Wednesday Morning Links – Swiss, Not Japanese.

New Glibs HQ admin assistant, aka “Brain in a Jar”

 

Grüezi mitenand. 

Sloopy is still on his ‘quil bender (maybe we can get a sponsorship from Vicks?!). So you get my linkings of links. First, I shall try to keep format with the presentation of the links:

Birthdays –  A very rough 1/365th of the Earth’s hoomans were born on this day. In some year or another.

Sports – The only thing that matters is … tomorrow night.

There, now on to the links!

  • I can see this happening. Swiss beer is… good for what it is. But they could use a shot in the arm, variety-wise. (The Swiss are very much wine drinkers, and kirschwasser too). Oh, please disregard the gratuitous crap (Brexit! Unemployment benefits are the best!) to see a few interesting things in this article.
  • Hey, look! A Swiss-Japan crossover link with yesterday’s theme in mind. You will laugh at the pic at the bottom, so RTFA.
  • Your money or … something! Our money! Our money, take it!!!! Good Lord, France. Have some dignity, would ya!

Music Link. Yeah, you get one from me. Really.

Comments

602 responses to “Wednesday Morning Links – Swiss, Not Japanese.”

  1. So, a reverse first aid kit would be an injury inficting kit?

    *opens swiss army knife*

    I can see that.

    1. Tejicano

      Place where I used to work had metal first-aid kit boxes affixed to the wall at about 4 feet above the floor. One day one of our staff dropped something which rolled right under a first-aid box. She picked up the dropped object and in standing up struck and cut her head on a corner of the first-aid box, requiring stitches.

      1. Not Adahn

        Yep, we had to install bump guards around our machine guards for that reason.

  2. Tundra

    Morning Swissy!

    That brain, it’s not labeled “Abby Normal” by any chance, is it?


    1. Around here….probably.

      1. PieInTheSky

        random dot spotted 🙂

  3. PieInTheSky

    I can see this happening. Swiss beer is… good for what it is. But they could use a shot in the arm, variety-wise. (The Swiss are very much wine drinkers, and kirschwasser too). Oh, please disregard the gratuitous crap (Brexit! Unemployment benefits are the best!) to see a few interesting things in this article. – I would expect craft beer to be present everywhere by now… Swiss wine is hard to come by outside Switzerland

    1. PieInTheSky

      kirschwasser sounds like bad Țuică

      1. Oh, right, I have a bottle of Kirschwasser in the freezer, thanks for reminding me.

      2. Not Adahn

        Next time you come visit the US, you can buy one of these:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YW20BGclrbw

        Then we’ll teach you how to disassemble it so you can mail it back to yourself in pieces.

        1. PieInTheSky

          so never?

          1. Not Adahn

            I also got a sack of delicious purple sweet American plums. I’mma make a cobbler.

          2. Hrmm… should I drop in unannounced then?

          3. Jarflax

            How come Brownies cobble but brownies are not cobblers?

          4. SugarFree

            They would check your social media, see us, and you’d never be let in.

          5. This isn’t Social Media, it’s Antisocial Media.

        2. Sean

          I wish I would have picked up one of those when they were ~$500.

          *sigh*

    2. I was surprised how much land around Zurich had been turned into vineyards, last time I was there. Not much Swiss wine survives long enough to cross the border…hunted down and consumed by thirsty Swiss!

      Kirschwasser is just really tasty brandy, with a hint o’ cherry.

      1. The proper stuff is supposed to be made from cherries, without any of that grape alcohol getting in the way.

      2. PieInTheSky

        I know various Germanic stuff, but I never liked it as much as the Romanian stuff I am used to. Also I favor the plum, although quince can be very interesting (probably the most fruit flavor forward brandy I had). Raspberry is expensive and rarely worth the effort (wild raspberry is not easy it takes a lot of fruit per liter of brandy and if it has to be hand foraged it can get pricey)

    3. robc

      The first beer I ever enjoyed was some sort of brown swiss beer. Ale? Lager? No idea, but it was the first thing other than American pisswater I had ever had and I liked it. The craft beer movement hadn’t made it to Georgia in the late 80s.

      I moved to Wisconsin shortly thereafter. And by the time I moved back to KY in the mid 90s, craft beer was everywhere (that mattered).

      Some random Swiss beer that my boss handed to me literally changed my life.

      1. Fourscore

        “some sort of brown swiss beer”

        Was it white and came from a cow? Easy to find in WI

  4. >>Good Lord, France. Have some dignity, would ya!

    Freedom Fries!

  5. Sports – The only thing that matters is … tomorrow night.

    Thursday?

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      I think he means Braves vs. Nationals to see who’s going to rule the National League East.

      1. Tundra

        *falls asleep*

      2. hayeksplosives

        I thought it was to watch the NFL season opener: Bears vs Packets.

        Go Bearssss!

        1. pistoffnick

          “…vs Packets”

          **image of a huge linebacker getting frustrated at his computer because his network packets aren’t being delivered**

      3. Idle Hands

        Looking forward to it. Gawd that mets game last night *chefs kiss.

  6. Not Adahn

    At the store I saw something called “Swiss granola.” I wondered what the heck Swiss-style granola was, but it turned out, no, this was granola made in Switzerland.

    Someone is shipping sweetened oatmeal across the Atlantic and making money selling it. GOD BLESS CAPITALISM!!!!

    1. Count Potato

      This stuff?

      https://www.alpenusa.com/

      It has been around forever.

      1. Not Adahn

        No, not muesli, granola. Because American hippies aren’t good enough for today’s refined palate.

        1. Count Potato

          I’m not paying $8 for a 10 oz. box of bird food.

  7. Yusef drives a Kia

    Howdy Glibs! A cold beer and back to bed…..

  8. Tundra

    You were right – the pic is worth it.

    Reminds me of this classic?

    1. ChipsnSalsa

      The pic has alt-text to, it’s like they made it for us!

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        LOL

  9. PieInTheSky

    Has the reason inteview with Neal Stephenson been discussed?

    https://reason.com/2019/09/01/neal-stephenson-wants-to-tell-big-stories/

    If not, I can see why, not particularly interesting. Or is it just me?

    1. Rhywun

      At least he is refreshingly to-the-point.

  10. Just a thought not a sermon

    119) Is there anything hotter than a chick playing bass guitar? Last weekend I went to a local Scottish festival where a Scottish fusion band was playing. A woman played the violin in the band, and she was fairly cute, but then for one song she picked up a bass guitar, and all of a sudden, I was having feelings in parts I didn’t know happened to men after age 40. What is it with the bass and hot ladies?

    1. PieInTheSky

      Is there anything hotter than a chick playing bass guitar – yes. A hotter chick.

      1. That lit the Q beacon.

    2. Tundra

      Dude, my daughter is a bass player. Just calm down.

      How about her, though?

      1. Just a thought not a sermon

        Yes.

      2. PieInTheSky

        Didi she practice other instruments enough before giving up and settling?

        1. Ouch!

          This kid decides he wants to play bass, so his parents give him lessons. After the 1st lesson, his parents ask him how it went.

          “Great! I learned the key of G.”

          After the 2nd, they again asked how it went.

          “Awesome! I learned the key of D.”

          The next time they asked how the lesson went he replied,

          “Lesson? I got a gig.”

          1. Peter Hook doesn’t know that joke.

          2. robc

            On the other hand: Chris Squire.

          3. Cats

            On another hand: Victor Wooten.

      3. Drake

        I never got over her. Still listening to the early stuff.

        1. robc

          Get out of my teenage fantasies.

      4. Festus

        I’ve had a bone on for her for twenty-five years. That chick from White Zombie and the one from A Perfect Circle were also invited to the party.

      5. Rufus the Monocled

        I believe she’s the daughter of Nick auk de Mauer – a popular Montreal writer back in the day.

      6. robc

        That was my first thought.

      7. Dr Mossy Lawn

        I was the live sound tech and mixed her in a solo concert/event in Montreal back in 2009.

        It included a showing of the movie project they had released https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1352392/

        Talented musician .. nice person.

    3. Tonio

      Which band?

      1. Just a thought not a sermon

        MacGilliossa. I had never heard of them before.

        1. Tonio

          Thanks, me neither. But I’ll BOTL for them as Scotfest season ramps up.

    4. ChipsnSalsa

      You just liked the long neck of the bass.

      Freudian gay bro.

      1. Just a thought not a sermon

        Damn, I knew there was a catch.

    5. Count Potato

      Tina Weymouth was adorable, Kim Gordon not so much.

    6. Slammer

      Jo Bench/Bolt Thrower

    7. Don Escaped Texas

      NewWife has a bass in a closet around here somewhere but hasn’t been on stage in decade. The Memphis music scene is brutally critical: I don’t know why anyone would expose themselves to that.

      That said, she’s dragging me to Jason Isbell at the Shell this weekend, so if anyone needs any gun advice I can forward your questions.

      1. Not Adahn

        How many days has it been there?

    8. Scruffy Nerfherder
      1. Count Potato

        Who dat?

    9. Nephilium

      JATNAS: Yes, a chick playing a stand up bass guitar. Look towards the rockabilly/psychobilly scene.

  11. Rebel Scum

    This is fucked up.

    Presidential candidate former Rep. Beto O’Rourke (D-TX) has effectively relaunched his struggling campaign to focus on pushing gun control in the wake of multiple mass shootings, including in his home town of El Paso, Texas. In response to another mass shooting in Texas over the weekend, this time in Odessa, O’Rourke has come up with a new slogan for his campaign that’s literally “f*cked up.”

    “Not sure how many gunmen, not sure how many people have been shot, don’t know how many people have been killed, the conditions of those who have survived. Don’t know what the motivation is, do not yet know the firearms that were used or how they acquired them,” O’Rourke told a crowd in Fairfax Station, Virginia on Saturday, as The Daily Wire reported. “But we do know, this is f***ed up.”

    The line earned laughs, cheers and applause from the audience, and O’Rourke promptly posted video of the moment on Twitter…

    To help him drive home his new “defiant and strong” gun control message, CNN did not bleep out the Democratic candidate.

    On the same day, Beto For America unveiled their new shirt, which really makes sure you don’t miss his “f*cked up” tagline: “New in the store… 100% of the proceeds will benefit @MomsDemand and @AMarch4OurLives. This is f*cked up. We can change it,” Team Beto announced. After repeating the line six times, the shirt states, “End gun violence now.”

    What is actually fucked up is campaigning on violating the document that you will be sworn to uphold should you happen to win.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Kramer is running for the Presidency.

      1. Rebel Scum

        Big shout out to all the civilian “good guys with guns” who saved lives in Odessa. You know who you are. Thanks a million

        Swallowswell doesn’t understand that situations are vastly more complex than simply having a firearm available or not. Also, he is pos.

        1. leon

          Thanks to all the cops who couldn’t stop him either… :Eye roll:

      2. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Swalwell is a royal POS.

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      “O’Rourke told a crowd in Fairfax Station, Virginia ”

      For some reason I can’t conceive, he’s been campaigning around Virginia in recent days, supporting local Democratic candidates. Is that supposed to help them get elected? I don’t get it. I’ve never heard anything out of his mouth that didn’t make me think he’s a dumbass.

      1. Tonio

        Northern Virginia, dude. The Washington DC suburbs. Remember that the actual city of Washington is fairly small and lots of the workforce live in Maryland and Virginia.

      2. Idle Hands

        He’d probably could get back in congress if he ran there. Unfortunately that’s my neck of the woods.

        1. Yup, the progginess is expanding like a disease out here.

    2. Drake

      They are following Hillary’s “win the primary / lose the general” strategy on the issue.

    3. Tejicano

      I love this. He openly states that he doesn’t know Jack Shyte about the issue but he knows what has to be done.

  12. Not Adahn

    You will laugh at the pic at the bottom, so RTFA.

    I did, and I did.

    On Monday, the multinational firm behind cigarette brands like Winston, Camel and Benson & Hedges

    Whaaa? Those brands are furrin’ owned?

    1. Drake

      That shit has stunted their growth!

      1. Not Adahn

        The fact that Winston’s Mom sold him to the Japanese explains a lot about him.

    1. Tonio

      Thank you for that. It’s a great way to prepare for the next SugarFree story.

      “Italian” Rhinoplasty – WTF. Also, that looks like a photo – so maybe they were still doing that as late as the mid-1800’s

      But it also make you extremely thankful to be alive in the era of antiseptic surgery and effective anaesthesia.

      Here in Richmond, Virginia we have the Civil War Medical Museum. Gross but cool.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Why, I just injected my penis with mercury the other day!

      1. I’m sorry to hear you have Syphillis

  13. Count Potato

    “Hong Kong Leader Withdraws Extradition Bill That Ignited Months of Protests

    Hong Kong leader Carrie Lam on Wednesday formally withdrew the extradition bill that ignited months of protests in the Chinese territory over the summer.

    “We must find ways to address the discontent in society and look for solutions,” Lam said in a video statement. “After more than two months of social unrest, it is obvious to many that this discontentment extends far beyond the bill.””

    https://www.nationalreview.com/news/hong-kong-leader-withdraws-extradition-bill-that-ignited-months-of-protests/

    1. “And if this don’t calm you….the PLA is minutes away!”

      The CCP has not killed the Golden Goose yet….but they are sharpening the hatchet and looking for gloves.

    2. invisible finger

      Obama haz a sad.

    3. Drake

      What’s the worst that could happen if you were extradited to China? You know, other than having your organs harvested?

  14. Don Escaped Texas

    Music Link. Yeah, you get one from me. Really.

    https://theweek.com/articles/861750/coming-death-just-about-every-rock-legend

    Behold the killing fields that lie before us: Bob Dylan (78 years old); Paul McCartney (77); Paul Simon (77) and Art Garfunkel (77); Carole King (77); Brian Wilson (77); Mick Jagger (76) and Keith Richards (75); Joni Mitchell (75); Jimmy Page (75) and Robert Plant (71); Ray Davies (75); Roger Daltrey (75) and Pete Townshend (74); Roger Waters (75) and David Gilmour (73); Rod Stewart (74); Eric Clapton (74); Debbie Harry (74); Neil Young (73); Van Morrison (73); Bryan Ferry (73); Elton John (72); Don Henley (72); James Taylor (71); Jackson Browne (70); Billy Joel (70); and Bruce Springsteen (69, but turning 70 next month).

    Yawn: but the earth abideth for ever. Living with dignity was hard, so now dying with dignity is impossible? And Ferry and Harry rank with the rest? And King is a rocker? I’m sure I too can throw together a crisis article on short notice using business-as-usual anecdotes to stir up any demographic you need. This includes many of my heroes, but it’s still pap.

    1. Tundra

      And Ferry and Harry rank with the rest?

      You are right – they should probably be higher.

      1. Festus

        It saddens me that Debbie Harry is precisely twenty years older than me. I just watched this today – https://youtu.be/OId0OkGluTo

        1. Count Potato

          She was so gorgeous.

          1. Festus

            Inorite?

