ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ IS PLEASED. YOUR OVERALL EFFORTS AT TAUNTING THE BRUTALS WHO PLAGUE THE EARTH HAS GONE WELL. BUT IT NEVER HURTS TO WHIP UP A LITTLE ENTHUSIASM FOR CLEANSING. THEREFOR, ZARDOZ IS GIVING THE GIFT OF THE LINK, WITH AN EMPHASIS ON CLEANSING. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!
“MAY“?! ZARDOZ IMPLORES THE PRESIDENT TO SAY “SHALL”!
ZARDOZ APPLAUDS THE “CLEANSE ONE GET ONE CLEANSED BY DISEASE” SITUATION IN CONGO! THIS IS THE INNOVATIVE COGITATING ZARDOZ DESIRES.
NOT A COMPLETE CLEANSE, BUT LAUGH AT THIS ONE. ZARDOZ HAS CIRCUITS THAT HAVE BEEN SET TO APPRECIATE IRONY, SLAPSTICK AND ALL MANNERSS OF HUMOR.
TECHNICALLY THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT DEAL WITH CLEANSING. BUT READING THE TERM “CULTURAL DIVERSITY” APPLIED TO CHIMPANZEES CAUSES ZARDOZ TO WISH CERTAIN ARTICLE AND STUDY AUTHORS TO BE CLEANSED.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
AH, THE CLASSICS.
…ZARDOZ AGREES WITH THE AQUATIC ONE, SEA SMITH. ZARDOZ, TOO, SHOULD HAVE MORE INPUT ON THIS SITE!
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. WHILE THE BRUTALS WHO PLAGUE THE EARTH HAVE BEEN A CONSTANT BOTHER TO ZARDOZ, YOU, THE CHOSEN ONES HAVE NOT. YOU HAVE SNARKED WELL AT THEM. FOR THIS, ZARDOZ GIVES YOU THE GIFT OF THE LINK. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!
ZARDOZ SUPPOSES THE BRUTALS OF UKRAINE COULD DO WORSE THAN THIS.
AND THE BRUTALS WONDER WHY ZARDOZ WANTS THEM CLEANSED…
BRUTAL BOONDOGGLE DOES NOTHING BUT WASTE MONEY…COLOR ZARDOZ SHOCKED!
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. THE FLORIDA CHOSEN ONE IS STUCK IN THE LAND OF THE ICE AND THE SNOW. ZARDOZ HAS USED HIS MIGHTY POWERS TO APPEAR, AND TO DO THE LINKS IN THE AFTERNOON! I AM SURE THE CHOSEN ONES ARE SUITABLY IMPRESSED. THEREFOR, RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE LINK. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!
ZARDOZ IS PLEASED. ONE CAN ONLY HOPE THIS ESCALATES! PERHAPS A SMALL SCALE NUCLEAR EXCHANGE?! THAT WOULD RESULT IN A LEGENDARY CLEANSING OF BRUTALS.
PAGING SEA SMITH. MR. SEA SMITH, PLEASE PICK UP THE RED COURTESY PHONE. WAIT…PERHAPS HE ALREADY IS THERE, AND IT IS HE, NOT THE “WIND” CAUSING THIS.
ZARDOZ SUSPECTS THE “LUCKY CHARM” WAS NOT SO LUCKY. PERHAPS IT WAS LUCKY FOR THE BOMB MAKER?
AGREED. AS THE PENIS IS EVIL, THE RECORDINGS OF SUCH SHOULD BE SUPPRESSED!
ZARDOZ SPEAK TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ HAS BEEN DISPATCHING THE BRUTAL ADVICE GIVERS WITH EASE. TOO MUCH EASE. THEREFOR, TONIGHT ZARDOZ SHALL CRUSH TWO AT ONCE! AND GIVE THE CHOSEN ONE LINKS. THIS IS BECAUSE ZARDOZ IS PLEASED. YOU HAVE SNARKED WELL AT THE BRUTALS THAT PLAGUE THE EARTH. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!
