SEA SMITH PROUD PRESENT…CRYPTID CHRISTMASTIME LINKS! HE ASK COUSIN STEVE SMITH AND FRIEND ZARDOZ GIVE LINKS FOR FUNNY GIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS. SEA SMITH MORE “MC” THAN GIVE LINK. HE BUSY LATELY…JUST WANT TRY THAI FOODS.
SO HERE ARE COUSIN STEVE SMITH!
STEVE SMITH NO FORGET (((HOLIDAY)))
STEVE SMITH SAY MAKE SURE PUT ON GOOD MUSIC FOR CHRISTMASTIME!
STEVE SMITH MAKE SURE CHRISTMAS MERRY!STEVE SMITH HOLD MISTLETOE OVER HEAD.
HIM NO RAPE SANTA!
THIS EASY LISTENING.
STEVE SMITH TRY GET “VISIT STEVE SMITH CAVE” IN LIST. THEM NO PUT IN. STEVE SMITH WONDER WHYCOME NOT?
THIS SILLY. STAY SCHOOL, LEARN! NO MAKE TRAFFIC BAD.
NOW YOU GET LINKS FROM FRIEND ZARDOZ!
FREE CASCADIA!
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. MERRY CLEANSEMAS…ER, CHRISTMAS, CHOSEN ONES. ZARDOZ HAS IT EASY, FOR SHOPPING. IT IS ALWAYS THE GIFT OF THE GUN! THE GUN IS GOOD – IT SHOOTS DEATH AND CLEANSES THE FILTH OF BRUTALS. HOWEVER, ZARDOZ HAS COME TO GIVE LINKS, NOT INSTRUCT. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!
OUI, OUI. DEFY…VERY NICE. BUT WHY NO CLEANSING? THIS SITUATION CALLS FOR MADAME GUILLOTINE TO REAPPEAR!
HMMM. A BIT TOO UNSTABLE FOR THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS.
THIS APPEARS TO BE A GOOD INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY IN THE MAKING! … WHY ARE THE CHOSEN ONES LAUGHING? WHAT COULD GO WRONG WITH THEIR SOVEREIGN DEBT?
HI FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS! SEA SMITH GLAD TO SEE YOU (AND HE HAVE SWORDFISH IN POCKET, HAHA!). IT FRIDAY, SO SEA SMITH KNOW LAND HOOMANS WANT RELAX. SEA SMITH RELAX TOO. HIM HAVE A LITTLE FUN, MAKE SHIP GO ALL OVER PLACE. BUT HIM NO DO THIS! THAT PROBABLY FRIEND NINGEN. HE LIKE EAT SCRAP. MMMM…GET IRON!
BUT YOU HERE FOR FUN, NO STORYS. SO SEA SMITH GIVE FUN…ADVICE ON MANNERS! SEA SMITH HAVE GOOD MANNERS. HE ALWAYS SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU WHEN RAPE SHIP. AND CREW. AND NEARBY FISHES. AND CORAL REEFSES.
Q: I am a female graduate student at a theological school, where my daily life involves much reading, studying and writing. I use the library every day.
What is one to do when there are others using the library who obviously have a cold or sinus issues, but who seem completely oblivious of the disturbance — not to mention disgust — caused by their constant snorting and snuffling? And why does it seem that primarily men are guilty of this? As I write, there are two men snorting and hawking loudly — one man in his late 20s and another in his late 50s. Didn’t their mothers teach them to go to the bathroom and blow their noses?
Would it be rude to bring to their attention their disturbance of other library patrons? Or to offer them — politely — some tissue?
A: WHYCOME YOU TELL US YOU FEMALE GRADUATE STUDENT? WHO CARE? WHY HAVE ANYTHING DO WITH RUNNY NOSE RUDE HOOMANS? FOR THEM, JUST GO OVER AND LAUGH IN THEM FACES AND SAY “YOU DIE OF PLAGUE, HA HA!” THEN TAUNT WITH TISSUE. IF THAT NO WORK, CALL SEA SMITH TO COME RAPE THEY NOSES.
Q: A few years ago, I had medical treatments that caused the loss of my hair. My hair has grown back, but the hair above my forehead is now short and wispy.
I recently went to a hair salon for a trim. The hairdresser pulled the short strands of hair, started laughing, and said, “What’s this?” I didn’t think she would ever stop laughing. I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to say.
I don’t think this will happen again, but if it does, what should I say? I don’t want to mention my health problems.
A: THIS ONE IS PAYBACK SAME WAY. STAND IN DOOR OF SALON START YELL “LOOK WHAT BAD HAIR CUTTER DO! NO COME HERE, IT BAD!” ALL WHILE POINT AT HEAD. THEY BUSINESS GO DOWN. IF THAT NO WORK, CALL SEA SMITH. HE COME AND RAPE HAIR, CHAIRS AND HAIR CUT TOOLS.