    2. Gee, it’s as if the sixties were almost sixty years ago or something

    3. +1 It’s better to burn out than to fade away

    4. ElspethFlashman

      Neither Morrissey nor Robert Smith are not on that list…. which saddens me.

      1. leon

        Morrissey will be the first of the gang to die.

      2. Don Escaped Texas

        psst: they’re not in their seventies

        1. ElspethFlashman

          Yeah, but the death clock is a-ticking for them too.

          1. Don Escaped Texas

            ask not for whom the bell tolls

          2. Fourscore

            Kids, the lot of them!

    5. Nephilium

      Oi! How about Jerry Lee Lewis – 83. And we just lost Dick Dale this year (at 81).

    6. Atanarjuat

      At least we’ll always have Lou Reed.

    7. It’s almost as if rock music was invented sometime in the late 40s/early 50s …

  15. Slammer

    A Swiss-Japan crossover

    That’s a lot of narrowed gazes

    1. Including this one.

      *narrows gaze*

      1. Rebel Scum

        That’s lacist.

  16. Rebel Scum

    Senile Joe.

    “Having assault weapons on the street and magazines carrying multiple bullets is irrational. There is no need for it, and your Second Amendment rights are in no way violated,” Biden told reporters in Iowa Monday.

    Was this just another slip of the 258-year-old’s tongue?

    It doesn’t appear that way because after a reporter asked him if there was any “compromise on this,” Biden declaratively said, “None on this. I think there is no compromise. This is one we just have to push, push, push, push and push.”

    This is major news. The Democrat frontrunner is admitting he wants to ban almost all guns.

    Actually, that is exactly what it is. The people are the militia and the militia needs modern technology weapons in order to function.

    1. Tonio

      “magazines carrying multiple bullets is irrational”

      Nobody took your gun, they just made you buy a smaller magazine for it.

      1. R C Dean

        So, back to single shot guns. I wonder if he’ll allow us breech loaders, or if only muzzle loaders will be (temporarily) permitted.

        1. He’ll allow muzzle-loaders, but not powder.

  17. AOC tweets footage of destruction from Dorian: ‘This is what climate change looks like’

    “This is what climate change looks like,” the congresswoman wrote. “It hits vulnerable communities first.”

    The Democratic socialist then took a hit at her political rivals, saying, “I can already hear climate deniers screeching: ‘It’s always been like this! You’re dim,’ etc.”

    “No,” she added. “This is about science & leadership. We either decarbonize & cut emissions, or we don’t & let people die.”

    1. Count Potato

      I think she is being retarded on purpose.

      1. Festus

        My cat has been chasing his own tail in the bathtub for nearly 15 years. I don’t think that he’s gonna stop any time soon.

      2. Rebel Scum

        I maintain the possibility she is part of some sort of elaborate troll by Trump.

      3. Suthenboy

        #MeToo. It has to be an act.

        “I can already hear climate deniers screeching: ‘It’s always been like this! You’re dim,’ etc.”
        Because it has. The numbers bear it out. And you just admitted that you know that already. It’s an act.

    2. Atanarjuat

      *hops into the back of a giant black SUV and rides away from the press conference*

    3. Rebel Scum

      This is what climate change looks like

      No, that is what a hurricane looks like. In the bad ole days, it was more likely that a hurricane would mostly level a forest. These days more people and structures are in the path of such storms, which allows for more destruction when they occur.

    4. Just a thought not a sermon

      “We either decarbonize & cut emissions, or we don’t & let people die.””

      Current death toll in Bahamas: Seven (though will probably go higher)

      Great Hurricane of 1780, Lesser Antilles, Puerto Rico, Hispaniola, Bermuda: 22,000–27,501

      San Marcos, October 5–14, 1870, Cuba, Florida, Bahamas: 800–2,000

      Cuba, October 30 – November 13, 1932, Netherlands Antilles, Cuba, Bahamas: 2,500–3,107

      It’s almost as if deaths from hurricanes have little to do with global warming….

      1. OneOut

        Don’t forget Galveston.

        8,000 dead, IIRC.

    5. “cut emissions”

      We’ve done this. Now, go talk to India and China.

    6. Fourscore

      Further proof the god hates trailer parks and poor people

    7. BakedPenguin

      It’s so bad, we have our fourth named storm just as hurricane season is coming to a close. Golly, we all have to trust her on this as much as we do on every other topic.

  18. PieInTheSky

    So what is the official glib position on Ergodicity Economics?

    I generally like Austrian and usually am not convinced by most economic schools, but am trying to keep an open mind (as good as that does for a mostly deotologist).

    1. PieInTheSky

      I noticed this tweet

      Dear economists,

      What the ensemble experiences is not what the individual experiences.

      For example, please stop burning the planet to increase GDP to improve the individual experience.
      Totally unnecessary: the individual doesn’t experience GDP.

      Sincerely,
      Earth

      https://twitter.com/ole_b_peters/status/1167775571268554752

      And thought whatever point the guy is making, this is stupid.

      Apparently the Ergodicity part is about thinking of how personal decisions evolve in time not as a snapshot. Which is ok in a sense but most what I see is still one more thing that will lead to “correct planning” unlike the other things that will lead to wrong planning.

      1. Don Escaped Texas

        The funniest comment is/are growing-the-economy/increasing-GDP. Literally everything grows the economy: you can’t swing a dead cat without driving up GDP a point.

        Except suicide: it’s great for (long-run) reducing GDP once the backhoe is paid for (short-run) and is good for the environment (how do worms clap?), so you know what you gotta do!

        1. PieInTheSky

          Whatever you think of GDP, that tweet is silly. As I assume it means fossil fuels and that is not about GDP, is about electricity and warmth and a car. And the people feel that.

    2. PieInTheSky

      New experiments back Ergodicity Economics over Expected Utility Theory in modeling human decision making

      http://lml.org.uk/lml/new-experiments-back-ergodicity-economics-over-expected-utility-theory-in-modeling-human-decision-making/

      See whatever they do with some people and some games and some data, I still am utterly unconvinced that lab experiments have much relevance. Behavioral economics is more of the same crap, although this I think was launched as a counter to the latter

    3. PieInTheSky

      How ergodicity reimagines economics for the benefit of us all

      https://aeon.co/ideas/how-ergodicity-reimagines-economics-for-the-benefit-of-us-all

      Anyhoo

    4. Never heard of it. Do you have a summation?

      1. PieInTheSky

        basically economics makes some assumptions that people make decisions based on expected value of an event, and they make different models based on some time-averages. It is somewhat similar to Taleeb says about ergodic and non-ergodic probability

    5. Have you or your loved ones ever suffered from Ergodicity? If so, please call the law offices of EF now!

      1. Festus

        “If Ergodicity lasts longer than the five year plan, contact your doctor.”

      2. ElspethFlashman

        Sorry I don’t do class actions or personal injury /required disclaimer

        1. Jarflax

          You’re actions are plenty classy! And I am sure you are capable of inflicting a proportional amount of injury to persons requiring it. Don’t sell your self short.

    6. Suthenboy

      I think all economists should be required to wear a robe and a tall pointy hat, both decorated with little suns, moons and stars on them. Like the Brunton compass for geologists, Slide rule for engineers, stethoscope for physicians the economists primary tool will be a crystal ball.

  19. Count Potato

    “Death of the ‘Gay Gene’

    There isn’t one; there are many. Does it matter?

    A new study involving hundreds of thousands of participants finds that homosexual behavior is about one-third genetic — and that many genes are involved, each having only a tiny effect. It even manages to single out a few: “rs34730029,” for example, increases the chance of having a same-sex experience by 0.4 percentage points. These genes might affect sex hormones and the sense of smell.”

    https://www.nationalreview.com/2019/09/death-of-the-gay-gene/

    1. I bet there is a Barbara Streisand gene, and a gene for wearing fabulous clothing and matching colors. ie – gay.

      1. Tonio

        Yes, and I missed out on that. Kind of like being the tone deaf person in a musical family.

        1. The Last American Hero

          More like a family that loves musicals.

    2. Not Adahn

      increases the chance of having a same-sex experience by 0.4 percentage points.

      How much is the chance increased by being in the navy? A Turkish prison? The brig on a Turkish naval vessel?

      1. Festus

        Patient Zero was a Turkish submariner.

      2. Tonio

        “The brig on a Turkish naval vessel?”

        You trolling me, bro?

      3. Rasilio

        And what if the Turkish naval vessel was a Brig, how much do your odds increase if you are in the brig of the Turkish Brig?

    3. Not Adahn

      In a more serious vein, I thought the paradigm of heterosexuality/homosexuality was sub-optimal. The Kinsey scale in particular is just moronic. Much more useful would be a n-dimensional space (where n is at least 2) that includes both positive and negative values for attraction to a particular sex (or gender) characteristic. Like such: where you’d have true aces at the origin, ravenous pansexuals up in the corner of quadrant II and dried up old biddies in in the lower left of quadrant IV.

    4. Idle Hands

      Who cares this was always stupid. The most interesting thing the gays had going for them was a giant fuck you my body my choice argument. This watered down “it’s not my choice” generation is fucking pussy shit. The attitude should be I don’t even like fucking hairy dudes but fuck you for saying I can’t.

      1. invisible finger

        HIV changed it from “my body my choice” to “I can’t help it, therefore society should pay my medical bills.”

        1. Suthenboy

          Humans do have a strong tendency to avoid responsibility even when it costs nothing. There is a reason the readership here isn’t larger. We are about the only people around with the ‘fuck. you I decide’ hardcore attitude.

          1. Tejicano

            Yeah. I think of it as “I am an adult and will own my decisions as an adult – just let me make those decisions of my own free will”

  20. Atanarjuat

    Dispatches from the East coast of Florida: hurricane Dorian a complete dud. Bath salts supply remains strong.

    1. Well, I suppose that means it didn’t rid you of the meth gators either.

    2. but I was guaranteed destruction! And a chance to attack Trump, Climate Change Deniers, Winston’s mom, and price gougers! And Winston’s Mom!

  21. The Late P Brooks

    DOOOOOOOOOM

    The Bahamas, for those who live there, is simply a place to call home. For many Americans, it’s a dream vacation spot. But Hurricane Dorian turned that dream into a nightmare. And the worst part is this is only the beginning. Because unless we confront the climate crisis, warming will turn more and more of our fantastic landscapes, cities we call paradise and other dream destinations into nightmarish hellscapes.

    While the science has yet to come in on the specifics of just how much worse climate change made Dorian, we already know enough to say that warming worsened the damage. Because it’s not a coincidence that Dorian was one of the strongest landfalling storms ever recorded in the Atlantic, with the strongest sustained peak winds east of Florida, and the strongest ever to hit the Bahamas. This comes less than a year after Florida withstood the first landfalling category 5 hurricane in decades, on 5 October – the latest ever in the season for a storm that strong.

    Hellscapes, dude. The seas are literally boiling.

    1. Gee it’s like the Caribbean (and related areas) never suffered from a hurricane before.

    2. Atanarjuat

      Hurricane Michael hit on October 10*, Grauniad.

      *Ok, it hit other places before it came to north Florida, but not as a Cat 5.

    3. Atanarjuat

      And we know that as climate change has melted glaciers and ice around the world, that water has gone into the oceans. The extra water, along with the expansion of water as it’s warmed, means that sea levels have been raised. That means when a storm like Dorian makes landfall, there’s more water for its storm surge, already bolstered by stronger winds, to push further inland.

      Holy shit, the storm surge is a few tenths if an inch higher than it would have been!?

      1. leon

        What a convoluted way to measure the sea rise wouldn’t you just, you know, measure the level of the ocean across different locations?

      2. Tejicano

        “…And we know that as climate change has melted glaciers and ice around the world, that water has gone into the oceans….”

        Except for the ice in the Arctic because IT WAS ALREADY IN AN OCEAN YOU SIMPLE-MINDED THIMBLE-FUCK!

        1. Jarflax

          “Gawd, you deniers don’t even know the difference between the ice which is ROCK, I mean come on how do you order a drink with ice? and water.” /AOC response

    4. A Leap at the Wheel

      The Bahamas, for those who live there, is simply a place to call home. For many Americans, it’s a dream vacation spot. But Hurricane Dorian turned that dream into a nightmare.

      Nothing in the world will convince me that this was not written by a 13 year old trying to make a word-count for their first composition assignment.

      1. “Ugh. Five hundred words? That’s, uh, like way more than I need.”

      2. Rhywun

        Funny thing is all the doom-cultists write exactly like this.

        1. Jarflax

          They think on an adolescent level, why wouldn’t they write on it too?

    5. Rebel Scum

      While the science has yet to come in on the specifics of just how much worse climate change made Dorian

      It didn’t. The Bahamas have been hit before and will be again. It’s called summer/hurricane season.

    6. Suthenboy

      Blah blah blah. I have heard all of this horseshit so many times over the last 50 years. Just shut the fuck up already.

    7. Weather isn’t climate, until it can be used to advance the narrative.

    8. Brett L

      Labor Day +/- a week is historically the most active period of hurricane season. Hurricane Andrew landfall August 24. Katrina August 29, 1935 “Labor Day” Hurricane — strongest winds ever at landfall, September 4. So… this is a good time for intense hurricanes.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    So what is the official glib position on Ergodicity Economics?

    Never heard of it before.

  23. Evan from Evansville

    Interview was today and I think I nailed it. The guy and I were in sync the whole time and I didn’t stumble on any question. So that’s good. I should find out by Monday.

    The Lady is having a rough time at work. On her period, money trouble, and she has a cavity that’s causing migraines. My job right now is to be the rock. I’m actually pretty good at it, but it gets stressful and really wants me to have Me Time.

    I’m also making money freelancing and I contacted several agencies today that arrange private tutoring. I kinda like the grind of it all. I’m much more appreciative of the little things these days. It’s fairly therapeutic and good for me. Onwards.Upwards. Be Better.

    1. What’s the potential New Job?

      1. Evan from Evansville

        Dara Private Academy in Chiang Mai. Pay is shit but so is the cost of living. Sixteen hours of classes a week but a lot of prep work will be involved. It’s very different from the Korean schools I learned how to teach in. Much more ‘learning is actually fun’ and exploratory. Which is going to be difficult because it involves decorations and shit…which isn’t exactly my strong suit in a classroom.

        Good news is the contract is only six months. I think Thailand is great but it’s not going to provide enough savings unless my side projects also pay off (one of which actually is so far).

        But the experience and grind is good for me. I’ll have to think hard about what to do after this so I can make more scratch.

        *Ponders*

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dara_Academy

    2. Tonio

      Good luck with everything.

    3. Festus

      I applaud your sense of adventure, Evan!

    4. Nephilium

      Good luck on the hustle, the interview, and keeping the Lady happy.

    5. ElspethFlashman

      Hang in there! It’s hard to be patient – but realize how much you are in control of your own ship/ future / destiny.

  24. 83-year-old grandma loves using Tinder to find younger men for casual sex

    The 83-year-old isn’t looking for grandfather type matches. She wants younger men.

    ‘Younger men, they get off on getting a woman off – very different from when I was younger,’ Hattie explains.

