Monday Afternoon Links – Sexy Dragon edition

Least surprising news ever:

At the New York Times, Bedbugs

Dear Colleagues,

During an extermination sweep of the newsroom over the weekend, we discovered evidence of bedbugs in a wellness room (02E4-253) on the second floor, a couch on the third floor and a booth on the fourth floor. These specific areas were then swept by professionals and found to be otherwise clean. In an abundance of caution, the second-floor room has been temporarily closed, the booth has been blocked off and the couch has been removed to be treated and professionally cleaned.

Additionally, evidence of possible bedbug activity was found in a few personal lockers on the third floor. Individuals associated with those lockers have been contacted and treatment is underway.

We continue to monitor the situation and, as a precaution, we intend to sweep all New York Times-occupied floors. We will provide updates as they become available.


The mysterious family behind In-N-Out has donated more than $15,000 to Trump and the GOP since 2016

A top In-N-Out executive and his wife have donated thousands of dollars to President Donald Trump, even as many brands shy away from associating with the president.

Mark Taylor, In-N-Out’s chief operating officer, and his wife, Traci Taylor – who is the half-sister of In-N-Out’s president and owner, Lynsi Snyder, and who lists In-N-Out as her employer – have donated more than $15,000 to Trump and the national Republican Party since August 2016.

Both Mark and Traci Taylor hit the maximum that an individual can donate to a candidate in donations to Trump in the 2016 election. In fact, both exceeded the limit and had thousands of dollars in donations returned.

Since Trump’s election, the Taylors have continued to donate thousands of dollars to Trump and the Republican National Committee.

1,500 words on this vital story. But that’s OK, I’ve been assured that cancel culture doesn’t exist.


Libertarian Just Gonna Kick Back And Enjoy Watching Faith In Government Institutions Crumble

MANCHESTER, NH—As tensions between the right and left continue to increase in the midst of Donald Trump’s controversial presidency, local libertarian man Alan Bardo announced Friday he’s just gonna kick back and enjoy watching faith in our government institutions crumble.

Bardo stated he’s been very pleased with Trump’s performance so far, since the public’s reverence for both the office of the presidency and the federal government as a whole has plummeted since he was sworn in.

“I’m gonna pop some popcorn, sit back, and just really savor this whole thing,” he said cheerily as he turned his TV to CNN and his iPhone to a Fox News live stream. “Ha, look at these CNN clowns starting to question whether the president should have so much power. I love it!”

“The right is attacking the FBI and CIA, the left is attacking the president—this truly is the best timeline,” he said, misty-eyed.

We are either making an impact on the zeitgeist, or they are just ripping us off. But let’s not bring it up. I don’t want them to pummel us like they have snopes.com.


Heroic Mulatto did this to us…

Your new fetish is Dragons Having Sex With Cars.


The soundtrack of this post:


Glib’s Fantasy Football Sign-Up Link:

https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/1032574/invitation?key=6002097debc65c9c&soc_trk=lnk&ikey=e6e665ca3bcd0590

Comments

381 responses to “Monday Afternoon Links – Sexy Dragon edition”

  1. Scruffy Nerfherder

    OMG $15K

    I’m flabbergasted that it was sooooo much.

    1. Private Chipperbot

      More than the Russians spent!

      1. Count Potato

        LOL

    2. mexican sharpshooter

      Right? The maximum annual donation three years in a row!

    3. Sean

      You just know they drew little swastikas on the memo line of their checks!

    4. Rhywun

      This explains Trump’s constantly plugging In-n-Out burgers.

      1. Florida Man

        Is that really happening? I don’t know what is real in ? ?.

        1. Rhywun

          No. I think he’s a McDonald’s man.

    5. Atanarjuat

      Michael Malice was right about the media.

    6. Fatty Bolger

      Hillary outspent Trump 2:1, but I’m sure that $15K made all the difference.

      Speaking of which, isn’t it odd how the “get the money out of politics” people have no praise for Trump winning the Presidency on a shoestring budget?

  2. kinnath

    I am not going to unsee that dragon any time soon.

    1. Rhywun

      OMG.

      You really have to press play to get the full impact.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        I’m impressed with the dick going through the car. They didn’t skimp and went full throttle.

        1. Sean

          Balls to the firewall, as it were.

          1. Mad Scientist

            Poor dragon couldn’t find anything better than a VW Golf to hump?

          2. SugarFree

            The heart wants what the heart wants.

          3. Tundra

            Well, it is a GTI…

    2. Gadfly

      I’m wondering where it’s from, as it’s surprisingly well done. Although I guess it doesn’t really make a difference if someone paid good money for it or if someone made it on their own time as a hobby. It’s a weird world out there.

    3. Cy

      I’m at work. I snickered and then had to scroll past quickly. I had an odd moment imagining what it would be like to be anywhere near something like that if it were real. I feel like it’d be an interesting premise for a film if we had “real” dragons and they were either incredibly dumb or males were just extremely aggressive when they’re in heat.

    4. R C Dean

      “Family-Friendly”

      1. Jarflax

        I know right? It really should have been a minivan. That is a college kid’s car.

  3. mexican sharpshooter

    We are either making an impact on the zeitgeist, or they are just ripping us off. But let’s not bring it up. I don’t want them to pummel us like they have snopes.com.

    I refuse to believe anybody is ripping us off until they use Nick Gillespie as the singular metric for which to measure everything. Until then, Babylon Bee is the Nick Gillespie of joke stealing websites.

    1. CPRM

      the singular metric for which to measure everything.

      You have failed the glib math exam. Sit and think about what you have done for two Evans.

      1. Harsh. Do you even remember how long an Evan is?

        1. Yusef drives a Kia

          27 or half my age, whichever is longer..

          1. Spudalicious

            I thought an Evan was 31 years?

          2. Jarflax

            and expanding daily

          3. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

            Just like the Universe! It’s a thoroughly post-modern measurement!

          4. Spudalicious

            We agreed to lock it in at 31 years.

          5. I hearby order that all Glibs forevermore recognize an Evan as 31.2 years.

      2. Yusef drives a Kia

        I just started my third, so far so good…

    2. Gadfly

      It is entirely possible for multiple sources to independently invent/discover the same thing at roughly the same time. That’s my bet here.

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        Of course. There’s only so many places objectivist/paleocon/ancap/libertarianish people congregate on the internet. Ideas will certainly get recycled.

        1. prolefeed

          I’d say at least some of the Babylon Bee writers are libertarianish, such as this gem:

          In a move to make sure criminals are treated fairly, San Francisco has instituted a policy of referring to “convicted felons” by the much more politically correct term “elected officials.”

          “These convicted felons are finding it harder to advance to higher political office when we keep bringing up their criminal activities,” said San Francisco Mayor London Breed. “We must ensure they get a fair shake at ruining even more people’s lives when they run for Congress, Senate, or the White House.”

          The city released a guide with ways to refer to politicians’ activities in a more positive manner:

          Stealing money is to be referred to as “taxation.”
          Having an affair is to be referred to as “providing women opportunities for advancement.”
          Taking a bribe is to be referred to as a “desirable exchange of money for principles.”
          Starting a deadly war on false pretenses is to be referred to as an “environmental depopulation initiative.”
          Kidnapping parents over truancy laws is to be called a “free parental vacation program.”

          The new language is to be used by all city officials, San Francisco residents, and the homeless population to ensure politicians aren’t offended by any mention of their criminal activities. Anyone failing to abide by the law will be sentenced to continue living in San Francisco.

          https://babylonbee.com/news/san-francisco-changes-term-convicted-felons-to-more-politically-correct-elected-officials

          1. Donation Not Taxation

            “Stealing money is to be referred to as ‘taxation.’”
            When the victim hands over the money, such as mugging or a protection racket = “taxation”
            When the victim loses money or other valuables without handing it over = “asset forfeiture” or “garnishment”

  4. Private Chipperbot

    Max Brooks expose on STEVE SMITH!

    Devolution is described as a found-document novel, chronicling a horrific sasquatch attack on an isolated eco-community.

    1. SugarFree

      dev·o·lu·tion
      /ˌdevəˈl(y)o͞oSH(ə)n/

      noun
      the transfer or delegation of power to a lower level, especially by central government to local or regional administration.

      De-evolution. And it wouldn’t even be that unless Bigfoot was some sort of step backward rather than just a relict population of undiscovered giant apes, like the Gigantopithecus.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gigantopithecus

      1. Suthenboy

        With regards to biology there is no de-evolution. No step forward or backward. Evolution is not a path from primitive to sophisticated with a start, a goal and a finish.
        There are advantageous changes and disadvantageous changes. That is all.

