As you can see, I’m an eyeball, someone took me out of a perfectly good head and stuck me here, in this black ooze, so here I am.
I don’t look like much, but then again, neither do you.
I see a lot of things, in fact that’s all I do, see things, forget all the Santa Claus sees you when your waking stuff, I see all the Time. I’m found in out of the way places, always looking, at You.
Only one problem, without a brain for storage, I got nothin’ I tells ya,no memories at all, I come home, and can’t remember what I saw half the time.
What kind of life is this for a normal, common eyeball?
Black ooze? Who thought of that? And a Tail? Who was the idiot that decided Eye need a tail? It comes with the ooze so Eye’m stuck with it, What about Contacts? I am getting older Dammit! there’s no Social Security! Eye Carumba!
Ever try getting a Savings account at a bank? “Sorry Mr. ,Eyeball, we don’t serve your kind” A job? I’m a greeter at Walmart for Cornea’s sake! and the customers keep complaining about the Black ooze, what’s an Eyeball to do?
“But, you must have Super powers, right?”
Sure, I can stare at you til you die of boredom, but that’s about it, Eye’ll tell you what, rip your eye out, stick it in some 40 weight motor oil then we’ll talk.
It’s tough out there for a common Eyeball, always looking for the best view, watching your back, and constantly getting pecked at by Birds, not to mention the lighting at night is terrible. A pimp is usually the best way to go, we call them “agents” but they keep us from getting poked, as it were, and they get 20%, and of course they get a personal view IYKWIM
People ask “where do you see yourself in 20 years, when your old and needing glasses, after all you can’t keep your looks forever”
I have some good safe investments, so when I retire I’ll get a place with nice view, and that’s good enough for an old eyeball like me…..
I met another like me once, a real eyeful, and we went for drinks, Bourbon for him and Vodka with Visine for me, and I was regaled in stories of him Eyeing chicks, getting an eyeful and all that went with that kind of thing, I wasn’t impressed. I mean what, stare them into an orgasm? I soon left him in a pitiful state, having crushed his dreams of what? sweet lookable Pussy? Ladies, be on the lookout for this Eye, he only looks good.
Sometimes when I look at the stars, and I wish I had a Telescope.
I wish I knew what this Black ooze was all about, it’s hard to get out of the upholstery.
My Wife asked how it was I could speak to you, I could only reply “Damn your eyes Woman!” but that got me thinking, how am I talking? how am I thinking? how did I get here? Why do I feel like Hedley LaMar right now?
Maybe the Ghost of Napolitanos past?
Here’s looking at You,
Comments
170 responses to “Eyeball”
NO! Give him AIDS!
Beary Bear!!!
Original male gaze.
Now that is some good drugs. The best drugs. Bigly.
Yeah, I’m in tears here.
The Eyes have it.
*narrows gaze*
Thank you.
“The eyes have it”
*narrows gaze*
Get it?!? Lol! Look at me making a funny.
Who was the guy on TOS who used to trip and then write really long rambling comments? It reminded me of that, only much more coherent.
Agile Cyborg. The poet laureate.
Agile Cyborg
Thanks. That guy really added some color to the place didn’t he?
I think AC often tried too hard to be poetically weird and a lot of his posts fell flat for me.
But goddamn. When he was on, he was on fire.
…on LSD.
Need moar space penises
I loved him.
I was feeling lonely on Christmas Eve a few years back at TOS so he wrote me a poem that wished upon me green skinned alien hookers and good cocaine as gifts. I’ll always love him for that.
Eyeballin’
Eyeball Kid
Razor Eyes https://youtu.be/EOr83bxD2QU
For Tundra https://youtu.be/-Odqi72sbrY
Nice!
How was SEA?
Wrapping up some biznazz here today. So far it’s been pretty good. Liked the Ballard and Fremont neighborhoods alot. Seems cool. Rainy. I could relocate here.
The wife and I kind of ran the numbers last night. It’s a nice big number. That helps.
Fun adventure! Did you make it to my friends’ place?
