Something Different: An Acrostic

Someone challenged me to make an acrostic (or maybe they just asked if I thought I could, I took that as a challenge either way) so here it is. For those of you not familiar with these puzzles this is how they work –  The main grid is a quote, the line directly below that is the author (always contains last name, first or initials of first are sometimes included) and the title of the work quoted, also that line sets the number of clues and the first letter of each clue’s answer. The letters of the quote make up the answers to the clues, the little numbers and letters in the top corners of the squares are for cross referencing purposes. Often the answers are thematically connected to the quote although not always straight forwardly, para ejemplo, if the quote is from a Sherlock Holmes story, one answer might be WATSON but it would be clued “Tom who won 8 golfing majors in the 70’s and 80’s”. For what its worth I found this to be easier to make than the standard crossword puzzle, finding a quote that contains the requisite letters to spell out the author and title with out being too long might be the hardest part, scrambling up the letters to make all the answers was far easier than filling a crossword grid. That said since I couldn’t find an acrostic building program I had to do this ‘by hand’ and that was a bit of a pain in the ass, also because of that I have no interactive version, your stuck saving the image below and printing it out or opening it in paint or something. Remember this is for entertainment purposes only, please no wagering. Good luck, we’re all counting on you. And as always enjoy.

 

 

Solution

 

No beta tester again but I’m going to blame I. B. McGinty for any errors this time

Also Music to do Acrostics to.

Comments

428 responses to “Something Different: An Acrostic”

  1. Sean

    *Wanders in. Looks around*
    *Slowly backs out*

    1. Trigger Hippie

      Pretty sure I got H right off the bat, the rest is still Greek.

      1. Sean

        I’ve already eased myself into the bourbon phase of the evening. Many thanks to The Hyperbole for the effort and I’ll revisit the puzzle in the morning at work.

        1. Trigger Hippie

          I’m still doing a victory lap for being around 90% sure I even understand the way this works.

        2. Trigger Hippie

          *checks Don’s link*

          Heh, I did leave a chance to be wrong, and by god…

  2. Fourscore

    I, unh, was gonna start, but I’m gonna be really busy tonight. Good one though, Hype.

  3. Dad Escaped Infantry

    I’m trying to understand. Seen these in the Sunday NYT and just always ignored them.

    I need a hint on process.

    Your clue for M is plural, so there’s a strong chance its last letter is S; if true, that would mean that 114 is S. 114 has an M (not related to the other M) in its block, so all M blocks are therefore “S” ????

    1. I have no clue. I can’t make heads or tails of this.

      1. commodious spittoon

        Flip a coin?

        1. Edge? What does it mean when it lands on the edge?

          1. Crusty Juggler

            You hear mediocre guitar playing?

    2. “M” just means that that letter is part of the answer to clue M, I appear to have fucked up (big surprise) and not put the ‘M’ in the M clues. You’ll notice that all clued answer have the letter of that clue in the answer that is how you can cross reference. Classic example – you know one answer and when you put those letters in the grid you are left with a three letter word in the grid with ‘H’ as the middle letter, this is most likely the word ‘THE’ so you can put the T and the E into the clues based on the little letters and number in their square, thus hopefully helping you get more answers and filling more of the grid. Unlike a traditional crossword a lot of solving a Acrostic has to do with recognizing the words and the word patterns in the grid. I hope that helps and doesn’t confuse you even more.

      1. You also got the order in the last word wrong. 😉

      2. There’s no “74 A.”

        1. Dad Escaped Infantry

          74 F

          1. The Bearded Hobbit

            23.3 C?

          2. Bobarian LMD

            Same as downtown.

          3. slumbrew

            Bravo.

          4. Dad Escaped Infantry

            scary close to STP !

  4. Hyperion

    What’s a pinball machine?

    1. straffinrun

      It’s what’s happening inside Schiff’s head.

      1. I thought that was a hamster wheel.

      2. straffinrun

        And it’s on tilt.

      3. Hyperion

        “It’s what’s happening inside Schiff’s head.”

        So, that’s what causing his eyes to bug out.

    2. pistoffnick

      Its an old arcade game played by deaf, dumb, and blind kids with supple wrists.

      I’m not deaf or blind and I have really strong wrists from, ummm, rigourous exercise. I was never much good at them.

      Ms. Pacman was my jam.

      1. The Last American Hero

        And the inspiration for the wrist exercises?

        1. Spudalicious

          Margaret Thatcher.

          1. Tundra

            On a cold day?

          2. Spudalicious

            Who would want to fap to flat nipples?

          3. Spudalicious

            That’s always been a great scene.

  5. Hyperion

    We need to wage war!

    Yeah, we do, by ending the WOD. No mess, no muss, no fuss. Just do it.

    1. BakedPenguin

      I understand the desire for vengeance, and it’s deserved. One of the quickest ways to get it (and I know I’m not telling anyone here anything they don’t know) – just decrim drugs. All that money no longer wasted by people trying to score a high, and no longer going into the hands of cartel scum.

      Also, no longer fighting for unconstitutional laws. But I guess that’s not a bonus for a lot of people. Mostly in N. Virginia

      1. Hyperion

        “I understand the desire for vengeance, and it’s deserved.”

        So do I. Why escalate this bullshit again? It’s sort of sad that Trump is the best we can hope for and yet, he doesn’t have a clue.

        “Mostly in N. Virginia”

        Good grief, I once considered moving there. That’a all over, they are making parts of MD and PA look really good.

      2. Social Justice is Neither

        If legalizing weed is an indication the government will fuck that up with excessive tax and regulatory requirements and make the cartels even more money than today.

        1. Sir Digby

          I think you are absolutely correct on that.

          And, while I don’t think it’s should stop decriminalization, I highly doubt the cartels are going to disappear/soften/conform if/when decrim happens.

          You don’t give up those billions without a fight. Now, that fight might be in the form of politically fighting any WoD reforms (buying lobbyists under the guise of concerned parents and whatnot), or, terrorizing anyone who tries to get in on the then-legal game.

          I could be wrong, and I do hope I am, but $$$$$.

    2. Crusty Juggler

      That means the United States is going to have to act. For America, this is a matter of national security, and should be approached as such. One way or another, order must be imposed on northern Mexico, and if Mexico City will not do it, then Washington will have to.

      jfc

    3. Viking1865

      “We”

    4. Gustave Lytton

      the spiraling cartel violence in Mexico is not going to remain south of the Rio Grande

      Citation needed.

      An invasion and occupation of northern Mexico by the U.S. Army, like the Pershing Expedition a hundred years ago? In Trump’s phrase, an army to defeat an army? Not quite—or at least not yet.

      Oh, you mean in response to an armed incursion and attacks on US soil? Something that hasn’t happened yet. Or a meandering invasion that was ultimately unsuccessful in apprehending Pancho Villa?

      1. Viking1865

        Here’s a bold and innovative strategy: what if we took some of the trillion dollars we spend on the military, and we take some of the thousands of American soldiers we have deployed overseas, and we bring them home to defend the actual country from a these cartels.

        Crazy idea, I know. We could call it “homeland defense” and give it a punch slogan like “America First”.

    5. Legalizing drugs would be so much easier and cause a lot less death.

      No wonder it’s a nonstarter.

    6. Heroic Mulatto

      I thought the whole point of Trumpizing the GOP was to stop this neocon nonsense.

  6. Dad Escaped Infantry
  7. Rhywun

    OMG, I haven’t seen one of these in decades.

    Well, here goes nothin’.

    1. Dad Escaped Infantry

      I got it printed out.

      That’s the moral equivalent of being on the ballot in all 50 states, right?

      1. Rhywun

        I’m going to try to fat-finger it on my computer screen. This could take a while.

      2. Trigger Hippie

        The Gary Johnson Grift Equivalency?

