I usually write my Woke Charmed recaps on Sunday or Monday because those are the days of the week I’m typically free. However, with Mother’s Day this weekend, I found myself having to actually go out of my house and interact with other humans (the horror) both Sunday and Monday this week, which left me with little time or energy to recap an episode. But since I’ve noticed several people in the comments as well as on Discord mentioning that they’re having trouble keeping track of all the characters, I thought this would be a good time to pause and give you all a quick guide to the characters we’ve met so far. Hopefully this will help you all get a handle on who the hell I’m talking about, plus give me a week to let my brain rest before diving back into the insanity.
The Magical Main Characters
Macy Vaughn
Also Known As: The Brainy One
Age: 28
Race: Afro-Latina (not really)
Profession: Genetic engineer at the Generic Science Lab
Power: Telekenesis
The oldest of the three Charmed sisters, Macy has a different father than the other two (not that any of them have a father, really) and is half Black. The other two sisters didn’t know she existed until the first episode. A major theme in her story so far is “why did Mom give me up,” even though she was raised by her birth father and therefore the answer is obviously “Dad didn’t want me being around Mom for some reason” (maybe because she used a bong around her children). Macy is a socially-awkward super-genius who always has a scientific solution to every problem. She is a model minority. Her expertise is “science” that uses kitchen ingredients. She is possibly still a virgin.
Melanie “Mel” Vera
Also Known As: The Bitchy One
Age: 25?
Race: Latina (really)
Profession: Graduate student
Power: Freezing time
Mel is the middle sister, though until the arrival of Macy she believed she was the oldest of two. She’s a lesbian. She’s played by the worst actress of the three but is the top-billed one and seems to be getting the meatiest plot lines. She’s a lesbian. She’s a radical feminist who is getting either her master’s or Ph.D. in women’s studies. She’s a lesbian. She has a hot temper and clashes frequently with her sisters, with their Whitelighter, Harry, with the Elders, with random people on the street, etc. She’s a lesbian. She has a Puerto Rican flag in her bedroom. I don’t remember if I mentioned it already, but she’s a lesbian.
Maggie Vera
Also Known As: The Slutty One
Age: 19?
Race: Latina (not really)
Profession: Alleged college student
Power: Mindreading
Maggie is the youngest sister. She’s a freshman, but possibly has been a freshman for more than one year, since in the first episode someone mentioned she worked in the dining hall last semester. She’s a stereotypical “bimbo” character with a heart of gold. She’s consistently flunking out of her classes and almost getting kicked out of her sorority. The struggle is real. The show routinely points out that she’s a millennial, even though all of the sisters are millennials and Maggie is actually on the line between millennial and Gen Z. She likes to use her cell phone. She’s also all about makeup, hair, clothes, hooking up with as many penises as possible, and hanging around with the popular crowd.
Harry Greenwood
Also Known As: HI I’M BRITISH
Age: Some kind of ghost. Born 1920, died 1957.
Race: HI I’M BRITISH
Profession: Whitelighter, Women’s Studies professor
Power: Mansplaining
Harry (I found his last name on the Charmed Wiki, but I closed out right after confirming his age because I could see spoilers and I want to be surprised by this idiocy) is what’s known as a Whitelighter. He’s some kind of guardian/teacher for witches. What this translates to is basically he bosses the girls around. This is a feminist reboot, right? Harry is a ghost, but he can eat, drink, use the bathroom, hold a job, and be seen by regular humans as well as witches. You may not have noticed, but Harry is British. He also dresses like he stepped straight out of a PBS historical drama, even though supposedly when he died he lost all his memories, so why he still dresses like it’s 1957 still is kind of unclear. He likes to drink tea, Earl Grey, hot, out of his prized Royal Doulton. I don’t remember if I mentioned it already, but he’s British.
The Non-Magical Secondary Characters
Niko Hamada
Also Known As: I don’t think I ever gave her a codename
Who the hell is she and why does she matter: She’s Mel’s girlfriend
Age: Looks 23. Wikipedia says her actress is 27.
Race: NOT CHINESE
Profession: Detective
Niko comes in two models, With Glasses and Without Glasses. Apparently the glasses were fake and she wore them in an attempt to get people to take her seriously. Ironically, the glasses make her look younger, so it had the opposite effect for me. Niko’s backstory is a little confusing: She used to work for the Lakeview PD in a town about an hour away from Hilltowne, and she was engaged to a woman named Gretchen. However, when she met Mel, she broke up with Gretchen and transferred to Hilltowne to be closer to Mel. What I want to know is how Niko and Mel met. Was Niko on Scissr looking for a side piece? The world may never know. In the last episode, Mel rewrote history so that the two of them never met in order to protect Niko. However, Niko’s actress is confirmed to return in season 2, so obviously that doesn’t go according to plan.
Galvin
Also Known As: Friendzone
Who the hell is he and why does he matter: He’s Macy’s coworker and not-boyfriend
Age: 30?
Race: Black
Profession: Genetic engineer at the Generic Science Lab
Galvin is played by a guy named Ser’Darius. That’s about all I got.
Lucy
Also Known As: Regina George
Who the hell is she and why does she matter: She’s the president of Maggie’s sorority
Age: 21?
Race: White
Profession: Bitch
Lucy is the president of Kappa Tau Kappa. She is a walking stereotype of every bitchy cheerleader and sorority girl from every TV show and movie made over the last 40 years. The only thing she’s missing is a football player boyfriend named Biff. She is so similar to the true star of the movie Mean Girls that I have given up even trying to differentiate them. She even hangs around with carbon copies of the Plastics. Her eyebrows are permanently in the “surprised” position and she is a classically trained master of vocal fry. All of this and I still like her better than the main characters of this show.
