Category: Books

  • What Are We Reading – December 2019

    SugarFree

    I enjoyed Paperbacks from Hell: The Twisted History of ‘70s and ‘80s Horror Fiction, Grady Hendrix’s romp through the post-Stephen King boom in horror publishing. I’m consumed quite a bit of horror from this era and I still found quite a few books–bizarre, deranged, amazing books– that I want to read.

    For example, here is Hendrix describing Toy Cemetary, by William C. Johnstone:

    Toy Cemetery (1987) achieves maximum Johnstone. Vietnam vet Jay Clute returns to Victory, Missouri, where he grew up, with nine-year-old daughter Kelly in tow. Within hours of his arrival, Jay discovers that the two major local landmarks are (1) an enormous doll factory in the center of town run by an obese pedophile named Bruno Dixon, who films satanic kiddie porn in it, and (2) a high-security hospital/mental institution/underground research facility that houses the “products of incest,” enormous man-monsters with apple-sized heads and superhuman strength. Tiny toys run amok, as does incest. Jay and his daughter almost hook up their first night, only to snap out of it when the crosses they’re wearing clink together.

    Reading this book is like driving through a dust storm while in a post-concussion haze: the harder you try to focus, the more everything slips away into an insanity vortex. A supermarket check-out girl’s head explodes, but no one seems to mind. Possessed teenage boys follow Kelly through town, waggling their inappropriate boners until she fights them with karate and kills one with an ax. Everyone has a secret doll collection. A tiny French general leads a toy army.

    Johnstone piles incident on incident, trope on trope, and if something isn’t working he keeps on piling. When time itself needs to be brought to a screeching halt, Jay Clute just pulls out his gun and shoots a clock. Because clocks make time, right? In William W. Johnstone’s world, why not?

    Who could possibly resist?

    OMWC

    Partway through painful progress on Quantum Mechanics and Path Integrals by Richard Feynman and Albert Hibbs. At one time, this would have been light reading for me… in any case, this is a much deeper dive into the basic concepts outlined in Volume 3 of the Feynman Lectures at a math level that’s challenging but not impenetrable. Feynman basically disassembled the foundations of quantum theory and recast it in a novel approach to least-action and uses this method to attack the classical problems in quantum theory (e.g., harmonic oscillators, many-body, perturbation theory) in literally a more dynamic fashion than the basic Heisenberg/Schroedinger/Dirac approaches I was taught.

    Yes, I’m a geek.

    SP

    I’ve been reading more escapist books. This month it’s been the Ruth Galloway series by Elly Griffiths. Ruth is a forensic archaeologist in Norfolk, England, who is sometimes brought in by the local police to lend her expertise when bones crop up in various places and situations. One of her best friends is a practicing Druid. Good, light reading.

    Brett L

    I haven’t read a damn thing worth a damn this month. Limitless Lands is probably the best of a bad bunch on Kindle Unlimited. I’m coming out of the closet, I’m kind of a Lit-RPG fan. Anyhow, I like the character and the writing of this one. A little military worshipful for me, and the character somehow joins a faction that is basically the Roman Empire if it had outlawed slavery and other brutal practices.

    Jesse.in.mb

    The Vine Witch by Luanne G. Smith. A light read, pretty perfect for a flight and killing time while I can’t sleep on CET. Some of the plots go unresolved, but nothing too egregious.

    JW

    I feel like I’ve graduated. This morning, I read the back of an oatmeal box. Did you know that Quakers had buckles on their shoes?

  • Ink and Infatuation, Part 1

    The events of this story take place within the Tarnished Sterling universe shortly after the events of Shadowrealm, but no deep understanding of that setting should be required to understand it.

    * * *

    Carol Hardtop tried to hide behind her notebook. The fact that no one was paying her any attention made this easier. Her embarrassment stemmed from her hair. After having been told not to dye her hair, she’d gone ahead and tried to do so. The result had been horrible streaks of light and dark that looked just dreadful to Carol. The punishment was having to live with it, at least for a few days. So, she curled up in the corner of the armchair, hiding behind her notebook. It was an old chair, a bit threadbare, but it held great sentimental value. Her earliest memories were of sitting with her father in that chair, learning how to read. So even when they got a new living room set, she’d protested the idea of throwing the old chair out. Now it sat in the sun room, staring out the massive windows at the twisted old tree that had given her nightmares when she was younger. Though no one could actually see her, Carol still hid, and scribbled in her notebook. Mostly, she wrote love stories, trying to give people the happily ever after they deserved.

    The crunch of tires on their gravel driveway perked up her ears, but she did not move. From the repeated attempted to get the driver’s side door to stay shut, she knew it was only her brother. In her unassailable opinion, the rolling scrap heap David called a car should have been junked years ago. Hearing him swear and kick the car door gave Carol a start. David loved that rustbucket. She couldn’t fathom why, but he did, and heaping abuse on the jalopy was not something he normally did. So, despite her unfortunate appearance, Carol peered over her notebook as he opened the sun room door. David had headed out in as best an approximation of well dressed as he could manage, putting on an actual button-down shirt and tie. He’d even gone so far as to make sure his hair was neat. That was no longer the case. Something sticky and amber-hued had been dumped on his head and shoulders, streaking his face and adhering his once-white shirt to his lanky frame.

    The foul scowl on David’s face summed it up.

    “Your date went badly?” Carol asked.

    “It wasn’t a date,” David snapped. “It was a prank. She lured me out there to humiliate me – on camera. The video is probably all over the internet by now.” He stomped off inside, and Carol was not surprised to hear the shower start up shortly thereafter. Before she could bury her face back in her notebook, another set of tires crunched on the driveway. A car door closed. A few moments later, the door to David’s car closed. Shortly after that, the tall form of their father appeared in the still-open sun room door. He had the haggard look of someone who’d been driving far too long. He had one suitcase in his left hand, and several more still waiting in the car. Carol beamed at the sight of him.

    “Hey little one,” he said, exhaustion telling in his voice. “What happened to you hair?”

    Turning beet red, Carol ducked behind her notebook again.

    “Let me guess, your mother said you couldn’t dye your hair, and you went ahead and tried to do so anyway?”

    Carol mumbled something by way of confession.

    “Ah, well, I brought you something anyway.”

    Cautiously, she peered over her notebook where Floyd was fishing something out of his jacket. Despite the wrapping of tissue paper, Carol could guess it was a pen from the size and shape of it. She had started collecting pens even before her father’s job had required him to travel. Now he made a habit of bringing them back from wherever he’d been. Most were highly decorative, and not very good as writing implements. Carol accepted this one and gingerly unrolled the tube of tissue paper around it. The nub had poked through and gotten tangled up in the wrapping, resulting in it almost tumbling to the floor when it should have just easily unrolled. It was a fountain pen with a wooden body. A few scraps of paint remained trapped in the depths of the carving, but for the most part it was worn walnut. The shapes carved into the hard wood looked like they’d been designed by someone with no real knowledge of American Indians, and contained motifs from across the continent. Mostly ravens and coyotes from the looks of it, in multiple artistic styles.

    “It’s a genuine antique,” Floyd Hardtop said. “Nineteenth century, hand-carved fountain pen.”

    Carol gave her father a warm smile. He meant well, even if it was an ugly pen. “Thanks, daddy,” she said.

    “Why did your brother leave his car door open?”

    “You know how it doesn’t like to latch,” Carol said, trying not to get drawn into the particulars of David’s ill-fated ‘date’.

    “All right, you be good, and I’ll talk to your mother about taking you to get your hair… evened out.”

    “Thanks.”

