Glibertarians.com 2019 Archive

SP’s Guide to Insufferable Politeness: Lesson 2

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The noun “etiquette” describes the requirements of behaviors according to conventions of society. It includes the proper conduct that is established by a community for various occasions, including ceremonies, court, formal events and everyday life. ~ Robin Bickerstaff Glover

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The Australian Glib Book of Etiquette is a very slim volume. ~ Paul Theroux

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When last we spoke about etiquette, I gave you some tips on what to take (and not to take) to a dinner party to which you were invited. I received a G/glib follow-up question via email: What does one take when one is crashing a dinner party to which one was not invited.

Really? That would be the height of bad manners and an appalling breach of etiquette. But, if you must behave thus, and the dinner party you are crashing is mine, may I introduce you to my event security detail? You might recognize him as a PROMINENT FOREST LAWYER.

Now, let’s move on to Lesson Two of Glib Finishing School: writing an excellent thank you note.

 

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Situation

 

You attended a most interesting and enjoyable dinner party; the food was terrific, the drinks top-notch, the mix of guests brilliant, and the conversation fascinating. You were pleased to have made a very favorable impression on the entire gathering.

At the end of the evening, the hostess walked you to the door and thanked you for joining the group.

 

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What do you do?

 

Do you: 

A) Thank your hostess as you are leaving and call it good

B) Phone your hostess the following week to say thanks

C) Send a thank you email or text as soon as you get home

D) Handwrite a thoughtful thank you note and mail it

E) Text “Oops, my bad” from the county lockup

 

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SP’s Suggestion

 

Thinking back to our mission of using etiquette and impeccable manners as a means of creating a favorable impression in the minds of those with whom we interact, your course of action should be clear.

By all means, thank your hostess in person as you are departing the event, but do not neglect to send a handwritten thank you note, preferably mailed within the next two days.

Just as sending a thank you note for a job interview makes one stand out favorably to the interviewer, you will enhance your reputation as a person of class with the hostess by the same action. 

 

 

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Anatomy of an excellent thank you note

 

I’ll focus on our dinner party example, but the same principles apply to any thank you note.

  1. Handwritten notes are best. If you feel your penmanship is not what it should be, aside from practicing and improving it, the best course of action is to slow down when writing. Think about each letter as you form it and you’ll see a marked improvement.
  2. Write your note on nice stationery or a note card, not a plain piece of printer paper or college-ruled paper you’ve ripped out of your child’s school notebook. Use a fine-tip pen. Unless you are Picasso and are including a sketch, pen looks nicer than pencil.
  3. Use greetings and closings appropriate to your relationship with the recipient.
  4. Mention what you particularly enjoyed about the event. Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine through. (Unless you’re a dick. Don’t be a dick.)
  5. Close with a reiteration of thanks.
 
Example

 

Dear SP,

Thank you so much for inviting me to your fun dinner party Saturday night. I had a great time! 

The gathering was a wonderful reminder of how sharing delicious food and warm laughter around a lovely table always brings people together. I enjoyed meeting your friends who were visiting from Los Angeles–I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much.

I really appreciate your thoughtfulness in including me.

Truly yours,

Glibby

 

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Family Rules

 

You may be on intimate terms with the hostess, but that is no reason to decide not to send a thank you note! Everyone appreciates receiving a sincere thank you when they’ve gone to effort to create an event. Why not take the opportunity to foster warm feelings in your close friends and family members? You can make the world a little bit better one note at a time.

 

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Join me next time, when I’ll cover how to write a thank you note for a thoroughly unenjoyable event.

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Comments

250 responses to “SP’s Guide to Insufferable Politeness: Lesson 2”

  1. Spudalicious

    Fuck off, slaver!!!

    1. Spudalicious

      Or was that impolite?

    2. Brett L

      I see why OMWC is your partner in wine

      1. SP

        Oh, you have no idea.

  2. Sean

    I see nothing here about dinner party recreational drug use etiquette. Way to ignore your target audience. ?

    1. SP

      Well, I don’t want a not-so-friendly dinner party crash from LEOs.

      (I have a relative named Leo, and speaking of dicks…)

      1. Ted S.

        He’s hung like a horse?

        1. SP

          I would not want to know. Ewwwww.

    2. banginglc1

      Puff, puff, pass . . I though everyone knew the rules.

      1. Count Potato

        It varies by culture.

      2. Sean

        Dinner party implies sophistication, and thus powder based “refreshments.” Nothing so Bohemian as plant based.

        1. SP

          No, dinner party merely means it’s a party at which dinner will be served, not just snacks.

          We are having a very informal dinner party soon. And I did invite people via email, which is perfectly fine.

          1. Sean

            Hmmm…you’ve either taken me too seriously or responded to the wrong thread. I was just having some fun.

          2. Old Man With Candy

            See, the problem with the powder is that it kills the appetite. So much wasted food.

          3. Sean

            Sure, but your garage gets painted and your pantry organized.

          4. SP

            I should use more winky faces.

        2. Ted S.

          Cocaine is a powder, *and* plant-based.

          1. Rhywun

            ?

          2. Spudalicious

            Bohemian sophistication?

          3. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            Right, Ted? I thought this was the obvious take-away.

