Back-to-School Wednesday Afternoon Links

The oldest started kindergarten today. Apparently, taking your kids to their classroom on the first day is something that parents do now. Whatever, I feel bad enough about sending my kid to kiddie jail without having to see how the sausage is made. I took my wife for a drink afterwards. Because, yeah, we’re those kinds of parents. Man, was it quiet in the house today. It was… excellent.

Russian government to citizens: Oops, we fucked up. You should probably leave your homes.

Deep State working against Trump impeachment! Or, you know, just doing their jobs.

I am so disappointed about the details of this fatal taco eating contest.

Its SugarFree’s timeline, we’re just living in it.

Comments

418 responses to “Back-to-School Wednesday Afternoon Links”

  1. Playa Manhattan

    My youngest starts Kindergarten next week.

    My chin gets a little grayer each year.

    1. Count Potato

      Wow, Summer is almost over.

      1. Tundra

        Minnesota State Fair starts a week from tomorrow. That was always a bittersweet time when I was a kid. The Fair was great, but you knew that school was looming like STEVE SMITH over a hiker.

        1. Fourscore

          School starts before Labor Day? Say it isn’t true, Joe?

          1. Hyperion

            Jeebus, fourscore must be your age. School was starting before September when I was still in K12, in the 70s.

          2. Tundra

            School starts after Labor Day here, Hyp.

          3. Hyperion

            Ya’ll must be some of those kulaks or wreckers.

      2. Playa Manhattan

        We haven’t even gotten the good weather yet. Still foggy in the mornings.

        1. Hyperion

          Still in the low-mid 90s with 60%+ humidity, every day here.

    2. cyto

      All three kids in our household successfully completed their first day!

      And it looks like we got really good results on the game of Teacher Roulette.

      For those who haven’t done this game yet… finding the right fit for your child with their teacher is really hard. It is hard to know what your child will respond to. My oldest had a terrible kindergarten teacher. She was mean as a hornet and it really had a negative impact on his attitude. So the next year we got the nicest lady you’d ever want to meet. She was really great, and super sweet. And it wasn’t a great fit either… because our son is super nice and well behaved and charming…. so she spent all her time on the problem kids and let him skate without pushing him. He did fine, but didn’t do everything he could have.

      Finally he got the right mix of tough love and really achieved his full potential. Now he’s in middle school where you play the same game 6 times each year. So far, so good. He seems to like all of them, and they seem to be on point with the material. And the girls both seem to have the perfect fit.

      So, here’s hoping that all of your kids are above average and their teachers are the right fit.

    3. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

      School should start after Labor Day. Starting in August is BS.

  2. A Leap at the Wheel

    My son is playing Chrono Trigger on a CRT tv and all is right in the world.

  3. Florida Man

    I am so disappointed about the details of this fatal taco eating contest.-

    Either he choked, had an allergy or just a coincidental ailment not related to the contest…or he had dirt on the Clintons.

    1. Playa Manhattan

      But… did he win?

      It would be a shame if he died and lost on the same day.

      1. ChipsnSalsa

        Did someone tell him Trump was impeached as his last breath?

    2. Seriously… Were they hard or soft? Chorizo y papas, huevos? Lots of cheese? …

    3. B.P.

      The sensible thing to do when someone dies in a tragic and freak accident during a safe community activity is to cancel that activity forever.

      1. Fourscore

        Or pass a gun law. Can’t be too safe. If it saves one child…

      2. Common sense taco control now!

  4. Count Potato

    “Emergency medical technicians then attempted the Heimlich maneuver and CPR before paramedics arrived in an ambulance and tried to resuscitate him, according to the fans.”

    So he didn’t have a pulse or an airway? That must have been some taco.

    1. R C Dean

      “Catered by Chipotle”

      1. Yusef drives a Kia

        They don’t do tacos

        1. Playa Manhattan

          They don’t do any kind of Mexican food.

  5. Playa Manhattan

    “Deep State working against Trump impeachment! Or, you know, just doing their jobs.”

    The probe is just getting embarrassing. We need to investigate because reasons. We need the same judge because reasons.

    Never mind that the case they’re claiming is the same is civil, while the case they’re trying to link it to is criminal.

    1. R C Dean

      The House Judiciary Committee claimed that the cases are related because they both tie into what they are now calling an “impeachment investigation” of Trump.

      Of course, that’s not even a law enforcement investigation or a judicial subpoena. Its not even remotely close to being related to the grand jury investigation that they want to loot for leaks to the press. There aren’t even two “cases” – there is one case (the grand jury investigation) and there are Congressional hearings. You don’t even have to get to the technicalities of how two separate matters are related under the applicable law.

  6. Tundra

    Hi Brett!

    Congrats on the big day! You know this, but it goes really fucking fast so enjoy the silence.

    1. Playa Manhattan

      Due to parent anger and inconvenience, they have extended kindergarten to a full school day. For my other 2 kids, it was only 3 hours, 20 minutes.

      1. Tundra

        I can’t recall, but I believe both of mine had full day kindergarten. I think it was the same thing – working parents trying to handle the logistics of such a short day.

      2. Chipwooder

        That’s the way it was when I was a kid. Kindergarten kids were split into two groups, AM and PM. I was PM.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          PM…. where you have to pay for before AND after child care.

    2. Chipwooder

      My son moves on to middle school this year. Everyone said it would fly by, but nothing prepares you for how fast it actually is. Seems so recently that he was standing out on the corner holding up the “FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN” sign my wife made.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        My oldest starts MS next week too. He is…. not ready. When I was a kid, it was grades 7-8. Now, it’s 6-7-8.

        1. Chipwooder

          I worry that mine isn’t, either. I love him dearly and he’s such a smart, sweet kid, but he’s very naive and immature for his age, not to mention small. I fear sixth grade is going to be cruel for him.

          1. Playa Manhattan

            Exactly the same as mine. Smart, but naive and immature. And he sucks at sports other than surfing and swimming. In other words, he sucks at the sports they play at middle school.

      2. Tundra

        My son starts his sophomore year in college next week and my little girl is a senior in HS. And yes, we looked at that exact picture last weekend and Mrs. Tundra got a little misty.

        Not me, though. I’m tough.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          School starts in two weeks.

          It’s the most wonderful time of the year….

        2. Mad Scientist

          Hanson brothers: tough, but still play with toy cars. Seems fitting.

          1. Tundra

            LOL! Ok, then, just for you:

            Restored 1956 Lancia Aurelia B24S Convertible

            Wood.

          2. Mad Scientist

            Pretty! But this one has me all tingly.

          3. Tundra

            Nice! But it’s missing a couple wheels!

          4. Tundra

            I love the comments. Some asshole starts picking the bike apart and got this as a response:

            Robert8198 349
            Hey, weren’t you the judge at the Ducati Concourse de Elegance in Transylvania? You know the one where three people showed up. There’s one in every crowd.

            That’s beautiful work, right there.

          5. Mad Scientist

            It has the wrong forks, and a couple of other things. But all the unobtanium is there. All the nitpickers can suck it.

          6. Chipwooder

            They brought their fuckin’ TOYS!

          7. Ozymandias

            +1 Puttin’ on the foil

    3. The Other Kevin

      Yes it does. My youngest just started high school today.

      1. Fourscore

        My 2 youngest grand daughters graduated college this past Spring. Time, where does it go?

  7. Chipwooder

    Damn, I forget how early places without a Kings Dominion law start school. We’ve got three more weeks to go.

    1. Private Chipperbot

      Michigan has a law that school can’t start until after labor day, but almost every district asks to start early because we get so many snow days.

      1. Rhywun

        Our snow days were taken from spring recess and/or tacked on at the end of the year.

        1. Private Chipperbot

          We had something like 14 last year. They took away some scheduled off days and added on to the end of the year. They already go until June 15th so no one wants to do that again.

          1. Rhywun

            Yikes. We got a fair amount of snow in Rochester but not 14 days off worth. I don’t remember more than 5 or 6 days max.

          2. Lackadaisical

            Weak.

          3. B.P.

            My experience in growing up in rural Upstate NY is that the school districts feel like the locals are capable of getting the kids to school no matter if it’s several feet of snow, ice, meteor strikes, etc.

      2. Chipwooder

        I think Fairfax County is the only one that asked for an exemption here. All the Richmond area schools start after Labor Day.

    2. Rhywun

      I had to look that up, but IIRC it was always the day after Labor Day for me in New York.

  8. ChipsnSalsa

    I must have missed the part that says to put a gun to your neighbors head and say “pay up”

    Pastor Jim Wallis, founder of Sojourners magazine and a political activist, said there are other faith issues Democrats can claim.
    “The Bible has 2,000 verses about the poor—2,000 verses,” he said. “I never hear any of that from Republicans. Never, ever.”

    1. . “I never hear any of that from Republicans. Never, ever.”

      Interesting. I hear it just about every week in some form or fashion. Turns out we just believe in this thing called personal responsibility where we effect the change we want to see instead of begging daddy gubmint to do it.

      1. leon

        I hear about it from Republicans all the time. Just not in the context of politics or government.

    2. leon

      I made the call that Christan socialists could be an avenue for capturing a segment of the “safe” Republican base.

