Category: GIP

[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ inner_width=”auto” inner_max_width=”none”][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.23.3″ color=”#ffffff” divider_weight=”25″ box_shadow_horizontal_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_vertical_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_blur_tablet=”40px” box_shadow_spread_tablet=”0px” z_index_tablet=”500″ /][et_pb_blurb admin_label=”glover quote” _builder_version=”3.24.1″ box_shadow_horizontal_image_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_vertical_image_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_blur_image_tablet=”40px” box_shadow_spread_image_tablet=”0px” text_shadow_horizontal_length=”text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” text_shadow_vertical_length=”text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” text_shadow_blur_strength=”text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_text_shadow_horizontal_length=”header_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ header_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_text_shadow_vertical_length=”header_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ header_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_text_shadow_blur_strength=”header_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ header_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” body_text_shadow_horizontal_length=”body_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” body_text_shadow_vertical_length=”body_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” body_text_shadow_blur_strength=”body_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” body_link_text_shadow_horizontal_length=”body_link_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_link_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” body_link_text_shadow_vertical_length=”body_link_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_link_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” body_link_text_shadow_blur_strength=”body_link_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_link_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” body_ul_text_shadow_horizontal_length=”body_ul_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_ul_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” body_ul_text_shadow_vertical_length=”body_ul_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_ul_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” body_ul_text_shadow_blur_strength=”body_ul_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_ul_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” body_ol_text_shadow_horizontal_length=”body_ol_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_ol_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” body_ol_text_shadow_vertical_length=”body_ol_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_ol_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” body_ol_text_shadow_blur_strength=”body_ol_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_ol_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” body_quote_text_shadow_horizontal_length=”body_quote_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_quote_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” body_quote_text_shadow_vertical_length=”body_quote_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_quote_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” body_quote_text_shadow_blur_strength=”body_quote_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_quote_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” box_shadow_horizontal_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_vertical_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_blur_tablet=”40px” box_shadow_spread_tablet=”0px” z_index_tablet=”500″]

The noun “etiquette” describes the requirements of behaviors according to conventions of society. It includes the proper conduct that is established by a community for various occasions, including ceremonies, court, formal events and everyday life. ~ Robin Bickerstaff Glover

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The Australian Glib Book of Etiquette is a very slim volume. ~ Paul Theroux

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When last we spoke about etiquette, I gave you some tips on what to take (and not to take) to a dinner party to which you were invited. I received a G/glib follow-up question via email: What does one take when one is crashing a dinner party to which one was not invited.

Really? That would be the height of bad manners and an appalling breach of etiquette. But, if you must behave thus, and the dinner party you are crashing is mine, may I introduce you to my event security detail? You might recognize him as a PROMINENT FOREST LAWYER.

Now, let’s move on to Lesson Two of Glib Finishing School: writing an excellent thank you note.

 

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Situation

 

You attended a most interesting and enjoyable dinner party; the food was terrific, the drinks top-notch, the mix of guests brilliant, and the conversation fascinating. You were pleased to have made a very favorable impression on the entire gathering.

At the end of the evening, the hostess walked you to the door and thanked you for joining the group.

 

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What do you do?

 

Do you: 

A) Thank your hostess as you are leaving and call it good

B) Phone your hostess the following week to say thanks

C) Send a thank you email or text as soon as you get home

D) Handwrite a thoughtful thank you note and mail it

E) Text “Oops, my bad” from the county lockup

 

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SP’s Suggestion

 

Thinking back to our mission of using etiquette and impeccable manners as a means of creating a favorable impression in the minds of those with whom we interact, your course of action should be clear.

By all means, thank your hostess in person as you are departing the event, but do not neglect to send a handwritten thank you note, preferably mailed within the next two days.

Just as sending a thank you note for a job interview makes one stand out favorably to the interviewer, you will enhance your reputation as a person of class with the hostess by the same action. 

 

 

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Anatomy of an excellent thank you note

 

I’ll focus on our dinner party example, but the same principles apply to any thank you note.

1. Handwritten notes are best. If you feel your penmanship is not what it should be, aside from practicing and improving it, the best course of action is to slow down when writing. Think about each letter as you form it and you’ll see a marked improvement.
2. Write your note on nice stationery or a note card, not a plain piece of printer paper or college-ruled paper you’ve ripped out of your child’s school notebook. Use a fine-tip pen. Unless you are Picasso and are including a sketch, pen looks nicer than pencil.
3. Use greetings and closings appropriate to your relationship with the recipient.
4. Mention what you particularly enjoyed about the event. Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine through. (Unless you’re a dick. Don’t be a dick.)
5. Close with a reiteration of thanks.

