Rainy Monday Links

Big thanks to SP to salvaging the site. Who knew that a million comments were going to leave a mark? Akshually, it may be that we’re too graphically stimulating for the web plan we have. We are formulating a plan, but right now, we’d just like everyone to know, we have enough money in the “DO NOT STEAL UNLESS NOT COMING BACK” tin to handle a slightly larger hard drive than the “classic” 40MB external currently operating our graphics storage. Oh, and its raining here. A beautiful summer rain that makes me want to nap.

I feel like the British public is trying to tell their MPs something… Something like, “yes, we really expect you to GTFO of the EU”.

“Ladies and Gentleman, this is your co-pilot speaking, it seems that your captain has been detained for… well, something other than violating the 12 hour bottle-to-throttle rule. We’re going to be a little late leaving today.”

Huh. I’m used to seeing vultures around the dumpsters at my local Winn Dixie, but maybe there was more to it. I actually googled this and its a different Winn Dixie further down. Anywhere else, this would be foul play 99%, around here, it might just be an old guy who fell out fishing.

Bedroom cinemas? I think not.

 

I guess I’ll recycle some AM Gold.

Comments

406 responses to “Rainy Monday Links”

  1. Winston

    Huh. I’m used to seeing vultures around the dumpsters at my local Winn Dixie, but maybe there was more to it. I actually googled this and its a different Winn Dixie further down. Anywhere else, this would be foul play 99%, around here, it might just be an old guy who fell out fishing.

    What would AnnaSophia Robb say?

    1. Enough About Palin

      I have seen several of her movies. She’s actually pretty good as an actor.

    2. That one kid, better than all the rest, is gonna be me!

  2. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Horizontal is the only position in which to view “Caligula”

    1. DEG

      A former coworker threw a party which featured “Caligula” playing on a big screen on an infinite loop during the party.

      He was very proud of the three pregnancies that resulted from the party.

      1. Not Adahn

        Your friends have their ovulations synchronized?

        1. DEG

          His friends.

          I guess a few of them were in sync.

          1. Mad Scientist

            How’s Joey Fatone doing anyway?

      2. Sean

        I can respect that.

  3. KSuellington

    Shirley, you must be joking about that pilot?

    1. The story reminds me about a personal experience that happened way back in the mid-90s. I was on ’emergency back-up call’ for the ER, which existed because only one doc would typically be on duty between 7pm and 7am in those days, so there needed to be some fail-safe in case anything happened to the scheduled doc. But it was pretty much assumed that this should only be utilized in absolute emergencies. So you can imagine my frustration as I was almost out the door to meet friends for dinner, when the call came in from the hospital that I was needed to come in immediately to cover the night shift.

      At the time I remember thinking “Dr. A better have a damn good reason he can’t work tonight”. And indeed he did. He was being held for attempted murder.

      Apparently Dr. A had become friendly with one of his private patients, and the two of them had hooked up for meth-infused sex, which dragged into a couple of days of continued stimulant use, resulting in him becoming quite crazed and out of it. And he had then gone after his lover with a hatchet, cutting him up pretty good (the guy ended up dying a few days later). A neighbor had apparently heard the commotion and called 911, and Dr. A had answered the police banging on the door, wearing only his underpants, covered in blood, holding the bloody hatchet, and then screamed at the police “What the hell do you want?!”

      So I had to cover his shift that night.

      Amazingly enough, Dr. A got out on bail and tried to get back on the ER schedule, insisting that he was presently only charged and still considered innocent as not-yet-proven guilty, so there should be no reason to deny him shifts. He threatened the hospital with a lawsuit, but they wisely held firm, and we never saw him again; I’m not sure what happened in his criminal case but I can’t imagine he avoided prison.

      1. Count Potato

        “Dr. A had answered the police banging on the door, wearing only his underpants, covered in blood, holding the bloody hatchet, and then screamed at the police “What the hell do you want?!””

        IANAL, but answering the door while holding the murder weapon sounds like it was probably a bad idea.

      2. KSuellington

        Ha! That was indeed a good excuse. Love how he wanted his ER job back.

  4. Tonio

    Thanks, SP! That was scary.

    1. Yusef changed his handle

      What happened? I was WORKING!

      1. leon

        I know I had to work too, cause this place was down.

        1. Yusef changed his handle

          But what happened?

          1. Tonio

            The site just wasn’t there. No 404. The url seemed to load and it was just a blank white page.

          2. bacon-magic

            Oh…I thought ya’ll booted me for being all bacony.

          3. Tundra

            Psst, bacon. WTF is going on with the Blues?!?

          4. bacon-magic

            Hangs head in shame…idk. We are further than I ever thought we would be this year. I’m not making any predictions about the next games, don’t want to jinx anything. *sacrifices harmonica on Imo’s Pizza box and then eats some Toasted Ravs and gooey butter cake.

          5. Gender Traitor

            Oooh! Mr. GT is from St. L! Now I want toasted ravs and gooey butter cake, and here I am stuck in Dayton!

          6. Yusef changed his handle

            Glad I didn’t see it, scary indeed, thanks!

          7. Not Adahn

            Before it completely collapsed, the pages were loading oddly, with all the avatar pictures stretched all the way across the screen. There was only one image that was normal, and it was posted by HM.

          8. Mad Scientist

            There was only one image that was normal, and it was posted by HM.

            I dispute that anything HM posts is normal.

          9. Tulip

            ‘There was only one image that was normal, and it was posted by HM’

            And no one thought the site had been infested by demons?!

    2. The Last American Hero

      I was pulling up Preet’s house on Google Maps so I could visit and see what was up.*

      *Relax, is joke. Location is committed to memory.**

      **Is also joke.

    3. DEG

      Yes, thanks SP!

  5. Winston

    Farage could lead to a Corbyn victory, Hmm…

    1. Permission to gambol free of the EU, and to Farage for food?

    2. bacon-magic

      Your mom would lead to a fellatio victory.

  6. Pope Jimbo

    You know when the cops nab my crack dealer, I can find another crack dealer pretty easily. But when Glibs goes down, what am I supposed to do? Where can I get my fix? Am I supposed to sit there and do work for my employer like a square?

    For fuck’s sake, it was so bad this morning I almost had to go over to TOS (virtual methadone).

    I blame Q. His pics are double that of everyone else for some reason.

    1. Brett L

      Where can I get my fix?

      I would suggest archiving some favorite threads in InstaPaper or something. (Is InstaPaper still extant?)

      1. Pope Jimbo

        Archive?

        Look. If I had the ability to plan ahead, I would be able to make real friends and not have to hang out here.

    2. Rasilio

      Well there is the Discord and then there is another group from TOS who started a Google Groups Mailing list so there are options

      1. Gadfly

        But that’s like cutting your coke with flour. It may look similar, but it doesn’t hit hard enough.

  7. ChipsnSalsa

    but operators are not concerned that any inappropriate activity will take place during film screenings.

    Well they’re just stupid then.

    1. Brett L

      They’re not concerned, they’re excited.

    2. Red Pill Matt

      “For younger moviegoers, the children’s cinema area includes beanbags, a slippery slide, and a ball pit. The cost is 14.50 francs per child.” Paging OMWC

      1. Enough About Palin

        I read ball pit as pit bull and thought, that’s fucked up.

    3. Tonio

      “Vee zee nutting!”

  8. Winston

    So we were down for a bit? Good thing we are not on the SJW radar, yet…

  9. leon

    “I feel like the British public is trying to tell their MPs something… Something like, “yes, we really expect you to GTFO of the EU”.”

    Don’t get cocky kid. These are the same outfits that said brexit had no chance in the first place.

    1. Brett L

      Truth == supports my biases on a subject. 😀

    2. R C Dean

      Incompetence, or systemic bias?

  10. Rebel Scum

    I have never experienced the parodied problem but Traeger’s new commercial gave me a chuckle.

    1. Tundra

      Good commercial but they are full of shit.

      1. Rebel Scum

        Yea. I have had zero flavor issues using propane. It’s convenient and I use woodchips for the grill flavoring. That said, If I had the money and space, I’d have a Traeger along with my gas grill because it would be better for slow cooking/smoking.

