Preet Bharara inserted the business end of the nose hair trimmer into his left nostril, held his breath and pressed the power button. The unit whirred and he worked it around then pulled it out and blew out that nostril onto the small towel hung round his neck by the chain and clamps rig a former lawclerk had left behind in her desk.
He was still stinging from the Woodchipper Incident. He could have gotten away with that, too, for at least for long enough to have gotten their addresses, if it hadn’t been for the pesky internet. He had been publicly humiliated, even called a “muttonhead,” by a prominent First Amendment attorney. His attempt to use a court order to prevent them from even talking about it had backfired spectacularly. But he had taken the heat and managed to keep Judge Forrest’s profile as low as possible; something the bench was sure to notice.
He trimmed inside his right nasal passage and blew out his right nostril productively. He removed the thin towel with the words “US GOVERNMENT” woven into one end and shook it out over the trashcan before dropping it in the official government hamper. He washed his face and took a fresh towel from the stack. He inspected himself again in the mirror.
Fortune had smiled upon him unexpectedly. At that very moment his top man was strolling through the offices of Thought! magazine tagging along with NYPD on a crazy girl call that had come in that morning during the taskforce meeting. No warrant needed. Even if they were squeaky clean, and he knew they weren’t, NYPD would manage to find something.
Having found no flaw, he opened the dry cleaning bag hanging from the back of the door and removed a black robe which he slipped over his head. Next, the wig, from its wooden stand next to the mirror. Once properly enrobed and bewigged he examined himself one final time. Perfect.
Preet exited the bathroom into the robing room. He pressed the button that caused a light on the court clerk’s bench to flash, then slowly walked to the door to the courtoom. Sarah was right on time with the gavel; three perfectly timed raps. He was foregoing the “oyez” and formal opening of court for the occasion. Richard and Corey, the courthouse technicians, were crouched behind their video cameras, grinning. Court staff loved to torture interns and lawclerks whenever possible, and this was a welcome break from taping oral arguments and portrait ceremonies.
Interns Dorian, Raymond and Ming stood awkwardly behind the lawclerk bench wearing robes and wigs shorter and less ornate than his own, making their tights and silver-buckled shoes more prominent. Mediocre legal scholars, but gifted singers, all. Last June he had had Ramesh assemble all of the serious resumes into a single pdf document so he could search that for “choir,” “chorus,” and so on. Once he had his backup singers chosen he read their resumes and created notes justifying his hiring decisions based on their legal merits – just like creating a parallel construction for a prosecution.
Ramesh. His favorite. His protege. A brilliant legal mind, but the boy couldn’t carry a tune in a sack. He so wanted to text Rami to ask for a progress report, but he had resolved to let Rami conduct this all by himself. He trusted Rami, despite the boy’s penchant for independent, sometimes unorthodox, thought. He was glad Ramesh was soon to be married, a good, practical Indian wife would whip him into shape.
The robing room door opened behind the judge’s bench, the judge’s chair had been removed for the taping. He strode measuredly towards the bench to give the door a chance to close; Richard flashed him the thumbs up to cue him that the door had shut. The guys were really good at what they did; he’d have never thought about the open door and robing room lights being a distracting background.
He daintily grasped the slender shaft of the judge’s gavel, raising it theatrically and miming a rap in the air. Sarah hit the play button on the Karaoke machine and everyone started to sway to the doo-wop beat. The interns had been rehearsing for months. This was their big moment, the culmination of their internships. The next few minutes would determine their careers, if not the future course of American jurisprudence.
Lyrics appeared on the screen in the back of the courtoom behind the cameras. He waited for the ball to touch the first letter, and began singing.
Oh, yes, I’m the Great Preetinder,
He remembered hearing the song on the radio as a young boy in Eatontown, New Jersey. He had always thought the song was about someone named Preetinder, someone like him. Until the day in sixth grade when Angus Cohen had slammed him up against a locker. “That song isn’t about you, fag, it’s about pretending to be something you’re not.”
He had abandoned the song until one day it occurred to him that it didn’t matter what the actual lyrics said; what mattered was the interpretation which sounded right to a contemporary audience. The song should be interpreted in manner that made the most sense the context of today, author’s original intentions be damned. By the time he was in high school it had become his personal fight song which he hummed to psych up for tests and debate matches.
