Glibertarians.com 2019 Archive

Category: Fun

  • IFLA: The “Klaxon Sounds” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of November 3

    How’s everyone enjoying their MERCURY RETROGRADE?  While that’s always an important event, this week it’s even more so since it’s at the intersection of two otherwise independent alignments.  (Hmmmm. Maybe I should submit a proposal to open an Intersectional Astrology department at some woke university somewhere.)  The first one is pretty straightforward:  Earth-MERCURY RETROGRADE-Jupiter.  This is not a good sign unfortunately.  This is domestic misrule/disorder on the magnitude of an animal hoarder.  And you can’t avoid it by hiding out in a hotel or going on vacation — you’ll just come home to burst pipes, a tree branch through a window, and/or a family of raccoons nesting in your furniture.  So pay attention and don’t let the dirty dishes pile up.  It might also be a good idea to suspend putting out birdseed until the bears go into hibernation.

    The second alignment is much trickier:  Venus-MERCURY RETROGRADE-Luna.  Now the Venus and the moon are the two femmiest planets in the sky, but how does that relate to them being linked by MERCURY RETROGRADE?  In this case, it’s helpful to notice that BOTH of those two are in signs associated with wisdom (Sagittarius and Capricorn respectively).  So because of that, it’s pretty certain that this indicates “A crazy woman gives excellent advice.”  Also of note is that there is a very heave water component to all of this with the moon in Capricorn and MERCURY RETROGRADE being in Scorpio.  It’s also likely that this excellent advice will contain a revealed secret, as crazy people are wont to do.

    Scorpio gets screwed by losing it’s planet early and only retaining MERCURY RETROGRADE.  Take extra caution when handling hazardous materials this week.  The two signs I don’t mention often (because Jupiter and Saturn move slowly) have things happening this week.  Both Jupiter and Venus are in Sagittarius, so virtue is going to be rewarded by more than just being virtuous.  “Game” tactics are contraindicated if you’re looking to get lucky this week.  Capricorn has a fascinating situation holding the moon along with Saturn.  Prophetic dreams will come.  This is an excellent time for vision quests, peyote trips, and other psychonautical explorations.  On a personal note, these signs all bode well for the class I’ll be taking that should provide fodder for “I Fucking Hate NY, pt 2.”

     

     

    Thanks to MERCURY RETROGRADE I have no electricity or internet.  Therefore there will be no card readings.  All refund requests will be processed in the usual manner.

    Sagittarius:

    Capricorn:

    Aquarius:

    Pisces:

    Aries:

    Taurus:

    Gemini:

    Cancer:

    Leo:

    Virgo:

    Libra:

     

  • The Night Shift for November 2, 2019

    Got sick.  Got better.  Got crackin’ on a new post.  Unfortunately for me, this timeline happened during the earlier part of the week, leaving me much less time to serve up my gold silver bronze-level goodness.  So, I will probably have you enact some of my labor, and entertain me.  The pay may be less than what you’re used to, but, the benes are pretty damned cool, in my book.  Alright, enough with the small talk:

     

    To start:  Something groovy.  What—you were expecting something else?  (Yes, I know…I know)

    You know what—you lot link up some music for the rest of us.  Yeah, yeah; I know you usually do, anyway.  Consider this an official request from ya boy Diggy.

    News you can read.  One word:  Venom.  When you find it, you can join me in a case of unending, full-body tremors.

    That’s some good work, boys.  Too bad the suspect wasn’t a soldier instead; I think the guy woulda had a great 3A case.

    Well, get a load of liberty-minded Jazz!  If you would only turn that kind of self-scrutiny on to your copsucking…  I’m only bringing this up because it’s interesting to watch someone who’s made his scratch writing about the limitless virtues of America’s Boys in Blue, now dissecting his thought process in favor of the government NOT having a say I peoples’ lives.  Little steps.

    An ode to Q:  1930’s Edition.  Yeah, yeah—you’ll be in your bunk.

    Something of a follow-up on the local transgender/custody hearing in Dallas.  Even I have trouble believing I’m linking to NYT, but, some perspective from “the other side”, especially in a case that wasn’t making much sense.  Note the mention of the 10 cases at the bottom of the article…your thoughts on those?

