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  • Things to Come – Week of September 23rd

    A week o’ fun and mischief!

    Enough of my slacking… I am back to Sunday preview duty! Fortunately, you the Glibertariat, have provided us with enough material (in addition to TPTB contributions!) for another week. Here is what you can expect to see:

    Monday – Animal discusses 1911’s. The shooty kind. Not cars or biplanes or such. Somewhere Robert Francis O’Rourke cringes. Later on we get an update from Yusef. From the road.

    Tuesday – Leon informs us how to annoy people, via a winning argument. Or, by winning arguments, rather. Jarlflax goes through checks and balances, later on. And late, we get the next chapter in the Anthrax Saga of Ugh from Ozymandias.

    Wednesday – Buckle up for The Hat and The Hair. Not that it will do you much good. Just lie back and take it. Later on Florida Man speaks of the little things.

    Thursday – Zenu comin’! SNP’s insidious plans revealed again? Later on, Sensei continues teaching Japanese via Anime!

    Friday – The Glibs staff reveals their reading for the month. Later on, we suspect a cryptid visit with links or advice or both.

    Weekend: Mexican Sharpshooter! Not Adhan! OMWC! Spudalicious! Sir Digby! W00t! W00t!

    Weekdays: Sloopy, Brett possible substitutes! Huzzah!

     

    The comments are open. Do yer worst.

     

  • My Friend, I want you to be my special friend, my friend.

    This transmission is classified.  Failure to comply is punishable by nuclear detonation within a hurricane, under the Americans with Disabilities Act Section III, Subpart E, 36.506.

     

    —Royal Palace.  Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

    ”My friend.  I need you to understand there is a certain protocol, my friend.”

    ”Well.  Lets get on with it.  What are the rules for visiting the king of towelheads?”

    ”The first rule.  There is no smoking, my friend. Put that out.  Unless his excellency invites you to do so, or if he takes a puff on his pipe—not once, not twice, but thrice.”

    ”Ok”

    “The second rule, my friend.  Do not touch his excellency.  Unless he first touches you.  If he chooses to hold your hand, you may not let go until he lets go.  Do not hold on after he lets go, my friend.”

    ”You want me to hold hands?  What the hell?”

    ”His Excellency may greet you with a manly embrace, my friend.  Greet him in return, like this.”

    The Royal Vizier grabbed the ungainly gentleman and kissed both his cheeks.

    ”What kind of gay shit is this?”

    ”Do not imply in any way His Excellency is a Zionist, my friend.”

    ”But you want me hold his hand and make out with him?”

    ”Do not imply he has relations with the whore, Lindsey Lohan. He is very discerning about who he keeps in his harem, my friend.”

    ”Sounds like he’s into dudes.”

    “Try not to say “please,” so much but do say “thank you” and “my friend” a lot.  To the point where such words seem to have no meaning.  Its an Arab thing.“

    “Thank you.  Lets get this gay shit out of the way, my friend.  How’s that?”

    “Finally, a warning.  His Excellency may or may not have Tourette’s Syndrome.”

     

    ”Wait…what?”

     

     

    This transmission is classified.  Failure to comply is punishable by nuclear detonation within a hurricane, under the Americans with Disabilities Act Section III, Subpart E, 36.506.

     

    “Your Excellency, my friend.  Thank you, my friend, for allowing me to speak with you, my friend, on such short notice…my friend.”  The ungainly man began.  He was dressed in a cheap suit, heavily sweat-stained from being outside in Riyadh for the better part of the morning”

    ”Why yes my friend.  Anything for my American diplomat friends, my friend.”  The king pulled out a long pipe and took three long puffs.  The  American pulled out a cigarette in kind.

    -slap-

    “NO SMOKING INFIDEL”

    “Hey, but that guy said—“

    ”I’m sorry, my friend.  I did not mean that.”

    ”…You slapped me.”

    The king walked over and gave the sweaty man a hug.

    ”I’m sorry, I don’t want to kiss you.”

    “You must return His Excellency’s manly embrace”  the Royal Vizier whispered.

    ”But I don’t want to.  No means no…my friend.”

    -slap-

    “DEATH TO AMERICA”

    ”What did he do that for?  The American asked the Vizier.

    He just shrugged.

    “Look, I need to talk to you about your oil production facility.  SPACE SMITH entered our solar system and raped your oil fields.”

    –slap–

    “NOT SPACE SMITH”

    The American again looked at the Vizier.  “Is this his Tourette’s?”  The Vizier just shrugged.

    ”American man, Bolton say the Persian pig-dogs send drone to blow up oil field.  We take good care of Houthi rebels and send them package filled with the fleas of a thousand camels.”  The king replied.  By fleas of a thousand camels—MEAN RAPE.

