Blog

  • A Small Slice of America

    After being away for over four years, I went on a short trip to Farmingville, New York and Alexandria, Virginia the week I came back to America. I went to the former for a Ringo Starr & His All-Starr Band concert at the Long Island Community Hospital Amphitheater and the latter to check out Old Town and a piece of Virginia I hadn’t seen before. I also managed to spend a bit of time in Manhattan where the Metropolitan Museum of Art had an exhibit with very beautiful looking pistols called “The Art of London Firearms.”

    The first day of the trip was pretty busy. I landed at Long Island MacArthur Airport and a couple hours later, I was on the way to the concert. It was a pleasure to see my favorite living Beatles member in the flesh (my all-time favorite is George Harrison, but I digress) along with Toto’s Steve Lukather, Men at Work’s Colin Hay, Santana’s Gregg Rolie, Average White Band’s Hamish Stuart, David Lee Roth Band’s Gregg Bissonette, Kansas’s Warren Ham, and Mark Rivera. Some songs they played were, “Don’t Pass Me By”, “Black Magic Woman”, “Yellow Submarine”, “Who Can It Be Now?”, and “Hold the Line”. All in all, it was a very pleasant and chill concert and Mr. Starr and his crew were happy and energetic.

    Ringo Starr and His All-Starr Band

    The next day, I went to Manhattan to check out the exhibit at the Metropolitan I mentioned while I was waiting for the night train to Washington D.C. The museum had gone through quite a few changes since the last time I went in 2005, but all-in-all, the place still felt familiar to me. The firearms they had on display in the “The Art of London Firearms” exhibit were mostly pistols that belonged to the Prince of Wales who would later be King George IV. The dueling pistols were quite beautiful and aesthetically pleasing. They were not the most elegant of pistols, but I believe they were a good blend of both practical and luxurious in design. The flintlock pistols on display were mostly designed and crafted by the likes of Durs Egg, John Manton, and Samuel Brunn. After spending some time there, I then made my way to Penn Station to catch the train down south then caught an Uber from D.C. to Alexandria.

    Not a Brit-gun, but still cool
    S&W .44 Double-Action Revolver

     

    Hallmarked 1787-88
    Flintlock Dueling Pistols of the Prince of Wales, Later King George IV

     

    Patented in 1818
    Collier Second Model Five-Shot Flintlock Revolver

    For the third and final day of the trip, I spent time exploring the Old Town district of Alexandria. Unfortunately, it was a Monday when I went and as such, a lot of the museums were closed then. However, I was still able to see a few sites and a couple places of historical significance that were still open. My first stop was the Basilica of Saint Mary. It’s the oldest Roman Catholic Church in Virginia, having been founded in 1795. It was also the first time I stepped foot in a church for a few years so it was quite the experience for this lapsed Catholic.

    Plaque For the Basilica

    Ye Olde Catholic Church

    After some prayer and meditation, I made my way to have lunch with my mother at Gadsby’s Tavern. The tavern was built in 1785 and also has a museum where the 1792 expansions were. The dining area of the tavern is the same as it was back in its founding and the food is also based on the food available back then. I had their Braised Hessen Beef which consisted of sweet & sour beef braised with red wine & bacon, rotkraut (red cabbage), and applesauce. To drink was a Belgian witbier (called Optimal Wit) from the local brewery Port City Brewing Company. It was a very nice and smooth beer with a slight citrus taste that paired quite well with the entree.

    After lunch, we were offered a tour of the museum where we learned about what made Gadsby’s special as well as see how the facility offered its dining, entertainment, and accommodations services. Apparently, Gadsby’s had an extraordinarily big 62-ton ice well that allowed the tavern to preserve their harvests and supplies longer than the rest of the competition in the area. They even had enough to sell ice when other local companies ran out of their stock. Another note of the tavern was that some Founding Fathers such as Washington, Adams, Madison, and Jefferson were guests and even held balls there from time to time.

