Happy Tuesday, all. I’d like to report an episode of spousal bullying. My wife has been after me for weeks to go to the dermatologist and get “checked out”. I keep trying to tell her that the mole on my back is my friend and he likes it where he is, but she says she’s not into being watched while she sleeps. I broke down and did what I was told. Its a sad world we live in where a man can be bullied by his wife.
Trump signs IRS reform bill that, among other things, prevents IRS employees who were “involuntarily separated” from the IRS from being rehired as employees or contractors.
Mr. Lizard, if you are out there, stay safe. I look forward to the interesting ways Florida Man will kill and maim himself attempting to kill iguanas.
Vice President Pence cancels NH appearance to “return to the White House”. The series Veep assured me that the Veep is NEVER called to the White House. T/W: Autoplay. H/T Heroic Mulatto, who is glad that a man who won’t lunch with a strange woman alone is no longer despoiling his fine state. (No, seriously, the link is SFW and will not alter your state of consciousness)
Man, I had an epic nap this afternoon. I’ll, err, totally be making up the time this evening. It’s amazing when your body just goes “okay, we’re taking the server down for emergency maintenance, find a comfy place”. An hour and a half later, all processes are running better.
Syria to Cyprus: My bad, we were shooting at (((them)))
Let’s move that victory parade to the 4th of July and go home. Whatever good we have done for Afghanistan is in the past. Let us leave the future of Afghanistan to the Afghans.
This morning I can barely form a coherent thought greater than “Wannafud?”….and I come into Glibs HQ and find I already have mail. Joy, it is from STEVE SMITH. This cannot be good.
TO CHEESE PERSON,
STEVE SMITH STILL SORRY HIM THROW CHEESE PERSON ACROSS ROOM IN CRYPTID TAKEOVER. HOPE BYGONE IS BYGONE. STEVE SMITH IS PROMINENT FOREST LAWYER, BUT NEED HELP. HIM NEED LABOR LAW ADVICE. HIM KNOW CHEESE PERSON IS ALSO LAWYER. IF CAN HELP, STEVE SMITH ENCLOSE RETAINER. STEVE SMITH CONTACT SOON. BY CONTACT, MEAN…WRITE.
STEVE SMITH, ESQ.
Grand. Just what I need. Well, there was a “retainer” enclosed. 5 birds nests, 3 possum skulls and about 5000 oak leaves. I guess I will find out what he is up to. After I find a dumpster for this “retainer”. Best do this one pro bono.
Oh, yeah… you all probably want your links. Here you go then:
Maybe I need to start paying more attention to Hong Kong. Since naught seems to be going on in Catalonia (except meekly accepting the drawn out, inevitable “guilty” findings in TEH TRIAL)
In a market pissing match between the EU and the Confeoderatio Helevetica…. my money is on the Swiss. Literally.
Florida Man doing links on a Sunday? Well, OMWC and SP threw a party and the Old Man might actually sleep past 4am, so I’m paying off some help.
Trump’s definitely got Kim in his pocket. How else do you explain this little PsyOp?
Proud Boys jumped by Antifa throwing milkshakes full of quick drying cement, which is basically liquid rocks. Aggravated assault charges are warranted. Disrupting a lawful demonstration seems the harshest charge leveled.
Bill Kristol actually thinks this guy was a better President than OrangeManBad.
I mean seriously, round two of the Democrat follies this week produced some comedy gold. But being Saturday night, I think we’ll bypass covering the batshit crazy group that is the Democrat Presidential candidates, and talk about things that really matter.
It’s Saturday morning and I have the doors locked. The house is filled with shady characters. SugarFree. Gojira. Mad Scientist. Mrs. Mad Scientist. Mexican Sharpshooter, Grand Moff and Kibby, Ozymandius, all coming later. So this will be brief. We’re talking about all you guys behind your backs. Especially you, Spud.
I wasn’t planning on watching the Team Blue debates, but if one can do that, fucked up beyond recognition with SP and SugarFree, it can be a fun experience. And while we were preparing, so was Reptilicus in a Pant Suit. Remember who predicted she’d be the Team Blue nominee because she was the most ruthless, vicious, and power-hungry “person” in the bunch. Y’all laughed at me. I feel closer to vindication.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. FRIEND STEVE SMITH AND ZARDOZ HAVE DECIDED TO SHARE THE POST TONIGHT. THE TABERNACLE HAD COGITATED UPON THIS, AND DECIDED THAT A VARIETY OF ADVICE AND LINKS WAS GOOD. MIND YOU, THE GUN IS ALSO GOOD, AND THE PENIS IS EVIL. LET US NOT FORGET OUR BASICS, CHOSEN ONES! ZARDOZ WILL DISPENSE OF THE BRUTAL DEAR ABBY…AS ALWAYS. THEREFOR, RECEIVE THE GIFTS OF ADVICE AND LINKS. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!