    * * *

    Carol finished combing out her now-mahogany locks. She had wanted lighter, but it was easier to cover up her earlier mistakes with a dark shade. It wasn’t the perfect look to her eyes, but no one would point and laugh. Had she been forced to go back to school with the streaky mess… Carol shuddered at the thought. She could live with mahogany. Setting down the comb on her vanity, she sat down in the rockerless rocking chair by the gable window. The house was old, and her bedroom small, but, save for the old tree, it had a superb view of the New Port Arthur skyline. She could see the glittering lights of the downtown highrises, the blinking beacon atop Mount Kline, and the dull glow of street level. A ridge blocked the view of street level proper, but that didn’t spoil the view. Her window also looked out at the roof of the sun room. She had fond memories of sitting out on that roof and watching the skies. Though the city lights made it hard to see the stars most of the time, there had been that one blackout when the sky was allowed to be brilliant.

    She picked up the pen her father had brought back and turned it over in her hands. On one hand, great care had gone into its craftsmanship, with a beautiful piece of wood as the key element. On the other, the end result was still ugly as sin. She couldn’t figure out how to get it open and get at the ink reservoir. Idly, she ran the tip across the top of the current sheet in her notebook. A line of red ink followed. It flowed smoothly and evenly, drawing out every mark and doodle she set it to. Impressed with the doodling, Carol wrote out, “It was a dark and stormy night.” It was the smoothest writing fountain pen she’d run across. Too bad the ink in it was blood red. Failing again to find a means of getting at the internal inkwell, she set the pen down and dropped her notebook atop it.

    The hallway connecting the rooms on the second floor wrapped around the stairwell. Her parents room was by the top of the stairs, at the official front of the house, though most of the time they used the sun room to come and go. The front door looked out upon the sad, abandoned house across the way. David’s room was next to Carol’s, being the very last door anyone would reach on the hall. The bathroom sat between Carol’s closet and her parents’. As she paid the bathroom a visit, she heard the unmistakable crash of thunder, followed by the strumming of heavy downpour on the roof. Finishing up, Carol headed back towards her room. Through David’s open door, she saw him, backlit by the rain-diffused light of the city, staring at the floor. The lights were off, and the flicker of lightning showed an expression so miserable that Carol’s instinct to tease him over the date died.

    “So what happened with Kassidy?”

    David’s gaze flicked up. Seeing nothing but sympathy in Carol’s eyes, he decided to talk.

    “She never actually broke up with Cameron. She said all those things just to get me to believe she might actually be willing to go on a date with me. When I showed up, Cameron dumped a bucket of syrup one me while she filmed it.” David snorted. “She was laughing so hard she might not have managed to keep her phone pointed in the right direction.”

    “What a bitch,” Carol muttered.

    “I’ll get over it,” David said, his voice lacking conviction.

    “Sitting around in the dark won’t help.”

    “Maybe I want to,” David said, but Carol had already reached over and flicked on the light. David’s room was a mirror image of Carol’s, with a similar gable window looking out over the sun room roof, and a closet towards the front of the house. He had hero posters decorating the walls, depicting mostly girls, with the only guys intruding on group portraits. A few were unofficial pin-up variants, mostly hidden where they would not be frequently spotted by their parents. The posters showed a distinct preference for blondes and redheads. Carol’s gaze passed over the familiar enough decor and halted when she saw her brother clearly.

    The redness about his eyes showed where he’d been driven to tears, though he’d evidently already cried them all. The weight of his melancholy was such that he didn’t even bother to chastise Carol for touching his lights. He just sat there, staring at the floor, miserable. Carol nibbled her lip, biting back the commentary on Kassidy that came to mind. It was supposed to have been his first real date with anybody. She decided she had no words for David and slinked away to her room. The rockerless rocking chair sat rather low, but with a pillow on a step stool, it was a perfectly serviceable lounger. Rain strummed against the window panes in an aggressive, if musical, patter. Scooping up the notebook and pen, she tried to put David’s love life from her thoughts, but the sight of him sitting there in the dark would not leave her mind. The only way she could think of to deal with it was to compose a happier resolution.

    Poking the corner of her mouth with the back end of the pen, Carol contemplated the matter. Kassidy was a blonde, so a proper happily ever after would involve a redhead. And if she were secretly a hero, all the better. Red ink on white paper suggested what her colors might be.

    * * *

    The rain subsided by morning, leaving everything damp, with a fresh scent upon the air. A big diesel engine was not a common noise on their street, and the white panel van that stopped across from the Hardtop residence looked decidedly like a moving van. By the time Carol had rubbed the sleep from her eyes and gone through her morning routine, the truck was parked, the rear door rolled up and the ramp fixed in place. Someone was actually moving into the old, abandoned house across the way. She had a sense of deja vu, though no one had ever lived in that house for as long as Carol could remember. David stared out the front door at the aberrant moving truck.

    “Who on Earth?” He left the question unfinished, as at that moment, the person in question appeared. She had loaded a stack of boxes on a hand truck and was rolling it down the ramp. She had a fit, athletic build, and an open, honest face. Her tight jeans and t-shirt accented her curves, while the heavy work boots contrasted sharply. Her complexion was almost cream, tending towards peach at its reddest. Bright green eyes looked out from above the faintest dusting of pale freckles. Her shock of bright red hair was tied back with an emerald ribbon, flaring out in a large poof of hair behind her head. Having gotten the two-wheeled hand cart off the ramp, she pulled it up the driveway and started up the stairs. A look of consternation creased her features as the wheels snagged on the lip of the second stair. One wheel rolled free, while the other remained snagged, twisting the cart about the handle. She blurted out a noise of annoyance as the stack of boxes tumbled from the truck and down the porch steps. Suddenly relieved of her burden, she stumbled back and fell on her rump. David rushed out the door and across the street.

    “Are you all right?”

    “I’m fine, just… annoyed.” Her voice was gentle, soothing.

    Picking up a split box, David found it heavier than expected. Through the damaged cardboard, he saw a stack of parquet floor panels. The sight raised an eyebrow.

    “Flooring?”

    “Well, the floorboards in some of the back rooms are not so great, so I’m going to have to pull them out. The plywood was put on the truck too early and I need to get it emptied a bit to get at it.” She stood up and dusted off the seat of her pants.

    “You’re going to refurbish this house?”

    “Well, I did buy it. It’s my first place of my own.” She smiled a warm, proud grin.

    “Anyone going to help you?”

    “I can’t afford to hire contractors, if that’s what you mean. But nobody’s volunteered so far.”

    Carol had wandered across the street at this point, still nagged by the sense of deja vu. The newcomer looked too young to have a place of her own, let alone be interested in refurbishing a run-down old house all by her lonesome. But the smile she gave David had him almost to the point of blushing.

    “I’m not all that handy,” David said, almost embarrassed, “But… I’d be willing to lend a hand when I don’t have work.”

    “Oh, what do you do?” the newcomer asked.

    David glanced away and sheepishly confessed, “I bus tables at a Pancake House.”

    “I bet you get sick of the smell of pancakes then.”

    “A little.”

    “Well, since you’ve already picked up one of my boxes, why don’t you put it in the corner of the front room?”

    “All right,” David said.

    “My name’s Erin, by the way.”

    A spark of realization struck Carol and she rushed back inside her house.

    * * *

    Travis grumbled at the sound of his phone. Turning off the shower, he dried off his hand before answering the phone. From the ringtone, he already knew what was coming next.

    “Voiceprint Identify,” Shiva said.

    “Identify Shadowdemon,” Travis said.

    “Confirmed.” Shiva was the artificial intelligence running the Community Fund’s headquarters, and any phone call from one of his numbers was bound to be official business. “Category three security alert. On-call member needed to investigate.”

