Wednesday Afternoon Links

Happy Wednesday everybody. I’ve got plenty to do, but I hit my own self-imposed deadline for getting the stuff that has to go this week shipped to the QA guys. I’m really liking this “devops” shit. For minor, non-critical fixes, if it isn’t ready for the testers to test by 1pm Wednesday, you get a whole ‘nother week. Unfortuately, the HNIC of my group is a real slave-driver on Monday and Tuesday. So after I got my stuff out, I took an actual hour to steal a bunch of snack food my wife had put out for her friends as they “crafted”. I don’t really understand this, but for some reason they were sitting around painting wine glasses instead of drinking out of them. Maybe there’s a future payoff that I’m missing, but I think they intend to put candles in the wine glasses. Now I know how my wife feels when I try to explain why I like video games. Also, I took a pass on replacing the wife’s AC compressor. She has a good mechanic so the markup was only about $300 above doing it myself. I watched a couple videos, and they’re gonna earn it trying to squeeze around under that CRV. Also, I imagine I’d fuck up drawing the vacuum and spend a couple of hours fucking around with that. Anyhow, that’s my day. How the hell are each of you?

(Some) Californians saddened to learn that the EPA will no longer let them be special. This should be an object lesson (but won’t be) to all states dominated by a single party. The Feds can always fuck you, and eventually, the President and his cabal get their hands on those levers.

Less beer than I expected, but otherwise Aussie as hell. I’ll bet his friends call him a big girl for having to be rescued at all.

This person is obviously missing the point!

Aliens, bro. Its always aliens.

Comments

513 responses to “Wednesday Afternoon Links”

  1. Ozymandias

    First!! Whoo!!!

    1. You’re awake at this hour?

      1. Ozymandias

        It’s 4pm here – and I don’t require as many zzzz as most hoo-mans… kinda like Zardoz.

        1. Wait, you’re in real-people time? Do you work nights or something?

          1. Ozymandias

            I work… perpetually. Okay, not really. TPTB gave that 9 pm PST/midnight EST posting slot to my series so I try to stay up and be there for comments and then pick up in the am after we get the kids out the door and address anything I missed from our overnight/overseas friends.

  2. How the hell are each of you?

    Oddly agitated.

    I can’t narrow down exactly why.

    1. Jarflax

      Strychnine poisoning probably.

    2. leon

      Do you have your agitated gloves?

    3. Sean

      Would you like a bran muffin?

      1. No. I’ve had enough food for today.

      2. Chafed

        Agitated =/= constipated.

        1. Sean

          You never know.

          *shrug*

        2. Playa Manhattan

          Maybe it’s causal.

    4. Hyperion

      “Oddly agitated.

      I can’t narrow down exactly why.”

      It’s easy. You live in a universe which contains other humans. And humans are, in general, highly annoying.

    5. Bobarian LMD

      Is your underwear riding up?

      That agitates me.

      1. Mad Scientist

        KMart is out of his size.

    6. jesse.in.mb

      Perhaps some time in a hug box would help?

      1. Noooo….

        *runs away*

        1. mexican sharpshooter

          Stop that. Its not a box where you get hugged.

          It’s actually a coffin.

      2. jesse.in.mb

        Or a weighted blanket? It’s kinda too warm for them but they’re supposed to be good for reducing anxiety.

        1. Florida Man

          My cousin said it helps him sleep.

          1. Playa Manhattan

            Is your cousin an infant?

          2. Florida Man

            I’m not sure how he identifies, but he looks like a 30 year old man.

        2. Enough About Palin

          Weed. Tat is all.

  3. Rebel Scum

    This person is obviously missing the point!

    Complete and total whataboutism.

  4. dbleagle

    Poor poor California. LOL.

    1. R C Dean

      Injunction blocking the withdrawal of the waiver in 3 . . . 2 . . .

      1. Hyperion

        9th something?

        1. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

          I’ll take “Circus” for $500, Alex.

    2. Urthona

      Shouldn’t any state be allowed to set its own pollution rules though?

      1. Playa Manhattan

        It’s something that should be standardized.

        1. Urthona

          Feels like states should be allowed to do whatever they want.

          1. Jarflax

            Taken out of context that is the least libertarian statement ever.

      2. R C Dean

        This gets to be an interstate commerce issue (yet another interesting topic for a post that I doubt I’ll get around to writing).

        There’s a problem with interstate commerce, at least as originally conceived, when a state prohibits the import of something from another state. That’s effectively what California does with its air emission rules.

        There’s also a problem with interstate commerce and the Supremacy Clause when the feds set a rule, and the states set another rule.

        Economic regulation in a highly integrated economy of semi-sovereign entities is a difficult, difficult problem. I believe the original scheme was basically

        (a) the feds regulate the interstate trafficking in goods (I don’t think they even thought of services) but not the production of goods (which was not thought of as commerce before Roosevelt). The original federal scope was basically on transport and standardization of weights and measures. The Interstate Commerce Commission, when it was a thing, was essentially about regulating transport.

        (b) the states regulate the production of goods (which would put most environmental regs in the hands of the states, as they apply to producers at least).

        (c) the US is a “free trade” zone among the states, subject to federal regulation.

        1. Urthona

          Actually that’s a pretty good explanation although I’m not sure I completely buy it.

          Still feels like states should have the right to be more or less concerned about pollution than a central authority and it’s the private business’s decision to deal with that or not.

  5. Crusty Juggler

    Heineken’s WOBO Bottle, Designed For People To Build Houses Out Of Beer Bottles

    For Alfred “Freddy” Heineken, building a house out of glass beer bottles was a solution to two problems — and in 1960, it was a visionary attempt at recycling. On a trip to the Caribbean island of Curacao, Heineken witnessed beaches strewn with empty beer bottles, many of them bearing his own name (Heineken/Amstel had a brewery on the island at that time); he also noted the poor living conditions of the residents, partly due to a lack of affordable building materials.

    Heineken had a bolt of inspiration: What if you could make a beer bottle that could be used as a brick? He enlisted John Habraken, a Dutch architect, to design the WOBO, short for “world bottle.” This design was also called the “brick that holds beer.”

    A creative solution to the housing crisis that we should bring back asap.

    1. Fatty Bolger

      I’m sure there’s a glass houses / stoned joke in there somewhere.

      1. Billy Joel post-The Stranger sucks?

  6. Sean

    I’m confused. So in mass shooting scenarios, they want us to hide behind the fatties?

    1. Drake

      That does sound like a decent tactic.

    2. Chafed

      *starts taking notes* go on.

  7. Rebel Scum

    The U.S. Navy has confirmed that three online videos purportedly showing UFOs are genuine. The service says the videos, taken by Navy pilots, show “unexplained aerial phenomena,” but also states that the clips should have never been released to the public in the first place.

    Band name?

    1. SugarFree

      Guided by Voices album.

    2. Private Chipperbot

      Better than Airborne Toxic Event.

      1. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

        I legitimately thought “Lucky Boy’s Confusion” was slang for a venereal disease a couple years back

        1. Bobarian LMD

          Did it clear up on its own?

      2. Chipwooder

        Taken from a great book by a lame band

    3. Tonio

      Album.

    4. I’m sticking with Wollongong Sex Attack.

  8. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

    “Trump: That Dummy Beto May Have Killed Chances Of A Gun-Control Compromise”

    https://hotair.com/archives/allahpundit/2019/09/18/trump-dummy-beto-may-killed-chances-gun-control-compromise/

    Well, God bless that asshole Robert O’Rourke and fuck Trump

    1. Sean

      Dude. Of course the Dems soured the (was never gonna happen) deal. That’s what they do.

    2. leon

      Beto Doing more for Gun Rights than Trump…

      1. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

        Irony of ironies

        1. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

          Also, I think this passage suggests that Barr may be a legitimate moron:

          “One source familiar with the meetings said that Barr pitched the legislation by warning that a lack of action could electrify the Democratic base prior to the 2020 election. Barr also did not consider the background check legislation a gun control measure, instead painting it as a tool to assist law enforcement in cracking down on gun smugglers, the source explained.”

          And what does he think will happen to the pro-gun vote if the administration passes any of this nonsense?

          1. Suthenboy

            I think they think the NRA is somehow representative of gun owners. They are used to seeing the NRA go soft so they figure we will just grin and bear it.

            Fuck. Them.

          2. Hyperion

            Barr is a Bush era neocon, not even a conservative, let alone the sort that respects the Constitution.

          3. Jarflax

            Telling a neocon from a conservative, a simple rule:

            If you are employed by the Federal Government, you are a neocon. Conservatism went bye bye when Reagan made his devil’s bargain to let Tip O’neill have everything he wanted in exchange for military funding. Since then in DC conservative means Imperialist.

          4. Playa Manhattan

            They’re going to have to tie it to constitutional carry.

            Package deal.

          5. Tejicano

            I could get behind expanded background checks IFF they also superseded the NFA background check/tax/photo/fingerprints requirement with the current NCIS check for transferring NFA firearms (also erasing the NFA registration requirement).

            And of course the background check can be skipped for transfers to a) people related by blood or marriage, b) current military, c) veterans, d) CCW license holders, e) NRA/GOA/etc members, or f) known associates of over 6 months duration (to include association by internet chat room) – regardless of state of current residence. This is to include transfers from FFLs to any of the above persons.

            Yup, I would be all for universal background checks.

        2. Tonio

          Best timeline, guys. Amirite?

          1. Hyperion

            Difi has a sad again.

  9. Don Escaped Texas

    I watched a couple videos

    Did any of them explain balancing the oil ?

    1. Playa Manhattan

      I’m marinating chicken in his salad dressing right now.

  10. Crusty Juggler

    Charles Bronson and Jill Ireland.

    I need to start doing more pushups and drink some more milk or something…

    1. Chipwooder

      A childhood spent working in coal mines probably helps

    2. RBS

      *GISs Jill Ireland*

    3. Drake

      He was a badass. Can’t think of any actor today half as intimidating.

    4. Tejicano

      Dude was a B-29 tail gunner in WWII. He actually faced down incoming fighter aircraft and sent them to Hell. On a daily basis.

    5. Being in movies and making loads of money helps, too.

  11. Crusty Juggler

    Ken Cuccinelli Wants The Power To Reveal The Personal Information Of Refugees And Asylees Who Are Accused Of Crimes

    Ken Cuccinelli, the hardline acting director of US Citizenship and Immigration Services, is seeking a new power — to unilaterally publicize personal information about asylees, refugees, and their family members in the US who are being prosecuted for certain crimes, according to a memorandum obtained by BuzzFeed News.

    Currently, only the DHS secretary has the ability to disclose this type of information on a discretionary basis to the media. Though federal regulations currently prohibit USCIS officials from making these disclosures, Cuccinelli wants the ability to do so.

    In a “Memorandum For The Secretary,” signed by Cuccinelli on Sept. 10 and intended for acting Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kevin McAleenan, Cuccinelli said the information he wants to reveal may include, but will not be limited to, the people’s dates of birth, whether they were granted asylum status or admitted as refugees, are family members of asylees or refugees “and if so, who the principal applicant was on the case,” and the date of the asylum grant or admission.

    If they weren’t guilty we wouldn’t have accused them, and law breakers deserve the punishment they deserve.

    1. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

      There is a lesson to be learned between the Kavanaugh farce and this. But, of course, no one will grasp the common thread between the two, let alone learn anything from these incidences.

    2. R C Dean

      to unilaterally publicize personal information about asylees, refugees, and their family members in the US who are being prosecuted for certain crimes, according to a memorandum obtained by BuzzFeed News.

      That’s basically combining two pieces of public information. Basically, anybody should be able to add 2 + 2. No clue why only the Secretary of DHS has the exclusive power to do so.

    3. Tonio

      “The Cooch.”

    4. Homple

      Names of citizens accused of crimes are splashed across every newspaper and newscast in the country. What’s wrong with the same splashing for non-citizens?

      1. Crusty Juggler

        Nothing at all.

    5. Playa Manhattan

      They can perp walk me, but not an illegal alien?

