Category: Food & Drink

  • Hi. I em Inga from Sveeden!

    Christmas is over, thankfully.  Which means December’s theme of our thought experiment on Christmas movies must be over right?

    Right?

    This in my review of Weihenstephaner Korbinian Double Bock.

    The problem with Christmas movies is a lot of people make the mistake of assuming a movie is a Christmas movie simply because it takes place during the Christmas season.  Which is how we get articles such as these explaining why Lethal Weapon is a Christmas movie now.  There is nothing wrong with watching it in order to celebrate your preferred winter solstice holiday, however I personally don’t think it is a holiday movie.  The article’s author seems to focus on red imagery in the background, like fire trucks, clothing, and Rigg’s red ear protection at the shooting range (they aren’t headphones…way to journo there journo-person).  All of which seems coincidental if anything.  Rigg’s suicidal tendencies and reckless behavior aren’t driven by Christmas either, they’re driven by him being a widower and PTSD from Vietnam.  Anybody spending any meaningful time around combat Vets knows they contemplate suicide on any given day, triggered by even the most innocuous of things…Finally, the time of year is not integral to the plot the way it is in Die Hard.

    Similar to how Trading Places is not a Christmas movie.  I would however argue it is a New Years movie, primarily because New Years is supposed to be a time of self-reflection and new beginnings.  Something every character experiences in this film.

    In this classic comedy we find Randolph and Mortimer Duke, two multi-millionaire owners of a Philadelphia based commodity exchange, who constantly get into petty squabbles between each other. This one in particular is a Nature vs. Nurture (pardon the shaky cam) argument, where they propose a practical experiment with a small wager.  They take one of their employees, Louis Winthorpe (Dan Akroyd) and switch his place in the world by ruining his life.  They find a reason to fire him to take away his livelihood, evict him from his Duke brother-owned home, frame him as a petty thief at his gentleman’s club to take away his social circle, and frame him for drug possession which leads to an arrest with the kicker of sending a hooker (Jamie Lee Curtis) to pick him up from jail when his fiancée arrives to bail him out.  His life is ruined in short order, and the hooker, Ophelia, is the only person willing to assist him. In exchange, they find Billy Rae Valentine (Eddie Murphy), a street hustler/con-artist whom the Duke’s met previously.  They hire him, give him basic instructions on how to do Winthorpe’s job, and give him Winthorpe’s old home.  Both men know nothing of the experiment, nor do they know anything other than their own experiences at opposing ends of the social hierarchy.

    The result?  Valentine makes the Dukes a fair payday with his reasoning for setting the price on pork belly and impresses them with his diligence and eagerness to learn, while Winthorpe attempts to frame Valentine for drug use at the Duke’s Christmas party.  Neither man however is truly changed as Winthorpe steals, of all things, a smoked salmon (these are not cheap) from the party, and Valentine pockets a joint from Winthorpe’s stash.

    Valentine overhears the Dukes discussing their experiment.  Where they effectively ruin one privileged man’s life turning him into a petty criminal, and turn an unprivileged man’s life of destitute into one of prosperity—within a few weeks time.  People are essentially products of their environment, and the Duke brothers agree success has little to do with pedigree.  The Dukes decide they have little use for either man, plan to eventually fire Valentine, and leave Winthorpe in his personal Hell.  They settle their wager of

    …$1.

    Valentine informs Winthorpe of the plot, and with the aid of Ophelia and Winthorpe’s old butler they plot revenge on the Dukes.  They learn the Dukes are expecting a report on that year’s orange harvest and with that information plan to adjust their investments to corner the market on orange futures ahead of the report’s release.  They also learn the report is on a train to New York with the Duke’s associate on New Year’s Eve.  They subdue the associate, and replace the real report with a fake one.

    Then they go to the New York Stock Exchange with the report in hand and short orange commodity futures ahead of the report’s release.  The Dukes on the other hand with the false report took the opposite approach, purchased orange futures with the expectations prices will rise and were ruined in the process.  After the market closed, Winthorpe and Valentine make a scene on the trading floor mocking the Dukes by settling a bet they can get rich making two really rich guys poor, in the amount of…

    …$1.

    ::Insert STEVE SMITH joke here. By insert, mean…ah, screw it::

    Can this movie be made again?  Not without insufferable social commentary at every corner.  If somebody makes this again, they have an obvious analogue with the Dukes being the Koch brothers.  They have an obvious place to add in soliloquies on privilege, capitalism, Al Franken, race, poverty, feminism, the N-word, butlers, illicit drug use, operas, suicide, manicures, sex workers, black markets, blackface, on-screen nudity, and being raped by a gorilla.

    Yeah…about that last part.  The funniest parts of this movie are on the train on New Years Eve, and is almost entirely humor playing on racial and ethnic stereotypes.  Not to mention a man being raped by a gorilla.  I refuse to speculate on how they can update this movie, because I refuse to give idiots stupid ideas.

    They don’t need my help.

     

    This beer is not Swedish, but we all knew that.  It is a Doppelbock which is a dark German lager.  It is rather nice and made in the manner which we all expect from people that are not Swedish.  This is a family friendly site, so I am afraid this is the best I can do.

    Happy New Year.  Weihenstephaner Korbinian Double Bock:  3.8/5

  • Buffalo Gal Won’t You Come Out Tonight?

    Continuing with our epic journey through the war on Christmas; the last Christmas movie I think needs to be discussed is the Jimmy Stewart classic, Its a Wonderful Life.

    This is my review of Guinness Over the Moon Milk Stout

    In this movie we find the protagonist, George Bailey takes over the family business, a small Savings and Loan in his hometown of Bedford Falls.  We learn a lot about George personally in the beginning of the movie:  Why he was deferred from serving in World War 2, how he met his wife, and his overall outlook on matters related to his family business.  We find out fairly early in the movie about, Mr. Potter, the antagonist as well.  Mr. Potter is major a shareholder in the Savings and Loan.  He voices his opinion during a board meeting regarding the “rabble” in the town that triggers George.  The idea that people should save before trying to purchase a home is apparently evil and issuing sub-prime loans to workers that may or may not be able to afford to pay back the loan is as pure as the driven snow.

    We find out later, during the depression both men were the only ones in town with businesses that survived.  For the most part, Potter is portrayed as a caricature of a greedy, monocle twirling capitalist.  I might even go so far as to say he probably fits in around here.  Eventually, Potter discovers somehow Bailey’s Savings and Loan is still afloat in spite of questionable lending practices and alarming issues with his book keeping, but is the only real competition Potter has.  That is, if you want to define Bailey as a competitor…after all, Potter is a member of the board.  So he tried to do the sensible thing, and buy out Bailey.

    Later Bailey’s uncle, Billy, loses a large deposit which is seriously troubling because it is potentially ruinous to their business.  It is also a seemingly small amount for a mortgage lender of only $8000 (~$110,000 today), and he is depositing it in Potter’s bank (really?).  Bailey then goes to the only person in town that can save him—Potter.  It is here that Potter learns the $8000 in cash he randomly found in his bank earlier that day was Bailey’s.  For better or worse, he tells Bailey to pound sand.

    Bailey falls into a drunken depression, and considers suicide but is sidetracked by a stranger, whom he saves from his own death in an icy river.  Remember–Bailey is not a shady businessman and is supposed to be the good guy.  This random stranger is an angel (in training) named Clarence, that shows Bailey what the world is like without Bailey.  People he saved by telling the pharmacist he filled the prescription with the wrong drug, pulling his brother from the ice in a frozen lake, who goes on to save other servicemen in the war, etc, is the impact Bailey made.  This part in itself actually is a good message:  one person (all of us, really) can impact the world in a variety of ways, with an infinite number of possibilities—it is up to you to make that impact positive.

    Hopefully your impact is not crashing the economy through sub-prime lending.

    Can this movie be made again today?  I am here to tell you, if this movie is made again today it will be labeled by right leaning media as socialist or anti-capitalist propaganda–because it already is.  Every speech Bailey makes, including the times he needs to weasel his way out of satisfying his customers is a smear on Potter.  While Potter may be a cold-hearted businessman, portraying him as a villain is unfair.  Others previously made a similar argument in pointing out that Potter is the only honest businessman in this story.  His frequent complaints about the savings and loan can be argued are in his interests as an investor; how he insisted on customers having adequate collateral before approving loans supports this point.  Even offering to buy out a large percentage (50%) of customer accounts when Bailey was unable to cash out his customers and offer full payment in 60 days, does not lend itself to the idea Potter is a villian.  The only real crime Potter did was keep the money, but even there he comes across it by accident and only learns who left it in the scene where Bailey asks him for a bailout.  He didn’t intentionally steal it.  Given the issues Bailey has caused Potter over the years, is keeping that part a secret in that moment as unethical as it sounds?  Is calling the banking authorities unethical, when bailing out Bailey would make him complicit in the scheme?  He could have easily had a change of heart and deposited the money into Bailey’s account the next day, but we will never know.

    Bailey’s business model is selling subprime loans; 2008 is still in the memories of many today. Which means neither of the characters can be reasonably portrayed as a protagonist.  The honest businessman is a greedy capitalist who wants to own the entire town, and the other is a grifter selling loans to people that cannot afford to pay them back.  In this theoretical new version will Bailey see all the people he gave loans to are living in a rental home or an apartment and not in bankruptcy had he never been born?  So he has a change of heart and goes back to the universe where he likely ruins the entire town (Potter included) when those mortgages default?

    Because why the hell not?

    Clarence is gone, unless he’s replaced by a wizard of some kind, played by Oprah Winfrey. According to lore, they thought the movie was too religious…in 1946, which is why they went with singing Auld Lang Syne instead of an actual Christmas song in the final scene.  Plus, there are feminist complaints when they show what happens to Bailey’s wife had George never been born (old maid).  Bailey’s wife will necessarily have to be more successful as a single woman for whatever reason they want to come up with.  Bailey is just holding her back by marrying her and letting him focus on his career.

    This movie cannot be made again.

     

    Didn’t I already review this one?  Sort of.  This is similar but not quite identical to a Guinness varietal that I found at the Dublin airport and packed away to save for the end of my self-imposed temperance.  This is a little more like the Extra Stout made in Canada and imported to the US, but it is not as harsh with the burned malt flavors.  It splits the difference between those two but it is otherwise solid.  Then there is the part where it is brewed in Baltimore.  Just do what I did and pour it through a colander, into another vessel to make sure there are no empty .40 S&W cartridges, syringes, or shards of broken glass.  You should be good to go.  Guinness Over the Moon Milk Stout 3.5/5

  • Romanian Christmas Traditions: the Pig

     

    Trigger warning: images of butchered animal of the porcine variety.

    Not unlike the US and the Thanksgiving turkey, Romania has the Christmas pig. As tradition goes, get one before Christmas and eat it head to tail over the winter months. I have covered some of uses of such beasts in my Christmas food post. This has origins in the times when meat was not a regular meal for many most of the year, but winter was a time for feasting and , I assume, the cold meant the meat kept better. While it was done for Christmas since time immemorial, I assume the origins are older. Families would spend all year fattening the critter, to get the proper use of it. There is even a saying “to fatten a pig the night before Christmas” referring to jobs left to late and half-assed in the last moments, often applied to students studying for exams or the process of morning links on certain websites. A fatter pig was prized, as it had higher not-bones to bones ration, and the abundant lard had many uses.

    The pig is traditionally slaughtered close to Christmas, on the Orthodox Christian feast day of Ignatius of Antioch, also known as Ignatius Theophorus, which is the 20th of December. That left time to prepare everything, but the meat was fresh enough on the 25th. Since modern refrigeration exists, and people no longer grow their own pig, the date is now flexible.

    The habit is still to avoid so called factory farmed animals for this, and many people have a pig guy in the countryside, who raise some 10 to 20 pigs earmarked for various city families. You generally ask for one in the previous winter/spring, so a piglet can be acquired. As such, the day of the kill depends, as all pigs get their turn. This can be time consuming if done traditionally, with the pig seared on a straw fire in order to scrape the hairs, then washed with hot water. The whole affair usually involves many people and mulled Țuică.

    Fat has less uses these days, and a fatter pig is sometimes older and harder to process. My family always got a pig in the 100 to 120 kg range, unlike the 200+ of some. After my father died, we no longer bought a pig, but shared one with my aunt and uncle, getting half for me and my mom. Additional things, like extra liver, are bought from the butchers. My aunt and uncle have two children with families of their own who buy 200+ kilogram pigs each, and so extra meat and fat can be obtained if needed.

    That being said, this year’s pig was a bit on the small side, at 90 kg, too small to be honest. But it was what the pig guy gave us. Pigs like this, bought whole with bones and guts and everything, cost about 12 Lei (USD 3) per kilogram this year in Romania. So about USD 125 for the half. The pig was split in quarters for easier handling, and here we have a quarter of small pig

    We got it home for the final processing, and these are the images I want to show. Keep in mind this is not how the typical Romanian butcher processes a pig, but how my family does it for the purpose of Christmas. The Day of the Pig day is ended with Pomana Porcului, which translates as the pig’s funeral feast. The Romanian word pomana can refer to either charity in general, or a funeral feast when extra food is made and given to the poor to honor the deceased.

    The meat is processed in a few categories.

    Some of the skin is taken off and eaten as it is. Not much suet from this pig, but enough it is kept for a bit of dough. Some of the fat is left skin on and processed as slăninuţă (similar to Italian lardo), which is eaten as a cold cut. It is either packed in salt for a while to cure, or smoked, depending on the preference.

    The grilling category has the ribs and the loins. For roasting, the large muscle meat from the ham. Most of the rest and various scraps go towards ground meat for sausage.

    The spine and various bones with remaining meat on them are used for stock or soups.

    The head, tail and feet are saved up to make headcheese and meat in aspic.

    The guts are cleaned for sausage.

    Parts of the fat are melted and used to make jumari and cooking lard. Jumari are a traditional local winter food. How you make them is basically make small cubs of the fat, usually with some scraps of meat remaining. You put them in a pot on the fire, and after about 15 minutes when the fat begins melting, add a bit of water.

    Allow some of the fat to render, and the remaining pieces to get nice and brown, about an hour or so, and you are done. Salt em, eat a few hot and put them in a jar that’s about it. Mmmmm pig fat deep fried in pig fat.

