Poll: Salad

I love salad. In fact, this is something we eat at least four nights per week.

OMWC makes the absolute best salad dressing. Ever. Period. End of discussion.

However.

I LOVE OMWC’s green salads, truly, I do. Yet, I also love salads with every vegetable in the fridge and some fruits thrown in. Maybe some nuts and cheese, too. (#notvegan, sorry WebDom). And I love pasta salads, rice salads, tabboulehs, cucumber salads, and pretty much any other salad. (As long as it doesn’t incorporate soapweed.)

What do you like? Plain greens? Greens with heirloom or other tomatoes on the side? Bread? What kind of dressing? Loads of vegetables? Non traditional salads?

Please share. Recipes, too, if you have ’em.

I’ll be over here enjoying this salad while you talk among yourselves.

 

 

See also, Tulip’s excellent salad post.

Comments

378 responses to “Poll: Salad”

  1. Florida Man

    Olive Garden endless salad bowl.

  2. Florida Man

    Also, outback’s house salad. Melting pot’s house salad too.

    1. OK, more seriously, I prefer soup to salad and never liked it when restaurants included a salad with the entree but not soup.

  3. Florida Man

    Does Taco Salad count?

    1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

      Yes.

    2. Gender Traitor
      1. Rhywun

        I was expecting this.

        1. NOT a naked Sir Digby

          While I think you are both correct in your choices, and love both, my nostalgia meter peaks with Rhywun’s choice.

          /Euphemism…or, not?

      2. MikeS

        That was awesome.

        That whole ad campaign was one of the better ones ever, IMO.

  4. Tulip

    Like you, I like all kinds of salad. Yes, you need nuts, cheese, dried or fresh fruit. It makes it more interesting. Pasta, tabbouleh, whatever. When I want cold, salad it is. Oh, make your own dressing. It takes 2 minutes.

    1. Sean

      Re: tabbouleh

      https://www.traderjoes.com/FearlessFlyer/Article/4328

      I ? this stuff. Add a sprinkle of ghost pepper salt.

  5. Tulip

    Oh, wow! FIRST! Where’s my gif?!

    1. Tulip

      Never mind

      1. Florida Man

        Don’t feel bad. First only count on Lynx.

      2. I’m sure if Swiss were around he’d give you the dancing 6.

        1. NOT a naked Sir Digby

          he’d give you the dancing 6

          ::narrows gaze, in honor of Swiss::

  6. Sean

    Radishes are underrated in salads.

    1. Tulip

      As are pickled veggies

      1. Quick pickled radishes in a chicken salad is divine.

    2. Florida Man

      We make a radish salad. Sliced radishes, olive oil, red vinegar salt pepper. Refreshing and spicy.

    3. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

      Radishes are underrated in salads.

      FIFY.

      (They’re very good with a slight dollop of fresh butter and a sprinkle of salt, like us Frenchies eat ’em…)

      1. Florida Man

        Say cowdah!

      2. Tulip

        Sauteed radishes are the bomb.

        1. Tulip

          With, like, mustard greens and hot pepper vinegar

      3. Lackadaisical

        You know what they’re not underrated as?

        A topping to ravioli.

    4. NOT a naked Sir Digby

      Prepping radishes.

      Also: BLECH! Are you people the reason they keep adding that nasty shit to salad mixes??

  7. Timeloose

    Greens like arugula and red lettuce, lots of pickled vegetables, cucumbers, beans like garbanzos, and cheese. Fruits and nuts are welcome in a sweeter salad.

    Dressings: standard vinegrette with Dijon or brown mustard and oil. Garlic infused apple cider vinegar and olive oil.

    Asian dressing using fresh ginger, garlic, sesame oil, and rice wine vinegar.

    1. Timeloose

      Also Grilled meats on top with crunchy bits of bacon or chow mien noodles.

    2. straffinrun

      That dressing sounds tasty. Also love that orange colored dressing they serve at Indian curry restaurants. Any idea what that’s called?

      1. Count Potato

        I have no idea what it’s called, but there are Indian salad dressings that are orange from cumin (mixed with lime juice and oil).

        1. westernsloper

          Cumin isn’t orange.

          1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

            Probably thinking of turmeric.

            N.B.: Not pronounced “TOOOM-eric.” Note the “r” in there, ladies and gentlemen.

          2. Count Potato

            Nope. That’s yellow.

          3. Count Potato

            “Cumin isn’t orange”

            Indian cumin is orange.

    3. Use arugula to tickle your uvula.

      1. dontreadonme

        It also makes an amazing soup. I got the idea from having callaloo soup in Jamaica a few years back. Brings out the earthy pepper flavor of arugula like nothing else.

  8. straffinrun

    Caesar salad. All day. The sister in law planned the vacation this year. Normally we go to Ryokan, but we arrive at the destination and… a fucking golf resort. It’s nice, but filled with…fucking golfers. And to top it off, snapped off the arm of my eyeglasses. No extra pair on me. Ugh.

    https://imgur.com/a/M6ubrgu

    1. You only have to do the fucking, not the golf.

      1. straffinrun

        *Pulls out 3 Wood*

    2. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

      I’m surprised they have that much open space in the entire country. They’re obviously stackin’ ’em like cordwood in Tokyo and environs.

      1. straffinrun

        We’re in rural Chiba. Lots of open space. If you don’t want live in a city, there is plenty of space here.

    3. Suthenboy

      Love the cat sleeping under the bench

      1. blackjack

        Cats love their sleep, no doubt!

  9. Rhywun

    Pret a Manger’s chicken Caesar salad was/is the bomb. I don’t like nuts or fruits. At the salad bar I used to throw in anything that struck my fancy and then wonder why I felt queasy an hour later. It turns out not everything goes together and sometimes you’re better off keeping it simple, so that is what I do now. Nothing unusual or fancy, really.

    1. Sean

      “I don’t like nuts or fruits.” ?

      *walks away*

    2. BakedPenguin

      Chicken Caesar salad or even plain Caesar salad is great. Have to have Parmesan, though.

      I don’t like nuts or fruits.

      Had you added “in my salad”, I’d be onboard. but you just lost me.

      1. BakedPenguin

        …oh, and croutons are not optional, for me at least.

      2. Rhywun

        You guise!

        Yes, shaved parmesan and croutons are required.

  10. Spudalicious

    We don’t eat a lot of salads. We do eat a lot of salad when the lettuce is growing in the garden. I grow a mix every year and harvest enough for dinner about fifteen minutes before I put it on the table. For those, it’s a simple vinaigrette with good EVOO and homemade red wine vinegar. A touch of salt and pepper is the only other thing needed.

    Sadly, tomatoes come on well after the lettuce has bolted. So lettuce salad gets replace with caprese, which we’ll eat several times a week. Other than that, grilled chicken Caesar will appear on the table several times a year, and I do make home made Caesar dressing.

    1. Count Potato

      There are cultivars of late-season lettuce.

      1. Spudalicious

        I’ve never found a lettuce that doesn’t bolt when the temps are consistently in the 90s.

        1. dbleagle

          Lettuce is a winter crop in Hawaii. There is a local lettuce, Manoa, which is a good place to hang a balsamic dressing.

          Tomatoes produce 11 – 12 months a year and a typical plant will fruit for ~6 months. I haven’t planted a plant in years since I can’t keep up so some fruits fall to the ground and the next generation of plants spring up from where the seeds came to rest.

  11. Tulip

    A lot of times, I just make a protein (chicken thigh, salmon, pork chop) and a simple green salad. Not vegetarian/vegan. Sorry.

