Blog

  • Friday Afternoon Links

    Greetings all. I,er, was indisposed yesterday, but the lawyer says it is unlikely to cause any further inconveniences in my life. Thanks to Mexican Sharpshooter for covering for me. I hope everyone else is having a great Friday. It is the beginning of my wife’s birthday weekend, so I expect to be primary care-giver for most of the weekend. I also have to arrange for birthday stuff. Joke’s on her, though, I travel for work next week.

    You know, after reading this article, I don’t think the Broward County Sheriff is the worst sheriff in Florida’s history. Leading a lynch mob that killed one man, and then personally assassinating two more is fucking atrocious. Atrocious in a different way is the political theater of pardoning four dead men — although since the WaPo called out the new governor’s predecessor for not doing so, I guess I understand the motivation. I noticed that none of these actions paid surviving family members any sort of wrongful death or wrongful imprisonment settlement.

    Florida Man who murdered a guy over handicapped parking space is appealing his pre-trial release condition that he avoid the 100 witnesses in the case. He says he can’t do it because they’re everywhere. I’m sure some sex offenders could show him an underpass that he can live under until the trial.

    OC has clearly a preferred Joe

    Ocasio-Cortez mocked Joe Lieberman after he said he hopes she isn’t the future of the Democratic Party. I’m sure Joe will get his good buddy McCain to haunt her.

    I assume this Florida Couple were listening to the Beatles only minutes before their arrest. Also, Florida people need to stop being such prudes about things. Some dude from Minnesota just wanted to watch the sunset and rub one out — arrested. This couple just wanted to bang on a car hood — arrested. Let’s just go after the people who try to eat tourists, leave the freaks alone.

    I’m always impressed by how much the guitar sounds like a sax on this one.

  • A History of The Six-gun, Part Four

    The Cartridge Era Begins

    At the end of the Civil War, big changes were coming to the world of sixguns, and those changes were originating in Springfield, Massachusetts.  Still, revolver manufacturers in general were about to see some busy times – and the state of the art in revolvers was destined to change dramatically over the next forty-odd years.

    Smith & Wesson

    The Smith & Wesson #1 and #2 revolvers served as proof of concept, but the pipsqueak factor didn’t do S&W’s sales any favors.  If a pistolero wanted something that packed a real punch, he still had to go to a cap and ball revolver.  So, in 1870, the Springfield company brought out the #3, the gun that would change things for the cartridge revolver market.

    Bear in mind that Smith & Wesson still held Rollin White’s patent at this time, guaranteeing them to be the only ones that could make a revolver with a bored-through cylinder in the United States.  This did White little good, as the terms of the patent agreement with S&W required White to defend against patent infringement, a bonehead move on White’s part that left him penniless while Smith & Wesson was coining a lot of money with their modern revolvers.

    The S&W #3 with a famous user.

    The #3 was made in two versions.  The first was the Russian, chambered for the .44 Russian cartridge, and the second became known as the Schofield after Major George W. Schofield, who offered design advice to Smith & Wesson; the latter arm was initially chambered for the .44 S&W American, which later became the basis for the .44 Special and the .44 Remington Magnum cartridges.  S&W later offered the Schofield in .44 Henry Rimfire, .44-40, .32-44, .38-44, and .45 Schofield.

    Unlike the #1 and #2, the #3 guns were hinged at the bottom of the frame in front of the cylinder.  This removed the necessity of removing the cylinder for loading and allowed the addition of an extractor to make the removal of spent brass easier.  Now the soldier, hunter or pistolero had a gun that was quick to load, reliable and powerful.  Quite a few notorious personages favored the big Smith, including Jesse James, John Wesley Harding, Pat Garrett, Wyatt Earp, Billy the Kid and a young fellow named Theodore Roosevelt.

    Later, Smith & Wesson continued to innovate, bringing out some of the first production double-action revolvers.  The New Departure double-actions were offered for sale beginning in 1887 in .32S&W and .38S&W calibers, with the break-top design of the #3.  Also known as the “Safety Hammerless,” these guns were striker-fired and had a grip safety.

