Tuesday Afternoon Links

Happy Tuesday, I’m tired. Long night last night. Here is one set of half-ass links for your enjoyment.

Florida Man gets busted dealing Vitamin E in the shape of Trump’s head (and orange!)

That moose stole my taco!

I knew Britain was becoming a shithole, surrounded by communist Europeans, but I didn’t realize we’d need to organize an airlift.

America’s Space Force becomes real August 29!

Comments

614 responses to “Tuesday Afternoon Links”

  1. Scruffy Nerfherder

    When do I get the chance to qualify as a Starfighter?

    1. Never, you’re too old. The wetware only works on underdeveloped brains.

      why do you think they’re all teenagers?

    2. Sean

      Right after you bang Catherine Mary Stewart.

        1. Sean

          #metoo

        2. Damn I saw that movie on VHS, back when my older brother was a clerk at the video store. He brought home a lot of shiite and some good things.

          1. slumbrew

            I saw that movie in the theater.

            /waves cane in general direction

          2. DrOtto

            I believe this was the first movie to garner a PG-13 rating.

          3. DrOtto

            And I looked it up, Red Dawn beat it.

    3. Sir Digby says RELAX

      When do I get the chance to qualify as a Starfighter?

      Don’t you have to find the correct video game first? Then, kinda wait around for Robert Preston, who wi-

      Oh, right…..

  2. Donation Not Taxation

    In theory, the Devil in the details, I would not be opposed to a government-run Space Force if it was paid for by voluntarily donated money instead of taxes or the kind of borrowing to be repaid by taxes.

    Also, has Steve Carell been hired as a civilian contractor for the Space Force?.

    1. Urthona

      I’m perfectly willing to sign up as a member of the private astronaut militia.

  3. I knew Britain was becoming a shithole, surrounded by communist Europeans, but I didn’t realize we’d need to organize an airlift.

    Well, it is airstrip one, so it’s easier to organize.

  4. leon

    “As if Britons hadn’t heard it before, they spent the weekend being told the worst. “OperationYellowhammer,” a supposedly confidential document prepared by Her Majesty’s civil service, imagines the chaos that would follow a no deal Brexit. It was leaked to the Sunday Times in advance of Prime Minister Johnson’s negotiations ”

    This totally wasn’t written up with the purpose of being leaked.

    1. We would never do something like that.

      /Damn lies.

    2. Gustave Lytton

      I’m sure there’s relevant Yes Minister clips that addresses this, the EU, and the civil service.

    3. Florida Man

      I would hope the US would only provide goods in exchange for Britain recognizing civil liberties.

      Lol. I crack myself up.

    4. R C Dean

      I wonder if the Brits are as inured to Fake News as (I hope) Americans are.

    5. AlmightyJB

      Fuck the Brits.

    6. Chipwooder

      Christ, now I’m going to have RAMMER JAMMER YELLOW HAMMER GIVE EM HELL ALABAMA stuck in my head.

  5. Mad Scientist

    Mmmmmmmm, tacos.

  6. Chafed

    A moose ate little girl’s taco says the newspaper. And some of you are concerned about our phrasing.

    1. Mad Scientist

      The moose felt it would be rude not to eat her taco. He found it not only hot, but also moist.

      1. Private Chipperbot

        There was no truth to the report it was also tangy.

      2. AlmightyJB

        Without lettuce. My favorite kind.

      3. slumbrew

        Glad I’m not the only one whose mind went straight there

    2. Rhywun

      A møøse once bit my sister.

      1. Mad Scientist

        Møøse bites can be pretti nasti.

        1. Tundra

          Moose Trained by Yutte Hermsgervordenbroti

          1. Sir Digby says RELAX

            Bad news, folks: You’ve all just been sacked.

  7. Private Chipperbot

    Excellent. The Death Blossom will be unleashed with Space Force on my birthday. Death to the Ko Dan Armada!

    1. AlmightyJB

      Mines the 28th.

    2. Those special effects are a m a z i n gggggg /not really

      1. CPRM

        Well, I do believe it was the first film to have scenes that were entirely done with computer animation. The first is the one that always ages the worst.

        1. Sir Digby says RELAX

          +35. Years.

  8. leon

    The thing that gets me about the space force is that if Obama had done it we’d hear the same mockery and praise but who said which would be different.

    1. Florida Man

      Be fair. The mockery from Glibs would be the same.

    2. The Other Kevin

      Political parties are ridiculous. At one point they may have stood for something, but now they just oppose whatever the other party supports, and vice versa.

      1. Bob Boberson

        Feature, not a bug.

  9. leon

    You know who else ingested Trump Head extasy?

    1. AlmightyJB

      Melania, until they got married.

      1. Ozymandias

        ba-ZING!

      2. Spudalicious

        You win the internet this day.

  10. Juvenile Bluster

    “Policing is dead,” a member of the NYPD told me Monday, after NYPD Commissioner James O’Neill decided to fire Officer Daniel Pantaleo over the death of Eric Garner. “Morale was already low. This was just the nail in the coffin.”

      1. Private Chipperbot

        I picture a Hill Street Blues style meeting where the shift sergeant has to remind officers not to kill taxpayers.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      There’s just no fun in it anymore.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        How many of them of them got into the job so they could get their rocks off killing people and animals? If you take that away…

    2. R C Dean

      I mean, if “accidentally” greasing some lowlife isn’t allowed, what’s the point of being a cop?

    3. Florida Man

      Um. I thought it was Garner who is dead?

      1. Bob Boberson

        A cop losing his job is a greater tragedy than a civilian losing their life, that’s the mentality sans an ounce of hyperbole. Tribalism is one sick phenomina.

        1. Fourscore

          Lotsa civilians but a limited number of highly trained professional crimestoppers/solvers. Civilians keep popping up(out) every day.

    4. leon

      I say rather than firing we do decimations. Some guy in your department kills someone? Then you are forced to beat a random cop to death.

      1. Nephilium

        I say rather than firing we do decimations. Some guy in your department kills someone? Then you are forced to beat a random cop 10% of your department to death.

        FTFY.

    5. Bob Boberson

      I get a tingle up my leg thinking about SCOTUS overturning qualified immunity. Then I snap back to reality and realize it’s a non-starter except for a handful of irrelevant libertarians.

  11. The dog was chewing on her paws. A 15 minute visit and I get two medications and a $118 bill.

    Oh well – still cheaper than going to see my doc (and quicker).

    Allergic reaction apparently.

    1. Florida Man

      A lot of dogs are allergic to grass. You know? The stuff they roll in constantly.

    2. Bob Boberson

      I had a paw chewer that I could never figure out. Chewed his paws his whole life. Never found. vet interested in doing anything but selling expensive prescriptions for antihistamines and topical creams.

    3. I’m Here To Help

      If it’s a long term thing, Apoquel is worth the cost. We had a dog that after allergy test, turned out that she was allergic to Florida. All of it. It was so bad that she was licking her paws bloody. Got her on Apoquel, and the licking went away in a day. It was costly, but worth it to give her relief.

  12. ChipsnSalsa

    Wait, whats wrong with vitamin E? oooohhhh yeah, I get it.

    1. MikeS

      Back in college, “Vitamin E” was ephedrine. I may have bought a bottle…or…two. Gawd damn meth heads had to go and fuck everything up. Including the Sudafed that actually worked. Assholes.

      1. Tundra

        Jesus Christ.

        White crosses sustained me across many cross-country trips as a youth. They were easily available, effective and NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED!

        Fuck.

        1. MikeS

          Right? Every once in a while, when I’m at work extra early and didn’t get enough sleep the night before, I curse the evil, nanny state fucks that got their way.

  13. Rebel Scum

    What the Elites Think Americans ‘Need’ Has Nothing to Do with Individual Rights

    There are some who argue, for example, that the Second Amendment was never meant to guarantee any individual right, as CNN’s Chris Cuomo recently argued. Some others may argue that the Second Amendment only protects guns owned for the purposes of hunting or sport. That’s all intellectually indefensible, given the precise words of the Second Amendment and ample facts which provide the historical context for its inclusion in the Constitution. As such, these examples are rarer than the other, more honest argument among gun control activists that I’ve encountered.

    Generally, this latter group of gun control advocates rightfully concede that the Second Amendment does protect an individual right to own firearms, but that the Founders just never imagined weapons as deadly as an AR-15, for example. They argue that it was never meant to protect those kinds of deadly firearms, despite the fact that the deadliest firearms on the planet at the time of the Constitution’s ratification (the same used by regulars in the British army, for example) were clearly meant to be legally kept in law-abiding American citizens’ homes.

    But in the end, all these arguments boil down to one thing — what gun control advocates think Americans “need.” Irrespective of the mental gymnastics needed to philosophically get there, the closing statement in these arguments for gun control invariably goes something like this: “Why does anyone need a [insert any arbitrarily chosen gun, or gun accessory, of some specific caliber, muzzle velocity, rate of fire, cosmetic accoutrements, magazine size, etc., here]?”

    We proponents of limited government and individual rights can, and often do, present substantial arguments as to why such firearms might be necessary to protect ourselves against evil neighbors or government agents who might choose to infringe upon our right to life and liberty, and why the gun control proposals being offered would be ineffective.

    We might point out, for example, the data showing that there is absolutely no evidence that “assault weapon” bans and gun confiscation programs (like the much-touted Australian “buyback”) do anything at all to reduce homicide rates. We might mention that violent crime and murder rates have fallen sharply since the National Assault Weapons Ban was lifted in 2004 (as I did in 2013, here), despite the number of firearms owned by individuals in this country growing dramatically in the years since, and the prevalence and expansion of concealed and open carry laws in many states. We might also point out that the CDC has observed that guns are used as a means of self-defense in “about 500,000 to more than 3 million” instances annually, clearly signifying the value of gun rights in protecting Americans’ lives and preserving their liberty. Or, we might argue, as David French does at National Review, that “for the Second Amendment to remain a meaningful check on state power, citizens must be able to possess the kinds and categories of weapons that can at least deter state overreach, that would make true authoritarianism too costly to attempt.”

    1. The Other Kevin

      We might also point out that if the Constitution identifies something as a right that shall not be infringed, nobody has to prove any sort of “need”.

    2. Dr. Fronkensteen

      They used to hand ink printing presses.
      Now we have mass communication. The founders never imagined that either.

      1. Mad Scientist

        You want to really scare yourself? Point that out to a gun grabber and watch them explain that all kinds of speech should be illegal too. These people are authoritarian through and through.

        1. Rebel Scum

          They state outright that “hate-speech” (which is subjective) is not constitutional. They don’t know what words mean.

  14. Gadfly

    From the space force article:

    The Trump administration has cited potential threats from China and Russia as part of the reasoning behind creating a space force. Last month, France announced the creation of its own space force.

    It’s cute that France still pretends to be a world power.

    1. You know who pretended their country was a world power…

      1. leon

        Putin?

      2. AlmightyJB

        Every tin pot dictator

      3. Florida Man

        Wakanda?

      4. mexican sharpshooter

        Spain!

      5. PBRstreetgang

        The Grand Duchy of Fenwick?

        1. Private Chipperbot

          Dammit! I was going there!

      6. Rufus the Monocled

        Freedonia?

      7. Enough About Palin

        Rufus T. Firefly?

      8. B.P.

        Austria Hungary?

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Frogs In Space

      1. leon

        The cosmic Rays! They’re turning the freaking frogs Gay!!!

  15. Playa Manhattan

    Just found a new Shawarma place. Will be going back 3x a week.

    *burp*

    1. PBRstreetgang

      I read that as Shawarma Police the first time around

      1. The Shawarma Police, inside of my head….

        1. topnotchtoledo

          Good Radiohead song

      2. JaimeRoberto: Gentleman, Scholar, French Tickler

        Arrest this man.

    2. Mad Scientist

      How is that different from Chipotle?

