These are TRUE stories with the framing device as if my stories were used against me in the court of law. (Names have been changed to protect me)
These are TRUE stories with the framing device as if my stories were used against me in the court of law. (Names have been changed to protect me)
Comments
269 responses to “The Trial of CPRM – Tape One”
This is going to end badly.
🙁
At work, no audio.
get them to play it over the PA system.
#metoo
Oh well, time to track down a one off complaint about a phone system.
“My phone keeps ringing, and its pissing me off. Can you set it up for outgoing calls only?”
I did actually make that complaint not long ago. A phone we have in the office kept ringing, but when we answered, we’d just hear a rapid series of tones. 90% of the calls that come through on that line did it. This has been going on for the couple years I’ve been here, and we just lived with it. Well, it turns out those were legitimate calls from other departments, but we couldn’t hear them. And they couldn’t hear the tones. They’d just hear us answer, listen for a second, then hang up. Must have seemed pretty rude.
I can’t remember what diagnoses IT gave it, but they fixed it by removing the phone.
At the last place two different complaints we received:
“The phone keeps ringing, what are we supposed to do?”
“There’s something wrong with the system, we’re getting too many phone calls now.”
For the first one, I almost sent them the Sesame Street video of the monsters around a ringing phone. For the second one, we found out that the previous telecom guy in charge of their system (who had recently had his role removed) had put hard limits in their system, so if the queues got too big, it would just dump callers to a busy signal. They were not reporting on those calls.
I don’t get it, it’s all so confusing, bright lights and flashy things, strange noise emanating from the walls…..
Yes, you need a Lawyer, are you being inerrogated?
I recommend getting the lawyer before Tape 2.
Is this a youtube video of a reel to reel? Is that the podcast equivalent of taking a picture of your screen, printing it out to PDF, putting the PDF in a word document, and then printing it out on paper so you can hand it to your secretary to email it to the recipient/
Oh, you mean .NORM files?
It’s avant-garde.
*hipster-on* I press vinyl records and then record them playing to youtube – the sound is so much warmer *hipster-off*
(though, seriously, that’s an awesome mini-doc – worth 18 minutes of your time, if you’ve not already seen it)
And now I’m down a rabbit-hole.
TIL about The Lick
I’ve seen it before, and I watched it again.
Yep, I just re-watched. I love that sort of cultural archeology.
I’m gonna take you off topic for a second. I logged in to a different browser, so when I typed my usual start to the URL and pressed enter, it did a search instead of autocompleting me here.
And the second link found me https://franklycurious.com/wp/2017/03/14/glibertarians/
Uh, what the heck is this? First, I didn’t know our little club was enough to qualify as any sort of a movement… more just a handful of folks having coffee at the local McDonald’s in the morning.
But more importantly… What the heck?
Who is this guy, why does he think that “deficit spending doesn’t cause inflation” is a rejoinder, and how do we know him?
~ef~
Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a long (internet) time.
No, I have no clue who that guy was, but it’s been a while since he was referenced.
That guy again? That is a bit weird.
Not in over two years, at least to go by his articles about Glibs. (All March 2017.)
That feeling when someone claims to have been a libertarian but is incapable of summarizing libertarian positions accurately.
Really weird. I love the left-insults of “MRA” and “Alt-right” as catchall “othering” phrases.
Anyway, I totally missed it at the time and Bing shoved it In my face this morning, so I had to ask. I had no idea … today random internet nutjob, tomorrow Rachel Maddow and other random cable TV nutjobs!!
(wouldn’t it be absolutely glorious to have Rachel Maddow reading a STEVE SMITH or SugarFree post with serious intonations as a condemnation of evil libertarianism?)
If you’re a confident poonhunter Chad, you’re probably a rapist or something,
but
if you swear off women, you’re a beta cuck manbaby loser who lives in his mom’s basement.
if you swear off women, you’re a beta cuck manbaby loser who lives in his mom’s basement.
You forgot “eventual mass murderer.”
I’m picturing Maddow’s face as she tries to read a STEVE SMITH post with the most serious look of deadly scorn, and I’m in danger of giggling like a crazy person at work.
Does she even do scorn? All I ever see is her half-smirk monologues. She looks like she suffers Bell’s Palsy.
Smirks are her scorn.
Honestly, I wouldn’t know. I’ve seen the odd clip on Youtube or whatever, but never watched more than a few seconds.
I don’t want to seem like one of those smug, cord-cutting assholes, but…I don’t have cable and it makes me better than you, even if you don’t have cable either.
I saw that a little while back. If you read the comments, HM waded in for a bit. The author also claims he wrote two other previous articles about Glibs
Having just read through more of that than any sane person should. It was fun watching HM kick them in the crotch with rhetorical steel-toe boots.
