Outside the Lincoln Memoral, Washington DC, January 19, 2019:
“Help a furloughed government worker?”
“Help a furloughed government worker?”
”Yeah I saw you looking at me! I know you have spare change! Where you going? He’s coming for you too! He’ll rape you and your planet!”
Imagine if you will, a man in a cheap suit sitting in front of the crowded Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC. He claims to be a furloughed government worker, with his agency no longer funded due to the government shut down. The man, in a cheap suit not because he is frugal, but because he is grossly underpaid and under appreciated by the very people he has sworn to protect. Now imagine him heavily addicted to nicotine, and highly depedent upon alcohol but now has no per diem for the travel he did on behalf of Uncle Sam. He has no way to pay for his bad habits, and no reason to believe anyone cares for him. He sits in front of a crowded Lincoln Memorial, a site many of you once visited, and held in awe of the awesome specacle that is the memorial.
“SPACE SMITH is coming, he is coming for you!”
He speaks in awkward phrases and tells people government secrets he is no longer paid to protect.
”The rock floating in space, Oumaumua, is no rock! Its a spaceship with an ancient evil coming in to rape our very existence!”
He’s not a madman. Imagine this is a broken man, with no reason to continue on with his existence in this world. Telling the world the truth behind the things the government does not wish for you and I to know.
”SPACE SMITH will rape you all if you don’t give me a cigarette!”
A Good Samaritan in a MAGA hat gives him a cigarette.
”Thank you, could you spare a light? I traded away the last of my matches because I ran out of money. Government shutdown and all. HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING!? You can’t leave me here without a light. SPACE SMITH IS COMING. He’s been on Earth before!”
He yells constantly, but others won’t listen. His fantastic claims of grand conspiracies, meaningless job titles, and special discounted rates for government employee’s at your local Marriott go dismissed by the passers by.
“Please donate your spare change…SPACE SMITH RAPED THE MOON! Give me your change or he’ll stick his big, fat, quantum tallywhacker inside your planet!”
Imagine still, in spite of everything we just witnessed, this wasn’t the stupidest thing that happened that cold January day in front of the Lincoln Memorial.
Comments
196 responses to “Special Service Agent in Charge Scruffy don’t work for free…”
First! I’m on that like of furloughed worker with nothing better to do.
” furloughed worker with nothing better to do.”
Back at my desk now and still nothing better to do
*Hands JaimeRoberto a cigarette*
Try watching TV and having a couple of brews.
What a reminder of how Henry Rollins looked before he discovered the gym.
And by gym, you mean farmacias?
No. Rollins is the real deal. He worked out like the maniac he is.
Nobody ever called Pablo Picasso an asshole.
The comments on this post are absolutely hilarious .
https://www.facebook.com/148689349417080/posts/229651677987513/
Thats a pretty clear reminder to me why I dont do the FB
Guess I’d have to login to see the comments. Pass.
Bah sorry thought it was public
I don’t have FB any more and I still could read the comments by ignoring the sign in thing partially blocking the screen. Some funny snark there.
Jesus H. Christ that woman is getting roasted. Hysterical.
Excellent. I heard Rod Serling in my head.
I mean, I always hear Rod Serling in my head, but this time it made sense.
I never knew until a couple years ago that Serling was a jockey-sized wee fellow.
And damn wise for his time and place, some great interviews on YT
Space Smith!, You’re my favorite Smith!
He was a little feller.
Did he know what milk was?
Choked on a piece of cheese.
If you don’t have a whistle to blow you’re just another blower.
“So Twitter is banning people who tweet #LearnToCode at journalists.”
https://twitter.com/LordScrump/status/1090283209319956480
https://twitter.com/RubinReport/status/1090281840542310400
OFFS
#Learntocode is dehumanizing to journalists, you disgusting piece of shit!
Years of pushing their cultural war BS, telling others how they must live their lives, and then they get it served back at them good & hard. Fuck them all.
https://twitter.com/CountDankulaTV/status/1090282247444463617
“BREAKING: Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) belongs to a Holocaust denier group that claimed Jews aren’t actually Jewish, invented their historical claim to Israel, and secretly control the media. The group created also created a video that called Jews satanic”
https://twitter.com/RealSaavedra/status/1090107388768616448
*crickets*
Well, assuming its true, is anybody really surprised?
Not at all surprising that in the age of Drumpf people are electing openly anti-semitic politicians to national offices.
… Oh wait, sorry, didn’t see that “D” there. Nevermind.