    1. R C Dean

      Same here. Salad greens and veggies are a good base for protein when you are doing a low carb/keto/paleo thing. Other than that, salads are pretty optional to me. A good Caesar or old school iceberg wedge is nice and all, sure.

  12. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

    How dare you.

    My mother, God Rest Her Soul, made the best salad dressing ever. It was, of course, merely a slightly-tarted-up version of a French vinaigrette.

    Slightly amusing true story: my grandmother (corporal in the French Army during WWI, met my grandpapa [who was a private] in the trenches whilst she drove ambulance, erstwhile French literature teacher) used to make a salad dressing during the 30s-40s that the neighbours raved about. The same neighbours who swore up and down that they despised garlic. Naturally, garlic was one of the staple ingredients of the dressing. Begging my grandmother for the recipe, she finally acceded to their request, but omitted the existence of the garlic. For the rest of the time she knew them, the neighbours said that they couldn’t make it the same way Grandmama could — it “didn’t taste the same.” Grandmama just smiled and feigned ignorance.

    1. My sainted grandmother used to make the most amazing and delicious salad dressing using bacon drippings. She tended to avoid revealing the secret ingredient until you were hooked and didn’t give a damn, you just wanted more.

      1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

        Your grandmother was wise.

  13. AlmightyJB

    Iceburg Lettuce, cherry tomatos, sliced red onion, sliced cucumber, shredded cheddar cheese, thousand island dressing, S&P. Chilled.

    1. AlmightyJB

      I usually don’t get them but I also agree that radishes in salads are great.

      1. R C Dean

        Just can’t tolerate radishes. I think they are to me what cilantro is to people who think it’s soapy or whatever. Just a bitter, sulfury, nasty flavor to me.

        1. AlmightyJB

          I do prefer them very thinly sliced. Just a hint of pepperyness

  14. I have a salad everyday for lunch- Bibb lettuce, roma tomato, red onion, hearty garlic pickles, hard boiled egg, black olives, cheese ( I switch it up), and ham or turkey or roast beef, a mustard based dressing and served between slices of marbled rye bread. best salad ever.

  15. Tres Cool

    1 cup vinegar (white…tho I make a hybrid of 50/50 balsamic)
    1 1/3 cup oils (again, I do half with olive oil)
    3 tbsp water
    1 tbsp garlic powder
    1/2 tbsp onion powder
    1 tbsp oregano
    1/2 tsp black pepper (finely ground)
    1/4 tsp thyme
    1/2 tsp basil
    1/2 tsp parsley
    1 tbsp salt

    (then I add 2 finely chopped garlic cloves)
    Let sit for at least 24 hours. Then enjoy.

    Fight me.

    1. Tres Cool

      Oh, as someone thats been on the “low-carb/high-fat” bandwagon for a year or so, salads and veggies on that diet are a must for keeping things moving along.

    2. straffinrun

      Sounds like a lot of work for salad. I don’t think I’ve ever measured a single ingredient for a salad. Maybe I’ll give that one a shot.

      1. Tres Cool

        Oh, it takes 5 minutes to make, and you have it for weeks
        Stop being such a nancy.

        1. straffinrun

          Mayo on cucumbers takes 1 minute.

    3. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

      Nope. For that recipe, I’d rather buy you a beer.

    4. dontreadonme

      Try substituting a dry white wine for the water and get back to me….

  16. Don Escaped Texas

    Anything except iceberg

    1. Spudalicious

      That’s all my dad would eat. If he was eating salad, it better be iceberg with mom’s homemade Roquefort dressing.

      1. R C Dean

        Add some bacon and sweet cherry tomatoes, and it’s hard to beat.

  17. hayeksplosives

    This Korean salad is one of my faves.

    https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/korean-spinach-salad/

    1. BakedPenguin

      mmm…bacon. Also, no kimchee.

      1. hayeksplosives

        We tried it one thanksgiving when I was a young lass helping mom in the kitchen, and it’s been on the table every thanksgiving since.

        Plus whenever.

        1. BakedPenguin

          Plus whenever.

          I’ve never got the ‘meal for a special time’ thing. (Getting away from salads,) Mom used to maketourtiere on holidays only, and I used to wonder why, because delicious.

          1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

            Tourtiere was always a New Year’s Eve thing with us, being Frenchies and all. Latterly, we’ve started making it Christmas Eve or Christmas Day alongside the roast turkey and, of course, the butt sausage.

          2. BakedPenguin

            Maybe there’s an argument for “a special dish for special times”, and it’s not exactly the most heart-healthy option, but still, why not monthly? Of course, I wasn’t the one preparing it.

          3. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

            Turns out, making a quality tourtiere from scratch is a fair amount of work, though it’s quite yummy/rewarding.

          4. R C Dean

            Because special dishes help make a special time, special.

  18. Lackadaisical

    Pasta salad is the Hawaiian pizza of salads.

    I’m partial to salads that incorporate fruit and nuts.

    1. Tres Cool

      YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY WHORE MOUTH!

    2. A proper pasta salad will include fruits.

      1. Lackadaisical

        Like tomato?

        1. Yes and peppers and olives.

          1. Lackadaisical

            Olives are disgusting on their own, so, they probably feel right at home on pasta salad.

          2. What about in a martini?

          3. Lackadaisical

            Disgusting.

          4. dontreadonme

            I don’t like green olives at all EXCEPT when stuffed with bleu cheese and drowned in a couple ounces of Saphire gin.

          5. Spudalicious

            SHUT YOUR DIRTY WHORE MOUTH!!!

            Proper olives are the schnizzle.

          6. MikeS

            The only good olives are some of those gourmet olives that are stuffed with things that taste way better than olives.

          7. hayeksplosives

            I love black olives.

            Green, not so much.

          8. MikeS

            When I can stand olives at all, I’m the opposite. Big green ones stuffed with garlic, or cheese, or something other than pimento are great.

            The black ones, no thanks. I love taco pizza, except it seems that everybody thinks you need to ruin it with black olives. May as well put pineapple on it.

          9. Lackadaisical

            The black ones, no thanks.

            *raises eyebrow*

            I love taco pizza, except it seems that everybody thinks you need to ruin it with black olives. May as well put pineapple on it.

            Ah, I see you are a man of culture as well.

          10. Spudalicious

            Green, brined Cerignola olives seed in. Ahhhh. Oil cured black olives from Provence. Mmmmmm. Plain ole canned olives on “Muhrican” pizza? Da bomb.

          11. Old Man With Candy

            Cannot get SP to eat an olive.

          12. slumbrew

            Castelvetrano. /droooooool

          13. slumbrew

            Had tuna steaks with green olive tapenade for dinner. So easy, so delicious.

    3. Florida Man

      You mean delicious?

      1. Lackadaisical

        I guess if you sprinkle some meth on top, it might seem to be edible.

  19. Timeloose

    I forgot the Thai peanut noodle salad using soba scallions, chicken thighs, and cabbage.

    Basically pad Thai with more greens eaten cold as a salad.

  20. Count Potato

    “OMWC makes the absolute best salad dressing. Ever. Period. End of discussion.”

    I was a sous chef.

    ” (As long as it doesn’t incorporate soapweed.)”

    You’re god damn right.

  21. A well done creamy cole slaw is a great salad when served on a pulled pork sammich.

    A well done vinegary cole slaw is a great salad when served on the side of BBQ ribs.

    1. dontreadonme

      Damn straight!

  22. Tundra

    I eat salads pretty much every day for lunch. I’m not a veggie guy so it helps me get some in easily.

    This is a really fortuitous post, actually, because last night I made a Black and Blue salad that blew everyone’s mind.