      3. Jarflax

        Congratulations, you have just made yourself equivalent to Sarwark. This represents a score of 27/100 as a human being. … Ok, this joke is now making me think. Assume we score humans on 100 point basis, by definition Christ and the Buddha are assigned 100/100, but how do we score at the other end. I was going to give Sarwark a 7. But that seems to compress an awful lot of evil and ineptitude into the bottom 6%, which is probably not right. It almost certainly needs to be a fairly normal distribution curve, so heavily clustered at some point, but are we mostly equidistant from Christ on the one side, and say Pol Pot on the other? Or is the peak of the curve shifted? and which direction?

        1. Dad Escaped Infantry

          I need this to be chi squared.

          I want human nature to be social and positive with the number of bad people being small and the number of tolerable people being a happy bulge. I’ll work out degrees of freedom and other issues later.

  8. Crusty Juggler

    “please no wagering”

    Check out Johnny Law over here.

  9. Heroic Mulatto
    1. Hyperion

      I wonder how may of those folk support human freedom, because I bet it’s none of them.

    2. straffinrun

      Early footage from November, 2016.

    3. Rebel Scum

      why anyone would want to ride an elephant

      Well, historically they were an effective beast for cavalry.

      1. Hyperion

        Yeah, I lurnt that in Civ 6. And also, humans are lazy and walking is like work.

    4. MikeS

      That is really great, but shut the fuck up with your “they’re smiling and laughing” anthropomorphism bullshit.

      1. slumbrew

        I totally believe elephants can feel joy, but are neither smiling nor laughing.

        1. MikeS

          Agreed.

  10. DenverJ

    I’ll bet anyone 100 dollars American that, not only do I not finish this puzzle, it’s too confusing for me to even start.

    1. straffinrun

      It’s a test to see which one of us gets to make an enigma machine.

      1. Sensei

        I initially read that as enema.

        It’s the end of a long day capped by two hours of Japanese class.

        Although I’m a bit surprised, I was in the middle of speaking to the teacher in class accidentally bumped my classmate while speaking, dropped a “sumimasen” mid sentence and continued speaking to the teacher. Maybe this shit is finally starting to stick.

        1. straffinrun

          It’s second nature when どいて comes flying out of your mouth.

  11. straffinrun

    Definitely not something that can be done on a phone by middle aged guy wearing contacts. You may as well ask me to read the fine print on an IKEA manual. Will try when I get home.

  12. Rebel Scum

    The one good thing to come out of the VA elections – I am spared the horror of Senator Cat Lady. Not that Siobhan Dunnavant is worth a shit, but still….

    Idk much about Dunnavant, but Rodman seemed like quite a contemptible cunte to me. She constantly made unverifiable and slanderous accusations about Dunnavant in the same way that Scamberger did about Brat. She was even given the opportunity to defend said accusations and promote her campaign on ‘hate’-radio. To my knowledge she never appeared. My takeaway is that the accusations were bs and she was not running to represent all of her would-be constituents*.

    *plenty of other Dem Candidates appeared on the show for interview.

  13. Okay, once more try at explaining this and I’m going to use example from this puzzle so Spoilers. Lets say you guess that the answer to clue X is ITCH, the H of ITCH has a little 2 if you check the second letter in the gird it has an X up in the corner so that square must be H. As the first word of the quote and three letters with H in the middle it is fairly likely that that word is THE looking at the T in Square 1 we see a Q cross referencing clue Q we find the square 1 and can put a T in that box, same with the E of THE it’s part of clue H first square is 3-H or as we now surmise E and we all know that a cross dressing film maker with a first name starting with E must be ED WOOD, now we can put D in the grid at 88, W in the grid at 67, O’s at 148 and 119, D at 108. rinse and repeat.

    1. Dad Escaped Infantry

      I’ll take my gentleman’s C. Since I’m not current on crossdressers or film makers, I’m really disqualified.

      Next time do tractors and carburetors.

      1. Dad Escaped Infantry

        aha, yay: broke through

        after being given half of it

  14. Crusty Juggler

    James Dean Reborn in CGI for Vietnam War Action-Drama (Exclusive)

    The cultural icon, known for Rebel Without a Cause and East of Eden, has been posthumously cast in the Vietnam era action-drama Finding Jack.

    “We searched high and low for the perfect character to portray the role of Rogan, which has some extreme complex character arcs, and after months of research, we decided on James Dean,” said Ernst, who also produces with Golykh for Magic City Films alongside Donald A. Barton of Artistry Media Group.

    “We feel very honored that his family supports us and will take every precaution to ensure that his legacy as one of the most epic film stars to date is kept firmly intact. The family views this as his fourth movie, a movie he never got to make. We do not intend to let his fans down.”

    While Finding Jack will be live action, The Hollywood Reporter understands that Dean’s performance will be constructed via “full body” CGI using actual footage and photos. Another actor will voice him.

    I don’t like that this is going to become a thing.

    1. Winston

      We need a Giant Rebellion With a Cause to send this movie East of Eden…

      1. The Last American Hero

        Call George Lucas.

        1. Winston

          So he will it to Disney then?

          1. Winston

            *sell it*

            I AM SO SMRT!

    2. Winston

      Time to Remake feud with cgi Bette Davis and Joan Crawford.

    3. The voice had better be Gilbert Godfried or this entire production is a sham.

      1. Sir Digby

        Allow me to compliment your jib on the way it has been cut.

  15. I finished it!

    1. straffinrun

      Rubbed one out finally? Try the puzzle now.

      1. Rubbed one out finally?

        Bukkake on Straffinrun’s head.

      2. Rebel Scum

        Like twice while writing this comment. You all need to catch up.

        1. straffinrun

          Unfortunately, it’s NSFW. 🙁

        2. Straff is a catcher, not a pitcher.

          1. straffinrun

            Even with that hawt avatar, I gotta decline. *points at wedding ring*

          2. BakedPenguin

            Awww… He promises to never stick his chopsticks in rice ever again.

          3. commodious spittoon

            It’s not cheating if it’s fellows meeting.

          4. Sensei

            Uke.

    2. Dad Escaped Infantry

      In the name, F 74 should go between E and G

    3. Spudalicious

      I call shenanigans.

      1. Crusty Juggler

        What is the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?

        1. slumbrew

          Tchotchkie’s?

  16. leon

    Mind Blown

    1. Rhywun

      Et tu, Forbes?

    2. straffinrun

      Again, I understand audiences not wanting to see an (allegedly) bad movie despite that film’s inclusivity, but white dudes were allowed to thrive with okay-to-bad starring vehicles and studio programmers for a century.

      We need to support bad movies if they are inclusive because we supported bad movies that weren’t.

      1. commodious spittoon

        Pay for the ticket and get lectured at by a movie that doesn’t earn the right to lecture, bigot.

        1. straffinrun

          Can I imagine that they are lecturing other white people and not me? I can be Jabba’s rat.

      2. Social Justice is Neither

        The white guy movies referenced were fun. These are not fun and at best prey on nostalgia to push a narrative if not actively try to destroy the very thing they’ve coopted.

    3. Winston

      Aren’t white men still a large part of the audience?

    4. Winston

      Naomi Harris and John Cho are stars?

      Also doesn’t China like movies with attractive white people?

      1. Heroic Mulatto

        Also doesn’t China like movies with attractive white people?

        Historically, no, they really don’t. Case in point, Bollywood is still more popular in China than Hollywood by a logarithmic degree.

        1. Winston

          Ok then, do they like their American imports to not have black people and to have attractive people?

    5. Fatty Bolger

      while onscreen diversity and offscreen inclusivity can be a potent added value element in a film audiences already want to see, it will not persuade moviegoers to show up in theaters for a film in which they otherwise have little interest.

      People don’t go to movies they don’t want to see? Hot take, bro.

  17. Rebel Scum

    Sorry, I am still in the other thread and my job is a puzzle, so…

    You know who else systematically reduced population?

    Margaret Sanger?

    1. Yersinia pestis?

      1. hayeksplosives

        Winner.

      2. commodious spittoon

        You always say that.

    2. Spudalicious

      Genghis Khan?

    3. Hyperion

      “Margaret Sanger?”

      I’m just about 100% positive that Single Payer, or Medicare for All, or whatever they are calling it tomorrow, was her idea.

    4. Crusty Juggler

      *spoilers*

      Thanos?