    “All right, Shiva. It will be a few minutes. Category Three is ‘no imminent danger’, right?”

    “Correct.”

    “I’ll call you back when I get dressed.” Travis turned the shower back on long enough to rinse off, then dried off. Instead of donning civilian garb, he acquired Fund-issue undergarments and pulled on his charcoal and gray hero suit. The way the suit hugged the skin was awkward enough without the inopportune problems regular undergarments presented. Travis didn’t like the fit, even though he had the lean, muscular build best suited to it. Donning an oversized domino mask, he carried the rest of his kit to the base command center. A curved room running along part of the perimeter of an underground dome, the command center was dominated by three massive display screens and a holograph table. Setting his gear on the holograph table, Travis found a seat and dialed Shiva.

    “All right, Shiva, what’s going on?”

    “As the on-call member-”

    “I know, I meant ‘what is the alert’?”

    “An internal data integrity audit uncovered an inconsistency.”

    “That sounds like an issue for IT.”

    “The alert originated there.”

    “All right, give me details.”

    “The short version is, there is a record in our database that was not there yesterday. There is no transaction for it to have been added, and all of its history backdated to imitate a valid record several years old. Comparison against previous days’ backups has shown that the record does not exist in those iterations of the database.”

    “Someone broke in and added… what? What type of record are we talking about?”

    “A member.”

    “What?”

    “They have added a complete record for a Community Fund member including details going back as far as their initial application to be a sidekick. The Fund Board authorized decryption of the record and release to the on-call member for investigation.”

    “So…”

    “The technical teams will continue to search for how the intruder was able to go undetected and insert additional information into our database. You have been tasked with running down the information in the record, and see if it points to an actual source.”

    “It could be a trap of some sort.”

    “That possibility does exist.”

    “All right, lets see the phony record.”

    The middle display lit up. Travis’ eye was drawn to the portrait. It showed a girl with bright red hair and a red and white mask running from hairline to upper lip. The codename was listed as ‘Skyline’; the real name, ‘Erin O’Shea’; the birthdate was eighteen years ago yesterday; and the address was a street Travis had never heard of in Wellerby, a suburb just north of the city.

    “Skyline?”

    “Is that a query?” Shiva asked.

    “Well, on one hand the record’s fabricated. On the other, the name is so awful, I can almost believe it. Unique code names being so difficult to come up with these days.”

    “A public records search was conducted, and it verified all of the details,” Shiva said. “However, an intruder skilled enough to have inserted a properly crafted record into our systems could have easily done the same across the other systems.”

    “Easily?”

    “More easily than getting past me,” Shiva said.

    “You sound almost annoyed that they got through.”

    “This is not an area in which I am accustomed to being outperformed.”

    “All right, Shiva. I’ll head on up to Wellerby and see if there is a Skyline at that address.”

    “That is the entirety of your plan?”

    “You and your friends have the technical side covered. The only reason the board would activate the on-call would be to see if there is a physical person to go with the fake record. Since the only address we’ve got is the one in the record, I’m going to see what’s there.”

    * * *

    Continued in Part 2…

  • The Cult of Traditional Publishing, Part 1: The math don’t lie

    I didn’t actually do the math.

    I didn’t have the numbers for one side of the colon. But based on the proliferation of newsgroups, online critique groups, publishing forums in 2008, and the number of such denizens all trying to get published, I could guess. And it was huge.

    Then there was me. 1 : x6214

    Mormons aren’t a cult. I know because I’m a Mormon and I was in a cult. The cult had me far more brainwashed than Mormonism ever did or ever will.


    Maybe it's just me, but I see a lot of green in that cover.
    Maybe it’s just me, but I see a lot of green in that cover.

    I was 15 when I first found out how to go about querying and creating proposals. I even did that a couple of times for Reader’s Digest. I was rejected. It hurt, not because I was rejected, but because I was running out of time. A favorite author’s bio said she was 18 when she first published a book, which she wrote “on a whim”. If I hadn’t done it by 18, well … (Narrator: That was a lie. She was 25.)

    I was eating Harlequin Presents romances for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I knew the formula. I knew the most popular tropes. I had plenty of ideas. I didn’t have such words in my vocabulary as “formula” and “trope.” It was a gut feeling, the natural rhythm of the way a good story is paced.

    You can blame her for my May-December fetish.
    You can blame her for my May-December fetish.

    I never did get a Harlequin Presents romance written. By the time I could actually write a book, I liked Harlequin Superromances better and I trained myself to write within that word count (90,000 to 120,000). It felt more complete than the 55,000 words of Presents. Well, of course it would. It was double.

    So here’s what happened:

    In 1989, I wrote my under-the-bed novel. The apprentice novel. The horrible one. The one you never want to see the light of day. It’s still out there floating around, I think.

    In 1990, I wrote my next novel. It was marginally better.

    In 1991, I wrote my third. It was good. I sent it to a publisher that had launched the careers of a bunch of NYT bestsellers. I got The Call. You know, the one where the editor calls you and congratulates you. Then … nothing. The publisher went out of business. Why? The parent company had bought it for a tax write-off and it made money. So bye bye Kismet. Yes, that was the publisher’s name. Kismet.

    If you are a good writer, you WILL get published. Don’t give up.

    In 1993, I wrote my fourth. It was really good. I sent it to Harlequin and got The Call. Sorta. The editor said, “I love this book. However, I bought one fairly similar last month that is not as good as yours, but I can’t break that contract and I can’t sell this to my editorial board. Send me something else. NAO.” I gave a brief rundown of book #3 and she passed.

    That really is Win 3.x green rivets background.
    That really is Win 3.x green rivets background.

    So I got an agent with book 4. That relationship ended in disaster after she read book 2 and told me to get a therapist. (Narrator: That book was revamped a few times, published, and remains the fan favorite.)

    In 1993, I started writing my pirate novel. I knew what I wanted to do. I also knew I didn’t have the chops to do it, so I fiddled with it for years.

    If you are a good writer, you WILL get published. Don’t give up.

    In 1993, I wrote book 5. It also got me The Call. An editor at Harlequin called me up on a Saturday morning and said, “I want to read the rest of this book. Overnight it.” She called me Tuesday evening and said, “I love this book—except the ending.” Me, having been trained to be a good, dutiful, well-behaved author, said, “I’ll rewrite it!” She sighed and said, “No, that would ruin the book. It has the ending it needs. I just can’t sell it.”

    If you are a good writer, you WILL get published. Don’t give up.

    In 1995, I was a senior in college in the creative writing program. My professor was the faculty supervisor of the uni’s lit rag. After my first assignment, he told me I had an A in the class and I could just skip the rest of the semester because he couldn’t teach me anything. But he would count it a personal favor if I stayed and did the assignments because he loved my work. That class was 8:00 a.m. after I’d spent the night working a graveyard shift at a gas station. You better believe I went to class.

    I wrote a story. He was disappointed in me for giving it a “romance novel ending,” but otherwise he loved it. My senior advisor for my capstone project happened to be a Latin teacher (no idea why) who was absolutely fascinated by my creative process. She said, “I don’t care what you do, just tell me why and how you do it.” Okay, so I expanded on my story that had caught my attention.

    It so happened that I was in Shakespeare 480 class or whatever really high number and we were studying Hamlet. I decided that somehow my religious allegory for the atonement (with a romance-novel ending) and Hamlet should go together like bread and butter. It didn’t. I couldn’t make that plot work.

    Oh, bullshit. Good generals know when to retreat.
    Oh, bullshit. Good generals know when to retreat.

    If you are a good writer, you WILL get published. Don’t give up.