      3. Trigger Hippie

        Proper stoner etiquette is to bring your vape pin and smoke on the way over to the gathering and to offer a tasty nugget as a gift if the host is so inclined. If not, be sure to bring backup booze.

        As far as the handwritten note after the event, I’ve never been in a social situation were that was expected by anybody participating. Then again, I’m low-class scum.

        1. SP

          That’s kind of the point nowadays, though. We are talking about how to stand out and mold the impression people have of you.

          However, know your audience. If you are certain the note would be met with derision and snark…be especially certain to send it! You may then mock them unmercifully.

  3. banginglc1

    My problem with handwritten notes is that no matter how much I try my best hand writing is nearly illegible. I think being left handed makes it harder to write. Something about pushing the pen across the page instead of pulling it. After my wedding I had at least one relative ask me what the hell I wrote, and I tried on those.

    1. SP

      While handwritten is best, sometimes typed with a personal signature will have to do.

      This applies to OMWC, as well. You’d think he’s the *other* kind of doctor.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        A pedotrician?

    2. Lackadaisical

      Plus you can’t see what you just did.

    3. Rhywun

      That’s what the overhand drag is for.

      *pissed because I love handwriting but can’t do it well*

      1. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Also, these help avoid smearing. Just don’t buy glossy finish stationery.

        I also wish that I was good at handwriting.

        1. Rhywun

          I started teaching myself to write with my right hand in HS.

          I still can’t do it very well.

          And anything that requires precision, like drawing, I simply must use my left hand. It’s maddening.

          1. Rhywun

            PS. I am right-handed in everything else.

        2. Don Escaped Texas

          exactly: absorbent media

          and I carry the Precision V7 by Pilot; get the extra fine if you don’t have the whippy wrist snap that keeps the nib moving; the faster the ink dries, the better

          I render, I sketch, I explain in isometric, and I still write and letter; no way I’m giving up on those cool old skills

    4. Pope Jimbo

      and I tried on those.

      Maybe if you would stop fashioning loin cloths our of your thank you notes, and wearing them as you danced around a fire, you wouldn’t get shit stains on them and your relatives would be able to read them?

      My writing is also now illegible. Too much computer use and rare need to write, have rendered my scratchings worse than a kindergartner with palsy.

    5. The Bearded Hobbit

      This is how my dad wrote. He was teased about his bad writing in grade school and resolved to make himself better. A letter from Dad was a thing of beauty.

      1. Rhywun

        My mom had perfect stenographer handwriting.

  4. The Hyperbole

    Unless you’re a dick. Don’t be a dick.

    But that’s all I got.

    1. banginglc1

      She really knew her audience with that line.

  5. Count Potato

    “Handwritten notes are best. If you feel your penmanship is not what it should be, aside from practicing and improving it, the best course of action is to slow down when writing. Think about each letter as you form it and you’ll see a marked improvement.”

    A team of Egyptian pharmacists couldn’t read my handwriting. I can’t even read my handwriting.

    If the invitation is via email, shouldn’t be OK to send any further communication that way?

    Also, I hate Evite. Don’t send someone an invitation that asks them to sign up to a website.

    1. SP

      Sure, it’s permissible to send an email thank you, but then, it’s also permissible to be the least favorite guest at a dinner party. I mean, someone inevitably has to be. Why let it be you? (See caveat about dickishness.)

      Absolutely agree about Evite. Not classy AT ALL.

      1. Rhywun

        I’ve never been invited to anything that wasn’t a wedding by any means other than email.

        Times have changed.

        1. Rhywun

          I should amend that. Years ago, email yielded to Evite for awhile and then Facebook.

          I haven’t been invited to anything since I kicked Facebook to the curb last year.

          1. SP

            I’ll email you an invitation, but you’ll probably decline.

          2. Spudalicious

            Tundra just won’t bother to show up.

          3. SP

            Tundra ALWAYS snubs me. It’s quite hurtful, really.

          4. Pope Jimbo

            I still don’t understand this. Ask Leap. Tundra not showing up is a good thing.

          5. Tundra

            Exactly.

            Why is this so hard to understand?

          6. Rhywun

            If it’s in Arizona, you’re probably right.

          7. SP

            Late June-early July in Arizona. What could possibly be your objection?

          8. Ayn Random Variation

            Ha if you can’t take uber or the subway there he’s out.

      2. banginglc1

        it’s also permissible to be the least favorite guest at a dinner party

        But I was already going to be that guy anyways.

        1. Rhywun

          That’s the spirit!

        2. SP

          So I guess you can do what you like!

  6. robc

    Is it wrong to take a keg of homebrew to a baby shower?

    1. Nephilium

      Only if there’s no way to tap it.

    2. SP

      Hell, no, that’s the most thoughtful of gifts for new parents, as long as you bring some for them, too.

      1. robc

        Well, the Mommas couldnt drink, being, you know 8 months pregnant and all. I had 1 person question the appropriateness, but everyone else, especially the Daddys, enjoyed it.

        1. SP

          Oh, you drank it right then. I thought it was for the impending baby. You know, to help it sleep through the night.