    5. Winston

      Well Jeff Tucker warned me that the Alt-Right were bringing back Eugenics and thankfully the Left ain’t bringing it back though!

  18. Crusty Juggler

    ABC sets up ‘All in the Family,’ ‘Good Times’ live holiday special

    ABC’s Emmy-winning “Live In Front Of A Studio Audience” is returning December 18 with a re-creation of classic episodes from Norman Lear and Bud Yorkin’s “All In the Family” and groundbreaking sitcom “Good Times,”

    I hope they re-create either the one with Sammy or the one where Edith gets raped.

    You know, for the times in which we live.

    1. hayeksplosives

      There is zero chance that they will be playful About our differences, or that they will show a human side to Archie.

      I predict disaster.

      1. Winston

        You do you they did this earlier this year?

        1. Winston

          *You do know this the second time they are doing this*

          I recall the audience seemed pretty shocked to hear Woody Harrelson utter slurs about the Jews

          1. hayeksplosives

            I didn’t know that.

            20 million dollar question: was it funny?

          2. BakedPenguin

            I know where I’d put my $20MM bet.

      2. slumbrew

        It may be apocryphal, but Normal Lear allegedly thought Archie was going to be the antagonist and Meathead the protagonist, and was shocked when people felt it was the opposite.

        1. Fatty Bolger

          Similar to what happened with Family Ties, where the creators had Alex as the antagonist, and his former hippie parents as the protagonists. But audiences didn’t see it that way.

          1. straffinrun

            Same with Zucker and Trump.

        2. Winston

          Pretty sure this is the case. The show was always leftie propaganda as was the British original.

          1. Rhywun

            It’s kind of jarring how many of those 70s sit-coms were propaganda and Norman Lear was behind a lot of them. I don’t remember so much of that during the 80s.

          2. slumbrew

            Indeed. Manufacturing Consent was just talking about the “news”, but was more right than Chomsky said, albeit not at all in the direction he claimed.

          3. Winston

            Pretty funny seeing Fandom Menacers complaining about politicized entertainment when has been politicized for a long time. Star Trek, Star Wars and The Twilight Zone were always leftist propaganda.

            Next thing people will be shocked to find Dalton Trumbo movies are Communist propaganda!

          4. Rhywun

            Several liberty-affirming episodes of Twilight Zone beg to differ. Highly.

          5. Winston

            That was when lefties actually cared about civil liberties and thought America Is, For the Most Part, Great Already. See also the Omega Glory.

          6. Winston

            There was a time when Commies like Trumbo engaged in hero worship of Andrew Jackson

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Remarkable_Andrew

          7. Almost all movies/TV shows are inherently libertarian, are they not? I mean, an individualistic hero has to work outside the system to solve problems.

          8. slumbrew

            an individualistic hero has to work outside the system to solve problems install the proper Top Men.

            FIFY

          9. Dad Escaped Infantry

            Where do we put Batman? AnCap thrusting justice upon villains where the statists could not close the deal. Weird symbiosis that should not have been tolerated. Fascist, kinda, but where the industrialist tells the jurisdiction how it’s going to be.

          10. Sir Digby

            AnCap thrusting

            Go on…

          11. Crusty Juggler

            There was no propaganda on WKRP I can tell you that much.

          12. Rhywun

            Everyone knows Three’s Company was a wry commentary on the contemporary patriarchy.

          13. slumbrew

            I am disappointed that Johnny Fever’s sobriety test is not readily accessible on YouTube.

          14. Winston

            I didn’t know Rhywun ghostwrote for Nick Gillespie.

        3. He cast Carrol O’Connor. He has no one to blame but himself.

    2. Winston

      I am disappointed that they didn’t update All in the Family with Archie as a Trumper and turn Mike into some gay black genderqueer Muslim Democratic Socialist.

  19. hayeksplosives

    https://www.jihadwatch.org/2019/11/uk-jewish-conservatives-door-broken-down-he-is-handcuffed-and-jailed-on-suspicion-of-islamophobia

    It should encourage those in places like the USA to hold on tight to their First Amendment, because without it the average citizen may suddenly find that there are a whole load of subjects that they may wish to discuss that are now ‘forbidden’.

    Britain is the canary in the coal mine for the US.

    1. Hyperion

      The UK have certainly made themselves a target of the EU, who have a 100% vested interest in not letting Brexit happen. I’m a little worried, because I don’t trust BJ, he’s weak, and now they’re saying that Nigel Farage is not going to run For PM, but he is the only guy who can get it done. The UK have decided to just do away with ‘democracy’ or whatever they are calling it today. How do you have a ballot and not respect it? That’s a complete failure of the rule of law.

    2. Gustave Lytton

      You know else broken down the doors of Jewish homes to cart off occupants in the name of preserving social harmony?

      1. Sensei

        PLO?

      2. Spudalicious

        King Herod?

      3. Rebel Scum

        Ramses?

      4. Crusty Juggler

        Barbara Streisand?

      5. straffinrun

        Ronan Farrow?

    3. Damn kikes need to learn respect.

      1. MikeS

        The kites post was last night.

    4. Rhywun

      Britain is the canary in the coal mine for the US.</blockquote

      ^This

    5. commodious spittoon

      Don’t ever think our left would do other than what theirs has.

      1. Winston

        Ben Shapiro watch out.

  20. hayeksplosives

    Also, what’s a crosstick? Is that like a leppo?

    1. LJW

      Ah the lesser known Syrian city of Crosstick.

  21. Plinker762

    Just fill in all the boxes with random letters and declare that it identifies as finished.

    1. Sir Digby

      Mexico = Kim K?

  22. straffinrun

    Variation on caption contest. Sub headline contest.

      1. Crusty Juggler

        “Yes it’s true – this man has no dick.”

      2. Rhywun

        “My plan is fabulous!” *does a twirl*

      3. Fatty Bolger

        Simple Schiff. Once upon a time… There was a retard.

      4. “make sure you get the Lincoln portrait and the rainbow flag in the shot. Thanks.”

    1. Rebel Scum

      “One man’s quest for justice. Derringer if you do, derringer if you don’t.”

        1. Tundra

          Dammit. I wanted to do that.

          *rocks out*

          1. slumbrew

            That drummer is having the best time ever.

            I am 1000% asking for this the next time a cover band is taking requests.

            (when I was single there used to be a cover band that played on Sunday nights at this local Irish place that were just fantastic – they could play just about anything well. Still impressed by them instantly rolling into “Say It Ain’t So” when asked and just killing it).

          2. BakedPenguin

            That drummer is having the best time ever.

            umm…

          3. slumbrew

            Those two things are not at all in conflict. So I hear. From a friend. Or something.

          4. Tundra

            This rolled up next.

            “Game. Blouses.”

          5. slumbrew

            Apropos of nothing, I was trying to find this clip to explain to my co-workers my “I’ve seen everything” reference.

          6. BakedPenguin

            slumbrew: if you feel lazy, just give them Johnny Cash.

            Or not.

          7. slumbrew

            Ice Cream Man is a fun thing to have them cover, until Eddie starts to really go off – it gets a bit more difficult at that point.

          8. pistoffnick

            Special favors come in 31 flavors

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Abzjte3Je0

          9. pistoffnick

            Damn it! was supposed to be in reply to slumbrew’s Ice Cream Man post

  23. LJW

    OT Rant. I thought chatting in for customer service would be easier…

    John S: Hello LJW, I understand you’re having problems with your service. I am sorry to hear that. Can you please enter your PIN so I can access your account.

    Me: ****

    John S: Thank you, please hold while I access your account.

    20 minutes later…

    John S: Thank you for your patience, can you explain the problem you are having.

    Me: I already did in the chat submission form.

    John S: Can you explain it again.

    30 seconds into me typing the explanation again

    John S.: Are you still there?

    1. I love the chats where all I get is a chatbot reply with an unapplicable boilerplate, followed by a tech who doesn’t read anything I write.

      1. LJW

        I just want to know what they’re doing during the 20 minutes between each response. That’s a lot of smoke breaks

        1. “Answering” twenty other chats and a phone call.