Do, Re, and Mi, as they were known throughout the courthouse, harmonized “woo, woo,” sweat running down their faces under the hot television lighting.
Preetinding that I’m doing well,
Doing very well indeed, thank you. And not pretending, in either sense of the word, but Preetinding. A special sort of thing that only someone named Preetinder could do. Preetidude. The Preetness.
He was getting interviewed on Thursday by Judy Woodruff about his take-down of Silk Road. Normally he wouldn’t grant an interview, but PBS was respectable television. And it didn’t hurt that Ms. Woodruff was still quite attractive. Washington had not only approved of the Woodruff interview, but had broadly hinted that it would be a very good thing for him. That could only mean he was being groomed for something higher.
He’d instantiate the humble civil servant saving the internet from organized crime. Unfortunately, a website which just moved money around didn’t sound very sinister. But DOJ had prepared a slideshow explaining why untraceable financial transactions were a Very Bad Thing. And illegal. And drugs.
Woodruff’s people had asked if they could redo the slideshow with “higher production values,” to which DOJ headquarters had also, surprisingly, agreed provided that DOJ got to review the final for accuracy. Media people were notorious for wanting to “simplify” things which meant sexing them up at the expense of accuracy.
My need is such I Preetind to much,
It had been a long, hard climb to get to where he was today. Chess club. Forensic speaking. Debate club. Law review. Internships.
He had worked not only for himself, but for all Indians. The Indian-American community was strongly self-policing. They were determined to prove themselves as a hard-working, modern people. Doctors, lawyers, small merchants. Indians left all that village shaman bullshit back in India. And the swastikas. The woodchipper people had trolled him hard on that. They had no sense of restraint; there was nothing funny about Nazism or even the snarky implication thereof, and there was particularly nothing funny about debating which way to feed a federal judge into a woodchipper.
I’m lonely but no one can tell,
Someone who was lonely because he spent too much time on work to have real friends. But loneliness and hard work were the price for becoming the man of the hour. He’d show Jindal and Haley who was the chief Indian; national office beckoned him like a Seventh Avenue whore.
Laughing and gay like the clown.
He’d have the last laugh over the Woodchipper people, and clowns were sinister after all. They’d never see this, but in his heart he’d know that he could put on a better production number than them. Rip off Bollywood, would they? He’d reach deep into American culture and show them he could best them at their own game. Bum-flashing antics, bad lyrics and muddy single-camera recording were no match for what the mighty powers of the federal government could bring to bear.
Word of it would eventually get back to them, though. He was planning to show the finished product at Bar Talent Night at the Second Circuit Judicial Conference this Summer. The Woodchipper people had friends in surprising places; he could think of at least two law professors who would be there who he knew participated anonymously in Thought! Magazine’s online fora.
The interns harmonized the final line perfectly.
All the performers froze.
“Cut,” yelled Corey.
Comments
247 responses to “The Glibening, Part Ten: The Triumph of Preet Bharara”
Are you trying to get his attention?
He is now in private practice. As the arch-villain of the story it is obligatory that I give him a big production number.
Does he have a longhaired cat that he strokes while it sits on his lap? Can’t be a proper archvillain without one.
Don’t be silly.
Blofeld was the cat.
re: Preet’s portrait; they can’t even be bothered to have an actual flag behind them anymore?
That would require forethought and planning. Not strengths of the fed gov.
Good catch. I’m from the era of chemistry-based photography and am not good about picking up on tells. But, yeah probably easier to photograph him against a green screen and overlay his image onto a stock background. That might make it professional work instead of in-house work. But I’ve seen the guys do some pretty remarkable things.
I’ve been learning about stage lighting recently, and the lighting can often be a tell on whether something was ‘shopped in. The lighting on the “flag” is a side light from the viewer’s right, but the lighting on Preet’ s face is a head-on front light.
Perhaps somebody could pull that lighting off if they set out to replicate this image with a real flag, but nobody’s gonna set up a complex lighting rig like that for a headshot.
“but nobody’s gonna set up a complex lighting rig like that for a headshot”
Not for a single one, but if you have an AV department that does a lot of photography they probably have a more permanent setup somewhere in the building.
Complex lighting rig for a headshot.
?
