Author: Brett L

The mercury is at 65 and falling. No telling how many iguanas, alligators, pythons, and manatees will be killed by this unseasonable cold front, but my best guess is zero. I’m sure the local news will breathlessly cover the over on that one. Overnight temperatures could dip below 40 degrees. I’m stocking up on meth and hot chocolate. To make matters worse, I have a dental appointment today where they hygienist will mercilessly berate me for being an occasional flosser. I’ll pretend contrition and go home with a sore mouth.

PETA holds “dog barbecue” with fake dog. I’m the sort of heartless monster who would ask for a slice of the flank and the feign anger that this wasn’t a better way for them to dispose of all the dogs they euthanize than just tossing them in the landfill.

Amanda Knox is back in the news and $20K richer after an Italian court found that Italian police had violated her civil rights. Taking a page from their American brethren, they found “no evidence that she had been physically assaulted”.

The new, sassy Lindsay Graham is just fabulous.

If Beto was a Republican, this would sink his candidacy. Instead, this non-story will be spun into a MASH-note of how edgy, sexy, and creative he is. OMG, he was in a punk cover band! Sploosh!

Let’s see some real punks do their own work. Take it Dee-dee!

I’m happier’n a camel on Hump Day. Mostly because my wife and I are actually going to have an adult dinner out somewhere. That will be great. Imagine, talking with your partner about shit other than the next thing on the to-do list.

So you run a company that spends 11 months a year producing product that sells out in six weeks, and you can’t stay in business? Was your entire upper management peopled by former government managers?

What city government WOULDN’T want a Nigerian Prince on their vendor list? Way to go DC!

I won’t pretend this didn’t give me a good laugh.

I was having an interesting conversation with a lawyer friend about how people under 35 or so seem to be willing to forego specialized services that people over 35 think are just the cost of doing business. His story involved a young entrepreneur walking away from a million-dollar partnership rather than pay a $5000 retainer. Like, not only did the guy not use my friend’s services, he just walked away with whatever his partner offered him, which was not an even split. Here’s one about a similar age-cohort foregoing doctors. I don’t want to overstate the case — young people of many generations have foregone doctors because if you’re 25 and typically healthy you don’t absolutely need one. However, I would be interested to hear other people’s take on this because I do kind of feel like there’s a kernel of insight there. Can apps + The Interwebs really reduce the bullshit and optimize your time spent on such things to approximately zero, or not? Is this just being young and not at all generational? I’m not strongly one one side or the other and beg the wisdom and insight of the Glibertariat.

The only doctor any millenial needs.

Happy Tuesday, back to work, back to work. Unless you’re snowed in or frozen in. I was up pretty late drinking and reading Azure documentation. So I guess I just need to be properly buzzed for the test next week. Thank God for Uber, right?

Prudish scolds shouted down the Library of Congress for noticing (as our own Sloopy did) that Stonewall Jackson (a pretty good American soldier before he joined the Confederacy) happened to be born on the same day his conquerors (or re-conquerors) government chose to honor Dr. Martin Luther King’s contribution to America. I kind of wonder who Dr. King would identify with more being Southern, a gun owner, and having experienced the oppression at the hands of government agents. I guess I should text my wife and tell her to prepare for my doxxing.

How likely are you to live to 90? If you’re a woman, be tall and thin. If you’re man, its pretty much a crapshoot (t/w CNN, but currently featuring a Warty approved picture)

Riven — I have found your retirement career.

SEALS needing electroshock therapy to be normal? Anyone surprised? Kidding aside, its really electro-stimulation and anything that helps alleviate PTSD and other mental and TBI damage effects from war is good.

The article for Riven put me in mind of a certain album cover, and this song seems like something Florida Man would come up with.

Hey guys, two in a row. I’m really starting to put a streak together. Stay warm if you live in the Glacial Expanse. I have people from Chicago and Michigan telling me they are cold, so it must be for real.

Japan is pioneering “Rent-a-sister”, which is apparently NOT affiliated with Pornhub. I’m sure many of you are dissapoint.

Oh noes, Davos will be much harder to expense this year without many of the “world decision makers” attending. Another win for Trump’s CO2 mitigation efforts.

Local opinion writer is right but for wrong reasons objecting to 50-story tower in St. Pete. My main objection is that it will end up in some sort of taxpayer supported receivership in the next downturn.

Shocker, diplomats and spies for the US and the Norks have been talking for years. Something, something, “jaw, jaw is better than war, war.”

Here’s a pop-tune for Florida Man. Fun fact, I had never heard this song until a local instrumental-only cover band played it years ago.

Hi guys, I had to go into hiding briefly as Mr. Lizard’s people were stalking my every electronic move. Or the local guy cut some seriously weird shit into the local meth. Thanks to all of my fellow Glib contributors who took a turn filling in for me. Especially Spud. Welcome to the party, pal.

I know they’ve been running this headline for over 2 years, but they’ve got Trump this time! Or not. A shady lawyer trying to save his own hide told Congress that his boss had asked him to rig some online polls. Which, anyone who isn’t doing that is too dumb to be President. Its a necessary but not sufficient condition. Oh, and they shared some internal polling data that was in no way a state secret or subject to export controls with some Russian people. Maybe. All hail President Pence!

North Korea may be opening a beach resort! I have mixed feelings about this because it disgusts me that the same entity that has made itself responsible for feeding the people of North Korea and failing to do so will probably watch tourists discard millions of calories a week without a second thought, but maybe some oppressed Koreans will be able to sneak out.

