Author: Brett L

Well, as I write this (a couple of hours before it posts), I am opening Friday beer one. Also, finishing the last of my obligations to people who aren’t family for the weekend (but you guys are really close. Really). And then I have to hang curtains in the guest room my wife painted about six weeks ago and has sat un-finished until I offered to help today.

UPDATE: Scene from a curtain hanging

Her: Those curtains don’t touch the floor, we’ll have to rehang everything.

Me: But your sheet right here said 90″, and the curtains are supposed to be 95″. What are they? Dick inches?

Her: What?

Me: Never mind. What does the box say for curtain length?

Her: (looks at full box of curtains) These say 95″

Me: What does the box these curtains came out of say?

Her: Oh, 84″.

Me: I think I have a faster solution than rehanging the curtain rod…

I’m going to add Mojeaux to people who I love/hate doing links afterwards. I don’t think it’s Bowie’s cod that left me feeling inadequate.

CNN launches pre-emptive strike on Michael Bloomberg.

I should really get into this genre. I can make shit up, too! Oh wait, SF owns the space.

Silicon Valley discovers asceticism, thinks they invented it.

Weather (not climate) imminent.

Here’s a fun live song.

Today was awesome for me. All my direct reports and managers were busy doing other things, so I wrote a little program to help me get around the absolutely wretched MS Flows Power Automate interface. Best described as: Everything is drag-and-drop (as long as you are doing simple things)! If you want to do grown-up things (like only start a flow if a record changes to a certain status or use the fields in that changed record without doing another lookup), here’s a whole new syntax that isn’t quite the same as other syntaxes used in Azure. After I spent 4 hours figuring it out yesterday, I just decided to write a translator from something I already understand pretty well and can easily produce. I can still code! I have skillz!

I suspect this story is wildly overblown, but I am kind of hoping that permanent Federal supervisory class finds itself engaged in a bloody war of attrition with the political class that leaves both sides substantially weakened for a couple of decades.

Bill Gates demonstrates actual “fuck you” money, tells Warren and Dem establishment to pound sand over wealth tax.

Unfortunately for this Iowan, he was only mostly dead.

Who in the fuck is giving money to Sears? “from lenders that include billionaire owner Eddie Lampert” — oh, money laundering.

Happy Wednesday, everyone. It’s Hump Day.

This is certainly.. one take on the Virginia elections

All your work belongs to the State, slave. (h/t OMWC, who is relieved to find… care… for his young friends)

My local sheriff is experiencing some quality control issues with a batch of guns he bought from a Florida Gunsmith.

Libertarian candidate Steve Smith of Muncie, IN goes all STEVE SMITH on domestic partner who did not want to “cuddle”. (h/t whoever sent this to SP)

Wow, talk about backing the wrong unicorn.

Oh crap, is it Monday again? Let’s see, this weekend, my boys got to pet several reptiles, feed baby alligators, look at a couple of sloths, and had a great time running around the street with kids from 3 other families. The last part was more of a zoo than the other visit, but also very much a throwback to my memories of how things used to be, only with a shit-load more adult supervision. Hopefully, the supervision can go away as the kids get older. (In fairness, the average age was probably 5, with a high of 8 and a low of 2, so… intensive adult supervision is probably warranted.) Oh, and my eye works 100% again, or as close as it ever got to that.

That’s not how any of this works. I was unaware that basic BoR protections didn’t apply to impeachment. Since it is a Constitutionally defined criminal case, I am frankly confused as to how that could be.

Cops angry that gang colors not allowed at work.

ATM latest target of Florida Man bombing. I really need to bring that bit back.

NYC residents show appropriate respect to NYPD.

Lets do a little classic punk.

SugarFree’s Dem Deathwatch

O Beto! my Beto! our media frenzy is done,
The hype has weather’d no reflection, the prize we deserved is lost,
State office is near, the bells I hear, the people all exhausted,
While follow eyes the slipping polls, the bandwagon grim and daring;

But O Beto! Beto! Beto!
O the half-assed Spanish…
Where the table my Beto stands,
Yodeling furry and politically dead.

Also:

Well, my son’s toilet costume was a great success. Everyone we saw last night really enjoyed it. And so it is the end of the week and I am more than ready for the weekend. I hope everyone enjoys the cool temperatures as glaciation winter descends across America.

Just so I’m clear, bullying witnesses is a tactic only Democrats can use? I just assume anything that doesn’t factually report what Trump is doing is just a giant projection of what his opponents are doing.

Blind Melon got a little overplayed, but this is just an unreasonable reaction.

“Yerrrr the reason why teacher drinks.”

Text charges when you’re international are a bitch.

If you haven’t read SF’s Subaru House of Horror feature for today, go do that and come back. Someone else already got the first comment anyway. I love SF story time as a reader of Glibs, but a man could feel a little pressure following that act as a poster.

