Friday Afternoon Links

It’s my anniversary. And the first time it has fallen on Friday the 13th since we got married. Six years and I still love her. Why do I lover her? Well, she did get me tickets to see that Little Band from Texas when they come through next month. So enjoy your links, I’ll be taking my wife out for a nice dinner.

Florida Man, missing for 22 years discovered in pond by Google Maps.  h/t Jesse.in.mb

“Why I’m a selfish cunt” — UK edition.

Oh shit, I should stop by the store. Sorry honey, I forgot Borderland 3 was out today.

I’ve found a new hero, although I have to say, his firing appears legit to me.

 

Here’s one of my wife’s favorites.

 

Comments

463 responses to “Friday Afternoon Links”

  1. Hyperion

    First, no time to comment.

  2. Hyperion

    I mean, Happy Anniversary, Brett. Still first.

    1. Tonio

      Yep, Happy Anniversary to you and your missus. And many more.

    2. bacon-magic

      Happy Anniversary and good links!

    3. Chafed

      Happy Anniversary Brett. Sorry about your wife’s music choice. I have to deal with the same thing.

  3. Hyperion

    ““Why I’m a selfish cunt” — UK edition”

    AKA, why I need to go to prison for attempted mass murder. Throw that cunt in the cage and throw the key away.

    1. grrizzly

      She should try it in Iran.

      1. Hyperion

        I’d be happy to donate to a fund to airdrop her there, with her drone. A good stoning to death should snap her out of it.

    2. Chipwooder

      Someone really needs to start asking these people why they don’t have the decency to kill themselves for Mother Gaia.

  4. Count Potato

    “Apparently a lot of cars are sitting in America’s lakes, ponds, and canals, especially in Florida.”

    There is no way drugs could be involved.

  5. Tres Cool

    Happy Anniversay, Brett (and Mrs L)

    Also, Friday the 13th 1999 is when the moon exploded and left Earth’s orbit.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space%3A_1999

    1. Tonio

      Barbara Bain….

      Somewhere I have this totes geeky but painstakingly accurate space simulator where you can fly the Eagle from Space 1999. The sim is a PITA.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      The world needs more Martin Landau’s in polyester jumpsuits.

      1. Tonio

        Eeeew!

  6. Hyperion

    “Oh shit, I should stop by the store. Sorry honey, I forgot Borderland 3 was out today.”

    I didn’t even know that. I just started on Greedfall last night. I love the first Borderlands, wasn’t too into the 2nd one. Anyone got any opines on it yet?

    1. Hyperion

      I see a lot of games going to Epic Store. I own two of them currently, Metro Exodus and Rebel Galaxy Outlaw. The thing I don’t like about Epic is that it doesn’t have the Steam community for the games.

    2. Hyperion

      Ugh, Epic Store. I own 2 games on there now, Metro Exodus and Rebel Galaxy Outlaw. The thing I dislike about Epic games is that it’s not Steam, I mean the community forums provide a lot of value and entertainment.

    3. l0b0t

      I’ve played through the new DLC for Borderlands 2 and have been foolin’ around with the Borderlands 2.5 mod in anticipation of 3 but I like to wait until the price point goes down to $10 -$20 before I purchase a new game. FitGirl should have it repacked in a few days, so I’ll give it a quick whirl

      1. Hyperion

        I just didn’t enjoy 2 the way I did the original, which has probably the greatest soundtrack of any game ever, besides Rebel Galaxy Outlaw. Not going to get 3 right away either, just curious. Right now I’m still playing through Risen 3, Technomancer, Rebel Galaxy Outlaw, and just started Greedfall yesterday. That should keep me busy long enough that Borderlands should be well reviewed by gamers and maybe on sale.

        1. l0b0t

          Yeah… I put in a dozen or so hours on the Prequel but it just felt like a grind. To be fair my recent visit to 2, despite having close to 1100 hours logged on Steam, seemed rather grindy as well. I will definitely try a repack of 3 before dropping cash on it.

          1. Hyperion

            Loved the loot in the original also. It’s a pretty unforgettable game in almost every way.

            Right now, I’d highly recommend Rebel Galaxy Outlaw, the game is great. My problem is trying to focus on one thing and stop jumping around every time I see something new and shiny, lol.

  7. Certified Public Asshat

    “Why I’m a selfish cunt” – Tim Tebow edition

    Former Florida quarterback Tim Tebow is not a fan of California’s Fair Pay to Play Act. Tebow voiced concerns on Friday that the new law will change college football’s landscape.

    During an appearance on ESPN’s First Take, Tebow was asked for his stance on the bill, which was approved by California’s State Senate on Wednesday and would allow college athletes to be paid for their use of name, likeness and image.

    Tebow responded passionately, sharing why he thinks the bill will take away the focus from the teams and toward money in college football.

    “If I could support my team, support my college, support my university, that’s what it’s all about,” he said. “But now we’re changing it from ‘us’…from being an alumni where I care, which makes college sports special, to then okay it’s not about ‘us,’ it’s not about ‘we.’ It’s just about ‘me.’ ”

    He added: “It changes what’s special about college football. We turn it into the NFL, where who has the most money, that’s where you go.”

    Says the man who would not switch positions in the NFL.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Tebow got his, let the young schmucks suck it.

  8. Count Potato

    “Who wore it best? Panthers quarterback Cam Newton is mocked for sporting an eccentric ‘Thelma and Louise-style’ $415 Hermes headscarf to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers game”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7460931/Panthers-Cam-Newton-mocked-eccentric-Thelma-Louise-outfit-Tampa-Bay-Buccaneers-game.html

    GAY

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      $415? He deserves to be mocked, you can pick up one of those at Dollar General for eighty cents.

    2. mexican sharpshooter

      Cam Newton
      6′ 5″ 245lbs age 30

      I’ll let you tell him that.

        1. Tonio

          Oh, my.

        2. mexican sharpshooter

          There is nothing wrong with that hat.

        3. Gadfly

          While that look is certainly eccentric, it is much more fashionable and even dignified than the babushka look he’s sporting in the OP.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Whatever. He has subpar accuracy.

        1. mexican sharpshooter

          Multiple concussions will do that.

    3. Chipwooder

      Is it gay, really? I don’t know too many gay men who want to look like a 75 year old grandmother.

      1. Jarflax

        No gay man would have that haircut.

    4. Playa Manhattan

      He looks like a retarded Coolio.

      1. BakedPenguin

        +2

  9. Stinky Wizzleteats

    I wonder how many life sentences that lady will get when an Airbus sucks her drone into an engine and goes down or do they still draw and quarter people in England?

    1. Hyperion

      “I wonder how many life sentences that lady will get ”

      Not enough. I can’t even think up a punishment bad enough for her.

      1. Hyperion

        And it shouldn’t even come to that. The minute she tries some shit like that she should be executed publicly.

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          That’s a little harsh. I’d say put her in the gibbet and let Londoners throw rotten cabbages at her.

          1. Sean

            Disagree.

            Banish her to a third world shithole.

          2. R C Dean

            She’s already in England.

          3. Hyperion

            “let Londoners throw rotten cabbages at her.”

            As long as the rotten cabbage is soaked in creosote and embedded with broken glass shards.

          4. Jarflax

            Tar+ feathers was made for this sort of thing. Add in a rail ride (which she’ll love as a greenie cause it is human powered transport) and a ducking to finish. If she sinks let her go. If she floats…

          5. What sort a thing, flying a drone 8 feet of the ground over a mile away from an airport?

          6. Playa Manhattan

            If I point a loaded gun at you, but I say that I’m probably not going to shoot you, are you OK with that?

          7. Gadfly

            What sort a thing, flying a drone 8 feet of the ground over a mile away from an airport?

            How about attempting to cause millions of dollars in economic damages and thousands of hours of inconvenience? Because that’s, you know, their stated intent.

          8. Jarflax

            No, the sort of thing like being a scold who jumps on clearly joking hyperbolic comments as though they were actual attempts to torture an asshole to death.

            Do you think you win some sort of points doing that? Do you really think people making hyperbolic venting comments need you to point out that actually enacting them would be unreasonable? I mean my fucking comment ended with a Monty Python joke is it really hard to parse out that it was tongue in cheek?

          9. How far away from me are you?

            Ignore the climate change aspect of this. Lets say they were protesting the TSA Kabuki security theater, would libertarians be cool with arresting (let alone dismembering or the other violent reactions suggested above) some dudes caught over a mile from the airport with a drone? And that’s what they have done, from what I’ve read. The crime of “suspicion of conspiracy to commit a public nuisance.” in other instances would be roundly mocked.

          10. Not Adahn

            SLD: The law that “makes” then shut down the airport is ridiculous.

            But that law does in fact exist, and this cunte knows that, and knows and is deliberately deciding to shut down an airport during the busiest time of the day.

