Author: Chafed

  • GlibFit 4.0 – Choosing a Program

    Now that we’re all back, the question becomes what to do.  Saying you are going to work out is a far cry from knowing what you are going to do when you work out.

    My return to fitness two years ago made me realize I was at something of a crossroads.  When I was a young man, I wanted to be the biggest. badass possible. Reading ’80s bodybuilding magazines gave me a completely unrealistic idea of what was possible.There were times I spent hours in the gym trying to follow some workout routine that required dozens of sets.  I was dumb enough to not realize how many of the top ranked bodybuilders were taking steroids and the published routines were the fitness equivalent of letters to Penthouse Forum.  It’s no wonder I had so many injuries.

    The question I asked myself this go ’round was, who are you? I’m now in my 50s, have a number of commitments, and am seriously pressed for time. So, what do you want? (Thank me later, Nephilium.) I wanted to get past my dad bod. OK, that’s a start but not terribly specific.  I had a gut.  I wanted to be trim.  I wanted a six pack.  That was a stretch because I never had one before.  I wanted some muscle but wanted to look like a real person, not a cartoon.  I also wanted my wind back.  I enjoyed running and the endurance I had when I ran.  But I knew I wasn’t going back to any sort of distance running.

    The wife roped me into joining a gym.  I floundered around for about a month.  My form on some important lifts had gone to hell.  I had a vague memory of some of the training I used to do but remembered those injuries.  It was bad enough in 20s and 30s.  In my 50s I imagined it being worse and possibly permanent.

    I needed a plan. My wife was pushing for a personal trainer.  No fucking way was I going that route. I saw what trainers had their clients doing.  Some had no idea what they’re doing. Some seemed to know their stuff, but I wasn’t really sure. Listening to the chatter the trainers make with their clients drives me nuts.  If I’m lifting, then STFU. I’m concentrating on what I’m doing. I don’t want to hear your blather.

    I was running out of options.  Until I remembered the internet knows everything.  I stumbled through a bunch of stuff on Google then YouTube.  YouTube was genuinely fascinating.  There was some awful garbage and some invaluable advice.  Video is a particularly helpful medium for demonstrating what to do.  I’m going to go into some of the gems I found in future posts.

    Among the really good advice I found was a guy named Jeff Cavaliere who has a channel called Athleanx.  He’s a physical therapist and strength coach for pro athletes.  His advice was eye opening.  He has a ton of content of YouTube that’s all free.  The call to action at the end of each video is to go to www.athleanx.com to check out their programs. Fine. Whatever pays the bills. The videos are complete videos that conveyed useful advice.  More that that, this guy repeatedly emphasizes proper form, demonstrates it, and explains what makes it proper form.  His tag line is, “If you want to look like an athlete then you have to train like an athlete.”  He was speaking my language.

    As a side note, Glibbroads (h/t Gender Traitor), this channel is still worth checking out even if you never want to see the inside of a gym.  You won’t be disappointed with what you see.  Same advice for gay Glibs who aren’t bear aficionados.

    I don’t know how many videos I watched but it was a lot. This was the real deal and a good fit for me. I bought what I believe is his first program, AX1. I rediscovered just how out of shape I was. But I also had a plan. The plan was achievable, realistic, and could be done in an hour or less 5 days a week.  I was hooked.

    And so it begins.  Who are you and what do you want? What will get you where you want to go?

  • GlibFit 4.0 – The Reckoning Getting Back to It

    Welcome back, Glibertariat.  GlibFit has been on hiatus after successful runs by SUPREME OVERLORD Trshmnster and A Leap At The Wheel.  You’re all worthless and weak but we are back after a long layoff.  Time to get back in shape.  

    Which brings us to today’s topic.  Getting back to exercise after a long layoff.  Layoffs can be any length of time and happen for all sorts of reasons. They result in us becoming all sorts of shapes and sizes.

    I’ve had to get back to it more than once with varying degrees of success. When I moved to California to attend law school I was entranced by the weather.  I can’t say all the women at the beaches were all out of a David Lee Roth video, but it was not uncommon to be hear this running through my head.  I was motivated to join a nearby gym and run regularly.  Despite putting in long hours during law school, I got into pretty good shape; probably the best shape I had ever been in during my first thirty years on planet earth.

    I was far from perfect during law school, but I was consistent.  Graduation came and I relocated to a new city for my first job as a lawyer.  I found a local gym, but it was a significant step down and the hours were kind of limited.  My workouts started slipping.  Not too long after starting work I met Mrs. Chafed.  Between work I took seriously and a budding romance I no longer had time for the gym.

