
I love this.
I’m just a slob, but against the predictions of my school teachers I can read and I enjoy reading what you write.
Thanks!!! ?
Wait, you actually got people to respond to you, like personally?
The most I managed was form letters, then they just started to ghost me.
Well, she was submitting to romance publishers, and you know wimmen — always chatting on the phone all day.
You were submitting to antisocial aspie types.
Yep, I did. But the freak roadblocks are more heartbreaking to me than the flat rejections.
Love this! Thanks, Moj.
(Also, FIRST, BITCHES!!)
(Also, also, check your email. I sent a publishing request.)
Fuck. Not even second.
No. Not even close.
(insert sad trombone)
Story of my life, TGA.
(see, e.g., Anthrax Series)
I’d have been First, but I read the article instead.
Thank you!
I responded immediately. I even gave you my cell number! Check your spam.
gave you my cell number
Let the Glib Sexting begin! (Glixting?)
Chicka-bow-WOW!
Yeah, what Ozy said.
( but not the First, Bitches Bit)
(And not the check your email bit)
All the other stuff though. *Thumbs up Emoji*
As the kids in the projects used to say: “You bitin’ on my tag?”
Frontin’, I think I was cold frontin’
Okay, I replied again from my IRL email. Gmail really doesn’t like my domain name.
Why is so much advice not only terrible, but counterproductive?
“Pound the pavement, show gumption, they’ll be impressed and hire you.”
“Follow your dreams.”
“Do what you love”
“Tell the truth and you won’t get arrested.”
“I won’t come in your mouth.”
“The check is in the mail.”
They’re doing bad advice not lies.
See? Totally off my game.
Wait a minute, no. The “bad advice” IS lies.
It’s a subset.
“If at first you don’t succeed, try try again. And then give up. No use being a damned fool about it.”
-Aristophanes
Most people don’t know enough about a given topic to provide useful advice, and those that do either don’t want the competition or are blinded by confirmation bias.
I have a long answer to that, but I am on my phone at the deli counter at Walmart.
Personally, my best posts are made on my phone while I’m distracted; but I’m a filthy millennial.
NOBODY wants to think of it as a lottery, but by and large, it is. It is pure luck if your submission doesn’t get pitched into the dumpster without having been read. Hell, sometimes it’s pure luck it gets past the mailroom clerk. Now there’s email and you can just delete en masse.
It all comes down to what the submissions editor actually chooses to read.
Published authors do not want to think they got the call because of luck. They want to believe it was all skill and talent. Thus, they are not going to say the L-word.
They also want to be seen as gurus, and so they dish this pablum out as if everyone can do it because they did it, with no thought to odds.
Unpublished authors want to cling to the hope that they will be the next lucky one. Unpublished authors don’t like to think of it as luck, either, but at least they know their submission could get thrown out without ever being seen.
I have had an editor say to my face that they will respond, only to never hear from them afterwards.
(Another reason I stopped going to these conventions… besides the expense)
It seems romance is more considerate than scifi, then. If an editor at a conference asks you for the manuscript, they want it.
Or, that is how it used to be.
It was worse, it was 1000 word story, not even a manuscript’s investment of time to read.
This one but it’s behind the ‘mature content’ filter because of violence.
Basically what I meant by “blinded by confirmation bias”. I did X and achieved Y so I suggest you also try X, only works if X is the actual reason why they achieved Y, is the only or largest reason why they achieved Y, and there are no disqualifying factors that differentiate their situation and yours.
Okay, yes. Right.
No worries, the few times I write for other people brevity is king and I often forget that concise writing is difficult to parse without context. Your expanded elucidation of my intended point is appreciated.
Yeah, follow your passion.
Mike Rowe’s counter to that: “Don’t follow your passion, but always take it with you.” I’ve used that line a few times on young ‘uns, and it seems to strike a chord with ’em.
Well, the smart ones, anyways. I figure the rest of ’em are the peace-time equivalent of cannon fodder.
Mojeaux, it sounds like you took Mike Rowe’s advice possibly before you’d even heard of Mike Rowe.
I took my husband’s advice (I’ll get into this in a later part), which was, “What’s different about publishing your cross stitch patterns than your book?” This whole series is about the shit I lost when he asked me that very sensible and obvious question.
I wrote this on my blog in 2011:
It’s an awesome video.
I’ve shared it widely and gotten excellent feedback from the kids.
That man is a genius.
The thing that bothers me about “follow your passion” is that those with a true passion will follow it regardless and those without will destroy what they love. Passion doesn’t mean an interest, or a hobby, or something you really like, it means to love something to the point of self destruction; that’s why plays about the crucifixion are called passions, they are about how Christ lived humanity to the extent that he willingly allowed himself not just to be executed, but to suffer all of the collective sins of humanity past present and future. If you love something to that extent nothing will stop you, that’s what passion means. Most people don’t have a passion, and telling people to pursue something they like as if it was a passion results in all the same suffering as if it truly was a passion with none of the fulfillment. But it’s an easier platitude than “find something you enjoy and indulge in it, but don’t forget you have to eat. Both sides of the work life balance equation are important.”
That is a lesson I learned the hard way. Every time I look at my untouched embroidery floss boxes that I can’t bear to get rid of, it hurts.
I know it sounds stupid, embroidery. I just didn’t know how much I loved it till I hated it.