            How many paper cuts does someone have to give out before it’s ok to stop them by sodomizing them with a branding iron?

          11. Gadfly : ‘attempted’ and ‘Stated intent’ do an awful lot of work here.

            Jarflax : I’m not looking for ‘points’, Catbutts and ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP, LIBTARDS’ that’s where the money is.

            Not Adahn : A single paper cut is one too many, when these people cause actual harm I’ll be right next behind you at the lynching.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      Not only was I think about how astonishingly oblivious people like her are to unintended consequences, why doesn’t she focus on private planes used by climate alarmist celebrities and politicians?

      Why always regular folk?

      1. Suthenboy

        Because the scam isn’t really about the climate.

        1. Jarflax

          This person is not in on the scam. She is in the useful (ok maybe not) idiot category.

        2. Tonio

          ^This. It’s about taking us back to some type of idealized 1885 society.

          1. Jarflax

            You mean when white men really did rule pretty much the entire planet, there were no environmental regulations whatsoever, and you could buy yourself the working class teen of your choice for the price of a decent cigar?

          2. Jarflax

            *rethinking my position on Climate Change

    3. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

      She claims she’s only going to fly it at “head height.”

      Whatever.

  10. mexican sharpshooter

    that Little Band from Texas

    ZZ Top?

    1. Hyperion

      And you know what I’m talkin about.

      1. Tres Cool

        Just let me know, if you want to go.

        1. Hyperion

          To that home out on the range…

          1. Mad Scientist

            They gotta lotta nice girls out there.

          2. Hyperion

            a haw, haw, haw, haw

          3. OneOut

            My older brother used to seer ZZ for 50 cents and. 10 cent canned beer.

    2. Brett L

      Yes

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        Hey, it was either that or Dixie Chicks.

      2. blackjack

        Use to be from Texas, now, they’re bad and nationwide. They play LOUD! Earplugs are everywhere in their shows.

    3. Ironically the only member of ZZTop not to own a pet ape is named Gibbons.

      1. pistoffnick

        Also ironic, the guy without a beard is named Frank Beard

  11. The Late P Brooks

    So adorable

    Aside from its demonstrable impact on hundreds of thousands of American workers who are just trying to get a fair deal, the really frustrating thing about the UAW scandal is how precisely it comports with what anti-union zealots imagine all unions are like. The actions by UAW officials seem so precisely engineered to stoke cynicism in the American labor movement it could double as a Heritage Foundation fever dream. American auto workers and the American labor movement in general deserve so, so much better.

    Just wait. President Warren will be setting wages and prices, soon enough. No negotiation required.

    And-

    The actions by UAW officials seem so precisely engineered to stoke cynicism in the American labor movement it could double as a Heritage Foundation fever dream.

    Or maybe, you know, all that cynicism about union leadership is completely justified because it is based on known historical events.

    1. tarran

      Gosh! My cynicism about unions can’t be based on my stint working in a USWA union plant! It must be due to lying propaganda!

    2. The Other Kevin

      No, it’s just a very unfortunate coincidence.

      1. Jarflax

        No, it’s just the 9001st unfortunate coincidence.

    3. Tonio

      Isolated incident.

      1. Jarflax

        The plural of anecdote is not data.

        and yet no matter how many millions of times progs type that response to new ‘isolated incidents’ they never seem to learn that you should still register the incident, you know just in case it isn’t isolated.

    4. Suthenboy

      “…how precisely it comports with what anti-union zealots imagine all unions are like. ”

      Mendacity or a complete lack of self-awareness?

      1. Tonio

        Why not both?

    5. R C Dean

      “what anti-union zealots imagine all unions are ”

      Maybe it’s not my imagination?

  12. wdalasio

    She decided to take action when one of her sons, aged 27, explained how angry he was that previous generations had done little to tackle global warming…But Ms Dell disputes this, saying she believes it is “perfectly safe” to fly the toy drones at head height, as planned, although she has no formal experience of piloting one.

    So how about this? Her sons will be placed on random flights going into and out of Heathrow for the next year. She’ll be given no advanced warning of which flights they’re on.

    We’ve arrived at some sort of clown world where people with utterly no knowledge of what they’re talking about feel free to make life and death decisions for others. And expect no consequences for being wrong.

    1. Yup. Article is brewing in the recesses of my thinking jelly about the lack of immediate, Darwinian feedback to our stupidity, and the unpredictable results on people’s psyche.

    2. Chipwooder

      Bitch don’t know FOD, apparently

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Friday the thirteenth? Maybe I should wait ’til tomorrow to pull this motor out.

    1. mexican sharpshooter

      *hands Brooks a black cat*

    2. Tundra

      Is the 914 getting the supercharger it deserves?

    3. Hyperion

      Friday the 13th is a lucky day. Here’s now I’ve figured that out. Wednesday was 9/11, a bad day, right? Thurday the 12th, I had jury duty, bad day. Today is Friday the 13th, I’m at home, I’m of work and I don’t have jury duty, and I’m drinking a beer right now. Yay for Friday 13th!

    4. Mad Scientist

      It’s safe to pull the engine on the 13th so long as you throw salt over its left cylinder bank.

    5. Tulip

      You’re superstitious?

  14. Count Potato

    “Breaking New Video! Zoey Quinn Was Just HIRED By DC Comics & Awarded A Batman & Superman Spinoff ”

    https://twitter.com/TheQuartering/status/1172286527826726914

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YAECUpFDHw

    1. Is this the Gamergate cunte, or somebody else?

      1. Trolleric the Goth

        the same.

      2. Tonio

        I miss barfman.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Didn’t she just get done with (allegedly) falsely accusing a guy who offed himself? DC wants to destroy themselves I guess.

      1. BakedPenguin

        Yup. The same guy (Quartering) the Count linked to did a couple videos on it.

      2. Suthenboy

        Comment on the Youtube:
        paul mclaughlin
        13 hours ago
        Man, Who did Zoe have to kill to get that job? Oh yea sorry I forgot. My bad.

    3. Brett L

      Is that Harley’s little sister?

      1. Jarflax

        same morals, but without the nice ass or the bad ass

        1. Not Adahn

          But (supposedly) she does give great head. That counts for a lot.

    4. Suthenboy

      The long march through the institutions involves skin suiting any and every aspect of society that builds individual character.

      1. Gustave Lytton

        ^^^^^^^

  15. Tundra

    Happy anniversary to you and Mrs. L!

    Have fun at ZZ Top!

    1. Hyperion

      Saw them in Cincy, I think in 78, they were really good.

      1. Tres Cool

        I saw em in Dayton at Hara Arena c. 1984

        1. Hyperion

          I’ve been to a lot of concerts at Hara. Rush, Blackfoot, and Bog Seger I remember. Been to a lot more in Cincy though.

          1. Tres Cool

            15 year old Tres saw AC/DC at Hara.

          2. Hyperion

            Wow, that’s pretty awesome. I’ve never seen those guys, but I’m a huge Bon Scott fan.

    2. TARDIS

      Happy Anniversary.

      I saw ZZ with John Fogerty last year.

      I have to say Fogerty was pretty much spot on, ZZ not so much.

      It’s tough to hit the high notes and have a smooth falsetto when you get seasoned, you know.
      Billy muffed a few tunes…unfortunately when Dusty was hitting all the right notes.
      Mr. (No) Beard was ready and steady though.

  16. Crusty Juggler

    Meet the Folks Planning to Ruin Your Commute on September 23

    On Wednesday night, dozens of protestors choked off traffic on Florida Avenue between R and S streets. Chanting, “The earth is on fire! Put the fire out!” they ignored the blaring of car horns, the frustrated glares from neighborhood residents, and verbal threats from drivers along the lines of “fucking move or I’ll smack the shit out of you.”

    After five minutes, the group returned to the Friends Meeting House to reflect on the experience and continue planning for a larger version of the protest.

    The road-blocking exercise was a sliver of what the group, which operated under the name Shut Down DC, hopes to accomplish in DC on September 23. The activists, according to their press release, have vowed to “bring traffic and business as usual to a standstill” by “seizing key intersections” in the name of climate change awareness.

    They look they just left a Libertarian party meeting.

    1. Crusty Juggler

      Even those committed to protesting seem to be operating on a divided front. Complaints were brought up Wednesday that the majority-white space didn’t consider the experiences and concerns of people of color or people with children before throwing them into the street to protest. Some said the experience of actually being in the road, not just talking about it, made them reconsider their stance on participating.

      “I couldn’t look at the drivers’ faces,” said one woman as she left the road. “Even though I know what we’re doing is right, I hate inconveniencing people.” “It just feels like groupthink,” one man said, reflecting on the driver who had been kept from visiting his hospitalized wife. “There doesn’t seem to be any concern for the individual. It doesn’t seem like we’re really going against the people in power by doing this—why has nobody brought this up?”