    I sporadically made some effort to find another gym.  After we were married, a new gym opened that was terrific.  It was also poorly managed.  It, and my workouts, lasted about a year.  The gym closed, the first baby Chafed came along, Mrs. Chafed stopped working, I was now the only breadwinner and playing Mr. Mom.  First Baby Chafed was definitely daddy’s girl so it was almost always me that got up at night when she was crying.  The gym, working out, and being trim was fading into memory.

    Cut to about eleven years later, we left the garage door open one night and Mrs. Chafed’s car was burglarized.  She freaked out.  The cop who took the report told her to get a dog.  I tell her in no uncertain terms I am at full capacity and cannot handle another responsibility.  Also, we were both public defenders and knew firsthand how stupid most cops are.  We’ll get a gun I said.  Hello Mossberg 590.  Despite my vehement, unceasing objections, Mrs. Chafed went to the pound and got us a dog.

    We welcomed Moe to the family.  My fur child was then (maybe) a one-year old chocolate lab.  Mrs. Chafed was surprised by how much energy he had.  I groaned, rolled my eyes, ceaselessly reminded her this would happen, and took up running.  We ran every weekday morning.  Weekends were for the dog park.  

    Holy shit I was out of shape. Our first run I went about three quarters of a mile and thought I was going to die.  Moe still had boundless energy and looked at me like the weak, winded, disappointment I was.  I had no choice but to keep running.  It was my only hope of getting to sleep through the night.

    Run with Moe I did.  Bit by bit I got my wind back, kept going a little further, and finally achieved my goal of running far enough that the dog was satisfied.  Several daddy-doggy 5Ks also ensued.  I was more or less in shape. Necessity called and I answered.  My long layoff was over.  That lasted about seven years until age and arthritis made Moe consider a somewhat slower lifestyle.

    Well, I continued to run.  Sort of.  It broke my heart to leave without him.  Those sad eyes and whimpering also made it hard.  Getting another half hour or so of sleep was very appealing.  Running fell by the wayside.

    A couple of years go by when my wife joined a gym.  She kept bugging me to join because it will be a chance for us to spend time together.”  Sure honey. *cough* bullshit *cough* After sufficient nagging I joined. Once again, holy shit I was out of shape.  I truly felt worthless and felt genuinely weak. A month later, Mrs. Chafed moved on to private training.  I was on my own.

    It was decision time.  I found a program I like (more about that in a future article) and decided to stay.  That was two years ago. I’ve had shorter layoffs since getting back to the gym due to illness, but I’ve consistently made my way back.  For me, wanting to go instead of having to go, is the best motivation.

    What kept you from exercising?  What brought you back?  What kept you going once you got back?

     

  • What To Expect When You Are Expecting A Death

    Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

    ~ Unknown

     

    At least twice here at my home away from home someone has raised the prospect of the imminent death of someone close to the them and their concerns about what would follow.  Since this is what I do for a living, I’m an attorney with a practice limited to probate and trust litigation, I thought a primer on what occurs after death may be helpful.

    I’m licensed in California and haven’t practiced in any other state.  I have had plenty of contact with attorneys in other states.  What I discuss will occasionally have a different name in other states, but the substantive law seems to be pretty similar from one state to the next.  Needless to say, if you are actually dealing with a problem then speak with a local attorney.

     

    When You Know Death Is Imminent

    A terminal cancer diagnosis, hospice placement, or dementia diagnosis (barring divine intervention) is a signal the end is coming.  Depending on the condition, it may come fast or slow.  If your parent is still mentally competent and has the wherewithal, putting an estate plan in place or reviewing the existing plan is a good idea.  If that’s not the case, then now is not the time to prod Mom or Dad to put an estate plan in place or change the plan they have.  Every state has laws of intestate succession if there is no plan.  That’s gibberish for “since you didn’t put a plan in place, the government has one for you.”  I know I’m supposed to hate government, and generally I do, but having the government impose a plan when the soon to be departed didn’t is far better than letting the family club each other bloody over the estate.

    What you should do right now is find the estate plan, if there is one, and pertinent financial records.  All of this assumes Mom or Dad want some help and are willing to cooperate.  If they don’t then leave it alone.  Interposing yourself when it’s unwanted is an excellent way to cause a lot of stress during an already stressful time.  Want to cause a permanent rift with your parent or siblings? Keep trying to “help” when your help has been declined.  People aware of their impending end can be prickly.  Unless you think someone is trying to financially benefit themselves at your loved one’s expense, leave it alone if you’ve been told to stay out of it.

    If Mom or Dad will share the estate plan then read the trust, will, and durable powers of attorney to find out who is in charge in the event of mental incapacity and upon death.  If it’s you, then congratulations! You have an absolutely thankless road ahead.  A local probate judge has a sardonic joke.  “You know what’s the second worst job in the world?  Serving as trustee.  You know what’s the worst?  Serving as co-trustee.”  She’s right.  Having two people in charge usually makes things worse.