    ”Wait, what?”

    “American man, Bolton say Persian pig-dogs easy to defeat with purchase of American weapons.  By defeat—MEAN RAPE.”

    ”Bolton is a retard, thats why he got fired. Why are you listening to him?”  The American asked.

    “American man, Bolton is a good man.  We see eye to eye on Persian pig-dogs.  Bolton take hard line on Persian pig-dogs.  By take hard line–MEAN RAPE.”

    “Now you are scaring me.”  The American replied.  “You can keep telling the world Iran backed rebels blew up your oil facility.  In fact I encourage that.”

    “I like you, my friend.  I want you to be my friend, my friend.  I encourage you to be my friend.  By encourage–MEAN RAPE.”

    “What?”

    –slap–

    “NOT SPACE SMITH”

    “No, it was SPACE SMITH.  He raped your oil facility, and he’ll do it again.   It’s an ancient evil scouring the universe raping everything in it’s path.”

    –slap–

    “You think I don’t know that?”  Mohammad Bin Salman asked quietly.

    “What?  No.  SPACE SMITH is a state secret.”

    “The secret is out, my friend.”

    The king then gave the sweaty man a hug.  A long hung.  He kept hugging the fat, sweaty man that reaked of unfiltered camels and tandoori.

    “You can stop this at any time.”

    The king whispered into the American’s ear…

    “SPACE SMITH, NEVER STOP”

    “What?”

    “COME WITH ME TO RECEPTION HALL”

    “What, no…you are surprisingly strong…”  He looked at the Vizier, who was now waving.

    “You must return His Excellency’s manly embrace…”

     

     

    “HALALALALALALALALALALALAL”

     

    This transmission is classified.  Failure to comply is punishable by nuclear detonation within a hurricane, under the Americans with Disabilities Act Section III, Subpart E, 36.506.

  • IFLA: “The Slow Day in the Skies” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of September 22

    Another one of those weeks where the planets refuse to align.  But, that doesn’t men there’s no news:  Saturn has returned to it’s rightful direct motion!  While Capricorn isn’t out of the dark, lonely woods of space yet, at least they’re on their way out.  For the rest of us, expect the worst impulses to stop, but with a general mental malaise for the next few weeks (er, actually several months.  Fortunately, you’re going to forget that part.)  As far as positive advice goes, Saturn direct is a very auspicious time for making righteous endings, so de-clutter your garage, kick out the couch surfer that’s overstayed their welcome, donate your unloved taxidermy to the furry charity fundraiser, that sort of thing.

    Libra is pre-gaming like a mofo, poaching both Venus and Mercury.  That’s really good luck for them and general good luck for the rest of us (Libra is generous like that).  I’m expecting women to do well in the competition that I’ll be shooting at (barring my disqualification) when this post goes live (I’ll probably be on the fifth or sixth stage at that time).  While the sun in Libra would be more auspicious for my performance, Mercury there will be helpful.  Not so much Venus, though that will reduce the risk that I’ll shoot anyone.  Adding to the safety enhancement is Mars in Virgo, though if I had my druthers, I’d be shooting on a day when Mars was in Sagittarius.  Jupiter being in Sagittarius instead is a good sign, particularly if I’m looking to shoot cleanly (which I am).  Mars in Virgo also adds to the “women shooting well” probability.

    Virgo ends her months with strength, literally, holding on to Mars.  Gemini hosts the moon, so good for them, but since Gemini is no Libra, the rest of us should be alert for duplicity, scheming, betrayal etc.  This also amplifies the Saturnine influence, with Gemini (and obviously the moon) also signifying transition.  So DTMFA.

    Virgo: 4 of Swords reversed – recovery, awakening, circumspection, caution, narrow escape.

    Libra:  The Moon – Hidden enemies, deception, illusion, danger, terror, lunacy, plots, dreams.

    Scorpio:  Knight of Swords – Determination, will, anger, violence, destruction

    Sagittarius:  8 of Swords – Accident, calamity, bad news, violence, crisis, censure, conflict, illness

    Capricorn:  9 of Swords reversed – Struggle, doubt, shame, rumors, defiance.

    Aquarius:  The High Priestess – introspection, knowledge, modesty, discretion.

    Pisces:  Ace of Cups – Contentment, abundance, fertility, feasting, opulence, good news, birth, kindness, love

    Aries:  The Faceless Card.  No premonitions for you!

    Taurus:  2 of Cups – Love, friendship, harmony, union, relations between the sexes, sincere and mutual affection

    Gemini:  The Sun reversed – lesser happiness, passion, pride, misunderstanding.

    Cancer:  Queen of Swords – Dark unkind woman, sadness, separation.

