That was quite a week on Glibs. Looks like our cryptids have things sorted out…for now. You never know what they are going to get themselves into next. I wanted to second OMWC’s thanks to all of you. I know you are often on the end of the narrowed gazes, and occasional chiding from me – but lots of you have been very nice, and have even tried to help with what you can. Good on ya.
With that all said, here is our preview of the week to come.
Monday – Animal tells us of another shitlord. Later, Tulip asks a question.
Tuesday – Leon does his own look into the Future. That Mexican Sharpshooter feller has a few questions for us.
Wednesday – Begin to focus your chi….for it appears that you will need all your strength to survive a SugarFree TWO POST DAY!!!Ā MUHUHUHUWAHA!
Thursday – TBD for the morning. Later on, blackjack goes to the park.
Friday – You get to hear What We Are Reading. Someone in the cryptid rotation will pop in.
Weekend – OMWC, Not Adahn, Mexican Sharpshooter and a cast of thousands! OK, not thousands. But you will be entertained and informed!
I would also like to thank our contributors – you make this site more than it would be otherwise. I would encourage the rest of you to follow their good example!
The comments section is open. Have at it.
Comments
418 responses to “Things to Come – Week of July 22”
Comment anarchy!
http://archive.li/f6YLM
#27. Dirndl.
Middle of 18; future ex-Mrs. Q.
#27 was wearing something dirndel-ish, a direct connection to the Gliberteratti!
26. 22 will rip your dick off with her teeth, spit it in your face and laugh, as she turns and walks away while you’re writhing in pain on the ground.
Kinda like the movie “the Package?”
Only with the painful infection that comes from a human bite.
Ah, the Caine-Hackman theory still at work.
At least she saves you attorney’s fees and several years of your life.
#81
#29 has modified the factory standard equipment above and below the waist.
First?
Damnit!
Well, it’s still kinda funny.
Iād also like to give a shout out to Swiss, Banjos, Brett L, Spud, OMWC (and the pinch hitters) who take on link duty day in and day out.
+9000
+1 more than Count
Infinity + 1 more than MikeS
Plus, thank you. This site is a somewhat underappreciated blessing to us. Thanks to all of you.
SP is the glue that holds us all together.
Dang it…forgot the weekday linkers!
Ask for an edit fairy!
But when you ask, you get the scary ones.
shhhh!
Not the Edit Fairy you want, but the Edit Fairy you deserve.
No worries, Swiss. I took it personal.
Yeah, I could never so a link post without simple copying from someone else — a good links post relies on being ahead of the curve. Which I ain’t.
Later, Tulip asks a question.
A. FINISH HIM!
Phrasing?
pics or it never happened
Bernie Sanders campaign announces it will cut hours to pay staffers $15 minimum wage, prompting mockery
And people will still follow him off a cliff…
Having salaried campaign workers only works when you can crank up their hours to get a discount.
In droves
Begin to focus your chiā¦.for it appears that you will need all your strength to survive a SugarFree TWO POST DAY!!! MUHUHUHUWAHA!
So, it will be a good day?
“It is a good day to die!”
2 nice hand-trimmed ribeyes, and both weather.gov and the local news said “rain after 8 pm”.
Know how to make it rain at 6 o’clock? Let me light the grill…
You ain’t made of sugar, get your ass out there and grill man!
The Native Americans were able to cook over fire in the rain, and they couldn’t even invent the goddamned wheel!
Oh, it got done. Mine seared on either side and rare to the point it could still be grazing. Jugsy’s……*ugh*……WELL.
Paula Deen creamed spinach, and (for her) mac y queso.
So spinach in butter?
* Spinach in butter with racism.
You need the racism for complexity in the dish.
You can’t taste racism.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFg-DV3-kFU&app=desktop
“The Native Americans were able to cook over fire in the rain, and they couldnāt even invent the goddamned wheel!”
They invented the wheel, you racist, there just wasn’t anything to do with it because there weren’t any roadz.
I actually did read in that book 1491 that there is evidence of Native Americans inventing wheels, but it was only used on children’s pull-toys.
Look at you and your weather privilege. Still 95 here. I wouldn’t light a grill even if I had one.
Did I ever mention how much I love my house built with modern materials and techniques? A/C isn’t running, 72 inside.
Did I ever tell you to GFY?
Shit, I need a Snickers.
Seriously though, something amazing happened around the turn of the century and everything built since then is just utterly better insulated than before. My parents had a house built in Houston in 1991 and another built in 2005 and there is just no comparison between the two.
My place was built in 1955 – and not the cool “mid-century” 1955 either. It’s like the worst of all worlds – design, construction, etc.
My guess is 2×6 framing for exterior walls became the norm and spray foam insulation, also and most importantly many municipalities adopted international building codes for energy conservation, top men for the win!!
First: I am sincerely glad you chimed in here.
Second: Do you think that it was a code that made the changes happen, or would the market have supported the changes? I know that there will always be a place for the cheapest house possible, but I also remember a thriving market for post-build radiant barrier installations. My parent’s second TX house had one during the initial build. I don’t now if it was mandated by code or an option they could buy (like I opted for the HRV system on my house).
I too trust the government to keep me warm.
Fauxbertarian alert!!!
Its a weaselly answer but.. A little of both, technology and market demand would have increased efficiency eventually, the government forcing it on us probably sped it up, but at what cost? did fewer people build/renovate because of the added costs, do people just build to the code instead of really looking at a cost benefit analysis that may have them building beyond the code? it’s probably a different result for every area/home owner/builder. It’s a toss up, but as a true libertarian I say let the market decide even if the codes would have been 100% effective.