      1. Playa Manhattan

        Chipotle is full of trolls, especially when you’re eating there.

      2. Less ptomaine?

    3. mexican sharpshooter

      Chicken or beef?
      Twice baked saffron rice?
      Taziki or hummus?

      Was it at least served on a plate in a bowl shaped blob?

      1. Playa Manhattan

        I got 2 plates. One chicken, one beef.

        Sides: saffron rice, cucumbers in vinaigrette, pickled cabbage, and dill-tomato salad.

        Sauces: tahini and toum (garlic/oil emulsion)

        I might go back for dinner. It’s on the way home.

        1. Certified Public Asshat

          No fried eggplant?

          1. Playa Manhattan

            It was an option, as well as fried cauliflower. Will get it soon.

    4. Fatty Bolger

      Isn’t that just a fancy name for gyros?

    1. Rhywun

      I’d like to think that first picture is me doing a *facepalm* instead of what it really is, the typical Atlantic reader weary of life and ready to end it all.

    2. Chafed

      The author hasn’t spent a day outside of academia. He cites to highly regulated industries to make his point. Um, get a clue professor.

    1. ok – one more.

      Soviet Fashion: Style Pages from 1980s U.S.S.R.

      I’m surprised how much bleed through there was culturally from the West to the USSR.

      1. Private Chipperbot

        Maybe to keep the Party people towing the lion before the fall. I wonder how many workers were able to get any of that stuff.

      2. BakedPenguin

        Weird. The second ad uses a “g”, which I’m pretty sure isn’t part of the Cyrillic script.

        1. grrizzly

          This is д. It’s how it’s written in certain fonts–close to the cursive version.

        2. Rhywun

          I saw that too. I believe the ‘g’ is a faux-cursive form of their letter for “d”. You will note there is also ‘n’, ‘u’, and ‘m’ in there which are not normal Cyrillic but cursive forms.

        3. In some typefaces, the Cyrillic lowercase д looks like a Latin g, especially in italics.

          It’s also that way in handwriting.

          1. BakedPenguin

            Thanks, guys. Pretty impressive knowledge here on Glibs.

      3. grrizzly

        Cause it’s a German magazine published in the Soviet Union.
        In 1987, Burda Fashion became the first Western magazine to be published in the Soviet Union.

    2. Chipwooder

      It won’t be long now….till what? Till the lion mauls them?

  16. Florida Man

    I met with a financial advisor today and one of the things he suggested was permanent life insurance. Does anyone own this or have any opinions or recommended reading on the subject? Just for context, he recommended it as the last thing to find after maxing the 401k and funding the brokerage account. Thanks in advance.

    1. Don Escaped Texas

      Life insurance is the nicest thing you can do for your agent.

      1. Florida Man

        The way he explained it, is it has cash value that is independent of the market and grows at about 5 percent. Anytime in the future I can reclaim my premiums tax free and only pay tax if I cash out the plan. The whole amount is tax free to my wife if I die.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          A term policy is tax free to your wife too, and it costs 95% less.

          My wife and I both have $1 million 30 year policies. I think I pay 30 bucks a month for it.

          Permanent/whole life is always what an FA will recommend first because the commissions are so high. I strongly urge against.

          1. Florida Man

            Thank you. I appreciate a neutral opinion.

          2. BakedPenguin

            Yeah, that sounds like “whole life”. Bad investment. You want to protect you & yours, get term.

          3. Florida Man

            I don’t have any need for life insurance in the traditional sense. No dependents and no debts other than the mortgage which I have plenty of equity.

          4. Jarflax

            They pitch whole life as an investment and toss around words designed to make you think it is no risk. It is a low return investment, that is riskier than they make it sound. It is just a contract; you agree to pay them whatever the premium structure is and they agree to pay out on death (sometimes with exclusions). There is not really a guarantee of repayment, just a contract.

            The “we’ll give you back your premiums” is a no brainer for them. If you take that choice you have made a 0% interest loan to them that they have invested and profited on.

        2. Fourscore

          I have two small policies, a 5K and a 10K but after 50 years they have grown to close to 20K each. While that doesn’t sound like a lot and it isn’t they were about a years worth of wages at the time I bought them. I can redeem them now but I don’t need too financially.

          A mutual fund would have grown much larger (or smaller) but during the early years it was a way to provide a little cash in the event of worst case.

          As it happened, Prudential went through some sort of division a few years ago and I ended up with a 100 shares of Prudential for free so that is an added bonus.

          Sometimes even not being financially bright can bring a happy ending.

          1. I. B. McGinty

            You know what else brings a happy ending?

          2. Spudalicious

            A finely turned piece of wood?

          3. I. B. McGinty

            You know it.

    2. Don Escaped Texas

      Seriously, though: term until you’re self-insured.

      When are you self-insured: when your 401k and liquidation will cover you – or – you no longer have kids who depend on you.

      The only reason to have life insurance after your kids graduate is if you’re behind on your savings for retirement . . . for your spouse solo. If you die, she down-sizes, sells your car, and has the entire pile to live off. Surely by 50 you have enough to hold her when she’s 65 or whatever.

      Insurance and annuities are all about fee generation for the agent: get away from them as soon as possible.

      1. RAHeinlein

        +1 – see also Ken Fisher.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          Did you get your Otto Wilde yet?

          1. RAHeinlein

            Yep, we use almost every day.

      2. robc

        This. Just got a new 20 year policy end of last year. It will get me to retirement and covers my daughter until her 23rd birthday. After that, she is on her own.

    3. Bob Boberson

      I was told by my father that a Whole-life policy is the biggest scam in the world and I believed it for the last decade. Then I listened to Bob Murphy endorse them and reconsidered:

      https://www.bobmurphyshow.com/tag/whole-life-insurance/

      /doesn’t matter; skydiver therefore uninsurable

      1. Playa Manhattan

        You’re insurable; it just won’t pay out if you die skydiving.

        My policy won’t pay out for deaths relating to plane crashes where I’m the pilot, but it’s not going to stop me.

        1. Bob Boberson

          For some policies. Whole life (NW Mutual) won’t cover me. Not that I cared, every year my financial manager calls me and starts the pitch for why I need Whole Life in addition to my term, I always cut him off with:

          “I’m still skydiving”

          And he very quickly says “ok then” and hangs up.

          1. Playa Manhattan

            Ah….. so your term covers skydiving deaths.

            My term won’t cover student pilots. I’d have to get a separate policy.

          2. Bob Boberson

            Sort of, I have SGLI which pays out for pretty much anything but suicide. I’ve been told insurance companies are coming around and a few are starting to insure skydivers. For a long time they wouldn’t at all which is pretty stupid, you’re much less likely to die skydiving than say, riding a motorcycle.

          3. Playa Manhattan

            I’m pretty sure mine covers suicide. Just to be on the safe side, if I’m terminally ill, I’ll go skydiving and pack my own parachute.

      2. Don Escaped Texas

        There’s no situation where anyone can take your money, subtract their trouble and overhead, and then hand you back more than you would have had otherwise.

        The other thing that is missing from any “banking platform” idea is that you can do that yourself without Mr Agent Man.

        The last thing that is missed is premium stream. I opted out years ago: I pay no one . . . anything. NewWife can snuggle up with my pile if I die: I won’t need it. If you’re squeamish about your prospects or your health, fine: pick a term that is a decade after you should have weened off; you will pay a smidge more in premium (still much less than whole) but can still quite when you finally have your pile where you want it.

        The genius of the insurance guys is that they can glom so many ideas and services together that most folk can’t keep up with the moving parts. Would you like an underachieving portfolio? No? Well, what if I throw in a death benefit that you are very unlikely to need? Still no? How about some mortgage life, then? Those guys would be wearing your shirt to church every week if they could. Someone said that alimony is buying oats for a dead horse; whole life is buying oats for a live horse that you can’t ride anymore but is going to live 15 more years but you’re too chickenshit to put it down.

      3. Bob Boberson

        actually it was this episode on Tom Woods. Notthat I’m sold or anything but he makes some decent points:

        https://tomwoods.com/ep-1326-how-to-secede-from-our-monetary-regime/

    4. Playa Manhattan

      It is a VERY complicated question.

      Short answer: I’m 90% certain that you don’t need it. 95% since you don’t have kids. Your goal shouldn’t be beating the estate tax; it should be spending every last cent before you die. If your timing is really great, try to die in debt.

      Fund your brokerage account, and start taking risks.

      1. Florida Man

        From what little I understand there are rare circumstances it makes sense and I may fall in that zone, but I’m leaning towards it being a no. Really nice guy, but I just don’t think he really had much to offer other than advising me to start converting my 401k deductions to Roth 401k.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          One of my wife’s friends started his own “advisory”. Can’t remember if it was Wardell or Baird.

          Of course, an invitation to dinner turned into a sales pitch. I told the guy what my returns were, and asked if he could beat them. Not even close.

          He was trying to sell mutual funds with a 5% front load. That means your $100,000 investment is worth $95,000. Strong pass.

          1. Fourscore

            Right, front loads are one way oriented and not in your favor.

          2. Florida Man

            Yeah. He wanted my brokerage and told him I’m not leaving vanguard. Can’t beat the cost and no loads. He smiled and said “if you don’t ask, it’s always a no”

          3. Playa Manhattan

            You can’t rip people off if you don’t try.

        2. Certified Public Asshat

          Even the traditional vs. roth gets clouded in assumptions. You already live in Florida, so the state tax issue is a wash.

          I still think I prefer traditional because it keeps you flexible. You can never unpay the tax.

          Or really, if you can pull it off max out 401k and do a roth IRA on the side.

          And whole life sucks.

          1. Playa Manhattan

            Question:
            I have a Roth IRA, and I contributed the max every year until I no longer qualified to make contributions.

            I made some… non-standard investments in my Roth brokerage account, and have some pretty ridiculous returns.

            It’s my understanding that I can pull out my initial contributions because they are post-tax, and I figure why not. The contributions are small relative to the total account value, so why not buy something nice?

            Do I need to have a record of what my contribution was each tax year to prove that I’m not taking out more than the contributions?

          2. Certified Public Asshat

            Yes, you can pull out contributions, which is why a Roth IRA also makes for a pretty good emergency fund.

            You do not necessarily need a record to prove out the contributions, it would just be an issue if the IRS decided to audit you. I would think unless you rolled it several times to different brokers your brokerage would be able to vouch what are the contributions vs earnings.

          3. Playa Manhattan

            I rolled once from Fidelity to Vanguard. I was able to find returns for all but 3 years that I contributed.

            So if I pull money out, is Vanguard going to issue a 1099-R to me and the IRS?

          4. Certified Public Asshat

            Yes, but it should be coded as a qualified distribution. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to double check with Vanguard that they will issue a 1099-R showing that it is qualified.

          5. Playa Manhattan

            Thanks!

          6. Florida Man

            I’m not eligible for Roth IRA

          7. Playa Manhattan

            File returns separately from your wife and do one in her name. If it makes sense, obviously.

          8. Florida Man

            Does that work? I thought filing separately only protected you if your spouse was doing tax shenanigans.

          9. Playa Manhattan

            It changes the threshold for a few things.

            Of course, the person to ask would be a CPA like Asshat, and not a “financial advisor” who’s trying to sell you garbage.

          10. grrizzly

            Most people can become eligible for Roth IRA if they make a backdoor Roth contribution.

          11. Florida Man

            Because of the aggregate rule, I can’t.

          12. grrizzly

            How about rolling over to 401k?

          13. Florida Man

            It’s a rollover IRA from last employers 401k. I could have put it in my new 401k but I made post tax contributions. My current employer allows to contribute to a Roth 401k. Im planning on funding my brokerage account because I’m not getting any deductions from the rollover IRA, so I might as well have the liquidity.

      2. Fourscore

        Check to the funeral home should bounce

    5. depends… any future inheritances coming in? Property value(s), 401k, other assets, etc.