    3. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

      In my wife’s home country they claim that dark beer aids milk production. So as long as you are bringing a keg of dark beer you should be good.

  7. Nephilium

    Honestly, I’m not a fan of receiving hand written thank you notes after the event. You’ve thanked me at the event in question, the obligation is done, I’m satisfied that you enjoyed yourself, and you’ll be welcome back again (unless you were a non-entertaining dick). This is high on my mind now since I just was at a graduation party for several friends’ children (one kid graduated high school, and his cousin got his bachelors). If I don’t get a note, but the kids thank me the next time I see them, I’m fine with that.

    1. Don Escaped Texas

      Neph is an excellent guest.

      From the UCS and other notes, I suspect there is something about Glibs having great manners. Respecting that others go their own way, respecting their property, and minding your own business makes for an excellent baseline.

      1. SP

        Exactly. That’s etiquette, the “why” of using good manners. Respect and consideration for the other person.

    2. SP

      *note to self* no thank you notes to Neph

      Etiquette is about making the other person comfortable. Sometimes one needs to adjust one’s practices. So I shall, in your case.

    3. Ayn Random Variation

      Ofcourse there was a Seinfeld episode about this. The one about the hockey playoff tickets and the face painter.

    4. Certified Public Asshat

      I guess a hand written thank you can be nice, but what really bothers me are stock birthday/father’s day/Valentine’s day/whatever day cards. All I can think about is what a waste of $5 your card was, especially when it accompanies a gift. The gift was enough, now I have to way for a week to pass before I can consider tossing the card I didn’t want.

      1. Rhywun

        I just got a 50th birthday card from a brother I haven’t communicated with in years, and I was touched. My family is not very communicative to begin with, so in that case, a birthday card kind of actually did mean something.

        1. Don Escaped Texas

          Mom cleaned out her mom’s house 2002 or so

          and brought me every letter and card I had ever written, all saved in a special place going back 40 years

    5. gbob

      Neph, you get my next invite. I hate thank you notes. What do you do with them?

      Me, I use them to fuel my chimney starter when I’m cooking a meal without the knucklehead who sent me a letter. (Although I feel guilty after, for hating them for when they were just trying to be polite)

      1. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        What do you do with them?

        For thank you notes, you read them. Smile. Deposit in trash.

        If the cards are related to an event where you may get a few stragglers (like birthdays), it’s acceptable to hold on to them until a few days after the event, then deposit in trash.

        The only cards I keep are the ones my wife (and daughter) write me.

        Same goes for everything sentimental. I used to keep and agonize over everything gifted to me. Now, unless it’s from my wife (or daughter), I do with it the same as if I had just opened a box of old stuff we never unpacked from the last move. If I can use it, I keep it. If not, it goes to goodwill or the trash.

  8. Ayn Random Variation

    I request a script on how to handle Monday mornings at a job full of extroverts. You went to the beach? In the summer? Wow how interesting!

    1. Brett L

      “Fuck off, slaver!”

      1. Ayn Random Variation

        You have no idea how many times I’ve bitten my tongue on that one

    2. SP

      I can do that. I am an intense introvert and I hate coworkers and mornings and Mondays. And the beach.

      Consider it on my writing schedule.

      Edited to add: and summer since moving to AZ.

      1. Nephilium

        and summer since moving to AZ.

        “But it’s a dry heat.” — all the idiots in Arizona.

        When it’s 120 it’s still fscking hot as hell.

        /insert video from Arrested Development about opening a cab door in Phoenix.

      2. Ayn Random Variation

        Thank you! I too am an introvert and had a horrible day. I can’t stand that I know everything about the woman’s life who sits next to me.

      3. Tulip

        Let’s see, introvert, hates coworkers, Monday’s. Hi sis!

        1. Rhywun

          Seriously. This could turn out to be one weird Ancestry thread.

    3. Sean

      Be the person in charge. I went off this morning about people calling out and how people should get to work. Now. Cleared the room fast.

    4. banginglc1

      The trick is to be extremely cranky every morning. At both of my last two jobs I developed a reputation to where no one would talk to me until I was on at least my second cup of coffee. When I had employees, they were scared to ask me questions until at least 9am (I got there around 7:30).

      Moral of the story, always be a grouch and people will leave you alone.

      1. Tulip

        We’re supposed to be collegial at my job. Sobs

      2. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I knew I liked you, banginglc1.

    5. straffinrun

      Introverts just need to be talked to in a very loud voice. Especially on Monday mornings. “GOOD MORNING! DID YOU WATCH TV YESTERDAY?”

      1. Ownbestenemy

        Thats how postal shooting happen

        1. Tulip

          At least fantasy ones

          1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            That’s, uh….some dark fantasies you have there, Tulip.

            /adds Tulip to “the list”. Then, to “the other list”

        2. blackjack

          +1 have you seen my stapler, it’s a red slingline?

    6. Pope Jimbo

      Just be very insistent on seeing pictures of their trip to the beach. Especially pics of their 12 year old daughters. Ask for hard copies you can take back to your cube. That should shut them up.

      1. Lackadaisical

        And a visit from HR, if you’re lucky.