This is why my wife does not try to sell anything she makes.
Bacterial gastroenteritis won’t stop me from eating ass.
Well, not immediately anyway.
I know that feeling. When picking up a project from the wayside, I have to reread the whole thing. I’m surprised at the number of times I go “Wait, I wrote that?” or manage to laugh.
I think it comes from the fact that when the work is fresh in the brain, you know all the could’ve beens, alternatives and flaws better than what made it to the page. As it all fades from memory, you’re left with what was actually written, and it doesn’t look as bad from a clean read.
When I can and have time, I impose a two-day cool-off period for anything I’ve written before I go back and look at it for final editing. Otherwise, to your point, you’re still editing against what you think you wrote and not what is actually on the page.
I usually proof read my documents out loud. It seems to trigger a different way of processing the words and I catch a lot of errors.
It’s a great way to proof, if (and only if) you read what’s actually written on the page. If you allow yourself to skim, you’ll read out the corrections aloud while the page is still a mess. It can also help to have someone else read it aloud to you.
I read it exactly as written, edit and then say the edit out load. Skimming is always a something to watch out for and I usually do as Ozy suggests and do something else before the final proof read.
The girlfriend would start by reading what was written, and then she would start skimming what was written, and saying what she meant.
I think that’s generally how women work.
Wife: I think /want /need…
CP: OK. *fulfills expressed desire*
— later – – –
Wife : What I really meant was…
CP: >8|
I have realized lately that I stuff my real feelings down NOT because I don’t want to confront them, but because I don’t have the time, energy, or brain space to think about it too long.
I’m angry about this house. I have been for YEARS. I didn’t know HOW angry until I (unwittingly) backed us into this corner we’re in. And now that I KNOW I’m angry AND WHY, I’m just livid 24/7 and I don’t like living this way and I will have to until it fades.
If I had been more aware and subsequently more proactive, we’d have been out of here 10+ years ago.
Read backwards.
Start at the end and read right to left, bottom to top.
Sorry, context – I grabbed a book off the cube shelf, flipped to a spot in the middle and read until I chuckled, then copied the relevent text.
That Oleander guy seems kind of toxic.
He’s more Insular than toxic.
No man is an island.
Same with visual art. A piece that’s been traveling in an exhibit will make it home after 3 or 4 years, and I look at it and think, “Huh. That’s actually pretty good!’
When it’s newly finished, I can’t wait to get rid of it and never want to see it again.
I still can’t stand Shadowdemon it’s a messy, convoluted knot of a novel. The only upside is that it left so many loose threads to pick up and start new stories from.
I think it stems from the dissatisfaction of how your brain wants it to be versus what your eyes tell you.
Obligatory 1
https://youtu.be/7xxgRUyzgs0
And 2
https://youtu.be/8g6h1vI4Xv0
Sure this is a great article for those of you who are good writers. What about us dupes who have trouble coloring inside the lines? Any advice for us?
Abstract art?
They just increased federal funding for the arts, if your wife submits the application your doodles should have no trouble getting a grant.
You know the drill, scrawl your deepest and most profound thoughts on the stall wall of a truck stop bathroom.
For a good time stay out of NoDak.
-Pope Jimbo
867-5309
Why are you looking up here.
The joke is in your hands
Exercise some discretion though….
Those who write on shithouse walls, roll their shit in little balls!
Those who read these words of wit, eat those little balls of shit!
Make all your characters non-binary autistic persona of color and submit to the artsy houses. You’ll get published and win awards. You won’t sell any books.
Well, that’s where the math comes in, which is part 2.
Well, the world needs ditch-diggers, too.
Learn to code?
Come to Denver. Take a look at what passes for “sculpture” in the city parks.
The City of Denver will give an art contract to any lunatic with astigmatism and a blowtorch.
Here in Cleveland, we know public art.
At least that’s a recognizable object. That puts it a few steps above the scrap metal piles I’ve seen in the wild.
Installed near the airport.
I’ll give them points for it being clear these are supposed to be peple.
But I’m not a fan.
Some gov agency spent 6 figures on that. The local reaction was overwhelmingly negative.
Golden got it right, though.
But some of it is functional. For example, there’s the giant dick that holds up the pedestrian bridge downtown.
To be more serious about this, I have no advice for people who can’t write. If you can tell a compelling story around a campfire, you can manage to put it on paper somehow. If you can’t, you’re not going to be able to write. I can teach a storyteller how to write. I can’t teach a person who can/not write how to tell a story.
The thesis of my series here is “The question is not ‘Who is going to let me?’ The question is ‘Who is going to stop me?'”
I like this message, MOJO. Never give up.
That is not quite what I wanted to get across. The point is, it’s bad advice.
I will get into that more in part 2.
But if that’s what I got out of it (?) —
*reads it again*
I see both morals – never give up (wiriting) but don’t do the same thing over and over expecting different results (beating on the gates of a traditional publishing house when not part of the clique)
Well, I think you are headed toward “If after several tries you don’t succeed try a different tack” which is kind of like “never give up” meets “don’t be an idiot”.
That, which I will address.
Also
“Just because you don’t give up doesn’t mean you’re any good.”
Damnit. I am not giving up!
That is not quite what I wanted to get across. The point is, it’s bad advice.
I will get into that more in part 2.