              Das Witbier         Der Sauerbraten und Das Rotkraut

     

    The Dining Hall         THE ICEBOX

    After these adventures, I then went to the Waterfront Park where I saw the Potomac up close and then the Episcopal Church, Christ Church. It was quite simple-looking in the inside, but it was still a wholesome, interesting experience to be in the place where George Washington and later Robert E. Lee would pray. Finally, I went to the Lyceum which would serve as a hospital for Union troops during the Civil War and would later become a museum of Alexandria history. Also nearby was the Confederate Statue which was dedicated to the fallen Confederate soldiers from Alexandria. A fun fact about the statue is that the direction it’s facing is towards the old battlefields. It was also placed at the intersection of two streets where the Confederate soldiers set out from to get to their trains. A number of the men from the 17th Virginia Infantry are honored on the statue who were mainly from Companies A, E, G, H, and I. So far the statue is still in the same place as it has been since it was dedicated in 1889, but with things nowadays, I can’t be sure how long that will last. Regardless, it was still quite a moment to see the statue and an opportunity to think about all those local boys who would go out and never make it back home from that war.

    Outside of Christ Church                         A Big Boi in the Lyceum

    Inside Christ Church

       

    The Confederate Statue of Alexandria                     Not-So-Secret Glib Hideout?

     

    Overall, it was a pleasant albeit short vacation. I only moved back to the States just a few weeks ago, but I left these places more appreciative of how blessed and culturally rich the country is. I hope to have more time to visit Long Island. I also hope to spend more time in Alexandria especially since Mount Vernon is nearby as well as the Alexandria Black History Museum and the Carlyle Club among other places. Now that I’m firmly back in the States, I wish to explore much more of the country as a whole while I can.

  • Friday Morning Links

    I’d very much like to see a repeat of this

    The Rugby World Cup is here! The Rugby World Cup is here! Too bad its in Japan and I’ll have to record the games and watch them later. But I’m still happy. And I’ll be really happy if the Springboks take the silverware home. The Jags-Titans game was so bad, not even Tom Brady could stomach it.  Nice job ruining the game with penalties, NFL.  Meh, college is more fun to watch anyway. The Jags won, by the way.

    The Yankees won their division for the first time since 2012. But they will have to temper their excitement, as their best pitcher has been suspended pending an investigation into domestic violence.  Reports say he slapped his girlfriend in the face during an argument after an event, and in front of an employee of the commissioner’s office.  Yikes. Also, the Cubs fell and the Brewers won to move ahead of them in the WC standings.  The Indians won to draw even with Tampa Bay in the AL WC chase.  And across the pond, Liverpool-Chelski headline the weekend in the EPL. YNWA.

    “A shit-apple doesn’t fall far from the shit-tree, Julian”
    -Jim Lahey, Trailer Park Supervisor

    Hockey god Guy Lafleur was born on this day.  He shares it with horrible writer Upton Sinclair, basketball coaching legend Red Auerbach, the lovely Sophia Loren, writer that needs to finish his damn work George RR Martin, actor Gary Cole, assclown/grifter Lisa Bloom, and sports owner John Henry.

    OK, grab your umbrella. Its time for…the links!

    I’m all for as many people reducing their tax burden as possible. And I am a fan of organizations getting tax-exempt status. But this story is testing my ability to remain consistent on the issue.

    Schiff for brains

    More information about the so-called “whistleblower” complaint is coming out. And from what I can gather, it does sound like Trump may have told the Ukrainian President-elect that if they want better relations with the US, they need to reinstate the investigation into the Biden son who bilked billions from the Ukrainian and US governments. And frankly, I have no problem with this either. “Hey, clean up your corruption that the son of a politically-connected family was balls-deep in or we won’t have a lot of confidence in you guys” makes sense to me.

    While Zuckerberg was meeting with pols in Washington, one of his employees decided to meet his maker while at work. Yikes.

    Congratulations!

    Women being topless in public is now legal throughout the Tenth Circuit.  The ruling applies to Wyoming, Utah, Colorado, Kansas, New Mexico, and Oklahoma. Not sure about the talent in those states, so I’ll reserve judgement until the practical consequences of the ruling can be felt.