  12. Suthenboy

    Wow, that is some first rate dishonesty right out of the gate on the ‘Trump wants dirty air!’ article. All it is missing is a graphic of Trump pushing Grannie over the cliff in a wheelchair.

    “I’ll bet his friends call him a big girl for having to be rescued at all.”
    And he replies “It’s just a flesh wound! Let me go finish my hike”

    Mass shootings, my ass. Ever notice that they never cite the 5000 mass shootings per day that kill 800,000 Americans? I wonder why that is. I also wonder why they only want to ban guns most effective for defense against govt goons and not ones that are used in most crimes. It’s a mystery I tells ya’.

    As for the UFO thing, I congratulate Mr. Krugman. Who’d uh thunkit?
    A couple of days ago while discussing the gun grab proposals a proggie brought up scary militias. I agreed as most of them turn out to be grifters running check scams and various other boondoggles. Then I pointed out that the fedgov is even less trustworthy. Yeah, I am gonna believe them about an alien invasion. Sure thing.

  13. Rebel Scum

    This is how a teacher gets fired.

    The high school teacher was first suspended earlier this year after tweeting at President Donald Trump to “remove the illegals from Fort Worth.” Clark was officially terminated on Tuesday after an investigation into the teacher’s tweets supporting the enforcement of U.S. immigration laws had concluded.

    Ten people came forward — most of whom wanted Clark fired — and spoke in front of the school board on Tuesday night before the vote.

    “There is no way in hell this woman should still be teaching on any level because she has already let you know she has a bias towards certain students,” said Waymond Brown.

    “You had your proof. You had the tweets. It shouldn’t have took this long — anybody else, they would have been out without a second chance,” said Jowona Powell, the mother of one student who was in Clark’s English class.

    Powell had taken screenshots of the teacher’s tweets and presented them to school officials after her daughter accused Clark of exhibiting racist behavior in the classroom.

    The report noted that Clark did have one supporter at the meeting.

    Clark had reportedly appealed the district’s initial decision, and the case was reviewed by an independent examiner, who concluded that the teacher should be protected under free speech, adding that the school board did not have enough evidence to support additional accusations made by students regarding Clark’s classroom conduct.

    Powell and her daughter are relieved to hear that Fort Worth ISD has decided to fire Clark, according to the report.

    We must end this scourge of right-wing radical teachers in the classrooms of America.

    1. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

      “We must end this scourge of right-wing radical teachers in the classrooms of America.”

      Purge the non-believers!

      1. R C Dean

        I think they just fired the only one. Mission accomplished?

        1. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

          There’s always a couple of them hiding out in the English department or the few high schools who teach economics

    2. Enough About Palin

      “It shouldn’t have took this long — anybody else, they would have been out without a second chance,” said Jowona Powell, the mother of one student who was in Clark’s English class.”

      It appears that Jowona should at the very least, be monitoring Clark,s English class.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        I seen it with my own eyes.

    3. Tulip

      Having a teacher that hates you isn’t fun. Apparently there were complaints about her classroom behavior. She should have been fired for that, not tweets.

      1. Hyperion

        I know all about this. When I was in 3rd/4th grade of elementary, we had a teacher who was, basically an old maid, that’s what they called her. That’s what they would call any woman back then who was over 30 and not married. I think she was probably over 40 and so she was known as ‘Old Maid [surname]’. I can see why. She was obese and ugly and I’m sure that served to make her into the bitter creature she became. Anyway, it was well known that if you were a male, you were going to be disfavored right away in her class. I think she may have been even more bitter because coming out as a fake bitter lesbian back then was sort of taboo to say the least. So yeah, I suffered through 2 years of school with a teacher who hated my guts just because I had a penis. But male privilege, sure.

    4. So wait, you can be fired for opining in a legal fashion?

      Time to call some lawyerz.

  14. Crusty Juggler

    How Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Learned to Play by Washington’s Rules

    Ms. Ocasio-Cortez may have meant it as an offhand quip, but her comment underscored a reality on Capitol Hill that she and her team were slow to fully appreciate: the extent to which power and the ability to get things done in the House were dependent on personal relationships and respect for the hierarchy. The first-term congresswoman enjoys rich public support outside the halls of Congress, particularly on the social media platforms where progressive activism thrives. But the approach that she and her cohorts champion — pulling the institution to the left in part by threatening the careers of any Democrat who fail to embrace their ideas — quickly alienated many of her colleagues, and has made it difficult for her to get anything done.And in private conversations, many of Ms. Ocasio-Cortez’s Democratic colleagues routinely complain that in her zeal to build her social media celebrity and political brand, the first-term congresswoman is too quick to cast aspersions on her fellow lawmakers, painting them as apologists for the status quo.

    “In many ways, I feel like I walk around with a scarlet letter, because many members who just have any primary, whether I know about it or not, tend to project that onto me,” Ms. Ocasio-Cortez said in an interview. “In many ways, I feel like I walk through that body as a symbol of someone who should not be there and a threat to the way power is organized.”

    She said she has gone through a “loss of innocence and naïveté,” realizing that it was impossible to separate the legislative work of serving in Congress with the politics of re-election campaigns.

    “They are frankly much closer in that dynamic and much closer in overlapping than a lot of people tend to realize,” she said.

    She is learning and growing stronger.

    1. R C Dean

      Anyone who didn’t know that “[the legislative work of serving in Congress with the politics of re-election campaigns] are frankly much closer in that dynamic and much closer in overlapping” is too stupid to go out in public unsupervised, much less hold an elected position.

    2. leon

      “In many ways, I feel like I walk around with a scarlet letter, because many members who just have any primary, whether I know about it or not, tend to project that onto me”

      I mean, why would they do that? Why would they think it could be your fault when you never ever said that any blue-dog should be primaried and replaced with a DSA socialite like yourself.

    3. Suthenboy

      “someone who should not be there and a threat to the way power is organized.”

      I cant argue with that.

    4. Rhywun

      Nevertheless, she persisted.

    5. Enough About Palin

      ““In many ways, I feel like I walk around with a scarlet letter”

      So that would be a scarlet letter “S” for Slaver, right?

    6. Playa Manhattan

      She could have learned from Bernie.

      30 years in congress, and he has only passed 3 bills.

      2 of them were to rename post offices.

    7. Robert Downey Jr. Eyeroll Time.

  15. jesse.in.mb

    Uh oh did someone give Brett cocaine without telling me?

    1. Mad Scientist

      Everyone has cocaine in Florida.

      1. jesse.in.mb

        What!? He keeps telling me I can’t visit unless I bring cocaine. If he already has all he needs…Is it a trap? Is he just trying to get me in trouble with TSA?

        1. Gadfly

          Perhaps “cocaine” is code for something else. Perhaps something that comes in 55 gal. containers.

        2. Mad Scientist

          He just wants you to bring him more. I mean, you know what’s really going on here:

          I took an actual hour to steal a bunch of snack food my wife had put out for her friends as they “crafted”. I don’t really understand this, but for some reason they were sitting around painting wine glasses instead of drinking out of them. Maybe there’s a future payoff that I’m missing, but I think they intend to put candles in the wine glasses.

          This is code for Brett’s wife and her friends standing around in their underwear processing cocaine. He has to say “I don’t really understand this” to establish plausible deniability since he’s the kingpin of the operation. Likewise, he pretends he doesn’t know anything about a “future payoff.” He’s shrewd, this Brett. Very shrewd.

        3. Bobarian LMD

          He has all he needs, he does not have all he wants.

      2. Florida is 29% cocaine.

    2. Bobarian LMD

      I just assume that Brett always has cocaine.

      1. Brett L

        Compliment accepted

  16. Rebel Scum

    Ronna McDaniel✔
    @GOPChairwoman

    To all the Democrats who demonize half the country…

    To all the Hollywood liberals who want us boycotted…

    It’s because of you that @realDonaldTrump’s team is raising over $15 MILLION in California.

    Thank you!

    Trump has turned the Grand Old Party into the Grand Troll Party.

    1. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

      Everyone is just trolling everyone nowadays.

      1. Sean

        Fuck off, Tulpa Esther.

        1. Hyperion

          Is that you, Corn Pop?

      2. leon

        THEY ARE TAKING OUR JERRBS / Hardluck Troll Under the Bridge.

    2. Tonio

      Why not? He plays the tweet game better than did his younger, hipper predecessor in office. His tweets get progressives to froth at the mouth and let the mask drop.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        Which leads to tactical mistakes. Constantly.

  17. R C Dean

    Also, I took a pass on replacing the wife’s AC compressor.

    Wise. You would have (a) spent some very frustrating time working on it (b) pissed off your wife and (c) wound up paying the mechanic anyway.

    1. He didn’t say whether he checked the thermostat, however.

      1. Brett L

        Oh, I can do thermostats. But those don’t control the AC on a car.

    2. Also, I took a pass on replacing the wife’s AC compressor.

      HEY NOW.

  18. Crusty Juggler

    Trump warns he may do ‘dastardly things’ to Iran

    President Trump on Wednesday said he had no update on possible US retaliation against Iran for an attack on Saudi Arabia — but warned that there was “plenty of time to do some dastardly things.”

    “Nothing to report yet. We’ll probably be speaking to you tomorrow, maybe the next day. Nothing to report, but it hasn’t changed very much. I think my thinking pretty much remains the same,” he told reporters on an airport tarmac in Los Angeles during a fundraising trip to California.

    Asked about criticism from his usually reliable ally Lindsey Graham, who had called his cancellation of a strike after Iran downed a US drone a sign of weakness, the president said it was actually the opposite before issuing his ominous warning.

    “Actually I think it’s a sign of strength. We have the strongest military in the world now. I think it’s a great sign of strength. There’s plenty of time to do some dastardly things,” he said.

    “It’s very easy to start,” he said about military action. “If we have to do something, we’ll do it without hesitation,” he said, adding that “the ultimate option” was still on the table.

    “There are many options. There are many options. There’s the ultimate option and there are options a lot less than that. We’ll see. We’re in a very powerful position. Right now we’re in a very, very powerful position,” he continued.
    Asked if the “ultimate option” was war, the commander-in-chief backtracked, saying he did mean war but wasn’t considering that option as of now.

    “No, I’m not talking about that ultimate option, no,” he said.

    Dastardly…

    1. R C Dean

      Actually I think it’s a sign of strength.

      I do too. “Pfft. What’s one drone? We got a million of them, and they’re the weakest thing we put in the air.”

    2. Rebel Scum

      There’s the ultimate option

      Turn Iran into a sea of glass?

      Actually I think it’s a sign of strength.

      Agreed. I think right now he is just keeping them on there toes. I hope we don’t do anything to get involved but I don’t see the harm in making potential enemies fear what you might do, especially given that we have inordinate capabilities militarily. It is kind-of like MAD without the “M”.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        SAD – Singularly Assured Destruction

    3. Suthenboy

      I cant argue with the way he is handling Iran. I am apprehensive about us still having troops peppered all around the rest of the ME and what we intend to accomplish there.

  19. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

    *Amy Coney Barrett Senate Confirmation Hearing Fan Fiction*

    *Senate Judiciary Committee Hearing*

    Sen. Feinstein: Judge Barrett, is is true that you once had an altercation with another woman at a bar when you were in college and that you were arrested for assault?

    Barrett: While it is true that I once did have an altercation with another woman at a bar, I was not arrested for assault.

    Sen. Feinstein: I have a report indicating that you were, in fact, arrested after the altercation

    Barrett: I and the other woman were arrested, but I believe it was for disorderly conduct

    Sen. Feinstein: Could you provide this committee with a statement attes…

    Sen. Tillis: Excuse me Senator, may I follow-up with her answer?

    Sen. Feinstein: I yield the balance of my time

    Sen. Tillis: Thank you, senator. Judge Barrett, could you provide details about this altercation?

    Barrett: Senator, I was twenty one at the time and it was a long time ago and I…

    Sen. Grassley: Answer, the senator’s question and please provide exhaustive details in your answer

    Barrett: Well, at the time, I was at a local bar with my then boyfriend and another woman was hitting on him in front of me. I cannot recall the details, but I do remember that we were eventually separated by security

    Sen. Tillis: What were you and the other woman wearing at the time of this altercation?