Parker
Also Known As: Days of Our Lives Guy, Connerparkerdude
Who the hell is he and why does he matter: He’s Maggie’s…love interest? And Lucy’s (now ex-)boyfriend
Age: 21?
Race: White
Profession: Hipster
I can’t ever remember this guy’s name. From a young age, his dad made him and his siblings read classical works of literature and discuss them over dinner. This made Parker turn out exactly how you would expect.
The Magical Tertiary Characters
Charity Callahan
Also Known As: Silence!
Who the hell is she and why does she matter: She’s the only one of the Elders (Silence!) that we’ve met so far
Age: 40-something?
Race: White
Profession: Capitalist
Power: Shutting people up
She wears white pant suits with sequins on them like some kind of goddamn Elvis impersonator. She also watches HGTV while on the treadmill and is the CEO of an investment company that uses micro-loans to help women in developing nations start their own businesses, thus tackling poverty and inequality through ethical, female-focused capitalism. Maggie exposited that probably she and Harry have or had some kind of romantic connection.
Marisol Vera
Also Known As: Dead Hippie Mom
Who the hell is she and why does she matter: She’s the Charmed Sisters’ mother and was one of the Elders (Silence!)
Age: 40-something?
Race: White Hispanic
Profession: Corpse
Power: Seeing the future
Used to be the head of the Women’s Studies Department before shuffling off this mortal coil. Let her elementary school-age children play with her bong. Hear her, she has three.
Angela Wu
Also Known As: Mysterious Coma Girl, Virgin Vampire, Harbinger of Hell, Demon Girl, Samara
Who the hell is she and why does she matter: Instigated a harassment suit against a professor who turned out to be a demon, which got Marisol killed. Fell into a mysterious, allegedly drug-induced coma. Emerged from coma possessed by the strongest demon in the underworld
Age: 21?
Race: Asian
Power: Feasting upon the blood of virgins
Has had the most code-names on this show so far. For being a minor character, has actually had a pretty big impact on the actual plot. Managed to survive being possessed by the strongest demon in the underworld while Niko’s detective partner died from getting gently bopped on the head by flying debris.
Honorable Mentions
Here are some white guys that are sort of important but I’m having trouble telling them apart so
This guy’s a demon
This guy’s also a demon
This is Niko’s dead partner, government name Trip Bailey
Okay, that’s it! Now I don’t want any more bitching from you people that you can’t keep the characters straight. Don’t expect me to enact your labor again!
And I’ll be back next week with an actual recap, I promise!
Comments
294 responses to “Woke Charmed: Who the Hell Are All These People?”
I can go one better. I have absolutely no idea who any of the characters are.
And it is good to be back in Manly Time.
I don’t want any more bitching from you people that you can’t keep the characters straight
You’re not the boss of me! :-p
The article behind that link is absolutely toxic. Just a warning, everyone.
Oh, crap – there’s another link. Not as toxic as the first – but still all kinds of IDGAF.
I clicked the second one because on a podcast I listen to I just heard a reference to “The Mary Sue” as a plot device or something (can’t remember the exact context right now). I was so scared I left immediately. I would still like to know what the title references though.
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MarySue
Wow. So wide ranging as to nearly be meaningless? Like I said, the exact context I heard it in has been forgotten, but the guy who said it (Myths and Legends podcast) was talking about the original Aladdin stories, so he may have been stretching it’s meaning even farther.
MLW, I’m already immersed in a glass of bourbon. I promise to read and appreciate the article in the morning.
*raises glass of bourbon to your efforts and fortitude versus wokeness* ?
Is it bad that I find the mom hotter than all three of the daughters?
So you’re into gerontophilia….
Oooh, well played, Mr. Ted.
*narrows gaze*
Wait, how old are you again?
Raph, you are right. However, without better evidence than just the two pics, I am leaning towards Charity.
Yeah, I can feel that. Charity’s looking great too #would.
Since you’re being called “Raph”, perhaps you can explain why Ralph Fiennes’ first name is pronounced “Rayf”.
If I can pipe up–I was under the impression it was a Welsh pronunciation. Have no idea where I heard it, or, when. It’s just been in my mind for years.
The Mom’s totally got it goin’ on. Would.
Dead Hippie Mom and a The Capitalist Chick are by far the hottest, not even close. Yeah for gerontophilia!
You are correct sir.
Oh, I will allow
itthem…Perfect TV night: have four STL Cardinals games on DVR from weekend while I was smuggling myself in and out of Texas.
I’d be willing to fast forward through old Charmed if it were still hot, clingy, and cleavagy.
HAWT
Those were the days. Used to hang out in Hollywood every night back then. That was before the Groucho Marx eyebrow fad. Maybe I’m old, but women looked progressively better, the further back you go in time, at least during my lifetime.
Right right. Has nothing to do with how I’m attracted to red heads because a red head was the first woman i saw and said “huh”. It has nothing to do with my higher testosterone levels back when, nor the “high school was best and everything then was the best it will ever be” syndrome or “why I still have a mullet and think Def Leopard rocks”.
I have fond memories of high school in the 70s, when the hottest girls in school wore braless halters and tube tops. Nerdy me probably got caught a few times back then doing excessive sideways glances.