How did I know?!
Man, if you’re going to the trouble of photoshopping in the flag, why would you stop before adding a Hitler ‘stache?
I know we never did in the military.
Hell, the Marine boot camp portrait, the one in the dress blues? Those are fugazy too – it’s not a real blouse, just a cutaway front with no back. You wear them over your green skivvy shirt for a couple of minutes while they take your picture, that;s it.
Whoa, that’s fascinating.
The Army did the same when I went through in ’89.
They did ours in our BDUs. Awful.
I mean, not even cut always over the top. Just straight out BDUs.
My only question is whether this happened pre-tinder
Bravo!
I agree with the flag portrait critique, but I think the bookshelves crossing behind the body is intentional. I think it subconsciously creates a Christ-like image- almost intimidating. But, you know, I never thought about it until just now so I also think that I may be full of shit.
Also, this line: “He’d show Jindal and Haley who was the chief Indian; national office beckoned him like a Seventh Avenue whore.” should really necessitate a hot picture of Nikki Haley. Just a thought.
Nicely done.
I think it just suggests “submit our we’ll beat you to death with these books”.
Like AOC, I can’t deny Nikki Haley is a definitive WOOD. Then I remind myself that both of them aspire to pull the levers of power and become the blood-soaked monsters they were born to be.
Plus, lovin’ the new handle
AOC has the hots for Haley? [starts scribbling gratuitous tribbing scene set in women’s locker room of House Gym]
I could get behind that scene
Crap, would have to be Gabbard since Haley not a congresscritter. And I oop.
“…pull the levers of power…”
Euphemism?
chief Indian
Thanks, Tulsi.
Yes, the lawbooks are intended to convey an aura of officialdom, and they all want to be photographed in front of them. Every judge’s office has at least one prominent shelf full of lawbooks, even though CALR has been electronic for decates. The lawbooks are, unfortunately, the most uniform, least distracting background you can find in a courthouse. “I want it to look natural.”
“Every judge’s office has at least one prominent shelf full of lawbooks, even though CALR has been electronic for decates.”
That’s a real good point that I don’t even think about anymore. I’m one of those weirdos who still prefers paper books over electronic, but you’re right- there is no purpose for there to be bookshelves anymore. So weird to think that book shelves are now just aesthetics.
Older judges go through an incredible amount of paper having their lawclerks print stuff out.
Despite spending a rather pretty penny, just last year, on a networked temperature monitoring/troubleshooting system for all the store’s coolers and freezers, one of my nightly chores involves walking around with a clipboard, manually logging the temps for all of our coolers/freezers. Sigh…
NAL, but my late BIL was and his law books were of varying size. The books behind RBG look to be rather uniform, almost like a set of encyclopedias rather than actual law books.
Plenty of law books look exactly the same – row after row.
I believe that the United States Code in that binding. That’s a favorite for federal judges, obvs.
Yup. Those aren’t case books, unless SCOTUS gets a special edition of their own ramblings.
I failed my saving throw.
The most unintentional compliment paid to Trump, ever.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2019/10/03/is-donald-trump-following-ruinous-footsteps-calvin-coolidge/
I like how they blame the Depression on Coolidge and not Hoover and FDR.
Normally it’s Hoover that catches hell, but I guess they’re trying to get more distance between the Depression and FDR.
In ’32 FDR ran to the right of Hoover and his progressive interventions into the economy (that effectively killed all economic recovery). Then , of course, he went off in a decade-long orgy of big government that resulted in recession after recession.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself. And my idiotic policies that will keep the economy in ruins for nearly another decade.”
I’ve said this before but when I was a child I listened to my ancient relatives speak butterly of FDR and that he knew about the impending attack on Pearl Harbor and let it happen to gain the public’s approval to get into WWII.
No whey!
I know, I know, Captain Obvious here.
Tundra, it looks like you butter explain it to her.
Unlike Churchill, he sure didn’t have any reservations allying us with the Bolsheviks.
more like Captain Kefir.
Yeah, I didn’t get the whole whey joke. I skimmed.
Mike,
I was really only trying to get this thread churning.
Really have the cream of the commenters here.
You people are udderly ridiculous.
Glad you don’t sour over some puns
So…how long can we milk this?
Punning has become quite the cottage industry.