    Sen. Feinstein: I don’t believe those details are necessary, if I may continue with my questioning

    Sen. Grassely: *bangs gavel* Order. The gentle lady from California will yield. Judge Barrett, please answer Senator Tillis’ question.

    Barrett: Ummm….it was a long time ago, I’m not sure if I could recall

    Sen. Tillis: Please do try to recall

    Barrett: I believe I was wearing a cocktail dress and the other woman was wearing a skirt and blouse, I believe

    Sen. Tillis: Stockings too?

    Sen. Feinstein: I fail to see the necessity of these details

    Sen. Graham: I agree with the gentle lady from California, this information is not necessary

    Sen. Grassley: *bangs gavel* The gentle ladies from California and South Carolina will yield.

    Sen. Graham: Mr. Chairman, I am not a woman

    Sen. Durbin: *snickers* Surrrreee….

    Sen Grassely: Please answer the question, Judge Barrett. Were you wearing stockings at the time

    Barrett: Ummmm…I can’t recall. I would assume that I was wearing pantyhose…

    Sen. Tillis: And the other woman? What was she wearing?

    Barrett: I believe she was wearing stockings

    Sen. Durbin: Hawwwt…

    Sen. Tillis: Now, according to this police report, the other woman’s blouse was torn during the encounter. Is that correct?

    Barrett: I would assume so if it says that in the report

    Sen. Tillis: *wipes sweat from forehead* And so the two of you are rolling around, her top has come loose. And then what happened?

    Sen. Feinstein: Mr. Chairman, I must interject. This line of questioning is highly inappropriate

    Sen. Grassley: *bangs gavel* Will the gentle lady from California please SHUT UP. Answer the question, Judge Barrett

    Barrett: Ummm…well at one point I remember we both fell to the ground. I had a good grip on her hair and she was yanking my head down by my hair…

    Sen. Tillis: Did the two of you kiss?

    Sen. Feinstein: Mr. Chairman. This line of questioning is exceedingly inappropriate and completely unnecessary

    Sen. Tillis: Mr. Chairman, I motion that the committee adjourn now and watch the security cam footage of that altercation to ensure that Judge Barrett’s testimony is truthful

    Sen. Grassley: Dammmn…I didn’t know there was video

    Sen. Durbin: Hell yeah

    Sen. Feinstein: Mr. Chairman, I must strongly protest adjourning this comm…

    Sen. Grassley: *bangs gavel* The committee will adjourn and review the video…

    Sen. Tillis: Mr. Chairman, my staff has provided a personal copy of the footage for each member of this committee to review in their private chambers

    Sen. Durbin: *high fives Sen. Tillis* You’re the man

    1. R C Dean

      Just need to work in Sen. Sinema, who I believe claims to be fashionably bi-sexual.

      1. Rebel Scum

        claims to be fashionably bi-sexual

        Sinema cinema or it didn’t happen.

      2. Is her YouTube channel Sinemax?

    2. Tonio

      Nice.

      But, dude, that was 654 words which is roughly the length of some of Sug’s shorter installments. You could have submitted that and joined the elite ranks of Glibs contributors.

      1. Florida Man

        elite ranks of Glibs contributors.-

        Oooohhhh, would we call them elite?

      2. Tonio

        Look, the staff lounge is the best. Courvoisier V-S-O-P, bitches. Bombay Sapphire, Crown Royal…

      3. Wait, we’re elite?

        What are the perks?

    3. Gadfly

      One suggestion: this line –

      “Sen. Durbin: *snickers* Surrrreee….”

      I think would work better as something like this –

      “Sen. Durbin: *snickers* Bless your heart.”

    4. Tonio

      That was some nice writing, Tulsi. Srsly.

      I particularly liked the bits with Sen Graham. Much lulzy.

      1. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

        You are my muse, Tonio. Seriously, I liked your story the other day.

        1. I, too, liked it. I larfed.

        2. Tonio

          Awwww, thanks guys.

          Tulsi, srsly, stop giving it away on the street corner like a slut. Nice girls wait for a byline. Amirite Em-Jay?

          1. Playa Manhattan

            Are you talking about Tulsi’s yoga pants? They have my attention.

  20. Crusty Juggler

    De Blasio Campaign Surging After Statewide Poll Unearths Real Life Supporter

    According to a new statewide poll released by Siena College, there is in fact a living, breathing de Blasio 2020 supporter stalking the streets of New York City. A spokesperson for Siena College confirmed the man’s existence to the Washington Post. We don’t know much more, except for the fact that he is an older white man (historically, a key demographic for candidates hoping to rise above the collective will of the people).

    Of 389 Democrats polled statewide, this man was the sole respondent brave enough to admit his support for a de Blasio presidency. Talk about a person-first, grassroots campaign!

    SHOW YOURSELF COWARD!

    1. Suthenboy

      I bet we never see that guy and DeBlasio at the same time.

      1. Chipwooder

        No, see, his name is Warren Wilhelm. It’s a totally different guy.

        1. Suthenboy

          Oooooh, he is hare-lipped, so that isn’t an adhesive fail on one side of the mustache. And he always wears the hat and sunglasses, that’s just his style. For a moment I was confused.

          1. Crusty Juggler

            It’s time for the annual school dance, and this boy with a wooden eye is having problems getting a date. After being rejected by multiple girls, he settles on one girl that also has an impaired physical appearance, except she has a deformed top lip of her mouth.

            She says yes and when the school dance comes around after a couple of days they go together.

            She is not very good at keeping conversation and the boy has always been sort of awkward because people would always make fun of him. Eventually he musters up enough confidence and turns to the girl.

            “Would you care to dance?” he says nervously.

            She replies ecstatically, “WOULD I? WOULD I?”

            The guy yells back “HARELIP! HARELIP!”

    2. Rhywun

      Not it!

    3. I. B. McGinty

      I actually thought it was a Babylonbee article from the headline.

      1. Fatty Bolger

        Me too.

    4. Playa Manhattan

      Is it someone who has a history of animal abuse?

    5. mexican sharpshooter

      C’mon. You can pay a bum $2 to say anything, even say he supports Bill DeBlasio.

  21. Crusty Juggler

    Onlookers wish death on officers after fatal shootout on Staten Island

    Onlookers pelted police with profanities and death wishes shortly after officers killed a career criminal in a wild shootout that left a cop with a bullet in her hand.

    “Suck my d–k!” bellowed one man at a police cordon for about two consecutive minutes along the Clifton street, where the officer was struck on the left hand around 8:45 a.m. “Everybody behind that line can suck my d–k!”

    Much of the invective came from a group of 14 people restricted to the driveway of one Prince Street home while cops painstakingly processed the scene where the Finest was wounded and gunman Gregory Edwards was shot dead.

    “Get the f–k out of here!” screamed one person, amid what was still a very active investigation of the shootout.

    “All of y’all can die!” shouted another at cops from the 120th Precinct — the command where Eric Garner died in a fatal 2014 struggle with police, sparking a political powder keg. “I hope that happens.”

    Department insiders said that the vulgar display speaks to a growing hatred of cops on city streets.

    “You hear this more and more,” said one police source. “The public just has no respect for cops. All they want to do is fight cops. It never used to be that way.”

    A second source charged that the public has taken its cue from City Hall, which has frequently been at odds with the NYPD under Mayor Bill de Blasio.

    “It all started with de Blasio. He’s the one to blame for the way the public treats cops,” said the insider, pointing to the 2014 ambush slayings of Officers Wenjian Liu and Rafael Ramos in Brooklyn.

    These poor officers.

    1. R C Dean

      the scene where the Finest was wounded

      WT everlovin’ F?

      1. Chipwooder

        It’s a stupid NY Post thing. They do it all the time.

          1. Playa Manhattan

            Robert Wagner only gets 1 block?

      2. A civilian-involved shooting.

        (And yes, I know cops are civilians.)

    2. Hyperion

      “The public just has no respect for cops. All they want to do is fight cops. It never used to be that way.”

      Yeah, well we never used to see stories every other day about our heroes in blue breaking down the door of the wrong house for a drug raid and burning up babies with flash bang grenades. Just sayin.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        So.. you’re saying this is actually the media’s fault?

        1. Hyperion

          A lot of things are their fault, but this one is on the fuzz.

          1. Bobarian LMD

            You’re obviously not part of the FOP.

    3. Brett L

      So basically, it was just the Staten Island locals being themselves?

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        SHUT THE FUCK UP, BRETT!

      2. blackjack

        My first minutes in NYC. My cabbie was a sihk with a turban. We pull up next to a guy in a jaguar that kinda looks like Sean Connery. He rolls down his window and the cabbie responds by rolling his down. Connery starts cussing him out like a fucking sailor. You fucking rat bitch cocksucker, etc. My cabbie let’s him finish and then does the exact same thing back. Nothing precipitated it. Welcome to the big apple.

  22. Chipwooder

    Speaking of teachers……was down at the middle school last night for the boy’s open house and damn if he doesn’t have some young, hot teachers. I might actually go to the parent-teacher conferences so.

    1. Tonio

      Stay tuned, he commented cryptically.

  23. Hyperion

    “Aliens, bro. Its always aliens.”

    Sure, they’re real ‘photos’. It’s just that they’re not photos of aliens.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    (Some) Californians saddened to learn that the EPA will no longer let them be special.

    Good quote (more or less) from an EPA guy in the story I linked in AM:

    “Federalism does not mean one state gets to regulate what all the other states may do.”

    1. Hyperion

      But, it’s the biggest most importenest state with the most bestest right thinks! We have to let them tell us what to do, or bad orange man could win again and destroy what’s left of the planet.

    1. In a statement, the high school made it clear that it had not “disciplined the cheerleaders” but that “the focus of an athletic event should be on our students – not politics,” and that the students had violated policy

      Sounds about right.

      1. R C Dean

        Except the claimed policy violation was “distributing campaign material on school grounds” or somesuch. They didn’t actually violate the written policy.

        1. They’re standing up for what they believe in, just like Colin Kaepernick.

          1. Tonio

            I see what you did there, young man.

        2. Suthenboy

          *Thinks back on the videos of school children led in cult like worship sessions of Obama by their teaches and the gushing praise they received.*

          I was raised on a farm so I know what it looks like when someone is shoveling horseshit. The Admin should go fuck themselves, one and all.

          1. Rebel Scum

            cult like worship sessions of Obama

            And the murals and the school(s) being named after him even though 1) he is still alive and 2) he did not donate money to build/renovate the school(s).

          2. This was happening in Stanly county NC?

          3. Suthenboy

            If there are states that do not have a legal moratorium on political activity on state property or by state employees I am unaware of it. We had the same hypocrisy here. In 2008 Zero’s supporters got a pass on shit that would have gotten me fired in the blink of an eye.

        3. Under the regulations of the Stanly County Board of Education, political advertisements on campus or at school are not allowed

          I assume the football arena is considered campus and a Trump 2020 banner is clearly political advertisement.

          1. R C Dean

            The other article I saw on this quoted the policy. It was about “distributing materials”. Which did not happen.

            Even if it is a policy against political advertisements, the cheerleaders just posed with a sign brought by someone else.

            I wonder how many teachers have candidate bumper stickers on their cars? Are they being punished?

          2. Yeah they didn’t ‘just pose with a sign’, as if someone hung a banner and they happened to stand by it to get a selfie, They held up a banner on the field facing the stands. If that’s not an endorsement or advertisements than those words have no meaning.

            When they punish these cheerleader for the Trump stickers on their cars get back to me.

          3. R C Dean

            Nor, I believe, did they bring the sign.

            When they punish these cheerleader for the Trump stickers on their cars get back to me.

            I’ll be more interested in when they enforce this rule against their own employees, to tell you the truth.

            From the school’s statement:

            A student attending the event brought the flag into the game, which was not present when entering the gate. The picture was taken prior to the event starting. Stanly County Schools respects the rights of its students, staff and visitors to express their opinions in a respectful manner on their own time, however, Stanly County Board of Education policy prohibits the display or distribution of political advertisements on campus or at school events. Further, Stanly County Schools never makes political campaign endorsements.