    I’ve seen StripteaseI know you’re supposed to leave your kid in the back room when you’re working. Come on, lady. Step up your game.

    See, Trump? They’re all over the streets, not in the ocean, you big dummy! (Also photographed: human shit)

    San Francisco’s mayor has called Trump’s claim that “used drug needles are pouring into the ocean” ridiculous. And she’s absolutely right.  The needles pour into the bay and all the human shit pours into the ocean.  There’s a big difference.

    I’m not even gonna do a link from Houston today. It’s too depressing here with this rain (seriously). Hope the people downtown and in the more seriously-impacted areas are all fine.

    Anyway, this song will at least make me smile for a few minutes. Hope it does the same for you.

    Go enjoy your Friday and weekend, friends.

  • OverRated: The Week in College Football Polls

    While Indiana was getting reamed, nothing else happened in the NCAA!

    Few tilts have spoken to us at this point; conference play has only been hinted at, and, frankly, it’s still hot as hell and hard to believe anyone is padding up for scrimmage already.  That said, we have results from another week . . . but, sadly, no news whatsoever.

     

    Week Three Most OverRated Football Program Results

    1        Utah                annihilated who-knew-there-was-an Idaho State

    2        Florida             escaped a solid Kentucky with a fourth quarter resurgence

    3        Notre Dame     flexed their way past New Mexico

    4        Auburn            curb-stomped Joe Walsh (the rocker) alma mater Kent State

    5        Boise St           galloped past alphabet people’s studies heavyweight Portland State

    5        Oregon             mauled the Montana Grizzlies

    7        Texas               beat Rice for the 70th or 80th time

    8        Georgia           bravely blanked the Fighting Osteopaths of Arkansas State

    8        Clemson          took it to formerly over-rated Syracuse

    8        Oklahoma        handled winless UCLA

    So there’s just nothing in the way of take-downs to high five anyone over.

    Off topic:  Penn State almost got shown up at home by Pitt.

    Not rated and not worth mentioning:  The University of Tennessee bulldozed an University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, but no copyrighting was attempted.  Reportedly, 1996 third round 49er draft pick Terrell Owens watched every snap over popcorn.

     

    So we await next Saturday’s scrums with few changes to the OverRated other than the odd addition.

     

    Week N + 1 Most OverRated Football Programs

    1          Utah           must run a gauntlet of 20-ish rated PAC8, 10, or 12 teams

    2          Cal             same as Utah, must endure hellish, SEC-like conference; welcome!

    3          Iowa          escaped the Cyclones; welcome to our list, latest national sweetheart

    4          Washington St re-enters the list; Houston was much tighter than the score shows

    5          Florida        may live up to their vaunted spot . . . but has not yet

    5          Notre Dame     must put up or shut up at Athens; somebody’s gotta lose that game

    5          UCF            might well run the tables and get to a very nice bowl

    5          Georgia       would be humiliated by a loss to the Irish ‘twixt the hedges

    9          Clemson      can only screw up; anything shy of perfection is unacceptable

    9          Oklahoma     is solid and should have a thoroughly nice season

    11        Oregon          PAC10 anybody as the best cage match this fall anywhere?

    11        Auburn          starts a grueling, PAC8-worthy loop through neighbors and cousins

    11        Boise St        can’t fail in the regular season unless they lay an egg somewhere

    14        Texas           has a comfy few weeks until the Red River rivalry resumes

    Year to Date Hides on the Wall Ratings

    1          Stanford          was revealed by USC

    2          Syracuse          was unranked after Maryland

    3          Iowa State       was dethroned before their decent showing against Iowa

    4          Texas               probably over-paid for losing to titan LSU

    4          Texas A&M    probably over-paid for losing to titan Clemson

    4          Florida             was ranked down after silly pre-season enthusiasm (but are back up now!)

    Year to Date It-Would-Seem Blown Calls Because They’re Doing Okay

    1          LSU

    2          UCF

    3          Michigan

    4          Washington State . . . but we get another bite at this apple !

     

    So closes another week.