      Hey look not even all the crazies are crazy.

      1. Hyperion

        “It just feels like groupthink”

        Well, duh!

      2. Rhywun

        Complaints were brought up Wednesday that the majority-white space didn’t consider the experiences and concerns of people of color or people with children before throwing them into the street to protest.

        I can’t believe these people can even tie their own shoes.

        1. Count Potato

          Velcro is made from oil.

          1. Jarflax

            You can make it with sufficiently nappy hair and chestnut burrs, but like all green substitutes it kind of sucks.

          2. Hyperion

            So are all of your standard hipster shoes. So I’m assuming they’ve already developed the skill to make their own shoes in their cave.

          3. Jarflax

            The overlap of the self sufficiency crafter movements and the “Imma block traffic to save Gaia’ movements is 0

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Young, a 35-year-old who works as a research analyst for a DC-based non-profit, has spent 15 years organizing climate change-related actions with the group Rising Tide.

      Who funds these shitpiles?

      1. Crusty Juggler

        Confused Alabama football fans? I was able to fund my non-profit, War Eagles, in a similar way.

        1. Jarflax

          Crusty, if you funded a Non-profit named War Eagles, it may have been by fooling confused football fans from the State of Alabama. It was definitely not funded by confused Alabama football fans.

          Word order matters here.

          1. Crusty Juggler

            Clearly I was referring to both the University of Alabama and Auburn University. Put on your reading comprehension glasses, nerd.

          2. Jarflax

            I humbly apologize.

            ROLL TIDE

      2. The Other Kevin

        Ultimately, I think we do.

    3. Hyperion

      “After five minutes, the group returned to the Friends Meeting House to reflect on the experience and continue planning for a larger version of the protest.”

      Everyone fucking hates us, congratulations!

    4. wdalasio

      After five minutes, the group returned to the Friends Meeting House to reflect on the experience and continue planning for a larger version of the protest.

      It would be funny if someone decided to repay them in kind by proceeding to chain the doors of the Meeting House shut and board up any windows to the building. Again, what’s with all the people who think it’s their God-given right to make everyone else’s decisions for them?

      1. Tonio

        But that gets tricky under the NAP. I will agree that blocking traffic is an initiation of force, but following them and nailing them in to what might be third-party property is also an initiation of force. Once the road is clear, it is up to the constabulary to arrest them.

        But yes, I would like to see someone move them out of the way without hurting them.

        1. Hyperion

          I dare them to try that shit in Baltimore. People WILL get ran over and there will be casualties, 100% guarantee.

        2. wdalasio

          Is responding to the initiation of force initiating force? It strikes me that some degree of retaliation against those who initiate force falls within the bounds of what should be acceptable under the NAP. Otherwise, murder wouldn’t be punishable after the fact.

        3. Scruffy Nerfherder

          But yes, I would like to see someone move them out of the way without hurting them.

          I don’t think claymore mines hurt.

          1. Hyperion

            They can’t hurt no more when they’re dead, run them over.

          2. pan fried wylie

            Nuke it from orbit, nobody will feel a thing.

        4. Jarflax

          Cow catchers and slow down into first gear. That is sufficient care to comply with NAP in my opinion. Running current through the cow catcher might pass muster depending on the amperage.

    5. Can they keep government-sector workers from getting to work permanently?

    6. in DC on September 23.

      *checks calendar *

      *sigh of relief that my conference starts on the 24th*

    7. Rufus the Monocled

      “The earth is on fire! Put the fire out!”

      YOU’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER HOSE.

  17. Tundra

    Not my normal groove, but I really dig this one.

    1. Crusty Juggler

      Been watching a lot of Magnum PI, eh?

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        In my mind’s eye, I see Tundra wearing the Magnum shorts, Hawaiian shirt, and sporting the stache in the dead of Minnesoda winter.

        1. Tundra

          I definitely have the legs for it.

        2. Playa Manhattan

          You know what they say about people who wear Hawaiian shirts

          1. Mad Scientist

            They say that their opinions about people’s shirts matter to someone?

          2. Heroic Mulatto

            At this point, I’d like to go on record as saying that I’m a big, fat party animal.

          3. Jarflax

            If you would start viewing twerking as a participation sport instead of purely spectator it might help.

      2. Tundra

        Yes.

        But these are on BaT all the time. It’s the color that really works for me.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Is the 914 getting the supercharger it deserves?

    No. The truck is getting a new clutch and a rear main seal. Maybe some bearings, If I get super-motivated.

    The 914 says it wants a 4.2 liter Audi V8.

    1. Tundra

      Have fun.

      And the 914 is right.

  19. Crusty Juggler

    Vagina Emoji Proposal Misses the Entire Point of Everything It’s Trying to Challenge

    I don’t know about you, but I often lament about the lack of emojis out there representing my vagina. It’s devastating, frankly, and has taken a huge toll on my very soul, but I don’t have to worry anymore.

    The fun thing about having your sex bits on the inside is that companies are more than happy to champion what they think are accurate representations of them, because they’ll instantly be celebrated, as opposed to trying to get picture perfect dickmojis into circulation, which would be met with alarm to say the least.

    Take this ambiguous, pink, perfectly symmetrical emoji that could be mistaken for lady flaps if you squint real hard and have never been presented with a face full of pussy before. And in honour of Sexual Health Week, which kicks off on Monday, health and wellbeing company Elvie is submitting a proposal – the world’s first apparently – for a vulva emoji. Check out how accurate is it. It’s like someone heard a vague description of one woman’s fanny when they were drunk one time at a bar five years ago, and was asked to shit out an idea for an emoji based solely on that in under 30 seconds. Impressive stuff.

    Okay, it’s a vagina emoji – it resembles a vagina. What could possibly go wrong?

    1. Crusty Juggler

      CEO and founder of Elvie, Tania Boler, said, “For centuries, women’s health has been plagued by misconceptions and stigma. We should be able to talk openly about our bodies and womanhood. Emoji is a universal language used all over the world and it’s about time that language had a symbol for the vulva.”

      Here’s my take on what’s damaging and trivialising. Suggesting vulva should all be pink, perfect, and uniform. Let’s cut the shit here for a moment. Vaginas come in an array of shades, shapes, and sizes, and this little pink oval is doing fuck all in fighting taboos. In an effort to jump on the feminist bandwagon, this ridiculous piece of garbage is itself doing more harm than good, setting unrealistic expectations and standards for women who – by Elvie’s own account – are already embarrassed by their genitals, and the men that will be seeing it. It’s the bullshit behind the proposal that’s the issue here, not the emoji itself.

      So it can take its own damaging and trivialising emoji, that’s going to do far more harm than a sodding cat based on the company’s own polls, and shove it up its taco.

      This is why I refuse to use the eggplant emoji – my penis parts aren’t purple!

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Our species is circling the toilet. Just make your fucking hieroglyph and shut up.

      2. pan fried wylie

        Vaginas come in an array of shades, shapes, and sizes

        Big, Small, Flappy, Light, Dark, Penis, etc.

        1. TARDIS

          You have those out of order…IMHO.

    2. It’s devastating, frankly, and has taken a huge toll on my very soul, but I don’t have to worry anymore.

      I’m going to keep from spiraling into a deep depression by assuming this is satire.

      1. Jarflax

        too late for me. I’m hitting the Johnny Walker tonight. The single malts are too expensive for my intended trajectory

        1. Tulip

          I’m hitting up the gin. MikeS, I may need a resupply. Hic.

          1. MikeS

            You let me know. ???

    3. It’s been done.

      I’m wondering where the throbbing dick emoji is.

    4. Suthenboy

      Good God narcissists get tiresome after a while.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    She decided to take action when one of her sons, aged 27, explained how angry he was that previous generations had done little to tackle global warming

    I’d tell her to slap some sense into him, but it’s obviously much too late. For both of them.

    1. TARDIS

      As I have said before; you can’t slap any sense into stupid/deranged people, the best you can do is knock the stupid out of them.

  21. Crusty Juggler

    When the Culture War Comes for the Kids

    Fun insight into being a parent in the city.

    1. Tundra

      Our son underwent his first school interview soon after turning 2. He’d been using words for about a year. An admissions officer at a private school with brand-new, beautifully and sustainably constructed art and dance studios gave him a piece of paper and crayons. While she questioned my wife and me about our work, our son drew a yellow circle over a green squiggle.

      *taps out*

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        A fool and their money…

          1. Tundra

            Wait a minute, that’s a great song.

            Are you OK?

          2. BakedPenguin

            I’m worried about Ted. He’s been posting decent songs and contextually relevant content recently.

          3. My content is *always* contextually relevant.

            If the music choices make you recoil in horror, that’s just a bonus.

      2. pan fried wylie

        our son drew a yellow circle over a green squiggle

        Soooooo racist. Cut the penis off and put xer in a dress, immediately.