            Looks like I was wrong – their policy does prohibit the “display” of political ads.

          4. Playa- fair enough they were on the track, can’t tell if they are facing the stands or not though, and seeing as the track is where they do most of their cheers and the players and coaches all stand it’s pretty much part of the ‘this is your job not your personal space ‘ zone.

            RC – I never said they brought the sign just that the cheerleader were holding it up (displaying it ) not “just posing near it”

          5. Jarflax

            Girls at a football game posed for a picture by someone’s Trump sign. I do not think there is a chance in hell the school has the right to ban this.

          6. Suthenboy

            Actually, they do. Political activity on state property or by state employees is a can of worms. It makes it look like a state or state institution endorses particular candidates or that people paid by the state both in salary and pension are pushing a political agenda. It is just better to stay away all together. My gripe is that lefties get a pass while non-pinkos get the hammer.

          7. Jarflax

            Political activity on state property or by state employees is a can of worms. It makes it look like a state or state institution endorses particular candidates or that people paid by the state both in salary and pension are pushing a political agenda.

            Two totally different cans of worms. when it comes to expression on state property they flat out cannot allow one viewpoint to be expressed and bar another in the same setting. That is core 1st Amendment.

            When it comes to expression by employees on the job, the risk that message will appear to be endorsed is a serious factor. The question here is whether cheerleaders are employees/agents. I think the answer is clearly no, or at least given that they allowed the referee to kneel in protest, has to be treated as no, because the referee is more clearly an employee than the cheerleaders.

            So I am sticking with the school cannot ban this.

      2. Rhywun

        And then they gave the student body Friday off to go klimate krisis larping.

        1. This is a peckerwood filled county that voted over 3-1 for trump, I’m guessing they went to a tractor pull or square dance.

          1. Heroic Mulatto

            SHUT THE FUCK UP, LIBTARD!

      3. wdalasio

        I’d agree. but…

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          If I’m not mistaken, it’s already well-established in the courts that minor students have reduced 1st A rights when on school grounds.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            Clarence T gets excited about that issue….

            and surprise panty Advil searches.

          2. Tonio

            Hah! Good on you.

          3. Tonio

            Justice Thomas faps furiously.

          4. wdalasio

            Perhaps.

            But, it’s very hard to conclude that the adult authorities here weren’t picking and choosing “allowable” political speech. The Kaepernick kneel is okay but not support for Donald Trump? Whether they have a strong legal case or not, the hypocrisy is more than apparent.

          5. Heroic Mulatto

            I don’t believe the school has a strong case, as I noted downthread. They have reduced rights, but that doesn’t mean they have no rights.

          6. Two entirely different ‘adult authorities’ One governing the athletics focusing on following the rules of the game, respecting the judgment of referees and officials, treating opponents with respect, respect for one’s opponent and graciousness in winning or losing the other governing the school district with goals of to provide every student with a quality education with a strong focus on being college and career ready. We believe student success lies in the collaboration between our schools, families, and communities.

          7. Jarflax

            The question isn’t which bureaucrats set the rules in which case. It is does the Sovereign allow some political speech in the space. And the Sovereign is the State, not the individual agency. Once they allowed a political protest in the football game context on arena grounds they pretty much blocked themselves from barring another one, absent some significant distinction. The identity of the speaker,the content of the speech, and the viewpoint of the speaker are prohibited bases for that significant distinction. Absolutely prohibited bases.

          8. Kneeling isn’t a political advertisement for any particular candidate. Significant distinction right there..

          9. Jarflax

            Advocacy for a position is political speech, so is advocacy for a candidate. I suppose you could try to argue that the donation limits to campaigns are a precedent for the distinction you are drawing but I don’t think that would fly.

          10. Advocacy for a position is political speech, so is advocacy for a candidate

            Both are political speech but with a meaningful distinction, suppose the ref was very concerned about your cars engine so he was kneeling to make people aware that they should change their oil every three thousands miles. Now suppose the cheer squad goes out a displays a ‘The Hyperbole’s Olde Quick-E-Lube Shoppe’ banner and lastly suppose you own ‘Jarflax’s Oil Change Place’ in the same town as the much better named business. Would you say there is a significant distinction between the position advocacy and the business (candidate) advocacy?

            Now the sovereign point is interesting but I, as a libertarian, believe in federalism and local rule, thus local school board is not/should not be beholden to the state, same with the loose affiliation of inter-conference athletic teams and whatever body they choose to rule them. If the body voluntarily chosen by the teams to regulate their officials say ‘kneel away’, and the local school board that is charged by the people to regulate the behavior of their students while on school grounds say ‘No kneeling’, that’s all rosy in my book.

          11. Jarflax

            Both are political speech but with a meaningful distinction, suppose the ref was very concerned about your cars engine so he was kneeling to make people aware that they should change their oil every three thousands miles. Now suppose the cheer squad goes out a displays a ‘The Hyperbole’s Olde Quick-E-Lube Shoppe’ banner and lastly suppose you own ‘Jarflax’s Oil Change Place’ in the same town as the much better named business. Would you say there is a significant distinction between the position advocacy and the business (candidate) advocacy?

            You are taking a distinction that is clearly proper in the area of commercial speech (because the opportunity to speak in a forum is a valuable thing and can be sold, rendering unauthorized speech tantamount to theft) and political speech which Government at all levels is barred from regulating on the basis of viewpoint. Or in ways that use indirect regulation to discriminate on the basis of viewpoint. Government can regulate time place and manner, within limits, the principle limit being that it cannot be applied so as to burden a viewpoint or viewpoints.

            In this case the time and place are hard to distinguish, sidelines before a game in both cases. Manner regulations are allowed to prevent dangerous, or excessively disruptive demonstrations. ie, don’t burn a flag inside the building, or hold a rally blocking a road. Posing for a picture on the track girding the field is not going to qualify as disruptive or dangerous.

            The strongest argument for your position is the “Cheerleaders posing falsely identifies the school as endorsing the position spoken.” idea, but even that is fairly weak IMHO because they are not agents or employees, they are teen girls in uniforms they had to purchase (I presume), and they did not bring the sign, they just posed with it.

    2. Heroic Mulatto

      Under the regulations of the Stanly County Board of Education, political advertisements on campus or at school are not allowed – a policy it said Monday “does not prohibit students from speaking their minds or engaging in protected First Amendment activities”.

      Ipse dixit doesn’t count. While I can see a school rightly preventing a candidate from placing a sign on school property, they would have to really make a strong case that a student with a campaign bumper sticker, say “Trump 2020” on his or her backpack, doesn’t pass the Tinker test for non-disruption.

    3. Hyperion

      “News that really matters: High school cheerleaders placed on probation after posing with Trump 2020 sign”

      Well, isn’t hate speech illegal in accordance with the Constitution? We just need a new Hate Speech Czar to sort things out.

  25. Drake

    Fatties vs. shooters. I have the same reaction every time I hear a breathless newsie talking about somebody who died from vaping (without any of the details of what s/he was actually vaping). How many people died today from smoking?

    1. Rebel Scum

      without any of the details of what s/he was actually vaping

      My understanding is that black market vaping products are the issue, not the name-brand, legally purchased products. But we have to freak out anyway.

      1. Hyperion

        We have to freak out about something, or else people might start feeling that our betters who protect us are unnecessary, and we can’t have that or else all that apocalypse stuff will start coming true. So since we have to freak out and need our protector betters to save us, why shouldn’t it be vaping? Don’t worry, if you get tired of that one, there will be new freak out material next week and our esteemed media will make sure you are aware of it.

        1. Shirley Knott

          Follow the money. How badly is vaping cutting into the expected tax revenue? How big a threat is it to the taper-off rate in tobacco taxes absent vaping?

    2. Hyperion

      I’m pretty sure that no one, well very few people, have ever died from obesity. They may have died from diseases that may have been exacerbated by obesity, but not from obesity itself.

      1. Jarflax

        Yes and very few people have been killed with guns. The vast majority are killed by bullets.

        1. Hyperion

          I’m going to say, correction, ALL of them are killed by people.

          1. Jarflax

            with not by. I said with.

          2. Chipping Pioneer

            Except those killed by cop guns.

            “The firearm discharged”

    3. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

      The vaping thing is a classic Bootleggers and Baptists situation. The big boys are trying to eliminate the lesser competition.

  26. Gender Traitor

    The only good reason to put anything other than alcohol in perfectly good wine glasses (and…candles??? Srsly? What is it with chicks and candles?) is if it has become socially acceptable to drink straight from the bottle.

    1. Why do I need special glasses for wine? I just put it in a regular glass, add krupnik and barenjager to take the edge off the flavor.

      1. R C Dean

        I am not a wine drinker, but I did stop off at a demo of Reidel wine glasses (hey, free booze).

        The right (high-quality glass) actually makes a noticeable difference, even to a yokel like me.

      2. kinnath

        Some researchers staged a “wine tasting” for some average wine drinkers. A single bottle of wine was poured into five different types of wine glasses. These were served to the drinkers one wine glass style at a time. The drinkers evaluated the wines and wrote notes. After the big reveal at the end, most of them refused to believe they had sampled the same wine 5 times.

      3. Rebel Scum

        There’s a special glass for Cabernet and for chardonnay. Beyond that idk. But at least I have some culture and taste. *pours wine into ice-filled thermal cup*

      4. Florida Man

        It does make a difference. Like using champagne flutes to reduce exposure to the atmosphere keeping the drink bubbly longer.

      5. Heroic Mulatto

        Are you arguing that ISO 3591:1977 is wrong?

        1. ISO standard – Must be wrong until proven right.

      6. Hyperion

        “Why do I need special glasses for wine? I just put it in a regular glass, add krupnik and barenjager to take the edge off the flavor.”

        I just drink it out of the bottle, in a paper bag, out on the front lawn. Isn’t that the way ya’ll do it?

        1. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

          Only when I’m drinking Thunderbird or Ripple. If I’m drinking Champipple, I break out the special glassware.

    2. jesse.in.mb

      Oh shit, I read that as wine bottles and thought they were just uhhh upcycling…I guess. My old roommate collected corks and bottles for a bunch of future craft projects she was never going to do. And by collected I mean she justified her high consumption of wine by saying she was going to make a hip cork board and put string lights in wine bottles.

      1. I. B. McGinty

        Mrs. McGinty did the same thing but has moved on to different liquor now. The wine bottles got recycled but the cork collection is still floating around.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          I tossed the wine bottles at some point and she didn’t care. We had a giant glass container of corks that when she moved out I kept asking if she was going to need me to store it. She eventually used them as a packing material…there were enough that they were useful.

          1. Chipwooder

            See? Everything happens for a reason!

          2. Bobarian LMD

            Are we talking about the liver disease?

          3. Tulip

            I have actually made a cork wreath from wine corks. It kept me entertained and justified my wine consumption.

        2. Tonio

          “the cork collection is still floating around”

          Such joke. Much wittiness.

      2. Gender Traitor

        Martha would say it’s a good thing.

    3. Suthenboy

      I am not a wine guy, not really, so I never understood all of the hokus-pokus around it. It’s grape juice.

  27. Okay, I’m exporting between 500 and 1500 records each with 20 text fields from our outsourced professional database service. Why the hell is it taking 5 minutes a pop? Once I get the data out of the database, I can do whatever the hell I want with it in about 10 seconds on my laptop. It’s not a big dataset.

    1. R C Dean

      I’d check the thermostat.

      1. Rhywun

        Unplug the network and plug it back in.

    2. Sensei

      Amazing isn’t it.

      I do the same thing – take about 180k records from a third party system so I can do analysis on it.

      Funniest thing is I use MS Access to analyze the data and my co-workers are surprised that I don’t Excel it. I patiently explain that if I have to repeatedly do this the last thing I want to do is Excel. One you get the data and imports set up you won’t have to perpetually re-pivot and change ranges.

      1. robc

        Access…blech.

        1. We could spin up an Oracle instance if you prefer.

          1. Shirley Knott

            Postgres or death!

          2. Okay, you can have death.

          3. The whole reason I’m exporting the data is because people are listed by email address in one type of record and by name in another type of record, which makes it really hard to run analytics per person. Im just gonna jam this stuff into my postgres db and completely decouple from the professional service.