        1. SugarFree

          Yes, the idea that evolution is progressing toward something is a very pernicious idea; entelechy, in general, is a massive fallacy. (See also: Progressives.)

        2. Jarflax

          There are advantageous changes and disadvantageous changes.

          Not even really that. There are changes, full stop. Advantage and disadvantage are entire;y determined by random changes in environment and what other species evolve or migrate. The same change can be simultaneously neutral, advantageous, and disadvantageous in 3 separate environments.

    2. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

      Are we not men?

  5. Gustave Lytton

    RIP Capt Al Haynes of UA232.

    https://siouxcityjournal.com/news/al-haynes-pilot-of-flight-that-crash-landed-in-sioux/article_d0c5ea59-ff8e-555d-95d2-6f9d9fe9176e.html

    I remember when this happened and still can’t believe 30 years later that there were any survivors.

    If you’ve got an hour free,

    https://youtu.be/o8vdkTz0zqI

    1. sk

      Ah, my old home town ;-\
      Got out for good in 69, finally went back 40 years later for a generic ‘check things out’ visit. Fascinating to see what had, and what hadn’t, changed.

      1. blackjack

        My home town turned into Malibu north. All the beach shacks are gone and there’s multi story mc’mansions everywhere.

  6. Crusty Juggler

    Harry Styles bit off the tip of his tongue after tripping on mushrooms

    he singer, 25, told Rolling Stone psychedelic drugs got the creative juices flowing when it came to recording his new album — but one trip ended painfully, with Styles biting off a piece of his tongue.

    “We’d do mushrooms, lie down on the grass, and listen to Paul McCartney’s ‘Ram’ in the sunshine,” he told the publication. “We’d just turn the speakers into the yard.”

    The “Sign of the Times” crooner, whose shirtless cover sent fans into a frenzy, admitted they’d keep chocolate edibles in the studio fridge, near the blender.

    “You’d hear the blender going, and think, ‘So we’re all having frozen margaritas at 10 a.m. this morning,’” he continued, adding, “This is where I was standing when we were doing mushrooms and I bit off the tip of my tongue. So I was trying to sing with all this blood gushing out of my mouth.

    “So many fond memories, this place.”

    He’s so cool.

    1. bacon-magic

      You don’t bite the tip of your tongue off on mushrooms.

      1. Crusty Juggler

        No. The worst thing I did on mushrooms was go for a long, slow drive through a dangerous city with one crying friend in the passenger seat, and heavily sweating friend in the back seat, making sure to not stop at any stop signs.

        1. bacon-magic

          If I did such dangerous hallucinogens…shrooms were some of the mildest. I remember of a story of a “friend” of mine who had a half sheet of paper wrapped in foil he got from a rave. He goes to an after-party and tucks that in his sock. Several hot hours later he’s frying his balls off and walking down one of the worst neighborhoods in St. Louis with a machete in his hand because they wouldn’t let him drive home. They did let him drive finally during his peak…the girl accompanying him couldn’t drive because it was a manual transmission. No one was harmed in this fake story.

          1. blackjack

            Look at Bacon talking about frying!

      2. Tonio

        I pierced my nipple. With a safety pin.

        1. bacon-magic

          Ow.

    2. Rhywun

      Who?

      1. Crusty Juggler

        lol this guy

    3. Old Man With Candy

      I did mushrooms exactly once, 40 years ago. And this is why I never did them again, I like my tongue. Had it since I was a baby and have grown quite attached to it.

  7. Autoplay video? Not cool, not cool at all.

    1. SugarFree

      I don’t trust you bastards.

    2. Rhywun

      Get a better browser, at least one that stops auto-play or has a plugin that allows it.

      1. It’s not the browser. It’s the fact that I made the mistake of trusting you people.

        1. Rhywun

          Huh. I loathe auto-play so I would never allow it, even here.

        2. bacon-magic

          *puts spices on UnCivils cardboard sammich

          1. bacon-magic

            *UnCivil’s

          2. You made me a sammich? I’m honored.

  8. bacon-magic

    The fire lizard going boom boom on the vroom vroom.

    1. Tonio

      Swiss!

    2. Not Adahn

      That car was Wrexx’d N’ Effect’d

      1. Tonio

        Rekt n FXd

        1. Not Adahn

          I think I saw the outside of that cassette once.

  9. Rufus the Monocled

    BOYCOTT IN-N-OUT BURGER!

    1. Count Potato

      I just want to let everyone here to know that I once made an entire batch of Russian dressing.

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        You are a monster.

      2. blackjack

        That’s the dressing that totally transforms American salads, no matter how little you use?

    2. Mad Scientist

      In-N-Out is the best. Anyone who says otherwise is a lying liar.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Had one on Sunset Blvd. It was delicious.

      2. Gustave Lytton

        It’s not. The burger is sometimes ok to start, but turns awful about 2/3 in as it starts to cool. The patties themselves are too dry and often overcooked.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          Well…..eat it faster then!

        2. Florida Man

          The one is Los Angeles was much better than the one in Las Vegas.

      3. Gadfly

        They have great burgers, but their fries leave a lot to be desired. Of course, I’ve only had them here in TX, so I can’t comment on the quality of the CA restaurants.

        1. blackjack

          They’re over-rated. They are better than the big guys like McD, burger king, Carls, etc. Personally, I’d take a 5 guys over INO any time.

          1. Gadfly

            I prefer 5 Guys too, but you also pay more for them so I wouldn’t quite put them in the same class as McD’s, BK, Carl’s, or INO.

          2. prolefeed

            I’d characterize In-N-Out as one of the finest burgers you can get for around $2 or less, especially if you order it Animal Style. The fries kinda blow, because they’re not as oily those from as other places — healthy food and delicious is a pretty thin slice on a Venn diagram.

        2. I’ve had in n out both places. Good, but not mind blowing. Their fries are fatally flawed (single fried).

      4. Cy

        Ha, you’ve never been to Whataburger!

          1. Lachowsky

            I live 30 minutes from one. I go every few months. They are good.

          2. prolefeed

            What do you get at Whataburger? I tried one item off their menu years ago right after moving to Austin, and it was so forgettable that I haven’t been back.

            P. Terry’s is a decent competitor to In-N-Out, IMO.

          3. Their breakfast was kickass. The jalepeno burger was my go-to

          4. Not Adahn

            Yup burgers for breakfast is the shiznit. So are the egg and potato taquitos.

            You need to order their fries “crispy” or they’re pretty meh.

          5. Chipwooder

            Me too

      5. Hyperion

        We don’t have one around here. Of the chains we have, Smashburger is the best and then 5 Guys.

  10. grrizzly

    Here’s a spreadsheet with all the companies that should be boycotted because of a Trump connection.

    https://grabyourwallet.org

    An example:
    Wegmans Grocery Chain Carries Trump Wine

    1. Count Potato

      I expected it to be much longer.

      1. Dr. Fronkensteen

        That’s what she said.

        1. Enough About Palin

          “I GOT SHORT FINGERS!!

    2. The Other Kevin

      They were very kind to include a list of companies at the end that they are NOT boycotting, all 12 or so of them. (not joking)

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      Someone actually wasted their time with this stupid, pointless shit?

      Get a life loser.

    4. Rhywun

      They’re “considering adding” a “fossil fuel company”.

      I think we can safely ignore this unhinged person.

    5. Atanarjuat

      I’m sure that’s the first time Bank of America, Boeing, or Lockheed Martin have donated to a politician.

      1. R C Dean

        I’m sure that’s the first time Bank of America, Boeing, or Lockheed Martin have donated to a politician.

        Probably so, since corporate campaign contributions are illegal.

        1. Atanarjuat

          If that site is to be believed, they donated to the inauguration party.

    6. Florida Man

      There is a list for anti-gun companies too

    7. Heroic Mulatto

      Howard Lorber, the hot-dog chain’s executive chairman and one of Trump’s best friends

      For an anti-semite, Trump seems to befriend a lot of Jews, not to mention Jews in stewardship of one of American Jewry’s most famous cultural icons.

      1. Jews in stewardship of Sammy Davis Jr.?

  11. Dr. Fronkensteen

    “Heroic Mulatto did this to us…”

    Don’t be so modest SF.

    Take credit for your part.

    1. SugarFree

      Once he sent it to me it was inevitable that I would send it to you. He knew what he was doing. I am merely a conduit of his will.

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        Glibertarian Gnosticism.