      1. Rhywun

        Have some Buttercup dialing that strategy to 11, and try to hold your lunch.

      2. There’s a huge Christian demographic that has been sucked into the revivalist “emotions are all that matters” pablum that infects the American church, especially the evangelical and less liturgical mainline denominations. There are a lot of easy pickings if socialists can find a wedge to put between those people and the conservative culture that permeates most of those denominations.

        1. Private Chipperbot

          Churches are SJW indoctrination shops now. The methodist church is about to break up over it.

          1. There are a handful of denominations that are leaning left, and a smaller handful that are SJW indoctrination centers (look at you UU), but your average church, even in very progressive areas, tends to skew conservative. I went to a church in Palo Alto and it was more conservative than my church was in Dallas.

          2. Chipwooder

            I think there’s a disconnect there between the church hierarchies, which are all leftist among the mainline Protestant denominations, and the actual parishes.

    3. Don Escaped Texas

      My son came up through Scouts in an extremely conservative Texas neighborhood: God, guns, Reagan.

      We go camping with these guys and at Sunday service they hand out a song sheet because these guys don’t know the words to Amazing Grace.

      Jesus wept

        1. Don Escaped Texas

          The Belle was parked on the south end of this island for years, but the city just couldn’t take care of her; I miss her quite a bit.

    4. Raven Nation

      Wallis is such a, umm, contradiction. On the one hand, his personal work & ministry among the poor is simply outstanding. In the past, he has also done a great job of calling out the contradictions among conservatives who want to have the state enforce biblical mandates against things like homosexuality.

      But, in doing the latter he takes a stand against using the bible as the basis for biblical law then turns to poverty and…uses the bible as the basis for biblical law.*

      * I know he is misreading things but, even if he wasn’t, the contradiction is astounding.

    5. Playa Manhattan

      Render unto caesar

    6. Hyperion

      What? You never read the Bible? You totally missed the part where Jesus went lobbying in Rome to get the Ceaser to send down the Roman legions to force the evil rich to give all their money to the poor? Man, there’s a lot of under edumencation round here.

  9. Private Chipperbot

    She told DailyMailTV: ‘It was absolutely Bill Clinton. It was shocking – it was definitely a painting of him. It was a very provocative, sexual picture. He was wearing heels, a blue dress and his hand was in a weird position.’

    We’re just living in a simulation, aren’t we?

  10. grrizzly

    Sad, we still have not made it: “news black list site for google now.”

    1. ChipsnSalsa

      turtleboysports.com/

      not going to that site

    2. Mad Scientist

      We need to SugarFree harder.

    3. Count Potato

      “Google Insider @Perpetualmaniac: “people have been waiting for this Google Snowden moment…” Hundreds of leaked Google documents available on @Project_Veritas website – download and distribute! ”

      https://twitter.com/JamesOKeefeIII/status/1161636487739432961

      https://www.projectveritas.com/google-document-dump/

    4. Count Potato

      “(San Francisco) A Google insider who anonymously leaked internal documents to Project Veritas made the decision to go public in an on-the-record video interview. The insider, Zachary Vorhies, decided to go public after receiving a letter from Google, and after he says Google allegedly called the police to perform a “wellness check” on him.”

      https://www.projectveritas.com/2019/08/14/google-machine-learning-fairness-whistleblower-goes-public-says-burden-lifted-off-of-my-soul/

      1. Pan Zagloba

        If they swatted him instead, the shitty Soyberpunk future we deserve would have officially arrived.

    5. Sean

      I feel like we should have seen this Google being evil thing coming.

      The real question is: Claire or Rachel?

      Claire.

      1. Don Escaped Texas

        I think I’ve learned the correct Glib answer: why can’t it be both ?

    6. Pittsburgh Sports Now is fake news!!!

    1. PBRstreetgang

      Star of the ‘no longer on the air’ Disney show “Liv and Maddie” wherein she played high school twins Liv (actress) and Maddie (basketball player). My 5th grade daughter loved it. Cute show, harmless.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Seems like she’s about one after-school special away from porn.

        1. PBRstreetgang

          I really hope she isn’t following the Bella Thorne career arc, but….

      2. mexican sharpshooter

        My daughter is into that show. Now I can’t unsee this.

    2. PBRstreetgang

      Her face, especially her eyes, look really different. I hope she didn’t get any cosmetic surgery, girl is only like 22 years old or something.

      1. cyto

        Yeah, she’s super cute and super talented… but she’s been raised in a world where appearance is everything, and every single competitor is a 10. A bunch of that group of actresses seem to have had things done – lips, boobs, etc. It would be hard not to develop body image issues in that world, even if you are getting validated by sycophants and hoards of fans 24/7.

    3. AlmightyJB

      Would

  11. The Late P Brooks

    Its SugarFree’s timeline, we’re just living in it.

    NEEDZ MOAR WANNAFUD

  12. CampingInYourPark

    EXCLUSIVE: Did Jeffrey Epstein have painting of Bill Clinton wearing a blue DRESS and red heels and lounging in the Oval Office inside his Manhattan mansion?

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7353967/Did-Jeffrey-Epstein-portrait-Bill-Clinton-blue-dress-red-heels-NYC-mansion.html

    1. CampingInYourPark

      Errmmm…Excusez-moi

    2. ChipsnSalsa

      Big ‘ol middle finger to Brett

      1. CampingInYourPark

        I thought it was a music link…HONEST!

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Oh please tell me that’s real, please please pleasepleasepleeeeeeeeeeeease

      Best fucking timeline ever.

      1. ChipsnSalsa

        That picture looks super sketchy on the authenticity scale. But on the schadenfreude scale it is through the roof.

        1. hayeksplosives

          Good find.

          Funny that Epstein was the buyer

          1. cyto

            And ridiculous that anyone took that thing seriously as a work of art. That looks like a junior college art class project, not some Manhattan studio showpiece collected by billionaires.

          2. Most art collected by richies is crap.

    4. AlmightyJB

      So the dress wasn’t Monica’s? Wow.

  13. Spudalicious

    That Clinton story is just too good.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      Hillary to Bill: I told you we had to whack more of them! IDIOT!

      1. Fourscore

        Bill, I told you to stay out o my closet! One more time and I’m calling Jeff and tell him you can’t go fishing this week end at his island.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    “This later-filed, subpoena-enforcement suit involves no issues of fact or law common to the earlier Grand Jury application, nor does it focus on a common event or transaction such that the matters would be ‘related,’” the DOJ argued in its court filing.

    But there is a common thread- BAD ORANGE MAN IS BAD!

    1. Lackadaisical

      This is how I convinced my wife I don’t need to go down on her anymore.

      1. Florida Man

        Need’s got nothing to do with it.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          It does if you’re trying to get permission to go on a 3 day fishing trip.

          1. R C Dean

            Time to get your fish on, eh?

          2. Playa Manhattan

            I could have said “surf trip”, but I’m sure you have a euphemism for that too.

          3. Florida Man

            So THAT’S how it is in your family.

  15. Count Potato

    “Chinese supermodel Liu Wen faces prospect of a $22 million bill from Coach for terminating her contract after the U.S. brand ‘insulted’ Beijing by listing Hong Kong as a country”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7356215/Chinese-supermodel-faces-prospect-22-million-penalty-Coach-terminating-contract.html

    Something needs to be done about China. I’m not a biochemist, but I say we take that chemical that makes the friggin’ frogs gay, use it to make the exact opposite chemical, and give it to Mongolia to create a super-race of STEVE SMITH berserker Mongols.

    1. Once the STEVE SMITH/Genghis Khan hybrids are unleashed, you can say goodbye to the human race.

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        Right. Potato was so preoccupied with whether or not he could, he never stopped to ask whether or not he should.

        1. Florida Man

          Is he going to slap it on a lunch box? Because I’d buy that.

  16. Ass Wednesday provides humongous ham hocks of horniness.

    http://archive.is/GsqLW

  17. Private Chipperbot

    involved a nuclear-powered cruise missile known as the Burevestnik or Skyfall.

    Can anyone help me out on the question of what the advantage of a nuclear powered missile would be? Something that would just add to the fallout?

    1. Lighter weight, perhaps? I’m not exactly sure how a nuclear scramjet would be configured or what the nuclear power plant would be doing in scramjet mode.

      1. I just found out about Project Pluto during my searching. It’s a fascinating nuclear ramjet program from the 50s and 60s. Basically, instead of igniting fuel to heat up air that expands out the back of the missile, the nuclear waste heat heats the air, and you don’t need fuel injection into the airstream.

    2. hayeksplosives

      Air breathing motors can’t operate above certain altitude

      1. Private Chipperbot

        I forgot we have a weapons expert! Are missiles just gliding after lift phase? Something like this means they could continue to accelerate?

        1. hayeksplosives

          Yes, missiles that leave the atmosphere re-enter on a ballistic trajectory, with some types having steering flaps for final guidance

    3. Brasidas

      Range and station keeping ability. If tensions get high enough, you could launch your missiles and have them circle over the ocean near their targets. If you go to war, then they fly to their target. After deploying their warheads, have the missiles fly around delivering lethal doses of radiation to everything not worth a nuke.

      1. Private Chipperbot

        Sounds like something Max Zorin would come up with.