I’m kidding. I hear ya, now.
Thanks for putting yourself out there Moj. I’ve been in a decades long struggle with my own artwork and I could write a very similar story. I love doing it. I’ve won contests and many compliments but was never able to make anywhere near a career out of it. I haven’t painted anything major in years. But I keep coming back to it, at the very least I keep a sketch book.
Keep doing it, TOK. Never stop. It’s something in you and allows you to create.
I have a friend whose paintings/sketchings/art I love. He’s taken a couple of courses, but he’s just a dude from the ‘hood. He doesn’t like anything he does and I love it all. Like my kids, I wish he could see himself and his talent through my eyes.
I think trying to make a career out of it is the surest way to fuck up any joy you get from it.
I know lots of musicians who play and record a lot. Most of them have other careers because that world is fickle as fuck and there is nothing wrong with wanting a nicer lifestyle. Even pro athletes I’ve talked with are usually glad to get into something else.
i agree with Ozy. Just keep creating. And share some of your stuff with your pals here, FFS!
“Do what you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life” is as big a bullshit platitude as “happily every after” or “everything happens for a reason”
Turning your passion into a career is a sure fire way to lose that passion.
Somewhat. I switched careers because i found coding and development far more rewarding to work in than the rote data analysis i was doing. I still code on my own, and still love it. Work that is rewarding makes work more pleasant. For me being able to do something useful rather than crunch numbers for executives that would be ignored was much more rewarding.
“Something one finds rewarding” is different from “something I love to do.”
I love writing. I find the publishing part fulfilling. I was somehow successfully able to separate my love of writing from the reward of publishing.
If you keep coming back to it in spite of yourself, that is a sign you need to heed.
Thank you, Moje! As you know, I really needed to hear this right now: after more than four months, my best hope for a little objective feedback for my first fiction (bitches love alliteration!) – forget about actual publication – crapped out. I’m trying to figure out where to go from here. In my case, I have no intention of trying to make my living from writing. I’d just like to improve.
More, please! Pros and cons of traditional publishing and of self-publishing? Is the traditional publishing model a dying breed?
I’m at the day job I can’t quit, so I’ll follow & comment further as best I can.
What’s the plot of the story you wrote?
Quite possibly the most unmarketable plot ever: single woman/only child, caring for her widowed mother with Alzheimer’s, founds out that she (daughter) has a terminal illness. She sets the goal of surviving until her mother no longer recognizes her, and she decides to pretend each day is a holiday. Throw in budding romance with her chemo nurse, who gives her pot for her nausea.
I tried to put in as much humor as I could because that’s how I roll.
I can try to give feedback. Even if it boils down to technical feedback rather than story. How long is it?
Don’t have it here at the office, but I’ll drop you an e-mail later. Many thanks for the offer!
If nothing else, I hope I can help others learn from my mistakes… err… “experience”.
I could help with making the progression and care of dementia more accurate, if nothing else. For example, have the holiday thing initiated by the mother, not the daughter. In later stages, as long as the delusion poses no danger to the patient or caregivers, it is suggested that you play along to avoid confusion. My father has a penchant for Hawaiian shirts, so when he was a nurse a resident of the nursing home thought he went on a cruise. Pops ended up going on several imaginary cruises and even got little “souvenirs” for her.
You’re welcome and thank you!
I think you’re a good writer. Whatever they want (underneath what they say they want) is not something you can guess.
Yep. Gonna get into that.
No.
Fuck a duck. That was to GT.
A well, abort the duck-fucking. I had HIDE OLD THREADS clicked in Monocle/Eyepiece/whichever.
You did respond to GT.
Take a few breaths.
I’m still amazed how many folk we have here who write.
I’m looking forward to more of the story including the pitfalls you’ve experienced self publishing.
I’ve come to the conclusion that Glibs is really an online artist colony run and populated by aspies who do art with ones and zeros and electrons.
I was going to object until I saw that last clause.
I thought you did art with hops, barley, malt, and water.
I thought about noting something about cooking, baking, and cocktails after the fact. I already surprised a friend of mine with one of my favorite books on cooking (as opposed to a cook book) this year.
But you left out yeast, and malt is usually barley (and unmalted barley is rarely used in brewing). Just my pedant mode here…
Mostly it involves getting my ass kicked all over the internet by published authors, arguing my case (“Sooooo how do you feel about kowtowing to someone to validate your writing?”), and then seeing those same published authors see the light, publish themselves, and crow about how easy it is and how much money they’re making.
The other pitfall is marketing, but that is not one as compared to traditional publishing.
I started after some conversations at a convention with William King (A traditionally published Fantasy author) who’d moved to independant publishing as the traditional houses went more towards the blockbuster model and dropped reliable but not stunning volume authors.
So very true.
Given the shortage of people who have both read and disliked my work, I’m pretty sure my biggest issue is getting eyes on it in the first place.
Rereading that I’m starting to sound smug. I have to go look for ‘umble pie.
Do you want me to tell you that I didn’t enjoy your novels?