     

    links to older opinions

    2019-09-13

    2019-09-06

     

    Disclosure of sources of bias:  your writer has attended the University of Tennessee, Memphis State and the University of Memphis, Christian Brothers College . . . and he sleeps with an alumna of Georgia whose parents met at Washington State . . . and his son went to Houston . . . and he never met anyone from TCU he didn’t like . . . and he irrationally hates Notre Dame, UCF, Clemson, and Notre Dame.

     

     

  • Facebook thinks I’m a Black woman

    I hate Facebook. Firstly, the interface confuses me. Secondly, the people in charge think they know me, know what I want, and know what’s best for me. They don’t. If they did, I’d be even more pissed. Thirdly, I’m sick of the ads in the middle of videos. Put an ad in a video I’m watching, the rest of that video is not getting watched (also looking at you too, YouTube).

    But this isn’t new; it’s just that now I’m not getting anything I need from social media that attracted me to it in the first place, and it’s all because they think they know what you want to see, and then serves up ads for that.

    Here’s the meat of it: You click one thing that’s interesting to you, and social media thinks that’s who you are and the only thing you want to see.

    TWITTER.

    In the early days, the point of Twitter was to see interesting conversations between people you did not follow and who did not follow you, drop in on them, add your 2 cents, and make new, interesting friends. It was like a cocktail party set to mêlée and everybody had fun.

    Now, not so much. First, you don’t see many people you don’t already follow or who follow you. Second, people guard their tribes as if it’s inside a ten-foot-thick block of ice. Prepare to be ignored or chased out of the conversation.

    Twitter’s usefulness for me is gone.

    PINTEREST.

    In the early days, the point of Pinterest was to see random things that caught your eye. You pinned them to your board. Searching was encouraged, but who would think to search for things like “Altoid tin art” if you’ve never heard of it before? I was introduced to many, many things I never knew existed through the chaos that was the Pinterest home page. “Search!” they say. “Search!” Um…can’t search what I’ve never encountered.

    Now … all you see is different versions of the same things you’ve already pinned. I do not want another elaborate late Victorian, early Edwardian spiral staircase that has been lovingly restored in the same color stain, same carpet, and same wallpaper (almost always William Morris).

    This is not useful.

    FACEBOOK.

    They have the videos tab there. I can’t stand to let a notification badge go unclicked, so I click the videos tab on my iPad. ONE TIME, I clicked on a video to watch how weaves were done. ONCE. I was curious, so I clicked. Now that’s all Facebook shows me. I want the chaos that encourages discovery, not the same stuff I looked at once to satisfy my curiosity.

    Nothing is going to change, I know. I’m shilling books (when I get up the courage to do so, I mean), and Facebook’s treatment of my posts is another rant for another day, which I will not do because everybody knows about it and rants about it and nothing changes.

    Thus, I am on Facebook because that’s really where my readers are—if Facebook allows me to reach them without paying to do so (which is a rant for another day).

    I have to remind myself: If the service is free, I’m the service. But damn. I’m missing out on a lot of fun stuff I don’t know exists and thus, cannot search for it. If you expand my horizons by showing me stuff I’ve never seen before, you would expand your list of things you can advertise.

    Twitter, Pinterest, and Facebook: I’m not who you think I am, so go back to allowing me to decide what I want to look at.

  • Thursday Afternoon Links

    Man, being without minions for the week has been both brutal and productive. Brutal because I have to answer every email and help request that comes in for our team. Productive in that there’s no one around to ask me questions. Need a 3 hour block to make some fixes and enhancements? Oh look, I has one. How strange. My admin-in-training gets back from vacation next week, and I’m supposed to have a new baby coder start… well, it was gonna be this Tuesday, but they’re still calling references as stuff. So hopefully next Monday. So I’ll be teaching class, not writing code for a couple of weeks. Hopefully, by November, we’ll start getting some productive work out of them.

    Florida Man, you can’t pawn your county issued weapon! Also, domestic battery? You know you’re not a real cop, right?