    2. commodious spittoon

      Are you still there?

      … I don’t blame you.

  24. Gender Traitor

    Oh, goody goody goody! I just got here and haven’t read all the comments, but unless someone else has claimed credit, I know I asked you about doing an acrostic, so unless Teh Hype wishes to contradict me (not that he’d EVER do that!) I’ll say that I’M the one who inspired him to create this!

    You’re welcome!

    I think I’ve just figure out to plug the letters into this in Paint, so I’m gonna dive right into this! ::rubs hands together with glee!::

    1. Rhywun

      I got a few clues. Tapping out – it’s just too difficult on the computer screen. Maybe tomorrow.

    2. Spudalicious

      Now we know who to blame.

          1. pistoffnick

            Areolas too small. Elbows too pointy. Would not!
            .
            .
            .
            ;^)

          2. pistoffnick

            SHeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Any thing that looked at me sideways, I would.

            /Not Desperate

          3. slumbrew

            Orange-peel skin is not a concern?

            (still very much would)

          1. Crusty Juggler

            The wedding ring tan ruins it for me.

          2. slumbrew

            It’s mostly faded – she’s recently single and ready to go.

          3. slumbrew

            Still needs to make payments on them tittays – you could be the lucky fella to do so.

    1. Fatty Bolger

      Is she playing Katie Hill in the made for TV movie?

      1. BakedPenguin

        No. It’s on Lifetime.

  25. Crusty Juggler

    Westchester County Moms Combine Efforts To Open Slime-Making Workshop For Kids

    Right in downtown Larchmont, parents can soon bring their children to a slime-making workshop, a place where kids can get their hands dirty, with no cleanup required.

    Back in my day we just jammed a finger or three up our noses. These kids are so spoiled…

    1. Dad Escaped Infantry

      Slime distracted a decent company I was working for three years ago. They were so busy making white glue that a lot of the resources I needed weren’t available.

    2. Something something clams dripping into a kiddie pool

      1. MikeS

        Leave Lizzy Warren out of this.

    3. straffinrun

      Taught by Brian Stelter.

  26. Winston

    Speaking of Diversity isn’t this an issue they Oscars are having? They want to be woke but at the same time they want people to tune for their telecast. Problem is the low-budget gay black movies don’t reach the Top 10 but they also don’t want to be too populist and give the big franchises all the Oscars.

    1. Crazy thought: reward movies that are really good. Some might be Marvel blockbusters, others might be the low budget indie flick.

  27. BakedPenguin

    While I’d like to thx Hyp for his puzzle, I have to blame Tundra for me not being able to work on it, since I’m trying to figure out (on guitar) the GBV song he posted last thread.

    1. Tundra

      Sorry. The puzzle is fucking me up as well.

      1. BakedPenguin

        The song really isn’t that technically hard, it just getting the phrasing right. I don’t know why this trips me so much now that I’m an old man. *shakes cane*

        1. Dad Escaped Infantry

          I have weird coordination issues. There is something about two drinks loosening me up. I can play straight, but it’s scale-heavy and predictable; get two into me and things just work, I don’t know why, and I couldn’t even do some of it again if you paid me to.

          1. BakedPenguin

            It’s odd how it works. As I became a granpa, I started playing less and less. Unsurprisingly, I got less and less good. If I can push myself to put in an hour a day, I can pretty much keep up.

          2. egould310

            What tune?

            How’s the new bass working out?

            I’ll go check the other thread…

  28. Crusty Juggler

    National Rifle Association Responds to Democratic Victory in Virginia, Warns of “Life Under a Distant Tycoon’s Thumb”

    “As if [Virginia] Gov. Northam’s legacy of ineptitude wasn’t enough, Virginians are about to experience life under a distant tycoon’s thumb,” the organization said, referring to Bloomberg and the group he founded, Everytown for Gun Safety. “Candidates who proudly accepted Bloomberg’s cash—and every voter they misled—will soon realize the cost of being beholden to a Manhattan billionaire who despises Virginians’ right to self-defense.”

    First, I wish, if you know what I mean. Second, I know I wouldn’t want my political party to be beholden to a Manhattan billionaire.

    1. hayeksplosives

      ISWYDT

  29. Well, I passed 6k words today. Action scenes typically boost the speed at which I’m writing, since fight choreography doesn’t take as much thought as to overall plot, or in-depth debates over characters, as by the time the fight breaks out, I know how they’ll act and their relative skill levels.

    1. Tundra

      Excellent. I like the fights.

    2. Gustave Lytton

      I passed 6k words today

      https://youtu.be/J-YVt4gfquA?t=34s

  30. straffinrun

    Exclusive: Book Claims Senior Officials Believed Pence Would Support Use Of 25th Amendment

    According to Anonymous, there was no doubt in the minds of these senior officials that Pence would support invoking the 25th Amendment if the majority of the Cabinet signed off on it.

    There was no doubt in their minds that they could read Pence’s mind.

  31. Winston

    https://frieze.com/article/germany-celebrates-30-years-after-berlin-wall-what-did-freedom-really-mean

    German artists on the fall of the Berlin Wall

    Steyerl’s ‘negative freedom’ is a far more critical and contemporary state of freedom for our current times. This encompasses the freedom of corporations from any form of regulation or the freedom of individuals to relentlessly pursue their own interests at the expense of everybody else’s: ‘a freedom from solidarity, freedom from certainty…freedom from employment or labour, freedom from culture, public transport, education, or anything public at all, as Steyerl put it in a 2013 essay for e-flux.

    Yet despite being abysmal, Hasselhoff’s Berlin Wall song wasn’t exactly the victorious ode to capitalism, liberal choice and entrepreneurialism suggested by staging, title and Steyerl’s dismissal. A cover of a 1978 hit composed by the German music producer Jack White, co-written by the Brit Gary Cowtan and originally sung by Marc Seaberg, its choice for the celebratory event seems either somewhat miscalculated or strangely prescient today. ‘I’ve been looking for freedom, since I left my home town, I’ve been looking for freedom, still it can’t be found…. I’ve had everything that money can buy, but freedom, I’ve had none… I’ve been looking for freedom, still the search goes on….’ the song’s protagonist declares.

    The inanely upbeat verses repeatedly climax with the jarringly negative and realist sentiment that freedom – here the freedom imagined from the East as epitomised by the capitalist democratic West – is revealed as an unobtainable and unfulfilled fantasy. It couldn’t have been produced as a better parody of both capitalism and individualism’s hopeless and false quest for contentment if it had been the brainchild of East German propagandists.

  32. Dad Escaped Infantry

    The C8 engine is built in Buffalo.

      1. Dad Escaped Infantry

        When I worked on automotive conveyors, winter break was a big changeover time (July 4 being number one).

        The systems were framed and built in 40′ lengths. Each module had typical steel endplates to bolt everything together including hydraulic, pneumatic, and electrical connections. We put them together in a test barn, plugged and played and debugged, then popped the thing back apart and threw them on flatbeds. The trailers were queued up close to the plant (Georgetown, Marysville, wherever), and as soon as the plant shut down we could tear out the old stuff and slam in our new in just a few days.

    1. Rhywun

      I miss Buffalo sometimes – lived there for 8 years or so.

  33. straffinrun

    Anybody else get the feeling that team blue, knowing that if the whistle blower has to testify publicly that it will blow up in their faces, will eventually claim, “We have to abandon his credible claims because his life would be in danger if he were outed. Damn right wing nuts!”

    1. hayeksplosives

      It was certainly a strategic blunder for them to seize on Ukraine as their impeachment golden ticket when Biden, Pelosi, and some other dem offspring were making bank for doing nothing over there other than potentially bribing a high ranking Dem.

      Makes me think there are some Dems who are naive enough not to think top Dems are corrupt AF.

      1. straffinrun

        The Dems are betting that their loyal voter floor is more solid than Trump’s and so any messy noise will hurt Trump more even if it’s proven BS. Trump did a similar move in 2016. Thing is, the odds of this “whistle blower” not being a rabid partisan with a looong history of hackery are almost zero.

