ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. FRIEND STEVE SMITH AND ZARDOZ HAVE DECIDED TO SHARE THE POST TONIGHT. THE TABERNACLE HAD COGITATED UPON THIS, AND DECIDED THAT A VARIETY OF ADVICE AND LINKS WAS GOOD. MIND YOU, THE GUN IS ALSO GOOD, AND THE PENIS IS EVIL. LET US NOT FORGET OUR BASICS, CHOSEN ONES! ZARDOZ WILL DISPENSE OF THE BRUTAL DEAR ABBY…AS ALWAYS. THEREFOR, RECEIVE THE GIFTS OF ADVICE AND LINKS. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!

Q. My friends and family constantly ask me when I plan to get a new phone. I have a slide phone. I used to have a flip phone, which also drew the same questions. I am not a phone person. I have a land line at home with answering/messaging in place.

I am sick of the questions about my phone. I don’t want a smartphone. I have my little phone for emergencies, not so everyone I know can reach me immediately. I wouldn’t dream of asking people when they are going to get a better TV, newer shoes, a more expensive car, a bigger house, a more expensive handbag. Why is it that people feel the need to shame me about my phone?

It is to the point now that I may turn it off and turn it on only when I want to use it. It is becoming difficult for me to remain civil about this subject. I envision myself throwing it in the trash can next time someone asks. — LIKE THE OLD DAYS

A. ZARDOZ FEELS YOUR PAIN, BRUTAL. THE COMMUNICATIONS STRUGGLE IS REAL. JUST THE OTHER DAY, ZED WAS REGISTERING HIS COMPLAINT THAT HE STILL HAS AN OLD “RING COMMUNICATOR”.

“Tabernacle, may I get an upgrade?”

CANNOT THE SERVANTS OF THE VORTEX BE SATISFIED WITH BEING ABLE TO SPEAK WITH THE REPOSITORY OF ALL HUMAN KNOWLEDGE? NO, THEY WISH TO AMUSE THEMSELVES WITH “CANDY CRUSH” OR SUCH THINGS. THE SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM IS SIMPLE. NEXT TIME A BRUTAL ASKS ABOUT YOUR “PHONE” – GIVE IT TO THEM TO EXAMINE, AND CLEANSE THEM.

“You should try an iPhone.”

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

AND NOW, THE GIFT OF THE LINK!

 

ZARDOZ IS DISPLEASED. THIS SHOULD HAVE GONE TO THE VORTEX. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TRADE WAR (AS DISAPPOINTING AS THE LACK OF CLEANSING IN A SUPPOSED “WAR” HAS BEEN)?

ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

 

STEVE SMITH GLAD IT CAMPING SEASON!

STEVE SMITH HAPPY SHARE POST WITH FRIEND ZARDOZ. HIM GIVE GOOD ADVICE. STEVE SMITH WANT GIVE ADVICE TOO! HIM LOOK AT SILLY “DEAR PRUDENCE“. HIM GIVE BETTER ADVICE. SO HERE ADVICE. FROM STEVE SMITH.

Q. When my wife and I first got together over four years ago, one of the things that we bonded over was our mutual enjoyment of pot. We were daily smokers, and I always thought of this shared interest as being a foundational part of our relationship. She began having some mental health issues and decided to stop smoking altogether. I had no interest in stopping, so I continued, but would just do it in the backyard at the end of the day. She was fine with this. When we started talking about having kids, she told me she did not think that pot had a place in the parenting of young children and that she would like me to cut back significantly when we became parents. Her ideal was none at all, but she agreed that it could be more like drinking alcohol—occasionally, not to excess, and not around the kids when they’re very small.

Now my wife is pregnant, and she wants me to quit smoking pot yesterday. She constantly brings up that I agreed to stop smoking when we became parents and that I’d better start cutting back now that she’s pregnant so that I won’t have to go cold turkey once the baby is born. I still don’t want to quit. It enriches my life, it makes me more even-keeled and laid-back (I used to be quite anxious and prone to anger before I started smoking), and I don’t see how these qualities could be bad for raising a child. I wouldn’t ever smoke around the kid, but she’s acting like taking pot every day is equivalent to parenting as an active alcoholic. I just don’t see it this way. Can I parent while also smoking pot? —Pregnant Minus Pot

A. STEVE SMITH WORRIED. HIM WORRIED THAT HOOMAN WHO “I always thought of this shared interest as being a foundational part of our relationship” NOW GOING HAVE KID. SHE CRAZY, YOU NOT SMART. ONLY ANSWER – STEVE SMITH ADOPT KID.

DON’T BABY LOOK HAPPY!

YOU GO BACK AND HAVE ALL MJ WANT. MAYBE WIFE GET HELP AND NOT BE CRAZY? IT ALL FOR THE BEST. STEVE SMITH AND STEVE JR. COME VISIT WHEN HIM OLDER.

AND NOW STEVE SMITH GIVE LINK!

HIM LOOK LIKE HIM THINK STILL ON JOB!

FREE CASCADIA!