Its great to see a man achieve his dream, despite disabilities.

My good friend dated a girl who probably would have done this to him if we had smart-phones back then. She had no problem picking up his cellphone and scrolling through the call logs. How do we apply “don’t stick it in crazy” to arranged marriages?

I watched Supertroopers 2 on the plane last night, so this has been rattling around in my head. All of you can suffer with me.

Greetings all. I,er, was indisposed yesterday, but the lawyer says it is unlikely to cause any further inconveniences in my life. Thanks to Mexican Sharpshooter for covering for me. I hope everyone else is having a great Friday. It is the beginning of my wife’s birthday weekend, so I expect to be primary care-giver for most of the weekend. I also have to arrange for birthday stuff. Joke’s on her, though, I travel for work next week.

You know, after reading this article, I don’t think the Broward County Sheriff is the worst sheriff in Florida’s history. Leading a lynch mob that killed one man, and then personally assassinating two more is fucking atrocious. Atrocious in a different way is the political theater of pardoning four dead men — although since the WaPo called out the new governor’s predecessor for not doing so, I guess I understand the motivation. I noticed that none of these actions paid surviving family members any sort of wrongful death or wrongful imprisonment settlement.

Florida Man who murdered a guy over handicapped parking space is appealing his pre-trial release condition that he avoid the 100 witnesses in the case. He says he can’t do it because they’re everywhere. I’m sure some sex offenders could show him an underpass that he can live under until the trial.

Ocasio-Cortez mocked Joe Lieberman after he said he hopes she isn’t the future of the Democratic Party. I’m sure Joe will get his good buddy McCain to haunt her.

I assume this Florida Couple were listening to the Beatles only minutes before their arrest. Also, Florida people need to stop being such prudes about things. Some dude from Minnesota just wanted to watch the sunset and rub one out — arrested. This couple just wanted to bang on a car hood — arrested. Let’s just go after the people who try to eat tourists, leave the freaks alone.

I’m always impressed by how much the guitar sounds like a sax on this one.

Listen I was gonna find a 2-humped camel to put up, but nah, I’ll just mine the current media library. SF has blessed us with his talents, so this is just a placeholder for everyone to get their talk on.

I mean, short of the ones who eat all your food and don’t do dishes, is this the worst roommate ever?

Elon Musk should counter-sue these people for making ‘an unreasonable stupid’ child.

Wow, I thought this shit only happened in thrillers.

Thank goodness Warty left the Doomcock in his pants during his trip to CES. Apparently intelligent robotic dildoes aren’t welcome there.

I mean, sometimes the story just leads you right to the song.

Happy Tuesday afternoon, Glibs. It was so quiet here, I actually did some work. Don’t tell anybody.

Pagans hold religious services on US Naval Vessel. Maybe the armed forces could use a few more pagans.

Fuck cancer! But it has been killing fewer people for each of the last 25 years. Let’s shoot for a day when it only kills shitbirds who’ve overstayed their welcome in elected government.

Guys! Guys! I found a place for Libertopia! Its just as realistic as every other strategy we have. Seems nicer than Somalia. Uh, downside is we have to cooperate for 226 light-years before we can fuck off and leave each other alone.

Lol. Posting this for the graphic alone. If Trump declares a State of Emergency to build the border wall, it will join 31 other currently active SoE’s dating back to the Carter presidency.

Bonus link: Florida Man denies ownership of 3 syringes in his rectum. I’m sure whoever he was holding them for doesn’t want them back.

This came on the radio today, and I thought, you know, that’s not a bad song. Bonus that you get to see where the look of the Hanson Brothers came from.

Good Monday afternoon, Glibertariat. My wife starts another round of PTA clinicals tomorrow, which means I will finally be alone in my house during the day. Which is superawesomefantastic. Kids will be at school, wife will be at work (although not yet PAID for that work, but baby-steps) and I will be once again able to enjoy one of the best perks about working from home. So my week is looking up. How’s about y’all?

Brazil implements a crazy strategy to reduce gun violence: let the citizens arm up. If it works in Brazil, they should try it somewhere really dangerous. Like Chicago.

We pick on Florida Cop a lot, but here’s an officer doing some unalloyed good. Well done, Officer DePierre.

I’d also like to thank Florida Stripper for putting her crazy up on the internet rather than executing, er, going forward with her mass murder plans. Glib Fans can probably write to her care of the Lakeland County Jail.

I’m okay with this act of clemency.

My kids call this “The Planes Song”. You’re definitely getting old when the music your parents hated shows up in your kids’ movies.

Its a rainy day here. I took my wife to the mall to do some shopping for her birthday. Good Lawd, I saw some things there that made me wish I was 20 years younger and had a 7 figure bank account. Also, I like all the yoga pants my wife tried on. She’s still the best bang for the buck in the whole mall.

Here’s a classy story out of Texas about a woman trying to sell a young, female relative into sex slavery. I forget. Are libertarians for or agin this?

A guy who played a big role in my Saturday mornings in childhood has passed. Goodbye Mean Gene. I hope you’re calling those rasslin’ matches in the sky.

This poor person has a fucked up view of wealth, economics, and value. Its like Catholic Guilt without the confession.

This court ruling wasn’t the way Slate wanted it, so obviously the problem is that the court “doesn’t understand what it means to be trans”. Or, you know, that the CINC of the military can designate standards for military service that exclude people who probably will not be able to deploy due to medical issues resulting from transgender medical procedures.

Here’s some rainy day music.