Today we are going to confess a small shortcoming that has plagued us all for an undetermined amount of time. Why you ask?
I ask why not? I will even begin.
There was a time I thought the Newman’s Best brand was something silly. A reasonably good product for a reasonable price. By “reasonably good” I mean it’s better than the partially gelatinized goo that Kraft puts out. The guy threw his face on everything, and sent all the proceeds to charity. Then I turned 14 and discovered that charitable donations are tax deductible.
Newman’s Best is nothing more than a scheme for Paul Newman to avoid paying taxes, and when presented by that angle it is something to respect. Its bothered me since then that it took me 14 years to figure this out. That is my confession.
Now you go.
Comments
220 responses to “Glibertarian Confessions”
He makes a decent frozen pizza.
So does Red Barron but he’s a Nazi now so….
Even though he flew in WWI under the Kaiser? Was the 30 years war just Catholics beating Nazis?
It was Catholic Nazis killing Lutheran Nazis, while Swedish Nazis waited their turn.
Listen, I don’t make the rules on historical figure popular culture hates on, I just note their inconsistencies and move on with hating everything else.
But Goering was in his squadron and obviously learned his Nazism from the Baron.
I need to follow in Paul Newman’s shoes and find creative ways to write off racing expenses.
My most embarrassing moment? Most of 1987. I was on a PDFF.
If you can convert your1987 to a google docs or a Word format, you can submit 1987 to https://glibertarians.com/submit/
I would, if I could remember it.
Posterior Dilating Finger F**ker ?
Post-Divorce F**king Frenzy.
I was 25. That whole summer was pretty much a mobile earthquake of drunken excess.
Confession:
I brush my teeth twice a week.
Whether they need it or not.
a small shortcoming that has plagued us all for an undetermined amount of time
I’m taking pills for that. The internet said they would work, and you can’t put anything on the internet unless its true.
I’m smoking a cigarette in the MCC at work right now. This is a violation of company policy.
Is there any pollutant in tobacco smoke that comes within an order of magnitude of the toxicity of the stuff coming off the melts?
No, and everyone knows it. The no smoking signs out here are merely a suggestion. Nobody gives a fuck.
I’m wearing crocs n socks in the test lab. Official company policy is that steel toed shoes must be worn in the test lab. My feet are sweating so fuck company policy.
I have located a Danish company that makes steel toed clogs, but I.m not willing to pay that much for them
I’m not wearing my safety glasses at the moment. In fact, they’re sitting in the front seat of my truck.
I voted for Gary Johnson. Twice.
#metoo
*sigh*
*raises hand*
But I did it for the ballot access!!
*runs off crying*
Yes, ballot access!
(And NM nostalgia.)
Which the KY LP has wasted so far.
+2
#metoo
WTF? That’s something to confess about?
*raises hand*
Oh…twice.
*drops hand*
*sighs*, raises hand.
Ha. Only once.
Of course it was with that fool Weld.
I did so once. Now, based on you bad influences here, I might not vote at all next time.
I not only voted for him twice but I donated the maximum amount to his campaign on his second run.
I spoke with him at a fundraiser. I think he is pretty bright. I strongly suspect his Aleppo moment was the product of sleep deprivation from the campaign. I don’t have any excuse from some of the shit Weld said during the campaign.
Not only that, but I voted for Harry Browne twice.
Raises hand here as well.
I spent half an hour in a hotel bedroom with Barry Goldwater.
The guy threw his face on everything, and sent all the proceeds to charity. Then I turned 14 and discovered that charitable donations are tax deductible.
Depending on how things were set up, its possible the Newman’s Own donations did not shelter any of Newman’s personal income. For C corps. Corporate donations do not shelter stockholder’s income. For pass-through entities like S corps. and LLCs, I’m not sure. Income and losses pass through, but I don’t think that donations would shelter anything but the income of the pass-through entity.
I know. I’m making conversation.
Can we get some muscle over here?
I’m still a Reason subscriber.