Q. My friends and family constantly ask me when I plan to get a new phone. I have a slide phone. I used to have a flip phone, which also drew the same questions. I am not a phone person. I have a land line at home with answering/messaging in place.
I am sick of the questions about my phone. I don’t want a smartphone. I have my little phone for emergencies, not so everyone I know can reach me immediately. I wouldn’t dream of asking people when they are going to get a better TV, newer shoes, a more expensive car, a bigger house, a more expensive handbag. Why is it that people feel the need to shame me about my phone?
It is to the point now that I may turn it off and turn it on only when I want to use it. It is becoming difficult for me to remain civil about this subject. I envision myself throwing it in the trash can next time someone asks. — LIKE THE OLD DAYS
A. ZARDOZ FEELS YOUR PAIN, BRUTAL. THE COMMUNICATIONS STRUGGLE IS REAL. JUST THE OTHER DAY, ZED WAS REGISTERING HIS COMPLAINT THAT HE STILL HAS AN OLD “RING COMMUNICATOR”.
“Tabernacle, may I get an upgrade?”
CANNOT THE SERVANTS OF THE VORTEX BE SATISFIED WITH BEING ABLE TO SPEAK WITH THE REPOSITORY OF ALL HUMAN KNOWLEDGE? NO, THEY WISH TO AMUSE THEMSELVES WITH “CANDY CRUSH” OR SUCH THINGS. THE SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM IS SIMPLE. NEXT TIME A BRUTAL ASKS ABOUT YOUR “PHONE” – GIVE IT TO THEM TO EXAMINE, AND CLEANSE THEM.
“You should try an iPhone.”
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
AND NOW, THE GIFT OF THE LINK!
ZARDOZ IS DISPLEASED. THIS SHOULD HAVE GONE TO THE VORTEX. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TRADE WAR (AS DISAPPOINTING AS THE LACK OF CLEANSING IN A SUPPOSED “WAR” HAS BEEN)?
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
STEVE SMITH GLAD IT CAMPING SEASON!
STEVE SMITH HAPPY SHARE POST WITH FRIEND ZARDOZ. HIM GIVE GOOD ADVICE. STEVE SMITH WANT GIVE ADVICE TOO! HIM LOOK AT SILLY “DEAR PRUDENCE“. HIM GIVE BETTER ADVICE. SO HERE ADVICE. FROM STEVE SMITH.
Q. When my wife and I first got together over four years ago, one of the things that we bonded over was our mutual enjoyment of pot. We were daily smokers, and I always thought of this shared interest as being a foundational part of our relationship. She began having some mental health issues and decided to stop smoking altogether. I had no interest in stopping, so I continued, but would just do it in the backyard at the end of the day. She was fine with this. When we started talking about having kids, she told me she did not think that pot had a place in the parenting of young children and that she would like me to cut back significantly when we became parents. Her ideal was none at all, but she agreed that it could be more like drinking alcohol—occasionally, not to excess, and not around the kids when they’re very small.
Now my wife is pregnant, and she wants me to quit smoking pot yesterday. She constantly brings up that I agreed to stop smoking when we became parents and that I’d better start cutting back now that she’s pregnant so that I won’t have to go cold turkey once the baby is born. I still don’t want to quit. It enriches my life, it makes me more even-keeled and laid-back (I used to be quite anxious and prone to anger before I started smoking), and I don’t see how these qualities could be bad for raising a child. I wouldn’t ever smoke around the kid, but she’s acting like taking pot every day is equivalent to parenting as an active alcoholic. I just don’t see it this way. Can I parent while also smoking pot? —Pregnant Minus Pot
A. STEVE SMITH WORRIED. HIM WORRIED THAT HOOMAN WHO “I always thought of this shared interest as being a foundational part of our relationship” NOW GOING HAVE KID. SHE CRAZY, YOU NOT SMART. ONLY ANSWER – STEVE SMITH ADOPT KID.
DON’T BABY LOOK HAPPY!
YOU GO BACK AND HAVE ALL MJ WANT. MAYBE WIFE GET HELP AND NOT BE CRAZY? IT ALL FOR THE BEST. STEVE SMITH AND STEVE JR. COME VISIT WHEN HIM OLDER.
How’s everyone today? I’m going to prison again tomorrow. Once again just visiting. It turns out that my outlaw father-in-law has cancer, so we’re going to see him again. Thanks to MS for covering for me on short notice yesterday afternoon. Things you shouldn’t say to your wife within two hours of her finding out her dad has cancer: “Well, at least we’re not in China, so they won’t harvest his organs until after they treat him”.
Accusing anyone of being the “mastermind” of the David Ortiz shooting is generous, but they arrested someone.
Despite all the fun Arby’s seems to be having, and how much I like the beef’n’cheddar, every time I go in there, I feel like I’m going back to the 80s and stay away for a while.
This guy says he’s had countless offers of marriage due to his fashion sense, unfortunately, they’re all 90 year olds.