      I’m not too worried about EF’s future when I’m dead ‘n’ gone, she can work for a very long time as a lawyer.

      LH Jr already has a trust fund set up.

      1. Florida Man

        I have no kids and my wife has a career. He agrees I don’t need life insurance, it was billed as a market free bucket of money to use in retirement in case the market is down. I have no debt other than a mortgage that will be paid far in advance of retirement

        1. Playa Manhattan

          I’m going from 95% no to 110% no.

        2. Bob Boberson

          I’m not trying to sway your opinion and I get the arguments against. What sparked my interest was that it’s a way of saving that is independent of both the banks and Wall Street so there’s that. But like Playa says, if you’ve got no kids it’s kinda pointless, the best thing about Whole Life is they get the pay out even if you live to be 120.

          1. Florida Man

            Plus, what if my wife dies first? No way to get the full amount without taxes.

        3. Certified Public Asshat

          Even then though, unless you live extravagantly you don’t need it. Think about it, if you needed to tighten your belt could you still live comfortably on say, $30-40k assuming your mortgage is paid off? A good portion of that too (for now) would even be SSI.

          1. Florida Man

            That’s a good point. Our only real expense is travel and that’s optional.

  17. Enough About Palin

    “”One daughter is still pretty upset about her taco being touched,” Anderson wrote.”

    Go on…

    1. Pope Jimbo

      *snort*

      Thanks EAP. I needed a laugh today and you gave me on. A sick twisted laugh and those are the best.

  18. wdalasio

    I can easily imagine a Space Force being a colossal boondoggle.

    I can also easily imagine leaving the existing space functions of the various branches of the services decentralized being a colossal boondoggle due to quadruplication, cross purposes and myopic infighting.

    So, honestly, I don’t know if a Space Force is a worthwhile idea or a stupid one.

    What I do know is that the conversation around the proposal has been utterly idiotic. Because, if you’re a military planner and not thinking about dominance in space as a theater of war, you’re a moron. From what I’m to understand, a huge portion of our warmaking capability is dependent on satellite and space based platforms. In a war with a major power, the side that controls space will have a huge advantage.

    So, there was a serious discussion to be had here. And, for anyone paying attention, our services all have “space commands”. So, the key question is should we centralize them. Instead, all we heard was ridiculous sneering and tired boosterism.

    When I was a kid, I always assumed grown-ups talked about issues seriously and having put a modicum of thought into what they were arguing. It’s disappointing that, as an adult, most of the public conversation hasn’t advanced much beyond fifth grade.

    1. Brett L

      if you’re a military planner and not thinking about dominance in space as a theater of war, you’re a moron

      Fighting down hill is always an advantage.

      1. Dr. Fronkensteen

        +1 “I have the high ground”

    2. Idle Hands

      I know someone who got rolled into it. At first he saw it as an absurd retarded idea but now it’s starting to dawn on him that it’s could potentially aide a ton as it rolls up basically all satellite reconnaissance and information into one spot which in theory should make it easier to disseminate intelligence to the military in real time. In theory. But like most bureaucracy’s I bet it ends up in even more stove piping though.

      1. wdalasio

        And that’s the sort of worthwhile conversation I wish I’d even heard. Instead, it’s mostly been eye rolling in opposition and chest thumping in support.

    3. I can’t imagine it not being a colossal boondoggle.

      1. wdalasio

        Agreed. The only question is whether it would be more of a colossal boondoggle than the cumulative boondoggles of the individual services.

        1. It’s not going to replace the existing boondoggles, it’s just going to add a new one.

          /my prediction.

  19. Rufus the Monocled

    Britain surrounded by communist Europeans?

    Have you been paying attention to who the UK arrests these days?

    E.g. Some poor kid was disqualified from an exam for criticizing halal because of its cruelty to animals which offended her as a vegetarian.

    But it was deemed ‘islamophobic’. It was eventually overturned.

  20. Rebel Scum

    PORTLAND, OR

    In a press release earlier this week, Portland police chief Danielle Outlaw (her actual name), appearing somber and exhausted, said she just wishes there were some kind of group with the firepower and authority to fight back against Antifa.

    In a candid moment, Outlaw (seriously, her actual name) said there was just nothing the police could do, as they’d need to have some kind of organized, armed force specifically created to protect and serve the people.

    “Like, what if we took money from everyone to fund a force that could then defend them in a time of need?” she pondered aloud. “They could have patrol cars, firearms, and attack dogs. Maybe even some tanks. That would be so frickin’ rad. They could have a badge to show their authority. Then, when a rogue group like Antifa shows up to take over our city every weekend, they could be repelled using force if necessary.”

    “I know it sounds crazy, but a girl can dream, right?” she added wistfully.

    Sadly, there is no such force in Portland, so citizens have been forced to turn to an even crazier idea: taking responsibility for their own safety and well-being, and maybe even buying a gun to protect themselves.

  21. Idle Hands

    https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/taibbi-trump-2020-be-very-afraid-872299/

    “The Democrats spent more time attacking Barack Obama than they did attacking me, practically,” he says, to cheers. “And this morning that’s all the fake news was talking about.”

    BOOOOOOO!!!!

    Nobody draws bigger catcalls than the “fake” news media. Trump knows this and pauses to let the bile rise. He expresses pleasure at being back in “the American heart land,” which he pronounces as if he’s just learned the term.

    He then reflects on his 2016 run, when hordes of people turned out to send him to D.C., from places he, Trump, would never have visited, except maybe by plane crash.

    “You came from the mountains and the valleys and the rivers, and, uh, you came for —” He seems to not know what comes after rivers. “I mean, look, you came from wherever you came from, and there were a lot of you.”

    He ends up telling a story about early voting in Tennessee in 2016, and a congressman who told him if the whole country was voting like this, he was going to win by a lot. “And we won,” he says. “And we won by a lot.”

    Press accounts will call this a lie, and of course it is, and even the crowd knows it. But they cheer anyway. In response, Trump stops and does his trademark stump flourish, turning sideways to flash his iguanoid profile before stalking around the lectern in resplendent, obese glory, inviting all to Get a load of me!

    It’s indulgent, absurd, narcissistic, and appalling, unless you’re a Trump fan, in which case it’s hilarious, a continuation of the belly laughs that began in many parts of America with Hillary Clinton’s concession speech.

    It’s going to be glorious if he wins in 2020. I don’t know if they can go past 11 but they will try.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Maybe the left will purge the crazies who are ten percent of their numbers and who cause ninety percent of the problems.

      1. Bob Boberson

        Or pigs will fly. Those crazies are driving that train now.

      2. Rhywun

        Yeah, and the Gang of Four won’t cruise to easy re-election.

    2. Bob Boberson

      History will judge us harshly for this, and will look with particular venom at Trump’s political opponents in both parties, who over the years were unable to win popularity contests against a man most people would not leave alone with a decent wristwatch, let alone their children.

      He’s not wrong. What this dummy fails to grasp is that Trump was the /best choice inspite of being an orange buffoon. That says a heck of a lot more out his competition than it does about OrangeManBad.

    3. B.P.

      “It’s indulgent, absurd, narcissistic, and appalling, unless you’re a Trump fan, in which case it’s hilarious, a continuation of the belly laughs that began in many parts of America with Hillary Clinton’s concession speech.”

      It’s almost like some Trump supporters are in on the joke.

    4. Count Potato

      “iguanoid profile”

      LIZARD PEOPLE!!!

  22. Hudson

    Life is funny.

    I’ve been in a new position for less than a year and just yesterday felt like I started to really hit a stride. Some projects I proposed were getting traction, I was able to resolve some longstanding problems recently, and I’m finally getting comfortable in the new role.

    I came in to work today happy and invigorated. Then I got a text from my sister; my dad may have had a ‘mini stroke’ last night. Feel like I got punched in the gut.

    Fuck.

    /Goes back to lurking

    1. Brett L

      Shit. Sorry. I hope he recovers.

    2. Private Chipperbot

      Hang tough, dude. My mom texted me as she had a heart attack last year. Medicine is pretty amazing these days.

    3. Don Escaped Texas

      Good news:

      a/ strokes leave traces . . . they’ll know soon one way or the other
      b/ dehydration has many of the same symptoms, and this is the season

    4. Mad Scientist

      Sorry, Hudson.

    5. Gustave Lytton

      Damn, that’s rough. You’ve got friends here, lurking or not.

      1. Tundra

        ^This

        1. Spudalicious

          #metoo

    6. Bob Boberson

      What Don said. That ministroke may end up being a blessing in a weird way. It might be a warning sign that helps avoid a catastrophe.

    7. Fourscore

      Often a TIA (ministroke) is a good indicator that some tests are necessary, heart, carotid, etc. Get your Dad scheduled for a serious med check. The TIA in itself is usually recovered in a few days with no after effects but the problem has not been resolved. Be concerned and hopefully it isn’t serious. I am not a doctor but have watched lots of my friends/classmates disappear.

      My brother was 81, worked in the yard in the morning, ate lunch, took a nap and didn’t wake up. That isn’t a bad way to go. Good luck to your Dad

      1. Hudson

        Ya, sister made sure he got to the ER ASAP. He’s stubborn, but relented.

    8. B.P.

      Waiting for the diagnosticians to do their thing sucks, but the information has to be gathered before anyone can switch into action mde. As others have said, mini strokes beat the hell out of the maxi ones. Doctors can do a lot these days to mitigate further damage.

    9. Playa Manhattan

      Sorry man. At least it’s “mini”.

    10. Suthenboy

      What everyone else said. A mini-stroke isn’t the worst thing that could happen and may even be the event that saves him. I have seen it before. Try not to worry too much and make sure your dad gets on top of the problem.
      I wish you the best.

    11. Hudson

      Wow, thanks guys. Didn’t really expect a response.

      Fortunately my nurse sister is living with my parents at the moment and was there to help.

      Still waiting on any news…

      1. Florida Man

        That’s a comfort. Having someone that can translate the jargon.

      2. Suthenboy

        A lot of us here are old enough to have gone through similar and worse….more than once. Despite the irreverence and rough exterior it is a pretty empathetic crowd. You have our well wishes.

    12. Ed Wuncler

      Hugs. I hope everything turns out positive.

      I had a mini stroke last September and it was the scariest thing but also made me take better care of myself mentally and physically.

    13. Pope Jimbo

      Hang in there Huson and best wishes to you and your dad.

      I feel your pain. I’m at my childhood home with my parents right now. My mom’s cancer came back and has spread quickly this time. Last week she called to tell me that she was in the hospital because of problems that she was having. The next day she texted me (and my sister) that she was heading home for hospice care. The complications turned out to be untreatable.

      The good news is that I got some time with her to wrap things up. I can’t imagine how much worse this would have been if she had just keeled over or been incapacitated.

      Hope your dad recovers and gets better. But the rest of you miscreants should call someone special in your life today and just tell them how much you love them.

      1. BakedPenguin

        I stayed with my mom her last couple years. I’m glad I could be there to help. She wanted to live at home, and I was able to help her do that. She spent less than 24 hours in hospice.

      2. BakedPenguin

        Hudson & Pope Jimbo: I hope for the best possible outcomes for you guys.

      3. Aw, shit, Jimbo. That really sucks.

        So sorry to hear it.

      4. DEG

        Sorry.

      5. MikeS

        My heart goes out to you, buddy.

        #nohomo

      6. Sean

        Damn…sorry.

      7. Gustave Lytton

        But the rest of you miscreants should call someone special in your life today and just tell them how much you love them.

        https://youtu.be/NiRj5m63oig

    14. Count Potato

      Sorry 🙁

    15. Crusty Juggler

      That’s not funny.

    16. My Mom had a couple TIAs, then lived very well with no side effects for another 18 years. Here’s hoping the same for your Dad.