    Holidays—what are your plans for the upcoming slack days?  Working, you say?  Getting lumps of shit coal for gifts?  Eating tofurkey?  That’s the Chrismahanukwanzakah* spirit! (*Sorry, no Festivus-types allowed)

     

    You made it to the end, much like we made it to the end of October.  In fact, I’d say it’s exactly the same way—time passed, we’re still alive, and, we maybe got a few laughs out of it.  If gift-giving is in your future, you might want to get started on those purchases (I wear XM 2X-Tall).  Maybe pick up a chocolate turkey for the kids…however you do the holidays in your home.  We’ll do it again next week—Lord willin’, and the creek don’t rise.

  • OverRated: The Week in College Football Polls

    I’d sooner be a Wildcat edition

    Standard Advice:  go with your first read!  Whenever, it seems, I’ve changed my mind on the line, the putt then breaks the original way . . . every stinking time.  And so it went for me after I recently opined:

     

    Oklahoma gets better every week, and the grind past Texas qualifies them to enjoy a well-earned last laugh . . . they were, they are the real deal in 2019 and so we must admit that the Sooners were not over-ranked after all.  I was dead wrong on this one.

     

    Well, when I said I was wrong:  I was wrong.  After several weeks in the top six, the newly schooner-less Sooners laid an egg in Manhattan and finally fell five spots in the AP.  K State walked away from them after an even first half; OU brought it back close, but the Wildcats were just working clock and enjoying the inevitable win while the network commenters tried to convince viewers otherwise; a failed onside kick almost gave Norman a chance and did give the guys in the replay booth at Conference a nice excuse to delay play a good seven minutes before the fat lady could sing.  Anyways, the Crimson were Creamed but will go on to a solid bowl.

     

     

    Personal note:  the 2000 KSU team had the quickest defense I’ve ever seen, and you simply couldn’t pass against Terence Newman.  Their fans travel well and have a fearsome, deafening, unending set of cheers.

     

     

     

    Meanwhile, master-class of the week in pointy ball was given by The University of the South at Columbus.  The Buckeyes applied the very best talent from Texas, Tennessee, Georgia, and Maryland to the would-be spoilers from Madison.  Save future injuries, LSU is the only defense that would seem to have a strong chance of stopping Ohio State.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Notre Dame is perennially overrated, and you might say that I beat that drum enough, but, earlier in the year, they lost to Georgia and then were still ranked above Georgia; it’s just ridiculous, predictable, and this nonsense is crippling the ability of Catholic children to develop logic skills.  Saturday #19 Michigan plowed them like so much snow and the AP accordingly downgraded them eight slots to finally be below both of their known betters.  The great Protestant conspiracy to keep these good kids down has finally won 2019, but don’t worry:  the ND nonsense will flare back up next summer.  Moving on:

     

    Week Nine Most OverRated Football Program Results

    1          Minnesota did make soup out of Maryland 52 – 10

    2          Appalachian State did ruin the Jags of South Alabama

    3          SMU survived red-shirt factory Houston’s sometime quarterback Tune

    4          Oregon edged Washington State at home

    So ZERO new toldjasos™ this week, but, speaking of Notre Dame, I never booked the original win on them at the time so I’m adding that to the list now and taking Oklahoma off my list of misses as well.  Otherwise, a very quiet week we had.  So what’s the longer view?

     

    Well, the Committee (motto:  We Meet in Grapevine!) has yet to convene or vote.  The question, like most years, is:  who’s number four?  Conference championships are a toss-up, but we have every reason to expect these teams in the mix:

     

    Big Ten           Ohio State, Penn State, or Minnesota

    SEC                  Alabama, LSU, or Florida

    ACC                 Clemson

     

     

     

     

    And these guys can pound sand:

    PAC64              Oregon is just too weak; expect a second team from the Big Ten or SEC instead

    Big XII             Oklahoma is only the best of the rest after losing to KSU

    Notre Dame    is not as good as Oregon

    AAC                  UCF is not a top twenty team

    MWest             Boise State is not a top twenty team

    MAC                 Ball State might be a top hundred team

    Okay, everyone knew all that before the season’s first snap (it’s rigged against the small schools!!!!11!!)  Back to our weekly idiocy:  who’s who and what’s what?

