I’m writing this way early because I’ll be out of town doing various fun, family and feasting things over Thanksgiving so all of the predictions that come true are extra-impressive. My first prediction is that I’ll be at the airport when this gets published which is a pretty risky prediction as anyone who has attempted to fly into Albany in the winter can attest to.
Lots of bad news in the skies this week, but much of it is annoyingly unspecific. Saturn-Venus-Luna can mean the end of a relationship, a decrease in passion in a current relationship, Lesbian Bed Death, menopause, or a relationship getting out of a sexual rut that it’s been in. Mars aligning with Mercury and the Earth can mean a soldier returning home, a soldier being called up from hoe to go to war, or your neighbors have a domestic disturbance that causes you problems. Sagittarius continues its karmic benevolence from last week, though less so, and for those born under this sign, this week will be a bit less than optimal (though still very good). Capricorn will be lucky in love purely by accident. The moon in Aquarius brings an enhancement to water in all of its forms.
I somehow made it out of town without my deck, and also have to write this up on a phone. While a lesser man would use that as an excuse to not provide you with that personal advice that you’ve come to depend on, I won’t let you down. I don’t have any suitable scapulae available, and my hosts wouldn’t appreciate the ritual evisceration that a good haruspex requires. Plus I’d need to do it twelve times, and that would cut into my holiday budget. There are many systems of divination based on the casting of tonnes, probably the most famous of which is the I Ching. I’m not going to cast that one either. Instead, I’m going to use a stripped-down version of the Celtic oracular casting sticks, or more specifically: coins. The prescient precision is imperfect with this, but the results should be just as reliable as any major technique.
I finished Mark Lawrence’s newest trilogy (Impossible Times). It is a closed loop time-travel story centering around a British D&D group. It starts in the early 80s, where the teen protagonist has cancer. He is visited by a future version of himself, who is focused on getting an advanced technology to record memories to his past version so they can record the memories of their sweetheart who will have a serious brain trauma in 30 years. Like all of Lawrence’s stuff, its very readable. I was disappointed about the deus ex machina in the third book that tied everything up in a neat “they all lived happily ever after” bow. Although I will say that the effort put into making the characters’ D&D campaign foreshadow the actual story is fun. Would read again, especially at the cheap price-point.
jesse.in.mb
Grindr.
Martin L. Shoemaker – The Last Dance (The Near-Earth Mysteries Book 1). I don’t know that it’s quite a mystery novel. The facts of the case are clear from the start and it’s a matter of context and judgement that make up the suspense of the novel. The sentiments are libertarianish about judgements needing to be made close to home. The cadence of the book was enjoyable, though maybe not to the point of being gripping. I’ll be interested in where Mr. Shoemaker takes the series.
JW
Krispy Kritters box. Man, this has really given me a new outlook on life.
mexican sharpshooter
I am afraid I have nothing for you this month.
OMWC
I have even less than mexican unless you want to hear about exciting things like Dow Guide to Flexible Foams. Having Mom here pretty much takes all my non-work time. The books are on the shelf crying in loneliness.
SP
I’m a little burnt out, so I’ve been reading escapist books. Mostly John Rebus books by Ian Rankin.
I also read The Red Baron of Arizona which could serve as a useful primer on how to become a con artist. This guy was seriously dedicated, going to great lengths to pull it off. The book was made into a movie starring Vincent Price, but it’s part of The Criterion Collection, so I haven’t seen it yet.
Does anyone here subscribe to the The Criterion Channel (TedS?)? Is it worth it?
SugarFree
I’ve been reading books about murderous children: Carrie and Firestarter by Stephen King, The Bad Seed by William March, The Midwich Cuckoos by John Wyndham, The Other by Thomas Tryon, “The Little Assassian” by Ray Bradbury, “Children of the Kingdom” by T. E. D. Klein. No real reason why, I just got interested. There are more for me to read. It’s a substantial subgenre.