For MLW, Teen Fiction: https://reason.com/2019/05/05/teen-fiction-twitter-is-eating-its-young/ (TW: TOS)
This Jesse Singalong guy – people on the Discord said he’s pretty SJW, but he’s become so blacklisted on YA twitter now that I’ve had authors confess in hushed whispers that they subscribe to his newsletter in a tone that indicates they think they’ve done something illegal. Most of the authors I know are absolutely cognizant that this is batshit insane, but too terrified of being the victim of a witch hunt themselves to do anything but pretend to go along with it.
Marketing opportunity. Turn these into cards: Magic. The Wokening.
I can believe that Rufus but link?
My wild guess for the source: Ezra Levant’s rectum (please sign a petition).
Could be but I wouldn’t but it past Turdeau. Remember Allan Rock?
I also remember EKOS president Frank Graves arguing that he should go all in on gun control since it will be a good wedge issue since only Sarah Palin would be upset.
It looks like Liberals are pivoting to run on economy, not culture war, especially since they got stabbed in the back on that front by the FeMinistry.
They’ve been making noises about pipelines, and might be backtracking on a tanker ban.
Of course, as I was looking for that link, Zoolander preening pops up.
So a grandstanding announcement of a meaningless, unenforceable anti-gun law might happen!
Well open borders means lots of gunrunning. Wait not that kind of open borders…
like this?
That’s some nice investigatin’, Montreal.
Nice. Mutual enforcement agreement of national bans. Germany will be able to go after Holocaust deniers worldwide, NZ after anyone with the Christchurch video, and so on.
This is the wonderful liberal world order that Trump is ruining apparently.
https://www.aier.org/article/how-republicans-gave-us-millennial-socialists
https://reason.com/people/nick-gillespie
I find these articles interesting: for people that complain that Republicans are Reactionary they are very guilty of overly idealizing and romanticizing the past. For example Social Justice advocates throughout history have always had some statist tendencies. See the Reign of Terror and the Vendee. Or the Public School System. Or how abolitionist Republicans were also protectionists and advocates of marriage between one man and one woman. Or how suffragettes included plenty of socialists and prohibitionists. Or how the Civil Rights activists and Anti-Vietnam activists had some unlibertarian ideas.
Also they act as is the social views of the millennials are libertarian when they do have serious problems. Rather reactionary appeal to the 1960s methinks. And if “Social Justice” requires a massive state isn’t that a problem with the SJWs and not the socons? And why is the faults of the left always the faults of their opponents?
Also they act as if the socons and the Wall Street Republican elite are one and the same but they are not. Nor is Trump for that matter. Said Wall Street elite has advocated economic policies libertarians do not like. Social liberal Republicans have a long history of unlibertarian views.
Speaking as a member of the millennial tribe, I don’t recall any politician who spoke in defense of capitalism or the free markets in any way, shape, or form, sans the Pauls, Massie, and Amash. Most of the history/economics teachers I had never spoke in favor of capitalism except for one economics teacher I had in high school. I don’t know where the article got the idea about same old politicians arguing for free markets. It also fails to take into effect how many leftist views/professors are represented in academia.
There’s been a bunch of red team players who have SPOKEN positively about capitalism. They just didn’t lift a finger to help it and, in fact, actively hindered it instead. The blue team has been vehemently opposed to capitalism (both in deeds and words) for pretty much all of my life. When the chips are down, all politicians are firstly in favor of increasing their power and free markets don’t grant any power to them. Socialism and statism do.
This is why we should trust the Deep State, the UN and the EU to bring us libertarian authoritarianism and save us from those rednecks./Reason and Cato
Another problem: we should get rid of backwards stuff but not capitalism. Why not? Capitalism is a centuries old idea. Hmm looks like we found the same problems classical liberals has in the late 19th century: socialists using the *insert current year* against them!
hooking up with as many penises as possible
I noticed you didn’t say if they were male or female penises.
How dare you forget about non-binary gender penises.
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/83/8358fa7f4d7e3e43e45a4f57996f9b4212fb1ca70f35d27353b0878a5124a5d0.jpg
Tucker: “verbal Jackson Pollock painting” on Biden clip. Omfg.
Best timelne.
That was a great line.
*raises glass of rye at Sean*
*raises glass of rye towards fellow whiskey lovers*
Damn you two – now I want a Manhattan.
It’s after dinner. Time to drink your whiskey neat.
No, it isn’t.
Actually I pay zero attention to that shit. I drink what I want, when I want.
Ok, Cartman.
?
Spoken like a true Libertarian.
I suppose you wear white after Labor Day, as well? hahahaha
What color is a hickory shirt?
We found the one true libertarian.
Surprisingly, I live alone.
Mel is the middle sister, though until the arrival of Macy she believed she was the oldest of two. She’s a lesbian.
She looks like a lesbian.
Yeah, I said it.
I know some lesbians, very few look like that, trust me.
Huh. I’ve known some very attractive women who would sleep with anyone, including other women, which would make them both… uh, free spirited?… and at least bi if not lesbian.
Actual equality creates low interest in “feminism” in Denmark
In fact, more Danish women are happy to be wolf whistled than called a feminist, according to the survey. Fully one third say it is acceptable, the highest proportion than in any country other than Nigeria.
Tits out for Harambe.
https://thechive.com/2019/05/14/blondes-and-brunettes-because-the-real-hotness-was-the-friends-we-made-along-the-way-51-photos/
5 (the blonde with dem tanlines), 33 (brunette with the tan and booty, be still my heart), and 35 (brunette). Thanks for the beautiful “friendship”.