        1. straffinrun

          I guess what I’m saying is that it’s the monkeys flinging poo at the zookeeper and the zookeeper flinging poo back. Team blue seems to think that the public will want a monkey to take over so the poo flinging will stop. Might work out for them.

        2. Spudalicious

          If he’s who everyone in Washington thinks he is, it’s already been established that that is true.

  34. slumbrew

    Has anyone watched season two of “Jack Ryan”? I’m about two episodes in and I’m thinking I may bail; I’m finding I don’t give a shit about any of the characters, other than the Bud Light king.

    1. Winston

      *insert Alec Baldwin meme here*

    2. Idle Hands

      I kind of liked season 1. Started season two because of the bunk. I hated it after the first episode, totally bailed.

  35. Winston

    Linda Hamilton, Lena Headey or Emilia Clarke? The question for all time.

    1. Tundra

      Salma Hayek.

          1. I see you and raise you this.

          2. slumbrew

            She’s so ridiculously attractive.

            That scene is a good advertisement for capitalism – how else could Quentin satisfy his foot-fetish with that caliber of woman other than arranging for a multi-million-dollar movie with a big payday for her?

            Everyone’s happy.

    2. Dad Escaped Infantry

      none went to SMU, so simply proceed with caution

    3. straffinrun

      Again with the once-were-hawt-chicks game? I’ll go with Noah’s wife then.

      1. Gustave Lytton

        I bet you’d screw a pillar of salt if it had tits.

        /trying the biblical angle

        1. straffinrun

          All my exes are in Sodom

          1. Dad Escaped Infantry

            #MeToo

    4. slumbrew

      Lena Headey is the most attractive of those three, but Summer Glau is they way to go in the Terminator-verse.

      Kristanna Loken is a good runner-up.

      1. Winston

        You Get the No-Prize for understanding me.

    5. Gustave Lytton

      Linda Hamilton, Beauty and the Beast era? Yes.

      1. slumbrew

        Eh, she never did it for me. My 80’s era crushes were more musical.

        Albeit terrible, terrible music.

        1. slumbrew

          Interestingly, she went on to some acclaim as a photographer.

          That’s a great pic.

          1. Gustave Lytton

            Oh my.

  36. Gender Traitor

    Hey, Teh Hype – the numbering is slightly out of sequence in the spaces for the last word of the quote. Should I take the numbering as it’s shown and fill in the letters accordingly?

  37. straffinrun

    So I fucked up royally. Had a couple hours of studio work today. Just walked in and the staff is, “Your team was here yesterday.” Check my schedule and, yep, it was yesterday. Guess I have to break out my formal apologies skills for my team. Since I’m the guy doing the audio book voice, they must’ve been sitting there twiddling their thumbs. And to top it off, I’ll be out 300$ lost salary. Ugh.

    1. slumbrew

      Ooof.

      Sometimes you just gotta eat some shit.

      They’ll respect you for a sincere apology, I expect.

      1. straffinrun

        Chris Farley to Paul McCartney, “I’m so stupid!” *Smacks forehead*

        Seriously how I felt.

      2. Gustave Lytton

        Sincere, like dogeza or pinky?

        Reminds me. 2020 pocket calendar starts this month. Time to switch over.

        1. straffinrun

          Dogeza? Geez, I just missed an appo. I didn’t embezzle taxpayer money. And how dare you learn from my mistakes!

          1. Gustave Lytton

            Well make sure you dress for the occasion at least.

    2. CPRM

      You have a staff? Do you make them bow and call you straffinrunsan?

    3. If it’s not too nosy of me to ask, what do you do?

      1. Dad Escaped Infantry

        I’m picturing this

      2. CPRM

        RTFP!

        Since I’m the guy doing the audio book voice,

        1. Had a couple hours of studio work today. … Since I’m the guy doing the audio book voice

          I inferred that doing audiobook voice work was not ALL he did.

          1. CPRM

            Studio…Voice…Um, those fit really good together, I’m not seeing what else can be inferred. (Besides the fact that I know for sure)

          2. Dude, I do not know what’s up your ass with me, but this is the second time you’ve jumped on my ass for being, in your view, stupid.

            I could explain my thought process based on clues I have gleaned in the past combined with this new (to me) information. I could say nothing and take the scolding you think I so richly deserve. I could tell you I asked HIM and not YOU. I could just ignore you.

            But I am, yet again, going to say, fuck you.

          3. Rhywun

            I thought he was a teacher. ??‍♂️

          4. Jarflax

            CPRM gets grumpy at night. I suspect it involves C2H5OH.

            Totally separate thought:

            I’m browsing around your website after following your link about publishing and I am struck by:

            1. How skilled you are at the book design
            2. How much less well designed the website is than the books
            (too much small font type unrelieved by anything on your home page.

            Speaking as someone who is much better at doing what I do than marketing what I do I’m flat out being the pot to your kettle here, but the design work on the books is exceptional, your kindle files seem better edited than 90% of the big house releases, and your prices seem ridiculously low (although they are also confusing as there is no indication what qualifies as a simple document.), so I am guessing the only reason the world isn’t shoveling money your way is marketing.

          5. CPRM

            Jasper crimony; I apologize if you felt I was attacking you; last time I was making a joke, which I apologize if it came across as otherwise (I tried to make that clear in the parenthetical) And here I was going for the same kind of vibe. As a voice actor/director myself I get caught up in the concept, sometimes the performance fails in text when I know know how it should be delivered verbally.

          6. How much less well designed the website is than the books

            B10 website or Moriah Jovan?

            B10 is awful, I know. I don’t keep up with it. There are way too many variables to give prices. I examine each job and estimate (to myself) about how long it will take and what I will have to do to get the result I want. Then I break it down for the quote from there. The website just…blurgh.

            Moriah Jovan website, I’m super proud of, so if that’s off, let me know and I’ll see what I can do to fix it.

            Prices are low because that’s what the market will bear. Proviso is permanently 99c to get people into the series. I’m not going to lie. It hurts. It also hurts when the only Google alerts I get for my pen name is pirate sites.

            How skilled you are at the book design … your kindle files seem better edited than 90% of the big house releases

            Thank you! The formatting and design’s the easy part. Getting all those nasty little typos is the hard part.

            so I am guessing the only reason the world isn’t shoveling money your way is marketing.

            Yeup. It sucks.

            You know what hurts the worst? I see people say all over the ‘net, “I want something different! I want X, Y, and Z!”

            Oh! I wrote just that very thing! If I say, “Yeah, hey, I wrote that. Here’s the link,” I will get dogpiled and badly reviewed on Goodreads and Amazon as an “Author Behaving Badly.” That’s a thing. It’s happened before.

            So now I see someone say “I want X, Y, and Z!” and…I say nothing.

          7. CPRM, sometimes you push the joke/teasing too far. One poke is all good. Maybe two. But when you keep going (which is what happened the last time after I tried to slide out of it gracefully hoping you would get the hint), it’s just mean-spirited whether you mean to be or not.

          8. Sir Digby

            So now I see someone say “I want X, Y, and Z!” and…I say nothing.

            I has a sad, Mo…that sucks. 🙁

          9. Jarflax

            B10. Moriah Jovan is much better looking (although still small font). I was talking about the editing/formatting work. Fiction is tough to make good money on unless you get lucky. And your books are long long form which just reduces your earnings 🙁

          10. CPRM

            @Mo, this is why I decided to focus on directing, because until I show people HOW the joke should be done, a lot pf people don’t get the joke. I do regret when in this text form the joke doesn’t come across; but know that unless I’m really stressing how serious I am, 98% of everything I write here is a joke, and should be taken as such.

          11. @Jarflax, I get plenty of design and formatting work through word of mouth. I also have a few steady clients. One of them is a Japanese cult, which is interesting. I also run the publishing arm of a professional association. So I’m not really hurting there. I just with my books could pay the bills.

            @Diggy, yeah, me too. I have, in fact, broken down and cried when that happens.

          12. wish*

            I wish my books could pay the bills.