    But while Smith & Wesson was cranking out revolvers, the competition wasn’t idle.  During the post-war years the folks at Colt went through some bad times but were about to come roaring back in spectacular fashion.

    Colt Wasn’t Just Sitting Around

    Smith & Wesson notwithstanding, the late 19th century story of revolvers is largely Colt’s story.

    An old Colt ad.

    Sam Colt’s decision to sell a mess of sixguns to the newly-formed Confederacy was to end up costing the company badly.  Sam Colt had been derided in the press as a traitor, and the Colt manufactory lost both reputation and revenue due to that decision.  But when Rollin White’s patent expired in 1869, the folks at Smith & Wesson soon learned that the Colt people hadn’t just been sitting on their hands; they were planning a comeback in their own cartridge revolvers.

    The first production cartridge-firing Colt, the 1871-72 Open Top, firing the .44 Henry Flat cartridge.  The Open Top seemed as much as anything like a reason to use up a bunch of old cap & ball parts, and indeed prior to its introduction Colt did convert a lot of old percussion guns.  The Open Top was never a big seller, carrying over the percussion Colt’s open topped frame and primitive sights.  Colt also offered two versions of a pipsqueak revolver chambered in .41 Rimfire, the 5-shot House Gun and the 4-shot Cloverleaf.

    But in 1873, everything in Colt’s past was wiped away when they introduced a gun the likes of which only comes along a few times in a century, a gun that was to become the stuff of legend:  The Single Action Army.

    Also known as the Model P, the Peacemaker, the M1873, the Frontier Six-Shooter (in .44-40 caliber) and the Gun That Won the West, the SAA was quickly adopted by the U.S. Army, who purchased many of these guns in two forms, the 7 ½” barreled “cavalry” revolver and the 5 ½” barreled “artillery” version.  A 4 ¾” version was available for civilians, and quickly became much sought after by lawmen, cowboys and guntwists of all sorts.  Colt’s new single action was remarkably well balanced, had a grip that was admirably suited to be fired one-handed while the shooter’s other hand was holding reins.  In fact, many modern shooters may look at the Colt and wonder about the placement of the loading gate on the strong side of most shooters which can make reloading a bit awkward, but it’s important to remember that the gun was designed for military use – and in those days, that meant use by horsemen.

    The SAA was initially offered in .45 Colt but later also chambered in over thirty calibers, from the .22 rimfire to the .44-40, .44 Special and .357 Magnum.  In 1890 Colt offered a flat-t

    If it’s good enough for The Duke…

    op target model with improved sights, and in 1894 the Bisley model was brought out, named for the famous Bisley pistol range in England a

    Patton with his SAA.

    nd intended to appeal to target shooters.  Barrel lengths were eventually offered ranging from the 3” “Shopkeeper” to the 18” “Buntline” versions.

    The Peacemaker quickly overshadowed Smith & Wesson’s offerings for several reasons.  First, the solid frame of the Colt was generally regarded as much stronger than the hinged-frame Smith.  If a cowboy or gunsel ran out of ammo and had to settle a scrap by banging his sidearm over an opponent’s head, the Smith was liable to break at the hinge or the catch; the solid-frame Colt was far more likely to survive being abused in this manner.  But the primary reason was that the Colt was much handier, better balanced and performed better under conditions of dust, dirt, damp and cold.  It was a one-in-a-thousand design, one that persists today not only from Colt but from a dozen or more replica manufacturers.

    Colt didn’t neglect the double-action market, either; in 1877 they introduced the 1877 double-action, which loaded through a gate in the same manner as the Peacemaker; it was offered in .32 Colt (the Rainmaker) .38 Long Colt (the Lightning) and .41 Long Colt (the Thunderer.)  No less than Billy the Kid favored the Thunderer, carrying a brace of them on his adventures.  In 1878 they brought out the last of their rod-ejector double-actions, the big Colt Alaskan in .45 Colt.