  12. Crusty Juggler

    Dave Chappelle Takes on Guns: Only Black People Can ‘Disarm America’s Whites’

    But for all of the self-destruction in the first half of the new hour—including an extended section about the LGBTQ+ community that is unlikely to make the “T’s,” as he calls them, “hate” his “guts” any less—things take a dramatic turn in the second half when Chappelle seems to argue that Americans should spend less time worrying about the #MeToo movement and more time focusing on the country’s gun violence epidemic.

    “appears to”

    “No matter what they say or how they make you feel, remember, this is your country, too,” Chappelle tells his audience. “It is incumbent upon us to save our country. And you know what we have to do.” Then comes the twist: “Every able-bodied African-American must register for a legal firearm. That’s the only way they’ll change the law.”

    The comic explains that “personally” he “hates” guns. “I can’t stand them,” he says. “But I have several. I don’t want them, but I feel like I need them.” He jokes that Ohio is “an old Native-American word” that “means, literally, ‘Land of Poor White People.’” It’s almost as if he’s predicting the mass shooting that would terrorize Dayton weeks later.

    Dissecting comedy, man.

    1. Florida Man

      He’s not wrong. Historically using fear of an “other group” gets things banned.

      1. Dr. Fronkensteen

        Yes, But the Democrat controlled cities already basically ban guns and I don’t think the Republican controlled rural areas would care if law abiding blacks have guns as well.

        1. prolefeed

          Yeah, funny how the cool multicultural political party members are deadset on disarming black folks and making them helpless should the government turn extra tyrannical, while the stupid evil racist party members are cool with black people arming themselves, to the point of being happy to give pointers on the best weapons to buy should their advice be solicited.

        2. Homple

          Chicago gun murders (shot and killed), as of this afternoon

          2019 year to date: 304
          August to date: 34
          Week to date: 11

          An equivalent big mass shooting once a month for years and no celebrity fund raisers. The body counts don’t even get national news coverage.

          Chicago, with the country’s strictest gun control laws, has war zone casualty rates and nobody important pays attention.

          Data from heyjackass.com

    2. Rhywun

      I don’t want them, but I feel like I need them.

      Uh huh. You’re still a fucking hypocrite.

      1. Suthenboy

        We all wish we lived in a world where guns aren’t needed but we don’t. That’s why we all have them Dave. Dummy.

        1. prolefeed

          I think your sarcasm/humor meter needs recalibrating. Chappelle’s set jokingly advocates massive purchases of guns, and reveals he owns a bunch of them. This is not gungrabber rhetoric — damn close to trolling them.

          1. Suthenboy

            Perhaps you are right.

          2. Rhywun

            Ditto. I’ll reserve judgement since I’m not hearing this in context or anything.

          3. Meh, he’s a comedian, and he’s is very good at his craft, be it instinct or deliberate effort. He’s riffing on gun control and racism ‘you want the rednecks to go all in for gun grabbing start arming the neg-roes’ It’s a bit over the top but it’s comedy, We can poke holes at the ‘truthfulness’ (yes lots of blackd own guns now, yes lots of rednecks don’t give a shit) but I’d wager Chappelle’s main concern wasn’t scoring political points but ‘This could be some funny shit If I deliver it right.’

  13. Rufus the Monocled

    I hope no one had sex in the wellness room. Now the unwellness room.

    Poor NYT. Can’t catch a break.

    Maybe they can write an editorial on how Trump’s war on the press caused bedbugs.

    1. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

      I’m guessing Sara Jeong brought them with her.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        It’s nuts they hired her.

    2. Enough About Palin

      Ist the NYT certain it’s bed bugs? Because they do occasionally get things wrong.

      https://gothamist.com/2016/03/16/bed_bug_or_creme_brulee.php

    1. pan fried wylie

      Based on the cartoons, that’s about the size i’d expect before they’re extracted for wishmaking.

      I’m curious what shoots out though, a Cumehameha or Shenlong.

  14. Suthenboy

    Heroic: In response to the slavery discussion in the last thread.

    “Eh. That’s a bit paternalistic, don’t you think? I’m sure his slaves would have leaped at the chance to try to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. I mean would you choose to be a well-fed slave or a hungry freeman?”

    A great great grandfather had a plantation in MS. After the proclamation came out he gathered the slaves and told them that they were free to go but if they stayed he would pay them as employees. He told them he thought of them as family and they replied they felt the same. They all agreed to stay.
    The next morning when he went to get them he discovered that every single one had left in the night.

    Don’t have time to look for it now but you are correct in your implication. Frederick Douglas expressed exactly that sentiment – that he would rather starve free or live by his own labor than be a well fed slave.

    Despite the common contemporary perception those plantations did not make loads of money. Most were on the brink of bankruptcy all of the time and heavily in debt. They made money for a very few. Most people in the south lived hand to mouth. It was a bad system not only morally but economically and socially as well. You just cant have a population of people that. your system depends on if those people have no vested interest in that system.
    It is a shame they had to have rivers of blood to end it. If they had just waited a bit longer technology and the industrial revolution would have ended slavery in the US without turning half of the country into a corpse strewn wasteland.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      “The quota for cotton this year is 1000 pounds.”

      “1000 pounds?’

      /faints.

      1. Year? That’s not a lot.

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          Yeh year too long. The day!

        2. Stinky Wizzleteats

          He’s going to get a visit from the overseer if he isn’t careful.

      2. l0b0t

        My great-grandparents were sharecroppers, my grandmother (starting around 10 or 11 years old) had to pick. For cotton, the boys had to pick a bale per day (500 lbs.), grandma, because she was a girl, only had to pick 1/2 a bale but she had to go in and make lunch for all the boys.

    2. Most people in the south lived hand to mouth. It was a bad system not only morally but economically and socially as well.

      This is exactly why blood was inevitable. Desperation doesn’t usually mix well with doing the right thing.

    3. Heroic Mulatto

      It is a shame they had to have rivers of blood to end it. If they had just waited a bit longer technology and the industrial revolution would have ended slavery in the US without turning half of the country into a corpse strewn wasteland.

      Agreed.

  15. Florida Man

    I had my first lime harvest this weekend. 2 limes. On the upside they are tasty additions to my G&T.

    1. I’m sorry you’ve been reduced to eating stone for your calcium requirements.

      1. Florida Man

        I don’t want to find myself at 70 with powder for bones.

    2. Did you put them in the coconut?

      1. Florida Man

        You know what Ted? I should plant a coconut palm to complete the set.

    3. The Other Kevin

      For some reason I thought of that old cartoon where robot arms cut down a tree, cut off the branches, whittle it down to a toothpick, then put said toothpick into a box.

          1. Enough About Palin

            That is one damn fine wood-chipper.

        1. They’d be better off selling that axe technology rather than making sawdust.

    4. Tonio

      Dude, how far South are you? Outdoor tree or hothouse tree?

      Everyone else: Even though you can grow Oranges in a fairly wide swath of the Southern US, Limes require much warmer conditions and the trees only produce fruit in a few very warm areas like Key West. Much of the limes consumed in USA come from Mexico.

      1. Mad Scientist

        I have a lime tree in my yard here in Southern California. The thing makes a crazy amount of fruit. In the spring, its blossoms produce what must be the most pleasant fragrance on the planet.

      2. Florida Man

        Orlando. It seems to be thriving and the limes are fully developed and tasty.

        1. Florida Man

          It’s in my backyard, which is south facing.

          1. Atanarjuat

            It may also benefit from the Urban Heat Island, depending on where you are, and also the huge lakes in the area. I see zone 10 plants all over Orlando. You might be able to get away with a coconut. Go with a dwarf variety. That just means they fruit at younger age.

      3. blackjack

        Limes grow in my back yard too. I use ’em for carne asada and grilling chicken.

      4. Chipwooder

        You can’t really grow limes anywhere that gets much of a winter. It doesn’t do well in the desert either because of how cold it can get at night.

  16. Crusty Juggler

    Starbucks announces new pumpkin coffee, return of Pumpkin Spice Latte

    Starbucks has announced the return of the fall favorite Pumpkin Spice Latte – PSL to those in the know – on Tuesday. But in an exciting twist for true pumpkin coffee lovers, the coffee mega-chain has also shared that they will be adding another fall-flavored drink to their menu: the Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew.

    I CAN’T WAIT

    1. Dr. Fronkensteen

      The spice must flow.

      1. Tonio

        [golf clap]

    2. Florida Man

      My wife already picked up a six pack of shipyard pumpkin ale.

    3. A Leap at the Wheel

      My wife makes home-made pumpkin syrup. It a damn sight better than Starbuck’s trademarked “BURNT COFFEE AND STALE CINNAMON” bullshit, but its even better in milk instead of chocolate milk.