I See Wood Chippers also had a good thread, but they are just too obtuse to even think about what he said. I particularly liked the part where he linked to official documentation about medicare costs to refute an argument and got back ‘I immediately found stuff supporting me!’ that didn’t link to said exonerating documents.
That guy always seems to be having a conversation with someone he just never lets speak. I guess it is just strawmanning, but it feels almost like a personal outrage than just cheap point-scoring.
I think the guy needs the STEVE SMITH treatment, SF. Hint, hint…
Page not found
Do I get bonus points for SFing the link?
Meh, SF happens…..
Just put “glibertarians” in the Bing search box. The website is #1, and this guy gets the next couple of slots.
Hmm, I’m getting a page not found screen.
Sounds like another imbecile who read a few comments on the site and then decided to just make a misguided general assumption about everyone here. Fucking maroon.
I vaguely remember this guy. I’m thinking he first came up on TOS, though I could be wrong. He’s one of those people who says they enjoy debate, but then refuse to actually listen to a damn thing anybody else says, makes assumptions about their positions (aka builds strawmen), and then constantly goes off on their own tangent. I imagine that IRL he’s a douche with a punchable face who enjoys the sound of his own voice.
Nobody needs
23 different deodorantsa lawyer.If it crosses your mind that you might need a lawyer…if you have to ask….you need a lawyer.
“You’ll tell me when I need one, right?”
“Why do you need a lawyer if you are innocent?”
“Nobody here wants to put you in jail. We just want to help you clear this up. Put it all on paper, you walk out of here in an hour or two. Why pay a lawyer for that? You know what they charge by the hour?”
Japanese prosecutors agree
– Carlos Ghosn
You’ll note this happened right after he allegedly took to Twitter…
And literally moments before he was to be interviewed by FoxBusiness.
Better audio from the traffic stop…. (NSFW for language)
Great job, CPRM. Though I have no successfully wasted 30 minutes watching youtube videos of people owning the cops.
Dirt bikers evading police is my favorite genre.
Great. Having done that in my mis-spent youth I am now going to waste more time.
Doesn’t sound misspent to me.
OT: (I guess it has been long enough)
My ranking of pale lagers
Zoigl>kellerbier>zwickl>pilsner>american rice beer>american rice beer light
Stop making words up.
I misspelled zwickel and american rice water.
Where does the American corn beer fit into that? 🙂
corn == rice
So you’re saying you like Miller High Life.
Airport. Drunk. Going to Pasadena.
Life is good.
CPRM is a true artist.
Pytorch > Tensorflow.
Fight me.
Further fight me material:
Taproot – Welcome is a top 20 album.
I *know* people will fight me on this. This is as bad as fry wars.
I am unleashed.
NB: To those who get annoyed at the OT titposts, I do it only with the greatest respect. And I’ll stop if it’s really a big deal.
I prefer Gift…and looking now at there discog I think I stopped at Blue Sky Research because they were getting too tame.
Gift is good too. Again and Again is one of my fav songs evah.
Welcome holds sentimental meaning to me.
One of those that transports you elsewhere as soon as you start listening.
OT of OT: CPRM – I know you’ve mentioned before that you are fairly devout (correct me and/or tell me to fuck off if I’m wrong); what’s stopped you from pulling the trigger on a Special Lady Friend/what’s your opinion on what any of this is for? Particles scatter in such a manner that a particular wavelength is transmitted in the sky. We perceive it as a pleasing shade of what we call blue. How is it different than a tasty steak, appreciation of a nice rack, an orgasm or religious ecstasy? Is G-d ubiquitous in all things? Is He the Father figure depicted in the Bible? Is He simply a set of rules that set things in motion and now we exist as a Newton’s cradle?
For instance: Track 10 is Thompson Pass, AK.
I’m more deistic in my ideas, but the ceremony (not pageantry) of church is something that can connect you to a feeling of something greater and to the past. I see the bible as parables, men grasp to understand the world around them. But as is often stated everything to be said has been said before. The rules handed down in the way of morality are things that are time tested and mostly even instinctual to a certain point. I’m not certain on the actual manifestation of God, but the when got to understanding the big bang, something created everything out of nothing, what ever that force is sound an awful lot like God. As to whether it a sentient force and the afterlife I don’t know but choose to believe because it brings comfort.
As to celibacy, like I said I find power in ceremony, and if the ceremony of marriage and what it is supposed to represent isn’t obeyed, then there is no reason to have it. I don’t get why people who already living together and having sex would want to get married, because then it’s just an empty gesture, a ceremony without any power.