          4. Shirley Knott

            Yup. That’s the way to do it.
            Out of curiosity, what front end tools do you use?
            I’m basically retired from software work, dev to pm and back 😉

          5. I’m tossing together a front-end using django right now. I’m a few years out of practice and never really did front-end work, but I was pretty damn good with python back in the day. Im fine with the builtin django server for now, but apache is where I’d migrate if I need production capabilities.

            This is all convenience/automation work, and my boss told me this week to keep it to 10% or less of my bandwidth, so I’m moving quite slowly on my coding projects. There’s no time to lock myself in a room and hash out a semi-coherent schema or design a road map for advanced features.

          6. Shirley Knott

            I hear you, Supreme. We’re vaguely parallel, I’m a Ruby/Rails fan. Was. Originally part of the Smalltalk side of the rise of OO, way back when..
            I can definitely see bashing together a localhost server to serve up stuff from a local db.

          7. Rhywun

            Originally part of the Smalltalk side of the rise of OO, way back when..

            Wow. I loved playing around with Smalltalk back when I was first starting out (late 90s) and remember wondering why isn’t this conquering the world instead of ugly crap like VB or C++….

          8. Localhost will be fine until we can get some traction. This is the legal department of [insert well known silicon Valley company here], so it’s not impossible to get access to a lab server once others start to catch on to the awesomeness.

        2. Rhywun

          I cut my teeth on Access. It has its uses.

          1. robc

            Over 20 years ago, I eliminated it from the company I worked at.

            If you need a database, use a real database. Or just use excel.

          2. Brett L

            I’l argue that. The proper time to upgrade is when >1 person needs to use the database.

          3. robc

            I guess I always have them available and can just throw a new table into an obscure corner of the Test DB or something.

          4. Rhywun

            Oh yeah, I haven’t touched it in ages but it’s a good tool to give to the business types so they can play around with (carefully isolated) datasets.

          5. Bobarian LMD

            I use access every day for the local data distributions we do in the office. We use Oracle products to pull down the flat data we need for daily requirements.

            We have multiple DBs in oracle and sybase that we have to pull various elements from to distribute reports and conduct analysis on.

            ACCESS sucks ass for hitting the DB direct, but it is a great intermediate tool for doing the multiple ad-hoc requirements we have for splitting out the multiple (and ever changing) daily requirements.

          6. BakedPenguin

            I’ll agree with robc.

            Unless he uses R.

          7. Hyperion

            “I cut my teeth on Access. It has its uses.”

            Yeah, only problem is, it sucks. I converted a lot of apps from Access and various flavors of dBase, like FoxPro, to MSSQL for a company I worked for during my early years of being a dev. Also did the conversion to .NET from whatever horror, like FoxPro and VBA.

          8. Playa Manhattan

            I’m 12 years out of date, but Access was fucking awesome.

    3. dbleagle

      Teamster Union run software program is my guess.

    4. Bobarian LMD

      The Chinese are downloading it with you, which tends to consume some bandwidth.

      1. You joke, but it wouldn’t be out of character

  28. Chipwooder

    Joe Walsh’s money grab primary challenge is off to a bangin’ start.

    Friends in Iowa, join us tonight for a pop up in Des Moines celebrating our team’s first official trip to the Granite State and the launch of our campaign podcast. Join us! #Walsh2020 #BeBrave https://t.co/RTsyUizB1S

    — Joe Walsh (@WalshFreedom) September 18, 2019

    1. robc

      Still the wrong Joe Walsh.

      But, speaking of which, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIsfA9vGwUA

    2. Pope Jimbo

      The best thing about his primary run is that he is no longer on the radio late at night when I’m driving home from the gym. That guy was a grade A asshole.

    3. So you go to Iowa to celebrate a trip to New Hampshire?

  29. Gadfly

    (Some) Californians saddened to learn that the EPA will no longer let them be special.

    FTA:

    Not for this Republican administration. “You must pollute more!” is the admonition to automakers.

    That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

    I guess some people really do believe that anything not banned should be mandatory, and vice versa.

  30. The Hyperbole’s tip of the day – check the air pressure in your spare tire, being capable of changing a flat on the side of the road is useless when your spare is also flat and you left your compressor in the shop cause you didn’t think you’d need it on the job today.

    1. Suthenboy

      Harbor Freight. 20 bucks will get you a decent air compressor. Throw it in the trunk and don’t take it out.
      *pro-tip: cut the power plug off of the wire, put another 10 feet of wire on each lead and some battery clips on the ends. Run it from the battery and the extra wire allows you lots of extra reach. Also, get one of those tire kits with plugs and extra valve stems.

      That shit can be a life saver.

      1. I spent a little more than that for an air compressor that had a cigarette lighter plug. It saves me from having to figure out where the battery is. (Damn hybrid cars)

        1. Oh I have one of those, it’s always under the passenger seat, always that is until today. Well until Sunday apparently,when I last cleaned/organised the truck and left it on the bench in the garage like an maroon.

      2. I have actual plugs in my Pilot, so no. ; )

    2. J. Frank Parnell

      I used to have a 300zx and the spare had to be deflated to fit in the storage compartment.

      1. R C Dean

        One of the things I like about our FJs is the full-size spare.

        And, yes, I check the pressure periodically.

    3. Playa Manhattan

      My spare has an air pressure sensor.

  31. Iran expelled from International Judo Federation for ordering its athletes not to compete with (((other judokas)))

    One of the Iranians refused the order, and is seeking asylum in Germany. It’s actually a thing in a number of Muslim countries to tell their athletes to withdraw from competition so that they don’t have to face (((certain competitors))).

    1. J. Frank Parnell

      More like Jewdo amirite?

      1. Bobarian LMD

        (((Do)))

      2. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

        For the Iranians it’s Jewdon’t.

    2. Playa Manhattan

      The problem isn’t facing Jews, it’s losing to them.

      1. Jarflax

        The problem is the (((Demons))) the (((Jews))) embed in good Muslims via touch. (((Jews))) summon them with the blood of gentile babies. It is known.

      2. R C Dean

        And sweaty grappling with them.

  32. Crusty Juggler

    The Vaping Illness Outbreak: What We Know So Far

    Is this really new, or has it always been a risk of vaping?

    Public health officials are working to confirm that this is a new phenomenon and not simply a case of raised awareness among medical providers and patients, but it’s too soon to know for sure. Jennifer Layden, chief medical officer of the Illinois Department of Public Health, told reporters, “I don’t think we can say if it’s a new or newly recognized phenomenon,” although according to preliminary findings, “it does appear to be an increase of cases.”

    BAN IT ALL!

    1. Rhywun

      It’s too soon to know for sure but we’re gonna fear-monger anyway.

    2. Pope Jimbo

      raised awareness

      Is that bureaucratese for “Look you fuckers, anyone wanting govt grant $$$ next year better start ‘finding’ some vaping deaths!”

      1. Bobarian LMD

        More like “Vaping is cutting into tobacco expenditures, and while tobacco companies make $.07 off a pack, we’re clearing $1.50. Them Vaping fucks are worse than scabs!”

    3. R C Dean

      I may supplement my “Get Off My Lawn 2020” t-shirt with a “Ban All The Things” t-shirt.

  33. Florida Man

    I needed a water bottle for the gym and amazon recommended a hydro flask. My wife liked it and I got her the largest size because she is trying to drink more water. When she took it to her middle school job, she discovered it’s a VSCO girl accessory. What is a VSCO girl? Watch and weep.

    https://youtu.be/WuCHF_ZnCUA

    1. Crusty Juggler

      The long t shirt and short shorts are the first sign. Be on the lookout – they’re everywhere!

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        The things you know frighten me.

        1. Crusty Juggler

          Dude, vsco girls are like the opposite of Instagram influencing models – they are counter-cultural revolutionaries.

          Get with it, bro.

          1. Jarflax

            counter-cultural revolutionaries who post pictures on instagram showing them in outfits that comply with their in group fashion rules?

          2. Crusty Juggler

            And scrunchies.

      2. Florida Man

        The tsktsk and I oop are the weirdest part for me.

        1. Crusty Juggler

          I unfortunately had two teenage girls explain vsco style to me a couple of months ago. I understood nothing other than long shirts, scrunchies, and a water bottle.

    2. Suthenboy

      “Not just a fashion trend, it’s a lifestyle…”

      Hasn’t that been said about every fashion trend since the beginning of time?

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        Yes.

    3. jesse.in.mb

      I’m still not entirely sure how that trend got associated with VSCO.

    4. The Other Kevin

      That describes my 14 year old. Trying to decide if I should throw that term out there and risk the eye roll and “Dad, just stop.”

      1. Crusty Juggler

        “Hey babe, that outfit’s fire 100.”

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          Mood.

          1. pistoffnick

            No cap

      2. R C Dean

        Do it, TOK. Its the surest way to get her to stop.

    5. Playa Manhattan

      How do you do, fellow youth?

      1. Florida Man

        Just capital, my very young friend.

    1. Suthenboy

      Glanced at that quickly and read ‘evangelical communists’.

      I agree. If we go all NGD we will be living in a world technologically equal to the one described in the Bible.

    2. The Other Kevin

      “It would create debt of biblical proportions.” I see it.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        Well they are excited about the whole “kill the first born” thing.

    3. Hyperion

      Like I’ve said too many times. Denier! Yep, not a religion for sures.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        As I replied earlier “Burn Compost the heretic!”

    4. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Oh goody, religious fundamentalism and leftist fundamentalism joining hands and marching into that glorious green future. If only they wouldn’t try to drag us with them.

    5. Playa Manhattan

      Changing the business model to get butts in the seats. Color me surprised.

  34. Winston

    https://twitchy.com/sarahd-313035/2019/09/18/wil-wilkinsons-fear-of-gun-confiscation-opponents-disturbing-hostility-to-democracy-betrays-his-staggering-ignorance-of-the-constitution/

    Shorter Will Wilkinson: Democracy Uber Alles except when I don’t like the results.

    Pounding the table and insisting that YOUR list of basic rights, and YOUR opinion about their shape, is definitive, that the conversation is closed, and if majorities try to legislate to the contrary, they’ll have to have a conversation with your gun, is dangerously illiberal.

    So if majorities vote to kick out gays and immigrants and ban foreign trade he would fine with that?

    Dogmatic claims about inviolable rights are implicitly claims about the conditions for legitimate political authority and the proper scope of democratic decision-making. But people disagree about rights, and there needs to be space to peacefully negotiate those disagreements.

    So basic rights are meaningless?

    Deep and intractable disagreement about the good and the right is a basic condition of political life in a pluralistic society. Democracy is a tool for managing those disagreements to keep them from becoming violent.

    So pluralism means no one can agree on anything and majority rules?
    <

    1. Heroic Mulatto

      When you’ve lost Robby Soave….

      1. Winston

        Remember a few weeks ago when I went off about Jeff Tucker quoting David Brooks talking about “pluralism”? This is the sort of definition of “pluralism” that makes me wary. What good is pluralism if it means that there are no rights except what the elites wish us to have?

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          The irony is that the intent of the Bill of Rights was to protect the individual rights of the minority against the political convenience of the majority. Kerry must have brought back some dank-ass kush from Myanmar for Wil to be this retarded. I’d really like to see Will try to make this case for the 1st A protection against a state religion.

          1. Tonio

            “dank-ass kush”

            Yes, please.

          2. Jarflax

            Can’t we compromise? I mean we could make the State Church Unitarian, that is about as secular as you can get.

          3. Heroic Mulatto

            I’d vote for Scientology as state religion over UU.

            At least it’s a fucking ethos, man.

          4. Winston

            TOP MEN basically. If only the educated upper-class urban elites held full sway and the peasants accepted their lower-class status then things would be fine. Democracy and inviolable rights are good only when they service this agenda but they are bad if they interfere with this agenda.

            I’d really like to see Will try to make this case for the 1st A protection against a state religion.

            Probably something about how it may have necessary then but not now if its repeal were to be advanced by people that he likes but if it were to be advanced by people he hated then he would argue that there is no majority will.

