This has been quite the eventful week Chez SP/OMWC. We’ve had wall-to-wall excitement. I wish I could remember some of it, though I do have some fleeting memories of a Gray wielding an anal probe, as well as a delightful football game which ended with a heartwarming moment. Eventually I’ll remember where this tattoo came from.
HI FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS! SEA SMITH GLAD TO SEE YOU (AND HE HAVE SWORDFISH IN POCKET, HAHA!). IT FRIDAY, SO SEA SMITH KNOW LAND HOOMANS WANT RELAX. SEA SMITH RELAX TOO. HIM HAVE A LITTLE FUN, MAKE SHIP GO ALL OVER PLACE. BUT HIM NO DO THIS! THAT PROBABLY FRIEND NINGEN. HE LIKE EAT SCRAP. MMMM…GET IRON!
BUT YOU HERE FOR FUN, NO STORYS. SO SEA SMITH GIVE FUN…ADVICE ON MANNERS! SEA SMITH HAVE GOOD MANNERS. HE ALWAYS SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU WHEN RAPE SHIP. AND CREW. AND NEARBY FISHES. AND CORAL REEFSES.
Q: I am a female graduate student at a theological school, where my daily life involves much reading, studying and writing. I use the library every day.
What is one to do when there are others using the library who obviously have a cold or sinus issues, but who seem completely oblivious of the disturbance — not to mention disgust — caused by their constant snorting and snuffling? And why does it seem that primarily men are guilty of this? As I write, there are two men snorting and hawking loudly — one man in his late 20s and another in his late 50s. Didn’t their mothers teach them to go to the bathroom and blow their noses?
Would it be rude to bring to their attention their disturbance of other library patrons? Or to offer them — politely — some tissue?
A: WHYCOME YOU TELL US YOU FEMALE GRADUATE STUDENT? WHO CARE? WHY HAVE ANYTHING DO WITH RUNNY NOSE RUDE HOOMANS? FOR THEM, JUST GO OVER AND LAUGH IN THEM FACES AND SAY “YOU DIE OF PLAGUE, HA HA!” THEN TAUNT WITH TISSUE. IF THAT NO WORK, CALL SEA SMITH TO COME RAPE THEY NOSES.
Q: A few years ago, I had medical treatments that caused the loss of my hair. My hair has grown back, but the hair above my forehead is now short and wispy.
I recently went to a hair salon for a trim. The hairdresser pulled the short strands of hair, started laughing, and said, “What’s this?” I didn’t think she would ever stop laughing. I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to say.
I don’t think this will happen again, but if it does, what should I say? I don’t want to mention my health problems.
A: THIS ONE IS PAYBACK SAME WAY. STAND IN DOOR OF SALON START YELL “LOOK WHAT BAD HAIR CUTTER DO! NO COME HERE, IT BAD!” ALL WHILE POINT AT HEAD. THEY BUSINESS GO DOWN. IF THAT NO WORK, CALL SEA SMITH. HE COME AND RAPE HAIR, CHAIRS AND HAIR CUT TOOLS.
Happy Friday everyone. I may be scarce in the comments. Beer thirty came early today. I’m going to the best nano-brewery in the world (IMO) for a couple, and then bringing home some growlers. Seriously, always 40 beers on tap of their own make, across several styles, any one of which can stand toe-to-toe with the best craft breweries.
Proof:
German-style flight: Schwarzbier, Kolsch, Bockbier, Maibock. All delicious
Well, let’s just jump into today’s biggest controversy with two feet: Count me among the people who think Myles Garrett’s suspension is right, but Mason Rudolph got a complete pass for continuing to instigate. If nothing else, he should sit a game for going back to the scrum after he got hit.
I think Rudy Giuliani is a scumbag, but this really is turning into a party-selective witch hunt. Somehow, the last name of Biden or Kerry makes you immune to federal investigation? Come on. Don’t piss down our backs and tell us its raining. Next they’ll want us to believe that Epstein killed himself.