As for my personal life, lets just say in my 20s once I told any woman I was getting close to that sex before marriage wasn’t in the picture, I was dropped pretty fast. Now it’s just been a while since I found anyone who I found interesting to even get into a relationship with. Very rare up here for a woman in my age range to not be married or an unwed mother. Single, unattached and interesting proves harder by the year.
“Single, unattached and interesting proves harder by the year”
Come on down here; we’ll find you someone. There are an ever-increasing number of progs, however we can find you a red-blooded American gal, possibly even a relocated Cheddarhead.
Beyond that, I think we’re on the same wavelength in most ways. One of the things I appreciate most about this place; it’s a true microcosm of the “civil society” that used to exist in most places. I haz sadz that it has to be virtual, but it’s better than nothing.
I think you underestimate the difference between living together and being married and how much saying a public vow in front of family, the state, and God changes a relationship in both a personal and interpersonal level. It’s a commitment to work through issues and stand by one another in a way that isn’t able to be expressed in many other ways. And it changes the relationship.
Fuck. I sort of did a half-ass job of Brooksing it.
@hatey
Ah, I must be thinking of someone else. You’re a good egg btw,enjoy your posts. Hope things keep going well in that arena.
Thanks Lack!
I didn’t realize I had a fan!
*Immediately becomes egotist, starts posting selfies on Instagram*
I don’t get why people who already living together and having sex would want to get married, because then it’s just an empty gesture, a ceremony without any power.
*nods vigorously*
Setting aside the religious aspects of marriage I believe based on my Christian beliefs, there just doesn’t seem much of a reason to go through the trouble* of marriage when all it means is going to divorce court instead of small claims court when you break up.
*maybe “pomp” or “ceremony” fits better than “trouble”, but I wanted to denote the effort required to get married and the near zero value of doing so when you’re already doing married people stuff.
Unless you also believe that G-d sees the difference between married sex and casual sex.
because then it’s just an empty gesture,
Marriage vows are not an empty gesture. If you see them as being empty, then by all means, do not get married.
Trashy, that’s right on.
Marriage vows are not an empty gesture.
They are if nothing changes.
“I promise to continue our relationship in its current status until one of us dies or I get so sick of you that I hire a lawyer” isnt a very convincing ceremony or commitment.
I’ll take a shot at explaining.
My wife and I got married as way to recognize we planned to be life-long partners and to have children together and create a family. Our morality around sexuality is certainly abnormal, but we wanted to do something to recognize that life-long commitment and intention to create a family. It wasn’t an empty gesture to us.
Which isn’t what anybody says, and which underlying cynicism isn’t somehow subverted by following the more traditional route, as evidenced by all of the religious people who get married then divorced or annulled.
I do acknowledge that most people should just lease a spouse — three-year contract with an option to renew.
something to recognize that life-long commitment and intention to create a family
Throttling down my cynicism, I think this is the most common answer for those not religiously inclined.
I think that part of my cynicism comes from watching enough marriages implode to generally not trust that commitment. The other part comes from the fact that when I set aside my religious convictions, I can’t think of why I’d ever want to enter into such a long and arduous contract. Granted, I didn’t really want kids when I was agnostic.
Most of my interactions with people who cohabit and later get married has given me the impression that it was (more often than not) an unthinking decision. Marriage is just the next step in the relationship, and you get married when you get bored of the cohabiting thing.
Anyway, enough putting my stereotypes and prejudices to paper for one day.
I’ve been married 43 years.
It was a civil marriage by a JP. No religion involved.
We exchanged promises. It was for us, between us.
Trashy: From the point of view of an atheist considering getting married: I think my experience is probably similar to what anyone experiences regardless of religious beliefs. This is a woman I care deeply about, more so than any other woman I’ve dated or lived with. When I think about her, I want to make our lives better, make us richer and happier, and take care of her.
It hasn’t been like that in other relationships.
So why marriage? Because it’s the gesture I can make that indicates this is something different, something special. I’ve said ‘I love you’ to every woman I’ve been with for a reasonable period of time. Marriage lets her know that I’m serious. That this isn’t adolescent stuff.
That said, marriage is a pretty raw deal for guys, and if you’re not religious you shouldn’t do it =P
@hate_speech I thought you just started going out with this lady?
Lack: I guess it depends on your perspective. We hit 2 years at the beginning of March. I’ve known her for like…13 I think? We’ve been really good friends for a long time.
I dated EF for 12 years before we got married; so I was in no rush.
I’m not a big religious guy – at all – but it nice for wills, family, and plenty of other things.
Single, unattached and interesting proves harder by the year.
I suggest you use my system.
How was fifty years not enough time?