No, I don’t curdle over wordplay.
Dairy we risk the wrath of Swissy?
Swiss is full of holes.
He’s gonna be cheesed about this.
I want to be part of the pun culture.
I allow Mojeaux a little margerine of error.
Imma skip over the puns and relate the saga of my grandpa and FDR.
He used to do a wicked FDR impersonation…. he particularly liked to do a bitter FDR trying to kill criticism about his wife using military craft for her personal enjoyment. The wife and the dog headed off to Hawaii for some RnR and he was catching hell (I think partly because the wife sent back for the dog separately)…
So he went on his fireside chat and cried, “You can say anything you want about me, but don’t you dare attack my poor dog…” Republicans promptly shut up about what was a brewing controversy due to extravagant taxpayer-funded travel expenses.
Apparently FDR had a Trump-like ability to use his fireside chat national radio addresses to reach and manipulate the public debate directly.
Well, they sold me; Trump 2020
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/us-adds-136000-jobs-in-september-unemployment-rate-hits-50-year-low-2019-10-04
50 year low.
Hey Democrats, SUCK IT.
But I heard on NPR that adding 136k jobs means we’re heading into a recession.
Sounds like /s, but it isn’t.
Yeah, the news blurb I heard this morning had a lot of “but” in it. Wage growth wasn’t as strong as expected! Quite a bit different coverage from the “greenshoots” chatter I heard back during the hellscape economy of 2009.
That has driven me nuts my entire life. If you have to check which party is in power before you decide whether 6% unemployment is good or bad, maybe you should not be on that beat.
Economic reporting is probably the most susceptible to political bias, because nobody knows what the hell they are talking about. I’ve been told that rising interest rates are bad for the economy, and falling interest rates are bad for the economy. I’ve been told that a strong dollar is bad for the economy, and a weak dollar is bad for the economy. I’ve been told that 6% unemployment is too low and there’s a danger of inflation, and that 4.5% unemployment is too high.
Literally every statistic is reported with the exact opposite spin, depending on what political implications it has. So that tells me that they are all partisan hacks.
Well, I’m sure that’ll make the Ds reevaluate their pro-regulation position and become laissez-faire capitalists.
*eye roll*
Thor Hogan, author of “Hydrocarbon Nation: How Energy Security Made Our Nation Great and Climate Security Will Save Us,” is a professor of politics and environmental sustainability at Earlham College.
*snicker*
Ruinous? And Coolidge grabbed pussies too, but he didn’t talk about it.
The worst Deep State mask-slip I’ve seen at 4:00. Tucker has balls.
Yeah, I can’t say I’m quite a Tucker “fan,” but I think he’s a bit smarter than most of the drones on TV. He’s certainly not a lefty, although he’s not much of a defender of liberty, either. But he does have a large audience and to the extent he’s putting together the threads and showing how off-the-rails politicized the upper levels of the intel agencies have become is a great service to everyone.
I mostly consume his media via clips in other YouTubers, I enjoy what I see (minus his Law and Order(TM) conservatism). Notheless, he is one of the few prominent media figures that talks about men’s issues and what factors might be pushing young men to think that shooting up a theater or some such is the way to go.
At his best he is speaking actual truth to actual power (vice an college activist screeching on behalf of the consensus to people that already agree with them.
The cataloging of the CIA’s failures is pretty good.
I picked up on that line, too, Mister Jams, sir. My take on it, however, was that it might work better by switching the words “chief” and “Indian” – but then I had the thought that Mr. Tonio was intentionally playing on that; and reversing the word order was a quite clever way of intoning that.
Well done, Tonio!
Aside: I was mostly a lurker when that all went down and (as an attorney) I was bummed about the whole thing. Most attorneys simply do not have the necessary chutzpah for a no-bullshit, knock-down, drag-out legal brawl against the US government and it was clear to me from early on that TOS’ lawyers did not.
If you’re going to have even a snowball’s chance in hell going up agains FedGov in court, you have to burn the ships on the shore at your back and just let go of any thought of self-preservation.
Fuck. I Brooks’d that one. Meant to be a reply to the-artist-formerly-known-as-TGA. (Oh, what will Tulsi do now??)
“I picked up on that line, too, Mister Jams, sir.”