    The New York-based mum-of-two and grandma is in tune with her body and sexuality.

    A former dancer, Hattie was married for over 25 years and says she and her ex-husband had a ‘wonderful sex life.’

    Missing the intimacy and embracing the casualness of modern dating, Hattie exclusively goes out with men many years her junior.

    ‘I screw, I sleep with, I make love with many men and not one of them has said, “I want you for my life”,’ she says.

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      Oh, right, I saw that movie. Young ladies in my dorm were always going on about Harold and Maude. it was okay.

    2. Festus

      “Oldsters! Oldsters! Oldsters are our future!”

    3. Atanarjuat

      Her Tinder bio reads: ‘Hattie, 83, fascinating older beauty. Seeking a steady younger friend/lover for a shared life of adventure and passion. No pro-Trump and no players.’ The youngest man she has been with was aged 19, although she insists she believed he was older.

      I hope one of her conquests pulls out a MAGA hat afterwards, tips down the bill while saying, “Ma’am, thank you kindly”, and steps out.

      1. Semi-Spartan Dad

        Pretty sure that counts as rape now. Or at least sexual assault. Or 100% voluntary but has regrets afterwards. I can’t remember which definition is which anymore.

    4. Count Potato

      England just needs to stop.

    5. Idle Hands

      this isn’t surprising to me as she’s pretty good looking for a british person. gawd what a fucking ugly island of inbred hicks.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Dispatches from the East coast of Florida: hurricane Dorian a complete dud.

    With a name like Dorian, what did you expect?

    1. Perpetually youthful with a fear of that painting in his attic?

    2. Yusef drives a Kia

      Someone much younger…..

  26. The Late P Brooks

    ‘I screw, I sleep with, I make love with many men and not one of them has said, “I want you for my life”,’ she says.

    You don’t say.

  27. *sigh* Why do people attend meetings via speakerphone from their cubes? I do not need to be involved in the meeting the guy in the next unit over is attending, but his damn phone is so loud it’s drowning out my fan.

    1. For fuck’s sake, I have headphone on now playing audio and I can still hear this asshole’s speakerphone – and he’s three rows over.

      1. Tundra

        Start singing along with whatever you are listening to. Bonus points for Abba.

        1. Nephilium

          /looks at my standard music playlists.

          Yeah… singing most of my music out loud in the office would be a reason for me to be asked to leave the office.

          1. In addition to that, I don’t want to hear the song being butchered by my atrociously bad singing voice.

          2. Drake

            Using a speakerphone in a cube is also a good reason to be ejected.

    2. Rhywun

      Speakerphones really grind my gears. Just put on a damn headset already.

      1. Especially when at the pisser.

    3. hayeksplosives

      Tell the secretary to order him a hands free headset as a heavy hint.

      I have an office and I close the door if I’m going on speakerphone or even making a regular call if I initiate the call.

      I’ll never forget the pain of cubicle phone wars.

      1. He’s in a different unit with a different procurement code and different administrative staff.

        Besides, I’m still waiting on finance to approve my headset replacement after the last one fell apart.

        No one in this building has an office. 🙁

    4. invisible finger

      If they wanted you to be productive, they wouldn’t put you in a cubicle.

    5. Jarflax

      reason 9834 why cubes reduce productivity and morale

    6. Drake

      Find some like minded co-workers and strike up a loud conversation next to his cube.

      1. He’d just join in.

  28. Pope Jimbo

    Duluth polishes its credentials as a big time city. They are coddling their cops just like other big cities.

    The department sought to fire Huot after he was seen on video pulling the man by the chain of his handcuffs and slamming his head against a door in the May 2017 incident, which he did not report to supervisors. But arbitrator Mario Bognanno said there was no “just cause” for termination, instead imposing what amounted to a 13-month unpaid suspension.

    “In sum, even though Huot’s use of force was contrary to a public policy against unreasonable use of force, the arbitrator’s award of reinstatement without back pay is not,” Judge Tracy Smith wrote on behalf of the court.

    Sgt. Ryan Morris, president of the Duluth Police Union, said he was “obviously very happy, but not overly surprised” by the ruling. He said despite Huot’s missteps, he has “done a number of good things for the department” and should be welcomed back.

    1. pistoffnick

      Duluth PD has some peaches. The last ticket I got (excessive acceleration) was given to me by an officer who later lost his job due to a domestic violence conviction. He punched the mirror off his girlfriend’s car and then threw it at her. Nice guy,

      1. >>excessive acceleration

        say what now?

        1. He reached the speed limit a second sooner than the cop did.

        2. Not Adahn

          Squealing the tires.

          1. pistoffnick

            This. Except it was winter and I hit a small ice patch and the back of the truck (RWD) stepped out a little. I corrected in a second and was never out of control. Try reasoning with a ‘roided up cop though

          2. Not Adahn

            It was a common offense for teenagers to get ticketed for when I was one, but has almost become extinct with the invention of traction control.

          3. Tundra

            Sad, isn’t it? Luckily you can turn that abomination off on most vehicles.

          4. The Mustang traction control is very liberal – it will let you slide a bit and even shred some rubber before clamping down on the fun.

            My BMW traction control, on the other hand, was horrible.

            ::LH trying to drive across a street – traffic coming both ways:: BMW tire hits a single wet leaf – no power!

    2. Gustave Lytton

      He could easily be fired for failing to show up for work if he was in prison. Or for having a felony conviction. Just say’n.

  29. The American left’s 2020 mission: not just defeat Trump – but change the world

    This has created space for a set of policy proposals on the left that were once deemed marginal and are now mainstream. In the past it was left to an outlier candidate like Dennis Kucinich, polling in single digits and counting yogic flying among his pastimes, to propose anything beyond incremental changes. Today, the Green New Deal, an ambitious plan to massively reduce carbon emissions and increase social spending and environmental protection through huge public investment, has been embraced by many of the 2020 candidates.

    Similarly, plans to provide Medicare for everybody – effectively universal healthcare provision – or free college tuition for public universities, once considered hopelessly idealistic, have broad support among the contenders.

    With the cost of college and healthcare rising far faster than wages, and environmental awareness growing, all of these proposals are not only popular with Democrats but command a majority, or a plurality, in the country as a whole, challenging the notion among some moderate governors that Democrats are shifting too far to the left. True, other policies such as decrimializing the border and reparations for slavery, which have come up during debates and even some leading candidates have not dismissed out of hand, do not poll that well even among Democrats.

    But the point is that the terrain for what candidates might support and remain electorally credible has shifted considerably towards the progressive side. One of the most memorable exchanges in the debates thus far came when John Delaney repeatedly warned Elizabeth Warren that “impossible promises” of “free anything” will doom the party’s chances.

    This time the world?

    1. Tonio

      Yes, this is going to be a replay of the 1968 Democratic National Convention – the one where the far left of the day (most notably the YIP – yippies) rioted. Good times.

    2. Festus

      First we take New York, then we take Berlin…

      1. Not Adahn

        You of course mean Manhattan

    3. Drake

      The ensuing civil war would change things a lot.

    4. PieInTheSky

      It’s understandable to already feel exhausted by the 2020 election, but we have to stay vigilant.

      https://twitter.com/TeenVogue/status/1168819692452143105

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Needs more anal sex tips.

        1. Crusty Juggler

          Agreed.

    5. Count Potato

      yogic flying?

  30. Nephilium

    In other beer news that you (meaning Swiss, and to a lesser extent the rest of you rabble) may find interesting. Founders has sold a majority share in their brewery to the Spanish company that invested in them a couple years back (Mahou San Miguel, who also owns a large share of Avery Brewing), and it’s the last expected season of Canadian Breakfast Stout. In good news, the CBS will be available in 12 oz bottles this year.

  31. Terminator star Linda Hamilton says she’s been celibate for 15 years

    Linda Hamilton hasn’t had sex in over a decade.

    “I’ve been celibate for at least 15 years. One loses track, because it just doesn’t matter — or at least it doesn’t matter to me,” the Terminator star, 62, said in a recent New York Times interview.

    “I have a very romantic relationship with my world every day and the people who are in it.”

    Hamilton was married to first husband Bruce Abbott from 1982 to 1989. She wed director James Cameron in 1997 and divorced him two years later.

    1. Drake

      And unfuckable for 20 years.

    2. Idle Hands

      lol. she probably has a really nice vibrator.

    3. Rufus the Monocled

      Rufus: Can I buy you a drink?
      Linda: “I have a very romantic relationship with my world every day and the people who are in it.”
      Rufus: Perfect!

    4. *cups hands around mouth *

      NOBODY CARES!

  32. PieInTheSky

    The first phase of the HS2 high-speed railway between London and Birmingham will be delayed by up to five years, Transport Minister Grant Shapps says.
    That section of the line was due to open at the end of 2026, but it could now be between 2028 and 2031 before the first trains run on the route.
    HS2’s total cost has also risen from £62bn to between £81bn and £88bn, but Mr Shapps said he was keeping an “open mind” about the project’s future.
    The second phase has also been delayed.
    The route – from Birmingham to Manchester and Leeds – was due to open in 2032-33, but that has been pushed back to 2035-2040.

    https://www.bbc.com/news/business-49563549

    On the bright side, you may save 30 minutes if you take the train. And if everything works perfectly.

    1. Just a thought not a sermon

      81 billion pounds? That’s only like 100 miles or so, right? Wasn’t the California HSR that was canceled supposed to be $62 billion, which was ridiculous–and that was between LA and San Francisco!

  33. Count Potato

    “MINNEAPOLIS — Rep. Ilhan Omar’s marriage appears to be headed for the rocks, a longtime friend of the couple told The Post.

    The congresswoman’s husband, Ahmed Hirsi, the source said, is poised to file for divorce after the revelation in a bombshell court filing that she allegedly had an affair with DC political consultant Tim Mynett.

    The Minnesota congresswoman and her husband allegedly separated in March, and Omar asked Hirsi to divorce her around that time because she didn’t want to file the papers — but Hirsi refused, telling her if she wanted a divorce she should do it herself, said the source, who has known both parties for 20 years.

    The husband allegedly changed his mind after Tim Mynett’s wife last week filed bombshell divorce papers claiming her spouse was having an affair with the Somali-born US representative — with Hirsi said to be angry he had been made to look the fool by the allegations of an extramarital affair.”

    https://nypost.com/2019/09/03/rep-ilhan-omars-husband-wants-divorce-after-affair-bombshell-source/

    1. Festus

      “Step out on yer Husband? Oh you better believe that’s a Stonin’!”

        1. Atanarjuat

          Michael Malice
          @michaelmalice
          I can’t believe that Ilhan Omar sunk so low as to cheat on her brusband.

          We’re not sure. It’s very complicated at this point.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      Meh. I’d rather she go down for political reasons not personal.

      1. Wasn’t it her faction that claims “the personal is political”?

        1. Rufus the Monocled

          Hm. It’s true the left politicize everything.

      2. These euphemisms…

      3. R C Dean

        Eh, she’s run on her Muslim identity and used it for leverage. Let’s hope hubby is pissed enough to spill the beans on her marriage to her brother.

      4. Jarflax

        That is Harris’ thing not Omar.

  34. Crusty Juggler

    Geraldo Rivera says that AR-15 owners have ‘small penises’

    Fox News correspondent Geraldo Rivera accused AR-15 rifle owners of using the gun to compensate for small penis size.

    Responding to comedian Sarah Silverman’s tweet that mocked hunters for possessing similar insecurities, Rivera said, “AR15 are the symptom of small penises.”

    LOL! Nailed. Boom! Do you know who has two thumbs and no AR-15?

    This guy.

    1. Go open an empty bank vault.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        Great minds and all that.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Doesn’t he have a vault to dig up or something useful?

    3. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Ah, the unoriginal phallic size compensation argument. Suck it Geraldo.

      1. Crusty Juggler

        Are you an old West prostitute?

        1. Not Adahn

          Best old-timey prostitute’s gun:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1xtoUO5dug

          The best thing about having money is being able to have things custom made.

    4. Rebel Scum

      Fascinating how gungrabbers now want to diminish a masculine thing by questioning masculinity.

  35. Evan from Evansville

    I see that on the last thread people were talking about songs that make you want to do cocaine. As someone who dedicated several years of my life to the sweet snow, I’m embarrassed for y’all.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4zr3ZPSDac

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder
    2. Atanarjuat

      https://youtu.be/_bv89VreXJM

      (Ok, not exactly)

  36. Crusty Juggler

    Teen in coma after developing severe lung disease from vaping

    A Pennsylvania teenager is in a medically induced coma for a severe lung illness caused by his vaping habit, his parents said.

    Kevin Boclair, 19, is connected to a heart/lung machine at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania where doctors said he may need a double lung transplant, his parents told local TV stations.

    “[Doctors] know it’s vaping,” mom Debbie Boclair told WPVI.

    The Bloomsburg University student had quit using the e-cigarettes but started again because of their flavor and got hooked, Boclair said to Fox 29.

    Health officials have warned against using e-cigarettes and other vaping products, which they’ve linked to a rise of breathing illnesses.

    In July, eight teens with a history of vaping were hospitalized with “seriously damaged lung” at The Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin.

    Kevin’s health began deteriorating about two weeks ago, shortly before he was set to start his sophomore year of college.
    see also
    Vaping suspected of causing serious lung damage in 8 Wisconsin teens

    “He was coughing violently enough that he was throwing up. In the morning, he didn’t look good,” said Boclair, who is a registered nurse.

    “His color was like gray. I ran him to the urgent care and they did an X-ray.”

    The Broomall, Pennsylvania, family is unsure if Kevin will recover, but hope to warn others about the dangers of vaping.

    “No parent should have to walk into a hospital room and see their son having his blood sucked out of one leg with five tubes down his throat, looking dead,” said dad Len Boclair.

    A teen in Utah was also put in a coma in August after she developed a rare lung disease possibly caused by her years of daily vaping.

    If only he had been smoking ciggies like a real man he wouldn’t have this problem.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Less harmful than cigs doesn’t mean harmless but as a harm reduction strategy vaping is a godsend.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      A nineteen year old “teen”

      Note that if he were got killed while deployed in the military, he would not be a “teen”, but a “hero”.

    3. Count Potato

      “The Bloomsburg University student had quit using the e-cigarettes but started again because of their flavor and got hooked, Boclair said to Fox 29.”

      Bullshit.

      1. Rhywun

        Yeah, that’s another transparent attempt to link this to Juul et al. without evidence.

    4. Idle Hands

      nothing is getting me as steamed up these days as these fucking statist fear mongers trying to outlaw vaping. They are so transparent and full of shit I can’t even. IT’S ABOUT DECLINING TAX REVENUE FROM CIGARETTES YOU FUCKING MORONS THEY COULD GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR HEALTH!!!! I mean the gun issue aside, I’ve never seen even reasonable people lose their shit about something so obviously bankrupt. I’m glad I wasn’t around for the cigarette nazis of the 90’s and early aughts I probably would have gotten arrested. I don’t even smoke or vape i just hate these fucking cunts.