    It is fatty, piggy, savory, salty and an acquired taste, in the end. This was originally a preservation method, and it is also done with larger pieces of actual meat, covered in lard – hence the English word larder. This was a staple back in the day, although it is rare and sort of a specialty product these days. Confit de canard, which in some places is a fancy dish, was also meat preserved in lard.  They can be eaten as a snack or used when cooking cabbage or beans, and should keep for several months, especially in a cold pantry. Lard is also kept separately for cooking.

    Now on to the meal of the day, it is simple. People are usually tired at the end of the day and do not want to cook something complicated. A few pieces of fatty meat and liver are kept from the pig, fried in a bit of lard, eaten with lots of garlic and polenta. Țuică and wine make an appearance, and usually cheese is on the table because cheese is always on the table in Romania, in this case a very fresh cow’s cheese bought from the same farm as the pig. The meat has just a bit of salt an pepper added, because the point is to enjoy the fresh fatty taste.

  • Shoot. The. Glass.

    To continue on with December’s theme of determining if our favorite holiday movies can be made again today or are just products if their time.  We will take a look at a, shall we say, unconventional Christmas Movie.

    This is my review of Epic Brewery Big Bad Baptist Imperial Stout.

    Don’t think Die Hard is a Christmas movie?  A few of you already got into this one and confirmed my biases in the subject.

    As an aside, never make a bet at a bar.  It either results in you losing all your money, your clothes, or the bar having to call Security Forces in to haul you back to Hurlburt Field.  Sometimes all three.

    Die Hard is indeed a Christmas movie.  The movie is about a guy visiting his wife for the holidays.  She was a career woman working for a Japanese company, both of which was something somewhat new for the time. She also lived in another city as a result of her having a career.  He planned to meet his wife during the office Christmas party, scheduled on Christmas Eve.

    …Of course the twist is the building is taken over by a small group of heavily armed, East German terrorists led by Hans Grüber.  They hold everyone in the building hostage in exchange for the release their comrades in arms from various prisons across the world, the “Asian Dawn,” and access codes to a enormous safe holding cash bonds.

    …the other twist is the aforementioned guy visiting his wife is Detective John McClaine, NYPD.  While he showed up with what was then the latest and greatest in concealed carry (Beretta Model 92), he now has a machine gun.

    HO HO HO

    Yippee Kai Yay…and hilarity ensues.

    The tricky part is if this can be made again today, and the answer in my opinion is:  maybe.

    It really can’t be the same movie because trends in world events would probably have to be updated to match the times.  The company would have to be Chinese since they are the new Japanese, buying up all of America.  Although the name of the building  Nakatomi Plaza could stay the same.

    McClaine’s pistol will have to be updated to a Glock, obviously.  He would also have to be played by a person of color, or maybe even somebody with an accent.  Idris Elba checks both boxes but Liam Niesen is acceptable.  Prisoner exchange is also a likely motive behind taking hostages, but nobody really has bonds printed directly on paper anymore, nor is such a massive safe necessary to secure them.  Just demand a transfer of cryptocurrency from the Chinese.

    Where it gets dicey are the terrorists.  During the Cold War, there were a number of communist guerrilla groups that provided an easy background on the villains.  Being they are terrorists the easy update is to make them some flavor of Islamic terrorists.  That however is  politically incorrect because #notallmuslims.  In addition, there are not very many examples of movies with the villains being part of an Islamic terrorist group post 9/11.  True Lies, and The Siege were both released in the 1990’s.  Post 9/11, only war movies set in Iraq or Afghanistan, four hour long Clint Eastwood-backed drudgery, and a handful of TV shows that came out with both wars as a background feature Islamic terrorists—out of necessity.  Uhygurs are certainly a bridge to far, given the how often movies are funded by Chinese interests these days.  North Koreans and/or Cubans are a stretch.

    Which leaves White Nationalists as the only acceptable villain group.  This is convenient, given their leader can still be named Hans.

    Honorable Mentions:

    Jingle All the Way:  A man played by Arnold Schwarzenegger attempts to buy his son THE TOY OF THE YEAR…on Christmas Eve.  Which is silly, because he can just buy it on Amazon today, and have it delivered by Tuesday.  Plus, in one scene he impersonates a cop, which makes this a total no-go.

    The Santa Clause:  A man played by Tim Allen inadvertently kills Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, dons his coat and becomes the new Santa Claus.  Unfortunately, this requires Tim Allen to seek penance for the sins of being both funny, and traditionally male.  Sadly he won’t do it, nor would they forgive him anyways.  Like the other film mentioned, fatherhood is a dominant theme that nobody wants to portray in a positive manner.  The title is a pun; a legal pun.  Swiss would narrow gaze on a biblical proportion in response.

     

    This beer is made in Utah.  I want to make this clear, for everybody that wants to piss all over Utah for their association with weirdo religions, this beer is made in Utah…but it is illegal to sell there outside of a couple state run stores.  Which is fine, because that leaves an awful lot more for me.  Lots of roasted coffee notes, with a blast of whiskey.  It does the job exceptionally well.  Epic Brewery Big Bad Baptist Imperial Stout:  4.1/5.

  • A Ranking of Ryes, Round 1

    Welcome to another edition of “Not Adahn Gets Drunk at the Keyboard.”  This will be the first in a series of rye reviews, primarily because I like the spirit and my LLS has and entire wall dedicated to this once side-eyed drink.  Rye whiskey has always been probably the best value in the brown liquor market, with prices being cheap and the quality almost never dropping below “drinkable.”  Now with it becoming popular, the magic of the market has resulted in ryes selling for Scotch prices (looking at you, Whistle Pig) which is something I just have a psychological block against paying.   So I’m not going to.  Fortunately, I can fill out a number of these while spending less than $40 a bottle.  I’m limiting myself to four at a time due to palate fatigue.  As is typical for my tasting protocol, I’ve got distilled water to open up the high-proof offerings, as well as taste modifiers of bread, butter, cheese, chocolate and salted almonds.

    Tonight’s Contenders. Also, notice that although the Pixel has excellent resolution, it is absolute ass at color reproduction.

    Old Overholt Straight Rye Whiskey– Nose is sweet, spicy, a bit cardboardy.  It anesthetizes fairly quickly, so I’ll take it away from my nose for a bit before drinking.  Taste is mild, woody, gentle, dangerously drinkable.  And this was sub-$20.  God bless rye whiskey!

    Jim Beam Rye – I’m rather looking forward to this one.  I was very fond of the old yellow labelled version, as it was the first whiskey that I thought tasted good at body temperature poured out of a steel flask at a football game.  I haven’t tried this new green labelled “pre-prohibition style” whatever that’s supposed to mean.  The nose is much drier than the earlier one.  You can smell the barrels, but other than that, it fairly clean.  Oh that’s nice.  It’s sharper, very much in the Beam idiom of sweet carmel and a big hit of char extracts.  Now that I think about it, those are probably carcinogenic AF.  I need to dig out some carbotrap tubes and run this on the GC-MS at work to see exactly how bad this is for you.  I still like it.  I will admit that there may be some emotional attachment to the brand going on, as it played a notable role in my college years.  My fraternity brothers have long been excellent bullshitters, with stories being so good that they became believed and passed down as fact to the next class.  One of these stories was of “Brother Beam.”  Proof that Jim Beam was a member of our house was demonstrated by the color of the bottle labels (black, white, yellow) and the fact that if you were lying on the floor paralyzed by alcohol and saw a Jim Beam bottle lying near you, the ribbon and wax seal logo kinda sorta looked like our badge.  I typically dilute anything over 80 proof, though I don’t think this needs it.  I’ll do so anyway for consistency’s sake.  A few drops does increase the spice to sweet ratio, and oddly enough makes it a little astringent.  I don’t think I like it any better that way. A little fat on the tongue (from a really good cheddar in this case) also tones down the sweetness.

    Bulleit Rye – The Elon Musk of the spirit world, this rye thinks it’s better than everyone else having a cork rather than a screw cap.  Well lah-dee-dah Mr. Fancy-pants.  I keed.  I’ve also never had this one, though I do like their “Bourbon.”  I may have poured the two previous glasses a little too full, there are numb regions on my tongue I’ll need to taste around.  OK, I don’t know if it’s me or it, but this thing has very little smell.  It’s the whiskey, because it sure has a flavor.  And that flavor is impressive.  I”m not quite certain where to begin since it caught me completely by surprise.  Let’s have another taste and I’ll try to pay closer attention.  Ok, I’m not even sure this is rye.  There are tremendous herbal flavors, green fruits, if it wasn’t for the primal flavor you could believe this was a white wine.  But you know, still tasting like whiskey.  Yeah, I’m tempted to disqualify this from the rankings for being out of genre, but holy hell this is an impressive spirit.  How strong is this… 90 proof?  Ok, a few mLs of water it is.  Very interesting – adding water increased the nose.  I’m getting… chocolate? Yeah, chocolate, and burnt oil, concord grapes and citrus peel.  This smells really good.  The flavor unfortunately, instead of being transformed the way most whiskeys are, was merely diluted.  Still, if you wanted to spend time in a bar just smelling your drink, get this and dribble a little water into it.  Can Mormons do that?  I’m pretty sure Baptists can’t since their rules are only elaborations of the first rule which is to Have No Fun that is not The Lord.  Yeah, I should have a bottle of this in the house at all times.

    Rittenhouse Rye Bottled-In-Bond – I adore old cookbooks.  I have in my possession a 1940 booklet of an advertisement purporting to be a reference manual put out by the National Distillers Products Corporation which goes into great length about how “Bottled-in-bond” is the assurance of the highest quality American whiskey.  In fact, on page 6 is notes that “Such whiskey meets all the standards for medicinal whiskey as set forth in the United Stated Pharmacopoeia.”  Relevant to this particular post, it also calls Old Overholt the “greatest of all Pennsylvania ryes.”  It further notes that “The Scotch always omit the ‘e’ used in the American spelling of ‘whiskey’.”  Obviously, such a handbook is to be taken quite seriously, so I look forward to this rye which is produced under regulations which are “the most stringent in the world.”  If you’ve paid attention to the pictures, you noticed that this one was darker in color, which makes sense as it was diluted less than the others prior to bottling (oh, for those of you without access to The Host’s Handbook, bottled-in-bond whiskey is always 100 proof).  Before I smell this one, I’ll need to wash the 80-year-old-book smell from many hands.  Having done so, the aroma of this whiskey is more on the bass side of bourbon, with blackberries mixed in with caramel and maple.  The first sip, neat:  yummy.  Compact, warming, a little sharp, a little… dare I say medicinal?  With cheese:  rounder, less distinctive. Now, taking it to ~80 proof with distilled water:  It’s like an entire circus of charred-cask clowns has gone berserk in my mouth.  Holy fuck, there’s “opening up” and then there’s “a porcupine on acid looking at a Klein bottle made of Mobius strips.”  The transformation is total and absolute.  With respect to the National Distillers Products Corporation, this Pennsylvania rye kicks the everloving shit out of Old Overholt.  It is with a heavy heart that I must concede that the U.S. Government has had a hand in producing something great here.  I would turn in my Libertarian card, but I never got one.

    Same order as above. Not much difference, but then again Rye isn’t all about being a special snowflake.

    I titled this a ranking, so I guess I have to pick a winner:

    Honorable Mention:  Bulleit Rye – This is fantastic stuff, but too atypical to continue on to to the next round.  I’m still drinking the fuck out of it.

    Best Value Whiskey:  Old Overholt – this is a legitimately good whiskey, and it’s cheaper than Jack.

    Winner of Round 1:  Rittenhouse Rye Bottled-In-Bond.  This shakes my confidence in FedGov turning everything it touches into crap.  That’s how good this is.

     

  • Nobody Wants a Charlie in the Box

    It’s the time of year again, when all those old holiday movies start showing up in the streaming service, or if you are a boomer, on TV.  Sadly, most of these movies can be argued are products of their time.

    Or are they?

    For the month of December I asked for assistance from TPTB to put together a coherent string of random thoughts, take a few bong hits postulate which of the classic Christmas movies can actually be made today.

    This is my review of Campanology Brewing Chocolate Babka Stout

    Today, we look at Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  This stop motion animated classic begins with the narrator, a snowman voiced by Burl Ives, tells us a story of the most famous reindeer of all.  He takes us to the beginning of the story where Santa’s reindeer, Donner, meets his son Rudolph…who has a red nose.  You could even say it glows; you could say that because it does in fact glow.  It blinds everyone that looks into it directly, making it rather dangerous.  Donner believes this is a problem and decides to put a cap over Rudolph’s nose to prevent others from ostracizing Rudolph, making it more likely they invite him to join in their reindeer games.

    Later we meet Hermey the elf.  Hermey is one of Santa’s elves, but does not like to make toys.  He want’s to be a dentist.  This proves to be an issue with his supervisor, who naturally wants him to do his job, which does not involve being a dentist.

    In later scenes Rudolph’s nose cap falls off while playing reindeer games in an effort to impress a doe named Clarice, subjecting him to ridicule from his peers.  They simply laughed, called him names, and would no longer invite him to participate in any reindeer games.  Hermey on the other hand gets into a verbal altercation with his supervisor and is given the ultimatum to finish his job, or be fired.  After a brief musical number, Hermey quits.

    Rudolph and Hermey meet each other during a dispute involving the property rights of a nearby snowbank, decide to put aside their differences, and be “independent together”.  They set out into the world, unsure of what to make of themselves and meet Yukon Cornelius, a gold/silver prospector.  Eventually, they find themselves on the Island of Misfit Toys, where they meet other misfits like themselves.  They are allowed by King Moonracer, the local monarch to stay a short while, but he states his kingdom is for misfit toys, not people.

    Following a plot device that convinces Rudolph to go home, the story concludes with the defeat of the Abominable Snowman through Hermie’s crude ability to pull its teeth, and Yukon wrestling the bumble.  Due to blizzard conditions making flight difficult and dangerous, Rudolph finds his glowing red nose to be a useful asset as a result.  In spite of being a little bit different, all three characters are accepted by Santa, and others at the north pole for their gallantry.

    Could this movie be made today?  Absolutely, but not without a few small changes.

    Silver. Gold. Dick. I’m in search for it all!