Lol. The fucking Wall Street Journal ponders Warren’s tax plan as if it were real. >100% effective rates on some rich people. Wealth and capital taxes are artifacts of dying governments. They only accelerate economic decline.
LARPers protest Federalist Society event. Go back to the RenFest!
All the talk about those judges got me thinking of this song… I think my favorite part is how dated the idea the $5 a beer is expensive.
I watched a few minutes of the Stillers-Browns 2.0 game last night. I guess I watched the wrong few minutes and missed all the action. The Browns 2.0 won but holy fuck, what was Myles Garrett drinking at the end when he hit a dude in the head with his own helmet? A dude who was knocked out cold in midair a few weeks back after being hit, no less. Fuck, he should be suspended for the rest of the year. What a dumbass.
On the ice, your winners were Carolina, Tampa Bay (who almost put up double-figures), Winnipeg, THE MINNESOOOOOOODA WIIIIIIILD!!!!!!!!, Edmonton, Dallas, San Jose, and Los Angeles. And across the pond, England and Portugal booked their tickets to the European Championships. The USMNT seeks revenge against Canada tonight. Or redemption. Or something. Who the fuck knows with that team anymore.
Rommel in Afrika.
Overrated artist Georgia O’Keeffe was born on this day. As were the sonofabitch whose book Patton read Erwin Rommel, actress Beverly D’Angelo, guy who baseball was berry berry good to Pedro Borbon, rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard, and Mexican golfer Lorena Ochoa. That’s the list. Jeez, that was really weak.
Oh well, on to…the links!
The scene had been secured hours before this was taken.
Some asshole kid, who got his gun illegally, shot five people and then tried to kill himself but failed yesterday in California. It all happened in the span of a few minutes and all happened in a small area. But the cops still managed to trot out their ACPs and rifles and patrol around the entire area for hours like it was a war zone or something.
Does this count as interstellar racism? Or would it only count if it had been a white dwarf stopping a black hole from doing something? I want to stay ahead of the curve here before the SJWs set the narrative.
Now an aside: if and Dallas-Ft Worth area Glibs would like to meetup next week, I plan to be in the area all next week. I want to come home before the OSU-Penn State game to watch with my family, so Friday is most likely out. But I’ll be there Monday through Thursday night and haven’t booked my hotel yet, so could probably move it around for the meetup. I’m working in Arlington near Jerry World and would probably stay close to there, but could juggle that around a bit if needed. Or just take an Uber. Whatever works. But if anybody is interested, please let me know in the comments or by emailing me through the contact us tab (sorry, other founders if we get a few emails). I would very much like to meet a few of you I don’t know.
I’m wrapping the week up with another big male solo act from the 70s. I enjoyed this week. And yes, I know this wasn’t his biggest song. But the biggest has been overplayed. And this song is awesome anyway.
Have a great Friday and a better weekend, friends. I’m driving a few hours to pick up some stolen property from a police station to auction off.
What a weird day. I know gray and overcast equals winter for more than half of our commentariat, but it feels like doomsday here. I haven’t seen the sun in 36 hours and I’m comfortable in pants. What is happening?! Also, speaking of weird, I was following up on a decent chunk of change left in my father-in-law’s prison canteen account when he passed. It won’t make us rich, but it will buy my mother-in-law a new iPhone for Christmas. I called a FLDOC number, the lady tried to transfer me to someone, he had gone to lunch so she transferred me to his voicemail… and here’s where it gets weird: Not only did he call me back, but he was able to provide me with clear, easy to follow instructions to get a check cut and mailed! Total bizarro world! For my next trick, I will try to get Ford to pay me for a repair I had done that was retro-actively warrantied.
I think if the Democrats have already lost the LA Times, this impeachment thing is not going to play well.
So an American administration can, without the consent of Congress, fly literal plane-loads of cash to Iran without it meeting the bribery threshold, but withholding promised military aid that had never been delivered is bribery? Can anyone even see the goalposts anymore?