            The Tylenol PM may be kicking in…

          13. Sir Digby

            broken down and cried

            OK, certain internal organs are starting to hurt, and not my spleen, again.

      3. slumbrew

        Somewhere, there’s an official picture of me gesturing at a monitor while my Japanese colleagues look on.

        That was probably my greatest contribution to the company during my trip to Tokyo – “look, we’ve got white guys working here!”.

      4. straffinrun

        I do voice work, editing (and I realize my comments are a mess), translation work and another job I just don’t wanna say online (not glamorous or dirty. Just wouldn’t be wise).

        1. Jarflax

          Jonathan Hoag.

          1. straffinrun

            Step out for a minute and it’s Lord of the Flie.

        2. Thanks, Straff. I’m interested in what people do but I also want to respect people’s privacy.

          1. straffinrun

            No problem. Basically, I hustle.

          2. Jarflax

            It’s Nantaimori isn’t it?

          3. straffinrun

            Tejicano and Timeloose (I believe) know. Get them drunk and maybe they’ll spill.

          4. Jarflax

            Oh I don’t really care. I just wanted to make that obnoxious comment. You are categorized as expat, libertarian, married to Japanese woman, kid(s?), one each. Unless the other job is super exciting or something I might someday need as a contact not my business.

          5. straffinrun

            If you need what I do, you’re won’t be in good shape.

          6. Sir Digby

            ::Looks in mirror::

            Fuuuuuck….time to call straff.

          7. straffinrun

            I hope TJ or Raphael see this thread. It’ll be good for a laugh.

          8. Tejicano

            Noted

  38. Dad Escaped Infantry

    Will the most libertarian president of all time sign into law a bill that outlaws kitten-stomping across state lines!?1!?.

    1. Jarflax

      This is one of those laws that was inevitable as soon as it was proposed. The only argument against it is a complicated philosophical argument about State’s Rights, and proliferation of laws, and the argument for it is “You no squish Kitteh!”

      1. straffinrun

        Yeah, I don’t think even Walter Block would want to oppose the “Don’t hurt Mittens!” law.

    2. slumbrew

      It would make it a federal crime for “any person to intentionally engage in animal crushing…

      As a practical matter, I don’t have a big problem with that.

      What’s the libertarian position on other people stomping animals to death for amusement?

      1. straffinrun

        We don’t need more federal laws?

        1. slumbrew

          “We don’t need more federal laws?”

          Not the law part, the stomping part.

          Not quite a NAP violation, but does the NAP apply to other, defenseless beings? There’s a slippery-slope (racist!) argument there.

          1. straffinrun

            I’d say that the Federal law is where libertarians should be arguing. This issue isn’t clear cut and so it should be decided by the local communities. Personally, I’d be fine with a max penalty of 6 months for egregious cases.

          2. Gustave Lytton

            I can hold that property is property while at the same time thinking they’re a disgusting POS to whom the NAP maybe shouldn’t apply.

      2. Who’s animals are they? is stomping to death that much worse than gunning down for amusement, what about foie gras? The problem with animal cruelty laws is it’s subjectivity, better to err on the side of solid definable law, i.e. ownership. That said as with calling someones mother a cunte, I’ve long held that we need a strong trial by jury system with a healthy amount of nullification. Leave it legal to be needlessly cruel to your own property or to insult someone’s family, but when someone else kicks your ass for it a jury of his peers may just find it justifiable.

    3. Rhywun

      +1 for the stock photo of a sad-eyed dog.

    4. Winston

      the most libertarian president of all time sign

      Isn’t that the Dictionary’s definition of “Damning with faint praise”?

  39. My brain hurts again.

    So what I do is make ebooks. I specialize in complicated nonfiction. Pullquotes, boxes, wraparound images, tables, suchlike. It’s not HARD, but it can be tedious. When you get the book all marked up (CSS/HTML, no big, an ebook is just a webpage), you have to run it through a checker to make sure it is a “valid” file before you can upload it anywhere for sale.

    I have been doing this for 11 years and I have not yet had a file that would validate if it contains nested lists of the ol and ul variety. Now, I will toot my own horn and say that I am VERY good at what I do. I am the last resort formatter for complex nonfiction. I am the queen of the workaround solution. I have a workaround for nested lists, but it’s a PITA and I’d rather use nested lists.

    I went on Twitter a couple of weeks ago and ranted about this and I got a bunch of people coming back at me saying, “Oh, no, it’s perfectly validatable.” I am polite and say, “I’m happy to be wrong.” Dude sends me a demo file with a nested list in it that validates. Oh yay!

    Cuuuuuz I have a doozy of a project and it’s like ALLLLLL nested lists.

    I have spent the last three days marking this thing up. It’s done. It’s purty. I tore my rotator cuff again patting myself on the back for how gorgeous it is. But! I go to validate it and…nope. Nested lists not okay.

    I know why, which I did not want to say on Twitter. They’re very complex. Three and four tiers, going in and out. Markup like ol type=”A” and ol start=”5″, stuff like that. The “standard” EPUB files must adhere to are outdated.

    I just sent this file off to this dude and politely asked him if he could figure out what I had done wrong. I didn’t. The standards are outdated and don’t accept the nested lists and these people don’t do anything nearly as complex as what I do. I am the last hope.

    But tomorrow I have to go back and work my magic workaround for nested lists and I really really hate it because it’s not as pretty.

    And the hell of it is–nobody cares but me.

    1. slumbrew

      And the hell of it is–nobody cares but me.

      You were clearly a systems engineer in a prior life.

    2. commodious spittoon

      It’s not HARD, but it can be tedious.

      Erectile dysfunction?

      1. I’m pretty sure erectile dysfunction is tedious for everyone involved.

    3. Rhywun

      If you really want to break your brain, have a look at LaTeX.

      1. slumbrew

        CS degree holder?

        1. Gustave Lytton

          Who finishes first or who croaks first? Don Knuth or GRRM?

        2. Rhywun

          Sadly, no.

          (Old regret.)

      2. I do okay with Word, thanks. (Note the date on that article.)

        1. Rhywun

          Not sure if you wanted to reveal your Tru identity?

          1. Oh, I’m good with it. Anybody can find me if they want to.

          2. Rhywun

            Ah, OK. It’s new to me!

            You share your name with one of my cats.

          3. Awwww. <3 kitties.

    4. Gender Traitor

      i’m afraid I don’t know the first thing about nested lists – including what they are – but if you need an Excel formula with nested IF functions, I’m your gal! (That is to say, I’ll probably work on it for hours, figure it out eventually, then squeal with delight when it finally works.)

      1. slumbrew

        Have you poked at Python yet?

        You are going to enjoy it if you enjoy nested IF functions in Excel.

        (really, you’ll enjoy just about any programming language)

        1. Sir Digby

          Have you poked at Python yet? You are going to enjoy it

          QFT

          1. slumbrew

            I remain torn;

            Tthe amazing object-oriented-ness of Ruby makes me so happy – _everything_ is an object. Dot-notation is just syntactic-sugar for message passing! It’s the spiritual successor to Smalltalk!

            but the truth is the “the is one correct way to do this” philosophy of Python makes it the right choice for people approaching programming.

            I am boggled by the people who think Java is the right first language for people.

          2. Sir Digby

            Sorry, slum–I was being me…a smart-arse, not smart.

          3. Rhywun

            I don’t like Python. It’s an ungainly, often ugly mess.

            That said – I suppose one could make an argument that it’s better than Java for beginners.

          4. I first learned the bare bones basics of coding on a Commodore 64. The assignment was to make it play “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

          5. Rhywun

            PS. Smalltalk *is* OOP nirvana. The design is delightful.

            Too bad I’m a bigger fan of functional programming now.

          6. CPRM

            C++ was the only formal coding I was taught. Learned a few others by myself; that’s all been flushed from the memory banks though.

          7. Rhywun

            @Mo:

            Me and a buddy once spent all night typing clusters of digits into a C64 in order to “program” a game we found in a magazine.

            The game was really good, actually.

        2. Gender Traitor

          I have not – I’ve been concentrating on finishing UCS’s most recent novel. I can’t remember if you posted a link for me before about Python. Would you mind doing so? I’ll bookmark it this time.