Anyway, something had been bugging me about the timeline in my books. I’d never really set down numbers for a lot of things and left a vague impression, until I had something start with the golden jubilee of a character’s reign. That put a fifty year time frame between coronation and those events.
What needed to fit into that span was that the reigning character needed to get married, have three sons, adopt the bastard of his wife’s sister, have that bastard grow up, take a three year trip around the world, get married, have three sons (twins and a singleton) with the youngest being born twenty years to the day before the jubilee.
While writing one of the books about the trip around the world, I had mentally treated the first set of sons as being slightly spaced out in age, two or more years, and the bastard being younger than the lot of them. In order to fit within the time frame, the spacing between the children would have to be very short, as in one a year. It’s still feasible, but it means they’re no longer that separated in age, and the bastard is no older than around twenty or so when he sets out.
Most of the distress comes from the fact that my image of the character aged a lot while writing the book, and he felt closer to thirty at the end, though that was absurd, since the whole start of the piece has him closer to what the math would dictate.
Just have the Golden Jubilee be more than 50 years in their culture, unless you stated somewhere that it was 50.
It’s already been stated as fifty.
Then you should have planned ahead.
When’s your trip start?
My road trip starts the saturday before memorial day… May 25
Wer u go?
Circumnavigating the Great lakes, including visiting glibs in the upper midwest. Westernmost to Fargo, northernmost to somewhere in Soviet Canukistan.
I’m going to get him drunk on Fargo Brewing’s Woodchipper beer and then we’re going to take a picture of me feeding him into the actual woodchipper used in the movie. It’s going to be a pretty damned epic weekend, by Midwestern standards.
“It’s going to be a pretty damned epic weekend, by Midwestern standards.”
So… second only to Siberian standards then?
RIP UCS. You’re going to be Flatlanded.
When I’m the only one still commenting, you’ll know what happened.
“It’s going to be a pretty damned epic weekend, by Midwestern standards.”
cows will be tipped.
UCS, if you are driving from Duluth to Fargo I’m 1/2 way in between. There’s a comfortable cabin available, private, modern and free. You are welcome to use it. You wouldn’t even have to say hello. Same goes for other Glibs.
I’d be more liable to stop to say hello than to stop for any other reason.
That’ll work too, whatever fits your schedule
Well, it would mean Hermann would get married at 24, Dug at 23, Peter at 25, and only Prince Kord would be married younger, at 19. But at that point he’s the only member of his house and needs an heir – which would explain the rapid succession of children.
It also means that Bartel wouldn’t marry until he was 40, to the Dowager Queen of Neph, who was only 33 at the time. It still works out.
Soon I’ll have to actually name the Queen of Neph and her mother, the Dowager Queen of Neph.
Just make the story interesting. People will suspend their disbelief for almost anything as long as they’re compelled.
Running the numbers, it all works out. I just have to remember the brothers are closer in age to each other, and that Dug was basically college age when he sailed around the world.
I feel like I should have some say in this. 🙂
There is no connection between you and the Kingdom of Neph.
As far as you know.
Mike, if anyone crawled out of one of my books – we’re in deep shit.
Soon I’ll have to actually name the Queen of Neph and her mother, the Dowager Queen of Neph.
Depending on her role, I don’t think the Dowager Queen of Neph needs a name. If she’s supposed to be imposing and mysterious (such as a power behind the throne type) or even aloof, it would work better to have everyone refer to her by the title alone. People of entrenched power are often referred to solely by their title, excepting by those few they are close too.
By this point, Hermann has married her daughter, and battled corruption in the Kingdom for over two decades, while the Dowager Queen moved out, and is Queen of Zesrin, having wed the crown prince before the demise of Hengist III.
The easiest place to pick up a few years may be when the bastard was born/his age of the bastard when adopted. Has that already been established?
Well, going by dialog, he’s younger than Hermann. I don’t know if the relative ages of Dug and Peter are ever outright mentioned. (The three legitimate children of Prince Kord being Horst, Hermann, and Peter in that order)
Is their audio of the strip search?
Lots of grunting, flatulence and shame.
LOL in addition to Gillette sending me a free razor for turning 18 that I mentioned in the dead thread, I also got an invitation to join AARP. How about we split the difference and I can pretend to be 34 again.
Life comes at you fast?
Honestly, my misery peaked at about 29 and it’s been getting better ever since. I wouldn’t want to be 34 again. Then again, I wouldn’t want to be anything other than right now because now is now and is better than anything else.
AARP is horseshit though. So is Gillette.
People who say they wish they were still in their 20’s are completely full of shit. Sometimes they don’t realize how full of shit they are.