  9. Count Potato

    Something not to do at a dinner party:

    “Consider the protest food: Ranking throwable foods based on accuracy, messiness, and symbolic resonance”

    https://twitter.com/Eater/status/1142869981488656385

    “Milkshakes, Eggs, and Other Throwable Protest Foods, Ranked

    As a nonviolent act that leads to humiliation, hurling these foods is the ultimate act of dissent”

    https://www.eater.com/2019/6/10/18652472/milkshakes-eggs-throwable-protest-foods-ranked

    1. Ted S.

      Throwing food on/at somebody is non-violent?

      1. Sean

        Not ever in my universe.

        1. Trigger Hippie

          Agreed. But it is a civil case over the dry cleaning bill, plus time and hassle.

      2. The Hyperbole

        Depends on the food, jello or cotton candy? no chance of physical harm- not violence. An acorn squash or coconut? yeah that’s going to be assault.

        1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

          If it feels like it could be any type of body tissue and/or fluid, it creates the possibility of violence already occurring. With that established, I don’t see what’s stopping an armed person (who was attacked in said fashion) from neutralizing the threat. If a person could be throwing body parts/effluvia at you, it would follow they are violently dangerous, and, need to be stopped.

    2. Akira

      As a nonviolent act that leads to humiliation, hurling these foods is the ultimate act of dissent

      Yea, humiliation for the person throwing it, who in doing so reveals that they don’t have any rational argument whatsoever, they just want to silence people with whom they disagree.

    3. Old Man With Candy

      Look, the Stooges proved it- pie is the best and only appropriate food to throw, despite its aerodynamic inefficiency.

      1. Lackadaisical

        What if you threw it like a discus?

        1. Old Man With Candy

          That is not the canonical method.

          1. Nephilium

            Of course, it’s more like a shot put.

    4. Rhywun

      anti-fascist protesters have hurled milkshakes

      “Anti-fascist”

      Uh huh.

  10. straffinrun

    How do I get out of sending New Years cards to people I haven’t even met or talked to in years? The culture insists that if someone sends you one, you have to send them one. It’s always amusing to watch the wife panic when she spots a few in the stack from people we didn’t send one to. Our list is at around 100 every year. Lately some people are sending digital messages in their place. That is BS, but my handwriting is spectacular and looks like a 14 y/o girl’s.

    1. Ted S.

      Thank them in English.

      1. straffinrun

        And miss the chance to humiliate them by seeing a white devil with better handwriting?

    2. SP

      You just don’t do it. It’s like someone giving you an unexpected gift. You are under no obligation to reciprocate, unless you have a reason for wanting to rekindle the relationship.

    3. Gustave Lytton

      Lately some people are sending digital messages in their place. That is BS

      Because you don’t get a lottery number?

    4. mikey

      New Years cards? First I’ve heard of this. A new thing, or is the War on Christmas over and Christmas lost?

      1. Gustave Lytton

        https://savvytokyo.com/need-know-japans-nengajo-new-years-cards/

        And if there’s a war on a Christmas in Nippon, it’s over and Christmas won. Or at least a non-religious Christmas. Lots and lots of lighting, decorations everywhere, especially on old style department stores. Toy trains, Christmas trees everywhere. And with the prevalence of suits and more formal wear (as least far more than I’m used on left coast), it’s like an old fashioned Christmas straight out of childhood imagination.

        1. Ozymandias

          The Chinese do the same thing. I couldn’t believe how over the top the Chinese were about US holidays. It was…kind of amazing, really.

  11. Don Escaped Texas

    How will Salon turn this into blackface or cultural appropriation?

    The Royals wore Kansas City Monarchs throwback uniforms, while the Twins wore St. Paul Gophers threads.

    To whom should reparations be paid!?1/1/1?

    Now back to manners: I like manners.

    1. Ted S.

      Suggest that Latin players are resulting in a decline in the number of white Anglos, and it’s totally racist. Suggest that Latin players are resulting in a decline in the number of black Anglos, and it’s totally virtuous.

      1. Ayn Random Variation

        It is known.
        Yes I’ve heard both of these by the same people.
        Strangely, I’m only interested in the skill level of the players on my Yankees.

    2. Trigger Hippie

      I can guarantee you if they did write up a criticism, and it did become a national news story, KC would respond with a collective FUCK OFF!!! The Monarchs multiple jerseys are some of the coolest ever made. I especially like the road greys.

      1. banginglc1

        I read that as road gays and thought”I’ll bet some of those guys do get a little frisky with each other when they are away from home and locked in a hotel room with nothing but other men”

  12. Spudalicious

    So texting, “Thx” the next day would be inappropriate?

    1. straffinrun

      Is etiquette for chicks? As a guy, I’m with Spud. Anything more than “thx” is gay.

      1. Old Man With Candy

        As a guy, I’m with Spud.

        Cough, cough. Right.

        1. Spudalicious

          Got a rusty can lid up against your nuts, do ya?

  13. Old Man With Candy

    More realistic:

    Dear SP,

    Thank you so much for inviting me to your fun dinner party Saturday night. I had a great time!

    The gathering was a wonderful reminder of how sharing delicious food and warm laughter around a lovely table always brings people together. It was interesting to see OMWC’s circumcision scar, and it was very impressive! It was so kind and considerate of him to hand out photographs to everyone present! Your friends were an interesting group, and their stories about prison life were delightfully colorful.