Republicans Pounce! Threaten to hold a full impeachment trial, damn the campaign schedule
At least one ranked basketball team from Kentucky can take down a small Indiana school at home. Well done, Louisville. Also, Ohio State thumped Villanova. And Texas Tech won big as well. On the ice, your winners were Ottawa, NYI, Washington, Dallas, and Chicago. Justin Verlander won the AL Cy Young award with teammate Gerrit Cole coming in second and former teammate Charlie Morton coming in third. Jeez, you’d have had to have been stealing signs to hit that rotation.
This man will be fucking peoples’ shit up again in 9 days.
Colin Kaepernick worked out and ESPN is leading with it for some reason I’m sure is unrelated to their politics. And the NCAA finally ruled that Chase Young must sit for the Rutgers game but will be eligible to play against Penn State, TTUN, whoever they get in the Big Ten Championship Game and then the playoff semifinal and final. Yes, I’m making an assumption or two there. It’s what I do and it’s what you expect from me.
Steamboat inventor Robert Fulton was born on this day. As were impressionist painter Claude Monet, douchebag congressman Joseph McCarthy, TV idea man Sherwood Schwartz, satirist P.J. O’Rourke, jug-eared child of incest Prince Charles, former SoS Condi Rice, rapper Joseph “Run” Simmons, and hurler Curt Schilling.
Welfare-queen douchebag.
Right-o, on to…the links!
Looks like fun size candy bars are the new “loosies”. Hey, he’s lucky they didn’t kill him for voluntarily exchanging in transactions with people for a product he obtained legally and paid the tax for. Jesus, that city’s cops get worse by the day.
Diplomats reveal new details in first public impeachment hearings. By “details”, they mean second- and third-hand information, a bunch of opinion, and little of substance beyond revealing that their personal conversations with the Ukranian president revealed that he had no issues at all with any conversation with Trump. The shitshow continues today, I think.
Looks like Congress will get 8 years of Trump’s taxes unless the Supreme Court overrules the DC Circuit’s ruling. So the DC Circuit has ruled that Congress can demand and receive a private citizen’s private tax returns (he was a private citizen for those years) as part of congressional oversight. Gee, why wouldn’t private citizens be lining up to run for office now?
Unnamed Monroe County, NY Supervisor working on legislation.
Man, what an asshole. Also, if your employees don’t have proper equipment and support to do their job, you’re gonna have some backlash. But still…what an asshole.
Who the fuck is that guy? Somebody needs to cut him open and make sure it’s not Hillary in some form of Edgar suit.
Well, today was way cheaper than I expected. Wife’s car failed to start again, as it has done once every 3 weeks for the last 3-4 months. Her mechanic (who we already really liked for their reasonable prices and only doing what really needed doing) told her last time it happened to have it towed in without jumping it next time. So we did that. Mechanic said battery was the problem (several of TPTB and I think a few of you groundlings diagnosed it correctly). Battery was under warranty. With AAA towing and battery warranty, we got a brand new battery for free installed by the mechanic. $0. Didn’t even charge us a service fee for opening the hood and testing the battery.
Apparently, the Trump Impeachment hearings happened. The tweeter feeds people have been sharing with me don’t quite match this article. I do like the new chat-style graphics. Verrrry millenial. Also, they make the whole thing look like the made-for-TV-movie it is.
RBG misses court to have her embalming fluid changed. The Babylon Bee writers can have this one for free.
Plague in China! I mean, yes it is pneumonic plague, but antibiotics and modern sanitary precautions pretty much handle it.
The discharge of a firearm is generally illegal in Pearland city limits, but the city says “if a duck is destroyed where use of a firearm is permissible, the person doing so must use nontoxic shot or nontoxic bullets.”
So my parents are actually on holiday in Cambodia, and this song has been stuck in my head since I talked to them about it Saturday night.
“You mean we’re supposed to actually beat some decent teams? But we’re Bama!”