     

    Yet Another Week N + 1 Most OverRated Football Programs

    1          San Diego enters our list as most overrated team of the year but is off next week

    2          SMU will meet Memphis in an overrated (and televised) mouse tussle

    3          Appalachian State continues to dominate the JV and will host the Statesboro Blues

    4          Minnesota is trending up but will get stomped by Penn State

    5          Oregon is barely overrated but might have their hands full with USC

     Honorable mentions – I like LSU, but they’re not Numero Uno (Ohio State at a minimum is clearly better on offense).  Baylor is too big for its britches, and Cincinnati love is overheating, but I’ll give them a bit of rope for now.  The same guys who formerly believed in Oklahoma have switched horses to Kansas State.  Previously bagged Utah and Boise State are sliding back up in the competency vacuum.  Wake Forest shouldn’t be within ten slots of the AP at all, and yet they’re there.  This much never changes:  the AP 25 is lunacy, a doctoral thesis in mass hysteria begging to be written.  Now:  on to accounting.

     

    Year to Date Hides on the Wall

    1          Georgia lost at home to the second-best team from South Carolina that had lost to UNC

    2          Utah lost to an unrated USC but seems to be coming back

    2          Stanford was revealed by USC

    2          Syracuse was unranked after Maryland

    2          Michigan was blown out by Wisconsin

    2          Notre Dame sold off after losing to a highly ranked Georgia

    7          UCF was edged by an unranked Pitt

    7          Iowa was no number 15 as Michigan proved

    7          Wake Forest allowed Louisville to hang 62 on them

    7          Cal was dumped from the AP after losing to Arizona State

    11        Boise State lost by three to toothless BYU

    11        Iowa State was dethroned before their decent showing against Iowa

    11        Memphis lost to possibly 80th best team in the nation Temple and disappeared

    14        Michigan State slowly fell out of the ratings, so I was right after all

    14        Clemson was dethroned by Mack Brown retirement project UNC

    14        Texas lost to OU (mid-season toldjasos™) and has continued to suck

    14        Texas probably over-paid for losing to titan LSU (early-season toldjasos™), but then they let Kansas hang 48 on them at home

    18        Auburn over-paid for losing to Florida

    18        Texas A&M probably over-paid for quality losses against Clemson and Auburn . . . or maybe not

    20        Washington State was de-ranked after becoming lowly UCLA’s first win

    20        Virginia continues to lose after losing to can-play-with-UGA-but-not-Michigan Notre Dame

    22        Oklahoma lost to Kansas State . . . inexcusable

     

    Year to Date It-Would-Seem Blown Calls Because They’re Doing Okay Really Well

    1          LSU

    2          Florida seems to have earned their status by defeating top-ten Auburn

    3          Oklahoma is no longer a blown call because Kansas State

    4          UCF is now a skin on the wall after Pitt

    5          Michigan is no longer a blown call because Wisconsin

    6          Washington State is no longer a blown call because UCLA

    Our year now stands at 22–2-4.  So closes a tasty week!

     

    links to older opinions:                  2019-10-24                 2019-10-17                  2019-10-10                  2019-10-03                  2019-09-26                  2019-09-19                  2019-09-13                  2019-09-06
    Disclosure of sources of bias:  your correspondent has attended the University of Tennessee, Memphis State and the University of Memphis, Christian Brothers College . . . and he sleeps with an alumna of Georgia whose parents met at Washington State . . . and his son went to Houston . . . and he never met anyone from TCU he didn’t like . . . and he irrationally hates Notre Dame, UCF, Clemson, and Notre Dame.

     

  • Concealed Carry Redux : A Crossword

    It turns out that my longer clues get cut off in the interactive version, 32d para ejemplo, you’ll have to refer to the image below or the PDF version if you want to read the full clue. Also it turns out you people suck at getting the themes so I added shaded squares to give you some help, they too don’t appear in the interactive version. I reported this glitch to the site where I build puzzles but they asked for my password so they could see the puzzle in question and I, not wanting to be cancelled for using terms like spic, peckerwood, towelhead, and poi-slurper, decided to let it go.  No beta tester this time, one may think this means that any errors will be on me, but I’m going to assign a Glib at random to be at fault. Remember this is for entertainment purposes only, please no wagering. Good luck, we’re all counting on you. And as always enjoy.

     

     

     

     

    If you prefer a PDF   Concealed Carry Redux

    If you need to cheat  help  Solution

    You can go here and work an interactive version. The Password is “Your Pet’s Name”

    Some of you have reported trouble with the interactive version, I also have an Across Lite file but I’m not sure how or if I can post those here since you’d need to download it, If you see me in the comments and use Across Lite hit me up with a burner email account and I can send it to you that way.

     

    Tonio didn’t beta test this one but any errors are still on him.