The formalities aren’t necessary. You may call me by my full name or my initials.
bj69? Seems a perfectly cromulent way to be addressed.
Thanks, Ozzy. Your Anthrax series is really good.
Some day I’ll tell you guys where I was on Woodchipper day, and what I was doing.
Thank you, Tonio. And I would like to hear that story over a cold libation sometime, on my $0.10.
Richmond, VA, dude. I rarely travel outside VA/DC but will let everyone know if I do a cross country trip.
And I’d love to hear more about your Anthrax stories and fill in some pieces about civilian agencies and this threat.
I think that’s covered in some of the upcoming chapters. It’s kind of the “reveal” of what the impetus was behind the whole program.
I don’t think anyone here will be surprised, let’s put it that way.
Savage.
Also, once I saw Richard Corey, I immediately began second-guessing all the other names.
Sorry, bro, those two are real people in my life.
Yes, that was brilliant.
Now I’m shipping Preet and Ramesh. If that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.
*blacks away from Mojeaux*
That was pretty dark.
I was blind to it.
“Shipping?”
Fanfiction involving a romantic relationship between the two. Relationship = ’ship.
Ahhh… thanks.
Here is the Japanese equivalent.
Note that it generally written by women for women.
Yaoi
Oh yes. The romance novel reader is all about m/m and yaoi.
I personally am not. Threesomes are okay with me as long as there’s a cunte in the mix, and preferably both cods are focused on the cunte.
One of my top 10 South Park Episodes:
Tweek x Craig
I have lots to say about what level of consent straight female readers will tolerate (demand) in m/m romance versus what they will tolerate in m/f romance.
I hadn’t thought about that. It’s a fair criticism,
Shouldn’t it be Tweek/Craig?
The “X” is used in Japanese. It’s not spoken only written.
I’ve no idea why and never researched any further as it isn’t my scene.
Google “seme” and “uke” outside of work. The order is top x bottom.
Interesting, IIRC the X was used in Star Trek fanfic to designate straight pairings.
Spock X Uhura
Kirk/Spock
Also, the whole thing was an homage to the phallus. WELL DONE!
But isn’t everything I write? [giggles]
Hope your day going better.
It should! I am a fan of phalluses.
Thanks. The week has been relatively good. The only thing marring it is that I still need to get my business shit together, as I have ignored it for months. When I feel life is hopeless and nothing is ever going to get better, I shut down. Did that in June. Wrote a book. It’s done now and I still haven’t gotten back to my fighting weight, so to speak. So I still have guilt.
II am a fan of phalluses.
“How you doin’?” *waggles eyebrows*
I am probably the only woman in the world who bought a Playgirl
When I worked at a bookstore in the 80’s, it was usually for a “prank on a friend.”
Suuuure. ?
::eagerly goes back to reread with fresh insight::
LOL Clearly I’m hyperaware.
This is goddamned brilliant.
W00t, I’d been toying with the idea of doing something like that, but the thought of finding playtesters who wouldn’t storm out angry was just too daunting.
If there’s free food involved, you can add me to the focus group pool.
If only there were some board gamers here on this site…
May sign up.
That is brilliant!
I want to party with these guys. They have a FAQ linked. It has one entry:
Love the Cornel West card.
I actually don’t think that’s fair. West isn’t so much a SJW as he is just a left-winger. I don’t know, he’s always struck me as a decent reasonable guy and that is not what an SJW is.
I know he supports reparations. Not super-familiar with his work, but I seem to recall “institutional racism” and “only whites can be racist” as ideas he endorsed. Maybe not, but if so, I’d call him an SJW.
48 hour rule still applies, so caveat this . . .
Paris knife attacker who killed 4 in police headquarters had converted to Islam
So, just a thought, it could be that what we’re seeing with stuff like this is people who are genuinely troubled or disturbed in some fashion looking to Islam in the same way that some people in the 60s who felt disaffected or whatever dropped out and became hippies. Maybe they’re looking for some sort of magic solution for their problems in the form of a system or structure that is fundamentally different from the culture or society in which they live, and which they see as having failed them or having no place for them. So they join a mosque, throw themselves into the religion with zeal, and find that nothing’s changed. At that point, they either become desperate and want revenge on the world, or maybe they think that in order to fix themselves they have to go out and kill the infidel.