    Among other things, it has been argued the entire movie is an allegory about gay acceptance.  Rudolph being slightly different is judged by his father, who attempts to butch him up because he is “protecting” his son as a worried father is wont to do.  In reality, Donner being one of Santa’s original eight reindeer and therefore high in north pole society, is only protecting his own standing out of embarrassment.   Hermey is blatantly obvious.  Not only is he the only elf in the story with hair, it is magnificent.  He speaks with an effeminate voice and aspires to work on people’s teeth.  That in itself isn’t gay but it is an odd thing for an elf to want to do.  Finally, Yukon is the classic bear with his performative masculinity, that they meet to guide their path forward to first accepting themselves.  The suspension of disbelief is low by the standard of today’s audience, who are well acquainted with the hero’s journey archetype.

    Where it would likely be changed is in the narrator–not only is Burl Ives dead, he was a white male.  He will be replaced with Morgan Freeman.  The opening scene where Santa is body-shamed by his wife will be reversed, by Santa body shaming his wife with the gift of a Peleton bike.  Santa and the north pole culture will need reinforcement of strict gender norms, and an oppressive culture in order for this storyline to work.  This time around, he cannot be an amiable fellow traveler in the story.  The Island of Misfit Toys unfortunately will have to be made into a delusional society that believes they are being oppressed by the world, thus will all be evangelical Christian misfits.  King Moonracer will be the same in order to reinforce this delusion, because apparently nothing says misfit like a flying lion (when that’s actually freaking awesome).  He will still decide to temporarily take in Rudolph, Hermey, and Yukon because it is the Christian thing to do but knows three gays will not find acceptance on his island.

    Either Rudolph or Hermey will need to be trans.  The easier of the two will likely be Hermey because Santa has a “girl” elf uniform.  Yukon is still a bear,  There will be a Clarice, but she will merely be a “ally” rather than a love interest.

    Honorable mentions:

    Little Drummer Boy.  This cannot be made again today.  The drummer boy is an ass to everyone he meets in Israel.  It takes the near death of his friend, a literal ass, for him to have a very literal “come to Jesus” moment.  It is far too religious for nearly anyone to redo, and thus will be reserved for channels that cater to such audiences in it’s present form.

    Frosty the Snowman.  This cannot be made again.  Apparently, we can’t handle a commercial where a man gives his wife an exercise bike for Christmas.  **SPOILER ALERT** The snowman DIES at the end, nobody can handle that anymore.

     

    Babka being a type of (((pastry))) that I have not tried but is available at a deli I frequently purchase bagels, might suggest this bear a Kosher certification, but I did not find one.  This beer is otherwise fantastic. It is 10% ABV and pours like chocolate syrup…because it more or less is.  They put down making a beer float with a scoop of vanilla ice cream as a serving suggestion.  Quite frankly they do something like Samuel Smith’s Double Chocolate Stout, and went over the top with it, and priced it for the average Trader Joe’s shopper ($5).  Which, isn’t all that bad.  Campanology Brewing Chocolate Babka Stout 4.0/5

  • Bacon Booze, an Old-Fashioned, and a Gift Suggestion

    Bacon-Infused Booze.

    Its been too long since I brought the benighted masses a new cocktail recipe.  Given the number of enthusiastic carnivores here (sorry, Old Man and SP, this one won’t work for you), I thought Bacon-Infused Booze would be of interest.  You can also do this with rye, bourbon or other whiskies, or even theoretically Scotch, I suppose.  Since infusing your booze with bacon adds a smoky flavor, I can’t see it being very good with clear liquors, rum, or others that aren’t already smoke-friendly, but who knows?  Scotch typically already has plenty of smoke, so I can’t see infusing bacon into Scotch really adding much, but I haven’t tried it.

    Technically, infusing bacon into your booze is “fat-washing”, and it is dead easy.  You will need bacon, booze, a container, and a freezer. Based on my experience, the smokier the bacon, the better.  Because of the (very) wide variation in bacon, the proportions are also variable. You may have to make multiple batches to land on the right recipe for you.  Darn it.

    (1)        Pour your booze into a container (we’re using home barrel-aged Bulleit rye).  We’ve been doing half a fifth (call it 13 ounces) at a time as we experiment, so a pint mason jar works just fine.  The wider the mouth, the better, so a tupperware container is also a good choice.

    (2)        Cook the bacon.  I find cooking it to quite crispy in a frying pan works a little better in terms of flavor getting transferred to the booze.  Keep the cooked bacon, as it makes a dandy garnish.  I’ve had candied bacon as a garnish in fancier bars, so if that’s your bag, go for it.

    (3)        Measure ½ – 1 ounce of warm bacon grease for 13 ounces of booze, and pour into your booze.  Stir or whisk vigorously to break up and distribute the grease.

    (4)        Place in freezer, and leave for at least 12 hours.  I don’t think there’s any benefit to leaving it more than 24 hours.  The bacon grease will congeal into a nice, hard mass.

    (5)        Remove as much of the fat as you can with a slotted spoon or similar.  This is where the wide-mouthed container comes in handy.  Pour the booze through cheesecloth or a coffee filter to get out rest out.  Do this while the booze is still ice-cold so the filter catches the hard fat bits.  The end result should not have any slick of fat left on the top, or at worst a very minimal amount.

    Don’t expect a pronounced bacon flavor, but you should get some smoke and flavor, and a definite smoother/richer feel.

    An Old-Fashioned.

    Now you’ve got your Bacon Booze.  But you don’t have a cocktail yet.  May I suggest an Old-Fashioned?  Mrs. Dean’s current go-to Old Fashioned is as follows:

    3 oz. Bacon Booze.

    1/3 oz Maple Syrup (I’m liking the darker Grade B, which has more maple flavor).  As ever, adjust the proportions to your taste.

    6 dashes Angostura bitters.

    3 dashes Peychaud bitters.

    3 dashes Fee Bros. Aztec Chocolate bitters.

    Shake over ice (remember, a proper shake is 10 – 15 seconds), pour over rocks.  Or straight up.  Your call.  Garnish with bacon.  Or not.  But if not, why not?

    The bacony booze and maple syrup are a natural.  The bitters combo, which I got from a bartender, blends very nicely and add real depth to a drink which is already pretty damn interesting.  Of course, you can use whatever your preference for bitters is.

    The Gift of Ice.

    Because it’s the holidays, one’s mind naturally turns to gifts (either given or received).  Top-tier cocktailing requires top-tier ice, and I believe I have located the best home ice maker on offer.  Its pricey, but it makes glass-clear ice in a number of shapes.  We have the Wintersmiths Phantom Ice Maker.  They make a couple of smaller ones, as well, and a number of different molds for different shapes of ice.  We have the molds for large spheres (ideal for rocks glasses) and Collins “spears” (long rectangular ice “cubes”, good for tall cold ones).  They also have large cubes, and small cubes and spheres (not in stock at the moment).

    Downsides:

    • Cost (not your problem if you can convince somebody to stuff your stocking with it).
    • Size:  It takes some room in the freezer, no question.
    • Time:  24 hours for a batch of ice.

    Upsides:  Perfectly clear ice, that melts slower, dilutes your drink less, and looks uber-classy.

  • Gobble gobble b*tches!

    Another year, another successful holiday passing without another inane controversy.  But what am I saying?

    This is my review of Clown Shoes Undead American Imperial Stout.

    Evidently, Trump joked the turkey he pardoned kept his cool, even under threat of subpoena from Rep. Adam Schiff.

    “It seems the Democrats are accusing me of being too soft on turkey,” Mr. Trump said, turning to the birds. “But Bread and Butter, I should note that unlike previous witnesses, you and I have actually met. It’s very unusual.”

    President Taft pardoned exactly zero turkeys. Bring it fact check clowns!

    Which was a joke.  Clearly, it was a joke.

    The pardoning of a turkey however is one of the more benign presidential traditions.  While the holiday itself is credited with Washington declaring a day of thanksgiving, the first turkey was pardoned by Lincoln.  According to lore, Lincoln’s son Tad befriended a turkey, whom he named Jack, destined to become Christmas dinner. Tad pleaded for Jack’s life and the tradition of pardoning a turkey was born.  Of course, the tradition itself was to send a turkey for the president to eat, and quite frankly thats what most of them did.

    Once pardoned, the turkeys live the high life as far as a farm fowl is concerned.  Some live out their days at petting zoos, avoid being massacred at Virginia Tech, or even standing in as a grand marshal for parades at Disney while their cousins are smoked and sold to tourists.  Some animal rights activists are not fond of the tradition, since these turkeys are farm fowl and are bred specifically to get fat and be eaten.  Their joints are not up to the task of a long life as a fat bird and keeping them alive is therefore cruel.  Then of course, there are the vegans…

    The trend of sparing a turkey’s life publicly is credited to Kennedy.  The joke was on Kennedy, because Marylin Monroe killed herself and the bird outlived them both. Perhaps Oswald was a vegan?

    This beer though, woof.  You are greeted with whiff of straight booze, followed by burned chocolate and coffee.  Its like a traditional Irish lunch, with the only thing missing is the fish and chips. Clown Shoes Undead American Imperial Stout 4.1/5

     

  • Glibertarians.com LITERALLY DESTROYS Eric Swalwell with FACTS and LOGIC

    Introduction

    Is this the dumbest thing we do here?  No, not at all.  You see reader, progression of culture is driven by those that exist on the fringe of polite society.  Quite frankly this site was built upon pillars known as The Hat and the Hair.  There is nothing more fringe than the idea the actions of a semi-mindless automaton named Donald Trump being dictated by the sentient headgear he is wearing at the time.  Using sound experimental methodology to recreate sounds in an effort to test the hypothesis this was not the sound of a congressman producing flatulence is not beyond this site.  Indeed, to do so with a straight face while reviewing beer, therefore is most certainly something you can only find on Glibertarians.com.

    This is my review of Samuel Smith’s Welcome Winter Ale.

    This whole thing was prompted last week when MSNBC interviewed Rep. Eric Swalwell regarding the first day of the “impeachment inquiry”, who appeared to flat loudly on live television.  Roll Tape…

    Naturally, the internet did what it does best and give MSNBC more attention that it could possibly gain on the merits of their own content.  In response to the reaction from the internet suggestions were made as to what was the sound.  Specifically, MSNBC said it was a mug off-camera being dragged across a desk within range of the microphone.  Swalwell himself, also denied the sound was flatulence.

    Hypothesis

    If the sound in the background of the original interview is a mug being dragged across a desk, then dragging a mug across a desk will produce a sound similar to flatulence.

    Methodology

    Three tests to drag a Glibertarians Beer Stein (available the WordPress Store) will be performed with a video and audio recoding each test.  This is not only in essence, a ceramic mug, it is a particularly large ceramic mug.  The first test will be a simply drag across part of the desk immediately in front of the mousepad that has made an appearance on multiple occasions on this site.  The second test will account for the possibility the mug was dragged on a corner.  Finally, the third test will be much like third test, except more pressure will be placed on the mug that the first test.

    Results

    .
    .
    .

    .
    .
    .

     

    Discussion

    In none of these tests, did the sound produced by dragging the mug across a desk sound in any way similar to the sound produced in the background of the MSNBC interview with Rep. Eric Swalwell.  While it can be argued or denied the sound was flatulence, the explanation the sound was produced by a mug being dragged across a desk is not supported by the results of this experiment.

    Conclusion

    Don’t piss on my leg, and tell me it’s raining, MSNBC.

     

    Samuel Smith typically makes good beer.  This one is brewed and sold once a year apparently, and I managed to find it at Trader Joe’s for a very reasonable $4.  It is a traditional English ale with a twist…they hopped it.  What?  Don’t run away!  It’s not like that.

    No, seriously it’s not.  It winds up being quite balanced between the usual bready malt, Golden, and Fuggle hops.  Get it while its available.  Samuel Smiths Welcome Winter Ale 3.7/5

  • 3rd Annual Glib Community Thanksgiving Recipe Post!

    [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.22″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Intro text” _builder_version=”4.0.5″]

    A note about the format for this post: I’ve added the recipes accordion style to avoid having multiple tabs open and to prevent having to scroll for miles to see them all. When you click on the + on the right side of an item, the previous item you were looking at will close. Depending on the speed of your connection, it may take a second for your browser to bring the new item to the top of the screen. Note that the recipes are now organized by category. Each category’s accordion functions only for that section.

    Each item has a print button. You may save or print the recipe as a pdf, or just simply make it easier to have the one you want open on your mobile device without all the rest of the page clutter.

    I’ve included the recipes from last year’s post, but not a couple items from 2017 that were narratives. You can read that post here.

    Enjoy these Thanksgiving recipes contributed by your fellow Glibs!

    Happy Thanksgiving!
    ~ SP

    [/et_pb_text][et_pb_text admin_label=”Beverages” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ text_orientation=”center”]

    BEVERAGES

    [/et_pb_text][et_pb_accordion disabled_on=”off|off|off” admin_label=”beverage accordion” module_class=”my_accordian” _builder_version=”4.0.5″][et_pb_accordion_item open=”on” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ overflow-x=”hidden” overflow-y=”hidden” overflow-x_tablet=”” overflow-x_phone=”” overflow-x_last_edited=”on|phone” custom_css_open_toggle=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_title=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_icon=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_content=”display: none” custom_css_toggle=”display: none”][/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”A note on Thanksgiving wine pairings by Spudalicious” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    print as pdf

     

    I’m going to go through what I consider to be decent wine pairings for the traditional Thanksgiving meal.

    We’re talking turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, a boatload of gravy, cranberry sauce and the token side dishes that only Aunt Martha eats.

    This is a high salt, high fat, carb rich environment. It can also be a wine killer. And turkey really doesn’t pair well with heavy wines. My overall suggestion is that you want a wine that can cut through all of that. Meaning, leave your high dollar Cabernets and your big, blousy, oak filled Chardonnays in the cellar. All they will do is add to the heaviness of the meal.

    White wines

    Light, crisp, aromatic, those are all descriptions to look for in a white wine pairing. One of my favorites is a dry Gewurztraminer. I’m not talking about the majority of the wines available that have too much residual sugar, I’m talking about a lighter in body, fruity, spicy dry white. A producer I would point to is Navarro Vineyards.

    Another white that would fit the bill is a dry Riesling. DRY people, DRY. Navarro also fits the bill quite well here. You could also go German and look for a Riesling in the Kabinett, or maybe the Spatlese category. It will depend on the producer.

    Sauvignon Blanc is also a good choice. Just keep an eye on the alcohol level. Some of the New Zealand brands would fit well, just don’t go too crisp and dry. You want to cut through the richness of the meal, not hack it to bits with a machete.