SEA SMITH HAPPY SEE GLIBERTARIAN AND HOOMANS…AND HAVE SWORDFISH IN POCKET! HAHAHAHA! AFTER MAKE GOOD JOKE, SEA SMITH WANT GIVE ADVICE. HE LIKE ADVICE, AND GIVE JUST LIKE COUSIN STEVE SMITH AND FUNNY STONE HEAD. HERE GOOD ADVICE. FROM SEA SMITH:
Q.I lost my best friend to suicide last year and, in the aftermath, became close to her husband. We eventually began a romantic relationship. She had left him six months before she died and they were in the middle of a divorce. Her death was a complete surprise. Despite all this, we have worked hard to be open and honest and build a good foundation, and I am very happy in this relationship. It has been a mutually good thing for the both of us to have close support and be able to start to heal.
We have five children between us, and for the most part, they have smoothly transitioned into this new chapter between our families; they all get along, as they had known one another somewhat before this. However, my boyfriend’s 12-year-old daughter, “Polly,” isn’t having an easy time. Her dad has said that she likes me as a person, but she’s got mixed feelings about him dating. I completely understand that, and I am doing my very best to be very careful. She just lost her mother and is hurting, and I do not want to put pressure on her to accept me.
Polly recently started confronting her father about the fact that we have sex, which upsets her greatly. She has told him we can date, but that she does not want us to have sex or be alone together because she wants to have him all to herself. She screams at him before bed and then will loudly cry herself to sleep every night over this, even when I am not staying over there (which I do about four nights a month).
My partner is a very attentive father and has had many conversations with her about this relationship. He lets her know that she can express her feelings about it to him and they’ll work through it, but tells her that our sex life is none of her business and she needs to drop it. I personally feel the same way; I have no problem backing off while she adjusts and I will do whatever I can to make her feel more comfortable, but I am at a loss as to what to do about this particular fixation she has with us having sex. I am very conscious about not being too touchy-feely with him in front of the kids, but I am not about to have a 12-year-old dictate my sex life. Short of leaving the relationship, I’m unsure of what else to do here. I appreciate any advice!
A. SEA SMITH HAVE ANSWER. PUT SMALL HOOMAN WHO COMPLAIN INTO BOAT. AIM BOAT AT NORTH POLE. PUSH BOAT AWAY SHORE. PROBLEM SOLVED!
IF FATHER NO LIKE IDEA, MAYBE SEND SMALL HOOMAN TO WORK IN MONOCLE MINE? TRY FIND USEFUL PLACE. THEN CAN MATE WITH MURDERER GRIEVING WIDOWER.
Q. Is it bad manners to finish someone else’s plate without asking? I will leave half a sandwich to finish later, and my husband will come along and eat it without even asking if I am going to finish it. And most times it is the only sandwich like it. I cannot duplicate it or remake it.
A. THIS EASY ONE! EAT HALF SANDWICH. PUT FISHHOOK IN OTHER HALF. WAIT FOR FUNNY YELL AND BLEED! HE NO STEAL FOOD AGAIN.
FRIEND NINGEN STEAL SUB TOO!
Q. We have a small house, and family and friends are always welcome. We also have six cats, and their care and comfort are important.
We have to keep our cats separate so they don’t fight (everyone is spayed/neutered; they just don’t get along), so two cats live in what used to be our guest room.
We explain this to our overnight guests, several of whom are allergic to cats and/or don’t like cats, and they still insist everything will be fine. They then refuse to let the cats in the room during the day, while the distressed cats howl and claw the door.
Frankly, I don’t care if the cats take their jewelry, but I do care if the cats choke on it.
There are also simple things that must be done when living with cats, like making sure indoor cats don’t run out the door, keeping toilet lids down, and keeping breakable things out of their reach. It seems our guests simply don’t care, and don’t comply. I don’t see why this is all so hard to understand. The cats need care and consideration; they are not disposable furry houseplants.
To be fair, we stay with these pet-less folks when visiting them, so we can’t ask them not to stay with us. I’ve even tried putting Post-it notes around the house, reminding guests to keep doors and toilet lids closed, etc., which was considered rude. How do we handle this situation politely so there are no hurt feelings?
A. *SNIFF, SNIFF* SEA SMITH CAN SMELL CAT URINE! CRAZY CAT PEOPLE, TELL OTHER HOOMANS, “GO AWAY! CATS RUN HOUSE, US IS SERVANTS OF FELINES.” IF OTHER HOOMANS STILL INSIST ON SHOW UP, SNEAK DOOR OPEN, LET CAT PUKE HAIRBALL ON LUGGAGE. THEM NO COME BACK.