I’d only go back to slap the shit out of 20-something me.
and tell him: “WTF, dude, she was telling you to go to her bedroom. Why did you say no, Mr. Shy Guy?”
^^^ This x 1,000 ^^^
Idiot.
20sLH – “But other older me said not to get the fake rape allegation!”
There’s plenty of missed opportunities in my past, and a lot of narrowly missing out on some high levels of crazy (in several alternate timelines, I may have made the mistake of getting married). I would rather have convinced earlier me to set aside money and make some key investments, and set up a time paradox.
I would rather have convinced earlier me to set aside money and make some key investments, and set up a time paradox.
This.
I gotta set the scene for at least one derp moment:
I was 19, a newly arrived freshman in college. I went to a big house party filled with alternative people. One of girls, who lived there, was this very Swedish looking blonde. She starts talking to me, getting closer and closer with every word. It was pretty crowded so I assume she’s just getting closer to talk over the din.
We end up in the kitchen and by this time she is so close I’m practically leaning backwards over the stove. It takes me a bit to feel comfortable around complete strangers, so I’m feeling quite ill at ease by now. Personal space!
She says: “Do you want to go to my bedroom?”
Me: “No, that’s okay.” Thinking – I really like this girl, she’s so beautiful. But I don’t want to rush anything. Slow’ ‘n’ steady wins the race, champ!
So I go home feeling pretty happy having met a new girl.
I see her the next weekend at a local bar where live music was being played. I got the total cold shoulder, completely ignored when I went up to try to talk (more like shout over the music) to her.
::sigh::
Look on the bright side, you didn’t catch anything from her.
We all have that moment where old us pops out of the time machine and shouts “don’t ruin this for us, you fucking moron! Say yes!”
>>Look on the bright side, you didn’t catch anything from her.
Yeah found out later that she was a bit of a skeeze.
“Yeah found out later that she was a bit of a skeeze.”
What was your first hint? 😉
Drew was right.
“She has her hand on my knee, what does that mean?”
**smack**
This is why time machine’s should exist.
I don’t want to be in my 20s again, but I would love to see what’s going on in the parallel world where I moved to LA and got into the movie business. That world is probably having the World Premier of The Hat and The Hair: The Motion Picture right now. (I’m not vain enough to think that world is so different that Politics would be different or that I still wouldn’t have ended up lurking on this site and stolen SF’s idea.)
*fires up up trans dimensional imager*
Yes, that’s exactly what happened.
*hides image of CPRM huddled in LA storm drain with other homeless*
Video of the above
I wish I still had my 20 year old body. I could portage a canoe AND the food pack. My knees didn’t ache. My shoulders didn’t ache. I could run 5 miles of horse trails before work at 6:30 am. I thought I knew everything.
Well, there are some things I miss from 34 but yeah, a lot of things are better.
I see this a lot around here. I guess now is the time to ask, Why?
They’re a big Dem lobbying group. Not as big as the NEA, but still pretty big.
Ah, I didn’t know that. Well, I already tossed it. *pats self on back*
AARP piss me off so much I actually write to them and demanded to be removed from their mailing list.
Also… it is telling that they hit you up at 50. Who the hell retires at 50 except pubsec union workers?
Gun control and Obama care
50 isn’t so far away for me – but damn if I’m going to be joining AARP by then.
Think about those sweet discounts.
You don’t need to join AARP, just ask McDonalds for the cheap coffee.
I’m not going to Scotland for coffee.
oh, wait, you don’t have the first ‘a’ in there.
I’m not going to McD’s
Just go to ASAP, they’ll give you free coffee and the women are easy.
Fucking phone is like my 6 yo, I tell it, but it don’t listen. AA not asap.
Nice work as usual CPRM. Your creativity and wit belie your home state!
It was a great piece.
Well, then, I shall continue. They’re less intensive than the cartoons or articles, so I can get a lot more in the keep the Spice flowing (or Fondue) flowing.
Agreed – fun stuff.
You know who else was a great piece?
No. I got married young.
Same. I was hoping one of you knew.
Yes, yes I do. But a gentleman never has fucking amazing sex off an on with Wendy Olson* for a year and tells.
*names may have been changed to protect the innocent, but not-so-innoncent, IYKWIMAITYD
Yeah but as I discovered later, a lot of other guys thought so too.
Oh man, what a fascinating mail day. I also got notice that 75 dollars was knocked off my cable bill. Why, you ask?
Gee… I wonder where the other $112M is going??
Andy wants a new apartment in NYC.
I have a better idea. Charge me the same as you charge new customers, and don’t make me sign up for HBO and claim it’s a “better deal”. For starters.