I’m surprised her posse didn’t tell her to keep that stuff on the DL before, you know, running for Congress.
ithi the electoriat is trolling us.
https://twitter.com/Black_Pilled/status/1089995012979314688
LOLOLOLOL
That was when Phillips walked into the group of students, beating his drum to calm a combustible situation.
They’re still trying to sell that bullshit?
STEVE SMITH SAY RAPE THEM ALL.
Or whatever…I’m drinking.
Why not? Some still believe The Protocols of the Elders of Zion is real.
https://imgur.com/ZOf8Jvq
70%! Science is settled!
For example, Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI)?
Nothing calms you down like a stranger standing two feet away banging a drum.
“Look again ? …it could save lives. If you see something suspicious, like someone buying knives, hammers and other objects that could be used to cause harm – ACT. Reporting it won’t ruin lives, but it might save them ? http://www.gov.uk/ACT #ActionCountersTerrorism”
https://twitter.com/TerrorismPolice/status/1089908708908314625
911 what’s your emergency?
Hi I’d like to report a man with a cane.
While people are on the lookout for hammers they overlook the guy buying 2 tons of fertilizer…
I’m so screwed now. I like shopping at hardware stores when I travel to other countries. Always something different and interesting. Or brands and country of origin marks that aren’t available back home.
What if they respond that they are a Muslim and you’ve just committed a hate crime?
“How am I supposed to know the difference?”
“Just involve yourself, and ask them their intent!”
“Uh-oh…he’s trying to attack me with that implement he bought!”
“Well, you shouldn’t get involved-this is a matter for the Authorities to handle.“
So sadly close to the truth.
re: JB’s late Venezuela post in the last thread:
What are the odds the media lefties currently cheering on the largely political Mueller probe will cheer on a blatantly political probe into Guaido?
Come on give them chance! They just need to implement real socialism.
Is none a type of odds?
Hey look, everybody!!! I found a picture of Tundra!
https://www.foxnews.com/us/minnesota-man-arrested-after-wife-reportedly-found-dead-in-home
That crazy bastard
He looks like he would take good care of his sick wife.
I’m only 51.
Damn, you look rough.
Rough miles.
My tri-tip turned out perfect, btw.
Awesome! Makes some great sammiches too.
You have to mousturize when ir gets below zero.
58 (!)
Having met him in person, I can attest to the fact that he’s actually a rather handsome man. And he’s very fit and in shape.
UOMe$
*sends Mike more money*
Wait. That’s the second (third?) time I’ve made a comment like that, itsn’t it? I swear, I don’t have a crush on you or anything like that. NTTAWWT
Maybe you two can keep each other warm tonight.
Oh! I think someone needs to go to jelly camp!
I think Tundra is the back spoon.
Man-crush confirmed?
I’m a giver.
Here’s some total insanity that somehow slipped under my radar earlier this month:
https://www.kob.com/albuquerque-news/as-video-goes-viral-transgender-woman-claims-mistreatment-at-albuquerque-store/5208766/
I love the kid glove treatment they give
himheritwhatever for the interview. What the fuck is next?“A toothless, blathering vagrant was arrested after defecating in the canned goods aisle at Kroger, and the security camera footage has gone viral. Tonight he speaks out and tells us his side of the story.”
“EXCUSE ME, ‘MA’AM’!”
Oh yes, we had a lot of fun with that one.
I imagine that, at some point, we’ll reach a level of surgical and therapeutic innovation that transgender people will be indistinguishable from the genuine article. Probably right around the time that ambulatory, conversant sex robots come online, which means: no time soon. Decades and decades away. We’re just not there yet. To insist that normies treat trans people as if they’re indistinguishable is unrealistic and counterproductive. But telling transgender people that they really are indistinguishable, and that it’s only backward bigots who would say otherwise, is cruel. It’s cruel in the way progressives so often are real bastards, the well-intentioned cruelty of delusional gaslighting. You tell very obviously masculine men to demand that they be treated as women, and then to get irate when they’re not. How is that healthy? How is it healthier than telling a person: “Yeah, bubs, it sucks, you were born in the wrong body, and you can dress the part and try to act the part, but don’t be shocked that not everybody goes along with it. It’s not necessarily malice, it’s confusion”? Never mind that you’re baking in a real and valid reason for resentment when you abuse people for failing or refusing to sum up five when adding two and two. Never mind that uncompromising bad faith is never grounds for establishing mutual trust and respect. Just ask yourself, how is it good for people living with gender dysphoria to come to expect that their unmistakable birth traits will be overlooked by most people?