          5. Winston

            Seriously liberalism even in the 17th century always had a weakness for TOP MEN. There was always a strain of liberal thinking that the real problem with the King and the Pope was that they were not real TOP MEN. We need constitutions, legislatures and civil liberties to protect us from reactionaries but once they are gone then they are meaningless since TOP MEN are in charge. And we need public schools to educate everyone and by “educate” we mean “everyone will agree that the TOP MEN should rule us”.

          6. Winston

            Then there is the whole “we have certain inalienable rights but things constantly evolve and change yet those inalienable rights will remain inalienable somehow” argument. Not helped by the fact classical liberals were the ones who created the “It’s [Current Year!]” argument

          7. Jarflax

            The messiah concept is something hard wired into human nature. Possibly tied into childhood images of your Father as protector against the terrors of the night, but it is a recurrent myth. The Rightful King will return and lead us to glory!

      2. robc

        Big point I got from it is that Wil would have supported the Alien & Sedition Acts. Well, at least he has some Founders on his side.

      3. Tonio

        To be sure…

    2. Jarflax

      there needs to be space to peacefully negotiate those disagreement

      I’ll negotiate a lot, but if you try to:

      outlaw categories of speech
      disarm the public
      or
      short cut due process

      we are not negotiating. You are oppressing, and I am being oppressed. Eventually you will hit my limits and I will drag my fat ass out into the woods with a rifle.

      1. Tonio

        Bloody peasant!

    3. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

      Who would have thought that a think tank that has spent most of the Trump presidency fellating Bill Kristol and Bret Stephens would be nothing more than horse shit?

      1. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

        The “nine times out of ten” rule holds true

      2. Winston

        How many cosmotarians are not shit?

        1. Winston

          The big problem is trying to appease people who flat out hate your whole agenda. They are not uneducated or ignorant they know full well what libertarians want but that is why they hate libertarians.

        2. Hyperion

          “How many cosmotarians are not shit?”

          All of the ones not at the cocktail party.

          1. Crusty Juggler

            HA! Cocktail party. Good one.

          2. Hyperion

            I lurnt it at TOS.

    4. R C Dean

      Pounding the table and insisting that YOUR list of basic rights,

      That isn’t some list I made up, you know. Its right there in the Constitution.

      But people disagree about rights, and there needs to be space to peacefully negotiate those disagreements.

      Fuck. You. Inherent, inalienable rights are not negotiable. I’m not playing your game of endless compromise whittling away at my rights.

      1. Winston

        Inherent, inalienable rights are not negotiable.

        They are when he doesn’t like them.

        Also the line about “Peacefully negotiate” is another tell. Anyone who disagrees with him will be “unpeaceful”.

        1. Yeah, interesting that the person who would be “unpeaceful” would be the one being assaulted by agents of the government intent on taking his or her property.

      2. I think this gets back at its core to whether or not you believe rights are social conventions or whether they’re in some fashion inherent to humanity. If you believe the former, of course all rights are negotiable. Problem is, they’re not really rights, then, are they? They’re just privileges granted by some higher authority, in this case apparently 51% of the people able to take them away. In that sense, rights don’t exist, and tangentially it makes me wonder whether people who believe basic rights such as self-defense are negotiable believe the same thing about, say, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

        I also think it touches on whether you believe in the idea of negative liberty. Even if you disagree on which rights are inherent, basic, or universal, I think that’s a good starting point for a discussion about rights. If, on the other hand, you believe there’s nothing incongruous about one person having a right that requires the abrogation of another person’s right, either directly or indirectly, then you likely don’t believe in negative liberty, and, consequently, don’t believe in the idea that rights are absolute. If they’re not absolute, they’re not rights.

        1. Winston

          This has always been a serious problem. The classical liberals were the ones who created the “It’s [Insert Current Year]!” argument which worked well until about 1910 when the socialists used it against them with devastating effect.

          And even Jefferson and Paine while talking about natural rights also spoke of the constant evolution of society taking it as a given that this constant evolution would never result in their ideas being rejected.

        2. Scruffy Nerfherder

          My rights only exist insofar as I am able to defend them.

          1. Jarflax

            Rights are about judging the rightness of actions not about what you can or cannot get away with.

            My rights only exist insofar as I am able to defend them.

            boils down to might makes right, and leaves the guy holding a harem of teens in his basement on the same footing as a guy defending his family from attackers.

          2. Scruffy Nerfherder

            I’m stating the basic reality that if you are on the receiving end of a despot, you effectively have no rights other than what’s in your mind. And those are of little practical use without some way to defend them.

            Hence why authoritarians always disarm the populace first. And it’s why the cultural norms of a country matter. If 99% of the populace don’t want freedom of speech, freedom of speech ceases to exist.

            Might does not make right, but rights cannot exist without might, whether it’s your own might or someone else’s who will defend you.

          3. Jarflax

            can we agree on:

            Might does not make right, but rights cannot exist be defended or exercised without might, whether it’s your own might or someone else’s who will defend you.

            I think it is important to recognize that rights exist independently of your ability to exercise them. A (((person))) in Auschwitz had the right to life, liberty, and property, they just had no way of defending those rights or of exercising them. The fact that we inherently recognize that those murdering (((them))) were doing evil shows that we recognize that (((they))) had rights which were violated.

          4. Scruffy Nerfherder

            Fair enough, I’m purposely pushing a practical answer to the question, but I do acknowledge the metaphysics.

            I believe far too many people take our cultural norms towards inalienable rights for granted and rely too much on others to defend those rights for them.

          5. That doesn’t mean you don’t have rights, it just means that they’ve been violated. Going in the other direction, they have to be rights in the first place in order for them to have been violated. Otherwise the despot is simply exercising his or her own rights to your…whatever…and that takes us right back to whether or not a right that is conditional on something like social status or the application of force is in fact a right and not simply a privilege or the exercise of will.

          6. Scruffy Nerfherder

            Our “inalienable” rights are part of a utilitarian ethical framework conceived by Locke.

            As such, they are simply man-made abstractions. On this point, I agree with John. Unless you believe in a higher power and that the higher power specifically granted this moral and ethical framework to mankind, all of this is by definition utilitarian and subject to revision, including our “inalienable” rights.

            I’m agnostic. My belief in my rights is significant only so far as I can preserve them. I certainly prefer the Lockean conception of my rights, but I have to recognize that as a utilitarian system it must be defended through argument, persuasion, and if necessary, force, to be of relevance.

          7. Jarflax

            As such, they are simply man-made abstractions. On this point, I agree with John. Unless you believe in a higher power and that the higher power specifically granted this moral and ethical framework to mankind, all of this is by definition utilitarian and subject to revision, including our “inalienable” rights.

            2 points

            1. Rights derive from the same source as the golden rule. They are simply the other side of that coin. They define what it means to treat other people with respect. It is not true that respect for others depends on God’s orders. I am agnostic as well and think that the fact that we are sapient creatures is enough to justify respect for each other as ends in ourselves (apologies to Kant)

            2. Utilitarian arguments lead to enough people who feel strongly enough about something being within their rights to restrict mine.

          8. Scruffy Nerfherder

            I want to continue this, but I have to go to sleep.

            Thanks for the back and forth, it helps me refine my thoughts. Part of why I like this place.

          9. I disagree. That’s the same as arguing that there are no rights at all. If a right is conditional on your ability to defend it then it isn’t a right, it’s simply a manifestation of your ability to exercise your will. It also presumes that you have a right to defend those rights–because presumably there is never a condition under which you would not have the right to defend your other rights–which implies that there is at least one inherent right.

          10. Scruffy Nerfherder

            I’m purposely eliding the distinction between a right and the ability to exercise a right to make the point that your ability to exercise a right absolutely depends on force. Hence why the Second Amendment is the most important amendment.

            If I’m a chattel slave, I may possess inalienable rights in principle but not in reality.

          11. Hyperion

            In the USA of today, unfortunately, unalienable rights means rights they can not or have not already made a run around by regulation. If someone wants to challenge me on this, I’m up for it.

          12. Jarflax

            In the USA of today, unfortunately, unalienable rights means rights they can not or have not already made a run around by regulation.

            infringement does not void a right. It simply means the infringing party has done something evil. Rights do not guarantee liberty. Liberty guarantees the exercise of rights.

          13. Tonio

            Oh, look ‘e said “eliding.”

            [Wet Willies the Scruffster, surveys for possible wedgie-ing]

          14. No, I see what you’re saying, I’m just saying that the distinction is what justifies the use of force in the defense of rights. When Jefferson referred to certain rights as “inalienable” he absolutely meant that in the sense that they couldn’t be separated from the human condition. If a right is inherent* then the defense of that right must perforce be morally justifiable. That distinction is what makes the chattel slave’s violent rebellion morally upstanding where the use of force to preserve a “right” to broadband Internet or free healthcare is morally indefensible.

            *I’d also argue that a right that is inherent can only represent a negative liberty, logically.

        3. Tonio

          Inalienability. It’s what all the cool kids are doing.

    5. Rufus the Monocled

      “neontaster
      @neontaster
      Replying to @neontaster
      I love how we went from “we don’t want to take your guns” to “we want to take your guns, and frankly your objections to it are undemocratic.”

      And Bingo was his name-O.

      B.I.N.G.O.

    6. Suthenboy

      They are losing patience. They thought they had it in the bag with The Hildebeast following Zero and it just didn’t happen. The 2A is the only thing stopping them from full on marxist revolution, purges, riots, etc….the same old shit they always do. They are losing their composure over their inability to get that one strategic win that will clear the way.
      I have seen more than a few temper tantrums like that lately. That Beta and Duke Nukem’ and the rest think they can throw those tantrums as part of the party platform and call for full on confiscation shows just how hard left they are and just how out of touch. This is not going to end well for the D’s.

  35. WOOT.

    I didn’t even know I wanted this, But There’s a sequel to Kerbal Space Program coming. The colonies option is something I was just thinking about too… (I can’t seem to build a Mun rocket capable of getting back to Kerbin)

  36. Gadfly

    Interesting story: the second known object to visit our solar system from outside is passing through currently. And no, it’s not related to the UFO story, it’s just a rock.

    1. I. B. McGinty

      “it’s just a rock”

      Says you! The rest of us know what it really is…

      1. Bobarian LMD

        Space herpes?

      2. Playa Manhattan

        An investment opportunity?

  37. Stinky Wizzleteats

    I love the way the LA Times framed the air pollution article. Trump’s not looking to pull Cali’s exemption because he doesn’t want them essentially setting auto emissions policy for all the states, it’s because he wants California’s air to be more polluted because he’s some kind of Bondian super villain.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      Look. Trump is a racist who derives pleasure in watching chidden squirm in cages and sheer joy in covering America in smog for kicks.

      It’s what he do.

      1. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

        To be sure, that does sound like fun.

  38. robc

    Related to the DB discussion upthread:

    I was at a conference last fall and there was a session on Blockchain.

    They started with the folliowing slide:

    Blockchain or Databaase, which should I use?

    They had a nice easy flowchart that I won’t try to replicate here, but it went as follows. Can you use a db? Yes -> Use a DB. No -> use blockchain.

    1. Hyperion

      I seem to have this weird and disturbing addiction to TSQL. I can just write queries all day and not get tired of it. I actually like it better than writing .NET code. I think coding eventually fucks up you brain and you wind up like this. I need to drink more beer.

      1. robc

        I like writing straight sql. I don’t want tools to do it for me. Just let me write it so I understand what is going on and can debug it later.

        1. Hyperion

          I always do it that way, I never use any kind of visual designer. Same with code. I hate for anything to take control away from me.

  39. Hyperion

    I think I’m off to some more Greedfall exploration.

    1. I was torn between that and Monster Hunter World and chose the latter because of the sale. Despite my initial fears that it would be too weebish I find that the game’s fun enough to overlook the periodic flare-ups of Japanese video game culture. Minimal schoolgirl costumes or kawaii bullshit, flipping peace fingers, that sort of thing. And, honestly, I do kind of get a kick out of the anthropomorphic cat chefs.