    Florida Man, consent is important!

    I’m sure the Hat & Hair were behind this.

    Space Force active by 2020? Well “active” — gotta figure out important shit like ranks and insignias, and then they can start working on missions and goals.

     

    Meh, I’m in the mood for some present century pop-rock.

  • Thursday Morning Links

    First to 100!

    As the weather begins to break here in Houston, I thank God that we have a retractable roof on MMP.  That allowed the Astros to become the first team to win 100 games this year, as they pulled a game ahead of the Yankees for best overall record. Those Yankees and Dodgers both lost yesterday, and the latter is two games back in the chase for best record and home-field through the playoffs. The A’s stayed hot and won, as did the Rays and Indians, who are a mere 1/2 game back in the AL’s wild card race.  On the Senior Circuit, the Nationals, Cubs and Brewers all fell, so that WC race is at a standstill, while the Cards winning stretched their lead in the last remaining divisional race that’s worth keeping an eye on.  And in the NFL, the Jags take on the Titans this evening.  Yay.

    “Hello, Victoria Silvstedt, Playmate Of The Year”

    Antoninus Pius was born on this day. As were: automaking legend Ferry Porsche, author William Golding, baseball star Duke Snider, the ever-melodramatic James Lipton, the equally-melodramatic Adam West, actor Jeremy Irons, model Twiggy, auto racer Juan Manuel Fangio, one-handed pitcher Jim Abbott, person on tv Jimmy Fallon, and Playmate Of The Year Victoria Silvstedt.

    Alright then. Let’s just get on with…the links!

    The Taliban killed a bunch of innocent people yesterday. But they apologized, because they were trying to blow up a bunch of other innocent people, not these ones.  Fucking animals.

    If you use fossil fuels, you should do this to yourself.
    -NBC

    NBC decides its time for us to have a confession. Yes, its about the stupid environmental bullshit.  And yes, the replies are freaking hilarious. Enjoy.

    Sorry, striking autoworkers (who average double the pay of nurses and triple that of the average American). But you’re not the only one who can decide to stop providing something. Yeah, stop bitching. Its called a negotiation and the NLRB is no longer there to rubber-stamp whatever you do and rake the other side over the coals.

    What the shit is th-…oh yeah.

    Whoever said Trump wanted to neuter the EPA forgot that human shit and piles of dirty needles are environmental dangers.  The response from the city should be interesting.

    Is Kevin Spacey secretly a Clinton? We’ll have to wait and see if any of his other accusers suddenly drop dead or fall completely off the face of the earth.

    If you don’t think political dynasties are still a thing, remember the there’s still a few people in this family that have dreams. This one might last because he’s not a raging alcoholic or (known) drug addict.  But there’s still time for him to live up to his family legacy.

    Not so much new wave. More of a throwback song. Either way, it’s beautiful and if you disagree, you’re wrong.

    That’s it for me. Have a great day, friends!

  • Economic Corner featuring Paul Krugman and Winston’s Mom

    This week Krugman declared DEMOCRACY IS DEAD!!!, which explains why it suddenly got dark out.

    Did it die in darkness?  Well, that will depend if you paid enough to keep the lights on.

    Democracies used to collapse suddenly, with tanks rolling noisily toward the presidential palace. In the 21st century, however, the process is usually subtler.

    Authoritarianism is on the march across much of the world, but its advance tends to be relatively quiet and gradual, so that it’s hard to point to a single moment and say, this is the day democracy ended. You just wake up one morning and realize that it’s gone.

     

    In their 2018 book “How Democracies Die,” political scientists Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt documented how this process has played out in many countries, from Vladimir Putin’s Russia, to Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Turkey, to Viktor Orban’s Hungary. Bit by bit the guardrails of democracy were torn down, as institutions meant to serve the public became tools of the ruling party, then were weaponized to punish and intimidate that party’s opponents. On paper these countries are still democracies; in practice they have become one-party regimes.

    And the events of the past week have demonstrated how this can happen right here in America.

