Author: Brett L

Hi guys, Happy Monday. I’m celebrating being able to keep food down after the stomach bug my youngest had made its way through all of us. I don’t know who is in charge of my digestive tract, but that daemon decided to purge the whole system Saturday night, and I just had my first real meal today. Even then I didn’t eat much. I hope you all had better weekends.

It seems like the punishment for this crime is for the guy to live with all four of his wives. He’s no Seldom Seen Smith.

Poll: Even Plurality of Dems back Trump on Economy 42-32. Article: Populist economic frustration threatens Trump’s strongest reelection issue

Proof that deep sea divers don’t have enough brain tissue to get brain damage.

Why can’t we have nice things? Oh.

Here’s a song related to the first link’s reference.

Hey, you know what’s lots of fun? Hanging out with a nauseous three-year old all night. He had it timed so every time I’d fall asleep, 10 minutes later… BLEERRCH! I feel bad for the little guy. Its no fun to be dry heaving at 3am. He didn’t even get to enjoy being drunk before it. Anyhow, I’m tired and you’re gonna have to make some of your own fun this Friday afternoon.

NASA and FEMA prepare for SMOD.

Sneaky fucking Russians.

No doubt even after this bit of largess, I’ll still have a surly Uber driver bitching about the pay, or lack thereof.

Well, our accidental work emergency has passed. You’ll be shocked and amazed to find out that a bunch of people made assumptions that later turned out not to be true, causing a metric fuckton of work for me and my team. Oh, did we tell you it was REQUIRED that you do X, Y, and Z before that mandatory upgrade on Sunday night? We meant RECOMMENDED. But if you don’t you’ve got about six months before it becomes required. I am a grumpy sumbitch today after all of that.

Life has moved so far beyond parody that George Carlin’s famous take on blowjobs has become reality.

Florida House tries to blow up state Constitutional mandate. Per usual. My problem with this is that once fines and fees are converted to civil liens, they are no different than any other civil lien. Either people who have civil liens can’t vote, or they can. I’m on the side of the state Constitution is above the legislature. If it says all felons who have served their time except murderers and sex offenders can vote, then they can.

Well, shit. I guess I better get another MMR shot. My kids are going off to real school soon, and I don’t want to suffer because of some asshat’s child

Thomas Friedman likes border walls. Presumably because China has had one forever.

Eh fuggit. Let’s have some Clash.

Hi guys, sorry for the quick hits here, but we have a crisis of our own making at work.

Matt Taibbi is all out of bubblegum when it comes to the media and Russian collusion.

In fairness, some large number of the engineers have student loans, but I doubt many of the welders and electricians do. It pays really good to work in O&G,

Yesterday we spoke about hangry wives, today we find out “happy wife, longer life” is not just a reason to stop looking at porn (or other women) because she done told you she’d kill you if she caught you again.

You guys will have to handle the rest, I have a panic to avert.

I ate a whole bunch of Easter candy and now that its gone, I’m going on a Breatharian diet until my kidneys an pancreas stop hating me. So hopefully just until tomorrow.

Jared Kushner says Middle East peace plan to be unveiled after Ramadan. In a quote I totally just made up, he said: “We think that the Muslim stakeholders will be much more agreeable if they can eat during the daytime.”

Say it ain’t so, Joe. Say it ain’t so!

The Easter Bunny has a hard time making ends meet during the rest of the year. Of course he lives in Pasco county.

Texas is getting ready to kill another one of those shitbirds who gave us the Federal Hate Crimes statute. I hope the painkillers fail and it hurts for a while.

Boy that chick was cute… 25 years ago?!! Holy shit! That can’t be right, can it?

Did anyone else go all Ron Swanson on their local grocery store today? “I want you to give me all the Cadbury Creme Eggs you have… Hold on. I’m concerned you’re just going to give me a lot of Creme Eggs. I want all that you have.” Sure my teeth are rotting from my head, and I’ve given myself Type II diabetes, but I’ll just keto for a couple of months and everything will be fine, right?

I love this hed: Vaping Teens Exposed to as Much Nicotine as Tobacco, but Don’t Know It. Probably because they’ve never used tobacco. I still can’t quite understand whether the news people are mouth breathing morons who don’t really understand that nicotine in NOT the product in tobacco that causes cancer, or whether there is some other motive in play here. But let me help everyone on this blog: There is no established causal link between nicotine use and cancer, nor am I aware of any other detrimental effects of long-term low-dose nicotine delivery. Nicotine is a poison at high enough doses. Like if you ate about 2 dozen Juul pods. But in the tenth-to-hundredth of a milligram range, no.

The video link is gone, but I’m pretty sure the Crew Dragon blew up this weekend. It sure looked like all of the fuel detonated at once, instead of over time in the rocket nozzles.

An interesting test on whether the law means what the law says or whether all statutes are open to Living Constitution interpretation. My non-lawyer take — the Title VII Non-Discrimination does not protect people from being discriminated against due to sexual orientation or gender identity, and if Congress wants that those to apply, they need to amend the law. My human take — as long as people come to work and do their job, who cares?