Q:Recently, after a few drinks, my mother confessed to me that my stepbrother years ago had been arrested for downloading child pornography and spent three months in jail for it. Apparently she and her husband (my stepbrother’s father) only recently found out when my stepbrother was asked to leave a family function by someone who knew about it. She promised both of them to never tell a soul and has felt burdened ever since. She blames herself for breaking the promise and feels guilty for telling me. But I was able to persuade her to tell my brother about this because he has children who have met my stepbrother. In some ways this revelation has brought my mother and me closer, because I’m proud of her for telling us. But I want to let the rest of our stepsiblings (all adults with children) know, since I think they have the right to decide for themselves how to deal with this information. I think my mother is afraid her husband will be extremely upset if she pushes the issue, and she doesn’t want to split the family. I now feel the burden has been passed on to me. I avoid going to family gatherings because I worry about my stepbrother being there, and I feel terrible for keeping this information from my other stepsiblings. Don’t they have the right to know? How can I support my mother and assure her that I’m on her side while still convincing her to inform the others? —Creeped Out and Concerned
A: IT TAKES A BRUTAL TO MAKE SOMETHING COMPLEX THAT IS SO SIMPLE. THE PEDO DOWNLOADER SHOULD BE CONFRONTED BY YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY, AND CLEANSED. THE ACT OF COLLECTIVE MURDER WILL DRAW THE REMAINING FAMILY THAT MUCH CLOSER! ZARDOZ HAS A SUGGESTION FOR GARB FOR THE CLEANSING:
HEY, STEPBRO!
SHOULD THE BRUTAL STEPFATHER COMPLAIN – ZARDOZ WILL TAKE HIM OFF YOUR HANDS, AND MAKE HIM USEFUL…
HOW YOU LIKE YOUR NEW FAMILY, “DAD”?
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Q:Our 22-year-old son stays with us. He has a part-time job and goes to school part-time. He is somewhat secretive. We don’t know his friends or where he goes.
One day he brought a male friend over and they hung out in our guesthouse, drinking and playing video games. This went on for several hours and then the blinds closed. My husband wasn’t comfortable with that, so he knocked on the door and went in to talk to them. He asked the friend if he had a girlfriend, and the friend said no — that he’s bisexual. Our son then announced that he is also bisexual.
We have only met one girl that he dated and the male friend who was over. The friend did say he isn’t interested in our son, that they are strictly friends. I don’t think my husband should have quizzed our son in front of his friend.
Our son has a chip on his shoulder and an “I don’t care attitude” about many things. He blames a lot of things on his ADHD. He acts like he can’t multitask or concentrate on what he’s supposed to do. He tries, but if he forgets to do something, he gets an attitude from time to time. I don’t know what to think. — FRUSTRATED IN WASHINGTON
A: THIS IS OBVIOUS, TO ANYONE BUT BRUTALS. HE IS ROGERING THE “FRIEND” AND GOING TO LIVE OFF YOUR HANDOUTS FOR AS LONG AS HE CAN. NOW, HIS PENIC ACTIVITY IS FORGIVABLE – FOR THE PENIS IS EVIL FOR SHOOTING SEEDS THAT CREATE NEW LIFE. THAT IS NOT GOING TO OCCUR IF HE IS PENISING A MALE BRUTAL. HOWEVER, IF HE CANNOT CONCENTRATE ON ANY TASKS AT HAND – ZARDOZ HAS SOME HELP FOR YOU…
FOCUS! FOCUS!
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
THE LINKS!
ZARDOZ IS PLEASED. MORE, MORE! SOCIALIST CLEANSING!
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. THE OLD GRAVITRONIC COILS WERE SLOW TO WARM THIS MORNING. SOMEONE (ZED) FORGOT TO LEAVE THEM ATTACHED TO THE HEATER. HE WILL BE FORGIVEN…THIS TIME.