    If you insist on Chardonnay, go with one of the many unoaked versions now on the market. They are crisper and still maintain the Chardonnay flavor profile. Two to choose from would be Joel Gott and Mer et Soleil Silver Label. These are both in the $15-20 range.

    Rosé

    Avoid domestic producers. Almost all of them have too much residual sugar. Look to Rosés from the south of France, such as Provence, or Italy. They are dry and crisp and would be a good foil to the meal.

    Red wines

    As I mentioned earlier, avoid the Cabernet. Save it for Christmas Eve prime rib.

    Georges Debouf is a marketing genius. Around this time of year, Beaujolais Noeveau is released. It’s a young, fresh light red from France made from the Gamay grape. It goes well with heavy dishes. Traditional Beaujolais would also work well. Fruity and not too heavy.

    Pinot Noir. Love, love, love a good Pinot for Thanksgiving. This is my go to. Go with what you like but given what’s happened with the alcohol levels in Pinot Noir, I would avoid anything much above 14% and most preferably, below. Oregon Pinot would be a good choice here.

    Domestic Syrah these days are pretty much a variation on Pinot in structure. Stay away from the big alcohol versions and you should do okay. Sierra Foothills and some of the choices from Washington State should be just fine. As much as I would love to tell you to go with a Cote Rotie from France, I just don’t think this is the place for it.

    One big red that I have found does seem to work well on Thanksgiving is Zinfandel. Avoid the monsters over 15% alcohol and try and find something a little more balanced. Sierra Foothills is again a place to look to to fit the bill.

    What about the pumpkin pie?

    This is where the sticky white wines go. As long as your pie isn’t too sweet, this is the time to pour small glasses of late harvest Gewürztraminer, Riesling, Muscat, or a Sauternes. Again, go with a small pour. It’s the end of the meal and a few sips will be plenty to cap off the event.

    The other alternative to the above suggestions?

    Drink whatever you want. Box, jug, homemade, whatever. If it you like it and it makes you happy, go with it. It is, after all, Thanksgiving. A time to enjoy friends and family, and reflect on just how good we’ve got it compared to those poor saps who didn’t hit the lottery and get to be an American.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”DblEagle’s Aged Eggnog” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    DblEagle's Aged Eggnog

    • Dozen egg yolks (reserve the whites for something else)
    • 1 lb sugar
    • 1 pint half and half
    • 1 pint heavy cream
    • 1 pint whole milk
    • 1 cup rum
    • 1 cup cognac
    • 1 cup bourbon
    • 1 teaspoon nutmeg ( freshly grated is best)
    • 1/4 teaspoon (kosher) salt
    1. Beat egg yolks, sugar and nutmeg until falls off a whisk in a smooth ribbon
    2. Combine the dairy, booze and salt in different container
    3. Slowly beat the booze mixture into the egg mixture
    4. Store in glass container(s) for 2 weeks to 2 months* in refrigerator
    5. Serve in glasses with nutmeg (fresh is best) garnish

    * You can drink immediately (and I have) but the aging time enables the tastes to smoothly combine


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Autumnal Cocktail from RC Dean” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Autumnal Cocktail from RC Dean

    Not sure what the name of this one is, but the maple syrup makes it very autumnal.

    • 3 oz. Rye or bourbon (- I prefer rye for just about any cocktail)
    • 3/4 oz. Orange Juice
    • 1/3 oz. Lemon Juice
    • 3/4 oz Dark Maple Syrup
    • 4-6 dashes bitters (Angostura works, but I also like Woodford Reserve Bourbon Barrel)
    • Seltzer couple ounces
    • Orange garnish (optional)
    1. I originally saw this “stirred, not shaken”. In my experience, you may not get the maple syrup to fully dissolve by stirring, so I prefer to make this one in my trusty shaker (also, drinks with citrus are classically shaken). The RC Dean method is to put everything but the seltzer and garnish in a shaker, pour over ice, top with seltzer and garnish.
    2. Protip: if you add the seltzer to the shaker, you will get a spectacular mess, so don’t do that.


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    APPETIZERS & BREADS

    [/et_pb_text][et_pb_accordion admin_label=”appetizers and breads accordion” module_class=”my_accordian” _builder_version=”4.0.5″][et_pb_accordion_item open=”on” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ custom_css_open_toggle=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_title=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_icon=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_content=”display: none” custom_css_toggle=”display: none”][/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Artichoke Dip by jesse.in.mb” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Artichoke Dip

    Use fresh dill because dried dill is for little bitches, as is spinach in artichoke dip…get that filler out of here!

    • 1 14 ounce can artichoke hearts (drained)
    • 1 8 ounce package cream cheese
    • 1 cup grated good Parmesan cheese
    • 1/2 cup mayonnaise
    • 1 clove garlic peeled
    • 1 teaspoon dill weed or to taste
    1. Preheat oven to 400F
    2. Process the artichoke hearts in a food processor until smooth.
    3. Add cream cheese, Parmesan, mayonnaise, garlic and dill to the artichoke mixture in the food processor and process until desired texture, but well blended.
    4. Spoon into a 9-inch pie pan.
    5. Bake 10 to 15 minutes, or until bubbly and light golden brown.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”SP’s Easy Dinner Rolls – Vegan (or Not)” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    SP’s Easy Dinner Rolls – Vegan (or Not)

    (Use the ingredients in the parentheses for Not Vegan)

    • 2 tbsp white sugar ((or honey))
    • 1/2 tsp salt
    • 1 2-1/4 tsp packet rapid-rise yeast
    • 2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour give or take – divided
    • 1/2 cup unsweetened plain almond milk ((or regular milk))
    • 1/4 cup water
    • 2 tbsp margarine and a bit more for finishing ((or butter))
    1. With a small whisk, combine the sugar, salt, yeast and 1 cup of flour in a small bowl.
    2. In a microwave safe bowl or measuring cup, heat milk, water, and margarine or butter to about 105F. If it’s too hot, let it cool a bit before using.
    3. Place the dry ingredients into the bowl of a food processor or stand mixer. With the machine running, pour in the liquid ingredients. Process or mix for 2 minutes or so. Scrape the bowl sides, add 1/2 cup more flour and beat or process until a soft dough forms, about 2 more minutes. The dough will be sticky, but should loosely hold its shape.
    4. If the dough is too soft, mix in the rest of the flour a tablespoon at a time until the dough is still soft but holds shape. Turn the dough out and let it rest on a floured surface, covered, for 10-15 minutes.
    5. Meanwhile, grease an 8-inch round cake pan. An actual 8-inch pan, not man “8-inches.”
    6. Divide the dough into 8-12 pieces and shape into rounds. (I am a little compulsive, so I weigh the dough to have rolls of the same size at the end.) Place the shaped rolls in the greased cake pan, cover and let rise until doubled, about 45 minutes.
    7. While the rolls are rising, preheat the oven to 375F.
    8. Bake the rolls for 20 minutes or until nicely browned. If you wish, brush the top of the rolls with a little melted margarine or butter. Serve pretty close to immediately.

    And you thought you couldn’t bake yeast breads from scratch!


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Jennifer Reese’s Cornbread – contributed by jesse.in.mb” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Jennifer Reese's Cornbread

    • 6 tablespoons 3/4 stick unsalted butter
    • 1 cup all-purpose flour
    • 1 cup white or yellow cornmeal (whatever grind you like)
    • 1/2 cup sugar
    • 4 teaspoons baking powder
    • 1 teaspoon kosher salt
    • 2 large eggs
    • 1 cup milk
    1. Preheat the oven to 375°F. Put the butter in a 10-inch pie plate and place it in the oven to melt.
    2. Mix the flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl. In a smaller bowl, whisk together the eggs and milk.
    3. When the butter has melted, take the pie plate out of the oven and swirl the butter around to coat the pan.
    4. Let it cool for 1 or 2 minutes, then pour the butter into the milk-egg mixture. Whisk to combine.
    5. Whisk the liquid into the dry mixture–not too strenuously. A few lumps are okay.
    6. Pour into the pie plate and bake for 25 minutes. When it is done, the bread will be slightly puffed and a toothpick inserted in the middle will come out clean.
    7. Serve immediately. Leftovers keep for a few days, covered, at room temperature.


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    westernsloper’s Candied Jalapenos

    There was a place in Phoenix (can’t remember the name) that topped one of their burgers with candied japs and it was great. I had to try and duplicate it and this is what I came up with.

    • 10 japs sliced
    • 6 baby carrots sliced longways into 1/4’s
    • 1 c water
    • 1/2 c White Vinegar
    • 1/2 c Apple Cider Vinegar
    • 1-1/2 c sugar
    1. Bring liquid to boil, add sugar and dissolve.
    2. Add japs and simmer/slow boil/reduce until mixture is bubbly and thick (couple hours or so).
    3. Jar it up and refrigerate. Top burgers, pulled pork, anything.

    SP’s note: I bet this would be killer on a leftover-turkey sandwich!

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Tulip’s Mother’s French Landlady’s Bread Recipe” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Tulip's Mother's French Landlady's Bread Recipe

    This no fuss recipe is what a French housewife actually made. To make the recipe even easier, my mother, who is in her 80s, uses a food processor to mix the dough. Just be careful not to over work it. I get better results with the spoon. If you over work it, you don’t get the air pockets.

    • 1/2 c scalded milk
    • 1 c water
    • 1 1/2 T sugar
    • 1-1/2 T butter
    • 1/4 c additional warm water
    • 1 pkg yeast
    • 4 c flour
    • 2 tsp salt
    • 1/2 T sugar
    1. Add 1 c water, butter and sugar to scalded milk.
    2. Cool to lukewarm.
    3. Add 1/4 c water and yeast. Rest 10 minutes.
    4. Add flour salt and sugar. Beat 100 strokes with wooden spoon.
    5. Let rise 2 hours.
    6. Cut into 2 and shape into loaves.
    7. Put loaves on greased sheet and sprinkle with cornmeal. Slash tops and let rise 30 minutes or more.
    8. Bake at 400 for 15 minutes then at 350 for 30 minutes more.

    It is not as good as what you get with a poolish, but adding steam during the bake gets the flaky crust. It is also easy easy easy, so worth it. I use it as a canvas – so easy to change to a honey wheat or oatmeal etc. I also think of it as truly authentic.

    My favorite variation is sub 1 cup oatmeal for 1 cup flour and replace the sugar with brown sugar. Put the oatmeal in a bowl with the butter and brown sugar. Pour the scalded milk over the oatmeal and let cool to lukewarm. Then continue as normal.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Pistoffnick’s Smoked Fish” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Pistoffnick's Smoked Fish

    This is what my brother looks forward to every T-day. I do too.

    • 5 pounds salmon, trout or whitefish ((salmon is my favorite))

    BRINE

    • 1 quart cool water
    • 1/3 cup kosher salt (about 2 ounces of any kosher salt)
    • 1 cup Stevia or 1 cup brown sugar if you are not low carb
    1. Cure the Fish. Mix together the brine ingredients and place your fish in a non-reactive container (plastic or glass), cover and put in the refrigerator. This curing process eliminates some of the moisture from the inside of the fish while at the same time infusing it with salt, which will help preserve the salmon.
    2. You will need to cure your salmon at least 4 hours, even for thin fillets from trout or pink salmon. In my experience, large trout or whitefish, as well as pink, sockeye and silver salmon need 8 hours. A really thick piece of king salmon might need as much as 36 hours in the brine. Never go more than 48 hours, however, or your fish will be too salty(there is no such thing as too salty, ok, maybe there is but…). Double the brine if it’s not enough to cover the fish.
    3. Dry the Fish. Take your fish out of the brine and pat it dry. Set the fillets on your cooling rack, skin side down. Ideally you’d do this right under a ceiling fan set on high, or outside in a cool, breezy place. By “cool” I mean 60°F or cooler. Let the fish dry for 2 to 4 hours (or up to overnight in the fridge). You want the surface of the fish to develop a shiny skin called a pellicle. This is one step many beginning smokers fail to do, but drying your cured, brined fish in a cool, breezy place is vital to properly smoking it. The pellicle, which is a thin, lacquer-like layer on top of the fish, seals it and offers a sticky surface for the smoke to adhere to. Don’t worry, the salt in the brine will protect your fish from spoilage. Once you have your pellicle, you can refrigerate your fish for a few hours and smoke it later if you’d like.
    4. Smoke your fish. Start by slicking the skin of your fish with some oil, so it won’t stick to the smoker rack. Know that even though this is hot smoking, you still do not want high temperatures. Start with a small fire and work your way up as you go. It is important to bring the temperature up gradually or you will get that white albumin “bleed” on the meat. I can control my heat with my smoker, so I start the process between 140°F and 150°F for up to an hour, then finish at 175°F for a final hour or two. NOTE: What my smoker is set at is not necessarily what the actual temperature is. Smoking is an art, not a science. To keep temperatures mild, always put water in your drip pan to keep the temperature down. If your smoker is very hot, like a Traeger can get, put ice in the tray. I generally soak apple wood chip in water for at least an hour, then drain them, then put them in an aluminum foil pouch. The pouch gets place next to the burners of your grill (which is set to low.
    5. Baste the Fish. After an hour in the smoker, baste the fish with water (or honey, or maple syrup); do this every hour. This is a good way to brush away any albumin that might form. In most cases, you will get a little. You just don’t want a ton of it. Even if you can’t control your temperature this precisely, you get the general idea. You goal should be an internal temperature of about 130°F to 140°F.
    6. You must be careful about your heat. Other than failing to dry your salmon long enough, the single biggest problem in smoking salmon is too high heat. If you’ve ever seen salmon “bleed” a white, creamy substance, that’s a protein called albumin, a little is normal.
    7. Cool and Store the Fish. Once your fish is smoked, let it rest on the cooling rack for an hour before you put it in the fridge. Once refrigerated and wrapped in plastic, smoked fish will keep for 10 days. If you vacuum-seal it, the fish will keep for up to 3 weeks. Or freeze your fish for up to a year. But, come on, stuff this good never lasts more than a week.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”No-Knead Sourdough Bread Variations by jesse.in.mb” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    No-Knead Sourdough Bread Variations by jesse.in.mb

    I’ve done a few variations of this with the addition of quarter cup of potato starch and doing it in the processor instead of no-knead. I did it half whole wheat and it still came out really well.