Didn’t make it there. But this was more of a survey. We went to 3 neighborhoods a day. We’ll come back soon and hang out in Ballard (and go to you friends place). I’ve got a lead on some commercial office space over there, so Ballard is looking pretty good. Thanks dor the recommendation. Next time.
Gonba check out Belltown on the way back SeaTac.
Ballard’s the best. It has some of my favorite breweries.
Just a bunch more eyestalks to go. Then you can see if beauty is in the eye of the beholder (although I’m not sure which eye).
That’s his Uncle!
Very cool
Is that a sty eye spy?
No, He’s Electric, E lectric Eye,
Hi Tulpa!
Damn Man, I mean Eyeball, eye’d like to help but you need some ears too. We could talk but eye’d be wasting my breathe. With ears eye could set you up with an appointment to get glasses. Sorry, Buddy, you’re kinda out there on your own. Well, here’s lookin’ atcha.
Raises glass to toast Yusef.
What? I don’t hear you,
/takes a bow
Eye see what you did there… well done, Yu!
Eye see what you did there Yusef. Thanks for the weird today.
Jinx!
Thanks, it was a fun little project, building and writing simultaneously
Swiss is not gonna be happy. An eyeball that can’t narrow its gaze? It’s like some it’s an article that is pro-pun. I guess it is time iris to the occasion and reflect on my behavior.
Anti-Swiss.
I’m confused.
How do you think a detached sentient Eyeball feels?
Livestream from today’s Glibs meetup.
The Soul,
I clcked, it’s safe!
…. me
That’s a homo!
Irony meter pegged at eleventy.
https://pagesix.com/2019/02/18/al-sharpton-hold-jussie-smollett-accountable-if-he-staged-attack/?_ga=2.201146029.267642857.1550199666-2051527208.1550003555
“More truthier Sharpton”
/ Yeah, Jussie… Jussie, WTH? What sort of a fag name is that? Anyway, Jussie, yeah I was in on it, but I’m totally gonna get away with it and pin all the blame on you! Suck it, snapper! Get off my
lawnvacant lot!I liked young, fat Sharpton in a tracksuit better. That guy had moxie.
I liked the Bonfire of the Vanities version of Sharpton best.
The Rev. Bacon, yeah
Young, fat Sharpton would have lead a march for Smollette in which he announced that Trump personally orchestrated the attacks on Smollette.
WTF? Ya’ll gettin weirder by the day.
I haven’t read it for a few weeks and laughed again, strange people around here….
If the powers that be are hanging around, please note that the scheduled article on Fruit Mead is from kinnath and not Nephilium. He shouldn’t be blamed for my work.
I’m looking forward to this one. I’m gonna try making some. Of course if it’s gross I’m going to blame you and not myself.
By all means, that’s what I am here for.
I’ve found it helps to have friends who have divergent tastes from yourself. So if something doesn’t come out in a manner you like, you have a chance that one of those friends may like it.
/looks to his overly sweet coffee mead
Friends? Please.
I’m a libertarian. The fact that I can get along with my wife is a miracle in and of itself. You can’t expect me to get along with yet another person.
First you make the alcohol, then you realize you have too much to drink by yourself, then you give the alcohol away, then you have friends.
ohhh I see. Sort of.
Surely by “give” you mean “sell” right?
Negative. That would be a violation of federal law. You are only permitted to gift homebrew to others, there can be no exchange of money. You want to see a thread locked down and shut down faster then anything? Go to a home brew forum and discuss distillation or selling product.
Give, sell, as long as it is a voluntary transaction.
There has been talk over legalizing home distilling with limits similar to beer/wine.
I will believe it when I see it. I think bootlegging will be unenforceable at that point.
Home distilling is legal in New Zealand (and I think one other country). For me, it would be more of a curiosity then anything else. As a fan of whisk(e)y, I can’t really replicate that in a reasonable time frame with a reasonable amount of space.
[Makes plans for a 2037 bourbon]
I think the reason for the extreme regulation on distillation is the difficulty in ensuring that you distilled ethanol and not something toxic like methanol.