Well, I’d start to ask for what about them didn’t appeal, what you thought was wrong, and so forth. I’d love to hear from someone who didn’t like them. It’d be an interesting perspective. (Unless they just send invectives)
Checking my reading log I gave them 2.5-3 stars so I didn’t dislike them, but I do remember thinking the Shadowboy books were too busy, you tried to stuff every comic book trope in and it was too much, I liked the Dug one better, even if you still threw a bunch of story lines out, they were mostly handled individually instead of all at once. More like a collection of adventure loosely tied around the travels of the hero than one long narrative. Also I can’t say I really found myself rooting for either Travis or Dug, they aren’t very likable characters, and not in the anti-hero sense, they’re too analytical in everything, flat for lack of a better word.
That “Too analytical” is almost certainly my personality bleeding through. It’s probably going to be that way for any first person narrator I write. Did you get a similar vibe from the protagonists of the third-person narrator stories?
Not that I remember, but Lucid Blue was the book of yours that I enjoyed most.
Sorry to go OT moj but quick complaint:
Listening to Pandora. Commercial comes on cause I’m a cheap fuck who doesn’t pay for shit. Who the fuck thought making a commercial wherein you hear a man chewing his “Sniders of Hannover” pretzels was a good idea. I want to go punch a cat, and murder the next marketer i see. I am seriously pissed. Hearing people chew is one of my biggest pet peeves. Like if i go to prison its either for sedition or going on a murder rampage cause i heard people chewing.
Never look up mukbang videos, then.
It seems that advertisers, TV as well but especially in audio, figure it’s better to agitate to get your attention than make something pleasant but ignorable. What’s funny is an irritating ad has never once inspired me to consider buying a product, I’m not sure what their angle is.
I guess i know who they were advertising. That’s true. But man just thinking about it makes me want to murder someone.
Mine is the annoying back and forth conversation commercials al la the Sonic drive in guys. They make my inner Hulk want to SMASH
Whoever the fuck it was that did that she shed commercial that was all over the place in years past. Or the singing one about the stained shirt that’s playing now.
I’ll admit to being entertained by the Taco Bell commercials about the messed up dinner (Tomato Soup and Meatballs!).
The stained shirt one annoys me because i hear it all the time. I do applaud the extra effort of making your commercial a song so that it isn’t so jarring on Pandora.
Leon, I got hearing aids a few weeks ago. I hear MYSELF chewing. I’m hearing sounds that I’d either forgotten or have never heard. Do you know that a running faucet makes a sort of tinkling sound?
Dolly Parton actually sings words? Every thing has a sound, paper crinkling.
The low freqs sometimes have a higher frequency component.
Commercials can be annoying though, from content alone. TV has plenty but I don’t watch much.
There is a radio ad around here for like radon detectors or something (that I’ve only heard on the local sportstalk station) that features a woman eating a pickle ans talking while chewing.
“…figure it’s better to agitate to get your attention than make something pleasant…”
See also: car dealership commercials
It’s the ones with sirens in them that make me seethe.
Rule 34 suggests it’s a fetish for somebody out there.
There is actually a genetic marker for this. Misophonia. https://objects.23andme.com/res/pdf/eEK9zpYQRGYVvUXuEd0VQw_23-08_Genetic_Associations_With_Traits.pdf
I used to write horror fiction and even had a couple of small things published, but I haven’t written in ages and the fact that I haven’t taken it back up is proof to me that I don’t have the necessary temperament. A friend of mine who has been writing for years started up a publishing company specifically to give the writers he knows a venue outside of the big (I mean genre big, not like Harper-Collins) houses to try to get stuff out and still get paid at least something for their stuff. I don’t believe it’s been solvent since he started it, but he was always realistic about it not being a profit-making venture so much as an expensive hobby.
Here’s a plug for his journal: Lamplight Magazine
Sorry, there was a point to that, which is that he is happy, willing, and eager to spend a lot of time, money, and effort not just writing but editing and publishing because he loves it so. I don’t have that, and I think you need it to be good. Or, at least, I’d need it to achieve what I’d want to achieve.
I meant to add that to the end of what I’d written above, but the surprisingly flu-like symptoms I’ve gotten after getting a flu shot last night, which, paradoxically, seem to occur every time I’ve ever gotten a flu shot but which I am assured by strangers on the Internet and experts whose credentials I have no way to verify is absolutely impossible, have made me a little fuzzy.
FIFY
I’ve been told to disregard my pretty well-honed capacity for noticing patterns because it is impossible to contract the flu from a flu vaccination. Apparently, it’s more likely that in three separate instances over fifteen years I have happened to time things such that I’ve gone to get a flu shot alongside people who already have the flu or already having it myself. Why I can’t apply this supernatural knack for the desperately unlikely to things like, oh, sports gambling, the Mega Millions, promising IPOs, or stumbling across a duffel bag full of stacks of hundred-dollar bills is an ironic twist of fate, I suppose.
In all seriousness, though, I suspect that I just have a stronger reaction than most to the vaccine. It’s kind of like paying in order to trade a crappy cold on my own schedule to avoid risking a flu I may or may not get at some random time in the future. Still, I only got this one because we’re weeks away from the baby being born, otherwise I’d have gone to my grave without ever getting another flu vaccine.
A lot of flu symptoms are caused by immune reactions. While you can’t get the flu from the vaccine, it does trip your immune system into action, which can cause the same symptoms as if you actually did have the flu as the same immune reactions cause the symptoms in both cases.
My understanding was that in earlier years they used a weakened version of live flu and it was possible (but unlikely), if your immune system was distressed, to pick up the flu.