    If you are in charge then you will be amazed how everyone else in the family is suddenly an expert in medicine and finance while you are a bumbling oaf who doesn’t devote enough time, effort, or energy to the task at hand.  My jaundiced view is based on the cases that come into my office.  They represent the minority of families.  There are in fact families that help and support each other.  Let’s hope that describes yours.  And it’s worth noting, if you don’t want the job or can’t handle it then decline it.  You aren’t doing anyone any favors by taking a job you can’t or won’t do.  That’s another lesson from the rightfully aggrieved siblings I have represented over the years.

    If you are in charge in the event of death or incapacity, then scan a copy of the estate plan.  You will likely need more than one copy to provide to various entities as you go along.   You can be sure the hospital will lose the durable power of attorney for health care you gave them three times before and the bank will have misplaced the trust or certification of trust just before they give you the new account agreement to sign.  If you aren’t in charge, then while Mom or Dad are alive it’s very unlikely you have a right to see the documents.  Curious to know what you will inherit?  Wait.  When death comes all will be revealed.  Until then it’s Mom or Dad’s money and is going to be used for them.  At least it’s supposed to be but that’s a separate discussion.

    Whether you are serving as trustee or attorney in fact/agent under a durable power of attorney, keep track of every penny you spend.  Yes, I am being literal.  Keep every bill, receipt, invoice, bank statement, cancelled check, etc.  Expect to have to account for it later.  

     

    When Death Comes

    Stephen Franklin: It’s all so brief, isn’t it? Typical human lifespan is almost a hundred years, but it’s barely a second compared to what’s out there. It wouldn’t be so bad if life didn’t take so long to figure out. Seems you just start to get it right and then…it’s over.

    Ivanova: Doesn’t matter. If we lived 200 years we’d still be human, we’d still make the same mistakes.

    Franklin: You’re a pessimist.

    Ivanova: I’m Russian, doctor. We understand these things.

    “Soul Hunter” Babylon 5

    Dr. Steven Franklin and Lt. Commander Susan Ivanova

     

    Whether you are in charge (i.e. trustee, executor, or administrator) or not.  Grieve.  The day after your parent has died is not the time to call the attorney.  Depending on your family dynamics, religious beliefs (or lack thereof), family geography, and financial ability you will have to put some time into the disposition of your loved one’s remains and gathering family to do so.  You may have rituals around grieving.  Observe them if this is important to you.

    If you don’t, then take a tip from (((this))) lawyer.  Take some time to grieve.  I don’t care who you are or what your relationship was. You have feelings you need to address or process.  Was it a warm, close, loving relationship?  Then you probably have stories to tell and to hear.  There are tears to be shed and people to embrace.  Unless a foreclosure sale for the family home has been set, then the financial stuff will wait. Was the relationship distant and cold?  Your grieving is going to be different.  Grieving may not even be the right word. You still have some feelings to address.  Do it.  

     

    Getting Down To Business

    Money, money changes everything

    I said money, money changes everything

    We think we know what we’re doing

    We don’t know a thing

    Tom Gray

    “Money Changes Everything”

     

    All that stuff you’ve seen in movies from the 1930s is garbage. (I’m looking at you Ted S.)  The lawyer who drafted the will does not schedule a meeting with the entire family, there is no wood paneled room with a bunch of leather high back chairs, and there is no reading of the will.  Depending on where you live, there is a good chance the will is irrelevant.  Trusts have become the most common estate planning document in lots of places.  The higher the cost of probate the more likely a trust was used to avoid the cost.  A hat tip to Texas for making the costs and burdens of probate de minimus.  If you are in Texas and there is a will your probate will move quickly.  There are still good reasons to use a trust in there but I digress.

    If the trustee, executor, or administrator, does his/her/xer job correctly then you will get a copy of the operative document in the mail. In the Golden State (*cough* bullshit *cough*) a trustee is required to mail out notice to the beneficiaries within sixty days of being informed of the settlor’s death.  That notice identifies the trustee, provides their contact information, and tells the beneficiaries they have a right to request a copy of the trust.  Most of the time a copy of the trust is mailed out with the notice making life easier for everyone involved.  If it’s not, then make a written request to the trustee and/or the trustee’s attorney.  This doesn’t mean sending a text or an email.  Send a letter and keep a copy.  It’s exhibit one to your petition to the probate court if the trustee doesn’t send you a copy of the trust.