Just from my perspective:
The reason I had a house built is because I was so impressed by my parent’s “new” one. Especially in comparison to the existing housing stock here. My little rental P.O.S. was spending more in utilities than my parents were — and they lived in goddamned Houston.
Now, architecturally, my house is primitive compared to my folk’s but it works for me (if not optimally). And of course it’s triple what they paid in $/sqft. But honestly, I didn’t really consider any old housing stock. ESPECIALLY after I lost a few grand in leather goods from mold which is apparently a known issue with living up here.
Inspecting my few remaining pieces indicates that my current insulation levels removes the offending spores.
Check out these two regulation loving rubes.
I am the One Troo, and I am here to speak the libertarian (small l) Trooth!
Follow me children, to the land of the free.
Wait, wait, wait…………..Is that THE Crusty Juggler I see posting?
What the hell, guys?!? When did he show up?
When did you show up, CJ? How da hell you doin’??
Best ad slogan EVAR! Wish they would go with that.
/getting sick of the “Sorry”/”Not Sorry” candy commercials.
We just finished our heat wave. Low 80s this week.
96 here. And we’re headed to 100 for the next couple of days. There’s no way I’m NOT going to be grilling, so I don’t have to heat up the kitchen.
Inside, it’s currently a very habitable 75.
Our middle floor is at 73, and the top and bottom are a bit cooler.
The ac has been working overtime today to keep up. It should hit its goal of 71 shortly, with the sun setting.
Amen to that. I try to do all my cooking outside in the summer. I think we hit 102 today and I was smoking and grilling all afternoon. I don’t run AC and the house gets way to hot if I cook inside.
Low humidity privilege š
Currently 15%. Three days in South Carolina in June swore me off the south.
low 90s in the Valley, but it cools off at night. It’s probably chilly at the airport.
75 with a guarentee of hot beefcake sausage, if you know what I mean.
You’re going to get pegged by a 75 year old?
I don’t have that kind of money.
72F; 34% here. just sayin’
No meth gator articles ??
?
Did it fall out of the gator’s ass after it got shot in the nuts?
….while being thrown through a drive thru window at a Jack-in-the-Box.
That’s an article someone should post.
For All Mankind is an excellent movie. Brian Eno’s music is just perfect for the visuals.
This is the first time this phrase has ever been uttered.
I felt strange writing it but it passed.
Well, the first time it has been uttered outside of an 80s-era bathhouse.
(because it’s gay and probably has AIDS).
For All Mankind is an excellent movie
As a Certified Geek ™ I totally agree. Saw it again last week in the run-up to the 50th. Splendid.
I have never been big on grilling sauces and have always just been a naked rubbed meat sort of guy but I did some marinated chicken thighs last week which I thought needed some saucing up. I didn’t have sauce of any sort so mixed ketchup, Zatarans liquid crab boil, and honey for a sauce. It is tasty stuff. (H/T Suthen for the crab boil which I assume he puts on his oatmeal)
Do they even have oatmeal in LA, or do they have some sort of rice cereal thing?
Rice grits?
The Chinese equivalent of oatmeal is congee. Fun fact: Nobody likes congee. When my workplace had congee available, all the Chinese expats bought oatmeal instead.
And then they discovered tater tots and corned beef hash and decided America was the best country in the world.
My Chinese ex made congee all the time. For himself.
The fact that he’s your ex proves he’s defective.
Or, that he got visa’ed out and had to return to Malaysia.
Malaysia Chinese are hot, at least the women are.
Huh.
I’m on better terms than I would like to be with a Han Malaysian.
Still, the fact that he let a mere federal government send him back away from you proves he’s defective.
“My Chinese ex made congee all the time. For himself.”
Because he was selfish, or because you didn’t want any?
The latter. The former would not be his nature at all.
Congee and Chinese fried bread on a cold, wet winter’s day is an awesome lunch.
I like congee. I should make it again. I haven’t done that in a while.
Did you say nice tits?
I think he said Lice Grits. Very high in protein.
Naked rubbed meat… I’ll leave that for someone else to make a wise ass remark.
Ya, I saw that after I typed it but decided to go with first draft and just let it ride.
a naked rubbed meat sort of guy
I like to wear a hat, keeps the entire thing a little more formal.
A baseball cap isn’t really a hat.
What about a sombrero?
Totally a hat. Don’t believe me? Go poke fun at the headgear of a mariachi playing the bajo sexto and let us know how things work out.
An urban sombrero?
I have a homburg for special occasions.
Classy. Also Nazi.
I was thinking a fedora. Worn at a jaunty angle.
https://ci.memecdn.com/10570402.jpg
Try some with any vegetable, say green beans and potatoes with a little bacon (by a little I mean a lot) and just a quarter to half of a cap of the liquid boil. I think you will be pleased.
Try any vegetable?
And here I was expecting a Karen Quinlan joke. Or at least a James Brady.
I will try it. I always have it on hand now.
Wait, I thought this subthread was about naked meat and hats.
You don’t cook naked?
Grease splatters.
No.
Not without an apron. I was just fascinated by the variety of hats the Glibertariat prefers with working their meat.
I was wearing one of these today. Much shade and waterproof so good for the pool.
Nice. Perfect hat for working your naked meat outdoors.
I wasn’t working my meat, but I was pulling my trigger.
Iām thinking chicken breast, sautĆ©ed in butter, finished with a squeeze of fresh lemon, chopped parsley, chopped olives. Spinach salad with red onion, green onion, artichoke hearts, feta cheese, red wine vinaigrette. Jim Beam on ice with a little splash of Perrier for fizziness.
I’ve resigned myself to now needing one of these:
https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B01LWPCA7E
That smoked Manhattan was a revelation.