    5. Rhywun

      e-cigarettes and other vaping products

      Nice dodge.

    6. Brett L

      CDC suspects that all of these are related to adulterated chemicals by homebrew or fly-by-night operations, as I expected. That’s why teens get it and old people who just want to go to the store and buy the product gas stations sell OTC don’t.

      1. Don Escaped Texas

        1/ my guess as well

        2/ mixing chemicals and putting them in a container is fairly straightforward

        3/ FWIW: I’m sure the good tobacco people mixed plenty of interesting things into cigarette filler

          1. Tundra

            Holy shit.

          2. Don Escaped Texas

            Hat and Hair!

            / cartoon take-off sound

  37. The Not-So-Great Reason Divorce Rates Are Declining

    Divorce rates had been increasing since the mid-1800s, in part because of what Cherlin described as “a gradual growth in the sense that it was okay to end a marriage if you’re unhappy.” Divorces spiked after World War II, peaking in 1980.

    Cherlin says that in the late 1970s, when he received his Ph.D., it was widely expected among researchers that the divorce rate would continue to rise. But it hasn’t, and what’s behind this unforeseen development is the decline of marriage—and the corresponding rise of cohabitation—among Americans with less education. As the sociologist Victor Chen wrote for The Atlantic last year, those without college degrees were a few decades ago significantly likelier to be married by age 30 than were those with college degrees. Now, Chen notes, “just over half of women in their early 40s with a high-school degree or less education are married, compared to three-quarters of women with a bachelor’s degree.”

    Chen connects this trend to the decline of well-paying jobs for those without college degrees, which, he argues, makes it harder to form more stable relationships. Indeed, Cohen writes in his paper that marriage is “an increasingly central component of the structure of social inequality.” The state of it today is both a reflection of the opportunities unlocked by a college degree and a force that, by allowing couples to pool their incomes, itself widens economic gaps.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Or perhaps it’s the lack of social stigma for unmarried couples combined with a government that is more than happy to play daddy.

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Worse. A daddy who commits lewd and incestuous acts.

      2. I’ll admit that for someone who drinks a lot and likes death metal I’m a little stuffy and kind of a prude, so take this with a grain of salt. One of the deleterious side-effects of the left’s (and some libertarian’s, honestly) efforts to break down traditional social mores in the name of individual freedom is that we’re less free AND we lack the social traditions and influences that prevented or solved a lot of problems that arise from things like premarital sex and flippant divorce, for instance, without recourse to state intervention. I’m not arguing that people who have sex before marriage or with multiple partners should be stoned in the streets–I’d have been dead thirty years ago if that were the case–but if you treat that behavior as simply another equally suitable lifestyle among many that a person should be free to choose and celebrate it as such, you wind up with lost people in hopeless situations without any support network. Again, less free, no happier.

  38. ElspethFlashman

    So all desks at the new place are “sit – to- stand” desks, which I like a lot.

    1. Crusty Juggler

      You are lucky. When I am in an office where I have with just sitting desks (or as we call them, regular desks) I force myself to walk stairs every hour if I can or to do something similar.

  39. Slammer

    Android 10 released.

    1. Let me guess, it does a better job of hiding the spying by google and china.

  40. Crusty Juggler

    Trump moving forward to divert $3.6B from military projects for border wall

    As part of the declaration, Trump announced that he would reshuffle $3.6 billion from military construction projects. Republicans are promising to “back fill” the money in the upcoming government funding bills, though that requires cooperation from Democrats.

    In the meantime, roughly 127 military construction projects are being put on hold, half of which are overseas and half of which are planned U.S. projects, according to the Pentagon.

    Pentagon Comptroller Elaine McCusker, who also spoke to reporters, said construction is expected to begin in about 135 days.

    Officials also said that the additional miles of wall to be built are expected to diminish the number of U.S. troops deployed to the border but could not give an estimate as to how many.

    Don’t worry team – we will be backfilling all these projects anyway. PHEW!

    1. Idle Hands

      ugh. can’t wait for lockheed and deloitte to send us their wall mockups.

  41. A Leap at the Wheel

    Related to yesterday’s story about the shooting at the Minsedoa State Fair
    http://news.minnesota.publicradio.org/features/2003/08/20_zdechlikm_statefairguns/

    “It’s just common sense. I don’t know that I can really elaborate much more on that,” says Hammer. “There’s not a large fair in the country, or theme park, that allows weapons. It’s common sense.”

    Hammer says there are simply too many people around the fairgrounds to allow weapons. He says the Minnesota State Fair is a safe place, leaving no need for people to protect themselves.

    Oh. Ok then.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      How are patrons supposed to protect themselves from the carnies?

    2. Funny, there’s a ton of guns and people at gun shows, but you don’t hear about too many of them getting shot up.

    3. leon

      “He says the Minnesota State Fair is a safe place, leaving no need for people to protect themselves.”

      What every teacher said before a mass shooting.

  42. Scruffy Nerfherder

    SJWednesday: Retarded Dictionary Edition

    A loophole woman is a female who positions herself as something outside the norms of womanhood and belittles other women who are not the same “type” of female as she is.

    Instead of questioning the standards to which women are upheld to, she judges women themselves.

    For the majority of my life, I was a loophole woman, and I didn’t even know it.

    Femininity scared me because society deems it as weak, and I never wanted to be weak. I steered away from anything associated to the “typical girl.”

    Pink? Yuck! Dresses and flower prints? Gross. Cupcakes and baking? No way. Pop music? Don’t think so!

    Even the talented Taylor Swift is guilty of participating in this phenomenon as clearly demonstrated in her 2009 hit, “You Belong with Me.”

    She wears high heels,
    I wear sneakers.
    She’s cheer captain,
    And I’m on the bleachers.

    The loophole woman also suppresses her own feelings and takes on the actions and qualities of those who are perceived as powerful in her society – namely, men.

    And I’m not talking about being authoritative.

    I’m talking about adapting to the lifestyle, which seems to be valued as successful or powerful by our society. A loophole woman could alter her way of speaking or alter her actions as a way to attain status.

    1. Count Potato

      Que?

    2. Crusty Juggler

      Quoi?

      1. commodious spittoon

        Iroquois?

    3. I thought a loophole woman was a woman who…um…spent a lot of time around holes in walls, if you get my drift.

      1. Not Adahn

        Do I have to link everything?

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YM1Y4uTmRU

      2. Jarflax

        Glory be!

    4. R C Dean

      “The loophole woman also suppresses her own feelings and takes on the actions and qualities of those who are perceived as powerful in her society – namely, men.”

      I thought lesbians and trannies were the good women.

      1. Jarflax

        Lesbians are well on their way to unpersoning. Terf and all that.

    5. blackjack

      Imma call them “loophoes “

  43. Crusty Juggler

    Reminder, and somehow tell everyone you know the ages from 13-30 or whatever about this: Texas teams up with Bumble to crack down on unsolicited nudes

    The state of Texas has teamed up with dating app Bumble to pass a law that cracks down on the sending of unsolicited nude photos.

    Bumble, which is headquartered in Austin, Texas, worked alongside state Rep. Morgan Meyer (R) on legislation banning the so-called cyber flashing, The Associated Press reported Friday.

    “They had a number of people who were using the app complaining about the sending of these images and they quickly realized there was no recourse,” Meyer told the AP, adding that Bumble CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd approached him about drafting legislation.

    “There was nothing that could be done. It wasn’t a criminal offense — although it was definitely digital sexual harassment,” he added.

    The law, known as House Bill 2789, will go into effect Saturday. It makes it a misdemeanor to send such material without the request or express consent of the recipient.

    Meyer told the AP that the law applies to texts, email dating apps and social media platforms.

    Bumble chief of staff Caroline Ellis Roche told the wire service the company hopes to push for similar legislation in other states, as well as the federal government.

    Let’s get the feds involved

    1. Count Potato

      It’s a stupid law.

      1. Crusty Juggler

        A bunch of really desperate, stupid and horny men are going to get arrested for this shit. Texas defense lawyers should be rubbing their clammy, scheming hands right about now.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Seems like a 1A violation for the adults.

    3. Rebel Scum

      It is well known that chicks love unsolicited dick pics.

  44. Opinion: The Right’s simplistic attacks on ‘socialism’

    There was no mention in either diatribe of Social Security, Medicare for seniors, unemployment insurance, public education, farm subsidies, law enforcement and public safety, environmental and consumer protections agencies, or scores of other American “socialist” structures and services.

    The five percent national poverty rates in Denmark and Finland also somehow escaped mention, as did the multi-billion dollar public subsidy that North Carolinians pay each year to fossil fuel titans like Koch Industries via the massive outlays we make to deal with environmental and public health havoc that’s wrought by carbon pollution.

    All that said, it’s probably not unreasonable to ask whether Sanders and his allies and supporters are especially wise to have embraced the “socialist” moniker given the word’s fraught Cold War era history in this country.

    The truth of the matter is that no major American politician of either party questions the basic efficacy of a capitalist economy. All understand that markets and the pursuit of profit are among the most useful tools that humans have ever fashioned for stimulating the production of societal wealth.

    What sets progressives like Sanders and Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren (and probably Thom Tillis in his honest moments) apart from so many extremists on the modern ideological right (excluding Trump, who clearly doesn’t have any real beliefs other than in enriching and empowering himself) is their understanding that the market economy is not, for all of its many strengths, infallible or divine.

    1. Hold up, I’ve been told by multiple Democrats that things like Social Security and Medicare are NOT socialism. So…which is it?

      1. Schroedinger’s Socialism.

        1. You should trademark that.

        2. Fatty Bolger

          Love that.

    2. Fatty Bolger

      The truth of the matter is that no major American politician of either party questions the basic efficacy of a capitalist economy. All understand that markets and the pursuit of profit are among the most useful tools that humans have ever fashioned for stimulating the production of societal wealth.

      Bullshit.

  45. Crusty Juggler

    Michigan becomes first state to ban flavored e-cigarettes, cites dangers of vaping

    Michigan will become the first state in the nation to ban flavored vape products in a move Gov. Gretchen Whitmer says is aimed at protecting youth.

    The ban,which will be imposed by the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services (MDHHS) through direction from Whitmer, prohibits online and retail sales of flavored nicotine vaping products.

    The move comes not by executive order from Whitmer, but through Michigan’s administrative rules process, which allows state agencies to create regulations or policies that, once authorized, act as laws.

    The vaping ban rule has not yet been filed, but will be effective immediately once complete in a few weeks, Whitmer’s spokesperson said. At that point, the ban will last six months, and will give Michigan businesses 30 days to comply.

    The ban comes after the MDHHS found that youth vaping constitutes a public health emergency for the state, according to a statement from Whitmer.

    “As governor, my number one priority is keeping our kids safe,” Whitmer said in a statement. “And right now, companies selling vaping products are using candy flavors to hook children on nicotine and misleading claims to promote the belief that these products are safe. That ends today. Our kids deserve leaders who are going to fight to protect them. These bold steps will finally put an end to these irresponsible and deceptive practices and protect Michiganders’ public health.”

    Still legal: ciggies.

    1. Count Potato

      “companies selling vaping products are using candy flavors to hook children on nicotine”

      Bullshit.

      “Michigan has already banned sales of e-cigarettes to minors.”

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’d bet that those “candy flavors” are the most popular flavors for adults too. It looks like everyone’s going to have to settle for good old smooth Virginia tobacco flavor.

    3. This just in: there’s vodka that tastes like raspberries! THE CHILDREN!!!!

      1. Also Cotton Candy, Whipped Cream, Vanilla, Chocolate, etc.

        1. Sean

          and pumpkin pie…

          *shudders*

          1. Don’t they have Vodka-flavored Vodka anymore?

    1. …alleging they deliberately waft barbecue smoke rich in meat and fish smells across their shared boundary fence and into her property.

      Complainant Cilla Carden also cited the smell of cigarettes and the sound of children playing with basketballs as adding to her profound discomfort.

      She sounds lovely. I’m not sure how it works in Australia, but in a lot of places if you don’t want to smell things or hear sounds you buy a bunch of property out in the country and go live there.

    2. Jarflax

      Someone on the other side of my fence is having fun. I must sue.

  46. Crusty Juggler

    Navy Contractors Feud Over Who Pays for Fixes to Troubled $13 Billion Warship

    Almost two years after the U.S. Navy’s costliest warship was first hobbled by manufacturing defects with its propulsion system, the two companies at the center of the breakdown are haggling over who will have to pay back taxpayers for fixing the problem.

    Aircraft carrier-builder Huntington Ingalls Industries Inc. and subcontractor General Electric Co. are in talks over who will pay the Navy for fixes it made on the propulsion system of the troubled $13 billion USS Gerald R. Ford. The service last month declared the system finally fixed, though the carrier still has a number of other shortfalls.

    Those talks are sensitive enough that the Navy won’t comment publicly on how much taxpayers have spent so far fixing the issue. “Publishing interim cost information could jeopardize the pending negotiations,” Captain Danny Hernandez, a Navy spokesman, said in an email, declining to comment further.

    “The ship was accepted by the Navy incomplete, nearly two years late, two-and-a-half billion dollars over budget, and 9 of 11 weapons elevators still don’t work with costs continuing to grow,” said Inhofe, an Oklahoma Republican.

    Vice Admiral Thomas Moore, head of the Naval Sea Systems Command, told reporters in February that the Navy was paying for the repairs “until GE and Newport News figure out who has the liability for it. At some point you’ve got to pay them to get the work done.”

    We’ve all been there, am I right?

    1. So what you’re saying is that Gerald Ford stumbled in the shipyard?

      1. Ammunition costs less than large warships. Who knew?

        1. AlexinCT

          Locating the target to fire at – accurately – is what makes this exercise difficult. You need more than a satellite pas to accurately guide one of these ballistic missiles which come in fast bud dumb.

    2. Not Adahn

      It keeps tripping and falling down apparently.

      1. Luckily they’re only shortfalls.

    3. Stinky Wizzleteats

      13 billion for a ship that’d be sunk in fairly short order by a nation with sophisticated antiship missiles like China or Russia? What a waste, unless you like projecting power into third world nations of course.

    4. The Bearded Hobbit

      Fix Or Repair Daily.

  47. The Late P Brooks

    Leadership

    Major gun-control activists hailed Walmart’s announcement. “Walmart’s action is another sign that the private sector has had enough with America’s gun violence crisis,” former congresswoman Gabby Giffords said in a statement. “Addressing a problem this big requires leaders from across American society to be part of the solution. Walmart’s announcement should be applauded by all Americans, and I’m hopeful it will inspire elected leaders to follow in their footsteps.” The March for Our Lives called it “a HUGE step in the right direction” and thanked the retailer for its “courage.”

    On Tuesday’s call, Walmart CEO McMillon urged members of Congress to pass new background check legislation — a move briefly considered and then ruled by President Trump — and to toughen mental-health laws as it relates to gun purchases. “We encourage our nation’s leaders to move forward and strengthen background checks and to remove weapons from those who have been determined to pose an imminent danger,” he said. “Congress and the administration should act. Given our decades of experience selling firearms, we are also offering to serve as a resource in the national debate on responsible gun sales.”