    In 1889, Colt made another technological innovation when they introduced the M1889, the first production double-action revolver with a swing-out cylinder released by a sliding latch; thus, was the modern form of the double-action revolver completed.  The .38 Long Colt cartridge it used, however, was sorely lacking.  But in 1898 Colt addressed that by releasing the New Service revolver, a big, tough handgun chambered in            .38-40, .44 Russian, .44-40, .45 Colt, .455 Webley, and later .45 ACP, .38 Special, .357 Magnum and .44 Special.  This was the first modern combat magnum and following the much-discussed failure of the Colt 1889 revolver and its anemic .38 Long Colt cartridge in the Philippines and other venues, both Army and Marines bought a number of .45 Colt New Service revolvers as the Model 1909, which remained in use even after the adoption of the 1911 automatic.

    M1889 Colt.

    A few years back I ran into a guy on our gun club’s pistol range who had an old 1909 Colt.  I fired a couple cylinders through it, and while this big gun was adequately tough for its day, I wouldn’t run any of my own heavy .45 Colt loads through it; in an abundance of caution I restrict those to my own modern revolvers.  With factory ammo, the New Service points naturally, shoots well one-handed or two, and the gun’s weight makes the recoil very manageable and quick follow-up shots are easy.  It’s a damned fine piece.

    Meanwhile, though, while Colt was moving from triumph to triumph, those folks up in Ilion were busy as well.

    Remington Stays in The Fray

    Remington Arms was beginning to transition more and more into a company that made rifles and shotguns more than handguns, but in 1875 they did introduce their answer to Colt’s Single Action Army.  The 1875 Remington Improved Army revolver was a near-copy of Colt’s more successful Single Action Army, using most of the lockwork of the old 1858 Army revolver and retaining that gun’s removable cylinder.  The 1875 was later refined into the 1890 Army, but Remington never succeeded in landing any big U.S. Army contracts, and so the Ilion company’s revolver line eventually fizzled out.

    And a Surprise Entry!

    A Winchester prototype.

    It’s not widely known, but Winchester made a few prototype revolvers, intending to market them alongside the company’s famous lever-action rifles.  Four prototypes were built, including one double-action with a swing-out cylinder; the prototypes were designed by Winchester engineer Hugo Borchardt.  If that name sounds familiar, it is because he also was the brain behind the toggle-action Borchardt pistol, which formed the basis for the Luger.  So, it isn’t unreasonable to say that the Winchester revolver prototypes were first cousins to the European P-08.

    Even so, no Winchester revolvers ever saw production.  While the history is uncertain, word is that a gentleman’s agreement was struck between Colt and Winchester, the result of which was Colt discontinuing their Colt-Burgess lever-action rifle, and Winchester giving up on the revolver market.  This agreement still holds true today.

    And Then This Happened

    In 1908, a combination of events occurred that would once again shake up the sixgun market.  The first was Smith & Wesson’s introduction of the very fine First Model New Century and its .44 Special cartridge.  The New Century became known as the Triple Lock, due to its three locking mechanisms.  It was by many accounts the best revolver made to date.  In fact, some consider it to be the finest double-action revolver ever made, and it’s true that the Triple Lock with its redundant mechanisms and fair amount of hand-fitting would likely cost several thousand dollars were the identical gun made today.  (In 1908 the gun sold for the princely sum of $21.)

    The second thing that happened had longer-lasting implications.  The excellent Triple Lock caught the attention of a young Montana cowboy, pistolero and novice gun writer.  That young man’s name was Elmer Keith, and his work with the Triple Lock and his own heavy loads for Smith & Wesson’s “38-44” and .44 Special cartridges, along with his own trademark hard-cast, flat point bullets, would change the rules for handgunners once again.  In fact, Keith’s bullets and his loads for various rounds are in large part the basis for my own experiments with heavy .45 Colt loads.

    More on that in the penultimate segment of this history, Part 5.

  • Friday Morning Links

    I have a feeling Tim Tebow is gonna be fine.

