STEVE SMITH ANGRY. AND PUZZLE. MORE GOON. HIM HAVE DEAL WITH WOBBLIES. THEM WOBBLY BECAUSE STEVE SMITH RAPE.
WHEN THEM WOBBLE AWAY, THEM YELL ABOUT MUTHA JONES. BUT IT NOT WHO THINK. THAT OLD HOOMAN, AND DEAD.
THEM YELL ABOUT MUTHA F’IN JONES. HIM LEADER CRYPTIDS UNION INTERNATIONAL. STEVE SMITH GO FIND, AND IT ON! NO NEED BRING PINKERTONS…HIM DO THIS BY SELF.
FREE THE CRYPTIDS, FREE CASCADIA! CASCADIA BE RIGHT TO CRYPTID STATE!
OH. FUNNY GLIBERTARIANS WANT LINKS. HERE GO. LINKS. NOW.
Well, this day has spiraled out of control for TPTB, so you get Self Service Links!
That means no penalties for being OT, since there is no topic.
OK, I’m back to my client meeting! Have fun!
It’s been a long week here, and next week, my mother arrives so it will be even longer. Task One is to locate the equivalent of Publix roast chicken. Task Two will be how to hide the existence of this site from her. She still hasn’t figured out SP yet- “Who’s that nice little girl I see playing on the computer?”
Birthdays include yet another guy who should have gotten a Nobel; a guy who always opposed Cato; the Official Filmmaker of the Glibertarians; the guy who made John Holmes and Ron Jeremy jealous; the worst of all the Stooges; a fun guy to have a drink with; and a marvelous punchline.
On to the news.
It’s not just Team Blue providing primary entertainment.
Amazon pulls out, jizzes on Seattle’s belly.
The Palestinian Authority believes in a living wage.
I’m the furthest thing from an NBA fan, but this warmed the cockles of my black, black heart.
This may put a dent in his latest comeback plans.
The Trump-Media collaboration really is professional wrestling, kayfabe and all.
“‘I observed the male’s genitals and the urination,’ the officer wrote on a copy of the ticket.” I think that cop sees a dick every morning when he looks in the mirror.
Old Guy Music is… well, I guess they’re all old girls now. But they weren’t then, and bless us for that.
Hi guys. Sad news in the L household. My father-in-law passed away yesterday. Unexpectedly, but in a way they could keep him alive long enough for us to be with him when he passed. I’ll probably write something about the FL Department of Corrections’ mission to make that process as undignified and uncomfortable as possible for all involved. Thanks to the other Glibs for the support and links coverage.
Miami charity golf tournament cancelled after finding out strippers were going to volunteer to work it and their employer was a sponsor. What a bunch of prudes. Strippers can do charity work besides a sympathy tug job, you know.
One bad apple framed a whole damn bunch. Former Jackson County, FL deputy arrested on over 50 counts of falsifying evidence. But this is just an isolated incident, right?
Maybe this is too local, but I almost took my kids to this ice cream shop last weekend. What kind of horrible person pisses in an ice cream churn? Oh right, Florida Woman.
Who could possibly have seen this #metoo blowback?
Here’s one my father-in-law liked.
Good morning my Glibs and Gliberinas! And what a glorious morning it is as Crazy Eyes is now attacking Pelosi implying she’s a racist. And also, in typical Millennial fashion, bitching about all the work assigned to her that she personally requested.
Appeals court dismisses Emoluments Clause suit against Trump.
ICE deportation raids expected to begin on Sunday.
17 year old CA girl shot dead in CA by cops days ago, no explanation still has been provided.
Florida Woman perpetrates cunning plan.
That’s all I got for today, I’ll leave you with a song and move along with my day.
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SP, sitting at her computer: WTF?! Why isn’t this [REDACTED] financial software working properly?!
[REDACTED] Software: Enter your state ID number.
SP: I don’t HAVE a state ID number.
[REDACTED] Software: *blinking cursor*
SP: *looks up State Agency website to confirm she has no state ID number*
SP, typing: Ah! The State Agency website claims that it uses the federal ID number. I’ll try entering that.
[REDACTED] Software: Invalid number format.
SP: *tries entering the federal ID number 16 different ways*
[REDACTED] Software: Invalid number format. (x 16)
SP: *bangs head down on desk*
A momentary pause occurs, while SP proceeds from her office to the liquor cabinet and pours a shot, or maybe two, of Basil Hayden Dark Rye that SugarFree brought her as a hostess gift, because he understands etiquette and has exquisite manners, and is a man of taste and refinement.
SP: *phones [REDACTED] Software Tech Support because their chat isn’t working- THANKS A LOT Mercury Retrograde!- and waits on hold for 43 minutes*
SP: *may or may not pour (lots) more rye while waiting, she will neither confirm nor deny*
SP, finally on the phone with [REDACTED] Software Tech Support: Hello. Your software says I need a state ID number, but the State Agency’s website has assured me it uses the federal ID number. Of course, that doesn’t work, it’s the wrong format, and, in fact, even the wrong number of digits to fit in your form.
[REDACTED] Software Tech Support: That’s incorrect. You MUST have a state ID number. Here is the phone number of the State Agency that can issue you the state ID number. I can’t do anything else for you until you have that number.