    Fuck you, McMillon. Stick to selling Depends.

    Also- no more open carry; we can probably thank that jackass in Missouri for that.

    1. Before I even ask the question, I know the answer, so this is more or less rhetorical: what exactly is lacking in current background checks that should be added to make them more effective? Or should they just, I don’t know, do them better or something? Overwhelmingly crimes committed with guns involve stolen handguns, and the white male ambush shootings that people really care about have been people who’ve either stolen the guns or not bought them themselves, or who have passed background checks because they have no criminal history.

      1. Clearly, wanting to purchase a firearm is a red flag, and as such the transaction should be denied.

        1. “You want to buy a gun? What are you, crazy?!”

      2. Gustave Lytton

        They still allow private ownership of firearms.

      3. Tejicano

        I am pretty sure the anti-gun faction – as individuals or as a group – doesn’t have a clue about what they would do about background checks other than make them mandatory any time possession of a gun is transferred to another person. I have not heard them say any specific thing about why so many “mass shooters” have passed them already and how an expanded background check will magically be better.

        1. “You have to get a background check before stealing those guns.”

        2. Like I say, I think for some well-meaning people it’s just magical thinking because they feel that something should be done but they don’t understand enough about the situation to actually think it through and they’re scared of guns and gun owners. I think for most they just want to turn the ratchet closer to a ban on private ownership however they can.

          1. Tejicano

            People who are “scared about gun violence” but not willing to take responsibility for their own self-defense have to construct this bubble of belief about how law enforcement will fill that role properly. That’s a pretty tough bubble to construct and maintain but once you’ve got that up gun bans and background checks are even easier to believe in.

    2. MikeS

      Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents

      According to shocking reports, people have purchased car parts at Walmart and then those cars have been involved in accidents, proving a direct correlation between selling auto parts and causing deaths.

  48. Jarflax

    Birthdays – A very rough 1/365th of the Earth’s hoomans were born on this day. In some year or another.

    Is this what passes for Swiss precision these days? This is worse than the Swatch!

    1. Nephilium

      But is it worse then Swatch time?

  49. Re: the links:

    Shoot, little kids with rattails smoking cigarettes pretty much describes where I spent most of my adolescence. They just need to spend the day kicking empty beer cans down the gravel shoulder of the street and shoplifting Dr. Pepper from the convenience store on the corner and it’ll be just like Edgewater in the 90’s.

  50. I’ve discovered my husband has been cheating on me for 25 years

    I have been with my husband for 32 years and thought our marriage was happy and solid. Ten weeks ago, a woman contacted me and said she was in a relationship with him. He had told her we had separated. I am heartbroken, as are our adult daughters. I now know adultery has been a way of life for him for 25 years. He says he has always loved me and does now more than ever. I still love him and am terrified of walking away. He believes he is a sex addict and is seeing a therapist (but not one who specifically works with sex addiction). Is this something he could recover from?

    1. Identify as French.

      Problem solved.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Is this something he could recover from?

      Why of course, he’s going to suddenly stop being a douchebag.

  51. Scruffy Nerfherder

    SJWednesday: Ghetto Glorification

    Nothing’s worse than being a teenager in Long Island in the early ’90s. Or so I thought, on the first day of junior high school when everyone in a five-mile radius laughed at my outfit and my kinky hair. In Brooklyn, I was cool. Wise. In Valley Stream, I was the city girl who spoke funny and listened to hip-hop. I was surrounded by blondes named Brett and Lea who swanned the halls in their kick-team outfits and Liz Claiborne handbags. Girls who had a penchant for dropping the word “like” five times in one sentence, and spent the greater part of their adolescence at the mall.
    To me, home was where my best friends were Puerto Rican, black, and Italian. We were homegirls who jumped subway turnstiles and pumped swings in the park while junkies overdosed in broad daylight. We wore shirts from the Dollar Store on Fourth Avenue and smashed Gatorade bottles on the pavement and bought “loosies” at the bodega. Every other word was “fuck.” At 12, we’d seen it all and talked about it. Casual. No big deal. Knives in the neck and babies in the belly, the clink of vials on the sidewalk, and the addicts quaking on the corner, everyone watching from the stoop. Home was everyone knowing everyone else’s business, even though we knew to mind our own.

    1. Who wouldn’t miss high unemployment, rampant crime, underage pregnancy, homelessness, and substance abuse?

    2. Crusty Juggler

      Strong Island is not a place for the weak.

    3. Rhywun

      everyone in a five-mile radius laughed at my outfit and my kinky hair

      Bullshit.

    4. “Nothing’s worse than being a teenager in Long Island in the early ’90s.”

      Hmmm.

  52. some pollkins:

    Elizabeth Warren Narrows Joe Biden Lead Among Democrats: IBD/TIPP Poll

    Biden Vs. Warren Race
    Elizabeth Warren had the support of 24% of registered Democrats and independents who lean Democratic, up from 17% in August. Joe Biden’s support dipped to 28% from 30%.

    Meanwhile, Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders came in a distant third at 12%, unchanged from August. Support for Calif. Sen. Kamala Harris sank to 6% from 11% in August.

    South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg slipped a point to 5%. New Jersey Sen. Cory Booker had the backing of 4%, up from 2% in August. No other candidate polled more than 1%. Another 15% of respondents said they were undecided.

    Biden Vs. Trump: Joe Keeps Big 2020 Election Lead
    In a head-to-head 2020 election contest of Biden vs. Trump, the IBD/TIPP Poll found a 54%-42% advantage for Biden. A month earlier, Biden led Trump by 13 points. Sanders had a narrow 49%-45% edge over Trump, while Warren and Harris had slimmer 49%-46% leads.

    Independents preferred Biden vs. Trump, 55%-37%. Warren edges Trump with independents, 47%-45%, while Sanders has a 51%-42% advantage.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      It’s a bit early for meaningful polls but if Trump loses to any of these scum we’re all well and truly fucked.

      1. leon

        We’re fucked no matter who wins.

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          That’s true but fucked is relative.

          1. Jarflax

            Only for Omar

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      Sanders to Warren:

      ‘Know what?”
      ‘What?’
      ‘Two words: Sex. Tape.’

      1. Jarflax

        Two words “Projectile Vomit”

    3. I’ve said all along that Biden is the only guy that can realistically beat Trump. He paints himself as a “moderate” and a down-home nice guy. It’s all persona as he’s a senile, elitist career bureaucrat who’s as dumb as a post. But I think he’d win just on personality.

      Fortunately, the extra-chromosome wing of Dem primary voters seem determined to nominate a mouth-foaming socialist.

  53. The Other Kevin

    Fortunately my sister and her daughters in Florida escaped the hurricane. They live right near Mar a Lago. As of last night they hadn’t even gotten any rain. Has Trump tweeted about the person who wanted Mar a Lago to be hit, but that G-d had other plans?

    1. straffinrun

      TFW when your hate boner wipes out The Bahamas.

      1. The Other Kevin

        … and you don’t even get the big payoff at the end. Sad!

    2. Idle Hands

      he is the chosen one.

  54. The Late P Brooks

    To me, home was where my best friends were Puerto Rican, black, and Italian. We were homegirls who jumped subway turnstiles and pumped swings in the park while junkies overdosed in broad daylight. We wore shirts from the Dollar Store on Fourth Avenue and smashed Gatorade bottles on the pavement and bought “loosies” at the bodega. Every other word was “fuck.” At 12, we’d seen it all and talked about it. Casual. No big deal. Knives in the neck and babies in the belly, the clink of vials on the sidewalk, and the addicts quaking on the corner, everyone watching from the stoop. Home was everyone knowing everyone else’s business, even though we knew to mind our own.

    Something something best minds of my generation

    1. straffinrun

      Too many New Yorkers insist on putting the word “Bodega” in every other sentence. You don’t see me throwing out “conbini” every minute of the day.

      1. Hey, I hardly ever use the word ‘Bodega’.

        1. straffinrun

          Thanks.

        2. A Leap at the Wheel

          You’re not a New Yorker. You just live in that state.

          1. Bullshit. People who live in New Amsterdam don’t get a lock on the term New Yorker.

          2. Jarflax

            I was going to say if it had stayed New Amsterdam we’d be better off, then I remembered the Roosevelts.

      2. Sensei

        There is a special kind of small store that qualifies for “bodega”. No reason not use it anymore than you need to refrain from using conbini when looking for a Lawson or 7-11.

        1. straffinrun

          Not what I meant. People will go out of their way to use it, not that it isn’t descriptive. “I got a sub at this shop next to a bodega.” Superfluous usage is what I was getting at.

          1. straffinrun

            *use it when talking with non NYers.

          2. Sensei

            Got it!

          3. straffinrun

            *And I’m just being an asshole for no good reason. I never pass on giving NYers shit. “If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.” Really? Move to Tegucigalpa or Mogadishu and test that.

          4. Sensei

            Heck – I don’t think some stereotypical NYers can survive outside the 5 boroughs.

    2. Rhywun

      the clink of vials on the sidewalk, and the addicts quaking on the corner

      LOL you’re more likely to find that in Valley Stream than on 4th Avenue these days.

  55. Rebel Scum

    That’s not how it works.

    Tuesday on MSNBC’s “All In,” 2020 Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) said gun licenses were “common-sense restrictions” on the Second Amendment.

    Booker said, “When we came out on this, a number of people in the Democratic field took potshots at me calling for licensing. It is something that works. It is evidence-based. Connecticut did it. Shootings dropped 45%. Suicides dropped 15%. Someone needs a license to drive a car shouldn’t you be licensed to own and buy a firearm?”

    He added, “We have restrictions on our First Amendment rights. Common sense restrictions like this law-abiding citizens have nothing to worry about purchasing a gun. This will dramatically stop the ability for people who want to do horrendous things to get weapons.”

    No, there are no “restrictions” on 1A. That is not the question. The question is what is and isn’t. And as it pertains to 2A, there are already too many unconstitutional restrictions on it. The feds and the States are not allowed to do most of what they currently do pertaining to private arms ownership.

    1. Rufus the Monocled

      The Constitution is metaphorically defended by a minority of people against a literal onslaught of soft tyranny.

    2. I’d like any of these “licensing” goons to describe specifically the mechanism by which a license to own firearms will prevent mass shootings, particularly given the number of instances where the guns involved were stolen or purchased following a background check.

      They can’t, of course. Some of them are just using magical thinking and kind of mean well-ish. Most of them just want to outlaw private ownership without amending the Constitution.

      1. Don Escaped Texas

        it’s a good point, and we seldom disagree, but

        FWIW: even if their idea worked, it would still be unconstitutional and authoritarian

        1. Of course, but I’m just saying even if you’re an ends justify the means type you’re still not getting the alleged ends this way.

          1. Tejicano

            “if you’re an ends justify the means type you’re still not getting the alleged ends this way.”

            That’s what gives away the level of mendacity of their leaders on this issue. If you really do think about it there is little reason to do what they are proposing – it won’t stop crazy shooters. The only reasons they are pushing these measures is 1) their supporters are morons who want to believe, and 2) they are happy to do anything that will further disarm the public – and there’s really only one reason to want to do that.

      2. Tejicano

        The shooter in Virginia Beach on May 31 this year used a suppressor which was registered in his name. The background check he passed to get that is stricter than anything the current gun-ban crew could hope to pass for gun transfers. (He also had a secret clearance in the military – an even more stringent bar to clear).

        The anti’s are not just mendacious but ignorant about the issue. They could care less if anything they pass has any effect on gun violence(TM).

        1. Exactly. And personally I’m tired of the “gun violence” canard. The bottom line is you want people to have the best chance to be safe without affecting their freedom as you can. That is threatened by a bad guy with a knife or a bunch of bad guys with nothing as much as by a bad guy with a gun. The most effective way to preserve individual safety is by empowering individuals to be their own first responders. You do that by making it easy for them to acquire the tools they need for their own defense and the defense of those around them. The thing you should care about if you care about people isn’t whether or not someone shoots someone else, it should be that if someone is shot it’s the person posing the threat. If your mom shoots someone who has broken into the house to rape and kill her, you don’t cry about gun violence, do you?

          1. Rhywun

            You do if you’re in England.

          2. Funny, I was about to say something about people who are afraid of guns having no problem with a block full of six-inch long sharpened pieces of steel in their kitchen or a big-ass rolling hunk of metal that runs by exploding vapors from highly-flammable liquid.

            Unless you’re in England, apparently.

          3. Tejicano

            I have personally turned the tables twice on what the group of individuals on the opposite side of the encounter obviously intended to be a beat-down/robbery by merely presenting a firearm. Never even had to aim or fire it at anybody. There’s no way in doG’s green earth that I am giving up that ability to protect myself or my family.

          4. Christmas Eve night I was with my dad at an ATM across the street from a church when two dudes came rushing up. He lifted his shirt, showed a pistol, and they about-faced like their asses were on fire. You cannot convince me that there is a moral outcome better served by removing the ability of honest people to defend themselves.

          5. Don Escaped Texas

            Aha!

            I ask Mom all the time she doesn’t want seniors, women, and the poor to be able to defend themselves.

          6. sk

            The best trick they’ve pulled so far is “assault weapon.”
            The phrase is technically redundant — if it’s a weapon, it’s for assault.
            The presumption that one could own weapons not fit for assault is absurd.

          7. Water-cooled machine guns are to unwieldy for assaults and were relagated to defensive positions for that reason.

          8. Shirley Knott

            Which is still, in my book, assault.
            Defense is justifiable assault.
            The connotations differ, but the denotation remains.

          9. Jarflax

            You guys are using different meanings of the word assault. UCS is correctly identifying the usage which is incorporated in the idea of an assault weapon, which is an attack to capture a strong point. Shirley is (slightly inaccurately) identifying the root word which is the tort and crime of initiating a credible threat of battery. (Battery is actually striking/touching someone assault is technically a precursor, for example swinging a fist toward someone’s nose is assault, it becomes a battery when it strikes).

            For Shirley to be correct the term would need to be battery weapon, although one can certainly assault (in the common law sense) someone with any weapon, one has difficulty assaulting anyone in the military sense with a fixed position weapon.

            end pedant (for now)

          10. Way to explain the joke.

          11. I could have gone into the other definition of battery for battery weapons…

            But let’s just go with A Salt and Battery

  56. The Late P Brooks

    I wonder what would happen if you started carrying a toy Buck Rogers ray gun on your belt.

