Author: Brett L

Hi guys, I’m excited to say, I didn’t make the police blotter last night. Tonight could be a different story. My wife has a some sort of pre-graduation ceremony, and then I think we are going out with some of her classmates. One of whom’s husband is an honest-to-god sailor. Like, makes his living working on a boat. So, who knows what will happen then.

Oxford Rhodes Scholar, world record beer drinker, and former Australian PM passes. Good on ya, myte.

This sounds like good news. Fuck cancer.

Its almost like there’s a reason we don’t reuse needles. Fuck this guy.

I’m thinking about a career change.

Tonight, bring me the Disco King.

Today is the last day of my 30s. I’m going to do something especially irresponsible tonight, so I can wake up to a regretful 40 year old.

I assume that the Pediatricians’ Guild will never let this rob them of their bread and butter.

RF O’Rourke live-streams a haircut. Last time it was a teeth cleaning. I guess the next one will be his proctology appointment.

I didn’t say that raccoon was ill-tempered, I said it has distemper.

If I wasn’t vaccinated, I might not go to an anti-vaccination rally during a measles outbreak.

It is now raining for the 2nd day in a row, and I am about to write my state legislator to see about a tax refund for this blatant violation of the Florida Code of Weather. This cloudation will not stand, man!

Dear New Zealand Lady: Because Fuck You, That’s Why! And also, it says right in our Constitution that the Right to keep and Bear arms shall not be infringed. Better a few dead here and there by murderous assholes than camps and gulags.

Warty nods approvingly

Hmmm… This is weird. And not Florida.

This is such bullshit. The governor of Florida had to sign an NDA to get briefed on electoral hacking in his own state. Fuck all of this. Fuck the FBI for putting that condition on him, and fuck the governor for signing and abiding by it.

Apparently, its a good day for the theme song.

Big thanks to SP to salvaging the site. Who knew that a million comments were going to leave a mark? Akshually, it may be that we’re too graphically stimulating for the web plan we have. We are formulating a plan, but right now, we’d just like everyone to know, we have enough money in the “DO NOT STEAL UNLESS NOT COMING BACK” tin to handle a slightly larger hard drive than the “classic” 40MB external currently operating our graphics storage. Oh, and its raining here. A beautiful summer rain that makes me want to nap.

I feel like the British public is trying to tell their MPs something… Something like, “yes, we really expect you to GTFO of the EU”.

“Ladies and Gentleman, this is your co-pilot speaking, it seems that your captain has been detained for… well, something other than violating the 12 hour bottle-to-throttle rule. We’re going to be a little late leaving today.”

Huh. I’m used to seeing vultures around the dumpsters at my local Winn Dixie, but maybe there was more to it. I actually googled this and its a different Winn Dixie further down. Anywhere else, this would be foul play 99%, around here, it might just be an old guy who fell out fishing.

Bedroom cinemas? I think not.

I guess I’ll recycle some AM Gold.

Thoughts and prayers welcome as I prepare for a  weekend alone with the kids. I’m trying to make the best of it, and taking them on a pirate ship tomorrow. Because Florida Man. And also, because it includes water gun fights for the kids and free beer for me. A two-hour tour…

Trans-Am Joe finds the libertarian position on occupational licensing? At an IBEW meeting? I’m not sure the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers necessarily wants to lower the barriers to entry in their field.

The Average American hasn’t made a new friend in 5 years. Luckily, I have new Glibs instead of new friends.

Anything we can do Europe does bigger. Including the measles. I wish the Lancet and the guy who fabricated the autism link would be sued into nothingness.

Look, if this was me making the sign, it would mean that all of my buddies watching had to take a punch in the nuts for getting circled on TV.

Hopefully, this is not my weekend.

Hey guys, how’s your Wednesday? I’ve just about managed to soft-land my BAC at zero. So that’s good. For Lachowsky and other TOOL fans on this site, I meant to tell you: Suck it! I saw the new music first!

Lizzy Warren has a new plan to spend other people’s money! For $100B lets just give free pills to everyone who wants them and solve the fetanyl problem.

Wow, 17.6M government workers in the US. Imagine if they were all libertarians doing the Ron Swanson.

There was an Exorcist conference in Rome. St. John the Revelator would find that appropriate.

Hey guys, ABC has finally come around to the idea that maybe Teddy Kennedy was a manslaughtering, lying piece of shit. 50 years after Chappaquidick.

Here’s a little song for bacon-magic. Here’s the backstory.