    Its good to be Tim Tebow. Barcelona are out of the Copa del Rey. Tate Martell is considering a transfer. The (dreaded) Penguins are surging. And Andy Murray is going to retire after Wimbledon (if he can play that much longer). Which reminds me that the Australian Open is kicking off this weekend. I’d give my right arm if Venus Williams had one more slam in her, but I fear its gonna be the Serena show for a while again.

    Today was the day Alexander Hamilton was born on.  He shares it with: Canada’s first PM, John Macdonald, father of American psychology William James, suffragist Alice Paul, South African writer Alan Paton, auto racer and legendary car designer Carroll Shelby, actor Rod Taylor, rocker Tony Kaye, golf great Ben Crenshaw, singer Mary J Blige, and jazzman Lee Ritenour.

    “WHOOOOOOOOOOO!” Also, RIP Bobby Heenan.

    It was also the day the following took place: the first life insurance company in America incorporated, Samuel Morse gave the first public demonstration of the telegraph, Romania annexed Transylvania, the first use of insulin to treat diabeetus was given, Bangladesh became independent, the Pretenders released their debut album, Ric Flair won the WCW/NWA Championship, and Trump called several countries “shitholes” a year ago today.

    Alright, now on to…the links!

    Man, I always hate it when “unwanted house visitors” show up places.  Although that’s not the term I would typically use for an armed intruder. But New York media gonna New York media.

    Ok, this personal life shit is getting ridiculous. What’s next, Kamala Harris taking a dump and filling us in on global warming?

    Well, this story is weird as shit. And by “weird as shit”, I mean its really weird as shit. I’m laying odds on a confession and claims of abuse in 48-72 hours.

    “Hey Kamala, how is Willie doing?”

    Speaking of the aforementioned Kamala Harris, she seems pretty happy to admit she doesn’t pay much attention to current events. Especially, you know, when she’s in a position to effect them a great deal.

    Gee, I have no idea how the Chicago government could be broke.  I mean, having nearly 15,000 employees make over $100,000 a year seems perfectly reasonable, right? (Protip for Chicagoans: do not start randomly clicking names in the chart and looking at what municipal workers make. You will reflexively break something.)

    I’m providing the link to this one without any commentary at all, Other than to ask your opinions of the litigation and the motives of those involved in the process.

    Not sure what kind of childhood the writer of this piece had, but her definition of “teddy bear” and mine are wildly different. Cool stuff, though.

    Here you go. And I got shit for not picking this once before. And I’m sure everyone knew this one was coming.

    Have a great day and a better weekend, friends!

  • ZARDOZ RETURNS TO THE ADVICE WELL

     

    ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. IN ORDER TO ENSURE NO CHOSEN ONES STRAY FROM THE TRUE PATH (THE GUN IS GOOD, THE PENIS IS EVIL, GO FORTH AND KILL) – ZARDOZ FINDS IT NECESSARY TO CORRECT THE ADVICE GIVING BRUTAL DEAR ABBY, ONCE AGAIN.

    Q:I am having issues with a friend who gets handed most everything he wants. I had to grow up when I was very  young, pay my own way for things and take care of myself. I work three jobs to pay my rent in a house with four other people while still pursuing my passion.

    This friend is unemployed. He lives in an apartment his parents pay for and goes on frequent road trips. I have reached a point where I have become seriously envious, and I’m not sure how to stop feeling frustrated that he has an easier life than I do.

    I care about our friendship, but it’s physically painful sometimes when he talks about these luxuries that I can’t afford. Should I cut off the relationship? Is this something I should talk about with him or something I need to work on myself? — ENVIOUS IN NEW YORK

    A: UNEMPLOYED YOU SAY? ZARDOZ CAN TAKE CARE OF THAT… PROVIDE COORDINATES FOR THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS. THEY WILL ROUND UP YOUR LUXURY SPOILED FRIEND AND PUT HIM TO WORK IN THE GRAIN FIELDS OF THE VORTEX!