THAT IS OF NO CONCERN TO THE CHOSEN ONES, THEY SEEK THE LINKS!
PURGE…GOOD START, NEED TO MAKE THAT “CLEANSE“. THE BRUTALS NEED TO STEP UP THEIR BRUTALITY GAME.
JUST ANOTHER SUNDAY IN CHICAGO. ZARDOZ IS PLEASED.
QUIT? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO DUELING? ZARDOZ IS NOT PLEASED.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. IN ORDER TO ACCOMMODATE EVERYONE, INCLUDING CHOSEN ONES IN TIME ZONES FAR FROM THAT OF THE VORTEX (CENTRAL US TIME)…ZARDOZ HAS GIVEN YOU THE GIFT OF THE OPEN POST. THERE IS NO “OT”, GO FORTH AND POST!
ZARDOZ SPEAK TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. END OF ANOTHER WEEK. HOPEFULLY YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY PURIFIED THE FILTH OF BRUTALS. ZARDOZ CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH WITHOUT HIS CHOSEN ONES. THEREFOR, RECEIVE A FRIDAY NIGHT REWARD – THE BEST ADVICE!
THE BRUTAL DEAR ABBY HAS BEEN BEATEN DOWN FOR NOW, THUS A NEW FOE WILL FACE DEFEAT AT THE HANDS…UM, ADVICE OF ZARDOZ!
DEAR PRUDENCE
LET THE RESOUNDING VICTORY FOR ZARDOZ COMMENCE!
Q:I bully my sister for her weight: My sister Margaret (30) is morbidly obese: 230 pounds and five feet tall. She’s happy, active, and has a wonderful group of friends. But she refuses to take steps to lose weight, and she eats poorly, and it drives me crazy. I love Margaret so much and am terrified of losing her too early. I also hate that people hurt her feelings and treat her poorly because of her health. This manifests in me criticizing her and picking fights with her about her weight. I’m ruining my relationship with Margaret. She avoids me, and I don’t blame her. I make her feel bad about herself. I don’t know how to change this dynamic, because swallowing my fear drives me crazy. My own husband has lectured me about this. I want to change. Where do I begin?
A: FOOL OF A BRUTAL! YOU BEGIN BY NOT CHANGING AT ALL. IN FACT, YOU HAVE PROBABLY NOT GONE FAR ENOUGH. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO KEEP THE VORTEX SUPPLIED WITH ENOUGH GRAIN FOR THEIR BREAD?
ZED, SOME FAT WOMAN HAS STOLEN ALL OUR LOAVES!
RECRIMINATIONS ASIDE, ZARDOZ WILL HELP. THIS PORCINE SIBLING OF YOURS WILL NO DOUBT BE DRAWN TO THE VORTEX’S GRAIN BINS. ZED WILL LIE IN WAIT AND WHEN SHE COMES TO SNAFFLE THE GRAIN…
CAUGHT IN THE ACT!
CLEANSED.
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
AND NOW, RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE LINK!
ZARDOZ IS PLEASED. THIS WILL HELP CONTINUE THE MISERY OF BRUTALS IN THE SOCIALIST STATE! FAMINE ONLY HELPS CLEANSE THE FILTH OF BRUTALITY. VIVA MADURO!
HAS ZARDOZ NOT WARNED YOU, THE PENIS IS EVIL! IT MATTERS NOT WHO OR WHAT BEARS THE EVIL.
POLITICAL BRUTAL SLAP FIGHT! ZARDOZ IS DISAPPOINT THIS WILL NOT LEAD TO WAR.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. UNFORTUNATELY THE FILTH OF BRUTALS WAS NOT PURIFIED BY THE POLAR COLD CATEGORY 4 KILLSTORM. WHILE DISAPPOINTING, IT IS TO BE EXPECTED. BRUTALS ARE A PERSISTENT LOT. THEREFOR, ZARDOZ WILL GIVE HIS CHOSEN ONES ADVICE, BETTER THAN THAT OF THE MEWLING BRUTAL “DEAR PRUDENCE“.