    2. Trolleric the Goth

      absurdity. absolute absurdity.

    3. Heroic Mulatto

      One day he told us about the “N-word passes” that were being exchanged among other boys he knew—a system in which a black kid, bartering for some item, would allow a white kid to use the word.

      “What is ‘Shit that never happened,’ Alex? Ok, I’ll take ‘Bullshit for 300.’”

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’ve got three twerking videos and a hentai body pillow. Is that enough for a pass?

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          No.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            *stuffs pillow back in trunk*

          2. pan fried wylie

            Scruffy’s Junk Trunk

          3. Mad Scientist

            The pillow is named Badunkadunk.

          4. Sensei

            It’s HM. He can only give you a fractional pass anyhow.

          5. pan fried wylie

            So you have to collect two more to make a whole pass?

          6. Jarflax

            Yeah but he can give you a half (((pass as well. Speaking of which anyone want a 1/2 haggis eater 1/2))) pass?

          7. Sensei

            I’ve got a maternal 0.25 (((pass. So I’m technically already an official member.

          8. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

            You drive a hard bargain, sir.

      2. Crusty Juggler

        I think it’s entirely possible dumb 13-year-old boys would come up with such a thing.

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          There is nothing a middle schooler has that’s worth an N-Word Pass.

          That shit is more valuable than Bitcoin.

          1. Crusty Juggler

            Their virginity?

          2. Heroic Mulatto

            Listen, there are only two Glibs who have earned a pass: Gilmore and Playa Manhattan.

          3. Crusty Juggler

            I don’t want that kind of pass! I furtively look around and then whisper to a trusted when saying the word “black,” so I don’t need that kind of pressure in my life.

      3. Certified Public Asshat

        I’m still stuck on a staff writer at the Atlantic being able to afford $50k elementary school private tuition.

        1. one true athena

          The spouse is probably some hedge fund millionaire or the Atlantic writer is one of those trust fund kids who writes ‘cultural issues”. both probably.

      4. Jarflax

        Dude why do you hate the most perfect free market solution to racism ever proposed?

    4. tarran

      Oh god!

      That was so painful to read.

      At the end she asks what happened to the can-do pragmatism that defined the U.S. in past decades.

      Bitch, you and your ideological brethren are the ones who killed it!

      You tried to use force to create an egalitarian society by micromanaging people’s interactions. What you call meritocracy is anything but. It’s fucking oligarchy. And by reducing people’s options, forcing them to get a high school degree as a prerequisite for getting a job and making pre-employment testing illegal (which is why you need a college degree to do jobs that a sixteen year old can master in two months), you kneecapped the poor and disenfranchised.

      It’s like the good commies who can’t understand why Stalin is cooperating with Hitler and oppressing the proletariat more ruthlessly than the czars ever dared!

    5. Rhywun

      Maybe the son will grow up and learn how to write a coherent, succinct article some day.

    6. Suthenboy

      The vast majority of misery in the world is self-inflicted George. Go sit in the corner and think about that.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    Emoji is a universal language used all over the world and it’s about time that language had a symbol for the vulva.

    3… 2… 1…

    WHYCOME NO COMMONSENSE EMOJI CONTROLZ?

  23. tarran

    Mike Munger pens a great little essay:

    You Can’t Create Jobs by Outlawing Work

    This law is classic leftist dogma, and it’s a real problem for the future of work. Many people think that the Left doesn’t believe in capitalism, but that’s wrong: the Left thinks that capitalism is indestructible. The Marxist notion of the “surplus” to be divided is obvious in the logic of the law itself. The workers are being denied their share of that surplus. But there is no surplus; Uber (for example) has been losing money trying to gain market share.

    The real comparison is not between the current situation of exploited contractors and “good jobs with benefits”; the real comparison is the current situation of an effective and highly flexible system for making more efficient use of excess capacity through commodification via app-based business, and no jobs at all.

    The notion that the job is going to be there no matter how it is regulated, and the only issue is how to redistribute the surplus so the worker gets more, simply misunderstands the fragility of markets and entrepreneurial energy. You can kill the process of innovation, and harm the very workers you think you are trying to help. California has made a terrible mistake.

    1. The Other Kevin

      The idea that you can confiscate everything from the “rich guys” and they’l just keep on doing rich guy stuff and making more money to be confiscated has been the basis of the left’s tax policy for a long time.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      Somewhat connected (I think) to this faulty view is how leftists (and bureaucrats – as one personally told me) think whenever a business (usually a small business which they mistake for being a corporation) closes through legislation another one ‘will take its place’.

      It’s a rather allous and completely ignorant and distorted notion if you ask me. They couldn’t care less an actual person and family was perhaps ruined.

      1. Mad Scientist

        Eggs must be broken to make omelets.

      2. Scruffy Nerfherder

        We’re talking about people who have worked in non-profits funded by the government and other people’s money for their entire adult lives. They don’t understand a damned thing about business.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          Hence the beyond retarded comments like ‘if you can’t pay a fair wage you don’t deserve to be in business’.

          Didn’t they learn in economics class CAPITAL IS SCARCE?

          Sorry. My bad. Of course not.

    3. Suthenboy

      “You can kill the process of innovation, and harm the very workers you think you are trying to help. ”

      I think I see the problem.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Article is brewing in the recesses of my thinking jelly about the lack of immediate, Darwinian feedback to our stupidity, and the unpredictable results on people’s psyche.

    We won the War Against Running With Scissors, and this is what it got us.

    1. Suthenboy

      You should go sit in an emergency room for a couple of days and just watch who comes through. We haven’t won any wars. Not even one.

  25. Crusty Juggler

    New ‘SNL’ Cast Member Shane Gillis Speaks Out After Slurs Resurface

    I suggest you all follow this story just to read the “outrageous” quotes the intrepid entertainment media “dig” up. I think he is very funny – obviously that is not the best endorsement around you nerds – but he is a central Pennsylvania bro who spent a lot of time on podcasts trying to be funny, so there are plenty of gems like this:

    As people continue to go through Gillis’ previous work, even more anti-Asian comments have been brought up. Meanwhile, Vulture notes that Gillis allegedly has a history of making derogatory remarks and pointed out that he also made fun of Judd Apatow and Chris Gethard’s style of comedy, calling them “f**king gayer than ISIS” in another podcast episode.

    What does gayer than ISIS mean? I don’t know, I just know that it’s not right.

    1. wdalasio

      Well, a bunch of guys running off to be with a huge number of other guys and not much fondness for women does sound pretty gay to me.

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        I mean, that and the documented ritual humiliation of their prisoners by sodomizing them.

        1. wdalasio

          It’s a dead giveaway when they tell the prisoners “Okay, now let’s switch!”

          1. Suthenboy

            And wdalasio gets my best laugh of the day.

          2. dontreadonme

            LMFAO

        2. Tonio

          Which they totally get a pass on.

      2. Crusty Juggler

        That’s outrageous.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      He sounds like exactly what SNL needs.

    3. Rhywun

      Comedy is dead. Maybe it’ll make a comeback in… 20 years or so?

      1. TARDIS

        Coming to you live from the gulag….

    4. Jarflax

      Joanna Cameron was gay?

  26. Count Potato

    “NEW VIDEO: The Truth About Contrapoints & Non Binary.

    A trans woman being “CANCELLED” by the non-binary cult is bullshit.
    Let’s talk about the difference between legitimate transsexuals and non-binary people.”

    https://twitter.com/MsBlaireWhite/status/1172555567333695488

    “The Truth About Contrapoints & Non-Binary”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UDvC_Mfbv8

    1. Suthenboy

      “Let’s talk about the difference between legitimate transsexuals and non-binary people.”

      God, let’s please not.

      1. Mad Scientist

        No one would have these conversations at all if people would treat others as individuals instead of trying to shoehorn them into whatever box is the fad du jour.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s actually funny.

    2. wdalasio

      Between this and the “Is that one of the countries you want to bomb, John?” quip, I get the impression that Trump has a wicked sense of humor.

    3. Suthenboy

      Egypt will forever remind me of the disaster Obama made of it. Ay -rab spring. Yep.
      At least Trump doesn’t have a hard act to follow. Child’s play really.

  27. Happy Anniversary, Brett. Best wishes to you and the missus!

  28. Crusty Juggler

    Trump says people want to work for him because he’s ‘a lot of fun’

    “We have 15 candidates,” Trump told reporters of the race to become his fourth national security adviser.

    “Everybody wants it badly, as you can imagine. And we’ll probably next week, sometime, make that decision,” he said of the post suddenly vacated by John Bolton on Tuesday.

    “It’s a great job,” the president added.

    “It’s great because it’s a lot of fun to work with Donald Trump … You know why it’s easy? Because I make all the decisions. ”

    Good tactical move.