    17. Gender Traitor

      Someone Very Close to Me has had two bouts with ministrokes/TIAs (not to mention the two rounds of prostate cancer treatment – so far so good.) The most recent TIAs (several in quick succession) were last fall, and he ended up getting a stent in his carotid (I think it was his carotid, but IANAD.) Bottom line: he played a guitar gig, complete with lotsa fancy pickin’, at our favorite local winery this past Friday, and Thursday we leave on a week-plus driving vacation. Sincerely hope your dad has a similar or better outcome.

    18. DEG

      Sorry. best wishes.

    19. MikeS

      Absolute best wishes, man. I hope he is OK and only gets healthier.

      Also, quit lurking! 🙂

    20. The Bearded Hobbit

      I lurk often, comment occasionally.

      We just took my mother-in-law to an assisted living facility on Friday. She has stage 2 (out of 3) dementia and this place is designed for dementia patients. She was not at all happy but it was necessary (we have been caring for her for 11 years and have reached the point that we cannot do it any more).

      The glibs are a community that supports each other. There are many commenters that are dealing with parents with cancer or dementia or other end of life issues and we offer each other support.

      For a bunch of individualists we sure are a society. Grok on that.

      1. DEG

        Sorry about your mother-in-law.

        1. The Bearded Hobbit

          Thank you. She is in a place that can take care of her better that we can.

          1. Fourscore

            That is my worst fear, having seen many of my friends/classmates disappear intellectually and then succumb to the finality. Its not death that scares me but spending the last days alone mentally. My MIL spent 10-12 years in a nursing home, not speaking English, alone. She would hold my hand and not let me go whenever we would visit, which wasn’t often, because of the distance.

            Sad to hear about your MIL, Hobbit.

            We’re doing honey Sep 15th, Glibs are beginning to line up but the line is still too short.

      2. kinnath

        Humans are social animals.

        The question is whether we get to choose freely who we socialize with or whether we are forced to socialize with everyone.

        1. The Bearded Hobbit

          Exactly. I choose to be in the society of these social outcasts and miscreants. These people are my associates.

        2. Fourscore

          Did I ever give you directions? email me at latvia2112, put yahoo on the end.

          1. The Bearded Hobbit

            I’ve got your street address. And your gmail account, if I’m not mistaken.

      3. Spudalicious

        I’m sorry to hear that. I’m on that same path with my wife. I’m just getting to the hired home care chapter of the story.

        1. MikeS

          *raises Glencairn*

      4. Tundra

        We moved my grandma when it became obvious that she was gonna burn her damn house down if we didn’t.

        The weirdest thing was the guilt her kids felt. A lot of “should we just have her come live here?” which is utter shit.

        It’s fucking brutal.

        1. Fourscore

          One can’t feel guilty, my mother lived with me for several years, taking care of my kids when I was divorced. When her time came she had to move into a nursing home for about a year but at least she was lucid, the physical had taken its toll.

          1. Tundra

            Grandma lived in memory care for like 8 years. It was really hard to go see her, because she didn’t recognize me at all.

            Always happy to have visitors, though.

            It sucks.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    When I was a kid, I always assumed grown-ups talked about issues seriously and having put a modicum of thought into what they were arguing.

    The “confessions” post is over there.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    I just installed a new (junkyard) window in my Honda. Fun fun fun. If you have ever wondered whether a weedeater can fling a rock hard enough to go through a car window… it’s not inconceivable.

  25. Fatty Bolger

    Study on cannabis chemical as a treatment for pancreatic cancer may have ‘major impact,’ Harvard researcher says

    This bit has me seeing read:

    The specific drug, called FBL-03G, is a derivative of a cannabis “flavonoid” — the name for a naturally-occurring compound found in plants, vegetables and fruits which, among other purposes, provides their vibrant color. Flavonoids from cannabis were discovered by a London researcher named Marilyn Barrett in 1986, and were later found to have anti-inflammatory benefits.

    But while scientists long suspected that cannabis flavonoids may have therapeutic potential, the fact that they make up just 0.14 percent of the plant meant that researchers would need entire fields of it to be grown in order to extract large enough quantities. That changed recently when scientists found a way to genetically engineer cannabis flavonoids — making it possible to investigate their benefits.

    Makes you wonder how many people may have died thanks to the fucking drug warriors having a fit because somebody, somewhere, might be having a good time.

    1. Fatty Bolger

      Seeing red, even.

      1. Bob Boberson

        History will look back on the drug war the way we look back on prohibition or maybe even the Puritan Colonies.

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          I hope you’re right but I’m not so sure. That’s almost certainly going to be the case for marijuana but I don’t see widespread legalization of any other illicit drugs happening anytime soon.

          1. Bob Boberson

            The others will catch up eventually too, but I agree, probably long after we’re dead.

      2. 0x90

        better dead than read

    2. Suthenboy

      And assuming it is effective, how long before FDA approval?

      1. Dr. Fronkensteen

        Let’s see carry the one and add the sum to the previous sum. oh about 50 years.

        1. Bob Boberson

          Anyone get tinfoily about cancer already being cured and the FDA and doctors colluding to suppress said cure because cancer HIGHLY is profitable?

          Not saying I do necessarily, but I watched my uncle die of cancer and suffer through some VERY expensive treatment that arguably made his final year much worse than it could have been.

          1. Fourscore

            Anyone that discovers a cure for cancer will be hailed as the Eisenhower of medicine and will become president by default.

            The Salk vaccine was a miracle for my generation as were the previous discoveries and they keep on accumulating. One day cancer will be curable, the sooner the better. Of course fighting the bureaucracy will slow things down as it probably already has.

      2. Playa Manhattan

        10-15 years.

        They haven’t even filed an IND.

      3. Lachowsky

        Death by Regulation: How We Were Robbed of a Golden Age of Health and How We Can Reclaim It https://www.amazon.com/dp/0963233610/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_BmhxDbM8PPBPZ

        The FDA is killing us.

        1. Suthenboy

          The more involved in the medical industry the govt gets the more interest it will have in culling the herd to control cost, and. make no mistake about it, they will not hesitate to cull the herd.
          Socialized medicine must be fought tooth and nail.

  26. Tundra

    Walmart sues Tesla over solar panel fires at seven stores

    The Walmart suit, filed in the state of New York, alleges that: “As of November 2018, no fewer than seven Walmart stores had experienced fires due to Tesla’s solar systems-including the four fires described above and three others that had occurred earlier.” The filing details evacuations, damaged property and inventory.

    Tesla’s stock dropped after hours on the news.

    Walmart claimed, among myriad complaints, that “Tesla routinely deployed individuals to inspect the solar systems who lacked basic solar training and knowledge.” In the suit, they also alleged that Tesla failed to ground its solar and electrical systems properly, and that Tesla-installed solar panels on-site at Walmart stores contained a high number of defects that were visible to the naked eye, and which Tesla should have found and repaired before they led to fires.

    Whoopsie.

    1. Bob Boberson

      Elon Muska

    2. Playa Manhattan

      I had 3 Tesla Powerwalls installed with my solar this summer. The installers absolutely knew what they were doing.

      1. Fatty Bolger

        Are you implying that they deliberately set those Walmarts on fire?

        1. Haven’t you seen the MuskMarts popping up?

          1. Fatty Bolger

            Hey, why not? Walmart’s known for wringing concessions out of government entities, but Musk can show them how it’s *really* done.

  27. Suthenboy

    I missed nearly the whole day so trying to play catch-up.

    So a no deal Brexit won’t cause doom and disaster however I heard the royal family plans to relocate. There is one good thing that will come out of it.

    1. Bob Boberson

      The British people exiling the Monarchy would be a great step in the right direction. Plus the wailing of vapid idiots everywhere “MUH ROYUL FAMULY”
      would be exquisite.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Are they being relocated to the Tower of London? That is good news.

      1. Dr. Fronkensteen

        Make Britannia great again.

  28. Playa Manhattan

    First day of school tomorrow. I loaded up on stuff to make lunches this weekend.

    My kids ate all of it. 2 loaves of bread and 2 lbs of salami…. gone.

    1. Tundra

      Lol.

      Just wait.

    2. Fourscore

      Teenagers? for the win! They know how to eat.

    3. Suthenboy

      How old are they?

      1. Playa Manhattan

        4-8-11

    4. Ownbestenemy

      Tell me about it. I have two 14 year olds and Costco is our friend. They are goats.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        Middle kid is nicknamed trash panda. He’s 8. He’ll eat anything.

        He had a Grand Mac and a large fry for lunch, and asked where the rest of lunch was.

        1. Fourscore

          LOL, wait ’til he’s 15.

  29. B.P.

    Here’s a fun story. The Colorado Air Quality Control Commission “…voted to approve the state’s adoption of the zero-emissions vehicle mandate on Friday morning after a three-day hearing.”

    https://coloradosun.com/2019/08/16/colorado-zero-emissions-vehicles-decision/

    The decision follows up on California’s decision to do the same, and it “…require(s) auto makers to make ZEVs 4.9% of the cars sold in Colorado in 2023 and growing to 6.1% by 2030.” So, even if consumers don’t want to buy them, it will force auto dealers to carry more electric vehicles. The Governor is touting it as expanding consumer choice. As if the auto industry is too dim to make choices available to consumers.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Pssst, *glances around furtively* there’s no such thing as a zero emissions vehicle.

        1. Ownbestenemy

          If it powered by a human it has emissions…try again.

          1. Ownbestenemy

            Don’t tell me what to do! *quietly peeks at alt text*

    2. Suthenboy

      Electric cars are not zero emission, in fact they emit more than gasoline engines. I am not sure how they calculate mileage but I drove more than 50 miles today on almost exactly one gallon of gas. All highway miles at 55mph. The gas needle barely moved. When I topped off the tank I roughly calculated the drive cost me one gallon, give or take a bit.
      I am not going to calculate the emissions from that….or I will just look it up….EPA says 8887 grams CO2 per gallon. I guarantee you the same amount of energy in any from any source other than gasoline emits a hell of a lot more than that.

      The electric car crowd are a bunch of slimy, lying grifters, plain and simple, it’s a scam.

      1. Mad Scientist

        I recently saw someone complain that they had encountered an electric car charging station that was just a diesel engine running a generator, and that wasn’t zero emissions! They have no idea where electricity comes from.

        1. Windmills and the sun. Duh.

        2. Lachowsky

          It comes from the outlet. Duh.

  30. B.P.

    In other news, the U.S. is sliding into recession. Every news outlet has told me so. In gleeful unison.

    1. Bob Boberson

      The billions of dollars middle-class Americans will lose, the devastated retirement accounts, small and medium sized businesses closing their door, etc is a small price to pay to finally free us from the clutches of the monster known as OrangeManBad.

    2. AlmightyJB

      All of the fake indicators are there.

      1. Stinky Wizzleteats

        But the whatchamacallit curve is inverted, it’s inverted I tells ya!

        1. Spudalicious

          For about three hours.

    3. Ed Wuncler

      My dipshit acquaintances somehow knows what an inverted yield curve represents. They would rather people lose their shirts and suffer simply because they want some dude they hate out of office.

    4. Lachowsky

      It’s disgusting, really. Lets you know what these people think of us average people.

      1. Ed Wuncler

        Thatcher was absolutely correct when she said that the Left would rather have the poor stay poorer provided that the rich was less richer. Left politics have never been about uplifting people, it’s all about tearing down those who stand in their way of creating utopia.

        1. BakedPenguin

          From the lyrics to “I’d Love to Change the World” by Ten Years After (1968):

          “Every where is freaks and hairies, dykes and fairies
          Tell me where is sanity?
          Tax the rich, feed the poor, till there are no rich no more
          I’d love to change the world – but I don’t know what to do
          So I’ll leave it up to you”

          Funny how it isn’t “tax the rich, feed the poor, ’til there are no poor no more”.

          I’d never listen to it again, but Alvin Lee’s guitar solo is pretty good.