The fact that smoked and fermented (rotted) foods are so delicious is proof enough to me that humans are evolved from a scavenger species.
Likely true. Pre-tool sapiens had little other source of protein.
Nothing to see here, carrion.
I’d argue, but I don’t want to be accused of being a sour Kraut.
something something Pak’ma’rah
You guys took all the good ones and left me in a pickle.
You can find one a lot cheaper and just use a mixing bowl as a cover.
Ooh, I bet you could make smoked olives with that
And cheeses and nuts and …
You’ve tempted me…I just ordered this
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07MJ6SHH5/ref=ox_sc_act_image_1?smid=A2A2Z8PW0FEWVI&psc=1
That…..doesn’t really look like it’s used for food.
Also, I’d need more melty cheese on the chicken too. Though I ? cheese.
What’s he bringing?
(’cause that’s gay? get it? gay. It’s gay.)
G-d is ejaculating all over my house.
AKA: massive hailstorm.
G-d is ejaculating all over my house.
Hawt.
Be careful, Godsperm is potent enough to get rocks pregnant.
Is that where geodes come from?
*golf clap*
Your neck of the woods gets some gawd awful hailstorms. I got caught in one years ago in the springs. Every car that could not get under protection had a shattered windshield.
I have been in three massive hailstorms, all them in Los Alamos NM.
About 1957 there was a hailstorm with tennis ball-sized stones. I remember the local paper next edition showing a convertible auto with the roof shredded.
Around 1993 there was one, not quite as bad, that shattered skylights and hammered cars. This one had golf ball-sized stones.
The last one was only a few years later and was very similar. The auto body guys set up tents to take on all of the customers.
Wait so Jesus may have been the result of a screw up during a hailstorm?
Nah, Mary was hit by a bus…
Taking corners, fast and scary, I got a plastic virgin Mary, riding on the dashboard of my car….
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murchison_meteorite
Amino acids from outer space.
Sunday Evening Derp Round-up
Thom Hartmann: What Do Democrats Really Want?
***
If Democrats try to run on Friedman’s “moderate” platform, a continuation of Friedman’s “free trade” Clintonism that took over the Party in 1992 and rejected FDR, we’ll get the result we deserve: 4 more years of Trump and his corporatist buddies.
***
The Atlantic: They Tried to Start a Church Without God. For a While It Worked.
***
Secular organizers started their own congregations. But to succeed, they need to do a better job of imitating religion.
…
Beneath the surface were other rifts. Even within the community of nonbelievers were different groups with different priorities: Some ardent atheists wanted to rail against religion, for example, or have heated debates. But at Sunday Assembly, the point wasnāt to put down faith or even to celebrate being faithless, per seāthe point of being there was being there, together.
***
[hysterical Cartman laughter]
Jacobin: Even Nice, āGenerousā Rich People Are Not Your Friends
***
The greatest improvements in the lives of poor and working people throughout history have been won by mass movements from below. After decades of capitalist assault on labor unions, regulations, and public goods, the last thing we should do is look to elites as our benefactors.
Bernie Sanders is right. We need to build a mass movement powerful enough to take on the millionaires and billionaires, so we can take control of socially created wealth and subject it to public, democratic control. Then we can start to solve the problems that the rich canāt.
…
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Nick French is a PhD candidate in philosophy at the University of CaliforniaāBerkeley and a member of the East Bay Democratic Socialists of America.
***
Think Progress: The most important thing you can do right now to fight climate change, according to science
It is “massively important” we all start talking about climate change, a Yale researcher explains.
***
Americans rarely talk about climate change with family and friends.
Tragically, research shows that this climate silence reinforces the dangerously wrong belief that climate change isnāt an existential threat requiring urgent action.
But a major new study led by Yale researchers finds that just discussing the issue with friends and family leads them to learn more facts about the climate crisis, which in turn leads to greater understanding and concern about the issue.
***
[Kif sigh]
Not that it’s any of my business:
How are you doing? How’s the career in the U.S.A.?
I will answer your question in the form of song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2zjg78ay4I
Spoken like a young man.
Ecclesiastes 11:9
Young people, itās wonderful to be young! Enjoy every minute of it. Do everything you want to do; take it all in. But remember that you must give an account to God for everything you do.
Woo! … Hey. ?
Ezekiel 23:20
Yeah, I know there’s crazy stuff in the Bible. I was raised Mormon and now I’m non-religious.
I like to say I went from a Latter-Day Saint to a Latter-Day Ain’t.
Just the same, there are things in it I like. It’s the same reason I quote from The Princess Bride and keep certain fortune cookie messages on my desk.
My all-time favorite Bible quote:
***
Psalm 18:37
I pursue my enemies and I catch them.
I do not stop until I destroy them.
***
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Cwi0pkhoSE
“Hey, just what you see here, sinner.”
There are only three types of people who are afraid to die:
1) People who believe that Hell exists and they will go there
2) People that believe their loved ones will suffer with them gone
3) People who are particularly attached to their conscious existence.
Young ‘uns typically fall into all of those, but particularly 3.
“It’s not the dead part, it’s the dying part.”
Yup, young man for sure.
Young men.
Huh. Apparently he/they are going to be in town this week.
Bonamassa? Go see him, He kicks ass. I’d rather see Jonny lang, but Joe kicks ass too.
According. To. Science.
Maybe it reads better with clap emojis.
Americans rarely talk about climate change with family and friends
My response to dire warnings is that if AGW is an undeniable fact then we have two choices: we nuke China and India or we nuke China and India.
Those two countries produce 2/3rds of all greenhouse gases. The US is a far distant third. So we can either sell them nuclear power plants which produce no greenhouse gases or we nuclear-annihilate them, bomb them back to the Stone Age so that they have no industrial capacity. Folks in the US who demand wind/solar and drive electric cars are chipping away at the 1% level.