    I really appreciate your thoughtfulness in including me.

    Truly yours,

    Glibby

    1. SP

      Damnit, now you’ve ruined the surprise party favors for next weekend!

    2. banginglc1

      It was interesting to see OMWC’s circumcision scar

      I though most people on this site would be a tad too old for you.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        Well we really didn’t have much choice about seeing the scar given that your table is made out of a sheet of glass that had been ground into a giant magnifying glass who’s focal point was aimed right at OMWC’s chair.

    3. Spudalicious

      p.s. Do you, by chance, know where these bruises came from?

      1. Ted S.

        I only bruise you because I love you!

      2. Old Man With Candy

        Hah, you remembered that incident. We destroyed that amateur.

  14. Naptown Bill

    What does one take when one is crashing a dinner party to which one was not invited[?]

    Easy: a bladed instrument of sufficient sharpness and length to commit ritual suicide on the front lawn in an attempt to wash away the shame one has just brought upon oneself and one’s family.

    1. SP

      That’s correct.

    2. Gustave Lytton

      Why would someone show up when they don’t have to??

      https://youtu.be/opk4x7jzRS4

  15. LJW

    At the end of the evening, the hostess walked you to the door and thanked you for joining the group.

    What do you do?

    A) Thank your hostess as you are leaving and call it good

    B) Phone your hostess the following week to say thanks

    C) Send a thank you email or text as soon as you get home

    D) Handwrite a thoughtful thank you note and mail it

    E) Text “Oops, my bad” from the county lockup

    F) Suggest a threesome, she’s obviously making a move on you and your wife.

    1. Spudalicious

      F. Always F. If she says, “no”, they’re not your type anyways.

    2. banginglc1

      F) Suggest a threesome, she’s obviously making a move on you and your wife.

      I’ve been to that party before. Unfortunately it wasn’t with the level of people I’d have wanted it to be.

      1. Count Potato

        Try to grab the keys for the most expensive brand of car. Rich guys tend to have better looking wives.

      2. Lackadaisical

        Unfortunately it wasn’t with the level of people I’d have wanted it to be.

        Isn’t that usually the case?

        1. Suthenboy

          Usually, but not always.

      3. LJW

        Sort of like nude beaches. Sounds great on paper…

        1. Gustave Lytton

          -1 Germans in speedos

          1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            Well, -1 Speedos. Otherwise, the German’s are doing it wrong.

    3. gbob

      Why the note? An evening without having sex with the hostess is considered a boring affair.

  16. blackjack

    Dear SP,

    Thank you so much for inviting me to your etiquette thread.

    The people were so…

    Well, thanks for inviting me anyway. I don’t usually get invited without some hookers.

    Yours truly, Blackjack

  17. Don Escaped Texas

    mold the impression people have of you

    These are tough times. If you dress well, you’re a snob. If you’re quiet, they think you’re judging them.

    My replies are almost autistic: I seldom agree with others, but it’s not my place to point that out at work or hardly anywhere for that matter. People announce things that are no one’s business, and I don’t think to acknowledge them. On the other hand, if I did say anything it would be arrogant . . . and critical, as if my opinion mattered.

    Another problem: I have powerful furrowing muscles. The least grin or scowl can create ripples from my eyebrows well up and across my bald top; you could use my forehead as a scrub board. Why are you mad? I’m not mad, why did you say that? Having a big face at the council fire was a good idea 3000 years ago, but it really puts folk off in this millennium.

    You can chase the opinion thing only so far. The generous assumptions of others is really all that is reliable . . . and that’s okay: you end up friends with the reasonable folk and the others shrink away.

    1. Lackadaisical

      These are tough times. If you dress well, you’re a snob. If you’re quiet, they think you’re judging them.
      My replies are almost autistic: I seldom agree with others, but it’s not my place to point that out at work or hardly anywhere for that matter. People announce things that are no one’s business, and I don’t think to acknowledge them. On the other hand, if I did say anything it would be arrogant . . . and critical, as if my opinion mattered.

      So much this^.

      But, is anyone really surprised that glibs are borderline autistic? 😉

      1. Social Justice is Neither

        Which side do you think has more?

    2. banginglc1

      I think Don just might be my twin.

      1. Don Escaped Texas

        you poor bastard!

        Here’s the stupid part: I’ll talk your head off. In the right setting with a curious and open counterpart, I can go all night, never shut up; why do you think that? What about the Bay of Pigs? But that doesn’t apply during true deflation. All night: in the right setting with the right folk. But at work leave your home stuff, politics, religion, financial advice, whatever at home.

        1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

          So, what if a libertarian-minded person ran a Christ-centered financial planning service out of their home?

          What then, Mr. Critical Arrogance??

          1. Old Man With Candy

            a Christ-centered financial planning service

            The PTL Club?

          2. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            Well, I was thinking more Dave Ramsey.

            But, if Jessica Hahn (late 80’s version) is involved…sure.

  18. Nephilium

    In other etiquette faux pas, there was an old acquaintance of mine who didn’t believe that if you brought a bottle of liquor to a party, the bottle stayed there (barring exceptions like a group high end tasting). He didn’t believe it until at least half a dozen people told him the same thing.