  57. Crusty Juggler

    Why Comedy Villain Anthony Jeselnik Believes He’s ‘Uncancelable’

    On Louis C.K.’s attempt at a comeback

    “People keep asking the question, should he be allowed to perform? And I think that’s the wrong question. This is show business and it’s not fair, just or even remotely reasonable. The question is, should you buy a ticket? And that’s up to the audience member. I’m not sure that Netflix would be completely against putting up his special. I don’t know if I would watch it, but I’ve read every single article about it. I’m just fascinated. It’s like watching somebody fall down. I certainly don’t feel bad for him. I don’t think anything happened to him. I think that he did this. And if he can fight his way back, I’m interested in watching someone drag themselves through barbed wire… Of course he’s allowed to joke about what he wants to joke about. I’d never be like, you can’t joke about Parkland. I’d think he would have a better take on it. I’m a little surprised, to be honest, about where he’s decided to go with this and the tack that he’s taken with his comeback, and who knows what the final result is going to be? But I think it’s funny to watch this guy who was the comedy god for 10 years have to eat all this shit.”

    The important take should be “my opinion, but it’s up to the audience” which is the correct take. However, we let us only concentrate on “my opinion.”

    1. Crusty Juggler

      Also, Jeselnik’s last special was amusing but very formulaic.

      1. Idle Hands

        yeah but you know what you’re getting. There’s something to be said for consistency.

    2. straffinrun

      That guys shtick got old about 2 minutes into the first time I saw him.

    3. Stinky Wizzleteats

      “I remember the name was the most white supremacist name ever.”

      Brownie Lyncherson? What the hell is a white supremacist name?

      1. Crusty Juggler

        Donald Trump?

    4. Still not understanding why what Louis C.K. did is so terrible. The guy asked to jack off, they didn’t say no, he jacked off.

      He didn’t touch them, shoot his load on any of them or prevent them from leaving the room. What’s the big deal?

      1. Rufus the Monocled

        Jeselnick put out quite the word salad.

      2. The Other Kevin

        He made a joke about that Parkland kid.

        1. Which one, Little Boss Hogg, or Lesbian Mussilini?

      3. Creepy, yes, gross, yes, but, as Dave Chappelle said, they were in *his* hotel room.

      4. Stinky Wizzleteats

        Schadenfreude…it was weird and a little pathetic and people love seeing celebrities brought low. His penchant for whacking it in front of women was known long before his fall.

      5. The only thing I can surmise that there was inherent pressure on the woman to not refuse or Louis CK, who seemingly had “power” in the comedy universe, could leverage that power against them.

        I personally think that’s fairly weak tea, and he should just be labeled a creep and that’s it.

        1. Crusty Juggler

          Pretty much this.

        2. So, years and years ago, a man twirling the ends of his moustache and leering at a woman would cause her to faint, at which point rape happened, or at least the vapors, which was close enough. Then women became powerful tigers who could become Navy SEALs and fighter pilots and stuff. And then they can still do those things, but if a guy is influential or makes them feel awkward they’re powerless to extricate themselves from the situation, and so we’re right back where we started.

          I read an article a while back, can’t remember where unfortunately, written by a woman in her fifties who considered herself a feminist. The kind that goes to rallies and gives speeches, not just someone who says she’s a feminist at parties. Anyway, she made a point that, in her day, the expectation was that men would sometimes do things that made you feel uncomfortable, and at that point the appropriate response was to kick the guy’s ass, or at least give him the business, and storm out of the room. Maybe you’d make things tough at work because it was someone in authority or something, but that was the price you paid, and you dealt with it however you could. But the point was that you stood your ground as an equal.

      6. Crusty Juggler

        Still not understanding why what Louis C.K. did is so terrible

        Really? I mean he is unfairly lumped in with Weinstein, et al, but you know you why what he did was wrong, right?

        1. Of course what he did was gross and creepy; but implying that he’s a predator or rapist is absurd.

          1. Crusty Juggler

            Yes.

      7. Nephilium

        Why do people insist on asking the same question over and over and expecting a different answer?

        “We’re having an issue with X.”

        “Yes. Windows 10 is not supported by X, and it may encounter problems.”

        “But it’s working on some machines.”

        “And it may continue to work, or it may fail. It’s not supported by the company, so the only options are to downgrade the OS, or upgrade X.”

        –One Month Later, with no upgrade or downgrade down–

        “We’re having an issue with X.”

        –Repeat for ~10 months at this point–

        The upgrade is [currently] scheduled for the next fiscal year.

        1. “Oh, we have to delay the upgrade, we spend the funds budgetted for it on Y and Z instead.”

        2. Nephilium

          *sigh*

    5. Idle Hands

      what a pussy. C’mon jeselnik just say it your a rape apologist.

  58. Ass Wednesday: provided with Swiss efficiency.

    https://archive.is/RBGe7

  59. Rebel Scum

    A strange position….

    WHEREAS, Reported hate crimes have increased by double digits since 2015, and

    WHEREAS, There are over 393,000,000 guns in the United States, which exceeds the country’s current total population, and

    WHEREAS, Our elected representatives, including the President, have taken an oath swearing to “support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.”

    WHEREAS, The United States Constitution specifically delineates that the country was founded to establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, and promote the general welfare …

    WHEREAS, The National Rifle Association musters its considerable wealth and organizational strength to promote gun ownership and incite gun owners to acts of violence, and …

    WHEREAS, The National Rifle Association through its advocacy has armed those individuals who would and have committed acts of terrorism; and

    WHEREAS, All countries have violent and hateful people, but only in America do we give them ready access to assault weapons and large-capacity magazines thanks, in large part, to the National Rifle Association’s influence; now, therefore, be it

    RESOLVED, That the City and County of San Francisco intends to declare the National Rifle Association a domestic terrorist organization; and, be it

    FURTHER RESOLVED, That the City and County of San Francisco should take every reasonable step to assess the financial and contractual relationships our vendors and contractors have with this domestic terrorist organization; and, be it

    FURTHER RESOLVED, That the City and County of San Francisco should take every reasonable step to limit those entities who do business with the City and County of San Francisco from doing business with this domestic terrorist organization; and be it

    FURTHER RESOLVED, That the City and County of San Francisco should encourage all other jurisdictions, including other cities, states, and the federal government, to adopt similar positions.

    1. leon

      San Fransisco: pay your taxes so we don’t clean up literal shite of the sidewalks, but pursue our political bugaboos

    2. “the country was founded to establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, and promote the general welfare …”

      Lie.

      “The National Rifle Association musters its considerable wealth and organizational strength to promote gun ownership and incite gun owners to acts of violence”

      Major lie, like slanderous.

      “only in America do we give them ready access to assault weapons and large-capacity magazines”

      Lie.

      “the City and County of San Francisco intends to declare the National Rifle Association a domestic terrorist organization”

      Who knew being an NRA member was so edgy?

      NB to SF: Try cleaning up the mountains of feces before you start declaring millions of Americans terrorists mmm’kay?

      1. When the NRA overdoses on the sidewalk in a pile of its own feces, I’ll totally support SF’s resolution.

      2. A Leap at the Wheel

        “The National Rifle Association musters its considerable wealth and organizational strength to promote gun ownership and incite gun owners to acts of violence”

        Major lie, like slanderous.

        Correct, the NRA musters its considerable wealth and organizational strength to line the pockets of the executives and their publicists. Like duh.

        1. For real. “Promote gun ownership”. We should be so lucky, the fuckers.

    3. The Other Kevin

      WHEREAS, The United States Constitution specifically states the the right to bear arms shall not be infringed…

      RESOLVED, To fuck off.

    4. It’s funny, I started off with absolutely no interest in going to San Francisco, and every day I have even less.

      1. When it became a literal shithole, I resolved to openly mock it whenever I got the chance.

        1. Shit, I can see sea otters at the zoo, and there are hills everywhere. All I need from San Francisco I can get from the movie “Bullitt”.

          1. I saw an Otter in Knoxville. But it was a warm day, so the critter stays in its shaded habitat and out of the sunlight.

            I have to say that zoo wasn’t bad.

          2. We drove out to Pigeon Forge last fall to meet up with my in-laws about midway between us (they’re in Texas) and were going to stop over in Knoxville to hit the zoo but we didn’t quite find the time.

          3. If you could spare the time, I’d say go. It’s not a “you must make the time to visit” kind of place, but not bad.

          4. Don Escaped Texas

            I like how you walk over the big cat area. Maybe that’s common now, but it was new to me in the eighties.

          5. It wasn’t that way when I was there. I saw the tigers from inside a glass enclosure, and the lions from the other side of chain link fencing, and I can’t recall other big cats.

          6. Tejicano

            Don’t forget Dirty Harry!

  60. Crusty Juggler

    AFL-CIO chief sees Spot Coffee unionization as part of a trend

    A bunch of baristas in Buffalo voted recently to form a union. And to hear the nation’s top labor leader tell it, there’s nothing unusual about that.

    “You know, it doesn’t surprise me at all, because it’s happening everywhere,” said Richard L. Trumka, president of the AFL-CIO, when asked last week about the unionization of workers at Buffalo’s Spot Coffee.

    “People all over the country are organizing, and here’s why: The workers do not believe that either the political system or the economic system is working for them,” Trumka said. “So they’ve turned to each other. They understand that the only way that they’re going to get anything is by joining together and using their collective power.”

    Trumka has both anecdotes and numbers to show that the unionization of Spot Coffee workers is not an anomaly, but rather a small part of a national trend. On this Labor Day, organized labor in America appears to be slowly pulling out of its long decline.

    The Starbucks Workers Union now represents baristas at some locations in New York, Chicago and other cities. Flight attendants at JetBlue voted to form a union in April. Journalists at the Los Angeles Times, Buzzfeed and several other media outlets voted to unionize, too, recently. Even graduate students, long among the nation’s low-wage workers, unionized at several Ivy League campuses, as well as at Georgetown University.

    “Whether you’re in a coffee store, whether you’re in a coal mine, whether you’re in a classroom at college or kindergarten, your only way to get something is to come together and bargain collectively,” Trumka said at a breakfast for reporters, which was sponsored by the Christian Science Monitor.

    This is a smart strategy – take advantage of the dumb millennials who were already taken advantage of by colleges.

    1. Crusty Juggler

      “America’s workers aren’t interested in little slivers of change,” Trumka said. “We’re not interested in gestures, or tokens. We need action on a scale that will reverse a generation of corporate government that has rigged our economy to enrich a few powerful interests at the expense of everyone else.”

      The message plays.

    2. Good, I’ve been annoyed by the proliferation of overpriced coffee shops. This will close them all down.

      1. The market works!

  61. Not Adahn

    Snopes: what Biden says might not be technically correct, but it’s still true:

    https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/joe-biden-war-hero-story/

    NPR says the same thing about the Steele dossier: Russian A did not meet with Trump guy B in Prague, in fact the two have never met, nor ever been to Prague. However, meetings between Russians and Americans HAVE happened in other European cities, so the dossier is generally true. .

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      His little story was an almost textbook case of the type of confabulations seen in early stage dementia. It might have been true to Biden but sheesh.

      1. Urthona

        Nah, I think he’s really just a liar.

    2. Rufus the Monocled

      Remember. Facebook lists Snopes as a credible fact checker.

    3. “No, I mean my great-grandfather got into a fight with a guy outside a bar in Manassas.”

    4. kinnath

      So the babylon bee is prophecy now.

  62. Rebel Scum

    I, for one, think the grey streak is hawt.

    Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D-HI) revealed on Monday that she will not be dying a strand of her hair that has turned gray because it has sentimental value from when she was previously deployed overseas with the Hawaiian Army National Guard.

    “No, I’m not going to fix that gray strand,” Gabbard replied to a commenter while answering questions on an Instagram livestream. “I don’t know what you mean by fix — if you mean dye, no, I’m not going to dye it.”

    “I actually started going gray in that one spot during and after my first deployment to Iraq,” she continued. “And so I keep it as just a remembrance of those who we lost there and the cost of war and why we fight so hard for peace.”

    1. Drake

      She could try keeping faith with the Constitution they swore to protect as a remembrance of them too.

      1. leon

        She’s better than Trump. I think she could actually end the wars rather than be a flacid dick like Trump.

        1. It’s all the domestic tyranny that’s the sticking point with Gabbard.

          1. leon

            Not anymore than Trump just a different flavor. His entire immigration stance is the strengthening and expansion of the police state.

          2. Crusty Juggler

            Trump’s police state has a different focus, so it’s…better?

          3. Drake

            Yep – She’s onboard with all the domestic tyranny that the other Dems are preaching. Gun confiscation, “free” healthcare, higher taxes to pay for a limitless federal government.

          4. leon

            Trump: red flag laws, pusy footed healthcare, and spends like a fucking sailor on libo, guaranteeing higher taxes in the future. And police state. But I guess we should forgive him because it’s all in the name of keeping Uncle Bill’s job at the Plant.

          5. Stinky Wizzleteats

            -red flag laws: I don’t like them either but with any of the Dems it’d be much, much worse.
            -health care: Failing to kill Obamacare? He would have happily done so if congress hadn’t cheesed it.
            -spends like a sailor on liberty: Not good but they all do that.

            Trump sucks but he sucks less.

          6. red flag laws, pusy footed healthcare, and spends like a fucking sailor on libo, guaranteeing higher taxes in the future

            Which one of these wouldnt tulsi turn up to 11 if given the chance?

        2. grrizzly

          What does Tulsi have to outsmart the deep state?

          1. leon

            I’ll admit that I could be hopelessly idealistic, but I actually think this is something she cares about, and that she has the wherewithal to tell the generals to fuck themselves when they say “we wont do that”

          2. straffinrun

            Or she’d buckle like Obama and you’ll be left with the worst of both parties. Still may be worth taking a chance on her, but it’s still a big risk given Trump has been better on war that any president in the past 30 years. Maybe back to Carter.

          3. leon

            It’s possible. I never said she was good. Just better than Trump. Trump hasn’t ended any engagements, and escalated our involvement in Yemen. So saying he’s the best in 30 years is faint praise only allowable because of the shit we have.

            Also as I pointed out above: Trump has given up the game on most domestic tyranny issues – or is instigating new ones of his own.

          4. straffinrun

            Fair points. It’s always a pointless effort when splitting hairs over two evils.

          5. Drake

            Won’t do what? Put chicks in the Infantry for the sake of diversity?

          6. Crusty Juggler

            Women would never serve in the infantry during the age of Trump.

          7. Drake

            My point. What is Gabbard going to tell Generals to do that they’ll refuse? Generals are bureaucrats and politicians.

      2. Stinky Wizzleteats

        She’s great on foreign policy and absolutely terrible on almost everything else.

        1. This. For anti-war single issue voters, maybe she’s worth a try. I doubt she’ll accomplish all that much, but I’m open to being surprised. For anybody who gives a shit about anything besides war, she’s just as clownish as the other ones on stage. I couldn’t imagine any self respecting libertarian pulling the lever for her.

          Voting for Trump is akin to picking up and eating a donut that fell into a cowpie. Voting for Tulsi is akin to eating a cow pie because your donut crumb fell into it.

          1. Stinky Wizzleteats

            For single issue antiwar voters she’s really THE candidate right now. Her performance shows that to be a very small segment of the population unfortunately. It’s a shame but perpetual war is in right now for the left just as much as for the right.

          2. Tejicano

            Bring back the draft with no college deferment (and a one year program to get the fat-bodies down to fighting weight) and see what happens on this issue.