      2. R C Dean

        So, big explosion, spike in radiation.

        How does this not trigger a no-shitting nuclear response?

        1. Brasidas

          I don’t think you would ever use one outside of a nuclear strike.

        2. My understanding is that they notify other nuclear countries when nuclear tests are happening. Same way people get their panties in a wad a couple days before every NK missile test.

          1. R C Dean

            I meant as an actual weapon used against an actual target.

          2. Playa Manhattan

            I don’t think this was a “nuclear test”, or so the Russians claim. It was the propulsion system that was supposedly radioactive.

          3. I would guess that it also applies to other missile tests that would potentially trigger national security alarms, but I’m just spit balling.

    4. Drake

      Are they talking about an Orion pulse rocket? Or some kind of nuclear steam turbine aircraft? Most direct nuke rockets aren’t powerful enough to operate in the atmosphere.

      1. Not an Economist

        This is a nuclear version of the ramjet. Ramjets are simple. There is an inlet, a combustion section, and a nozzle. In normal ramjets, in the combustion section there are fuel nozzles spraying fuel into the combustion section with igniters to start the fuel burning. Air compresses in the inlet, the combustion in the combustion section increases the temperature of the air, causing an increase in the air pressure. The air then expands in the nozzle providing the thrust. Ramjets work well at higher speeds (Mach 1+ to Mach 5) but have trouble getting to that initial speed. There is usually some sort of booster engine (rocket, another jet engine) necessary.

        I don’t know for certain but I believe the Russian nuclear ramjet works by heating the air in the combustion section via a nuclear reactor than burning some sort of fuel. One reason the US stopped working on this technology is the air coming out of the engine is radioactive. I don’t know whether the Russians have solved this problem or they don’t care about the problem.

  18. Rebel Scum

    Trolling Russia

    Donald J. Trump

    Verified account

    @realDonaldTrump
    Follow Follow @realDonaldTrump
    More

    The United States is learning much from the failed missile explosion in Russia. We have similar, though more advanced, technology. The Russian “Skyfall” explosion has people worried about the air around the facility, and far beyond. Not good!

    “Putin’s Puppet is giving away national secrets!!!” – CNN

    1. “if Russia would like assistance in avoiding nuking their subjects again, we’d be happy to send a few advisors over there to suggest a few design improvements”

      /if only

      1. Playa Manhattan

        We offer assistance to all nuclear countries on how to fuze the weapons in the safest manner possible.

        It’s in our best interest that all countries, friend or foe, include permissive action links in their weapons design to prevent rogue nuke attacks.

        1. R C Dean

          “Use this state-of-the-art nuke-o-matic detonator. No back doors, we swear. Money back guarantee!”

          1. Playa Manhattan

            Pakistan was concerned about a kill switch. We ended up giving them $100 million to develop their own safety program instead.

    2. Dr. Fronkensteen

      I don’t know. I can see the President asking if we had one and the flunkies saying, “Yes and its better than the Russians.” just to satisfy him.

      1. Private Chipperbot

        I imagine they just show him clips of stuff like Operation Crossbow.I imagine they just show him clips of stuff like

  19. Count Potato

    “NEW VIDEO: Worse than Jessica Yaniv: 52 y/o man identifies as a 6 y/o girl and “PLAYS” with children.
    Let’s drag another predator.”

    https://twitter.com/MsBlaireWhite/status/1161683927267864576

    “”I Identify As A 6 Year Old Girl” – Okay..”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D6n3NR0tgM

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      I heard of this idiot a couple of years back.

    2. R C Dean

      I swear she just said she was dropping Twitter because she got doxxed.

      1. Count Potato

        She posted “I got doxxed. Address & number. I’m actually scared. Gonna take a break from the internet for a while..” on August 8.

        Then she found out who did it.

        “Jessica Yaniv admitted on the phone last night that they doxxed my address & obtained it illegally.

        I recorded the call.

        I will be calling the police today. I want this pig arrested.”

        https://twitter.com/MsBlaireWhite/status/1161648343371546624

        1. Florida Man

          Depending on the state, she may be in trouble for recording their conversation.

          1. R C Dean

            Yup. California has two-party consent, making it illegal to record a call unless everyone on the call consents.

          2. Count Potato

            “Amazingly I actually informed Jessica I had recorded, and they didn’t care.”

            https://twitter.com/MsBlaireWhite/status/1161648824814731266

          3. Florida Man

            Dummies

      2. AlmightyJB

        She did take a break from it. For 5 minutes. That’s like quitting for her age group.

    3. AlmightyJB

      Psychopathic narcissist predator. Poor kids.

    4. Lackadaisical

      In his defense he has 7 kids, that could drive anyone crazy.

  20. Rufus the Monocled

    Bill in drag. Yeh but Trump….

    1. Mad Scientist

      I’ll nominate The Donnas.

      1. You could always cool at the playground.

        1. AlmightyJB

          Just wait until high school.

          https://youtu.be/faG5mmkDbyc

  21. Rebel Scum

    Jeffrey Epstein had a bizarre portrait which appeared to be of Bill Clinton in a dress hanging in his Manhattan mansion, DailyMailTV can reveal.

    Sure but how does this relate to the #TrumpBodyCount?

  22. Rufus the Monocled

    Democrats are evil and beyond the pale. Example 666:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBw_In8VIZ8

    1. Rebel Scum

      beyond the pale

      True. They are not very fond of the whites anymore.

    2. AlmightyJB

      I know, it’s sad.

    3. Count Potato

      So they are going to solve the problem they caused? No, they aren’t.

  23. Semi-Spartan Dad

    Our local school system started last Monday. My wife homeschools the kids though and decreed we will not start until after Labor day as proper. The oldest starts first grade and the middle be in preschool.

    I start my PhD program (STEM) in two weeks. If I may humble brag, I found out that my cohort had a 3% acceptance rate. It’s dangerous hanging out here on Glibs though and going back to school. One of my female colleagues started talking about how bad she wants a happy ending. I had to bite my lip till it bled (kidding about the bleeding, but it was hard…errr… difficult to not make a euphemism crack).

    1. hayeksplosives

      Congratulations on going back to school! And good luck filtering your speech.

      1. Semi-Spartan Dad

        Thank you. And I hope you are continuing to recover and heal up soon. I missed your post but caught something about a serious back injury on a dead thread.

    2. R C Dean

      crack

      [insert Beavis and Butthead gif]

      1. Semi-Spartan Dad

        I am the Great Cornholio!

    3. Count Potato

      Congrats!

      1. Semi-Spartan Dad

        Thank you.

    4. Heroic Mulatto

      If I may humble brag, I found out that my cohort had a 3% acceptance rate.

      Of those 3 percent, approximately 50 to 60 percent will leave the program before defending their dissertation.

      1. leon

        Defending is for pussies. I’m going straight up preemptive strike my doctoral committee.

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          A bold move!

      2. Count Potato

        Semi-Spartan Dad defending his dissertation.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPqhm36sjVE

        1. Semi-Spartan Dad

          *taking notes*

      3. Semi-Spartan Dad

        Even better

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Range and station keeping ability. If tensions get high enough, you could launch your missiles and have them circle over the ocean near their targets. If you go to war, then they fly to their target. After deploying their warheads, have the missiles fly around delivering lethal doses of radiation to everything not worth a nuke.

    Science you can use!

  25. Crusty Juggler

    AOC Butts into Dispute that Has Nothing To Do with Her, Gets Debate Challenge from Sports Media Mogul Dave Portnoy
    From a linked Tweet: “So far unions seem like a lot of people you don’t know yelling at you that they know what’s best for you.”

    Barstool is now selling Dave Portnoy “Union Buster” T-shirts for $28, which can’t be what Ocasio-Cortez had in mind when she spoke out.

    Outrage is profitable.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Portnoy’s tweet, even if he was trolling, which he probably was, was just dumb. If I worked there and was bored I’d probably sue. I could win without a question and be a hero reporter who’d get a job elsewhere!

      1. Crusty Juggler

        He most certainly was trolling, just to create controversy and content, and it 100% worked. Plus he did come up with O’Crazio…

  26. Crusty Juggler

    WeWork Has Filed for an IPO. Here Are 5 Things You Should Know.

    The structure of WeWork’s core business could make it especially vulnerable. It signs long-term agreements to rent space from commercial landlords—for an average of 15 years—and then leases out that space to its customers on a month-to-month basis. That creates a risk that WeWork’s customers might cancel their memberships during a downturn, as the company lays out in its IPO filing.

    “Our members may terminate their membership agreements with us at any time upon as little notice as one calendar month,” the filing says.

    Well yeah.

  27. Crusty Juggler

    Democratic Socialists look to take over New York’s powerful labor unions

    The New York City branch of the Democratic Socialists of America presented its members with a strategy last year to gain entry into some of the city’s most powerful labor organizations and ensure they are adhering to the “militant” principles that the group felt had been diluted over time. POLITICO obtained a previously unreported, 37-page memo laying out a follow-up plan that identified 10 unions to target.

    The members approved zeroing in on six of those labor groups during a January meeting and have since begun pursuing the effort.