    Does this book by chance mention anything about the bloody English?  You know that island with terrible looking women that voted on something in the past couple years the government has gone to great lengths to ignore?  I’m going to go out on a limb before I look this up– you probably said it was going to be terrible for them to vote leave….

     

    ….I was right!

    At first Sharpiegate, Donald Trump’s inability to admit that he misstated a weather projection by claiming that Alabama was at risk from Hurricane Dorian, was kind of funny, even though it was also scary — it’s not reassuring when the president of the United States can’t face reality. But it stopped being any kind of joke on Friday, when the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration issued a statement falsely backing up Trump’s claim that it had warned about an Alabama threat.

    Why is this frightening? Because it shows that even the leadership of NOAA, which should be the most technical and apolitical of agencies, is now so subservient to Trump that it’s willing not just to overrule its own experts but to lie, simply to avoid a bit of presidential embarrassment.

     

    Think about it: If even weather forecasters are expected to be apologists for Dear Leader, the corruption of our institutions is truly complete.

    Holy.  Fucking.  Shit.  Who. The. Fuck. Cares.  Have hurricanes ever hit Alabama?  Yeah.  Have hurricanes changed course with no advance warning?  Yeah.  Is Alabama located somewhere near where they were expecting the hurricane to hit?  Yeah, sure.

    None if that matters because it blasted all over the Bahamas, changed course, and will now plow through Nova Scotia.

    If it did hit Alabama, and no warning was given at all, you;re enough of a scroungy little fuck to blame the Oranje man for not seeing it coming.  It must be nice to be a dishonest asshat like Krugman that has no bearing on anything resembling reality, because he can find any way to pretend he’s smarter than everyone else.  I even picked up a Trump sharpie from his campaign website, look what I can do with it!

     

    Which brings me to a much more important case, the Justice Department’s decision to investigate automakers for the crime of trying to act responsibly.

    The story so far: As part of its jihad against environmental regulation, the Trump administration has declared its intention to roll back Obama-era rules mandating a gradual rise in fuel efficiency.

    You might think that the auto industry would welcome this invitation to keep on polluting. In fact, however, automakers have already based their business plans on the assumption that fuel efficiency standards will indeed rise.

    Well shit.  Maybe it has something to do with the increasing fuel efficiency regulations that have been in place since the 70’s?  This whole saving gas thing just popped up out of nowhere like the last time you had an akward boner while watching Bob Ross?

    They don’t like seeing their plans upended — in part, one suspects, because they understand that the reality of climate change will eventually force the reinstatement of those rules. So they have actually opposed Trump’s deregulation, which they warn would lead to “an extended period of litigation and instability.”

    And several companies have gone beyond protesting. In a remarkable rebuke to the administration, they have reached an agreement with the state of California to comply with standards nearly as restrictive as the Obama rules even if the federal government is no longer requiring them.

    Now, according to The Wall Street Journal, the Justice Department is considering bringing an antitrust action against those companies, as if agreeing on environmental standards were a crime comparable to, say, price-fixing.

    They are agreeing to something as an industry that affects the overall cost of ownership of a product exclusive to that industry, that sells products to literally everybody in the country.  I will wait for you to explain why this is not somehow subject to antitrust laws….

    This would be disturbing even if it came from an administration that had previously showed some interest in actual antitrust policy. Coming from people who heretofore haven’t indicated any concerns about monopoly power, it’s clearly an attempt at weaponizing antitrust actions, turning them into a tool of intimidation.

    And it’s also clear evidence that the Justice Department has been thoroughly corrupted. In less than three years it has been transformed from an agency that tries to enforce the law to an organization dedicated to punishing Trump’s opponents.

    You clearly paid no attention to that whole FISA thing in the news, because only team-red friendly outlets are reporting it.

    Who’s next? In at least two cases, Trump appears to have tried to use his power to punish Amazon, whose founder, Jeff Bezos, owns The Washington Post, which the president considers (like this newspaper) to be an enemy. First he pushed for an increase in the post office’s package shipping rates, which would hurt Amazon’s delivery costs; then the Pentagon suddenly announced that it was re-examining the process for awarding a huge cloud-computing project that Amazon was widely expected to win.