This week we have a legendary apparition: Mercury aligned with Mars, the Earth, and the Moon with the Sun and Venus in opposition. With just a little bit of rearrangement, this is one of the most terrible signs you can see. It’s what was overhead when David sent Bathsheba’s husband off to be killed. Those born under that dark sign grow up to be prison guards. But fortunately for us, this configuration isn’t a sign of sadism, selfishness and the violent ending of happy lives, it’s a sign of a dark tide turning, of an attack that lifts a siege, or a second wind that allows someone to outrun their pursuers. Of course, this is only good news to you if your life is pretty shitty; if you’re doing ok, feel free to disregard this omen.
Things are coming up archers (great news for anyone involved in a shooting match) and while Sagittarius might have felt kind of bored with things remaining so static for so long, having Jupiter visiting you while your sun in in ascension is the kind of good fortune that only comes up rarely (but in a way that is completely predictable and calculable since the days of Pythagoras). The moon in Libra brings tension to everyone as the change/balance fight goes on and Scorpio speaks of unpleasant news, what with Mars and Mercury.
The cards indicate that this is going to be a pretty shitty week, money-wise. Sorry ’bout that.
Sagittarius: 10 of Cups reversed – Unperceived threat, indignation, violence
Capricorn: The Hanged Man reversed – Selfishness, the crowd, body politic
Aquarius: The Blank Card – It’s blank.
Pisces: 7 of Wands – Valour, discussion, negotiations, war of trade, barter, competition, success
Aries: Page of Coins – Application, study, scholarship, reflection, news, messages and the bringer thereof; also rule, management.
Taurus: Knight of Cups – Arrival, approach, proposition, invitation, incitement.
Gemini: King of Wands – Dark man, friendly, countryman, generally married, honest and conscientious.
Cancer: The Lovers reversed – Failure, foolish designs, marriage frustrated
Leo: 5 of Cups – loss, but something remains, inheritance, patrimony, transmissionbut not corresponding to expectations
Virgo: 3 of Wands reversed – The end of troubles, suspension or cessation of adversity, toil and disappointment.
Libra: King of Coins reversed – Vice, weakness, ugliness, perversity, corruption, peril
The following article is pure puffery. The intention is to deal with a topic thoughtfully but not necessarily thoroughly; further, a fact or two may be more than a bit bent. Read critically . . . and enjoy!
CFP: the Playoff should not be expanded
(and it need not exist at all)
There’s plenty of energy around the college football playoffs, how they should be configured, and who sh
ould be in them. Here’s a short essay that makes essentially three short points
a playoff isn’t needed at all and never was
the shape of a playoff doesn’t matter, but the shorter and smaller it is the better
it doesn’t much matter who should be in playoffs.
The quest for national consensus reached critical mass in 1998 with the rollout of the Bowl Championship Series and the crowning of the Tennessee Volunteers as its first champion. Since there is plenty written about the failings and risks and history of the BCS, we won’t get into describing how the teams were decided other than to say polls and computers arrived at the top two playoff teams who then met to decide the championship. Before the BCS, any number of polls and agencies (and universities!) declared champions, and everyone got along great agreement was rare.
cogito, ergo sum
There’s an emotional need for (perceived) exactness and certainly that some people have, so shared or disputed championships have riled nearly everyone: fans, alumni, players, boosters, and alien visitors in low orbit. It’s worth noting that plenty of writers and services had, even after Korea, declared national champions before bowl season even started; it was not nationally agreed that post-season play meant anything whatsoever (except, maybe, it proved only that a train ran from Yale to Florida). Because of conference obligations by bowl, the arguably best two teams seldom met, and odd results from the various bowls that were played made reconciling results impossible, so almost no one invested much energy in the notion of a national champion. To some extent, though, oxen were gored, and partisans screamed their cases and their critiques, but generally college football was just thought to be a fun diversion. Meanwhile, three hundred some odd national championships were claimed by various schools to account for the 150 years the game had been played: there is no right or wrong to any of those.
I guarantee it !