          1. Unreconstructed

            That song *always* pops into my head when I read people bitching about “income inequality” or taxing the “1%”.

          2. BakedPenguin

            It really gives pause about having some faith leftists really want to alleviate suffering, despite their constant bloviation on the topic.

          3. Rhywun

            He seems nice.

          4. BakedPenguin

            I get your point, but…sick guitar solo. Especially for 1968-9.

            Hippie dumbass who could play better than he could think.

          5. Stinky Wizzleteats

            I assume you’ve seen this from Woodstock?

            https://youtu.be/ZTMEDzTESjc

          6. BakedPenguin

            SW: Yeah, but it’s been a while. Really good phrasing of his guitar solo. To reiterate/paraphrase Suthen below, too bad he was a commie.

          7. Tundra

            If I had to limit my musical enjoyment to artists that shared my specific philosophy, I’d be left with…

            me.

            And I’m a weak-ass bassist with a mediocre voice.

            So bring it on, idiots. I can take it.

          8. What Tundra said. How sad and miserable life would be if one eschewed any entertainment that might have been created by someone whom’s politics one disagrees with. Hell I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy Glibertarians.com seeing how most of you are closet Republicans. Imagine a Glibs without the old Hyperbole, does anyone really want that?

          9. Suthenboy

            That is one that ruined music from that era for me. Bunch of goddamned hippy commies. The celeb crowd was as bad then as now. Fuckers.

        2. Suthenboy

          Not entirely correct. Take note that in the building of this Utopia the architects of it magically become exceedingly wealthy themselves. It is just the other rich they want less rich, not themselves.

          Saw an interview with a German who lived through the Nazis. He said they were not the supermen people thought of them as, but just thugs and thieves. Lefties always are the same. The ones we have are no different.

          1. blackjack

            One of my ex’s had a mom who was a little girl in Germany during the war. She said that no one knew what it was even about, just that Germany was gonna be great again. She said it was all hope and change and whatever was making that happen, it was probably worth it. I don’t know if that is just the standard line of BS, or that’s just the perspective of a child.

      2. B.P.

        They’re just trying to provide balance for their coverage during the Obama years, when miserable economic indicators were “green shoots”.

    1. You seem like a nice enough guy, Lach, but I’m still not fucking you.

      1. Crusty Juggler

        Ted’s a bigot!

        1. If you want to get a room and fuck Lach, go ahead.

  31. Crusty Juggler

    You ever have a nice poo and you turn around and the bowl is green, and you get really worried that you may be dying with some sort of green ass cancer, and you are debating what to do with your fleshlight collection (should I get rid of them, sell them, or hold on to them for as long as possible, but if I wait too long my mommy will find them and she will become even more disappointed), and then you realize you ate a fuckbag of black licorice the day before, and then you finally relax?

    That ever happen to anyone?

    1. Timeloose

      The confessions were the last thread.

    2. BakedPenguin

      No, but I’ve eaten a pint of blueberries the day before…

    3. 0x90

      <– the confessions thread is that way

    4. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

      No.

      Although the Blue Raspberry Slurpee did make my pee turn blue once. That was a shock.

    5. Fourscore

      Good thing you weren’t eating the red stuff.

      I love black licorice but ration it out and avoid buying it too often.

    6. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Man that’s disgusting. You eat black licorice?

      1. 0x90

        CJ is, in fact, 97 years old, and been enjoying black licorice since his days of working in the CCC camp.

      2. Crusty Juggler

        Yeah, I have hair on my balls too – any more questions?

      3. Licorice, like olives and comedy, are best when black.

        1. Crusty Juggler

          Top 9 Def Jam comedians, go:

          1. B.P.

            Flava Flav.

          2. Crusty Juggler

            Racist much?

          3. B.P.

            I really don’t know any Def Jam comedians.

          4. Crusty Juggler

            Racist.

          5. Stinky Wizzleteats

            1-Chris Rock
            2–Chris Carter
            3-Chris Collinsworth
            4-Wayne Brady
            5-Tom Brady
            6-Whitman Mayo
            7-Eddie Murphy
            8-Peter Murphy
            9-The guy that played Erkle

          6. Crusty Juggler

            It’s Urkel…

            Jfc

          7. blackjack

            No Pryor, no Cosby, no Garret Morris? Fuckin kids, nowadays!

          8. That one guy who made fun of the only white dude in the audience.

            Eight other guys impersonating Chris Rock.

    7. Spudalicious

      I ate roasted beets and then pissed red the next morning. Same reaction. Panic, relief, I’m a dumbass.

      1. Crusty Juggler

        Ate roasted beets, eh?

        (I think this guy is a Russian spy…)

        1. Spudalicious

          I was with a Jew at the time, so it’s totes okay.

    8. Lachowsky

      When my little brother was about 5, he mistook the easter egg coloring pills for candy and ate a red one.

      When I heard him screaming in the bathroom later I ran in there and observed him pissing a bright red stream. My mom freaked out until she saw him lips were stained red and figured out what happened.

      1. blackjack

        When I was about 5, my brother mistook a bunch of seconals for candy but wasn’t sure, so he had me try them first. They looked like tic-tacs, so I ate about 4 or 5. I spit them out as soon as I bit into them. My mom saw and freaked the fuck out. I got rushed to the hospital and got tubes shoved down my nose and made to puke. It was…traumatic.

    9. Sir Digby says RELAX

      You ever have a nice poo

      Hmmm….

      the bowl is green

      Ewww….

      fleshlight collection…my mommy…a fuckbag of black licorice

      Go on…..

  32. Crusty Juggler

    Student sex charge against ex-Alabama teacher dismissed after student refused to testify

    Hale County District Attorney Michael Jackson said Wallace at the time was involved in a relationship with a 17-year-old male student. Charging documents state both oral and vaginal sex took place between Wallace and the student.

    Wallace is a Maryland native but has lived in Alabama for the past 15 years. She received her B. S. of Science in Biology from the University of Alabama.

    Wallace’s case was set for trial Monday before Hale County Judge Collins Pettaway and the jury had already been selected. However, according to Jackson and court records, the victim refused to appear to testify. “He just wasn’t going to cooperate,’’ Jackson said.

    The judge declined to issue a continuance, so the case was dismissed without prejudice. Prosecutors can seek a re-indictment against Wallace in the future, and Jackson said the investigation is ongoing.

    Birmingham attorney Raymond Johnson, Wallace’s attorney, said his client denied the accusations against her. “Ms. Wallace stated that she did not have sexual contact with the student,” Johnson said. “She was a mentor to the student.”

    You all make your own jokes with this one.

    1. 0x90

      Hale County District Attorney Michael Jackson

      well there’s your problem right there.

    2. Fourscore

      That woman is not a joke!

    3. blackjack

      First one I’ve seen that might actually be rape. Still not in favor of conviction, though. Man that kid ain’t
      bragging up that one.

  33. Crusty Juggler

    Clinton County teacher accused of having sex with female student turns self in

    One of you pecker-loving creeps complained about there not being enough male teacher sex stories, so here you go.

    e is accused of having sexual relations in his home last Nov. 24 with a 17-year-old female student at Bucktail High School near Renovo in the Keystone Central School District where he had taught.

    The arrest affidavit gives the girl’s account of what happened as told to investigators:

    Black, who she had had as a music teacher, would follow students on Instagram and tell females including her they looked pretty.

    In late 2018, he began sending her complementary messages on Instagram. When she informed him in November she would be staying with a friend in Lock Haven he suggested they meet and “catch up.”

    He picked her up in his truck and took her to his home. Her cell phone battery died shortly after arriving so she was unable to call a friend to come get her.

    Black continually tried to get near her, then kissed her on the lips and neck, unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, rubbed her over the body suit she was wearing and despite telling him she wanted to leave, he led her upstairs.

    There he removed his clothes down to his undershorts, made her rub him and then penetrated her with his fingers.

    He asked her if he should use a condom; she replied yes and then engaged in intercourse for about 10 minutes. She told him it hurt and asked him to stop.

    After he ejaculated, he stopped, kissed her on the forehead and about 3 a.m. the following day drove her home.

    Police accuse Black of later creating a fake Instagram account using the name Sheldon Haines and telling the victim that police were monitoring his phone and not to worry because the investigation was over.

    You happy now, freaks?

    1. Count Potato

      That’s a lot of fucking speed.

      1. Playa Manhattan

        Yeah… I do not believe it…. at all. That’s way past LD-50

        1. BakedPenguin

          Also, if you’re doing 100 uppers a day, you aren’t sleeping with anyone. Having sex with, okay…

        2. Spudalicious

          Look at the people that are eating 50-60 pain pills a day. You build a tolerance, you burn out receptors, it takes more and more to get to the same place.

          1. Playa Manhattan

            Assuming 10mg, we’re talking about a gram of prescription grade amphetamines a day.

            I’ve heard of opioid addicts who can’t be sedated for surgery, but I’ve never heard of of a stimulant intake that high.

          2. Spudalicious

            Wow.

            “She hired a psychiatrist to try to break her husband’s addiction ‘now up to 25 ten-milligram uppers at a clip, three and four times a day, and at least twenty tranquilizers plus Equanil when he was coming down or wanted to sleep.”

  34. Crusty Juggler

    EXCLUSIVE: Newlywed Hunter Biden DENIES he is the father of the one-year-old baby of 28-year-old Arkansas woman who claims he impregnated her during his relationship with brother Beau’s widow

    The dude is a legend. If your vote in presidential elections is based solely on which of the candidate’s children you would want to party with – and mine is – then I vote Joey B.

    The Biden Children, even though most of them are dead > the one hot Trump daughter, the two chinless tweebs, the chick with the horrible face, and the little guido.

    1. Ozymandias

      Ho-lee shee-it, that dude is a fucking trainwreck. Wow. Slow down, tiger. Damn. Yeesh, that’s how you end up wrapped around a pole in a rented/stolen/borrowed Ferrari.

      1. Crusty Juggler

        #legend

  35. Crusty Juggler

    American Factory, the first film in the Obamas’ Netflix slate, is one of the year’s best docs

    What it’s about: Directed by veteran documentarians Steve Bognar and Julia Reichert, American Factory follows along — mostly in a fly-on-the-wall fashion — as the closed GM factory in Dayton is reopened as Fuyao Glass America, the US branch of a Chinese company that manufactures automotive glass. Daytonians who struggled after they were laid off from GM rejoice when they are rehired by the new company, but soon find that their expectations about labor practices and corporate culture clash with the new management’s ideals.

    The film tracks American and Chinese workers and managers through a years-long period of adjustment, some of it quite rocky. At times, it’s a bit humorous; differences in American and Chinese ideas about loyalty to your employer, safety on the factory floor, working overtime, and much more come to the foreground. And when the workers at Fuyao Glass America decide to unionize, trouble is ahead.

    Then Micheal Keaton, George Wendt, and 80s Asian actor make it all work.

    1. Rhywun

      Can the Chinese come take over NYC subways and buses??

      “What do you mean I can’t take off 54 days every year?”

    2. B.P.

      What exactly do the Obamas contribute to this project?

      1. Financial backing?

        1. MikeS

          Where’d the money come from?

          1. Only thing that matters is who brings the money to the table, or are you some anti-capitalist pig?

          2. Nice, apropos of nothing here’s Curtis.

      2. Rhywun

        A god-like aura?

        1. Crusty Juggler

          He’s gonna get a third term.

          Save us, Barack!

  36. Crusty Juggler

    I couldn’t have sex with my husband for four years after a tampon got stuck

    Back in 2010, Mary was at a beach during a church camping event when to her disappointment, she got her period halfway through the week.

    She was involved in an all-day beach volleyball tournament, so she decided to use a tampon which she had never been able to do before.

    “I first noticed something wasn’t exactly right when all my friends could use tampons except me,” Mary said.

    “I tried, but it felt like there was a wall there, and when I forced it in it was painful and uncomfortable, so I would immediately take it out.