    • 1 cup 227g ripe (fed) sourdough starter
    • 1 3/4 cups 397g lukewarm water
    • 5 cups 602g King Arthur Unbleached Bread Flour
    • 1 tablespoon 18g salt
    • 2 teaspoons diastatic malt powder (optional for a more golden color and stronger rise)
    1. Weigh your flour; or measure it by gently spooning it into a cup, then sweeping off any excess.
    2. Combine all the ingredients in a large mixing bowl, or a large (6-quart) food-safe plastic bucket.
    3. Mix and stir everything together to make a sticky, rough dough. If you have a stand mixer, beat at medium speed with the paddle attachment for 30 to 60 seconds. If you don’t have a mixer, just stir with a big spoon or dough whisk until everything is combined.
    4. Leave the dough in the bucket or 6-quart bowl, cover it with the bucket’s lid or a piece of plastic wrap, and let it rise for 1 hour.
    5. Gently pick up the dough and fold it over on itself several times, cover it again, and let it rise for another hour.
    6. Repeat the rising-folding process one more time (for a total of 3 hours), folding it again after the last hour. Then, place the bucket or bowl in the refrigerator, and let the dough rest for at least 8 hours (or up to 48 hours).
    7. When you’re ready to make bread, turn the dough out onto a well-floured work surface, and shape it into a rough ball. Leave the dough seam-side up, cover it, and let it rest on a floured surface for 15 minutes.
    8. Next, shape the dough to fit the vessel in which you’ll bake it: a 13” log for a long covered baker; or a large boule (round) for a round baker or Dutch oven. Place the shaped dough into the lightly-greased or semolina-dusted base of the baker and cover it with the lid.
    9. Let the loaf warm to room temperature and rise; this should take about 2 1/2 to 3 hours. It won’t appear to rise upwards that much, but will relax and expand.
    10. With a rack positioned in the middle, start preheating the oven to 500°F one hour before you’re ready to bake.
    11. Just before baking, dust the loaf with a fine coat of flour and use a lame or a sharp knife to make one or several 1/2” deep slashes through its top surface. If you’re baking a long loaf, one arched slash down the loaf lengthwise is nice, or if baking a round, a crosshatch or crisscross pattern works well.
    12. Cover the baker with its lid and place it in the oven. Reduce the oven temperature to 450°F and bake the bread for 45 minutes.
    13. Remove the cover of the baker and bake the bread for 10 to 15 minutes longer, until the bread is deep golden brown and crusty, and a digital thermometer inserted into the center of the loaf reads at least 210°F.
    14. Remove the bread from the oven and transfer it to a rack to cool completely.
    15. Store leftover bread in a plastic bag at room temperature for several days; freeze for longer storage.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Pan Cornbread by Hayeksplosives” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Pan Cornbread by Hayeksplosives

    Good for making stuffing crumbs if you live in a horrid place where cornbread is not sold in stores.

    • 2 ½ cups all purpose flour
    • ½ cup coarse ground corn meal
    • ½ cup sugar
    • 4 tsp baking powder
    • 1 tsp salt
    • 2 cups skim milk
    • ¼ cup vegetable oil
    • 2 eggs beaten
    1. Heat oven to 400°. Grease 9×12 inch pan. Combine dry ingredients. Stir in milk, oil, and egg, mixing just until dry ingredients are moistened. Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake 20-25 minutes or until light golden brown and wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][/et_pb_accordion][et_pb_text admin_label=”CRANBERRIES & SALADS” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ text_orientation=”center”]

    CRANBERRIES & SALADS

    [/et_pb_text][et_pb_accordion admin_label=”CRANBERRIES AND SALADS accordion” module_class=”my_accordian” _builder_version=”4.0.5″][et_pb_accordion_item open=”on” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ custom_css_open_toggle=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_title=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_icon=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_content=”display: none” custom_css_toggle=”display: none”][/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Semi-Spartan Dad’s Cranberry Compote” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Semi-Spartan Dad's Cranberry Compote

    These are simple recipes that are easy for anyone to reproduce. I don’t use measurements when cooking so these are just estimates. The recipes have been cobbled together from various sources over the years, including online sites, but I can’t remember where to give credit or where I modified. I set up a buffet of warming trays and my recipes are all portioned for the half-size trays (gravy excluded).

    1. Put (3) 1-pound bags of whole cranberries into large saucepot.
    2. Add 1.5 cup of orange juice, 2-1/4 cup sugar, nutmeg, pinch of cinnamon and salt.
    3. Start on high heat, once boiling- cover and turn down to simmer.
    4. Cook 30-35min and stir every 10 minutes. Turn heat off and let sit with cover for 20-25 min.
    5. Pour into tray and place in the fridge.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Spudalicious’s Cranberry Sauce” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Spudalicious's Cranberry Sauce

    1. One bag cranberries, one cup sugar, one cup orange juice and some orange zest.
    2. Bring to a simmer and cook until the berries pop.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”24 Hour Salad by Hayeksplosives” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    24 Hour Salad by Hayeksplosives

    Stays good for days, even after tossing. Great with Thanksgiving leftovers.

    • 6 cups chopped lettuce 2-3 Romaine or one large iceberg (divided in half)
    • 1 teaspoon sugar
    • 1 teaspoon salt and pepper
    • 6 hard-boiled eggs sliced
    • 1 10- oz pkg frozen green peas thawed
    • 2 stalks celery chopped
    • 1 small can sliced black olives drained
    • 1 lb bacon cooked (drained and crumbled)
    • 16 ounces swiss or cheddar cheese (shredded. I usually chop pre-sliced swiss.)
    • 3/4 cup mayonnaise
    • 1/2 cup sour cream
    • 1/4 cup green onion chopped
    1. Place 3 cups lettuce in bottom of large glass bowl. (Doesn’t need to be glass, but it makes for a nice layered presentation before tossing.)
    2. Sprinkle with sugar, salt, and pepper.
    3. Layer eggs over lettuce, lining up a few around the edge of the bowl for looks.
    4. Layer peas, celery, olives, remaining lettuce, bacon, and cheese.
    5. Whisk together mayo and sour cream. Spread over top, sealing to edge of bowl.
    6. Sprinkle green onions over the top.
    7. Chill for 24 to 48 hours.
    8. Toss. Add a little cream or water if needed to thin dressing.
    9. Make additions/substitutions as desired.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”KibbledKristen’s Ma’s Grape Juice Mold” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    KibbledKristen's Ma’s Grape Juice Mold

    • One box lemon gelatin
    • One box raspberry gelatin
    • 16 oz. one bag frozen unsweetened raspberries
    • 1 brick of cream cheese
    • 1 1/2 cups grape juice
    • 1/2 cup boiling water
    • ~2 tbsp sugar
    1. Coat a standard loaf pan with cooking spray.
    2. Place raspberries in a wire strainer over a large bowl and sprinkle sugar on top. Allow to thaw completely, tossing occasionally. Reserve juices.
    3. Bloom/dissolve lemon jello in boiling water (approx. 5 minutes). Add cream cheese and grape juice to blender. After jello is bloomed, crank blender to high and slowly pour in lemon jello while blender is running. Pour into loaf pan. Cover and refrigerate until jello is firm set.
    4. Add water to reserved raspberry juice to equal 1 3/4 cups (sometimes I go to 1 1/2 cups if the raspberries are particularly juicy). Nuke juice/water to just shy of boiling. Add raspberry jello and stir until dissolved. Gently stir in thawed raspberries.
    5. Cover and refrigerate raspberry jello until is it cool and egg white consistency. Pour/spoon raspberry jello over lemon jello/cream cheese in loaf pan. Cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours.
    6. Slice with a spatula and serve over a leaf of Bibb lettuce.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Web Dom’s Bean Salad” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Web Dom's Bean Salad

    • 1 15 oz can black beans
    • 1 15 oz can garbanzo beans
    • 2 15 oz cans dark red kidney beans
    • 1 15 oz can great northern beans
    • 1 pkg frozen corn
    • 1 pkg frozen peas
    • 1 large white onion chopped

    Dressing

    • 3/4 c olive oil
    • 2-1/2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
    • 2-1/2 tbsp white wine vinegar
    • 1 tsp balsamic vinegar
    • 1-1/2 tbsp maple syrup can be omitted
    • 1/2 tsp celery salt
    • 5 cloves garlic grated on a Microplane
    • 1/2 tsp black pepper freshly ground
    • salt (to taste)
    1. Drain and rinse beans.
    2. Combine with onion, peas, and corn in a large glass bowl.
    3. Make the dressing to taste, adjusting the vinegars, etc., as needed.
    4. Pour dressing over the veg.
    5. Mix well and chill before serving.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Aunt Dude’s Cranberry Salad / Garnish by Hayeksplosives” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Aunt Dude’s Cranberry Salad / Garnish by Hayeksplosives

    • 1 lb ground cranberries
    • 2 ½ cups sugar
    • 1 lb. Red seedless grapes
    • 2-3 bananas
    • ½ cup pecans or walnuts (broken or coarsely chopped)
    • ½ pint sour cream
    1. Grind cranberries in blender, using water to cover while grinding and then straining the water out. Mix cranberries and sugar and let stand overnight for the sugar to dissolve and sweeten, then refrigerate until ready to mix. Chill grapes, bananas, and nuts several hours before mixing. Shortly before serving, add the grapes, bananas, nuts, and sour cream to the cranberry-sugar mixture and keep in the refrigerator until serving.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][/et_pb_accordion][et_pb_text admin_label=”SOUPS & SIDES” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ text_orientation=”center”]

    SOUPS & SIDES

    [/et_pb_text][et_pb_accordion admin_label=”Soups & Sides ACCORDION” module_class=”my_accordian” _builder_version=”4.0.5″][et_pb_accordion_item open=”on” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ custom_css_open_toggle=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_title=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_icon=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_content=”display: none” custom_css_toggle=”display: none”][/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Celeriac Gratin by OMWC” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Celeriac Gratin by OMWC

    Celeriac (celery root) is the red-headed stepchild of winter root vegetables. Yet this is a dish that Spudalicious and I used to make on the regular, and our non-vegetarian friends would start demanding it in advance. I can’t ever recall having leftovers. It features Raclette cheese, the pride of Switzerland. Gruyère will work but not be nearly as fun-funky. Take the trouble to find Raclette, and the Swiss kind is slightly better than French for this. Yes, this recipe makes a lot of pots to clean up, but that’s why God invented dishwashers and orphans. It’s worth it, trust me.

    • 2 lbs celeriac peeled and cubed (peeling is a pain in the ass, but necessary)
    • 2 lbs Yukon Gold potatoes ( peeled and cubed)
    • 1 c heavy cream
    • 1/2 c butter
    • 1/2 – 1 tsp saffron depending on your bank balance (it's definitely cheaper in Indian groceries than at Whole Foods)
    • 2 cloves garlic finely minced
    • 1-1/2 c Gruyère grated
    • 1 c Raclette grated
    • Salt and pepper
    • 1/2 c Italian flat-leaf parsley (chopped)
    1. Boil the celeriac in salted water until it’s soft (check by piercing with a skewer or paring knife). Scoop out and drain. Return the water to a boil and add the potatoes, cooking until they’re soft. Drain.
    2. While the potatoes cook, heat the cream until it boils, then stir in the butter, saffron, and garlic. Reduce the heat, then simmer for 5 minutes until the saffron is extracted and the mixture slightly thickened. Set aside.
    3. In a large bowl, puree the celeriac (you could use a food processor; I prefer a hand-held Braun immersion blender), while gradually adding the cream sauce. Mash the potatoes coarsely, or use a ricer if you want a smoother texture. Combine the potato, celery root, and one cup of the Gruyère; season to taste with salt and pepper.
    4. Spread the mixture in a greased oven-proof dish, top with the remaining cheese and the parsley, then bake in a preheated 400F degree oven until the top is browned, about 20-30 minutes.

    Wine pairing would include crisp whites like Seyval (Bully Hill makes an excellent and inexpensive one). Chardonnay from Macon or (if you’re lucky) Beaujolais is a superb match as well. I would not fart in your general direction if you defaulted to a dry Vouvray, which might be easier to find.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Mom Lachowsky’s Chile Cheese Grits” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Mom Lachowsky's Chile Cheese Grits

    • 3 cups water
    • salt
    • 1 garlic clove minced
    • 1 cup quick-cooking grits
    • 1/2 cup butter cubed
    • 1-1/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
    • 3 tablespoons chopped green chilies
    • 2 eggs
    • 1/2 cup milk
    1. Bring water, salt and garlic to a boil in a pan, then stir in grits.
    2. Reduce heat; cook and stir for 3-5 minutes or until thickened. Remove from the heat.
    3. Add butter, 1 cup cheese and chilies; stir until butter melts.
    4. Beat eggs and milk; add to the grits and mix well.
    5. Pour into a greased baking dish and then bake, uncovered, at 350° for 45 minutes.
    6. Sprinkle with remaining cheese and serve.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Semi-Spartan Dad’s Pecan Glazed Sweet Potato Casserole” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Semi-Spartan Dad's Pecan Glazed Sweet Potato Casserole

    These are simple recipes that are easy for anyone to reproduce. I don’t use measurements when cooking so these are just estimates. The recipes have been cobbled together from various sources over the years, including online sites, but I can’t remember where to give credit or where I modified. I set up a buffet of warming trays and my recipes are all portioned for the half-size trays (gravy excluded).