          I led a couple more Excel training sessions at my office today, and for fun I dug up a spreadsheet I did twelve years ago with a nested IF function formula a mile long and used to calculate loan production incentives. (I did NOT try to teach the groups how to do them. I was just showing off.)

          1. a nested IF function formula a mile long and used to calculate loan production incentives

            I don’t even know what you said.

          2. slumbrew

            I’m in an odd place where I’ve been doing this for too long – I’m no longer sure what’s best for neophytes;

            the language is this: https://www.python.org/

            some sane-looking tutorials:

            https://www.udemy.com/course/python-core-and-advanced
            https://www.learnpython.org/
            https://www.codecademy.com/learn/learn-python

      2. I bow down to your superior Excel knowledge, madam. In fact, I so rarely need to use Excel that I haven’t customized anything on my ribbon or anything else.

        I use it to count things. Say I have a list of footnotes. I dump them in column B. In column A1, I put a 1. Then in A2, I sum A1 + 1. Then I copy it all the way down the screen until my footnotes are counted.

        That’s as good as I get.

        1. Gender Traitor

          If you ever have a spreadsheet you need someone to fiddle with, let me know. That’s MY catnip! (Strongly resisting the temptation to tell you all about the COUNT function…)

      3. BakedPenguin

        …an Excel formula with nested IF functions,…

        Damn, SUMIFS is so much better than SUMIF.

        Also, we’re a bunch of f*cking nerds. (NTTAWWT)

        1. BakedPenguin

          Here’s a ‘fun’ story: I used to work for an insurance company. I tried to simplify the calculation of experience rating for the raters with a massive spreadsheet I created.

          I had to run it by actuarial. The actuary (a pretty, petite woman) looked it over after a few hours and told me it was almost good to go, but there was a small calculation error on cell CC4325. She’d already made the needed change, but wanted to verify with me first.

          It’s been over 10 years, and I still kick myself for not asking her out. Jesus, what was I thinking?

          1. I still kick myself for not asking her out.

            I’m very sorry that happened, but if it makes you feel any better, I got a plot bunny out of it,

  40. Gender Traitor

    Yoh, Teh Hype – I need to knock off and go to bed soon, but here’s a pic (***SPOILER ALERT!!!***) to show how far I’ve gotten. I just figured out that I have either Clue A or Clue D wrong. Filling in the letters with Paint is a bit unwieldy & time-consuming, but I don’t have a printer ready to connect to my laptop at the moment. I wish I’d started earlier – I forgot it was puzzle night! I’ll try some more in the morning.

    Thanks for doing this! Acrostics have long fascinated me. If you need a beta-tester for any future acrostics, please let me know.

    1. I’m glad you’re enjoying it, To answer your earlier question the order in the last word of the grid is incorrect I transposed some boxes. The numbers are right, the last letter should be third and the fourth should be last. I may take you up on the beta testing since McGinty really screwed the pooch on this one. Also don’t discount that you may have both A and D wrong, and maybe even one other.

      1. CPRM

        I was going to do a bonus toon and get your mention in, but my uncle that I help take care of had turn in health, couldn’t fit it in; it is on the agenda next time I get around to a toon though.

        1. Sorry about your uncle, and I was just busting your balls about the credit thing, don’t sweat it.

          1. CPRM

            Doing the same, just being gentlemanly, asshole.

          2. Sir Digby

            asshole

            ::Ahem::

            Or, is that my joke?

          3. CPRM

            Jeeze; you sound like a jolted lover Digby. ‘I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR ASS ROSE!’

            Assole.

          4. Sir Digby

            Actually, I was wondering if the joke was one I made….

            “ASS ROSE”???

      2. Gender Traitor

        Thanks for the tips. I actually have my old office laser printer, brought home with the boss’s blessing when my employer upgraded all our PC equipment. I just print so seldom that I haven’t bothered to hook it up to my laptop. Now I have a good reason to do so! I’ll take another stab at the puzzle with a trusty pencil and one of my good drawing-quality erasers.

        This may be part of my own unique nerdliness, but I’ve just always found acrostics to be elegant.

    1. Dad Escaped Infantry

      Jasper, where even black folk fuck up from time to time

      1. Sir Digby

        Maybe this was payback?

        1. Dad Escaped Infantry

          not enough shit in the world, of course, not that the kids had anything to do with it

          Byrd’s murder is about the worst thing I can think of in my lifetime. I was depressed after moving to Texas: missed rivers and trees; along came that news.

          My neighbors did some unspeakable stuff in MS.

          I’m just haunted by how many people have suffered horribly for really no reason at all.

          1. Sir Digby

            for really no reason at all.

            But, but, but…they were born in bad skin! To bad families! How dare they?!

          2. Dad Escaped Infantry

            My favorite thing that gives me absolute joy in this website is the absolute rejection of racism.

    2. slumbrew

      Yeah! Eat, uh, something, Florida Woman!

    3. CPRM

      That didn’t look like a German lady at all!

    4. Rhywun

      I can’t get past that she’s still a teacher at 67. Don’t they retire at like 45??

      1. slumbrew

        She started teaching at 64. She now has a guaranteed pension paying 93% of her final-year pay.

      2. Sir Digby

        Not in Texas….well, older generations (like her) don’t.

      3. CPRM

        I’m guessing it’s a double pension situation. You retire from one school district after enough years to qualify for the pension, retire, move to another school district and work the years to qualify for that pension, then you retire and get 2 pensions plus SS. This is a thing that happens. (It’s done in other unionized gov jobs as well)

        1. slumbrew

          The double-dip pension is a police specialty. I know guys who “retired” at 40-something after 20 years on the job, then went right back to work on some police-adjacent job until 60.

          1. Sir Digby

            Lots of those here at my agency. WE have lots of older officers, which is actually a good thing–less fuckery.

          2. CPRM

            The one’s that piss me off the most are the one’s who do that and deride people taking ‘other’ government bennies as leeches. The Faux conservatives. My mom is one; one my dad was alive she was all in a huff about how scandalous it was that one of his friend’s and his girlfriend wouldn’t get married, because then she would lose the VA bennies from her first husband. Cut to my mom doing the same thing less than a year after my dad died. ‘But I deserve it!’

        2. Sir Digby

          If it’s a public school, it’s a state thing–I will retire with a pension from the Teachers Retirement System. So, just one pension.

          1. CPRM

            Maybe in TX, but in WI, those pensions are all based on district and union contracts. Are you sure that’s the way it is in TX?

          2. Sir Digby

            Yeah–I’m in it. Public schools go through the TRS (Teachers Retirement System). Private schools do…I dunno, 401K’s, maybe.

          3. Sir Digby

            And, the public part includes public colleges and universities–all employees.

          4. Sir Digby

            Pay is a school/district issue, but bennies are done through the state.

          5. CPRM

            Then I got nothing. Maybe this lady got her teaching degree while serving time in a German prison.

          6. Jarflax

            I do not know if all State PERS set ups are opted out of Social Security, but the Ohio public employees are exempted from the SSA part of FICA, and PERS earnings don’t count toward Social Security, and I am pretty sure others are as well.

          7. Sir Digby

            Texas, too

          8. CPRM

            Wisconsin was the birth of the Progressive movement; of course you get your SS, and the pension from the previous gov job, and the other gov job. That’s why their were protests when Walker (the spineless shit weasel) finally made a small change.

          9. Gustave Lytton

            State and local government employees were exempted from SS until something like the 80’s, then some have been folded in. Before, i think states could voluntarily join and after they could continue to opt out.

          10. Gustave Lytton

            https://www.irs.gov/government-entities/federal-state-local-governments/state-and-local-government-employees-social-security-and-medicare-coverage

            1991

            Full Social Security coverage (mandatory Social Security tax) was mandated beginning July 2, 1991, for state and local government employees who are not members of a qualifying public retirement system (FICA replacement plan) and who are not covered under a Section 218 Agreement, unless a specific exclusion applies under the law. A list of specific exclusions is included in Chapter 5: “Social Security and Medicare Coverage” of Publication 963.