    In its memo, the DSA makes clear its dissatisfaction with some of the same unions that were once regarded as a bedrock of left-leaning Democratic politics. The group argues some unions have become too disengaged, too timid and lack the organizing power they once wielded on behalf of workers. The tension resembles the national strain between left-flank Democrats, who want to capitalize on the energy in their wing of the party, and centrists aiming for broader appeal.

    “We will focus our branch resources on recruiting NYC-DSA members to take jobs in these sectors and on developing a strategy for militant, democratic, classwide struggles based in these sectors,” reads the introduction to the plan.

    It goes on to detail what DSA sees as the shortcomings of each of the six unions and why each is ripe for a shakeup. The organization also identifies ways outsiders can access jobs that would allow them entree into the labor groups.

    Who will become our next Joe McCarthy?

    1. Rhywun

      Clever. It’s where all the power is.

  28. Crusty Juggler

    Report: Juul’s Meaningless Attempts at Self-Regulation Just Led to Explosion in Knockoff Juul Pods

    Juul pulled almost all of its flavored nicotine pods other than menthol and mint off the market last year under pressure from the Food and Drug Administration, which under recently departed Administrator Scott Gottlieb was pursuing a hardline stance on the vaping industry and specifically on Juul, which has been repeatedly accused of knowingly marketing to teenagers. But if Juul voluntarily taking its flavored pods off the market had any impact at all, it’s been largely wiped out by a thriving cottage industry in knockoff Juul pods, according to the New York Times.

    The Times reports that while Gottlieb proposed in his last few weeks that stores be required to hold flavored pods in an area secured from minors, his departure has left unclear the status of that possible change to federal policy. In the meantime, a number of competitors selling nicotine pods advertised as compatible with Juul devices has sprung up, with the company flailing around in court to keep the copycats out:

    Juul has filed numerous lawsuits, and complaints with the International Trade Commission, seeking to beat back the cheaper copycat devices and pods… The company is also targeting sellers of counterfeit vaping devices and pods sold under the Juul name, and training federal customs officials to catch them at ports of entry.

    … The company has filed patent infringement claims against 21 manufacturers and sellers of copycat devices and pods… Most of those companies agreed to stop selling their similar products, but three did not, according to Juul: Eonsmoke, based in New Jersey, which uses factories in China; Ziip, based in China; which makes many different brands of nicotine pods and devices; and Vapor4Life, an Illinois-based seller of pods, devices and other goods.

    Our children our doomed.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    “We will focus our branch resources on recruiting NYC-DSA members to take jobs in these sectors and on developing a strategy for militant, democratic, classwide struggles based in these sectors,” reads the introduction to the plan.

    Infiltrators. What would Jimmy Hoffa do?

    1. R C Dean

      recruiting NYC-DSA members to take jobs

      I think I see a flaw in their plan for world domination.

      1. Rhywun

        Enh, they’d fit right in with all the other lazy union slobs.

        1. R C Dean

          Fair point: having a unionized pubsec job =/= working. It is amusing that they are targeting jobs and unions that are pubsec (at least mostly, based on a quick scan). Aren’t those already “socialist”?

          1. Rhywun

            Sure, but apparently not socialist enough. They are the key to the machine that’s been running the place for decades, though, and that’s what they want.

  30. Rebel Scum

    Tulsi’s out.

    Gabbard told CBS that she will be leaving for a joint training exercise mission in Indonesia and said she is not worried how the mission will affect her campaign.

    “I’m stepping off of the campaign trail for a couple of weeks and putting on my army uniform to go on a joint training exercise mission in Indonesia,” Gabbard said. “I’m not really thinking about how this will impact my campaign, I’m looking forward to fulfill my service, my responsibility,”

    The exercise will concentrate on humanitarian aid, disaster response, and counterterrorism efforts in the region, Gabbard reported.

    I do like a woman in uniform.

    1. leon

      I don’t get how she can hold office and still maintain her position in the guard.

      1. B.P.

        There are quite a few elected officials in the Guard. A few years ago the Secretary of State for my state and a DA for one of the bigger judicial districts were deployed for a year while in office. It certainly distracts from their elected duties, but I suppose I’d rather have a politician away from his/her post than the guy down at the Jiffy Lube.

    2. AlmightyJB

      And out of uniform

    3. R C Dean

      The exercise will concentrate on humanitarian aid, disaster response, and counterterrorism efforts

      Only one of those is even related to the purpose of the military.

      1. AlmightyJB

        When all you have is a hammer.

      2. So glad I chose the marines.

  31. Crusty Juggler

    U.S. Park Police targeting gay men for sex arrests in federal park in D.C.

    D.C. defense attorney John Albanes told the Blade that several of his fellow attorneys who represent clients arrested at Meridian Hill Park report that the men were arrested by undercover officers who pose as consenting prospective partners interested in a sexual tryst.

    “I am on a D.C. Superior Court trial lawyers association listserv and recently several criminal defense attorneys on the email list have mentioned that they have had criminal cases involving essentially the same set of facts,” Albanes told the Blade in an email. “[U]ndercover plain-clothes Park Police officers entice men in Meridian Hill Park for purportedly consensual sexual activity and then proceed to arrest their targets for a crime (often misdemeanor sexual abuse),” according to Albanes.

    “I find this pattern extremely disturbing and reminiscent of the Stonewall days when gay men were often the target of police discrimination. The tactics used in these cases just fly in the face of proper police work and should be exposed,” he said.

    “The officers are posing as willing participants in a consensual encounter between adults,” Albanes said. “The target is deceived into thinking that what he is about to do is wanted. This raises serious doubts about whether the government can prove criminal intent.”

    If it’s too good to be true…

    1. leon

      What are parks for if you can’t pick up randos for sex!?!?

    2. Rhywun

      “To Catch a Gay”

      misdemeanor sexual abuse

      Wut?

    3. AlmightyJB

      Do they do what they do with hookers and wait until after they get a blow job to arrest them?

    4. Heroic Mulatto

      Sgt. Eduardo Delgado, a Park Police public information officer, told the Washington Blade the 26 arrests made in the park since Aug. 7, 2018 involve charges of one or a combination of Disorderly Conduct, Lewd Acts, Unlawful Entry, and Simple Assault (Sexual).

      BWAH HA HA HA HA HA!

  32. Gadfly

    Here’s an interesting story on the intersection of science and politics, from Australia. Apparently there’s a bit of a controversy over the taxonomic classification of the dingo, with some scientists arguing that it is its own species while others argue that it’s just a dog. The debate is fueled in large part by the fact that Australia has conservation laws protecting indigenous species as well as other laws allowing the culling of wild dogs.

    “What we call things really does matter in a policy stance and probably in a perception stance as well,” says Euan Ritchie, a wildlife ecologist with Deakin University in Melbourne who is one of a growing number of scientists going to bat for Canis dingo. They fear that unless the dingo is seen as a unique species, it will have few—if any—legal protections.

    What riles Helgen and others who back the Canis familiaris designation is what they see as a misguided use of science to sway policy. “We understand that a group of Australian scientists loves the dingo and thinks it’s special,” he says, but “the name doesn’t fit; it’s not scientific.”

    It seems to me that it would just be easier to lobby for specific protection for the dingo if that was your concern, rather than try to fudge scientific classification to get your preferred policy in by the back door.

    1. R C Dean

      AND BY “GET YOUR PREFERRED POLICY” MEAN . . .

    1. Crusty Juggler

      I forgot to post this part:

      Although he was schooled in his family’s politics from a young age—he recalls Saturdays as a 6-year-old listening to books on tape by Milton Friedman—it’s unclear whether he shares the political philosophy of his father and uncle, who ran for vice president as the Libertarian Party nominee in 1980.

      “I start with the idea that to learn and grow, you’ve got to be open to other people’s ideas,” Chase Koch told Politico last year. Politics, while important, is “not at all what I’m passionate about.”

      The Koch’s are monsters.

    1. leon

      Tulpa killed Epstein?

    2. Juvenile Bluster

      I’m not saying the death isn’t suspicious, because c’mon, but reading past the headline there, the shrieking and screaming seemed to be coming from the wannabe mall cops/first responders.

  33. Don Escaped Texas

    he bangs this drum all the time, and it’s not news to us, but this is an amazing example that I hope everyone will laugh about some day

    Front page of the Alexandria, Louisiana PD website. pic.twitter.com/se2uc2ukQd— Radley Balko (@radleybalko) August 14, 2019

    1. Crusty Juggler

      Balko isn’t pure therefore I don’t believe anything he says. Also, that picture makes me hate my baldness. Fuck.

      1. Don Escaped Texas

        pure ?

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          He’s not a pure libertarian.

          Nobody infights like libertarians do.

          1. Don Escaped Texas

            oh

            I’m more a balls and strikes guy: an idea is either workable or supported by the data or not; most folks get a few things wrong from time to time. I am favorably impressed with those who can keep up with whom: I’m exhausted by all the disappointments of the past half century.

            I follow Balko because he’s tuned in and we share some instincts, but I don’t think he’s Christ come again. That picture tells a story and might help get through to autocrat apologists. It’s preaching to the choir for us, so I kinda apologize for posting the obvious; it’s a sermon few of us need to hear again.

          2. Crusty Juggler

            “most folks get a few things wrong from time to time. I am favorably impressed with those who can keep up with whom: I’m exhausted by all the disappointments of the past half century.”