Q: I am a cis woman in my mid-50s who’s been in a really nice relationship for about five years with a man my age. He grew up in a very stifling, fundamentalist family and later became the father in a similar family. When we met, he was recently divorced and beginning to discover the rest of the world. We have had a terrific five years, filled with exploration and honesty, and it has been refreshing. I genuinely love him. Recently, he has expressed his wish to begin dressing as a woman. Apparently this has been a long-buried interest that he felt unable to explore; I am very happy for him. We’ve shopped for clothes, laughed about the ridiculousness of makeup and heels, and found some venues where he feels comfortable going out all dressed up. The problem is that while this whole process seems to have made him feel even more committed to our relationship, it has not had the same effect for me, at least not in the romantic sense. I’m really not attracted to his female persona. Even when he’s not in drag, I’m not feeling the physical passion that I once did. I feel so guilty! I want to support him, but at the same time I feel I’m being dishonest when I try to respond to him sexually. He is truly my dearest friend and has been an amazing lover, but I feel that if I try to back off our relationship to friendship, he’ll experience it as a rebuke of all he’s worked hard to become. How do I continue to support his growth without compromising our friendship or my own happiness, which may not include a physical relationship with him? —No Femme on Femme
A: HAHAHAHAHA. OH, WERE ZARDOZ’S LOUDSPEAKER UNITS STILL ACTIVATED? PARDON ZARDOZ. ANYWAY… ZARDOZ DOES HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE WITH THE CROSS DRESSING TYPE:
ZED DOES NOT APPEAR AMUSED.
HOWEVER, NOT MUCH LATER, HE WAS BACK INTO THE RED MANKINI, AND BANGING CHARLOTTE RAMPLING. YOU, HOWEVER ARE NOT GOING TO BE SO LUCKY. YOU MUST LIVE WITH YOUR WEAKNESS, AND REALIZE THAT ALL PENIC ACTIVITY IS GOING TO CEASE (ZARDOZ APPROVES, FOR THE PENIS IS EVIL!) OR…ALLOW ZED TO DEMONSTRATE.
BYE BYE BRUTAL!
HOWEVER, IF CLEANSING IS A BIT TOO MUCH, ZARDOZ HAS AN ALTERNATIVE FOR BOTH OF YOU!
YOU CAN WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT, SLAVES!
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
NOW, RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE LINK!
ZARDOZ WOULD INQUIRE OF HIS CHOSEN ONES….DO YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAD PLANS FOR NAZI CAMP SITES?
WHAT IS IT THE CHOSEN ONES SAY IN RESPONSE TO SUCH NEWS? “LEARNTO CODE“?
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ HAS BEEN INFORMED THAT MANY OF THE CHOSEN ONES ARE IMPRISONED IN THEIR DWELLINGS BY EXTREMITY OF COLD. THEREFOR, ZARDOZ GIVES YOU A DOUBLE FEATURE TONIGHT.
FIRST, ADVICE IN SUPERIOR MANNER TO THAT OF THE BRUTAL “DEAR ABBY“:
Q: I’m a 28-year-old male who has never had a girlfriend or a meaningful relationship. I’m well-educated, nice-looking and have a good sense of humor. But I get shy and nervous around the opposite sex. Compounding that, I seem to have a serious “resting face.” People assume I’m frustrated or angry/grumpy when it’s just my normal expression. I’m worried it makes me unapproachable or appear to be unpleasant.
I have overcome addiction, attend daily support meetings and have almost a year of sobriety. I avoid bar/club scenes where a lot of people my age socialize. I’m beginning to feel very alone and empty. I asked out a temp at my job, but she had a boyfriend and offered to set me up with a friend of hers. I declined because I was embarrassed.