      1. cyto

        I do not understand people who do not understand Starbuck’s business model. Buy cheap coffee that needs to be over-roasted. Put too much sugar and cream and flavor syrups in it. Charge too much.

        This is an idiotic business model, IMHO. Which is why they have a gozillion dollars and I don’t. Because nobody ever went broke underestimating people.

    4. Mad Scientist

      White women! The pumpkin spice is calling you. The patriarchy is using black coffee as muscle against you. And you are left there helpless. Well, what are you going to do about it, ladies? Just sit there? Of course not. You are going to join with us. The members of the American, Socialist, Pumpkin Spice party. An organisation of decent, law abiding white folks. Just like you.

  17. Chipwooder

    The Root always comes through. You really can’t underestimate that kind of rock-solid predictability.

  18. Rasilio

    Hey Football fans, Glibs Fantasy Football still has openings

    https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/1032574/invitation?key=6002097debc65c9c&soc_trk=lnk&ikey=e6e665ca3bcd0590

    Draft is this upcoming weekend

    Any chance we could get the link added to AM and/or pm links?

    1. SugarFree

      Done.

    2. CPRM

      I’m going to take Andrew Luck in the first round, got a good feeling about this season!

      1. Dr. Fronkensteen

        The sad part is you could do worse.

      2. Crusty Juggler

        Luck is just another in the long line of weak-assed millennials.

        Give me Kenny Stabler or Terry Bradshaw or Frank Tarkenton or Archie Manning or Brian Sipe any day. These kids now are so spoiled they can’t even fight through a few injures. It’s pathetic.

        1. R C Dean

          Kenny Stabler or Terry Bradshaw or Frank Tarkenton or Archie Manning or Brian Sipe

          None of which banked 1/10th of what Luck has even this early in his career. Its a lot easier to quit a job when you don’t need the job.

          1. Jarflax

            Yeah give me an 8 figure signing bonus and see how much crap I’ll put up with.

  19. Crusty Juggler

    Teachers accused of sexual misconduct are investigated, but Arizona falls short in protecting kids

    Arizona has about 55,000 certified, working teachers. Every year, about 40 teachers are disciplined by the Arizona State Board of Education or surrender their teaching certificate after allegations of sexual misconduct.

    The Arizona Republic and KJZZ, the Phoenix public radio station, together reviewed more than 180 allegations of teacher sexual misconduct from the past four years investigated by the Arizona Department of Education.

    The cases encompassed a range of offenses, raising questions about oversight and children’s safety.

    One teacher inadvertently displayed, on a Smartboard where students could see, sexually explicit Facebook posts between himself and another adult. Some teachers sent students sexually explicit texts. Some were caught viewing pornography on district-issued computers.

    And dozens were accused of molesting or inappropriately touching children.

    Dozens…

      1. mexican sharpshooter

        Every time I see it I read it as that.

      2. Rhywun

        Right?

      3. Sensei

        It happens after K-Pop

        1. I thought K-Crap was what happened after K-Pop.

          1. Sensei

            No, that is after a few K-Cups.

    1. Atanarjuat

      Yeah, but were they hot? It makes a difference.

      1. The teachers, or the children?

        1. Jarflax

          Yes?

    2. Donation Not Taxation

      You just don’t want kids to go to school and spend their days as child labor instead. / prog
      /end prog mode

    3. Tulip

      Well, people are forced to send their children into the custody of those people. And those people have a lot of power over the kids. Dozens is pretty bad.

    1. Count Potato

      I’m thinking I should have been a tattoo artist. I can’t draw for shit, but apparently that’s not a qualification.

  20. Donation Not Taxation

    https://www.cleveland.com/court-justice/2019/08/jury-awards-50-million-to-man-beaten-locked-in-east-cleveland-police-department-storage-room.html

    “By Cory Shaffer, cleveland.com
    CLEVELAND, Ohio — A Cuyahoga County jury on Friday awarded $50 million to an East Cleveland man who filed a lawsuit that said police in that city beat him while he was in handcuffs in 2012, then locked him in a concrete storage room for four days with no food or restroom.
    The award came after the second jury trial in the case of Arnold Black, after an appeals court last year overturned a previous award for $22 million.”

    1. Bob Boberson

      Good for him. Too bad it’s being paid out of by the tax cattle instead of the police pension fund.

      1. Donation Not Taxation

        * Note to self: Investigate if there is a reward for reporting Bob to See Something Say Something * / jk

      2. Rhywun

        And IIRC East Cleveland is like the poorest city in the area.

        Well done, guys.

        1. A Leap at the Wheel

          Can confirm

    2. R C Dean

      “Oh, you didn’t like $22MM? Howsabout $50MM.”

      1. Donation Not Taxation

        Can confirm. $50,000,000 > $22,000,000

  21. Crusty Juggler

    Before Kamala Harris Soured on Bernie Sanders’s Medicare for All Bill, She Grew Her Email List From It

    I can’t wait for her and DJT to have a “make things up as we go along” contest!

    1. OBJ FRANKELSON

      No way, the DNC wants Mumblin’ Joe. They have decided/discovered that Ms. Harris is history career building via prosecuting everthing in sight to the nth degree is a bit of a liability. They are, of course, right (blind squirrel, nut etc.) and the Super Delegate system guarantees that their will be done.

      1. Cy

        I think they want Mumblin Joe on the big ticket and some bat shit crazy as vice. Mumblin Joe (77) going to stop mumblin and then BAM! Uber liberal in the presidency.

        1. OBJ FRANKELSON

          That is a reasonable analysis. I tend to think that they will go with Harris or a Proggie Govenor for VP but they might go with some one from the crazytown left to appease the whack-a-loons.

      2. R C Dean

        For those who say debates don’t make a difference, Tulsi Gabbard took out the DNC’s fave Kamala with a single killshot.

        1. Old Man With Candy

          Nah, she’s impossible to kill. Far too ruthless and evil. My money is still on her for the eventual Team Blue nomination.

          1. Crusty Juggler

            You and me both, pop.

          2. R C Dean

            Haven’t checked recently, but I think her polls (which were never that strong) tanked and haven’t recovered. I know she was heavily funded by Silicon Valley, so I wonder how her fundraising is going.

            A lot of sitting Senators have charged up Presidential Election Hill. Only three (Harding, Kennedy, and Obama) actually took it.

          3. R C Dean

            Looks like Kamala is stuck at 8% in the polls.

        2. Jarflax

          and got unpersoned for it

  22. Don Escaped Texas

    https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-fifth-column-analysis-commentary-sedition/id1097696129?i=1000447805681

    Latest WeTheFifth podcast dropped this morning. I can’t say that it’s required listening, but if you know a potential libertarian who could use a couple hours of reasonable, non-partisan review of contemporary events and reporting, this might be a digestible introduction.

    I’ve heard most of the episodes at this point, and some are great and many are not. I like listening to @Kmele as if he were my little brother finding his way; he’s wordy, but many would hear him as accessible. @MattWelch needs no introduction in this room; he’s only a little younger than me, so I somewhat get his cultural references. @MCMoynihan is more than a little full of himself, but his instincts about people are pretty good. I listen to them on the way to the golf course, during warm-up and the round when no one is around to be bothered. I don’t learn much from them, but it’s pleasant banter of the sort that would be ideal over a poker game; they’re not perfect, but I”m not finding a lot of perfection on this planet lately.

    1. Atanarjuat

      I was a regular listener for a long time. Kmele is an amazing guy. I got sick of the smug DC establishment propaganda from Moynihan and Welch. I think my breaking point was when Moynihan and Kmele were arguing about genetics and Moynihan basically overruled him in the douchiest way possible. Neither of them knew as much as I do about the subject, but Kmele was actually much closer to the mark. They did seem to ease off the TDS towards the end. Maybe I should give them another chance.

      1. A Leap at the Wheel

        I think I remember that one. Wasn’t that the one with the Welch was bitching about why we should know anything about genetics because there’s nothing we can do about it and it just empowers the alt right, and then they were talking to Brett Weinstein who explained why its really important to understand inheritance for various non-alt-right purposes?

  23. Crusty Juggler

    ‘It makes me feel like an enchanted goddess with a delicious secret’: Sexpert swears by VABBING – dabbing vaginal juice as perfume – to boost confidence and attract men

    The practice — dubbed ‘vabbing,’ short for vaginal dabbing — involves wearing one’s own vaginal fluids on the neck, chest, or wrists as a way to spread pheromones and entice men.

    The Game of Desire author Shan Boodram, 33, shared a snippet of her new book with Refinery29 in which she explains how it works — and admits that she feels like ‘an enchanted goddess’ whenever she does it.