I think the worst part about Woke Charmed is that I don’t find the wamen that attractive.
I stroked to Old Charmed quite a bit when I was 14ish. I have no idea if the show was any good, though. I was too distracted and my viewings were often, ahem, short.
wormens
Since you had to make me think of squidbillies…
You’d be proud of me:
one/ I introduced Mijo to She Wore Red Dresses last weekend
2/ drove into Seguin just because
c/ took NewWife to see Billy Joe Shaver
iv/ took NewWife to see the Unknown Hinson
so in honor of my questionable taste, here’s tonight’s MFing theme music
Thats a……unique cover
My wife made me go to see Billy Joe Shaver. I still haven’t forgiven her.
Perhaps when you were 14, you weren’t so discriminating. Any port in a storm and all that.
Does anybody else lose access to the dashboard after you refresh?
Yup, but I also suffer from the reply button refreshing the page, so my phone is all fucked up.
I have the same access problem on my laptop.
That happens on my Surface with FF. I blame Eyepiece.
I keed, I keed!
Seriously, WTF? Is it something with WordPress?
I know that FF has been going through some issues, but it seems fine on my laptop version. The mobile version has always been a bit wonky, so I usually blame Mozilla when things go weird.
It’s fun that they always blame the infrastructure, rather than their crappy IP/going cheap, or maybe the fact that they haven’t cleared their cache in decades and also have more viruses than a twenty dollar hooker.
Now I have to wait a whole nother week before I can add more date points to my Poe’s law hypothesis on woke charmed.
Oh well, you deserve a day off from the derp mines, MLW. It’s tough work.
Actually I offered my orphans a day off from the actual mines for mother’s day so they could spend it with their families. Oh how I laughed.
Rub that salt in those orphans’ wounds, Breet.
TIL on glibs…. scissr.com
I was afraid to click it.
It’s exactly what you think it is.
A poorly-optimized advert for a hookup app for people I don’t want to hook up with. BORING.
…and who don’t want to hook up with Tres or I either.
I hovered over it…wanting to click, but too afraid. In the end, common sense, and fear, won the day.
On one hand, oh come on!
On the other, what else could it have been named?
It reminds me of a periodical about an all lesbian rock band. Rock, paper, scissors.
Galvin is played by a guy named Ser’Darius
I thought Martin killed off Ser Darius in season four.
Definitely not me.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/sun-men/9070497/men-think-about-football-more-than-sex/
For you.
Science!
From the same article. 6 is a myth?
Top 10 Male Sex Myths
1.Men think about sex every seven seconds
2.Big hands or feet means that you have a big penis
3.You’ll play badly at sports when having sex the night before
4.Oysters make you horny
5.Women peak sexually later than men
6.Men have never cheated on their partner
7.Good sex has to be spontaneous
8.Good sex needs to last a long time
9.Men having a higher sexual drive than their partner
10.You can burn a lot of calories during sex
Yeah, that little bit of gaslighting is enough to discredit the whole thing.
Jimmy Carter style #6?
Why is 10 a myth? It’s “can” not “always”.
Anyways, I bit OT but I wanted to comment on the public education thread but, as Ruffus knows, I work. I’m surprised now one really hammered how most public schools these days are massive brainwashing operations. I remember my AP Econ class and the AP test itself. Then I’d go on to read Friedman and Hayek and the like to realize that Keynesianism is the default. Yes, the “other” schools are mentioned, but most of the basics you’re taught are from John Maynard himself. Government spending is a key component of GDP. Government spending makes wealth. Multipliers.
Looking back, almost everything that wasn’t math was like that. The progressive view is the default and is what is taught. It doesn’t get as much attention of the shit being taught at colleges now, but I really think it’s just as bad in high school and even earlier.
Yep. For example, According to every single history teacher /prof I had, FDR was a demigod.
To go along with the FDR fluffing, WWII ended the great depression.
Another lie, Nixon’s southern strategy
It touches on economics, but the Great Depression might be the most misunderstood thing in US history. Tell someone that the New Deal did more harm than good, or compare those policies to the fascist policies of Italy and you’ll get the most perplexed looks. It’s common fact though, recited uncritically in public schools.
Yep. I grew up in a true “red” state, and I learned in school that FDR’s policies helped us get through the GD and that WWII is the only thing that ended it.
My mother still believes it.
#MeToo.
Because that’s always been the point?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Education_in_the_United_States#History
Interesting corollary on the immigration debate…
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_Third_Republic
High school was so long ago I don’t remember any bias, if there was any. I do remember elementary school being full of harmless “anti-prejudice” stuff, but not anything touching on politics in HS.
All the bias I experienced was in my AP classes.
I took a bunch of those and don’t remember any – even American History. It was the 80s, FWIW.
OTOH I was very apolitical at the time so it’s possible it went over my head.
My teacher was very subtle about it. It was just in my American history class. My European history teacher the year before was great. And my college history professors were all great.
Well, yes and no. Keynes seems like too easy a punching bag to me.
Government spending is a key component of GDP. It absolutely is a third of GDP now; of course it shouldn’t be, but that’s another question.
Government spending makes wealth. Demand matters. Of course, general consumption is a more efficient way to spend those same dollars, so G necessarily destroys wealth. This is the main problem with Keynesians: the notion that the government knows better when and how to spend. To the extent that Keynesian hubris fantasizes that G can be manipulated and timed to perfectly offset weak C, we should laugh, the same way we laugh at Republicans who promise to reduce the national debt and absolutely never do it once in office; there’s enough bullshit to go around.