    In each case it’s hard to prove that these were efforts to weaponize government functions against domestic critics. But who are we kidding? Of course they were.

    The point is that this is how the slide to autocracy happens. Modern de facto dictatorships don’t usually murder their opponents (although Trump has been fulsome in his praise for regimes that do, in fact, rely on brute force). What they do, instead, is use their control over the machinery of government to make life difficult for anyone considered disloyal, until effective opposition withers away.

    And it’s happening here as we speak. If you aren’t worried about the future of American democracy, you aren’t paying attention.

    I am worried…I am worried Shit-weasels like you will eventually be in charge. The difference between you and me, is I don’t like the government meddl8g in the market regardless of the asshole in charge.  Tell me, did you give a flying fuck about Obama’s antitrust actions in telecom, private health insurance, oil/gas…even a merger between Staples and Office Depot. Seriously, did team Obama think thy were going to corner the printer paper market and jack up prices of reams of printer paper?  Who the fuck else will sell me pens!?!? How much of a shit-weasel do you have to be to argue against one president’s obscene meddling in the market and are perfectly okay with it when your prefered asshole wants to screw with the market?

    Don’t forget to cup the balls, schmuck.

     

  • Wednesday Afternoon Links

    Happy Wednesday everybody. I’ve got plenty to do, but I hit my own self-imposed deadline for getting the stuff that has to go this week shipped to the QA guys. I’m really liking this “devops” shit. For minor, non-critical fixes, if it isn’t ready for the testers to test by 1pm Wednesday, you get a whole ‘nother week. Unfortuately, the HNIC of my group is a real slave-driver on Monday and Tuesday. So after I got my stuff out, I took an actual hour to steal a bunch of snack food my wife had put out for her friends as they “crafted”. I don’t really understand this, but for some reason they were sitting around painting wine glasses instead of drinking out of them. Maybe there’s a future payoff that I’m missing, but I think they intend to put candles in the wine glasses. Now I know how my wife feels when I try to explain why I like video games. Also, I took a pass on replacing the wife’s AC compressor. She has a good mechanic so the markup was only about $300 above doing it myself. I watched a couple videos, and they’re gonna earn it trying to squeeze around under that CRV. Also, I imagine I’d fuck up drawing the vacuum and spend a couple of hours fucking around with that. Anyhow, that’s my day. How the hell are each of you?

    (Some) Californians saddened to learn that the EPA will no longer let them be special. This should be an object lesson (but won’t be) to all states dominated by a single party. The Feds can always fuck you, and eventually, the President and his cabal get their hands on those levers.

    Less beer than I expected, but otherwise Aussie as hell. I’ll bet his friends call him a big girl for having to be rescued at all.

    This person is obviously missing the point!

    Aliens, bro. Its always aliens.

  • The Hat and The Hair: Episode 133

     

    “I learned a lot. And I learned that it makes a difference. This was the diving board area, and I was one of the guards, and they weren’t allowed to – it was a 3-meter board. And if you fell off sideways, you landed on the damn, er, darn cement over there.”

    The hat paused the playback of video to laugh.

    “Why are you making me watch this?” Donald asked.

    “Just give it time, Donald,” the hair replied. “We promise that it will be totally worth it.”

    “And Corn Pop was a bad dude,” Biden continues.

    “Corn Pop?” Donald asked.

    “And he ran a bunch of bad boys. And I did and back in those days – to show how things have changed – one of the things you had to use, if you used Pomade in your hair, you had to wear a baby cap.”

    Donald tapped the space bar. “Pomade? Baby cap?” he asked.

    “We can talk about this after the video, Donald,” the hat said. “Stop interrupting.”

    “No, I want to know now.”

    “Pomade is hair grease, like Danny and the T-Birds in, well, Grease.”

    “Olivia Newton-John has a nice ass in that,” Donald said. “But she doesn’t show her tits.”