        1. OneOut

          Pellet grills are better for everything.

      2. This is also like the Family Guy parody commercial where Peter voices over that he’s “at a multi-racial picnic for some reason, chuckling with strangers”

      3. Fatty Bolger

        Yeah, that’s nonsense. Propane is odorless.

      4. They stole Kmart’s bit.

    2. A Leap at the Wheel

      I have a gas grill, a charcoal grill, and a smoker. The flavor on the gas grill isn’t as good, even when I’m using wood chips for smoke. But I still use it >95% of the time because its easier to use and it doesn’t make food taste like gas.

      So no.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        Yeah.

        Do I want a steak now, or 45 minutes from now?

        1. robc

          My one problem is keeping the T low enough for low and slow without the gas going out.

          Yesterday I did ribs and it was so cool outside that it wasnt a problem. But during the summer, it is hard to keep it below 225.

          1. A Leap at the Wheel

            My one problem is keeping the T low enough

            Maybe try writing for Buzzfeed?

      2. robc

        Mine is natural gas too, hooked to the line from the house, so I don’t have to deal with propane tanks.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          I converted mine to nat gas. Wasn’t as hot, so I had to drill out the orifices and switch the air intake to wide open.

          Now, it gets way hotter than before.

        1. BakedPenguin

          I’ll just leave this here, for no raisin.

          1. BakedPenguin

            Hmm. That s/n have been a reply.

      3. Tundra

        My propane grill has produced a huge number of successful and popular meals – not once did someone say it tastes like gas. That’s just stupid. High end steak places use gas all the time.

        I have a Napolean 4-burner with the rotisserie. Love it. I also have my Weber kettle/ Slow ‘n Sear combo, which I love even more. If I add another one, I’ll take a serious look at one of the kamado-style money sinks.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          Infrared in back?

          1. Tundra

            Yup. And the side burner. The back burner is the bomb.

          2. Playa Manhattan

            Mandatory for rotisserie chicken. If you use a bottom burner, it’s going to catch on fire. Repeatedly.

            I don’t have one, so I also don’t cook rotisserie chicken. I learned my lesson the 3rd or 4th time.

          3. Tundra

            I’ve done chicken, turkey, strip roasts, pork loin, etc.

            Getting a nice crisp skin is the greatest.

    3. pistoffnick

      I mean maybe if you have incomplete combustion, your food might taste like gas, but then you have bigger problems.

      *rubs where eyebrows used to be*

  11. Winston

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_(county_subdivision)

    A rape is a traditional territorial sub-division of the county of Sussex in England, formerly used for various administrative purposes. Their origin is unknown, but they appear to predate the Norman Conquest.[2] Historically the rapes formed the basis of local government in Sussex.

    I didn’t know STEVE SMITH was English and that old.

    1. Pan Zagloba

      STEVE SMITH NO LONGER ANARCHIST, FIND GOVERNMENT SYSTEM HE LIKE.

    2. Enough About Palin

      RIPPER STEVE SMITH COUSIN VERY SOPHISTICATE.

    3. Rasilio

      Rotherham wouldn’t happen to be in Susses would it?

      1. Winston

        It is in Yorkshire which is at the other end of England.

        1. Rasilio

          Weird, I heard rape played a pretty big role in local government there as well

          1. Winston

            Rape is very important to the Canadian economy.

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapeseed

          2. Winston

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rotherham_child_sexual_exploitation_scandal

            The failure to address the abuse was attributed to a combination of factors revolving around race, class and gender—contemptuous and sexist attitudes toward the mostly working-class victims; fear that the perpetrators’ ethnicity would trigger allegations of racism and damage community relations; the Labour council’s reluctance to challenge a Labour-voting ethnic minority; lack of a child-centred focus; a desire to protect the town’s reputation; and lack of training and resources.[25][26][8]

        2. I’d heard Yorkshire is where they keep pudding the cart before the horse.

    4. That’s STEVE SMYTHE.

  12. Sean

    violating the 12 hour bottle-to-throttle rule.

    The pilots I knew called it the 8 hour rule, and they seemed flexible on that.

    1. Chipwooder

      Oh, I know, I’ve seen Flight

  13. Tundra

    Hotel rooms already trigger my germophobia. No fucking way I’d climb into one of those beds.

    1. Winston

      Hmm so how do you feel about bathrooms?

      1. Tundra

        I turn on the light so feeling about is unnecessary.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’m getting you one of those fluid highlighting blacklights for Christmas.

    3. Pope Jimbo

      Remind me at the next Minnesoda Glibs meetup to tell you about my ex-coworker who was a nudist. When he’d travel, he’d bring his own sheets and lay them out on the hotel furniture so he wouldn’t get other naked ass germs on his naked ass.

    4. Playa Manhattan

      I have a travel blacklight.

      Marriott does a pretty good job.

      1. Tundra

        Lol. My go to chain.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          I concluded that they use one too, for quality control.

          At the Omni? Wow. One time it looked like Peter North just checked out. I switched rooms.

          1. Tundra

            Ewwww.

          2. BEAM’s not a team player
  14. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Has anyone linked to the remake of The Osterman Weekend in the news?

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/may/13/three-people-shot-crossbow-german-hotel

    1. grrizzly

      Yes.

  15. The Other Kevin

    There was an elderly man with dementia who went missing last November, and they found him in a retention pond by a church a few months ago after a thaw. Then last month, a guy fishing in a pond found a woman’s foot. They couldn’t find the rest of her, but could identify the foot as belonging to a missing woman from a tattoo. So for months on my way to and from work I was driving past a body and a foot.

    1. Sean

      I don’t get the punchline.

      1. When Reagan got shot, Dad was at work and didn’t hear the news. So when Mom told Dad when he got home, Dad responded, “What’s the punchline?”

      2. ChipsnSalsa

        One of those dark humor jokes. Not everyone gets it.

        1. Sean

          ?

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      LOL, I get it.

    3. The Other Kevin

      No punchline, I just thought it was creepy or morbid in a “Stand by Me” kind of way.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Dude, you totally missed that opportunity to screw with Sean.

        I’m disappointed in you.

      2. The Other Kevin

        It’s been a long work day.
        * hangs head in shame *

    4. Gadfly

      So for months on my way to and from work I was driving past a body and a foot.

      No big deal, it’s just a surprise cemetery.

      1. Grummun

        flash mob cemetery

  16. Pan Zagloba

    We are formulating a plan, but right now, we’d just like everyone to know, we have enough money in the “DO NOT STEAL UNLESS NOT COMING BACK” tin to handle a slightly larger hard drive than the “classic” 40MB external currently operating our graphics storage.

    Still, come on people, “Donate” button is RIGHT THERE ON THE MAIN PAGE.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’m broke. I’m too busy commenting to make a buck.

      Now where did I put my SNAP card?

      1. grrizzly

        Can’t you add it to your Apple Pay?

    2. Zip or Bernoulli drive?

    3. BEAM’s not a team player

      Done.

      Other than witty repartee, what do I win?

    4. Spartacus

      If that 40 MB thing is serious, I have a 1 TB external drive that I haven’t used, still in the original packaging. Send a shipping address to clindsey0407 within the gmail domain and I’ll send it along.

  17. Pope Jimbo

    Oh goody. Local suburb decides that it is a good idea to force people to show a photo id when purchasing a pre-paid visa/mc/amex card.

    Supposedly this is being done to combat fraud. The suburb’s police chief is totes behind it. In fact, he compares it to other good laws:

    Tate likened the purchase of the three kinds of gift cards to buying medications like Sudafed, which require the purchaser to present an ID. Customers can still buy gift cards using cash or check without showing ID, he said.

    1. Tonio

      That’s right, any form of hard-to-trace electronic cash is a problem. FYTW

    2. ChipsnSalsa

      But try to put that kind of security down for someone trying to vote and you’ll be run out of the Twittersphere.

      1. Tonio

        ^This guy gets it.

    3. I made the mistake of buying some cold medication and going through the self-checkout.

      Fucking War on Drugs.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        When I was in Japan a year ago, I was using the self checkout lane and forgot I had bought a couple beers. I expected the freak out you described and instead the screen just popped up a message that says “Are you over 21?” and I clicked OK and went on with my business.