    So I was bored at my graveyard job and in class and wrote book 6. That one got me a literary agent who loved it, but could not sell it, either.

    If you are a good writer, you WILL get published. Don’t give up.


    Let us stop a moment and draw the obvious conclusion.

    It was about now I started messing with making my own galleys of book 6. I was never going to self-publish, oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Only bad writers self-published. It was the kiss of death. Even if you really were good, a publisher would never publish someone who had published himself. Still … that galley looked awfully pretty. I hesitantly called up a printer as if I were calling up a gigolo to take my virginity for me, knowing I was going to go to hell for it when I died, and said,

    “Yeah, um … how … much … would this cost?”

    “Twenty grand.”

    “Bye.”

    So even my attempt at committing the ultimate sin was unavailable to me.

    I gave up. I had enough near-misses to let me know I wasn’t a bad writer, but clearly not good enough and I obviously didn’t know how to hit the Harlequin bullseye after all.

    No, I didn’t give up trying to get published. I gave up writing altogether.

    Fast forward to 2004. I’ve gotten married. I’ve had a baby. I’ve gotten a work-at-home profession as a medical transcriptionist and was doing okay. I’ve got no creative outlet. I refuse to write and only occasionally fiddled with my pirate novel, and once in a while, I tried to make that Hamlet-atonement plot that wouldn’t work, work.

    I wasn’t entirely stupid. I still had them on floppies.
    I wasn’t entirely stupid. I still had them on floppies.

    My husband had read one of my books and liked it. He had urged me to query it again. I had. I had gotten swiftly and roundly rejected. Apparently, it hadn’t stood the test of time. In anger, I had burned all my manuscripts in the barbecue grill.

    I’ve still got no creative outlet except … counted cross stitch. I love it. (Narrator: Loved. She killed that by making it into a business.) There were lots of things I wanted to stitch, so I learned how to convert them into patterns. I then went online and found out people who were “superstars” in the cross stitch pattern world had started out doing their own and just pitched them to shops and then got picked up by distributors. Self-publishing your patterns was the mark of a professional. So I did that. Turns out, what I like and what a lot of other people like aren’t the same, and the few who did like my patterns weren’t enough to pay the bills.

    All those bubbles in my head...
    All those bubbles in my head…

    That fizzled after a few years of tinkering with it. I was okay with that. I’d had another baby. I was working my ass off at medical transcription because I had moved into a house that we should never have bought and had started having expensive problems. (Narrator: Two weeks after moving in, the back patio sliding door fell out. Just … fell out. That was a very cold winter.)

    Fast forward to 2007.

    One night, after having invoiced my contractor for my medical transcription work (it was a lot of money), I was very depressed. Not even my newly-doubled-dose of antidepressants was helping. (Narrator: Sometimes you don’t have depression. Sometimes your life just sucks.) As one gets older, one should be making more money for less effort. Otherwise, you’re not life-ing right. I sent my bill and sat there in the dark and looked at my computer. I opened up book 6 and I read my own work for the first time in years.

    It was like somebody else had written it, and it was good. Like, really good. I went to bed even more depressed and discouraged and asking, “Why did I give up on myself?”

    I woke up the next morning with the solution to my now-decade-old plot problem and I got to writing.

    The rollercoaster car had left the station.

  • Profiles in Toxic Masculinity VIII – Ernest Hemingway

    Young Hemingway.

    Profiles in Toxic Masculinity, Part 8

    Appearances Can Be Deceiving

    The young fellow to the right doesn’t look like anything special, does he?  A young man probably away from home for the first time, looking a little uncomfortable in his uniform, looking a little apprehensive about what lies ahead.

    I have a pretty good idea what that feels like, having been in much the same situation myself.

    But this young man, while he may well have felt the way I have described when he posed for this photo, ended up being something else entirely.  This is the young Ernest Hemingway, one of America’s greatest novelists, an adventurer, outdoorsman and bon vivant, winner of a Pulitzer Prize and the Nobel Prize in Literature, one of my personal literary heroes and today’s Profile in Toxic Masculinity.

    His Maculate Origin

    Ernest Miller Hemingway was born to Clarence Edmonds and Grace Hall Hemingway in Oak Park, Illinois, on July 21, 1899.  Named for his paternal grandfather, young Ernest attended school in Oak Park, excelling in boxing, track, football and water polo.  He also took a journalism class and worked with the newspaper of his school, the River Forest High School.

    As a youth, Hemingway spent summers with his family in their vacation home near Petoskey, Michigan.  The home was called Windemere, and it was located on Walloon Lake.  This setting was to have great influence on the young man and would become the location for many of his later works, especially the semi-autobiographical Nick Adams stories.  In this setting he grew to love fishing, camping and hunting, which avocations he would pursue throughout his life.

    I’ve been to Walloon Lake.  It’s a rather idyllic setting, even today; a quiet, medium-sized lake surrounded by the deep pine woods of the north.  I would have liked to have spent more time there; it reminded me of the Boundary Waters canoe area, where I spent some time myself as a young man.  On that same trip Mrs. Animal and I went up to Petoskey, where I drank a beer seated on a barstool that Hemingway reportedly occupied regularly as a young man.

    From such humble beginnings came one of America’s greatest writers.

    Hemingway wrote of those early days often, both literally and in his semi-autobiographical Nick Adams stories; in Fathers and Sons he describes an early encounter with an Indian girl named Trudy:

    “Could you say she did first what no one has ever done better and mention plump brown legs, flat belly, hard little breasts, well-holding arms, quick searching tongue, the flat eyes, the good taste of mouth, the uncomfortably, tightly, sweetly, moistly, lovely, tightly, achingly, fully, finally, unendingly, never-endingly, never-to-endingly, suddenly ended, the great bird flown like an owl in the twilight, only it daylight in the woods and hemlock needles stuck against your belly.”

    But Michigan wouldn’t contain the young Hemingway for long.  While the environs of Michigan had ample opportunities for hunting, fishing and screwing Indian girls, all things the young Hemingway enjoyed, there was a larger world out there for the exploring.

    His Adventurous Career

    After graduating high school, the young Hemingway went to work for the Kansas City Star.  That newspaper at the time had a brief style guide:

    • Use short sentences.
    • Use short paragraphs.
    • Use vigorous English.
    • Be positive.

    It was this writing style that would characterize his work for the rest of his life.

    Come 1918, with America’s entry into the Great War, young Ernest attempted to volunteer.  He went in turn to the Army, the Navy and the Marine Corps, but was turned down due to poor eyesight.

    Determined to get into action, in 1918 Hemingway answered an advertisement and ended up as a Red Cross ambulance driver on the Italian front.  He arrived in Paris as the city was under bombardment from German artillery and moved quickly on to Italy, where one of his first tasks was removing body parts of civilian workers after a Milan munitions factory explosion, which incident he later described in Death in the Afternoon.

    On July 8th, Hemingway was hit in the legs by mortar fragments.  Despite his wound he refused immediate evacuation, instead moving to assist injured Italian soldiers to safety, for which action he was given the Italian Silver Medal of Bravery.

    He was eighteen years old at the time.

    Later, Hemingway again used his avatar of Nick Adams to describe his own return home in one of the best outdoor stories ever written.  The Big Two-Hearted River, interestingly, does not take place on the Lower Peninsula’s Two-Hearted River but rather on the You-Pee’s Fox River north of the town of Seney; one of my bucket list items is to fish that same stretch of river.  In that story Hemingway describes Nick’s first night in camp:

    Out through the front of the tent he watched the glow of the fire when the night wind blew on it. It was a quiet night. The swamp was perfectly quiet. Nick stretched under the blanket comfortably. A mosquito hummed close to his ear. Nick sat up and lit a match. The mosquito was on the canvas, over his head. Nick moved the match quickly up to it. The mosquito made a satisfactory hiss in the flame. The match went out. Nick lay down again under the blankets. He turned on his side and shut his eyes. He was sleepy. He felt sleep coming. He curled up under the blanket and went to sleep.”