    1. Hyperion

      The Hat and the Hair says it’s fun. Are you disagreeing with the Hat and Hair?

  29. Happy anniversary! Mine’s today too, and we got married in Friday the 13th on purpose. The universe can suck it.

    1. Yusef of Dystopia

      Happy Anniversary Mo! and Brett!

      1. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

        Love the new handle, d00d.

    2. Happy Anniversary to you and your husband too. Hope y’all have a great and fun day celebrating it.

    3. Count Potato

      Then happy anniversary to all four of you!

      1. Count Potato

        Wait, you’re Mormon? Well, how many of you there are.

    4. Hyperion

      I’m gonna drank for all of you.

      1. TARDIS

        You’re late.

        *reaches for (empty) glass*

        Off to the basement go.

    5. TARDIS

      Happy Anniversary to you too then. How many years? Are you up to the cordite and saltpeter year yet?

    6. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

      Awesome! Have a great alcohol-free celebration.

      Wait, what am I saying?

    7. Tonio

      Happy Anniversary, MJ!

      Couple of things in the pipeline for you, IYKWIM.

    8. Tulip

      Happy anniversary Brett and Mojeuax!

      And to their respective partners!

    9. mindyourbusiness

      Happy Anniversary to the quartet of ya!

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Trump: Where’s my favorite dictator?

    Kim Jong Un haz a sad.

  31. Semi-Spartan Dad

    Oh shit, I should stop by the store. Sorry honey, I forgot Borderland 3 was out today.

    Already delivered. Unfortunately, wife’s going out of town this weekend, and she’d kill me if I started without her…. not that I can play anyway with all of this coursework. I can’t count how many hours we put into Borderlands 1 and 2. She’s gotten pretty damn good.

    I also can’t play without immediately tasting bourbon. That’s been a conditioned response for some time now.

  32. Rufus the Monocled

    Anniversary? Any excuse to post this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKSkBsnfkFA

      1. I would have posted this.

  33. Certified Public Asshat

    Every teacher in America must make at least $60,000 a year. #DemDebate— Bernie Sanders (@BernieSanders) September 13, 2019

    For 9 months of work, pretty sweet.

    1. Heroic Mulatto

      Or what, Bernie?

      1. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

        Or they won’t! THEY WON’T! My God, man, don’t you do logic? THEY WON’T!

        WOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN’T!!!

    2. Hyperion

      Ability to teach and results optional.

    3. Heroic Mulatto

      According to the Department of Labor, the nationwide median salary for teachers is $58,230. Is 2,000 dollars important enough to be a platform plank?

      1. Hyperion

        Just pick a random number. 15 sounds good. I mean 30 in this case. I guess the poor folk aren’t as good as the teachers. Equality, or something.

      2. Rhywun

        He probably thinks they all make MW and have to buy their students’ books and school supplies.

      3. Urthona

        That includes non-public schools. If you look at the data, public school teachers already make over $60,000 per year.

      4. leon

        He means after taxes, so closer to 60k difference.

  34. Suthenboy

    I can never seem to keep up these days. I check in at least 40 mins past the publication of every article.

    We had one of those dead guys only it was two. We expanded the hwy crossing Rapides Bayou. They built a little coffer dam to put in the new lanes and discovered a car that had been missing since the early 1960’s. Everyone thought the couple had just eloped….which in a way I guess they did.

    These global warming fanatics are going to be a huge pain in the ass for everyone for decades to come, never mind that none of it is real, never mind that the sky never will fall. They are fanatics.

    What the fuck is a redundancy meeting? The wrong person got fired.

    1. Hyperion

      “These global warming fanatics are going to be a huge pain in the ass for everyone for decades to come”

      Or, they’re going to be a non-factor forever, because no one cares. I’m going with that option.

      1. one true athena

        I’d like to think that but there’s an entire generation now being raised on this hysteria. Certainly we had our attempts at doom and gloom when I was a kid, but it wasn’t nearly as pervasive as it is now. I didn’t have entire semesters in my science classes being about “climate change” (in one way or another – that’s always what they tie it to), I wasn’t constantly scolded about plastic/oil/bags/trees/heat/straws/etc. It’s an all-encompassing curriculum. Some kids will become burnout and some will be skeptical, but an awful lot are going to remain programmed, I think.

        1. Hyperion

          “but there’s an entire generation now being raised on this hysteria”

          And they’re going to get over it as well, and probably a lot faster.

          When I was a kid, it was ‘Jeebus is returning tomorrow, and you’re going to burn in hell, like really soon! I mean it!’.

          Then, there was the all out nuclear apocalypse of the cold war. We were all going to die any time. And that was actually a real thing, and then the wall fell down.

          And now? Climate change? Fucking weak. Wait until you tell little brainwashed Johnny and Susie that they’re going to have to give up their cell phones and designer clothes, and 10 pairs of comfy and stylish shoes. Wait until they get jobs and a family, and a mortgage. The bullshit is doomed before it even got started, just forget it, it’s already over. The only fanatical hangers on, like the ones blocking traffic, will be hated by everyone, and then disappear.

          Then we’ll be on to the next crisis. Which will also fail.

          1. R C Dean

            “Wait until they get jobs and a family,”

            Well, if their social credit scores are high enough.

        2. Urthona

          I am a gen x’er and was raised on this hysteria. There was propaganda all over schools and tv even then.

          Remember. This shit came out in the 70s. I have the National Geographic where climate scientist James Hansen — former head of the NOAA — explains that the west side highway in Manhattan will be underwater by the year 2000 and crime will skyrocket by then (because more crime happens in warm weather… this is seriously the dumbasses logic)

          It just after awhile of living standards only getting better ….

          I believe no one truly believes the extreme version of this shit.

          1. Jarflax

            If people really believed it they would be learning to survive in a post civilization wilderness. Of course to be fair, if we really believed that death camps were coming so would we….

          2. Urthona

            Btw, this particular dumbass ran our country’s premiere weather research institution for over a decade.

      2. Drake

        When I was a youngster my Dad and I hiked up to an Appalachian Mountain Club (AMC) hut. We took a tour around the area led by some hippie working for the AMC. He explained how in a few years all that forest would be dead and gone from acid rain.

        I was in the White Mountains last year and the forest is just fine.

        1. Drake

          That was around 1978 that acid rain was going to deforest New Hampshire unless we shut down every factory in Ohio and Pennsylvania.

          1. Hyperion

            Remember the hole in the ozone? Remember the upcoming ice age? It’s still the same, only our media has a bigger microphone, the internet.

          2. Don’t forget the gypsy moths.

          3. Drake

            They can still wreck trees some years in MA. But they haven’t initiated the apocalypse.

          4. R C Dean

            What is different is that climate change has been institutionalized in our schools, media, etc. to a degree none of that was.

      3. Rhywun

        One of them is gonna piss off the wrong person and get themselves martyred. Then the “national conversation” will ratchet several notches in the direction they want leading the next Dem congress and president to pass some sort of half-baked New Deal.

  35. Jarflax

    Apparently a lot of cars are sitting in America’s lakes, ponds, and canals, especially in Florida.

    Never change Florida! (full disclosure as a Cincinnati native, I am 1. an Ohio Man and 2. in that magical zone where you get to be a redneckSoutherner to Yankees and a Yankee to Southerners, so yeah I live in a glass house and am throwing the hell out of stones)

    1. Hyperion

      Dude, it’s a jobs program for archaeologists of the distant future. Why you hate those guys?

      Look at this megalith!

      Dude, that’s metal.

      Look at this ancient meteor!

      It looks man made.

      You’re crazy, we ain’t made things since the great climate change war and victory.

      Someone get that carbon dating machine.

      Umm, yeah, we don’t have those anymore, caused climate change.

    2. Spartacus

      Power Windows.

      Cars go off road, into canals (in coastal areas there are a shitload of canals), and the electrical system shorts out. Unless you are able to break a window, you’re SOL.

      I’m pretty sure this is the guy our forensic studies lab group worked on identifying. I was talking to the head last week and she said they had just been over in that area identifying the occupant of a 20-some year old car that was found underwater.

      1. Jarflax

        I bought one of the cell phone chargers with the retracted tungsten spike. Mostly because I needed a charger, but yeah making all the exit points in a car susceptible to a point source failure that automatically happens when you submerge seems like a really stupid idea.

        1. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

          I thought there was an episode of Mythbusters where they determined that the average electric window on a car had long since been engineered to work underwater, at least for the first few minutes of immersion.

          1. Jarflax

            For $15 which is really like $3 since the basic charger was about $12 I’ll buy the insurance.

      2. Mad Scientist

        These are inexpensive. Store them within reach.

        1. Jarflax

          This is what I bought, same thing basically plus it is a car cell phone charger so you will keep it handy

          1. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

            My carbide spike’s on my tactical pen.

          2. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

            Heh. Just re-read this. Euphemism?