Meh. We all have to get a Stossel fix every now and then.
And 2chili
Remy as well.
I lost a deer I was bloodtrailing once. When we found him the next morning, he’d been out in warm weather too long and we left him for the coyotes.
I repeatedly failed to pick up come-hither cues as an eligible bachelor/divorcee.
These are strangely related confessions
#Metoo on the come-hither cues.
*sighs, raises hand*. Missed out on a girl in my apt. complex. In my defense, this was shortly after my mother died.
Too soon to start dating again?
I wasn’t in the ‘mental space’ to deal with it. By the time I was, she’d moved on. (And shortly after, literally so).
He said mother not cousin.
Sorry, took me awhile to get the joke. Probably should’ve mentioned this was last year.
I repeatedly failed to pick up come-hither cues as an eligible bachelor/divorcee.
Same. Women who send out these cues think they’re being terribly forward. From the man’s point of view, the same cues are damn near invisible, and easily mistaken for behaviour that’s explained as “she was just being nice/polite to me, nothing to see here.”
#metoo
Women who send out these cues think they’re being terribly forward.
Wannafud?
I can’t count the number of times I’ve missed the cues. Granted, I can’t count higher than 2, but still.
My biggest – I turned down the advances of a very attractive Thai girl due to fidelity to a girlfriend. I was in London on a semester abroad. Girl in question was from the Boston College semester abroad program that was housed a few streets away from ours. One of the other guys from my school was trying to pick her up, but she was only hanging around him so she had a reason to be around me. The advances started out with the light flirting (“oh god, you have fantastic legs…”), and as the months went on it got more and more direct. The night before she was leaving to go back to the US, she pulled me aside, looked me in the eyes, and said, and I quote: “are you an idiot? I want to @#$% you.”
I declined.
I like to say that I have lived my life with no regrets. I’m not entirely sure I’m honest with myself…
The potential risks to a dude of misinterpreting these cues with a neighbor, friend, or co-worker are/were significant. We do not want to be known as the guy who thinks everyone is hitting on him. We all know that dude.
Word.
Yeah, my wife thinks I get hit on all the time but I just think they are being nice.
The spousal unit can’t understand why I don’t get hit on from time-to-time. Darling, God Bless you, but I’m 61 years old. I might as well have the Cloak of Invisibility wrapped around me.
Yeah, we’ve all been there. But it can go both ways. The last time I asked a woman out, she didn’t realise that I meant it as a date – for various reasons, she wasn’t looking for a relationship right then, so she would probably have declined my offer had she realised.
Fortunately for both of us, she missed the cues that time… and so we went out. And she realised that she *did* want a relationship, so we kept going out, fell in love, and got engaged.
/Paul Harvey
The last time I asked a woman out, she didn’t realise that I meant it as a date
Hell, the first time I asked Mrs. Dean out, she didn’t realize it was a date.
We worked in the same building, and I had a couple of tickets to the Badger game. I go to her office and say “Hey, I’ve got two tickets to the Badgers this Saturday.”
She asks “What do you want for them?”
I slunk off with my tail between my legs.
Brutal. In our case, it was the opera. Which I thought was pretty unambiguous, you know?
When I was a freshman in college, we were all shitfaced eating in the dorm commons when one of the girls who was with us (and cute) asked if I wanted to go up to her dorm and watch a movie. Me being a dumbass and it being 3:30 AM thought she was just being polite and I declined her invitation. The next morning my roommate and a couple of my buddies berated the fuck out of me.
#meetoo
You had that coming.
I was completely oblivious to signals from the opposite sex in high school. After I graduated and became a married adult, I’ve met at least two former classmates who confessed having a crush on me. I had no idea. And if there were two, there were probably a few more. *head to desk*
As far as I can tell, I’ve never been hit on.
Women give come hither clues?
According to them, yes, all of them do. Brazen, bold, forward hussies, the lot of them!
According to us, our usual reaction is very close to yours. ”There were women in my past that were actually interested in me?”