Hey guys, sorry I missed you yesterday. I’m too old to go to a music festival, drive home hungover and be okay to do the links in the afternoon. Or else I just don’t like you guys as much as I like sleeping. I hope this doesn’t hurt our relationship.

Good dog. Also, Ohio is weird.

I mean, you trusted a man who called himself a sorcerer. Is being a moron really a defense against extortion?

If only this was a totally unprecedented thing the Trump administration was doing, ordering administration members not to testify before Congress.

Trans-Am Joe wants to repeal Trump’s tax cuts. I’m sure that’s at the top of the focus group list for bringing blue collar whites in swing states back into the fold, Joe.

Hi guys. Happy Thursday. I’m starting off a 4 day weekend. Tomorrow is a beginner’s bladesmithing class. I’m gonna make a dagger so bad ass Napoleon Dynamite would think it was more badass than a lyger. Or, with a lot of instruction, something ugly but functional.

Florida schools just became BYOG* for next year. Lock’n’load! I wonder how long before the first brandishing. I kid, kind of. More responsible adults (or teachers in a pinch) with guns, carrying to do well is good.
*Not for students

Huh. This SpaceX failed test thing is weird. Apparently it blew up a half-second before the thrusters were engaged. Its weird because as I understand it, neither component of the hypergolic fuel (which autoignites when mixed) was being moved when it went bang.

News from science — people drink coffee and beer for the effect.

“Frankly, sports fans, he used a word that is a no-no with umpires.” I never really thought of calling a guy a cocksucker as anti-gay. Now I have to find a new derogative for gay men who anger me, because this had made me see that obviously calling a gay man a cocksucker isn’t going to insult him.

Have some guitar and some crazy fretless bass.

Hi guys, I need some help. I made a tactical error of failing to empathize with how busy my wife is what with her last day of clinical practice ending in a luncheon, and then she has to make dessert for the pot-luck her class has, and she has to assemble all the instructor gifts because she is President of her class. Anyhow, I pointed out that the house was such a wreck that I was going to spend several hours tomorrow morning picking it up for the cleaning people instead of working. Now she is storming around the house loudly cleaning stuff and I am bunkered in my office, hoping that she has to run an errand about the time I’m supposed to pick up the kids (which I volunteered to do because she does have some things to do). Why can’t we do all that stuff tonight? Oh, its date night. She’s totally gonna spit in my drink when I go to the bathroom tonight, isn’t she?

Hey guys, look at this hip chick playing beer pong! If my family was just featured for running a sex cult, I might tone down the drinking aspect of my persona.

Two judges shot in a “disturbance” at a White Castle near Indianapolis today. At 3am. “Police originally said the altercation began at a nearby bar before spilling into the White Castle parking lot, but then said the entire incident unfolded in the parking lot.” I like to imagine it was a duel over qualified immunity for government officials.

English Hooligans strike in Barcelona.

Custom built drone delivers donated kidney. Now they just need to automate the orphan organ removal protocol and we’ll be all set. Don’t ask Swiss, he already gave at the office.

If we’re gonna talk about English hooligans on the Continent, I’m putting up one of the great pop-punk songs of all time.

Good Afternoon, everyone. How are each and every one of ya? I’m a little bit down. Last year we inherited two old revolvers. I finally had them looked at, and neither one is in shooting condition. Both are also older than I thought. The .32 is a 1912 Colt. Unfortunately it needs a new barrel and some mechanical work. The guys at the gunshop were sorry that it had been used so well, because in better condition they would have tried to make me leave with a pile of cash instead of taking it home. They were still pleased to have met her. I also have a pre-1915 S&W M&P .38. It also needs some mechanical work before it will work again. They suggested I clean them up and take them to this other guy they know who likes working on old guns. So maybe I’ll do that.

Employment at 50 year high, Incarceration at 20 year low.

It turns out that super-moron Jacob Wohl was behind the ham-fisted sexual assault smears against Buttigieg.

…And this is why Trump is only my least-worst-option. $2,000,000,000,000 in infrastructure? For fuck’s sake. That should pay for a new bridge over every stretch of highway in America.

Jesus, did we learn nothing from the 90s? The economy is growing. Employment is at record highs. Why change any of the settings now?

So I guess your undead boyfriend will have to find a new way to show his love after “Vampire facials” leave a pair of recipients with HIV.

And with that, I’ll just throw this on there and try to pretend I didn’t blow that punchline.