    Romaine, red onion, avocado, tomato, gorgonzola and blue cheese. Most importantly, the steak was prime tenderloin and ridiculously good! Dressing was a mixture of olive oil, balsamic vinegar and dijon.

    Spawn 2’s boyfriend comes over most weeks for Sunday dinner and told me it was the best thing I’ve ever made him. Kid ate two huge salads!

    1. dontreadonme

      Sounds delicious! How did you do the steaks:

      1. Tundra

        Salt early (even the night before, Charcoal. 225-250 degrees. Light another chimney at about 80, Flip at about 90. Pull at 110-115. Paint with bacon grease and grind some pepper. 1 minute x 4 sides over hot coals, rest and slice.

        From Amazing Ribs and Slow N Sear. Works every time.

  23. Suthenboy

    We eat salad regularly. Tonight I whipped up some sweet and sour pork and a side salad – lettuce, cucumber, bell pepper, sweet onion, craisins and green onion (that’s what I found in the fridge). I usually just get creative with whatever we have.

    1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

      Had a salad at a farm-to-table experience in east-central Alberta on Saturday that included a green onion salsa. God-DAMN but that was good!

      Will do a short write-up with some pics if anyone’s interested.

      1. dontreadonme

        Sounds intriguing! Please share.

      2. mindyourbusiness

        Got my vote!

        1. MikeS

          Yeah, let’s do this.

    2. straffinrun

      Same. Throw in whatever veggies in the fridge and you’re good to go.

  24. Sean

    I don’t want to be labelled a TJ’s shill, but their Quattro formaggio is excellent on salads.

  25. straffinrun

    Covered? Man shoots self in nuts? New to me. Reporter sucker punched. Ouch.

  26. DEG

    One of the local brewpubs has a summer salad on their special menus. Greens, berries, nuts, a vinaigrette. You can add grilled lamb tips or shrimp to it. I got with lamb and it was delicious.

  27. leon

    What’s the kind of salad that you get from a cow and cook on a grill called?

    1. Timeloose

      Cow pie salad.

    2. R C Dean

      Betterthan Salad.

  28. Egg salad. Potato salad.

    That’s about it.

    1. MikeS

      As long as the potato salad has no eggs in it.

      1. Rhywun

        German potato salad… yummmm

        1. MikeS

          ^ this guy fucking gets it ^

        2. dontreadonme

          My German grandmother made the best ever! There were never any leftovers. I haven’t had it for years…..time to pull out the faded recipe card she wrote for me 45 years ago!

    2. I thought I hated egg salad until I made the cook’s illustrated version. Turns out I hate bad egg salad.

      1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

        Cook’s Illustrated is a great resource.

      2. dontreadonme

        I live on egg salad from my duck eggs. The amazing thing about egg salad is that it will take any flavor profile you want to throw at it. French, Italian, Asian, Middle Eastern….on and on. So much fun to experiment!

    3. blackjack

      We have a BBQ place nearby. They have the absolute best potato salad I’ve ever had. They sell out early every day. Once, we called to order and they were out. Their excuse was “potatoes are out of season.” They grow year ’round here, duh.

  29. Fourscore

    Salad X 2 a day. Right now its whatever is in the garden.

    Today’s included everything raw; green beans, sugar peas, green peppers (a yellow one and a long green one) cucumbers, broccoli, chopped cabbage and a Walmart dressing. I’ll add any fruit chunks if they are on the table but usually fruit is dessert. The green mustard is over and kale is winding down.

    Pickling cucumbers now, did beets last week. I like fresh veggies raw. Don’t cook cauliflower/kale/broccoli/cabbage/kohlrabi. All those things can go into stir fry but that’s different. Corn will soon be ready, tomatoes are still green but when they ripen some times the salad is tomatoes only with a little salt. Corn needs butter and always adds a few summer pounds ’cause I eat that X 2 times a day/2 ears.

    Off season salads are more bland, lettuce and some pickles.

    Add some meat of any kind and I’m good.

    1. Fourscore

      All bets are off on Honey Harvest Day though, the ladies bring out their favorite dishes, lots of desserts. Some things will get let with us and I’ll have desserts of different kinds for a week afterwards.

      1. OneOut

        This guy gets it.

        I grew up eating out of a garden plus chicken since daddy was a chicken farmer.

        I am so jelly of your access to a real garden.

  30. hayeksplosives

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7373535/181-American-CEOs-say-companies-focus-improving-society-profits.html

    CEOs of 181 top American companies – including Apple and Amazon – say the new focus of corporations is to ‘improve society’ rather than make profits for shareholders

    I’m sure shareholders are thrilled to hear it.

    At least nothing can go wrong. I mean, everyone’s idea of what constitutes an improved society is identical, right?

    1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

      I need to talk to my finance guy — “No woke industry investments for me, got it?”

    2. MikeS

      This whole “socially conscious business model” movement is obviously toxic and idiotic and and and… However, I wonder; how many of those 181 CEO’s a full of shit?

      1. MikeS

        *are

        1. Rhywun

          All of them. This is transparent bullshit signaling.

        2. Stinky Wizzleteats

          There are probably about a half dozen true believers so I’d say about 175. It’s interesting to see corporations make common cause with the left, the very people who’d love nothing more than to crush them.

          1. Chafed

            I think you are on to something. A small number either lost site of what made their company great or are in highly regulated industries with high barriers to entry. The rest are full of shit or are going to get their lunch eaten by someone else (not a euphemism)

      2. Fourscore

        “181 CEO’s are full of shit?”

        Just those that need to be replaced. You wanna be socially conscious ? Use your own money ’cause I’m taking mine out.

        1. dontreadonme

          Exactly. You work for me, asshole, and I want you to make a profit. END OF STORY. You want to signal? Do it on your own time with your own money

    3. Plinker762

      I hope they support gun control. By providing free range time to their empl.

      1. Urthona

        My company had a free range program, but it turns out all they meant was they let us out in the courtyard each day to amble around, squawk, and peck at corn for awhile.

        1. dontreadonme

          Great idea! If I had a company I would build a gun and archery range for employees to use during breaks. Well, and a volleyball court.

        2. grrizzly

          You’re a chicken, right?

    4. Urthona

      That’s fine. I mean they can do whatever they want.

    5. 0x90

      they’re all in bed with the govt anyway, so I guess, what’s the damn difference

  31. LJW

    I make a good fajita chicken salad. Chicken grilled topped with Monterey jack cheese with bacon bits sprinkled on it. Throw the chicken on some greens with carmelized onions and peppers. Ranch dressing or my wife has a lime vinaigrette.

  32. We do Caesar with pizza each Saturday. Mrs. trshmnstr eats more green salads than I do, but that’s mainly because I’m a bit more discerning about the quality of the greens than she is.

    That said, I want to do more salads as a filler so that it’s easier to get by with smaller quantities of expensive and calorie dense foods. We were just talking this evening about how we’re in a bit of a rut. I enjoy cooking, but get home too late most days to be responsible for dinner. She sees it as a chore, but has the time to do it. Salads may be a good middle ground. It’d be easy enough for her to toss together the salad and I can cook the protein when I get home.

    1. MikeS

      I can cook the protein when I get home.

      Are we not doing phrasing anymore?

      1. I was going to mention tossing her salad, but I strive for subtlety in my entendre.

        1. Chafed

          Pffft. I’m still waiting to hear if Hyperion closed the deal.

          1. NOT a naked Sir Digby

            I know, right?!? I, of course, let you down like the Browns with my shitty, online observation skills.

  33. westernsloper

    Fruits (other than tomatoes) and nuts do not belong in a leafy salad of any kind other than a fruit salad which is desert. Sunflower seeds totally ok and recommended on a leafy salad which is best when mixed with a pasta salad with lots of cured meats, pungent cheese, olives and more meats under your favorite vinaigrette that has some more hard cheese in the mix.