I don’t get come-hither cues. Like, ever ever. Go hithers I get a lot. I guess that’s my lot.
I assume people have good intentions.
I once believed it when a woman told me, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
“It’s not you, it’s me. I just don’t like you.”
Put that break-up in a text message, and you probably level up in the shitlord olympics.
“I want you to take this personally, not professionally. You’re incompetent”
Confession: I believed my college professors when they told me politicians like Woodrow Wilson were Great Men.
Reading Mencken helped cure me.
Good: We bought the youngest a car for his 16th birthday.
Bad: It is a Subaru Forester in a prophylactic shade of green. He is never going to be able to pick up chicks in that car!
Also kids are expensive. Someone should have told me that when I was younger and dumber.
what Pantone number is that?
Somewhere between light green and silver
The first vehicle I ever bought was a 92 ford ranger. I picked it up for 700 dollars. I still got chicks.
The first car I bought was a safety orange 1976 Ford Pinto. I had a girlfriend. Maybe there is hope for him.
You’re also hung like a horse and have the manliest job imaginable.
Ford Escort Station wagon. There were no chicks 🙁
Well maybe he can identify as a lesbian and score.
You jerk – that was gonna be *my* joke.
I used to pick up chicks in an 86 Buick Park Avenue. I think I was one of the only high school freshmen with a car.
So you were an 18-year-old HS freshman….
16. Back then we could drive alone during daytime with a learner’s permit.
Wait, wait, wait. How old do you have to be to get a driver’s license now?
Actually, I was 15.
It is a Subaru Forester in a prophylactic shade of green. He is never going to be able to pick up straight chicks in that car!
FTFY.
“He is never going to be able to pick up chicks in that car”
You are a wise man, P-Nick, your son will thank you for that one day.
You know a subscription to World of Warcraft is cheaper
The chick with the muddy tits.
Would.
Is that a confession? I think we all knew that.
Would, without a shower.
Dude you should always shower first. It is just rude otherwise.
Get in line, pal!
Dude, I’m so shook by the mud that I can’t focus on the tits. It’s like I just discovered my anti-fetish.
Judging by the reaction of the blonde kid in the background, she has good assets out of frame as well. Carry on, sir.
I was convinced that when I turned 18 I would never get another zit.
I actually did know what OMWC was like before I married him.
I think we have a winner
Don’t beat yourself up. Even really brilliant toddlers lack judgment. As you get older you will get more experienced and by better at making decisions.
confess a small shortcoming
If that counts a small shortcoming on SP’s books, I wonder what the big ones are?
Well, you see, it’s like this….
Seriously, I think confession may be good for the soul, but it usually plays hell with one’s real life. Never confess.
But which of these things did you tell yourself?
a) I can fix him!
b) I love him just the way he is!
c) I really like Skittles! He’s got lots of Skittles!
And a cool van.
Women marry men hoping they can change them.
Men marry women hoping they will stay exactly the same.
Both usually end up disappointed.
Don’t get married?
Got it.
c) How bad can it really be?
And then he makes friends with Sugar Free.
SugarFree was the first of the old Hit and Run crowd I ever met. I thought he was charming.
I still do. (Another confession?)
More of a cry for help.
I’ve wondered if one can learn to be charming or if it’s an inherited trait. My personality has been described as “Love it or hate it”
Yes, I think one can at least learn to be charming for short periods of time, enough for professional stuff or a date. Sustaining it 24/7 might be more difficult.
I think it’s at least partly learnable as you can have differing personalities and still be described as charming.
He’s a good guy once you get to know him = He’s an asshole, you just get used to it.
He’s a good guy once you get to know him = He’s an asshole, you just get used to it.
*taps nose*
Yes. But like most skills, it takes best if you start young. A kid can learn a new layer to their persona – an adult is probably limited to brief periods of charm, like SP suggested.
Let’s close up this thread and move on to the evening links.
Don’t tell me what to do, pal!
I had a bowl cut in middle school and really big legged pants up until like 2003, 2004.