    “I was determined to enjoy myself, so I gave it a go with the tampon. It took a little time, but I got it in and went back to the beach.

    “A few hours later I went back to my room to change it out. To my utter horror I could not remove the tampon. It was stuck.

    She was in such excruciating agony that when every time she attempted to take it she would almost pass out.

    This is my favorite story in a long time. I can’t wait to read what happens next.

    The pastor’s wife, who was one of the organisers of the trip, rushed her to hospital where they gave her several different pills to relax and eventually the doctors managed to surgically remove the tampon.

    “I’m not lying, it was literally stuck; my worst nightmare was happening, and I was in a total panic, and in a lot of pain.

    “Since I hadn’t had sex yet, I guess my hymen was still attached, or at least I had some extra skin covering my vagina.”

    “They were shocked that I was still awake. I guess they didn’t believe that I was in such pain. Through many tears and screams, they were able to cut the tampon out.”

    Ever since that horrific experience, Mary refused to ever wear a tampon.

    A year later, she met James at high school and they started dating and fell in love.

    Due to her Christian background, Mary abstained from sex until the couple got married three years later. The next day they were ready to have sex.

    But once again she ended up in the most unbearable pain.

    Her vagina felt like a “brick wall” and after trying for a couple of months to have sex and failing, she visited her doctor who suggested she may have vaginismus, a condition where the vagina suddenly tightens up as you try to insert something into it.

    She was also told her that it could just be skin blocking the vaginal canal, so she requested they remove her hymen and any extra skin.

    However, even after the surgery they tried to have sex again a few weeks later and still no luck.

    Imagine waiting three years and then she has a cement coot? My God.

    1. Crusty Juggler

      Mary started to get quite depressed as she was at a loss about what to do and wasn’t having any luck receiving any helpful expert advice.

      “I didn’t know what to do, and my OB/GYN didn’t give me any advice or options at first until I came back years later with questions,” she said.

      “I felt like I was an incomplete package; like I was half a woman, a useless wife. I developed a lot of anxiety around sex. I also became depressed and self-indulged in food and alcohol.

      “I became extremely angry and frustrated with my body and with God after being diagnosed with vaginismus; I didn’t care about my body anymore after that.”
      Finally – a cure…

      After two and a half years of living with the shame and guilt of not being able to have intercourse with her husband, Mary began to research online about how to cure vaginismus and ordered my first dilator set in July 2017.

      Finally a year ago, she met with a pelvic floor physical therapist, who helped her regain control over her pelvic floor muscles.

      She received manual therapy where they stretch and loosen the muscles by using a dilator. She also received dry needling on the muscles surrounding her vagina.
      “Our sex life is world’s better”

      Fortunately, it was successful and she was able to have sex with her husband for the very first time.

      “Our sex life is world’s better; I feel confident and like a sensual woman is supposed to feel with the person she loves,” she said.

      “I have to admit, when I first overcame vaginismus, it felt like I was a newlywed again. I was new to everything and we had sex a lot. Now we probably have sex once a week.”

      “I did not realise that sex would be impossible with my husband. I still experience pain sometimes during intercourse, but through communication and relaxation techniques I’ve been able to overcome it.”

      I love a story with a beautiful ending.

      1. Their sex life is world’s what better?

      2. B.P.

        “I also became depressed and self-indulged in food and alcohol. I became extremely angry and frustrated with my body and with God after being diagnosed with vaginismus; I didn’t care about my body anymore after that.”

        So she packed on fifty pounds and the husband lost interest in sex? Biology has so many interesting feedback mechanisms!

      3. 0x90

        a truly harrowing tale

        1. Crusty Juggler

          Agreed.

      1. blackjack

        More like this.

    2. AlmightyJB

      She had all that time to perfect her oral and hand technique so now she’s a Dynamo.

    3. R C Dean

      One word:

      Anal.

    1. Crusty Juggler

      He’s probably in Nevada…

    2. 0x90

      “How are you going to get it passed?” he wondered.

      Come on, harry, the point is not actually to get anything passed — your party just happens to be convinced that making these extreme noises is the way for them to get into power.

      As to why they believe that, your guess is as good as anyone’s.

  37. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Thanks Utah for sticking us with this stupid fuck for at least six years:

    https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/08/mitt-romney-wants-a-carbon-tax-says-climate-change-is-happening-insists-he-will-work-for-those-left-behind-like-coal-miners/

    Think of the gun control we’d have ended up with after Sandy Hook if that spineless twat had won.

    1. Rhywun

      <— The Democrats are that way, Mitt.

    2. leon

      Coal fucking mining is huge in Utah. Someone should primary his ass.

  38. Crusty Juggler

    Trump’s ‘disloyalty’ comment about American Jews who vote Democrat was disgusting and worrisome

    President Trump, on a tirade about Reps. Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib on Tuesday, claimed that American Jews who voted Democrat were either ill-informed or were exhibiting “great disloyalty.” This is a disgusting comment that reveals that, despite his constant attacks on them, Trump has no idea what actually made Tlaib and Omar’s statements anti-Semitic.

    Asked to react to Omar and Tlaib’s recent Israel-bashing press conference, Trump went off on their hatred of Israel. He then wrapped up his comments, saying, “Any Jewish people that vote for a Democrat — I think it shows either a total lack of knowledge or great disloyalty.”

    Was he talking about disloyalty to America? Disloyalty to Trump? Disloyalty to Israel? Disloyalty to Jews? No matter which way one wants to interpret this comment, it’s sickening coming from an American president — all the more bizarre coming as he has been unleashing a barrage of attacks on Tlaib and Omar for anti-Semitism

    Don’t let them back in!

    1. Sake me up when the Dem party condemns Tlaib’s and Omar’s anti-semitic comments and social media posts the last few weeks.

      1. Wake* though I guess sure, hit me with some sake too.

        1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

          Sake it to me!

    2. Rhywun

      +62,984,828 deplorables

      1. Voters aren’t necessarily supporters, she said half, and it was clear from the context she was speaking about major supporters with web sites and microphones to the public, I’d give a conservative estimate of 1/2 a million deplorables.

        1. leon

          Only 500,000? There are far more deplorable people in the US than that.

          1. BEAM ain’t co-operatin’ with the MAN

            Those are just the outliers. The Long Tail of Deplorable, if you will . . .

          2. Well yeah, but we aren’t talking about Michiganders or Westpennsyltuckinas.

        2. Rhywun

          Yes, but more recently her acolytes have been tripping over each other to denounce all Trump voters as racists and such.

        3. Fatty Bolger

          Really? Because let’s see how she described the other half:

          “but that “other” basket of people are people who feel the government has let them down, the economy has let them down, nobody cares about them, nobody worries about what happens to their lives and their futures; and they’re just desperate for change. It doesn’t really even matter where it comes from. They don’t buy everything he says, but — he seems to hold out some hope that their lives will be different. They won’t wake up and see their jobs disappear, lose a kid to heroin, feel like they’re in a dead-end. Those are people we have to understand and empathize with as well.”

          Does that sound like major supporters with web sites and microphones to the public?

          1. No it doesn’t sound like that, because it’s the “other basket”, as in not the “basket of deplorables”, people she wasn’t calling deplorable.

            Basket of Deplorables- People with websites and microphones
            Other Basket (plorable people)- Trump supporters who merely lack knowledge or are greatly disloyal.

          2. 0x90

            If you love hillary so much, why don’t you marry her?

          3. Sugarfree stories kinda gave me cold feet.

          4. Fatty Bolger

            It makes it clear she was talking about supporters in general, not just the loud ones.

          5. Right, and the loud one were deplorable and the others were in another basket, which, not being the basket of deplorables shows she didn’t think those people were deplorable. Look I’m not saying Hillary doesn’t think you’re an asshole, she might and if it’s that important to you to believe that she does than who am I to say otherwise.

          6. leon

            At least she didn’t say Casket…

          7. MikeS

            I’m actually with you on this Hyperbole, but c’mon; you know damn well that Hillary thinks most-to-all of us here are deplorable and/or irredeemable. Don’t act like it’s some sort of delusion of people who aren’t as smart as you are.

          8. I don’t damn well know anything.

          9. MikeS

            That’s for sure.

          10. Fatty Bolger

            But she didn’t actually divide them up that way. You’re just making that up. What she actually said is that half of Trump’s supporters are these deplorables, and Trump is giving them a voice. But she’s clearly talking about supporters and voters, not just your mythical “people with websites and microphones.”

            Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad she said it. I’m always happy to see politicians let people know how they really feel about them.

          11. Full speech (nor at least the part we are discussing)

            I know there are only 60 days left to make our case – and don’t get complacent; don’t see the latest outrageous, offensive, inappropriate comment and think, “Well, he’s done this time.” We are living in a volatile political environment.

            You know, to just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. (Laughter/applause) Right? (Laughter/applause) They’re racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic – Islamophobic – you name it. And unfortunately, there are people like that. And he has lifted them up. He has given voice to their websites that used to only have 11,000 people – now have 11 million. He tweets and retweets their offensive hateful mean-spirited rhetoric. Now, some of those folks – they are irredeemable, but thankfully, they are not America.

            But the “other” basket – the other basket – and I know because I look at this crowd I see friends from all over America here: I see friends from Florida and Georgia and South Carolina and Texas and — as well as, you know, New York and California — but that “other” basket of people are people who feel the government has let them down, the economy has let them down, nobody cares about them, nobody worries about what happens to their lives and their futures; and they’re just desperate for change. It doesn’t really even matter where it comes from. They don’t buy everything he says, but — he seems to hold out some hope that their lives will be different. They won’t wake up and see their jobs disappear, lose a kid to heroin, feel like they’re in a dead-end. Those are people we have to understand and empathize with as well.

            “Give voice to their websites…retweets hateful rhetoric”, does the average Trump supporter have websites with 11,000 going on 11,000,000 readers, do they tweet hateful rhetoric to retweet?

            “Feel Government let them down… people we have to understand and empathize with as well.” Does that sound like she hate’s these irredeemable bastards?

            She divided Trump supporters into two camps. That’s just science.

          12. Fatty Bolger

            Yes, exactly. She says half of his supporters are deplorables, and he’s given them a voice. Brought them out of the shadows, so to say, and made them unafraid to voice their horrible opinions. But note that she describes them first, and THEN makes the point about Trump enabling them. And yes, ordinary people do tweets, and get retweeted, and have websites. If anything this reinforces that she’s talking about ordinary supporters and their tweets and (once) tiny websites.

            If your point is that she didn’t mean half of the voters were deplorables, of course you’re right. She said one quarter. That’s just simple math.

          13. Viking1865

            The part I found interesting about that whole quote is how no one latched to the other part of it:

            “Now, some of those folks – they are irredeemable”

            Now, for those of you who don’t know Hillary! well, she is a dyed in the wool Social Gospel Methodist. She believes in God and believes that He hath ordained the Democratic Party to bring about the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.

            “Deplorable”, well, that’s rude, but that’s not any worse than calling Rosie O’Donell a fat pig, or any number of other sick burns from Orange Man.

            But “irredeemable”? Well, that means that she thinks people who oppose her, who support her political opponent, that those people are outside of God’s grace, that they are not worthy of salvation, not fit to enter Heaven, and that nothing can be done to save their souls from the Pit.

            That kind of mentality in a ruler is exactly why the 2nd Amendment is so important.

          14. Rhywun

            That’s very enlightening, thanks.

          15. Tundra

            Seconded. I’m actually surprised that wasn’t the quote.

          16. R C Dean

            That’s always been the part that disturbed me the most.

            Irredeemable = untermenschen.

            You know, fodder for the mass graves.