    1. Ayn Random Variation

      +1 marble rye

    2. Pope Jimbo

      In college we had the opposite. Someone had bought a bottle of insanely undrinkable booze. It was some sort of liqueur that had been purchased for just a few dollars, It was so bad that the trick was to be able to leave it at someone’s house without the host making you take it home.

      1. banginglc1

        We tended not to have much leftover booze when I was in college, no matter how bad it was.

        1. Pope Jimbo

          We weren’t normally the types that left booze undrunk either, but this shit was noxious as hell. It was drunk slowly one shot at a time as unsuspecting n00bs were tricked into trying it.

      2. blackjack

        When I was a kid we had a chunk of hash like that. Everyone decided it was bunk and it floated around for weeks. Finally, my brother ate it and was toasted for hours. Apparently, it was a dosage problem.

      3. creech

        Years ago, for a libertarian convention party, we bought 3 bottles of Algerian wine for $2. Actually got a few compliments on the “good red wine” we served.

    3. gbob

      The worst. Did a BBQ the other week. Smoked the hell out of a piece of meat. Invited people over. Some of them brought friends I wasn’t expecting. One of those brought over a twelve pack. Drank my cocktails all evening. Left with his leftover beer.

      Fuck that guy.

      1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

        He sounds like the type to take a baby to the movies. Piece of human shit, that one.

  19. Count Potato

    “High end game journalism is like critical theory, in which the stars are people who criticize what is produced, rather than those who produce. (Also, this is the most Vox media thing ever.)

    2 It is an interesting story, and it points out correctly that gaming fandom draws a lot of shitbirds, but it’s several “metas” above anything I want to read about games. Sarkeesian’s main jobs seem to be drawing grants, and aspiring to run a quasi-protection racket…”

    https://twitter.com/NonWhiteHat/status/1143220291017084928

    “The Anita Sarkeesian story”

    https://www.polygon.com/features/2019/6/19/18679678/anita-sarkeesian-feminist-frequency-interview-history-story

    Maybe you can pitch a treatment to Lifetime. I haven’t read such a one-sided tongue bath since Obama was President.

    1. Rhywun

      I refuse to take any of that even remotely seriously. I can stomach a lot of derp but that… no. Just, no.

    2. gbob

      Long time ago, back in 2000, I was working in the game industry. After reading a nasty post from a player, I responded “The worst aspect of being a community manager if that you can’t say things like ‘It’s amazing that someone with so much man dick in their mouth can say such stupid things’ instead you need to say, ‘I disagree with what you said’ [Guy whose name I forgot], I disagree with what you said.”

      Would have been fired today, but for a while it became a hell of a meme.

      1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

        You wrote for Superbad, didn’t you?

      2. Chafed

        I’d like to put your picture on the dollar.

        1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

          Why not a fiver? A fifty? Dream big, my man!

  20. Pope Jimbo

    I don’t know. A hand written note would necessarily involve the USPS. Real libertarians don’t truck with slavers like the USPS.

    1. banginglc1

      Why wouldn’t you just send an orphan to deliver it?

      1. Nephilium

        A real libertarian would use the American Letter Mail Company.

        1. Donation Not Taxation

          Only for dinner parties between 1844 and 1851.

    2. Donation Not Taxation

      If it has to be an original copy of a handwritten note and not a scan of a handwritten note, FedEx Letter Next Day is an alternative to the US Postal Service.

      1. Pope Jimbo

        Look. Anytime I take a stand on a principle, it isn’t so much that I believe in that principle as that i believe that principle can get me out of a tedious task.

        I’m against the USPS because it lets me fuck off on writing stupid notes. I’m for breast feeding because it lets me push that chore onto my wife. I’m for bringing back the natural prairie grassland in my yard because it rationalizes my desire not to spend more than a half hour a week on yard work.

        See a pattern?

      2. blackjack

        Can I make mine out of cut out letters from magazines? I’ve always liked that look.

    3. Spudalicious

      “Real libertarians don’t truck with slavers like the USPS.”

      Now THIS, is how you Glib.

  21. Count Potato

    https://twitter.com/Cam_Cawthorne/status/1143312254537994241

    STEVE SMITH THINK RAPE SEXY TOO

    1. Rhywun

      Oh my God.

    2. Lackadaisical

      I should stop randomly clicking links. Thankfully Twitter never works for me anyway.

      1. banginglc1

        I try not to click links where the description talks about sexy rape

    3. Suthenboy

      Ooooooooh Kaaaay

      She seems totally believable

  22. Q Continuum

    Mammary Monday can’t hide its lying eyes.

    https://thechive.com/2019/06/23/sexy-girls-in-sports-bras-is-a-workout-for-your-eyes-38-photos/

    1. blackjack

      Number 3’s smile is a thin disguise.

  23. Count Potato

    “I was thinking of uploading the first 2 chapters of the @CountDankulaTV / @SUEHULK comic. Oh wait, I just did! https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/the-illegal-joke-the-trial-of-count-dankula/list?title_no=307698 …”

    https://twitter.com/BryanShickley/status/1139363901756153856

  24. The Hyperbole

    HA!