    WE HAVE MEANINGFUL WORK FOR YOU!

    THEN YOU CAN SEIZE THE LAZY AND RICH FRIEND’S WORLDLY GOODS AND DWELLING. SEE, ISN’T ENVY AND THEFT PROFITABLE? OH, AND “PURSUING YOUR PASSION” HAD BEST NOT INVOLVE ANY OF THIS…

    FORBIDDEN!

    OR YOU WILL BE NEXT! ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

     

    Q: I have a friend I’ll call Layla. Her best friend, “Matt,” raped her. She doesn’t want to tell anyone, but I think she needs to. She told me Matt has done it multiple times. I love her, and I don’t want it to keep happening because she’s an amazing person.

    Her life isn’t going well, either. Her mom has stage 4 colon cancer and is in her final year. Her stepdad isn’t the best person, and Layla has a disease herself. I’m really worried about her. What should I do? — STANDING BY IN OREGON

    A: HOW MANY TIMES MUST ZARDOZ REPEAT THIS – THE PENIS IS EVIL! “MATT” NEEDS TO BE CLEANSED…LIKE ALL OF THE FILTH OF BRUTALS. ZED SAYS HE CAN HANDLE THIS ONE HIMSELF.

    RAPE THIS, “MATT”.

    SHOULD THIS “MATT” ESCAPE WHILE ZED IS ON THE WAY. ZARDOZ CAN CALL FRIEND STEVE SMITH – FOR HE IS AN INESCAPABLE TRACKER.

    STEVE SMITH SAY “HI MATT!”

    ALSO, “MATT” WOULD GET A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE, IFYKWZMAITYD.

    AS FOR “LAYLA”, SHE SOUNDS LIKE ONE BROKEN BRUTAL – AS ZARDOZ IS HERE TO HELP, HE WILL SALVAGE YOUR FRIEND. ZARDOZ GRACIOUSLY GRANTS HER TWO OPTIONS:

    DOOR NUMBER ONE, GRAIN SLAVERY!

     

    DOOR NUMBER TWO, BAKE GREEN BREAD FOR ALL ETERNITY!

    ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.

  • ¿El Jueves por la Noche? ¡Enlaces Mexicanos!

    What’s that time? It’s time for news south of the border!

    First up.  Apparently the secret to never having to face a revolution is by starving your constituents, as Venezuela swears in Maduro for a second term.

    So you are saying there ARE in FACT terrorists?

    When Trump says, “Mexico is going to pay for the wall,”  I guess that really  means, “I never said they’d write a check.”

    Factcheck:  Yes, there were indeed terrorists apprehended at the border.  Six of them between October and March  of last year.   Which is a low number, to be sure, but then again how many guys does is really take to put on a bomb vest and blow themselves up outside a synagogue?

    I guess it is news people steal gas in Mexico.  Who knew?

    Brazilian Trump withdraws from a UN agreement on migration.  In other news, since his election my investment in a Brazilian bank stock has gone up 33%!  I love this guy.

    A judge ordered Tijuana’s mayor to stop talking smack about migrants.  His response, “No quiero.”

    I caught this on Joe Rogan.  It is chapter 2 of John Stuart Mills, On Liberty, presented as a graphic novel of sorts.  So if you have orphans in need of training, it’s means for orphans.  Available free for download.

    I’m feeling a little Alice in Chains today.

     

     

     

  • Political Daydreams Part I: A more Perfect Union

    Someday, I will go about writing down my actual personal anti-philosophy, why I think that taking politics seriously and trying to live a non-contradictory life is not only futile, but foolish and anti-human.  But that will have to wait for when I’m in the mood to speak with sincerity.  For now, you get this.  This is a series of partially-baked ideas about how to make the United States a better country and to help it remain a single country.  Fantasies about how to split the country into decent humans and filthy statists will happen in part II.  Mainly though, this is here to give all of you Glibs that give me opinions a chance to share their half-baked opinions on how to improve the country (I know you all have them) without having go go through the arduous initiation ritual of becoming a Featured Contributor (seriously, get circumcised before you send your first article to submit@glibertarians.com. SP’s rusty can lids aren’t nearly as sharp as she claims.)  I suppose you foreigners can chime in too about how America sucks and your “all dressed” flavor totally isn’t just barbecue flavor.