    Leo:  Page of Coins – Messenger, concentration, apprenticeship, work

     

  • Sunday Morning Equinox Links

     

    Summer FINALLY seems to show some signs of breaking here, and a good thing since we were about to start driving through a mall to beat the heat. I’m employed again, and I want to give a shout-out to all you folks who were so supportive and especially a couple of guys who really went the extra mile, Animal and Yusef. Y’all are the best. Every day is still a Mom adventure, but it beats the alternative. And what promises to be one of the best games of the year will be starting in a few hours- SP and I are preparing the alcohol.

    Birthdays today include a guy whose brilliance let him beat the class system; a guy who was typecast, but did it well; a great cartoonist who ought to be better known; a famous but sad woman with a sad story; and a woman with a runaway success story.

    The news is next.

     

    I’m not sure how this reporter kept a straight face. Maybe he didn’t. Hard to tell.

     

    And more fun with Uncle Joe.

     

    The Atlantic can’t even get football right.

     

    Because everyone knows that darkies don’t have agency and can’t help themselves.

     

    You want a chaotic election? Here ya go, a chaotic election.

     

    Why we got out of Illinois, Part 783.

     

    Maybe the kids should all go on strike!

     

    “Your world frightens and confuses me.”

     

     

    Last up is Old Guy Music, from someone who’s feeling older than dirt. And it seems somehow appropriate.

     

  • The Night Shift for September 21st, 2019

    OK, apes—listen up!  We’re at the weekend, again.  If you find that you aren’t, you need to check your chronometer and flux capacitor to figure out where when you’re supposed to be.  In trying to find my footing/style for these posts, I have come to the conclusion that they are, in part, a getting-to-know-you sort of thing.  So, If you are enjoying a hot, or cold, toddy while participating in my quest to find out more info on you jackanapes, while attempting to engage in some witty banter and probing discussions, you can consider yourself on a date, I guess.  We can go Dutch, but, I’m only gonna put out for a few of you.  So, let’s get to it:

    Well, if this is a date, we gotta start with date music:  Late-night style

    What is it about Ozymandias’ posts that get me to start writing up these posts, besides the lateness of said posts?  Such a good writer (if you’re not reading them, you are missing out, friend-o), about some serious stuff, considering everyone impacted in his tale-including fellow glibs who’ve served.  Salute to you all, from this Cadet Staff Sergeant.

    Hey, everyone:  The USN has seen some UFOs UAPs!  Yeah, it’s a Jazz Shaw piece, but, he’s not writing about cops, so you’re sorta safe.  Anyone want to hazard a guess as to what’s going on with this story?  I, personally, have no idea what to think of all this:  I’m fascinated that there’s a mystery to be solved, but, not convinced by an extra-terrestrial explanation.  I will say that I find it refreshing that there seems to be a more serious, and, “agnostic” approach to this by DoD than in the past.

    Wait—you weren’t planning on ordering the seafood, were you?

    What are your dreams?  No, seriously—what do you dream about?  A friend recently told me he is reading up on lucid dreaming (don’t you DARE link to Silent Lucidity), in the hopes of being able to accomplish it.  This is, apparently, due to (perceived) previous experience for him.  I haven’t looked into I; I’m pretty sure I’d just find the same things he has.  If you have any experience or info on the matter, I’d like to hear it.  And, yes:  I get the inherent danger of asking this group to talk about their subconsciouses.  I simply consider it a challenge.

    It seems that a gecko has taken a liking to one of the security cameras I view on my job.  He’s made an appearance every night this week, over the course of each shift, and doesn’t seem to be deterred by the plastic dome that covers the camera. Hey, little buddy!

    In Which Teddy Roosevelt Makes Men Everywhere Feel a Little Less Manly.  One helluva guy.  Too bad he was a politician.  Compare and contrast his life vs. Franklin’s—Go!

    I can honestly say that this evening has turned out better than past dates.

    Alright:  I had planned on ending on that last link.  But, since we lost my man Eddie this week, I have to honor him with a very apropos link.  Be sure to sing along.

  • Saturday night links of, what day is it?

    Paradise.

     

    I get a couple of days respite, so I take my dog to the cabin. Yesterday, I decided to drive over to this little gem at the base of the Sawtooth Mountains. On my way back, I realize it’s 2pm and I haven’t gotten the links done yet. Panic ensues, I speed up, and five minutes later, realize it’s only Friday. That’ll get you talking to yourself.

     

    Seriously, what could go wrong? I mean, yeah, this is exactly what happened in 2008, but it’s 2019, right?

     

    I think in Latin, “Google” means “Skynet”.

     

    Nothing to see here, move along. And next time, wear a SCUBA tank.

     

    I don’t see how, but I can hope.

     

    Yeah, but we’re the ones oppressing Muslims.