    3. leon

      It is disgusting when people do that. Certainly no one would give cover if someone talked about the poor or blacks voting for republicans as voting against their intrests

    4. Ozymandias

      https://www.westernjournal.com/ct/israel-refused-entry-ilhan-omar-ups-ante-suggests-defunding-jewish-state/?utm_source=push&utm_medium=westernjournalism&utm_content=2019-08-20&utm_campaign=pushtraffic

      I’d say this pretty closely captures where Tlaib and Omar are at. This was a setup the whole time to pull the “Congressional oversight” card by the anti-Semites. At some point people will start taking them at their word… Or Israel will be cut off from the rest of the world. (Yes, kids, “the best timeline ever!” You might also get to see Jews slaughtered in your lifetime! This makes me get ill that a US representative is this open about it; they don’t even pretend to hide what they’re doing anymore.)

      1. Tundra

        Lol.

        Leap, it’s time for you to primary this silly twit.

      2. leon

        1. Stop funding any and all foreign states.

        2. screw congresscritters who demand reverence everywhere

        1. Ozymandias

          Leon, I generally agree we could cut WAAAYYY back on overseas spending, however, count me in the crowd that believes in the realpolitik of helping other ‘civilized nations’ survive. In my mind, the Jewish contributions across medicine, physics, literature, piano, violin, music (broadly), law, literature, and a host of other areas (basically, everything they touch) – yeah, count me in for saying we should befriend them. Call it selfish, even.

    5. 0x90

      “Any Jewish people Norwegian people that vote for a Democrat — I think it shows either a total lack of knowledge or great disloyalty.”

      “Any Jewish people automotive workers that vote for a Democrat — I think it shows either a total lack of knowledge or great disloyalty.”

      “Any Jewish people tech leaders that vote for a Democrat — I think it shows either a total lack of knowledge or great disloyalty.”

      Yeah, those all seem to check out, so .. seeing this more as trumpish than anti-semitic. However, I do have to wonder if in such alternate cases, the author would’ve deemed the occasion worthy of stroking his outrage boner so hard. Not that I don’t agree it is sickening to appeal to requirements for loyalty, it’s just more that I suspect the author doesn’t actually give a shit about that.

      1. Ozymandias

        I don’t see it as anti-semitic, either. I read it to mean, “Hey, you vote for democrats and I’d like you to note that they’re openly advocating that we cut off support to your ethno-religious homeland and it sounds an awful lot like plain old fashioned ‘stick the Jews in ovens’ socialists.” It’s crassly political, for sure, but people seem to forget sometimes you build coalitions of those simply against your opponents, not so much “FOR you.” Trump might well be the master of that. Look at what he said to blacks politically in the leadup to 2016: “Just Try Me. The democrats have been promising you all kinds of bullshit for years and look at where you are. They *expect* your vote.” And now he can run on it explicitly in the Affirmative, too. “Look at black unemployment numbers. I told you I was for you and look what has happened. I pardoned people after Kim K pleaded with me to help. Criminal justice reform.” If someone gets him that messaging, he’ll smoke a bunch of democratic constituencies and I don’t know if the vote-rigging and vote-counting shenanigans will matter. Plus the dems are practically turning this election into a race war referendum and watch what happens if you force whites to vote en masse, as a bloc. I don’t think there are enough liberal, guilt-ridden whites, but maybe I’ll be wrong this time.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      I bet there’ll be plenty who’ll be willing to take her place, the next one is almost certain to get the $$$ at the end.

    2. 7 divorces? Holy crap, can’t even imagine just dealing with one alone.

    3. MikeS

      Are we sure he’s even still alive?

    4. Don Escaped Texas

      an alleged affair with another man

      Department of Tautology Bureau

    1. AlmightyJB

      When I went to watch this an ad popped up for Kamala. You can tell that it’s excruciating for her to try and be nice in her ad.

      1. one true athena

        Does she do that evil fake giggle of hers?

        But at least it’s looking like more exposure tanked one of the polls, which is delicious. You can tell that she’s really been just eased along in politics and has never learned how to do anything but schmooze with people who are already friendly.

        1. AlmightyJB

          Voice cracking, awkward, uncomfortable. Kinda like her response after Tulsi pwnd her in the debate.

    2. LJW

      We need more Stosses in this world.

      1. AlmightyJB

        Agreed

  39. Urthona

    Sounds like Trump is walking back some of his background check ideas after talking to the NRA.

    Yay.

    1. Rhywun

      Now do “red flags” – that is far more ominous.

      1. Tundra

        This.

        Kill it with fire.

        1. 0x90

          “kill” “fire” .. tone it down with the eliminationary rhetoric eh.

          One strike left.

          1. LJW

            I heard rumors that the FBI agent assigned to this site is on vacation, so that comment doesn’t count.

          2. Well that’s funny cause I heard something else. I mean…uh yeah, they’re out on vacation, yeah.

          3. 0x90

            The fbi will become superfluous once we are all directly policing each other.

            Dammit, it’s unfortunate when a snarky comment un-snarks itself.

      2. Urthona

        That’s what I mean.

      3. Stinky Wizzleteats

        He’s 4D chessing his own base: they don’t want either but feel relieved we’re getting just one so they’ll keep quiet. Either that or he doesn’t know what he’s doing and he needs to consult someone other than the NRA.

    2. Crusty Juggler

      Someone distracted him with a Greenland meme. Heroes come in all shapes and sizes.

      1. Spudalicious

        That had to have been Mulvaney.

    1. Rhywun

      I only have one thought about that but this is a family-friendly website so I’ll keep it to myself.

      1. Tundra

        Manson family-friendly.

        Go for it.

      2. My thought is “so what”.

        1. Rhywun

          Pretty much.

          1. MikeS

            So I got that goin’ for me.

          2. Tundra

            +1 ditch digger

          3. Tundra

            Nice.

        2. Crusty Juggler

          SO WHAT HE SAYS! SO WHAT!

          GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

      3. Not Adahn

        It took Disney tthree movies to kill the Star Wards Franchise. I have faith that Marvel can do the same.

        1. Florida Man

          I went to galaxies edge at Hollywood studios this weekend. My wife loved it. Totally geeked out. The magic is just gone for me after the new ones. I don’t even care about the originals anymore.

    2. Sean

      Meh. The Spidey movies were barely making the grade. Even though I liked the new guy…meh.

      1. What was wrong with the first guy? I don’t get why they did like fifteen reboots of Spiderman. I can’t keep up.

        1. Florida Man

          I heard Sony had to keep making the movies or lose the license.

    1. Tundra

      I love competition.

      Love.

      1. Crusty Juggler

        Everyone’s a winner in my mind.

        1. leon

          Not according to the Atlantic. We’re all losers because of it.

    2. AlmightyJB

      Wendy’s just has better fast food.

      1. Florida Man

        I have tried Popeyes chicken sandwich, but I do love Wendy’s spicy chicken

        1. Rhywun

          Wendy’s spicy chicken

          Oh hell yes. It’s better than the (admittedly limited selection of) anything I’ve had at Popeye’s or Chick-fil-a.

          1. Rhywun

            I should add I’ve only had strips or nugget-type things from those other guys – not a sandwich.

          2. Florida Man

            Eh. I have a hard time believing any other fast food chicken sandwich could be better.

        2. CPRM

          Wendy’s is an hour away, there’s a BK 15 minutes away and their new spicy chicken sandwich is semi-effective at sating my cravings for a Wendy’s Spicy Chicken sandwich.

          1. Rhywun

            I didn’t know BK had one. I have BK and Popeye’s in walking distance – actually, they share a facility – maybe I’ll do a taste-test soon.

        3. Spudalicious

          I love the Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwich. I’m also a Chik-fil-a fan.

      2. Wendy’s has superior social media management.

    1. Not Adahn

      Carrie Ann Moss was pretty fantastic in the last two seasons of Jessica Jones.

    2. Crusty Juggler

      PLUS BILL AND TED I HOPE HE DOES ANOTHER SPEED!!!!!

    3. Fatty Bolger

      Whoa

    4. AlmightyJB

      They pretty much owe us after the last half of 3.

      1. Count Potato

        Both 2 and 3 were bad.

        1. Rhywun

          Glad I skipped them.

  40. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Trump just postponed the Denmark meeting because of an unwillingness to discuss Greenland.

    https://mobile.twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1163961882945970176

    I guess he was serious.

    1. Tundra

      Donald J. Trump
      @realDonaldTrump
      ·
      36m
      Replying to
      @realDonaldTrump
      ….The Prime Minister was able to save a great deal of expense and effort for both the United States and Denmark by being so direct. I thank her for that and look forward to rescheduling sometime in the future!

      I agree with this. I appreciate a quick ‘no’ versus the expensive ‘maybe’.

      1. leon

        It was gonna make Him Famous. Like all those other Presidents who brought land into the Country. LIke Jefferson and the Louisiana Purchase, Or that one guy and Alaska.

        1. Count Potato

          We should by B.C. and the Yukon territory.

          1. leon

            But then my plan to escape to yellowknife will be for naught.

          2. Count Potato

            That’s in a different territory.

          3. Count Potato

            Great Slave Lake?

            RACIST!!!

      2. hayeksplosives

        Maybe she was disappointed that the photo of the new Trump Tower perched upon the flat expanse of Greenland was just a photoshop.

    2. Count Potato

      I wonder why no one does anything about these fake McAfee airdrops.

      1. R C Dean

        Somebody who matters wants him discredited.

  41. LJW

    Baby Fight Club

    Gif that ends too soon.

    1. That is one sweet face kick.

      1. Florida Man

        Damn straight

    2. Crusty Juggler

      Reminds me of this video.

      I agree with Stefan Molyneaux – women are evil.

    1. Jarflax

      What a shock! Playing army of occupation in Ashcanistan for 18 years is detrimental to readiness!

  42. CPRM

    A Chic Filet finally opened in my area (an hour away) and also a Popeye’s. A chicken road trip may be in my future.

    1. Count Potato

      That’s a long-ass drive for a chicken sandwich.

      1. CPRM

        Eh, not much to do around here. I’ve never chic filet and popeye’s only once. Also if I go down there I can get some Panda Express Orange Chicken and a Wendy’s Spicy Chicken…I may have to fast for a month before I take this trip…

        1. Florida Man

          I usually get the sugar chicken at Panda Express.

        2. Count Potato

          Panda Express is awful. Not only is it not Chinese food. They don’t even use real pandas.

          1. Count Potato

            You should try Dominican Chinese food, it’s not authentic Chinese either, but it’s awesome.

    2. Gustave Lytton

      Popeyes is struggling. They seem to be cutting back their menu and getting rid of distinctive menu items like the poboys in favor of generic round sandwiches.

      Hopefully the local franchisee for your Chikfila is better than the one around here. Chicken wasn’t crisp at all. To make matters worse, the parking lot entrance/exit is shitty and they did that stupid thing where employee walk out to cars in line to take orders. “What would you like?” “I’d like to see a fucking menu. Like the one by the screen two cars ahead, dipshit”. Wasn’t much faster than if they just used the screen to take orders by speaker.

  43. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Weird Epstein substory is weird:

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7372877/Ghislaine-Maxwell-STAGED-photo-N-close-friend-attorney.html

    These people just aren’t smart. Why stage a photo like this when you should he keeping your head low?

  44. quincy

    Tomorrow, I’m buying a toaster oven for metallurgical purposes.

    1. Florida Man

      Make your own amalgam fillings? Damn new compound only last 5 years.

    2. Tulip

      I have to ask, metallurgical purposes?

      1. Tundra

        He meant toast.

        Yummy, yummy toast.

    3. MikeS

      Case hardening? Powder coating? Do tell!

      1. CPRM

        Shrinky Dinks

      2. quincy

        Tempering.

        1. MikeS

          Knife making?

          1. MikeS

            That would make a really good article. Serious. I know I’d love to see how it turns out.

            And, that tool looks really cool. Didn’t know it existed until now. Thanks a lot for sharing. Keep us informed of your progress!