  • IFLA: The “@#!!*&# Useless Stars!” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of October 27

    There are times when one turns to the skies for advice, only for the skies to respond with “lol, get fucked.  I’m going to be completely random and you can’t force me to be otherwise.”  Such is the situation this week, with none of the planets wanting to have any connection or relationship with any other.  Now, as contrary as the planets may want to be, they can’t avoid the fact they are actually out there in space, so we still have their relationship with the zodiac to fallback on, and one particularly interesting event will be happening.

    Hail Scorpio!  You begin your season already hosting Mercury and Venus for that initial luck burst, unfortunately it’s not going to last as long s you’d like, because Mercury will be going retrograde before the week is out.  It will be Station Retrograde on Halloween, to be precisely.  Mercury (chance, luck) retrograde (chaos) in Scorpio (secrets, darkness, genitals, creepy-crawlies) is about as perfect a Halloween event as one could hope for, so this should be a Halloween to remember.

    Libra is doing its best to protect us from the conjunction of the moon with Mars (literally, the tides of war).  A more self-indulgent reading of this would be that this week is an auspicious time to partake of martial games or simulations.

    The cards have lots of reversed swords, warning against violence.  This is not a big deal for a bunch of NAPpers

    Scorpio:  6 of Swords reversed – Declaration, confession, publicity, a proposal of love

    Sagittarius:  2 of Cups – Love, passion, friendship, affinity, union, concord, sympathy, the interrelation of the sexes

    Capricorn:  Ace of Coins reversed – The evil side of wealth, bad intelligence; also great riches.

    Aquarius:  4 of Cups – Weariness, disgust, aversion, imaginary vexations, blended pleasure.  Since the source predates Fred Waring, daiquiris are not what is being referenced in that last bit.

    Pisces:  Page of Coins – Application, study, scholarship, reflection, news, messages and the bringer thereof; also rule, management.

    Aries:  4 of Wands – Country life, haven of refuge, repose, concord, harmony, prosperity, peace.

    Taurus:  The Hireophant – Marriage, alliance, captivity, servitude, mercy and goodness; inspiration

    Gemini:  The World – Assured success, recompense, voyage, route, emigration, flight, change of place

    Cancer:  9 of Wands reversed – Obstacles, adversity, calamity.

    Leo:  Knight of Wands reversed – Anecdotes, announcements, evil news, indecision, instability

    Virgo:  Page of Swords reversed – competent person working against you, unforeseen situations, unpreparedness.

    Libra:  King of Swords reversed – Cruelty, perversity, barbarity, perfidy, evil intention.

  • The Night Shift for October 26, 2019 Spook-tacular

    Welcome, Ghouls and Ghosts!  It’s almost Halloween, and, considering we take this stuff into the witching hour (and beyond), I figured I play around a bit with that theme.  As you may recall, I mentioned that I will (would?) be attending a costume party tonight.  As a bona fide glibertarian, I typically eschew social outings like this, especially when most of the attendees are strangers.  However, to tell a family secret, I’ve been curating a Jedi/Sith/whatever get-up for a couple of years now.  And, since I’m no LARPer, this is probably the best place to introduce the world to my lame-ass attempt at make-believe.  With that, I’m now going to attempt to refocus your attention on some-WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!? (made you look!)

     

    A fitting start to tonight’s festivities.

    My usual even starts with a rather appropriate tale.

    The horror….The horror…  Serious, if you are prone to sympathy pains, you may want to skip this.  Then again, if you have been here for any length of time, this is simply the visual representation of many a link on this site.

    I used to wonder why we didn’t have (more of) a UK glib presence here.  I now think most of our “type” are probably in jail.

    So, in the interest of not bogging anyone down with too-long videos, check out this rather fascinating collector of internet oddities.  YMMV with the various videos, but, I typically enjoy his postings.  Hint:  try the video for “Channel 58”.  It’s about 30 minutes, but kinda creepy-fun.

    Thanks, Metroplex!  Trying to keep in mind that 11 people (out of 12) said this was the correct way to proceed.  I tend to believe the saying that juries are made up of people too stupid to get out of jury duty.  And, Dallas County is chocked full of people fitting that bill.  And, thanks to them, this child is gonna be wearing a permanent costume.  Trick or treat, kid.