Then they went to inert (dead) flu strains, which your immune system will react to, but won’t make you sick. But it is less effective.
So now, if you get the inhaled flu vaccine, you are getting a weakened live strain, and the shot is the inert strain. That’s why they give shots to old people (like me).
IMO, if you’ve done it once, it’s not temperament. It’s interest. You accomplished something you wanted to accomplish, it’s off your list, you go on to the next thing.
I do that with crafts and interests I have. I’ll do a thing, preen at my accomplishment, and promptly go on to the next thing that interests me.
With writing, I MUST do it. It is not an option. I am compelled.
The fact that I only fiddled with my work here and there for almost 10 years instead of writing only tells me that I really needed a breather.
*nods knowingly*
That’s probably a better way to put it. I have stories that I’ve parked and not made any progress on in two years that I think about getting back to and wind up doing something else instead. I’ll often think, “You know, I should write”; I never think, “I’m going to forego X because I need to get this thought down on paper”, so to speak. It’s in a class with homebrewing, baking bread, martial arts, stuff like that. I’d like to do it again, but if I never write another word I’m fine.
My old problem was that I periodically needed to write, but I didn’t have the same need to finish anything. My newer problem is that my impulse to write gets consumed posting crap here which drains enough of the pressure that it is not strong enough to overcome my laziness.
You have an outlet. You’re writing, even if it’s in the comments. It’s all good.
I admire anyone who writes a book. Published, self published, or just a manuscript. I can create fun fantasy ideas and day dreams, but the idea of being able to craft it into a coherent, consistent and compelling story is beyond me.
The problem with self published is that you lack the gatekeepers making sure it is coherent, consistent and compelling.
The problem with traditional publishing is that the gatekeepers have forgotten that they are supposed to be making sure it is coherent, consistent and compelling and instead make sure it is inside the clique.
Creative work is hard.
Not entirely true.
Readers are very forgiving of technically subpar work if the author’s voice is compelling and it’s a good story, particularly if it’s a story that goes outside the rigid boundaries of what publishing houses are putting out, which they insist do not exist.
No, readers spoke when they started buying stuff publishing houses refused do. Publishing houses followed, more or less.
I’ve read some subliterate self published crap. I don’t mean not literature. I mean written at the literacy level of an unintelligent grade schooler. Publishers reject well written books that don’t fit their preconceptions, but they reject a lot of utter crap as well.
There’s a reason I like the ability to preview the opening of a book on Amazon – you can see pretty quickly when the technical ability is nonexistant.
Yes. That is the hazard of Libertopia.
Whatever anyone thinks of it, self-publishing IS Libertopia.
I’m not against self publishing. It makes economic sense now that ebooks are a thing, and it prevents the publishers from stifling voices they don’t agree with. I am skeptical that it will wipe out traditional publishing any time soon, and one of the things I like about self publishing is that it sometimes gets a writer through the doors into the traditional publishing world.
Well, I don’t think traditional publishing is going anywhere, either. They figured out the formula: Go straight to the popular fan fiction writers in the back corners of the web and make them superstars (see Fifty Shades of Grey).
Because now there is a conundrum: the self-publishers who make it are the ones the publishing houses want, but the self-publisher who is making money on his/her own will not entertain any traditional publishing contract.
“Fuck off. You can’t do anything for me that I haven’t already done for myself. I. Don’t. Need. You.”
Then there’s the control aspect. Too many authors locked into perpetual copyright problems with their publishers. No self-publisher who has a taste of ultimate control is going to give that up.
That leaves the talented people who still believe in the Cult and the talented fan fiction authors who are writing proven storylines with the names and locales changed, who have a large following in the fandom but haven’t ventured outside the forums.
Traditional publishers also still have all their cash cows. They aren’t going anywhere because they CAN’T do better on their own than their publishers can do for them.
If it gets me fuck you money, I can see sacrificing one of my IPs. But it would have to be a guaranteed RoI of a pretty high amount to let it go.
I’m also up for contract writing in someone else’s IP if needs be. Though I think my problem is the part of any given IP I’m drawn to isn’t the core focus of the brand, hobbling my compeditiveness there.
I am very skeptical about this. People make money, some of them a living self publishing, but the really big dollars are pretty much only available in the traditional world, and I think most self published authors still cherish the dream of being the next {fill in your choice of 6-7 figure annual sales numbers author}.
I am more intimately familiar with this in the music publishing world (which makes book publishing look honest and aboveboard), but every single “I’m not giving in and signing with a label” indie artist that I knew of who got the chance signed immediately.
The marketing is completely different.
Self-publishers don’t need bookstores. They have Amazon.
They don’t need to go on the road to play. They have the internet.
They don’t need to lay out any money for their equipment. A pencil and paper will do.
The sunk costs of a garage band and a scribbler are light years apart. Of course it makes sense for an indie band to sign, even when it doesn’t.
This is apples to oranges.
Maybe, but you still aren’t becoming JK Rowling self published. The knocks against traditional publishing are:
1. It takes luck to get past the gates (totally true, even absent arrogance and cliques the sheer numbers of unsolicited manuscripts would cause this) and 2. Publishers spend all their marketing resources on the handful of top earners and leave your beloved debut novel to rot on the vine. (also true)
The thing about 2. is, if they seek you out as a self publisher and offer you a decent advance they are offering you a shot at being in that top earner club, and unless you are just stubbornly playing the “You wouldn’t talk to me back when I was an unknown, so I’m not talking to you now” game, I think you take it.