    Reporter Hemingway.

    After the war Hemingway accepted a position with the Toronto Star Weekly, where he met and started a romance with his roommate’s cousin, Hadley Richardson.  In time, the two married and relocated to Paris, which this time wasn’t under fire from German artillery.  During the Paris years Hemingway hung around with several other well-known literary and artistic figures, such as F. Scott Fitzgerald, Gertrude Stein, Ezra Pound, James Joyce and Pablo Picasso.  It was from this period that arose a famous and yet apocryphal exchange between Fitzgerald and Hemingway in which Fitzgerald observed, “…the very rich, they are different than you and I,” to which Hemingway supposedly replied, “Yes, they have more money.”  His first son Jack (nicknamed “Bumby,” because why not) was born in 1923 and became father to some of Hemingway’s most famous descendants, the actors and models Margot and Mariel Hemingway.

    It was during this time in Europe that Hemingway first visited Spain, where he became interested in bullfighting; he also published his first successful book, Three Stories and Ten Poems, and his first major novel, The Sun Also Rises.

    In 1927 Hemingway published his third work, Men Without Women, divorced his first wife Hadley, married his second wife Pauline Pfeiffer, and moved to Key West, Florida.  He announced that thereafter he would never again live in a big city, which he never did.

    For the next ten years Hemingway split his time between Key West in the winters and Wyoming in the summer.  He described in Wyoming “the most beautiful country I’ve seen in the American West,” and spent a considerable amount of time fishing and hunting deer, elk and bear.

    In this time, he wrote such works as A Farewell to Arms, Death in the Afternoon and The Green Hills of Africa, among others.  With his wife Pauline, he embarked on an extensive African safari in 1933, which yielded much of the background for that latter book.

    In 1937, Hemingway covered the Spanish Civil War for the North American Newspaper Alliance.  After that he sailed his yacht, the Pilar, to Cuba, where he lived for some time in the Hotel Ambos Mundos.  While in Cuba he was inspired (somehow) by a woman named Martha Gellhorn to write his most famous work, For Whom the Bell Tolls, of which book I have a first edition on my bookshelf.  This work, on publication, sold a half-million copies within the first year and resulted in Hemingway’s nomination for a Pulitzer prize.  His success did not translate into his personal life, however; in 1939 he divorced second wife Pauline and married Martha Gellhorn.

    But in 1941, events unfolded that would see Hemingway on some of his greatest adventures.

    His One-Man War

    In Wyoming.

    Hemingway had been fascinated by war and how men behave in war for most of his life.  When the Great War Part Two broke out, he seized the opportunity to see the raw face of war up close and personal.

    Traveling to London as a journalist, he flew several missions cross-Channel with the Royal Air Force.  His wife Martha was forced to seek passage on a munitions ship to join him, which apparently fazed Hemingway very little.  While in London he fell hard for an American correspondent for Time magazine, one Mary Welsh.  In 1945 he would finally divorce Martha Gellhorn and marry Mary Walsh, with whom he would spend the rest of his turbulent life.

    But before that:  In 1944, Hemingway wangled a spot on a ship bound for the Normandy landings.  He was not permitted to go ashore until the second day, although he was within sight of the landings for some time aboard the ship Dorothea Dix.

    When he finally was allowed ashore, Hemingway attached himself to the 22nd Infantry Regiment, commanded by Colonel Charles Lanham.  On the drive to Paris, Hemingway befriended a small band of French partisan fighters in the small village of Rambouillet; he acted, as some of the American infantry claimed later, as their de facto commander until the liberation of Paris.  One American infantryman, Paul Fussel, who would later become a well-known author himself, remarked that “…Hemingway got into considerable trouble playing infantry captain to a group of Resistance people that he gathered because a correspondent is not supposed to lead troops, even if he does it well.”

    Ernest Hemingway was present at the liberation of Paris.  He covered the vicious fighting in the Hürtgenwald where the U.S. First Army clashed with Walter Model’s 275th and 353rd infantry divisions.  He was present at the Battle of the Bulge until a bout of pneumonia forced his evacuation.

    His “leadership” of the French partisans in the summer of 1944 yielded unexpected fruit, as Hemingway was formally charged with a violation of the Geneva Convention for acting as a civilian partisan, but he was acquitted after insisting that he “only provided advice.”

    The professionals in the American Army recognized Hemingway for his courage and his knowledge of military matters, and in 1947 he was awarded the Bronze Star for his courage and willingness to come under fire to cover the movements of the troops.

    After the war, however, Hemingway’s life took a darker turn.

    His Golden Years

    Partying in Cuba.

    After the war Hemingway returned to Cuba.  In 1950 an unconsummated affair with the 19-year old Adriana Ivanovich led to Hemingway’s writing and publishing his novel Across the River and Into the Trees, which was not well received; in a fit of pique, Hemingway produced the novella The Old Man and the Sea, which finally netted him the Pulitzer Prize in 1952.

    In those post-war years, Hemingway’s life continued to deteriorate.  In 1954, during another African safari, he and wife Mary narrowly escaped death in two plane crashes in as many days; these left Hemingway with a severe concussion.  Later that year he suffered burns in a brush fire.  These injuries resulted in the author increasingly turning to alcohol.

    In October 1954 Hemingway received the Nobel Prize in Literature, about which he remarked that “…Writing, at its best, is a lonely life.  Organizations for writers palliate the writer’s loneliness for I doubt they improve his writing.  He grows in public stature as he sheds his loneliness and often his work deteriorates.  For he does his work alone and if he is a good enough writer he must face eternity, or the lack of it, each day.”

    This loneliness may have been one of the demons that plagued him in his final years.  He moved to his home in Ketchum, Idaho, where he compiled his observations of Paris into the novel A Moveable Feast.  He grew increasingly paranoid, thinking that the FBI was monitoring him (they were.)  In 1960 he underwent electroshock therapy in the Mayo Clinic, which did little good, and finally, in April of 1961, Hemingway took his favorite shotgun, a 12-gauge double (possibly a Browning Superposed, but that bit is unclear), from the safe and shot himself.

    In A Farewell to Arms, Hemingway wrote:  The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.

    Unfortunately, Hemingway was one of the ones the world killed.

    He was an interesting man; he faced German bullets with great courage and produced many works of literature that are still regarded as some of the best in American literature.  But his own life was a train wreck; he could find happiness neither in marriage nor in his work.  Success in a chosen field, obviously, is not a panacea.  If we learn nothing else from the life of Ernest Hemingway, we can learn that.

    His Bibliography

    On the cover of Life.

    Below are all of Hemingway’s works (some, obviously, were published posthumously.)  I’ve read most of them and enjoyed them all.