    Any of you have Halloween stories you want to share with the rest of us?  If it helps, I can get a campfire going.  The only stories I can recall are the year I stayed home to protect our dog.  Now, this was the mid 80’s, and there was lots of talk going around about the possibility of cults kidnapping pets for animal sacrifices.  The only really shocking thing about it was that my mom was OK with me missing church to stay home with my dad’s 12 gauge to protect said dog.  Nothing happened.  Also, I may, or, may not, have pulled a Trudeau at some point in my teens.  That’s right; Diggy may have almost bankrupted the Great White North, while smothering it with wokeism.  Or, maybe Diggy didn’t…

    “Cara Mia!!”  The three-legged stool (eww) of Horror, Romance, and Humor is difficult to build.  That said, this is a fun attempt at the concept.  Look—it was either that, or, this attempt, and you lot always gripe about “Too early!!1!eleven”

    Halloween news you can use?  Yes.  Yes, it is.

    Go on–Just embrace it.  ?

    I think that wraps up the month rather well…alright—mediocrely.   It’ll be November soon, so I guess I have to dig up tales of turkeys, family feuds, and colonial oppression.  See ya soon, Pilgrim.

  • The Sacred Glade

    Before Rome existed, the druids lived in Germania, and worshiped the Old Gods, and were Kings Among Men, feared and revered at the time, for they had the fortune of the Gods.

     

    They erected temples and made sacrifice in the nearby forest, pleasing the Gods, until one day…

     

    Rome appeared. They had heard of, and some even fought these Shining Invaders, but no one really believed it, until they Came, Saw, and Conquered everything before it, and then the Gods were angry.

    Flocking

    First you take the area you want to cover, and lay down some PVA, then paint it out, not too thick, and leave some air gaps so it dries in the middle.

     

    I like to do my accent color before my primary colors, I can always enhance later.

     

    “And we came upon a ford, and upon the Right, we observed a small Glade of what appeared to be diseased trees, the engineers said this was due to the Barbarian Temple across the stream, and that no Roman should enter the Glade, we were pleased and made it so,” Commentaries, by Caesar. 

     

    Water

    These came out nice, then I got some turf on the rest and had to repaint/waterize it, but it’s cool.

     

    Single color is OK for a WG table, but a diorama requires more, depth is obtained by using darker colors where you want deeper, due to the limits of the “water” material you use. I use Modge Podge for most things, and acrylic resin for the big stuff. You want to lay down a shallow groove in the foam, then paint darkest, lighter then a bit of sand/ochre on the shoreline, I add some shrubs depending on the scale. Whitewater needs to be dry brushed, after your water is dry (what?) take a brush full of white paint and wipe off 90 percent on some cardboard, then Lightly begin stroking the paint downstream, very gentle, and you will see the wave tops appear, apply as you like for effect. 

     

    Autumn, 1944, France

    Major Richard Licum is tasked with taking the crossroads at Lille Dique, with him is the 69th tank battalion of the Rheem. 

    Licum: Lt. Queef, options!

    We could go to the forest but it’s spooky

    1. Munsch, options

    Well I have a few, they look tasty…

    Shut Up Mench!

    Fortunately they found General Winter, who told them to hold in position, hehe,

     Obergeneral Schitz, is in a pickle, he’s outgunned, and only has a rag tag collection of Stugs, and some old Pz2s, and one Tiger. His forces are mostly kids and old men.

    I needed to make bases for the men, and used Googly Eyes, crushed flat, the men are only a half inch tall, I may leave them with white bases so I can find the little guys.

    I have a few more things to add, new stuff for me, but it should finish nice, and I’ll tell you a story, til then,

    Gallery, https://photos.app.goo.gl/MpHrVHrBcxvotRwD9

     

     

     

     

  • Some horror movie picks for Halloween.

    It’s that time of year to settle in and throw in a horror film.  So, which ones should you watch? You could stick with Jaws, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Saw, Hellraiser (did you know they made 10 of them), Child’s Play, Scream, Halloween, or your favorite long running franchise.  Instead, I’m here with 7 of my favorite lesser known horror films, with some honorable mentions for some comedy horror films.

    HM: Zombeavers (2015)/Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010)/My Name is Bruce (2007)

    Yes, three honorable mentions.  My article, my rules.

    All three of these are comedy/horror films with different target audiences.  Zombeavers targets the classic horror movie fans, using the standard tropes of the tales, but turning them around.  It’s about a toxic waste spill that turns a dam of beavers into bloodthirsty killers. Anyone bitten by them will eventually get sick and turn into one as well.  Do not expect high brow cinema going into this. The ending may very well kill Swiss, as they show another toxic waste spill, this time getting into a beehive (go ahead, so what the name of that one should be).