What about pollution from all the cooking fires in Africa and South America? Do we have enough nukes to annihilate them too?
Obviously option #1 is superior to option #2.
I was trying to emphasize the the efforts made by the greenies in the US are microscopic if they really, truly, want to reduce GHG. Oh, yeah, driving a Prius is saving the world. Like 0.00001% of saving the world.
“Global warming! Global warming! Doom!”
I usually respond with “Someone forgot to tell the thermometers. Now go look out of the window and tell me what you see.”
Global warming alarmism isn’t about climate or the earth at all of course. It is about money and power. Control.
What I see is mostly a convenient excuse to religiously vote Democrat even if they run absolutely horrible candidates. None of my “progressive” friends or family actually defended Hillary; they usually fell back on “she’s good on climate change though, and saving the planet is more important than anything else.”
It’s a genius strategy, really. Make up stories about the impending apocalypse, and you can justify voting for an absolute totalitarian.
The only solution is to send a group of perfect people to a space station and then use a nerve agent to cleanse the planet of the human infestation.
Ive been at McCarran in Las Vegas since noon. Plane broke; glad they found it on the ground. Alaska Airlines were excellent handling 140 passengers trying to get where they wanted to go.
I almost gathered a caravan to rent a bus and just party on up to Seattle but they wussed out.
Broken planes are usually found on the ground.
(That said, have you bought a lotto ticket?)
It’s harder to find the broken planes in the water.
“āIām Not like That, So Am I Gay?ā The Use of Queer-Spectrum Identity Labels Among Minor-Attracted People
Largely based on an erroneous belief that individuals who are preferentially attracted to minors are necessarily sex offenders, queer communities have distanced themselves from this population over the past several decades. There are now those who object to the use of labels such as āgayā and āqueerā by minor-attracted people (MAPs), raising the question, āto whom do queer-spectrum identity labels belong?ā I engage with this question using data from my research with 42 MAPs, exploring their uses of queer-spectrum identity labels and the conflicts they have encountered regarding their use of these terms. I then discuss the potential consequences of accepting the use of these labels by MAPs.”
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00918369.2019.1613856
https://twitter.com/RealPeerReview/status/1152960313697951744
Way to totally disprove the whole “slippery slope is fallacy” argument.
Most pedos are straight. Some are gay. It’s not rocket science, folks.
Fact: most pedos have a connection to a pizza parlor.
That poor bastard. I can’t imagine that his life of luxury is a happy one.
Wait, what?
THE Crusty Juggler?
The Champ is here. Come for the title if you dare.
Yeah, isn’t that terrific? /no sarc
/no sarc
Hey (((you))), instead of posting lame sarcasm that won’t affect me, why don’t (((you))) speak to (((your))) people about this weather? This morning I spent 45 minutes fanning an old woman’s snizz just so she could eat pudding!
IT’S TOO HOT! YOU MADE YOUR POINT! DO SOMETHING!
What the fuck you talkin’ about, Willis? It’s 110Ā° here, which is Arizona-Balmy.
“I spent 45 minutes fanning an old womanās snizz just so she could eat pudding!”
That is a Master’s level euphemism, right there.
I wanted to ask the other day whether you plan on bailing on that infernal heatbox now, or if you’re truly lost to reason.
OMG they’ve turned on you! RUN!
Well, don’t run until it cools down a little, then RUN! RUN! HIDE YOUR GOLD! RUN!
Almost everything revolves around “what counts as different?” When people make a living around claiming “anyone who like to fuck someone who will a) produce a baby or b) they are already married to” is a class then they open the door to opportunists.
Things to Come ā Week of July 22
My dick?
[rubs eyes in disbelief]
DUDE!
How ya been?
Long time no see!
We canāt be sure until we see a real avatar!
lol I’m not some stupid blue sliver medal loser movie.
It IS Crusty! Quick, admins, bust out the Coors Banquet. This is something to celebrate.
Bro, first of all Coors Banquet? Who am I, Big Enos in 1977? My God.
Second, as is they do the admins begged – begged they did – me to come here and type nonsense and lame innuendo and hilarious jokes and such and things of that nature. They begged. And you know why?
For the women. They want to increase the amount of women who read this silly site, and the begged – begged, mind you – for the champ, the big dog, the kid, daddy big dick, big dick daddy, the big dicked kid, kid hog – to post his hilarious jokes and anecdotes so the ladies would flock. You’re welcome.
– Hog Daddy Diddle
***cries in Hog Doody speech***
You’re going to smash so much Glib box now, bro. Again, you’re welcome.
– Daddy drip drip
Minor power outages reported across town. I guess I got lucky. For now!
Sex On Screen Is Such An Anticlimax For Women. Where Did It All Go Wrong?
Some of us true real men (ie over six feet) willfully bruised our knees for car sex, lady – be appreciative!
lol @ all of this
Life is too short of unsatisfactory sex, so we should watch more of it on the telly, right ‘gov?
Glibs challenge: share examples of your favorite realistic Hollywood sex scenes below. The winner gets the prize!
I will go first. It me, fam. It me
Last Tango In Paris. Combining two of the best things: butter and anal sex.
How problematic.
Asian Nurses 7.
Back door sluts nine?
True story. In high school, my friend stole some porno movies from someone’s dad at a party we went to. He left them at my house so his mom wouldn’t find them. Now I had a few decent videos in my collection, but the ones he stole were awful. So of course, the only porn my mother ever found of mine was Gang Bang Bitches No. 17. I don’t really care that my mother found some of my stash, but that just made me look awful. She had to be so ashamed of me in that moment. Like all good mothers though, it just dissipated and it was never discussed.
