Sorry…not really feeling it this morning. So there will be a lack of witty banter, and you will have to supply the music links. Just pretend you are in a 1980s grocery store that stocks naught but Generics:
Do try and stay away from being banned today, mkay?
We, the Glibs staff, are really down with certain St. Valentine’s Day traditions. Like the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. I hope everyone is doing a little something special for that special something in your life. Robohos don’t come with a self-cleaning option yet.
Great news, there’s a cure for HPV. Not a vaccine, a cure. Condoms can be safely (less unsafely?) ignored by college students with access to birth control.
Is your sexbot spying on you? How many of you get turned on at the idea of a robot crushing your limbs during sex?
Great news for Q on this V-Day.
You know who else pulls out? Not Sloopy. Pretty sure my eldest was also conceived by that method, applied poorly.
For all you guys who got the VD put back in Valentines Day.
This morning we undertook an action we seldom have had to do… we banned someone. FOS launched a highly bigoted and racist epithet in response to the Smollett story. That missile circled around and got him.
A reminder or two, of what we will, and will not take here at Glibertarians.com.
Damnatio memoriae. His comments will be removed from our site.
On a warm summer day, an ant was busy at work, gathering seeds for storage.
Passing by, a grasshopper was gaily singing a tune and enjoying the grass.
“What are you doing,” asked the ant, “during the abundance of the summer?”
“Oh,” replied the grasshopper, “I’m busy producing music. I have a bachelor’s in fine arts, you know. I’m gonna be the next Gaga.”
The ant rolled his eyes and chuckled as he continued the toil of gathering seeds.
A few months later, on a cold frosty day, the ant was drying out some of the seeds he had gathered during the summer when the grasshopper, now morbidly obese, approached.
“thlhhshsshh. . . give me food,” the grasshopper demanded, slurring through his overripe mandibles, “you wouldn’t be so cruel as to let me die of hunger!”
“What were you doing,” said the ant, “this last summer?”
“Oh,” said the grasshopper, “I was not idle. I kept singing all the summer long.”
The ant, laughing and shutting up his granary, said, “Since you could sing all summer, you may dance all winter.”
The grasshopper, in a rage, shrieked a sound the ant had never heard before, “REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!”
As if summoned by the grasshopper, a dark cloud arose on the horizon. A low hum emanated from all around, closing in with a uniform ferocity that the ant had only heard of in legends. It was a swarm of locusts!
As the locusts closed in around the anthill, the sun was blotted out, and millions of voices could be heard piecemeal.
“unfair”
“living wage”
“compassion”
“nobody needs 32 different kernels of corn”
“polluter”
“social contract”
“greedy”
“wrecker”
“what’s a leppo?”
“triggered”
“bigot”
“grasshopperphobe”
The ant, wary of being mobbed, darted for the entrance of the anthill, only to bump into three particularly large locusts with golden stars on their wings.
“Resisting arrest!” one said, taking a defensive position.
“Back the blue!” chanted the whirling mass of death surging and flowing just feet above the ground.
The ant, panicked and trapped, took a step back and attempted to lay down.
“Furtive movement!” another of the large locusts yelled.
“Taze him, he’s a grasshopperphobe!” screamed the grasshopper, mandibles frothing.
The third large locust proceeded to pin the ant to the ground and taze him in the nuts.
———————————
Those who unjustly seek power have no problem using violence to get their way.
Good morning my Glibs and Gliberinas! And what a glorious morning it is for everyone but Paul Manafort who had his plea deal tossed out by a judge after she determined that he lied to prosecutors.
Unpossible, I have been told repeatedly that the income tax break would cost money. Not like it matters anyway as we are still spending ourselves into collapse.
This was not a wise business decision.
Newson refuses to give back the $3.5 billion CA took from the federal government for the failed choo choo boondoggle.
Back pay for Federal contractors not included in Federal funding bill.
Smollett upset at people who don’t believe him. I’m open to the possibility that he was attacked, maybe randomly by some homeless people and his Trump and race obsessed mind filled in some details that did not happen.
For a fellow Glib who recently lost their father.
I sincerely thank all of you for giving me a place to do fun creative things and snark. And Yuge Thanks to those of you who have supported my efforts monetarily. The written word cannot convey how blessed you all make me feel, so here’s a cartoon! – CPRM
Hey folks, I’m here with a few links for y’all to chatter about in the comments. Or you can ignore them completely and go off-topic immediately. I’m feeling extra permissive today and you guys benefit! You can even complain about me reusing links someone else posted. It’s a fucking free-for-all!
Annnndd I guess I need a music link? I guess this will do.
As Dr. Laura always used to say “Now go take on the day!”
Trump Is in ‘Very Good Health’ Following His Annual Physical, His Doctor Says
“I’m the hardest working president ever,” Donald gasped.