Which really argues for more free-market solutions….. like an easy to use kit for methanol detection.
Distilling pure 70% ethanol should be pretty easy. And given a proper regulatory environment, we’d have all the tools to ensure that it was done properly. But then it would be hard for the state to slice off such a huge piece for themselves. So maybe that’s why it hasn’t happened.
I ran into that on more than one occasion with my homebrew. Batches I found mediocre were loved by others.
Man, we don’t even look alike.
“…and constantly getting pecked at by Birds.”
This is a real problem.
Open Ypur Eyes https://youtu.be/FjFywoE_YO8
“Garfield, you can’t destroy Monday!” Jon cried out to his disobedient cat.
“Jon, I have infinite power, I can do anything.”
Jon watched in horror as Garfield used his infinite power to speed up the orbit of the earth itself, removing 52 days from the year. All calendars had Monday burnt off of it. Clocks now go a full 24 hours ahead. Everyone was confused at what just happened. It was now Tuesday. As everyone saw the ray of light over the horizon, they shouted, “Garfield!”
“The tables have turned now, Jon.” Garfield said.
Jon was nothing but a bug in his eyes. There was no turning back. There is no God – only Garfield.
ORANGE CAT BAD
Also, pictured.
You have a cornea sense of humor.
They practically write themselves…..
Didn’t see this mentioned in any weekend thread.
https://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/ct-ent-ken-nordine-dead-0217-story,amp.html
http://wordjazz.com/
Yeah. RIP.
Just a warning, Yusef; it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
Eye wear Lift safety sunglasses, should be good to go
It’s been a long time since I have seen a joke as cornea this
Alright. Let’s put a lid on the cornea pun. Keep using it and Swiss is going to get out the lash.
A brown eye for an eye
His rods and his cones, they comfort me.
Thanks Yusef. I liked the story.
Burn My Eye. Yeah it burned my mind. https://youtu.be/1JWMmddFPlE
I am just going to leave this here for ALL OF YOU.
*NARROWS GAZE*
The narrowed gaze is indeed a lens that helps bring things into focus
We should all become your pupils so that we may learn the ways of the narrowed gaze
Well, that’s some nerve you’ve got, responding this way!
Eyeballs gaze is narrower, just sayn
Only Os-Iris can judge me.
Trying to dismiss your retina-you?
We’d better put the lid on these puns before he does something serious.
I’m trying to visualize what that might be.
He might lash out at us.
This post is an eye-sore.
I am Jack’s eyeball.
*so confused*
Is it eyetalian?
Eye have a minor problem.
Windows Media Player makes my laptop heat up immediately and stay in the dangerous range. I close it, poof, my temperature problem disappears.
WinAmp has recently begun acting up and has frozen my computer on numerous occasions. I’ve uninstalled and reinstalled, but I’m not sure I want to stay with it.
Anybody have any recommendations?
Check the airflow around the graphics chip. If it’s getting hot that fast, I’m guessing it’s more than just an airflow issue, but a can of compressed air is a cheap fix if you have a dust bunny sitting on your graphics chip.
Laptop? Have you checked the /slaps joke down.
Seriously, it sounds like you may have a fan that’s not spinning. Probably near the video card (or on the video card). That would explain WMP causing it to run hot. Sound alone shouldn’t cause heat issues, are you running any visualizations with Winamp? Assuming no gaming, which would be the other possible heavy video application on most systems. I would start with some canned air and blow out all the vents and exhaust areas. I would then isolate it to if it’s video playback causing the issue. Then (if and only if you are comfortable doing this), I would start looking up a spec for the laptop to see where the fans may be, and then if they can be easily accessed without dismantling the entire machine. If so, then I would remove the panels needed, turn the laptop on, and confirm that the fans are all spinning when powered up. If one isn’t, then that is most likely your problem, and what will need to be ordered from the laptop manufacturer (if out of warranty, shipped to you if in warranty).
Had a similar problem with my tower about a year ago — running a video edit program immediately pinned my CPU and drove the junction temperature into the “Danger, Will Robinson, danger!” range.