Multipliers happen, regardless of who’s spending; and they unwind as well. And while we can’t triple-count every dollar, we do know that the grocer and the car dealer want the new plant to come to town as badly as the out-of-work laborers.
My guess is that the Depression would have been over much earlier without USG help, but that doesn’t mean that Keynes was utterly bankrupt (pardon the pun). He’s more like Freud: a egomaniac whose obsessions started us down a path that led to better ideas.
All this aside, I don’t know why Keynes would be taught in high school anyway.
But they look so cool!
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-tesla-china-hongkong/tesla-car-catches-fire-in-hong-kong-parking-lot-media-idUSKCN1SK0G1
Random degenerate street person story for the day: Today i was working in the back of my van and I hear a commotion on the other side of it. A bunch of dogs barking and a woman yelling “what the fuck are you doing!” and a man yelling obscenities. I jump outside and the DSP is going off on some dog walker lady who has about five dogs on leashes. The dogs are going nuts cause the guy is jumping around, taunting them and her. She jogs off down the street and DSP starts huffing baseball size rocks from a tree planter at her as she runs away. Then he sees me and another dude who came out of a business standing there and he starts throwing them in all directions. I can’t believe he didn’t break someone’s window with them. Dude called the cops, DSP fled up the street, and I went to finish my job. That was all.
I was waiting for someone to shit on the street.
So sad what has happened to such a beautiful city.
I was expecting him to start throwing dirty syringes like darts.
Heh, heh.
A high school buddy of mine who was diabetic used to fling his needles into the ceiling tiles at school.
Which city? It seems like it’s happening to all of them, at least on the west coast. I’m curious if it’s going on elsewhere.
Ess Eff.
And sorry to OT your post MLW, I did get a kick out of the descriptions, and your photo captions from the last one were all kinds of good.
No worries. This shit is happening in every city in Oregon with a population of more than ~50k, so it could be anywhere. Downtown Salem is essentially a no-go zone at this point.
Are you an Oregonian? Yeah, I’ve heard the whole West Coast has become a magnet for this type of degenerate behavior.
Cheer up. Legislative session is almost over for the year so the bum population will decrease slightly.
Not the hobos, just the bums.
It is happening in deep blue cities. By design.
I have shit stories as well, just not from today. I was born here and while there has always been a street people problem, it’s never been close to this bad. The City has become a giant enabler to terrible behavior and unsurprisingly gets more of it. Almost like there’s some sort of hard, ferrous law about such.
I was actually born there (close enough; San Mateo, lived in Daly City) and even though we moved “back home” when I was 3, I’ve always had a soft spot for San Francisco. It makes me sad to watch (thankfully from afar) what is happening.
I didn’t know that, I thought you were a NoDak native. I worked for a couple years at an Irish bar in downtown San Mateo.
Mom and Dad went out there for a while after they got married. I was born out there and the older I got the more they thought they should move back home to NoDak.
They ended up figuring out that they weren’t cut out for California, and especially SF. But they always encouraged me to embrace my “hometown”. And I do, to a point. A visit is tops on my bucket list.
You’ve never been back? If you ever do, make sure to hit me up!
I haven’t. And it bugs me. I will certainly do that
ifwhen I go!I lived there one year in the 90s and I already didn’t like what I saw. NYC is sane in comparison.
My mom’s family was from Contra Costa, so I have spent a ton of time there. I loved that city so much when I was younger. Even in the late ’90s it was still tolerable.
Took the Spawn there a couple years ago and, while we had a blast, both said once is enough.
Sad.
I couldn’t live where we used to in the Mission. We are out by the end of Golden Gate Park and the Pacific, so it is bearable where we live. I just have to head into the chaos for work every day.
Do you ever see the sun?
This thing they call, the Sun, it is scheduled to appear here for 15 minutes next Tuesday. They say that you can’t look directly at it for more than a few seconds.
I lived in the Bay Area from 1967-2012. All of my coworkers tell me we got out just in time. We go back annually and every time, the deterioration has gotten worse. I was fortunate that I got to enjoy the area and all it has to offer before it went to shit. Literally.
Late Stage Progressivism
Sadly, yes.
My mom lived in the mission district until she died around ’91. Used to go regularly to see her and later in memory of. I love riding my bike through the city. Talk about anarchy.
Just another day in the life. Guy sounds like a real piece of work there.
I know it’s no longer in their blood but I would love to read a number of stories about Ess Eff locals getting fed up and administering proper beat-downs to enough of these DSP’s (with “no witnesses”) to make this less fun for them. I would bet serious cash that it happened in the 70’s and 80’s.
This is some good stuff. And yes, Head Bitch of sorority really came across as the most sensible one.
So, a guess at the obvious twist – Harry was actually evil.
Way better twist would be – Harry was an American, when they rezzed him they also made him super-English just for laughs.
Chick on Fox – curses to one of you for making me tune that in – just called Biden “Ramblin’ Joe”.
Hello, Donald? That’s the one!
Handsy Joe
Touchy Joe
Creepy Joe
Ramblin Joe
Seems like there could be a few. He’s got to settle on one though.
Camaro Joe or GTFO
Trans Am
The all new Chevy Trans Gender.
LOL
Speaking of nicknames for Mr. Biden, I’m still disappointed Trump went with “Sleepy Joe” instead of “Creepy Joe”.