    1. Roast 5 large sweet potatoes in oven for 1.25 hours @ 375F

    2. Mix sweet potato, 1/2 cup brown sugar, 2 beaten eggs, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 4 tbsp butter, 1/2 cup milk (cut with cream), 1/2 tsp vanilla extract, cinnamon. Place in baking dish.
    3. For topping: Mix 1/2 cup brown sugar and 1/3 cup flour. Cut 4 softened tbsp butter in until mixture is course. Stir in 1/2 cup chopped pecans.
    4. Layer topping over sweet potatoes. Bake 30 min @325F.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Chipping Pioneer’s Party Potatoes” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Chipping Pioneer's Party Potatoes

    • 1 bag frozen hash brown potatoes little cube form (thawed)
    • 1/2 c butter (melted)
    • 2 c cheddar cheese (grated or your choice – – something smoked is good)
    • 1/2 c chopped onion
    • 2 c full fat sour cream (I cannot stress to the wife enough how low fat sour cream is inadequate yet there it is in the refrigerator)
    • 1 tsp salt
    • 1 tin cream of chicken soup
    1. Preheat oven to 350F.
    2. Mixed thawed potatoes with melted butter.
    3. Add remaining ingredients and mix well.
    4. Spread in a greased 9×9 casserole dish.
    5. Bake 1 hour at 350.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”DblEagle’s Zucchini Strudel” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    DblEagle's Zucchini Strudel

    • 6-8 decent sized squash all zucchini or mix with yellow squash depending on your garden and taste
    • 8 eggs
    • dill
    • black pepper
    • 3-6 cloves garlic (minced)
    • 8 oz feta cheese
    • phyllo dough
    • melted butter
    1. Preheat oven to 350F.
    2. Grate squash.
    3. Layer into a strainer with salt between layers.
    4. Let drain 3 hours.
    5. In a bowl mix: Eggs, dill, black pepper and garlic. (Don’t be shy with the dill or garlic).
    6. Crumple feta cheese into the egg mixture.
    7. Mix the ingredients.
    8. Return to the squash. Squeeze the fluid out handful by handful (generally 2X per handful since drier the better).
    9. Add squash to egg mixture and mix well.
    10. Pour into baking pan/casserole pan.
    11. Cover the mix with 5-8 pieces of phyllo dough, covering dough with melted butter between layers.
    12. Bake at 350 for one hour.
    13. Serve hot or cold.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Mashed Potato Croquettes by Nephilium” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Mashed Potato Croquettes by Nephilium

    • 3-4 lb. potatoes
    • 8 oz. butter
    • Salt and pepper to taste
    • Panko

    Optional:

    • 4-6 strips of bacon (cut into lardons [small pieces] and fried)
    • 2-4 oz. shredded Cheddar cheese
    • 1/4-1/2 tsp. Roasted Garlic powder or crushed rosemary
    1. Cut the potatoes into equal sized pieces, and boil in salted water until fork tender (approximately 20 minutes). Mash the potatoes with the butter, salt, pepper, and any other optional ingredients. Let the mashed potatoes cool to the touch. Then roll them into approximately 1-2″ balls (or cylinders), and coat in panko.
    2. You have several options to finish them, you can either freeze them and then deep fry them (if you’re already deep frying your turkey), or you can oven roast them at ~350 F for 30-45 minutes (or until golden brown). If you’re baking them, and want them to get more golden, you can mix in a couple of drops of oil into the panko (you want it barely damp, not wet).

    For the optional ingredients, do what ever flavors you want. Chorizo, Garlic, Cheddar, Bacon, Pancetta, Rosemary, Pepper jack, Sour Cream, Chives, Chipotle pepper are all valid options. Just remember you don’t want the potatoes too loose, and if you’re deep frying them, you may want to wrap the potatoes around any cheese to seal it in.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Leap’s Cheesy Broccoli and Rice” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Leap's Cheesy Broccoli and Rice

    Its exactly what the name suggests.  No picture, use your fucking imagination.  The trick is the use of sodium citrate ( https://www.cooksillustrated.com/science/830-articles/story/cooks-science-explains-sodium-citrate).  You can go order it now on the Internet and it will be here in real life in time.

    • Rice
    • Butter
    • Salt
    • Broccoli (fresh or thawed, but not cooked)
    • Chicken Stock
    • Sodium Citrate
    • Corn Starch
    • Cheese (get 2 or 3 kinds that don't suck, and shred them)
    • Black Pepper Grinder
    • Hot Sauce (Minnesoda glibs can replace it with lemon juice, but you need the acid to prevent long strands of cheese)
    • No amounts listed because I hate you

    Directions:

    1. A day before, make some rice and stash it in the fridge in a plastic bag. Once its cold, break up all the clumps. That’s why you used a bag.
    2. Start drinking. Once the cheese is shredded, there are no sharp tools involved.
    3. Heat a pot to medium heat. Melt the butter. Add broccoli and rice. Stir to combine.

    4. Add to pot just enough chicken stock to get everything a little wet. Add a few splashes of hot sauce and a few grinds of black pepper. Add salt.

    5. In a drinking glass, mix chicken stock and corn starch. Once mixed, add like 1/8 tablespoon of sodium citrate and mix again. Seriously my dude it doesn’t take much. Add to pot.
    6. Let sauce bubble a little and thicken. Once thickened, remove from heat.
    7. Immediately begin adding cheese one slow handful at a time and stir while adding. The cheese will melt into the protosauce. You should have pounded like two martinis on an empty stomach by this point, so yell out Chicken Gravy… Digivolve to Cheese Sauce!

    8. It is ready to serve once the cheese is melted and you’ve yelled loud enough to secure your position as “drunk Uncle at Thanksgiving”.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”SP’s Autumn Sweet Potato Soup” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    SP’s Autumn Sweet Potato Soup

    I was looking for a way to make dinner just using ingredients on hand. This recipe was the result. It’s even vegan!

    • 2 large sweet potatoes
    • 2 tablespoons olive oil
    • 1 medium onion (chopped)
    • 1 large clove garlic (minced)
    • 1 teaspoon ground allspice
    • 1/2 teaspoon ground dry ginger
    • 1 cup dry white wine
    • 4 cups tomato puree
    • 1 cup vegetable broth
    • 1/4 cup peanut butter
    • Freshly ground black pepper and salt to taste
    1. After pricking sweet potatoes all over with a fork or knife, microwave until soft, about 10 minutes. Set aside to cool.
    2. Heat oil in a Dutch oven over medium heat. Add onion and sauté until the onion begins to brown. Add the garlic and cook, stirring, for another couple minutes.
    3. Add the ginger and allspice; cook, stirring, until fragrant.
    4. Deglaze the pan with the white wine.
    5. Add the tomato puree and vegetable broth to the pan. Simmer on medium high for 8-12 minutes.
    6. Scoop the soft pulp out of the cooked sweet potatoes and put into a food processor bowl. Add the peanut butter. Ladle in a couple cups of the cooking soup liquid. Process until smooth.
    7. Add the puréed sweet potato mixture to the Dutch oven, stirring well to incorporate.
    8. Thin the soup with more broth or wine, as desired.
    9. Heat again until hot. Taste and adjust seasoning.

    Variation: You can add hot New Mexican green chile to individual bowls, if your diners are not wimps.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Cannoli’s Carrot %22Candy%22″ _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Cannoli's Carrot "Candy"

    When I was little, my parents rebranded this recipe from souffle to carrot candy in a successful attempt to get my sisters and me to try it (we were very picky eaters). The name was apt, and it became an instant holiday staple. It’s a little bit like mashed sweet potatoes, but better.

    • 2 lbs carrots
    • 1 cup butter or margarine
    • 4 large eggs
    • 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
    • 2 teaspoons baking powder
    • 2 cups sugar
    • 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
    1. Peel the carrots and slice thin (I slice them in the food processor to speed things up).
    2. Cook carrots in boiling water to cover, 15 minutes or until tender, drain well.
    3. Process carrot and remaining ingredients in a food processor until smooth, stopping once to scrape down sides.
    4. Spoon into 2 lightly greased 1 ½-quart souffle or baking dishes.
    5. Bake at 350 for 1 hour or until set and lightly browned.
    6. Serve immediately.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Holiday Brussels Sprouts by OMWC” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Holiday Brussels Sprouts by OMWC

    Spud and OMWC served this to many a Brussels sprouts skeptic, and no-one actually threw up. It’s excellent and became a holiday staple for us. Wine match: Gruener Veltliner

    • 1 – 1 ½ lbs – Brussels sprouts (you want the small, firm ones, IYKWIMAITYD)
    • 2-3 tbsp Olive oil
    • 2 tbsp Balsamic vinegar
    • 1/4 cup water or light vegetable broth
    • ¼ cup butter
    • ½ cup chopped pecans
    1. Trim off the outer leaves and the very bottom of the Brussels sprouts. Cut them in half lengthwise.
    2. In a heavy pan (cast iron works very well), add olive oil, then sauté the sprouts on their flat side over medium-high heat until they start to brown. Add the balsamic vinegar, turn the heat to low and cover.
    3. After a couple of minutes, add ¼ cup of water. Cook until the sprouts start to soften, ~ 8-10 minutes. They should brown but not burn.
    4. Turn the heat back up to high, add the butter and the pecans. Saute for a minute or so, until the pecans are lightly toasted.
    5. Add salt and pepper to taste, then introduce your new little friends to whomever is having dinner with you.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Gender Traitor’s Tortellini Soup” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Gender Traitor's Tortellini Soup

    The following is a recipe I got from my MIL. We usually serve it when we host my two sisters and BIL for Christmas.

    • 1 lb. bulk Italian sausage
    • 9 oz. pkg. cheese tortellini
    • 9 oz. pkg. spinach tortellini (I usually get one 20 oz. pkg of mixed tortellini instead of the two 9 oz. pkgs.)
    • 1/2 lb. shredded cabbage
    • 2 med. zucchini (sliced)
    • 1 med. green pepper (diced)
    • 4 green onions (sliced)
    • 3 med. tomatoes (diced)
    • 3 tbsp. basil
    • 5 10-1/2 oz. cans beef broth (or 6 1/4 cups from boxed broth)
    • 6 cups water
    • Parmesan cheese
    1. Make Italian sausage into small balls. Add all ingredients except cheese. Cook until sausage is done and veggies are tender. (I like to cook it long enough for the cheese from the tortellini to thicken the broth nicely.) Top with cheese.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Tortellini Bowling Soup by Spudalicious” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Tortellini Bowling Soup by Spudalicious

    • 1 lb Italian sausage (hot, mild, or a combination)
    • 1 cup coarsely chopped onions
    • 2 cloves garlic (minced)
    • 46 oz beef stock
    • 1/2 cup water
    • 1/2 cup red wine
    • 14 oz can diced tomatoes
    • 1 cup tomato sauce
    • 1 cup thinly sliced carrots
    • 1/2 tsp dried basil
    • 1/2 tsp dried oregano
    • 6 oz fresh spinach (coarsely chopped)
    • 1 red (or yellow bell pepper, chopped)
    • 8 oz package of fresh cheese tortellini
    1. Brown sausage in a dutch oven(remove casings first if they are links. Remove to a bowl.
    2. Saute onions and garlic in sausage drippings.
    3. Add next eight ingredients and the sausage, bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Simmer for 30 minutes.
    4. Add spinach, tortellini and bell pepper. Simmer for another 30 minutes.
    5. Ladle into a bowl, sprinkle with Parmesan.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Molasses Glazed Carrots by Chipwooder” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Molasses Glazed Carrots by Chipwooder

    Here’s one of my favorite Tgiving sides. It’s unhealthy as all hell but hey, it’s Thanksgiving!

    • 1 lbs baby carrots
    • half a stick of butter
    • 1 tbsp sugar
    • 1/4 cup dark molasses
    • 1/2 tsp freshly grated ginger
    • 1/4 tsp allspice
    • pinch of salt
    1. Parboil the carrots for until they start to soften, usually 10-15 minutes. Drain them.
    2. Melt the butter in a skillet, stir in the rest of the ingredients.
    3. Turn the heat up to medium-high, let the mixture start boiling a bit, nice and thick and syrupy.
    4. Add the carrots, reduce the heat to low, simmer for about 10 minutes, stirring frequently to coat.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][/et_pb_accordion][et_pb_text admin_label=”TURKEY DRESSING GRAVY” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ text_orientation=”center”]

    TURKEY & DRESSING & GRAVY

    [/et_pb_text][et_pb_accordion admin_label=”TURKEY STUFFING GRAVY accordion” module_class=”my_accordian” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ hover_enabled=”0″][et_pb_accordion_item open=”on” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ custom_css_open_toggle=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_title=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_icon=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_content=”display: none” custom_css_toggle=”display: none”][/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Semi-Spartan Dad’s Stuffing/Dressing” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Semi-Spartan Dad's Stuffing/Dressing

    These are simple recipes that are easy for anyone to reproduce. I don’t use measurements when cooking so these are just estimates. The recipes have been cobbled together from various sources over the years, including online sites, but I can’t remember where to give credit or where I modified. I set up a buffet of warming trays and my recipes are all portioned for the half-size trays (gravy excluded).

    1. Get 1.5 loaves of French or Italian bread, cut in half, dice into cubes
    2. Toss cubes in bowl with melted butter, olive oil, and seasoning (pepper, salt, sage)
    3. Put in oven on sheet tray for about 15 minutes
    4. Toss cubes in large bowl with salt, pepper
    5. Add sautéed green onions and mushrooms
    6. Add chicken broth to moisten bread (maybe cup and half)
    7. Place in casserole dish and bake in oven for 35-40 minutes @ 350F


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Semi-Spartan Dad’s Gravy” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Semi-Spartan Dad's Gravy

    I don’t use measurements when cooking so these are just estimates. The recipes have been cobbled together from various sources over the years, including online sites, but I can’t remember where to give credit or where I modified.

    1. Add giblets to sauce pot with a couple celery stalks, few carrots, half an onion, bay leaves, and parsley.
    2. Fill to top with cold water and simmer while the turkey cooks. Replenish as the liquid cooks down but not close to the end as doing so dilutes the flavor
    3. If roasting a turkey, pour everything in turkey roasting dish through a strainer into new, clean stockpot. If not roasting, there should still be plenty in the giblet stockpot.
    4. Pour the giblet stockpot through strainer into said stockpot (use back of spoon to work through strainer)
    5. Taste, now is the time to add salt and pepper, if needed, and a heavy dose of sage
    6. Use beurre manié or corn starch slurry (1:1) to thicken
    7. Thicken with whisk at slightly below boiling
    8. Place gravy pot in cast iron pan to keep warm


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Playa Manhattan’s Superior Turkey & Gravy” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Playa Manhattan's Superior Turkey & Gravy

    If you’re roasting your turkey whole, you’re doing it wrong.

    1. Dark meat: Dry rub and rest for 6 hours. Tightly wrapped in foil, 300F for 6 hours.
    2. White meat: 2 day brine in pineapple juice, MSG and friends, citrus peel, sodium phosphate 10%, smoked salt, peppercorns, and powdered bay leaf. Sous Vide at 145F for 3 hours, 5 minute sear at the end.
    3. Gravy: 1 container Empire Kosher Chicken fat, 2/3rds cup flour. Cook to blonde roux. Add 3 cups rich unseasoned veal stock, whisk in. Seasoned with onion salt, yeast extract, MSG and helpers, and a touch of garlic powder. Skim unincorporated fat from the top.