    1. Old Man With Candy

      Spud and I used to make a salad that had caramelized pears, toasted walnuts, and goat cheese hockey pucks coated with shredded phyllo that was baked until brown, all on baby greens with a white wine vinaigrette. You would not have complained about the fruit.

    1. Count Potato

      You want a send a check to Planned Parenthood?

      1. RAHeinlein

        Yes, I’m pro-abortion, but don’t approve of public funding.

        1. Count Potato

          Well, I don’t approve of public funding either, but Planned Parenthood is despicable.

          1. Urthona

            That’s just like your opinion man.

        2. Urthona

          I’m pro funding abortion but only as an alternative to existing welfare programs.

          Like if we took the $20,000 per person we spend on welfare and instead spent it aborting potential Democrats I feel strongly that a a lot of our problems would be solved.

          That was the thesis of my Miss America speech.

          1. Count Potato

            WTF??

  34. Count Potato

    Anyway, I have a headache, which might get worse if I don’t get off the computer.

    So I’ll keep this brief.

    In my mind I tend to divide salads in two broad categories European/Hispanic and Kind of Asian.

    For the former there many different kinds of lettuce, herbs, spinach, and things that fall in between (basil, goosefoots). Dressings usually use flavorful fats and oils, including cheese and animal fats. Olive oil is very popular. Then add on herbs and flavorful vinegar. It may include peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, garlic, olives, mushrooms, etc.

    For the latter there are many different cruciferous vegegatables — cabbages, daikon, mustard greens, etc. Dressings usually use neutral oils such as raw sesame or soybean oil, and neutral acid such such as rice wine vinegar — they tend to rely on spices such as ginger (rather than herbs) and fruit for flavor.

    The salad I have eaten the most, which is a mainstay of Caribbean cuisine — Jamaican, Puerto Rican, Dominican, Cuban — is just lettuce, tomatoes, olive oil, and lemon juice (sometimes other tart citrus fruits such as bitter oranges or those half-assed grapefruits that grow fucking everywhere are used). Whether you order pollo guisada, curried goat, or mojo criollo, that’s your salad.

    One of my favorite salads is cucumbers with cold cooked beets, with a dressing of malt vinegar, olive oil, and dill. Some people add walnuts and stilton (or some other blue cheese).

    Another simple great salad is tomatoes, basil, mozzeralla, red wine vinegar, and olive oil. It depends almost entirely on the quality of its ingredients. I also love it with shaved cold rare steak.

    I worked at a restaurant where I had to make caesar salad in front of the customers. I could write an entire article on the fine points of ceasar salad. It’s a perfectly good salad even though it only has one vegetable. ProTip: you don’t need coddled eggs. Haven’t you seen Rocky?

    Pasta salad, rice salad, tabbouleh, potato salad, tuna salad, egg salad, etc. aren’t salad. It’s just cooked food, mixed with other ingredients, served cold.

    1. westernsloper

      So I’ll keep this brief.

      That is a bunch of brief salad knowledge.

      I worked at a restaurant where I had to make caesar salad in front of the customers. OKC? I don’t remember the name of the restaurant that did that but it was a damn fine Caesar.

      1. Count Potato

        It was pretty common at the time. I don’t know if it still is. Same with Bananas Foster.

    2. I could write an entire article on the fine points of ceasar salad.

      Yes please!

  35. I’m Here To Help

    I’m not a big salad person myself, but I do enjoy the fake taco salad my wife makes (quinoa and black beans replace the ground beef). And her traditional German potato salad is phenomenal (the wife is Schwäbisch, and she leaned to make it from her grandmother). Very different from any German potato salad I’ve gotten in the US. She does complain that she can’t get the right sort of potatoes here though.

    1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

      She’s right. I have a devil of a time even getting French fingerlings. Had to grow ’em in the Lower Rainland™ myself, and the endemic diseases of the Fraser Valley kept ruining ’em. Found a local supplier here in Edmonton, though I’m sure it’ll be highly seasonal.

      Food. I love it, and it drives me nuts.

    2. Chipwooder

      What does she do? I make a German potato salad myself with onions, vinegar, and bacon. Wondering how hers is done.

      1. I’m Here To Help

        I honestly have no clue how she makes it. The only thing I know is that it involves beef broth and a special vinegar reduction that she gets her family to send over from Germany. She’s already asleep, but I’ll see if I can get a description tomorrow (no recipes – she doesn’t use them except for baking. Food turns out a little different every time)

        1. no recipes – she doesn’t use them except for baking. Food turns out a little different every time

          I envy people who can cook like that.

          1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

            I envy people who can cook like that.

            It’s actually not that hard. Baking’s a little different, ’cause it’s more like chemistry, and needs a bit more precision.

          2. Setting aside my lack of intuition when it comes to flavor profile, winging it is a great way for my results to have weird texture. It’s one thing to season a chicken breast and pan fry it, but when doing a sauce or other more complex component, it goes downhill pretty fast for me.

          3. Count Potato

            You just need to understand ratios, and some basic chemistry — acid, alkali, sugar, alcohol, etc.

            I can come up with my own baking recipes, although that is much more difficult, but cooking on the fly isn’t that difficult. I almost never cook with recipes, and everyone swears I’m a great cook. You need to get to know your ingredients, then they’ll tell you what to do.

          4. I’m Here To Help

            I had the same issues, but am very slowly overcoming them. My problem was that I was trying to jump straight into the end product without learning the basics first. Once I took the time to practice the basics (a reliable, consistent roux and béchamel), I then moved on to playing with the flavors. Some work, others don’t. My biggest problem now is trying to remember what combinations and ratios I liked. My numerous concussions make this difficult, and turn every meal into an adventure.

    3. Rhywun

      I only tried a recipe I found once – it’s a pain in the ass to make. Like, the night before kind of thing. Feh!

      1. I’m Here To Help

        That’s one of the best things about it though – you can spread the cooking out when preparing for a party. I like making things like this as it gives me more time day-of to prepare the rest of the food. I’m not much of a multitasker, so every little bit helps.

  36. Rasilio

    Honestly, I like most anything that I would otherwise eat in a salad.

    So that rules out Onions, Beans, Bell Peppers, Celery, and most nuts (Pecans can be ok but I don’t like really any other nuts although pseudo nuts like Sunflower seeds, pepitas, and peanuts are good) and a few of the more bitter greens (No Frisee or Radicchio and oddball greens like beet or mustard greens are right out but almost all other greens are good)

  37. Chipwooder

    My wife is fond of roasted beet salad. You peel the beets, rub some oil on them, then wrap in foil and throw in the oven at 400 degrees for half an hour or so. Dressing is equal parts olive oil and balsamic, with a dollop of Dijon mustard. When the beets are done and cool enough to handle, slice them and mix with the dressing. Let them sit in it for a few minutes to absorb the dressing. Then toss with arugula, crumbled goat cheese, and slivered almonds.

    For me, when you have really good tomatoes, nothing beats a good caprese salad with buffalo mozzarella and fresh basil.

    1. westernsloper

      Roasted beets are really good but that is not a salad. Also goat cheese is no good it tastes like goats smell which is no good.

  38. creech

    Anyone like kale salads? I tried one for lunch last week and it was so filling, I had to take half home. Tried to finish it off for dinner and still couldn’t get it all down. That is some dense greenery and I don’t think I’ll try it again. Though it does clean you out pretty effectively.