If you are in the thousands of sales a year or even ten thousand sales a year range you are probably doing better self publishing and keeping a bigger piece of a similar sized pie. If you have a real shot at getting to the point where your novels see 10+ printings in the traditional world it seems unwise to say no.
That is a calculated risk, and that is where you get The Call out of the blue, say, “Thanks, let me think about it and I’ll get back to you,” and then you call the agent of your choice and say, “I’ve got Random House on the phone wanting to give me a contract.”
That agent will drop everything and talk to you. S/he will know if it’s more of an inevitability than a risk.
Midlist authors benefit the most from self-publishing.
Loved it. ?
Thank you! That story was sparked by this. I was in the UMKC parking lot between classes trying to get some shut-eye (the aforementioned graveyard shift) and it came on the radio and I vaguely wondered, in my dozing state, what the mother’s viewpoint would be.
I started the companion story from the girl’s point of view I tentatively titled “Circular Saws and Texaco Stars”, but decided that the song did the job properly and I didn’t need to belabor the point, particularly as it was obvious and not interesting.
Knox stayed in my brain FOREVER. I could not shake him. What kind of a son of a bitch would do such a thing? I love that man.
In case you’re interested, here’s how Rachel ended up.
It just got a little dusty in here…
I bawled all the way through writing that.
But I do like my happily ever afters, even if it isn’t romance.
Beautiful.
Made me think of this song, somehow.
Thank you!
Art is hard.
Music is hard.
Literature is hard.
Huge market but already over-served. If you were analyzing a painting/album/book as a potential product, you’d laugh yourself silly.
But I really dig the fact that people still do it.
I admire the writers here. I did that November novel thing years ago and writing 50,000 words in 30 days (26 in my case since I couldn’t think of anything to write about). It actually turned out pretty good. My sister, a former literary agent, said I could absolutely publish it. But I never even tried. Honestly, it was so fucking hard to do, I didn’t even want to keep going on it.
Looking forward to more of the story. Thanks, Mo!
No, like any skill it just requires practice. People are discouraged early on because the output isn’t professional grade on the first attempt. But if the act itself is not enjoyable, it might not be worth it to continue. I write because I enjoy writing. I have no expectations of making money, and even if I stopped going to market, I’d still write. The years of practice have improved the wordsmithing and the ability to craft plots and characters. These are not things I had when I started.
Very true. Although, my problem was not lack of skill. I actually once made a living writing corporate fiction. I just found I stopped giving a fuck about the story after awhile.
It’s too much like work, brother. I’d rather just read yours.
Did you see my Haiku last night, btw?
No, I saw Straf’s. Let me go back and check.
Oh, nevermind, it was yours.
I must have been tired.
living writing corporate fiction
I used to write a lot of proposals. Does that count?
Absolutely. I should send you a prospectus or two.
You’re welcome.
As I told NB above, it sometimes doesn’t boil down to talent or temperament. It boils down to interest. You do it once, you cross it off your list. That was good enough for you and you don’t need more.
I will comment more when I get back to my office.
I’m intrigued by your series so far Mojeaux. I’m not naive enough to think I could write a great novel or even a interesting book. I like everyone else does have many a stories to tell, but I don’t have the skill or knowledge to make what I write connect or flow into something engaging. I also can’t move past a technical or conversational writing style.
What I’m getting at is I respect what you do.
Thank you!
Don’t underestimate the power and appeal of a conversational-style novel. It’s very homey and cozy for the reader.
I’m going to have to wait until I get home to read this. Needy people need things. I have to be nice though. I just got a card envelope that feels like it has some cash in it.
My attempts at creative writing were always praised when I was in school. The older I get the less creative I feel and the less capable I seem to be of original ideas and storylines. As Leon said upthread, I have some fantastic day dreams but can’t imagine even halfway capturing them in written word and would struggle to craft a coherent narrative that would simultaneously be interesting.
That being said I found some very interesting quotes in the responses to the Chick Fight article yesterday that many of today’s artists would do well to heed:
“In any case, it is neither the responsibility nor the purpose of art to make us better human beings. And it’s no wonder that art that takes on this solemn task so often winds up being didactic, preachy, cloying, and less effective than art with a less exalted notion of its purpose.”
― Francine Prose, What to Read and Why
“Conversely, bad writers often write in order to forward a cause or enlarge other people’s understanding of a contemporary social issue. Any attempt to write fiction in order to make the world a better, fairer place is almost certain to fail.”
― Toby Litt
You just write, Bob. Think of it as draining a wound that has gone septic. What needs to come out, will.
There are no original ideas or storylines.
There is only the author’s voice and storytelling ability, and not everybody will like all storytellers.
As Dita Von Teese says, “It could be the most delicious peach in the universe, but some people just don’t like peaches.”
Will wrote them all already.
Him and Dorothy Parker.
Johnny come latelys. Most of the plots and themes are in the Epic of Gilgamesh.
But humanity has changed so much since the archaic times in which the likes of those tales were told.
OMG like it is almost 2020 and you people still want stories about the hero’s journey or the conflict between love and loyalty.
I don’t actually like the hero’s journey formula.