     

    I leave you with this little ditty.

  • Grievance Drinking: Part 2

    If I could find it, I’d try it.  I’d probably save the bottle and out it somewhere on display.  It takes guts to put that guy’s mug on a label with the intent to sell.

    Anyways…this week’s installment discusses issues women have with beer.  Not necessarily what you might think.

    This my review of Singlecut Brewery Eric (moar cowbell!) Milk Stout (H/T:  IoBot).

    TW:  The Gruniad

    Drinks that have fallen victim to crude stereotyping – such as Slack Alice, a cider described as “a little tart” and pump clips featuring scantily-clad buxom women – have been banned from this week’s event at London’s Olympia which is set to attract tens of thousands of visitors.

    The blanket ban goes a step further than a new code of conduct launched by the campaign group last year and is supported by a new YouGov survey which found that 68% of female drinkers would be unlikely to buy a beer if they saw an advert for it using offensive “laddish” imagery.

    The findings suggest British women are now actively boycotting products which reflect out of date and discriminatory attitudes and images associated with an industry traditionally dominated by men.

    […]

    Abigail Newton, the vice-chair of Camra’s national executive, said: “Consumer organisations like Camra have an important role to play in making women feel more welcomed within the beer world. This is the first time we’ve made such a bold statement with a ban.

    “It’s hard to understand why some brewers would actively choose to alienate the vast majority of their potential customers with material likely to only appeal to a tiny and shrinking percentage.

    “We need to do more to encourage female beer drinkers, which are currently only 17% of the population, despite the fact that they make up more than 50% of the potential market. Beer is not a man’s drinks or a woman’s drink, it is a drink for everyone. There is a huge amount of work that needs to be done to overcome outdated stereotypes.”

    It would appear ladies that like beer happen to occur within a certain segment of the market that also does not like disparaging labels against women.  If you need a good idea of how many women happen to be enthusiastic beer drinkers, here is a picture of the most recent Beer With(out) Beards festival, which is geared for female-owned breweries, reported with 700 people attending.  Granted this number probably beats most libertarian conventions, but the photo in the link shows an awful lot of men in the crowd.  I am not sure what the Gruniad is trying to argue here.  Women don’t drink beer because they’re offended by the label and thus the industry must cater to their outrage by giving it a label with rainbows instead of flaming skulls?

    Perhaps the reason beer is not marketed to women, is the overwhelming majority of beer drinkers are men?  I’m not one of those marketing geniuses or anything so in case somebody here might be in marketing…

    At any rate this beer delivers all the cowbell Bruce Dickinson can possibly want.  If you have no idea what I am talking about, here is a link, and please consider getting out some more.  Its a traditional take on the English Milk Stout, and does it very well. Singlecut Brewery Eric (moar cowbell!) Milk Stout:  3.9/5

  • Paris to Hong Kong : Chapter Two – Go East!

    With our trail to Beijing established, we enjoyed a couple weeks in Prague while Sonia was getting paperwork for her van prepared and we visited the embassies of the countries which required visas for us to transit or visit. Sonia had to go with us to the Russian embassy as she was our sponsor. Whenever we visited the Russian embassy Sonia would wear a long wig – something I never fully understood. I believe her short hairstyle was probably unusual to most Russians and in dealing with officials being unusual was something that could impede normal consideration of your request.

    In part of this process she was dealing with one guy at the embassy to whom we paid a “transaction fee” – Sonia claimed that he was one of a number of former KGB agents who had secured positions at every embassy in a network which operated within but separate from the official Russian government.

    After we had decided our course – driving up through Poland into Russia – whenever we were out meeting people and talking about our plans the first thing half of them asked us was “Do you have a gun?” Answering in the negative, a few times we were asked “Do you want to buy one?” I did follow up with one of these offers just to find out what options I might have. When the deal turned out to be an Uzi for US$1,500 (never having seen the equipment) I declined – mostly because I couldn’t afford that much for a gun I expected to be tossing in a dumpster or a river before leaving Russia.

    While we were in Prague, Frank and I would sometimes take care of Vadim while we were touring the city. Since neither Frank nor I had any ability in Czech, Vadim would translate for us – Japanese being our common language. Of course every time we did this the person Vadim was talking with would ask what language he was speaking with me. Half the time when he told them they would laugh incredulously. The other half would sternly tell him to stop lying and give a straight answer. Vadim, like most children his age, was a language sponge and after about ten days hanging out around us had collected a small vocabulary of English words and was starting to put together basic sentences.

    One afternoon we were hanging out with some friends of Sonia’s at their apartment and it was decided that we should have some refreshments. We all kicked in some cash and gave that and a bucket to Vadim who went to the bar next door and came back with a bucket of excellent Czech beer.