My notion about the championship fervor is that it has been fueled by the Super Bowl. The AFL and NFL were not giant leagues: originally most teams in either met and played once every year in the few (dozen) games, so selecting a champion by record to go the Super Bowl at least demonstrated some logic. The leagues would eventually grow and merge, and their popularity would soar in the last half of the twentieth century to tacitly symbolize and codify how all sports should be managed and seasons decided. The consolidated NFL would go on to acquire mythic proportion, displacing baseball as the both the national past-time and triplet to apple pie and motherhood. Ever since, the pointlessness of its burgeoning playoff schedule has seldom been remarked; the month-long festival came to fairly-well supplant or at least necessarily supplement the traditional holidays. Essentially, NFL playoffs came to be as emotionally necessary as Christmas, and that mania has corrupted and dominated everything ever since.
With the BCS, the best teams, on the NFL model, met . . . usually. Somebody had to win that game, and to some extent everyone was satisfied with the single, national result. Except that many were not, and I would simply point out that the dissatisfied people under the BCS are exactly the same sort of people as were dissatisfied before the BCS. If your ox was gored before, you were mad; if your ox was gored under BCS, you were still mad. This is the clearest and easiest critique of the BCS (and of any playoff): it resolves and it changes precisely nothing about whom we believe is the national champion.
The biggest challenges to the credibility of the BCS years are three:
Boise State seemed to repeatedly deliver perfect seasons in its humble conference but never earn much consideration for the finale.
An undefeated Auburn team (2004?) with one of the best offensive backfields to ever play the game was not voted into the finale.
USC and Ohio State won BCS championships while playing critical players who would later be ruled ineligible; indeed, both schools vacated considerable wins from that era. There is no universally satisfactory way to resolve the outcome of those seasons other than individual conjecture, which, of course, is how every season is, in the end, weighed in any regard, playoff or no.
The deepest concern has always been that deciding the top two teams has never been unanimous. For many, the one-game BCS finale could never be relied upon to make sure that an excellent, deserving third- or fourth-placed team might unfairly miss the big game. A longer, wider playoff would at least settle the question of polls, especially if a politburo of unassailable nobles could be convened to pick the four top teams without being corrupted by the influence of computers or polls or conference bias.
Thus was born the College Football Playoff system. Under the CFP, four teams play single elimination games in January to decide the previous year’s champion, and, generally, there has been a reduced tension about the outcome. But the logic for the four teams is not universally satisfactory and still raises a few questions.
Two four-seeds and a three- have made it into the CFP finale; both fours- won. This doesn’t solve or prove anything, though! Some are consoled that the champion, obviously the best team post hoc, survived being underrated (fourth!) to make it into the playoff and prove themselves: four teams works! But it might be that even more people are more certain now than ever that the playoff should be broadened: there well might be seven- and eight-seed teams that would win out if only they had the chance. Logic only tells us one thing: this argument never ends, no matter how many teams are added to the playoffs; someone will still argue the list, same as before, same as before there was a list.
Statistics tells us something worse: more playoff games afford more chances for the best team to fail to make it to the finale. By whatever criteria one might agree that a team is the best at the end of the season, and, to the extent that doG on his throne in Heaven could make sure that team was selected by the CFP committee to play amongst the final, say, sixteen, the extra games give that “best team” a greater chance to stumble and fall out of the process. This theoretically best team might lose a low-scoring affair by a single point to a team that is then eliminated in the next round, thinly as well, and so on . . . leaving us eventually with a champion who narrowly backed into winning it all after having a demonstrably worse season, which even a child would criticize.
This high-lights another question of ranking teams: what does a win prove? A game is a sort of coin flip, but you need to imagine a coin, in the case of 2019 Clemson, that probably comes up heads 90% of the time. As UNC proved this year, one needs only a tiny fraction of luck to be the team that is in town when tails comes up; more to the point: UNC had the coin standing on edge until it finally fell heads (insert sad trombone sound here). Pointy balls bounce exceedingly odd, but nothing went wrong enough for Clemson that UNC could prevail . . . but more than a dash of luck was involved in the final outcome. We only get to flip the coin a dozen times: football is a brutal sport that can not be mounted more than once a week; there is only so much of this ammo you can take to this kind of range, but a decision must be made. Single elimination means every added playoff layer increases, not reduces, the likelihood of a dubious champion. Ergo, a shorter playoff is better.