    1. Kale has never done it for me. A solid Bibb or Romaine or mixed greens salad beats the pants off of kale. The only thing worse than kale is iceberg, and it’s close.

      1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

        How’s that meme go? ”Pro tip: Use coconut oil when you’re stir-frying your kale — that way, it makes it easier to scrape it into the garbage when you’re done.”

        1. Fourscore

          Eggplant/zucchini too

          Only time you have to lock your car doors here is during zucchini season

          1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

            Same here. Rural Alberta towns are famous for people discovering several boxes of zucchinis in the back of their car (from late August until end of September) if people make the mistake of leaving their car doors unlocked whilst running errands etc.

          2. commodious spittoon

            I could use neighbors like that. Squash, too.

          3. Spudalicious

            We grew zucchini our first year here. That was 2012. I haven’t grown it since. After several years of heirloom eggplant, we burned out on eggplant. And after last years crop, I didn’t even plant green beans. I need to start branching out a bit.

          4. MikeS

            I used to think I hated zucchini…until i tried it fried in olive oil with a quick bit of butter right at the end. Wow. Good stuff.

          5. CPRM

            Fried zucchini and zucchini bread are both good.

          6. Gustave Lytton

            Zucchini bread

      2. hayeksplosives

        I grow kale (planted before I moved in) and last year we made baked kale chips a few times.

        But mainly I like it in Tuscan style soup in the winter.

        1. Spudalicious

          I probably do almost exactly the same soup. I’ve also got a recipe from a Spanish Monastery that has few ingredients, but Chorizo, kale and white beans are part of the mix.

        2. Timeloose

          I cook kale like collards with a ton of garlic, ham hock or bacon, and finish with some vinegar and salt and pepper.

          1. Timeloose

            The Chinese ladies that worked for me used to cook greens in a crock pot with five spice, garlic and beef ribs. It was dammed good.

          2. blackjack

            2000 lbs of garlic is almost enough.

          3. Timeloose

            Metric ass load.

    2. Fourscore

      I eat it a lot, it grows prolifically, harvest the young leaves before they get hard and bitter (like my ex wife). Add anything else from the garden or refrig. Kale has a lot of trace vitamins, calcium, iron, I think.

    3. Rhywun

      I tried it once – I ended up having to to mix it with some other greens to cut the taste. Which is nice, just overpowering.

      1. Fourscore

        The taste/texture can be a little unusual but a dressing will help and with a lot of other vegetables I enjoy the kale. It grows easily and fast and I hope its as healthy as the claims that are made for it.

    4. Spudalicious

      I can’t eat raw kale. We do grow it every year. I blanch it, vacuum seal it, and freeze it. We also eat quite a bit fresh sauteed with olive oil, garlic, onion and pancetta. I’ve learned to plant it early enough that I have more than enough in the freezer before the aphids show up.

    5. Urthona

      Nobody actually likes kale salad. Stop trying to be cool.

    6. Lachowsky

      Kale causes your nuts ascend back into your pelvic region.

      1. Count Potato

        You need to move south of Arkansas, kale and corn is great.

    7. slumbrew

      The Ubiquitous Kale Salad at Alden & Harlow is fantastic, but otherwise kale is meh.

  39. westernsloper

    Dinner tonight: Boneless chicken thighs cooked poolside yesterday with an Adobo/crab boil/ketchup BBQ sauce warmed in the oven after being topped with shredded Asiago over a bed of coleslaw. The slaw dressing will be red wine vinegar, olive oil, celery seed, a bit of mayonnaise, a bit of mustard, and S&P not to be confused with SNP. I am off to eat it now!

  40. Reposting from the dying embers of the afternoon links. Thanks to several of you who made some helpful comments, but still hoping for a person who knows how to do this and get paid $$ for doing so:
    ______________________________________

    Do any of you know someone who is adept at Wikipedia, and would accept compensation for creating a page?

    A friend from med school’s wife is a top plastic surgeon, who has invented some devices and procedures that are in use worldwide, and she is very well known in her profession — but not the type of famous that the average person is going to make a page about her without prompting. He’s seen other wiki pages about some prominent docs on Wikipedia who have been up for years, docs who can’t hold a candle to his wife’s accomplishments, so it’s totally appropriate that she be on there. And I don’t think that the Wikipedia editors would end up deleting the page of someone this substantial.

    Problem is, he’s not very computer-savvy, and when he looked at how to submit a page to the site, he gave up a minute in. Yet he’s willing to write the copy for the entire page, with all the links and references, he just needs someone who knows what they are doing to upload and get it up and running. And he’s willing to pay handsomely.

    I told him that I had no idea, but had to imagine there’s people who do this for pay. And I did know of a certain web community who had posters with an incredibly wide range of knowledge and expertise, and at least one of them would know what to do……

    Feel free to answer here, or contact me privately at c.anacreon at gmail — thanks!

    1. MikeS

      I haven’t used it myself, but a couple young entrepreneurs’ podcast I listen to (Business Of Machining) swear by this site for finding people with knowledge like that:

      UpWork

    2. Some of us are Wikipedia editors. Feel free to pass on my email: sp@ this website.

  41. CPRM

    At home I usually don’t have fresh vegetables, especially greens, because I never know when I will actually be eating at home and a lot of fresh stuff goes bad before I can use it. If I go out I’m usually going to fill up on the actual meal, so I don’t want to waste money on a salad. If I’m at a buffet I’ll usually get a salad. I’m game for putting anything in there except fruit, nuts and olives.

    1. Chafed

      Craisins?

      1. CPRM

        Fruits are to be eaten with fruit, not vegetables. (fruit colloquially, you know not counting tomatoes or peppers as fruits)

  42. Count Potato

    “This Jordan Peterson voice generator is wild”

    https://twitter.com/someblackg/status/1163527715405750273

    1. CPRM

      Do they have one of those for Trump?

  43. blackjack

    Anti-fucking-pasto? C’mon man! Like 5 kinds of cheese and 5 kinds of meat, pepperoncini, olives, bell peppers of various colors, Garbanzo beans, etc. Just throw lots of cool stuff in there and you’ll get a decent salad. Ain’t nobody gonna argue with Italians over how to make a good salad.

    1. Urthona

      If pasta and antipasta meet does it create a culinary singularity?

      1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

        No. They cancel each other out in an energy release of Galactic proportions. It’s why the Italians separated them in the first place — they didn’t want to be responsible for the destruction of our Universe.

      2. MikeS

        You know, I kinda like this pickle. ^ He reminds me of Bacon Magic back when he was dropping funny throw-away comments all over the place. Before his evil employer set up the internet nanny.

        The good old days…

        1. MikeS

          Oops, “Xe reminds me…” I apologize for assuming your gender, pickle.

          I mean, you sure look like a dude, but these days, who knows?

          1. blackjack

            You’re in a pickle, now!

          2. R C Dean

            Just so there isn’t a pickle in me. Not my bag, man.

  44. Chafed

    Preseason football is the diet soda of drinks.

    1. MikeS

      Are you sure we aren’t brothers?

      1. Chafed

        Did you read my exchange last night with Sir Digby re: current wives and heavy metal? There’s a chance we’re triplets separated at birth.

        1. NOT a naked Sir Digby
    2. Gustave Lytton

      I don’t think there’s a professional team sport out that wouldn’t benefit from a shorter season.

      1. Chafed

        Absolutely. You can cancel the MLB season altogether.

        1. MikeS

          Ooooooh….and we’re done.

          1. Chafed

            Sorry my heavy metal brother. I stayed with them after the first strike. When the second came I wished a pox on both their houses.

          2. MikeS

            Yeah, that second one was extra bullshit. But I don’t hold grudges.