        1. Gadfly

          While that may seem easier, if you lied you’d be expected to commit seppuku to maintain your honor, so there is a trade-off.

          1. BEAM’s not a team player

            Since I’m pretty sure I left my honour in another pair of pants, I’m okay with that.

    4. grrizzly

      Individual stores impose all sorts of restrictions on people buying prepaid cards. There’s nothing special.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        Um, except it is a city ordnance. And the local stores are already saying that the only real gripe they have is that all the other cities don’t have the same rule, so it is a huge burden on them and the solution is to make this a state wide law.

        Yeah, sure any individual store can do whatever they want. No gripe with me. I’ll just buy somewhere else. But when the city starts mandating this shit because a local cop got his panties in a bunch about this sort of fraud…

        1. Mad Scientist

          Since when do cops bother themselves chasing down fraud cases anyway?

          1. The Last American Hero

            When he or his family got defrauded.

    5. Enough About Palin

      So minorities won’t be ale to purchase gift cards with their MasterCard? That is so racist!

  18. Tonio

    Okay, which one of you is this? Obviously not STEVE SMITH since he has better things to do with hikers.

    Jordan, who authorities think is “Sovereign,” was well-known to hikers on the trail. Recent news reports of incidents in Tennessee, North Carolina and Georgia describe a man threatening and chasing other hikers with a machete or large knife.

    1. Private Chipperbot

      Too bad his name isn’t Jason.

  19. Private Chipperbot

    Well, speaking of bodies popping up.

    Six months after man disappears, his body resurfaces on Detroit River

    On Nov. 20, at 6:10 a.m., Michigan State Police, who patrol Belle Isle, got a 911 call about a Ford Escape on the bridge, with no one inside and footprints leading to the rail of the bridge.

    Police requested assistance from the U.S. Coast Guard, but authorities were never able to recover the body, though it had been spotted at one point. A Coast Guard official said the body was “motionless, facing down” before disappearing back into the water.

    The body remained missing until Sunday night, about 8:35 p.m., when a fisherman in Wyandotte located a body on the shoreline. On Monday, state police identified the victim as Patrick Fitzgerald. He was 49.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Still no word on Gerald Fitzpatrick?

      1. Winston

        Or Gerald Fitzgerald or Patrick Fitzpatrick?

      2. bacon-magic

        It doesn’t fit.

    2. Tonio

      That’s a young age to be all washed up.

    3. Chipwooder

      Patrick Fitzgerald? Karl Rove being questioned?

  20. Count Potato

    “Big thanks to SP to salvaging the site.”

    This.

  21. RAHeinlein

    A story called “How We Talk About Drivers Hitting Cyclists” hit my newsfeed – as I gave it a quick glance, this gem showed-up:

    “Sometimes the story would say that the person was hit by a car, which is passive,” says Tara Goddard, an assistant professor of urban planning at Texas A&M, who was involved in the study. This language distances the driver’s actions from the crash. “To say an object with no capability on its own actively hit a cyclist is hilarious phraseology,” says Megan Hottman, a Colorado lawyer who represents cyclists hit by drivers.

    Excellent – no do guns.

    1. RAHeinlein

      Now do guns – typing fail.

      1. ChipsnSalsa

        & police shootings.

      2. R C Dean

        I think you had it right the first time.

    2. Chipwooder

      Urban planning? F-U-C-K-Y-O-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    3. R C Dean

      This language distances the driver’s actions from the crash.

      Sometimes, its not the driver’s fault, you know.

      1. Mad Scientist

        In which case it should be worded, “Asshole bicyclist negligently swerves into path of vehicle.”

    4. Rhywun

      +1 “The driver lost control of his vehicle”

      I always wondered what in hell that means.

    5. mexican sharpshooter

      What’s really funny, I lived under constant fear that a friend of mine was going to eventually pull a J turn and shoot a cyclist that was riding against traffic while I was in college.

      Cyclists really got under his skin.

  22. A Leap at the Wheel

    “I feel like the British public is trying to tell their MPs something”

    When the leave voters are going to literally start electing retread, washup up, useless old 80’s era members of the actual, literal, communist revolutionary part because they are more likely to enact Brexit than you, you know you’ve fucked up.

    1. leon

      It was at this moment Teresa May realized… She fucked up.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      May has done a fine job of destroying the Tories, it’s just too bad Corbyn’s the guy waiting in the wings.

  23. R C Dean

    I was joking about dead kids at the new jihadi compound in Alabama. Damned if they didn’t find one, though.

    Jeebus.

    1. Count Potato

      Well, it was a jihadi compound not a Montessori school.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        The only relevant school question that is ever asked in Alabama is if they support the Auburn Tigers or the Crimson Tide.

        1. Brett L

          On a beach vacation, there are really only two schools who will let you know who their fans are: Alabama and Ohio State. There’s probably something mathematically provable about number of fans to alumni having a direct relationship.

          1. Pope Jimbo

            Maybe alumni/fans of other schools have done well enough to not have to live on a beach?

          2. Brett L

            Or can go somewhere nicer than the redneck beaches I visit. This FSU alum has to make do with SEC and Big 10 fans everywhere.

          3. BakedPenguin

            Go ‘Noles! Whoo!

  24. Count Potato

    “Bedroom cinemas? I think not.”

    I’m thinking theaters might do better if they sold beer and decent food. There are a few in the U.S., but not many.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Three words….

      Asian Massage Cinema

      1. Private Chipperbot

        Robert Kraft liked it so much, he bought the company!

      2. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

        Where every movie has a happy ending.

    2. ChipsnSalsa

      Theater near me.

      http://www.rivoli.net/

      1. Enough About Palin

        I’m told Sandi took a shit in La Crosse, WI once.

    3. A Leap at the Wheel

      Cinema are basically just buggy whip factories. The only reason they exist is path dependence.

      1. Gadfly

        The only reason they exist is path dependence.

        Also spectacle. Even if movies streamed simultaneously with a cinema release, there would still be a (somewhat diminished) market for cinemas, since most people cannot replicate the big screen experience at home, and some people like that experience.

        1. It’s becoming more attainable every day, and without most of the negatives of the theater experience.

          1. dorvinion

            Indeed it is.

            I won’t claim to have anywhere near a high-end home theater, but it beats the TV and stock speakers most people use by being the right size for the room and having multi-channel sound.

            And it beats the Cinema because I can pause to take a piss or have a beer that doesn’t cost $6(if they even serve beer), watch whatever the hell I want, and don’t have to worry about the other patrons lack of being housebroken.

          2. MikeS

            Sssssh!

    4. Mad Scientist

      I’m thinking theaters might do better if they sold beer and decent food.

      And banned children. And stopped playing 20 minutes of ads before the movie starts. And cleaned the sticky floors at least annually. And…

      1. Tonio

        All of those, really.

      2. Minus the kids thing, you’re essentially describing Alamo Drafthouse.

        1. R C Dean

          Yeah, I haven’t been to a theater in years that didn’t serve beer and decent chow. And have comfy recliners.

      3. I don’t what hell theaters you guys are going to, but we have a Marcus multiplex near us that is wonderfully clean and comfortable, offers $5 Tuesdays with free popcorn, and has a full bar and a pizzeria within.

        And I’ve only had to move seats once in a movie (can’t remember which one) in the past 10 years.

  25. Rebel Scum

    Democrats Need Rehab from Trump Investigation Addiction

    The likes of Jerrold Nadler and Adam Schiff seem to be sucking on this pipe for dear life, day and night, giving them barely time to breath or eat. Even when getting a rare touch of sleep, these putative public servants clearly have Trump on the brain. They never think of anything else—or, seemingly, do anything else.

    And they are far from alone. Legions of Democrats and their media lackeys suffer from the same addiction.