The movie was really unbeatable , in the most literal sense.
Mr. Natural was a character developed by Robert Crumb. He was unbelievably immoral and in one comic was stuck with a giant baby that was built like a full-sized woman. The baby needs something to eat so Mr. Natural offers the only thing that he has; his ejaculate.
So, my mom is rooting around my comic collection. Guess which comic she discovers.
“Use a pitchfork, ya dope!”
My dad showed me his Mr Natural and other comics when he thought I was old enough.
Hooray for the magnificent Hair-mobile! It has an engine in the front and an engine in the back!
I nearly bought one called Black Booty Broke the Scale just for the title.
A friend of mine bought a videotape that she thought was Velvet Goldmine, the David Bowie biopic. When she got home and took the tape out, it was actually a porno tape called Ho’s Fuck and Suck a Brotha [sic].
We watched it one night just for kicks. It was kind of weird; there was a black dude wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask for some unexplained reason. At one point, he was trying to eat her pussy but the string of the mask kept getting in the way.
At one point, he was trying to eat her pussy but the string of the mask kept getting in the way.
Who hasn’t had that problem?
Also, tampon strings.
Dude, no. Just no.
Let’s not forget Fuck My Face Volume 8. It put the first seven to shame.
Boogie Nights
The director’s cut of Bambi
The hunter fucks the corpse of Bambi’s mom?
So…necrophilia bestiality?
Still a better love story than Twilight.
All movie sex is boring and unsexy. Get on with the plot, you penny ante exhibitionists.
Cool link, bro.
Real men don’t link, player.
sex scenes, fight scenes, physics in general, the list is long. Look lady, if I wanted real life I would leave the TV off.
Agreed.
evergreen: shotgun that barely kicks somehow blasts 250 pound guy through plate glass ten feet behind him
“Congratulations to Bibi @Netanyahu on becoming the longest serving PM in the history of Israel. Under your leadership, Israel has become a technology powerhouse and a world class economy….
….Most importantly you have led Israel with a commitment to the values of democracy, freedom, and equal opportunity that both our nations cherish and share!”
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1153040319866462208
Literally Hitler.
Meh. Hitler’s tweets would have been awesome.
“Going downtown Atlanta for an event I hope I magically bump into @JussieSmollett #biggestfan”
https://twitter.com/itsericathomas/status/579075557041668096
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
I’ve been out in my driveway, shooting my .22s. High point of my day.
When you start shooting threes you should join the NBA!
Oh cool, Crusty is out and back on.
“It happened to me:
Tried to order five bananas on Amazon Now, ended up getting five *bunches* of bananas.”
https://twitter.com/mattyglesias/status/1152989828084051969
So ordering from Amazon drives you…. never mind.
That might be the saddest tweet I’ve ever seen.
Saddest Tweet Rhwyun’s ever seen contest! Winner wins a $25 Panera gift card (courtesy of Rhywun) and a fake-signed photo-shopped photograph with the Home Improvement character of their choice.
I will go first.
Twitter is fun!
“This is really interesting and I am glad I am going to learn a lot. My thoughts 1/222
“Most women have two boobs.”
Some women have two testicles.
You know who only had one?
“The Marvel MCU is interesting and awesome!”
Sad Beard haz sadz.
Poor Matty.
When life delivers you bananas, make some fucking banana bread for friends.
Oh, …wait.
Who the fuck orders bananas on Amazon???
Probably your mom.
Then she puts them in the freezer to…you know…freeze them. And then she pulls the frozen bananas out of the freezer and selects a good one and rolls a condom (not a regular store-bought condom, a special order only from the internet MySize69mm condom that you can only get in Europe condom) over the banana (because your mom likes her frozen bananas to be really, really really big), and then she lays back on her couch (the couch you sit on when you come over for coffee and zucchini bread, and yes of course it’s zucchini bread), and without even a smidgen of lubricant save for a long, lustful lick of the condomed fruit shaft she slowly moans and inserts the entire Amazon banana into herself again and again and again.
Nah, my mother hates bananas and I don’t think I’ve ever seen one in her house. I appreciate the effort, but that one is a 5.5, and even that is generous.
That is something that she has said.
my mother hates bananas and I donāt think Iāve ever seen one in her house.
lol keep telling yourself that.
that one is a 5.5,
Which is about as small as your mom goes for frozen banana dildos.
I figured Fake News!
Not – whoda thunk
Fresh Organic Bananas Approximately 3 Lbs 1 Bunch of 6-9 Bananas https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZVIWWB6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_taa_H5rnDbX0V1A1R
We once sent a rookie to the store to get a bunch of bananas. He was given $20 from the food fund and sent on his way. Yep, he came back with $20 worth of bananas.
I am surprised he has so many non-hostile replies. Who takes that guy seriously?
He probably uses blocklists.
Ezra Klein does, of course
Who da fuq orders bananas (bananas for god’s sake! ) on Amazon? Further, who would order only five (5!) bananas to be delivered?
I’ve been working on the next episode of Tuesdays with Derpy. The idea is that there is this new panic about RF emissions from cellphones and wireless devices which supposedly affect the weather. The phenomenon is called Global Mild-ing- warmer winters, cooler summers, geese staying in one place, mass hysteria!
So of course the future progs want to tax RF-emitting devices (which almost everyone has, and in the future, implanted in their brains) and use the money to fund RF-neutral communications like letters and telegrams. Because it will stimulate the economy- or something…
Old Derpy of course, has some opinions on the matter.
Iāve been working on the next episode of Tuesdays with Derpy.