            Also, Cal Ripken Jr. does not hold the consecutive games started record; he missed games during the lockout. Sorry, Cal.

    3. CPRM

      I hate the trend of not playing starters in the preseason, and then the first three weeks of the regular season looking like preseason.

      1. CPRM

        For the last several years Aaron Rogers has been playing less and less in the preseason. And all the ‘experts’ are like ‘Oh, he’s so good he doesn’t need to play in the preseason, and he might get hurt.’

        And every year he plays like crap for the first three games (and for the last few years he then promptly gets injured)

      2. MikeS

        Yep. And we all get why; risk of injury. Well, OK then. If the risk is so high, completely do away with the preseason. Maaaaybe 1 game, but let’s get on with it.

        Also, the NFL regular season should probably be shortened by a week or two.

        1. CPRM

          I think the teams need that preseason, as much for the starters as for the bubble guys. Especially now that the CBA limits practice time so much. Suck it up, injuries happen.

          1. hayeksplosives

            They also try out new referees and new TV producers and such during preseason. Not just for the players.

          2. CPRM

            As someone who has to deal with preseason football radio show broadcasts, much this.

          3. NOT a naked Sir Digby

            Here I was, thinking it was just to fill in gaps prior to the start of the networks’ new season.

  45. KSuellington

    I also dig on salads. I don’t each much carbs so a steak, pork chop or chicken and salad is often on the menu. Sometimes do a salad nicoise with tuna and egg, sometimes a Cobb salad with ham and bacon, bacon pretty much always goes on my salads thanks to the Kirkland bacon crumbles in the two pound bag. I always make my own dressing, either vinaigrette with anchovy paste and Dijon, or creamy with yogurt or sour cream with olive oil, vinegar, honey and spices. Green goddess dressing is also nice. Blend fresh herbs with sour cream or yogurt, anchovy paste, olive oil and lemon juice. I go through about five or six tubes of anchovy paste per year. It also makes an awesome compound butter to top steaks.

    1. Rhywun

      Kirkland bacon crumbles in the two pound bag

      What kind of sorcery is this?

      1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

        Tasty, tasty sorcery.

      2. Chafed

        It’s called Costco. You can’t have it because your entire city government hates business; particularly businesses that don’t cater to the wealthy.

        1. Rhywun

          Oh. There’s one of those a couple miles away. An easy subway ride. But I don’t have a car so it doesn’t seem worth the hassle.

          1. Rhywun

            So, paradoxically, it caters to the more wealthy than I am.

          2. CPRM

            #metoo A membership fee?! Is it a fucking country club!?

          3. KSuellington

            A country club of sweet deals.

    2. Akira

      I go through about five or six tubes of anchovy paste per year.

      It’s lonely out there for an anchovy fan.

      I get the jarred kind – Bellino or Bellini brand or something. The grocery store stopped carrying them, so I found them on Amazon.

      I slip those oily fuckers in anywhere I can for some extra umami. I always toss a couple in the pot when I’m sauteing the garlic and onions for red sauce or Roman-style lentils. They’re a great topping on old-school Neapolitan-style pizzas. And I can never resist just eating one or two straight out of the jar every time I get it out.

  46. Lachowsky

    No fruits or nuts. That just ain’t right. Every vegetable that’s available and a vinaigrette of the roasted red pepper or sund dried tomato variety.

    I like to smoke a whole chicken and add that to it as well.

    1. MikeS

      Don’t leave out the pound of bacon.

      1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

        Isn’t that just usually assumed, like “correct the seasoning”?

  47. Gustave Lytton

    Best two potato salads I’ve had are in a diner in Lafourche Parish (had more of a consistency of mashed potatoes but tasted like potato salad) and the one served at the breakfast in the Hilton Tokyo.

    Macaroni salad is best as a Hawaiian recipe.

    Tuna salad and egg salad are not true salads, but both are delicious.

    For green salads, I like a variety of dressings as long it’s not ranch. Bleu cheese, thousand island, French, Russian, Caesar, poppyseed, whatever. Conventional iceberg mixes seem like a waste.

    1. Gustave Lytton

      And coleslaw on a pork sandwich. Chopped NC style. With vinegar.

      1. Don Escaped Texas

        I completely respect regional barbecue sauces,

        but what is it with chopping pork? If it’s excellent, it falls apart and one merely “pulls” it.

        1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

          I assume some places chop it to help with portion (i.e., “cost”) control.

          1. Gustave Lytton

            It’s a just different method.

    2. CPRM

      You haven’t had my [REDACTED] salad, it is the best.

      1. commodious spittoon

        Is it redacted before or after being served?

        1. CPRM

          It’s [REDACTED] before you even make it!

    1. Count Potato

      Linda Sarsour is cancer.

      1. Chafed

        She’s the ass cancer anal cancer gets.

        1. NOT a naked Sir Digby

          Heheheheheh….he said ‘ass”.

  48. 0x90

    tequilaberry’s or a good caesar for me,

  49. slumbrew

    A quick search for ‘Cobb’ shows only one hit.

    That is a travesty.

    (KSuellington, you are a man of refinement).

    The Cobb is the king of salads. I will brook no dissent in this issue.

    Salad niçoise is a close second (again, KSuellington the only one with a correct answer).

    1. slumbrew

      er, “on this issue” – the rest stands.

      1. slumbrew

        I’ve never watched the show – don’t normally like cringe humor, but I’m sure it’d grow on me.

    2. slumbrew

      R C Dean also mentioned a strong contender – the classic wedge. Iceberg, blue cheese, bacon. ‘Murica!

      1. KSuellington

        Cheers brew. I also dig the iceberg wedge, blue cheese and bacon. A couple healthy dashes of black pepper and that is some amazing salad simplicity that absolutely rocks as a ribeye companion.

        1. slumbrew

          Indeed – the Don Drapers of the world had that right – ribeye, wedge, martini/manhattan.

    3. Certified Public Asshat

      I know the thread is over, but I need to set the record straight that the little attention given to the cobb salad is indeed a travesty,

  50. l0b0t

    I just ate an Impossible Whopper™ and a Whopper™. The Impossible Whopper™ does NOT, as the ad claims, taste like the Whopper™. Frankly, it tastes a great deal better. It didn’t have that weird smokey flavor BK gives their meat.

    1. Rhywun

      Jesus. I don’t want to be you tomorrow morning.

      1. Chafed

        Jealousy is unbecoming.

    2. Rhywun

      But yeah, that fake smoke flavor is the main reason I won’t touch a Whopper anymore. That, and the garbage toppings.

      1. Rhywun

        Oh, and adding five tablespoons of mayonnaise is not fooling anyone.

      2. Gustave Lytton

        Fake smoke?

        my beef with the whopper is BK switched to a faster flame broiler that doesn’t cook the patty like it used to be. Their fries suck even worse that before and the Coke freestyle machines are an abomination. I liked them at first for the flavor options, but they leak flavors between drinks and the syrups/carbonation mix always tastes off.

        1. CPRM

          the Coke freestyle machines are an abomination.

          Yeah, no BKs around here have them, but the Wendy’s in GB do. Went to one this weekend and my nephew made a concoction before I poured my sprite zero, and I got residue of all his funky flavors.

        2. Rhywun

          Fake smoke?

          I don’t know what exactly it is, but it tastes like chemicals to me.

    3. CPRM

      I had one friday, the part that was supposed to be char-grilled tasted burnt and the rest was pretty flavorless. Might have just been that one, but I was not impressed. I’ve had better tasting veggie burgers before.

  51. NOT a naked Sir Digby

    So, folks–what’s going on around he-

    salads

    ……………….dammit.