    Pssshhh I’ve been “saccing” for years.

    1. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

      I tried something similar. I didn’t clean up after rubbing one out. It didn’t work

      1. Crusty Juggler

        In my experience women enjoying peeling it off my inner thigh.

    2. Florida Man

      Yeah. Dried white crush on your neck is very attractive.

    3. Not Adahn

      That’s actually a very old practice, or using vaginal juices as a precursor/fixative for later applied perfume.

      1. I want to believe…

  24. Atanarjuat

    https://amp.businessinsider.com/trump-helicopter-left-scorch-marks-buckingham-palace-lawn-report-2019-8

    Take that, Limeys!

    Same news organization that is doxxing the In-and-Out people. Yeah, that will convince a few deplorable voters.

    1. Florida Man

      Can you really just land a helicopter anywhere you feel like? I would guess Buckingham Palace would have a designated landing zone.

      1. Fatty Bolger

        Nah, brah. Trump ignored the designated landing zone, and instructed the pilot to do donuts on the palace lawn.

        1. Florida Man

          Wooh!!!

        2. Jarflax

          I would vote to repeal the 22nd Amendment

    2. Tonio

      Skidmarks, bra. He punk’d the queen.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvMxqcgBhWQ

  25. Crusty Juggler

    Indonesian pop stars the Watermelon Duo are forced to publicly apologise by authorities after video for their song ‘Bounce’ is deemed too sexually suggestive

    A pair of Indonesian pop singers calling themselves the ‘Watermelons Duo’ have been forced to apologise after their ‘Bounce’ video was deemed too sexual.

    The duo’s raunchy moves that see them both jump up and down while gyrating in shopping centres and car parks were summoned to the Indonesian children’s commission.

    Called ‘Duo Semangka’ in Bahasa Indonesia, which translates to ‘Watermelons Duo’, singers Clara Gopa and Vanya Kiara were reprimanded by authorities.

    Boy The Raid remake is going to suck.

    1. Van Heflin was good, as always.

      1. Enough About Palin
    2. Jarflax

      I’d give them sanctuary

  26. A Leap at the Wheel

    Nice music. Dragonforce’s first two albums were pretty solid. Saw them in their first US tour, right before they gained all that popularity from being in Rock Band. Never seen someone as bored on stage as ZP Theart during the various gratuitous guitar solos. We knew we weren’t there to see him, he knew we weren’t there to see him, etc.

    Did you know that Thomas Winkler (now better known as Aungus McFife XIII) tried out for the lead singer slot for Dragonforce. And didn’t get it!

  27. Rebel Scum

    Dems Announce Trump’s Next Court Pick Will Be Guilty Of Sexual Misconduct

    Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is having serious health problems and Democrat leaders have announced that in the unfortunate event she should pass away, whoever Trump appoints to replace her will be guilty of sexual misconduct.

    As conservatives quietly issued prayers for the recovery of their long-time political opponent Ginsburg, leftists broke off their raucous celebrations of the death of libertarian billionaire David Koch to issue denunciations of the sexual misconduct committed by whoever Trump appoints as Ginsburg’s replacement should Ginsburg die.

    At The New York Times, a former newspaper, editor-in-chief Blithering Prevarication the Third was informed of Ginsburg’s illness and immediately called off his Koch death celebration, stopped dancing around a pentagram while dressed as a goat, and assigned his entire op-ed page to women who had been sexually mistreated themselves and were therefore convinced that whoever came forward to accuse whoever was appointed to replace Ginsburg if Ginsburg died would be telling the truth.

    Angry Times editorialist Michele Angry entitled her editorial “Someone I Know Once Got Whistled At On The Street So I Believe Trump’s Supreme Court Pick Will Be Guilty of Assault When We Find Out Who It Is.”

    Angry’s angry editorial read in part, “It is way past time for us to stop thinking rationally and to instead believe every woman who levels charges against anyone we disagree with. I myself was once asked out on a date by someone I didn’t find attractive, so I know what it’s like to be murdered by the sort of deranged serial killer Trump will appoint if Ginsburg should pass.”

    Editors at CNN cleared the schedule there to make room for all the women who would come forward after the first accuser to create an atmosphere of credibility that CNN commentators could discuss with sanctimonious looks on their faces. CNN was immediately besieged by neurotics, floozies and prostitutes auditioning for the accuser parts. Several of them will be hosting new talk shows on the cable network this fall.

    1. That seemed Babylon Bee-worthy.

      1. That was my first thought too.

      2. kinnath

        I had to check the link multiple times. I didn’t believe it wasn’t the Bee.

        1. Not Adahn

          ” editor-in-chief Blithering Prevarication the Third ” is a bit too heavy handed for the beekeepers.

      3. Dr. Fronkensteen

        I thought it was at first myself.

      4. Rebel Scum

        Klavan can be funny.

      5. Hyperion

        “That seemed Babylon Bee-worthy.”

        And also worthy of what the democrats would actually do. It’s hard to even do parody of them anymore because whatever you can think of no matter how outlandish, they’re probably actually already planning it. Moving from mere accusation trumps actual guilty verdict in a court of law, to premeditated accusation seems like a natural progression to me.

    2. SugarFree

      The satire is so subtle, I’m not sure I picked up on all of it.

      1. Count Potato

        “While the NYT’s editor-in-chief has cloven hooves, he does not dress like a goat because goats do not wear clothes. So we rate this Mostly False.”

        — Snopes

      2. Jarflax

        I have a Modest Proposal.

    3. cyto

      Speaking of celebrating the death of Koch, did you guys hear the Bill Mahr bit? There were many levels, like totally not having a clue what the guy stood for, but the thing that got me was the audience wildly cheering his death – repeatedly.

      I don’t think there’s ever been a conservative parallel.

  28. Crusty Juggler

    Conservative media thrives, grows broader under Trump

    The bottom line: Typically, the opposition party has a media explosion in response to whichever political group is in power. But the economic stress of the media industry, combined with the Trump-driven conservative strategy of broad messaging, has upended that dynamic.

    Interesting. Also I’m scared you guys.

    1. Or, maybe, just maybe, this is because the “MSM” DemOpMedia complex has become more explicitly hostile to ideological opponents than ever before thus creating an opening for alternatives?

  29. Crusty Juggler

    Tom Cotton defends Trump’s idea to buy Greenland

    en. Tom Cotton (R-Ark.) argued Monday that acquiring Greenland “would secure vital strategic interests for the United States” in a New York Times op-ed.

    Why it matters: Cotton cites China’s interest in the island, especially given its proximity to North America and the Arctic, as reason that the U.S. should make a play for it. Greenland’s abundance of rare-earth minerals — integral to high-tech manufacturing — also makes it attractive to China, which currently dominates the world market for such materials.

    China already attempted to buy a former American naval base in Greenland in 2016 and to build 3 airports there in 2018. The attempts were blocked by the Danish government and lobbying from the Trump administration to Denmark, respectively.
    “Beijing understands not only Greenland’s geographic importance but also its economic potential,” Cotton wrote.

    The big picture: Cotton, a staunch Trump defender, says he floated the idea of buying Greenland with the Danish ambassador just last year.

    Last week, reports indicated that Trump was interested in purchasing the island, which operates semi-autonomously as part of Denmark, prior to a meeting with Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen. After Frederiksen dismissed the idea, Trump canceled the meeting, kickstarting a diplomatic kerfuffle.

    Of note: Cotton’s op-ed repeatedly compared the idea to the purchase of Alaska: “Just look at what American sovereignty has meant to Alaskans compared with conditions in Siberia under Russian control.”

    He also argued there’s historical interest in the idea, as the Truman administration offered Denmark $100 million to acquire Greenland in 1946.

    Now at least we know where the idea came from, and now we can be assured it isn’t going away any time soon.

    1. grrizzly

      I approve of the coat of arms of Greenland. We should keep it even after Greenland becomes American.

      1. Well, we kept the flags of a number of the other states.

        1. Gustave Lytton

          We’ve already got a bear on one state’s flag and look how well that turned out.

          1. You’re blaming the ursine emblems for the hammer and sickle brigade?

          2. Gadfly

            And what is the animal symbol of Russia, the OG communists? That’s right, a bear. There’s something sinister here. *Don’s tin foil hat*

          3. grrizzly

            Actually, it’s a double-headed eagle.

          4. peachy rex

            Um, Don might need his hat, dude.

          5. Gadfly

            Actually, it’s a double-headed eagle.

            To Russians, sure, but to everyone else it’s the bear. On a side note, I’m surprised that the Russian Federation readopted the Tsar’s eagle.