Sorry, when I reference ‘Andy’ I’m making jabs at the governer. In this case, insinuating that he was siphoning off the $112m in some manner.
I do understand your complaints though.
Yep, I got it. I just wanted to vent.
But yeah, this is SOP for whichever the shakedown artist is currently occupying the AG slot.
I live in a small town and Charter is my only option for cable. I have to say overall I’ve been pretty pleased with their service. My internet speed is reasonably fast, no data caps, and they’ve bumped the speed several times over the years. They only jack up my bill a few bucks every year and in almost 20 years they’ve never pulled any shady shit with signing me up for services I didn’t ask for or anything like that. Had them come out for a repair service once, they found that some cheap-ass cables I’d used were causing signal interference and replaced them without charging me for a service call. Compared to the stories I hear about other providers in the area I’m pretty satisfied. I’m not sure whether that means they’re a good company or I’m just lucky to have a good local service team.
I’m ex-Time Warner. They have improved since the acquisition, I’ll admit that. My main gripe is the price. And the tactics they use to screw their long-time customers. Just give me a straight price without all the “package” bullshit that changes depending on how long you’ve been with them and on whatever the tea leaves say that morning.
My wife managed to lose the keys to the Tuscon, but somehow they are actually in the car, even though they aren’t in there. Seriously. I went through the entire car with a fine tooth comb. They aren’t in there. But yet, the car will start, which it absolutely should not without the keys in there. WTF hath this woman of mine wrought? Let this be a lesson for everyone. Do not buy your woman a car or they will lose the keys and then your copy of Windows 10. If they have their own money to buy a car, I would suggest you spend all of their money on motorcycles and guitars so that they still cannot buy a car. If they still manage to buy a car, I suggest you wreck it, especially if it’s a Tesla.
* moves away from Hyp before the kinetic strike from orbit *
Did you check under the thermostat?
I might if I knew where it is. Anyway, a guy at the car detaliers she takes it to just found the keys, somewhere under the backseat I guess. Fuck, I checked there, did not see them…
She had it in her prison wallet until it slipped out…
She has the one with a chain. How did you know?
OT: Saw your discussion in the Morning Links…
ET302 used the Cut-Out switches to stop MCAS
If this is indeed the case Boeing should have been able see this in a simulator.
Obviously this is a former drug courier’s car and you haven’t yet found the secret compartment.
“this is a former drug courier’s car”
It’s nice that they managed to either outfit it in the factory or on the show floor. They’re getting very innovative these days.
I found factory-made hidden compartments under the floormats in the back seat of my car.
I’m convinced this is going to cause no end of hassles when trying to get back in from Canadia. I’ll be arrested as a maple smuggler for sure.
You should put something non-contraband in their just for fun. Like a bad of powdered sugar.
It would be funnier if it were a bottle of maple syrup.
A lot of times my wife gets her luggage opened by TSA coming back from Brazil because she has a brick or two of powdered tapioca. Looks exactly like a brick of cocaine. I think they’re sure they just caught a smuggler, but of course the dogs just ignore it.
Wait until they start telling the dogs to alert.
That would be just crazy!
/John DeLorean
I had a rental car once with one of those keyless fob thingies, got the thing from the airport all the way to the office and found out that the fob wouldn’t lock the doors. Spent most of the week driving the car around making sure I never left my personal effects in it because I couldn’t lock it.
Near the end of the week I opened the center console and discovered that the ACTUAL fob for the car was in the console the entire time. The one they handed to me at the rental office was for a different car.
Anyone could have driven off with the rental car at any time and I’d have had no idea how they did it.
OK, that’s funny.
I confess that I previewed this on YouTube a couple days ago (god help me, I follow your channel). Voted a “like” but if that’s embarrassing to you, I won’t do that again.
You’ll downvote them instead?
I aim to please.
Now that I know it’s like round these parts I’ll post them like I do the cartoons where they aren’t public until the day the article goes up. Giving glibs some exclusivity!
*suspicious stare*
Is that going to cost extra?
Starts figuring: “nuthin… carry the nuthin…”
I’m cutting her off.
“The internet documents everything. You know, you want to look about, you want to talk about looking at the back of history, looking backwards, you look back and you open history books on the civil rights movement, and you see those folks who are protesting against the ability for African Americans and black Americans to have the right to vote, and they would hold up these bigoted signs, and they would hold up signs that said things like ‘what about white rights,’ and all of this stuff, in the 1950s, 1960s. So just know that in the present day there a lot of people who hide the fact that their families and their grandparents fought against the principles of equal rights in the United States. Not 100 years ago, not 80 years ago, but in this generation’s lifetime. So just know that while a lot of people can hide what their grandparents did that in the civil rights movement, you should also know that the internet documents everything. And your grandchildren will not be able to hide the fact that you fought against acknowledging and taking bold action against climate change.”