    “Yes, Donald,” the hair said. “But I don’t know what a baby cap is…”

    “Some sort of condom, but, like, just for the tip?” the hat mused.

    “But I certainly wouldn’t let anyone put on on me,” the hair finished.

    “Look at me,” the President of the United States sang out, “I’m Sandra Dee, lousy with virginity…”

    “Donald? Can we get back to the video?” the hat asked.

    Donald looked at the hair, sitting on the Oval Office desk, and asked calmly, “Would you pull that crap with Annette?”

    “And so he was up on the board and wouldn’t listen to me. I said, ‘Hey, Esther, you! Off the board, or I’ll come up and drag you off.’ Well, he came off, and he said, ‘I’ll meet you outside.’”

    “Who the fuck is Esther?” Donald asked, pausing the video again.

    “Esther Williams, Donald,” the hair said.

    “This doesn’t make any sense,” Donald said. “I thought the guy was named Corn Pop.”

    “Gah!” the hat said. “Grr! Oh! Oh! Oh! I can’t do this anymore!”

    “Can you at least try to hold it together, you drama llama?” the hair asked the hat.

    “Dammit, who is Esther Williams?” Donald asked.

    “She was a swimmer and an actress,” the hair said. “She was in a couple of Busby Berkeley movies.”

    “Who?” Donald asked.

    “Oh, goddammit,” the hat grumbled.

    “My car this – was mostly, these were all public housing behind us. My car – there was a gate on here. I parked my car outside the gate. And I – and he said, ‘I’ll be waiting for you.’ He was waiting for me with three guys with straight razors. Not a joke.”

    “Not a joke,” the hat said in a mocking tone.

    “There was a guy named Bill Wright Mouse, the only white guy and he did all the pools. He was a mechanic. And I said, “What am I gonna do?” And he said. ‘Come down here in the basement, where mechanics – all the mechanics- – where all the pool builder is.’ You know the chain, there used to be a chain that went across the deep end. And he cut off a six-foot length of chain and folded it up and he said, “You walk out with that chain, and you walk to the car and say, “you may cut me man, but I’m gonna wrap this chain around your head.’”

    “Waaarrriors… come out and play-ay!” the hat said, pausing the video.

    “Clank, clank, clank,” the hair replied and laughed.

    “Have you both gone completely nuts?” Donald asked.

    “I said, ‘You’re kidding me.’ He said, ‘No, if you don’t, don’t come back.’ And he was right. So I walked out with the chain. And I walked up to my car. And in those days, you remember the straight razors, you had to bang “em on the curb, gettin’ em rusty, puttin’ em in the rain barrel, gettin’ em rusty?”

    “I don’t have the faintest clue what in the fuck Joe is talking about,” the hat said. “Straight razors? Curbs? Rain barrels?”

    “Now you are the one pausing it and interrupting,” Donald said peevishly.

    “And I looked at him, but I was smart, then. I said, ‘First of all,’ I said, ‘When I tell you to get off the board, you get off the board, and I’ll kick you out again, but I shouldn’t have called you Esther Williams, and I apologize for that. I apologize.’ But I didn’t know that apology was gonna work. He said, ‘You apologize to me?’ I said, ‘I apologize but not for throwing you out, but I apologize for what I said.’ He said, ‘OK,’ closed that straight razor and my heart began to beat again.”

    “Just bizarre, utterly bizarre,” the hair said. “Like, what was the point of that whole thing?”

    “Joe is tough, I guess,” the hat replied, “And smart because he took a pool chain to a rain barrel razor fight.”

    “Aren’t pool chains made of plastic so light it floats?” the hair asked.

    “Maybe not in, like, what? 1960?” the hat mused.

    “Who is this? Why did I have to watch this?” Donald asked. “I’m trying to work on plans to bomb Iran.”

    “Oh, man, can you imagine how pissed John Bolton’s mustache would be if we bombed Iran after firing him?” the hair asked.

    “We should bomb them just to see if he’d have some sort of lip stroke,” the hat replied.