SEA SMITH GLAD HE GET LINKS TONIGHT. HE TIRED FROM ALL TROPICAL STORMS. MAKE MESS, SEA SMITH HAVE CLEAN UP. BY CLEAN UP, MEAN FIND STRANDED SHIPS, RAPE SHIPS. SEA SMITH SAY STAY SAFE ON BIG WATER!
SEA SMITH GIVE LINKS, THEN ADVICE. THIS MAKE SEA SMITH HAPPY. THEN HE GO READ AND STUDY. WANT LEARN WHERE MORE SHIPS GO.
HERE LINKS:
SEA SMITH REMEMBER ALL HERE LAUGH AT SILLY SHIP FALL OVER. NOW IT LEAK! REMEMBER, NOT SEA SMITH FAULT!
Q. I have a dear friend with whom I enjoy socializing at luncheons and dinners, and we sometimes travel together. She is blessed with a handsome income, and enjoys shopping.
I spent 20-plus years as a single mother, with a decent income but rarely money to burn. My child is now on his own with a good career. I continue to be frugal, but never “cheap.”
My friend insists I join her in shopping at high-end stores where I feel extremely uncomfortable. She has the means and desire to buy $5,000 purses (she has several) and $700 shoes, but even though I’ve enjoyed a healthy six-figure income the last several years, I still see no sense in spending that kind of money on a functional item.
So while she shops to impress, I sit with my $29.99 sale purse and $80 shoes, feeling like the proverbial fish out of water. I feel very embarrassed. If I opt out of any store, she is visibly upset.
How do I politely tell her I am not interested in what the new “It” spring bag looks like? (I frankly think they’re ugly, and really don’t get why anyone would spend $3,500 on a bag made of coated fabric and not leather.)
This issue has escalated. Whereas she used to enjoy a bargain as I did, now she only wants to steer us into the stores of the rich and famous. And yes, I do think she’s showing off, but her actions are only making me sour on the friendship.
A. SEA SMITH DISAPPOINT. WHY YOU NOT HIT OVER HEAD AND TAKE ALL MUNNIES? WAIT, BETTER IDEA! TELL “FRIEND” WANT GO BEACH – VERY FANCY BEACH. SEA SMITH WAIT, GREET FRIEND. BY GREET, MEAN RAPE AND TAKE ALL MUNNIES. THEN HER HAVE SHOP CHEAP STORES. AND SEA SMITH HAVE MUNNIES TO BUY NEW IPHONE!
SEA SMITH NOT REALLY APPLE TYPE CRYPTID. BUT HE LIKE CAMERA. AND WATERPROOF, HE HEAR!
Q. I received an invitation to a party that I’m pretty sure I wasn’t expected to attend. We are not close, and I live several states away.
I did send my regrets, and a congratulatory email. The only reason I hesitate to send a card is because people seem to expect a gift card/cash/check to accompany a card.
This may sound like a bizarre question, but do people appreciate a card without a monetary gift? I feel like some people would say no. What are your thoughts?
A. WHYCOME SEA SMITH MUST GIVE SAME ADVICE? MAYBE DO DIFFERENT THIS TIME… YES, HE GET IDEA. TELL PARTY PERSON, YOU COME IN SEA MONSTER COSTUME. SEA SMITH GO PARTY AND ENJOY. BY ENJOY, MEAN RAPE HOST AND GUESTS, AND TAKE ALL MUNNIES.
HAHAHA! COUSIN YETI FACE, WHEN HE SEE SEA SMITH ATTACK!
SEA SMITH GIVE BIG STONE HEAD AND COUSIN STEVE SMITH NIGHT OFF. HE BACK FROM DROP COUSIN YETI ON SHORE IN ASIA. HE NOT SAY MUCH ON TRIP…JUST “GLUBGLUB, RAR!” A LOT. HAHA! NO MESS WITH SMITH FAMILY!
SINCE SEA SMITH IN PACIFIC, NO BLAME HE FOR THIS. BUT YOU HERE FOR LINKS, NOT SEA SMITH BLAME. SO HERE LINKS. NOW. FOR YOU.
SEA SMITH NOT SURE SPACE SMITH REAL…BUT THIS HE THROW ROCK?
SEA SMITH LAUGH. THEN CRY. THEN PUKE. WHAT IS “broadcasting impartiality rules”? HOW BBC NOT PAY 100,000,000,000,000 POUND?
THIS MAKE SEA SMITH WISH COULD HAVE POPCORN. IT GET ALL SOGGY IN OCEAN. MAYBE HE EAT POPCORN SHRIMP INSTEAD!