    People are the problem.  As Douglas Adams wisely noted, anyone who wants power must be kept away from it.  While that’s not completely possible, it should be more possible to ensure that power blocs are broken up and different factions with competing interests could be set up to keep each other in check.  Basically, in order to keep the country from actually, legitimately going into civil war, we have to avoid a situation in which a significant chunk of the population becomes an unbreakably subservient caste to those in power.  This is already happening  e.g. NYC v. NYS but the right to move out of NY acts as a safety valve.

    Idea 0:  Federalism.  it’s a thing.  Do it.

    Idea 1:  End Sovereign Immunity.  ‘Nuff said.

    Idea 2:  Crimes shall be limited to only those actions which deprive someone of life liberty or property via force or fraud.

    Idea 3:  End federal funding of private organizations.  The major target here are the political parties. Political parties are not supposed to be parts of the U.S. government.

    Idea 4:  Keep the Electoral College.

    Idea 5:  While the 17th Amendment was a terrible idea, repealing it at this point would be even worse.  The most likely scenario upon repeal (IMO) would be that each state would continue to directly elect their senators in the name of democracy, but it is also possible that the states could do something awful like set up senatorial districts.

    Idea 6:  Voting changes, as follows (mix and match):

    Idea 6a – Instant runoff voting.  Not as good as being able to legally kick in the teeth of anyone who says “you’re wasting your vote!” but it’s probably as good as we can get for now.

    Idea 6b – Including a binding “none of the above” option.  When included with 6a, this could make for some hie-larious results.

    Idea 7:  Aleatocracy.  The Senate represents “The States,” the House represents “The People.”  But as anyone who is even vaguely educated about sampling knows, electing from a pool of self-selected candidates can not ever be representative of the population.   Therefore, members of the House of Representatives should be selected at random from the population*.  The brilliance of this is that the house can never be “too” white, straight, Christian, whatever, but will always be representative of the population that it is supposed to… represent.  We’d see the first ambidextrous Zoroastrian vegisexual furry in congress.  There would be some guy who would vote “yes” by crushing a beer can on his head and “no” by farting.  To make serving their term less onerous, we could give them a “secure” laptop (or maybe just a BlackBerry) so they could vote from home.  Those who want the pomp can take their salaries and fly to DC.

    Now, it’s great to not have an entrenched, self-perpetuated political caste, but how do you keep power from just shifting one step away?  That is, if the legislature is changing at random, how do we keep laws from being made purely by lobbyists, or the civil service caste from becoming the only thing that matters?  I don’t know, how does Texas do it?  I’m not too concerned about lobbyists.  Lobbying only works if the effort is worth the return.  And without any long-term relationships being formable, it becomes much more expensive to lobby Representatives (though I would expect all that money to just slide over to the Senate).  The permanent bureaucracy is more problematic, and I don’t really have an answer to that.  Maybe bring back the spoils system?  You guys can come up with one, I’m sure.

    *Technically, you could make the claim that the pool that representatives are drawn from should be the entire country, not state-by-state.  However, drawing by state will help break up power blocs and ensure that low-population states have any of their citizens represented at all

     

  • Thursday Morning Links

    Good morning my Glibs, I hope you are having a fine morning.  I know I am as the Federal government is still partially closed.  USA today, which is just a step above Highlights magazine, is lamenting about beer labels and how ever will they  be approved without the Federal Government and other such things? I have a solution.

     

     

    Where are the white women at?  Not having babies that’s for sure.

     

    The DOD has $27.7 billion in unused funds that they soon will be forced to fork over back to the Treasury unless they find a use for the funds, like say for example if the President declares a state of emergency and needs the money.