Calvin is my writing mentor.
Evidently not just yours, that sounds like a perfectly plausible thesis in today’s humanities departments.
Think about how long ago that was drawn.
Once again Orwell shows his clairvoyance
Oh, yeah, way earlier today, I mentioned maybe submitting some more of my random short works to Glibs. I have one each in the two universes I’ve printed in, but at least one would have to be serialized, because it’s some 12k words or so. Is there any interest?
Yes, I am interested.
Mais bien sur.
Yes, of course.
Yes, please.
Yes!
Another “Please, do”.
Having arrived home, both need to be serialized, as one is 12,800 words, and the other 9,500.
So I got an agent with book 4. That relationship ended in disaster after she read book 2 and told me to get a therapist.
I laughed.
Thanks for this, Mojeaux. This makes me feel better about my current lack of motivation to write. Writing is baring your soul to your readers, writing about writing is revealing your deepest hopes and fears.
I owe you a proper response to your last email.
Considering how long it took me to respond to yours, I deserve to cool my heels. 😉
I kinda got over that when a few published authors ripped me a new one. They actually said the words: “No wonder you had to self-publish. You can’t write!”
I have to disagree with that as a universal. I write popcorn fluff.
No way, dude. Part of the fun of reading your stuff is seeing those points where the real UCS shines through.
There is no way an author can keep him/herself wholly out of the work. Every moment of every day one has lived is a moment to be used somehow.
I had fantasies when I was a child that I’m still mining. No, they aren’t what I want NOW or have for decades, but the kernel is still usable. I save every word I write just in case I need it somewhere someday.
My current book is about 250,000 words.
I have a file that is 150,000 words of what I’ve CUT. Just in case… Someday…
https://twitchy.com/samj-3930/2019/12/19/trolling-master-christmas-package-white-house-staffer-delivered-to-senate-members-triggers-chris-murphy-and-aoc/
Best timeline.
-Chris Murphy
-AOC
Meh. Not even a very clever troll
Just add that to the list of impeachable offenses.
It seems that advertisers, TV as well but especially in audio, figure it’s better to agitate to get your attention than make something pleasant but ignorable. What’s funny is an irritating ad has never once inspired me to consider buying a product, I’m not sure what their angle is.
There’s that Johnny Cash ad (These are my people). I guess it’s for some kind of car, but every time I see it I just want to go kill every single person in the goddam thing. And then kill everybody who made it or approved it.
It should be an ad for a tactical shotgun.
VW, I believe. They missed the mark on that one, but this one was excellent!
Best Car commercials.
THE BEST CAR COMMERCIAL EVER:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1cc59IE5QVg
Thanks for posting this and I am looking forward to the next installment. I enjoy your writing voice and find it engaging. I enjoyed the Gangster book. I think I’m going to try your Pirate book while I’m travelling.
(Also, I have found a way to get Glibs through the firewall at work. hooray!)
And thank you for reading it! I needed a dude’s perspective, and particularly one knowledgeable in gangster things.
Thing is, I made the mistake of binge-watching Boardwalk Empire and comparing their knowledge and writing to mine, and I was falling decidedly short. I was unsure of myself in ways I have never felt unsure of myself.
I’ve written a klunker (Black Jack) that doesn’t bother me as much as 1520 Main does, even though it’s technically a better book.
Delightful article, JoJo. Thank you!
You’re welcome! Thanks for reading it!
I honestly didn’t expect this much engagement from it.
Narrator: Sometimes you don’t have depression. Sometimes your life just sucks
LOL, I told my doctor the same exact thing when she recommended anti-depressants.
I really like the article! As somebody who has subjected y’all to the product of my creative outlet, it really makes me appreciate the chasm between a dabbler like me and the pros like you.
Thank you!
FWIW, I envy lawyers. I would never have been able to get through law school.
Oh my God, The New Yorker (known as the publication only read by those who desperately won’t others to think that they are smart), that great pretentious rag of garbage, actually accidentally made a funny.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EMKzOB1X0AAtIlW.jpg
*desperately want
BREAKING: It turns out that this cartoon was actually a “Ziggy” first
mOaR labels plz!
I also think that The New Yorker is a subpar toilet paper substitute
Should have gone with the “What an asshole” shtick.
but it was funny.
“Christ, what an asshole!”
Works every time.
So, speaking of creating something and putting it out there……
Cats.
Apparently it is, uh, not being well received by the critics. There was a lot of talk after the first trailer, and apparently the took it to heart and changed up the animation a lot. To no avail. Currently at 18% on Rotten Tomatoes. Wow. 18% is really hard to do.
And I’m surprised at that…. Andrew Lloyd Webber is an icon. It has been uber-cool to talk about how much you love his work for my entire adult lifetime. So having the movie-review press trash Cats is a bit surprising.
But at least they took a risk and put something out there – to your point.
That’s not what I want to discuss though. No, I want to talk about the news and selling. In my house, we watch the Today show in the morning. Because my wife sez so, and it ain’t worth getting divorced over, that’s why. And this morning I was struck by how much of the NBC news is not actually news, but is sales.
No, I’m not just talking about the stuff where they do some puff piece on what Beyonce is wearing. And not just the obvious product placement where they bring in someone to tell us about the “deals of the day”, pretending that it is a news segment and not an advertisement for a bunch of crap.