 

Example

 

Dear SP,

Thank you so much for inviting me to your fun dinner party Saturday night. I had a great time! 

The gathering was a wonderful reminder of how sharing delicious food and warm laughter around a lovely table always brings people together. I enjoyed meeting your friends who were visiting from Los Angeles–I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much.

I really appreciate your thoughtfulness in including me.

Truly yours,

Glibby

 

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Family Rules

 

You may be on intimate terms with the hostess, but that is no reason to decide not to send a thank you note! Everyone appreciates receiving a sincere thank you when they’ve gone to effort to create an event. Why not take the opportunity to foster warm feelings in your close friends and family members? You can make the world a little bit better one note at a time.

 

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Join me next time, when I’ll cover how to write a thank you note for a thoroughly unenjoyable event.

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The noun “etiquette” describes the requirements of behaviors according to conventions of society. It includes the proper conduct that is established by a community for various occasions, including ceremonies, court, formal events and everyday life. ~ Robin Bickerstaff Glover

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The Australian Glib Book of Etiquette is a very slim volume. ~ Paul Theroux

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 Well, there is etiquette and then there are manners. Not the same thing at all.

Think of etiquette as the collection of principles for why one uses manners: courtesy, respect, kindness. If one seeks to treat others kindly and put them at ease, one will rarely go wrong in a big way, and will likely be forgiven for a lapse in manners such as using the wrong knife in a formal setting.

However, I like to think about etiquette and manners as means to control minds and hearts…no rusty tin can lids required!

At finishing school one is taught the niceties of manners, but the main emphasis is on creating an impression of oneself in the minds of others. Consider this your invitation to Glib Finishing School.

Ready?

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Situation

 

You are invited to a dinner party. Along with the usual details, the hostess has indicated that it is not a formal affair and gives an impression that it’s really more a gathering akin to an open house with no set end time.

You promptly reply that you are delighted to be invited and will attend.

You ask the standard question all Glibs of good breeding ask: What may I bring?    

The hostess replies, “Thank you for asking, but there is no need for you to bring anything.”

 

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What do you do?

 

Do you: 

A) Take your hostess at her word and not bring anything

B) Bring the dish known as your specialty

C) Bring flowers from the grocery store around the corner

D) Bring a small thoughtful gift

 

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SP’s Suggestion

 

It depends on your relationship with the hostess.

In the long ago, olden times, one would of course bring a small thoughtful gift in spite of the request not to do so, unless the hostess was a close family member. It was considered very bad manners to arrive empty-handed. Remember hostess gifts?

However, things have changed. It is now perfectly acceptable to take your hostess at her word and bring nothing but a positive attitude and anticipation of an enjoyable event.

But, wait.

Remember that I said this is a chance to create a positive impression of oneself? If the hostess is a business acquaintance, valued member of your social network, or someone new whom you would like to cultivate, taking something that is small and useful, that creates no work for the hostess, is a good plan.

Such as:

A bottle of decent wine (no Two Buck Chuck); a pretty floral arrangement already in a vase (this can even be flowers from your garden);  a small pot of herb plants or a spice blend in a pretty jar; a selection of nice cheeses or nuts.

Just be cognizant that the hostess may or may not use your offering during that event. If there is already a set menu or wines selected to go with the menu, don’t be offended that your gift isn’t put into immediate use. Remember, you are trying to create a favorable impression.

Be gracious. Once you have given a gift, what happens with it is completely up to the recipient.

What not to bring:

A dish that needs oven or refrigerator/freezer space; flowers in a plastic wrap from the grocery store; several bottles of ingredients for your specialty cocktail; a CD of your favorite “dinner music” by Kraftwerk; finger foods that need some kind of preparation beyond plating. 

 

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Pro Tip

 

If you know the hostess is crazy about her pet, bringing a small, token gift for the pet may win you even more points than something for the hostess herself!

 

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N.B.

 

All of the preceding regarding what to bring can be disregarded if you are on a Family Rules status with the hostess. You know the level of formality likely to be involved, you know the likes and dislikes and habits of the hostess, and probably most of the other guests.

So feel free to grab that six-pack of PBR and some stale chips and generic salsa. She already knows the kind of low class person you are.

 

 

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And, finally…

 

Don’t forget that it’s always thoughtful to send a thank you note, email, or text after the event, no matter your relationship with the hostess. If it’s like some of the previous Chez OMWC/SP parties, you might want to also include a playful, “Oops, my bad” when you text us from the county lockup.

 

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Next time, join me for how to write an excellent thank you note.

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