    2. Rhywun

      Now I’m picturing Denmark selling Greenland to China just to stick it to Trump. Won’t that be nice.

      1. kinnath

        I see Trump initiating a hostile take over bid for Denmark itself.

        1. Gustave Lytton

          All he was to say is he’s liberating the Little Mermaid and he’ll have tons of infantile girls supporting him, so like the Dem’s entire base and most of their politicians.

          1. Count Potato

            Allysa Milano hardest hit.

  30. Enough About Palin

    Watched a strange film last evening called 21 Grams. It was well done and I would watch it again, but it was a lot like watching a Faulkner movie had Faulkner made films. But I did learn that Naomi Watts is damn fine.

    1. Tonio

      a lot like watching a Faulkner movie had Faulkner made films

      Rather Kubrickian, one would imagine.

    2. Don Escaped Texas

      had Faulkner made films

      He worked on many films

    3. Count Potato

      I saw that movie but I forgot it.

  31. Rebel Scum

    Burn the heretics.

    Sunday on MSNBC’s “AM Joy,” Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin called for the shunning and shaming of the supporters of President Donald Trump, which she argued was part of a plan to “burn down” the GOP and start from new.

    “It’s not only that Trump has to lose, but that all his enablers have to lose,” she said. “We have to collectively, in essence, burn down the Republican Party. We have to level them because if there are survivors — if there are people who weather this storm, they will do it again. They will take this as confirmation that, ‘Hey, it just pays to ride the wave — look at me, I’ve made it through.’ Up and down the ticket — federal, state and local offices — the country has to repudiate this.”

    Do you know who el – oh never mind…

    1. Tulip

      So announcing a purge

    2. Chipwooder

      I think WaPo finally stopped calling Rubin their “conservative columnist” recently.

      The hilarious thing about the NeverTrump GOP(ish) pundit class is that they really don’t seem to grasp that they have absolutely no constituency. They assume that, once OrangeManBad passes from the scene, everything will revert to the pre-2016 GOP, which completely ignores why Trump ever was a thing in the first place.

      1. Gustave Lytton

        They’re hoping it was all a bad dream and they’ll be able to resume their rightful places in the kabuki theater of American politics.

      2. The Other Kevin

        I think they’d be fine pretending to oppose the Dems and then rolling over and giving them whatever they want again.

  32. Crusty Juggler

    College Football Is Bad Football

    College football fans are thrilled this week that their game is back. But the true football fan, the one who values competence over dumb luck, knows we are weeks away from real football coming back. Do not be tempted or fooled. Soon enough, grown men wise in the ways of the gridiron will return to marvel us with displays of marvelous ability and acuity.

    To those who enjoy the fumbling fecundity of kids still on their parents’ health care plans accidentally scoring touchdowns, well, I don’t know what to say. But I rest assured in the fact that the real deal is just around the corner. The NFL, that jewel of the sports world, will be back soon to enrapture us all with its expertise. This should give the right-minded joy, while the wrong minded cling to their outdated, boring, half of a sport.

    Counterpoint: it’s a lot more fun.

    1. Dr. Fronkensteen

      The same thing could be said about basketball and I’m sure this guy fills out a bracket every Spring.

    2. Sounds about right.

    3. Chipwooder

      The modern NFL is fucking garbage, and that’s just the play on the field, not even addressing the sudden wokeness pandering this year.

      Of course the level of play is much lower in college ball. It’s still a helluva lot more fun.

      1. Urthona

        Kids, kids.

        They’re both awful.

        1. Chipwooder

          *found the soccer fan*

          1. Urthona

            I like all organized sports but not a fan of either league these days.

        2. Crusty Juggler

          cry more lib

          1. Urthona

            The worst thing about the NFL is they charge like $12 for their avocado toast.

          2. Jarflax

            Are you trying to be hated?

          3. Urthona

            It was a joke, people! No way you get it that cheap.

          4. pan fried wylie

            No way you get it that cheap.

            Z. I. N. G!

    4. OBJ FRANKELSON

      I, generally, enjoy college ball more. The variety of systems and personnel make it way more interesting to watch. Hell, Navy runs a offense not disimllar from the halcyon days of Roger Thomas Staubach and they typically win nine games a season. A well executed Triple Option is very difficult to stop.

      1. Chipwooder

        This is another good point. You see all kinds of schemes in college that you never see in the NFL.

        1. Crusty Juggler

          Yes. The different schemes – think of Washington State, and the better example of the triple-option juggernaut, Army – are just part of what makes college football a more entertaining game to watch.

          1. OBJ FRANKELSON

            Definitely. The NFL is nothing but bland copy paste systems. Although, of late, Army has had a hard go of it though, largely because the Cadets on the team have to conform to the Army’s height/weight standards. Its hard to recuit a offensive or defensive line that meets those requirements.

          2. Gustave Lytton

            Of late? I’ve heard height/weight blamed for Army performance, particularly after losing to Navy, for 20+ years.

          3. OBJ FRANKELSON

            I was being generous. Being a former Soldier I tend to be charitable, even though they produce the most annoying, hyperactive Lieutenants in the service.

          4. mexican sharpshooter

            I don’t know how the Army handles it, but the Air Force academy will allow cadets in certain sports to be out weight/BMI regs during the season and part of the year afterwards to drop in weight.

          5. Crusty Juggler

            I guess you haven’t noticed that Army finally has a good coach, which has resulted in a three game Army v Navy winning streak.

            Army is also going to embarrass Michigan in a few weeks, bet on it.*

            *Don’t bet on it.

          6. Gustave Lytton

            Let me know when it gets to a 10 year streak

            /still under the shadow of the decade and a half of Navy wins

          7. Crusty Juggler

            It’s happening!

        2. creech

          And mascots! Nothing beats Ralphie stampeding onto Colorado’s gridiron.

    5. R C Dean

      But the true football fan, the one who values competence over dumb luck, knows we are weeks away from real football coming back.

      If he’s arguing pre-conference games are mostly crap, and the conference games are the ones to watch, I agree.

    6. Don Escaped Texas

      I wish there were student-athletes. I wish that college football didn’t deserve our jaundiced eye. But the question is what you watch for.

      There’s no doubt that the NFL is comprised of demi-gods, monsters roaming the earth, capable of physical exploits that challenge the vocabulary.

      But that’s not why one watches college football. I watch because it’s a rush, a gauntlet, and tower of coin flips to see who can put together the right guys and the right ideas to peak together and achieve something, particularly a conference championship. In many cases, your school is local; I went to mine and couldn’t wait to sneak my girlfriend into the stadium and christen the logo at midfield. The kids are often local; even if they’re not, they’re usually from a neighboring state; everyone goes back and forth, and we either play together or play each other.

      And there’s only four (after a fashion) years for that guy: to find the right school, to hope the coach lasts, to grow into the role and position, and to evolve eventually to start. Two trips to the honorable, neighboring rival; two trips for them to visit. And hope not to get hurt . . . too badly . . . or to heal up quick and not miss too much . . . or to miss enough that the NCAA gives you a pass to a replacement year. The chances to pass into history are few: a few passes, a few scrambles, a few tackles and sacks. And then it’s over.

      The conference is everything: our neighbors, our cousins; I could have just as easily gone to Georgia or Mississippi State and cheered almost as hard. Some have played this game longer than other schools have existed. No one scored on us in 1939 . . . at all . . . and we still split the championship. I saw a running quarterback complete 24 passes in a row to win the national championship. I saw our greatest quarterback throw four interceptions . . . in 380 attempts . . . and never sniff that championship.

      I keep a depth chart that goes back decades: I can tell you who played where every year going back longer than I’ve been alive. And, in a bad year, I watch faithfully and hope for honor if not the occasional win. I don’t clamber for trades or a larger payroll or a better coach; I hope for the best and mostly that no one will get hurt. And I pal around with others who watched those same seasons and snuck into that same 98-year-old stadium.

      But it’s just a dumb game; we know that.

    7. Heroic Mulatto

      It’s time to admit that college football is nothing more than the opening act for HBCU marching bands.

      1. OBJ FRANKELSON

        +1 Sousaphone dotting the “I”

        To be honest, though, I have always been ambivalent about college marching band. I get that they have to be crowd pleasers but it always comes off as cheesy in the first degree.

        /humblebrag
        It might be that my marching experience is mostly in DCI, so I have a predilection for more complex shows.
        /end humblebrag

    8. Grumbletarian

      There’s nothing I enjoy more than watching Professional Football Preparatory University defeat Middle Appalachian Community College of the Arts by a score of 89-3.

      WOOOOO! Go Steamrollers!!!