    1. Rhywun

      LOL @ goalpost video

    2. “Tulsi Gabbard Apologist”

      I miss that Amash.

    3. Not an Economist

      That is actually a constitutional gray area. The President is Commander in Chief so presumably can order the military to do things, like bomb something. But he can’t declare war, only Congress can do that.

      From what I understand, the present legal theory is the President can order a short number of missions but for anything sustained he must go to Congress.

  25. Tundra

    Despite taking shots from all sides – again – I really like these. Etiquette appears to be a dying art, but most of the time it’s so damn simple.

    Thanks, SP.

  26. Don Escaped Texas

    driving: the left lane belongs to me; I squat here to pass judgment on folks who are comfortable driving faster than 1962

    golf: I’ll play as slowly as I like; let me look over this putt from three angles even though there is no chance I will sink it

    etiquette!

    1. Tundra

      Etiquette in sports would be an interesting one, too. From the unwritten rules of baseball, to how to conduct yourself in a pick-up hockey game, there are a surprising number of Miss Manners-esque rules.

      1. Don Escaped Texas

        roller hockey doesn’t have a blue line, but it’s lame to score when you would have been offsides . . . . no good unwritten rule for that

        1. Ozymandias

          You guys really are the best. I was playing my first game of pickup hockey in many years. I may have been trying to make up for my piss poor skating with ‘hustle’ and dove for a puck… okay, maybe I was falling anyway. Fuck you, alright?! I haven’t skated in 15 years and I’ve had two back surgeries. You wanna have a go…?
          Wait, what was I saying again…?

    2. blackjack

      Ok,

      Outlaw Bikers: talk about bikes and know what you’re talking about.

      Cops: don’t really talk, except to ask for a supervisor or a lawyer

      Bosses: kiss ass, but not too much.

      Hot chicks: ALWAYS point out whatever you think she thinks is her biggest physical flaw. She’s sick of guys fawning over her, and if you mention her slightly big ears, she’ll think you “get her.”

      There’s more, but I’m tired.

      1. Chafed

        But I have so much to learn!

        1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

          You’re already a learned man….with a library full of books….and rich mahogany.

  27. The Bearded Hobbit

    Dear SP,

    Thank you for meeting with my wife and me last year. If I hadn’t consumed so many martinis I could remember it better. Sorry about being late.

    Truly yours,

    Hobbit

  28. Tulip

    Look, you hand write the note and you mail it. You’re just showing that you are willing to make an effort in return for the effort the host(ess) made by including you. That’s it. It isn’t hard.

    1. Tulip

      Economists call this a gift exchange.

    2. Rhywun

      I actually love it – in theory.

      In practice, I don’t even have the address of most of my circle. Granted, I don’t have much of a circle. If I was into things like marriage and church, it would probably be different.

      At the end of the day, I like the advice someone gave above. Respond in kind. If you get an invite in the mail, that’s when you thank-you by mail too.

      1. Tulip

        But getting the address (if you’ve been to their home, you have the address) you show you care and demonstrate a small effort.

        1. Rhywun

          Yeah, brain-fart.

          I suppose I would have to dig through emails to find them – like, I can’t even.

        2. Nephilium

          But some of us don’t want that show. And would rather just an honest thank you at the event, and perhaps, an invitation to an event in return. Show up, bring good beer/liquor/food, be a good guest, and I’m happy.

          1. Tulip

            Have you gotten any? I am fine with not getting thank you notes, but it is always a pleasant surprise to get one

    3. SP

      Exactly!

  29. The Bearded Hobbit

    On topic: I have always thought that sympathy cards were tacky. “Sorry he’s dead. Here’s a $1.98 card”.

    However, since the passing of my sister-in-law, my wife and her mother have received a large number of cards.

    What’s the glib opinion of this?

    1. Rhywun

      It’s the thought that counts.

      1. The Bearded Hobbit

        I have to say that’s the most glib answer that anyone could have come up with. Well done.

    2. CPRM

      I received no sympathy cards when my dad died. I don’t think getting them would have changed anything.

      1. PieInTheSky

        I mostly received whattsup/telegram messages and a few phone calls, but then again cards for that are really not a thing here.

    3. SP

      I think a card is fine, especially if it is a business acquaintance who has suffered the loss. But it needs a sincere remark added to the printed sentiment.

      If the deceased is someone I knew, I like to send a handwritten letter to the “main bereaved” recalling something about the deceased that touched me or made me laugh.

      I also try to post in the guest book of a funeral home obituary. I was really touched by how many people commented that my Mom had made a difference in their lives, and subsequently donated to the memorial scholarship we set up.

  30. Q Continuum

    https://archive.li/Zgehd/454d22f457bee65c40394aadf51979808d3be99f.jpg

    NSFW.

    1. Q Continuum

      https://archive.li/6oB5l/07c6cd7ae169cc985abd931e2d09003ef2edbe95.jpg

      NSFW.

      1. Q Continuum

        https://archive.li/5kbBy/e133d74b244aad56671570e68bad3e18fd1492a1.jpg

        NSFW.

    2. PieInTheSky

      The winner is number 2

  31. Sir Digby (PBUH)

    Here’s to you: The One Who Got Away!