    One evening out in Prague with Frank and Jack I was the designated driver. Heading back to Jack’s apartment well after midnight, I was stopped at a traffic light behind two other cars waiting to make a right turn. After the two cars turned I waited for a break in oncoming traffic and turned. A police car turned on its lights and pulled me over. The cop came up to my window and in broken English told me I had made an illegal turn. He asked me how much I had been drinking – to which I replied “nothing.” He told me the fine was US$50 which I could pay now. I told him I didn’t have any money on me. He told me to go to a hotel just down the street and use my credit card. I said I had tried that earlier and they wouldn’t do it for me.

    I had no reason to believe that the Czech authorities would be rough or overly zealous in attempting to squeeze a bribe out of a backpacker who had not really broken any laws. And I didn’t have a schedule to adhere to, didn’t have to be on a plane in a week, or a job waiting for me to get back to. $50 was more money than I could afford to just hand over – even if I did have it on me – so I figured I would wait and see where being patient got me. The cop was standing there, watching other cars go by which he could be pulling over and hitting up while traffic would soon be dwindling down due to the late hour. He looked down at me and said “You go” then turned away and got in his car.

    After two thoroughly enjoyable weeks in Prague it was time to get on the road and start our drive. We took an early morning train to Bratislava where Sonia’s van had been getting some body work done – the first evidence that she wasn’t kidding about not being a good driver. We arrived just after dawn and a couple of Sonia’s friends drove her van to the station to meet us. We piled our bags and Sonia’s luggage into the van and I got behind the wheel.

    Sonia’s van – an older model Toyota Lite Ace – still had the Japanese plates on it. And being a Japanese car the steering wheel was on the right-hand side – but streets in the European mainland are driven on the right-hand side so driving it took a little getting used to. The paperwork had been certified in Slovakia by a clerk who I would bet my right testicle had no idea what was on the original Japanese registration other than the letters and numbers. Sonia had sourced two military style steel gasoline cans – very similar to the 5 gallon variety used by US troops. We would need these because it was harvest season which meant that gasoline would be a rare commodity once we got to Russia. Some aspects of the Soviet economy were still in effect which meant that certain resources were reserved for industries which would not function without them.

    The trip, driving up from Slovakia through the Czech Republic and Poland, was uneventful. Getting stopped by police five or six times during the one day we drove through Poland became routine. One time, after the cop had handed back our passports and vehicle registration Sonia translated his incredulous exclamation – “Russian mother, Czech boy, American drivers, Japanese plates – this is so strange it has to be legit!”

    The Russian border at Brest was a different story. We got there just as the sun was setting and stopped behind a sedan with Polish plates. The line of cars and trucks stretched back at least a mile and a half from the checkpoint and was moving at a pace so slow we would sit for about 20 minutes before starting the engine and moving 20 or 30 feet before stopping again. That stop-and-go pace never changed through the entire night.

    All night small groups of people would come up and knock on a window, offering a better spot in line ahead for eighty or ninety Deutsche marks. It was an eerie, surreal setting. Everybody seemed to be on edge, unsure what to expect but knowing that no surprises here would be good ones. Both Sonia and Frank, who had chided me for carrying pepper spray and two large combat knives in my backpack, each asked if I would lend them a weapon until we got through the border.

    Frank and I had manned the driver’s seat all night from the point when we lined up to cross the border and both of us had been up keeping an eye out for the roving groups passing by in the dark. We finally got through the checkpoint just after dawn and drove on into a bright day in wide, open fields on a straight, well paved highway. Neither of us had slept much at all so we asked Sonia if she could drive for about an hour so we could get some rest. Understanding our condition but not wanting to stop where we were right then, she reluctantly agreed to drive.

    I promptly fell asleep in the front passenger seat while Sonia drove. She was doing 120 KPH (about 75 MPH) as we had discussed earlier – partly to make good time to our destination and partly to avoid bandits. About 20 minutes later I was rudely awakened by a loud thumping. Startled awake I found myself where I would otherwise have expected to be driving the car I was in – left-hand front seat on the right side of the road – as we were sailing through a small, scattered flock of sheep at 75 MPH with the ones in our path being ejected off the road and splattering on the pavement. Instinctively I jammed my foot where the brake pedal should have been as I flailed wildly for the steering wheel which wasn’t there.

    “I didn’t know what to do!” exclaimed Sonia. “Looks like the sheep didn’t know what to do either,” I replied. We pulled over and checked out the situation. There were 7 dead and dying sheep along the road and a minor dent just below the van’s bumper along with a few smears of blood and sheep shit. Luckily there was no damage to anything functional on the vehicle.