Oh, and I’m smoking a pork shoulder on the grill but I’m going to finish it in the oven.
I liked my Z Cavaricci’s
“I’m going to finish it in the oven”
Euphemism
I liked corduroy pants with bell bottoms.
It’s a sad sad thing that JNCOs are no longer in style.
Admitting that strikes me as “confess a small shortcoming”.
Wait another decade and 90s nostalgia will be a thing. Then you can break them out again.
I snorted Sweet-N-Lo once.
I managed to end up in a Bermuda hospital as a drunk, slept it off on a stainless steel table.
I’m skeeved out by strippers and hookers.
I lost my virginity to a rather large and obnoxious chick who I think is a bull-dyke now.
Ive prolly turned more women gay then the Indigo Girls.
Same here. Once they’ve been to the top of Dean Mountain, they know nobody else from Team Penis will measure up, and they might as well change teams.
Lawyers, always making mountains out of molehills.
I may be the reverse of that. My first 2 girlfriends were softball players.
And yet he lives. Now there’s a real man.
Lol. They were a special kind of damaged.
I don’t think that was sweet-n-low you snorted in Bermuda…
Oh I know that wasn’t.
Oh yeah, I dressed like Crockett from Miami Vice for a year or two.
Who didn’t?
It was from ’94-’95
I took ballet lessons as an adult and I competed as an amateur in ballroom dance.
But no tights.
Are you Patrick Swayze?
Just one of his many clones.
I used to blare AudioSlave from my Mom’s Honda Accord when I was in high school.
I liked “like a Stone”
Concise and Show Me How to Live were my jams.
Oh yeah, I forgot about those. Fun for what they were.
I looked damn good in a
mulletMcGyver cut.Relevant.
Me too.
A lot like this
In your dreams.
I eat an egg mcMuffin nearly every day out habit. The iced tea at this particular restaurant is real fresh in the morning and the sausage egg mcmuffin has the best balance of cost, taste, and convenience on my commute.
I once shared too much about myself on an obscure libertarian message board.
Obscure message board maybe in general terms. But for Libertarian boards we are probably top 2 or 3.
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t compiling a dossier on you.
I for one welcome our NSA overseers
Huh. I don’t have any small confessions, just big ones. Not sure what the means.
I occasionally wore parachute pants in the 80’s.
*high five*
Can’t touch this.
Air Supply is actually pretty good.
GET OFF MY SITE.
Please accept me just as I am.
I actually have a highly amusing/horrifying story of real life Air Supply interaction, but I can’t tell it because it will dox me and some people I love.
SP is all out of love for you.
Ah, good old wuss rock.
Rufus was right. Sometimes at work I read and comment on Glibertarians.com.
Sometimes when I should be reading and commenting on Glibertarians.com I do work.
I took break dancing lessons at the YMCA
I use the ‘trickle-down’ theory to wash my feet in the shower.
You should get your prostate checked.
There’s another way?
feet need to be washed?
I did not care for The Godfather.
I did not think The Hangover was funny.
You’re not alone
Me too.
I liked the Godfather. I think I may have liked II more though. My overall view of gangster movies is that they try and make badasses out of 2-bit pieces of shit that deserve zero respect or admiration, but I’m a sucker for action.
I liked II much better.
If you haven’t already Miller’s Crossing. A beautiful movie.
I like Newman’s Sockarooni Pasta Sauce as a base. Add meat, red pepper, onion, garlic, spices and herbs. They give generously to a local Flying Horse Farms for children with medical needs that typically can’t go to camp due to liability issues. Tax deductable or not, it’s still cool.
Sockarooni with hot Italian sausage: weird combo of flavors that seems right now somehow
Yeah, we usually do the hot Italian turkey sausage.
I enjoyed when I met STEVE SMITH
I saw Duran Duran live.
No shame in that.
Now, if you paid for tickets . . . .
Oh, absolutely. 1984 or so.
It was actually a fantastic show with a crowd full of hotties!