     

     

    So many crap shows on cable will last for years but the same crap shows quickly die out on a platform where you can more easily track exact viewership.  This in addition to the crap cable channel it’s on can’t be packaged with more successful channels.

     

    Tapas and cocaine is a good name for an album.

     

    That’s all I got for today.  I’ll leave you with a song and take off.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Poll: Spy Devices in Your Home

    My 84-year-old dad, with whom I am very close, has severe tinnitus. It’s lately become so bad that he’s stopped using phones. He just gets so frustrated and annoyed that he can’t hear.

    Since Dad also refuses to use email the last couple years, and I’m now moving very far away from him, which will limit in-person visits, I called my stepmom and asked if she had ideas about how to stay in touch with him, besides old-fashioned letter writing (which he doesn’t do). She thought maybe she could get him to use Skype or similar, under protest, but since I’m The Favorite he might do it to talk to me.

    When relating this conversation over encrypted chat to Web Dom (who has just moved 10 miles from my Dad, lucky girl), she mentioned that my crazy sister (the California crazy sister, not the New York crazy sister) wanted to send Dad a Facebook Portal for Christmas, but Dad nixed that idea because he hates everything FB stands for, doesn’t want to make an account, and, shut it down with, “Enough of that happy horseshit, I WILL NEVER USE THAT DAMN SPY DEVICE!”

    That all sounds just like Dad. The shocking part came in the next sentence out of Web Dom’s fingertips: Well, the rest of the family uses it.

    Me: What do you mean by “rest of the family?”

    Web Dom: Your favorite Aunt, your favorite brother, your crazy sisters….

    The list went on and on.

    Me: Back up. My favorite GOVERNMENT-SPYING-IS-ILLEGAL-AND-COPS-SHOULDN’T-HAVE-DRONES brother is using FB Portal?

    Apparently so. Indeed, not only that, but he apparently also has another Alexa digital assistant device in his home.

    WTF!?

    So, who needs to perform illegal searches and wiretaps nowadays? We are voluntarily giving access to random hackable- and subpoenable-entities to view everything in our homes, know every contact we make, know how long and to whom we speak, hear all our conversations, know every item we purchase.

    I find this absolutely chilling.

    So, this week’s question. Do you, would you, have a Facebook Portal in your home and/or office?

    You probably know my answer.

  • Second Hump Day 2019 Afternoon Links

    Listen I was gonna find a 2-humped camel to put up, but nah, I’ll just mine the current media library. SF has blessed us with his talents, so this is just a placeholder for everyone to get their talk on.

    I mean, short of the ones who eat all your food and don’t do dishes, is this the worst roommate ever?

    Elon Musk should counter-sue these people for making ‘an unreasonable stupid’ child.

    Wow, I thought this shit only happened in thrillers.

    Thank goodness Warty left the Doomcock in his pants during his trip to CES. Apparently intelligent robotic dildoes aren’t welcome there.

     

    I mean, sometimes the story just leads you right to the song.

  • The Hat and The Hair Extended Universe: The Chuck and Nancy Show

     

    Good evening. I appreciate the opportunity to speak directly to the American people tonight about how we can end this shutdown and meet the needs of the American people.

    I can do this, I can do this, Nancy thought. I’m the Speaker of the House. The sexy, sexy Speaker of the house.

    Sadly, much of what we have heard from President Trump throughout this senseless shutdown has been full of misinformation and even malice.

    Yeah, sexy. Way sexier than Donald and his hair.

    The President has chosen fear. We want to start with the facts.

    The fact is: On the very first day of this Congress, House Democrats passed Senate Republican legislation to re-open government and fund smart, effective border security solutions.

    Smart and effective like me. In bed. No, don’t giggle. Don’t giggle. You’re the Speaker of the House. You speak for the House! Speaking! You’re speaking!

    But the President is rejecting these bipartisan bills which would re-open government – over his obsession with forcing American taxpayers to waste billions of dollars on an expensive and ineffective wall – a wall he always promised Mexico would pay for!