      1. Hyperion

        I saw that sale. I almost wanted to bite, but with Greedfall, still playing through Risen 3, and Rebel Galaxy Outlaw, it’s just too much game and not enough time right now to justify it.

        1. I’m working through the backlog and I got caught back up in Grim Dawn. So now I’m like dividing my time between that, Monster Hunter, and Nioh. Thing is, I think I’m aging out of games like Nioh. It’s great, but I’m getting to a point where I don’t want to play a game that stresses me out.

          1. Hyperion

            Grim Dawn is a pretty good game if you enjoy hack and slash games. I don’t, but I still liked that one.

          2. Jarflax

            The ones I can’t play anymore are the horror games. I have to either set the monitor so bright the ambiance is destroyed or be unable to see what I am doing.

          3. Hyperion

            Maybe because horror games are not scary, because you know they are not real.

            If I want scary, I have to go back to my early childhood when my uncles would hold me down and make me watch The Blob and Creature from the Black Lagoon and tell me that one of those monsters were right outside the door right now and were about to come in and eat my face off while another of my uncles would pound on the door pretending to be the monster. Fun times.

          4. It’s the jump scares that do me in. I’ve got a shitty little old-ass house that’s falling apart at the seams, I live two blocks from public housing where people get shot on a monthly basis on a street that has had three break-ins this year and God knows how many cars broken into in front of the owners’ houses, I’ve got three pets who are probably months away from shuffling off this mortal coil, a toddler, I’m working on an MBA, there’s a baby on the way, I’m looking forward to thousands of dollars of home improvement just to be able to move and we’re just now celebrating six months without the threat of foreclosure or collection agencies. What I don’t need in my leisure time is to be stressed out by a video game.

          5. Rhywun

            The thing I’m getting too old for is endlessly repeating shit because I don’t have the reflexes of a ten-year-old any more. I mean, the whole point of video games is to frustrate you, when you get right down to it. Well, my tolerance for that is way down lately.

          6. Hyperion

            “The thing I’m getting too old for is endlessly repeating shit because I don’t have the reflexes of a ten-year-old any more.”

            Yeah, it would depend on what type of game you enjoy. I started playing RPGs a long time ago and do not enjoy straight out shooters.

            So in this case, reflexes do not matter nearly as much. It’s more a game of strategy. I go for ranged weapons and will go into sniper mode any time I get the chance. I’m only going to do melee when necessary and I’m going to make sure I’ve planned to have the hardware and skills to win that.

          7. Rhywun

            I play a lot of platformers, lots of indie games, some action but none of the AAA stuff y’all are always jawing about.

  40. Crusty Juggler

    ‘Saved by the Bell’ TV Sequel With Mario Lopez and Elizabeth Berkley a Go at NBCUniversal’s Streamer

    So I know this is going to be dumb but really how dumb can it be?

    The new straight-to-series comedy explores what happens when California Gov. Zack Morris (Gosselaar’s role) gets into hot water for closing too many low-income high schools and proposes the affected students be sent to the highest-performing schools in the state — including Bayside High. The influx of new students gives the overprivileged Bayside kids a much-needed and hilarious dose of reality. Lopez and Berkley will return to play their respective characters A.C. Slater and Jessie Spano in what sources say are new roles as parents.

    I need a palate cleanser!

    1. Hyperion

      I’m sure it’s going to be so brave, much woke.

        1. Hyperion

          Maybe he’ll be like the libertarian dude on Parks and Recreation. Sort of like the sideshow freak. I mean Hollywood loves laughing at them rednecks.

        2. Stinky Wizzleteats

          I’d forgotten about that and the subsequent groveling apology. It seems like a lot longer than two months ago for some reason.

          1. Hyperion

            Isn’t that Candace Owens a white supremacist Nazi? That’s what I heard.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      So Mr. Belding ends up getting gunned down by a gang member or something? I might have to tune in after all.

    3. Urthona

      Can’t possibly be as dumb as the original.

    4. Rhywun

      I approve!

      /Richard Carranza

  41. robc

    Weird question that some of you will understand. At my new job, my title will be Senior Data Architect.

    In my mind, Data Architect is pretty much by definition a senior level position, so what is the expectation with that prefix?

    1. Hyperion

      “Senior Data Architect”

      Did they tell you what you will actually be doing? I Mean not the bullshit description of the job posted by HR, but the real job?

      To me it sounds like designing new DBs for new apps or maintaining, modding news one. Could also be anything on the dev side of DB, like writing sprocs. Otherwise, it would probably be something like DB Admin.

      1. robc

        To me it sounds like designing new DBs for new apps or maintaining, modding news one.

        Along these lines. There are new ones to be designed and a lot of rework of older ones, to line up with standards.

        1. Hyperion

          I would guess that there is not enough new DB design or mods of existing ones to keep you busy all of the time unless it is a truly huge org or a dev company, so I’d guess you get to do other stuff to.

          1. Hyperion

            too

    2. Pope Jimbo

      Getting you into a higher salary band?

      Seriously, HR probably has some algorithm that says people without “Senior” in their job title can only make $65K tops.

      1. robc

        That was my guess. It wasn’t a big deal it was just weird.

        1. Gustave Lytton

          Yeah, take a look at the other prefixes. Is there a Lead DA, etc?

    3. Maybe managing other data architects? I’ve never been in an environment where it would make sense to have multiple data architects, so I honestly have no idea. Maybe you just get the really important jobs?

      1. Hyperion

        We have a lot more than one. I think at least 4-5, but some of those are also doing admin stuff as well. I do all of my own DB stuff, except the admin stuff, which I hate, well I still do some of that, but all the dev stuff and including DB design and reports, I do all of that on my apps. I’m the only dev in my org that does that, but they were happy to let me do it since they are busy as hell all of the time and I don’t mind, I actually love SQL, except the admin stuff.

        1. Everywhere I’ve been has been too small to need more than one, so the person with that title was typically the person responsible for designing the schema and implementing the actual database. At my current gig it’s not really relevant, so that winds up being me along with pretty much everything other than server admin and network stuff. But we’re mostly dealing with CMS’s running glorified blogs with maybe the odd data viz section or something like that, so it’s not like we’d really have the work for a full-time data architect.

          Although, as I say that, there is a whole other side that does modelling and GIS, so there’s likely some data architects over there.

          1. Hyperion

            I can’t even believe how many DBs I’ve dealt with over the past decade or so that were so over or under normalized that it was crazy. Either they were like a spreadsheet with too may fields or you had to do 5-6 joins and a union to do the simplest query. I always just wondered, who the fuck hired these people, HR?

          2. Most of my DB stress comes from having to work with the databases for ExpressionEngine CMS’s. I didn’t even know there was a limit to the number of columns in a table until I did an upgrade for one installation. What that thing does to a database…it’s how you’d set up a database if you wanted people to take one look at a database and hand a DBA a blank check.

          3. Hyperion

            Wait until you deal with an object oriented DB. ‘Why the fuck did you guys even do that?’. ‘It was all the rage back then, I mean because!’. Ugh…

    4. Drake

      More pay than your common every day Data Architect?

    5. Rhywun

      I hope you like meetings.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      I don’t know why but Lou Reed reminds me of our times hitting NYC in the early 90s before Giuliani and going to the Limelight.

      Just a nice memory of fun with the guys I guess.

  42. Pope Jimbo

    Oh, what to do? Minneapolis busy bodies are thinking about adding a new tool to their repertoire: a conservation district! It is like a kinder gentler Historic District.

    Forney and her neighbors are looking for the city’s Heritage Preservation Commission and other decision makers to allow the district to insert design standards and other regulations that might preserve some of the area’s aesthetic characteristics.
    “That’s the thing,” explained Forney. “I would hope we could put in a standard that raises the bar. I don’t want it to be a judgmental thing. I don’t want you to have to have a purple house, or something very judgmental. It’s a tool in the toolbox. Anyone in Minneapolis can utilize it, and I’m astonished that our neighborhood just happens to be the first one.”

    Uffda. This piece is a long rambling one about how this neighborhood is looking to have some new type of district that lets them kick their neighbors around without getting too deep in and having the official Historic busybodies come in and kick them around. The other thing they hope to do is use their special district tag to avoid a lot of onerous new zoning laws that are going to be enacted in the future.

    You know what would be a crazy idea? Just let people do what they want with their own property.

    1. Hyperion

      “Just let people do what they want with their own property.”

      What, are you insane? That would be like not even having to pay HOA fees! Barbaric!

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      She’s ‘astonished’.

  43. Crusty Juggler

    ISIS video found on phone of airline mechanic accused of sabotaging airplane in Miami

    An American Airlines mechanic accused of sabotaging an airplane in Miami this July reportedly had Islamic State-sponsored video content on his personal phone.

    Abdul-Majeed Marouf Ahmed Alani was accused earlier this month of inserting an object into the navigational system of the airplane that would tamper with airspeed readings. The plane detected the mechanical error shortly before taking off from Miami to the Bahamas and was promptly taken out of service, forcing 150 passengers to deplane and seek out other methods of travel.

    Alani, who was reportedly seen on video tampering with the airplane, alleged that he was motivated to do so because he was dissatisfied with employment contracts and hoped the mechanical issue could translate to more overtime pay for himself.

    Prosecutors in federal court on Wednesday, however, allege that Alani had downloaded an ISIS propaganda video to his cellphone, which he sent to other unnamed individuals. Prosecutors also alleged during the Wednesday bond hearing that Alani confided to coworkers that his brother was involved in ISIS.

    BRING BACK THE CAMPS!

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      Abdul-Majeed Marouf Ahmed Alani

      I see the problem.

  44. Rufus the Monocled

    That intro to the UFO’s spotted by the Navy reminds me of the opening scene in ‘The Thing’. Shiver creepy inducing.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Maybe they’ll quit fucking around and assimilate us so we don’t have to live through another election season.

  45. Count Potato

    ““harvard law school hired it’s first woman of color, elizabeth warren””

    https://twitter.com/shoe0nhead/status/1174418753884323840

    Because no one had cameras in 1995?

    1. Drake

      Beige is a color.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      “Brian Schopf

      @ZombieDooD
      1h1 hour ago
      More
      Replying to @shoe0nhead
      This is such a stupid thing to focus on… it’s a non issue… she was told by her grandmother that she was part First Nations… she put it n her application… the fact that she’s 1/1000th is just a way to detract from her credibility… her and Bernie are the best options…”

      Dude. Stop being a cuck.

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        Sure, lying about your heritage to get a leg up in Harvard faculty and administration circles is no big deal and doesn’t speak to one’s honesty at all.

        1. commodious spittoon

          Who cares about her honesty? I just want the standards of progressive identity politics upheld. Why’s it got to fall to people like me to enforce their rules? Why am I their most ardent enforcer?

      2. Hyperion

        “she was told by her grandmother that she was part First Nations”

        I just bleeve everything that grammy told me and check boxes because of it. Am I not supposed to do that?

        1. I just bleeve everything that grammy told me

          Grandma Story #486

        2. Urthona

          Let’s perform a thought experiment here. What if she was Native American?

          Clearly she suffered no disadvantages from that heritage because she looks and acts completely white.

          1. Tulip

            See, this is why I don’t understand why the true believers defend her. Not only did she not suffer discrimination, she’s also giving Harvard a pass. The point is to make institutions give people that have suffered discrimination an opportunity they were denied because of that discrimination even though they are qualified. By making this claim, she lets Harvard pretend they have done so, when they haven’t. That should be a problem for those that claim to care.

          2. Rufus the Monocled

            She’s privileged.

            Ironic eh?

          3. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

            Like Injun genes in your DNA.

  46. prolefeed

    “Opinion: Why is Trump so desperate to make California’s air more polluted?”

    Note to LA Times: CO2 is not pollution. That is all. You lying sacks of shite.

    1. Hyperion

      “Opinion: Why is Trump so desperate to make California’s air more polluted?”

      He wants to kill off all the poor brown immigrant children who refuse to vote for him.

    2. Urthona

      According to the EPA, California’s standards make vehicles less safe and account for 1000+ deaths a year.

      In other words, Trump’s actions saved just 10 times as many lives as banning assault rifles ever could, if such a legal action even worked.