          3. Stinky Wizzleteats

            That’s true and it’s the only good argument for the draft. If people had skin in the game they’d care a lot more.

          4. Semi-Spartan Dad

            There are no good arguments for slavery.

          5. Scruffy Nerfherder

            There are no good arguments for global adventurism either.

          6. leon

            “Voting for Trump is akin to picking up and eating a donut that fell into a cowpie.”

            Bullshit (pun only slightly intended). Unless of course you enjoy strengthening the executive, and incubating the police state all in the name of economic nationalism and keeping them out. I’m sick of “he’s the best out there” when he’s not. He’s creating the system that will be used to crush any dissent by libertarians in the future.

          7. straffinrun

            Write up “The Case for Tulsi”. I’d read it. Not gonna vote for either Trump or Tulsi, but still would be nice to see their ledgers compared.

          8. But how does anything that Gabbard propose weaken the executive branch? She backs the Green New Deal and opposes nuclear power. She wants to expand the ACA to include the Medicare for All legislation. She backs various “free college” measures funded through federal tax revenue. She supports Bernie’s federal minimum wage increase. She’s pro net neutrality. Everything she supports strengthens the federal government and increases revenue requirements.

          9. leon

            As stated: my point isn’t that she’s good. It was and is that she’s better than Trump. Yes a lot of that is bought on her antiwar stance. My argument is that a lot on the right give Trump way too much leeway because he’s good one one or two issues, ignoring he goes about it in absolutely the worst ways. I’m not talking about “he’s yucky” I mean he Hikes the defecit so he can pay for that damned wall. He pressures the fed to inflate so he can pretend the economy is healthy.

            If your willing to overlook that shit for what has been very little payoff, then give Tulsi the same courtesy. Either look at both as the full package or only look at both for their best policies.

          10. Jarflax

            Trump sucks. He is abominable on any fiscal conservative metric, is wishy washy on 2nd amendment issues, and is a die hard protectionist/crony capitalist. He pisses off the left and he is pushing back against the bureaucratic state so I will vote for him.

            Tulsi is anti war. She is a hard core lefty and is therefore absolutely abominable on all other issues. I am strongly against us playing nation building games, against us occupying other countries and think most of our military actions are pure adventurism, but I am not ‘anti war’. There are situations in which military actions are called for, and the blanket anti war position IMHO weakens the argument for restraint (just as the opposite “support our troops or you are a traitor” position does.

          11. I hear you, I’m just saying that I don’t see her as better than Trump in terms of policy so much as different than Trump. For me, it comes down to guns as my primary issue of concern, which is always tough since both parties are utter shit on the issue. What I’m saying is that I think if you’re supporting Gabbard because you think she’ll go after the federal bureaucracy or reign in executive power, I don’t even see where she herself is claiming to hold those positions, so don’t hold your breath.

          12. Unless of course you enjoy strengthening the executive, and incubating the police state all in the name of economic nationalism and keeping them out.

            Find me a candidate that wouldn’t do the same and more if given the reins of power.

            Tulsi is authoritarian garbage that gets a few libertarians randy because she’s hot and anti-war. Everything else about her is standard democrat progressive fascism.

            It’s yet another case of left-sympathetic libertarians falling for “mommy’s not gonna hit me this time

            Trump’s not good, but the democrat field all reside somehwere between Mussolini and Lenin. Fapping to a candidate because they’re for international socialism self-defeating

          13. Akira

            Tulsi is authoritarian garbage that gets a few libertarians randy because she’s hot and anti-war. Everything else about her is standard democrat progressive fascism.

            She says a lot of good things about ending wars, but I’m still open to the possibility that she is just saying that to get into office and won’t actually do it.

            She’s a lines up with the “democratic socialists” on other issues, and people from that school of thought tend to favor “ends justify the means” thinking. She might believe that it’s OK for her to lie in order to get into office since she’ll then be able to implement Medicare For All and other stupid bullshit.

          14. Seconded. I like her because she seems very charismatic and she says great foreign policy stuff, and she seems sincere. Problem is, she’s sincere about a lot of things I think are bad ideas. I’m a single-issue voter, and that issue is the second amendment. For that, she’s atrocious. And yes, Trump has not been a friend to gun rights, and yes, the Republicans have been weak on gun rights. As I’ve said in the past, I can either choose someone who is openly saying they’re going to do something bad and hope that other people will stop them, or I can choose someone who is saying they won’t do something bad and hope they’re not lying, and that if they are lying someone will stop them. I’ll choose the latter every time.

    2. leon

      Bullshit, but at least she’s staying on point.

  63. A Leap at the Wheel

    Its a really good sign when the plumber looks at a problem, gets a dead look in his eyes, says “Huh”, tells me that he needs to run to the hardware store, and radios his dispatch saying to cancel his other appointments today. Right? Right? Also, he’s now talking to himself and he’s gone from angry to sad.

    So this is going to be really inexpensive, right?

    1. Take out a third mortgage. You’ll need it.

      1. A Leap at the Wheel

        I just found out the problem is the cap to the clean out is corroded as fuck and just a pain in the ass to access due to a previous owner encasing it in drywall. Once it get drilled out, it won’t be a recurring problem. And then he can start on the real work…

        1. A Leap at the Wheel

          Aaaaand the cap is off. For a guy who bills by the hour, he seems really happy not to have this turn into an all-day thing.

          1. If you bill by the hour with a minimum number of hours for showing up, you get more money with a lot of short visits in the day instead of one drawn out project.

          2. A Leap at the Wheel

            The 1 hour minimum was passed an hour and a half ago.

          3. See! You’re cutting into his profits by being difficult.

          4. A Leap at the Wheel

            AAAAnnnnd the work is done. 15 minutes to snake out the drain.

          5. Scruffy Nerfherder

            Only takes me two minutes. The wife is amazed at my efficiency.

    2. Fatty Bolger

      Well… at least he didn’t say he needed to bring in an estimator to get you a quote.

    3. straffinrun

      Yes. He’s sad because he can’t manufacture a “problem” or because nobody checks out his butt crack anymore.

    4. leon

      “gets a dead look in his eyes, says “Huh”

      Did it resemble the look a dentist gets before telling you about your cavities?

  64. The Late P Brooks

    God will rain His vengeance down upon us for the sin of Trump

    Donald Trump doesn’t visit Middle America. He descends upon it. His rallies are awesome spectacles. Gawkers come down from the hills. If NASA traveled the country holding showings of the first captured alien life-form, the turnout would be similar. The pope driving monster trucks might get this much attention.

    ——-

    Two and a half years into his presidency, Trump has already staked a claim to a role in history usually reserved for hereditary monarchs at the end of a line of inbreeding. Historians will list him somewhere between Vlad the Impaler and France’s Charles VI, who thought his buttocks were made of glass.

    Much of America loves its Mad King, whose works are regularly on display. Russians under Ivan the Terrible used to watch dogs being hurled over the Kremlin walls when the tsar’s mood was bad. Americans have grown used to late-night insults tweeted at nuclear powers from the White House bedroom.

    Royal lunacy is traditionally a secret, but in Twitter-age America it’s a shared national experience. We are all somersaulting down and out the sanity chute. The astonishing thing about Trump is that he wasn’t foisted on us by a council of Bourbons, or by succession law. We elected the man, and are poised to do it again.

    History will judge us harshly for this, and will look with particular venom at Trump’s political opponents in both parties, who over the years were unable to win popularity contests against a man most people would not leave alone with a decent wristwatch, let alone their children.

    Trump’s original destiny was the destruction of the Republicans as a viable entity in modern American politics. Then he ran a general election like he was trying to lose, and won. Now his legacy is the spectacular end of America’s fragile racial consensus.

    Matt Taibbi is not a fan, apparently.

    I just love how TDS drives some people into near-poetic expostulations of terror and rage.

    1. It shouldn’t be that hard to upgrade the popemobile.

    2. leon

      “Americans have grown used to late-night insults tweeted at nuclear powers from the White House bedroom.”

      No-Fly Zone Hillary would have cultivated a better relationship with Russia.

    3. The only reason we don’t already have Buchenwald for the Deplorables is that people like Taibbi don’t have the means.

    4. Rhywun

      Now his legacy is the spectacular end of America’s fragile racial consensus.

      I already miss the peace and harmony that reigned the land in 2016.

    5. leon

      “Now his legacy is the spectacular end of America’s fragile racial consensus”

      Is it fragile? Or Are a bunch of shithead’s beating the drums of racial strife?

    6. Suthenboy

      “Then he ran a general election like he was trying to lose, and won.”

      The basket of deplorable came to his rescue. They really are irredeemable.

    7. Fatty Bolger

      We are all somersaulting down and out the sanity chute.

      Speak for yourself, you fucking nutcase.

  65. The Late P Brooks

    More Taibbi:

    This cycle has led to more alienation and made the 2020 election a gruesome, exhausting black comedy. This is our penance for turning the presidential campaign into a bread-and-circus entertainment. Middle Americans got so used to getting nothing out of elections, they started treating national politics for what it had become to them, a distant, pretentious sitcom.

    Now they’re writing their own script. They can’t arrange for Jake Tapper to be fed to a shark, so they’ll settle for rolling Donald Trump into Washington. It’s hard to see right now, it being the end of our society and all, but the situation is not without humor, in a “What does this button marked ‘Detonate’ do?” sort of way. Can America shoot itself in the head a second time? It sounds, appropriately enough, like the premise of a Trump TV show.

    Here’s how degraded the political landscape has become: Mike Pence looks like a vice president now. In 2016, especially after the “grab ’em by the pussy” episode, the genuflecting Indianan often came across like a man appointed public defender to a ring of child cannibals. Now, onstage in Cincinnati, he looks stoked to be introducing His Trumpness.

    Nice.

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Yep, with rhetoric like that I have no doubt he’d happily send Trump voters to reeducation camps if he was in charge.

    2. Crusty Juggler

      Is he wrong?

      1. Suthenboy

        “They can’t arrange for Jake Tapper to be fed to a shark, so they’ll settle for rolling Donald Trump into Washington.”

        Yes, he is. Wildly wrong and he does not have a clue as to how or why. Bezmenov was correct about useful idiots. They don’t get it, won’t get it, can’t get it. It is right there in front of their nose and they cant see it.

        1. Crusty Juggler

          They don’t see that…the president and his supporters celebrate and subsist on a culture that treats everything political as episodic segments that garner a lot of attention until we quickly move on until the next episode? Why won’t they learn that’s not the case!” They’re so dumb!

          HA! Epic trolling of the left! Orange man bad! HA! Fuck the libs! We get it you don’t! WE WIN!

        2. BakedPenguin

          I’d say he’s right about this: Middle Americans got so used to getting nothing out of elections, they started treating national politics for what it had become to them, a distant, pretentious sitcom., but he learns either 1) absolutely nothing or 2) the exact wrong lesson from it.

    3. Rhywun

      it being the end of our society and all

      Dude, take your meds.

    4. Anybody who uses the term “Indianan” unironically isn’t worth reading.

    1. Did you also hear that about the BBQ enthusiasts who decided to hold a block party on her block?

    2. robc

      I wonder what Coase would say.

    3. straffinrun

      “claiming her neighbours deliberately allow their barbecue meat and fish smells to waft into her yard.”

      After seeing her pic, the neighbor could make the same complaint.

    4. Crusty Juggler

      jfc update your stories, bro: Thousands to attend BBQ outside home of vegan who sued neighbors over smelly meats

      The barbecue is scheduled for Oct. 19 — and vegans are not welcome, the page says.

    5. Suthenboy

      “her neighbours deliberately allow their barbecue meat and fish smells to waft into her yard.”

      That is a pretty neat trick, controlling wind direction and all. I have to find out how that is done. It could come in handy.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        5 bucks say they made it stinkier after she filed her first legal complaint.

      2. They had their kids stand in a line with huge fans and wafted the delicious aromas at the vegan, clearly.

        1. Not Adahn

          If the BBQ partiers don’t rent some movie wind machines, I’ll will be disappointed in the Strayns.

    6. Scruffy Nerfherder

      Many have to taken to social media to weigh in on the debate, with some siding with Ms Carden’s complaints over the smell of cigarettes and burning wood.

      “BBQ is a little too far, but the other things are important everyone has the right to quiet enjoyment of their living space,” one Facebook user said.

      “You’re breathing in the concentrated smoke before your neighbours receive it. If you wonder why you are feeling unwell all the time — it’s probably because you are burning everything else other than wood.”

      When did Australians become such pussies?

      1. Smelling roasting meat and fish seems like more of a free rider issue on her part than anything else. I guess the cigarettes are a matter of taste, but even vegetarians get a little misty-eyed when they smell a brisket on the smoker.

        1. Fatty Bolger

          The smell of roasting meat when you’re hungry is one of the greatest things in the world.

  66. Crusty Juggler

    Ivy League graduate charged with choking police officer

    Eric Cho, 23, was walking back to his Kips Bay apartment after a night spent boozing with friends when two officers in an unmarked car noticed him crossing East 28th Street against the light at 12:45 a.m. Saturday, sources told The Post.

    The officers hit their siren and told Cho, a Cornell University graduate, not to cross the road, before he reached into the driver’s window and grabbed Officer William Bloom by the neck — choking him and punching him in the chest, sources said.

    Both cops got out of the car to arrest Cho but he resisted, throwing punches, flailing and kicking Bloom in the chest as they cuffed him, according to a complaint filed in Manhattan criminal court Saturday.

    He was charged with assaulting a police officer, strangulation in the second degree, resisting arrest and harassment.

    Cho’s attorney Andrew Hoffmann denied the charges against his client, describing him as “small” and “a very intelligent, nice kid from a very, very nice family.”

    “Here you had a kid who has zero prior contact with criminal justice. He’s never been in trouble, never been in a fight,” Hoffmann told The Post.

    “There are times that young people have a few drinks, but the idea that this guy could somehow be a threat to experienced police officers is just not credible.”

    After his arrest, Cho was taken to the hospital, where he was treated for a gash on his head that Hoffmann said was caused by the officers.

    “My client got beat up pretty good,” he said, adding that Cho planned to sue the city.

    “I wasn’t there, but it sounds like somebody bashed him over the head with a stick or radio,” Hoffmann said. “He was beat up pretty good.”

    Bloom suffered scratches to his left ankle and arm and swelling to his wrist and shoulder that left him in “substantial pain,” according to court papers.

    Prosecutors requested $10,000 bail, but Cho was released without bail by a Manhattan judge. He will be back in court on Oct. 17.

    As someone who once almost started a brawl with his giant friends in a NYC subway after a some plainclothes zeros started hassling the Big Dog after lighting a ciggie on a subway platform, I do have a problem with plainclothes officers approaching people, especially if they are IVY LEAGUE GRADS.

    1. ruodberht

      Cornell grad. Not surprised, nor surprised to be constantly reminded that’s an Ivy. Otherwise, I’d forget. See also: Brown, Penn.