While this would certainly be good news for the housing and car markets, it is impossible for me to see the FedGov erasing all student loans as anything but a lump-sum payout to big banks. Those loans were already guaranteed by the government, so its not like they were carrying bad debt on their balance sheet. Nope, they’d just get a big pile of cash, presumably all at once, or very quickly.

I’m feeling very 90s college radio today.

Bonus Link: Meanwhile in Florida the Easter Bunny winds down after a hard weekend with some ultraviolence. Spud dumped this in Animal’s article so I’ll give him a tip o’ the cap.

I’m mailing it in guys. Its like my religion, or something. Have a great weekend.

Florida Women — They start young here.

I guess I don’t understand how you can own your mobile home but rent the land… Also, if these homes are so mobile, what’s the big deal? Finally, six months is a fuckton of notice for closing down a trailer park.

Unless these guys were into auto-erotic asphyxiation or extreme ice play, I doubt they died doing what they loved.

Its one thing to be gay, but this is absolutely beyond civil discourse. Pete Buttigieg is a Phish fan.

Relevant Comedic Bit by Alex Jones

I was going to make a different analogy with Trump playing both the tar baby and Brer Rabbit after he’s caught, but that’s probably beyond the pale racist now. So I’ll use a more modern analogy. Trump is like the Roadrunner. He’s just going about his business, maybe well, maybe poorly, but basically minding his own, while suuupergeniuses concoct elaborate devices to entrap and destroy him. And somehow, at the end of each of each day, another anti-Trumper is sitting around bewildered and hurt, while Trump pops up to give the equivalent of a victory “meep” on Twitter, and runs off into the distance.

So here’s my favorite justification of why the Mueller report isn’t a total victory for Trump.

Mueller made sure to give his old friend Comey a little handjob in the report. Guys! Guys! You’ll never believe it! The White House Press Secretary was less than truthful about something! Poor Pie, just trying to do her job and fend off the Hat and Hair.

Somehow Sears’ creditors are just now figuring out that Eddie Lampert funneled all the assets to his real-estate company and left the company a hollow shell. I will hasten to add that I have no idea whether this is illegal, but it does seem like he tried to ditch these guys through bankruptcy after cutting the best of the company out for himself.

Huh. Radley Balko had me convinced that bite mark analysis was an ineffective pathology tool.

When I was in my early 20s, working my first real job for the princely sum of $13.50/hr, I remember the day before the day before payday being the brokest day of the biweekly cycle. I guess the day before payday was easier because thanks to direct deposit, when you woke up in the morning you wouldn’t be broke anymore. But two days out, if you could see the bottom of the peanut butter jar, and you were down to bread heels, that meant that you had two days to regret all the drinks you’d bought for those tawdry, misleading tarts at the bar over the weekend. Or the new video game you’d bought. Anyhow, I looked at our checking account today and, although the balance still has three digits to the left of the dot, I thought, “oh shit, we’re broke”. Not, like, scrounging up a buck from the change in your car or couch to get to work and back broke. Not, like, ketchup on crackers broke. Just broke enough that it causes me anxiety.

Note: The newness of these links is also poor. I think you discussed all of them in the H&H post, but I can’t find any I like better.

Researchers create zombie pig brains. “This is not a living brain, but it is a cellularly active brain.” — So in other words, a politician

From the OMWC/Mexican Sharpshooter realm: While I admire this guy trying to fulfill his wife’s fantasy, I don’t think forcing some dude to bang her at gunpoint is cool. That’s a pretty aggressive cuck.

SMOD disappoints.

Whycome they don’t talk about the women running for President? Because more exposure is not going to aid Kamala Harris or Elizabeth Warren? h/t OMWC

In lieu of our usual musical selection, have pitcher Colin McHugh’s “moment of zen” from last night (updated)

This morning I had a Hat-and-Hair dream. Fat, orange Trump was wandering around the Oval Office cleaning up cat vomit, bitching at Pie, and not wearing any clothes. At this point, I think I’m going to sue the other founders for mental anguish, put out my eyes, and join a monastery. Thankfully, my youngest son picked that moment to come into our room and wake me up. Otherwise, my soul might truly have been lost.

Its mating season for gators in Florida, so look out for lots of jorts and oyster boots. (For you non-sportzball fans, the University of Florida’s mascot is the gators, and well, they’re just not fashionable people)

Orbital billboards — I guess the Moon was too expensive.

Trump to Whitehouse Correspondants — I’ll go party with the people who are going to make me President again. I’m sure by October 2020, SugarFree will be praying for an upset so he doesn’t have to beat a dead-horse serial for another 4 years.

Dem Presidential Candidate (who isn’t) proposes 2 new Cabinet level agencies – Minitrue and Minikid. Anyone else cynical enough to think the children’s one will end up owning abortion and other “state-paid” infant and child healthcare decisions?

I went searching for hat songs and found… something. The line dancing in the middle part looks like something out of 90s country video. I’m sure that’s culturally insensitive of me.