  47. Hyperion

    Damn, I had Monocle not installed for so long, because of having to get new Windows 10 OS, that I forgot I had installed it and was getting frustrated with the threading, and then looked down and saw that menu at the bottom with unread comments. Damnit, if I keep getting older, I’ll soon be inventing my own Corn Pop dude.

    I even had the wife laughing so hard with the Corn Pop thing she was getting pissed at me because she was driving when we went to the store earlier this afternoon, lol.

  48. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

    I just read an article that a judge ruled that the FBI had to destroy the reports it had compiled on antiwar.com, Justin Raimondo (RIP), and Eric Garris through illegal surveillance. This case has been ongoing since 2004.

    So since 2004 one set of libertarians were being illegally surveilled by the FBI while the other set was printing articles supporting the War in Iraq and defending the FBI while desperately peddling Russia Fever Dreams.

    Which one do you think actually poses a threat to the established order?

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Link?

      1. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

        I cannot link right now. The American Conservative covered it (Kelly B. Vlahos wrote it) and Scott Horton has a podcast about it. I’m sure antiwar.com has a link to it as well

        1. Yes you can. Just type the HTML code.

          1. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

            I never would’ve been able to paste this link if it wasn’t for your motivation, Ted

          2. commodious spittoon

            #learntocode

          1. Stinky Wizzleteats

            Thanks and that’s good news that’s better late than never. It’s sort of a hollow victory because there won’t be accountability for anyone involved but it’s the principle of the thing i guess. It’s also interesting to see the shaky pretexts the FBI used to surveil them.

  49. Rufus the Monocled

    Millennial comedy.

    ‘Hey man I got bad credit wooo!’

    WHO NEEDS GOOD CREDIT?! AMIRITE?
    .
    Wooo!!

    Why did you send me to collections old lady?

    Not sure but found this more as a documentary than humor.

    I’m showing my age aren’t I?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uH4sD-FzqlM

    1. I found that profoundly unfunny.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        JUST VOTE BERNIE AND HE’LL MAKE IT GO AWAY!

        /roaring laughs.

    2. Rhywun

      He should have the skin condition checked out by a doctor. Yikes!

      1. Count Potato

        The tattoo thing has gone too far.

    3. Fatty Bolger

      He, like, really likes the work like, you know?

  50. DEG

    A search was launched on Monday after he failed to turn up for work and his boss rang his ex-wife, who raised the alarm. Parker’s former spouse discovered he had told friends he was considering a walk to the waterfall.

    She helped out? That must have been an amicable divorce.

  51. Count Potato

    “I have questions about this illustration.

    Look, the first and second stalls are concerning in their own right, but I’m most bothered by the third stall: Only a monster would use a public restroom barefoot.”

    https://twitter.com/nataliejohnsonn/status/1174019918909644800

  52. Tulip

    The Root article about Biden and especially the comments, highlights for me the biggest problem the Democrats are overlooking. The whole we can run whoever we want, what are they going to do, vote Republican ignores that they can just stay home.

    1. Bob Boberson

      Are you implying The Root published something that isn’t abjectly retarded?!

      /runs over to check

      1. Tulip

        Yes. This was an appropriate use of their type of analysis. Biden really did pull out every possible old trope about black people. The problem comes when they apply it to things that aren’t appropriate and are searching for reasons to be offended. If I were black, I would be offended by Biden and the fact that he’s the front runner and the white establishment of the DNC is pretending he’s not a racist. He’s not wearing a robe, but he’s obviously bigoted.

        1. Bob Boberson

          If we do get Biden in 2020 the media is going to have to twist itself in knots to progsplain how his blatantly bigoted gaffs aren’t evidence of racism.

  53. Bob Boberson

    Porch and the smell of charcoal smoke..

    Big Timber Forestfest Marzen.

    Salad.

    Reverse seared Chuck Roast.

    Life could be worse….

    1. Tulip

      A pork chop with butternut squash risotto. That’s what I’m making.

      1. Bob Boberson

        Butternut squash risotto sounds amazing

      2. Bob Boberson

        Also, I was late to the arty the other day but I’m sorry your online dating didn’t so well….

        /raises glass in acknowledgment that on-line dating is a dumpster fire that will leave you feeling much more lonely than staying hoe with your pets

      3. Tulip

        It was delicious. That’s a keeper.

  54. quincy

    I saw a B-17 fly overhead yesterday.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Flashback to Dresden?

    2. Bob Boberson

      There was a B-17 that used to fly into our small town air show who I was a kid and they’d let us kids climb around in it. I’m sure the pilot was a WW2 vet. I’ve always wondered if it’s still airborne and if there is anyone left alive who knows how to fly it.

      1. Bob Boberson

        *when

      2. quincy

        Exactly that, but I was just walking out on the drive way, not at an air show. I looked it up, it’s $400+ to fly in it for an hour.

        1. Jarflax

          How much to drop bombs? (asking for a friend)

        2. Bob Boberson

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-uZoTDFs4M

          That got me off down this rabbit hole…..I wanna do it!!!

          1. Florida Man

            Rabbit hole is a new Rye I’m drinking. A little sweet, but good.

          2. Bob Boberson

            I enjoy Bullit Rye or Pendleton when I can get it.

            /Reminds himself to hit the liquor store tomorrow

          3. Florida Man

            I haven’t had Pendleton. Will try.

          4. Bob Boberson

            It’s mostly out west but you can find it in larger liquor stores/outlets here in the east. It’s not really top shelf but it’s still one of my favs.

    3. DEG

      I rode in a B-17 once. It was at an airshow, and for a donation you could ride in it during a half hour flight. Moving through the bomb bay was kinda tight.

      1. Bob Boberson

        Something, something euphemism…..

        1. DEG

          I walked into that one.

  55. Count Potato

    “Chick-fil-A has released a poison into this city that tells queer people we’re less welcome here. We’re less safe. We’re always surrounded by people who hate us, but now those people can show us how easily, they reach for their hate.”

    https://twitter.com/TorontoStar/status/1172174726975893504

    The gays aren’t sending Canada their best.

    1. Jarflax

      Dude my eating chicken has nothing to with you eating dick. Eat away.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Too delicate to exist.

    3. Bob Boberson

      Not “us.”…..You. I hate just you.

      1. Bob Boberson

        Best Reply:

        “I’m so sorry for what the chicken sandwich did to you”

    4. Rhywun

      We know that moral purity is impossible in a capitalist society. Every week, you’re spending money in ways that harm the environment, spread political strife, and empower the greedy and corrupt.

      And there it is. I’ve said it before, but “queer” just means “politically active gay person” now – and most likely, a leftist one.

      1. Bob Boberson

        They must be a blast at parties.

      2. Florida Man

        most likely, a leftist one.

        Make Log Cabin Republicans Great Again?

        1. Rhywun

          Yeah, I can probably rework that to “leftist gay” next time. That’s really what it boils down to.

          1. Jarflax

            Sinister fag?

  56. Count Potato

    “Exclusive: Justin Trudeau wore brownface at 2001 ‘Arabian Nights’ party while he taught at a private school, Canada’s Liberal Party admits”

    https://twitter.com/TIME/status/1174452001448636423

    https://time.com/5680759/justin-trudeau-brownface-photo/

    1. Count Potato

      “Justin Trudeau in brownface when he was 29 years old”

      https://twitter.com/ComfortablySmug/status/1174456365919735809

      1. commodious spittoon

        nortouQ
        ‏ @nortouQ

        Is it still brownface if his dad is Cuban?

        1. Jarflax

          Fidel was as Caucasian as Franco.

          1. Hyperion

            There’s no such thing as a white Hispanic or Latino. That is made up by white right wing extremists. I mean unless there is a white Hispanic that we need for the story.

        2. commodious spittoon
    2. Jarflax

      Wait creating idiotic taboos can bite your side in the ass as well?

      1. Bob Boberson

        I initially read that as “Your side of the ass”

        I’ve never thought of the political spectrum as a right and left ass cheek with a brown star at the center but I think you may be on to something….

      2. Jarflax

        Full disclosure. I don’t think I ever wore blackface, cause I am way too lazy to do full makeup, but if I did at some point so the hell what? There is nothing at all wrong with wearing a costume, and if a costume offend you good, you deserve to be miserable.

        1. Bob Boberson

          I was an orthodox (((Rabbi))) for Halloween just as cultural appropriation started to become a thing. It mostly drew gaufaws and high-fives at the bar but I did get some glowering stares…….mostly from social science major looking chicks.

    3. Rasilio

      Oh I come from a land from a far northern place
      where the beaver and mooseknuckles roam
      where it’s cold and so nice
      and they’re just so polite
      It’s so boring but gosh darn it’s home

      When the winds from the north and the Sun’s from the South
      And the snow falls all through the night
      Come on up stop on by
      grab your showshoes and fly
      to another Canadian Night

      Canadian Nights, like Canadian Days
      It often is told
      are colder than cold
      In a lot of good ways

      Canadian Nights, ‘neath Canadian moons
      A fool in his toque
      could drink Molsen Brew
      out there with the loon

      1. Fatty Bolger

        Nicely done.

    4. Count Potato

      I wondered why hundreds of comments were suddenly unreadable.

      https://twitter.com/ComfortablySmug/status/1174464737226240001

    1. Bob Boberson

      Too bad they’ll be in full-on winter by Columbus Day.

    2. LJW

      Beautiful but I think I sold my soul to the Finns after I clicked accept to whatever those terms were. I need a translator!

      1. Jarflax

        Not your soul… but I’d buy one of those 55 gallon drums of lube if I were you.

        1. So you’re saying he sold his soul to Tom of Finland?

          1. Jarflax

            Yes.

        2. STEVE SMITH COUSIN STEFAN SUSSI CAN CONFIRM.

      2. I think that’s just the standard issue GDPR cookie stuff.

  57. Florida Man

    Question: I submitted another article. Do I need to let TPTB know or will it show up on a list for them? Thanks.

    1. Jarflax

      WebDom senses submission immediately. So does SP… Oh you said article, I have no idea.

      1. Florida Man

        I don’t want to bother them with useless emails.

        1. Bob Boberson

          SP, while terrifying, is a gracious and patient lady. I annoyed her with multiple useless emails and I ain’t even been banhammered

          1. commodious spittoon

            You’re on the list, though. Don’t ask about the list.

    2. mexican sharpshooter

      Do I need to let TPTB know or will it show up on a list for them?

      I see it in the queue, last touched yesterday.

      Typically it falls into an inbox where we toss it amongst ourselves in a similar manner to a hospital, an insurance company, and a patient toss around fiduciary responsibility for an ambulance bill…

      1. Florida Man

        Okay thanks. I just sent SP an email before I saw this, but going forward I’ll just wait.

      2. Jarflax

        So always resubmit 3 times to cover the insurance company’s automatic denial of the first and bureaucratic loss of the second?

  58. Crusty Juggler

    ‘Sexy Mr. Rogers’ costume drops just in time for Halloween 2019

    The “Nicest Neighbor” costume — which costs $59.99 — comes with a red V-neck knit sweater, a detached collar and tie, and high-waisted gray booty shorts. To complete the look, there’s also a vinyl wig and creepy puppets as part of the “Be My Neighbor” costume kit for an additional $12.95.

    Did you ever wish you could see a sexy Bob Ross in daisy dukes, painting the day away? You can’t, but you can see some poor woman who’s maybe watched one of his videos, drinking the season away, while wearing this costume at a Halloween party near you.

    The costume costs $69.95, but the shame is priceless.

    Classless trash!

    1. commodious spittoon

      “Sexy [fill in the blank]” costumes always make me think of this comic by the people who’d go on to make Bojack Horseman.

      1. quincy

        I liked “Tuca and Bertie”.

        1. commodious spittoon

          Only on Netflix? Bah.

    1. Rhywun

      LOL that’s great

    2. Fatty Bolger

      That’s hilarious. And you know, my parents both smoked, and sure enough: Mom like on the left (fingers up), Dad like on the right (fingers down).

      1. Rhywun

        ditto

  59. AlmightyJB

    Yes, they really are unidentified.