  33. Rebel Scum

    A top In-N-Out executive and his wife have donated thousands of dollars to President Donald Trump, even as many brands shy away from associating with the president.

    I know whose catering the next sportsball team visit.

    1. Urthona

      If the socially conscious protests are anything near as effective as the chick-fil-a ones, they only should see about 800% growth next year.

    2. Chipwooder

      He’ll have to fly them in, then, because the furthest east In-N-Out is in Colorado.

      1. Urthona

        My Texas city has them and we are farther east than all of Colorado.

        1. Chipwooder

          Must be a recent development, I guess.

          They always said that they won’t expand somewhere where they don’t have their own local distribution facility, which is why they haven’t expanded rapidly like some chains.

          FWIW, I like In-N-Out but I liked Tommy’s better when I lived in SoCal.

          1. Don Escaped Texas

            There’s one near SMU built in this last decade: traffic is annoying as hell.

          2. Yusef drives a Kia

            TommysFTW!

      2. Gadfly

        TX is further east than CO, so I can attest that it is spreading east. Hell, if they get boycotted I’d imagine Trump will offer them a place in Trump Tower in NY.

      3. Mad Scientist

        Their website doesn’t list any locations in Colorado.

        1. Gustave Lytton

          That list is out of date. There are two, soon to be three or more, locations in Baja Washington.

  34. Tundra

    Last week, the joyless climate fucks were hating on Keto.

    This week: Climate Crazies Now Want You to Feel Guilty About Your Vacation

    I’ve often wondered how it would feel to work in an industry blamed for its outsize impact on global warming — say, oil drilling or cattle ranching. But it recently struck me that the question is not hypothetical. I’m a travel writer.

    Yes, I’ve long known that jet fuel emits a ghastly amount of greenhouse gases, but I pinned that on the fossil fuel and aviation industries. Now the flight shaming movement, which emerged recently in Sweden and spread into Europe, has attempted to shift blame onto travelers.

    Fuck off. I love vacations and have zero guilt.

    1. R C Dean

      Yes, I’ve long known that jet fuel emits a ghastly amount of greenhouse gases, but I pinned that on the fossil fuel and aviation industries.

      What a dumbass. When I personally do stuff that emits CO2, its “industry’s” fault.

      1. Gustave Lytton

        Those industries are happy to let you pay extra for indulgences.

    2. Mad Scientist

      “The flight shaming movement.”

      All I can say is, no amount of shaming means a damn thing unless you let it.

      1. R C Dean

        *shamelessly agrees*

        Shame, like offense, is taken, not given.

        1. Yusef drives a Kia

          Shame on you!
          I don’t feel shame,

    3. Yusef drives a Kia

      What vacation Slavers
      Fuck Iff

    4. Hyperion

      “Fuck off. I love vacations and have zero guilt.”

      like I always say, useful idiots will be useful idiots.

    5. Mad Scientist

      The more moral scolds stay home, the better off everyone else is.

    6. OBJ FRANKELSON

      Mind you, this is diirected at us plebeians, the Al Gore’s of the world are given a pass because we wouldn’t want them to suffer the indignity of flying coach and reducing thier per passenger carbon output.

  35. Hyperion

    Sure that this has already been linked, but I’m not sure what took so long.

    We need social credit scores too!

    Why can every other country have healthcare and social credit scores and we can’t?

    This is proggy wet dream come true if they actually can get it out in the open and get a lot of support. And it’s almost guaranteed that every lefty will support something like this 100%, until it bites them hard in their own stupid ass, and then it will too late.

    1. Urthona

      They can’t do it and it would immediately be the end of Facebook if they did. I almost hope they try.

      1. Rhywun

        Yeah, I’m not so sure everybody dropping Facebook is such a bad idea….

        1. Hyperion

          Where would the people go who are absolutely convinced that their ugly kids and dogs are the most interesting things in the world? What could they do? Get real lives or something? You’re just mean.

        2. Urthona

          I enjoy it, but I use it for its intended purpose. I can see it being a bad thing.

    2. Dr. Fronkensteen

      Of course for the majority of people bourgeois/socially conservative values are a better way to order one’s life. You’re right that this would in some shape or form come to bite them on the ass.

      1. Jarflax

        Chance this is not manipulated? 0%

        1. Hyperion

          As long as you understand how things work, there’s nothing to worry about. We carefully picked the correct and morally superior and totally unbiased moderators for the system. Here’s some of the criteria, see how fair it is?

          1. Totally agree with US about how climate change is the most urgent issue facing us today and agree we need to levy massive new taxes and regulations to solve the problem. + 20 social credits

          2. Go to all the protests to save our democracy and not let bar orange man win. + 20 social credits.

          3. Wear a pussy hat often and scream at the sky. + 20 social credits.

          4. Agree with US that it is settled science that there are 52 genders. + 20 social credits.

          5. Agree that socialism is the best economic system. + 20 social credits.

          Congratulations, you have achieved a social credit score of 100! You are free to travel about the country and collect special discounts on all products!

          OR

          1. Deny that climate change will kill us soon and that you must give up your fatcat planet killing habits now. -20 social credits.

          2. Never attends a protest or boycott businesses that have contributed to bad orange man or any right wing extremists. – 20 social credits.

          3. Never wore a pussy hat or even confessed to your toxic masculinity. -20 social credits.

          4. Wrongly believe there are only 2 genders. -20 social credits.

          5. Believe that socialism does not work and that capitalism is not pure evil. – 20 social credits.

          Congratulations, planet destroying, gender misogynist, toxic masculinity loving, deplorable and hater, your credit score is zero! No travel for you! No banking, no buying things, report directly to the communal ovens!

  36. Hyperion

    White Squaw, Grandpa Gulag move into tie with o Joe

    Trump has to be really wishing for this to happen. Neither Berie, or especially Warren are remotely capable of winning a national election. Neither of them could even beat Hillary, especially Warren.

  37. Crusty Juggler

    KFC to sell plant-based fried ‘chicken’ with Beyond meat

    Through a pilot program, the chain will partner with Beyond Meat to test out vegetarian chicken at one of its Atlanta locations, the company said Monday.

    “The new plant-based Beyond Fried Chicken offers the finger lickin’ good fried chicken flavor only KFC can deliver as a perfect choice for those searching for plant-based meat options on-the-go,” KFC said.

    As part of the partnership, KFC will have on the menu Beyond nuggets and boneless wings, which it boasts will be identical in taste to traditional chicken.

    “KFC Beyond Fried Chicken is so delicious, our customers will find it difficult to tell that it’s plant-based,” KFC president Kevin Hochman said in a statement. “I think we’ve all heard ‘It tastes like chicken’ – well, our customers are going to be amazed and say, ‘It tastes like Kentucky Fried Chicken!’”

    Heavens to Betsy.

      1. SugarFree

        trashy got the hairballs again

        1. I should really stop giving myself tongue baths, the green hairballs are particularly disgusting.

          1. Spudalicious

            You could always wax.

    1. Crusty Juggler
    2. Rhywun

      Bless their heart.

    3. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

      So if companies start making food from bugs like our superiors are suggesting, what happens to the hygiene standards at food processing plants?

      1. Jarflax

        They get easier to meat?

  38. Crusty Juggler

    This Hotel Has a ‘Pleasure Menu’ With Sex Toys for Sale

    A few months ago, I spent the night at the Jeremy Hotel, now the 1 Hotel West Hollywood. After checking into my room, I was equal parts surprised and intrigued by one of the offerings in the mini-bar: a sex kit. We’re talking couple’s vibrating cock ring, small multi-speed vibrator, two premium condoms, and lube, all for $35.

    My quick stay sadly wasn’t a fit for using it, but I was curious of this was a trend. I did some digging on hotel sex kits, and my mind was blown. From the SLS Las Vegas to the Drake Hotel in Toronto, a number of hotels around the world are helping guests get off. Vacation sex is some of the best sex there is, and this takes it to a whole new level.

    Greiert claims that hotel managers report sex kits to be among their top-earning mini-bar items, so if you choose to indulge, you certainly won’t be alone.

    This is why I stopped traveling with my marital aids.

    1. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

      It’s also difficult getting them through airport security.

      1. Hyperion

        To be fair, TSA employees are not earning a living wage. They can’t afford those really fancy new dildos. How is that fair?

  39. Spudalicious

    Now that VW knows what it’s like to be the gal in the Tijuana donkey show.

  40. Hyperion

    Weekend at Grandma’s

    There really is just going to be a severed head in a jar of formaldehyde carried into the SCOTUS soon, isn’t there? They are never going to let this poor woman retire. I bet if she even suggested it, she’d be getting death threats daily.