        2. TARDIS

          I bought a different brand of those for my wife and daughter and myself. They condescendingly accepted them. They have long since disappeared- probably in the trunk somewhere.

        3. Tulip

          !I have one of those.

  36. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

    Happy Anniversary! Enjoy the Friday more than we enjoyed our Thursday one earlier this month (Thursday nights are kinda hectic for the spousal unit; we did manage to go to a nice new-to-us Italian resto the next night).

  37. Crusty Juggler

    Oregon chef launches late-night meal delivery service for strippers

    Newton, 38, has recently started a business that literally caters directly to Portland’s exotic dancers and dominatrixes, who, when ending their shifts, allegedly have few late-night dining options aside from fast food and greasy diners.

    “It’s a physically and emotionally demanding job. The options for food shouldn’t just be Taco Bell,” Newton told SWNS.

    Newton originally got the idea for her business — which she now calls Meals 4 Heels — in December, after hearing of how her then-girlfriend, a stripper, would complain of having nowhere healthy to eat after her shift was over. Newton then began delivering meals to her friend at the strip club and soon other dancers started showing interest, Newton said.

    “She mentioned that the other dancers were intrigued and impressed by what she was eating at night and that they wanted to eat something similar.”

    Awesome.

    1. Mad Scientist

      I hope he likes being paid in sweaty, glittery singles.

      1. Sean

        It’s a she.

        1. Hyperion

          There’s only one sex. I mean 23.

        2. commodious spittoon

          Prove it.

          Actually, I’ll take your word.

    2. Trolleric the Goth

      and we thought the entrepreneurial spirit was dead

    3. Brett L

      Great way to meet strippers

    4. pan fried wylie

      Going home and making a sandwich would impede their empowerment, I’m assuming.

    5. one true athena

      Follow up news: Start Up meal delivery service shut down for lack of health inspection and minimum wage compliance.

      “oh well,” one of the dancers told us, from her place in the bread line, “we liked the food, but without providing fair benefits, that business doesn’t deserve to exist.”

    1. Hyperion

      That’s so stupid I almost thought it was really the actual debate dialogue. Seriously.

  38. Crusty Juggler

    Did Chipotle change its guacamole recipe? Fans upset by ‘brown’ guac

    Slicing open a seemingly ripe avocado only to be confronted with brown streaks and a stringy texture is unfortunate. Paying extra for a heaping scoop of brown, stringy guac is arguably worse. But, apparently, that’s been happening to a lot of Chipotle customers lately.

    Over the past few weeks, tweets have been popping up purportedly showing guacamole being served at the burrito chain that looked brown, filled with unripe chunks and just generally not very pretty.

    The posts have prompted many to wonder if the chain, which is known for its bright green guac, had changed its recipe or was just simply selling an inferior product.

    There is a lot I will tolerate but I will not stand for lower quality authentic Mexican chain restaurants. FUCK!

    1. Hyperion

      “Fans upset by ‘brown’ guac”

      Guac will do that pretty quickly if you let it be exposed to air, I mean like almost overnight.

      1. Urthona

        Even before that.

      2. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

        . . . almost overnight.

        More like “over cocktails.”

        1. Hyperion

          I guess I don’t know, we make out won, I mean the wife does and it typically does not last that long.

      3. Shirley Knott

        Leaving the pit in (putting it back in) can delay, or reduce, the process.

  39. Sensei

    Reason 1,001 studying Japanese is miserable.

    速い and 遠い

    Can anybody immediately see the difference between these two words?

    1. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

      There’s a tiny little slightly-more-complicated-than-what’s-already-there thingie-bob hanging off the right side of the second one. Damn near microscopic. That’s just stupid.

    2. BakedPenguin

      The one on the right is more complex, and doesn’t have a vertical line through the box structure, but does have a vertical line on top of it.

      Still, point taken. Good luck with your nihon-go.

    3. Jarflax

      The center rectangle is bisected on the left and not on the right. Are Japanese speakers really really good at spot the difference puzzles?

      1. Sensei

        if you blow up the second one you will also see there is an extra stroke on what looks like the three little legs as well.

        https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%E9%81%A0

        Usually context helps an awful lot, but in this case the meaning is “fast” and “far” respectively. The sentence was talking about driving in a car so either meaning could have worked until you finished reading the sentence. At that point I realized I misread it.

        I’ve often thought both Chinese and Japanese readers should be rather good at spot the difference puzzles as well.

  40. Crusty Juggler

    Was the Kremlin mole honeytrapped by his WIFE to spy for the CIA? Ex-husband says she sexted her boss who ‘spied on Putin’ – and that she wanted ‘money, comfort and luxury’
    Nothing in the story is true. Also, it is all true.

    1. Crusty Juggler

      You know what, find your own link. Lazy piles of garbage.

  41. Crusty Juggler

    Inside the illegal THC-infused vaping empire two brothers ran from rented Wisconsin condo: Raids find 120K vape cartridges, eight guns, 57 mason jars filled with liquid THC and $59,000 in cash – amid vape disease epidemic

    Cops discovered 31,200 vape cartridges filled with one gram of THC each and another 98,000 unfilled cartridges in the condo during the raid on September 5.

    Police also recovered eighteen pounds of raw marijuana and 57 Mason jars filled with approximately 1616 ounces of refined liquid THC, which investigators believe was purchased from California.

    ‘This is a major, major operation,’ Kenosha County Sheriff David Beth said at a press conference announcing the charges.

    Local investigators are now cooperating with federal officials to determine whether the illicit operation is linked to any of the six deaths and 380 cases of severe lung illness that have been tied to vaping across the country.

    Our nation’s newest villains – move over whomever the current villain is, you’ve been replaced.

    1. Tonio

      And this wouldn’t be a problem with legal pot. Fuck you, prohibitionists. DIAF.

    2. Count Potato

      “Jacob Huffhines is seen flashing a stack of hundred dollar bills in a 2017 Instagram photo”

      Idiot.

    3. pan fried wylie

      “It’s been revoked.”

      err, wait. nm.

    1. BakedPenguin

      Jeebus. BB crush it again.

  42. Tundra

    Old guy concert review:

    I went to see the Descendents last night at First Avenue. It was a full house and the crowd was fantastic. It was great seeing so many younger fans, including a bunch of kids with their parents.

    Band was amazingly tight and they were pure punk/pop energy. They have always had one of the best rhythm sections anywhere and I think the guys have actually cranked it up a notch. They played about 35 songs and the pace was relentless.

    One of the encores included this gem and the place went crazy. Fun.

    10/10 Couldn’t ask more from a show. If you loved them back in the day, go see them now.

    1. BakedPenguin

      Nice Milo glasses in the vid.

    2. Chipwooder

      I know I’m truly old now when I think to myself, “I’m the One’, ok, their new stuff”……..and it’s a 23 year old song.

      Still have never seen the Descendents, but I did see All (aka “Descendents without Milo”) a few times.

  43. Chipwooder

    Since we were talking about Shaun King……I finally found the picture I had mentioned. Cracks me up.

    1. That’s a rare talent he’s got. I look like the typical Scottish/Northern English brunette, but if I shave my head I apparently pass for Serbian.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      Black, white or mulatto.

      He’s a straight up narcissistic dick.

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        This is the correct response.

    3. commodious spittoon

      I honestly feel sorry for Dolezal. She was, by all accounts, living as a black woman. King is a shameless race-baiting grifter, has made bank by it, and apparently can’t be dislodged from the teat of the progressive guilt complex. Was Dolezal living a lie and propagating the racialist agenda? Sure, no doubt. But she wasn’t conning people for charities she purposely misrepresented.

      1. commodious spittoon

        King’s luck, if I had to guess, is because he had been so public and shameless, whereas Dolezal wasn’t anyone. Lefties had brainlessly defended the guy for years, whereas this pissant nobody who’d taken a job with the NAACP, hardly a glorious cash-in, could be dispensed with because, hey, who’d ever donated to her fundraisers?

      2. Tulip

        But didn’t it all come out because she faked a hate crime against herself? I get what you’re saying, but have no sympathy because of her faking a hate crime.

        1. commodious spittoon

          That’s fair. In Rachel’s case, I’d be happy to see her occupy her squalid little fiefdom of race sensitivity. That’s harmless. You’re right about the hate crimes, I’d forgotten about that. Possibly because the big controversy when she was outed is that she’d taken a job with the NAACP. Nobody cared about fake hate crimes after that reveal.

          Then you’ve got Shaun King, the Anita Sarkeesian of dumb race politics, who conjectured his father’s cuckolding by a black man to excuse away his parentage. But the left has long ignored or excused his cracker ass.

          It never doesn’t amaze me what a clown world lefty politics is.

      3. Chipwooder

        Dolezal’s problem is she wasn’t quick-witted enough to dream up a secret black daddy.