    Fiction Books

    • (1926) The Torrents of Spring
    • (1926) The Sun Also Rises
    • (1929) A Farewell to Arms
    • (1937) To Have and Have Not
    • (1940) For Whom the Bell Tolls
    • (1950) Across the River and into the Trees
    • (1952) The Old Man and the Sea
    • (1970) Islands in the Stream
    • (1986) The Garden of Eden
    • (1999) True at First Light

    Nonfiction Books

    • (1932) Death in the Afternoon
    • (1935) Green Hills of Africa
    • (1962) Hemingway, The Wild Years
    • (1964) A Moveable Feast
    • (1967) By-Line: Ernest Hemingway
    • (1970) Ernest Hemingway: Cub Reporter
    • (1985) The Dangerous Summer
    • (1985) Dateline: Toronto
    • (2005) Under Kilimanjaro

    Short Story Collections

    • (1923) Three Stories and Ten Poems
    • (1925) In Our Time
    • (1927) Men Without Women
    • (1933) Winner Take Nothing
    • (1938) The Fifth Column and the First Forty-Nine Stories
    • (1947) The Essential Hemingway
    • (1961) The Snows of Kilimanjaro and Other Stories
    • (1969) The Fifth Column and Four Stories of the Spanish Civil War
    • (1972) The Nick Adams Stories
    • (1979) 88 Poems
    • (1979) Complete Poems
    • (1984) The Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway
    • (1987) The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway
    • (1995) The Collected Stories (Everyman’s Library)
    • (1999) Hemingway on Writing
    • (2000) Hemingway on Fishing
    • (2003) Hemingway on Hunting
    • (2003) Hemingway on War
    • (2008) Hemingway on Paris
  • What Are We Reading – November 2019

    Brett L

    I finished Mark Lawrence’s newest trilogy (Impossible Times). It is a closed loop time-travel story centering around a British D&D group. It starts in the early 80s, where the teen protagonist has cancer. He is visited by a future version of himself, who is focused on getting an advanced technology to record memories to his past version so they can record the memories of their sweetheart who will have a serious brain trauma in 30 years. Like all of Lawrence’s stuff, its very readable. I was disappointed about the deus ex machina in the third book that tied everything up in a neat “they all lived happily ever after” bow. Although I will say that the effort put into making the characters’ D&D campaign foreshadow the actual story is fun. Would read again, especially at the cheap price-point.

     

    jesse.in.mb

    Grindr.

    Martin L. Shoemaker – The Last Dance (The Near-Earth Mysteries Book 1). I don’t know that it’s quite a mystery novel. The facts of the case are clear from the start and it’s a matter of context and judgement that make up the suspense of the novel. The sentiments are libertarianish about judgements needing to be made close to home. The cadence of the book was enjoyable, though maybe not to the point of being gripping. I’ll be interested in where Mr. Shoemaker takes the series.

    JW

    Krispy Kritters box. Man, this has really given me a new outlook on life.

     

    mexican sharpshooter

    I am afraid I have nothing for you this month.

    OMWC

    I have even less than mexican unless you want to hear about exciting things like Dow Guide to Flexible Foams. Having Mom here pretty much takes all my non-work time. The books are on the shelf crying in loneliness.

     

    SP

    I’m a little burnt out, so I’ve been reading escapist books. Mostly John Rebus books by Ian Rankin.

    I also read The Red Baron of Arizona  which could serve as a useful primer on how to become a con artist. This guy was seriously dedicated, going to great lengths to pull it off. The book was made into a movie starring Vincent Price, but it’s part of The Criterion Collection, so I haven’t seen it yet.

    Does anyone here subscribe to the The Criterion Channel (TedS?)? Is it worth it?

     

    SugarFree

    I’ve been reading books about murderous children: Carrie and Firestarter by Stephen King, The Bad Seed by William March, The Midwich Cuckoos by John Wyndham, The Other by Thomas Tryon, “The Little Assassian” by Ray Bradbury, “Children of the Kingdom” by T. E. D. Klein. No real reason why, I just got interested. There are more for me to read. It’s a substantial subgenre.

     

     

     

  • What Are We Reading for October 2019

    It’s October, which means you’ve all been reading the copy of The Collected Works of SugarFree we sent C/O your direct supervisor, right? I hope it didn’t get lost in the mail. Binding books in the skin of genuine Subaru drivers is both time consuming and expensive.

    jesse.in.mb

    Suzanne Crowder Han: Korean Folk & Fairy Tales. I brought this home with me from Daegu  and read it at the time, but had forgotten just how odd some of the folk tales could be (especially when filtered through cultural and linguistic translation. The main thing is if you ever get a chance to trick a dokkaebi  (도깨비) out of xer bangmangi (방망이), you should definitely do it and then explain to your shithead older brother who had disinherited you after your father died how you went about it so that he can get his comeuppance when he acts out of greed rather than innocence.

    S. Blyth Stirling: Naked Scotland: An American Insider Bares All. I’d be lying if I said that cover had nothing to do with me picking the book. I was mostly looking for a primer on cultural mishaps beyond calling slacks “pants” or discussing the inexplicably-popular-again “fanny packs.” The book is breezy and fun and sits comfortably in the American Abroad and Travelogue genres.

     

    SP

    I’ve been reading thrilling textbooks on subjects as fun as medical law and ethics. Or trying to get time to read them, anyway.

    However, I’ve been taking small bites of some cookbooks and ways-of-eating books. You’ll notice a theme.

    The MIND Diet

    The MIND Diet Plan and Cookbook

    Diet for the MIND

    The Healthy Mind Cookbook

    Deep Nutrition

    If there is any interest, I’ll write a post about the MIND diet.

     

    Tulip

    I am re-reading all of Susan Wittig Albert’s China Bayles series.  China Bayles is a former Houston criminal defense attorney who leaves the rat race behind to run an herb shop in the fictional Texas hill country town of Pecan Springs.  Like many fictional towns, Pecan Springs has a crazy high murder rate and China helps to solve them.  If you like cozy mystery series, this one is great.  There are over 20 books in the series, the characters actually evolve over time, and Albert includes recipes and further reading in every book.  So far, every recipe I have tried from the series has been great.

     

    OMWC

    I’ve barely had time to wind my wristwatch. Wait, do people still wind wristwatches? Let me tell you about the onion on my belt…

    But at least I can get a few minutes in while relaxing in the smallest room of the house. And what’s in there includes Frederik Pohl and Jack Williamson’s Farthest Star,  a rather pedestrian SF novel with some crafty writing but nothing particularly novel (cough, cough) to say. Painful for me to write this since I am a huge fan of Pohl. The genre is often termed “Big Dumb Object” and I think that’s fitting. This book is perfect for the application.

    The other book gracing the bathroom is the oft-thumbed Valve Amplifiers, 4th Edition. Geeks only, please, but if you are consumed with electronic anacrophilia as I am, this will delight.

     

    SugarFree

    Lovecraft, all Lovecraft. I reread it all every couple of years. Going back to him after spending the summer reading the antecedents to his fictional universe and the descendants that followed it, going back to the man himself is very comforting.

    Fun Fact: On a word count basis, all the fiction Lovecraft ever produced is still less to read than Stephen King’s It.

     

    Mad Scientist

    How To Restore British Sports Cars by Jay Lamm. This isn’t really a “how to” book so much as it is generalized advice applicable to many vehicles. Not necessarily British. Not even necessarily cars.

    mexican sharpshooter

    This month I picked up a classic with a twist.  Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein: Annotated for Scientists, Engineers, and Creators of All Kinds.  I was given the option of reading it in high school but I instead picked a different book to report on.  I want to say it was War of the Worlds but I don’t recall.  What I do recall is my English teacher simply citing the phrase “undead” to describe the book.  As much as I enjoyed his class I am happy to say he was wrong.  I am rather enjoying it, though it is taking longer than I anticipated.  The entire book is annotated by a number of experts in the field of chemistry, physics, sociology, and ethics.  The book itself is nothing like how it was portrayed in Hollywood, especially given how intelligent the monster is throughout the book and draws many questions all too often posed in science fiction, such as, “What is the whole human thing anyways?”