At least my drunken rants are coherent.
“your grandchildren will not be able to hide the fact that you fought against acknowledging and taking bold action against climate change”
Oh, I realize that. I just hope I live long enough to enjoy seeing “climate change” generate the same chuckles as things like “duck and cover.”
Duck and Cover helps against beta and alpha particles.
Which also get stopped if the classroom windows are closed.
Nor should they. In fact, I think they will be proud of Granpa Dean, a stalwart dissident and “denier” of a millenial cult that would have doomed billions to poverty and misery, and millions to death.
If anyone asks “what did your people do in the Climate Meme Wars”, they will be able to hold their heads high and say “Granpa Dean joined the Deniers early, snarked constantly even through the darkest days of the Obama administration, and never backed up an inch when the Climate Commies were screeching their loudest. He was right, he knew it, and now everyone knows it. He knew that climate change was a hoax, perpetrated by sociopaths, in a desperate attempt to parlay millenarian fears into global power. Thank God he and others kept the torch of rationality and skepticism alive.”
Maybe it’s just a compare / contrast of pictures of young AOC that pop up a lot, but she looks like she’s already aging badly, and she’s not even 30.
Hate and Envy eat away at a person, body and soul. Not sure how much hate she has, but she’s chock full of envy.
Well, and I know from experience that bartenders do some pretty hard living.
She’s really the best Justice Democrat’s could find?
Yes, the internet documents everything. You fucking grifters will be shamed by history and you wont be able to hide it. Your grandchildren will be the ones disowning you.
Stupid fuckers. You didn’t learn anything from the Russia collusion hoax?
*facepalm*
Except they have no shame.
So just know that while a lot of people can hide what their grandparents did that in the civil rights movement, you should also know that the internet documents everything. And your grandchildren will not be able to hide the fact that you fought against acknowledging and taking bold action against climate change.
Yes, the internet does document everything. Like how in the early days of the “global warming” panic there were all sorts of predictions made that have proven false. Kind of like your “we only have 12 years left” claim.
Is there some sort of conspiracy that all European lager is 5% ABV? Seriously, I just checked Heineken, Stella, and Grolsch. All 5% ABV. Damn commies in Europe, I’m sure.
I blame the EU. You don’t get that uniform a distribution without someone threatening the bottom line.
Well, this is a lager from Europe, and it’s not 5%.
Knew before I clicked.
Euro lagers of the type you mentioned are slightly above American rice water in my chart up above. But they are basically the alt-malt version of the same thing.
Oh, I left Helles out of my chart, I knew I missed something. Put it below Zwickel but above Pilsner.
Sentence 2 was a reply to Hyperion.
“Euro lagers of the type you mentioned are slightly above American rice water in my chart up above.”
Well, to each their own. But to my palate, Euro style lagers that I mentioned are far superior to any American lagers, and I mean all of them.
I only put German/Czech style lagers above them, so they have that going for them.
And 3 of the 5 styles are pretty obscure.
Oh man, Grolsch. I very rarely drink beer, but I could absolutely go for a Grolsch right now. Do they still come in the cool flip-top bottles?
A much better beer in the same bottle.
https://cdn11.bigcommerce.com/s-e6b77/images/stencil/1280×1280/products/24666/24657/uerige-sticke-altbier__58050.1533129573.jpg?c=2
I learned at my grocery store that german beer comes in green bottles. I don’t know what that brown bottle thing is but I don’t trust it, no sir.
Also Dutch beer. Same thing.
There is a reason Heineken in the mini-keg cans tastes better than the bottles.
100% disagree. The bottles are far better, it’s my favorite beer. Next fav is Stella, then probably Czechvar. Stella is the best beer in cans and also on tap. I just don’t like Heineken as well except for the bottles.
There is no good Dutch beer. If it is a good beer in the NL – it was brought in from Flanders or Luxembourg or Germany.
Brown bottles prevent skunking. Green bottles…not so much, but still better than clear bottles.
Miller puts their beers in clear bottles because they use a hop-based product that is immune to skunking.
Corona, on the other hand, needs the lime if you are going to drink it in the sun.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZuHmglowJA
The payoff is just after the 6 minute mark.
I had someone judging one of my sour ales a few weeks ago. He took a taste and said “oh that’s skunked”. This was after he said it smelled great.
I then pointed out that there wasn’t any hops in it at all, so how could it be skunked. He replied that “light-struck” is a problem of other things in beer too.
Does this make sense?