There was one (I think?) a couple cubes over at my ex-job who was sort-of convincing, even if she did clomp around like a Clydesdale. My policy is, if you can convince me you’re a man or a woman, I’ll play along. Nevertheless, I was relieved that I didn’t work with her directly, so I never had the opportunity to step on that landmine.
I wonder how hard these people are running away from this now.
SO HARD
There’s an APB out on what’s left of Monty Python.
…
Thing is, I’ve been to enough drag shows in my career as a practicing homosexual to remember when everyone still kept a sense of humor about this stuff. And they were celebrating 8-year-old “transsexuals”, either.
*weren’t celebrating
I worked with someone that did that several years ago. Great person and coworker, before and after. Also pretty conservative politically and was the last thing from a grievance monger. Before the initial hormone therapy, wrote up a letter of what he was doing and why, and left copies by his desk if anyone wanted to know. Sad story.
Other than that, never really mentioned it again. Didn’t realize until years later that she probably went with the full operation at some point. Unfortunately, her position was eliminated last year and lost a good work buddy.
LOL – Macho Ma’am Tranny Savage
That IS good. Of course, this:
M.C. Hammer-less?
Seriously, though:
You know what, “Dude”? You’re a psychotic piece of shit. Plus, you are the one with psychological issues. So, get your own house in order, starting with what’s in the attic.
You’re trying to to take the rage out of outrage. Ain’t never gonna happen.
Hmmm….I wasn’t thinking of it like that. That dude…ette’s outrage did make me feel a bit of rage, tbh.
People like that live for the outrage. They cloak themselves in self-righteousness. That justifies turning a minor, even inadvertent, transgression into a shooting war.
You can’t take the rage out of outrage ’cause that would be outrageous.
And still no Snow Smith.
/disappointed
This looks like a good place to drop this. Did you see my link to Damon Johnson last night? He was in Brother Cane, played with Alice Cooper and recently was in a reorganized Thin Lizzy. I’d never heard of him until yesterday, but so far I’m digging his stuff.
Shivering Shivering
I did! Solid!
THERE NO SNOW SMITH. CLOSEST IS COUSIN YETI. BUT YETIS AND SMITHS…BAD BLOOD. IT OLD THING, NOBODY TELL STEVE SMITH HOW START. JUST NO TALK THAT PART OF FAMILY.
FREE CASCADIA!
Unacceptable.
*assembles an expedition to find the truth*
We’ll be back, STEVE.
This is good.
I don’t understand how these people don’t feel embarrassment or shame for being so stupid.
OK northern Glibs; who’s gonna win the “Fuck. Ing. A.; That Is Stupid Cold” award for tonight? At my place we are projected to hit -37F. I assume Festus will be able to beat that. Maybe Stillhunter, pistoffnick…am I forgetting any contenders?
Fourscore.
Shit. He’s halfway to the banana belt where you and the other TC Glibs live. I bet you spoiled bastards only get into the -20’s.
*turns up frost bit nose*
I can’t even imagine that. Forecast for NYC tomorrow night is 4. Which might be the lowest I’ve seen in 20 my years here.
-50
The cold builds character
-50 tomorrow, actually. -20 tonight
I’m talking air temp, not windchill
Oh, shit. We’re getting down to 37 tonight. Then a high of 50 tomorrow. *breaks sweat*
Columbus. Windchills minus 30s but I’ll be working from home so will be 70s for me.
I just went out in -20 degF temps to rescue my daughter’s boyfriend. He hit a patch of black ice and rolled his SUV twice. After the policeman was done with him, we stuffed him in the cab of my truck. I trudged down the embankment to retrieve his backpack, his guitar, and his iPad. Turns out I forgot to retrieve his wallet and his amp.
He’s fine, his truck is likely totalled.
Holy shit!
I was sideways a couple times today. It’s scary as hell.
Glad the kid is ok.
My daughter is more shaken up than he is.
Glad the kid is ok. I second that. Trucks are replaceable
Shit! Hope he’s still OK when he wakes up tomorrow.
-1 Natasha Richardson
Glad he’s okay! He’ll get sore over the next couple of days. Vehicles are replaceable.
-28 now, projected -33 for the morning. Thursday morning is forecast for a -39. The high today was a -16.
Brutal. Not fit for man nor beast, as I always like to say.
Thirty seven. 37. Degrees fareheit (i.e. the real temp standard) here.
Things could be worse…
TW: weather news, too local.
Cold stretch? This ain’t no stinkin’ cold stretch compared to 1936
Thread fail. I blame the cold for making that a reply.