The CFP’s committee picks four teams today; the criteria for the four are arguably arbitrary, and the selections are capricious. The ballots are secret, and there is essentially no way to quash concerns about the equity of the process and whether even the supposed criteria are respected. Season win-loss, conference championships, and strength-of-schedule are presumed to dominate considerations, but there is no system to say how the decisions were made much less how they should be made.
Other emotional criteria can never be resolved to the satisfaction of the losers. For example, what does it even mean to have the best team of the season? Is it to have been the best team on some weighted week-by-week basis? Is there a weighting of SoS over results that is unambiguously determinant? These questions have never been settled, with or without a playoff.
How does a season-ending injury to a critical player count: is his team diminished in the now because of who they are, or is some fudge factor needed to credit them for who they should be? Returning to that first BCS championship: Chris Weinke, one of the greatest college quarterbacks of all time, was injured and did not play; as close as the game ended, it is hard to imagine Florida State not winning had Weinke played; by extension, they were the best team at the end of the year . . up until the moment he was injured. . . but they lost the finale without him. On a related track: one notion that is fairly universal is the belief that a loss early in the season is, ceteris paribus, more forgivable than a later loss.
From these foregoing examples, one can see two things: it is impossible to agree on how to weigh schedule and injury impact on the one hand, but, on the other: the only thing most people agree on (forgiving an early loss) is silly on its face.
So where does all this leave us? Well, the process for determining the champion has never been solid, agreed, or rational. Further, there is no process or breadth of scale that will eliminate disputes at the end of the season even in the playoff is expanded. This leads us to conclude only one thing: there is no unemotional need for a playoff . . . of any size. Choose your champion at the end of the regular season by whatever criteria you prefer, and then watch the championship, however it might be configured, merely for the love of the game.
If you’re getting married this week, congratulations! The alignment of Jupiter and Venus with the Earth (when they are in Sagittarius no less!) makes this an ideal time to get hitched. If you’re thinking about eloping to take advantage of the stars, I have bad news: it’s not going to work. Jupiter’s influences don’t extend to spontaneous or rushed actions. Venus on the other hand? She’s all about the quickie which is why this week is particularly good for a short-term dalliance (Venus-Sol-Saturn). Saturn being part of the mix indicates that the clock is ticking on any romances that begin under this alignment. In not-at-all-romance-related news, we have got the sign that presages military disaster (Mars-MERCURY RETROGRADE-Luna). Hopefully it doesn’t involve anyone we know. Scorpio limps its way out of the year, BUT there will be a flash of felicity as MERCURY RETROGRADE ends on Wednesday. Mars in Libra suggests the Sword of Damocles, so be prepared for suspense of not-fun kind. The moon in Cancer gives a double-water signal, with impressive results for all things secret or sullen. We talked about Sagittarius above, and the same situation as last week applies: love, joy and happiness to those who deserve it.
The cards this week are surprisingly positive. Enjoy it while it last
Scorpio: Death reversed – Inertia, sleep, lethargy, petrifaction, somnambulism
Sagittarius: The High Priestess – Secrets, mystery, silence, tenacity, wisdom, science
HI FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS! SEA SMITH GLAD TO SEE YOU (AND HE HAVE SWORDFISH IN POCKET, HAHA!). IT FRIDAY, SO SEA SMITH KNOW LAND HOOMANS WANT RELAX. SEA SMITH RELAX TOO. HIM HAVE A LITTLE FUN, MAKE SHIP GO ALL OVER PLACE. BUT HIM NO DO THIS! THAT PROBABLY FRIEND NINGEN. HE LIKE EAT SCRAP. MMMM…GET IRON!