CPU and GPU both had a ridonkulous coating of dust on their respective heatsinks, so fan cooling was basically inoperative. Five minutes’ worth of canned air outside (so I didn’t blow dust bunnies everywhere in my office) cured the problem. And I’m much better now about cleaning inside the machine once a month or so. Silly me.
Okay, so air acquired (we had run out, so I went and got some). Haven’t blown out the machine yet.
While a blow-out is never a bad thing to do, Windows Media Player is the only thing on my PC that makes it run hot. I don’t understand why.
WMP is going to exercise your video card more than other applications. It has to transcode video, which is very video card intensive. Like Neph said, unless you’re gaming on it, WMP is quite possibly the most video card intensive thing you are doing with that computer.
Well! That is good to know. I honestly thought I was losing my mind there for a while.
We’re not saying that you’re not… just that there’s a rational explanation for this one thing. 🙂
There are better things to lose my mind over, yes. LOL
WMP is a built-in software, so you can’t really reinstall it in the traditional sense. The closest you can get to this would be to disable and re-enable it under Windows Features, though I’m not sure whether doing so would resolve the problem. Does it happen when playing back audio, video or both? I would maybe start with a decent process explorer application to try to narrow down exactly what it’s doing to cause the spike in resource consumption.
https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/sysinternals/downloads/procmon
As for alternatives, you may want to check out VLC. It’s fully open source and updated regularly.
https://www.videolan.org/vlc/index.html
I use VLC and like it.
I thought about that. I may do that. Thanks.
No, it was WinAmp I uninstalled and reinstalled. I don’t use WMP because of aforementioned temp problems.
You can admit it. You use WinAmp because it really kicks the llama’s ass.
It does. I have always really liked it, but then it started freezing my computer and I got frustrated.
Are you using Winamp for video as well? Is it audio or video you’re playing when the system is having issues?
No, I don’t watch video on my laptop that’s not web-based.
I made a 25-second marketing video today and I used Windows Media Player to play it back, which spiked the temp immediately.
Then I uninstalled and reinstalled WinAmp and just now played my video. It seems to be behaving now.
2004 is bringing suit in European courts for its right to be forgotten.
Pffftt. I’m still using the Win3.x green rivets as my background, and I still use utilities and games that date back farther than that.
Behold
Get an Apple?
Mmmmmm. Sweet Tango.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA H AHA!!!1111elebenty
My kids and dogs are all giddy. Henderson, NV got about 3 inches of snow. Late last night my kids were running around the neighborhood drawing penises in the snow…of which we found 3 on our morning walk.
Damn kids…they arent woke…I did something right apparentlyn
They weren’t Nazi penises, were they?
They did have a tuft of hair under each head…so …yes?
Speaking of drawing penises in the snow….. have a look at the racetrack Clarkson and crew made for The Grand Tour.
Needs a monocle and a top hat.
You rang?
I’ve found it helps to have friends who have divergent tastes from yourself.
WUT
*recoils in horror*
OT: Oh goody.
https://phys.org/news/2019-02-antibiotic-resistances-faster-thought.html
This is being described as news…. but horizontal gene transfer by phage was described as part of my coursework when I was in graduate school in the late 80’s. Mabye it is the degree of phage action?
Bacteria love to exchange genes. Sometimes they’ll even pick up random hunks of DNA floating around and start using them.
Plants move genes around using viruses as well. Well, “using” is probably too much of an anthropomorphication, but viruses do move genes between species in plants sometimes.
Heck, people have lots of genes from viral infections floating around in their DNA. Some quite ancient.
Anyway, this dovetails nicely with a study that just came out showing antibiotic resistance genes spread as far as Antarctica in just a couple of years. I didn’t read the paper, so it is possible that the resistance genes in question had already existed, but I would expect that they used the exact sequence to prove the lineage and order of transfer.
Long story short, if we can’t figure out how to make novel antimicrobial that don’t exist in nature (i.e. fungally derived), we are totally doomed.
Some quite ancient.