    A thousand Mueller reports, all unredacted with full access, everyone who ever met Donald Trump or even attended one of his rallies or ate one of his benighted steaks or drank a soy latte in the Tower Starbucks, testifying under oath in front of fifty congressional committees, many dozens of these witnesses going to jail for process crimes or having their careers ruined, forcing them to flee to Kathmandu to work as busboys in an ashram snack bar, would not cure those junkies. They’d still be dragging themselves through the streets at dawn, in Allen Ginsberg’s words, “looking for an angry fix” (i.e, something, anything, that might make Donald Trump look bad).

    If you’re unclear what Democrats stand for in the 2020 election—other than wildly outdated socialism and some creepy anti-Semitism—this could be, indeed undoubtedly is, the reason. All they do is investigate.

    In the interest of a two-party system, an intervention is definitely needed—followed by rehab.

    For Mr. Schiff, that might entail a short journey from his L.A. district to one of those pricey movie star spas with Greek columns in Malibu. He’s unlikely to be bothered by the endless homeless encampments he passes en route since he’s been able to completely ignore them until now. As for Nadler, anything’s better than Penn Station after midnight.

    As to the media and their Hollywood cronies, well, rehab’s expensive, as they well know. They may have to forego bribing their children’s way into Yale. But they’ll be better in the end.

    Nevertheless, rehab is not just about group therapy in a hot tub. At some point you have to be honest about what brought you there in the first place, otherwise, no progress will be made.

    Meh. It is more entertaining if their collective meltdown continues.

    1. Schiff was on one of the talking heads shows on Sunday. He said that “Mueller said that Trump’s actions with the Russians didn’t rise to the level of a crime. If that’s the case after all that evidence, maybe we need to change what we call a crime!”

      Again, I remember Mueller saying no collusion, and that Trump staff even refuted Russian outreach. Yet Schiff wants people to believe there was collusion, only it was just a teeny bit shy of a crime in this horrible country with its emphasis on due process. He’s obsessed and nuts.

  26. Pope Jimbo

    Most pilots are in the Mile High Club. Rare indeed that a pilot is also a member (three times over!) of the 6ft Under Club.

    1. leon

      Woah,I missed the necrophilia angle in the story.

    2. Playa Manhattan

      “Most pilots are in the Mile High Club”.

      They’ve pleasured themselves in the airport bathroom in Denver?

      1. Gustave Lytton

        Can’t help themselves. Between the Nazi runways and Blucifer, I’m surprised they aren’t doing coke off hookers’s asses in the gate area.

    3. Mad Scientist

      I guess he picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

    1. Urthona

      I’m actually enjoying how Biden isn’t woke enough and the realization as he climbs in the polls that even their own party doesn’t like the far left.

      The couple of weeks that Buttigieg had a run, you know why he said? That capitalism was actually a good system. Hmm.

      1. Urthona

        * what he said

      2. Winston

        Libertarians liking Biden is a good example of the ratchet effect. Republicans not repealing Obamacare is terrible but a major advocate of it is the savior of us all.

        That capitalism was actually a good system. Hmm.

        He also said it was letting us down and we need more fairness.

        1. Urthona

          I definitely do not like Biden.

          1. Winston

            So he’s the tallest midget then?

          2. Urthona

            More like I’m really enjoying the midget fight.

    2. The Other Kevin

      Withholding sex and house work from a man who would be in a relationship with a feminist seems like preaching to the choir.

      1. Brett L

        I don’t get the housework thing. When something bothers me around the house — lack of clean clothes, lack of clean dishes, lack of groceries, dirty bathroom — I fix the problem. My wife just has a much more sensitive threshold to these things, so it rarely trips the circuit. There’s a reason I own 12-13 serviceable pairs of underwear, 9 t-shirts, 3 pair of gym shorts, and 14 pairs of socks. So I don’t have to do laundry thrice a week.

        1. Chipwooder

          Oh my goodness, it’s like you’ve been spying on me and my wife.

          She will get annoyed from time to time because “these things need to get done, and I always end up doing them!” To which I respond that I pitch in when she asks, but if she’s expecting me to do these things with the same frequency as her, then she’s gonna be sorely disappointed because I’m not a neat freak like her.

        2. pistoffnick

          Only thrice? I have the same threshold, but mrs. pistoffnick insists on doing laundry nearly every single day. We have 2 teenage daughters who change clothes 2-3 times a day.

          I bet if they had to do their own laundry, that would change quickly.

          1. Gadfly

            Heck, if you wear three different outfits in a day the outfits have probably seen so little use that they don’t need washing before you wear them again, unless you’ve been sweating them up.

      2. R C Dean

        “Oh, you’re on strike? That’s nice. Since when?”

        1. Brett L

          “How can I support you? Watch more porn and order more take out?”

          1. A Leap at the Wheel

            Get another 14 pairs of socks.

        2. “I wonder who’s gonna cross my picket line”

      3. A Leap at the Wheel
        1. The Other Kevin

          Yep, none of them look like anyone you’d want to fuck either.

          1. A Leap at the Wheel

            This is the crazy thing about the sex strike. Its from the same movement that made a big point of plastering “THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE” on every ugly human being they could find in an effort to… honestly, I don’t know. But it worked.

            Most people’s Venn diagram of “people I’d like to make the beast-with-two-backs with” and “committed feminist” look like binoculars.

          2. A Leap at the Wheel

            Great, now I need to go listen to some Inkubus Sukkubus.

        2. AlmightyJB

          Lol. Is that an advertisement for Whisky?

  27. Chipwooder

    In the quarterfinals of the intersectionality Olympics, the gay white guy versus the straight-but-rumored-to-be-gay black guy…..

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      I see a slap fight in their future.

      1. Tonio

        Kinky.

    2. AlmightyJB

      It’s hilarious to accuse the MSM of ignoring Booker because he’s black.

      1. Rhywun

        Oh great, here comes another “national conversation”.

        1. AlmightyJB

          And by conversation, they mean, we endlessly brow beat you and you STFU and grovel.

    3. grrizzly

      So much gay diversity in the Dem primary: both an openly gay candidate and–as appropriate for his race–a candidate on the down-low.

      1. Tonio

        [D/L golf clap]

    4. Count Potato

      Do you like gladiator movies?

  28. Winston

    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/may/13/arundhati-roy-literature-shelter-pen-america

    As the ice caps melt, as oceans heat up, and water tables plunge, as we rip through the delicate web of interdependence that sustains life on earth, as our formidable intelligence leads us to breach the boundaries between humans and machines, and our even more formidable hubris undermines our ability to connect the survival of our planet to our survival as a species, as we replace art with algorithms and stare into a future in which most human beings may not be needed to participate in (or be remunerated for) economic activity – at just such a time we have the steady hands of white supremacists in the White House, new imperialists in China, neo-Nazis once again massing on the streets of Europe, Hindu nationalists in India, and a host of butcher-princes and lesser dictators in other countries to guide us into the Unknown

    While many of us dreamt that “Another world is possible”, these folks were dreaming that too. And it is their dream – our nightmare – that is perilously close to being realized.

    Capitalism’s gratuitous wars and sanctioned greed have jeopardized the planet and filled it with refugees. Much of the blame for this rests squarely on the shoulders of the government of the United States. Seventeen years after invading Afghanistan, after bombing it into the ‘stone age’ with the sole aim of toppling the Taliban, the US government is back in talks with the very same Taliban. In the interim it has destroyed Iraq, Libya and Syria. Hundreds of thousands have lost their lives to war and sanctions, a whole region has descended into chaos, ancient cities—pounded into dust. Amidst the desolation and the rubble, a monstrosity called Daesh (ISIS) has been spawned. It has spread across the world, indiscriminately murdering ordinary people who had absolutely nothing to do with America’s wars. Over these last few years, given the wars it has waged, and the international treaties it has arbitrarily reneged on, the US Government perfectly fits its own definition of a rogue state. And now, resorting to the same old scare tactics, the same tired falsehoods and the same old fake news about nuclear weapons, it is gearing up to bomb Iran. That will be the biggest mistake it has ever made.

    So, as we lurch into the future, in this blitzkrieg of idiocy, Facebook “likes,” fascist marches, fake-news coups, and what looks like a race toward extinction—what is literature’s place? What counts as literature? Who decides? Obviously, there is no single, edifying answer to these questions. So, if you will forgive me, I’m going to talk about my own experience of being a writer during these times—of grappling with the question of how to be a writer during these times, in particular in a country like India, a country that lives in several centuries simultaneously

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Jesus, you would think he would be thankful for all the material the USA is providing him.