            Real libertarians create and update lists with both the pure and impure, and you, sir, just outed yourself as being a tainted squish.

            You’re on the list, buddy.

          3. Don Escaped Texas

            so unfair

            for the record (it’s right there on the spreadsheet): I’m anti pineapple !!1!!

          4. Crusty Juggler

            “so unfair”

            cry more lib

          5. Florida Man

            *pulls knife*

            UNPURE!!!

            *wildly slashes around room*

    2. leon

      Look at all the fat fuck wannabe operators.

      1. R C Dean

        The one in the very middle with the white hair puzzles me.

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          Viagra doesn’t work anymore. Shooting dogs and random people is the only way he can get it up.

          1. R C Dean

            One of the things that puzzles me is that cop’s sex and gender identity.

    3. Rebel Scum

      If they want to play ‘soldier’ they should join the army.

  34. Crusty Juggler

    ‘Friends’ Heads to Theaters This Fall in a Three-Night Event for the 25th Anniversary

    Fathom Events is celebrating the milestone 25th anniversary of the legendary comedy Friends by bringing 12 fan-favorite episodes to movie theaters across the U.S. over three nights: September 23, September 28 and October 2. Each night will feature four unique episodes that have been newly remastered in 4K from the original 35mm camera negative.

    “Friends 25th: The One With The Anniversary” will reunite fans with their longtime BFFs — Ross, Rachel, Joey, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe — to re-live some of their funniest moments. Each screening will also include exclusive interviews and never-before-seen content.

    Me and my Becky’s gonna get lit af

  35. Juvenile Bluster

    NYPD union boss: “Yeah, I guess that video I shared was pretty racist, but I didn’t watch it before I shared it. Also, I have black friends!”

  36. Don Escaped Texas
    1. leon

      Does Robbie’s hair know The Hair?

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        Robby’s hair would never consort with the likes of The Hair.

        1. Sean

          Well, maybe late at night in the park…

  37. Rufus the Monocled

    I know ESPN are a bunch of assholes but man….

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPnoUBRBgC0

    Meanwhile, they leave people who have said far worse alone.

    Imagine having made ONE mistake and getting your ass fired. They didn’t even attempt to stand by their employe because ‘woke’.

    ESPN are cowards with insufferable fake-woke personalities. Can’t’ stand that network.

    1. B.P.

      I thought ESPN fessed up that wokeness had cost them in the ratings and they’d be backing away from it.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Yes. They did.

        But get real.

    2. AlmightyJB

      I don’t watch them unless I have to, to see a game.

      1. Count Potato

        Their football announcers are the worst.

  38. Don Escaped Texas

    https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/americans-are-sad-about-politics-who-could-blame-them/

    I had hoped for some breakthrough or insightful model, but this is pretty weak sauce for 538

  39. Crusty Juggler

    NY Times Staffers Speak to CNN About Internal Tensions: ‘We Are Not F—ing Part of the Resistance’

    New York Times executive editor Dean Baquet hosted a town hall this week within the newsroom to address employee questions or concerns, according to CNN Business.

    The town hall came after a recent front page print headline deemed to be un-skeptical of President Donald Trump’s remarks in light of the mass shootings in Dayton and El Paso. “TRUMP URGES UNITY VS. RACISM,” the original headline read. After backlash from many on the left, including presidential candidates, it was changed to “ASSAILING HATE BUT NOT GUNS.”

    The instance brought to light a bigger discussion within the Times — how to cover Trump and whether or not to plainly label his remarks as racist, according to nine employees who spoke with CNN Business.

    The Times has practiced the “show don’t tell” method throughout the Trump presidency. Baquet believes in explaining what Trump said, allowing readers to decide for themselves whether or not the comments were racist.

    “We have to remember we are not advocates for the left,” one staffer explained, before adding “We are not fucking part of the resistance.”

    The tactic has sparked internal debate. “I think there is a general feeling of frustration that we are doing a lot of good work, but there is also a feeling that we need to be doing more to hold Trump rigorously accountable,” said one staffer, according to CNN Business.

    Baquet acknowledged the tension, saying it seemed to play out along a generational divide. Older staffers preferred the “show don’t tell” method while younger staffers felt the need to be more aggressive and explicit in covering Trump. “My own view is that we are covering Donald Trump very aggressively,” said Baquet.

    He said the paper’s role is not to be the “leader of the resistance,” because when the resistance comes to power, “what are you? You’re just a chump of the people who won,” said Baquet. “Our role is to hold everybody who has power to account.”

    I am part of the resistance!

  40. The Late P Brooks

    Haters not welcome

    Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler, joined by a multiracial coalition of civil rights organizations, faith leaders and community groups, said during a gathering Wednesday that anyone “using the guise of free speech to commit acts of violence” is not welcome in the city.

    “You want to be hateful, stay home,” added Jo Ann Hardesty, who this year became the first black woman on the Portland City Council. “Do not get on a plane, on a bus and come to Portland. We don’t want you here. We never wanted you here. If you come, we will expose you to the light of day.”

    The weekend rally is organized by the Proud Boys, whose founder has described it as a “fraternal organization” for young “Western chauvinist” men, and is expected to attract demonstrators from around the country. They say the purpose of their “End Domestic Terrorism” event is to oppose anti-facists, collectively called antifa and known for wearing masks and all-black clothing. Organizers want antifa to be declared a domestic terrorist organization.

    ——

    The expectation of aggression is not unwarranted in Portland, where far-right protests have rocked the city since Donald Trump became president and two people were fatally stabbed on a train in 2017 by a suspected white nationalist accused of shouting anti-Muslim hate speech.

    At the heart of the protests have been far-right activists who say the Constitution protects their speech. Wheeler, however, has condemned their protests and said they “peddle a message of hatred and bigotry.”

    Not right wing haters, anyway.

    1. Anyone to the right of Stalin not welcome is what Wheeler should’ve said. What a mendacious piece of crap and Portland deserves the unfortunate mayor and city officials they have.

      1. Sensei

        Whoa. I’ve been out of pocket taking my son to college. Are you back in the US of A?

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      What a piece of work that guy Wheeler is.

    3. Pan Zagloba

      “Do not get on a plane, on a bus and come to Portland. We don’t want you here. We never wanted you here. If you come, we will expose you to the light of day.”

      Trump should tweet this @Mexico.

    4. “who say the Constitution protects their speech”

      We’ll show them how wrong they are!

    5. Rhywun

      far-right protests have rocked the city since Donald Trump became president

      Trump caused antifa to riot through downtown and terrorize old people in their cars. I mean, wouldn’t you?

  41. The Late P Brooks

    During Wednesday’s event sponsored by the city, hecklers attempted to interrupt the speeches of people denouncing hate.

    City officials hoping for relative calm must also contend with antifa, whose members have issued an online call to their followers to turn out to “defend Portland from a far-Right attack.”

    Portland’s Rose City Antifa, the nation’s oldest active anti-fascist group, says violence against right-wing demonstrators is “exactly what should happen when the far-right attempts to invade our town.”

    Punch a Nazi for Gaia.

  42. Crusty Juggler

    Do You Idiots Even Watch the Videos You Freak Out About?

    The thing is, usually these 14-second clips go viral because they omit the context. But it was just Marshall’s wording that was horribly unfair. The clip is fine, all things considered. It included the class argument and it should be pretty obvious to anyone who watches it that Marshall was taking Cuccinelli badly out of context.

    But people didn’t seem to notice.

    Some are probably being knowingly deceitful, that’s politics for you. For others, you have to assume laziness: someone tweets out a video saying what’s in it, a bunch of people are spreading it, eh, it’s probably accurate and there’s no need to click. A good chunk are also probably rather dim and have trouble with nuance. They clicked on the video and heard exactly what Marshall told them to hear. I’m not talking about Ocasio-Cortez here. I, repeat, I’m not talking about Ocasio-Cortez here.

    So when the AP headline is “Trump official: Statue of Liberty’s poem is about Europeans,” the question is whether journalists are lazy or stupid. Because there’s that first option, where they know they’re spreading a false controversy and taking a man badly out of context, and don’t care because he’s a Trump administration official pushing a policy they don’t like. But c’mon, what are the chances of that?

    1. Florida Man

      The real question is why would anyone who is not a leftist give an interview to the biased media? How did John Stewart get all those idiots on his show, when they knew he was going to edit them to look stupid?

    2. Heroic Mulatto

      Do You Idiots Even Watch the Videos You Freak Out About?

      I probably type this sentence on here at least twice a day.

      1. Pan Zagloba

        Yes, and who trained us never to click YouTube links on glibs.com?

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          Fair enough.

  43. Rufus the Monocled

    Remember Sarah Jeong? People on Twitter haven’t.

    https://twitter.com/sarahjeong/status/1154810549974138881

    1. Look dude, she was only speaking her truth to power and punching up.

    2. Count Potato

      The NYT retweeting Vox “to promote accurate information” is like a clown fucking a chicken to promote literacy.

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        Well, if I saw that and I had a book to cover my eyes

        I wouldn’t.

  44. The Late P Brooks

    She’ll save us, one executive order at a time

    Democratic presidential contender Kamala Harris on Wednesday released a plan to address what she termed domestic terrorism after three recent mass shootings in a week that resulted in the deaths of 34 people.