BUT YOU HERE FOR FUN, NO STORYS. SO SEA SMITH GIVE FUN…ADVICE ON MANNERS! SEA SMITH HAVE GOOD MANNERS. HE ALWAYS SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU WHEN RAPE SHIP. AND CREW. AND NEARBY FISHES. AND CORAL REEFSES.
Q: I am a female graduate student at a theological school, where my daily life involves much reading, studying and writing. I use the library every day.
What is one to do when there are others using the library who obviously have a cold or sinus issues, but who seem completely oblivious of the disturbance — not to mention disgust — caused by their constant snorting and snuffling? And why does it seem that primarily men are guilty of this? As I write, there are two men snorting and hawking loudly — one man in his late 20s and another in his late 50s. Didn’t their mothers teach them to go to the bathroom and blow their noses?
Would it be rude to bring to their attention their disturbance of other library patrons? Or to offer them — politely — some tissue?
A: WHYCOME YOU TELL US YOU FEMALE GRADUATE STUDENT? WHO CARE? WHY HAVE ANYTHING DO WITH RUNNY NOSE RUDE HOOMANS? FOR THEM, JUST GO OVER AND LAUGH IN THEM FACES AND SAY “YOU DIE OF PLAGUE, HA HA!” THEN TAUNT WITH TISSUE. IF THAT NO WORK, CALL SEA SMITH TO COME RAPE THEY NOSES.
Q: A few years ago, I had medical treatments that caused the loss of my hair. My hair has grown back, but the hair above my forehead is now short and wispy.
I recently went to a hair salon for a trim. The hairdresser pulled the short strands of hair, started laughing, and said, “What’s this?” I didn’t think she would ever stop laughing. I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to say.
I don’t think this will happen again, but if it does, what should I say? I don’t want to mention my health problems.
A: THIS ONE IS PAYBACK SAME WAY. STAND IN DOOR OF SALON START YELL “LOOK WHAT BAD HAIR CUTTER DO! NO COME HERE, IT BAD!” ALL WHILE POINT AT HEAD. THEY BUSINESS GO DOWN. IF THAT NO WORK, CALL SEA SMITH. HE COME AND RAPE HAIR, CHAIRS AND HAIR CUT TOOLS.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. AS THE YEAR END DRAWS NEAR, WE IN THE VORTEX REVIEW OUR PLANS FROM THE PAST YEAR. THE RESULTS ARE…MIXED. SOME FAILURES, AND ONE PROMISING FUTURE STRATEGY. GO FORTH AND ANALYZE!
NOT GOOD ENOUGH (LEADING TO THE AGING OF THE ETERNAL WHO PROPOSED IT):
FAIL.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO USE REPTILES, AT LEAST MAKE SURE THEY ARE VENOMOUS. ALSO, NOT IN COLD CLIMATES. FAIL.
FISH-BRUTAL HYBRIDS ARE INTRIGUING, BUT THIS IN NO WAY LEAD TO ANY CLEANSING OF THE BRUTALS WHO PLAGUE THE EARTH. FAIL.
ZARDOZ THINKS THAT DISRUPTING MEDICAL CARE FOR BRUTALS MAY BE A BETTER APPROACH (THIS EARNED EXTRA GREEN BREAD FOR THE ETERNALS WHO BACKED THIS)
DELIVER THESE BONUS LOAVES, BRUTAL!
YES. YES! FIRE THEM ALL. THIS “PUBLIC SECTOR” IS A GREAT HELP. WIN.
ZARDOZ MUST GO AND SEND A GRAIN DONATION TO THE WIZENED CRONE, AND THE DISHEVELED COMMUNARD STANDING FOR SUPREME LEADER OF THE LARGE NORTH AMERICAN BRUTAL STATE. THEY WILL ADVANCE THE GREAT CLEANSING!
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
AND NOW ZARDOZ CONTINUES TO GIVE ADVICE ON BEHAVIORS.