      1. I thought Arundhati Roy was a she.

        1. AlmightyJB

          Doesn’t really matter.

    2. AlmightyJB

      “bombing it into the ‘stone age’”

      Lol

      1. Yusef changed his handle

        Bamyan Bhuddist statues would beg to differ

    3. Tonio

      Someone is overwrought.

      1. AlmightyJB

        The thought if what will happen to him if Trump is re-elected makes me want to vote for Trump.

    4. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

      That was like an incoherent Agile Cyborg.

    5. Gadfly

      In the interim it has destroyed Iraq, Libya and Syria.

      Iraq’s a fair cop, but Libya and Syria were doing a damn fine job of destroying themselves before the US stuck its fingers in the mix.

    6. Rasilio

      Seventeen years after invading Afghanistan, after bombing it into the ‘stone age

      Wait, how do you bomb a country which never left the stone age back to the stone age?

      1. The Last American Hero

        Be nice. They were well into the Iron Age pre-9-11

    7. BakedPenguin

      “ice caps melt, as oceans heat up, and water tables plunge…”

      Wait, what?

  29. Enough About Palin

    “Passengers waiting to board American Airlines Flight 5523 at Louisville’s Muhammad Ali airport”

    We have an airport with Muhammad in its name? Really? Is DHS aware of this?

    1. Brett L

      The DHS calls it “Cassius Clay” airport.

      1. AlmightyJB

        It’s sooo soooo pretty.

      2. Mad Scientist

        “Fly like a butterfly!”

        1. AlmightyJB

          “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee”

          1. >————-JOKE———->

            AlmightyJB

      3. Gustave Lytton

        They also apply the rope-a-dope screening process.

    2. Pope Jimbo

      They know about it. They are just moving with feet of clay because they are overly Cassious not to offend anyone.

      1. Tonio

        SWISS!!1!

    3. robc

      Considering I lived in Louisville most of my life, that was new to me.

      It was Standiford Field growing up, then changed to Louisville International Airport (motto: you can fly anywhere in the world…as long as you are a package). I guess they added on the Ali since I left in 2014.

    4. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

      Where you too can fly like a bumblebee.

    5. invisible finger

      I always thought Boston should have named their tunnel after Bill Buckner.

    1. The Other Kevin

      I was kidding. That’s it, I was telling a joke. Why, just the other day I was telling my wife… Morgan Fairchild, how funny it would be to say the world was ending in 12 years. That’s the ticket!

    2. Raston Bot

      is the takeaway that Snopes hasn’t touched her “12 years” statement but they’ll tackle every satirical meme about her?

  30. robc

    attempted arson?

    Like, the matches were wet?

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Fuck that team built on oil money and slave labor. Hope they crash and burn.

      Fucking 3rd best season in PL history and no title grumble grumble grumble.

      1. Winston

        I didn’t know that you were a Greenie

        I’m not sure Liverpool is one to talk since that city has a slave-trading past…

    2. Rhywun

      “We have such an incredible desire to overachieve. Because we are such a good side, overachieving is difficult.”

      Oh fuck me. Arrogant twaddle like this is why I already refuse to watch them, and now they’re dialing it up to 11.

      1. If Pep were that good he would have gotten Bayern past the semis.

        1. Rhywun

          The quote was from Vincent “Humble” Kompany.

          But yeah.

  31. Gadfly

    Akshually, it may be that we’re too graphically stimulating for the web plan we have.

    Edit Faerie and HM hardest hit.

    1. Tonio

      OTOH, it’s a sign that we have again exceeded our wildest expectations.

  32. Pope Jimbo

    Never change City Pages.

    Michele Bachmann sold her house for $945K and City Pages manages to fit ten pounds of snark into a five pound bag. They even bring Trump into it.

    But it looks like a steal for that much.

    *No word on whether the corn dog fryer comes with the house.

    1. Tundra

      Assholes. Their envy is so unbecoming.

      The $8,278 annual tax bill surely irked its former owner, a founding member of the Tea Party.

      That’s actually not bad. If they lived on a lake it would be double that.

      The patio is fucking sweet.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        I pay close to that on a house that’s appraised for 1/3rd that. Yay Florida.

        Though not having an income tax kind of makes up for it.

        1. Tundra

          Yeah, when all taxes are factored on, my beloved home state ranks fifth in the fucking nation.

          1. Pope Jimbo

            Instead of complaining Tundra, you should be asking how you could do more for the unfortunate in Minnesoda.

          2. Tundra

            I was bragging.

          3. Ed Wuncler

            It’s the price you have to pay for civilization.

            /sarc

        2. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

          I pay more than that on a similarly valued home and I have to pay state income tax and we have have some of the highest sales tax rates in the country. Yay California.

      2. Semi-Spartan Dad

        I considered moving to New Hampshire a few months ago for a job that was offering a great salary. I started looking at local tax rates and couldn’t believe it. $26+ per $1000 of value and it goes up a couple bucks each year everywhere I looked.

        I calculated that I would get hosed with the high housing costs even with factoring in the huge increase in salary and lack of state income tax or sales tax. I would be paying more for just the property tax in NH than I currently pay for my mortgage here in VA on an equivalent house.

        I was also surprised to see that two-thirds of that goes to the public schools. That’s the bottomless pit right there of state and local taxes.

    2. R C Dean

      The comments by City Page readers are just as shallow and vicious as you would expect.

    3. They have a Cornballer?

      Also, raising 28 kids in one house? Whaaaaa?

      1. BakedPenguin

        Damn you, Richard Simmons!

  33. Count Potato

    “Democrat Rep. Tlaib is being slammed for her horrible and highly insensitive statement on the Holocaust. She obviously has tremendous hatred of Israel and the Jewish people. Can you imagine what would happen if I ever said what she said, and says?”

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1127938873630367744

    1. Tonio

      Absolutely nothing different in tone or venom than what they are now saying?

    2. Unreconstructed

      Pretty sure it’d make for some really awkward family dinners.

    3. Juvenile Bluster

      What annoys me here is that Team Red is pretty much lying about what she said, and what she said is fucking terrible on its own. So they give her an out.

      1. Unreconstructed

        Earning the nickname “Stupid Party” every day.

      2. Count Potato

        How are they pretty much lying?

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          The reactions I’ve seen are that she feels great ABOUT the Holocaust happening., while she apparently feels great about all the sacrifices the Arabs made to give the Jews Israel (which is, of course, bullshit).

          1. Raston Bot

            yeah, the second part of her statement is… (thinking of a charitable word)… horseshit.

          2. AlmightyJB

            I think the second part is just cover to get away with saying the first part. What gets me is how much worse she is than Omar but Omar gets all of the attention because she “looks” the part. Tlaib has been over the line for a while. I give her no charitable interpretation

          3. Idle Hands

            The rapid pro Israel wing of the Republican party is every bit as bad as Omar. She’s an idiot and probably holds antisemitic views given her background, but the some of the pro Israel people are just as retarded and ridiculous. In short they deserve each other.

          4. AlmightyJB

            I agree and I actually didn’t think Omar was all that off base with her dual loyalty jab although it certainly did seem hypocritical.

          5. R C Dean

            I think there’s no question at all that Omar is an anti-Semite who wants to see the Jews eradicated from the Middle East. Plus, unless she has renounced her Somali citizenship (which as far as I know she hasn’t) she has actual, no-kidding dual loyalties.

            I think the anti-Semites and the pro-jihads are far, far worse than Israel’s amen corner.

            I haven’t really studied what Tlaib said, but the idea that the Palestinians were ever anything but unreservedly hostile to the Jews and to Israel is beyond ludicrous. The boss Muslim in Jerusalem was a big Hitler fan, for fuck’s sake.

          6. Count Potato

            “The rapid pro Israel wing of the Republican party is every bit as bad as Omar.”

            I don’t see how.