    Harris, a U.S. senator from California, said that communities across the United States such as Gilroy, California, El Paso, Texas, and Dayton, Ohio, where the recent shootings occurred, have been “traumatized by domestic terrorism and gun violence.”

    Harris said that, if elected president, she would pursue passing a law that would allow individuals to petition federal courts to temporarily restrict a person’s access to firearms if they show signs of plans to commit a hate crime by making racist threats or issuing anti-immigrant manifestos.

    Red flags for everyone. We just need to get that authoritarian monster Trump out of the White House so we can do what needs to be done.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Trump’s supporting red flags as well. Whoever wins next year the 2nd amendment is probably fucked (especially if the dems make further gains in the Senate)

      1. It’s lovely ain’t it?

      2. hayeksplosives

        Trump will lose if he supports red flag.

        Surely he has seen up close how bureaucrats twist processes to fuck with people.

        1. He may have finally stepped on a landmine with this one. He’s always been a squish on guns, now his daughter is out flogging the red flag BS and plenty of nu-GOP types are jumping on board. The NRA is useless and the other gun rights organizations are too small and weak to do anything about it. The only way to fight this is for people who live in Red Districts to flood their reps with letters supporting 2A.

          Unfortunately, I think pro-2A people’s luck has run out.

          1. Florida Man

            It’s sad because the 2A had a good run with more states issuing/allowing concealed carry and heller, AWB sunset, etc.

        2. Juvenile Bluster

          He’s seen it, but his lesson seems to be “hey, I get to do that too!”, not “that’s bad”.

          1. Viking1865

            It’s pretty typical Trump where despite all the evidence of the past two years he does seem to basically have this crusty old white guy nostalgia where he thinks the government is composed of boring but straight shooting civil servants and the cops are all gruff and tough but fair sorts.

            If there’s a federal red flag law, you’ll see every single leftist twit of a college student being urged to denounce their MAGA uncles with the guns to the authorities, and then people will start to die. They already shot some old guy up in Maryland when they came to take his guns of this shit.

        3. Tundra

          Maybe it’s a setup to finally start cleaning house.

          He lets the fake 2A supporters on the right work with their slaver lefty pals to draft legislation and then, after passage, veto it and say “Nope. Unconstitutional. Fuck off. Oh and these assholes who voted for it with you.”

          1. Juvenile Bluster

            This isn’t 37D pinochle. He just supports red flag.

          2. Florida Man

            Ironic since according to “the great revolt” the NRA put Trump over the top to win 2016, now he stabs them in the back.

          3. Tundra

            I know. I’m just looking for a ray of sunshine.

            Thanks a lot, Debbie Downer.

          4. Heroic Mulatto

            Again.

          5. Spudalicious

            “Take the guns first, do due process later.”

            – OrangeManBad

          6. Stinky Wizzleteats

            He’s not even playing 2D checkers at this point. Hopefully they can’t get an acceptable deal and The Turtle refuses to bring it to the floor.

          7. Pan Zagloba

            Best hope I can give you is that gun control may be the Democrat version of Obamacare repeal, hence they’ll go all-in on a deal no Republican can accept.

          8. Count Potato

            But he also has said he doesn’t.

    2. Don Escaped Texas

      petition federal courts

      how could that ever work?

      1. hayeksplosives

        If petition means loudly protesting and the courts means the judges’ homes, it could work

        1. Don Escaped Texas

          everyone’s driving to St Louis to declare their brothers-in-law ?

          1. Juvenile Bluster

            If red flag exists I’m calling in my sister’s ex husband. I’ve got enough evidence, and he’s a dickhead.

            (his current thing is manipulating the kids into making my sister’s life so hellish that she gives up custody. And it’s probably going to work.)

            (that has nothing to do with red flag, I know. He’s just an asshole.)

      2. R C Dean

        how could that ever work?

        Yer gonna need a bigger court.

        Also, not clear if a federal court can issue an order or an injunction if there is no violation of federal law in view. Which, for the typical red flag petition, there wouldn’t be.

    3. Sean

      Good. Let’s throw every single person in. Flood the system.
      Start with politicians, then cops, then judges, etc.

      1. Pan Zagloba

        Oh man, this may be funniest thing I read on Glibs this week, and god help me, I read Hat & Hair religiously.

    4. R C Dean

      plans to commit a hate crime by making racist threats or issuing anti-immigrant manifestos.

      There ya go. Supporting the wrong policies is deemed to be a threat of violence. Nothing more than an implementation of the “hate speech is violence” mantra of Antifa.

      Let’s hope she continues to fail to attract support. I think I’d take any other candidate (including Bernie) over her. Maybe not Hillary, though.

      1. Meh, “anti-immigrant” isn’t ‘anti-immigration” Giving her the benefit of the doubt, but with the El Paso thing still fresh she could be talking about “Fuck these wetbacks, shoot’em on sight” not “Build the wall.”

        1. Spudalicious

          If you look at the history of how Red Flag laws are used as time goes on, we should be worried as fuck. In the Soviet Union, speaking out against Communism got you a Red Flag and a bed in an asylum. Listening to the rhetoric of the left, they will do the same exact thing to confiscate your guns. And once you’ve been labeled, you will be lucky if you’re ever allowed to own a firearm again.

          1. Oh I agree, I even think ‘Fuck these wetbacks, shoot’em on sight” is no reason ( by itself ) to red flag someone. I don’t think it’s necessary to misrepresent Kamala’s words to argue the point. RCD went straight to policy positions when she could be talking about actual threats against a group of people.

        2. kbolino

          I don’t think Harris has taken a single action in her adult life that warrants the benefit of the doubt. She sure has shit never afforded anyone else that benefit.

          1. In the end it’s for me not her, I give people I disagree with every break, read their arguments at face value and in the best light, I hold those I agree with at a higher level of skeptical scrutiny, I like to think it helps keep me from falling into team think, and helps strengthen my own positions.

    5. She wants to recreate East Germany.

  45. Crusty Juggler

    WIRED Takes a Good Hard Look at Dick Pics

    Sexual discourse is full of unseemly, unhelpful silences, and until very recently, the no-malice dick pic has fallen into one of them. Fido worries about the inconsistency of legislation around nonconsensual image sharing, which he thinks might add to (or reflect) public confusion. “People need to understand that there’s nothing sexier than consent!” Pedersen says. Waling hopes the conversation catches up with what, for many, is the reality of dick pics today: that they are expressions of horniness and intimacy, a chance to engage with the male body as erotic rather than threatening. She thinks dick pic acceptance might even help put an end to that eternal measuring contest and other anxieties men have about their bodies. As scientists build a more nuanced picture of nude-sharing psychology, they hope culture will embrace dick pic pluralism too.

    Lovingly embrace both your dick pics and the pics of others, people.

    1. Mad Scientist
      1. Crusty Juggler

        Counterpoint: What Bert Kreischer’s Balls Taught Me about Friendship

        A few months ago, Whitney accidentally posted a photo to Instagram that showed her nipple. (Probably something to do with how Instagram automatically crops photos, but really doesn’t crop them.) Some assholes attempted to extort money from her, by threatening to re-share the image.

        Comedian Bert Kreischer (aka The Machine) responded to Whitney with a tweet of his own:

        “#IStandWithWhitney Hey @WhitneyCummings I hate what those dorks tried to do to you — here’s an embarrassing picture of my testicles after I fell on a waterslide.”

        He then posted a photo of his balls.

        They aren’t pretty. You can google them, if you want. Imagine some wrinkled fetus-like rat monster, molting—a Lovecraftian horror that defies description, and can only be explained in terms of the impact it has on whoever beholds it.

        Genitals are good, Maddie – stop shaming.

      1. B.P.

        “As scientists build a more nuanced picture of nude-sharing psychology…”

        And science!

        I fucking love science. Or maybe I love fucking science.

    1. Mad Scientist

      According to Wikipdedia: Nicetown began centuries ago as a small town in what was then rural Philadelphia County, outside the City of Philadelphia (which occupied the area known today as Center City). Mease notes that Nicetown was named for Hans te Neues, a Mennonite immigrant who purchased the land of present-day Nicetown in 1699.

    1. Crusty Juggler

      High-ranking police officials said that two narcotics officers may be barricaded in a building with as many as four suspects, who are shooting up a stairwell from a lower level in the building. Law enforcement negotiators are on the scene.

      Oh boy.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        The war on drugs sure is wonderful, isn’t it? Definitely something we should keep fighting.

    2. AlmightyJB

      City of Brotherly Love.

      1. hayeksplosives

        War on drugs will make everything better!!

        1. AlmightyJB

          It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

    3. So a civilian-involved shooting. (Yes, I know the pigs are civilians too.)

    4. R C Dean

      Odds that some of the officers were wounded by other cops?

  46. Juvenile Bluster

    Steve King, ladies and gents.

    https://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/politics/2019/08/14/steve-king-abortion-rape-incest-westside-conservative-iowa-representative-birth-iowa-civilization/2007230001/

    U.S. Rep. Steve King told the Westside Conservative Club on Wednesday that humanity might not exist if not for rape and incest throughout human history.