I like old musicals (West Side Story, Sound of Music, Oklahoma). There, I said it.
I just saw Guys and Dolls a few weeks ago. Loved it.
I don’t think I’ve seen it. Great cast, I’ll have to check it out.
first cassette I ever bought was the beatles, first cd was love over gold.
ok, that was definitely not a reply .. fuckin wordpress
The first musical album I owned was an ABBA 8-track, which I played on my 2-XL robot.
Mine was a KISS 8-track.
We were stationed overseas in the mid 70’s, so I missed a lot of the early KISS craze. I remember seeing a poster in my cousin’s room when we got back, and asking who those guys in the makeup were. He looked flabbergasted and said, “Are you kidding? That’s KISS!” Couldn’t believe my brother and I had never heard of them.
Had the same thing happen at school with a poster of Fonzie. Asked a kid who that was, and he just looked at me like I was crazy and said “that’s Fonzie.”
I spend too much time on GunBroker.com
I occassionally work at work, despite being a State Employee.
I find ‘Little Caesars’ pizza acceptable.
That right there might be a bridge too far. (Okay, one exception: after I got back from 6 days of military imposed starvatio- “training”, I ordered some Little Caesar’s special and consumed both pies instantly. The former Mrs. Mandias warned me and she were right: I threw them both back up about 15 minutes later. My tummy had shrunk and there was no room at the inn).
For $5 it’s damn good. I also have a soft spot for Tontino’s Party Pizza.
I like those as well. Perfect drunchy food.
My mom made my clothes when I was a kid in he 70s. Somewhere there exist pictures of me in reversible plaid suits of distinct brown and orange hues. *runs off crying*
We must be the same age. Youngsters shouldn’t wear leisure suits.
Also, my mom bought me Plain Pocket jeans. Remember those?
10 year old me didn’t appreciate the value proposition.
I just wanted the fucking Levi’s.
In school, non-brand sneakers were known as “skippy’s” – it wasn’t a compliment.
Born in ’69, Tundra, raised in the 70s.
Why anyone ever thought those colors were aesthetically pleasing is still a mystery to me.
’67.
And yes, non-brand sneakers were awful. Nothing like making an already self-conscious kid even more neurotic.
first day of kindergarten: green toughskins
way to scar a child (and his knees) for life.
I will never wear corduroy again in my life. Period.
In high school, my uncle blew nearly all his money buying cords in every color he could get.
I had a pair of burgundy cords as a kid. How I hated them. Swish, swish, swish, swish… ugh.
I think Queen is overrated and can’t stand Bohemian Rhapsody
That’s something to be proud of.
I just think it is overplayed (but I like Queen and Bohemian Rhapsody)
I read Glib articles at work, but only when I have to see a man about a horse.
ok here’s one that will date me .. summer before 6th grade, I got a nearly-new pair of guess jeans at a garage sale .. wore them to the first day of school .. and that was the day I learned that they had different color labels for the mens, and the women’s.
*winces*
I once had a candy apple red ’65 Mustang convertible and don’t recall once getting a hint from any chicks. Oblivious as all hell. Yet, when I went to my 50th reunion, my wife was, without a doubt, the hottest woman in the room (not counting a few 20 something waitresses).
Late to the party.
Like others, I’ve missed too many hints/flirts from women.
I spend too much time on GunBroker. I buy guns faster than I shoot them.
I also have probably shared a bit too much about myself on public forums.
Oh, I voted for Al Sharpton once. Inspired by “Cthulhu for President”, I decided to vote for the biggest huckster of them all. It was one of the first NH presidential primaries I voted in after moving to NH. I got a Democrat ballot. I realized I’d have to settle for the lesser huckster because the biggest of all time wasn’t on the ballot. So I voted for Al Sharpton.
Also late to the party.
I like Pitch Perfect. Especially Anna Kendrick.
I liked The Accountant, also with Kendrick. That is far more shameful.
Hey, me too! Definitely a guilty pleasure.