        2. Raston Bot

          I think what she was implying was that the Jews who displaced Palestinians had a good reason to GTFO of Europe.

    4. Raston Bot

      the universal response seems to be charlottesville charlottesville charlottesville charlottesville

  34. Pope Jimbo

    What is with the spike recently in stories about “Missing Native American Women”? Minnesoda just put on a parade to stop it

    Everytime I read these stories, I get very confused. Do the protesters realize that the vast majority of the victimizers are Indian men? White racists aren’t driving up to the res and kidnapping, raping and killing these women. The reason that so many of the disappearances/murders are unsolved is because normal law enforcement can’t investigate on the res. It has to be the tribal police or FBI and the locals aren’t much of a help to any of them.

    1. Winston

      Oh so the Canadianism is infecting your place!

      https://nationalpost.com/news/politics/mmiw-chief-commissioner-recommends-automatic-first-degree-murder-charges-for-killings-of-indigenous-women

      Marion Buller told a parliamentary committee this week that homicides involving Indigenous women must be treated automatically as first-degree murder. She also said that in criminal cases where the complainant is an Indigenous woman, judges must consider that fact as an aggravating factor when sentencing the offender.
      “Nothing less than that is going to protect the safety of Indigenous women, girls and members of the 2SLGBTQQIA communities,” she told the Senate committee on legal and constitutional affairs, which is studying Bill C-75, the Liberals’ wide-ranging justice reform bill. “Otherwise, the criminal justice system is seen to further devalue their safety.”

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        “2SLGBTQQIA”

        You should get that checked.

        1. Winston

          It’s sad that the “lgtqwerty” joke is indeed spot on.

        2. grrizzly

          2S stands for Two-Spirit, an authentically Canadian contribution to the abbreviation.

          1. Not Adahn

            Male, female, and maple.

      2. AlmightyJB

        Would this charge apply to indigenous men?

    2. Gadfly

      Do the protesters realize that the vast majority of the victimizers are Indian men? White racists aren’t driving up to the res and kidnapping, raping and killing these women. The reason that so many of the disappearances/murders are unsolved is because normal law enforcement can’t investigate on the res.

      Seems to me like the protesters have a burden to help these people, and if that involves taking over their lands and running it for them, well…eggs and omelettes.

    3. Tres Cool

      So Im supposed to start feeling bad for my occasional trips to ndngirls.com ?

      1. Tres Cool

        that link is NSFW, by the way

      2. Sean

        Today, at gliberatarians, I learned…

        1. Raven Nation

          How to spell?

          1. Sean

            Apparently not. ?

    4. The Last American Hero

      Same thing happening in Washington. See the tribes are sovereign when it comes to not paying the same taxes. or getting gaming licenses, or expanded hunting and fishing limits. But when they have extreme rates of alcoholism, poverty, and missing women, suddenly the great white chief needs to come in an fix things.

  35. Gadfly

    I feel like the British public is trying to tell their MPs something… Something like, “yes, we really expect you to GTFO of the EU”.

    FTA:

    Meanwhile, voting intentions for the Westminster elections show the Brexit Party would also be snapping at the Tories’ heels in a general election.

    Labour is out in front with 28% support, followed by the Tories on 22%, the survey shows, but the Brexit Party is just behind on 21%.

    That general election polling is a bigger deal than the EU parliament polling. If that truly represents the feelings of the people, then the Tories would be wise to do an abrupt about-face on the issue. Although it should be noted that the Brexit Party, while primarily pulling from the Tories, is also pulling decent amounts from the other parties as well (the poll is showing Labour down 12 points and the Tories down 20 points from the previous election).

  36. Pope Jimbo

    Local lefty columnist: On the economy, Obama owns Trump

    On January 20, 2017, the day Trump took office, the Dow Jones industrial average was at 19,827. It’s had a good run during his first two plus years, and it closed Friday at 25,942. That’s an impressive gain of 30.8 percent, but let’s not be stingy. Let’s call it 31 percent. (Note: as of publication of this story Monday morning, the Dow was down more than 600 points, or 2.4 percent.)

    But here’s the thing. During the same period of Barack Obama’s first term, from Inauguration Day 2009, until the close on May 12, 2011, the closest equivalent date during his presidency, the Dow rose from 8,280 to 12,696, a growth of 65 percent.

    SUCK IT TRUMP!! Oh, I’m sure you Trumpistas are saying this is only one data point. Well hang on:

    In 2009, the first year of Obama’s presidency, unemployment hit 9.9 percent, its highest level since the Great Depression. But starting in 2010, the unemployment rate fell for eight straight years, namely the eight years when the economy was essentially under Obama policy. By 2016, Obama’s last year in office, unemployment measured 4.7 percent (down from 9.9 percent.) In 2017, the first year of Trump’s term (but before many of his policies were implemented) it fell to 4.1 percent.

    In 2018, with the Trump tax cuts and other magical elements of Trumpism on the books, it fell again to 3.9 percent. So, depending on how you count those swing years, unemployment fell by a 5.8 percentage points under Obama policy over eight years and 0.2 percentage points under Trump’s policies through the end of 2018.

    So there! You can’t argue with math.

    1. Yusef changed his handle

      Bullshit

    2. Sean

      That’s sad.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        No. That is funny. The fact that he openly lays out that the stock market went up by 6K under Trump, but Obama’s 4K gain in twice the time is better because of percentages.

        And the gibbering commenters all thanking him for arming them with FACTS that they can use in their next argument with Trump supporters.

        1. Raston Bot

          i think he limited his date range to an equivalent time of Obama’s first term. he stops at May 11, 2011.

    3. A Leap at the Wheel

      Yeah, why come Trump not make it -1.7% unemployment!!!!

      Fucking idiot.

    4. Raston Bot

      DJIA is going to price in administration policy as soon as the winds are determined. Trump’s stock market started the day Hillary lost b/c the polls were so fucked. call it 18.5K. DJIA dropped from 11K to 7K right before Obama first won so you could argue His Holiness’ policies took it from 11K to 13K. that aint 65%.

    5. Gadfly

      The problem is people who think like this don’t believe that the economy can do anything on its own. The fact that unemployment was at 9.9% during Obama’s first year to them means it would have stayed at 9.9% forever had Obama not saved us all. But of course that is not the case, the economy has a will of its own and if left alone would probably heal faster than it did under the micromanagers. But to them the fact that it healed at all on Obama’s watch is proof that he healed it.

      1. Tulip

        Eh, I think this guy thinks that way, but the more sophisticated recognize multiple equilibria and argue that the economy was stuck in a bad equilibria and needed government action to shock it out of the bad equilibria. I’m not saying they’re right, just not all that argue for government action are naive caricatures.

  37. Count Potato

    “Sweden prosecutors reopen Julian Assange rape probe, seek extradition

    Prosecutors in Sweden reopened a rape case against WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, a month after he was forcibly removed from the Ecuadorian Embassy in London and after a U.S. extradition request over computer hacking charges.

    The decision complicates U.S. efforts to try Assange for leaking classified documents.

    A sexual assault investigation into Assange was dropped two years ago because prosecutors were not able to continue their case while he was holed up in the embassy. It was reopened Monday at the request of one of the alleged victims.

    The incident allegedly took place 10 years ago. Assange maintains he is innocent.

    As part of the probe, prosecutors renewed an extradition request for Assange, raising a competing claim that could frustrate attempts to see him stand trial in the U.S. It is not clear which extradition request will take priority, said Eva-Marie Persson, Sweden’s deputy director of public prosecutions, during a news conference in Stockholm.”

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2019/05/13/wikileaks-julian-assange-swedish-prosecutors-resume-rape-probe-extradition-us-hacking-charge/1186403001/

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      What a shitshow.

    2. Raston Bot

      It is not clear which extradition request will take priority, said Eva-Marie Persson

      it’s crystal clear to me.

      U-S-A
      U-S-A
      U-S-A

      he’s a publisher. innocent!

  38. Winston

    https://twitchy.com/brettt-3136/2019/05/13/equality-new-republic-says-game-of-thrones-seems-to-suggest-women-are-as-bad-as-men/

    Apparently showing female rulers doing bad things is now sexist or something. I thought showing women as calm rational nurturers was sexist?