THIS HOOMAN GET SEA SMITH RESPECT, WHEN HIM TRY SEA SMITH A WHALE…BUT NOW HE SOUND CRAZY – “The CIA has attempted to collect us. We are at sea now and will report more soon. I will continue to be dark for the next few days,” BUT SEA SMITH HOPE THIS TRUE – “John has secreted data with individuals across the world. I know neither their identities or locations. They will release their payloads if John goes missing.” SEA SMITH RELEASE PAYLOAD, MISSING OR NO!
SEA SMITH SUB FOR CHEESE PERSON. HE HAVE FATHER’S DAY RELAX. SEA SMITH NO ACKNOWLEDGE PATERNITY ANYONE THING, SO HE FILL IN. SEA SMITH USED TO FILLING IN! HAHAHAHA! SEA SMITH STILL FUNNY.
SEA SMITH NOW GIVE PREVIEW OF WEEK. THAT HE KNOW ABOUT. HERE:
MONDAY – ANIMAL TALK ABOUT ADVENTURE HOOMAN NAME WEATHERBY. THE MIGHTY ONE (SP) HAS POLL FOR FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS.
TUESDAY – HOPE (((COLUMN))) NOT SO SAD AS LAST ONE. ONLY OMWC KNOW. WE WILL SEE. LATER WE SEE WOKE CHARMED. IT HARD READ ABOUT DERP ON SCREEN GLAD MLW DO IT.
WEDNESDAY – SEA SMITH THINK SUGARFREE HAVE A SAD AND SPECIAL HAT HAIR FOR US. TONIO CONTINUE MESS WITH BRAINS LATER ON. SEA SMITH NEED STOP SHIP WITH MUCH ADVIL ON IT. BY STOP, MEAN RAPE.
THURSDAY – TULIP REVIEW TALK ABOUT ENTERTAINMENT HOOMAN “BILLY IDOL”. NOT SURE WHAT NIGHT BRING. SO READ TULIP TWO TIMES.
FRIDAY – RC DEAN TEACH LAND HOOMANS “KETO COCKTAILS”. SEA SMITH DRINK RUM, LASH SAILORS AND…WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT NEXT! HAHAHAHA! BY NEXT, MEAN RAPE. SEA SMITH THINK IT COUSIN STEVE SMITH TURN FOR LINKS.
WEEKEND FUNNY WITH OMWC, SPUDALICIOUS, NOT ADHAN, MEXICAN SHARPSHOOTER. CHEESE PERSON PROBABLY BACK DO PREVIEW.
SEA SMITH HAPPY HE GET TURN AT LINKS. HE LIKE WHEN HE GIVE LINKS FOR GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS. IT NICE BREAK FROM EXAMINE SHIPS. BY EXAMINE, MEAN RAPE. SHIPS. AND CREW. BUT SEA SMITH NOT BLAME SOMETIME. HE NOT NEAR GREECE! NOW SEA SMITH LAUGH – HE NOT STOP BY COATING. HE STILL “INVASIVE SPECIES” IYKWSSMAITYD.
ENJOY LINKS. THAT SEA SMITH GIVE. HERE. FOR YOU.
SEA SMITH SHOCKED. SHOCKED HE SAY! LUCKY SEA SMITH ANSWER EMAIL FROM OIL MINISTER LAST WEEK! SEA SMITH WAIT FOR TREASURE NOW.
THIS NOT PROBLEM FOR SEA SMITH. HE LAUGH AT HOOMANS WHO DO THIS.
THIS PLEASANT SURPRISE SEA SMITH. THEM NOT KNOW SAY “I WAS IN FEAR FOR MY LIFE” OR “FURTIVE MOVEMENT”?
SEA SMITH HELP OUT HURT CONFEDERATIO HELEVTICA LAND HOOMAN. HE GIVE GOOD LINKS SHOW SORRY! THEN GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS CAN COMMENT. ON GOOD LINKS SEA SMITH GIVE.
SEA SMITH SO HAPPY! HE GET DO MORNING LINKS. HE LIKE NEW LINKS WORLD ORDER. HE NOW GIVE GREAT LINKS FOR GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS. ENJOY. READ. COMMENT. BE HAPPY IT FRIDAY!
SEA SMITH GIVE LINKS ON FAVORITE SUBJECT. SHIP TROUBLE!
THIS FUNNY GLIBERTARIANS COMMENTER YUSEF?! HIM OK, NOT ON SHIP? THIS NO SEA SMITH FAULT. NO LIKE DARDANELLES. TOO HARD SAY.
JAPAN SHIP, NO HURT WHALE! STORY NOT WHAT YOU THINK. … WAIT, HOPE IT NOT FRIEND NINGEN! SEA SMITH GO CALL.
BLOOP?
THIS NO SEA SMITH FAULT! HE NO LIKE OIL TANKER. NO NEED LUBE. HAHAHAHA… SEA SMITH MAKE JOKE!