  44. mikey

    For those who like cool old cars racing it Goodwood Revival weeken.
    Live srreaming all weekend. It’s not really live after normal GMT business hours but still fun. The Brits and the Euros actually race their old cars, not just parade them around the track like in “Merica.

    https://www.goodwood.com/grr/event-coverage/goodwood-revival/2019/9/2019-goodwood-revival-live-stream/

    1. Tundra

      Thanks, mikey!

    2. Mad Scientist

      SPROING!

    3. Mad Scientist

      I’ve very intrigued by the pronounced positive camber in the front of those things.

      1. mikey

        Yeah, seems counter intuitive. Opposite of what you’d see on American dirt track

        1. Mad Scientist

          Or road racing. I go to a lot of trouble to dial in 4 degrees of negative camber so the tire sits flat on the pavement while the car rolls into a turn. Positive camber ensures those hard, bias ply tires will only have an edge on the pavement in a corner. I’m sure there’s a reason for it, but I have no clue what it might be.

      2. Mad Scientist

        OK, mystery solved. Soft front springs means the tires end up neutral under braking. It also makes it easier to steer the front end since none of those things had power steering.

  45. Tres Cool

    Since Tundra mentioned Magnum P.I.

    *lyrics may be NSFW

    1. Tres Cool

      /note the red 308 used in the video

    2. Count Potato

      I can’t listen to censored rap, the sudden silences are too jarring.

  46. Rebel Scum

    “I’ll be taking my wife out for a nice dinner.”

    Today of all days? This is how horror movies start. Make sure you are armed at least. And good luck. We’re all counting on you.

  47. Rebel Scum

    “Environmental protesters are trying to use drones to bring flights to a halt at the UK’s biggest airport, Heathrow, from Friday.”

    I think passenger jet engines are designed to survive inadvertently consuming birds, but I don’t know about metal/plastic. Either way you should probably be charged with a crime here.

  48. Man, I can take or leave the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but for some reason whenever I hear that song I stop whatever I’m doing to listen. I don’t know what it is about it, but it hits every single musical button I’ve got.

    1. BakedPenguin

      Yeah, it’s definitely one of their better ones.

  49. grrizzly

    I’ve just cancelled a reservation at a Holiday Inn and accidentally noticed this in the cancellation email:

    This hotel does not allow any guns on its premises. This prohibition includes concealed and openly carried handguns.

    I never noticed this ban before, though I rarely stay at IHG hotels in the U.S.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      It’s ok. What you need a gun for? There’s hotel security. The best there is.

    2. Rhywun

      I don’t see a cop exception there. Interesting.

      1. I didn’t see one for murderers, rapists, or muggers, either, so I’m glad to see that loophole’s finally been closed. Should save a lot of lives.

    3. Semi-Spartan Dad

      Fuck them. A couple years ago, I drove across the state for business, went to check in, and couldn’t find my DL. Turns out I left it in my scanner back at home.

      The Hyatt accepted my concealed carry license instead without any fuss. I still appreciate that and look for Hyatts when I need a hotel.

      1. commodious spittoon

        I spent the last couple weeks modeling stairs for a new Hyatt in California.

        It’s a lot less exciting than it doesn’t sound.

    1. Look, I’ve seen kids at my daughter’s daycare who need one good choke-slam or else they’ll be in cuffs by the time they’re 18.

      1. Crusty Juggler

        Do it, pussy.

        1. pan fried wylie

          *CJ turns and eggs on the toddler next*

      2. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

        . . . they’ll be in cuffs by the time they’re 18.

        I don’t necessarily have a problem with that.

  50. Crusty Juggler

    Genealogy of Cuckery

    The metaphor of cuckoldry is selected to the exclusion of all others because nothing else quite as effectively sharpens the charge that your obsession with the details of honor and principle has in fact become fatally abstract: you are being kicked out of your own house by a rival power actively working to take away everything that is yours, your children included. You are becoming the end of your line, forever, in every respect. Yet you won’t even evacuate from your breached defenses before it’s too late. Only the heights of spiritual snobbery can explain such a choice.

    I’m not going to recommend this, because it’s truly astounding to be this obsessed about political “cuckery,” but also I see parallels between this drivel and the gender-neutral pronoun smorgasbord from the left.

    1. Heroic Mulatto

      That was the most pretentious “SHUT THE FUCK UP, LIBTARD!” I have ever read.

      1. Crusty Juggler

        But it’s interesting to consider that Nietzsche’s complex and difficult relations with women led him to a place where, by the end of his life, he had not explored the connection between his theory of the deadly servility of the Christian with the deadly servility of the cuckold. Nietzsche’s attack on Christianity is notably desexualized.

        It is interesting.

      2. SHUT THE FUCK UP, LIBTARD!

    2. So, I haven’t read it, and I don’t plan to, but it does put me in mind a little bit of the anti-gun obsession with men owning firearms to compensate for sexual inadequacy.

    3. Fatty Bolger

      What the cuck did I just read.

  51. Fatty Bolger

    Vietnam vet found covered with ants in nursing home bed dies after being bitten more than 100 times

    A Vietnam War veteran was bitten more than 100 times all over his body by ants while he lay in poor health in his bed on the campus of an Atlanta Veteran Affairs hospital just days before he passed away.

    Laquna Ross, the daughter of Air Force veteran Joel Marrable, was visiting her father at the Eagle’s Nest Community Living Center, a nursing home for veterans on the Atlanta VA Medical Center campus, where he was being treated for cancer, when she noticed her father’s hands were swollen and his body was covered with red bumps.

    Ross said she alerted a medical center staffer to her father’s new ailments and was “worried and confused because that wasn’t how he looked when I saw him the last time,” she told ABC Atlanta affiliate WSB-TV

    The response she got from the employee shocked her.

    “[The staff member] said, ‘You know, the ants,’” Ross said. “The staff member says to me, ‘When we walked in here, we thought Mr. Marrable was dead. We thought he wasn’t even alive, because the ants were all over him.’”

    Marrable died just days later.

    1. That’s absolutely disgusting. Inexcusable. And nobody will be held in any way responsible, and nothing about that place will change.

      1. commodious spittoon

        All Americans should get to enjoy that standard of service courtesy of socialized healthcare.

      2. Suthenboy

        Single payer, Bill. It’s a win for everyone. His suffering is ended and we don’t have to pay for it anymore. Everyone comes out on top. This is how health care should be run.

        1. Fatty Bolger

          Yep. Even the ants are happy. Socialism, ain’t it just grand.

      3. Tres Cool

        They only have a $220 BILLION budget. Buy some fuckin ant traps. Or call ORKIN.

  52. Not Adahn

    Caraflex cabbage is good.

    1. Rhywun

      I read that as Carfax cabbage.

    2. Looks like an overgrown Brussels sprout. *Here take my money* GIF

      1. Fatty Bolger

        Ew. *BARF* GIF

    3. Not Adahn

      Supposedly this is the most common cabbage used in Deutchland to make sauerkraut. I have never heard of it, even though I come from solid Kraut stock.

      Quite sweet.

  53. BakedPenguin

    I’d like to get some feedback on a personal culinary preference: I like bagels with cream cheese and green olives.

    1. Not Adahn

      There’s a place downtown that makes olive bagels, which they then serve with cream cheese. So apparently it’s a thing.

    2. Mad Scientist

      That’s fine. Just don’t put pineapple on them.

      1. BakedPenguin

        Not to worry…

      2. commodious spittoon
        1. BEAM’s not normal, y’all

          “This item does not ship to Canada.”

          Apparently, we already built a wall.

        1. commodious spittoon

          In fairness, I only ever et it on celery sticks.

    3. If garlic stuffed green olives weren’t so damn expensive I could live on them alone (assuming they contain all the requisite vitamins and minerals)

    4. Suthenboy

      Olives are only acceptable if they are ripe, chopped finely and moderately sprinkled on cheese.

      *I just made a pizza this evening. Cheese was top layer. I sprinkle a bit of cheese, pepper with black olive then put the final layer of cheese on top of that.
      I don’t do green olive.

      1. Tres Cool

        Id eat the toppings off that

        /keto

        1. Suthenboy

          Bell pepper, onion, pepperoni, hard salami, Italian sausage, pickled banana pepper, jalapeño, Romano cheese, granulated garlic, sweet basil, mozzarella, Romano, and parmesan with the black olives. The crust was extra thin but hey, if you don’t eat it the dogs will be happy to help out.

          1. Gender Traitor

            Do you deliver to Ohio?
            Seriously, that sounds delicious. Virtually perfect.

          2. BakedPenguin

            Second.

          3. BakedPenguin

            Oh – Sean Sean’s right below – bacon. Must have bacon.

          4. Tres Cool

            You and Mr GT need to roll over here someday, ya know that.

          5. Gender Traitor

            Still got your e-dress – I’ll drop you a line.