          11. CPRM

            Around ot 4 Our local school broke away from the district it had been part of for over 50 years. So Any teachers that reached pension with the old district were allowed to receive pension bennies from the old district and start accruing years with the new district while also receiving their salary.

          12. Sir Digby

            #UnionStrong

          13. Gustave Lytton

            There’s a number of CA cops that retire from there and hire on with an agency here. Beats the statewide pension thing.

          14. Sir Digby

            Is that PacNW?

            I wonder how difficult the transfer is, considering a whole new penal code, et al.

          15. Gustave Lytton

            Yeah.

            I don’t think it’s that difficult. The state cert agency accepts most out of state academies with maybe a quick refresher/basics. Worst case scenario would be to do the entire academy I guess. Since you have to be employer sponsored and can’t pick it up privately unlike CA POST, it’s not expected for new hires anyways. And then there’s the agency field training I would also assume.

          16. Sir Digby

            Oh, field training, for sure.

            I now that, at one time, FL had a lateral transfer course for licensed po-po. I think it was something like a month, but not sure. I don’t think it was longer than that. An officer I worked with at my first agency did that, and then came back.

            I don’t guess the wheel has t be re-invented; just learn state statutes and various codes (vehicle, family, etc). Most things would be a matter of terms and level of offense.

          17. Sir Digby

            I know*.

            Actually I guess I “knew”, since I can’t remember so well now…

          18. Gustave Lytton

            Then there’s the big things, like where to go for donuts and such… *rimshot*

          19. Sir Digby

            The donut thing is kinda funny…it must be a “yankee” thing, as I’ve rarely ever seen donuts in squad rooms, or, heard of officers going to get donuts.

            In training classes, sometimes. Then again, most of mine haven’t involved officers.

          20. Jarflax

            Coffee and a donut vs. Southern breakfast

          21. Sir Digby

            Southern breakfast

            In my experience, it’s more a Southern lunch. Or, fast food, really.

            But, that may not be all that far off from reality. I’m sure it is in plenty of places.

          22. Gustave Lytton

            One of the few things I remember from a CJ class was the adjunct instructor talking about powered sugar donuts leaving trace evidence. Real interesting guy and a smart cookie. Was a deputy chief, then took a demotion to officer (probably 4 or 5 ranks down) to get back out into the field.

      4. BakedPenguin

        Yeah, mentally… if not prior to.

  41. Sir Digby

    Ah, the lazy fucks of Corrections

    I put some people who were “resisting” into a restraint chair on a few occasions (3-4), and it never required voltage.

    1. CPRM

      never required voltage.

      Mr. No Fun here.

      1. Sir Digby

        Mr. No Fun = Mr. Not Sued

        1. CPRM

          Meh, it’s the little folk who have to foot the bill.

          1. Sir Digby

            You crackin’ wise about my build???

            Why, I oughta….

    2. slumbrew

      Did drugs fall out of her ass?

      1. CPRM

        Hawt!

      2. Sir Digby

        Her??

        1. Sir Digby

          Oh…the article! I was thinking of the ones I dealt with.

          /i r smrt

    3. Chafed

      No reason to believe your lying eyes.

      1. Sir Digby

        Well, I can’t hide ’em…

        1. Sir Digby

          I made you do nothing!!!

    1. CPRM

      Given my newly found out history of my sister, I fucking hope her semen dad didn’t commit no crimes that left evidence.

      1. CPRM

        …that could be pinned on my sister, that was the conclusion of the joke, if it wasn’t clear.

        1. Sir Digby

          I’m still dealing with

          semen dad

          I mean…band name!

          1. CPRM

            HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT A JOKE I MADE!

    2. Don’t know who didn’t see that coming …

      There is nowhere to run, no Galt’s Gulch, no other country on the planet where people can be free.

        1. According to some comments at ZeroHedge (I know, I know), either Patagonia or some small southeast Asian country where you can disappear forever if you have even the most moderate nest egg.

          1. Jarflax

            Read The Getaway by Jim Thompson. You may not enjoy the new life so much.

          2. CPRM

            To again go to my pet peeves, people who dream about moving to some central or south american country once they retire, not because they want to better the lives of those who live there, or think it’s a paradise; but strictly so they can draw SS and live like kings while those around them suffer, but hey, the money lasts longer!

          3. IIRC, the dudes who went to SE Asia either gave up their U.S. citizenship or just disappeared into the jungle. They weren’t getting SS.

      1. Sir Digby

        Don’t know who didn’t see that coming …

        Yeah…it’s kept me from partaking in those services, since I have no real idea about my own “heritage”.

        1. I know where all my people come from back to 15th century England, Scotland, and Belgium, and a random slave somewhere in the 1800s. No DNA tests needed to know where I come from.

          Fun fact: I am a member of DAR. I was all het up to go to some meetings, then I found out the topic was china patterns. Yeah … no.

          1. Sir Digby

            I know where all my people come from back to 15th century

            You’re just gonna rub it in, huh?

            ::kicks pebble down road::

            ?

          2. Tejicano

            I know who everybody is and where they came from except for one great-grandfather who was (from photos and other info handed down) a full or at least half-breed Indian orphan. We know where he was raised and the ancestry of those people but where he came from is a mystery.

    3. Gustave Lytton

      What could go wrong? Make a database of 300M people and growing. Heck make it 7B. How many false positives would you hit at that rate?

      1. CPRM

        7 Billion Strong, And Growing…What the fuck you got against being a Flintstone Kid!? What are YOU hiding!?

  42. Sir Digby

    What the everlasting fuck??? HotAir, BearingArms, Twitchy, and other “right sites” requiring a membership to read various articles??

    So much for getting your news from the internet…

    1. CPRM

      Que?

      1. Sir Digby

        https://hotair.com/

        Notice the articles that have “VIP” listed. You have to have a membership to read more than a paragraph on them. Seems this covers a multitude of sites, now, and it seems to have happened today.

        1. CPRM

          Are we being DOXXED! Or DEPLATFORMED! Or is this some other outrage I’m supposed to have about not being able to read or watch shittily made things? I can’t keep up.

          1. Sir Digby

            It’s about not getting my echo chambers for free, DAMMITALL!!!

            I kid….but, not totally. Money has to be made, and I begrudge them not for it. It’s still a bit jarring.

    2. Jarflax

      If I didn’t have piles of evidence that all of them lie all the time I might subscribe to one or more, as it is? Being informed just makes me angry.

  43. Jarflax

    Well, tomorrow is now going to be rough. Night all

  44. l0b0t

    A glorious good morning to everyone. Being a completist with a tetch of the OCD, I tend to grab discographies of artists I like. This leads to a collection so large, I have not yet listened to it all. I like to stream everything on random while at work and tonight, I heard this absolute gem for the first time in my life – Warren Zevon Tule’s Blues

    1. Sir Digby

      You weren’t the glib who downloaded all of the Benny Hill Show recently, right?

      1. l0b0t

        Yes indeed. I can’t stop filling hard drives with things I may never get around to watching.

        1. Sir Digby

          Where did you get it/them? I would love to do so, but I doubt I have the hd capacity.

          1. l0b0t

            I’ve been using eMule for years (following the demise of Napster, LimeWire, and BearShare). It is a good resource for rare things but can be very slow (I have some things that have been downloading since 2006 – I’m looking at you European Afrika Bambaataa albums). Recently, there was a wonderful reddit group that got shut down but was recreated here.

          2. l0b0t

            For pulling media files from the web, Jdownloader is a must-have. Just copy a URL or file location to your clipboard and it will download it.

          3. l0b0t

            As for drives – Best Buy! BB sells the WD Easystore 10TB external drive for $299 but drops it down to $149 several times per year. These are very good as external drives but, if one is so inclined, once opened, a pearl is revealed. The drive used is a WD Red 10TB which retails for $250 and works very nicely as filler for NAS devices.

          4. Sir Digby

            Thanks for the info!

    1. Gender Traitor

      But I bet he taught you that drugs are bad, m’kay?