Creepy Joe should be the winner. It’s the most disparaging. Ramblin Joe he could turn into some type of country campaign song if his advisors were smart.
Isn’t the current one “SleepyCreepy Joe”? It’s not catchy at all.
His current is actually both; SleepyCreepyJoe
Someone here had a good one: Bad Touch Biden.
He combined the two? Jeebus Trump, come on bruh. I also like Bad Touch Biden, that got a giggle out of me.
The bad part about that one is that it also brings back all the stories about Trump’s misdeeds with women that are not his wife.
Hey, I didn’t say tune in, I said for the love of God don’t tune in.
*snickers*
12 years? I doubt it we can make it that long!
It was 84 degrees near the Arctic Ocean this weekend as carbon dioxide hit its highest level in human history
And this isn’t an opinion piece. It’s sold as “news”.
This was the warmest winter on record. I mean I just kept keeping a record today, but it’s still not not true.
Yeah, I’m sure anyone was measuring C02 before a hundred or so years ago. Let alone the previous million years of human history. Or the previous few billions of years.
Ice cores bro, they’re like magic and shit. But fuck those geologists using rocks, no way rocks can be found in more diverse places than ice.
That’s ok. It’s just weather not climate.
The temperature surged? It’s surging?! OMG we are all doomed.
Never mind that the temps there were similar to Mediterranean temps today only a few thousand years ago, temps are surging today. Fuck.
She’s a lesbian.…She’s a lesbian.…She’s a lesbian.…She’s a lesbian.……she’s a lesbian.
You know, I’m starting to get the idea Mel is a lesbian.
Oh sure. A shitlord like you would focus on her gender!
Lesbian is not a gender, shitlord.
Believe it and it is.
Holy shit. Nothing I could say is near as fucked up as Merriam-Webster’s #1 definition:
Oops, sorry. That’s their #1 definition of “gender”.
That’s my #1 definition of gender too. (Language nerd.)
But rug muncher, carpet bagger, fur trader, pearl diver, snapper trapper and clam digger are legit genders.
Totally.
Um, which letter does that go under?
I’m hearing that in Michael Sembello’s voice.
Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, honeytits.
I vaguely remember reading a couple decades ago Parker Lewis being some sort of shitlord oddball in real life – but whatever it was it’s not mentioned on his wikipedia page.
And thus is dust in the wind.
I thought it was some sort of born-again thing like Mike Seaver. But yeah, lost in the mists of time.
Don’t forget Buddy from Charles in Charge. Never go full Bible Man.
My room mate’s sister was on that show. Well, he was my room mate Around ’92 or so.
That was The Stand I think.
Ha, no – something in real life.
I do remember him being hilariously miscast for that role.
Well, it doesn’t look like his agent finds him good roles. Or, that he even has an agent.
Another Woke Charmed post?
Hokay.
*snorts xanax*
*pours third bacardi*
*begins reading*
Wait… hold on.. so… does that mean Mel is a lesbian?
I didn’t get that vibe at all from the article, I think you may have misread it.
“Mel is the middle sister, though until the arrival of Macy she believed she was the oldest of two. She’s a lesbian. She’s played by the worst actress of the three but is the top-billed one and seems to be getting the meatiest plot lines. She’s a lesbian. She’s a radical feminist who is getting either her master’s or Ph.D. in women’s studies. She’s a lesbian. She has a hot temper and clashes frequently with her sisters, with their Whitelighter, Harry, with the Elders, with random people on the street, etc. She’s a lesbian. She has a Puerto Rican flag in her bedroom. I don’t remember if I mentioned it already, but she’s a lesbian.”
You seem to be implying she might be smooching the clam.
She doesn’t need a purse, she prefers a ham wallet.
It’s that old dinosaur. The lickalotapuss.
Speaking of woke young adult shows, I inadvertently started watching The Society on Netflix thinking it was a normal snow. Its actually not a bad mystery an premise but it turned into communist propaganda pretty damn quick.
Wow are we ever losing the hearts and minds here. I remember 80s shows were all about the big bad government and bureaucrats.
In the show, the society is only harmed by malevolent forces who dont understand the benevolence and wisdom of the government and it’s leaders.
So far at least.
Soylent Green 2020 reboot:
Detective Thorn: Soylent Green is people!
The crowd cheers and there is much rejoicing
Lol
Weed, Mexicans, Ass-Sex and the decline of Network TV and the rise of the internet. How is that possible?
The generation that watches TeeVee is kicking the bucket. Doesn’t YouTube get more views than all of TV combined?
I have no idea about the numbers, but I don’t even turn on the tv in the hotel room when I travel. And infrequently at home. Content has gone to crap. Half the channels think bing programming the same show for 6-8 hour blocks is a winnner.
I watch MeTV. I can’t get the sportsball I want to watch so I might as well watch my childhood sitcoms.
That one that I do watch, but the commercials bug me (not as bad as Comet). Perry Mason, Hogan’s Heroes, and a couple others.
You don’t need a reusable catheter or a reverse mortgage from the Fonz?
The non-attorney spokespeople screaming about the latest class action scam is one of the low points. Seeing the Shat hawk reverse mortgages was… disappointing.
The ‘Non Attorney Spokesperson’ is the Betht! The Motht Clathy Spoketh Perthon!
What about the Fonz’s reusable catheter?
It’s a collector’s item, don’t ever take it out of the box.