  • The Face of Battle – A Book Review

    On a long drive to an undisclosed location recently, I listened for the second time to British military historian John Keegan’s The Face of Battle, his first book for the more-or-less general public.  I first listened to it probably 15 years ago, so my recollection was pretty fuzzy.  I’ve listened over the years to many of his books, and never been disappointed.  I expect I will revisit all of them in time.

    One of the things I enjoy about John Keegan is the quality of his prose.  It is just wonderful –clear, nuanced, with a dry wit underneath it all.  Very Brit, the kind of writing that reminds you they invented the language.

    The book falls into five parts.  The first is easily skipped, as it is the most academic by far – an extended discussion of the history of battle literature, the various academic fads and literary approaches, etc.  The approach he adopts is to focus (to the extent he can) on what the soldier’s experience of the soldiering and the battle would have been.

    He then examines three battles:  Agincourt, Waterloo, and the Somme (really, the first day of the Somme).  His Brit-centricity shows in his selection of battles that Britain not only fought, but ultimately won (although the first day of the Somme was an archetypal defeat that struck very deeply into British society).

    The accounts of Agincourt and Waterloo are very illuminating, with the account of the Somme being something of a letdown.  In part, I suspect, because the fighting on the first day of the Somme was essentially decided, and not in the Brits’ favor, within the first half hour, although nobody had any idea what was actually happening until the day was over.  Also, the very simplistic tactics of the Brits (an artillery barrage that was both enormous and almost completely ineffective, and then men walk in line across no-man’s land) are quickly comprehended and just don’t carry the interest of the back-and-forth at both Agincourt and Waterloo.  Overall, though, he strikes a nice balance between giving a tactical overview of the fighting and a look at the experience of the common soldier and their officers.

    The final section  is a review of what we have seen and learned and an attempt to generalize.  He addresses two issues.

    The first is why men will actually fight in a battle, going beyond the usual “because their buddies are”.  Historically, desertion and abandonment were always very present (providing a counterpoint to the standard narrative), with harsh penalties and soldiers posted specifically to keep men facing the front (such as Wellington’s positioning of cavalry behind some units of foot soldiers).  At Agincourt and Waterloo, whole units left the battle by the simple expedient of hiding in nearby woods.  In a modern-day battlefield, he concludes, men fight because the battlefield is so huge and deadly that front-line soldiers can’t escape it, except by fighting their way through.

    The second question is whether modern warfare has made “traditional” pitched battles between large opposing armies a thing of the past.  This is where I would have really like to see a post-script, as his answer here bounded by the Cold War face-off in Europe (recall, the book was written in the mid-70s).  Between the insupportable demands on the fighting men of a battle between NATO and the Soviets, and of course the risk of nuclear war, he leans toward the conclusion that large scale battles may be a thing of the past.

    Of course, in the decades since there have been a series of battles, mostly in the Middle East.  I would have liked to read Keegan’s take on these.  Just because they tend to be mostly one-sided probably doesn’t mean they aren’t battles, but much of the fighting I think would not qualify as a battle (which is an interesting question of its own).  The Iraqi wars would have given him a chance to test his thesis that a modern battle could exceed the capacity of men to fight, given the intensity and the doctrine of continuous engagement over long periods of time.

  • What Are We Reading – September 2019

    SugarFree

    Still working on re-reading The Expanse series. (Too much Borderlands 3, brah.) I hadn’t read the last two books, so I’m into new stuff, finally. Not sure how the TV show is going to handle the [censored]. But the end of the 6th books, Babylon’s Ashes, wouldn’t be the worst place to stop the show so they might not have to worry about it. I should be done with the series in time for my all-horror October tradition.

     

    OMWC

    I will confess that most of my book reading this past month has been in the bathroom. And nothing particularly interesting. Lots of magazines, though. Geeky, geeky magazines.

    So this will be prospective: I’m about to take a plane trip, and my reading on the way will be something beyond geeky. Bob Cordell’s Designing Audio Power Amplifiers was sent to me as a courtesy copy, and I’m anxious to dig in. This is the shit you do when you don’t actually have a life, but it will sustain me through 8-10 hours of airplane and gate area entertainment..

     

    jesse.in.mb

    Atkins New Diet Revolution. The boyfriend wanted to “go keto” and I suggested we maybe read a book about it instead of basing our diet on the whims of Redditors. The BF continued to read random things from Redditors and is getting a bit crazy. I need a beer to handle this and cannot have one. Weep for me Glibertarians.

    Finally finished The Boys which I started months ago and just picked up when I had 20 minutes and a tablet in hand. It was good. The humor felt ’90s transgressive (even though it’s from the mid-aughts): sort of ham-fistedly offensive for the sake of offense, and there was a massive lull of filler stories in the middle but I was glad I finished it up and would still recommend it even with what I perceive as shortcomings.

     

    mexican sharpshooter

    I promised everyone I would read something this month; I finally came through on a promise!  First time this week…

    I read Universal Basic Income:  For and Against by Anthony Sammeroff.  This name might strike a few of you as familiar as this is the person Andrew Yang was scheduled earlier this month to debate regarding UBI, but apparently found better things to do.

    He does go through the arguments for UBI, and many of the theoretical benefits it may provide such a society, and does so in as objective manner one could expect from an opponent of the idea. He doesn’t spend a lot of time arguing against it in this book, rather he questions why modern necessities became so expensive.  Half the book cleverly spells out the reason UBI is not needed, by pointing out all the things proponents of UBI insist is needed because of it’s great expensive is a result of the deleterious effects of government policy on the market.  He discusses housing markets for example, as one area one might spend their monthly stipend, then discusses all the ways government regulations limit housing development, dry up supply, and therefore drive up housing prices.  The market he argues, creates competition necessary to drive the cost of luxuries down to where they are not really luxuries anymore, which raises the standard of living for those at the bottom of the income ladder.

    He even discusses automation and cites case studies performed by the US Air Force that found the drone programs actually increased the number of Airman and contractors needed to make the drones fly—in spite of the fact the drone does not have a pilot and aircrew on board.

    Ultimately the message is remove that one thing that keeps the market from functioning in its natural form, and we don’t really need an arbitrarily defines standard of living issued to everybody.

    JW

    I’m back to cereal boxes, but I’ve expanded my reach to high bran cereal. That gives me time to take the box into the toilet with me for reading.

     

     

  • The Making of a Glibs Author

    [Music]

    The scarab-colored Corniche purred North along FDR drive with the top down on a beautiful Manhattan Fall day. Tonio chatted away with his agent in the back seat and they took turns exchanging her flask of VSOP with his joint of some really good weed the bellhop had sold him. Yusef, Riven’s driver, exited at Ninety-Sixth Street. As the car passed the Marx Brothers Playground, they both giggled.

    “Marxists.”

    “Inorite?”

    Finally they arrived at Elaine’s and Yusef double parked outside. Elaine herself greeted them and led them to a choice table where they could talk privately, yet see and be seen. There was an old man dozing at the table. Elaine flicked his ear and he woke up, startled.

    “Time to go, old man,” said Elaine, tipping his chair forward slightly to encourage him to stand up, “the future is here and needs its table.”

    Elaine snapped her fingers and a busboy appeared and quickly cleaned the table. The old man shuffled off desultorily.

    Tonio looked at Riven quizzically.

    She leaned in and made as if to fix some imperfection in his collar. “Salinger,” she whispered, discretely. Shortly, they were seated.

    “Cocktails,” asked Elaine, brusquely.

    “Pink Gin with a twist, please.”

    “Dry Martini with olive, please.”

    “Coming right up,” said Elaine, turning and trundling towards the bar.

    “No shit? I thought Salinger was a recluse.”

    “Hiding in plain sight.”