      3. 0x90

        been a long time since I’ve done it, but you may do well with a mapp gas torch, and a can of some kind of machine oil

        1. quincy

          Doing that. Trying to cook out some of the brittleness.

        2. blackjack

          Case hardening something that thin will be easy with even propane. Just dip it in used motor oil. It leaves a really nice pattern and you can check it with a file. If it files, just do it again. The hard part will be giving it an edge. It will have teeth and you need to grind a bevel on both sides of them.

    4. Spudalicious

      Aluminum origami?

    5. straffinrun

      Alchemy or GTFO.

  45. westernsloper

    I am drinking this while dinner is in the oven. Thinking about it, this beer might be racist. And gay. Isn’t “lumber jack” a thing? Beer seems good though.

      1. MikeS

        You did not disappoint.

        *curtsies*

        1. Tundra

          Gay.

          😉

        2. Gustave Lytton

          Yes!

        1. MikeS

          You also did not disappoint

          *gives CPRM bottle of 2 cycle oil*

        2. westernsloper

          That. Was. Awesome.

        3. Spudalicious

          *opera applause*

          1. blackjack

            My least favorite of the three kings. Still a total badass. Thanks.

        4. Count Potato

          That’s not how to play a chainsaw.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2eynNh5xHM

        5. straffinrun

          Awesome. I’d love to hear their ballads.

      2. westernsloper

        SuperSparrow45
        4 months ago (edited)
        Dear Sir,
        I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the song which had just broadcast about the lumberjack who wears women’s clothes. Many of my best friends are lumberjacks and only a few of them are transvestites.

        1. Count Potato

          LOL

        2. Rhywun

          Yours etc.

    1. Bobarian LMD

      I bought some of this last week.

      Holy smokes. Out of this world.

      I drank one and went back to some Lagunitas… It tasted like 7up after the smack in the mouth that this was.

      Way too expensive, though. I paid $32 for a four pack.

  46. straffinrun
    1. Florida Man

      Or because they aren’t homosexual. Tomato. Potato.

      1. MikeS

        Racist!

      2. slumbrew

        It’s just a woman’s penis, hater.

        1. CPRM

          In other news, the chocolate ration has been increased from 5oz to 4 oz.

        2. Florida Man

          *brain leaks out of ear*

          1. Tundra

            Whoa! From Florida Man that’s really saying something!

      3. Count Potato

        Nope, gay men aren’t attracted to trans women because they are attracted to masculinity. I don’t know if 98% is bullshit or not, but many men are looking for women to have children. Which is a perfectly good reason not yo date someone who can’t get pregnant.

        1. Rhywun

          Nope, gay men aren’t attracted to trans women because they are attracted to masculinity.

          This.

          Frankly, I dunno who the hell is attracted to trans women. Other trans women?

          1. Bobarian LMD

            It is a kink, apparently.

            Jim Norton professes to like it.

          2. Count Potato

            “gynandromorphophilic”

          3. Count Potato

            Just like cis women, most trans women are attracted to men. The men who are attracted to trans women are also attracted to xx women.

          4. Rhywun

            The men who are attracted to trans women are also attracted to xx women.

            Yeah, that does seem to be the case.

            I’ll probably never get it. It’s like asking me to be attracted to a trans man. Sorry, not going to happen.

    2. Spudalicious

      The stupid that flew out of the screen and hit me in the face stunned me for a minute.

      1. Bobarian LMD

        That was a woman’s penis.

    3. Tundra

      Haha!

      Closer to 99.999999%.

      1. Florida Man

        That always sunny tranny that Mac kept banging is a “would”.

        1. Tundra

          OK. Still doesn’t change my numbers.

        2. slumbrew

          Brittany Daniel is, and always has been, a tremendous ‘would’

          1. Florida Man

            I’m a fan if that film and her. Also hot is Club Dread.

          2. slumbrew

            Club Dread also has the fantastic Jordan Ladd (daughter of Cheryl). Good genes.

            NSFW.

          3. Florida Man

            Ooh. Almost clicked and then saw the NSFW.

          4. Don Escaped Texas

            Morning Joe thinks about this in the dark

          5. slumbrew

            Yes – Mika looks like a battered version of young Brittany.

          6. straffinrun

            Didn’t get the reference at first. LOL. Morning Joe cums despite his father-in-law being a war criminal or despite it?

          7. Spudalicious

            Brittany Daniels…mmmmmmm. I dated a blonde that copied her haircut from that movie.

          8. slumbrew

            Excellent.

            *fist bumps Spud*

  47. straffinrun
    1. MikeS

      Hmmm. What’s the interest rate on the YOU card?

      1. Florida Man

        Its a loan from you to you, so…

        *does math*

        Infinity?

      2. westernsloper

        I haven’t got an offer from them. Every other damn bank on the planet sends them and I throw them away.

      1. straffinrun

        Screen grab from They Jizz?

      2. Count Potato

        That’s most of the shit during Pride month.

    1. Florida Man

      I thought that person was photoshopped. ? ?

    2. CPRM

      Too bad Bearded Lady isn’t still a job, it would be an easy life.

    3. Count Potato

      Aren’t you like two months too late, or is it National Yaoi Appreciation Month over there or something?

      1. straffinrun

        Needed something to finish my trifecta.

    4. Gustave Lytton

      Every time someone with a nose ring is in some public facing position such as the cashier, I think “who is the idiot that hired this moron and why would they would put them out there as the public face of your establishment?”

    5. Rhywun

      *barf*

      1. CPRM

        Homophobe!

    6. blackjack

      Fuckin laugh, but Groucho eyebrows are totally in style right now. Exactly like Groucho’s. No shit, they’re everywhere around here. I can’t help but stare.

      1. slumbrew

        Relevant:

        (551):

        I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy

        (as an aside – if there’s a less sexy term for a sexual act than “blowie”, I can’t think of it)

      2. straffinrun

        You know who else doesn’t like thick eyebrows?

        1. Spudalicious

          The guy that popped Brooke Shields cherry and realized that “does the carpet match the drapes?”, wasn’t just about color but also density?

        2. Gustave Lytton

          So after playing around with a grizzly, she’s ready to go for some Hollywood stars? Seems plausible.

    7. Playa Manhattan

      Nobody who speaks German could possibly be evil.

      1. Rhywun

        ??????????!

  48. Gustave Lytton

    OTR drivers can DIAF. 25 mph in the left lane on an interstate should be grounds for summary roadside execution. I’d rather get groped by the smurfs than drive at this point.

    1. CPRM

      Are you in an area that has left lane exits?

      1. Gustave Lytton

        No. Uphill and dipshit wanted to pass another truck doing less than 25.

        1. mikey

          Outside of Butte? I was stuck behind that guy too.

          1. mikey

            Where <25 mph = 24.85 mph

  49. hayeksplosives

    I have an app (on my phone; I didn’t write it!) called “Night Sky” that is great.

    When you move your phone around the sky, night or day, it shows you positions of constellation and planets.

    Tonight I see two planets, guessed one was Venus and didn’t know the other. Looked on the app and it showed me that “Venus” is Jupiter and the other one is Saturn!!

    Very cool. Might be worth getting a telescope here, because Mount Palomar observatory is close enough that there’s conscious avoidance of light pollution around here.

    1. Ozymandias

      Temecula Valley?

      1. hayeksplosives

        Close! I’m in Hidden Meadows, a small community a bit further south, off Mountain Meadow road.

        1. Playa Manhattan

          And…. what’s your social security number?

          1. hayeksplosives

            Are you a Nigerian Prince?

          2. Gustave Lytton

            419, please.

          3. hayeksplosives

            ::Hayek has a sad for not knowing reference::

    2. Rhywun

      Huh. I didn’t know/remember that Saturn is visible to the naked eye.

      I saw [random bright object] next to the moon the other night, went online, and could not find the info I needed to identify it.

      1. hayeksplosives

        I sure as shit couldn’t see Saturn from my Minneapolis suburb, but that place was riddled (as was all the Twin Cities) with tall poles and bright streetlights that are as useful as a flash bulb in a football stadium.

        What are people trying to defend against with high overhead security lights? Ninjas dropping onto roofs from stealth helicopters?

        Makes far more sense to put small lights at ground level pointing up at your own doors and windows. High “security” lights just provide the crooks with shadows to hide in.

        1. Rhywun

          Ha – my city installed eco-streetlights a few years ago which were like fucking spotlights blazing out in all directions. I live 7 floors up and it was too much. So after many complaints they went and replaced the entire fleet with something that only points down.

          1. hayeksplosives

            Lol, but it was ECO!! Chosen by Top.Men.

            My neighbors in Minnesota installed a ridiculous bright ass light way up high on our property line. This was a low crime area.

            He was fishing for compliments on the light one day. I said “Actually I hate it. It ruins our evenings.”

            He thought I was out of my mind.

          2. Sir Digby says RELAX

            How dare you prefer night-time darkness! Why, he was practically doing you a favor–keeping all that crime away even before he installed the light.

            /magic lights aren’t exactly cheap, you know.

    3. straffinrun

      I use a similar (maybe the same?) app for when we go camping. Fantastic. Been looking at getting a cheap telescope.

      1. hayeksplosives

        I’m looking at Edmund Scientific but am branching out to others in my search.

        It’s just great to see this from my own back yard!!

    4. Gustave Lytton

      I have Star Walk and Sky View, which are similar. Love them! Best for when the wifey starts wondering what that bright object is in the sky. Pull out the app and usually figure out what it is very quickly. Also does constellation groupings, which I never really got as a kid.

      1. Rhywun

        One of those H. A. Rey constellation books was probably my favorite book as a kid.

      2. CPRM

        Just tell her they are UFO’s, get yourself on a History channel alien abduction show…profit!

      3. hayeksplosives

        Yeah I like the way Night Sky shows the classical artistic rendition of the constellations if you linger on it a few seconds.

        I’m sure the Greco-Roman ness of it all will make that app a hate speech item eventually but for now I’ll take it.

    5. R C Dean

      I have that. It is very cool.

  50. Any of you clowns who said that Toronto strip clubs are no good were damn wrong.

    https://archive.is/WT63B/d151c8d95ccf3a1eac8883673a131ddf7c97a349.jpg

    NSFW.

      1. Chafed

        None of these look like live action shots. I am disappointed.

        Number 2 is tonight’s winner.

  51. Yusef drives a Kia

    It’s all yucky and grey here, cant see any stars….
    In the desert, stars……..

    1. R C Dean

      Agile? Is that you?

    2. CPRM

      It’s all the pollution because Trump cut regulations!

  52. CPRM

    Today I recorded Trump audio clips. I’ll be writing a script in the next few days, then recording. New cartoon next week. Nobody cares.

    1. Rhywun

      Hey, hey, I care.

    2. Sir Digby says RELAX

      Nobody cares.

      Huh….that sucks.

      1. Chafed

        Maybe this will help.

        https://youtu.be/RG69PMDBfaE

        1. Sir Digby says RELAX

          It does!

          Also, are you trying to tell me something, Chafed?

          1. Rhywun

            Somebody‘s trying to tell you something.

    3. That’s exactly what Tulpa would say.

      1. Sir Digby says RELAX

        Tulpa is so easy to spot these days.

  53. Sir Digby says RELAX

    Since Chafed has blessed me with good music for three nights in a row, I thought I would take a different tack in returning the favor.

    1. Rhywun

      Hott.

      1. Sir Digby says RELAX

        Not thot, though.

        Or, is it???

  54. Lachowsky

    Watching the Oliver stone documentary on American history. It’s supposed to be “the unknown history of the U.S.”

    Episode one was about the Soviets were the ones who really defeated the nazis.

    I say, Duh.

    Unfortunantly most of my fellow Americans dont know about about the molotov/ribbentrop pact, the subsequent betrayal of stalin by hitler, and the final German defeat at stalingrad.

    Public schools teach state sponsored propaganda.