    Tucker and Dale vs. Evil targets the more casual horror fan.  Ever hear about killer rednecks and their murder cabins in the woods?  Then you know what you need to going into this movie. In this case, the two rednecks are just trying to get to their newly purchased vacation cabin and get it fixed up.  After a terrible attempt at flirting, some local college kids get creeped out and scared by them. Misunderstandings happen, college kids keep dying, and there’s even a woodchipper scene.

    My Name is Bruce targets the fans of the one (and only) Bruce Campbell.  In a small city, some kids fooling around in a graveyard unleash an ancient Chinese demon.  One of them is the worst kind of fanboy, thinking that Bruce is exactly like Ash from the Evil Dead movies and goes to recruit him to help.  If you don’t know who Bruce Campbell is, and have never seen the Evil Dead movies, go watch them instead.

    7th: The Devil’s Backbone (2001)

    Alright, into the serious ones.  Fair warning, this is a Spanish horror film done by Guillermo del Toro, so expect subtitles.  This is set at an orphanage during the last year of the Spanish Civil War. There’s great visuals, a creepy ghost, and the question of how can a child keep their innocence in the face of a terrible war.  It’s thematically similar to Pan’s Labyrinth, but didn’t get the widespread acclaim. If you haven’t seen Pan’s Labyrinth, then see that one as well.

    6th: Cube (1997)

    This one you may have heard of, it’s a bit old at this point, but I’m still a fan.  It’s a relatively low budget film that hides it pretty well. A group of people wake up, all in different rooms, all wearing the same clothes, and not remembering how they got there.  The room is a cube, with a door in each side (top and bottom as well). As they move through the rooms, they learn that some are trapped, and work to try to figure out the pattern, and what the hell is going on.  This movie did spawn a sequel and a prequel which don’t quite match the same WTF quotient as the original (in my opinion at least).

    5th: Identity (2003)

    This one uses two familiar premises: opening in media res, and a bunch of travelers getting stranded in a hotel (including a prisoner).  People get assigned rooms, and try to settle in for the night. Someone (or something) has other plans. People start dying, and room keys are left by their bodies that don’t match the rooms the people were in.  Then the bodies start disappearing.  The two premises then get introduced to each other in a fairly novel way.

    4th: Drag Me To Hell (2009)

    Sam Raimi did this one.  If you don’t know who Sam Raimi is, I’ll direct you up towards My Name is Bruce up above.  Raimi was making cult films before he hit the big time with the first Spider Man trilogy. (fun fact: the same Delta 88 has been in almost all of his films).  Drag Me To Hell was his return to horror after the Spider Man trilogy, and he revels in it. A loan officer at the bank is forced to tell a gypsy that the bank can’t extended their mortgage again.  The gypsy curses the poor bank worker, and things start taking a turn to the dark. As they learn more about it, the curse is set to have the loan officer dragged to hell after three days. Lots of blood and gore in this one, don’t watch it if you’re squeamish.

    3rd: In the Mouth of Madness (1995)

    This is probably the best representation of Lovecraft put to cinema.  It’s about an insurance investigator who needs to find out what’s going on with a missing author.  The author is due to submit a new book to the publisher, who took out a multi-million dollar policy against him disappearing.  The insurance investigator believes it’s all a publicity stunt, and parts of it started out that way, until something from outside found a way to use the author to get into this world.  Then it becomes a reality bending story wrapping around in on itself, and managing to swallow its own tail at the end.

    2nd: The Babadook (2014)

    This is one you are the most likely to have heard of, it made a big splash when it came to Netflix.  This tells the tale of a widowed mother raising a six year old by herself. The kid in this movie is a piece of shit as only a six year old can be.  One day, he comes into his mom’s room and asks mom to read him a storybook he found called Mister Babadook. Mister Babadook tells the story of a monster (can you guess his name?) that torments people who learn of his existence.  Strange things start happening in the house, mom blames the kid, the kid blames the Babadook. From this point, things begin to escalate.

    1st: Trick ‘r Treat (2007)

    Time for my favorite cult horror film, one that’s perfect for Halloween.  Trick ‘r Treat is an anthology film telling several interwoven tales that take place in a small town (in Ohio, which seems to be a hotspot for horror movie franchises), with a little boy (known as Sam) witnessing most of the events.  Most of the stories deal with the rules and traditions of Halloween, with those violating them getting punished in some manner. There’s ghost stories, the reason for the jack-o-lanterns, poisoned candy, the proper time to take down the decorations, and what happens to those who don’t give out candy at all?  There’s been rumors of a sequel to this move for over a decade, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

    So there’s some of my.favorite horror films to watch.  If I left out your favorite cult film, I may not have seen it (or I may not have considered it cult enough to write it up).  I’ve tried to stay with films that you can easily find to rent, purchase, or stream (otherwise Cemetery Man would be in this list).  I also tried to stay away from the usual slasher films (Urban Legends would fit here), or ones that go too far into sci-fi (Event Horizon would go here).  Go ahead and tell me how wrong I was in the comments.