Q: Upon being asked by my daughter’s future mother-in-law for my thoughts on a bridal shower, I texted my daughter before answering. The maid of honor is my 20-year-old, so I offered to pay for the bridal party to host a shower at a local, trendy brunch spot, inviting future MIL, daughter’s stepmother, and all grandmothers.
My daughter then let me know that she and her fiance preferred to ask her stepmother and father to host it at their house instead. I let her know that I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. When it wasn’t dropped, I was impolite and stated, “I love you, but I don’t love anyone enough to sit in Daddy’s house with his parents and family.”
I have always been a good co-parent. I made sure we all sat together at every school program and graduation since elementary school. We did college move-in days together. I made sure my girls’ sister from their stepmother’s first marriage was in every picture with my girls at these occasions.
However, this seemed a boundary I needed to draw, especially since the shower was not yet planned.
She asked her stepmother, and perhaps shared my response. Her stepmother then offered to host at a restaurant instead. I explained to my daughter that there was never any issue with coming together as a family, and an alternate location in the middle would have been fine from the start.
But she and her fiance are deeply hurt and feel as though I was not willing to “suck it up” to celebrate them, and that my issues “should not fall back on them because it’s not their fault.”
I certainly wasn’t refusing to see anybody, and had not expressed a negative opinion about having to see them at the wedding.
Besides the reactive, impolite way I set my boundary, have I demonstrated poor etiquette by preferring a more neutral location? I am struck by my daughter’s reaction and reminded her that she might need to take a step back and consider how I have always carried myself, and loved and supported her. On every other matter, I have told her that it’s her wedding and to do it her way. Please advise me on my missteps and what apologies I may owe.
A: WEAKLING! NEVER APOLOGIZE. ZARDOZ HAS SEEN FAR WORSE FOR WEDDING PROBLEMS…
WHAT IN LAWS? I AM IMMORTAL! THEY WERE NOT.
THE ONLY WAY TO SALVAGE THIS IS TO APPEAR TO HAVE CRAVENLY BEGGED FORGIVENESS, GO TO THE PARTY….AND POISON ALL FOOD AND DRINK.
ONE TWITCHED! *BLAMBLAMBLAM*
ZARDOZ WILL SEND THE BRUTAL EXTERMINATORS TO FINISH OFF ANYONE STILL MOVING. THINK OF THE SAVINGS ON WEDDING GIFTS TOO!
Q: Is there an ungendered term for “hostess gift”?
A: “TRIBUTE”. YOUR INABILITY TO COME UP WITH SIMPLE WORDS INDICATES TO ZARDOZ THAT YOU ARE SUITED FOR ONLY ONE ACTIVITY. ENJOY YOUR NEW FOUND LIFE AS A GRAIN SLAVE, IN SERVICE TO THE VORTEX.
PRESENT, “FOR YOU”, “HERE, I GOT YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING” WOULD ALSO HAVE SUFFICED.
How’s everyone enjoying their MERCURY RETROGRADE? While that’s always an important event, this week it’s even more so since it’s at the intersection of two otherwise independent alignments. (Hmmmm. Maybe I should submit a proposal to open an Intersectional Astrology department at some woke university somewhere.) The first one is pretty straightforward: Earth-MERCURY RETROGRADE-Jupiter. This is not a good sign unfortunately. This is domestic misrule/disorder on the magnitude of an animal hoarder. And you can’t avoid it by hiding out in a hotel or going on vacation — you’ll just come home to burst pipes, a tree branch through a window, and/or a family of raccoons nesting in your furniture. So pay attention and don’t let the dirty dishes pile up. It might also be a good idea to suspend putting out birdseed until the bears go into hibernation.