My friends tell me it’s a game of numbers, but it hurts being rejected all the time. I see beautiful, nice women with men who treat them badly, and I obsess over what’s wrong with me. My experience with women is limited. I’m not looking for a commitment, just some friends to share good times and laughter with. I’d love to have someone to spend time with before loneliness awakens previous bad habits. — ABOUT TO GIVE UP IN CONNECTICUT
A: LOOK, BRUTAL, THIS IS SIMPLE. TAKE A LOOK AT ZED’S FATHER PUTTING THE SMOOTH MOVES ON HIS MOM:
THINK YOU CAN MANAGE THAT? PROBABLY NOT, BUT IF YOU DO…
THE BIG PROBLEM IS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT…
AND THAT IS EVIL! SO KNOCK IT OFF AND KEEP AWAY FROM THE FEMALE BRUTALS. LOOKS LIKE A ONE-WAY TRIP TO LONESOMEVILLE FOR YOU. IF NOT…
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
…
AND NOW FOR THE SECOND HALF OF OUR DOUBLE FEATURE….LINKS! GO FORTH AND COMMENT!
ZARDOZ EXPECTS MUCH SEPPUKU TO RESULT FROM THIS….ZARDOZ IS PLEASED!
I AM SURE THE BRUTAL MULLAHS ARE SHIVERINGIN THEIR TURBANS…NOT.
NOW THAT IS HOW A MONARCH SHOULD BEHAVE! GOING OUT TO SHOOT…WAIT, BIRDS, NOT BRUTALS? NEVERMIND.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH MATERIAL FOR LINKS ONLY OR FOR ADVICE ONLY – SO, USING THE MIGHTY COGITATION POWERS OF THE TABERNACLE, ZARDOZ CONCLUDED THAT A LITTLE OF EACH WOULD SUFFICE. THEREFOR, RECEIVE THE GIFT OF ADVICE AND LINKS….GO FORTH AND COMMENT!
Q: My girlfriend and I have lived together off and on for three years. We met at a lesbian bar in Los Angeles, and it was love at first sight for me.
I suspect she has been seeing another woman. She has changed her dress style and even her cologne. When I confront her, begging her to tell me if she’s been cheating, she laughs it off. We don’t communicate well anymore, and she’s sleeping in another room now.
I have cared for her for so long. We were going to be married. Now I feel she doesn’t love me anymore. I have tried following her, but she disappears and sometimes doesn’t come home for days. I haven’t slept or eaten in weeks.
I love her so much. If she doesn’t come back to me, I’ve had thoughts of suicide. I can’t afford a shrink. I hope you can help. — FREAKED OUT & CLUELESS IN CALIFORNIA
A: NORMALLY ZARDOZ IS APPALLED BY “RELATIONSHIP ADVICE” – HOWEVER, YOU HAVE FOLLOWED THE PROCLAMATION THAT THE PENIS IS EVIL. THUS, ZARDOZ WILL HELP. ZARDOZ WILL HAVE YOUR PARTNER TRANSPORTED TO THE VORTEX AND HAVE THE ETERNALS GO TO SECOND LEVEL WITH HER.
GO TO SECOND LEVEL AND DISCOVER THE TRUTH!
IF SHE HAS BEEN CHEATING, ZARDOZ OFFERS YOU TWO ALTERNATIVES. FIRST, SHE CAN BE RENDERED CATATONIC AND PLACED IN A PLASTIC WRAP…DON’T ASK, IT IS A VORTEX THING.
ZED, STAY HERE AND MAKE SURE SHE DOESN’T LEAVE.
OR SHE CAN BE SENT TO THE GRAIN FIELDS.
CHANGED COLOGNE, EH?
SHOULD THE TRUTH BE LESS BAD NEWS FILLED – RECONCILE AND STAY TOGETHER FOR ETERNITY.
WHAT A LOVELY COUPLE
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
AND THE LINKS:
ZARDOZ EXPECTS THE PENNSYLVANIA BRUTAL ENFORCES TO BE SWAMPED WITH VOLUNTEERS.