Happy Halloween, to each and every one of you. The one night where you can go around dressed as your real self without being arrested. Well, many of you. Be careful where you go with the “chaps only” look on the bottom.

I’m going to disagree with our President on this one. Now if he said “US history”, he’d still be wrong, but he’d have a case.

Vampire bats are highly social creatures, and will share blood meals with hungry bats. Speaking of sharing blood meals… (t/w 2nd link is infowars, but its a fun link for Halloween)

I wonder if these people understand their system would be illegal in a post-capitalist society with “free” healthcare. God bless ’em, though. They’re engaging in consensual exchange of goods and services for the betterment of each other and their community. I’m all for that.

It’s only Tuesday. Holy crap. I feel like I worked two days yesterday. I made the mistake last week of telling my boss about what I saw coming down the line in our industry in the next 3-5 years, and how that might solve a problem for our client. I spent all day yesterday working on a presentation I have to give tomorrow about it. Maybe that’s why I feel like I worked so hard. I hate presentations. “Carve this complex idea down to 4 slides and 20 minutes.” So I have my elevator pitch, and my slides, and my backup slides.

I think SugarFree is bending reality with H&H. Everytime I read a story about Trump I see them. “You know what we need to get past this impeachment bullshit? Some terrorist killin’. I was gonna wait a year and kill these ISIS guys in 2020, but I gotta do something.”

Pro-Democracy advocate barred from democratic election. Err, “democratic”. I’m sure Jimmy Carter will be along to certify this election from his sickbed.

Republicans Pounce!

I think my favorite part of this, hard to pick one, is the idea that a senior officer in the NYPD pretends horror at the idea that anyone would think about using on-duty cops to move someone’s kid to college. I can only assume that his outrage is that it wasn’t charged as a Special Detail and given to hand-picked senior cops near retirement as overtime to bump their pension.*

Practicing for my presentation:

*My grandfather retired from NYPD in the mid-70s. I never met him, but my father and grandmother were always very matter of fact about exactly that last sentence being one of the unofficial perks of the job.

Man, its good to have my left eye back. Apparently, there was enough inflammation that the eye doctor was concerned I had an autoimmune condition or systemic infections. I think the eye was just an over-achiever. After 24 hours on steroid drops, I could see fine out of it. I was, I admit, a liiiitttle concerned when she said, “come back Tuesday, but if you experience any excruciating pain between now (Saturday) and Tuesday, call these people.” Thankfully, at no point did my eye feel as if it were being crucified. So, I learned two things (1) you can go into pretty much any eye-glass place in the world and get your eye looked at (really wish I had known that Wednesday) and (2) if you can’t see anything but a giant blur out of your eye (and that’s not normal) you should go find a corner optometrist and have them give you steroid drops.

Oh, and I guess, (3) after two days on steroid drops your eye goes from swollen to swole (sorry, couldn’t help it, I blame the drugs)

Salon swings its Republican coverage from idiot morons to evil geniuses.

Florida Man visits England? I understand why they want to come at the guy from above, but I figure double clipping on nylon harnesses (standard climbing gear in any American plant) could have gotten the guy in less than six hours. Worst case, the guy freaks out and takes the long ride with the fast stop alone. Maybe dart him from the helicopter and then climb to get him.

…And then the Monkey Buddha said unto her, “Go unto the surrounding lands and gather a mustard seed from each house that has not experienced loss, if you can gather a handful, I shall restore your child.” After speculating on a real possibility of substantial vision loss in my eye, I am philosophical.

Who was this guy? Dribble?

Good morning all. For certain values of good. I think I scratched my eyeball this weekend, and then in the first client meeting Tuesday morning, I scratched it worse. Yesterday, I really couldn’t open it or look at a screen or go out in daylight. And I had to be part of a fake meeting for a marketing promo video being shot jointly by our company and client. Nothing makes me feel sexier than having a a red, swollen eye. I assume any shots featuring me will feature the back of my head.

Let’s see, what else happened? Apparently strange times were afoot at Minute Maid. No more to say. I really couldn’t watch.

I assume this is the face one makes when wondering how his life got to the point where these morons are lecturing him about morality.

Oh, Florida Man. That’s just unsanitary.

Brutal. Trump’s web team is strong.

This is kind of weird. I am doing the morning links. How does this work? What should I do with my hands? Do I look okay? I’m not sure how I got here, but I’ll do my best. Which is nowhere near as nice as OMWC’s or Sloopy’s, but you get what you get.

What? What? No. Just hell no. Leave that heart-attack faking sonofabitch in the booth.

Florida Woman’s definition of a “pet-friendly” home is… a little much. I’m guessing bipolar.

OMWC, SP, Sloopy, and PlayaManhattan stand ready to do violence against any who would attempt to take their gas stoves.

I’ve found the ultimate SwissServator Heroic Mulatto crossover story.

Have a great day!