The second alignment is much trickier: Venus-MERCURY RETROGRADE-Luna. Now the Venus and the moon are the two femmiest planets in the sky, but how does that relate to them being linked by MERCURY RETROGRADE? In this case, it’s helpful to notice that BOTH of those two are in signs associated with wisdom (Sagittarius and Capricorn respectively). So because of that, it’s pretty certain that this indicates “A crazy woman gives excellent advice.” Also of note is that there is a very heave water component to all of this with the moon in Capricorn and MERCURY RETROGRADE being in Scorpio. It’s also likely that this excellent advice will contain a revealed secret, as crazy people are wont to do.
Scorpio gets screwed by losing it’s planet early and only retaining MERCURY RETROGRADE. Take extra caution when handling hazardous materials this week. The two signs I don’t mention often (because Jupiter and Saturn move slowly) have things happening this week. Both Jupiter and Venus are in Sagittarius, so virtue is going to be rewarded by more than just being virtuous. “Game” tactics are contraindicated if you’re looking to get lucky this week. Capricorn has a fascinating situation holding the moon along with Saturn. Prophetic dreams will come. This is an excellent time for vision quests, peyote trips, and other psychonautical explorations. On a personal note, these signs all bode well for the class I’ll be taking that should provide fodder for “I Fucking Hate NY, pt 2.”
Thanks to MERCURY RETROGRADE I have no electricity or internet. Therefore there will be no card readings. All refund requests will be processed in the usual manner.
STEVE SMITH NOT READY FOR EARLY WINTER. HIM HAVE TO SWEEP BONES, FUR AND FEATHERS OUT CAVE. NEED MOAR PINE NEEDLES FOR CARPET. HAVE MANY THINGS DO YET.
BUT HIM ALWAYS HAVE TIME LINKS AND ADVICE! HIM LIKE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN PEOPLE. HIM LIKE READ SILLY COMMENTS. STEVE SMITH GET SAD AT SUBARU STORY. IT REMIND HIM OF LOST BUNNY FRIEND.
STEVE SMITH MISS HIM BUNNY
BEFORE STEVE SMITH GET SAD AGAIN, HIM GIVE LINKS. THEN ADVICE. BEST ADVICE.
Q. I’m am a 35-year-old woman with a 35-year-old man. We have been dating for half a year now, he is absolutely perfect, and I’ve never loved a person as much as I love him. I don’t want to say our sex is a problem—it’s really not. It’s extremely satisfying and I’ve never orgasmed better in my life. The thing is what turns him on is talk of love, monogamy, growing old together—stuff I love to hear. Our sex is very loving, and we have a great emotional connection every time. But sometimes I just want to be screwed, if you know what I mean. How do I convey this to him without seeming like I have a problem with how things are? Usually we communicate well, but for some reason, I’m hesitant to bring this up. I’m really worried it will mess up the best relationship I have ever had.
—Talk Dirty to Me
A. STEVE SMITH NOT ONLY UNDERSTAND, HIM HELP! NEXT TIME YOU “WANT BE SCREWED” – JUST GO WINDOW AND GIVE THREE LONG SQUATCH GROWL.
HERE EXAMPLE.
STEVE SMITH LISTEN. HIM HEAR, HIM COME OVER AND HELP. BY HELP, MEAN RAPE.
Q. I’m going to cut to the chase. I suffer mental illness and boy did it f**k up my past relationship.
I was with a guy from Canada for 2 1/2 years so I already had THAT against me, what with being an American. While I admittedly had a lot of body image issues before we dated and I gave him the heads up. He accepted it and we decided to start dating anyways. The problem was, dating this guy was a mistake because he was emotionally abusive.
He pushed me to give nude photos a lot, told me if I didn’t strip for him I didn’t love him, made fun of my weight… stuff like that. I don’t even feel like going into the rest… Generally this made me WORSE but I was too stupid to break up with this guy. In return I did bad things too. I regret constantly bothering him to talk me out of suicide and cry that if he left me I’d kill myself. I was very sick. I regret it all so much now and if I could apologize from the bottom of my heart… I would if I could. My parents weren’t taking me seriously at all during the time to get me ANY real help until it was far too late.