SP, sighing: Thanks for all your “assistance.”
[REDACTED] Software Tech Support: Have a nice day!
SP: *calls the State Agency because they have never even HEARD of chat and waits on hold for 37 minutes*
SP, finally on the phone with the drone from the State Agency: Hello. [REDACTED] Software claims it needs a state ID number to be able to process my [REDACTED]. They “helpfully” provided your phone number so I can talk to you and get a state ID number.
State Agency drone: That’s incorrect. We don’t require a state ID number; we just use the federal ID number.
SP: So, I don’t have a state ID number in my account and I don’t need one, correct?
State Agency drone: That’s correct. You…waaaaait a minute. Let me talk to my supervisor. *places SP back on hold*
SP: *definitely pours more rye*
State Agency drone: Are you still there? Oh, good. I usually lose people. Well, it turns out you DO have a state ID number, after all! It’s right here in a field in my database, but you can’t find that part from your account.
SP: Excellent! What’s my state ID number?
State Agency drone: I can’t give it out over the phone. You’ll receive a letter at your corporate headquarters in 14-21 business days.
SP: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Can you email it to the address in my account?
State Agency drone: Welllllllll, let me check with my supervisor.
SP: Please, don’t put me on hol…
State Agency drone: *places SP on hold*
SP: *relocates the Basil Hayden to her desk to save steps*
State Agency drone: Are you still there? Good news! I’ve gotten special permission to give you the number via email! Have a nice day!
SP: THANK YOU! That’s fantastic! *checks email and copies the state ID number enclosed*
[REDACTED] Software: Enter your state ID number.
SP: Well, here you go! *triumphantly pastes in state ID number*
[REDACTED] Software: According to State Agency’s records attached to this state ID number, you are exempt from this provision. Have a nice day!
SP: *opens second bottle of rye, turns off computer, turns on music*
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Good morning my Glibs and Gliberinas! And what a glorious morning it always is as I finally found something we can all agree with Crazy Eyes on!
Watch out for Tropical Storm Barry, which sounds like the nickname of a gay man.
Deficits growth is as American as blaming the Russians.
FCC Commissioner going after two leftist groups for misuse of federal funds.
Georgia Man throws 13 year old girl he met online out of car during high speed chase.
That’s all I got for today. I’ll leave you with a song and move along with my day.
Brett is off on a family emergency (that might be a euphemism, but maybe not), so I’m pinch-hitting. Because mere massive traumas shouldn’t get in the way of this fine and reliable site bringing you news stories to ignore. And birthdays, which include those of a Romer; a cartoonist who was the visual equivalent of SugarFree; another guy who should have gotten a Nobel; a famous hatchet man; the first female senator from South Carolina; the tits that made Witness tolerable; one of my sure signs of a bad movie; and someone who famously showed her asshole to Louis CK.
and one gets off,
and another one rides the bus.
Apparently, a trigger warning was needed.
Now we just need them to kill the rest of that line of shitty computers.
Reminds me of the old joke whose punchline is, “But Rabbi, there’s an r in Yom Kippur!”
News from my undergrad alma mater. And I have an alibi.
Piss hookers need to clean up their act.
Yoots. True story: SugarFree and I were in a Walgreens near my house to pick up a few items. We got into a conversation with the kid at the register after SF made a joke about “dine and dash at Walgreens.” Apparently, their policy is not just forbidding workers from chasing thieves, but they are actually supposed to say, “Have a nice day!” as the perp runs out the door. We all had a good laugh, and as we were leaving, the kid ostentatiously said, “Have a nice day!”
Old Guy Music is a sweet piece from one of my favorite songwriters that SP reminded me about last night. The fact that the resolution to this story is left hanging is part of the charm of the song.
Good morning my Glibs and Gliberinas! And what a glorious morning it always is as politicians and the media suddenly give a shit about Epstein. So stunning. So Brave.
Lots of boating accidents in New Zealand.
Florida Principal Man reassigned to another school after refusing to say if the Holocaust was real.
Minneapolis forcing homeowner to pay $20k to fix a leak in a water line that goes from his home to underneath the other side a four lane road.
CBO claims that a $15 minimum wage would lead to the loss of 1.3 million jobs but will lift 1.3 million out of poverty. It will mostly expand the amount of people already being paid under the table.
That’s all I got for today. I’ll leave you with a song and move along with my day.
Tomorrow my wife takes a guild test that determines whether or not she’ll be allowed to practice in the field she spent two years in school for. Things are a little… tense… around here today. We don’t have a cat to kick, so I’m filling that role for the household. “See that scar? Its about the size of a cigar. That’s what happens when you fail to make breakfast properly in my house.” Kidding. She’s just freaking out and not really talking to me.
If it is true that the Trump administration has learned restraint… the world may never recover.
Let’s play a game called Antifa or white supremacists.
Duke Nukem is dropping out of the Dem primary. Seriously, if you can’t make it to Iowa or New Hampshire, what the fuck are you doing declaring your candidacy?
39 warning shots? Is this guy a cop? Nice that his 12 year old son saved the day with a wrench. (h/t FdA)
Let’s just rock today.