About 20 years ago we had the worst winter in my history. Snow was deep, long cold. Anyway I got my 35mm camera all set up, ran outside, took a picture of the thermometer at a -46. Next morning was a -50 but I didn’t go out to get the picture. My TX son had to brag to his buddies.
In the spring I found 8 dead deer on my property, all fawns. I guess starved to death. Then we had a couple very restricted hunting seasons after, no doe permits at all, ’til the herd recovered. This year not so bad, a lot of snow but the deer are still getting around OK. They are beginning to show some wear though.
Or 1888. Both the Schoolhouse Blizzard and the Great Blizzard that winter.
So Covington was setup to distract us from SPACE SMITH. The truth is out there.
THIS NO THE SMITH YOU LOOKING FOR…
French derp
https://quillette.com/2019/01/28/against-the-militancy-of-the-french-decolonial-movement/
You’re repeating yourself. French=derp.
No (((day))) today? Q: Where did the Ashkenazi Jews of Poland, Russia (the Pale) come from? Wikipedia isn’t too helpful but says that two million of (((them))) emigrated to U.S. and Israel from 1880 on in response to ongoing pogroms. Or did they all originate from the Babylonian diaspora, or Roman times? Or were they converts from some other tribes, and not really Semites at all?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashkenazi_Jews
I remembered reading about it recently. Maybe it was the Yiddish article.
Any birders here?
Rare bird repeatedly spotted near Richwood, Minn.
Are they edible?
Of course. They have feathers.
Hm… penguins have feathers too but from what I have read they taste like poorly digested squid and even starving men have been known to shun their meat.
My mom would have got a kick out of that. Probably not enough to travel to Minn. though.
We are thinking about it. It’s a 2 hour drive for us. Would be kind of cool to see a bird that should be in Siberia.
We had an ivory-billed woodpecker in our woods for a few years. At the time it was thought that the bird had actually become extinct. We never for a moment thought of telling anyone it was there. My wife’s a real bird person and tree hugger, so I always left some dead trees standing as homes for birdies, but we had no desire for our property to become a protected bird habitat.
It sucks that environmental laws actually serve as disincentives to protect any endangered species on your property.
Regulations doing the opposite of what they say?? Color me shocked!
It’s still officially extinct, no? There’s been reported sightings, but nothing definitive that I’ve ever heard. Until now, that is.
The thing was huge and beautiful and when it was working on a tree it sounded like a nail gun on full auto. We make a point never to bother it. At some point we stopped seeing it.
Badadada That’s all folks?
Does Space Smith give narrowed gazes?
I don’t want to find out, so I will…
*narrows gaze*
Not doubting you, just meant that I think “officially” it is still considered extinct. I haven’t heard of any verified, reported sightings.
P.S. I am jealous. That would be beyond cool to see one. Absolutely stunning birds.
It’s been probably 15 years and when we researched it was said to be probably extinct I think. It was really cool. We both love birds and always try to identify any new ones we see. My wife got really excited about it. For awhile it working on a tree just outside our kitchen widow.
Fucking migrants. #Buildthewall.
+1 The Birds by Aristophanes
Only sceptics use weather in the climate change debate.
https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2019/01/29/weather/global-warming-cold-weather-explainer-wxc-trnd/index.html?__twitter_impression=true
My favorite: “That’s why the hottest 5 years on record for our planet have all occurred since 2014.”
Don’t forget that individual hurricanes are climate, not weather.
But you’re just a nihilist.
https://mobile.twitter.com/GWillowWilson/status/1090280219728965632
Khan Noonien Singh/Cthulhu 2020!
Am I nuts for jumping to the conclusion that this is complete horseshit?
No.
The ‘Park” is many thousands of years old, so I’m gonna go with… yeah. Complete horseshit.
Meanwhile, I live in a city where members of the lauded “governmental oversight” routinely spread garbage around as they’re supposed to be collecting it.
From the article she referenced:
Emphasis mine.
OK, I’m totally sold now that an impartial source has provided that rock-solid evidence.
The president trolling the fuck out of CNN… yep, still enjoying it.
Ok, fine. Then stop pointing to specific weather events as proof of CAGW.
Weather events are only proof when they confirm the narrative.
CPRM, if you’re around, here’s Ant using “boofed” for vomiting. No idea when the clip was taken, but it was prior to 2014 (when Anthony was fired by Sirius XM).
Thanks.
Made it into a tweet. Just to stir the shit.