    “What if we went back through all the family trees and just pulled those people out that were products of rape and incest? Would there be any population of the world left if we did that?” he said at in Urbandale, Iowa. “Considering all the wars and all the rapes and pillages taken place and whatever happened to culture after society? I know I can’t certify that I’m not a part of a product of that.”

    I realize what he was doing here, but … yeesh.

    1. Urthona

      So dumb.

    2. AlmightyJB

      Why if it wasn’t for rape and incest Steve King would have no kids.

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        SHUT THE FUCK UP, CUCKTARD!

    3. Viking1865

      He’s being principled. I have a hell of a lot more respect for him on this issue than I do the limpwrist Republicans who make exceptions for that. Because if your position that a human life is a human life, then it doesn’t matter how the pregnancy started.

      “”It’s not the baby’s fault for the sin of the father, or of the mother,” he said.

      Funny how that’s not the pull quote in the headline, considering it actually expresses the whole point of his position in a single sentence.

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        The point is if he had just ended there….

        But no! He had to elaborate on it with the stupidest fucking argument on the face of the planet.

        Steve King is the living embodiment of “You’re Not Helping”.

        1. Pan Zagloba

          I mean, how hard is it for a putative republic to not put people named “King” into its parliament? It’s in the name, FFS, but you keep shoving them in there.

        2. Viking1865

          Sorry, I just read the article again, I’m not seeing what argument he is making. He stated his reason for not including the rape/incest exception, which is that a fetus is an innocent human life, regardless of the circumstances of conception. He then went on to say that humanity has a long long history of rape, incest, and other awful things, and that isn’t a valid reason to kill the product of even the most heinous of rapes. To me, that’s not even an argument, that’s just self evident from the premise of “all pregnancies are innocent babies, and killing innocent babies is wrong.” To me, if you accept the premise that a fetus is a human life, then you can’t really make any exceptions for the circumstances of conception. If you don’t accept that premise, yeah he sounds like a kook.

          1. Heroic Mulatto

            He then went on to say that humanity has a long long history of rape, incest, and other awful things, and that isn’t a valid reason to kill the product of even the most heinous of rapes. To me, that’s not even an argument, that’s just self evident from the premise of “all pregnancies are innocent babies, and killing innocent babies is wrong.”

            You skipped over the part where he asks “Would there be any population of the world left if we did that?” which is not only a stupid claim, but an obnoxious one. And the thing is, I agree with him on the fact that being the product of rape or incest shouldn’t be a de facto death sentence, but he’s not helping the cause.

          2. Urthona

            Yeah he really Trump/Biden’d that response.

          3. Heroic Mulatto

            There is a thing called “rhetoric”, or in this case, we can even call it “apologetics”. When the folks that agree with you are shaking their damn heads, you’ve lost the plot.

          4. Rhywun

            And you can be sure Steve King is now the face of the anti-abortion movement (if he wasn’t already) as far as the MSM is concerned.

          5. Viking1865

            I mean, is he wrong? Like, if you go back far enough in your direct line, I bet you find a rapist, even its just Ogg the Caveman.

  47. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Welp, dog just bit the middle kid.

    Now we’ve got the family trauma as the dog’s getting put down tomorrow.

    Fear-biters, just don’t. I knew it was going to happen but I humored my wife for too long.

    1. Florida Man

      Sorry. That’s a bitter pill. My dog bit me once, but I was trying to force him into the kennel at the vet, so now he is on Prozac and doesn’t get kenneled anymore, but I did consider if he needed to go for the hard goodbye.

      1. Spudalicious

        Our biggest dog is a little neurotic, so when he goes to the vet, he gets Trazadone the night before and two an hour before his appointment. And he still gets muzzled.

      2. Count Potato

        How do they even know things like prozac and trazadone work on dogs?

        1. Spudalicious

          Trazadone has been a dog tranquilizer for years. And when a dog goes from a whirling dervish to, “huh, I think they just shoved a thermometer up my butt”, it’s a pretty good indicator.

        2. Florida Man

          I’m not sure, but it has taken my dogs anxiety from an 11 to a 5.

    2. AlmightyJB

      The dog won, why aren’t you putting down the loser kid? jj

    3. Tundra

      Ugh. Sorry, Scruffy.

      Bad situation but it needs to happen.

      1. hayeksplosives

        Especially since it sounds like it was not completely out of character for this dog.

        Still sucks though.

    4. Tulip

      Sorry

    5. Urthona

      Get rid of the middle kid instead.

    6. B.P.

      Ugh. No bueno. Sorry to hear that. I’m not sure my family could handle such a situation.

    7. Hyperion

      I had a Chow, beautiful dog, wonderful with the kids, my 2 year old daughter would ride him around like a pony holding onto his hair and he would be docile as can be. Except to everyone outside our immediate family. He would jump and fight with any of the neighborhood dogs he could get near to and he bit too many people, I had to get rid of him finally. Very aggressive dogs, beware.

    8. Spudalicious

      Sorry, Scruffy. That’s a tough deal.

    9. Count Potato

      Sorry 🙁

    10. Semi-Spartan Dad

      Damn, sorry Scruffy. Hope your kid is doing okay.

  48. AlmightyJB

    Climate change is causing it to be slightly warmer at night in the winter in Minnesota. Time to move to the Artic! TW TOS.

    https://reason.com/2019/08/14/extreme-climate-change-has-arrived-in-america-says-the-washington-post/

    1. Hyperion

      Well, good gawd, you climate denying deplorable. Everyone knows that if it gets above 30 below in the winter in Minnesoda, we’re headed for disaster. -28 is the real tipping point, doomed, we’re doomed, only 12 years…

      1. AlmightyJB

        “climate denying deplorable”

        You forgot alt-right, far-right, white supremists, fascist, Nazi, Hitler, cis, privileged, Libertarian, kulak, wrecker.

        1. Hyperion

          All of that stuff is assumed.

          1. Urthona

            There was actually an article on this recently explaining how sticky night time highs tend to mainly be an urban heat zone effect but I’ll never track down the source now.

      2. Urthona

        I went to noaa to verify that the weather is really getting hotter in the winter in Minneapolis (it isn’t), and then it said the average temperature in January this year was 13.1 degrees.

        Fuuuuuck that.

        1. hayeksplosives

          (Sipping mai tai while floating in the pool in San Diego)

          Amen!

          1. AlmightyJB

            Nice:)

  49. Crusty Juggler

    ‘Keep the Hasidic Out’: A Small-Town Housing Showdown

    GO BACK TO ROCKLAND WHERE YOU BELONG YOU SMELLY WEIRDOS

    1. Hyperion

      “in order to keep out Hasidic Jews”

      Well, we lost that battle here in our neighborhood, a long time ago apparently, which is why you cannot even go outside in the daytime now. They’re like vampires and shit, just look at them, they’re dangerous! Totally ate a poor boy here a couple of weeks ago, roasted him on one of their smokers and ate his heart out after declaring boy heart kosher.

    2. Rhywun

      They spoke of fears that the development would one day resemble Kiryas Joel, a Hasidic village about nine miles away that is overcrowded and has ranked among the poorest communities in the nation.

      Yeah, who doesn’t want that in their back yard!

      1. Hyperion

        Poor Jews? I don’t get it. All of the ones here appear to be upper middle class to wealthy.

          1. Hyperion

            I remember seeing something like that, where they sort of got tipped off by people turning in 10K a year of income while living in million dollar houses. Well, I mean, maybe the Goyim need to pay their fair share?

          2. Sensei

            The other thing they do in NJ is get on the school board of education and gut the schools. Since they don’t send students to public school there is little incentive to spend money on it other than what is required. This makes the town even less attractive to the goyim and decreases home values making it easier for the community to expand as the homes are usually purchased by members of the Jewish community.

          3. Florida Man

            Gut the schools you say…maybe I could become a Jewish.

          4. Hyperion

            “Gut the schools you say…maybe I could become a Jewish.”

            Yeah, now you have me thinking about converting. The wiminz do shave down there, don’t they? I mean, asking for friend.

          5. Florida Man

            Lol. I like your priorities of choosing a religion.

          6. Viking1865

            The article mentions it, but essentially the men are supposed to spend years studying the Torah, and also get married young and have a ton of kids. So they get married, their wives work like part time jobs while the kids are in school, and they spend all their time studying Torah.

            Which of course qualifies them for all kinds of welfare benefits. But you know what, I doubt the LA Times would do a story about a different community where people were willfully unemployed for the purpose of extracting the maximum possible welfare disbursement.

          7. Sensei

            I did find it a bit odd for the LA Times to focus on this group on the east coast.

            The issue itself is fairly well known in NY and NJ.

      2. Heroic Mulatto

        Does that justify the abuse of state powers to prevent a landowner from developing his land and entering into contracts with buyers as per his discretion?

        1. Crusty Juggler

          Yes, because they’re weirdos and walk everywhere making it far more challenging to drink and drive, and that’s just not right.

          1. Heroic Mulatto

            This is why you’ll still be posting here when the Rapture comes.

          2. Hyperion

            lol

          3. Crusty Juggler

            Nah, I’ll be in hell with Satan, drinking cold beer and swapping hilarious jokes.

          4. Stinky Wizzleteats

            I suspect the Rapture won’t effect Glibertarians’ comment count at all.