Don’t tell me–tell Charmed’s Mel. Although, she won’t like that very much.
/HA! Got in on the les jokes, too.
I could still be wrong. Things starting to fall apart now for this central planning project. Still watching.
Tuuuuuuuuukaaaaaa!
That game may have taken some years off my life.
‘Canes are fucked.
Rask is a beast.
Yeah, I’m OK with the Bruins doing to them what they did to the Isles.
Is this the ice skating one?
I’m thinking Maggie eats ass.
HM, is that you?
Go on. ..
Nitpick alert: Wouldn’t that be BBC or ITV?
It might be WGBH…
Oh, who am I kidding.
Master of the deadpan or something else going on here?
https://www.instagram.com/p/BjYLo00BkEG/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=ooe7h37oygup
Pwned.
Must study to future auspicious.
https://mobile.twitter.com/liangweihan4/status/1125830638983053315
Needs canine supervisor in United States.
https://mobile.twitter.com/SCMPNews/status/1128234463396155392
I too approve of the doggo supervisors.
Shame. I lol’ed.
It is breath-takingly wonderful.
Diversity is defecate is what i got from that
I enjoy the site because half the responses agree with the racism and the othe half agree with him mocking racists. Rorschach test.
Is the nba lottery rigged?
Good morning glibbies
Good evening.
Who cares? How many times did the Bucks ‘win’ the lottery, and how many of those draft picks changed anything? I mean, I don’t know that answer, but I seem to recall them having a lot of top picks. Was Yanni a lottery pick? I don’t even, nor do I care. It’s basketball. It’s a game kids play, not a sport.
Giannis was 14 so yes lottery although the very edge of it
Howdy, Pie. And to answer your question, probably maybe.
Or not.
*strokes chin*
That is also a possibility.
Doubt it. Definitely some pressure from the league to protect stars by pointing the refs to pay extra attention to certain fouls. Also, they give a little push to the refs to make it a seven game series. Doesn’t always work, but there’s evidence out there.
Poor suns and bulls. Lucky pelicans grizzlies and lakers
The lottery sucks. The market would find equilibrium without this affirmative action style method of spreading out the talent. Same with revenue sharing. “But the Yankees/Lakers would buy all the best players!” If that happened, all the other teams would fold and you’d have no league.
Meh, sports leagues are what they say, Franchises. They may be separate entities, but the product should be identical at all locations for the best outcomes.
In Europe, the soccer teams are all individual entities – not franchises. That’s why you have so many dynasties. I think there are valid arguments on both sides. The top teams DO buy all the best players, but it doesn’t stop interest in the rest. It also means that nobody outside the perennial favorites has a shot at winning anything. *shrug*
This is why I don’t care for college sports. The same teams win all the time. Even if UNLV went undefeated, they’d have to do so by beating 4 or 5 top ten teams to even get a shot at the ‘National Championship’. Boring. I want drama! I want excitement! And when I waste my weekend watching, I want to see a consistent level of those things. I want a good product every time I tune in. Not a 70 point blow out. (Except on the rare occasions to make me go ‘Aw damn!’)
Division of labor and competitive advantage. Some people will support their local teams even if, or because they are lovable locals. Let competition and free association decide what happens and not heavy handed scale tipping.
The product should be whatever the market demands. MLB gets antitrust protections and many cities use taxpayer money to bribe owners of professional teams in the major sports. It’s cronyism. I’m not sure what exactly a free market would produce, but I know it would produce something that is profitable. Maybe Green Bay wouldn’t have a team. Maybe they would. Thing is not all the brightest people move to NY to further their career. Why would all the best athletes be any different in a free market?
Well, in the US the product (sports leagues) has been dominated by the franchise system, so I think the market has worked. Other models have been tried and failed. I don’t agree with the way it is subsidized, but that has nothing to do with franchise model and more to do with politicians being pieces of shit and businesses taking advantage of that.
No problem with franchise system. Let that play out against other systems and let us see. Right now, market capture has left us with no real competition among leagues. USFL? Screwed from the start. I’d compare it to banking. How many startup banks have we had over the past 2,3 decades? It’s not because the big banks have branches all over the country. Newcomers can’t afford compliance laws. I want to see if competition will produce a league that doesn’t ignore half of America. I’m saying that wouldn’t happen.
Trump Sock Puppet confirmed!
But I digress. Yes the NFL has, as it stands now, regulatory capture, that isn’t the same as saying a ‘free market’ approach to sports where the team with the most money can dominate and therefore is good. Like I said, the franchise model there to create a consistent product. Clearly the way the NFL is doing isn’t really working
(sorry Lions fans, it ain’t gonna happen), but the franchise model, which goes against the ‘free market’ idea on the outside, while being a valid structure for a company focused on competition, can in fact thrive in a real free market, I’m sure.
Kind of funny. We both want govt out of sports, so it doesn’t really matter what type of market would emerge. I blame myself for making a consequentialist argument when I’m not a consequentialist.
Minarchist Vs Anarchist is pretty much potato vs potatoe until we get down to the those last few laws I’d keep and you’d abolish.
The difference between minarchists and anarchists? 6 months.
*May take you longer. ?
Interesting the real reasons for franchises is likely due to travel costs. Only big cities would have the population required to provide enough ticket sales to pay for these trips and to justify the trip. Hence these leagues have an incentive to keep their big city teams in place so they can build enough a big enough fanbase to pay the costs of said trip.
Meanwhile promotion and relegation was created due to historical accident due a merger of two English soccer leagues.