    Caesar salad

    FUCK!UUUUCK!

      1. NOT a naked Sir Digby

        Yeah, it does…

      1. slumbrew

        (a guilty pleasure – a slight antidote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zd6yPhcRjLI)

        1. NOT a naked Sir Digby

          Does that mean Glen is the salad of Metal?

          1. Chafed

            You take that back.

          2. NOT a naked Sir Digby

            I was only asking a question! Get on to slum for exposing Glen’s glass jaw.

          3. NOT a naked Sir Digby
          4. slumbrew

            My little knowledge of Glenn (note the second ‘n’), makes me think he’s an asshole who should have been punched more (see, also – the second ‘n’).

            I suspect he’s got classic “little man” syndrome, but he’s barely qualified to hold the jockstrap of the true giant little man of metal, Ronnie James Dio.

            /pot stirring complete

          5. Chafed

            Next time I’ll you about a guy who shot himself in the nuts and weed fell out of his ass so the Boston Bring down won’t insult my rock heros.

          6. NOT a naked Sir Digby

            Channeling (notice the 2nd AND 3rd ‘n’) Ted S, are you?

          7. Gustave Lytton

            No, the John Stossel of metal.

    1. CPRM

      Caesar salad

      FUCK!UUUUCK!

      You have something against salads being delivered early via surgery?

      1. NOT a naked Sir Digby

        You have something against salads

        Yes–the taste.

  52. Chafed

    Moved kid 1 into college today. Hot and humid as hell in DC today. But when you love your kid it’s worth it. Here’s security cam footage of me buying her textbooks.

    https://youtu.be/JhymxbEUGvk

    1. slumbrew

      A fun city to visit, for sure – but I think “hot and humid as hell” is just called “summer” there.

    2. NOT a naked Sir Digby

      ::seeks formal adoption by Chafed::

      What?? We’re related anyway….

    3. CPRM

      My dad (who was already experiencing problems from his MS and had to walk with a cane) drove with me to college, across the country. If I would have known that would be the last time I could see him healthy enough to independent, I would have taken more time savor it.

      Now my allergies are acting up, damn pollen.

      1. slumbrew

        It might be dust. It’s probably just dusty there.

        The older I get, the more I miss my dad.

        1. NOT a naked Sir Digby

          I would gladly link yous two to a small pic library of my dad (and li’l me), but I wouldn’t want more dust/pollen/whatever to get kicked up.

          1. hayeksplosives

            I want to visit my father, even though he might not recognize me, but have postponed it.

            I know I’ll come to regret it if I don’t go soon though.

          2. NOT a naked Sir Digby

            Boy, that dust is really making its way around…

          3. Chafed

            Ok everyone. I really did move my kid but I just wanted to post a funny clip. Let’s get back to snarking.

          4. NOT a naked Sir Digby

            Are you harshing our melancholy, man?

          5. CPRM

            When I visited my grandparents when they had dementia it was heartbreaking that they didn’t know who I was, but it brought me more good feelings than bad that even though they didn’t know who I was, the fact that whoever they thought I was visiting made them happy, which over a decade later brings more joy to me than the heartbreak I experienced.

          6. hayeksplosives

            Thank you.

          7. CPRM

            The last time I visited my grandpa, I think he thought I was my uncle at a younger age and he was so happy talking about things he thought we had just done. And when I visited my grandma, I don’t know who she thought I was, but she held my hand tightly and smiled while the rest of the family visited with her. Like I said, it was heartbreaking, but the joy I seemed to have brought them is what has stuck with me.

    4. Rhywun

      God damn Dangerfield was brilliant.

      1. Chafed

        Damn straight. And it was just one scene but Sam Kinison (PBUH) tore it up.

        https://youtu.be/k9DO26O6dIg

        1. Rhywun

          Amen.

      2. CPRM

        Speaking of which, I watched Caddyshack for the first time since I was a kid. (I Know this will draw a lot of hate, but it’s the truth) I think it’s the worst movie any of the iconic actors that are in it have been in (including The Fourth Tenor)

        1. Chafed

          You’re a monster but you get a pass tonight.

          1. NOT a naked Sir Digby

            A pass tonight“, you say?

          2. Chafed

            Someone put LSD in SD’s coffee.

          3. NOT a naked Sir Digby

            Hey–You’re the one who mentioned ‘monster’.

            Also, coffee is for bedtime.

        2. Rhywun

          *shrug* I’ve never seen Caddyshack.

          Want me to watch a movie? Don’t put fucking golf in it.

          1. Chafed

            You don’t know what you’re missing. You’ll enjoy it more because it plays to every prejudice you have about it.

          2. Rhywun

            Oh, I know – I’m just joshing. But it’s just never made my rotation for some reason.

          3. Chafed

            Grab Caddyshack, Stripes, a bunch of beer, and some male friends. You’ll thank me later.

          4. CPRM

            Oh, he’ll definitely have some beer and grab some male ‘friends’…the rest may or may not happen…

          5. NOT a naked Sir Digby

            Well, it has both, and neither are all that…compelling, really.

        3. 0x90

          some music for all yall ..

          siouxie

          twin shadow

          1. 0x90

            lol no idea how that ended up here.

            so might as well say, you are wrong about caddyshack, and you are a monster.

          2. Chafed

            Gilmored it.

      3. NOT a naked Sir Digby

        Let’s enjoy another classic, shall we?

    5. KSuellington

      Congrats Chafed, and thanks for the Dangerfield clip. It took me to the Carson clips that I haven’t seen in a while. Even his television stuff pushes some boundaries. I might have to watch that flick in the next couple weeks.

      1. Chafed

        Thanks and you should. I’m going to have to watch it with kid 2. Great comedy won’t preserve itself.

  53. CPRM

    Looking into the town in Germany some of my kin came from, and the towns website says this:

    In 1074, Bishop Tuto of Regensburg built [REDACTED] Castle

    But an internet search shows said bishop died in 930 or 931. If I were such a person, I’d call this town’s government and complain, but I’ll just have another beer.

    1. hayeksplosives

      Maybe he kicked off the project and arranged funding, but it took til 1074 to lay the last stone.

      1. CPRM

        Perhaps, but I’d still say that’s a sloppy way to put it, that’s more than 100 years difference.

    2. NOT a naked Sir Digby

      Well, if they can’t be sure if it’s 930 or 931, maybe he did live another….144 years. Building castles.

      I mean, records from that time are spotty, at best.

      1. CPRM

        If your record is spotty, please consult your doctor.

        1. NOT a naked Sir Digby

          Man….and, I almost wrote ‘time period’, but changed it to avoid that.

          Bah! You got one past me.

          1. CPRM

            That brings me to one thing in advertising that is blatantly sexist. We see ads all the time about pads, tampons and yeast infection creams. Yet every ad for things to treat jock itch is always couched in terms or athletes’ foot. There’s never an ad for jock itch. Even during sporting events. There might be ads for all those feminine products, but young men get John Madden shouting at them (I know, that shows my age) and have to parse how to get rid of that unwelcomed moist itchiness.

          2. NOT a naked Sir Digby
          3. CPRM

            Yeah, so many ads about how much moisture a tampon can absorb, or a woman complaining about her itchy yeast infection or menstrual bloating and cramping; but never have I seen an ad that goes like this:

            INT-LOCKER ROOM-DAY

            PLAYER ONE (scratching his crotch)
            Bro, my balls are all moist and itchy!

            PLAYER TWO (pulls out can of Tinactin)
            Here, you this, the number one doctor rated treatment for Jock itch!

            PLAYER THREE
            Jock itch?

            PLAYER TWO
            Yeah, when your balls get all sweaty and fungus starts growing in groin, it can lead to itching and burning and possibly even open sores.