    I’m pretty comfortable serving this to 30 people next week.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”How To Roast a Stuffed Turkey by Count Potato” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    How To Roast a Stuffed Turkey by Count Potato

    Based on casual observation most people do it wrong. They try using bacon, aluminum foil, etc. to keep the bird from drying out. Or they soak it in brine which alters the taste and consistency of the meat. Whereas the best way is to keep the natural juices inside the turkey from the beginning.

    1. Get a covered roasting pan with a rack. Mine has a tight-fitting lid with an adjustable vent.
    2. Preheat the oven to 325°F.
    3. Find out how much the turkey weighs. If you bought from a store, it will be written on a label on the package. Otherwise, weigh it on a scale.
    4. Wash, dry, and stuff the turkey. Make sure to sew the neck and tail openings shut. Season it with salt and pepper. I also rub the outside with a mixture of dried herbs. The important thing is that the skin is well-salted.

    5. Place the bird on the rack in the pan. Then pour in a quart of low-salt stock or broth. I used to use chicken stock before turkey broth became widely available.
    6. Cover it with the lid. Put it in the oven.
    7. Estimate the total cooking time by multiplying the weight in pounds by 20 minutes. Leave it in the oven for half that time without opening the lid. No peeking.
    8. After half the total estimated cooking time has passed, remove the lid. Don’t be dismayed if the turkey “looks boiled”. It’s because it will be covered in a whitish pellicle. This is a coating of fat and proteins that will waterproof the bird like Flex Seal. This was demonstrated by the Indians at the first Thanksgiving by sawing a canoe in half.
    9. If you use a thermometer, stick through the center of one of the breasts while being careful not to touch any bone. Put it back in the oven uncovered. Do not baste it until the skin begins to turn golden brown. When it’s done, the legs should move freely, and there shouldn’t be a large amount of liquid pooled around the thighs. You can check by taking a thin knife and cut above where the thigh attaches to the back — there shouldn’t be any pink flesh or red blood around the joint.
    10. After you remove it from the oven. Let it sit for 15 – 20 minutes before carving. I move it to a dish, so I can make gravy from the roasting pan during this time.
    11. Osteoporosis!


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Deep Fried Turkey by mexicansharpshooter” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Deep Fried Turkey by mexicansharpshooter

    This is a dangerous but delicious dish to make.

    • 20 lbs Turkey

    For the brine

    • 1 gallon water
    • 1 gallon broth doesn't matter what kind chicken broth is plentiful and cheap
    • 2 cups kosher salt
    • 1 jar whole cloves
    • 2 lemons
    • 2 pkgs fresh rosemary (You can substitute dried but why cheap out?)
    • ginger root ( You can use candied ginger, but I like to shred it and throw it in the brine. Get as much as you dare.)

    For frying

    • 2 gallons peanut oil minimum – see instructions

    The brine

    1. Mix the brine and let the thawed turkey soak in it at least overnight, the longer the better. I normally go 2 nights.

    The fryer

    1. Incidentally, Underwriters Laboratory does not place their coveted seal on any gas fired turkey fryer. This is a dangerous item to have, and can result in serious injury if you are not careful. Especially if you are like me and know how to bypass the thermocouple that acts as a safety device but prevents the oil from getting hot enough. If you are faint of heart—just roast it like the Nancy Boy you are and take up valuable oven space.

    The process

    1. Now that we got that out of the way. You will need a minimum of 2 gallons of peanut oil. Prior to brining, you will need to establish the turkey’s overall displacement by filling the pot with water and marking where the turkey rests in the pot completely submerged. This may exceed the “Do not fill above this line” written inside the pot, but if you made it this far, you probably are ignoring the safety people anyway.
    2. Remove the bird from the brine, and let it dry. A wet turkey will cause you to have a very bad day, and will prove the Nancy Boys at UL right. Don’t do that.
    3. Set the bird in the stand butt down, wings tucked back. Put it in the pot of hot oil SLOWLY.
    4. Ideally, the oil should average around 350F (I can’t help you if you are in Canada), but remember the turkey is cold and will drop the temperature of the oil once you set it in there. I’m usually able to keep it between 325-350F without setting my yard on fire. 3 1/2 minutes per pound should net a result that is moist on the inside, and delightfully crisp skin in the outside. This needs to sit at least 30 mins before carving.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Tundra’s Go-To Turkey Recipe For Those with Rotisserie Grills” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Tundra's Go-To Turkey Recipe For Those with Rotisserie Grills

    Rotisserie Turkey, Dry Brined with Orange and Spices by Mike Vrobel

    Inspired by: Lots of different sources.

    • 12 to 14 lb Turkey
    • fist sized chunk of smoking wood (hickory, oak, pecan or a fruit wood; I love oak wine barrel staves)

    Dry Brine

    • 1/4 cup kosher salt (I used Diamond Crystal; reduce to 3 tbsp if using Mortons, because it is denser.)
    • Zest of 1 orange (save the orange, cut in half and wrapped in plastic wrap to stuff the turkey)
    • 1 teaspoon brown sugar
    • 1 teaspoon grated fresh ginger (about a 1/2 inch piece)
    • 1 teaspoon grated fresh garlic (2 cloves)
    • 1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
    • 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
    1. Dry brine the turkey: 1 to 3 days before it is time to cook, dry brine the turkey. Mix the dry brine ingredients in a small bowl, then sprinkle and rub evenly over the turkey. Make sure to rub some inside the cavity of the turkey as well. Put the turkey on a rack over a roasting pan or baking sheet, and cover with plastic wrap. Refrigerate, removing the plastic wrap the night before cooking to allow the skin to dry. (If you are only dry brining for 24 hours, skip the plastic wrap.)
    2. Prep the Turkey: One hour before cooking, remove the turkey from the refrigerator. Stuff the turkey with the halves of the orange, then truss and skewer with the rotisserie spit. Put the zip lock bag full of ice on the breast, not touching the legs or drumsticks, to chill the breast meat until cooking. Put the wood chunk in a bowl of water to soak.
    3. Prep the rotisserie: Prepare the rotisserie for cooking on indirect medium heat (see details here). For my Weber kettle, I light a chimney 3/4 full of charcoal and wait for it to be covered with ash. Then, instead of pouring it in my usual two piles on the side of the grill, I pour it in a U shape at one end of the grill (see picture below). I put the drip pan in the middle of the U of charcoal. Finally, put the wood chunk on top of the charcoal, and give it five minutes to start smoking.
    4. *If you are using a gas grill, check out my basic Rotisserie Turkey recipe for setup instructions. If you’re using a Weber Summit with a infrared rotisserie burner, set the grill up as shown in this recipe. If you don’t have a rotisserie, Weber Kettle instructions are in this recipe.
    5. Cook the turkey: Put the spit on the grill, with the leg side of the bird inside the “U” of coals. Cook the turkey with the lid closed; it will take 2 to 3 hours (usually about 2 1/2 hours for a 12 pound turkey). Every hour, add 24 fresh charcoal briquettes to the grill, nestling them into the burning charcoal. Start checking the temperature in the breast with an instant read thermometer at 2 hours. The turkey is done when the breast meat registers 155*F to 160*F in its thickest part. Remove the turkey from the grill, remove the spit from the turkey, and cut the trussing twine loose. Let the turkey rest for 15 to 30 minutes before carving.
    6. Carve the turkey: If you have a favorite way of carving a turkey, go ahead and use it. My preferred method: Cut the legs free from the body of the bird, and cut the drumsticks away from the thighs. I leave the drumsticks whole (my favorite part!) and slice the meat from the thighs in 1/2″ slices for dark meat lovers. Next, I cut the entire breast half from one side of the bird by working my knife down the keel bone from the top down to the wing, following the inside of the ribcage. Once the breast half is free of the bird, it is easy to slice into 1/2″ thick slices on my carving board. I repeat with the other breast half. Finally, I cut each wing away from the carcass, and separate the drumette from the wing, and the wing from the wingtip. I arrange all these pieces on a platter and serve.

    *Fresh vs Frozen: There are two advantages to a fresh turkey. The first is they are rarely pre-brined, which is redundant because of the dry brine. (Watch out for the words “enhanced with a X% solution” or “pre-basted”) The second advantage to fresh turkey is no thawing is needed! If you have to get a frozen bird, make sure to leave an extra three days or so to thaw it in the refrigerator before staring the dry brine; start thawing it about a week before you’ll need it.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Tundra’s Go-To Turkey Recipe For Those with a Slow N’ Sear (or similar)” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Smoked Turkey Recipe – How to BBQ Turkey on the Grill with Slow ‘N Sear

     

     

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Southern Cornbread Stuffing by Hayeksplosives” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Southern Cornbread Stuffing by Hayeksplosives

    • 6 cups crumbled cornbread
    • 3 cups soft bread crumbs
    • 4 ounces butter
    • 2 cups onion (chopped)
    • 2 cups finely chopped celery
    • 3 to 4 cups chicken broth
    • 2 cups chicken (diced (optional; I omit this for accompanying turkey))
    • 1 heaping teaspoon dried sage (crumbled)
    • 1 ½ teaspoons dried leaf thyme (crumbled)
    • 1 teaspoon dried marjoram (crumbled)
    • ½ teaspoon dried rosemary (chopped)
    • 1 teaspoon salt
    • ½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
    • 2 eggs (lightly beaten)
    1. Heat the oven to 400°F. In a large mixing bowl, combine the cornbread and white bread crumbs. In a saucepan over medium heat, sauté the onion and celery in butter until tender. Do not brown. Combine the sautéed vegetables with the bread mixture. Stir in chicken broth, using enough to moisten. Stir in the diced chicken, if using, and the seasonings and beaten eggs, blending well. Spread the mixture in a large shallow baking or roasting pan measuring about 10” x 15”.
    2. It is important to use a big shallow baking pan rather than a 9”x12” pan in order to get the stuffing well spread out to brown evenly and not be soggy in places.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Honey-Brined Turkey with Giblet Cream Gravy by Hayeksplosives” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Honey-Brined Turkey with Giblet Cream Gravy by Hayeksplosives

    (This is the way Dad bakes turkey- extremely tender, moist, just easily the best turkey!)

    About the accompanying gravy, Janet Fletcher, food writer, says, “My grandmother could never seem to make enough of her creamy giblet gravy; everyone always wanted more. We poured it over the mashed potatoes, dressing and turkey, then over open-face sandwiches the next day. Of course, it’s great with this turkey, too: The bird gets its incredible moistness from being soaked overnight in a brine enhanced by thyme, garlic cloves, and honey.” Because of the brining process, we don’t recommend stuffing this turkey.

    Turkey

    • 1 19- to 20- pound turkey (neck, heart and gizzard reserved for gravy)
    • 8 quarts water
    • 2 cups coarse salt
    • 1 cup honey
    • 2 bunches fresh thyme
    • 8 large garlic cloves (peeled)
    • 2 tablespoons coarsely cracked black pepper
    • 2 lemons (halved)
    • 2 tablespoons olive oil
    • 5 cups canned low-salt chicken broth (approximately)

    Gravy

    • Reserved turkey neck, heart and gizzard
    • 6 cups water
    • 3 1/2 cups canned low-salt chicken broth
    • 2 carrots (coarsely chopped)
    • 1 onion (halved)
    • 1 large celery stalk (chopped)
    • 1 small bay leaf
    • 5 tablespoons butter
    • 5 tablespoons all purpose flour
    • 1/4 cup whipping cream

    For turkey:

    1. Line extra-large stockpot with heavy large plastic bag (about 30-gallon capacity). Rinse turkey; place in plastic bag. Stir 8 quarts water, 2 cups coarse salt and 1 cup honey in large pot until salt and honey dissolve. Add 1 bunch fresh thyme, peeled garlic cloves and black pepper. Pour brine over turkey. Gather plastic bag tightly around turkey so that bird is covered with brine; seal plastic bag. Refrigerate pot with turkey in brine at least 12 hours and up to 18 hours.
    2. Position rack in bottom third of oven and preheat to 350°F. Drain turkey well; discard brine. Pat turkey dry inside and out. Squeeze juice from lemon halves into main cavity. Add lemon rinds and remaining 1 bunch fresh thyme to main cavity. Tuck wings under turkey; tie legs together loosely to hold shape. Place turkey on rack set in large roasting pan BREAST SIDE DOWN. Rub turkey all over with 2 tablespoons olive oil.
    3. Roast turkey 1 hour. Remove from oven and turn BREAST SIDE UP. Baste turkey with 1 cup chicken broth. Continue to roast until turkey is deep brown and thermometer inserted into thickest part of thigh registers 180°F, basting with 1 cup chicken broth every 30 minutes and covering loosely with foil if turkey is browning too quickly, about 2 1/2 hours longer. Transfer turkey to platter. Tent turkey loosely with foil and let stand 30 minutes. Pour pan juices into large glass measuring cup. Spoon off fat; reserve juices.

    For gravy:

    1. While turkey cooks, place reserved turkey neck, heart and gizzard into large saucepan. Add 6 cups water, 3 1/2 cups chicken broth, carrots, onion, celery and bay leaf. Simmer over medium heat until turkey stock is reduced to 3 cups, about 2 hours. Strain turkey stock into bowl; reserve turkey neck and giblets. Pull meat off neck. Chop neck meat and giblets.
    2. Melt 5 tablespoons butter in heavy large saucepan over medium heat. Add 5 tablespoons all purpose flour and whisk 2 minutes. Gradually whisk in turkey stock, cream and up to 1 cup reserved turkey pan juices (juices are salty, so add according to taste). Simmer gravy until thickened to desired consistency, whisking occasionally, about 5 minutes. Add chopped turkey neck meat and giblets; season to taste with pepper.

    Serve turkey with gravy.