  • Misadventures in Bikepacking

     

    Recently, my family and I went on a bikepacking trip. The idea for this trip actually came from a fellow Glib (I don’t recall which one) who linked to bikepacking.com. Bikepacking is as it sounds – it is backpacking, but on a bike. While bike touring is long distance biking over roadways, bikepacking is on rural or single track trails, and nights are spent in tents rather than hotels. Bikepackers rarely carry backpacks instead supplies are stored in a variety of bags around the bike. The trips vary from a short overnighter to a 2,700 mile epic ride from western Mexico to Canada. My wife and I have been very interested in trying a longer bikepacking trip. Biking Murphy to Manteo North Carolina is at the top of our bucket list as we are both love our state. This summer, we thought we would start smaller and bikepack New River State Park in Virginia with…our 3 and 1 year old children literally in tow in 2 bike trailers.

    Throughout the summer we biked once or twice a week, usually up to 16 to 18 miles. The point was more for the kids to get used to 1.5-2 hours in the trailer. To facilitate their willingness to ride with us, we bribed them with a stop at a playground near the end of our route.

    The New River trail is an approachable first time trail. It is a largely flat, 56 mile long, rails to trail set up. It has many bridges that were formerly train trestles, and it also has two tunnels (something we knew our train-loving son would be crazy about). There is a campsite partway through. For us, this particular trail had the added benefit of being about 40 minutes away from the home of my wife’s best friend. We decided to cheat a little, and my wife’s friend agreed to meet us for dinner at the campsite and manage bringing our food and our car. Things were set. I reserved a campsite right on the river, and the weather seemed like it would be cooler than the 90s we usually suffer through in my part of NC. The big day was approaching and we were all excited.

    Then the gods gave me signs that things would not go well. First, my dog developed an allergic reaction on his paw the night before “go” time. I didn’t want to go on this trip or be midway through the ride and get a call from the boarding kennel about him. We decided to cancel, and it all went downhill from there.

    Our two alternative dates did not work for my wife’s friend – which meant we would need to carry our own food and figure out how to get our car from the beginning of the trail to the end of the trail. The bike shuttles were absurdly expensive, even for just one person. Taking both our cars to shuttle ourselves would not work due to the travel time both from NC to VA, and then the back and forth along the trail. We decided to reserve a spot at the campsite, and do an out and back overnighter rather than complete the whole trail.

    The big day 2.0 arrived. Things seemed to be going well. It was hot, but the weather was good enough. All of our gear fit (phew!), and there was even room for the kids!

    16 month old in the Burley D’Lite pulled by me

     

    3 year old in the Burley Solo pulled by my wife

     

    So we sped off. Much of the trail was shaded. At times, the scenery looked like western movies with large cliffs and small rapids rushing by below (unfortunately, not pictured). Our kids loved going over the bridges and through the tunnels. Things seemed to be going well.

     

    There were more scenic views, but I wasn’t able to get a picture of them

     

     

    At 12 or 14 miles, my wife asked at what mile marker the campsite was. I had looked at so many different trails lately, that I couldn’t remember exactly where it was. I figured it was doable anyway. I told her I thought I was sometimes around the 16 mile point. 14 miles in, I was starting to feel the ride. I kept telling myself, we were almost there. But then, 16 miles came and went with no campsite. It was at this point that I really started lagging. I told myself that had to be close – it was probably at the 20 mile mark. 20 miles came and went. At this point, I was sore and exhausted. I couldn’t even afford to stop and ask any passersby where the campsite was. (I let my wife do that.) At 25.29 miles, we finally reached the campground.

    By then, I just felt bad and wrong. I wasn’t sure if it was dehydration or what. I felt like STEVE SMITH HAD WAY WITH ME SEVERAL TIMES. What I did know was that there was no way I could bike 25 miles back to the car the next day. The question was could I survive the night. Did I mention that my training was just weekly rides. Apparently, I am not 22 anymore where I can just jump into some athletic event and be ok. Besides, we were both hauling close to 75lbs between our gear and children.