I served the beer to two dozen other people, and no one else complained it was skunked.
kinnath,
Not to my knowledge. Oxidation is a possibility, but that’s a different flaw entirely. I’m guessing it was just a not-so good judge.
/remembers a blank score sheet
Supposedly a pro brewer who looked totally confused when I told him I blended a 1 1/2 yo sour ale with a young sweet ale and finished it with raspberries. He responded in a confused way ” you mean like lambic?”
He did give an elderberry flanders red beer a perfect score.
Your science is fine sir, right up to the point where it interferes with my brand signaling. If I buy brown bottles my redneck neighbors might think I’m drinking Michelob.
This is why you should always pour beer into a glass.
“Brown bottles prevent skunking.”
There’s no such thing as skunking in today’s beer. It just does not sit on the shelves long enough. It’s an urban legend and a myth.
Light struck beer is absolutely a thing.
“Do they still come in the cool flip-top bottles?”
They do. But I just bought a six in the regular 12oz bottles.
Conor McGregor’s despicable tweet about Khabib Nurmagomedov’s wife should be condemned by UFC
I thought it was pretty damn funny myself.
I thought it was funny.
Confirmed. Funny.
I would have added “wanna get high?” but it works as is.
The correct response from the other fighter would be “No! You’re a towel!”
Well, she does appear to have a towel over her head.
O.k. I’ve missed that Glib meme. What does “You’re a towel” mean in Glib speak.
Also
I never understood the “fried chicken” one either.
“You’re a towel” is from South Park. It’s a reference to the worst character ever. Towlie, who does nothing but get high and remind people to bring a towel along. Any time someone questions him, his response is “You’re a towel!”.
Thanks guys. Never watched South Park.
Here you go, Doc!
Even better.
I vaguely remember someone listing the best things in life and someone glibly added
…and fried chicken…
Everyone agreed that from then on when anyone talked about something good ‘and fried chicken’ should be added.
I dont remember if that was here or TOS.
I laughed hard.
ROFL!
OT: Buzzfeed is awesome now.
LOL
“Journalists”
The mayor added in his tweet: “To the union: This city stands with you. To the management: Come. To. The. Table.”
To the Mayor: Don’t you have a city in crisis to loot for yourself and your cronies? Maybe focus on that.
He’s too busy play-running for president (again).
In a slow year he wouldn’t have a chance. With how many Ds are running this time, he’ll be lucky to make the third tier debate held on Friday at 5:00PM.
The fact that buzzfeed is attempting to unionize and the management is ignoring them is beyond hilarious.
The “union’s” twitter account posted a picture this week with a bunch of frowny “that’s not funny” millenial hipsters sitting on one side of a negotiating table with their union stickers covering their Apple gear and it was easily the funniest thing I’ve seen all week.
The thing about being a talent-less hack, is that you are easily replaced. Sounds like these idiots need a correction in their views of themselves. I say bring in the cheap Mexican labor. Readership will likely improve.
+1 Consuela Lacarina
That’s why we have Mexy do the beer reviews, right?
To the mayor: go fuck yourself.
Ok, trying to catch up.
Re the marriage discussion above: I dont care what God thinks. He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself. I dont care what society thinks, it will keep humming along just fine whether I am here or not. I gave my word to my wife. She has kept hers and I have kept mine for 20…something…years and I will continue to keep it until I die. I gave my word. She can count on that like the sun rising.
What if she loses the keyfob in the Tucson?
Give me a bit. I will have to think about that.
I gave my word to my wife.
This is what I was trying to get to.
I don’t think it’s gonna work with Suthen’s wife, man.
Yes, that is how it changes a relationship.
In which some ender studies zilch pretends to harass someone who works for a living.
gender not ender
Aw, she protected her account. Scroll down a few posts for the screenshot.
Hahahahaha. I saw this on twitter just a few hours ago and her account was still open then. She’s real tough, just not tough enough to handle twitter backlash.
Also, everyone on my construction crew would be required to identify as male during their shift, except when on break or taking their turn in the glory hole.
A good example of the people who seek to influence public policy and have never been outside the academic environment.
It’s sort of like all the progs who will tell you how great everything is in Europe, but have never traveled outside the county they were born in.
Every time I see that name, I read it as Titty Ania. And I’m somehow just sure this is someone who I do not want to see hers.
It’s a parody account. I have no idea who the person actually is but everything she says is tongue-in-cheek. It’s all sarcasm and parody.
And yes, the titty part is deliberate.
They revealed who it was not too long ago – some British dude whose name I forget. I doubt Hyperion wants to see his tits.
That is probably a pretty good bet
It’s a fairly popular troll account if you didn’t already know.
And a pretty good one.
Yeah, it’s Poe’s Law level of parody. Really well done.