Absent some additional evidence, I doubt we’ll ever know how his crazy and his Islam interacted.
Meh, he was in IT, somebody prolly told him to learn to code and he, justifiably, snapped.
“The websites broken! Fix it!”
“Did you refresh your cache?”
“What’s that?”
click CLACK
True. Just throwing it out there in general. I sometimes wonder if religion is the original video games and violent movies in the “crazy person + external influence = murder spree”.
I just assume he applied to the police force and was rejected, so Islam was plan B.
The song should be interpreted in manner that made the most sense the context of today, author’s original intentions be damned.
Very, very nice line.
Fabulous story, Tonio. Your writing was always terrific, but it’s really taken a jump. The subtleties and details are amazing.
Thanks for the laughs!
I just had the Best DMV experience.
No one was there, Got first in line. Quickly registered my car.
I mean apart from having to register my mode of transport.
Nice! I’ll play the one up game though
Registered my car online and mailed in some paperwork. Got a title in the mail a couple weeks later.
WI does seem to have their act together on DMV, I’ve never had a “bad” experience. Maybe just that I’m not in a heavily populated area.
My favorite thing about going to the DMV is avoiding it altogether and going to AAA instead.
My county apparently doesn’t have vendors sell registration tags, so i had to go to the DMV.
– 1 sovereign citizen
So you’ve been counting us? R C Dean Confirmed FBI Plant
OT:
Proud of Spawn 1. He forwarded a career center note that the NSA was visiting the school. The blurb was nauseating:
“The professionals at the National Security Administration have one common goal: to protect our nation. This mission requires a strong offense and a steadfast defense.”
There’s more, but I’ll spare you.
We went back and forth about their motivations and actions and he finished with:
“Whatever lets them sleep at night after a day full of spying on US citizens.”
I’m pleased that he and his pals appear to be cynical enough to get their shitlord cards before they are 24.
Geeze. Yeah, i think your kid has it spot on, whatever they have to say to keep themselves happy. Also when ever the government talks about “The Nation” especially in a national security stance, you can safely replace “Nation” with “United States Government”, and you get a better picture of what they mean.
You raised a good kid there. I think it’s easier to teach your kids about free market ideas than it is to convince them that the people who everyone tells you are there to “protect you” are actually just the foreman for your oppressor.
Seriously, kudos Tundra.
High five!
My daughter had no interest in GreenGreta’s Hulk Mad climate Apocalypse shindig.
Life’s too short to waste on nagging fear mongers.
HOW DARE YOU?!
My daughter requires way more vigilance.
She is a sucker for emotional environmental appeals.
Metal straws? Really?
Oh well, we all need a challenge.
Show her pictures of open pit mines and metal foundries.
My dad’s people are from SE Kansas, where strip mining was rampant. The mines were all filled with water and stocked with fish. I learned how to fish in those strips.
I toured a steel mill when I was a child and another when I was 20. I LOVE steel mills. And trains. And Kennecott copper mine.
The grandeur of what man can do struck awe in me as a child and it has never stopped. More than statues and dams and art, machinery of that magnitude are monuments to my belief that men can become gods.
Short Circut podcast released their Supreme Court Preview today. Worth a listen
Who’s operating the wires attached to Ginsburg’s rigor mortis ravaged limbs?
A colony of rats?
Close
Back on Topic: Great read Tonio, Preet deserves any and all mocking he gets. I remember when “woodchipergate” went down. My Dad mentioned it to me, and he didn’t know i commented on Reason. I know i was awfuly close to saying many of the exact same things that Preet deemed dangerous.
Sometimes I look at my own work and go, “Did I actually write that?”
Turns out the nutter who blathered about eating babies at an Ocasio-Cortez even was a troll.
Punchline – a LaRouche troll.
For lefties, the LaRouche people have never liked environmentalists. They were one of the few left-wing groups to violently oppose “Peak Population” in the 70’s.
Wait, so a Larouche PAC is supposedly pro-Trump?
Is that a small L or Big L LaRouchie?
Kinda suspected it was a bit. A little too “A Modest Proposal” on the nose.
A throwback to days of yore.
North Carolina husband sues wife’s lover, wins $750,000 judgment
Robert Kevin Howard filed the lawsuit under the Alienation of Affection tort, which allows spouses to sue their partner’s lovers.