You have been writing a series? If you want me to help punch it up with laughter and orgasm-inducing prose, email the Derpy canon to: Atleast9inchesofhotdickandballsbutitsprobablymore@gmail.com
link to episodes 1 and 2 here: https://glibertarians.com/2019/07/zardoz-friday-night-links-18/#comments
comment #27
What’s the ratio of dick to balls?
25% meat, 75% potatoes.
* lights Tres signal *
https://twitter.com/cracklnspector/status/1152755794259132416
Wow.
“Hot girl I want to rape”
That’s right up there with the NYT’s “grunge lexicon” from 1992.
That’s just….I don’t even know what it is.
??
I gotta call shenanigans on that one.
How do you know they knew it was Chewbacca’s first year?
He was a Wookie!
2 guys went to jail for stealing a calendar.
They each got 6 months.
Try the waitress and tip the veal!
Who buys a Chevy Bolt? A nut!
Who cleans it? A washer!
What do you do in the back seat?…..
Why doesn’t Santa Claus have any children?
Because he only comes once a year and when he does, it’s down a chimney.
There are four kinds of married sex :
HOUSE SEX – When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX – After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX – After you’ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say “FUCK YOU”
COURTROOM SEX – When your wife and her lawyer gang bang you in divorce court.
COYOTE SEX – during third trimester, you just lay around the hole and howl
Nope.
Coyote sex is when you wake up and chew off your own arm so you won’t wake her.
Coyote sex is when one of your group of friends fucks one of their group so they go away, and then two months later they show back up twice the number.
Pretty sure coyote sex involves mange, fleas, and sheep skulls. And not in the sexy way.
okay, let’s settle on WOLF SEX, then
REVERSE COYOTE SEX – when you wake up in the morning with some chick’s chewed off arm under your pillow
“Oh, joy. I got a notification that someone tried to sign me up for a site that offers “live sex cams”. I’m sure whoever is engaging in this harassment are very fine people. If one of these attempts succeeds, advance notice: it wasn’t me.”
https://twitter.com/paulkrugman/status/1063083286312992768
Market Failure
This is like the guy that took a selfie of himself and forgot to turn his tentacle porn off in the background, isn’t it?
Nah, that was someone else.
Krugman strikes me as the sort of guy who keeps his depravities in check, in a room in his home, where he pays a dominatrix to punish him for his phenomenal wealth.
I figure he is trying to get out in front of something other than what he says it is. It smells real strong of that.
I think you nailed it.
Krguman is two inches short of a Long Island bagel meltdown.
That was this guy:
https://dailycaller.com/2017/06/08/kurt-eichenwald-and-kids-look-at-tentacle-porn-together/
Kurt Eichenwald took a screencap of his browser but neglected to close a tab of what was quickly sussed out to be a tentacle hentai site. Which is weird and embarrassing, but he went on to claim that he only had it open so he and his kids could prove to his wife that such a thing exists. I think that’s called “proving too much.”
I mean, I get that Pete Townshend killed the whole “It’s research” excuse forever, but maybe just cop to it and claim “it was a joke between friends,” or some other unprovable line nobody is going to believe anyway.
I just looked up the proving too much fallacy, and that’s not it.
That’s the one I meant. My memory sucks. Yeah, proving too much. That’s what this smells like.
He’ll probably watch it in a broken window.
Rest in peace to Grandpa RegicidalManiac, who passed away today, just a week after his 96th birthday.
He was an incredible man, a generous and kind soul who grew up during the depression, volunteered for the Army Air Force during WWII, flew many missions over Europe as a waist gunner in a B-24, and came back to the US to start a family and open a TV store. He raised 3 kids, and judging from my father, he did so well.
He liked shepard’s pie (he liked to grate cheddar cheese over the top of it and call it “dad’s delight”), cabernet sauvignon, vodka, swimming, fishing, and flirting with pretty women (including Mrs. RegicidalManiac, who found him endlessly charming). He loved his family, and delighted in doting on his grandchildren.
The world is diminished by his passing, but I was lucky to know him, and he left the world better than he found it.
Condolences.
Bummer dood.
To cheer you up.
https://archive.li/CQm5b/a6ab8bdf2cbd434ebb13726c4b8ea27a409951c7
Bless you, Q, and your unending well of pictures of hot, busty women.
I am sorry he is gone but glad he lived a long and full life.
(he liked to grate cheddar cheese over the top of it and call it ādadās delightā
FUCK YEAH!
A man of good taste! ??
Seconded!
Condolences to the Regicidal family. A life lived in full is the best legacy one can leave.
My condolences to the family, but that was a man who knew how to live life.
Condolences, Regi’. I’m glad he lived into your adulthood so you could really get to know him.
he left the world better than he found it.
The best legacy anyone could ask for.
Condolences. Sounds like one of the good ones. I like old people, kids and animals. The rest of you are annoying.
But not watermelon wine?
That was awesome.
blackjack is just another effin’ Tulpa.
Sorry š
I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a hell of a guy.
Thanks for the condolences, everyone. He lived a good life and left a solid mark on the world and on his family.
And I left two of his favorite things off the list above:
Aviation and cameras.
So Mrs. RegicidalManiac and I are going to move our Oshkosh weekend plans up to tomorrow, where we will take a shitload of pictures and enjoy watching the war birds show off.
Sorry to hear that Reg. It sounds like he was a really good guy.
Lost both mom & dad in the past 3 years, so I can relate. Trying times.
Your grandpa sounds like one great guy. My sympathy for your loss, and my congratulations on having such a person in your life.
Sorry.