After he broke up with me due to the stress of my mental illness I went off the wall and constantly harassed him over the phone to talk to me. At first it was because I missed him. But then it was anger over all the abuse in the beginning (there’s more but I don’t want to go in any further)
It got back to me from my old friends after a huge fallout. I was labeled a “stalker”. I guess I deserved this.
After 5 suicide attempts my parents finally took me seriously and got me help. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
I’m currently getting help and making a lot of progress but this leads me to ask..is there any hope for me in the dating world? Let’s be real. I REALLY f**ked up and I was obviously very, very sick. I was so scared of dying alone I recently drank bleach just to end it all. So instead of wanting to die anymore.. why not keep trying to be mentally stable? but what the F**K do I do doc? I can get better all I want but whose going to want a crazy like me?
A.
STEVE SMITH SUDDENLY REMEMBER PREVIOUS APPOINTMENT!
There are times when one turns to the skies for advice, only for the skies to respond with “lol, get fucked. I’m going to be completely random and you can’t force me to be otherwise.” Such is the situation this week, with none of the planets wanting to have any connection or relationship with any other. Now, as contrary as the planets may want to be, they can’t avoid the fact they are actually out there in space, so we still have their relationship with the zodiac to fallback on, and one particularly interesting event will be happening.
Hail Scorpio! You begin your season already hosting Mercury and Venus for that initial luck burst, unfortunately it’s not going to last as long s you’d like, because Mercury will be going retrograde before the week is out. It will be Station Retrograde on Halloween, to be precisely. Mercury (chance, luck) retrograde (chaos) in Scorpio (secrets, darkness, genitals, creepy-crawlies) is about as perfect a Halloween event as one could hope for, so this should be a Halloween to remember.
Libra is doing its best to protect us from the conjunction of the moon with Mars (literally, the tides of war). A more self-indulgent reading of this would be that this week is an auspicious time to partake of martial games or simulations.
The cards have lots of reversed swords, warning against violence. This is not a big deal for a bunch of NAPpers
Scorpio: 6 of Swords reversed – Declaration, confession, publicity, a proposal of love
Sagittarius: 2 of Cups – Love, passion, friendship, affinity, union, concord, sympathy, the interrelation of the sexes
Capricorn: Ace of Coins reversed – The evil side of wealth, bad intelligence; also great riches.
Aquarius: 4 of Cups – Weariness, disgust, aversion, imaginary vexations, blended pleasure. Since the source predates Fred Waring, daiquiris are not what is being referenced in that last bit.
Pisces: Page of Coins – Application, study, scholarship, reflection, news, messages and the bringer thereof; also rule, management.
Aries: 4 of Wands – Country life, haven of refuge, repose, concord, harmony, prosperity, peace.
Taurus: The Hireophant – Marriage, alliance, captivity, servitude, mercy and goodness; inspiration
Gemini: The World – Assured success, recompense, voyage, route, emigration, flight, change of place
Cancer: 9 of Wands reversed – Obstacles, adversity, calamity.
CS, the best teams, on the NFL model, met . . . usually. Somebody had to win that game, and to some extent everyone was satisfied with the single, national result. Except that many were not, and I would simply point out that the dissatisfied people under the BCS are exactly the same sort of people as were dissatisfied before the BCS. If your ox was gored before, you were mad; if your ox was gored under BCS, you were still mad. This is the clearest and easiest critique of the BCS (and of any playoff): it resolves and it changes precisely nothing about whom we believe is the national champion.
ics tells us something worse: more playoff games afford more chances for the best team to fail to make it to the finale. By whatever criteria one might agree that a team is the best at the end of the season, and, to the extent that doG on his throne in Heaven could make sure that team was selected by the CFP committee to play amongst the final, say, sixteen, the extra games give that “best team” a greater chance to stumble and fall out of the process. This theoretically best team might lose a low-scoring affair by a single point to a team that is then eliminated in the next round, thinly as well, and so on . . . leaving us eventually with a champion who narrowly backed into winning it all after having a demonstrably worse season, which even a child would criticize.