“My wife’s a real bird person and tree hugger”
So Ortolan for lunch is out?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=w7fLsPWSZ7U
Ok, sitting home on this cold Wisconsin day, there has been an idea percolating in ma brain, where I do videos, but not really for the visual effect, but for a quick story. I’ve had many odd things happen in my boring life that make some good stories. I’m much better at telling them than writing them, so would anyone be interested in if the actual video content wasn’t anything great, but they were fun stories to listen to? Short, probably mostly under a minute, but fun.
Sometimes the brain needs junk food too.
Picture, if you will, an ordinary man, living an ordinary life in a small town in the American Midwest. Boring, perhaps, but sometimes in the middle of an everyday existence on this small rock three from the sun, something quite out of the ordinary might occur.
Nice. Tying the end of post comments into the beginning. What you did there was noticed.
This isn’t the end of the comments, no they go on forever! On an NSA server.
Thank you.
*takes puff of cigarette and squints mysteriously with a slightly perturbed look*
I live a very boring life, but the things that happen to me are the weirdest fuckin shit. And telling the stories vocally, I have a very dead pan delivery. Making the odd mundane all the more fun.
Are you talking about you telling stories to the camera or some kind of animation behind it?
Right now I’m thinking stock image of a tape recorder, and framing it as my testimony in some sort of grand trial in the future.
stock footage, not image.
Then I would say yes, do it. I will check it out for one. I love true stories.
as the shows title would be something like “CPRM’s Grand Jury Testimony: Tape One” while video of a tape recorder plays in the video.
I like the idea. Let’s see it take shape.
You know, one of the things that inspires me about his place, outside the content and fun we have, is this feeling of destiny or kismet or some such. My Avatar is something I downloaded back I think 2014 to photoshop this for a contest at Cracked, and then I used it as my avatar here and I got to make make cartoons about Trump and Kim. Very satisfying.
Rats, I’m too old 🙁
Don’t short yourself, that was like 4 years ago, his tastes might have changed (would have linked to SF’s story about his relationship with Trump, by my ISP flagged it as a weapon of war)
Meh. Just continue creating comics. I had to stop after a real personal clusterfuck, but I’m trying to get back going. I’d like to do video, but that’s… well, let me refrain from my usual curses.
While my “comics” were unusual, people enjoyed them. Go ahead CPRM. Do it up.
was that meant as comment on my new content idea, or some kind of comment on my feeling of kismet being here?
{Hold on, BP-I got this}
Yes….?
/I mean, why not both.
Nothing derogatory meant, CPRM. I’ve liked your comics.
or what SDCF said…
I didn’t take it as derogatory, more it felt like a non-sequitur the comment.
Gee. Thanks.
Posted before but it bears repeating/Insomnia so fuck it, down the rabbit hole/relevant due to a strained relationship with my immediate family +1 drama that demands my attention despite my best efforts to avoid any drama related with my family x10000 degrees of butthurt over my reaction/response to the frivolous nature of said drama.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S-znw35eCkg
Goddammit….
Sounds like a Werewolf James Bond movie.
TH, Not to minimize whatever issues you have with your family,but your song choice reminded me a lot of the Turnpike Troubadours.
FWIW, I’ve had to deal with a lot of family issues recently. Thank Jeebus my brother is not a prick, or it’d be ugly as hell.
No worries! The first 40 seconds or so had me concerned that it was going to be some random dudes performing a Mumford and Sonesque diddy but thankfully it took a different route. As far as the minimizing, OT is par for the course here, doesn’t bother in the slightest. Just needed to vent, I expect nothing in return. 😉
That was the weirdest MDT 3k episode.
But seriously TH, sorry for your family drama. That’s the worst.
‘That was the weirdest MDT 3k episode.’
You lost me…and don’t worry about me, just a hair more drama than usual. And if it doesn’t blow over soon…to Hell it. I’m almost forty and I’ve pretty much ran out of any fucks to give.
Whoops. Meant to be MST 3K for Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Glad you are getting a grip on the situation.
Maybe “MST 3k” and I thought the same
Great minds think alike.
What are the odds she knows what a semiautomatic is?
https://twitchy.com/dougp-3137/2019/01/29/this-should-be-interesting-kamala-harris-take-on-2a-gun-laws-at-the-cnn-town-hall-is-something-else/
It’s a gun that shoots people, are you some kind of rethiglikkkan? How much does the NRA pay you? Nice try troll.
I’m not cheap but I am available if they need to do something with their filthy lucre.
Money Talks
https://youtu.be/2lqdErI9uss
Just curious: do the body cams on the weather satellites stop working when it’s this cold?
In space, no one one can hear you (s)cream.
see also: SPACE SMITH
Oh, those nutty women.
And I went to bed early last night.
*blushes*
go on…
The polar vortex stole the links!