          5. Hyperion

            My wife gets really annoyed because they love to walk right down the middle of the fucking road 4-6 people wide pushing school bus sized baby strollers. They do this even though we have some of the best sidewalks in the area, on both sides of the streets. And when they see you coming, they are very slow to move aside so you can pass. Wifey says ‘they think they own the damn street’. That being said, they don’t bother anyone and the neighborhood is very nice, clean, and tranquil.

        2. Rhywun

          Not at all. I was just jawin’.

  50. R C Dean

    This tidbit in an email from my bar association amused me:

    Null license plate lands man in Kafkaesque void

    A California driver thought he had the perfect way to detour around traffic tickets – buy a specialty license plate that says “NULL.” If traffic cameras snapped him speeding, the DMV database would read “null” and not compute the violation. Simple? Nope. Turns out any time a ticket – anywhere in California – lacked a clear plate number, it took the expressway to his account, jamming it with violations totaling more than $12K. He may be unable to register his car without paying those citations – and be forever stuck on a ticket-strewn roundabout.

    1. Tulip

      If they know that this is happening anytime a plate is unclear, how do they legally justify charging him? Besides FYTW

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        It’s Mr. Tuttle’s own fault.

    2. Pan Zagloba

      Wait, what shitty database can’t tell a difference between “NULL” and NULL? Yes, yes, government, whatever, is this Access 1.0 or someshit?

      1. Don Escaped Texas

        FoxPro !!!

      2. leon

        Yeah that’s shit.

      3. 0x90

        welp, I’m off to register “DROP TABLE citations;”

        1. Chipping Pioneer

          **takes notes**

      4. Hyperion

        It’s all about the highway robbery system. I got a camera generated ticket from DC last winter. $200 fucking dollars for doing 41 mph in a 35 zone and I’m pretty sure there were no road signs with the speed limit posted anywhere. WTF? Thieving bastards.

        You can’t even get anyone here in MD to drive the speed limit, it’s a lost cause. They had to take down the camera system because people went fucking ballistic on their asses. If there’s one thing MD drivers will stand up for, it’s their right to drive like insane idiots. I just commented to my wife when I went to pick here up from BWI Saturday evening, I’m not sure why they waste money building all those amusement parks with roller coasters. Just give people a car and put them on the beltway for an hour. Even the most hardcore adrenaline junkie will get their share of thrills and narrowly escaped disaster.

        1. Viking1865

          got a camera generated ticket from DC last winter. $200 fucking dollars for doing 41 mph in a 35 zone

          Right by Catholic U, there’s a big road. Think its Michigan Ave. It goes from 45 MPH, to 25, and stays 25 for about 100 feet, then back to 45. There’s a speed camera right in the middle of that 100 feet.

          1. Hyperion

            I know that shit really pissed me off. It had to be something like that. I really do not speed much. I mean sometimes I get on the beltway and I’m doing 75 without realizing it, when the speed limit is 55, because everyone else is either doing 40 or 90+ and weaving in and out of traffic with no turn signals. It’s sort of disorienting to say the least. You have to focus on survival, there’s no time to even look at the speedometer.

      5. Fatty Bolger

        Database?!! That’s high tech, man. Cobol indexed files.

        1. Hyperion

          I was in our local post office a while back and as is typical, the post office lady is telling a customer that the printer has sopped working again, so she can’t print whatever. I was standing next in line, so I said ‘Try turning it off and back on’. So she’s like ‘Ugh, how do I do that? I don’t know how’. I could see the plug in the back, so I told her ‘Just unplug it and plug it back in again’. She did it and magically, the damn printer started working again. She was just totally amazed at my level of techno wizardry. IOW, the government are not hiring the sharpest tools in the shed.

          1. Urthona

            I have been a software developer for 15 years and I literally “fix” my printer the same way.

          2. Pan Zagloba

            It’s either that or the baseball bat…

          3. Hyperion

            If you live really high up in a high rise, let’s say 19th floor or higher, throwing it out the window can also be effective.

        2. 0x90

          why cobol when you can xml?

          1. Hyperion

            RPG III for the win, baby!

          2. Fatty Bolger

            Hah. I remember hearing about some RPG III guys making huge money during Y2K.

          3. Hyperion

            Y2K, the biggest scam ever besides climate change.

          4. 0x90

            scam? my toaster jumped up and toasted my face off.

      6. Rhywun

        Access 1.0 is probably newer than anything the government uses.

        1. Pan Zagloba

          In California, I would be shocked if they aren’t on Oracle, and on a long-term upgrade plan of some sort.

          1. Rhywun

            I was gonna say DB2 but holy shit I didn’t know Oracle came out in 1979 so it’s even older.

    3. Drake

      Just do what I did – move to another state without ever paying the tickets.

      1. Hyperion

        Best advice, especially when advising to move out of Cali, you can’t go wrong on that one.

    1. Spudalicious

      That first meme is priceless.

    2. leon

      So is she going to be called out for using her position of power to bully small biz owners?

      1. Hyperion

        If you mean she’s going to become even more popular with the left and the NYT, then yes.

        1. AlmightyJB

          She’ll be running for president ’24 or ’28.

      2. Count Potato

        No, she is going to try and raise money off it.

        https://twitter.com/stoolpresidente/status/1161752266090668032

  51. Pan Zagloba

    From Up North, your favorite politician is in a bit of hot water.

    ‘I take responsibility,’ Trudeau says in wake of damning report on SNC-Lavalin ethics violation

    Dion found Trudeau contravened Section 9 of the Conflict of Interest Act through a series of “flagrant attempts to influence” Wilson‑Raybould to reach an agreement with SNC-Lavalin to avoid criminal prosecution. That section of the code prohibits any official responsible for high level decision-making in government from seeking to influence the decision of another person to “improperly further another person’s private interests.”

    Speaking to reporters in Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ont., Trudeau said that while he disagrees with some of Dion’s findings, he accepts the report and takes full responsibility for all that transpired.
    “We recognize the way that this happened shouldn’t have happened. I take responsibility for the mistakes that I made,” Trudeau said.

    “Where I disagree with the commissioner is where he says that any contact with the attorney general on this issue was improper.”

    Have we learned anything, Zoolander? Have your half-wahman Current Year cabinet all you like, ministers are mostly useless, but for the love of Grit, do not promote first-timers over experienced party hacks.

    1. Hyperion

      Zoolander ‘I’m raising my boys as feminist’? Did you use his name and learn in the same sentence?

    2. Spudalicious

      Does the Twink in the North have a viable opponent in the upcoming election?

      1. Pan Zagloba

        Yes, he’s currently behind Faceless Gormless Tory Man in the polls. Not for anything Tories did, the Becky Betrayal combined with his general Zoolanderness has eroded his standing.

      2. Hyperion

        “Twink in the North”

        Truly, once SF has given you a name, you are stuck with it, forever. Here’s looking at you, STEVE SMITH.

        1. Spudalicious

          I’m more than happy to rip off someone else’s creative genius.

  52. Count Potato

    “The Philly shooting began after a narcotics officer attempted serve a warrant to a house.

    5 cops have been shot so far.

    The suspect is black.

    This checks off all the boxes for the MSM to care about this for about 30 minutes and then never talk about it again.”

    https://twitter.com/CalebJHull/status/1161774700374233090

    1. Hyperion

      “a narcotics officer”

      There’s the first mistake. That should not be a thing. They don’t want to solve this problem.

      1. Rhywun

        I blame “Miami Vice” for making them “cool”.

  53. Not Adahn

    For the lumbersexuals: Victory Gin

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      If he doesn’t drink his concoction with saccharin and cloves he’s just posing.

  54. Count Potato

    “”You cannot die of an overdose of [psychedelics], they cause no physical damage to bodily organs, they are not addictive, and they do not seem to attend any net deterioration in mental health in a population of users (they perhaps attend an improvement).””

    https://twitter.com/Quillette/status/1161500388538888198

    https://quillette.com/2019/08/12/rationalizing-modern-drug-prejudices/

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Psychedelics should all be legal, they’re the best. It would be interesting to study how they effect people with latent psychosis though but that’d be unethical as hell.

      1. AlmightyJB

        I saw something where Oregon was talking about allowing you to do them but you had to go to some session somewhere and be monitored or have your trip “led” by some top man.

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          That doesn’t sound like any fun at all. Also expensive.

          1. AlmightyJB

            No it doesn’t , I’d just do them illegally.

    1. Spudalicious

      They can say whatever they want. I hope their attempt to threaten the court results in a 9-0 decision against them.

      1. Yeah, nothing better for deciding matters of law than vindictiveness.

      2. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Not likely, Breyer and Kagan are reliable for them. Even Ginsburg, leftist that she is, has more principles than those two hacks.

    2. AlmightyJB

      They’re bullies. That’s how they roll.

    3. Stinky Wizzleteats

      They can threaten all they want I suppose. I assume they’re just referring to the next Dem president packing the court.

    4. kbolino

      What’s to stop them? Unless they take the Senate, it’s an empty threat, anyway. The proper response of the Court would be a diplomatic “fuck off” but, you know, penaltax and all that.

    1. 0x90

      .. speaking of countries that need a judicial restructuring.