    2. Rhywun

      Love the pic of a NOT “unmarked car”.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      JFC

      Of course she’s from Chicago. It’s not politically correct to say you’re afraid of ghetto youths with their jeans down around their knees, so she’s substituted people in red ballcaps. It’s the new and improved Victorian age.

      Wonder if she’s afraid of Nigerians in red ballcaps when she’s taking her 2am trip to Subway.

    2. invisible finger

      *breaks out Dick Allen era White Sox cap*

    3. Imagine being the kind of person who wants people to stop wearing red ballcaps because you don’t like the president. That’s the kind of thing a bit character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest would say.

    1. Tundra

      Perfect.

  67. The Late P Brooks

    Apocalypse porn

    As the mercury rises, people die. The homeless cook to death on hot sidewalks. Older folks, their bodies unable to cope with the metabolic stress of extreme heat, suffer heart attacks and strokes. Hikers collapse from dehydration. As the climate warms, heat waves are growing longer, hotter, and more frequent. Since the 1960s, the average number of annual heat waves in 50 major American cities has tripled. They are also becoming more deadly. Last year, there were 181 heat-related deaths in Arizona’s Maricopa County, nearly three times the number from four years earlier. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, between 2004 and 2017, about a quarter of all weather-related deaths were caused by excessive heat, far more than other natural disasters such as hurricanes and tornadoes.

    Still, the multiplying risks of extreme heat are just beginning to be understood, even in places like Phoenix, one of the hottest big cities in America. To Mikhail Chester, the director of the Metis Center for Infrastructure and Sustainable Engineering at Arizona State University, the risk of a heat-driven catastrophe increases every year. “What will the Hurricane Katrina of extreme heat look like?” he wonders aloud as we sit in a cafe near the ASU campus. Katrina, which hit New Orleans in 2005, resulting in nearly 2,000 deaths and more than $100 billion in economic damage, demonstrated just how unprepared a city can be for extreme climate events.

    ——

    In Chester’s view, a Phoenix heat catastrophe begins with a blackout. It could be triggered any number of ways. During periods of extreme heat, power demand surges, straining the system. Inevitably, something will fail. A wildfire will knock out a power line. A substation will blow. A hacker might crash the grid. In 2011, a utility worker doing routine maintenance near Yuma knocked out a 500-kilovolt power line that shut off power to millions of people for up to 12 hours, including virtually the entire city of San Diego, causing economic losses of $100 million. A major blackout in Phoenix could easily cost much more, says Chester.

    But it’s not just about money. When the city goes dark, the order and convenience of modern life begin to fray. Without air conditioning, temperatures in homes and office buildings soar. (Ironically, new, energy-efficient buildings are tightly sealed, making them dangerous heat traps.) Traffic signals go out. Highways gridlock with people fleeing the city. Without power, gas pumps don’t work, leaving vehicles stranded with empty tanks. Water pipes crack from the heat, and water pumps fail, leaving people scrounging for fresh water. Hospitals overflow with people suffering from heat exhaustion and heatstroke. If there are wildfires, the air will become hazy and difficult to breathe. If a blackout during extreme heat continues for long, rioting, looting, and arson could begin.

    Fap fap fap.

    More people live in Phoenix than in Moose Jaw. Why is that, do we suppose?

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

      If a blackout during extreme heat continues for long, rioting, looting, and arson could begin.

      Derp

      1. Tundra

        Not while Roof Koreans still exist.

    2. Stinky Wizzleteats

      It’s nice to be well off enough that you can afford to worry about hypothetical, unlikely problems isn’t it?

    3. Suthenboy

      ” As the climate warms, heat waves are growing longer, hotter, and more frequent. Since the 1960s, the average number of annual heat waves in 50 major American cities has tripled.”

      Still making shit up I see.

      1. The 1960s? Why not the 1930s? Oh, that’s right, the 1930s were just as warm as today. The 60s and 70s were a cool span.

        1. Urthona

          Oh I get it. I didn’t notice that they cherrypicked the 1960s as the start date. Clever.

      2. Urthona

        Yeah, that’s factually incorrect.

        Heat wave durations have declined by 41% over the last 100 years or so, and average high temperatures have declined by 2 degrees.

        Easily verifiable.

        1. BakedPenguin

          Yeah, Tony Heller does a lot of work dealing with the heat of the 1910’s-1930’s.

      3. Hyperion

        “Still making shit up I see.”

        They don’t even pretend to be believable any longer, in any way, let alone credible.

        1. Suthenboy

          They don’t need to be. There are plenty of mushbrains out there that buy whatever they are told to buy. I have begun seeing people tossing around the ‘Trump had Russians co-sign his loans’ canard. It is a story invented out of thin air just like the piss-hookers yet people recite it like it is gospel.
          Incredible.

          1. Suthenboy

            Not only invented out of thin air but easily debunk able as the documents are available to be examined. There are no cosigners at all. Trump was considered as good as his word and there was more than enough collateral so the bank loaned him money on his signature.

          2. Hyperion

            “The homeless cook to death on hot sidewalks.”

            Wouldn’t this somewhat eliminate the homeless hunger problem? I mean, you don’t even have to cook that long pig. Just slap some cheap BBQ sauce on that and bon appetit, am I right?

          3. Look, there is no way the people who bleach perfectly good donated venison will let ptentially paracite and disease riddled carcasses be consumed either.

          4. wdalasio

            They don’t need to be. There are plenty of mushbrains out there that buy whatever they are told to buy.

            Because they want to believe. You can get people to buy into the most ridiculous lies you can think up if they’re invested in their being true.

        2. wdalasio

          It’s Rolling Stone we’re talking about here. They know perfectly well they lost anyone interested in credibility or believeability with “Jackie”.

    4. >>The homeless cook to death on hot sidewalks. Older folks, their bodies unable to cope with the metabolic stress of extreme heat, suffer heart attacks and strokes. Hikers collapse from dehydration.

      so it’s win-win-win?

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder

        If it will kill all the paraders too, I’m in.

      2. straffinrun

        Homeless hate the heat which is why so many make their way to LA.

    5. ruodberht

      As a kid, I can remember 100+ degree says. Not sure I’ve seen one in 20 years.

      Oh, weather isn’t climate, my bad. Or whatever.

      1. robc

        A few years back, it was over 100 the day a Finnish exchange student arrived for my friends. They said she melted at the airport.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder

          Nothing funnier than a Finn eating real Szechuan food for the first time. They turn into something resembling a tomato with legs and blonde hair.

          1. kinnath

            Several coworkers from around the world were in town for a business meeting. We took a break at one of the local waterholes late one afternoon. One of our service reps from Singapore ordered the hottest wings that were available at a bar, then left the table to take a phone call.

            When the wings arrived, the waitress dropped off the plate without making any comments. An engineer from France decided to try one of the wings. His face turned red; he could barely breathe; he sweated through his shirt in a matter of minutes.

            The rep from Singapore came back a bit later and ate half a dozen wings. I was chatting with him the next day. He said the wings were hot enough he couldn’t finish the plate.

          2. How rude of the Frenchman to take food without asking first.

        2. Finns are made of snow. It is known.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder

            Vodka-infused snow

    6. Hyperion

      It was never summer before now. Ever.

    7. invisible finger

      “More people live in Phoenix than in Moose Jaw. Why is that, do we suppose?”

      Subsidized water and air conditioning.

  68. The Late P Brooks

    NOOOOOOOOOOse

    A University of Illinois student was arrested on felony hate crime charges Monday after allegedly hanging a noose in an on-campus elevator.

    The University of Illinois Police Department arrested Andrew M. Smith, 19, on Monday evening “after an interview with police at his residence hall,” the school said in a Tuesday statement.

    Smith was arrested on misdemeanor disorderly conduct charges in addition to the hate crime charges.

    Residence hall staff at Allen Hall, a university housing building at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, found a “rope tied into a noose hanging inside an elevator in a public area of the building” at about 1 a.m. Sunday, the university said.

    Smith was later identified as the offender by campus law enforcement.

    “Our mission at the University Police Department is to maintain a safe and secure environment where our campus community members feel supported and successful,” Executive Director of Public Safety and Chief of Police Craig Stone said in the school’s statement.

    “We do not tolerate incidents that are perceived by others to be a threat to their safety, and we will always respond quickly to identify offenders and hold them accountable for those actions,” he continued.

    Dozens dead, hundreds wounded. Emergency treatment centers swamped.

    Imagine what might have happened if that guy had scrawled a depiction of an assault rifle on the wall.

    1. “Disorderly Conduct”? That charge does not fit the purported crime.

      At worst, it’s vandalism.

      1. WTF

        Not even, since he caused no actual damage to any property. And since no overt threats were made against anyone, it seems like nothing more than unpleasant speech. So, not a crime.

    2. Rhywun

      “Felony hate crime”? FFS.

      1. Hyperion

        Brave new world.

        1. Stinky Wizzleteats

          Relax, take your Soma, and watch a little football. You’ll feel better.

          1. Stinky Wizzleteats

            Good song but I was expecting the Strokes for some reason.
            https://youtu.be/QU-LToyO7HE

    3. Akira

      Do they understand that there are seedy corners of the Internet ( -chan sites) where people get together and plot hoaxes like these just for shits and giggles? Dollars to donuts, there’s some thread on an anonymous imageboard right now where people are laughing their asses off at the reaction to this.

    4. Fatty Bolger

      The student is transgender. As usual in these cases, it was a fake hate crime.

    5. Suthenboy

      I don’t see the phrase ‘white supremicist’ or racist or alt-right or ‘right wing extremist’ anywhere there. So, another false flag. Don’t dare call it out as such or y ou will provoke antifa and your beating will be all your own fault.

      1. Fatty Bolger

        It’s a fake, but it will still be used to show how hate crimes are on the rise.

  69. The Late P Brooks

    When I was a freshman in college, some guy rigged himself up up his climbing harness and “hung” himself in a stairwell in my dorm. Caused quite a stir, but he didn’t go to jail. I don’t think they even forced him into psychological evaluation. They just told him to stop being a dick and scaring the girls.

    It was a simpler time, back than.

    1. Hyperion

      “It was a simpler time, back than.”

      You mean a majority of Americans were still somewhat sane?

  70. The Late P Brooks

    At worst, it’s vandalism.

    Littering.

    [insert “Group W bench” reference]

  71. Suthenboy

    Things you didn’t really need to know

    Last night I took Mrs. Suthenboy to her girls night out. On the way there we say a house on fire. It had just started but we could hear the fire trucks coming. It just popped in my head so I told her about Marcus Licinius Crassus, an ancient roman that had a private fire department. He did not have set prices. He would arrive with his firefighters at the scene of the fire and begin negotiating the price with the property owner while the property was burning. From him we have the word ‘Crass’ in our language.
    I just looked it up and found two others: Hero of Alexandria ran a fire department from which we get the word ‘Hero’ and Vigiles of Rome who had not only a fire department but also put watchmen around Rome to watch for fires. From him we get the word Vigilant.
    So, we have three words in our language (at least) that we get from men in antiquity who had fire departments. Not surprising as in the days of oil lamps, torches, fire places etc fire was a much bigger problem than it is today.

    1. I’m afraid it looks like the root words predated those people with a similar meaning already attached.

      1. Not Adahn

        Next you’re going to tell me that the middle finger salute didn’t come from English yeomen taunting that they could still “pluck yew?”

        1. Jarflax

          Nor does Fuck come from an acronym for rape “For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge). Linguistic Legends are fun, but very seldom accurate.

          1. Suthenboy

            I once ran across a dictionary of curse words. Yes, lots of fun and very interesting but I am suspicious of most linguistic legends as we have poor evidence to go on.

        2. Suthenboy

          Actually the gesture y ou are referring to is a two fingered ‘fuck you’ that looks like the American V for victory. They plucked with two fingers. The French were fond of cutting the pointer and middle fingers off of English archers. The gesture meant ‘I’ve still got mine’, a way of defiantly saying ‘fuck you, I can still put an arrow in your ass’.

  72. The Late P Brooks

    Not surprising as in the days of oil lamps, torches, fire places etc fire was a much bigger problem than it is today.

    This leads me to wonder: would the neighbors contribute to the cost of the fire brigade, out of self-interest? I would think so.

    1. It was usually the property owners or their insurers who paid the firefighters. The nighbors would only pay to prevent the spread to their property, not put out the original fire.

    2. Hyperion

      Yeah, but with all this warming and poor folk cooking on the sidewalks, don’t things just spontaneously combust all of the time?

  73. The Late P Brooks

    The nighbors would only pay to prevent the spread to their property, not put out the original fire.

    By extinguishing the fire. So… yes.

  74. Enough About Palin

    “You will laugh at the pic at the bottom, so RTFA.”

    Image saved. Thanks!

  75. The Late P Brooks

    You mean a majority of Americans were still somewhat sane?

    Aside from that “disco” business…

  76. Hyperion

    EVIL RICH

    Look, there is no way people would just choose to leave a place to protect their wealth. I mean, every day I hear the richest people on the internet saying they want to pay more taxes.

    But, we got to punish those filthy rich anyway.

    “In its 2017 manifesto, Labour highlighted rises in income taxes for anyone earning more than 80,000 pounds ($97,248) and a possible wealth tax.

    1. Akira

      Someone just needs to ask these fuckers, “How is society supposed to function if all of your policy ideas consist of punishing those who made good choices in order to reward those who did not?”

      1. Suthenboy

        The goal is to create a dysfunctional society. Their policies are not well meaning but mistaken. Their policies are designed to have the very effect that they produce. Remember: Foreseeable consequences are not unintended.

        1. Wester Civ is evil, and justice requires it be torn down and rebuilt in the image of the left.

        2. Hyperion

          Speaking of goals and the left, I just cannot understand why anyone would ever vote for a democrat for dog catcher. Is anyone listening to what is coming out of the mouths of these shitheads? These are people who are bound and determined to strip you of your right of self defense and then your free speech rights and then tax you into poverty. And they aren’t even shy anymore about coming right out and saying it.

          Gun Grabbers

          1. Akira

            These are people who are bound and determined to strip you of your right of self defense …. And they aren’t even shy anymore about coming right out and saying it.

            And no matter how many times they unabashedly call for gun confiscation, you’ll always get this eye roll and a condescending “nobody wants to take your guns away” any time you discuss it with them.

            Seriously, that wording is exact every single time. Was that phrase in a widely distributed pamphlet on how to convince gun people to vote for Democrats or something??

    1. Stinky Wizzleteats

      Max Boot is a mendacious sack of war mongering dog shit who shouldn’t be allowed to pen articles for a highschool newspaper, much less WaPo.

      1. ruodberht

        HS newspaper should outrank WaPo, so the “much less” is inapt.

      2. Rhywun

        So much to choose from but this is a good one:

        Trump’s kowtowing to the Russian dictator who helped elect him

        Sick burn!

  77. The Late P Brooks

    “In its 2017 manifesto, Labour highlighted rises in income taxes for anyone earning more than 80,000 pounds ($97,248) and a possible wealth tax.

    “Dude. This goose lays eggs of GOLD.”

    “Sweet. Let’s kill it and eat it.”