Blammo.
https://dkfirearms.com/product/zastava-arms-m57a-7-62×25-tokarev/
Neato. Once the financials around the Naptown household improve I’m looking to pick up a C&R Tokarev. Don’t know what it is, but I like the old Soviet bloc pistols. We had an old toaster my step-mother picked up at some antique store that was made in the 30s, and I swear to God between the Art Deco lines and the Bakelite it looks like the same guy designed the Tokarev and the toaster.
That looks fun.
Trashy; did you ever get to the bottom of the Reply button causing a refresh? I know when I first asked you, you said it couldn’t be Eyepiece, but I just ran a quick test by enabling Greasemonkey and then Eyepiece, and Eyepiece enabled is the only time it happens to me.
I work out.
I can tell.
‘Sup?
This must be yours then?
https://mobile.twitter.com/thedivinesalm/status/1149676978041020417
NSFW?
Nah, it’s art.
wut
Since I am way too late for Not Adan’s thread…
Watch your step – Santana
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daHC6YpdKow
Seinfeld seasons 3 – 7 : name a better television run.
Northern Exposure 1-4
I’m gonna say WKRP but weasel out that there were some clinkers in the show.
WKRP was before it’s time. It was a great idea with fantastic performers. It will be forever underused. It’s like Fernwood Tonight.
It’s 2 Night, stupid.
What an awesome show, I need to revisit that. Anyone know if it’s on Netflix, Prime or the like?
Hey grandpa, your best bet is the DVD, but I can’t speak for the quality. You can explore on youtube, as I, the Heavy Dingled Dude, as, and results are mixed, But I dig it! Martin Mull and Fred Willard ad-libbing is a treat.
For example the Drip Daddy is right now watching an episode featuring Dabney Coleman, so it’s Dabs, Mull, and Willard!
100, as we say. Fire. 100.
Fun Fact: The band was: Happy Kyne and the Mirthmakers.
That’s a fun fact. courtesy of Big Daddy Dangle.
Fast forward to about 15 minutes of this mug
Especially for us Jewish or Jew-hating gangs.
Crusty’s link would start with a Tang commercial…
^^This^^
Janine Turner is a friend’s sister
ye Gods
Patriot season 1 on Amazon. Watch it, nerds.
Just finished Season 2. I adore that show. Really hoping there’s Season 3, though they do a piss-poor job of marketing it.
The Americans, 1-4
Chappelle’s Show
Shit was funny as a mug.
Monty Python’s Flying Circus seasons 1- infinity
This is not true. Monty Python is overrated trash. The movies are okay, depending on your taste, but the rest is trash. Utter trash.
And you’re gay and your shit is all fucked up.
True but also false.
Season 6 of Monty Python had a lot of clunk. 1-5, agreed.
Sorry, 4th season, if Wikipedia is correct. I was going by year. 1974 wasn’t a funny year for them.
Deadwood, seasons 1, 2, 3
Sunny in Philadelphia?
The Shield seasons 1 – 7?
Yeah, I could do that. And, the Sopranos.
ER?
The Office (US) 2-6
I truly do not understand the appeal of that show. I understand I am in the minority (much like I am in the minority of having a big bucket-cum giving man hog), and I get the appeal of many of the characters, and I have wanted to lick Rashida Jones’ feet for decades, but I don’t get why it is held in such high esteem.
Silly-ish. Zoom. Reaction. Silly. Zoom. More.
cheeky! I get it! But I don’t.
The “diversity and inclusion day” one was classic. But I didn’t watch most seasons.
Check out the clip from Fire Drill (note: I don’t know if that’s the actual name of the episode).
OK I laffed at the cat action but Dwight is an asshole, as usual.
That cat bit always gets me. And yeah, Dwight’s an asshole.
It took me a while. I’d see an episode here and there, and I didn’t get it.
Then recently, I binged a season just to see what the fuss was about, and got into it. But if you’re not into cringe humor, it’s definitely not the show for you.
I dig the humor, and I get the concept, but it seems like an occasionally fun show to me, not an all timer.
And I of course don’t want you to defend it, I just can’t comprehend why the American Office is an all-timer to so many. It disturbs me.
Like what I like, people.
“the American Office is an all-timer to so many”
Because so many spend a great part of their life in that environment. Each of those characters is a parody of someone every office worker knows.
In Living Color. Fight me.
I would never fight a negro because they all have fam in county.
Any 4 years of Futurama, Family Guy, or the 3 seasons of Fringe.
I can’t even. You dare compare the lazy “humor” of Family Guy to Futurama?? For shame.
PS. I liked what I saw of Fringe.
Second.
My impression of Family Guy is that 90% of the jokes are of the “random unrelated cultural reference” type, which gets incredibly old after a few seasons. I can’t fathom how some people have been watching it religiously since it premiered and are not yet sick of it.
Its one of those shows that you think is hilarious when you’re 12, but when you find an old rerun as an adult, you wonder how you could stand to finish even a single episode.
Fernwood 2 Night is the Network of daytime television. And nighttime television.
Discuss.
It was the descendant of Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman which was utter rubbish.
Fernwood was a terrible example of a show superior to those Seinfeld seasons, but for the Mull/Willard magic is something the young kids, the youth looking for inspiration* searching the Glib blogs, should watch on the youtubes.
*those huffing glue or in recovery for huffing glue
Went with mushroom ravioli tonight in a cream sauce with ham, mushrooms, onion, asparagus and basil. A glass of Rose’ on the side was nice.
Huh, that’s odd. I now seem to have a glass of brown liquor next to me.
Me too.
That’s right.
Me too.
Have some astonishing brass balls from mister “I just signed a bill that will give millions of you rolling blackouts”.
Andrew Cuomo; idiot or asshole? Discuss. While I sleep.