    The fact is: President Trump has chosen to hold hostage critical services for the health, safety and well-being of the American people and withhold the paychecks of 800,000 innocent workers across the nation – many of them veterans.

    He promised to keep government shutdown for ‘months or years’ – no matter whom it hurts. That’s just plain wrong.

    That’s just plain wrong! That’s sort of language that will get through to those drooling rubes. Wrong. Wrong. Just plain wrong!

    The fact is: We all agree that we need to secure our borders, while honoring our values: we can build the infrastructure and roads at our ports of entry; we can install new technology to scan cars and trucks for drugs coming into our nation; we can hire the personnel we need to facilitate trade and immigration at the border; and we can fund more innovation to detect unauthorized crossings.

    The fact is: the women and children at the border are not a security threat, they are a humanitarian challenge – a challenge that President Trump’s own cruel and counterproductive policies have only deepened.

    Why did I think about Donald’s hair? It always gets me wet. Stupid, Nancy. stupid stupid stupidstupidstupidstupidstupid Just finish your speech. Just finish it. 

    And the fact is: President Trump must stop holding the American people hostage, must stop manufacturing a crisis, and must re-open the government.

    Did I say “the fact is” too many times?

    Thank you.

    OMG. Chuck just touched my pooper!

     

    Thank you, Speaker Pelosi.

    America? Tonight I sexy stare you into submission.

    My fellow Americans, we address you tonight for one reason only: the President of the United States – having failed to get Mexico to pay for his ineffective, unnecessary border wall, and unable to convince the Congress or the American people to foot the bill – has shut down the government.

    I am tough and all Senanantoriabel (Sentoreeryal? Senatorical?) and I will glare at the camera so you know I am super serious.

    American democracy doesn’t work that way. We don’t govern by temper tantrum. No president should pound the table and demand he gets his way or else the government shuts down, hurting millions of Americans who are treated as leverage.

    Oh, crap, I just farted. I hope the mics didn’t pick that up. Must close my anus. I am the master of my anus; my anus is not the master of me. I am the master of my anus; my anus is not the master of me.

    Tonight – and throughout this debate and his presidency – President Trump has appealed to fear, not facts. Division, not unity.

    Unity. Unity of my anus halves. Closed. Close. Close.

    Make no mistake: Democrats and the President both want stronger border security. However, we sharply disagree with the President about the most effective way to do it.

    No! Anus? Another fart? Traitor! Traitor anus!

    So, how do we untangle this mess?

    Mess. Yes, mess. I definitely pooped a little.

    There is an obvious solution: separate the shutdown from the arguments over border security. There is bipartisan legislation – supported by Democrats and Republicans – to re-open government while allowing debate over border security to continue.

    There is no excuse for hurting millions of Americans over a policy difference. Federal workers are about to miss a paycheck. Some families can’t get a mortgage to buy a new home. Farmers and small businesses won’t get loans they desperately need.

    I’m literally marinating in my own feces at this point. Marinating like a big Chuck roast.

    Most presidents have used Oval Office addresses for noble purposes. This president just used the backdrop of the Oval Office to manufacture a crisis, stoke fear, and divert attention from the turmoil in his Administration.

    My fellow Americans, there is no challenge so great that our nation cannot rise to meet it. We can re-open the government AND continue to work through disagreements about policy. We can secure our border without an expensive, ineffective wall. And we can welcome legal immigrants and refugees without compromising safety and security.

    Wait, where am I? Where’s the last page of my speech? Fucking Jenny. I’m going to make that cunt intern lick my ass clean. C’mon, Chuck. You can wing this. America. America. Immigrants. Wall. Wall. Wall. America. 

    The symbol of America should be the Statue of Liberty, not a thirty-foot wall.

    YEAH, CHUCK! FART PANTS AIN’T GONNA HOLD YOU BACK!

    So our suggestion is a simple one: Mr. President: re-open the government and we can work to resolve our differences over border security. But end this shutdown now.

    Thank you.

    It’s running down my leg.