    1. Suthenboy

      They are dummies. Now is their chance. They can raise cane about appointing less than a year from an election…the same thing the R’s said at the end of the Obama admin…and hope they win the election (they wont). They should wait until December and have her retire. A Hail Mary is their only chance cuz RBG isn’t going to make it through another Trump term.

      In other words, I am sure he is picking the next member of the Nazgul as I type this.

      1. Hyperion

        You would think that after they won back the house that they would have behaved somewhat civilized and respectable, instead of going full on psychopath. But they couldn’t, that’s very telling of their future endeavors.

      2. OBJ FRANKELSON

        They could impotently rage about nominees but it rings hollow with me. They should’ve won the Senate if they wanted a say so. As a smug prick said one time, “Elections have consequences.”

        1. CPRM

          The Senate elections were gerrymandered!

          1. Hyperion

            How can you tell they were gerrymandered? We lost!

    2. Rhywun

      So proud of my alma mater today.

    3. RBG is the Queen who will be the eternal Justice.

      1. Bob Boberson

        Can you imagine the hysteria that will ensue if she dies while Trump can make the nomination?

        I envision mourning and deification on the level of when Kim IL Sung died.

        1. Yeah…I am not looking forward to that time. The deification of her is already obnoxious enough.

        2. Grumbletarian

          I read that as ‘mourning and defecation’ and still nodded in agreement.

  41. Count Potato

    “Biden tells supporters: ‘I’m not going nuts’”

    https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/458817-biden-tells-supporters-after-flub-im-not-going-nuts

    Well, that’s certainly reassuring.

    1. Hyperion

      Compared to this comrades in the competition, he’s not. Senile, yes, but the fruits and nuts have claims on the nuts part.

    2. whiz

      If you have to insist you’re not going nuts, then …

  42. Count Potato

    “JUST IN: A panel appointed by Mayor Bill de Blasio proposes eliminating all gifted programs in order to desegregate schools”

    https://twitter.com/NYTMetro/status/1166099060002054144

    1. Jarflax

      How racist do you have to be in order to decide the only way to desegregate is to eliminate schools for smart kids?

      1. Fourscore

        If your kids can’t get in the smart schools then you have to eliminate the smart schools.

    2. Hyperion

      This whole Twitter thing is not really going the way the Silicon Valley progs were wanting it to. They’d best get some more effort into that social credit score stuff. I’m afraid that without being able to silence half the country, we can’t have any real progress.

      1. Bob Boberson

        Maggie Thatcher really did have some epic moments

    3. Rhywun

      Shorter Deblasio:

      “I give up.”

      1. Bob Boberson

        He really did jump the shark by a mile on that one, I think he may have just taken himself out handily.

        1. Rhywun

          I mean, who is clamoring for this? How does it help anyone??

          I just. don’t. get it.

          1. Suthenboy

            The guy is nuts as are the people who voted for him.

    4. I find it hard to believe that they really think gifted PoC are so far and few in a place such as New York City. What a bunch of clowns.

    5. Suthenboy

      Every idea commie boy has is worse than the last. Ban hotdogs in NYC? Rebuild every building as green?
      Has this guy got brain damage? Who votes for that nonsense?

    6. Bob Boberson

      I’ve not yet seen this GIF:

      https://twitter.com/NYTMetro/status/1166099060002054144?s=20

      I heartily approve.

  43. Ozymandias

    So screaming racist!!1!!1! 24/7 doesn’t outweigh actual jobs and better economic conditions. Hunh.

    I wondered if anyone was tracking these numbers. I figured with all of the sturm and drang and the “He’s a WHITE SUPREMACIST!!!” that someone on Team Blue must have noticed that he’s polling waaaayyyyy better among minorities/POC than anyone on Team Elephant has in a long, long time. I think it matters where those numbers are, however, because pulling that even in cities won’t change county outcomes, but it will in mixed-race, close districts.

    Read that again. Even after the media and leftist politicians pulled out all the stops to claim Trump was a Latino-hating white supremacist, 49 percent of Hispanic likely voters said they approve of him as president. That’s remarkable, and seems to confirm that Americans are tuning out the media noise.

    If this is true, it could make the election a whitewash. If hispanic/latino voters in 2020 come to Trump at a ratio of 1 out of every 2, Team Blue is toast.

    1. Ozymandias

      The part that starts “read that again” should have been a quote; I can’t even HTML, bruh.

    2. Suthenboy

      They wont give up on the “Believe me, not your lying eyes” strategy. Sure, they are just crumbs. Sure he is a raging racist white supremacist. Oooooooooh Nos! Recession!

      They fucked six ways from Sunday because they are completely out of touch with reality.

    3. You can only fearmonger and keep the outrage machine running so damn long before the people catch on and tune out the nonsense.

    4. That’s remarkable, and seems to confirm that Americans are tuning out the media noise.

      Yes, yes, everyone who disagrees with you is a sucker getting used by “The Media” when people agree with you they are free thinking and enlightened because there is no such thing as right wing media noise.

      People are stupid across all political divides, hell their are morons who frequently post idiotic opinions here, the S’s for example.

      1. Don Escaped Texas

        There’s certainly enough sin to go around.

        More interesting to me is one man’s noise is another man’s freedom fighter. Where, after all, do people get the correct information? Media.

        Trading in catch-alls (I’m not gunning for anyone) leads to lots of semantic arguments: you can call holding on every play, both sides. It takes heroic energy to refight this battle every day.

        Better question that I have yet to answer: where do you get good information? I hit BBC, Reuters, and NPR and then filter out the SJW bullshit; I don’t know what else to do. For me, news is: what’s happening; tell me that and who the players are, and I’ll wait to decide what the important details are and who’s guilty.

        1. I try watching CSPAN sometimes, but other times, I just check out Stossel’s, Jeffrey A. Tucker’s, or 2chili’s twitterfeeds.

        2. Suthenboy

          Where do you get good info? From real journalists. Where do you find them? Well, here of course —> https://pjmedia.com/video/msnbcs-mika-brzezinski-its-our-job-to-control-exactly-what-people-think/

        3. You can’t trust anyone, if it’s important to you read multiple sources, even those that are most likely bullshit, and check things. If A says X happened, I don’t care who A is I want to see video or have five or six different people across the politcal spectrum claiming it happened. It’s work, and honestly most of the time it’s unnecessary, Is it really important if Obama insulted the Queen with an I-Pod, of course not, but If you treat every news story like it’s a late night internet battle you just have to win, and if you’re honest when it turns out that you are wrong, you’ll more often than not get close to the truth.

      2. Count Potato

        the S’s?

        1. Don Escaped Texas

          let’s don’t encourage that

          challenge ideas, not people

          1. Suthenboy

            Meh, it’s ok. There is a little bit of Oikophobia going on there.

          2. Don Escaped Texas

            I defer: haven’t had my first drink and nerves might not be that steady

          3. Suthenboy

            I haven’t had anything to drink in a month. I used to be good at drinking. A little too good.
            I feel a little better every day now. I doubt I am going to go back down that road myself.

          4. Fair enough, then again a little give and take is healthy, I wouldn’t mock someone if I thought they would take offense, and Mike an Ted are big boys. Also I’m trying to get cat-butted and ban-hammered by Thanksgiving.

          5. Suthenboy

            Nah, I don’t think anyone wants you banned but I will be happy to cat butt you.

            https://www.awesomeinventions.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/worst-tattoos-cat-butt.jpg

    5. OBJ FRANKELSON

      I do have a vague suspicion that we might see results similar to Reagan-Mondale 1984. Maybe not that dramatic, but still a solid win. I think that voters are going to throw up the giant middle finger that is Trump at the media nonsense again.

  44. Count Potato

    https://twitter.com/MTV

    These are the worst outfits I’ve ever seen.

  45. commodious spittoon

    World of Warcraft Classic launches with 5-15,000+ login queues, too few realms, world server issues, and unplayable lag.

    They really brought back the authentic vanilla experience, the crazy sons of bitches.

    1. I don’t get it.

    2. Sean

      Doh!

    3. I…do not miss that one bit.

      1. Sean

        I miss playing just a teeny bit for the social aspect.

        Patch days and queues not so much.

        1. Shout-out to ye olde Barrens Chat.

          1. Jarflax

            Chuck Norris!

        2. commodious spittoon

          It’s nostalgia bait for sure, but since I no longer know the folks with whom I played in high school and afterward, seems pointless.

    4. Cy

      I’m off to go try to level a Gnome Mage… oh flashbacks. Just waiting for the clock to strike 2230 to GTFO work.