    If a will is the operative document, then the will must be deposited with the probate court for the county in which the decedent resided before their death and a petition for probate should be filed within 30 days if there is a need to open probate.  Attached to the probate petition is a copy of the will (if there is one) and it gets served by mail on all the beneficiaries.  Why do I keep saying executor or administrator?  Are the overlords paying me by the word?  By ZARDOZ, no.  The person in charge of the estate when there is a will is the executor.  The person in charge when there is no will is the administrator. Same position, same duties, same process, different name.  I blame the British.

    Whether you are dealing with a trust or a will, if it was written in the last few decades,then you shouldn’t find a lot of legalese in it unless it involves some significant tax planning or it was written by a kook (i.e. shitty attorney, paralegal with an inflated ego, or *shudder* a legal document preparer). If the document seems disjointed, contradictory, or otherwise incomprehensible for no good reason then I would check to see if Legal Zoom or Suze Orman’s horrible estate planning software is involved.

    It’s usually easy enough to read the document to see who is nominated to serve as trustee or executor and how the estate will be distributed.  If you really can’t tell, then get to an attorney.  There may be a genuine problem that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.

    The large majority of the time the document itself is fine and anyone who can fog a mirror understands how this comes out in the end. What isn’t so obvious to anyone who isn’t in charge is what has to be done in order to get to distributing the estate.

    Regardless of the document, creditors must be addressed.  But you know Mom and Dad paid all their bills when they came in and had very simple finances.  Great.  Then things will go quicker if there is a trust.  Oh, by the way, Mom and Dad may not have been entirely forthcoming with you.  Credit cards are a form of debt even if they didn’t want to acknowledge it.  They paid their bill every month… or so you thought.  They paid the minimum and kept enjoying life as long as they were able.  That final hospital stay that Medicare pays for… it didn’t pay the whole thing.  Expect bills from the ambulance, hospital, and a slew of doctors to come in over the next few months. Surprisingly, mortgage holders don’t really care about the death.  They expect to be paid.  If they aren’t then they will go through the state specific foreclosure process.  

    What can the creditors get?  It depends on whether the debt is secured or unsecured.  If it is secured then the house, car, or boat is going back to the lender if the debt is unpaid.  Assuming there is equity to be preserved but a cash shortage, then if anyone can pay until the asset is sold they should.  The estate will repay them after it sells the asset and has cash on hand.

    If the debt is unsecured then it depends on how title to the estate property was held at the time of death and what notice was given to creditors.  If title was held by the trustee to the trust or solely in your parent’s name, then the trust or probate estate can be liable for the debts.  If an account at a financial institution was held in joint tenancy, pay on death, or has a designated beneficiary, then it is going to that person.  It doesn’t belong to the trust and it isn’t going through probate.  A creditor can try to chase it but unless there is a lot of money at stake they won’t.

    California has a very severe creditors claim process.  In probate, the executor or administrator is responsible for sending a creditor claims notice to all known or suspected creditors.  The creditor has sixty days in which to file their claim.  Miss it by a day and they are out.  No exceptions.  The creditor gets nothing.  There is an optional procedure trustees can use for the same purpose with the same effect.

    If the creditor does file a claim then the trustee, executor, or administrator has to accept it, reject it, or partly accept it and partly reject it. If the claim is rejected in whole or in part then the creditor can file a civil lawsuit against the estate for the amount they claim is owed.  If they don’t file within 90 days of getting the rejection of their claim, then they are barred from collecting.

    At this point, all the property has been gathered and creditors have been paid.  There is some net amount left in the estate.  Presumably, there are still attorneys fees to be paid (thank you state government) and the trustee, executor, or administrator also needs to be paid from the remaining estate.  There are two ways to get to distribution.  First, everyone who inherits can waive an account.  Second, an account can be provided and is usually subject to court approval.

    Whether to waive an account entirely depends on your level of trust and the transparency that’s been shown during the process.  I commonly advise clients who have at least a half way decent relationship to send out copies of all the underlying financial records to the beneficiaries and ask them to waive an account.  If they do waive then it speeds things up and saves everyone some money.  If they won’t waive then the expense and delay is on them.

    If there is going to be an account, then it only makes sense to petition the court for approval.  It’s the only guaranteed way to cut off liability once it is approved.

    With that done, the check is in the mail.  When you get it, you may also be asked to sign a receipt.  Attorneys who play it straight send out receipts that say exactly what you would expect.  Please sign here to acknowledge receiving these items of tangible property and a check for $X.  If that’s what you got, then sign the receipt.  

    That’s it.  You’re done.  Hopefully, everyone got along and the family relationships are no worse for wear.  

     

    I really appreciate Sloopy’s music links that somehow relate to the daily links. I’ll do my part to follow suit. This is more or less how I think about death.