    Sonia counselled – “If we wait here the shepherds will expect us to pay them a lot of money because you are foreigners. The police will also need bribes to keep from charging us with traffic violations. We’d better keep moving.” There were no people or even buildings in sight so there was little reason to think that anybody but us were yet aware of what had happened so I started the engine and got back on the road.

    We only slowed down every hour or two when the road took us through a village. Passing through the villages we would pull over so Sonia could ask people if they knew where we could buy gasoline. We had one can left with less than half a tank in the van so we weren’t desperate yet but knew that we were better off filling up if we could find a chance.

    Passing through a town a bit after noon we found somebody who knew where we could get some gas. Sonia got the directions to a garage which we located outside the town so we stopped while she spoke with the people there. Sonia came back to the van, “They don’t have any gas here right now but they will bring us some.” We talked briefly and understood that this was our best offer so we were resigned to wait. We ate a lunch from some provisions we had brought and waited. It was close to three hours before we heard the truck rumble up outside and we were able to top off the tank and fill the empty jerry can.

    A couple hours after gassing up we were passing through open fields punctuated by broken clusters of trees. The road rose and fell slightly with the terrain. I was driving as we came into another open space – about 200 yards across. About halfway across I zipped past three sedans off on the other side of the road parked and facing the direction we came from. There were six or seven armed guys – one of them nonchalantly holding up an AKSU-74 (short-barreled Kalashnikov) as casual as if it was an umbrella. Glancing in the rear-view mirror after I passed them I saw them burst into an excited exchange, some of them obviously wanting to pursue us but the others seeming accept that they couldn’t get turned around and up to speed in time to have a chance of catching us. They couldn’t afford to waste gasoline for an unknown bounty. Saved by pure luck.

    At early twilight we reached Pskov. We paused as Sonia asked an older gentleman for directions to the police station. As he raised his arm to point the way his jacket lifted, exposing a Tokarev T-33 (semi-auto handgun) tucked into his belt. It seemed perfectly normal and I doubt he cared whether we saw it or not.

    By the time we got to the police station it was dark. We had been driving hard all day after a bizarre, restless night before that so we all needed sleep. But there was no safe place to leave the van unattended so we parked it in front of the police station under a street light and slept in our seats. I was so tired I slept soundly until sunrise.

    At sunrise we woke up, started the engine, and got back on the road. We pulled into Saint Petersburg well before noon and Sonia directed us to her mother’s place – an apartment in a brick, Soviet era building just outside the center of town. We unloaded the van and carried everything up to the apartment – with friends of Sonia’s waiting and watching the van. After that we drove directly to a secure storage area. Imagine an area of about three acres surrounded by a wall of angle iron and sheet metal 12 feet high – topped with double concertina wire. The wall was obviously not just to keep others from getting into the area but also to keep them from even seeing what was in there so they couldn’t know if it was worth breaching the wall to get in.

    Back from the perimeter inside the lot were posts with enough light fixtures to make the interior bright as day after sundown. The guards were well armed and the night patrol dogs were kept in a caged off area during the daytime. Sonia had to pay to store her vehicle there but that was the only option if she wanted to keep it long enough to sell and get her money out of it.

    That evening, in a conversation with Sonia’s mother (with Sonia translating for us) her mother related that Russians believed that freedom meant freedom to commit crime and everybody was out to get money or any goods they could, however they could.

    Frank had always made a dinner every time we were given a place to stay and this time was no exception. The problem was finding ingredients. The old Soviet distribution system was unevenly sputtering along with major gaps in availability of just about everything. Whenever something did show up the news was spread by word of mouth and people would mob the central store.

    In the week or so we spent in Saint Petersburg there was no news of new produce or goods arriving. We went there to see what was available. Walking into the central store your senses were assaulted with the stench of rotting vegetation like being hit in the face with a 2X4. You had to fight from gagging as you walked between the empty shelves. The place was as big as an American small town grocery store. There were a few piles of nasty looking potatoes and some unidentifiable goods in cans and jars. That was all.

    The next day we went to a specialty store which was where expats went for their needs. This was a small but well-stocked shop filled with imported goods. The prices were beyond anything most Russians could even dream about. We got most of what we needed but paid about double the price we would have were this back in the US.

    In my travels around the world I find food stores to be an indicator of the level and health of the local economy. Less developed countries have less to offer – mostly local produce or meat, a small number of packaged/processed products, and few imported items. Poorly functioning economies often lack numerous basics. In the larger cities there are often imported goods shops catering to foreigners – at exorbitant prices. We bought some spices and vegetables which we took back to make dinner.

    Walking back to Sonia’s home from the subway station we saw a truck parked on the side of the road and a guy was selling beer from the back. The bottles were bundled 8 in a small cardboard crate, some with labels half-applied and some without. I bought a crate which we put in the fridge for dinner. Later, when we sampled this brew we found it unpalatable with a heavy chemical aftertaste and poured it down the drain for Sonia’s mother to use the bottles later.