No pussy is worth that.
It is if you are married and have a net worth in excess of $1.5mm.
“”He came to my house and ate dinner with us. We shared stories, we talked about personal lives,” Howard told the outlet”
Cuck.
Not sure I’m against the law here. Isn’t it a common tort against enticing someone to break a contract? (Tortious interference)
I only just heard of Jimmy Carr about a month ago but damn, he is really growing on me. https://youtu.be/pQ_OA3rEdp0
A collection of women that Preet would throw in jail for not having sex with him.
http://archive.is/7j6G3
OT: Local HS gets their Homecoming canceled, because some kids made fun of the way some people dance.
Mommas Don’t dance, and their daddies don’t rock and roll
Out of the car longhair.
Then they ain’t no friends of mine.
I’ve been feeling bored & grouchy today about my day job, but this reminds me that if I’d followed the original plan to become a public school teacher, I’d be an empty husk of a human by now. You all help me retain my last remaining sliver of sanity.
I had a former friend who got his Bachelor’s, and tried to go into teaching. His first job was at Euclid High School. I think he made it through a semester before quitting and going back to managing a fast food restaurant.
My wife taught 3rd grade in a public school for ten years. She thought she was one of those people who just lose the genetic lottery and get cripplingly-painful visual migraines once a week until she quit teaching and never got one again. Seriously. She quit to get her PhD and I got laid off two weeks later, and for nearly three years we were in and out of foreclosure, and it was less stressful than teaching public school.
Weird. I had cripplingly-painful visual migraines once a week until she quit
teachinglaw firms and never got one again.Although my first marriage was also breaking up. And there was bonus vertigo and nausea, so I had that going for me.
WHY U GUISE HATE TEH CHILDRENS!?!?!
It’s not so much teh childrenz as the administrators and (::glances about::) the parents. (::ducks::)
Because we’ve met them?
Finally they’re taking antiwhite racism seriously.
Florida Woman.
https://bustedcoverage.com/2019/10/03/florida-woman-stripper-tries-to-murder-a-woman-at-jacksonville-strip-club-cops-allege/
Hot/crazy determination?
You know, in an interesting twist, her mug shot is like a 9 verging on 10 if you allow for the cold homicidal gaze, but her social media stuff is like a 5 at best. If she lost the weird trashy latina thing and just dressed like a normal person with her own hair she’d be an absolute smokeshow.
I thought the same thing. Mug shot is definitely the best picture they have of her.
Not seeing it. Dress her up any way you want, she ain’t making it to the doable part of the matrix.
Although for some reason the mug shot isn’t opening on my computer.
Finally saw it.
Doesn’t even look like the same woman.
Huh?
Dude, Mike’s is better looking than that chick.
wut?
Fucking phone.
Looks like she’s a bit…unmoored.
There’s a bright, promising child who needed a strong, loving father-figure in her life that she never got.
Bill volunteers to be her “daddy” IYKWIM.
I am a sucker for hot, crazy, and in need of rescue.
18 year-old strippers are totes the most stable people. Stable geniuses.
Hard Wood.
That’s a NO from me Cotton.
wut
https://freebeacon.com/blog/neera-tanden-china/
Another thoroughly vile person whose plans got blowed up reel gud by Trump.
I’m having cognitive dissonance here:
She wasn’t wrong about Hillary.
Hillary was going to make her chief of staff?
It’s a mad, mad, mad world.
Whoo-Hoo! No work today. I hadda sleep in so I can stay up all night at the Troubador watching her play.
News you can use.
https://www.askmen.com/sex/sexual_experiences/never-have-i-ever-worn-a-butt-plug-in-public.html
Hawt.
I’S A JOORNULIST! I APOSE THE AMENDMUNT THAT KEEPS ME FROM BEING SENT TO A GOOLAG!
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/04/opinion/sunday/free-speech-social-media-violence.html
HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRR DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRR
“Noxious language online is causing real-world violence. What can we do about it?”
Sack up, to start with.
I wonder if the people who worked at Pravda also pretended to be journalists or if they were more honest than the propagandists who work for the NYT?
Fortunately, I can’t read the Times. Cause the headline alone was enough to make angry.