     

    Turkey will look dark because of the honey brine baking, but it is ridiculously moist and tender, not at all burned.
    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item _builder_version=”4.0.5″ title=”Italian Sausage Dressing contributed by TARDIS” hover_enabled=”0″]

    Italian Sausage Dressing contributed by TARDIS

    I suppose you could use a different sausage and leave out the fennel if you you don’t like it. For vegetarians, a meat substitute and vegetable stock could work. (original recipe by Claire Saffitz)

    • ¾ cup 1½ sticks unsalted butter, cut into pieces, divided, plus more
    • 10 cups coarsely torn sourdough bread (dried out overnight)
    • ⅓ cup blanched hazelnuts
    • 3 tablespoons olive oil
    • 12 ounces hot or sweet Italian sausage (casings removed)
    • 2 onions (chopped)
    • 4 celery stalks (chopped)
    • 1 fennel bulb (chopped)
    • 2 tablespoons chopped sage
    • Kosher salt (freshly ground pepper)
    • ½ cup dry white wine
    • 2 large eggs (beaten to blend)
    • 2 cups turkey or chicken stock (preferably homemade, plus more)
    1. Preheat oven to 350°. Butter a shallow 3-qt. baking dish and a sheet of foil. Place bread in a very large bowl.
    2. Toast hazelnuts on a rimmed baking sheet, tossing once, until golden brown, 10–12 minutes. Let cool; coarsely chop, then add to bowl with bread.
    3. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high. Add sausage and cook, stirring occasionally and breaking into small pieces with a spoon, until browned and cooked through, 7–10 minutes. Transfer to bowl with bread with a slotted spoon.
    4. Add onions, celery, fennel, and sage to skillet, season with salt and pepper, and cook, stirring often, until onions are golden brown and soft, 10–12 minutes. Transfer to bowl with bread.
    5. Reduce heat to medium and cook wine in skillet, scraping up any browned bits, until almost all evaporated, about 1 minute. Add ½ cup butter; cook, stirring, until melted. Drizzle over bread mixture.
    6. Whisk eggs and 2 cups stock in a medium bowl; pour over bread mixture. Season with salt and pepper and toss, adding more stock ¼-cupful at a time as needed (you may not use it all), until combined and bread is hydrated. Transfer to prepared baking dish and dot with remaining ¼ cup butter.
    7. Cover with buttered foil; bake until a paring knife inserted into the center comes out hot, 30–35 minutes. Increase oven temperature to 450°. Uncover and bake until top is golden brown and crisp, 20–25 minutes. Let sit 10 minutes before serving.
    8. Do Ahead: Stuffing can be assembled 1 day ahead. Cover and chill.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][/et_pb_accordion][et_pb_text admin_label=”DESSERTS” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ text_orientation=”center”]

    DESSERTS

    [/et_pb_text][et_pb_accordion admin_label=”DESSERTS accordion” module_class=”my_accordian” _builder_version=”4.0.5″][et_pb_accordion_item open=”on” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ custom_css_open_toggle=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_title=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_icon=”display: none” custom_css_toggle_content=”display: none” custom_css_toggle=”display: none”][/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Brown Sugar Cookies from Nosh with Me – contributed by jesse.in.mb” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Brown Sugar Cookies from Nosh with Me – contributed by jesse.in.mb

    • 14 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 3/4 sticks)
    • 1/4 cup granulated sugar (about 1 3/4 ounces)
    • 2 cups packed dark brown sugar (14 ounces)
    • 2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour plus 2 tablespoons ( about 10 1/2 ounces)
    • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
    • 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
    • 1/2 teaspoon table salt
    • 1 large egg
    • 1 large egg yolk
    • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
    1. Heat 10 tablespoons of the butter in a pan over medium-high heat until melted. Continue to cook the butter until it is browned a dark golden color and smells nutty, about 1 to 3 minutes. Transfer the browned butter to a bowl and stir the rest of the butter into the hot butter until it melts- let this rest for 15 min.
    2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In a baking dish, mix granulated sugar and a ¼ cup of the brown sugar until combined well; set this mixture aside to roll dough balls in.
    3. Mix flour, baking soda, and baking powder in a bowl. Add 1 ¾ cup brown sugar and salt to cooled butter and mix until there are no lumps. Add egg, yolk, and vanilla to butter mixture and mix well, then add flour and mix until just combined.
    4. Roll dough into balls about 1 ½ inches in diameter, and roll balls in brown sugar and white sugar mixture. Place balls about 2 inches apart on parchment lined baking sheets.
    5. Bake sheets one at a time until cookies are puffy and lightly browned, about 12-14 minutes. (It says the cookies will look slightly raw between some of the cracks and seem underdone, but be careful not to over bake.) Cool on sheet for about 5 minutes and then transfer to a rack to cool.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”jesse.in.mb’s Aunt Sheryl’s Dutch Apple Pie” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    jesse.in.mb's Aunt Sheryl's Dutch Apple Pie

    (It’s the best, fight me!)

    • 1 single 10" pie crust

    Filling

    • 2/3 cup sugar
    • 2 Tbsp all purpose flour
    • ¾ tsp cinnamon
    • ½ fresh lemon
    • 6-8 tart apples pared cored (pared,cored and sliced (equaling 6 cups))

    Crumb Topping

    • ½ cup flour
    • ¼ cup sugar
    • ¼ cup butter

    For Filling

    1. Combine first three ingredients.
    2. Put apples in crust, sprinkle dry mix over apples then squeeze ½ lemon over them (can be left for up to 24 hours in the fridge for more flavor).

    For Crumb Topping

    1. Combine flour and sugar, cut in butter until crumbly.
    2. Sprinkle on top of apples.
    3. Bake at 400 for 45-50 minutes


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Pumpkin Imperial Stout Tiramisu by Nephilium” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Pumpkin Imperial Stout Tiramisu by Nephilium

    So here’s a recipe (modified from an issue of BeerAdvocate).

    • 1 pint heavy whipping cream
    • ½ tsp cinnamon
    • ¼ tsp nutmeg
    • 1/8 tsp clove
    • ¼ cup Dry Malt Extract
    • 1 cup pumpkin puree
    • 2 cup mascarpone cheese
    • 24 oz Rasputin Imperial Stout or any other good Russian Imperial Stout
    • 3 packages ladyfinger cookies
    • 1 cup Simpsons Special Dark Roast Malt ground to a powder
    • cinnamon ground
    • powdered sugar
    1. In a medium bowl, add cream, cinnamon, nutmeg, clove and DME. Mix this until soft peaks form, then set aside. In a different bowl, mix together the pumpkin and the mascarpone until fully combined. Fold the pumpkin mixture into the spiced whipped cream until blended (some streaks are fine), and then set aside.
    2. Pour the stout into a shallow bowl or a pie plate. Select your serving container (I usually use a 13 x 9 pan, but you can use whatever size you wish). Then you begin the assembly of the tiramisu.
    3. Dip ladyfingers into the stout for 10 seconds, then flip them, and let them sit for 10 seconds again. Then place the ladyfingers into your serving container until you have a single layer.
    4. Then take a third of the pumpkin cream filling and distribute it over the ladyfingers. Dust with malt powder, then add another layer of soaked ladyfingers.
    5. Top the second layer with pumpkin cream and then garnish with malt powder, some cinnamon, and powdered sugar.
    6. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least two hours before serving.

    DME and Simpsons Special Dark Roast can be acquired at your local homebrew store. Otherwise you can substitute ovaltine for the DME, and cocoa powder for the Special Dark Roast.

    If you use a smaller container, you can go to three layers of each, or even four. Do what you want, it’s your dessert.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Hayeksplosives’s Easy, No Brainer, Creamy Pumpkin Pie” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Hayeksplosives's Easy, No Brainer, Creamy Pumpkin Pie

    Easy, foolproof, and better than anything the store sells.

    • 1 14 oz can Sweetened Condensed Milk
    • 2 eggs
    • 1 tsp ground cinnamon
    • 1 tsp ground ginger
    • 1 tsp ground nutmeg
    • 1 15 oz can pumpkin
    • 1/2 tsp salt
    • 1 9-inch unbaked pie crust (I ALWAYS use graham cracker–it's great with the pumpkin spices.)
    1. Preheat oven to 425F.
    2. Whisk pumpkin, sweetened condensed milk, eggs, spices, and salt in bowl until smooth.
    3. Pour into pie crust.
    4. Bake 15 minutes.
    5. Reduce temp to 350F and bake 35-40 minutes until knife inserted in center comes out clean.
    6. Cool.
    7. Garnish with whipped cream or Cool Whip.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”SP’s Vegan Pumpkin Chia Pudding” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    SP’s Vegan Pumpkin Chia Pudding

    Even Web Dom can have a seasonal Thanksgiving dessert.

    • 1/4 c chia seeds
    • 1 c unsweetened vanilla almond milk
    • 1 tsp vanilla extract
    • 2 tsp sugar (or 10-15 drops liquid stevia, or to taste)
    • 1/4 c pumpkin puree
    • 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice (or equivalent components)
    • pinch salt
    • 2 tbsp pecans (toasted and chopped)
    1. Combine chia seeds with almond milk in a medium bowl. Set aside for one hour.

    2. Add vanilla extract, sweetener of choice, pumpkin puree, pumpkin pie spice, and salt to the bowl with chia seeds and almond milk. 

    3. Process with an immersion blender until smooth. Adjust sweetener to taste.

    4. Pour into a dessert dish and top with pecans.

    We prefer less-sweet foods, so you may want to adjust the sweetness to your preference.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”SP’s Candied Cashews” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Candied Cashews

    • 2 cups whole cashews
    • 1 egg white
    • 1 tsp water
    • 2/3 cup granulated white sugar
    • 1/4 tsp salt
    • 1/2 tsp cinnamon
    1. Preheat oven to 325F. Line a baking sheet with a silicone baking mat or parchment paper.

    2. Beat egg white with the water in a medium bowl until foamy and light.

    3. Add the cashews, sugar, salt and cinnamon to the bowl. Stir thoroughly; nuts should be completely coated.

    4. Spread the mixture as evenly as possible on the baking sheet. Bake for about 30 minutes or until nuts are beginning to caramelize.

    5. Remove from the oven and allow nuts to cool.  Store in an air tight container.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Ina Garten’s Pear, Apple & Cranberry Crisp – contributed by SP” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ open=”off”]

    Ina Garten's Pear, Apple & Cranberry Crisp – contributed by SP

    This is pretty close to a crisp I make, except I use fresh cranberries. But this one has the added virtue of already being keyed in.

    For the filling

    • 2 pounds ripe Bosc pears (4 pears)
    • 2 pounds firm Macoun apples (6 apples)
    • 3/4 cup dried cranberries
    • 1 teaspoon grated orange zest
    • 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
    • 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed orange juice
    • 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
    • 1/2 cup granulated sugar
    • 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
    • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
    • 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

    For the topping

    • 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
    • 3/4 cup granulated sugar
    • 3/4 cup light brown sugar lightly packed
    • 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
    • 1 cup old-fashioned oatmeal
    • 1/2 pound 2 sticks cold unsalted butter (diced)
    1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

    For the filling:

    1. Peel and core the pears and apples and cut them into large chunks. Place the fruit in a large bowl and toss with the cranberries, zests, juices, granulated sugar, flour, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Pour into a 9 x 12 x 2-inch baking dish.

    For the topping:

    1. Combine the flour, sugars, salt, oatmeal, and cold butter in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment. Mix on low speed for 1 to 2 minutes, or until the mixture is in large crumbles. Sprinkle evenly over the fruit, covering the fruit completely.
    2. Place the baking dish on a parchment-lined sheet pan and bake for 50 minutes to 1 hour, until the top is brown and the fruit is bubbly. Serve warm.


    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Pistoffnick’s Low Carb Cheesecake” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Pistoffnick's Low Carb Cheesecake

    I don’t usually do sweets, but this is my favorite desert.

    For the Crust

    • 1 1/2 cups almond flour
    • 1/4 cup salted butter melted
    • 2 tbsp Erythritol (optional)

    For the Filling

    • 3 cups cream cheese
    • 2 cups sour cream full fat (full fat, I tell you)
    • 3 eggs large
    • 4 tbsp Erythritol (optional)
    • 1 tsp real vanilla extract (don't chu be usin' that imitation shit! Buy a bean or two. Soak it in vodka.)

    Topping (OPTIONAL)

    • 1/4 cup berries sliced
    • 1/2 cup heavy cream whipped
    • 2 tbsp Erythritol (optional)
    1. Preheat oven to 300°F
    2. In a large bowl combine almond flour, melted butter, and sweetener. Mix together using a spoon until the ingredients are homogeneous. Add the mixture into a spring form pan and press this mixture evenly to make the crust firm and tight.
    3. Bake the crust for 10 minutes until it becomes lightly golden browned and remove the crust from the oven. Let it cool while you make the filling.
    4. In a bowl, combine eggs, sweetener, cream cheese, sour cream and vanilla. Mix thoroughly with a hand whisk or blender until smooth then add this mixture to the crust and bake the cheesecake at 350 F for 30 min or until firm and browned.
    5. Remove and refrigerate for six hours. You can add berries and whipping cream on the top to decorate (optional). Enjoy the decadence!

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”The Nugget Pecan Pie (from Aunt Renée) by jesse.in.mb” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    The Nugget Pecan Pie (from Aunt Renée) by jesse.in.mb

    A vintage recipe that used to come in the matchbooks for Reno’s The Nugget Casino which I got from my aunt who grew up there.

    • 1 unbaked pie shell
    • 1 c Kayro Syrup (light, dark or a mix are all fine)
    • ¾ c granulated sugar
    • 4 oz melted butter (1 stick)
    • 3 eggs
    • 1 tsp vanilla
    • 3 oz ¾c pecan pieces
    • 3 oz ¾c pecan halves
    1. Mix together syrup and sugar.
    2. Add melted butter.
    3. Mix in eggs and vanilla.
    4. Let stand for 1 hour.
    5. Place pecan pieces in the bottom of a 9” unbaked pie shell, pour in the filling, add the halves on top (make it look nice). Bake 45-50 minutes at 325F.

    [/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”Pink Stuff by Hayeksplosives” _builder_version=”4.0.5″ open=”off”]

    Pink Stuff by Hayeksplosives

    • ¼ cup lemon juice
    • 1 can 15 oz sweetened condensed milk (Eaglebrand)
    • 1 can cherry pie filling
    • 1 can mandarin orange slices (strained)
    • 1 can crushed pineapple (strained)
    • ½ cup walnut halves (broken or coarsely chopped)
    • 8 oz cool whip
    1. Whisk together lemon juice and condensed milk until smooth. Stir in pie filling, oranges, pineapple, and walnuts until the cherry pie filling color is even throughout the mixture. With a wide spatula, gently fold in cool whip until even. Do not beat. Refrigerate until serving.

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