          6. Jarflax

            More Cincinnati Glibs? Or are you all nawtheners?

          7. Tres Cool

            We’re (937)
            /looks down nose

          8. Tulip

            Feel free to visit Virginia and make that. I have room for you and your wife. You can meet my dog and cat.

          9. Rhywun

            My stomach can’t handle that many flavor bombs 🙁

          10. Where’s the Zatarain’s Liquid Crab Boil, I kid, but granulated garlic? Mr Wilson would be disappoint, guarantee.

          11. Suthenboy

            Sauce then the meats. Then light sprinkle of granulated garlic. Then a thin layer of cheese to glue it all together. Veggies and such go on top of that, sprinkle with sweet basil and then the final cheese layer.
            Zatarans is for seafood and gumbos.

            Have you ever actually used any Zataran’s liquid crab boil?

          12. Tulip

            Again, you and your wife should feel free to visit. My dog won’t attack you

          13. pan fried wylie

            granulated garlic. not minced. if it’s not 0.5mm cubes you have failed.

          14. Not Adahn

            Bell peppers are awful. There, I said it.

          15. Jarflax

            I agree, except when chopped fine with onion and celery and used as a stock base for some cajun dish.

          16. You’re both wrong. Bell peppers are fine.

          17. Jarflax

            You’re both wrong. Bell peppers are fine.

            Not Adahn,

            We have been confirmed as correct beyond any question. It is no longer a theorem it is now a law, bell peppers suck. UCS likes them.

          18. Clear proof that you don’t know how logic works. You are wrong again.

          19. Jarflax

            UCS is always wrong on matters of taste
            UCS denies that bell peppers are awful
            Bell peppers are awful.

            Valid and also true.

          20. Well, when you start with an falsehood like premise #1, of course you reach a false conclusion. Try to catch up.

      2. Sean

        Needs moar bacon & sausage.

    5. pistoffnick

      “…with cream cheese and green olives”

      There are several places in Doolooth and surrounding that serve burgers topped with cream cheese and green olive. It’s my favorite.

      1. BakedPenguin

        Good to know. Guy at the local bagel place looked at me like I had antennae growing out of my head when I asked.

    6. You’re evil. Olives aren’t food.

      1. Jarflax

        I started to list the nations, historical civilizations, religions, and regions that disagree then I realized it was all of them.

        1. You can use the same fallacy to argue for slavery, since it was normal for most of history by every nation.

          1. Jarflax

            For the existence of slavery as a human institution? Yes, it does exist as a human institution and always has. How is that fallacious?

            Next time you want to make this argument start out by saying olives are bad not that they are not food. 🙂

          2. They were wrong about slavery being normal

            They were wrong about olives being food.

            Perfectly consistant. You fail again.

          3. Jarflax

            You are truly perfectly consistent. You are always wrong

          4. You don’t seem to know the difference between always and never.

      2. Heroic Mulatto

        Olives are plant matter that can be consumed by human beings to provide nutrients essential for life.

        By definition, olives are food.

        1. Just because you can eat it doesn’t make it food.

          1. Heroic Mulatto

            I didn’t say that.

            Because you can eat it and it provides nutrition makes it food.

          2. Being able to extract nutrients from something doesn’t change a nonfood status to food.

            I’m sure there are some nutirents in hemlock and nightshade, but they’re not food either.

          3. Heroic Mulatto

            Hemlock and nightshade are inconsumable to humans.

          4. Count Potato

            Plenty of nightshades are food.

          5. But not all, Count Nightshade.

          6. You know “Count Nightshade” sounds like a cheesy pulp villain name.

          7. Sure thing, Dr Omnicom, or Mr. Omegacrom, or Professor OMG, or whatever your avatar is.

          8. Do you have something against cheesy pulp villains?

          9. Jarflax

            When did you become a Democrat? Only a Democrat could take the actual definition of a word and say Just because “definition” doesn’t make it “word”.

          10. Look up. Your ‘definition’ is too broad and includes nonfood items.

          11. *your HM’s definition

          12. Heroic Mulatto

            You’re being extremely silly.

          13. I’m merely reciprocating.

          14. Heroic Mulatto

            Fair enough.

          15. Jarflax

            UCS was programmed with a 3 laws of robotics level prohibition on admitting error.

        2. Jarflax

          Tasty too

      3. BakedPenguin

        Yeah, probably. That doesn’t change how wrong you are.

        1. My level of wrongness is zero. Thank you for confirming it.

          1. BakedPenguin

            I might be evil, but olives are delicious. Except they need more salt. Your tears may deliver it.

          2. Fake news, I don’t have tears.

  54. Tres Cool

    Watching THIS, I cant decide if getting old sucks, or you just keep on.

    1. pistoffnick

      *rubs aching knees, tries to windmill shoulders – fails*

      Getting old sucks. Don’t do it.

    2. BakedPenguin

      Why not both? Here’s a better 999.

    3. From the side bar should asked for seven.

  55. Count Potato

    “This is a death threat, Representative. Clearly, you shouldn’t own an AR-15—and neither should anyone else.”

    https://twitter.com/BetoORourke/status/1172359875093061632

    1. Jarflax

      Beta is such a joke.

    2. Suthenboy

      I notice they ignore Beta’s explicit threat against millions of Americans who apparently have no criminal record.
      Beta: “You are going to do as I say or I will send armed goons to kill you in your own home.”
      Citizen: “Oh yeah? Give it a try motherfucker.”
      Sheep: “Rhheeeeeeee! Threatening a political candidate! Throw them in the camps!”

      If I was a betting man I would bet Beta’s political career just turned into a dumpster fire.

      1. Tulip

        Why is he running? He couldn’t beat Ted Cruz?

        1. Jarflax

          He wants to be in the next cabinet. I think 2/3 of the candidates are positioning for that

  56. Raven Nation

    Posted for no particular reason: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nN120kCiVyQ

    1. Jarflax

      Lol these whiny little bitches think that ad was rough? They are so going to find it rough when they manage to create the killing fields here.

    2. Rhywun

      LOL I guess 2 hours, 59 minutes, and 30 seconds of DNC propaganda wasn’t enough.

    3. leon

      Saw someone calling on the FCC to investigate. People don’t just like Daddy government to keep them safe from freedom, they also like it to call in hellfire on whom they oppose.

  57. Count Potato

    “While I like the Vaping alternative to Cigarettes, we need to make sure this alternative is SAFE for ALL! Let’s get counterfeits off the market, and keep young children from Vaping!”

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1172639954985455616

    1. Rhywun

      #1 Fan Gu, MD starts out making some sense, then… predictably goes off the rails.

      1. commodious spittoon

        As a physician, I absolutely support that. But kids who would not otherwise smoke should not start vaping because they think it’s cool. That’s the whole tragedy here. Kids are victimized.

        No shit. They think vaping is cool.

    2. Heroic Mulatto

      Also, free all the people of color serving life in prison for non-violent marijuana crimes.

      But fuck all the peckerwoods.

      1. Jarflax

        Can’t even voice a simple moral concept like “don’t jail people who have not harmed another” without excluding some ‘group’, because even saying that ‘group’ deserves basic justice is wrongthink. And if you call him on it you will get accused of racism.

    1. Jarflax

      How hard is it to put a shot of cognac or whiskey in your coffee? Coffee beer sounds disgusting.

      1. BakedPenguin

        How hard is it to put a shot of cognac or whiskey in your coffee?

        Not very.

        Umm.., or so I’ve heard…

      2. Chipwooder

        It’s a Drew Carey Show plot come to life two decades later

  58. grrizzly

    Two years ago Snowden got married in Russia.

    He likes to travel, in spite of being restricted to within Russia’s borders, and has visited cities such as St Petersburg and the Black Sea resort of Sochi.

    “One of the things that is lost in all the problematic politics of the Russian government is the fact this is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. The people are friendly. The people are warm,” he said. “And when I came here I did not understand any of this. I was terrified of this place because, of course, they were the great fortress of the enemy, which is the way a CIA agent looks at Russia.”

    1. Suthenboy

      Not really surprising. Russia is a beautiful place and the pols there are not necessarily representative of the people. Most people in most even moderately civilized countries are just people.

      1. Jarflax

        Most people in most even moderately civilized countries are just people.

        but when they group up bad stuff happens

    2. Not Adahn

      The people are warm

      Really? I thought that Russians were proudly dour. That they took great care to emphasize misery and alcoholism.

      1. grrizzly

        Russians are warm to friends and relatives. Those outside of the inner circle? That’s different. Perhaps, Snowden lived long enough in Russia to get to know some people.

  59. DenverJ

    Happy anniversary. Your wife’s music is alright. How the hell did nobody see that car in 21years? It’s right fucking there!
    Also, you know who else, SP is awesome (can’t get banned- you people are my only social life, and FIRST!