    We spent our days seeing the sights of the city – a highlight being the Hermitage. This museum holds many famous works of art – quite a few which I expect anybody would recognize immediately.

    As we were walking near the main port one day I saw a Ford Model T parked in a small space outside a tiny, old warehouse – the blue-and-silver “Ford” insignia on the radiator having been replaced with a hammer and sickle.

    One day we went to an open air car market. This was nothing more than a strip along a major road with enough of open land on either side where people could park their vehicles with hand-lettered “For Sale” signs stating prices. There were all varieties of car and truck from all over the globe. I noted a late-’70s Trans Am still bearing Wisconsin plates. From what we saw, Sonia figured she could triple what she had invested so far. I very briefly considered the idea of repeating what she had done – buy vehicles in Japan and sell them in Russia – but the uncertainty and risk of getting them there with both the vehicles and our anatomies intact didn’t seem to be a viable proposition.

    Sonia’s mother worked in an office affiliated with the government transportation bureau and was able to secure tickets at Russian prices – about US$180 each – for a bunk on the Trans-Siberian Railway from Moscow to Beijing. We knew this was a good deal but had no idea how good until we met our fellow passengers after departing from Moscow. Most tourists purchasing these same tickets through tour agents in the various first world countries paid well over $800 for a bunk from Moscow to Beijing.

    Soon we would be leaving St. Petersburg, boarding the first of a series of trains which would eventually get us to our final destination on the continent.

  • ZARDOZ’S FRIDAY NIGHT ADVICE

    …AT THE POOR ADVICE THAT FILLS THE INTERWEBZ.

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ IS CONCERNED THAT THE SERIES OF TUBES IS CLOGGED WITH POOR ADVICE. THE CHOSEN ONES MUST NOT BE LED ASTRAY! THEREFOR, ZARDOZ SHALL INSTRUCT – AND SHOW THE ADVICE GIVING BRUTALS WHO IS THE SUPERIOR FORM OF INTELLIGENCE. HINT: IT IS NOT THE BRUTAL ADVICE GIVERS. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!

    Q:  Last Saturday was my wedding and it was everything I could have wished for, until the reception. One of my co-workers, “Kim,” started saying I was pregnant because I wasn’t drinking. I kept telling Kim I just don’t drink, something everyone knows. She even teases me about it every week when everyone at the office goes to happy hour at a local pub. I asked her to stop, but she didn’t. By the end of the night, I had guests coming up to congratulate me and my confused husband on our upcoming baby. They were asking when the due date was and what the gender was, and telling me that they had thought I looked pregnant but hadn’t wanted to say anything. Over the course of the night, this rumor had transformed into common knowledge that I was pregnant, no matter how much I tried to deflect it away. My immediate family wanted to know why they were finding out from strangers that I was pregnant.

    I feel like my wedding became all about my pregnancy. It turned what was supposed to be a happy memory into something I just feel angry and frustrated about, like something was taken from me. I know I’m being ridiculous, but I’m so upset about this. I do realize it isn’t the end of the world, but it was my own personal information to share when, and how, I wanted to. I didn’t want my wedding to be about my pregnancy. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with Kim when I get back. For the past six years, I’ve worked for a small office of seven people, and now everyone at work thinks I’m pregnant. I am so mad at Kim I don’t know how I can work with her. Do I have to just suck it up and act like everything is fine? Can I tell my co-workers I’m not doing anything outside of work if Kim comes? Am I overreacting? My husband says I’m not, but I’m fairly sure he’s supposed to say that.

    A: WELL WELL WELL, IF ONLY ZARDOZ HAD WARNED YOU THE PENIS WAS EVIL, BECAUSE IT SHOOTS SEEDS THAT CREATE NEW LIFE…OH, WAIT…ZARDOZ HAS. REPEATEDLY! BUT IN SPITE OF YOUR GRIEVOUS ERROR, ZARDOZ WILL INSTRUCT. FIRST – YOU MUST BEGIN COUNTER-RUMOR OPERATIONS AGAINST THIS “KIM”. BEGIN BY WHISPERING THAT SHE CAUGHT A LOATHSOME PENIC-SPREAD DISEASE RIGHT AFTER THE RECEPTION. WHILE SHE IS DISTRACTED BY FENDING OFF THE RUMOR OF HER INFECTION, SABOTAGE HER PROJECTS AND WORK. SOON SHE WILL BE TERMINATED BY YOUR BOSS. THEN HER ONLY CHOICE WILL BE A LIFE OF SERVITUDE TO THE VORTEX.

    WHICH ONE OF YOU LIKES TO GOSSIP?