Fun Fact: the Kansas City Royals and New Orleans Saints were created for political reasons: A Missouri Senator threatened MLB ‘s anti-trust exemption so they gave KC a team. As for the Saints well the NFL needed support from Louisiana Congressmen to approve of the merger with the AFL due to anti-trust issues.
Pro/rel is where all the drama is outside the perennial favorites jockeying for positions at the top, or in the case of Germany, Italy, and France, watching the same team win every single year.
How about those Parachute payments?
It should be pointed out that Canada, Australia and New Zealand don’t have promotion and relegation either despite the British influence. For Canada and Australia this is almost certainly due to travel costs.
How about those Parachute
paymentspants?Seems that curry fella can still shoot the ball a bit
So racist.
Pie is a white nationalist?!
I am a Dacian nationalist. White Americans are inferior mongrels with their germanic and celtic and italian and whatnot…
Moldavia or Wallachia?
Moldavia is the trashy bit of the Dacians
Wallachia forever!
And what of the Transylvanians?
Great write-up MLW.
Now I’m going OT since this is a thread for Derp.
You may or may not be aware of Dan Savage’s Hump Film festival which is a sort of amateur porn film festival.
Here is a link to a proposal for an entry in that film festival.
The idea is a series of vignettes of a woman trading her body for guns, starting a movement where other women do the same, and eventually gun violence ends. She is looking for proposals from people to help write the vignettes.
It’s not even wrong. It’s pancake on a rabbit’s head invalid.
1. The sort of people who own guns rarely have trouble getting laid.
2. So they aren’t going to be interested in trading a gun for some worn out pussy.
3. The sort who would actually follow-through on the deal wouldn’t commit any gun violence to begin with.
4. What the fuck does this idiot think would happen if the sort of person who would use a gun for violence is gonna do to some dumb slut that advertises on craig’s list she’ll whore herself for a gun?
5. A quote: The year is 2017, and the number of mass shootings continues to increase (up another 5,000 in 2016 to 58,000 incidents a year) Let’s see. If we use the bullshit definition of more than 2 people to be counted a mass shooting, that would be a minimum of 174,000 fatalities a year from mass shootings.
Proof that Mencken was right and democracy is a terrible idea.
I am not sure 1 is a rule but overall yeah it be silly
Wait…would it possible for one to buy toy guns or those cheapo walmart airsoft guns and trade those in for the puss? Because if so, that sounds like a great trade deal.
would it be*
Any woman this stupid wouldn’t know the difference.
What I get from that is that I would be hitting all the pawnshops for the cheapest, pos handguns I could find and demanding threesomes for compensation.
Finally, an investment strategy that makes sense.
These people think they are so smart ripping off Lysistrata, and none of them realize it was a comedy.
Well, they don’t understand anything about guns, gun culture, or gun violence. Why would we expect them to understand anything about theater?
Dammit porn actors being non-Libertarian! What is the world cumming to!
Word play. You did that. I’m proud. We’ve taught you well Winston. Maybe one day you can overcum your mother’s shadow.
Eh, he’d just hit a wall.
Winston is Dale Earnhardt?
Hmmm…could be.
/I had a clever link idea, but the JPS thing really pisses me off.
Anyone else JPS’s age that would be regarded as incoherent ramblings of an old man, but now it hurts Orange Man, and is thus wisdom.
Hell my uncle is a spry 89, not an old fogy of 99 like JPS, and the dirty joke he told me the other day was assuaged by aunt as being old man ramblings…
Too inside-baseball for me but this, WTF:
That’s just straight-up appeal-to-emotion, gaslighting BS.
And, he’s a straight-up, doddering, authoritarian asshole.
We could also end massacres at grammar schools by doing away with compulsory education. And remain faithful to founding principles, too.
Was anyone under the impression that anything connected to Dan Savage would have intelligence?
The last time they had a pussy/gun trade here they managed to take off the streets: 11 rusted Moisins, 5 broken .22’s, 2 handguns with bent barrels, and a pellet gun. They gave back to the street 15 cases of gonhorrea and am unknown quantity of genital warts,
Any woman that would trade sex for guns is likely doing it to go on a killing spree.
The 3-named man is obviously dealing with dementia.
How a man that brain-dead could be SCJ-material, and make it…. Ford, you ridiculous fuck, you.
He wasn’t always this bad. But what he’s become is awful.
Am I supposed to laugh out loud at a recap episode? Because I laughed out loud at a recap episode.
I’m glad MLW took our (OK, my) pleas to heart and differentiated these nitwits. It will definitely help going forward.
I sleep now. PM5K Neckbone.
Late night challenge. I have a few ideas myself.
https://mobile.twitter.com/BMcCarthy32/status/1128486599241584640
I’m sure I could introduce him to a few attempts, if he’s really that curious.
Being forced to make child support payments for your wife’s boyfriend’s kid comes to mind.
I was OK demonstrating dismemberment on him. Again, if he’s actually interested in finding out the answer to his rhetorical question.
Bobbitt approves.
Might even have to call AAA for help.
Hey, a Tom Hanks scene that was good. Whaddaya know..
How about the rapist whose kid is being raised by a bitter woman?
Ok, I really gotta get on here earlier if I’m talking to dead threads and guys over the international date line
I am gonna need more info.
*snicker*
I have to say–those are some serious’road miles’, there, ENB.
I thought she was younger than me, but she don’t look it.
Related – https://www.pinterest.com/pin/377176537513357775/