There’s also the entertainment industry – like the segment they did on Cats. They had the anchor team sitting around discussing the movie premier that they attended. They were gushing about how amazing it was. They heaped praise on the actresses – and Jennifer Hudson in particular…. she moved them to tears. Amazing!
Which was kinda strange.. because when I checked Rotten tomatoes, it was getting pounded. I pulled up a couple of reviews, and both mentioned Hudson’s performance as being way over-the-top and way too singing contest singer style with extra melodrama sauce on top. They were not just talking about a new movie that they saw, or even giving a friendly interview. They were selling.
Fast forward to the hard news. Time to do a segment on impeachment.
They come in with a somber lead-in. “And now, from Washington. It is a somber day for America….”
Really.
Heads slightly bowed. A bit reverent. A historic moment. For only the 4th time in American history. No matter what your political stripe, a sad day for all Americans.
Lots of poll tested phrases…. forced to act… Trump’s actions left them no choice…. Serious offences… threat to the democracy….. (remember to bow your head and look sad).
Hmmm…. that was Nancy Peloci’s spin. Don’t celebrate. Be somber. But yesterday they were all buzzing and excited about the momentus occasion. Now they are somber….
…..
Hey! Wait a minute! I know what just happened! They were selling me! They weren’t reporting the news, they were trying to do a sales job on me.
Then they pivoted in to their McConnell won’t be fair in the senate routine..
Oh… I get it.
NBC is just selling me on a different product. This time, it is the DNC.
Andrew Lloyd Weber is an old white guy, who’s work was popular especially among old white bougie boomers. Shitting on him is de rigeur, even on works of his that don’t deserve it.
Eventually he’ll be considered retro or kitsch, but for now he’s a stale male.
From what I understand, it’s not the story, it was the execution.
The story is a clowder of cats assembles to choose which one will die.
How do you fuck that up?
Bad CGI?
Step 1) Get bad singers who are well known actors.
Step 2) ?
Step 3) Profit.
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/12/19/cats-reviews-what-critics-are-saying.html
Critics find ‘Cats’ to be an ‘obscene,’ ‘garish’ and ‘overtly sexual’ adaptation of the hit Broadway show
Didn’t read past the headline.
“A word about the dancing. Original choreographer Gillian Lynne died last year, but left an indelible mark with musicals such as ‘Cats’ and ‘Phantom of the Opera.’ Her choreography for this show was a perfect mix of animalism, ballet and modern movement. But much of it has been jettisoned for Andy Blankenbuehler’s (‘Hamilton’) more organic street dancing. It’s not only a shame that Lynne’s famous work wasn’t immortalized on-screen, but Blankenbuehler’s new moves are a snooze. He turns ‘The Jellicle Ball’ from a showstopper to a watch-checker.
Overly sexual?
Of a show that literally has women putting lingerie on over their cat suits to make themselves sluttier?
“Better than Cats” is a sarcastic phrase used to indicate someone is an easily impressed uncultured hick/tourist.
Now if they had said “Better than Starlight Express,” well…
LOL!
Bots are stupid:
Played a bot game of WebDip. I was England, it came down to me and Turkey in a sea battle. Going into 1912, score was Turkey 17, England 16, Austria 1. Turkey took Vienna in the spring and I was going to lose, probably 19-15 (he could have taken Moscow from me in the fall). I offered a draw that was accepted.
I am going to take the 7th spot in the glib game, what is the invite code?
SMITH
The game is afoot.
I was in a cult
Glibertarians.com?
glibertarians.com isn’t a cult! It’s a way of life!
That’s just what a member of a cult would say.
LP
(Narrator: That was a lie. She was 25.)
I read all these segments in Ron Howard’s voice.
That’s funny.
Boris Karloff for me. Christmas and all that.
Narrators are forever Morgan Freeman.
Interesting conversation. I’ve made a good living writing and editing as a journalist for the last 30 years. Over the years I realized it wasn’t the writing I liked but meeting people, hearing their stories, and learning new things.
I find the folks on here with the imagination and drive to create their own worlds, characters and stories fascinating. I’m also a believer that the more stories there are in the world, the better, so I am glad to see the independent publishing world take shape. Traditional publishing was limiting the number of stories told, and a lot of them were getting tiresome.
OT, but this is fucking brilliant.
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1207508280207011841/photo/1?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn.embedly.com%2Fwidgets%2Fmedia.html%3Ftype%3Dtext%252Fhtml%26key%3Dcfc0fb0733504c77aa4a6ac07caaffc7%26schema%3Dtwitter%26url%3Dhttps%253A%2F%2Ftwitter.com%2Frealdonaldtrump%2Fstatus%2F1207508280207011841%26image%3Dhttps%253A%2F%2Fi.embed.ly%2F1%2Fimage%253Furl%253Dhttps%25253A%25252F%25252Fpbs.twimg.com%25252Fmedia%25252FEMHuXhFU0AAgO7P.jpg%25253Alarge%2526key%253D8804248494c144f5b4765c41f66c6ed5
Be sure to click on the image and see the full photo.
I’ve seen this meme everywhere in the last two years.
That’s gold, Jerry. Gold!
Seen it before, but I think there is a lot of truth to that.
Late to the party. Mojeaux, I like that you gave writing another try and had success. It’s good to see the struggles.