     

    YOU SHALL SUFFER WITH YOUR DECISION TO BE SHOT FULL OF SEEDS.

    MORNING SICKNESS ANYONE?

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

    Q: My cousin recently married a lovely girl, someone he’d been dating for a couple of years. Our whole family loves her, and she’s always been very sweet to us.

    She’s very intelligent and kind, but the issue is her wardrobe. She’s pretty but refuses to wear nice clothes. Instead she wears baggy, boring clothes. Our family is fashion-conscious, and I know my cousin has suggested to her several times that she buy new clothing — to no avail. He thinks she’s self-conscious about her body.

    Her birthday is coming up, and my sister and I would like to take her shopping as a birthday gift to buy her some nicer clothes. My cousin thinks she might not appreciate it, but he agrees that she needs new clothes. He also suggested buying her a gift card to somewhere, although that wouldn’t solve the problem of which clothes she buys with it. Do you think that taking her clothes shopping for her birthday would be appropriate? — FASHIONISTA IN CONNECTICUT

    A: ZARDOZ COGITATES THAT THIS ALL HINGES ON YOUR DEFINITION OF “NICE” CLOTHES. HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT THE ETERNALS OF THE VORTEX WEAR?

    LOOK UPON YE FASHION AND DESPAIR.

    NOT THAT OLD CLASSICS CANNOT SERVE ONE WELL;

    TAILS OPTIONAL.

    BUT EITHER WAY, YOUR FAMILY ARE A NOSY AND PUSHY LOT – YOU SHALL BE TARGETED BY THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS. SORRY, BRUTAL, THAT IS JUST THE WAY OF THE WORLD.

    “DEAR ABBY” THIS BULLET!

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

     

    SPECIAL BONUS ADVICE!

    Q: I have noticed a trend in casual customer service workers’ way of speaking. As I’m checking out at the grocery store, the bank or the pizza restaurant, many workers ask, “What are you doing the rest of today?” or “What are you up to today?”

    While I’m all for friendly chat, I find this question odd, invasive and a bit rude. I hardly believe that they care about my daily, tedious comings and goings, so really the question is insincere. What is the most kind, polite way to respond?

    A: ZARDOZ RECOMMENDS ONE OF TWO ANSWERS – “CLEANSING THE FILTH OF BRUTALS WHO PLAGUE THE EARTH AS IT ONCE WAS” OR “TAKING YOU INTO GRAIN SLAVERY IN THE SERVICE OF THE ETERNALS OF THE VORTEX, THANKS FOR ASKING!”

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

    Q: I know that the fork goes on the left of the plate and the knife on the right. But what if there is no knife? May I put the fork on the right, since I will presumably be using it with my right hand?

    A: ZARDOZ SAYS…LOOK TO THE VORTEX FOR AN EXAMPLE.

    FORKS WERE BANNED IN 2319.

    IT APPEARS THAT YOU GET A SPOON, A PLATE AND A GLASS. TURN IN YOUR FORKS TO THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS.

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

  • Friday Afternoon Links

    Yes, Sir! I’d be happy to do the links!

    I haven’t done the Links for a while, so I barged in and told Brett to take the afternoon off. Having exerted Swiss privilege, I will go outside my usual minimalist format…

    Japan just lost any chance of getting the Kuriles or any of Sakhalin back…don’t beat Russia so badly in the Rugby World Cup if you want land back. Oh, and no noting that a few Japanese players look distinctly..un-Nipponese.

    スコア!

     

    Not straffinrun

    How will this be hand-waved away by statists? Of course one must notice the nationalist flavor of the announcement. As long as the shakedown from the state is reduced, I don’t care if Modi calls it Make India Great Again. Hmmm. Maybe The Donald could give Modi a MIGA hat? Just more fodder for SugarFree, perhaps.

    Not Bollywood

    I guess this means that Joe Biden won’t be plagiarizing from his speeches? But then, I don’t think Slow Joe even knows what is going to come out of his gob anymore.

    And then I used my Tiger Paw Death Strike to save the EU!

     

    Having spoken the name of SUGARFREE aloud….lookie what he has for us:

    SugarFree’s Dem Deathwatch

    Bill de Blasio’s baffling presidential run is finally over. He can go back to turning New York City into the set for The Warriors in peace.

    Oh, and this:

    The mayor’s bid never really caught fire, and in a recent poll of his own state, de Blasio received the support of one respondent. Not one percent, one person.

    Disney cartoon witch Kamala Harris is down to 7% in national polling and a new California primary poll has her behind human dial-tone generator Andrew Yang in her home state. Recent grumbling on liberal sites is that she should drop out and be nominated to be Attorney General. Like putting the fox in charge of the prison rape industry.