    My wife was pretty worried at how sick I felt. We decided we should just head back home. At this point, it was 6pm and our children had spent the day cooped up in bike trailers. My wife’s friend – who would have come to get us so that we could get to our car – was out of town. We tried Uber and Lyft and there was nothing available for as remote as we were. My wife desperately called her friend to try to find someone local to get her back to the car so she could pack us up. We were finally able to find someone. So, after a three hour bike ride, followed by another hour at the campsite with two stir crazed children, we were on our two hour car ride back home.

    Now that I scared you away from ever bikepacking, I would like to say the first 12 miles were fun. The kids seemed to enjoy the trip – at least the part they were awake for. They definitely loved the marshmallows at camp. Riding with two toddlers and two trailers isn’t too bad, but the gear really adds a lot of weight to the ride. I do want to try to bikepack again, but with more reasonable goals. I am thinking about riding the Jamestown end of the Capital Trail in Virginia or tackling the New River again from a shorter trail head.

     

    Not the stats of a champion

  • IFLA: The “Absent Context” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of October 20

    Moreau Overlook
    Drive seventeen miles from my house, then get out of the car and hike another mile and a half.

    I am writing this during a rare moment of downtime in my vacation.  I’ve been unable to read Glibs for the most part — partway through the comments on Mojeaux’s 101, so I am wondering exactly how many new memes have been birthed and died, and exactly how unrecognizable the glibscape is going to be once things are back to “normal.”

    Harris' Hawk coming in for a landing
    Harris’ Hawk coming in for a landing

    No alignments of note, though I will note that the top of Cascade Mountain would be a most excellent place to do some stargazing, assuming that the wind didn’t kill you.

    Harris’ Hawks are social raptors, meaning that they understand the importance of mugging for the camera. Owls tell you to go fuck yourself if you pull out a phone while holding them.

    As for the regular planetary visitations, Libra is keeping conflict in balance (whether this is good or bad depends largely on your viewpoint), and Venus and Mercury in Scorpio bring tidings that your favorite porn will be easily available in high quality.  The one new thing, the moon in Cancer, has two possible meanings, but because of the relative position of Saturn the correct interpretation is “a great secret will be created,” so if you’re not the one making secrets, someone’s keeping one from you.  There might be a way of diving who this person is, but I’m too busy to do that at the moment.

    Owls land vastly more lightly than hawks. Even considering the size difference.

    As for the cards, not terribly great. There’s a typical amount of bad luck and good, but the good luck is for minor things while the bad is for major.  So if you get a particularly good sandwich, don’t eat it while walking or you’re liable to fall into an uncovered manhole.

    Libra:  Ace of Cups reversed – House of the false heart, mutation, instability, revolution.

    Scorpio:  King of Wands reversed – A severe, austere, dark man.  Attack from a lion.

    Sagittarius:  3 of Coins – Métier, trade, skilled labor, nobility, aristocracy, renown, glory.

    Capricorn:  3 of Wands reversed – The end of troubles, suspension or cessation of adversity, toil and disappointment.

    Aquarius:  The Sun reversed – Material happiness, fortunate marriage, contentment, but to a lesser extent or with added difficulties than if the card had been drawn upright.

    Pisces:  The Hermit reversed – Concealment, disguise, policy, fear, unreasoned caution.

    Aries:  4 of Cups – Weariness, disgust, aversion, imaginary vexations, “wine is now offered the wastrel, but he sees no consolation therein,”  blended pleasure.

    Taurus:  5 of Wands – Imitation, sham fight, strenuous competition and struggle, gold, gain, opulence.

    Gemini:  9 of Wands reversed – Obstacles, adversity, calamity.

    Cancer:  The Fool – Folly, mania, extravagance, intoxication, delirium, frenzy, bewrayment

    Leo:  The Tower – Misery, distress, indigence, adversity, calamity, disgrace, deception, ruin, unforeseen catastrophe.

    Virgo:  The Chariot reversed – Riot, quarrel, dispute, litigation, defeat.

     

    Finally, in case I’m not caught up by the time this goes live, another invitation to come shoot at my club.  Details here.  I’ve posted pictures of the pistol I’ll be using here before; otherwise, I’ll be the middle-aged white guy with a beard wearing green Howard Leight earpro, safety glasses and a hat.

    Two trails diverged in a yellow wood. And I… I took the one more traveled by, because it was slightly shorter and led to a better view.