Author: Brett L

Tomorrow my wife takes a guild test that determines whether or not she’ll be allowed to practice in the field she spent two years in school for. Things are a little… tense… around here today. We don’t have a cat to kick, so I’m filling that role for the household. “See that scar? Its about the size of a cigar. That’s what happens when you fail to make breakfast properly in my house.” Kidding. She’s just freaking out and not really talking to me.

If it is true that the Trump administration has learned restraint… the world may never recover.

Let’s play a game called Antifa or white supremacists.

Duke Nukem is dropping out of the Dem primary. Seriously, if you can’t make it to Iowa or New Hampshire, what the fuck are you doing declaring your candidacy?

39 warning shots? Is this guy a cop? Nice that his 12 year old son saved the day with a wrench. (h/t FdA)

Let’s just rock today.

Hey guys, I hope no one here is as hungover as my wife. She had an excellent 4th of July, and I suspect the first hour or so of the 5th were pretty fun, too, but now… Grumpy.

Slate grudgingly admits that the whole 4th of July thing was not quite the third act of The Wall.

Modern day slavery in the UK. Insert Polack joke… well, its really not funny.

Man, I knew teledildonics was going to be huge. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

Good news, more armed good guys in school. Bad news, police training.

Hey guys, I hope all the Americans here are ready for the holiday tomorrow. I’ve had a brisket in a sous vide since Monday, and I’ll smoke it on the grill tomorrow. Mmm. Brisket.

This is defintely my wife’s worst one of her worst fears. She hates all of the Ship Channel bridges. And flying.

Oh no! all of that lost whiskey.

In Florida, even the water is trying kill you.

This is how I want to go out.

Happy Tuesday, all. I’d like to report an episode of spousal bullying. My wife has been after me for weeks to go to the dermatologist and get “checked out”. I keep trying to tell her that the mole on my back is my friend and he likes it where he is, but she says she’s not into being watched while she sleeps. I broke down and did what I was told. Its a sad world we live in where a man can be bullied by his wife.

Trump signs IRS reform bill that, among other things, prevents IRS employees who were “involuntarily separated” from the IRS from being rehired as employees or contractors.

Mr. Lizard, if you are out there, stay safe. I look forward to the interesting ways Florida Man will kill and maim himself attempting to kill iguanas.

Vice President Pence cancels NH appearance to “return to the White House”. The series Veep assured me that the Veep is NEVER called to the White House. T/W: Autoplay. H/T Heroic Mulatto, who is glad that a man who won’t lunch with a strange woman alone is no longer despoiling his fine state. (No, seriously, the link is SFW and will not alter your state of consciousness)

It looks like we may have the first exit from the Democratic Presidential Clown Car.

We’ll throw this back to my teen hormones.

Man, I had an epic nap this afternoon. I’ll, err, totally be making up the time this evening. It’s amazing when your body just goes “okay, we’re taking the server down for emergency maintenance, find a comfy place”. An hour and a half later, all processes are running better.

Willie Brown stabs his old side-piece in the back, and speaks truth

Republicans “lie in wait” to POUNCE

Syria to Cyprus: My bad, we were shooting at (((them)))

Let’s move that victory parade to the 4th of July and go home. Whatever good we have done for Afghanistan is in the past. Let us leave the future of Afghanistan to the Afghans.

From a different channel on which some Glibs put this in my head: War(ren), what is she good for?

Florida Man doing links on a Sunday? Well, OMWC and SP threw a party and the Old Man might actually sleep past 4am, so I’m paying off some help.

Trump’s definitely got Kim in his pocket. How else do you explain this little PsyOp?

Proud Boys jumped by Antifa throwing milkshakes full of quick drying cement, which is basically liquid rocks. Aggravated assault charges are warranted. Disrupting a lawful demonstration seems the harshest charge leveled.

Congratulations Wichita Falls, I hereby declare you spiritually part of Florida.

I’ve been on an electronic kick lately.

How’s everyone today? I’m going to prison again tomorrow. Once again just visiting. It turns out that my outlaw father-in-law has cancer, so we’re going to see him again. Thanks to MS for covering for me on short notice yesterday afternoon. Things you shouldn’t say to your wife within two hours of her finding out her dad has cancer: “Well, at least we’re not in China, so they won’t harvest his organs until after they treat him”.

Accusing anyone of being the “mastermind” of the David Ortiz shooting is generous, but they arrested someone.

You think its okay to row a boot after you’ve been drinkin’, eh?

Despite all the fun Arby’s seems to be having, and how much I like the beef’n’cheddar, every time I go in there, I feel like I’m going back to the 80s and stay away for a while.

This guy says he’s had countless offers of marriage due to his fashion sense, unfortunately, they’re all 90 year olds.

This came across in the gym, and I was like, yeah,I like both of these bands.

After blood sacrifices and many vile oaths, the Expedition is shifting again. The ultimate culprit? A 5 amp fuse. I guess I just misread the fuse box instructions, because I checked about six of them before ordering parts. However, both my sons thought the old shifter, taken apart was pretty bitchin’, and they don’t know dad blew $250 to fix a $.25 problem. Lemme tell you, I know a fuckton more about all the safety electronics surrounding the brake systems of modern cars though.

UN reports record cocaine production. And here I thought the blue hats just pimped kids.

Good lord, this is not for the weak of stomach. A man was found alive after a bear broke his spine and dragged him back to a den. Holy fuck.

EU vows to rip off SpaceX Falcon 9.

People who don’t understand how commodities work, part 100,404,845. Although, I’d totally go be an asteroid miner once my kids are raised.

Mexican Sharpshooter wanted me to play this for you

Hey guys, my car parts just arrived, so I’m gonna go try to fix more than I break. Have a great afternoon.

Is stealing your wife’s press secretary like sleeping with her cousin?

It seems the climate change is unevenly distributed. Is Al Gore in town?

When Florida Man says he loves children, he means like OMWC

You’d think the Germans would have tried this already.

I wish this was true. I got all sweaty just taking it apart.

Well, after three consecutive summers of throwing money at the problem, my kids decided they would learn to swim this weekend. I’m only half joking. Two weekends ago, it was like water was actively dangerous, rather than a passive inhalation hazard, and yesterday the almost 4 year old was jumping in from the side. Today at lessons, he was swimming all the way across the pool and taking breaths without ever putting his feet down. So I guess if you need me, I’ll be at the pool for the rest of the summer, because that is pretty much what they ask now. When can we go swimming?

Two people who were hilarious at their best, but usually just annoying are teaming up. I eagerly await the Antifa vs. Roseanne impersonators fist fights.

Man, this makes me glad to be a Seminole. Its not like Mike Sr. didn’t have more chances than any other program to win the big one.

This is what happens when you welsh on a golf bet.

That sonofabitch Trump keeps doing things to make me like him. I mean, SLD, simulated transparency in a highly-regulated market is less desirable than the actual transparency a much less regulated market would generate, but…