    “Ah…”

    “So, you’ve arrived,” said Riven with a twinkle in her eye.

    “It’s still sinking in. When I got the check I thought it was a joke.”

    “Hi, I’m Holly. I’ll be your waiter today. Pink Gin for the lady?”

    Holly delivered their drinks, then pulled lunch menus out her apron and handed them each one, opening them beforehand. They sipped their drinks and perused the menu.

    “May I interrupt?”

    “Joe,” said Riven, “this is my new author, Tonio. Tonio, this is Joe Stefko, founder of Charnel House publishers.”

    “Don’t get up,” said Stefko. “So, this is the Tonio of whom I’ve heard so much about?”

    “Yes. Pleased to meet you, sir.”

    “Call me ‘Joe,’ Tonio. Why don’t you come by tomorrow afternoon for our quarterly authors’ cocktail party. Dean will be there. And Harlan, supposedly, but you never know with him; odd bird, and all. Okay, kids, gotta run.”

    “Oh, Tonio, you are still innocent aren’t you?”

    For some reason it was raining in Elaine’s. And getting darker.

    Tonio awoke in the alley behind Acropolis Pizza. Stavros Gallasaris, beloved local restaurateur and inseminator of countless MWC women, was pissing on the cinderblock wall next to him. Gallasaris finished then shook out his fat cock, splattering Tonio with more droplets.

    “Hey…”

    “Nothing you no take before, malakos. Wakey, wakey.”

    Gallasaris was right. Tonio had sucked his boss’ cock on a regular basis since starting work at Acropolis. There was just something irresistible about goaty little men. Especially uncircumcised ones.

    “Another rejection?”

    Tonio nodded.

    The form letter from Virginia Journal of Speculative Fiction lay on the ground next to him, along with the SASE. Tonio had waited to open the letter until his break just before closing. It had been a long, hot shift; he must have dozed off in the relative cool of the alley.

    Dear Author, Thank you for your submission, but it does not meet our needs at this time. Best Wishes, Mimsey Borogrove, editor.

    “I tell you, Maria’s cousin Spheniscidos he print your stuff. You get free magazines. Might help you.”

    Tonio shook his head. He had seen the girly magazines that Gallasaris’ in-law published. Stavros kept a big stack in his desk drawer, and always had one open while Tonio was blowing him. The magazines did contain stories, but they were obviously pasted in as filler – barely titled, uncredited, no “continued on page 69.” Some of the stories appeared to have been cut off randomly in the middle, presumably when the typesetter had finished filling any space not taken-up by boobs or advertising.

    “Let me know you change your mind, he say lotsa good writers get started in Playboy.”

    Tonio knew that. Playboy had just published an excerpt from Roald Dahl’s forthcoming adult novel My Uncle Oswald. But there was a big difference between Playboy and Titties. Hefner had his pick of established authors, and your manuscript wouldn’t get read unless it was submitted by an agent.

    The hippies at the Green Dragon Bookstore had a purple ink fanzine; it was something. But they kept trying to get him to play this weird make-believe game stuff that sounded interesting but ridiculously complicated.

    “Go ahead, clean up. Drunk girls at table three stiff you, smells like they puke all over ladies toilet.”

    “Who the fuck does that? Seriously?”

    “Your people. Rednecks.”

  • How I Spent My Summer Vacation

     

    Soundtrack.

    “You know this won’t help him,” said Nurse Vinson.

    “I’m following the wishes of my client, as expressed while he was still compos mentis,” replied Mr. Izzard the lawyer who looked at her unblinkingly. “You will remember that we have a court order.” The corners of the lawyer’s mouth turned up ever so slightly.

    She felt a chill run up her spine. “Like a rabbit ran over your grave,” was what her grandmother called it. There was something just wrong about the lawyer. No, she shouldn’t even think that because thinking would lead to saying, and that led to trouble.

    “Proceed,” said the lawyer.

    “Go ahead, Brian.”

    “Okay, Mr. Hammond, open up,” smirked the beefy orderly putting on a pair of blue rubber gloves.

    Hammond was strapped to a gurney by wide leather belts at the chest, wrists, waist and ankles. Brian opened an envelope containing a thick rubber “hockey puck” bite guard which he slipped into the patient’s open and eager mouth, then made sure it was fitted in securely. He was the only orderly who would work this duty; the others were either scared off by Vinson’s rantings about deviltry, or terrified of the old bat herself. Whatever. The whole thing was amusing and gave him a break from some of his more sad and grim duties in the Profoundly Retarded Bedridden Unit.

    “Very well,” said the lawyer as he sat down on the chair the hospital administration had told her she had to give him. He placed his metal briefcase on his lap and opened its clicky latches to reveal a thick leatherbound book nestled in its snug bed of black padding.

    The book gave Nurse Vinson the creeps. The first time she saw it she hadn’t noticed the five-pointed star tooled into the wrinkly black leather cover; she had thought that it was an old family Bible and that the lawyer was a nice man about to read her patient a comforting lesson from the scriptures, something she was forbidden from doing herself.

    She wanted not to look at the book but couldn’t help herself; she knew it was looking at her. In the center of the star an eye opened and winked at her all red and glowing before closing again. Must be one of those modern electrical gizmos – like those greeting cards that started singing when you opened them. That had to be it, right? The lawyer was trying to drive her crazy, doubtlessly in cahoots with the new Director.

    Izzard carefully removed the book and used his elbows to close the case, then rested the book on top of the case.

    “You remember his sinuses drain copiously, and you have to constantly aspirate his nasal passages.”

    “Yes sir,” she replied, painfully aware that the lawyer was deliberately working her in front of the orderly. Retirement couldn’t come soon enough. She’d put in twenty-seven years at Eastern State Hospital caring for the lunatics and imbeciles of Virginia. She only had three more years before she could retire. It would be a long three years. Somehow, Izzard’s visits always occured when she was on shift. Administration said they didn’t know anything about it and wouldn’t lift a finger to help her. She suspected that Brian was tipping the lawyer off whenever the shift schedule came out. Nobody would switch shifts with her anymore; they were all out to get her.

    She put the stethoscope into her ears and listened to the patient’s pulse so she wouldn’t have to hear the words. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the lawyer wet his lips with his tongue, preparatory to reading. The tongue was abnormally thin and quick. She closed her eyes and in her mind sang “Yes, We Shall Gather at the River.”

    The first time she had heard the filthy words that lawyer read from the book she had to put a stop to things. Those were not the type of stories which would help her patient get better; if anything they would make him worse. Pornographic occult filth didn’t belong in mental hospitals; didn’t belong anyplace, really, but she knew that she was fighting a losing battle against a society which had abandoned all reason and decency.

    She’d sent him packing, then he came back with a piece of paper which she tore up and she sent him packing again, and then the Sheriff’s Deputies showed up and took the Director in front of the judge to get talked to. Then she had to sit in an all-day meeting with people from DMHS headquarters in Richmond who yelled at her about legal stuff, and then she had to sign papers saying that she understood what they’d said and a whole bunch of other crap that sounded like they could fire her if she interfered again, or even looked at the lawyer cross. Apparently crazy people had a right to have pornography read to them. She knew she couldn’t preach or testify to patients, but why did she have to help them damn their poor souls to even deeper pits in hell? But she did get a week of “administrative leave” which was basically a paid vacation.

    “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn” said the lawyer.

    Brian stifled a giggle. Whatever that was always sounded like the lawyer was trying to talk while eating pussy.

    Hammond made a series of eager whimpering noises in response. The lawyer nodded solemnly at Hammond and began reading.

    “‘The Haunting of Hillary House,’ by SugarFree.”