“We talked about how bewildering it was to be alive at a time when viral ideas can slide so precipitously into terror.”
Sorry Time writer but that has always been the case with humans.
You’ll never believe who is a witch?
Have you heard (((they))) poisoned the water?
The opening line is a real doozy.
I’d say there’s a pretty bright line between me saying “I’m going to kill you” and me actually killing you.
My name is a killing word!
There ya go. Bad words are violence. It is only self-defense to assault people who use them. They should be banned.
I believe it goes further than that.
Bad thoughts are violence.
All actions begin with a thought
Not my wife’s actions.
That woman has a reflex punch like no other.
Do thoughts have actions, or do actions have thoughts?
Best to ban any unsanctioned thought or action
https://twitter.com/GailVazOxlade/status/1179777920337887232
Gail Vaz-Oxlade
The 5 night Louis CK is performing in Toronto are sold out. Somebody should film the people going into (or out of) the show so we can see who thinks a pervert is funny.
Imagine being this pathetic.
“Seeker of wisdom”
Keep looking lady.
Imagine being that upset that other people have different tastes than you.
I mean it would be like if our culture had arguments over whether pineapple on pizza was a go or a no-go.
The day our culture orders a pizza, it can have an opinion.
Pretty sure we’ve got cultures in the pathology lab that would order a pizza if they had a phone.
Perverts are kind of funny.
Lets all give a hand to Louis CK…
More news you can use.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7533699/How-calories-burn-sex-revealed.html
Someone needs to develop an app for that.
Heart rate, body fat, etc. It would also tell you if your partner was truly giving his /her all.
FuckFitness!
Cod+Cunte=Cardio
The list of people deserving a Woodchipper award has grown steadfastly since Preet and that Judge.
We should have a Woodchipper of the Day segment. Even set up a Woodchipper Hall of Fame.
Submissions open!
I would nominate that twat who got the EU to bully Facebook into removing a comment about her being a corrupt oaf.
At the hospital in the surgery waiting room (mom, carpal tunnel). I’m 51. I’m a freaking baby compared to the denizens of this waiting room. There is no point to this observation. I’m just not used to being the youngun anymore.
They also talk very VERY loudly. The one with the artificial voice box is VERY VERY loud and she talks A LOT.
I’m just not used to being the youngun anymore.
Just move to Tucson. You’ll get used to it.
artificial voice box is VERY VERY loud and she talks A LOT.-
You don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone.
You’re married right? Do you appreciate your testicles more?
ba dum *tiss*
If you were a bit older, you could just turn down your hearing aid.
I always just pull down my pants nonchalantly when they do that or try to talk to me. The shock shuts them up for the day.
Muppets wear pants??
…In other news, others in waiting room w/ hearing aids on wonder why Moje is giggling.
Or, they’re wondering why she nonchalantly pulled down her pants.
They are trying to keep themselves from talking politics, but I get the vibe they think impeachment talk is bunk and they’re tired of CNN et al trying to tell them what to think and believe.
Yes, felt ones.
What pants? You have a hand stuffed up your ass.
too slow
That face when you discover you’re just an amateur:
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=449344639045002&id=288825705096897&anchor_composer=false
The timing is suspicious.
https://m.facebook.com/LibertyMemesOriginal/photos/a.288847088428092/448328692479930/?type=3&source=48
Wednesday, my husband won 2 tickets to the Chiefs game Sunday. Today he won 2 tickets to the Renaissance Festival, to which I desperately wanted to go, but couldn’t afford.
I’d send him out to buy lottery tickets right now, if I were you.
We buy one occasionally, but he odds are not good enough for his taste.
See if he can win tickets to see Samantha Fish.
O Frabjous Week!
Indubitably!
OK, just because I’m bored & unmotivated and my boss just left, a Glibs challenge: Who can post something to make Mojeaux totally lose her shit (ideally, in the figurative sense) in the surgery waiting room? Aaaaaaaand GO!
Unless your name is Tax Deduction, it’s pretty hard to make me lose my shit, although Some People tried yesterday.
I meant with laughter. But look at the time! The gang has doubtless migrated to the PM Lynx.
When the moon is in the seventh house, and jupiter aligns with mars, Then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars!
Kozmik, d00d!
Another good installment, thanks Tonio!