+1 nam-shub of Enki
Yeah, in my genetic engineering lab, we did that whole plasmid splicing thing. I remember thinking what we did was incredibly stupid… we engineered genetic resistance into E. coli so the success of the splice could be judged by whether or not the culture died when doused with… I don’t remember which antibiotic was used. Supposedly everything was going to be fine when we autoclaved everything afterwards, but I was surprised that we never started a plague.
Has anyone heard why that Aurora asshole was fired? All I keep hearing about is the gun purchase but nothing else.
All I’ve seen is that it was for “multiple workplace violations” as part of an ongoing disciplinary procedure.
Ok.
What new dumb national emergency have I missed?
Workplace shooting. Black guy so not much interest by media in motive.
Huffpo is all-in on the green new deal.
The war on Climate Change won’t be won quibbling over costs
I think I’ll save my sanity and not read that.
You know who is against quibbling over cost? Grifters.
Where’s Winstons Mom?
Yusef is feeling randy after the post.
Threadwinner!
Winston’s Mom — she had it going on, and then she went to Yusef’s place.
Did randi give verbal and written consent ?
I’ve got a comment saved up if she returns.
Did I not just read an article by Winston’s Mom that’s since been disappeared? It was rather strange, so I might be hallucinating.
You are not. It was there. Now it is not.
I’m the second comment then, poof
Thank G-d, I thought the mention of Agile Cyborg triggered a hallucination.
OK. This place is going completely insane. First, people get banned when I’m not around. Then people post weird videos of Japanese people sticking ‘something’ up each other’s ass. Then we get a story about an eyeball. THEN, people claim Winston’s mum publishes an article and it disappears. I don’t know if I can hang out with ya’ll more, you be cray-cray.
I thought that was why you liked us.
We do live in the best timeline.
https://www.latimes.com/politics/la-pol-ca-gavin-newsom-crackdown-pot-black-market-20190219-story.html
We have to drug war harder in order to carry out the people’s will.
Leave it to government to hear the will of the people, act on that will, and still fuck it up.
At lease they haven’t murdered anyone for selling loosies outside a weed shop, yet. Yet.
The new post I was trying to comment on disappeared. What sorcery is this?
First rule of phantom posting is you do nit talk about the phantom post.
Hmmmm
/MS is Winstons Mom?
OMG I hope not
*sobs in the shower while “The Crying Game” plays*
Anyway, here’s my 2 cents.
What do Trump’s people, or conservatives in general, mean by “socialism”? The answer is, it depends.
Sometimes it means any kind of economic liberalism. …
Other times, however, it means Soviet-style central planning, or Venezuela-style nationalization of industry, never mind the reality that there is essentially nobody in American political life who advocates such things.
Socialism always means nationalization of industry and central planning. It is economic illiberalism. Krugman is such a douche.
No, he’s right….. Any kind of economic liberalism. Like single payer healthcare. That’s clearly not soviet-style central planning. So if you are calling that socialism, it is because you are a knee-jerk republican Trump supporter.
C’mon, man. That stuff ain’t new!
Real socialism is all good. We know this to be true. Things like Venezuela aren’t socialism. Neither was the Soviet Union. Or North Korea. Those are just right-wing cannards to distract from real socialism that is all rainbows and puppies. Like Sweden.
Socialism is just the stuff we all do together.
And here I thought Winston’s mom was into that kinda thing.
ie Socialism means whatever “we” mean it to be. All the good things in life like puppies and rainbows and farting unicorns shooting out free shit from their behinds.
And something like The Green Deal totes not socialism even though it would need fascistic levels of governance to implement.
See?!?
It ain’t that hard. Humungus gets it….
C’mon people. Get with the program.
Has anyone heard why that Aurora asshole was fired?
Because he was crazy?
I should comment on the article.
Good job, Yusef. 🙂 You made me smile today.
AND BY SMILE MOJEAUX MEAN…..
Thanks Mo, I’m glad everyone enjoyed my bit of madness
The eye on the front page preview link is exactly the same color as mine are! Central heterochromia, with a couple of random brown flecks thrown in for good measure.