    1. Rhywun

      It’s amazing anyone takes that fraud Biden seriously on anything.

      1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

        They should cut him some slack, in regards to PP. All his groping had surely led to some “complications”.

  32. CPRM

    Rendering a new cartoon. Whew! beat the dead line by almost two days! Git Yer Drank On!

    1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

      You will have to teach me how to work that fast.

      Or, is that why you disappear so early from the chat?

      1. CPRM

        The time consuming part is finding Trump audio. The rest I can do in a couple hours, usually broken up into two nights. Once I have the audio, the script writes itself and once a script is written I know the shots, once I know the shots I can animate. Once I animate I can edit. Then I’m done.

        1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

          Look at CPRM over here, bein’ all Tony Montana!

          1. CPRM

            I’m also drinking and or drunk through most of the process. Helps me write and feel less stupid making voices into a mic when I’m sitting all alone in the house.

          2. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            Wait….you weren’t doing drunk voices when you proofread the article, were you??

            Did you drink and read?

          3. CPRM

            NO! *suspiciously avoids eye contact*

          4. CPRM

            Did you get your article finished and submitted? They gave you a place holder, it’s up Thursday. Never seen them do that with a new contributor. I must have some pull round these parts.

          5. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            Dang! Yeah, I got it subbed last night/EARLY this morning. Probably about 45 min or so after my last email. Where did you see the placeholder?

            Here’s hoping my note gets recognized.

            /Get it? Note? Etiquette? Meh, I got nuthin’

          6. CPRM

            In your dashboard now you should be able to click on posts and see the calendar, it say’s what articles are scheduled to run. If One of us trusted contributors has save something like ‘save me a spot this week’ they’ll put in a place holder and I saw they had one in there for your article on Thursday. Might be the real article now, I checked yesterday.

          7. CPRM

            Just checked, the real deal is scheduled now. Woohoo!

          8. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            Holy crap. I can’t thank you enough for the help on that. I mean, I could send you a hand-written thank you letter, but, neither of us want that.

            Still 2 hours left for 20% off at Redbubble, as of this post…..

          9. CPRM

            And now my Wed cartoon is submitted. I can breathe easy for another month before I panic that I’ve got nothing done.

          10. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            A whole month??? What, did you win the lottery?

            /good on ya, mate.

          11. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            I still have to figure out when/where Gropin’ Joe makes his debut.

          12. CPRM

            You have a local planned parenthood? Stand outside giving out free condoms wearing it, LOL.

          13. CPRM

            A whole month??? What, did you win the lottery?

            My patreon only has a once a month pay out, not a per episode, sooo…

          14. Gustave Lytton

            It’s like watching sausage getting made.

            Phone tap of Glib conversation

          15. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            You givin’ me shit, Gustave? After all the kind words I say on your behalf? Talk about poor etiquette…

            /links, or patties?

          16. Gustave Lytton

            Not at all. I’ve always been a sucker for seeing how things are done behind the curtain.

            Hard choice. Links are easier to cook but I think I like a good home cooked patty. No permanent hockey pucks.

          17. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            Ahh! Here I was, thinking you were making a “sausage fest”-type joke.

            I mean, yeah. Still, though…

  33. PieInTheSky

    Yeah I see no possible situation in which I would write a thank you note… But it is not really a habit round these parts. Good morning Glibs.

    1. CPRM

      Thank you for inviting me to initiation of another creature of the night. And thank you for your offer of vine, I don’t drink…vine.

  34. Gustave Lytton

    Calling cards or death cards: card stock for the properly outfitted Glib

    1. CPRM

      Do they even sell payphone cards anymore?

    2. Sir Digby (PBUH)

      For Paladin, kinda the same thing.

      1. CPRM

        DAGUMIT DIGBY!!!!

        1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

          Great minds, and all that.

    3. CPRM

      Also, BADASS.

  35. CPRM

    Alt right, don’t want to, but my body is saying I should get in a few hours of sleep. My cartoon and Digby’s article are in so, a good night’s drunk.

    1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

      Well…just a few, slacker.

    2. Chafed

      You and your sleep. Just give it up for one night.

  36. Chafed

    Paging MLW.

    https://twitchy.com/brettt-3136/2019/06/24/teen-vogues-piece-on-the-relevance-of-karl-marxs-ideas-is-so-important-theyre-running-it-again/

  37. Sir Digby (PBUH)

    Teen Vogue: “Like, free shit is, like, the BEST shit!”

    1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

      Damn you, Reply button!!!!1!!!1!

      1. Chafed

        Sure, blame the button.

        1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

          No, I’m pissed at the mouse, too. I just took my anger out on it off-line.

          1. Chafed

            Pics or it didn’t happen.

          2. Sir Digby (PBUH)

            You want your dose of ultraviolence, don’t you?

  38. Chafed

    Librarianism’s dark past.

    https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/dewey-decimal-system-founder-expunged-from-library-award-over-racism-and-anti-semitism

    You know this guy wouldn’t send SP a thank you note.

    1. Sir Digby (PBUH)

      They shouldn’t stop with just that Dewey. Of course, they will, until John goes out of vogue.

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