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      It was instigated by Valenti, who has the intellect of a retarded koala.

      1. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

        Ask her what she thinks of Margaret Thatcher.

    2. Akira

      Proposition A: Women are steely-eyed hardasses who can mine coal, haul lumber, fight a war, run a government, and write algorithms just as well (if not better) than any man.

      Proposition B: Women are precious little damsels with delicate sensibilities who need to be protected and provided for by big strong men.

      Feminism is all about dancing between these two propositions a la Homer Simpson at the American Embassy in Australia.

      1. AlmightyJB

        They have no agency either way.

        https://youtu.be/pBz0BTb83H8

    3. Urthona

      “I am often asked why I’m so good at writing women, which I don’t think I am. I just write them as if they’re people and i know what it’s like to be a person”.

      — George rr Martin. (Paraphrased).

      1. I think of a man. And then I take away reason and accountability.

      2. The Last American Hero

        Who thinks he’s good at writing women?

        1. Tundra

          Melvin Udall.

          I think of a man. And I take away reason and accountability

  39. Pope Jimbo

    Which Glib almost got away 25 years ago

    On that day, 25 years ago this week, Casey – a Silverback Gorilla whose weight was said to be 400 pounds or more – was able to climb the wall of his sunken outdoor exhibit, and proceeded to roam the zoo grounds for close to 45 minutes before he was shot with a tranquilizer, then made his way back to from where he’d come.

    1. AlmightyJB

      I would not want to run into a Silverback.

      1. Count Potato

        He wouldn’t have any reason to attack you.

        1. AlmightyJB

          The ones at our zoo seem pretty aggressive.

  40. For Rhywun and other Carpenter Brut fans – https://youtu.be/5aXZjbIzVGY

    One last kickstarter to fund the final effects shots (and extending the length of the flick by 60%). Pretty cool.

    Previously backed for the Blu-Ray. Think I’ll chip in for the CD this time around.

    1. And yeah…after Doug TenNapel’s last amazing indiegogo of “Bigfoot Bill” – thought I’d get in on the ground floor with his next one – first Earthworm Jim graphic novel. Looks like fun.

      https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/earthworm-jim-the-comic-book/x/6734996#/

    2. AlmightyJB

      Looks cool. First I’ve heard of it.

      1. Yeah…I don’t think the link from the youtube vid is working properly either though – just in case: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2050134024/blood-machines-the-last-campaign?ref=nav_search&result=project&term=blood%20machines

    3. Rhywun

      Oh, wow. I might be able to open my wallet for that.

    4. Juan-Baptiste Emmanuel Seguin

      Didn’t realize there were other carpenter brut fans here.

      1. Hells yeah. Got all his stuff and got Rhywun hooked with trailers like these: https://youtu.be/4hyALGKwluA

        Lot of good fan vids out there now (AMVs, etc) on youtube.

        Still need to get one of the new shirts though.

        1. Rhywun

          Yeap that’s the one. Instant buy for me. I was thrilled that the compilation of all III EP’s had recently come out.

  41. grrizzly

    Trump must have infiltrated the Boston Globe.

    Biden needs to run to the left — all the Democrats do

    Use your position atop the crowded presidential field to set the right tone, Biden: Run left.
    And drag the rest of the moderates there too.

    1. AlmightyJB

      Lol.

    2. Tonio

      IOW, sacrifice the one advantage he has over most of the pack? LOL

      We are going to see so much agonized, self-serving ink spilt where partisans explain to the rivals of their preferred candidates what those rivals should do to secure the nomination.

      1. Urthona

        Exactly. This thing is a done deal. His job now is to say as little as possible until he secures the nomination.

        1. Winston

          His job now is to say as little as possible

          The one thing Joe does not do? LOL!

          1. Urthona

            It probably won’t matter is my guess, but definitely he should avoid having positions on issues.

    3. Urthona

      They wish.

    4. Winston

      Well his plagiarizing of the speeches of Labour Party leaders will be an asset now.

    5. leon

      Yes! Yes! Going farther Left will bring all the moderates with you.

      Unfortuantly people are so stupid that if enough people went left they would probably would start thinking that everyone who didn’t were just right wing extreemists.

      1. BakedPenguin

        They already do.

    6. Rhywun

      The planet is dying.

      Welp, I made it to the end of the first sentence.

    7. Chipwooder

      The planet’s not dying – it’s on FUCKING FIRE!! Just ask Bill Nye the Sorta Sciency Guy.

    1. Rhywun

      How about states stop fucking playing favorites and subsidizing them first?

    2. AlmightyJB

      That’s awesome. When do we start calling them “The Company”.

  42. Re: the GoT thread this morning. I’m a huge Terry Goodkind fan, but I’ll be the first to admit – “Legend of the Seeker” falls pretty far from the tree. Admittedly, I don’t think I’d read anything quite as graphic as “Wizards First Rule” up until the time I picked up that book in High School. Goodkind started on a weird sort of insanely graphic tear but leveled off a few books later – and “Faith of the Fallen” is probably one of the best anti-Communist/Free-Market books I’ve ever read – fantasy or otherwise.

    I think I might still have a book or two to pick up for the series after the main saga ended…haven’t had time/inclination to follow up recently.

    OTOH, the tv show was basically a Xena level syndicated fantasy from the get-go (worthless for that type of content) and got canceled after the second season. Will probably rewatch my DVDs in the future, but pretty disapointing.

    1. mexican sharpshooter

      The show was awful. They sorta got Zedd right, and Kahlan was quite easy on the eyes, but it strayed so far from the books and I kept looking for Lucy Lawless to jump out of the next corner.

      1. Yeah….and I’m a big Bruce Spence fan too so I’ll watch anything he’s in. He’s got the build for Zedd, but I would never have cast him in that role. (at least we got some red leather if not the rest of the thematic stuff).

        1. mexican sharpshooter

          Yeah…the potential for red leather-clad women is about the only reason I kept watching.

    2. Gustave Lytton

      I got sucked into Goodkind for a bunch of books but the meandering plots that never went anywhere and lecturing heavier than Rand finally got me to throw in the towel.

      1. I liked all the subplots and the peripheral characters, I just couldn’t take Richard as a hero, he may have been the first ‘Mary-sue’ that I noticed (before I even knew what the term meant (and I may not be using it correctly now)) How many times did he do the impossible just because he really really wanted to, or worse just happened to ‘know’ the right way. I Don’t remember exactly but there was a time he was stuck in a dessert or somesuch and on a whim decided to go to one of the sand towers and raise his sword and presto he’s not lost anymore, I clearly remember thinking as I read that “C’mon dude! fucksake, give your readers some credit” Hell even Piers Anthony made his characters reason out all his silly pun based riddles before they ‘solved’ them.

  43. leon

    If t wasn’t known before: Tom Cotton is a retard.

    1. Chipwooder

      NARRATOR: It was known.

  44. DEG

    to handle a slightly larger hard drive than the “classic” 40MB external currently operating our graphics storage

    80 MB?

    Switzerland’s first new concept ‘VIP bedroom’ cinema has opened in Cinema Pathé in Spreitenbach – but operators are not concerned that any inappropriate activity will take place during film screenings.

    I guess whether or not hanky-panky takes places depends on what type of movies they show. On the other hand…. Rule 34.

  45. Count Potato

    In other news, here’s a cosplayer with big boobs

    https://twitter.com/ana_chuu

    1. Rhywun

      Heart overload

      1. Tundra

        I’m sure she’s a really nice person IRL.

  46. SP

    So, last night I was in need of some mindlessness, so I half-assed watched an episode of a TV show from the late 1980s on Prime Video while I was doing something else. I look up at the screen and say, “I think that’s…Bruce Jenner!” I look at the “X-ray” thing which lists the cast in the scene, and nope, Bruce Jenner isn’t listed.

    But Caitlyn Jenner is.

    Then the opening credits run and it says Bruce Jenner.

    I was very surprised that the owners of the show didn’t have to go back and change those credits. That tells you where I think we are as a society.

    Also, watching him on screen, I could see where he might have felt like a chick all his life. I mean, her life.