            PLAYER ONE
            I thought that only happened to me!

            PLAYER TWO
            No, it happens to every guy, my big brother, he told me about Tinactin, no more problems!

            JOHN MADDEN BURSTS THROUGH THE WALL

            JOHN MADDEN
            Boom! Tough actin’ Tinactin!

          4. NOT a naked Sir Digby

            Excellent work-up, C. Would buy (if needed). I give it four…..let’s go with ?.

            So, ????.

            (no, it’s no party flyer, ’cause it’s got enough veins)

          5. CPRM

            Meh, some form of that joke has been in my rotation for the last 20 years, and still in current year, advertisers are still sexist against men.

          6. Sir Digby says RELAX

            Well, don’t ‘meh’ your own joke! I thought it was a great bit o’ comedy.

          7. CPRM

            20 year old joke is 20 years old, film at 11.

    3. Chafed

      Everything on the internet is true. The town must be lying.

      1. CPRM

        Well, I checked several credible sources, it wasn’t buzzfeed or anything. ’10 Things Bishop Tuto Did, Number 7 Will Leave You Speechless!’

    4. Rhywun

      Regensburg, eh? Nice. Southern Germany is the best Germany.

      Not like the crap north coast town some of mine forbears came from.

      1. CPRM

        Meh, other lines lead to northern Germany. People looking at lineage never seem to take into account the exponential factor, that every generation adds four lines of lineage, most just follow their current surname back.

      2. Chafed

        You know who else had a thing for Germany?

        1. CPRM

          The Russians?

        2. NOT a naked Sir Digby

          Queen Victoria?

          Oh, GermanY!

          1. hayeksplosives

            Blackadder delivers again. This from the WW1 series, Blackadder Goes Forth where Blackadder is trying to root out a German spy.

            Captain Darling::
            Ah! No, no, no, wait! No, look, I’m English! I was born in Croydon!] I was educated at Ipplethorpe Primary School! I’ve got a girlfriend called Doris! I know the words to all three verses of “God Save the King!”

            Blackadder::
            Four verses!

            Darling::
            Four verses! Four verses! I meant four verses! Look, I’m as British as Queen Victoria!

            Blackadder::
            So your father’s German, you’re half-German and you married a German?!

          2. Sir Digby says RELAX

            Lord Flashheart is one of the finest creations of British entertainment, ever.

            Also, from that episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIHtxWsEhJw

            Heh…”crevice”.

      3. Gustave Lytton

        Move over, Russian Germans here. Thankful that my gr. gr. grandfather left when he did though. Two more generations and they/ I would have been fucked.

        1. CPRM

          I have Russian heritage as well, but I think the area they came from is no longer Russia, and the other side of the family were probably Russian Jews, but being a Catholic family, that doesn’t get talked about except in jest.

    1. Chafed

      Hypocrites gonna hypocrite.

      1. dbleagle

        Here is a great example of that.

        https://danieljmitchell.wordpress.com/2011/12/26/rich-statists-exposed-as-complete-hypocrites/

        When given an opportunity to live their beliefs by a polite woman these vermin don’t.

  54. Tripacer

    My favorite salad/meal is a basic green lettuce salad with a sesame-based dressing, with a scoop of rice and a scoop of poke.

    I also have fond memories of the salad at one of the teriyaki places in Tillicum outside Camp Murray/Fort Lewis. There was something about the crappy bagged salad and the crappy runny “ranch” dressing that went well with teriyaki chicken.

  55. straffinrun

    Went to Seaworld and saw the killer whales perform. Good stuff. I’ve been to real bullfight and had to leave halfway thru. No reason to torture animals. Didn’t look like the orcas were in unhappy. I’ll draw my line at animal cruelty between bullfighting and what Seaworld is doing.

    1. CPRM

      So, did you free your willy?

      1. Sir Digby says RELAX

        Inquiring minds want to know!

        Also, straff: What would you say to Orca fighting? ‘Cause, if done properly, that matador is truly fucked.

        1. straffinrun

          As long as the orca has a fair shot, sure.

          1. CPRM

            So you want Orcas with lasers on there heads?

          2. Sir Digby says RELAX

            Two words: SCUBA. Matador.

  56. PieInTheSky

    Well there are salads that are sides and salads that are meals.

    In Romania in general meat dishes are accompanied by side salads, which are most often either lettuce, chopped cabbage – with a oil and vinegar dressing, not bleah mayo, or cucumber and fine chopped onion in the summer, and pickled vegetables in the winter – cabbage, cauliflower, green tomato, cucumber, bell pepper etc. I generally prefer a mixed green – mainly lettuce (not something shitty like iceberg though) and whatever else can be foraged at the time like sorrel dandelion greens dock and various other weeds, with a simple olive oil and fresh squeezed lemon dressing.

    Breakfast, often eggs and cheese, goes with a tomato salad, sometimes with chopped bell pepper and onion added. Sometimes cheese is grated on the salad, sometimes it is a slice on the side. Dressing is salt, pepper and oil. I remember when I was a kid my grandma picked fresh tomatoes and made the salad like 20-30 minutes before breakfast so the salted tomatoes would leave some juice which would mix with the oil and black pepper for me to dip bread in, was one of the better part of the salad.

    Salads that are meals in themselves usually contain mixed vegetables plus whatever… I don’t think I have a favorite one really. Or a recipe.

    1. CPRM

      Salads for breakfast? No wonder so many of YOU PEOPLE prefer to be vampires.

      1. Look his anecdote was from Soviet times. It’s a symptom of communist oppression.

        *looks at breakfast salad*

        *single tear runs down cheek*

      2. PieInTheSky

        Well it is about what you are used to. I don’t enjoy my eggs as much without some vegetable on the side, preferably good tomatoes.

    1. CPRM

      2 years of HS spanish and 3 years of college spanish, so what I’m saying is I have no idea what was going on.

      1. Sir Digby says RELAX

        “March Against Gender Violence”

        You’re doing it wrong.

        1. CPRM

          Great movie, I pass out now.

          1. Sir Digby says RELAX

            G’night

      1. Sir Digby says RELAX

        Oddly appropriate, considering what the march was for in the first place.

        Also–Don’t fuck with Tiny.

  57. Akira

    The two kinds of salads I typically make:

    1) A very simple affair of greens, some kind of grated Italian cheese, croutons made from my leftover sourdough, and a simple vinaigrette of olive oil, vinegar, salt, and pepper.

    2) Something I call the “Ancient Roman salad” even though this is historically inaccurate… It contains Romaine lettuce, sliced red onions, sun-dried tomatoes, chopped walnuts, feta or goat cheese, and anchovies. If I’m eating it in a bowl by itself, I’ll dress it with the same vinaigrette from the previous salad. The other way I enjoy it is stuffed into a pita with capicola ham or leftover grilled lemon-garlic-herb chicken.

  58. Sir Digby says RELAX

    I guess most of you had big salads and just had to sleep them off.

    Of course, looking for applicable YT videos, I think I found a channel that Q sponsors.

  59. Salads are terribly unhealthy. You have a layer of unidentifiable greens stacked with tomato, mushrooms, ham, turkey, chicken, bacon, cheese, cottage cheese, and some form of dressing. And No Olives! Anyone who puts olives in a salad is a monster.

    It’s an excellent repository for leftovers insufficient to form the basis of a complete meal in of themselves.

  60. Don Escaped Texas

    https://www.reuters.com/article/us-u-s-steel-layoffs-idUSKCN1V91XQ

    Mr Trump won Michigan’s 16 electoral votes by 11,000 in 2016