Poor Bama. They’re stuck at #5 behind Georgia and I’m hearing a lot of butthurt from their fans. Nevermind the fact that they have no ranked wins and have a 1-2 record against teams with a winning record. They should be down around #10. But whatever. If the system is fair this year, they won’t be able to sneak into the playoff. But the system probably isn’t. LSU at #1 doesn’t bother me a bit. What’s irritating is that if OSU runs the table and is the 1 or 2 seed, they’re probably gonna have to go play in Arizona unless somehow a PAC12 team or Big 12 team sneaks in to play against them. I don’t want to go al the way to Phoenix to watch a game. We were planning on doing Christmas in SC this year with my parents. I can’t do that drive and then the one to PHX. That will suck.
Sugar Free doesn’t think this was as funny as most of us do.
Kentucky lost to Evansville last night in basketball. Evansville. At Rupp. LOL, that’s hilarious.Duke, Gonzaga and Auburn all took care of their lesser foes. And on the ice, your winners were Florida, Montreal, NYR, Phoenix, Colorado, Vancouver, Detroit, LA and San Jose.
King Edward III was born on this day. So were author Robert Louis Stevenson, baseball legend Buck O’Neil, hockey legend Gilbert Perreault, rape (but not rape-rape) apologist Whoopi Goldberg, NFL bust Vinnie Testaverde, TV’s Jimmy Kimmel, and actor Gerard Butler.
I’ve got to be honest, that was hot garbage. Now on to…the links!
I’m sorry, but I really don’t care.
Apparently the mayor of Venice is a climate expert. And an expert on tidal anomalies too. Or maybe he’s just full of shit. Question: if this is the highest tide in over 50 years, doesn’t that mean there were higher tides more than 50 years ago? And wouldn’t that make his retarded climate change hypothesis moronic? Just asking.
The Baby Trump Slasher is going hardcore. Well, in his own way he is. I suspect he’s looking to enrich himself with his new-found notoriety. Which is probably what I’d do if I got 15 minutes. But still, destroying private property isn’t acceptable. Dude needs to be forced to make restitution.
Governor Northam on his way to meet the newly-elected delegates
Black (and blackface!) politicians set to take unprecedented power in Virginia. Not sure what their skin color has to do with anything. Unless, gf course, the media views blacks as a monolithic political entity. And now that I’ve typed that, it makes sense that NBC has taken this perception and turned it into a big deal.
I wonder what he was mumbling? Probably something about qualified immunity and professional courtesy. But if he expected that, he needed to choose his victim more carefully.
“Tuesday… still only in Tuesday…” Tuesday is meeting day for me. All. Fucking. Day. I don’t want to talk to another human being until tomorrow. But I have a wife and two small children, so I might as well wish for a unicorn that shits money and pisses good beer.
Dear IFLS crowd: every fucking star is a “thermonuclear explosion”. I hate you all and wish you would die in highly exothermic chemical reaction.
The living members of that old Miami Dolphins team can break out the champagne or cigars or whatever they do when the last undefeated team loses. Is that still a thing? If it is, its still douchey. Meanwhile on the ice, Carolina pounded Ottawa and Phoenix beat the Crapitals in OT. No other sports results of note from yesterday. It was even a lean day for college basketball. But relax, because the CFP rankings are coming tonight and I’m sure there will be a lot of people scratching their heads. I expect to be one of them.
Crazy fuck Charles Manson
Women’s rights activist Elizabeth Cady Stanton was born on this day. As were sculptor Auguste Rodin, Chinese revolutionary Sun Yet-sen, beer magnate Joseph Coors, Barbie doll inventor Jack Ryan, actress Kim Hunter, the lovely Grace Kelly, “family” man Charles Manson, sportscaster Al Michaels, Canadian and assclown Neil Young, “white” Hispanic ballplayer Sammy Sosa, and onetime figure skater Tonya Harding.
That’s quite the list of non-heroes there. At least a few good ones mixed in, but sheesh. Anyway on to…the links!
If you didn’t see this coming, you’re blind as a bat. I wonder how she’ll manage to keep all her corruption under wraps now that she’s inevitably going to be elected to Congress. Ah, she’ll escape scrutiny. She’s still in mourning, after all.