    1. Tundra

      Last night, or about 5 in the morning?

      Thanks for fixing everything. Your admirers were pretty distressed!

      1. SP

        No, actually only about 2330 AZ.

        And you’re welcome. I’m working on a finalpermanent solution.

    2. Rhywun

      That tells you where I think we are as a society.

      It means we have more work to do before we have reached peak utopia.

    3. Gustave Lytton

      IMDb (owned by Amazon) lists most of his/her pre change roles as (as Bruce Jenner) just like they do with other name changes, spelling mistakes or differences from the listed name.

      1. SP

        He has been so completely off my radar that I’ve never looked him up in IMDB. (Which I always have open on my mobile device while watching old movies or shows from the 1960s and earlier.)

    4. KSuellington

      Bruce was likely taking assloads of steroids back in the day, and not just any steroids, but 70’s era roids. He went from relatively average dude to super decathlon man in a very short period. I’d bet that had to have had some kind of mental after effects.

    5. blackjack

      I noticed exactly that while watching CHiPs recently. His inner self actually is apparent even back in the late seventies. And yeah, this morning’s absence made the hearts fonder. Thanks for saving the day.

  47. Fatty Bolger

    Impossible Foods’ meatless burgers have made it a $2 billion company

    Anybody tried one of these things? There are a few chains that have started selling them at selected stores, including Burger King and Carl’s Jr.

    1. Akira

      I’m a believer that a high-protein food like ground beef is a perfectly acceptable part of a healthy diet (especially for someone who lifts weights) so I don’t see any reason for me to go out and buy one.

      1. Urthona

        Also it involves Premature Bovine Death, which is always a plus and coincidentally the name of my metal band.

    2. Chipwooder

      Why the hell would I eat that monstrosity?

    3. Tres Cool

      My Kroger offered me a serious coupon for them, and I was going to pick some up but whenever Im in the meat dept. of the store, it never registers with me.
      So, no.

    4. straffinrun

      Meatless burgers? Nah, unless they’re served in crotchless panties.

      1. Sean

        Who’s wearing the panties? You or the burger?

        /confused

    5. Rhywun

      They can’t make a sugar substitute that’s convincing after how many decades and we’re supposed to believe they’ve conquered meat? Call me skeptical.

      1. Akira

        My mom and brother became vegetarian about a year before I moved out on my own. I remember them always cooking imitation meat and swearing up and down that it tastes exactly like the real thing, then I’d take a sample and find that it tastes like ground-up mushrooms and cardboard.

        I understand and accept that people like what they like, and I have no interest in changing anyone’s dietary habits… But it puzzles me that so many people go for half-assed imitations of meat when there are so many great dishes you can make that are already vegetarian. Tons of Asian dishes with tofu, a whole world of Indian curries, the list goes on…

    6. Raphael

      I saw a show with Glenn Beck and a guest or two eating that stuff and they seemed to really like it. Only bad part about it was that they were eating a reheated one.

    7. BEAM’s not a team player

      I have. They were a disappointment, particularly compared to some of the “President’s Choice” meatless burgers you can buy at any Real Canadian Superstore. I wouldn’t pay money for one again.

  48. MAAAAAMMARY MONDAAAAAY!!!!

    https://thechive.com/2019/05/12/sexy-girls-in-sports-bras-will-have-you-sweating-before-you-even-hit-the-gym-40-photos/

    I’ve said it before, but sports bras on a hot girl are the next best thing to a birthday suit.

  49. Tres Cool

    And for the SW Ohio glibs, today being May 13th, I heard #513 hyped on WLW a couple times today

    1. blackjack

      I thought you were claiming # 513 as your pick of Q’s Chive offerings. I thought that must be a huge gallery he posted, and what’s up with browsing through a half a grand’s worth?

  50. すべての女性がStraffinのコックをしたいです

    1. straffinrun

      Dude, put an age limit on that 女性. 18歳以上の女性…

      1. Raphael

        Terms and conditions may apply as well?

        1. straffinrun

          Heh. Also, not sure why all women want to do my cook.

          1. Google translate says something very different!

          2. straffinrun

            At work, but コック is “cook”. Cock? I dunno. かっく maybe.

  51. Raphael

    Salutations, fellow glibs. Feels nice being back after taking a break. Hope y’all have been well.

    I for one am not a fan of those bedroom cinemas.

    1. RAPH.

      Did you get that apartment in Kabukicho? The Japanese ladies need a taste of Raph.

      1. Raphael

        Haha, no not yet. I got a second round job interview today though so once I find out about if I got the job or not, that’s when apartment hunting will start. Kabukicho just might be a bit out of my price range, but there’s always taking the date to a love hotel in that area.

        1. The two of you can get a capsule hotel room together.

        2. straffinrun

          Good luck. Go with Western Tokyo if you get the chance.

          1. Raphael

            Ted please, the capsules can barely fit me and I’m not exactly a yuge guy.

            Will do, Straff. How far west we talking? Hachioji is all right, but Musashino is pretty great too.

    1. Rhywun

      OFFS

    2. Breet Pharara

      Can we just start claiming everything good is caused by climate change?

      Low unemployment -> Climate change

      Downward trend in violence -> Climate change

      Average bra size increasing –> Climate change

      1. “Average bra size increasing –> Climate change”

        *starts burning tires in the front yard*

      2. Fatty Bolger

        You can try, but it will probably get you banned from Twitter and Facebook. If not today, soon.

  52. My inlaws happen to be in town.

    Getting the drinking started early.

    Rockin’ this:

    https://www.ratebeer.com/beer/rate/671232/

    Tastes like a freshly cleaned vagina (damn I’m drunk).

    1. Do they have n9ce tits?

      1. The inlaws? Not really.

        The beer I can imagine having tits but it’s not particularly appealing/realistic.

    2. Raphael

      Not big into Pale Ales but that one sounds pretty nice.

  53. straffinrun
    1. Raphael

      Imagine those bits with Dr. Evil whenever he has to correct people.

    2. It must be Hell inside those people’s heads.

    3. Raven Nation

      “It’s a privilege to be indifferent about the Dr/Prof title.”

      Fuck that. Any student that doesn’t address by title gets a polite lesson in etiquette.

      “Nathaniel D Porter
      @faithfulchange
      Honest question I struggle with. As a white-cis-male, is it better to expect my credentials be recognized too (go by Dr., etc.) in solidarity or to downplay mine while explicitly recognizing those of others with less privilege?”

      Dude, I doubt she’s going to screw you even if you intellectually prostrate yourself.

      1. I deliberately tell people not to call me “Dr.” simply from personal preference. I didn’t do it for a title; however, you work your fucking ass off you can have people call you whatever you want. “Privilege” or other associated bullshit is absurd.

        1. Raven Nation

          Well, just to be clear, I actively stop other people from using my title. I just expect it from students.

        2. you can have people call you whatever you want

          You can try, personally, I’m calling you ‘Mister X’ or ‘Missus X’ until we’re on first name basis, you pull that ‘It’s “Doctor”, or It’s “Your Honor” shit, then I’m going to insist you refer to me as “Carpenter Hyperbole” or better yet “Craftsman Hyperbole”

          1. Raven Nation

            Yessir, your Hyperboleness

          2. It’s “The Hyperboleness”

          3. MikeS

            Even at your doctor’s office?

          4. Rhywun

            I don’t have a fancy title but if I did, my instinct – I think – would be to never demand or even suggest it be used. That’s just a level of awkward I’m not comfortable with.

  54. AlmightyJB

    Light Sabre Nunchucks

    https://youtu.be/XDFkDZ4HW3k

  55. Raphael

    I just* imagine

  56. Seems like bad financial planning…

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7024883/Almost-two-thirds-Millennials-live-paycheck-paycheck-just-38-feel-financially-stable.html

    When I was in grad school, I made about $23000/year in stipend. Granted, things were cheaper then, but I still had enough for a shithole apartment, beer and drinks for bar sluts on weekends.

    I even managed to save a little bit.

    1. Rhywun

      Or, it seems like every generation ever. This isn’t news, people. If anything, millennials are the richest young people ever.