He is not stupid. This is the guy who railed against high taxes at the beginning of his first term. Who routinely doles out tax benefits to his buddies, who consistently fail. Who now has total control over NYC while the mayor sleeps and then has the nerve to bitch about the failures of the entities HE CONTROLS. He is pure fucking evil.
More of an “and” choice than “or”.
Reminder to Contributing Writers: When your post/article is ready to be scheduled, make sure you add [Ready to review] or similar to the title so the Editorial Team knows you are done working on it and we can check formatting and get it scheduled.
Thank you!
Crusty? Well, waddayano?
The taste of your mom’s box?
BOOM!
Yep. Crusty.
Nah. Weād brag about the size.
It’s disappointing when a very attractive, liberatrian-minded woman openly succumbs to hack tropes.
White men drive like this, while black men drive like thist!
JFC, hot thin lady,
That being said I could so period more than you, Straff. I could so period you more.
Imagine the mushroom tattoo you make with a tampon.
When I was a boy I used to prance around the house pretending my mother’s pulpy tamps were earrings.
Huh, I just finished watching a movie about Hitchcock making Psycho…
Colds are an urban legend. Just like pregnancy. It only happens to a friend of a friend.
Maybe she needs to find a better class of men to hang out with? The only way I’d know other guys have a cold is because they’re hacking up a lung or such.
The only reason I’ve heard of any man complaining about a cold is because of work, where you know your voice is kind of a big deal in radio. Other than that I’ve never heard a man even admit to having a cold. “I am strong like bull!”
Some of us apparently less manly men get the sniffles on occasion.
I can’t help but believe that this is the case. I’ve heard countless women express the “men complain about being sick” trope, but I’ve never actually observed it. I know I’m not particularly prone to whining when I’m sick.
Also, is she implying that women don’t complain about periods??
Hell, one time when I was drunk and sick and I coughed so hard I choked, passed out, fell down and got scraped up and pissed my pants. Ten years later I’m only telling the story to prove that I didn’t talk about it.
Craziness at work, along with my own internet being down for most of the week, plus some issues with my PC meant no cartoon this week, luckily the last day of the month is Wednesday, so let’s pencil in the 31st for Hat and Hair double feature.
We were going to organize a search party. But, we decided to get drunk instead. No hard feelings.
Well, hell, I was going to be mad that I didn’t have have internet, but then I got
highdrunk.SconnieMan cover of Because I Got High?
Beat you to it! But now I want to see Cheeseheads With Attitude come out of retirement to do that cover.
OK, best link you’ve provided of group I didn’t already know.
Done.
Thanks Boss.
Dog whistles Mozart.
https://mobile.twitter.com/michaelmalice?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor
Wrong link. *Shrugs*
https://mobile.twitter.com/cracklnspector/status/1152755794259132416
I don’t get it. and as a real ass dude who has attended Skankefest I truly give a big range to anyone on the GasDigital Network.
Explain, son.
See Count Potato at #26 above. ?
Bastard scans the same Twitters I do and employs his time zone privilege.
And you have the gift of future vision too.
Tonight’s low-light:
I slip while cleaning a knife after dinner and cut myself on the back of my finger, nice and deep (but right below the nail, so only so much flesh to go through anyway).
I instantly shout “FuckFuckFuck!” and run it under cold water – it’s bleeding pretty good and I, of course, assume the worst. Paper towel, direct pressure – walk into the other room while my wife comes running out of the bedroom to see what the shouting is.
Then I get light-headed and, for the first time in my life, pass the fuck out. Over a fairly minor cut.
I come to pretty quickly and my wife is on the phone with 911. Smash cut to 2 firemen, a cop, then two paramedics standing in our tiny living room while they evaluate me.
They end up giving me a band-aid.
This is high on my list of most embarrassing nights. I’m like the anti-Suthen.
So, Kat was right.
Hey, it was hot today! And I was drinking! (sort of).
It was odd – I wasn’t out for more than a couple of seconds & realized pretty quickly as I came out of it what just happened. It was surprising, more than anything.
For the record, I don’t complain about colds, to the point that it annoys my wife (“why don’t you just admit you’re sick and let me take care of you?”).
“I fell down some stairs.” eh?
Add 8 cocktails to that story, and it doesn’t sound so bad.
Thatās true with every story.
I’m ashamed to say it was just one glass of wine & a vodka-soda. Maybe 2 vodka-sodas…
So no good excuse.
*belly-laugh*
On a more somber note, recent happenings + the fact I live alone are starting to make me think I need to get one of those “help I’ve fallen and can’t get up” thingies. I don’t have any known issues but… if something happened, I’d be shit out of luck.
Hahaha, Old Man With Life Alert may be as funny as Old Man With Candy.
Except I don’t get to bang kids š
PS. Hi Preet! That was a joke.
OMWC doesn’t get to, he just does. He doesn’t have any more rights than anyone else.
Bad-ass.
The laugh track adds a whole new dimension.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LIYVj91GqiM
Ok, I saw the pantie sniffing coming, but not what came after.
Looks like everyone just took off for drinks with the Juggler. Hell, even CPRM up and vanished.
Buncha quitters, you Sunday night* lot.
*apologies to our Eur-Asian glibs.
You always say that, and, yet, I am here.
Yes you are (and thankful for that), but you are on so early, I tend to forget your one of us.
::begin chant::
Sort of here until sleep gets me. Although the Ken Shimura rabbit hole is drawing me in. Which makes me want to look for Benny Hill clips.
Well, now I have to investigate Ken…
Meantime, Larry at the Movies starts off strong. Will be interesting to see if he does more
https://youtu.be/Y5nkm-L4A1Y
Excellent find!
And I’m out. Goodnight!
https://youtu.be/XvuQsb181Cc