“Donald, hurry up in there, we need to review the 2020 Democratic field,” the hair called.
“Let him concentrate, dammit!” the hat.
“He’s been in there forever!” the hair protested.
“Ten minutes is not forever!” the hat replied.
“It’s happening!” Donald gasped, leaning forward and groaning.
“Maybe you need more fiber in your diet,” the hat said quietly.
“Fiber makes you gay,” Donald said.
“Fiber does not make you gay,” the hat said.
“It makes you gay and impotent,” Donald insisted.
“Hurry up!” the hair called.
“This is my executive time!” Donald screamed.
“When was the last time you took a shit, Donald?” the hat asked quietly.
“When did the shutdown end?”
“That long? Donald, you need to go to the doctor!” the hat said.
“No doctors! I’m the healthy president ever!”
“You have a meeting with the joint chiefs after this!” the hair said.
“A little bit is poking out!” Donald replied.
“Shut up! You’re going to make him prairie dog,” the hat said. “He really needs this!”
“I feel like I’m splitting in half!” Donald groaned.
“Breathe, Donald,” the hat crooned soothingly. “In and out, nice and slow.”
“Aw, Jesus Christ, shut the fucking bathroom door, Donald!” the hair said. “It smells like you’ve got a dead bum up your ass!”
“C’mon, Donald, you can do it,” the hat said.
“A healthy human shouldn’t make a smell like that, Donald!” the hair said.
“Ungh,” Donald replied. “Yurg!”
“Use the air freshener!” the hair told the hat.
“OK, OK, don’t get your hairnet in a wad!” the hat shot back.
“Hurry! You know these windows don’t open!”
There was a prolong spssssssssst of an aerosol can and the scent of someone taking a shit in the wildflower meadow of a pine forest wafted into the Oval Office.
“You eat too much McDonald’s!” the hat yelled.
“NEVER!” Donald roared. “NEVER!”
The hair winced at the agonizing scream that followed. “You’re killing him, you’re killing him,” the follicles cried.
“Nonsense,” the hat yelled over the horrible splashing sounds. “This is the healthiest man to ever be President of the United States of America!”
Donald’s scream cut off abruptly.
“What’s happening in there?” the hair demanded.
“I think he passed out,” the hat said. “Yup, oh yeah, he’s out. He just slid off the shitter and slumped to the floor.”
“Is he alive? Is he breathing?”
There was a soft fwump in the silence of the bathroom and the hat made his way into the Oval Office in his inchworm fashion.
“He’s down,” said the hat. “He’s out, but there’s not much blood.”
“Should we call the doctor? The Secret Service?”
“Eh, give him a minute. It was a huge shit. Epic. Just amazing really.”
“I think I should call the doctor. I don’t want him to go down in the history books as the president who shat himself to death,” the hair said.
“And I don’t want to be Mike Pence’s hat,” the hat said glumly. “I don’t even think he wears hats.”
The hair walked on flagulate follicles to the intercom and was about to summon help when a groggy voice spoke from the bathroom, “Where’s my phone?”
“Donald,” called the hair. “Are you OK?”
“Where’s my phone?” he asked querulously.
“It’s on the magazine stand, Donald,” the hat supplied.
They heard the elderly man stand, bumping and crashing into various fixtures in the bathroom.
“Get the Secret Service,” Donald said hoarsely.
“Are you OK?” the hair asked. “Are you in danger?”
“Tell them to come clean me up,” Donald said quietly.
The hat was laughing when they both heard the shutter sound of Donald’s camera phone.
“Donald?” the hair asked. “What are you taking pictures of?”
“Nothing!” he shouted back, words slurred like a drunk.
“Donald, are you taking pictures of the huge dump you just took?” the hat asked.
“No,” Donald told them, but they heard the shutter sounds again and the Presidential Shitter lit up with repeated flashes.
“Don’t you dare put that on Twitter,” the hair warned.
“I’m not,” Donald said. But the hat and the hair were already scrambling off the Oval Office desk to stop him.
Good morning my Glibs and Gliberinas! And what a glorious morning it is for everyone but the American taxpayer who is now on the hook for over 22,000,000,000,000.
American’s escape from socialistic blue state shitholes continues its march forward. If you are a Glib blue state refugee, please reach out to the Glib community for assistance. Glib’s Gulch has not been built yet, but at a minimum we can help you escape to freer lands.
Cocaine Mitch to force Democrats to publicly, on record, put their name to the Green Deal.
Ted Cruz urges Senate to pass bill using El Chapo’s fortune to pay for The Wall™
7 year old boy tries to ride bike 5 miles on a highway to his grandmother’s house to save his diabetic father who passed out. God, I love children.
People upset that an American hunter put $110,000 into a poor area of the world’s pocket.
1.4 million people drop off food stamps.
That’s all I got for today. I’ll leave you with a song and move along with my day.
